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Does everybody know what time it is?
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- Tool Time!
- Tool Time!
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That's right.
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Binford Tools is proud to present
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00:00:08,489 --> 00:00:11,755
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!
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Thank you. Thank you, everybody.
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Thank you, Heidi.
Welcome to Tool Time.
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I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
And I intend to remain him.
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And you all know my assistant,
Al Borland.
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00:00:31,746 --> 00:00:34,045
Thank you.
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00:00:34,949 --> 00:00:37,714
I'm excited. Today we have
a globally significant Tool Time.
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00:00:37,818 --> 00:00:40,151
We're doing our Tool Time salute
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- to international relations.
- to international relations.
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00:00:47,428 --> 00:00:50,523
In today's world,
manufacturing superpowers compete
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for the leading edge
in consumer products.
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Competition is healthy but
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00:00:54,769 --> 00:00:57,534
so much more can be accomplished
if you work together...
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- Al?
- harmoniously.
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00:00:58,773 --> 00:01:02,141
Al! My show, okay?
20
00:01:02,243 --> 00:01:05,111
So in the spirit of international
brotherhood, we have invited
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the president of a major
Japanese corporation to be our guest,
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to show us
some of their newest inventions.
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00:01:09,684 --> 00:01:14,315
Let's give a warm Tool Time welcome
to Nobo Nakamura.
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Welcome to Tool Time.
Or as they say in Japanese...
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00:01:26,968 --> 00:01:30,735
You just invited me
to frolic in your trousers.
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Well, in this light
you're kind of an attractive man.
27
00:01:37,178 --> 00:01:42,242
All right, Nobo. Why don't you show us
what's new in Japanese high tech?
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I would be happy to, Al.
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Behold
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the future!
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00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:57,256
Well, it appears to be a steel rod
with a hand on it.
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It's called The Lazy Grabber.
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You can pick up stuff
without having to leave your chair.
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00:02:04,972 --> 00:02:07,044
Well, I was under the impression
that Nakamura Industries
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00:02:07,074 --> 00:02:09,543
was involved in lasers
and high-tech stuff like that.
36
00:02:09,610 --> 00:02:13,479
Someone on your staff
called Nakamura Novelties.
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We specialize in things like
38
00:02:24,291 --> 00:02:26,658
the Noodle Guard.
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Protection from embarrassing
noodle backsplash.
40
00:02:36,871 --> 00:02:41,502
Well, that's bound to turn that
Japanese economy right around, huh?
41
00:02:41,575 --> 00:02:45,273
Now I'll show you something
really state of the art.
42
00:02:45,346 --> 00:02:47,906
I will demonstrate on Al.
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This is the all-day tissue dispenser.
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For the guy on the go who has to go.
45
00:03:06,067 --> 00:03:09,765
That's just a crappy invention.
46
00:03:09,837 --> 00:03:12,568
You calling my
number-one seller crappy?
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Wouldn't that be
your number-two seller?
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Nobo is not laughing.
49
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Oh, boy, Nobo. I'll bite.
What the heck is this?
50
00:03:23,317 --> 00:03:25,877
This is called the Grin Grabber.
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00:03:25,953 --> 00:03:28,320
Simply put on your face like this
52
00:03:28,422 --> 00:03:31,153
and then with one tug of the string,
53
00:03:31,225 --> 00:03:35,526
even grouchiest guy
turns into Happy Harry.
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00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:43,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today
55
00:03:47,108 --> 00:03:49,668
That is the stupidest thing
I've ever seen.
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00:03:49,777 --> 00:03:51,268
Okay, now you make Nobo mad.
57
00:03:51,345 --> 00:03:54,008
And yet you're smiling.
58
00:04:46,167 --> 00:04:48,727
Hey, Tim, so your family is going away
this weekend?
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00:04:48,836 --> 00:04:49,907
- Yeah.
- You want to hang out?
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00:04:49,937 --> 00:04:52,497
- Nope.
- Okay, then. Nice talking to you.
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00:04:52,606 --> 00:04:54,575
Al, it has nothing to do with you.
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00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:57,202
Just being alone this weekend
will give me the perfect chance
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- to write that book for Binford.
- You're still writing that thing?
