All language subtitles for Home Improvement -Season 8- E11

Merry Christmas and welcome
to Tool Time. We're live on Al's rooftop.

Now, here's the star of the show,
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.

Thank you, Heidi. I am Tim...
Well, "The Yule Man" Taylor.

And, of course,
you all know my assistant,

Al "Be Home for Christmas
Just Like Every Other Night" Borland.

Well, today, we're gonna show you

the proper way of putting up
Christmas lights on your roof.

- Heidi here's installing a GFI outlet.
- A GFI is a ground fault interrupter.

It prevents people from being shocked,
something I know an awful lot about.

Now, I've already done the wiring.
I brought the conduit in from the attic.

Make sure that the lighting strands
and the extension cords

are heavy-duty UL-approved
and marked for outdoor use.

That prevents electrical fires,

something else
I know an awful lot about.

That's right. And Al and I have taken
the ultimate safety precaution.

We're not allowing Tim
to do any of the work.

Anyway, I'm especially excited
about decorating this year.

This is my first Christmas
in my new house.

Actually, it isn't your house. He rents it
from me, so it would be my house.

Well, technically, I...

Technically, the windows are mine,
the roof is mine, the house is mine.

Getting into the holiday spirit early,
I see.

Yes. Windows, bathtub, sinks, faucets.

Mine, mine, mine, mine.
Aren't they, Al?

Mine, mine, mine...

Well, this actually is
my first Christmas...

- Mine, mine, mine!
- In Tim's neighborhood,

which makes me eligible
for the annual lighting contest.

I'm shaking in my Sorels!

But in the spirit of healthy competition,

I've decided to give Al some
of my cool decorations from last year.

- Well, thank you, Tim.
- It's nothing.

I'll say.

We got some tangled lights

and a melted elf.

Well, actually,
he prefers melted little person.

Speaking of melted things,
we'll be right back

after these words
from Saginaw Cheese.

Cheese, it's good!

We're clear!

All right, everybody. Look, I need two...
Thank you, Milton. All right.

Wendy, would you get
some powder up here on Al's nose?

He looks like a glazed donut.

Well, Tim, I'm not gonna
need your throwaway decorations.

I'm gonna win with my own.

Al, I've seen your Christmas bonus.
I don't think so.

I may not have as much money
as you do for decorations,

- but I have a partner.
- A partner?

- Hello.
- Hey, Trudy!

- Your girlfriend's your partner?
- Yes, she is.

- Hi.
- Hi.

The rest of the decorations
have arrived and they're really cute.

In this competition,
cute doesn't cut it, sister.

- I think we'll be fine.
- Wow. What is that?

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Hey, Mrs. Borland.
That red's so slimming on you.

Okay, we got the graham crackers
for the window shutters,

and the licorice for the gutters.

I just need those Red Hots
for the doorknobs.

Where are they?
They used to be right here.

Here. Hide the box.

What are you doing?

Taking candy
from his younger cousins.

He should be ashamed of himself.

Nice try, Cinnamon Breath.

You should be ashamed of yourself
for selling out your brother.

And yet, oddly, I feel great.

Go to the store and get me some more.

- Okay, now, where were we?
- Oh, no.

- Claire put her shutters on backwards.
- I wanted to do it like Uncle Tim.

- Good girl.
- Merry Christmas, everybody.

- Hey.
- Look at our gingerbread house.

Ta-da!

- Who supervised the construction?
- I did.

Who gave you your permits?

- Mrs. Claus.
- Well, licorice gutters...

That's not for the gutters,
it's supposed to be for the plumbing.

I think maybe
I better get my hands on this.

- No! We want it to last till Christmas.
- Why, you...

No, no, no! Away!
So how did it go at Al's?

Well, Tool Time was all right.

Al has resorted to cheating
for the Christmas lighting contest.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.
Al's not half the cheater you are.

So you had your Christmas
with your mom this morning?

- Yeah, we got lots of presents.
- Great.

Aunt Jill, what do you like
most about Christmas?

Well, I like the whole spirit
of the holiday.

Peace on Earth, goodwill towards men.

Borland's Santa's toast.

- What is that?
- What does it look like?

It's a wise man with a harpoon gun.

'Tis the season to be packing.

- Hey.
- Where have you guys been?

Dad sent us over to Al's
to check out his roof decorations.

