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1
00:00:03,534 --> 00:00:05,535
Does everybody
know what time it is?
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00:00:05,636 --> 00:00:07,466
Tool Time!
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00:00:07,972 --> 00:00:10,407
That's right!
Binford Tools is proud to present
4
00:00:10,408 --> 00:00:13,808
Tim "The Birthday Boy" Taylor!
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00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:21,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today
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00:00:23,488 --> 00:00:25,455
- Thank you, everybody!
- Happy birthday.
7
00:00:25,456 --> 00:00:27,525
Thank you, Heidi.
Welcome to Tool Time.
8
00:00:27,525 --> 00:00:32,162
I am, and I intend always to be,
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
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00:00:32,163 --> 00:00:35,132
Of course you know my assistant,
the poster boy for Plaid magazine,
10
00:00:35,133 --> 00:00:36,895
Alfred E. Borland.
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00:00:38,436 --> 00:00:39,536
Thank you.
12
00:00:39,871 --> 00:00:41,505
- Happy birthday, Tim.
- Thanks, Al.
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00:00:41,506 --> 00:00:46,843
Congratulations on surviving another
year without electrocuting yourself.
14
00:00:46,844 --> 00:00:50,647
Hey, show's not over yet.
Well, folks, it's my birthday today.
15
00:00:50,648 --> 00:00:52,649
Thanks for showing up.
And I gotta be honest with you.
16
00:00:52,650 --> 00:00:54,309
I don't like birthdays. You know why?
17
00:00:54,318 --> 00:00:56,052
- Why?
- Why?
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00:00:56,053 --> 00:00:59,022
Well, because every year
a well-intended person
19
00:00:59,023 --> 00:01:00,624
plans my birthday for me.
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00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:02,959
This year I'm doing
just what I want to do.
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00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,263
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
22
00:01:06,264 --> 00:01:08,731
I'm going to a NASCAR race.
Got VIP seats.
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00:01:08,733 --> 00:01:10,534
Yeah. And after the race
I'm coming home. I've got it taped.
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I'm gonna watch it again, this time
in my recliner sitting there in my house
25
00:01:13,805 --> 00:01:15,939
enjoying the three R's, baby!
26
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- And the three R's would be?
- You know 'em, huh?
27
00:01:17,942 --> 00:01:20,444
Remote, ribs and Rolaids.
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00:01:20,445 --> 00:01:23,447
Well, in honor of Tim's birthday,
we asked our viewers
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to give us their version
of a "Man's Cake."
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00:01:26,751 --> 00:01:29,686
Well, here's a mag wheel cake
from Jim in Ypsilanti.
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Jim, good job with the mag wheel.
I like it already.
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00:01:31,856 --> 00:01:34,983
It's a butter cream filling
with a chiffon base.
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00:01:37,495 --> 00:01:41,298
Why didn't you guys just send me
a chiffon dress?
34
00:01:41,299 --> 00:01:43,400
What happened to devil's-food cake?
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It's easy to make. And that's what
we're gonna show you how to do today.
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You got a bowl. Very simple.
You put in the cake mix.
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Pronto, just like that.
A little cholesterol.
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Eggs. You got your butter.
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00:01:57,048 --> 00:02:00,050
And a soup�on of oil for your fats.
40
00:02:00,051 --> 00:02:02,916
A little bit more for easy exit.
There you go.
41
00:02:04,522 --> 00:02:07,057
You mix it up. You put it in
one of those little cake pans.
42
00:02:07,058 --> 00:02:08,592
You put a little of that shortening
in there.
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You put it in the oven.
Ba-da-boom, ba-da-bing! 350.
44
00:02:11,562 --> 00:02:13,563
Next thing you know...
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You have a cake
that is shaped like a brick.
46
00:02:21,172 --> 00:02:25,175
And that baby is dead level.
47
00:02:26,010 --> 00:02:28,670
Looks good enough to eat, Al.
As a matter of fact,
48
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I think I'm gonna enjoy a little slice
of this bad boy right now.
49
00:02:32,116 --> 00:02:36,119
Well, Tim, actually, before you do that,
I want to show you my surprise cake.
50
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:37,487
- Well, Al, I want to sit down...
- It took...
51
00:02:37,488 --> 00:02:39,557
and take a look at these
gifts I've got here.