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00:05:00,514 --> 00:05:03,006
Didn't they give you the advance,
like, six months ago?
65
00:05:03,083 --> 00:05:05,518
Yes. And I spent the advance
six months ago.
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00:05:05,586 --> 00:05:08,454
And I just, you know,
have to write the book.
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00:05:08,522 --> 00:05:10,661
- You've done nothing?
- Yes! I've done a lot of things.
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00:05:10,691 --> 00:05:12,930
You plan. There's planning involved.
You don't just write a book.
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00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,266
You gotta plan. Make plans.
I made a lot of plans, you know?
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00:05:15,296 --> 00:05:17,968
Like you gotta plan who you'd want
to do it if they made a movie out of it.
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00:05:17,998 --> 00:05:21,435
Okay, let me guess. Harrison Ford?
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00:05:21,502 --> 00:05:25,564
He knows his tools,
but doesn't have my bone structure.
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00:05:25,639 --> 00:05:28,006
- So what's the deadline?
- Monday morning.
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00:05:28,108 --> 00:05:30,348
I have to have three chapters.
Which gives me, of course,
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the entire weekend to crystallize
my thoughts on love, life,
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00:05:34,815 --> 00:05:39,253
tools, my fascination with them,
yin-yang, the dharma of guyness.
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You have no idea what to write,
do you?
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I have no idea what to write!
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Good luck.
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00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:49,455
- Bye, Dad. See you Monday.
- You guys have a nice weekend.
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00:05:49,530 --> 00:05:52,295
I'll be fine. There's plenty of food
in the refrigerator.
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00:05:52,366 --> 00:05:54,232
I need it nice and quiet
to get my work done.
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00:05:54,301 --> 00:05:56,566
- Bye, Tim!
- Yeah. Okay. I'll miss you all.
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00:05:56,637 --> 00:05:58,003
- See you.
- I'll miss you a lot!
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- Miss you, too.
- Miss you.
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Bye.
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00:06:03,777 --> 00:06:06,212
I'm all by myself!
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00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:08,511
Miss you!
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00:06:08,582 --> 00:06:10,744
I can do whatever I want!
Anything I want to do.
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00:06:10,851 --> 00:06:13,090
What do we want to do? Let's think.
What do we want to do?
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00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,351
- First...
- Take a nap.
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00:06:15,422 --> 00:06:17,982
Then go to a strip club or a drag race.
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00:06:18,092 --> 00:06:20,960
Have a snack!
Then I'll nap in the chair or the couch.
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00:06:21,028 --> 00:06:23,759
Chair or couch? Couch!
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Yes!
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No.
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00:06:27,368 --> 00:06:30,497
Gotta write.
Write, write, write, write, write.
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00:06:32,273 --> 00:06:35,835
Well, I'll just get started. Okay, okay.
All right.
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00:06:38,279 --> 00:06:40,339
4:00. I'll write for four hours straight.
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00:06:40,414 --> 00:06:41,848
Figure 30 pages per hour,
101
00:06:41,916 --> 00:06:44,784
by 8:00, I'm up to 120.
102
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Then I get to eat.
103
00:06:46,854 --> 00:06:49,289
I'm actually ahead of schedule.
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00:06:49,356 --> 00:06:51,222
So let's eat.
105
00:06:53,394 --> 00:06:56,364
Look at all the food Jill made me.
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Macaroni and cheese, pot roast.
Oh, boy!
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00:07:00,467 --> 00:07:02,493
Tuna casserole.
108
00:07:02,570 --> 00:07:04,334
So nice of her.
109
00:07:04,438 --> 00:07:07,067
Yes. I'd like to order a pizza.
110
00:07:07,141 --> 00:07:11,374
Let's get a large with onions
and double sausage.
111
00:07:11,445 --> 00:07:13,384
- That's a little fatty.
- You have turkey sausage?
112
00:07:13,414 --> 00:07:15,719
- What are you? A hairdresser?
- How about just vegetables?
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You can't stand vegetables.
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Put double cheese on it.
115
00:07:19,753 --> 00:07:22,814
Yeah. Tim Taylor.
You got my address?
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Yes. I rewired the doorbell. Thank you.
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What a wuss!
It was only a second-degree burn.
