All language subtitles for Home Improvement -Season 8- E9

Well, that about wraps up Tool Time.

So, Tim, what have we learned today?

Well, we learned that
blown foam insulation is a great way

to reduce energy costs at your house.

And?

Well, and that blown foam insulation
is a great sound-dampener.

And when the manufacturer says
100 psi max,

they mean 100 psi

max!

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contact www.SubtitleDB.org today

- Hey, Al.
- Hey.

Cable show ratings just came in.
I think you might want to take a look.

Congratulations, Heidi!

You won again
with males aged 13 to 95.

Keep reading.

Ah, well, my ratings are up again
in the "likeability" column.

You're off the charts!

Yeah. Oh, my God! I beat Tim!

Yes! Congratulations.

Listen, you really ought to take
advantage of this new popularity.

What do you mean?

Well, when's the last time
you appeared in public?

Well, Tuesday I went to the mall
for peanut brittle and a belt.

I mean, you should be doing
promotions and endorsements.

Al, you could be the next Ed McMahon.

- Ed McMahon?
- Uh-huh.

- I'll be goshed...
- Hey, guys. Who's got the ratings?

- Hide them. Here comes Tim.
- Okay.

- There we go.
- Where's the ratings sheet?

- Huh? What?
- I don't know.

Huh? What? Huh? This.

Oh!

Hey, once again,
Heidi, in the stratosphere.

What is it with you and men?

- What the...
- Hey, the show's doing pretty well.

Oh, no.

I didn't beat you by much!
Okay, I'll clear out my locker.

Hey, don't be ridiculous.

Whatever gave you guys the idea

this was some type of competition?
Come on!

Well, maybe because every month
when these come out,

Tim runs around going,
"I won! I won! I won!"

All right. All right. Okay.
Maybe Heidi's right.

This isn't a competition.

These numbers are good for the show.
Good for you, Al.

- We're a family here.
- Yeah.

Well, thank you, Tim.

You know, I never thought
this would happen to me.

I've always lived
in someone else's shadow.

Well, growing up with your mom, I'm
surprised you knew there was a sun.

All right!
I'm gonna go tell Trudy the good news.

- Yeah. Congratulations again, Al.
- Thank you!

I think he took it pretty well.

- Yeah, I think so.
- Yeah.

- Hey, Brad?
- What's up, Mark?

If a girl named Erica calls,
tell her I'm not here, all right?

What? Is she, like, the ugliest girl
in junior high?

Actually, she's the prettiest.
I wish she'd just leave me alone.

Wait, wait.
There's no way you and I are related.

I'd love to go out with Erica.

Just all she does is complain
about her jerk boyfriend.

Mark, Mark, wake up.

She's using you
as her shoulder to cry on.

You know what that means, right?

Yeah. She thinks I'm a girl.

No. No. She thinks you're
a caring, sensitive listener.

And when she finally breaks up
with that jerk boyfriend of hers,

you're in the pole position.

All I have to do is just sit on the phone
and listen?

You don't even have to listen.
Just pretend.

Every so often say lines like
"I sympathize with your needs."

And when you want to whip out
the big guns, try "I hurt when you hurt."

This is so devious. Thank you.

Hi.

Hi. Did you get my tulip bulbs?

Oh! I forgot to go by the garden center.
I'm sorry.

- Let me ask you a question.
- What?

Am I a likable guy?

Are you gonna get my bulbs?

What would you say if I told you
that Al was more likable than me?

Duh?

Our ratings came out today
and for the first time in 10 years,

Al was rated more likable than me.

So this is bothering you, right?

Well, duh.

You don't think Binford would think
about switching hosts, do you?

Honey, that's never gonna happen.

Look, Al hosted the show once
and it was a disaster.

He needs you to make it all work.

Huh?

Well, see, look, you took
a shy, insecure, stiff guy

and you turned him into
a likable, confident, stiff guy.

You gave him his persona.
You invented the signature salute.

You sort of created Al.

I did. I created Al. Almost like
Al is my Frankenstein monster.

You know,
without the attractive neck bolts.

He's alive!

Now, see? That's what you should do.
Just enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Yeah. You know,
and maybe accept my fate in a way.

You know, because even
the brightest stars can't shine forever.

I mean, there's a point when the
champions like me and Michael Jordan

just have to pass our balls
on to somebody else.

- Hey, Fred.
- Hey, Mr. Taylor.

Do you have tulips?