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00:02:39,557 --> 00:02:41,191
- Look at that cake.
- Well, actually,
53
00:02:41,192 --> 00:02:43,352
I have a surprise cake for...
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Surprise!
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Oh, yeah.
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00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:00,030
Yeah!
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00:04:01,005 --> 00:04:04,975
Oh, sweet mystery of life.
58
00:04:04,976 --> 00:04:09,713
I told you not to do that Tool Time
salute to nerve gas.
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00:04:09,714 --> 00:04:11,848
If I'd found this chair
before I found your mother,
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00:04:11,849 --> 00:04:14,418
you wouldn't be around
to make that joke.
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00:04:17,054 --> 00:04:19,889
Hi, guys. What are you doing?
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00:04:19,890 --> 00:04:23,460
Just practicing for my day by myself
for my birthday.
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00:04:23,461 --> 00:04:26,529
The guys gave me this at work.
It's got little slots for my drinks
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00:04:26,530 --> 00:04:29,099
and my selection
of fine aerosol cheeses.
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00:04:31,002 --> 00:04:33,470
Well, if you think that's great,
wait till you see what I got you.
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00:04:33,471 --> 00:04:35,238
Yeah?
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00:04:35,239 --> 00:04:37,274
Oh, I was gonna give it to you
at dinner tonight,
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00:04:37,275 --> 00:04:38,375
but I'm too excited.
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00:04:38,376 --> 00:04:42,412
Does it have anything to do with
NASCAR racing or chewable antacids?
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00:04:42,413 --> 00:04:44,482
Not even close.
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00:04:49,887 --> 00:04:53,549
- A little boat for the bathtub?
- No. Look under it. Under it.
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- No, in the box! In the box.
- Oh, look. Airline tickets.
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Yeah.
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00:04:59,163 --> 00:05:00,530
You planned something
for my birthday?
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00:05:00,531 --> 00:05:03,566
Yes, I've been planning it for months.
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00:05:03,567 --> 00:05:05,636
I told you not to plan anything
for my birthday.
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00:05:05,636 --> 00:05:09,072
- You say that every year.
- Yes, I do.
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00:05:09,073 --> 00:05:11,708
We're going to Kernville, California.
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00:05:11,709 --> 00:05:13,141
Kernville?
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00:05:16,414 --> 00:05:20,281
Three days of roughing it.
River-rafting by day, camping at night.
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00:05:20,284 --> 00:05:21,451
Is that fantastic?
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- That's fantastic.
- Yeah.
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00:05:23,487 --> 00:05:26,323
But, you know, I don't want to take
the boys out of school.
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00:05:26,324 --> 00:05:27,490
The boys aren't going.
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00:05:27,491 --> 00:05:30,927
I want to spend some time with Lauren
before she goes to Costa Rica.
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00:05:30,928 --> 00:05:32,262
What about Brad and Mark?
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00:05:32,263 --> 00:05:36,666
Well, they're too embarrassed
to be seen in public with their parents.
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00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:39,134
Brad has a soccer game.
Mark's band's playing at a dance.
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00:05:39,136 --> 00:05:40,937
Your mom's gonna
look in on them for us.
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00:05:40,938 --> 00:05:44,240
Great! All right!
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00:05:44,241 --> 00:05:45,809
Kernville.
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For river-rafting, you're gonna
need four, and the kids can't go.
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00:05:51,449 --> 00:05:53,583
I'm way ahead of you. Get this.
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00:05:53,584 --> 00:05:56,353
Wilson, Al and Heidi are going!
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- Al's going?
- Yes!
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Happy birthday, honey.
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Listen, I'm gonna go start packing.
98
00:06:03,894 --> 00:06:05,595
I already got the sleeping bags
dry-cleaned.
99
00:06:05,596 --> 00:06:07,597
All right!
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00:06:08,799 --> 00:06:10,868
We're going to Kernville!
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00:06:21,579 --> 00:06:24,347
- Hi, we're the Taylors.
- I'm Cub.
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00:06:24,348 --> 00:06:29,185
Welcome to Rafting Adventures,
where rafting is an adventure.
103
00:06:29,186 --> 00:06:32,589
Did you think that up
all by yourself, Cub?
104
00:06:32,590 --> 00:06:36,292
No, no. That was some college dude.
