All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s08e07_English

ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
a cruise was everyone's
dream vacation.

It was the best
game show prize...

A floating luxury hotel,

and it was the only vacation
with its own theme song.

** If they could see you now

ALL:
** Out on a Fun Ship cruise

** Eating fancy food
and doing what you choose

** All I can say is wow

** Hey, look at where you are

** Tonight we're living...
Pow!

** Just like a movie star

** What a fun ship, holy cow

** They'd never believe it

** If your friends
could see you now **

Why is this peppy broad
all in my face?

She never stops moving.
She's like a lady Chihuahua.

That's the vivacious
Kathie Lee Gifford,

whose energy and spunk
knows no bounds.

She's basically me
if I were a sassy redhead.

Well, the best part is
she's singing about

making her horrible
land-bound friends jealous.

That's exactly
what I would do.

Being trapped
on a floating motel

is not my idea
of a vacation.

Once you get into
international waters,

the laws of man
no longer apply.

You can jaywalk
or violate federal copyrights.

We'll see who's boss now,
Mickey Mouse.

None of that's right,

but think of your children
who've never seen the world.

The closest I've been
to another country

is that Chinese buffet place
that also serves pizza.

Yeah,
I like my bathroom here,

where I know where all
the levers and papers are at.

You're a piece
of garbage!

I wish anyone else
was my father!

How many times
do I have to tell you?

What you think of me as a man
does not matter to me.

Eh, I could pay.

Who is saying
those words right now?

Me. I'll spring
for the whole megillah.

I think you're confused,
Pop-Pop.

We're talking about
a luxurious vacation,

not the nickel you tape
to our birthday cards.

I wanna treat you, huh?

For Hanukkah or whatever.

You usually
buy the boys nail clippers
or pencil sharpeners.

One time, you gave me
the Yellow Pages.

For killing spiders.

I got some
Lawry's Seasoned Salt.

Admittedly,
that was a re-gift.

And how are you
gonna pay for it?

You live above
a Burger King.

You don't know my finances.

I got investments,
Lord Big Crap of the County
think-he's-better-than-me.

Murray,
don't you get it?

You and your father
have patched things up,

but he wants to take it
to the next level.

We're good. When I see him,
I don't feel boiling rage.

Maybe you could
get closer and feel
something even better.

Like a mild warmth?

Like love.

The thing you never had
as a child.

It's right there
for the taking.

All right, let's go
on the dumb ocean.

Yay! It's a snuggle ship!

Ohh!

** I'm twisted up inside

** But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say

** I don't know the future

** But the past keeps getting
clearer every day **

ADULT ADAM: It was Hanukkah,
1980-something, and Erica was

spending her first holiday
with the Schwartzes.

I really appreciate you still
coming to my folks' house.

I know it's a big sacrifice
to give up the family cruise.

Geoff, I'm thrilled
to be here.
Aww.

Because I would rather
eat my fingers and toes

than be stuck on a boat
with my family for a week.

Gonna walk back that aww.

I'm just excited
to have a normal holiday

without family drama.

Normal is one thing
that the Schwartzes do well.
That and Boggle.

I keep forgetting that
normal and boring
mean the same thing.

(DOOR OPENS)

There they are!

Five minutes late!

Sorry. Holiday traffic.

You know to plan
for traffic, Geoffy.

Remember
what we always say...

TOGETHER: "Lateness is
the opposite of greatness."

I know, I know.

My family also has a saying
about being tardy...

"Why are we even going
to this thing?"

And then we fight
and don't go.
(CHUCKLES)

Our first Hanukkah
with our son
and his girlfriend.

I'm not a crier,
but if I were... Whoo!

Oh, my God!
Joanne's here!

Joanne's here?
Joanne's here!

I'm here!

Joanne, I didn't know
you were coming.

Erica!
My almost sister!

(LAUGHING) Oh!
Oop!

Coming
right in my business.

(SIGHS) Sorry I'm late.

Oh, pshh! What's five minutes?
(CHUCKLES)

You just had a whole
rhyme about it.