Well, it'd be hard to whistle if I didn't.

- You get it?
- Yeah.

- It's a gag.
- Yeah.

Hey, I've got your special bulb order
in the back.

While I'm digging them up,
why don't you say hi to your buddy Al?

- He's in Fertilizer.
- Al?

"Hope you enjoy your bag of

"fert-Al-izer."

Hey, Al.

Tim! Hey, ladies and gentlemen!
Tim Taylor! All right!

Tim, what are you doing here?

I was just about to ask you
the same thing.

Yeah? Well, I decided to branch out
into endorsements.

You're endorsing fertilizer.

Yeah. I guess it's kind of like working
from the ground up.

Can I talk to you privately for a minute?

Sure.

Mr. Likeability will be back
in a few minutes

to sign your bags. Okay, guys?

Meanwhile, why don't you pull your
cars around so I can load them easier?

Come out here.

What are you doing?

I'm capitalizing
on my newfound popularity.

Is this why you've been leaving work
early for the last couple of days?

Well, actually, on Tuesday
I opened a lamp store.

And on Wednesday I was
keynote speaker at Spacklefest '98!

If you want to capitalize
on your newfound popularity,

you might want to aim your sights
a little higher than spackle and dung.

Well, I don't want to impose
on our friendship.

But if you could give me some career
advice, you know, coach me a little,

maybe I could get
some better endorsements.

Well, I hate to see you signing
this crap.

- Hi.
- Hi. What are you doing?

Mapping out Al's destiny.

And yet you couldn't put the dishes
in the sink.

Listen to this. I got him the cover
of Handyman Monthly.

On Saturday, he's doing a radio
commercial for Welder's Warehouse,

and Sunday, a pre-shoot
for a commercial for Faucets-N-Stuff.

You know, I'm really impressed
with the way

you've been able to put your ego aside
and help Al.

Honey, he was knee-deep
swimming in cow pies.

And you dove in and saved him.

I like this stuff.

Now, Al's strengths are his sincerity
and his groundbreaking dullness.

I can manipulate that kind of talent
a 100 ways from Sunday.

And yet...

Come on, come on, come on. If you
want to go to the mall, I'm leaving now.

Hey, listen, Erica, I got to go.

But I just want to let you know
that I'm here for you

and that I sympathize with your needs.

Oh, really? Hey, great. All right.
See you then. Bye.

Guess what? Erica's coming over
to cry on my shoulder.

What's the matter with Erica?

Oh, her boyfriend broke up with her.

And I'm helping her
through her anguish.

What do you know about anguish?

I live with you and Dad.

Finally back.

Hi. So, what are you and Al
gonna do today?

Oh. First we have
a strategy meeting here.

Then this afternoon
we're off to Zug Island.

The Port Authority is gonna have him
christen his own ship.

How did you come up with that?

It's amazing. He's got a big appeal
among dock workers ages 19 to 47.

I wonder who they latch onto
when they turn 48?

Andy Rooney.

- Knock-knock! Hi!
- Hi, Al.

- Honey, I'll see you guys later.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- See you later.

Okay, Al.
I have your sailor suit all pressed.

Are you excited, or what?

Well, there's something else
I'm even more excited about.

Come on.

I've added a new member to our team.

- I've hired a manager.
- A what?

Now, now, come on!
You're a great coach.

Now I've brought someone in
to run the ball club. All right!

Well, Al, we don't need a manager.
I lined up a great gig for you today.

You're christening a ship.

It's a trash barge.

It's a slag barge.

It's a Cadillac of waste products.

Well, let's see what my manager has
to say about that, you know?

He's coming over.
I invited him to our strategy session.

- He's coming here?
- Yeah. Yeah, his name is Roy Becker.

You're gonna love him. He's smart.
He's savvy.

He's got a great sense of humor.

What are Roy Becker's credentials?

Well, he's president of
Roy Becker and Associates.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I know that name.

Didn't he use to manage that other
cable guy, Fishin' with Freddie?

Might have.
He handles a lot of big stars.

There he is. Coming! Coming!

Hey, superstar!
What's happening, baby?

- Hey!
- There he is. Tim Taylor.

How are you, my man?

Hey. Roy Becker. Nice to meet you.

- Hey, Roy.
- Hey, nice pad you got here.

You know, I used to live around here
then I made something of myself.

I'm just kidding.

He's got a great sense of humor.

I can't wait to see it.

Hey, you want some coffee?

