All language subtitles for Home Improvement -Season 8- E12

Welcome to Remodeling Week
here on Tool Time.

Now, here's the star of the show,
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!

Thank you, Heidi.
Thank you, everybody.

Welcome to Tool Time.

I am Tim "The Grateful
Tool Man" Taylor,

and, of course,
you all know my assistant.

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Okay, I'm a perch, I'll bite.

Well, Tim, it's Remodeling Week.

I know that.

Well, I've worn this shirt before,
so now I'm re-modeling it.

Uh, all right.
Well, over the years,

we've shown you a lot of different
ways to upgrade your home.

But when the job is big enough,

it's time to ask
for the expertise

of a licensed, bonded,
professional contractor.

But finding a good
contractor can be,

well, as difficult as
finding a date to the prom.

Yes, it can, Al.

But this time,
your mom won't bail you out.

"Al, I can't fit in a limousine.
Better use a backhoe."

As I was saying, choosing a good
contractor can be a daunting task.

You gotta ask
the right questions.

Are you licensed?

Do you have a completion clause?

Are you using a porta-potty,
or just using my front lawn?

So, without further ado, let's
play The Contracting Game.

Whoo! Let's meet
our contestants!

All right!

Contractor number one is an
ex-Navy man from Saginaw

who enjoys appraisals, electrical
work and long walks on the beach.

Bill, say hello to Tim.

- Hi, Tim.
- Hey, Bill.

Contractor number two calls
himself a trustworthy Taurus

who wrote the primmer on primer.

Wally, say hello to Tim.

- Hi, Tim.
- Wally.

And contractor
number three says he's

great at grouting,
enjoys fine dining

and will paint any surface
at the drop of a cloth.

Ed, say hello to Tim.

Hi, Tim.

Tim, Tool Time is by far
my favorite show.

I like him already.

All right. Well, we've established
that these men are qualified.

So let's see how they stand up to the
tough questions from The Tool Man.

Thank you, Al. All right,
contractor number three,

you say my kitchen work can be
done in, uh, what? Six weeks?

That's contractor time.
What is that in real time?

Sixteen weeks
and not a day more.

There's something
to be said for honesty.

Okay, 18 weeks.

Contractor number two, I want
to put in a new bathroom.

Tile, sink, maybe a Jacuzzi.

For 10 grand, can it be done?

Well, actually,
that seems a little low.

Hey, Tim. It's Ed,
contractor number three.

I can do it for nine-five.

All right,
contractor number one,

putting a parquet floor
in my, uh, dining room.

You get a call
from the hospital.

It's your wife.
She's having a baby.

Do you finish the floor
or race to the hospital?

Well, Tim, my wife and I have been
trying to have a baby for three years.

I've been trying to have
a parquet floor for 10.

Well, I mean, if you really needed the
work done, uh, I guess I'd do it.

Look at it this way, the floor will
probably last longer than the marriage.

Yeah. Especially now,
since my wife is watching.

So the moment of truth has come.

Are you going with
contractor number one,

contractor number two,
or contractor number three?

Hey, Tim, it's Ed again.

I would leave my family
to do your parquet floor.

And yet I'm gonna go with
contractor number one!

Yeah!

Congratulations.

All right. Okay.

- Congratulations, Bill.
- Thank you. Thank you.

Now, when do I start the job?

Job?

We're just playing a game here.
There's no job.

I took a whole day off
for nothing?

I assumed there was a job.

Well, you know what happens
when you assume.

Well, what happens is Heidi's
gonna tell you what you won.

Uh...

You won this key ring
with a handy can opener.

- There you go.
- There you go.

Yeah. That's gonna
come in real handy

'cause I'm about to open up a can
of whoop-ass on the Tool Man.

Jill, the girls' birthday cake is great.
What's your secret?

Gretchen's Bakery. It's that place
with the flashing neon lederhosen.

You know, I always thought Gretchen
was selling something else there.

Hey, girls, come on. Let's
keep this party rolling.

I gotta get to work.

Hey, Uncle Marty, my dad says you
have a job in canine nutrition.

I stack kibble at
a dog-food warehouse.

Okay, girls. What do you say?
Is it time to open presents?

Oh, yeah! Yeah!

Yes? All right. Come on,
give me a hand, will you?

Okay. Now, wait...
Keep your eyes closed.

No looking. No looking. Wait.

Come on, Aunt Jill, please!
Oh, come on, please!

- No, no, no.
- Okay!

And happy birthday!

A new bike! Just what I wanted!

Thanks, Dad!

Now you can ride around
the neighborhood

mowing down three-year-olds.