Our Jojobean
came up with that.

She is
the family genius.

So, what have you
been up to?

Mostly just partying
at law school. (LAUGHS)

Did you hear that?
Law school.

I kinda heard partying.

Oh, I still can't handle it.

My daughter
is going to be a lawyer.

And your son's
gonna be a doctor.

Eh, an ophthalmologist.

Aren't you
an ophthalmologist?

That's why
I can say it.

Linda, I thought
you weren't a crier.

I am when my baby
come homes for Hanukkah.

Joanne, we got the guest room
all set up for you.

Geoffrey, you two can
take your old bedroom.

But you guys converted it
into a craft room
the day I moved out.

So push some stuff aside.
Do I have to hold your hand?

You're holding Joanne's.

My angel's home!

ADULT ADAM: While Erica
was getting to know more
about Geoff's perfect family,

we were climbing aboard
our ocean vessel

for the trip of a lifetime.

Man, what are we
gonna do first?

First, I need you
to back away from me, okay?

I don't want your Brea Bee
relationship musk

spoiling my newly single
pheromones.

Pheromones?

Is that why
your shirt is glistening
like a dog at the beach?

Nah. I pre-oiled my body.

I don't want
the honeys

seeing me ungreased,

but I also
gotta be ready to

pop this top off
at a moment's notice.

I don't know, Bar.

I think you might be
still getting over Ren,

and maybe you shouldn't
hang all your self-worth

on a random boat gal.

Opposite.

Who I stroll
the lido deck with

literally means everything.

Everything.

Yay! St. Johns!

Oh, tropical waters,
white sands, fruity drinks!

So, why do you all look
like Hawaiian lawyers?

'Cause we're going
to St. Johns!

Yeah, St. John, Canada.

It's a nice town.
Good puffin skewers,
I hear.

What old man words
is he saying?

Puffin.
It's like a fat penguin.

What, are you too good
to eat an endangered seabird?

Yes.
Ben, when you said

we were going to St. John's,
we naturally assumed

you were talking about
the tropical paradise.

Have you seen the prices
of Caribbean cruises?

Hmm? No, thank you.

Are you telling me
there's gonna be

no bikini-clad babes?

Oh, not a one.
The average temp is seven.

The average age is 77.

Those are
all the wrong sevens.

That is a stupid way
to say thank you.

(BOAT HORN BLOWS)

Quick! Exit the gangway!

No, we have to
make this work

for the sake of Dad
and Pop-Pop's relationship.

But all I brought

were my flip-flops

and a change of latitude.

Take my credit card,
go buy us some coats

and sweatshirts
in the gift shop.

Nice. I'll buy gum
and not tell you.

(SIGHS)
Hi, I'm Jenny,
your cruise director.

How can I help you
get settled?

We just got the shocking news
that this is an Arctic tour,

so we were wondering
if there's anything fun
to do on board.

Sometimes
you can get a glimpse

of the
Northern Lights.

Oh, that's something.

Is it beautiful?

I wouldn't know.

But I've only been
on this ship
for many years.

Follow-up question...

Why the (BLEEP) would anyone
go on a trip like this?

We have HBO?

You're telling me
I don't have to go
on a beach excursion

or some Mayan ruins?

And there's premium cable?

Hoo-hoo!

What kind of grump
would enjoy a trip

where he's cooped up in
a cabin the whole time?

Hey, you hear
the good news?

HBO!

Yeah, now
it's really Hanukkah, huh?

****

Isn't this great?

Our first holiday
with my family.

Yeah, I was kinda nervous

because I always thought

your family was so normal
and perfect.

Totally. Wait. What are
you talking about?
They are perfect.

Come on. Jojobean?
Your parents
totally favor her.

That's not true.

They gave you grief
for being five minutes late,

but she just waltzes in
whenever.

Plus, there's two of us,
and we're in the crappy room.

Um, I think you mean
the crafty room.

And it's the best.
Cheggit.

This bolt of black latex.

What is my mom
intending to do with this?