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All right.
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Okay, all right. Here we go.
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"A."
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"A."
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00:07:49,516 --> 00:07:51,417
"B."
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00:07:51,485 --> 00:07:52,976
"C."
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"B."
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00:07:54,188 --> 00:07:55,679
"C."
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00:07:55,756 --> 00:07:57,122
"A."
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00:07:57,191 --> 00:08:00,252
"O." "O." "O."
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00:08:03,831 --> 00:08:05,595
"R."
129
00:08:06,266 --> 00:08:07,266
"A."
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00:08:07,768 --> 00:08:08,768
"C."
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Right when I was getting hot!
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Hello?
133
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What?
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00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,586
Hi, Mary Lou.
135
00:08:28,655 --> 00:08:31,090
Am I satisfied
with my long-distance carrier?
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- Tim.
- Suppose.
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- Yes. What?
- Hello?
138
00:08:35,896 --> 00:08:37,023
No. Ma'am?
139
00:08:37,097 --> 00:08:38,793
- Hey, bonehead!
- Wait. Hold it.
140
00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:41,392
This is really a bad time for me.
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00:08:45,806 --> 00:08:49,038
Okay, Mary Lou,
let me get this straight.
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In order to get the mid-week discount
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00:08:51,779 --> 00:08:53,748
of four cents a minute...
144
00:08:56,016 --> 00:08:58,986
Yeah. Look, I have to call
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1,700 times between Saturday
146
00:09:02,990 --> 00:09:06,017
and that following Thursday after 6:00.
147
00:09:07,328 --> 00:09:09,695
Just sign me up!
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00:09:10,931 --> 00:09:13,059
No more phone calls.
149
00:09:13,133 --> 00:09:15,439
Well, that worked out well, Tim.
Hour and a half on the phone,
150
00:09:15,469 --> 00:09:17,938
you saved 26 cents.
151
00:09:19,907 --> 00:09:23,605
Nice chatting with you, too,
Cyber Fred.
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00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:32,248
No! You prove
that I'm not Marlon Brando, pal!
153
00:09:32,319 --> 00:09:35,187
Cyberspace e-mail! Look at the time!
154
00:09:35,255 --> 00:09:37,815
The greatest writers of all time
never had a computer.
155
00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:40,952
They used stone tablets and chisels,
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00:09:41,028 --> 00:09:43,327
bark, Latin.
157
00:09:43,397 --> 00:09:45,263
The password is...
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00:09:45,332 --> 00:09:48,461
Legal pad.
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00:09:48,535 --> 00:09:51,095
Paper, pencils.
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00:09:53,707 --> 00:09:56,472
What makes legal pads legal?
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00:09:58,278 --> 00:10:01,180
Is there such a thing as an illegal pad?
162
00:10:02,349 --> 00:10:04,909
What's legal about yellow?
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00:10:04,985 --> 00:10:08,649
Pencils are yellow. It's wood.
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00:10:08,722 --> 00:10:10,691
That's a nice pencil.
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00:10:10,791 --> 00:10:12,885
Okay. Pencil.
166
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:16,089
Check. Eraser. Go. Lead. Go.
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00:10:16,163 --> 00:10:20,726
All systems go, we have
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00:10:20,801 --> 00:10:22,326
liftoff.
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00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:37,645
Throughout history, man has...
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00:10:45,859 --> 00:10:47,691
Here we go.
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00:10:47,761 --> 00:10:49,821
A little hair.
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00:10:49,897 --> 00:10:52,366
Very good. Now, see,
if this thing was a comic book,
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00:10:52,432 --> 00:10:55,334
I'd have one page done already.
174
00:11:02,576 --> 00:11:05,842
Boy. That writer's cramp is kicking in.
175
00:11:07,114 --> 00:11:09,276
You know,
I'm more of a verbal guy, anyway.
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00:11:09,383 --> 00:11:11,388
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
I'll dictate my thoughts
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00:11:11,418 --> 00:11:13,683
into a tape recorder,
then play them back later
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00:11:13,754 --> 00:11:16,724
and organize them.
179
00:11:16,823 --> 00:11:19,850
Captain's log, 2024.
180
00:11:22,396 --> 00:11:24,024
Spock, was that you?
