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1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,872
Oh, man. All right.
Thank you, Heidi.
2
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:09,499
Thank you. I think it's done.
3
00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:10,941
Well!
4
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,142
I guess that finishes up
5
00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:16,580
our cooking portion of our salute
to a mars Thanksgiving.
6
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:19,550
A point to ponder when you baste
the turkey in cognac,
7
00:00:19,619 --> 00:00:22,349
you want to keep the bird away
from the open flame.
8
00:00:23,089 --> 00:00:25,956
Otherwise your Butterball
will become a fireball.
9
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:28,990
Pretty obvious, isn't it?
10
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:32,930
Now it's time to look at some of the
things we men should be thankful for.
11
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:37,797
And this, of course,
would be number one: women.
12
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:41,307
Our mothers, our co-workers,
our family members, our sisters.
13
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,239
They deserve a lot of appreciation.
14
00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:45,243
- Wow. Thank you, Tim.
- You're welcome.
15
00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:47,643
Now, get lost.
It's a mars segment.
16
00:00:49,282 --> 00:00:53,412
OK, Al. Well, you're sort of a man.
What are you thankful for?
17
00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:59,018
Well, Tim, I'm thankful for the tool
I carry with me always.
18
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,953
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Al!
It's a family show!
19
00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:05,930
I'm talking about my Swiss Army knife.
20
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,967
I would feel naked without it.
21
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:09,968
Ew.
22
00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:14,498
I'm talking about the gizmos
and gadgets and thingamajigs
23
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:17,543
- that make a mars life won'thwhile.
- I hear you, brother.
24
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:21,307
How many times have you found yourself
at the beach or a tailgate party
25
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:24,077
and you're longing for
a zesty blended beverage?
26
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:27,119
Not a problem anymore
with this model of American ingenuity.
27
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:30,088
All it takes is one rip...
28
00:01:38,398 --> 00:01:40,958
This next gadget's on the top
of my list of favorites.
29
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:45,026
You may be thinking I'm wearing
usual coveralls, but you're wrong.
30
00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:49,871
I'm sporting the practical
and very fashionable vacu-suit.
31
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:54,613
That's right,
from the Binford winter collection.
32
00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:58,378
You've got to say "tr�s chic"
when you look at Al right now.
33
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:01,614
The point of this is,
why lug around a heavy vacuum cleaner?
34
00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:04,555
- We can add the vacuum to the man.
- Right.
35
00:02:05,558 --> 00:02:07,389
- Just add a hose to Al...
- Mm-hmm.
36
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:09,719
Not there, Tim!
37
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,762
He's got a built-in
compressor and motor.
38
00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,391
Flip him on and watch Al suck.
39
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:22,632
Uh, Tim...
Tim, I think we have a problem!
40
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:24,870
Turn it off!
Turn it off, Tim!
41
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,445
Turn it off, Tim!
42
00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:28,208
Ah!
43
00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:33,917
Tim!
44
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:41,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today
45
00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:29,741
Wilson, I thought that you and Willow
46
00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:32,175
were going to Ann Arbor
for Thanksgiving.
47
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:34,270
We're gonna leave
as soon as I finish
48
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:37,714
making my feng shui
home protection tool.
49
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:38,944
How does that work?
50
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:43,011
Well, Jill, the horizontal flute
is the guardian of hopes and desires.
51
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:47,355
And the two angled flutes radiate peace
throughout the house and the universe.
52
00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:50,692
- What do the red tassels do?
- They scare away squirrels.
53
00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:54,364
What are the holiday plans
for the Taylors this year?
54
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:57,164
Well, my mom is gonna be
with my sister in Texas.
55
00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:01,196
Tim's mom is gonna be with his brother,
Jeff, so it's just the five of us.
56
00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:04,607
I thought maybe I'd get up early
and try out some new recipes.
57
00:04:04,677 --> 00:04:07,145
- Why new recipes?
- Everybody hates my cooking,
58
00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:10,376
so I thought I might as well
make it interesting for me.
59
00:04:11,517 --> 00:04:15,453
- Oh, hi. How's it going, Jill?
- Hey, Willow.
60
00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:17,614
Oh, that's a great looking turkey.
61
00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:20,716
Actually, it's 100 percent soybean.
62
00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:23,057
It's called a "soy-key".
63
00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:27,826
I am so looking forward to Thanksgiving.
64
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:31,870
It's the first time in years that the
whole Wilson clan has all been together.
65
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,372
- Uncle Wilbur.
- Aunt Willemina.
66
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,806
- Cousin Wilford.
- Uncle Willard.
67
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:39,469
- Grandma Wilma.
- And Bob.
68
00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:41,479
- Bob?
- He's the black sheep.
69
00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:44,641
Ah. Well, every family
has to have a troublemaker.
70
00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:48,653
No, no, no. Bob is a very nice sheep.
He just gets cranky at shearing time.
71
00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,987
Hey, Bradley.
I got great news.
72
00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:56,119
You pumped so much air into Al,
he's bigger than his mom.
73
00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:59,823
No, that would be quite impossible.
74
00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:03,900
Get this. Clay Ford, the owner
of the Lions, is a big Tool Time fan.
75
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:07,428
He's offered us the use of a luxury box
for the Thanksgiving game.
76
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,475
Our own private box?
That is so cool.
77
00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:11,805
Yeah, there's just one annoying detail.
78
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:13,971
And there she is.
79
00:05:15,915 --> 00:05:17,075
- Hi.