All I'm saying is
you don't deserve

to be treated
like second-fiddle.

In this house,
we have a saying...

Choose to be happy,
choose to be kind,

positivity
is in your mind.

No one says that.

Um, I believe
this pillow begs to differ.

Yikes.
Not yikes!

The opposite of yikes. Yum.

Yeah, well, your family's bad
at opposites, too.

We're great at opposites
and everything else.

Black, white.
Up, down.

Schwartzes, Goldbergs.

Okay. It's like that?

Well, I was just trying
to be supportive,
but I don't have to.

Great. 'Cause I don't need
that kind of support.

Fine. Then I'll just curl up
in this heavy damask curtain

and not comment on
how messed up it is

that they love her
more than you.

We're a happy family.

Oh, I know, and I am
thrilled to be here.

Love you so much.
Love you more!

Pleasant dreams,
sugarplum.

I will be right here
when you wake up, my darling.

ADULT ADAM:
As Erica and Geoff
were butting heads,

my dad and Pop-Pop
were bonding

over their mutual love
of the great indoors.

They watched TV.

Man, I love
being out on the ocean.

They sampled
the ship's cuisine.

You're right, Mur.
They let the old folks
cut in line.

What's in the bag?
Oh, bacon bits.

I'm taking
some of these home.

Smart.

And they relaxed.

They even found time
for some activities.

I've got a joke
for this square,

but let me know
if you've heard it B-4.

(SIGHING) Oh, my God.
This guy puts
his own spin on it.

Not quite a joke,
but a smile.

Like a New Yorker cartoon.

I don't hate it.

I do. (SIGHS)

Excuse me, ancient
and wizened co-passenger,

do you happen to have
a granddaughter

or a great-granddaughter
aboard for me to romance?

What? It's a compliment.
I want to kiss a younger you!

Barry, this frozen boat trip
may not be the best place

for you to find
a replacement...

Shh! The foxy cruise director
just made eye contact.

Love is possible anywhere.

Hey, cutie, I'm Jenny,
your cruise director.

You look like you could use
something hot and sweet.

Oh, my God.

Was the new love of my life
into you instead of me?

Maybe. I mean,
stranger things
have happened.

No, they haven't, ever.

Good news
from the cancer doctor.

Your tumor is B-9.

Murray, wake up!
You won Bingo!

Bingo!
(LAUGHS)

Oh, wow! Wow!

Attaboy!
That's my son!

Ben, I can't
thank you enough.

This cut-rate
maritime bus ride

has been
the best Hanukkah gift ever.

Murray's having
the time of his life!

Well, I'm glad to hear that.
I need him in a good mood.

Right? 'Cause what dad doesn't
want his son to be happy?

Yeah.

Oh, no.

Please don't tell me
this generous gift

is just a facade
for some other
cynical agenda.

Of course not!

I do need a little loan,
though.

(SIGHS) How little?

Few grand.

Plus the cost
of this trip.

(SIGHS)

ADULT ADAM: The next day,
my sister decided

she was gonna do
what Geoff wanted,

ignore the fact that
his family was screwed up
just like hers.

Time to light the candles!
Who wants to do it?

Ha! Definitely
not Geoff!

(LAUGHTER)

I don't get it.
Why is that funny?

I haven't been allowed
to light candles
since I was nine

and I lit the table runner
on fire.

His klutzy little hands
dropped the match.

My face was hurting so much
from laughing.

What an adorable story

about a boy who made
an innocent mistake,

which his parents taunt him
about well into adulthood.

Thank you for
that thorough recap, Erica,

but I love the memory
of almost burning down
our home.

Blah-blah-boring.

Let me just light that sucker
with my Zippo.

Oh, my. You have a lighter
with your initials
engraved in it.

I'm kind of a smoker now.
(GASPS)

Look who's all grown up.
(CHUCKLES)

Damn it, Geoffrey!
Stop slouching!

Whoopsies. Standing straight
will make me great.

That's another one
of our fun sayings

that's always
directed towards me.