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00:06:36,293 --> 00:06:37,827
I'll get you started on your paperwork
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00:06:37,828 --> 00:06:40,063
while Jane over there
gets you fitted for life jackets.
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00:06:40,064 --> 00:06:41,164
- Oh, great. Great.
- Okay?
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00:06:41,165 --> 00:06:42,665
- I'll be right over there, honey.
- Okay.
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- Can't wait, huh?
- Yeah.
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Oh, boy! Hey, is there any chance that
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the weather will turn bad
and close the river down?
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00:06:48,639 --> 00:06:51,641
- Oh, I take it you're not into rafting.
- Well, no, rafting's great, you know?
113
00:06:51,642 --> 00:06:57,511
But it's my birthday, you know? And
I had VIP seats to see a NASCAR race,
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- first class all the way.
- Oh, if you're looking for first class,
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00:07:00,151 --> 00:07:02,618
you came to the right place
because we offer deluxe packages
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00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:04,687
with the finest accommodations.
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00:07:04,688 --> 00:07:06,416
Really?
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Yeah!
119
00:07:09,627 --> 00:07:12,629
Well, what package did my wife order?
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00:07:12,630 --> 00:07:15,732
The "Back to Basics."
Sky above you, dirt below you.
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00:07:15,733 --> 00:07:19,269
And watch out for leaves of three
when you're wiping.
122
00:07:19,270 --> 00:07:22,272
Well, that paints a pretty picture,
doesn't it?
123
00:07:22,273 --> 00:07:26,176
Is there any way I can upgrade us
to this imperial package?
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00:07:26,177 --> 00:07:28,411
- Well, sure. Sure.
- Well, great.
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- Let's just keep it between us.
- Oh, okay.
126
00:07:30,147 --> 00:07:32,115
And this ought to cover it.
127
00:07:32,116 --> 00:07:35,919
While you're at it, why don't you
buy yourself a real name?
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00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,353
- Hey, Tim! We're almost unpacked.
- Great.
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00:07:38,355 --> 00:07:41,425
I can't wait to get on that river.
It's gonna be total gnar.
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00:07:41,425 --> 00:07:43,892
- That means big bad whitewater.
- Oh, yeah.
131
00:07:43,894 --> 00:07:46,196
Sounds like you've been up and down
the river a few times.
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00:07:46,197 --> 00:07:48,528
That was before I was married.
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All right! We're ready to raft, huh?
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00:07:54,705 --> 00:07:57,207
Al, Lewis and Clark
didn't carry this much stuff.
135
00:07:57,208 --> 00:08:01,678
Yeah, well, they didn't
spend 18 years in Boy Scouts.
136
00:08:01,679 --> 00:08:04,480
Boy, you really prepared for this trip!
You got some great equipment there.
137
00:08:04,481 --> 00:08:07,517
Well, when I go camping,
I go Binford, huh?
138
00:08:07,518 --> 00:08:10,782
I first heard the call of the wild
when I was eight years old.
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00:08:10,788 --> 00:08:14,450
That was your mom, wasn't it?
"Al, the macaroni's ready!"
140
00:08:14,692 --> 00:08:19,128
Well, hidey ho, river rats.
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00:08:19,129 --> 00:08:20,363
Cool helmet.
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00:08:20,364 --> 00:08:24,701
Yes, this is the kayaking helmet I wore
on my last river trip. I kayaked in Chile.
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I've swam in chili myself.
Look, can we get going?
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Not before you get your life jackets
and sign this waiver, please.
145
00:08:30,574 --> 00:08:33,234
- Great.
- If you could just come over here.
146
00:08:34,545 --> 00:08:38,207
"I understand that river-rafting involves
risks which include injury..." Great.
147
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"Fatality due to capsizing, collision,
drowning or hypothermia."
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00:08:43,888 --> 00:08:46,753
Happy birthday to me
149
00:08:52,663 --> 00:08:55,598
Al, you knew I wanted
to plan my own birthday.
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00:08:55,599 --> 00:08:59,535
- Why did you agree to do this?
- Well, it sounded like fun, you know?
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00:08:59,536 --> 00:09:03,368
Besides, I wanted to try out
my new Binford Trout Buddy.
152
00:09:04,275 --> 00:09:06,109
You call yourself a friend?
153
00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:09,846
I would never
spend your birthday with you.
154
00:09:09,847 --> 00:09:14,684
- You know, just relax. Enjoy yourself.