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00:11:24,097 --> 00:11:25,998
I'm not buying this stuff
that Vulcans can't.
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00:11:26,066 --> 00:11:28,228
There's only two of us in here.
183
00:11:28,302 --> 00:11:31,272
Believe me, that wasn't human.
184
00:11:36,076 --> 00:11:38,045
Men have different energy
than women.
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00:11:38,145 --> 00:11:40,512
Men have different energy than women.
186
00:11:40,614 --> 00:11:42,139
We're take charge.
187
00:11:42,216 --> 00:11:43,844
We take charge.
188
00:11:43,917 --> 00:11:46,079
- We're go-getters.
- Go-getters!
189
00:11:46,153 --> 00:11:48,384
This is ridiculous.
I can't write on the couch.
190
00:11:48,455 --> 00:11:50,890
I gotta go to a place
that pumps me up.
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00:11:50,958 --> 00:11:52,517
- Outside?
- Upstairs.
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00:11:52,826 --> 00:11:54,988
Kitchen, no.
193
00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:57,088
The garage! Bingo-bango-bongo!
194
00:11:59,099 --> 00:12:02,263
But, first, I'll enjoy a little pizza.
195
00:12:03,870 --> 00:12:05,771
Sorry I'm late. My car broke down.
196
00:12:06,940 --> 00:12:10,206
- Is that a GTO?
- Yeah. I restore old Goats.
197
00:12:10,277 --> 00:12:11,643
Car guy.
198
00:12:11,712 --> 00:12:15,240
I'm building a hot rod in the garage.
A '46 Ford convertible.
199
00:12:15,315 --> 00:12:19,582
- You got time to show it to me?
- Do I have time?
200
00:12:28,028 --> 00:12:31,192
So I'm gonna powder coat the headers
one more time to make sure that...
201
00:12:31,298 --> 00:12:33,233
- Yeah, yeah, that's what you said.
- Yeah.
202
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:35,305
- The top is all... The whole thing was...
- I know.
203
00:12:35,335 --> 00:12:36,997
- The German canvas.
- Yeah. Yeah.
204
00:12:37,070 --> 00:12:39,198
- I should really go.
- Hey!
205
00:12:39,273 --> 00:12:41,435
I spent this whole time
talking about the hot rod.
206
00:12:41,541 --> 00:12:45,103
What do I know about you? I mean,
what's new in the pizza business?
207
00:12:45,212 --> 00:12:50,173
Well, we're thinking about
branching into thick crust.
208
00:12:51,551 --> 00:12:53,590
Yeah. Well, you're gonna have to get
bigger thermal bags.
209
00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:56,385
Yeah. We kind of thought of that.
210
00:12:57,691 --> 00:13:00,126
Well, you know,
I should get back to writing, I guess.
211
00:13:00,193 --> 00:13:02,032
Unless you need someone
to go on a delivery with you.
212
00:13:02,062 --> 00:13:04,088
Oh, no. I'll be all right.
213
00:13:06,833 --> 00:13:11,669
There you go. Three pounds of cheese
and a forty-year-old colon. Perfect.
214
00:13:22,449 --> 00:13:24,111
Well, that worked.
215
00:13:32,526 --> 00:13:34,995
In an amazing development,
Tim Taylor's book
216
00:13:35,062 --> 00:13:36,621
has sold 12 million copies
217
00:13:36,730 --> 00:13:38,699
before even hitting the shelves.
218
00:13:38,966 --> 00:13:42,528
Now on tomorrow's show,
the man who wrote Man
219
00:13:42,602 --> 00:13:45,071
is going to teach us
what it means to be a man,
220
00:13:45,138 --> 00:13:48,267
and also make us better women for it.
221
00:13:48,342 --> 00:13:50,971
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
That's tomorrow.
222
00:13:54,114 --> 00:13:57,448
Folks, I want to apologize.
Instead of getting a literary genius
223
00:13:57,517 --> 00:13:59,679
like Tim Taylor,
we're stuck tonight with
224
00:13:59,753 --> 00:14:01,779
Jack Nicholson and Marlon Brando.