Thanks, Tim.

This is from Brad and me.

Legos! All right!

And let me see. These are
from Uncle Tim and me.

That's for you
and this is for you.

The Spice Girls!

Wow! I got Posh Spice!

I got Sporty Spice.
I want Posh Spice.

But you love Sporty Spice.

You were Sporty Spice
for Halloween.

I want Posh Spice.

But they gave me Posh Spice.

Upstairs, I got some Old Spice.

Listen, Gracie, why don't you just
trade dolls with Claire, okay?

Do I have to?

Well, that's not really fair.

I mean, we sort of did give
that doll to Gracie.

Yeah. If it'll make
her sister happy,

I mean, does it really
make a difference?

Come on, honey.

Okay.

That's a girl. I love you guys.
Come here.

Hey, now, listen,
I gotta go, okay?

I'm really sorry I gotta go
to work on your birthday,

but I'll come on back later and
we'll have a good time, okay?

- Okay. Bye.
- See you.

- See you later, Marty.
- Bye-bye.

Aunt Jill, can we go play
with our dolls upstairs?

Of course you can. Go on.

Hey, guys, guys, will you put these
Legos together for the girls

and take them up to them?

Mom, we're building a fort.

Excuse me, uh, 17?

I'm only 14.
I'm hanging onto my youth.

It's time to let go.

- Can you believe what Marty just did?
- No.

Buying these bikes
off the rack like this?

These gear ratios and tires...

You'll never get any speed
out of these puppies.

I'm not talking about the bikes.

I'm talking about the way
he's dealing with the girls.

He's just trying
to make her happy.

Yeah. At her sister's expense.

He's not doing Claire any
favors by giving in to her.

He's letting her
just take control.

- This is none of our business.
- Yes, it is.

No, it's not. We don't know
anything about raising two girls.

Excuse me, someone in this
room was a girl once.

That was years ago
before the operation.

You promised you wouldn't
bring that up again!

Whether they're boys or
girls, it's beside the point.

- No, it's not beside the point.
- Yeah, but they're living in our house.

Children need boundaries,
and Marty's not setting any.

He lets them stay up as long
as they want every night.

Jill...

He's not setting any limits on what
kind of television they watch.

He's doing the best job he can.
He's going through a separation.

For God's sake, the guy can't be
with his girls on his birthday.

He's counting Snausages.

I know. I feel so sorry for him.
It's awful for him, awful for them.

But at least they get
to spend the day with us.

Well, actually, they're gonna
be spending the day with you.

I gotta go
counsel some patients.

Are you gonna be okay with that?

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah? Okay.

We'll have a good time.

Hey, girls, break open
those piggy banks!

We're going to the casinos
over in Windsor!

Uncle Tim,
are the bikes done yet?

Well, Claire, for me,
"done" is a relative term.

I've been done for
an hour and a half.

When you're done, can I take
it outside and ride it?

No, honey. It's way too
slippery out there today.

But it's my birthday.

I know it's your birthday,
but it's just unsafe.

Please, Uncle Tim?

Not today 'cause it's your...

Please?

Please?

Claire? What are you doing?

Hi, Aunt Jill.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Who told you
that you could ride your bike in here?

Here I come.

- Tim.
- Hi, honey.

Hop on the handlebars. I'll take
you around the coffee table.

I got a better idea. Why don't we just
flood the basement and swim laps?

- I like it.
- Come here.

It's their birthday. It's their birthday.
Come here.

- Come on.
- We never let our boys

ride bikes in the house,
birthday or no birthday.

Their parents are going
through a separation.

Even more reason
for them to have rules.

They need a grownup
to be in charge.

They're away from their mom
for their birthday.

Their dad is tasting liver
treats for a living.

She sweet-talked you,
didn't she?

She did that thing
where she goes,

"Please, Uncle Tim?"

Actually, she went,
"Uncle Tim, please!"

Girls, I'm sorry, but we can't
ride bikes inside the house.

- Okay.
- Okay.

But Uncle Tim said he'd show
me how to pop a wheelie.

No, no, no, no.
You misunderstood me.

What I said was, "Later on, we'll
put the top on the Healey."

I want to ride my bike.
Please, Uncle Tim?

Oh, come on. One wheelie.

We said no to our boys
hundreds of times.

And look what happened to them.

I don't care what you say.
I'm riding my bike.

No, no, no. We're not gonna
ride in the house anymore.

Aunt Jill doesn't
think it's a good idea.

- I want to ride my bike!
- Claire, no!

- You cannot ride the bike in the house!
- No! I'm riding my bike!

- Claire, stop yelling.
- No!