- I wanted to watch a NASCAR race.
155
00:09:14,685 --> 00:09:17,854
- We got a safety lecture coming up.
- Safety lecture.
156
00:09:17,855 --> 00:09:20,117
I know.
Real men don't need safety lectures.
157
00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:21,724
Yeah? Who's the real man?
158
00:09:21,725 --> 00:09:25,495
That would be me. Tim Taylor.
Who are you?
159
00:09:25,496 --> 00:09:27,697
You know, that's a good question.
160
00:09:27,698 --> 00:09:29,332
Ever since the war,
I've been trying to figure that out.
161
00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:32,468
But with the flashbacks
and the thumping in my brain,
162
00:09:32,469 --> 00:09:33,935
it's been tough.
163
00:09:33,938 --> 00:09:38,703
- I was just looking for a name.
- I'm Kyle, your guide.
164
00:09:42,746 --> 00:09:43,947
You hit a rock.
165
00:09:43,948 --> 00:09:45,048
Half the boat wants to go to the right.
166
00:09:45,049 --> 00:09:46,282
The other half wants to go to the left.
167
00:09:46,283 --> 00:09:48,685
Now you've got to make a decision.
What do you do?
168
00:09:48,686 --> 00:09:49,919
Taylor!
169
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:53,223
- Kicking some Martian butt! Ha!
- Tim!
170
00:09:53,224 --> 00:09:54,991
Does anybody know what to do
if your boat hits a rock?
171
00:09:54,992 --> 00:09:57,393
I do! You get to the high side of the raft.
172
00:09:57,394 --> 00:09:59,596
- Excellent! Everybody ready?
- Yeah.
173
00:09:59,597 --> 00:10:01,256
- Let's go!
- Yeah!
174
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,797
Little green blob,
who's your daddy now?
175
00:10:13,444 --> 00:10:15,245
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I think so.
176
00:10:15,246 --> 00:10:17,614
It's just, you know, this thing
that flared up this summer.
177
00:10:17,615 --> 00:10:18,876
- Yeah.
- It'll be okay.
178
00:10:18,882 --> 00:10:20,049
Easy. Easy, easy, easy. You all right?
179
00:10:20,050 --> 00:10:21,150
Oh, no.
180
00:10:21,151 --> 00:10:23,253
Oh, now, Jill, it doesn't
sound like you're all right to me.
181
00:10:23,254 --> 00:10:25,054
Jill, there's no way
I can let you on this river.
182
00:10:25,055 --> 00:10:26,289
Jill, I'll stay here with you.
183
00:10:26,290 --> 00:10:28,257
No. No, I don't want
to wreck Tim's birthday.
184
00:10:28,258 --> 00:10:29,792
No. You don't want to do that.
185
00:10:29,793 --> 00:10:32,595
Kyle, is there any way
that she can stay off the river
186
00:10:32,596 --> 00:10:33,857
but still go camping with us?
187
00:10:33,864 --> 00:10:36,232
- Al?
- Sure.
188
00:10:36,233 --> 00:10:39,202
You can stay with my wife.
You gals can spend the day together
189
00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:41,137
and she can drive back
to the camp at night.
190
00:10:41,138 --> 00:10:42,438
Are you sure she doesn't mind that?
191
00:10:42,439 --> 00:10:46,142
Oh, no. She's got a light day.
All she has to do is cobble my shoes
192
00:10:46,143 --> 00:10:48,303
and make soup out of bark.
193
00:10:50,547 --> 00:10:53,249
All right, Mark. Get up.
You've been shaking for a half-hour.
194
00:10:53,250 --> 00:10:55,752
I still have two more minutes.
195
00:10:55,753 --> 00:10:58,345
Yeah? Well, not according to
my watch. Please get up.
196
00:10:59,656 --> 00:11:00,790
Smooth.
197
00:11:00,791 --> 00:11:03,126
You just spilled grape soda
all over the couch.
198
00:11:03,127 --> 00:11:04,227
Yeah? Well, it's your fault
for not moving.
199
00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:05,294
Now go get some towels.
200
00:11:05,295 --> 00:11:07,489
- You're the one that pushed me.
- Shut up.
201
00:11:23,380 --> 00:11:27,150
Gosh, you guys! It's so beautiful
out here. The blue sky, the trees...