225
00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:06,185
Next week, Pulitzer Prize-winning
author Toni Morrison is here,
226
00:14:06,259 --> 00:14:10,162
not to read from her latest book, but
from the much anticipated bestseller
227
00:14:10,230 --> 00:14:11,323
by Tim Taylor.
228
00:14:11,398 --> 00:14:13,270
This makes it the best-selling
volume in the world,
229
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:15,599
second only to the Bible.
230
00:14:15,669 --> 00:14:20,004
Mrs. Taylor, can you tell us anything
about your husband's book?
231
00:14:20,073 --> 00:14:24,340
I'm sure that it's gonna be
a brilliant study of the male psyche.
232
00:14:24,411 --> 00:14:27,904
Tim is truly a visionary.
233
00:14:27,981 --> 00:14:30,143
And he's great in bed.
234
00:14:31,651 --> 00:14:33,957
I think it's great that my dad
has written this important book.
235
00:14:33,987 --> 00:14:37,151
And by the way, ladies,
236
00:14:37,257 --> 00:14:40,421
I definitely have
some of that greatness in my genes.
237
00:14:42,562 --> 00:14:46,727
Dad wrote a book?
I'll believe it when I see it.
238
00:14:47,634 --> 00:14:50,536
Tim, Tim,
you must be so excited tonight.
239
00:14:50,604 --> 00:14:53,130
Hey, you're Kenny the pizza guy.
240
00:14:53,206 --> 00:14:57,735
Not anymore.
Now I'm Kenny the on-air personality.
241
00:14:57,811 --> 00:15:00,246
So you won't be needing
a tip then, huh?
242
00:15:01,882 --> 00:15:04,374
Well, Tim, for selling so many copies,
243
00:15:04,451 --> 00:15:08,149
the publisher has two big surprises
for you.
244
00:15:10,690 --> 00:15:12,989
- I like them.
- A check for 10 million dollars
245
00:15:13,060 --> 00:15:15,291
and the keys to a brand new Ferrari.
246
00:15:15,362 --> 00:15:18,093
- You're kidding!
- Not so fast.
247
00:15:18,165 --> 00:15:20,303
Before we let you drive away,
you're gonna have to read us
248
00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:22,700
a few passages
from your highly anticipated book.
249
00:15:22,769 --> 00:15:25,466
Well, I'd love to, Kenny.
250
00:15:25,539 --> 00:15:29,101
Plenty of places for autographs here.
And notes, you know, personal notes,
251
00:15:29,176 --> 00:15:31,145
little letters
you want to write to yourself.
252
00:15:31,244 --> 00:15:34,737
- Oh, no!
- There's nothing in this book!
253
00:15:34,815 --> 00:15:36,977
Nothing!
254
00:15:37,084 --> 00:15:38,211
What a hack!
255
00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:40,914
Who are we kidding?
This man's a loser.
256
00:15:40,987 --> 00:15:45,652
Tomorrow's show, celebrities
who feel betrayed by Tim Taylor.
257
00:16:01,107 --> 00:16:04,942
Coffee. Joe. Java. And lots of it.
258
00:16:09,082 --> 00:16:11,521
Hey, Wilson. You're up late. What are
you doing on the old Studebaker?
259
00:16:11,551 --> 00:16:13,223
Changing the oil?
Flushing the radiator? What?
260
00:16:13,253 --> 00:16:16,314
I'm just changing my oil.
Then I'm gonna wash my windshields.
261
00:16:16,389 --> 00:16:18,269
All right! What do you say
we pop in a new motor
262
00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:20,453
and rebuild the transmission?
263
00:16:20,527 --> 00:16:23,224
- Gum?
- Well, no, thank you.
264
00:16:23,296 --> 00:16:26,733
My goodness, you're awfully peppy
for this time of night.
265
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:27,893
Peppy, peppy, peppy.
266
00:16:27,968 --> 00:16:30,568
Do you think peppy's just a male trait?
Or is it a universal trait
267
00:16:30,604 --> 00:16:33,768
for all people, all times, huh?
Want some gum?
268
00:16:33,874 --> 00:16:35,843
No, thank you, Tim.
And if I might suggest it,
269
00:16:35,909 --> 00:16:37,775
you seem to be three sticks to the wind.