Hey, I'm home. Where are
the birthday girls?

Daddy! Daddy!

Claire, honey. What's wrong?
Come here.

Aunt Jill's being mean to me.

Oh, sweetie, it's okay.
What's going on?

She wanted to ride her bike
around the house and, uh...

And Jill didn't think
it was a good idea.

You couldn't cut her any
slack on her birthday?

Come on, honey. I'll take
you out for ice cream.

Go get your coat
and your sister, okay?

Come on, Gracie!

Marty, you're setting up
a behavioral pattern

where you give in to her
every time she acts out.

Oh, spare me the psychobabble.

I know how to handle my kids.

If you knew how to
handle your kids,

they'd know how to behave
in our home.

You know, ice cream is starting
to sound real good right now.

Look, Claire and Gracie
need the security of knowing

that there is
a grownup in control.

That's okay. Just don't tell
me how to raise my kids.

How about rocky road?

Or maybe we just shouldn't stay here.
Is that what you're saying?

Oh, that would be great, Marty.

Take the easy way out.
Run away again.

Well, it's pretty obvious that
you don't want us living here.

Oh, no, no. You're not
gonna pull that on me!

I love having you guys here!

And we love being here!

And I can feel the love.

Unbelievable.

I don't want them riding bikes in
the house and I'm the bad guy?

Thanks for bailing on me, Tim.

I wasn't bailing on you. I was
acting like a peacekeeper.

They should have your kind of
peacekeeping in the Middle East.

Shooting starts, you send
out for Chunky Monkey.

They were riding bikes
in the house.

They weren't invading
occupied territory.

Look, I agreed to help you
with your brother.

You gotta help me here.

Even if I don't believe
what you're doing is right.

You know what I'm doing
is right.

No, I don't know
that what you're doing...

You just don't
want to take sides.

That's what makes me
a great peacekeeper.

No, that makes you wishy-washy.

I think maybe you better
back off a little bit.

Okay, okay. I'll back off if I
know that I've got your support

if things get, you know,
completely out of control.

If things get completely out of
control, you have my support 110%.

How do you define
"completely out of control"?

I can't define it.

I'll know it when I
have to clean it up.

Look. There's a gross,
gooey prize in the box.

I want the prize!

Honey, it's gonna be
a lot deeper than that.

They always put the prize
at the bottom.

Whoa, whoa,
I was gonna eat that cereal.

Take your arm
out of the cereal, please.

But I want the prize.

Come on, Tim.
It's not that big a deal.

It's a big deal to me.

Claire, please take your arm
out of the cereal.

Okay, fine. Claire, get your
hand out of the box. Let's go.

Oh, come on, Marty. Claire!

Claire! What...

I want her to
clean this up right now.

Oh, come on.

This wouldn't have happened if you'd
just let her have the stupid prize.

This is my fault?
Claire, clean this up.

I just... I don't have
time to deal with this.

Sorry. I gotta go to work.
They gotta go to school.

Kids, get your things. Let's go.

Why don't you just leave it
here on the table then, huh?

I'll pour some milk on it
and I'll suck it off later.

Bye, girls.

So, Mr. Peacekeeper,

does this qualify
as completely out of control?

Not if I get you to clean it up.

Excuse me, I'm looking
for Marty Taylor.

He's stacking kibble somewhere.

He's been promoted
to squeakies and chew toys

instead of me, who's been here 15
years, but hey, I'm not bitter.

Oh, no. Look, I don't
have time to talk, okay?

I'm way behind in my work.

Do you have time to talk
if I give you a hand?

Like you can learn
this job in one day.

Squeeze the toy,
see if it works.

Look, I know your kids are having
a tough time with the separation,

but you're letting them get
away with murder, Marty.

Hey, you're the one
that told them

they could ride their bikes
around the house!

That's because Claire pouted.
I gave in.

But you give in every time
she snaps her fingers.

Oh, give me a break. The
separation's really hard on them.

- I know. I know. I know.
- I happen to want my kids to like me.

You're their father,
not their friend.

You can't let them
manipulate you like this.

Well, excuse me,
but I happen to think

that you're the one
who's being manipulated.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh, come on.

Your wife sent you down
here to bite my head off

about something
that you don't even believe.

If you think for one minute

I came down here 'cause of
Jill, you're dead wrong.

I'm my own man.
I do my own bidding.

Hey!

Yeah? Well, I'm my own man

and I don't happen to agree
with what your wife

sent you down here to tell me.

If you weren't such a thickhead,
you'd realize she made a good point.

You know what else?
This is a really annoying job.