202
00:11:27,151 --> 00:11:29,118
Not to mention these leeches.
203
00:11:29,119 --> 00:11:31,354
There are no
leeches on this river.
204
00:11:31,355 --> 00:11:34,957
Well, just in case,
I brought some Leech Be Gone.
205
00:11:34,958 --> 00:11:36,583
Never use that!
206
00:11:37,227 --> 00:11:39,262
Ruins the taste.
207
00:11:39,263 --> 00:11:41,264
So, Kyle,
we know that you like parasites.
208
00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:43,499
How long have you been
a guide on the river here?
209
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:46,869
Ever since my army buddy
got me the gig.
210
00:11:46,870 --> 00:11:49,605
- Then he passed away.
- Sorry to hear that.
211
00:11:49,606 --> 00:11:54,544
They say it was natural causes,
but I say the government killed him.
212
00:11:54,545 --> 00:11:57,480
Kyle, what do you say
we get you into the shade, huh?
213
00:11:57,481 --> 00:11:58,742
Hey, rapid ahead.
214
00:11:58,749 --> 00:12:01,819
- Taylor, start paddling.
- Hey, paddle this!
215
00:12:04,188 --> 00:12:05,847
Here we go.
216
00:12:09,493 --> 00:12:11,061
Come on!
217
00:12:16,667 --> 00:12:19,502
- That was incredible!
- Totally awesome!
218
00:12:19,503 --> 00:12:22,705
No, no, no. What would be awesome is
watching Dale Earnhardt
219
00:12:22,706 --> 00:12:26,409
fly around a tri-oval
at about 200 miles an hour, okay?
220
00:12:26,410 --> 00:12:27,677
Tim, can't you just enjoy yourself?
221
00:12:27,678 --> 00:12:29,378
Yeah, well,
that was just a Class 2 rapid.
222
00:12:29,379 --> 00:12:32,949
Down river we got some 3's and 4's
that'll fill up those drawers.
223
00:12:32,950 --> 00:12:34,784
Promises, promises.
224
00:12:34,785 --> 00:12:37,720
You know, birthday boy,
you look a little familiar.
225
00:12:37,721 --> 00:12:40,723
Well, I have
a very popular television show.
226
00:12:40,724 --> 00:12:42,892
I don't own a TV.
227
00:12:42,893 --> 00:12:45,828
The government uses the airwaves
to send subliminal messages
228
00:12:45,829 --> 00:12:48,464
to destroy our minds.
229
00:12:48,465 --> 00:12:51,868
And you certainly wouldn't want
anyone messing with that noggin.
230
00:12:51,869 --> 00:12:54,437
Yeah. Well, this noggin,
231
00:12:54,438 --> 00:12:58,207
it's the only thing standing between
you and an ugly watery death.
232
00:12:58,208 --> 00:13:02,541
Fluid fills your lungs, your throat
closes up, your brain shuts down.
233
00:13:05,716 --> 00:13:10,686
Happy birthday to Timmy
Happy birthday to me
234
00:13:19,329 --> 00:13:22,565
Bark's tender.
Would you like some soup?
235
00:13:22,566 --> 00:13:24,567
No. I think I'll just wait
till the others get back.
236
00:13:24,568 --> 00:13:27,900
Besides, isn't the rafting company
supposed to bring us our dinner?
237
00:13:28,138 --> 00:13:30,339
Yeah.
But you don't want to eat that poison.
238
00:13:30,340 --> 00:13:31,440
I don't?
239
00:13:31,441 --> 00:13:34,644
You know what USDA stands for?
240
00:13:34,645 --> 00:13:37,112
"US Deceives Americans."
241
00:13:38,615 --> 00:13:41,817
- Hi, honey.
- Hey! Hey! How was it?
242
00:13:41,818 --> 00:13:44,787
Oh, it was great.
A couple of birthday bug bites,
243
00:13:44,788 --> 00:13:46,155
some birthday river
up my birthday butt,
244
00:13:46,156 --> 00:13:47,924
couldn't be birthday better.
245
00:13:47,925 --> 00:13:50,993
- You didn't have a good time?
- Yeah, yeah. Yes, I did.
246
00:13:50,994 --> 00:13:53,462
Yeah, of course it was a great time.
I'm just a little hungry, I guess.
247
00:13:53,463 --> 00:13:58,067
I've got just the thing for you.