270
00:16:37,844 --> 00:16:40,817
No. No sticks. No wind. No nothing.
I've just been drinking a lot of coffee.
271
00:16:40,847 --> 00:16:42,452
Lot of coffee. A lot of caffeine.
Lot of coffee.
272
00:16:42,482 --> 00:16:45,021
See, I just got about 36 hours
to finish three chapters of my book.
273
00:16:45,051 --> 00:16:47,350
- Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, take a breath.
- Let me finish.
274
00:16:49,623 --> 00:16:51,785
Now, how much writing have you
actually gotten done?
275
00:16:51,858 --> 00:16:52,858
Well...
276
00:16:52,926 --> 00:16:54,292
A paragraph.
277
00:16:54,394 --> 00:16:57,922
- I hope it's a good paragraph.
- Stinks.
278
00:16:57,998 --> 00:17:00,058
Maybe you're being too critical
of your work.
279
00:17:00,133 --> 00:17:03,069
No. Even the pizza guy hated it.
280
00:17:03,136 --> 00:17:04,875
What's the matter with me?
I got a lot of good ideas
281
00:17:04,905 --> 00:17:06,635
up here in the old nugget.
282
00:17:06,706 --> 00:17:08,612
Just can't seem to get them
to come down my neck,
283
00:17:08,642 --> 00:17:11,373
over the shoulder,
through the arm and into the hand.
284
00:17:11,444 --> 00:17:12,776
The hand...
285
00:17:12,846 --> 00:17:14,406
You know, it's odd
there's so much space
286
00:17:14,514 --> 00:17:15,785
between your index finger
and your thumb.
287
00:17:15,815 --> 00:17:18,683
There could be a lot more fingers
right in there.
288
00:17:18,752 --> 00:17:22,519
Well, Tim, it sounds to me like you've
got a classic case of a writer's block.
289
00:17:22,589 --> 00:17:24,820
What exactly are you trying
to write about?
290
00:17:24,891 --> 00:17:27,952
Men. Who they are.
What makes them tick.
291
00:17:28,028 --> 00:17:30,862
- First I wrote that all men are predators.
- Well, that's a start.
292
00:17:30,931 --> 00:17:33,203
Yes, yes. It's a start.
But then I thought about Al's family.
293
00:17:33,233 --> 00:17:35,361
And the only predator there is his mom.
294
00:17:35,435 --> 00:17:38,769
Then I wrote that all men are consumed
with speed and power.
295
00:17:38,838 --> 00:17:42,502
Then I thought about you.
You still use a manual lawnmower.
296
00:17:42,576 --> 00:17:45,136
Then I spent the rest of the night
just making crank phone calls.
297
00:17:45,212 --> 00:17:47,704
You know? Hey, ever taken a bus?
298
00:17:47,781 --> 00:17:51,047
Well, you better give it back!
299
00:17:51,117 --> 00:17:54,212
You know, Tim, I'm reminded of
the playwright George Bernard Shaw.
300
00:17:54,287 --> 00:17:56,916
He said, "The man who writes about
himself in his own time
301
00:17:56,990 --> 00:18:01,928
"is the only man who writes
about all people and about all time."
302
00:18:04,864 --> 00:18:06,958
Nice car.
303
00:18:07,033 --> 00:18:08,558
What were you just saying?
304
00:18:08,635 --> 00:18:10,570
Well, I'm just saying
that it's a daunting task
305
00:18:10,637 --> 00:18:13,869
to write about all men, because
no two men are exactly the same.
306
00:18:13,940 --> 00:18:17,206
You might be more successful
writing about one man.
307
00:18:17,277 --> 00:18:20,611
Like that famous guy Seymour Butts!
308
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:24,344
- Why do I even try?
- I know what you're saying.
309
00:18:25,151 --> 00:18:27,211
I should just write about me,
Tim "The Tool Man."
310
00:18:27,287 --> 00:18:29,222
Exactly.
311
00:18:29,289 --> 00:18:31,656
I'll give that a shot.
312
00:18:32,058 --> 00:18:34,755
- Sure you don't want some gum?
- No.
313
00:18:34,828 --> 00:18:36,490
It's interesting, though, gum.
314
00:18:36,563 --> 00:18:40,227
The origin of the word "gum."