See, I am so proud to spy for you
for Christmas,

the holiest holiday of the year.

Cut the crap. What did it look like?

It's awesome.

His nativity scene's more convincing
than the original.

All right, here's the plan.

Take Bobby Ram Dass,
put him on the roof and sight him in.

All right?

I'm gonna get some high-powered
binoculars and meet you out there.

Okay, which one of you girls wants
to put the Christmas tree angel up?

What's wrong?

Are you scared to get up on the ladder?
I'll hold you up there.

We always used to put the angel up
with Mommy and Daddy.

And now they're fighting.

I am so sorry.

Look, I know that this must be awful
for you guys.

But, you know,
there's one really good thing

about your new arrangement,

and that is you get to have
two Christmases.

You get to have
two whole sets of presents.

Oh, yeah.

Feliz Navidad, everybody.

- Hey! Hey! Hey!
- Randy!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

What are you doing? Oh, my God!

- I sent all your presents to Costa Rica!
- That's all right.

How did you get here?

Well, you know,
Lauren had some extra bonus miles,

and I thought, "I can't spend Christmas
without my mom and dad."

Yeah! Huh?

He gets to spend Christmas
with his mom and dad?

Claire!

I'll be right back.

This is their first Christmas
since the separation,

and they're not really taking it that well.

But you're looking great.

You gotta get out here.
Baby Jesus is smoking.

I'll be right back.

- Look, Randy's here.
- Hey, Randy, what's going on?

- Brad!
- I'll catch you later, man.

- Hey, Randy, I heard you were back.
- Mark, grab the fire extinguisher!

- Bye.
- Okay.

Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you, too, Randy.

Have a cookie. Don't mind if I do.

Oh, my God!

Randy, I thought I told you
that Mark and Brad

are pigs.

The family I'm staying with has pigs,
and believe me, they're a lot neater.

Well, I know the conditions aren't ideal,

but at least you'll get to bond
with your brothers.

Yeah, I'm just a little afraid
of what we'll be bonding with.

Oh, God!

Well, if it gets really bad,
you can crash on the couch upstairs.

Mom, Grandma's on the phone.

Guys, will you clean up
this pigsty now?

Yeah. We'll get right on it.

Man, that was awesome
what you did to Dad on the roof.

Gosh, you nailed him
with that fire extinguisher.

- Thanks.
- Yeah. How'd you get Dad?

Oh, you're not gonna
believe this, Randy.

First, he snuck up behind Dad, right?
And then, he...

And then, Dad...

Oh, man, that was funny.

- Well, I guess you had to be there.
- So how's Puerto Rico?

Costa Rica.

Then, I guess you didn't get my letters.

Oh, you know what we should do?
We should turn the lights out tonight

at the same time,
so Dad thinks he's blown a circuit.

Oh, yeah. That would get him back
for making us spy on Al.

Yeah.

Hey, guys,
where's my good sports coat?

I need it for church tonight.

- I think it's over there.
- It's a little wrinkled.

A little wrinkled?

It looks like the oldest lady
in our village.

Wipe your feet off, everybody.

Oh, that was a wonderful service.

What did everybody think
about the sermon?

I thought it was too short.

I could have used another half hour.

You were gone during the sermon.
Where were you?

I was in the sacristy,
having a moment of private prayer.

Oh.

Did you pray for a chili cheese dog?

My prayers were answered.

Hey, everybody,
gather around the tree.

It's Christmas Eve.
We get to open a present.

- All right!
- Oh, here. Open mine.

I got everyone
something really special.

Do you mind
if the girls open theirs first?

- I promised them they could do that.
- No, that's fine.

- All right. All right, girls.
- And then off to bed.

- Toolboxes?
- Cool.

They're from
the Little Miss Binford collection.

- Thanks, Uncle Tim.
- Merry Christmas, you guys.

- Okay, okay, off to bed.
- I don't want to go to bed.

Can I bring my toolbox?

No, no, no. You take them upstairs,

you'll start hitting each other
in the head.

Save that for Christmas morning.

Can Aunt Jill read us a bedtime story?

Oh, I can do even better than that.

I can tell you a story
about Christmas when I was a little girl.

No, thank you.

They get smarter every year.
Don't wait for me.

Be up in a minute!