Should we eat?
Way ahead of you.

Wait, where's the brisket?
I wait all year for it.

Well, keep waiting,
'cause this year,
I thought we'd mix it up.

Your sister wanted grouper.
GEOFF: Fun!

Who doesn't
want to eat a fish
with the eyes still on?

Guys, I have
an announcement,

and honestly,
I'm a little nervous.

Jojobean, what is it?

I'm dropping out
of law school

so I can pursue
my dream of becoming
a professional singer.

Oh.
LOU: I'm really
disappointed...

That you were
nervous to tell us
this incredible news.

(LAUGHS)

My little girl is gonna be
the next Madonna!

Yeah!
What about law school?

Oh, it was a detour,
but now I'm on the path

that I was always meant for.

But you were never
in a band or choir,

and you can't really play
an instrument or even whistle.

This is a passion
I found recently

while humming
to my shower radio.

I bet a lot of the greats
were just the same.

Ooh!
Linda Ronstadt, maybe.
Sure.

You know, the music business
is notoriously difficult.

I mean, Erica,
you pursued music.

Maybe you have
some thoughts on this?

Oh, I'm just
a crazy Goldberg.

I don't want to rub off
on your stable family.

Joanne, you are number one
in our hearts

and, hopefully,
the Billboard charts.

So follow your dreams, girl.

Rock 'n' roll!

Or pop or country or...
Whatever.

ADULT ADAM:
Erica was staying out of it,
but my mom was diving in.

She had to tell my dad
the real reason
Pop-Pop took us on the cruise.

Murray, we need to talk.

(VOICE BREAKING)
Give me a sec.

Oh!

Your father told you?

Yeah.

He wants to play
shuffleboard with me.

What's that, now?

When I was a little boy,
he never played catch with me.

Now I'm getting the father
I always wanted.

You wanna
warm up, champ?

"Champ"!

You hear that?
Because I'm his champion.

I am now going to practice
and make him proud.

So, Blondie,
when's the best time

for me to ask the big guy
for the dough?

Never.

I'll give you your damn money,
but Murray can never find out.

We take this
to our graves.

Ooh! Fancy pants over here
has grave money.

Looks like I came
to the right people.

Okay, let's shuffle.

Wait. This pathetic game
is how I'll earn Jenny's love.

Adam, you're gonna be
my shuffle partner.

Nah. I'm not a puck guy.

Unless you're talking about
A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Then I'd jump at the chance
to play a mischievous fairy.

Exactly.

While you keep saying
awful stuff like that,

I'll dominate
these crusty old men.

No doubt winning
Jenny's heart, soul,
and bottom.

ADULT ADAM: And so,
three generations
of Goldbergs shuffled.

We clanked.
Look at that.

We scored.
Yes!

Barry did whatever this is.

Yes!

And amazingly, pushing pucks
pushed my dad and Pop-Pop
together.

Wha, wha, wha, wha!

I'm gonna say something
I've never said before.

Thank you.

This is the best Hanukkah
I have ever had.

Yeah. For me, too.

Ah.

Oh, best cruise ever!

Yep, things were going great
in the North Atlantic,

and not too bad
in the Schwartzes'
living room.

Geoff, this is amazing!

Did you pay someone
to do this?

GEOFF: I did it myself.

I took a class in technique
as an elective

and just noodled away
at that portrait
when I had free time.

This is lovely, sweetie.

And it explains the B+
you got in Statistics.

My turn!
(CHUCKLES)

Mine's not something
you can hold or touch,

but you sure can feel it.

My gift is my song.

(CLICK, MUSIC PLAYS)

(OFF-KEY)
** It's a little bit funny

(LAUGHS)

** This feeling inside

** I'm not one of those who can

** Easily hide

** I know
it's not much

** But it's the best
I can do

** My gift is my song

And this one's
for you!

Bum-bum, bum-bum, bum!

ADULT ADAM: In that moment,
Geoff finally had enough.

** And you can tell
everybody... **

(CLICK, MUSIC STOPS)
To shut the (BLEEP) up!