Think about it. Think about it.
315
00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:42,328
Gumby,
316
00:18:44,004 --> 00:18:46,371
who's made of clay, huh?
317
00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:49,932
- They didn't call him Clayby, did they?
- Go!
318
00:18:53,313 --> 00:18:55,873
Who wants to
write about feelings?
319
00:18:55,949 --> 00:18:58,919
Well, maybe other guys feel
the same way.
320
00:18:58,985 --> 00:19:01,614
I wonder how they feel about feelings.
321
00:19:03,056 --> 00:19:05,582
One chapter done.
322
00:19:16,069 --> 00:19:19,164
I really gotta get that clock fixed.
323
00:19:23,576 --> 00:19:26,478
Nothing's going to keep me
from finishing this book.
324
00:19:26,546 --> 00:19:29,482
Except maybe
those 12 cups of coffee I drank.
325
00:19:29,549 --> 00:19:33,316
No, that's an excuse, Tim.
I've gotta keep writing.
326
00:19:37,791 --> 00:19:40,124
I have to finish this book
so others have something to read
327
00:19:40,193 --> 00:19:43,322
in the bathroom,
which leads me to Chapter 3.
328
00:19:43,396 --> 00:19:47,333
"Men Who Read in the Bathroom
and the Women Who Need to Vent."
329
00:19:54,407 --> 00:19:58,674
Three chapters done.
Seven minutes ahead of schedule.
330
00:19:58,745 --> 00:20:01,579
Well, maybe it's time
for one more chapter.
331
00:20:02,982 --> 00:20:03,982
No.
332
00:20:05,185 --> 00:20:08,815
Well, maybe I'll just
knock out the dedication.
333
00:20:10,457 --> 00:20:11,618
All right.
334
00:20:11,725 --> 00:20:15,059
This book is about men. It's for men.
335
00:20:15,128 --> 00:20:18,394
And it's dedicated to me.
336
00:20:32,011 --> 00:20:35,948
- "Men, the Prologue."
- It gets better.
337
00:20:36,016 --> 00:20:38,247
"Beginning this book
wasn't an easy task.
338
00:20:38,318 --> 00:20:42,050
"But through my struggles I learned
that a man should trust his instincts.
339
00:20:42,121 --> 00:20:45,614
"He should face his fears
instead of avoiding them."
340
00:20:46,860 --> 00:20:48,692
Keep reading. Come on.
341
00:20:48,762 --> 00:20:51,732
"Men shouldn't be afraid to talk
to other men about their feelings
342
00:20:51,798 --> 00:20:54,563
"as long as it's in the garage."
343
00:20:54,634 --> 00:20:56,796
"See photos on page eight, 15
and back flap."
344
00:20:56,903 --> 00:20:59,065
All right, forget that.
Move on to Chapter 2.
345
00:20:59,139 --> 00:21:00,698
Okay.
346
00:21:02,475 --> 00:21:05,240
"Nothing makes you feel
more like a man than being a father.
347
00:21:05,345 --> 00:21:09,214
"And nothing makes a man
more scared than being a father.
348
00:21:09,282 --> 00:21:11,410
"That's where the challenge is."
349
00:21:12,852 --> 00:21:15,117
That's pretty good, Dad.
350
00:21:15,188 --> 00:21:17,157
Can't wait to finish it.
351
00:21:17,223 --> 00:21:20,489
That's because men are impatient.
352
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:23,530
So are you gonna analyze
everything I say from now on?
353
00:21:23,596 --> 00:21:28,125
There's an example of a man
becoming defensive.
354
00:21:28,201 --> 00:21:31,865
And here's an example of a man
avoiding confrontation.
355
00:21:31,938 --> 00:21:36,308
- Dad, why are you following me?
- Well, 'cause some men are followers.
356
00:21:40,780 --> 00:21:44,683
We have a globally significant
Tool Time today.
357
00:21:45,752 --> 00:21:47,721
I don't know.
358
00:21:53,860 --> 00:21:57,695
I don't think so. Pizza boy hated it, too.
359
00:21:57,864 --> 00:22:00,629
I got a lot of good ideas in my head.
I just can't...
359
00:22:01,305 --> 00:22:07,422
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