It's a pity those poor girls
can't have their whole family together.

Oh, Ma, please. Don't start.

- Don't use that tone with Mother.
- There was no tone.

- Tone.
- There was no tone!

- Tim, what do you think?
- I think all these wrenches are metric.

All I'm saying, Marty,
is that it's a shame

that you couldn't have worked
something out, at least for the holidays.

Right, Tim?

I wonder how big my head is in metric?

Look, Nancy's the one
who's being impossible.

And there's nothing I can do about that.

And so, to compensate
for your inadequacy,

you lash out at the woman
who gave you life.

You should be ashamed.
Shouldn't he, Tim?

That's one sizable melon.
Look at that baby, huh?

Look, guys, why don't we just open up
some more gifts, huh?

- There's a good idea. Yeah.
- Here, open mine.

Look at this.

It's to "Mom, Dad, Brad, Mark,
Uncle Marty, Uncle Jeff and Grandma."

Lot of people to be fitting
in a little box like that.

Dehydrated sea monkeys?

Okay.

Cards. And on the card,

"A tree in Cabo Blanco rainforest
is being protected in your name."

So later on, we can go down
and cut it down, huh?

Great gift.

You know, Uncle Marty,
I only put your name on the card

instead of yours and Nancy's.

I hope that's all right.

Nancy might get the house,
but you hang on to that tree.

Oh!

- Those poor, poor girls.
- Mom, stop.

It's my fault.
I shouldn't have brought it up.

It's nobody's fault. Come on.
Let's open some more gifts.

- What about that?
- Yeah. Open ours.

All right, cool.

Yo, Randy. Mark and I went in just
the two of us 'cause you weren't here.

You guys went all out on
the wrapping paper again, didn't you?

A chasing light set. This is great.

- Yeah, for the manger on the roof.
- However, there's no lights in the box.

That's because
they're already up there.

No way!

You turn those babies on,
it's gonna be a Disco Inferno.

Silent night fever! I like it.

I'm gonna go check it out. Come on!

You guys want to come out
and check out the lights?

Come on. Come on, everybody.
Come on, Mom.

Very nice.

If I'm gentle with this harpoon,
I think I can save the buttocks.

What kind of sick individual
would do this to Santa's little helper?

Just a scosh to the right, Balthazar.

- Merry Christmas, Mom.
- Merry Christmas, honey.

- You want some coffee?
- Yeah.

Gosh, I'm so glad you came up early.

- We've hardly had a chance to talk.
- Yeah, I know.

Things have been
a little crazy around here.

So what's going on with you?

Well, you know, a lot of things.
I'm working on this new program...

- It's Christmas!
- Let's open presents!

Only yours. Nobody else's.

Good morning.
Merry Christmas, etcetera...

Good morning. Merry Christmas.

So, anyway, this program is
where we take these trees and we...

- Okay. Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas.

- Hey!
- Merry Christmas!

- Hey, the girls want to open presents.
- Oh, those blue packages are from me.

- Yeah. And me.
- What'd you get them?

I'll let you know in a minute.

I hope you didn't
let your mom buy Carrie's present.

No. I buy the presents for my girlfriend.

Besides, I wouldn't want Mom
walking into that kind of store.

Come on, Aunt Jill.

Oh, they don't want to open presents
without you.

- It's all right. We'll talk later.
- All right.

You'd think a Santa that big
would be easier to hit.

Al's gonna blow you out
of this competition, isn't he?

Perhaps, if he wants to get
all competitive about it.

But for me, Christmas is
more of a religious holiday, Marty.

No, no, no.
I'm roasting chestnuts on an open fire.

And might I wish you
a Merry Christmas, Randy?

Well, Wilson, you can wish
all you want, it won't make it come true.

- Noel not going so well?
- No.

I had this great picture of what it would
be like coming home for Christmas,

so far it hasn't been like that at all.

Well, things are bound to be different

with Marty and the twins
living in the house.

It's not that.

It's just ever since I got home,
I just feel like I don't fit anymore.

In what way?

You know, everyone's so busy
doing their own thing.

I mean, no one cares about
what's going on with me.

Every time I say something,
they look at me like I'm from Mars.

Been there.

I guess it's like Thomas Wolfe
wrote, You Can't Go Home Again.

Well, that's very good, Randy,

but Frank Baum wrote,
"There's no place like home."