It wasn't nearly so annoying

before you came down here and
started breathing down my neck.

Maybe it's time I left, huh?

Oh, now you're doing it?

Who's a guy gotta sleep with
around here to squeak toys?

Well, hi ho, neighbor.

Hidey ho back at you.

You getting ready
to knock off a liquor store?

No, Tim. I'm experimenting
with thermal headgear

for my heli-skiing trip.

Well, I'd rather go skiing
in hell with you

than stay in this house
with my brother.

Oh, I didn't think it was Marty
who was doing all the screaming.

No, it was Claire.

That girl screams
louder than Al's mom

when you try to
take away her pudding.

Well, have you and Jill tried
to deal with the situation?

Of course I tried to talk to him.
It doesn't do any good.

Well, what'd you say to him?

I told him everything
he was doing was wrong.

Oh, golly! And Marty
wasn't responsive to that?

It's impossible to talk to him.

You know, I want to help him, but
I'm running out of speeches.

Well, you know, Tim, as someone whose
first impulse is to speechify,

I can promise you that isn't
always the best solution.

I know how to get his
attention, an atomic wedgie.

Well, you could also
try it my way.

You know, sometimes, Tim,
instead of sharing my wisdom,

I try to give people
the benefit of my experience.

What experience of mine
would be helpful to Marty?

Tim, you have helped raise
three terrific kids.

What good would it be to tell
Marty how I raised my kids?

Well, don't tell him how you did
it, just find a way to show him.

I can't even imagine
what he's going through,

doing all this parenting alone.

I mean, without Jill,
I couldn't have had the kids.

I want a cookie!

Claire, no!

How's it going, Marty?

I hate you!

That answer your question?

I want a cookie!

I told you not before dinner!

Now, you're in time-out!

Go to your room!

- No!
- I said yes!

- No!
- I said yes!

I want to be with Mommy!

Hey, Marty. You're doing good.

Just hang tough, buddy.
You'll be all right.

I said I wanna be with Mommy!

That's it. Time-out's over.
I'm going up there.

Hold on a second.
I'll show you what to do.

Take the cookie. Break it in half.
Right now. Break it in half.

Put half in your mouth.

Give me the other half.

Now what?

Now we go to Legoland and
build a bait and tackle shop

and forget about this.
Come on, come on.

All I want is
that dumb, old cookie!

She's gonna hate me
for the rest of my life.

I'll be surprised if in an hour
she still hates you, okay?

Now, I need a worm cooler,
all right? Start on that.

I hate it here so much!

What's going on?

We're building a bait and tackle
shop during an air-raid siren.

I'm holding my breath!

We're waiting out
Claire's tantrum.

Marty, that is so good.

This room is stupid!
This house is stupid!

Everyone here is stupid,
stupid, stupid, stupid!

It's a dream come true.

You know, she's been at it for over
an hour. Something's gotta blow.

Either her lungs or my eardrums.

You just gotta tune it out. I
barely even hear her anymore.

I heard that one.

You know, I was never any good
at disciplining the kids.

Nancy was always the one
that had to tell them no.

You know, every time they'd
start to cry, I'd just...

Wait, wait, wait. Listen.

She stopped.

-Should I go up there?
- No, no, careful. It might be a trap.

Hi.

- Hi, Claire.
- Hi, Claire.

Hi, honey.

Dad, since I missed dinner,

can I please have
a peanut-butter sandwich?

Sure.

Okay.

Okay.

You made it.

Thanks. I guess I did.

Hey, while I'm up,
can I get you anything?

Yeah. I'd love a cup of tea.
That'd be great.

I could go for a peanut-butter
sandwich myself.

Please!

Please!

It's all finished.

It's the first
bait and tackle shop

with its built-in
lingerie department.

Huh.

And a little Tyra Banks
out of Lego.

Gosh, it's so quiet.

I'm really proud of Marty
for getting through this.

We're just lucky our boys
are through that phase.

You know, I hate living in this house.
I mean, thanks to you guys,

I'm cramped in a stupid little
basement with my geeky brother,

I've got no privacy,
I've got no ventilation

and last night,
in the middle of his sleep,

Mark starts singing
a Puff Daddy medley!

You know, this is crazy!

This is insane! I hate
living in this house! Gosh!

Well, at least
he's potty-trained.

Yeah? Well, I'm my own wife and
I don't happen to think that...

Oh, yeah. Now. Yeah.

Saying the written line.

Oh, that one. Yes.

Yeah. Well, I'm my own man and I don't
happen to agree with what your wife

sent you down here to say to me.

If you weren't so...

If you weren't so thickheaded,

you would've... You would've...

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