Coffee? No. No coffee for me.
It makes me hyper.

I'm here for one thing
and I'm here for one thing only.

And that's to take Al to the top.

This is the greatest day of my life!
I got my manager. I got my coach.

- Yeah!
- Look out, world!

Here comes Team Borland!

Can't wait for that team physical, huh?

Okay, fellas. Now, let's talk game plan.

As I understand it, Taylor's got you
peddling faucets and metal garbage.

Which is fine. Don't get me wrong.

But now it's time to move up
to the major leagues.

Major leagues?

National commercials.
I'm talking an M.O.W.

M.O.W.? A mow?
What will I be mowing?

M.O.W. is a Movie of the Week.

I'm gonna be in the movies?

Al, you're a big hit with women, baby.

I can get you on the Lifetime Channel
playing opposite Morgan Fairchild.

Morgan Fairchild? I love her!

- Wait, wait. Reality check. Come on!
- What?

This is a pitch man. He's not an actor.

Actor-shmactor!

He'll act happy when he sees
the money rolling in, huh?

Oh, boy!

What are you leading him on
for here, Roy?

I'm not leading him on.
Hey, look, Taylor.

If he doesn't make money,
I don't make money.

And if I don't make money,
I'm back living in this neighborhood.

I did it again!

Why are you being
such a doubting Thomas?

You know, the big time is beckoning!

So are 150 slag workers
who want to see you in a sailor suit.

Yeah? Well, they're out of luck.

Let me tell you right now, Al,
I don't want this going to your head,

but garbage is beneath you.

- You think so?
- I know so! Blow them off!

I tell you what.
You come have lunch with me.

I got a big commercial director
I want to introduce you to.

Come on. Come on. I'm telling you,
you can make some money here.

Wait, wait, wait.
We made a promise to Local 299.

And the Local doesn't like it
when you break their promises.

You know what? You want to dress up
like Popeye for the rest of your life?

Or do you want to make some money?
Come on. Let's go.

I don't know what to do.
I'm so conflicted!

Look, I'll make it easy for you.
You go with Roy or you go with me.

And I think you know
what the responsible thing to do is.

Obviously, you're gonna have
to fill in for me.

And thank you!
You were a great coach.

Thanks, Taylor. You're a good man.
Beautiful house.

And then he said, "Well,
why didn't you tell me that before?"

And I said,
"Well, I thought that it was obvious."

And he said,
"Well, it wasn't obvious to me."

Isn't it obvious to you?

Huh?

I asked if it was obvious to you.

It doesn't matter what I think.

Just keep sharing your feelings
and I'll keep listening.

Well, I'd really like to know
what you think.

Well, I hurt when you hurt.

What are you talking about?
I'm not hurting.

Well, then I'm not either.

Mark, I want you to tell me one thing
that I just talked about.

You used the word "Obvious."

That's what I thought.

You know, you're even worse
than my boyfriend.

At least he's honest
about not listening to me.

I sympathize with your needs!

Well, Brad, thanks to you,
Erica hates me.

- What?
- Your stupid advice backfired.

I should never have pretended
to care about her feelings.

So, you taught him that?

Look, I'm sorry, Mom.
I know you're disappointed.

But if it makes you feel any better,
I hurt when you hurt.

That's it. I'm canceling
your subscription to Sassy.

So, Captain, where's Tennille?

Like I haven't heard that
from 6,500 longshoremen?

Well, I thought Al was supposed to do
the entertaining.

He was until he backed out

on the advice of his new manager,
Roy Becker.

Roy Becker. I know that name.

Didn't he use to live in this
neighborhood before he made it big?

All the work I did for Al,

he just forgets about me
and picks another guy.

That is terrible. It doesn't sound like Al.

Ahoy. Promenade deck.

Oh, hi, Al. You need a day off?

Well, why... Get out of town!

All right. Well, tell...

Okay. All right. Thanks. Bye.

What was that about?

They're shooting a Movie of the Week
here in town.

He's got a bit part
with Morgan Fairchild.

I love her!

You can start as early
as you want, Wilson.

But I'm still gonna kick butt
in that Christmas lighting contest.

No. This is not for Christmas, Tim.

Are you familiar with who inspired
the Indian festival of Deepawali?

I'm still wondering who put the bop
in the bop-she-bop-she-bop.

Well, probably the same
person who put the ram

in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong.

You want to know who put Al
in a Movie of the Week

with Morgan Fairchild?