A hot, steaming bowl full of wood.
248
00:13:58,068 --> 00:14:01,002
Try it. The bark's got a little bite to it.
249
00:14:02,606 --> 00:14:06,375
Michael, row the boat ashore
250
00:14:06,376 --> 00:14:10,313
Hallelujah
251
00:14:10,314 --> 00:14:13,976
Then the Feds, they tax him more
252
00:14:13,984 --> 00:14:19,182
They'll always screw you!
253
00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:25,595
Oh, my God! What is that?
254
00:14:28,065 --> 00:14:29,799
Relax. Relax.
255
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:34,103
Last time they landed,
they were very nice to me.
256
00:14:34,104 --> 00:14:36,969
Sounds like some kind of a bus.
257
00:14:38,642 --> 00:14:42,411
Could be the rafting company's
luxury motor coach.
258
00:14:42,412 --> 00:14:44,777
Maybe it's the Oak Ridge Boys!
259
00:14:48,385 --> 00:14:52,888
What kind of a boob would order
a luxury bus on a camping trip?
260
00:14:52,889 --> 00:14:55,151
Come on. Come on. Look at this thing.
261
00:14:55,158 --> 00:14:58,761
Detroit diesel-powered,
convection oven, sleeps six...
262
00:14:58,762 --> 00:15:01,422
A luxury bus on a camping trip?
263
00:15:01,431 --> 00:15:04,367
Oh, but you hurt your back.
I wanted you to be more comfortable.
264
00:15:04,368 --> 00:15:07,403
No, no, no, no.
There was no phone on that raft.
265
00:15:07,404 --> 00:15:09,171
You did this before I was hurt.
266
00:15:09,172 --> 00:15:11,374
Okay, okay.
I wanted me to be more comfortable.
267
00:15:11,375 --> 00:15:13,709
I can't believe you did this
without telling me.
268
00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:15,778
You planned this whole birthday
without telling me.
269
00:15:15,779 --> 00:15:17,279
Well, duh! It was a surprise.
270
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:20,145
Well, a surprise is supposed to be
something the other person likes.
271
00:15:20,150 --> 00:15:23,220
On my birthday, you just decide
to do things and then drag me along.
272
00:15:23,220 --> 00:15:25,454
I try to think of things that you like.
273
00:15:25,455 --> 00:15:27,757
Oh, yeah. Like last year?
On the way to the bed and breakfast,
274
00:15:27,758 --> 00:15:31,060
- you stop off at a tulip festival?
- That was fun.
275
00:15:31,061 --> 00:15:34,163
You made me do the clog dance!
276
00:15:34,164 --> 00:15:37,700
Look, if you didn't want to go rafting,
why didn't you just tell me?
277
00:15:37,701 --> 00:15:39,936
Oh, that would've gone over real well.
278
00:15:39,937 --> 00:15:42,572
"Honey, I know you busted your butt
planning this whole thing,
279
00:15:42,573 --> 00:15:44,407
"but I want to go
to a NASCAR race by myself
280
00:15:44,408 --> 00:15:46,108
"and feast on aerosol cheese."
281
00:15:46,109 --> 00:15:48,678
Honey, it was your birthday.
We could've done what you wanted.
282
00:15:48,679 --> 00:15:51,113
It still is my birthday,
and I want to stay in this bus.
283
00:15:51,114 --> 00:15:53,049
I can't believe
after 19 years of marriage,
284
00:15:53,050 --> 00:15:55,651
- you still can't be honest with me.
- I'm being honest with you right now.
285
00:15:55,652 --> 00:15:57,778
Too late!
286
00:16:06,029 --> 00:16:10,132
Does anybody know what time it is?
287
00:16:10,133 --> 00:16:15,797
5:00. Oh, God, my back!
288
00:16:15,806 --> 00:16:18,708
I haven't heard sounds
like that since I was in Nairobi
289
00:16:18,709 --> 00:16:21,938
studying the breathing patterns
of warthogs.
290
00:16:22,946 --> 00:16:25,675
- Maybe if he had another pillow?
- Done.
291
00:16:27,918 --> 00:16:29,018
Under him!
292
00:16:30,954 --> 00:16:33,523
Hot shower and a little breakfast.
293
00:16:36,626 --> 00:16:39,286
Did I sleep well or what!