Geoff, what the hell?

How are you people
crying over this?

I literally gave you
a work of art!

Wait. Did you not like
my gift of song?

Honestly, no.
I didn't.

You're not even
the best singer
in the room.

Erica,
just show her.

So, you're cool with
my special Goldbergian
brand of support?

Yes.
And you admit that your family
isn't perfect either?

We're clearly a mess.
Do it.

** It's a little bit funny

** This feeling inside

Where did she get
a microphone?

** I'm not one of those
who can easily hide

** I know it's not much
But it's the best I can do

** My gift is my song
And this one's for you **

What was that?

Mommy,
was she better than me?

It doesn't matter.
She shouldn't have done that.

Who gives a gift of song
when a gift of song
has already been given?

My lover does.
'Cause I told her to!

There you go, Geoff!

And don't say "lover"
ever again. It's icky.

Felt weird.

And you know what? I'm sick
of you guys favoring Joanne!

Where is this coming from?

Something's changed in you.

It's that Goldberg girl.
Yeah, her and her family.

Don't you blame her
for this.

Erica's the only one
who supports me.

In fact, we're leaving.

I've had a lovely time.
Thank you for the fish
and music.

ADULT ADAM: As Geoff
told off his family,

Barry was ready to tell
Cruise Director Jenny
how he felt.

I hope we can wrap
this game up before sundown.

Once it's dark,
the temperature plummets.

I'll keep you warm, girl.

You can't.

No one can.

Hey, I don't know
what you're doing
after this,

but there's a club
on board.

I'll be there.
You should check it out.

After all that
power shuffling,
she still prefers you.

It's insane.

Everyone has
different tastes.

Different taste is like
"Do you like Coke or Pepsi?"

This is like "Do you like Coke
or lukewarm dishwater

"that yaps about
Star Wars and wears
corrective underwear?"

That was
for pelvic alignment!

And I've been patient
with you

'cause you just
got your heart broken,

but this is too far.
Ow!

Hey, Jenny My Cruise Director,
I'm in for that club.

Jenny My Cruise Director?
He has a girlfriend.

Bring her.

We're gonna play games,
and we even have Kool-Aid.

She's kinky
and she likes fruit punch!

Life's unfair!

It's a club for children,
isn't it?

That's right,
little sailor!

ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
I wasn't the only sailor
hitting rough seas.

Aw, come on!
That was a gimme!

True enough,
but let's just stay focused

on the special
father-son memory.

I don't need
another memory

of my idiot son
buckling under pressure.

Let's not forget
what this trip is all about.

No, no, no.
Loan or not,

I'll call a moron a moron
when he's a moron.

Loan?
Ben's just loaning me

his, uh, shuffleboard thingy.

See? Look what I'm doing.
(CHUCKLES)

Nice cover-up, Nixon.

Your wife gave me
the cash I needed

so you wouldn't get ferkakta
about the trip.

Damn it, Ben! You said
you'd take that to the grave!

Well, I'm old,
so I took it near the grave.

You just wanted money
from me. Unbelievable.

****

ADULT ADAM: After yet another
disappointment from Pop-Pop,

my dad was ready to get
off the cruise... Port or not.

Murray,
where are you going?

I gotta find a lifeboat.

You're gonna get
in a tiny boat

in the middle
of the Labrador Sea?

What are you gonna eat?

I'm sure on the lifeboat,
there's provisions
and whatnot.

Biscuits.

Biscuits?
What about protein?

You know how you get
when you don't
eat your meats.

That is why I stole
a butter knife
from the buffet.

Those fish come swimming by...
Boom! Surprise!

You hate sushi.

There's a flare gun
on that lifeboat.
I'll cook 'em up!

What about polar bears?

We're back
to the butter knife.

You couldn't chase a possum
out from under the house.

How are you gonna
kill a polar bear
with a butter knife?

With pure adrenaline
and the will to survive!

Stop it.

You are not
getting off this boat
because of your dad.

It's not just
'cause of my dad.

There are other reasons.