Morgan Fairchild? I love her!

Well, good going, Tim.
You are quite a coach.

Al hired a professional manager.

Well, good for Al.

- He fired me.
- Bad for you.

Don't feel bad for me, I feel bad for Al.

The overnight sensation
who's appearing in a movie

with Morgan Fairchild?

I'm not jealous or anything.
I just think he's moving too fast.

It's like Frankenstein loose on the world

without his doctor by his side,
you know?

- What was the doctor's name?
- Frankenstein.

They were related?

You know, Tim, I can understand
your concern for Al.

But I'm also reminded of
the Persian writer Nasir-i Khusraw.

He said, "Though God creates
the mother, the breast and the milk,

"the children must draw for themselves
their mother's milk."

Wilson, you just gave me
12 horrible images.

No, no, no, no. I'm just saying,
just as the child learns self-reliance

by separating from his mother,

so the assistant learns
by separating from the Tool Man.

Maybe what Al needs is protection
and support so he's not left hanging.

So I'll just buy him a sturdy jockstrap.

Hello, horrible image number 13.

Scene 223 Baker. Take 15.

And action!

You're leaving me for my sister?

Which one?

The one carrying my baby.

Get out! Get out and never come back!

Great news. I've snaked the toilet
and you're good to go.

Thank you, Gerard.

Now, what have you got
for a broken heart?

Hey, Maggie! What's the matter?
You can tell Gerard.

- Oh, I'm sorry. I...
- Cut!

The woman is emotionally devastated

and you come bouncing in and salute
her like Gomer Pyle on a sugar high?

Well, golly!

What are you doing here?

Just here to support Borland.
How's he doing?

I had more fun
at my last prostate examination.

Why don't you let me work with him
for just a second? Thanks. Thanks.

Al, you know, I am really enjoying
playing opposite you.

Oh, wow! Thank you, Morgan Fairchild!

No. Please just call me Morgan.

You know, Al, you have this reality
that I just find so exciting.

And if you could tap into that reality,

I could respond very passionately.

Do you understand?

All right, everybody, let's go again.
We'll take it from Gerard's entrance.

Action!

Great news. I've snaked the toilet
and you're good to go.

Thank you, Gerard.

Now, what have you got
for a broken heart?

- Oh, Morgan...
- Cut!

Get me a new Gerard.

Borland, you're fired.

Hey, get me Freddie, the fish guy.

Wait a minute. You're replacing Al
with a guy that bobs for bass?

Let me see if I can get him
on the phone.

You can't do this.
He put his trust in you.

You know, Taylor,
it's times like this I hate myself.

But then I buy myself a new suit
and I feel terrific.

- By the way, who represents you?
- Well, I...

Hey, Frederico! Hey!
How's the fish biting? Hey, baby, yeah!

Hey, Al. Hey.

When did you get here?

I got here in time to see
your last two takes.

They're good. It's good stuff.

Time to see me get fired.

Well, that's okay.
I mean, the last take was good.

The way you committed to the salute,
kind of half-salute.

It was kind of funny stuff.
I mean, you were going with it.

No, maybe you're right.
Maybe I'm just not an actor.

Maybe not now.
You take a few classes.

The next thing you know, you'll be back
in Morgan Fairchild's arms.

I just...
I guess I tried to fly too high too fast.

Gravity is a cruel mistress.

Your mom probably taught you that.

I should've been happy with the career
path we were working on, you know?

There's no shame
in making longshoremen happy.

At least not in this state.

You know, it doesn't matter
that I work with Morgan Fairchild.

You know, the important thing is that

I have a good friend like you.
You know?

Because when push comes to shove,
you know, you're there.

- Well...
- Al.

Yes, Morgan Fairchild?

I am so sorry about this.
May I have your autograph?

You... You want my autograph?

Well, actually, it's not for me.
It's for my dad.

He's a huge fan of Tool Time.

Well, he probably wants mine, too. Hi.
I'm Tim the Tool Man.

Hi. No, he didn't mention you.

Thanks.

I, on the other hand,
am a huge fan of yours, honey.

Morgan Fairchild. I love her!

- Hey, Cleotis!
- Hey, Mr. Taylor!

I've branched out into endorsements.

You're endorsing dung. That's dung.
That's not dung.

You know, Tim, I can understand
your concerns about Al.

But I'm also reminded of the
Persian writer, Kooty-koogy-googy.

- Koogy-googy-oogy.
- What is his name?

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