294
00:16:39,329 --> 00:16:42,732
I've got some hot cheese blintzes
in the oven, guys! Huh?
295
00:16:42,733 --> 00:16:44,495
- Shut up!
- Shut up.
296
00:16:46,169 --> 00:16:47,803
So did you have any luck
with that stain?
297
00:16:47,804 --> 00:16:49,065
You tell me.
298
00:16:51,441 --> 00:16:53,142
Mark, what'd you put on there?
299
00:16:53,143 --> 00:16:56,312
I thought I heard Mom say that red wine
takes out soda stains.
300
00:16:56,313 --> 00:17:00,649
No, you idiot.
Soda takes out red wine stains.
301
00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:02,384
This is bad, isn't it?
302
00:17:02,385 --> 00:17:05,221
Well, let's see. Mom and Dad
come home and the couch is stained
303
00:17:05,222 --> 00:17:07,985
and the whole place smells of booze.
304
00:17:09,226 --> 00:17:11,227
We gotta get rid of the smell.
305
00:17:11,228 --> 00:17:13,129
You're right.
306
00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:15,290
Let's try some bleach.
307
00:17:24,241 --> 00:17:26,075
Would you guys
stop paddling a minute?
308
00:17:26,076 --> 00:17:27,906
My magazine's getting all wet.
309
00:17:28,578 --> 00:17:30,579
You know, Taylor,
you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
310
00:17:30,580 --> 00:17:32,915
Your wife takes the time
to plan this great trip for you.
311
00:17:32,916 --> 00:17:35,542
And what do you do?
You piddle all over it.
312
00:17:36,386 --> 00:17:39,752
Hey, look!
It's my party, I'll piddle if I want to.
313
00:17:40,824 --> 00:17:43,759
Maybe next year
I'll let Tim plan his own birthday.
314
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:45,461
That would be wise.
315
00:17:45,462 --> 00:17:49,465
We have to do whatever we can
to keep our marriages strong.
316
00:17:49,466 --> 00:17:52,501
- You're very insightful, Luanne.
- Well, I have to be.
317
00:17:52,502 --> 00:17:55,367
Because the evil forces of the world
are out to get us.
318
00:17:55,372 --> 00:17:57,100
What evil forces?
319
00:17:58,675 --> 00:18:03,873
The dairy farmers and the people
who make aluminum foil.
320
00:18:06,082 --> 00:18:08,284
I have to go to the bathroom.
321
00:18:08,285 --> 00:18:09,944
- Again?
- Shut up!
322
00:18:09,953 --> 00:18:12,655
Old Al "The River Runs Through Him"
Borland.
323
00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:14,520
You know, at least he's paddling.
324
00:18:14,524 --> 00:18:17,226
If everyone was a tube lizard like you,
we'd get maytagged.
325
00:18:17,227 --> 00:18:18,995
"Maytag"? "Tube lizard"?
326
00:18:18,996 --> 00:18:21,096
A couple of brochures,
what are you, Popeye all of a sudden?
327
00:18:21,097 --> 00:18:25,835
Oh, you'll have to forgive Tim.
He can't help being an insensitive lout!
328
00:18:25,836 --> 00:18:27,937
You're no picnic either, Sinus Boy.
329
00:18:27,938 --> 00:18:30,172
Yeah, tell me about it!
I was up all night.
330
00:18:30,173 --> 00:18:32,975
I never had this problem
with my kayaking buddies.
331
00:18:32,976 --> 00:18:35,578
Would you quit yakking
about your kayaking?
332
00:18:35,579 --> 00:18:38,681
Well, it's better than listening to
your boring stories of how you
333
00:18:38,682 --> 00:18:41,183
and your mom went to Anchorage
and caught fish with your hands.
334
00:18:41,184 --> 00:18:44,086
- Lucky she wasn't harpooned.
- Shut up!
335
00:18:44,087 --> 00:18:46,222
- Shut up!
- You shut up!
336
00:18:46,223 --> 00:18:47,523
No, you shut up!
337
00:18:47,524 --> 00:18:48,824
- Shut up!
- Shut up, Tim!
338
00:18:48,825 --> 00:18:51,060
I can't take it anymore!
339
00:18:51,061 --> 00:18:53,763
So much noise
I can't hear the voices in my head.
340
00:18:53,764 --> 00:18:58,029
Oh, our guide has voices in his head.