- What do you think?
- Well, I think you can go home again

as long as you realize you may not be
coming home to the same home.

Yeah, I mean, that makes sense.

I mean, why did I think
time would just stand still?

You know, I've often wondered
the same thing.

I've got a machine
down in my basement

that can slow it down,
but I just can't make it stop!

Wilson, why did I even want things
to stay the same?

Well, Randy,
as you venture out on your own,

it's only natural for you
to want home to be

the same secure place
that you left behind.

Wilson, I just want someone
to notice that I'm here.

You know, I could go all the way back
to Costa Rica

without ever getting a chance
to talk to my mom and dad.

Well, you can't let that happen, now.
You have to find an opening.

Let your voice be heard.
Sing, "Hallelujah!"

Go Tell It on the Mountain!
Blow your Trumpet, Gabriel!

- Remember the Alamo!
- Wilson? I get the point.

- Thanks.
- Right.

And, Randy, thank you for buying me
that tree in Costa Rica.

- Oh, you like it?
- Oh, I love it.

I can hardly wait to go down there
and climb it.

Well, you might want to wait awhile.
It's only three inches tall.

Heads up.

I got it, Dad!

What were you talking
to Wilson about?

His nuts.

Well, it looks like
one of your guys went AWOL.

Second time today.

You working for Borland?
Answer me, soldier!

- So anything I can help with?
- Yeah, yeah.

Fuse went out on one
of Santa's little bodyguards.

You gotta go in
through his armpit there.

There you go.

So tell me a little bit about Costa Rica.

Well, it's cool.

Come on, "It's cool."
Give me more information than that.

- Do you still like living with that family?
- Yeah.

You know, it's a little weird living
with a strange family,

but, you know, it helps
that I come from a strange family.

- Hi, guys.
- Hey, honey. Watch your step there.

Okay. I brought up
some hot chocolate for you.

Remember that time
that we went camping

and I made it with melted candy bars
and toothpaste?

I didn't make it that way.

So what are you guys doing?

- We're talking about Costa Rica.
- Yeah? So?

- You still love it there, honey?
- Yeah. It's great.

It's just kind of funny, you know.

Every time Lauren and I get together,
all we seem to talk about is home.

You probably miss Tool Time.

You know, I miss my friends.
I miss writing for the school paper.

I miss Arnold Schwarzenegger movies
in English.

How do they say "Hasta la vista, baby"
in Spanish?

You know what I also miss? That
Chinese-food place we used to go to.

- What was that?
- Fu Wong's?

Yeah. Fu Wong's.

- Fu Wong's closed.
- That's right.

What's it now?
It's Tanaka's Sushi and Live Bait.

Good.

Gosh, you know,
home is definitely not the same home.

Come on.
Things haven't changed that much.

Dad, come on.
Things have definitely changed.

I mean, Tanaka?

You know, we've got three new people
living in the house.

Mark's, like, five inches taller.

Brad and him are actually
getting along.

- I just feel like a guest at a hotel.
- With armed bellhops.

You feel like an outsider
at this house now?

Well, we haven't been much help,
you know.

- We've hardly spent any time with him.
- It's not your fault.

You guys are just getting on
with your lives,

and I'm having trouble keeping in step.

Well, Randy,
regardless of who's living in your room,

or what's growing in there,

this is always gonna be your home.

Thanks, Mom.

I guess since your dad and I
are living here

in the middle of all these changes,
we haven't even noticed half of them.

It's okay.

The ground seems
to have broken my fall.

Then again,
some things never change.

Wow, what an awesome
lighting display.

Yeah. Those figures look so lifelike.

At least now we know why Al won.

Yeah, it's amazing what a little blood,
sweat and 10 grand will do.

Maybe next year, honey.

They're gone.

- Now can we get down from here?
- Yeah, I think so.

Oh, no. My feet are frozen to the roof.
Help me, Al.

- I can't. I'm stuck in the chimney.
- What are we gonna do?

- Help! Help!
- Help! Help!

Over here!

You know what I also miss?

That Chinese restaurant
we used to go to.

- Fong Wu's?
- Yeah.

- Fong Wu's closed.
- Now it's Achmed's...

They closed.

Now it's Achmed's Falafel
and Discount Cigarettes.

I'm trying so hard.

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