Were you ever
gonna tell me?

Of course.

But you two looked so happy
and you were getting along.

What was I supposed to do?

Stop trying
to push us together.

Because then you give me
the worst gift of all...

Hope.

ADULT ADAM: As my dad
was lost at sea,

Geoff and Erica
found themselves
alone at home.

Well, Hanukkah dinner's
not looking good.

Oh, God,
what have I done?

You stood up for yourself.

I know.
But I went too far.

Maybe. But take it
from a crazy Goldberg.

It's gonna be okay.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

What are you doing here?

We wanted to say
we're sorry.

You were right.
About everything.

You've always been
our sweet, reliable Geoffy.

On the other hand,
there's Joanne.

(SIGHS) She's a lot.

So we give her a lot.

But that doesn't mean
it's not unfair.

So it changes now.

We popped her balloon
about the singing.

It is bad.

She's going back
to law school.

And from now on,
we're gonna be more
honest with each other.

Just like the Goldbergs.

But, you know,
less so.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

(CHUCKLES)

ADULT ADAM: In that moment,
Erica felt like

she really was
a part of Geoff's family...

His perfectly
messed-up family.

I'm sorry
for calling you dishwater.

You're not.

You're a desirable,
sensual being
with needs and wants.

Wow.

I guess my breakup with Ren
rocked me pretty hard.

It just feels like
no one will ever
love me again, you know?

ADULT ADAM: In that moment,
I saw a Barry that I wasn't
that familiar with,

vulnerable, scared,
and defeated.

There was nothing
I could say.

Or was there?

Yeah, Bar,
here's the thing...

Jenny is in love with you.

What?
It's basically true.

I went to claim my prize...

Her body.

But she told me she was
just using me to get to you.

That makes so much sense!
Of course it does.

Obviously, you can't
speak to her about this

because of
all the maritime laws.

It'd be stuck in
an international
tribunal for years.

I don't want that.
No one does.

But at least you know now
you're incredibly special.

And no doubt there's someone
perfect out there for you.

On land.

(YOUR SONG
BY ELLIE GOULDING PLAYS)

You know, you're
a pretty good brother.

Well, I got an older one
who's taught me a lot.

ADULT ADAM:
Sometimes a white lie
can solve a problem.

And other times,
all you need is the truth.

Can I sit?

Why? So you can pretend to be
my dad so I'll give you money?

All right, fine.
I'm a jerk.

We're on the same page.

Yeah, let me finish.

I'm a jerk, so people
don't stick around.

See, I thought
that was okay.

But I'm getting older.

The other day, I couldn't
get my groceries upstairs,

and I figured
no one's gonna help me.

Why would they?

So, you took me on
this cruise so I'd give
you money? For what?

I don't know.

Maybe a nurse?

Or someplace
that has bars
in the shower?

I don't know.
It's all terrible.

What's terrible is that
you think you have to bribe me
to take care of you.

What do you mean?
Y-You'd do it for nothing?

Of course I will.
You're my father.

Thank you.

And now, uh, not for nothing,
I enjoyed myself on this tub,

uh, with you.

We had some moments.

Yeah, we did.

ADULT ADAM:
And there was still
one more great moment left.

** And you can tell everybody

** That this is your song

** It may be quite simple, but

** Now that it's done

** I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind

** That I put down in words **

ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
even the hardest journeys
are worth it

when you're with the people
who matter most.

****

On the boat. Let's take
a look around, shall we?

All right, here we got
our 20-foot picture window.

That's where Dad sleeps.

That's where Dad hit his head,
by the way. (CHUCKLES)

Pop-Pop's
Hanukkah gifts are here.

Get ready to be underwhelmed.

Sweet! A bowling ball?

With no finger holes.

Damn it! It's just
a 16-pound marble!

Still better than mine.

I got a shower cap.

And it's wet!

But I'm the biggest loser.

He got me
a box of trash bags.

I don't know.
We can make it work.

(SIGHS)

Nice.

Trash coming in!

Barry, no!
Oh!