How about this one? Incoming!
341
00:18:58,602 --> 00:18:59,863
Over!
342
00:19:04,641 --> 00:19:07,543
Oh, great, Tim.
Now we don't even have a guide.
343
00:19:07,544 --> 00:19:10,913
- This is all your fault!
- This isn't my fault.
344
00:19:10,914 --> 00:19:12,548
I didn't want to go to this thing
in the first place.
345
00:19:12,549 --> 00:19:15,084
Friends, friends, friends,
in the words of Benjamin Franklin,
346
00:19:15,085 --> 00:19:18,420
"We must all hang together
or else we shall hang separately."
347
00:19:18,421 --> 00:19:21,624
And we'd better hang
together fast. Look up ahead.
348
00:19:21,625 --> 00:19:22,725
Oh, no!
349
00:19:24,761 --> 00:19:27,092
Come on, let's go!
350
00:19:32,803 --> 00:19:35,964
Come on, come on,
come on, don't stop now!
351
00:19:36,106 --> 00:19:38,505
Go, go, go, go, go!
352
00:19:41,545 --> 00:19:44,274
Pull! Pull! Pull! Pull!
353
00:19:46,883 --> 00:19:48,817
We did it!
354
00:19:48,818 --> 00:19:51,387
You know, this has turned out to be
a pretty decent birthday after all.
355
00:19:51,388 --> 00:19:53,013
Yeah.
356
00:19:54,357 --> 00:19:55,424
This is a good thing, you know,
357
00:19:55,425 --> 00:19:58,859
because it just might
turn out to be my last! Look at that!
358
00:20:02,832 --> 00:20:06,735
Okay, guys. Paddles ready.
We can do this.
359
00:20:06,736 --> 00:20:08,737
Oh, Mother, I love you!
360
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:31,660
Oh, no!
361
00:20:33,630 --> 00:20:34,959
Come on, break it!
362
00:20:37,334 --> 00:20:38,434
Paddle.
363
00:20:38,635 --> 00:20:39,735
Yeah!
364
00:20:42,472 --> 00:20:44,106
How could you abandon them?
365
00:20:44,107 --> 00:20:47,242
I'm not proud of what I did,
but a man's gotta do
366
00:20:47,243 --> 00:20:49,378
what a man's gotta do.
367
00:20:49,379 --> 00:20:51,448
- We're back!
- Hey, honey! I'm back!
368
00:20:51,448 --> 00:20:54,040
- Thank God you made it!
- Hey, hey, hey.
369
00:20:54,451 --> 00:20:56,819
We have Kyle to thank for this.
If he hadn't jumped ship,
370
00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:58,921
we never would've known
we had it in us.
371
00:20:58,922 --> 00:21:01,690
No, no, no.
I think we have Jill to thank for this.
372
00:21:01,691 --> 00:21:02,892
- Oh, yeah.
- For making this one of the best
373
00:21:02,893 --> 00:21:06,862
- birthdays I ever had!
- Really?
374
00:21:06,863 --> 00:21:09,431
Having such a good time, I've decided
we should stay another day.
375
00:21:09,432 --> 00:21:10,566
Fine with me.
376
00:21:10,567 --> 00:21:14,434
Jill and I can spend tomorrow looking
for holy visions in the algae!
377
00:21:14,437 --> 00:21:16,870
Wow! How much fun that would be!
378
00:21:17,274 --> 00:21:20,376
But you know what?
My back is really better. It's better.
379
00:21:20,377 --> 00:21:22,745
I think I should join you tomorrow.
380
00:21:22,746 --> 00:21:24,371
All right!
381
00:21:29,819 --> 00:21:32,855
Hey, guys! We're home!
382
00:21:34,391 --> 00:21:35,584
Guys?
383
00:21:38,161 --> 00:21:41,026
Sorry that your back is still hurting you!
384
00:21:41,831 --> 00:21:43,058
Boys?
385
00:21:44,134 --> 00:21:46,301
Doesn't sound like they're home.
386
00:21:46,302 --> 00:21:50,100
- The place looks nice.
- Yeah. I told you we could trust them.
387
00:21:58,348 --> 00:22:00,747
Didn't we used to have a couch?
388
00:22:01,651 --> 00:22:04,016
You didn't pack that, did you?
389
00:22:05,305 --> 00:22:11,231
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