- Hi.
80
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,311
What do you think about a soy turkey?
81
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:20,875
Hey, I'm up for anything.
82
00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:24,787
You know what I believe, that no matter
what you eat or where you eat it,
83
00:05:24,857 --> 00:05:28,156
Thanksgiving is great
as long as we're all together.
84
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,860
We are not gonna spend Thanksgiving
at a car show.
85
00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:35,833
Don't be ridiculous.
Now, listen.
86
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:39,201
We've been offered a luxury box
at the Silverdome.
87
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:43,038
We can enjoy an incredible Thanksgiving
dinner in the privacy of our own room.
88
00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:47,238
You're saying you'd rather spend the day
in a football stadium
89
00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:50,771
being served Thanksgiving meal
by total strangers?
90
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,182
- Yes.
- Hot damn! I'm sleeping in.
91
00:05:53,252 --> 00:05:54,981
All right.
92
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:01,386
Check out the view.
93
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:05,363
Wow. This is really beautiful.
94
00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:08,992
- Yeah, if you like disgusting opulence.
- And I do.
95
00:06:10,269 --> 00:06:13,636
I don't believe it.
There is a TV in the bathroom.
96
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:16,072
So you won't miss a minute
of the excitement.
97
00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:17,870
Or in your case, 45 minutes.
98
00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:23,140
Hello, Taylor family.
Welcome to box 12.
99
00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:33,521
I'm Ted, your personal Silverdome
liaison and I've got hats.
100
00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:36,619
Oh, thank you.
I'm Jill Taylor.
101
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:40,029
And that's Randy, Mark and Brad
and my husband, Tim Taylor.
102
00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:42,363
Hey, it's "The Tool Man."
103
00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:44,164
"Oh! Oh!"
104
00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:51,076
Good to meet you, Ted.
Um, you look awful familiar.
105
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,372
Have we met before?
106
00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:55,278
No. Perhaps you've met
one of my brothers.
107
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:57,009
Ned or Fred?
108
00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:00,246
Wait a minute. One brother works
at the airport in Alpena.
109
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:03,914
And the other brother at a gas station
in the middle of nowhere. I met 'em.
110
00:07:04,023 --> 00:07:07,459
Yes. I hope they didn't
give you any trouble.
111
00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:09,495
They've always been pretty ornery.
112
00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:13,430
One time they held me down
and packed my nose with candy corn.
113
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,793
Kids can be so cruel.
114
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:18,837
This was last Christmas.
115
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,574
By the way, Tim, I've been authorized
116
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:25,439
to give you a tour
of the Silverdome's nerve center.
117
00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:29,844
Home of our state-of-the-art
electrical and plumbing system.
118
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:34,010
- Somebody pinch me!
- You can watch the game on the monitors
119
00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:37,249
and I'll have you back at halftime
for dinner with your family.
120
00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:39,848
- Thank you, Ted.
- I'll be up to get you in a while.
121
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:41,860
- All right.
- Thank you.
122
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:43,793
Would you look at all this food?
123
00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:47,594
Do you know how many needy families
it could have fed on Thanksgiving?
124
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,032
Ooh. Crab puffs.
125
00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:55,436
Sorry I'm late. I ran into
Harry Belafonte at the VIP elevator.
126
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:57,476
What a chatterbox.
127
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:04,374
- I'm sorry. You would be...?
- Irv Schmayman.
128
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:06,350
Major television producer.
129
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:09,684
- And you are...?
- Tim Taylor, major television star.
130
00:08:09,755 --> 00:08:11,382
- Taylor.
- Yeah.
131
00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:12,685
Never heard of you.
132
00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:15,991
Well, maybe you have the wrong booth.
133
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:19,225
Box 12.
The Lions front office set me up.
134
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,426
Didrt you say this booth
was just gonna be for our family?
135
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,403
Hey, we are all
in the entertainment family.
136
00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:29,237
All part of the business
I like to call, "Show."
137
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,078
Well, Irv, this is my wife, Jill
138
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,239
and these are my boys,
Randy, Brad and Mark.
139
00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:37,839
Irv Schmayman.
140
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:39,475
Hollywood legend.
141
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,546
Here's my card.
Pass it around, kid.
142
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:46,921
Well, so much
for our family Thanksgiving.
143
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:48,824
Honey, it's just one Schmayman.
144
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:52,525
Girls?
145
00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:58,136
These are my personal assistants,
Jenny and Cindy.
146
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:01,071
They're going to be joining us
for Thanksgiving.
147
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:03,370
Now I've got something
to be thankful for.
148
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:09,413
- All right, Lions won!
- The game just started.
149
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,109
No, they won the coin toss.
150
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:17,920
The holiday season always reminds me
of my Helen Reddy special,
151
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:19,958
Reddy or Not, It's Christmas.
152
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,891
It was a ratings volcano.
153
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:26,559
Are you guys gonna
watch the game or chat?
154
00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:30,762
Whoa, relax, Timski. I've got friends
at the network. I'll get you a tape.
155
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:33,396
Excuse me. Mr. Taylor?
156
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:36,669
Are you ready to explore
the bowels of the Silverdome?
157
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,505
Let me loose.
158
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:42,372
Tim, can I speak to you for a moment?
He'll be right there.
159
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:47,014
You cannot leave us alone
with the Schmayman,
160
00:09:49,121 --> 00:09:51,055
Jill, Jill, Jill.
161
00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:53,421
Thanksgiving is about compassion.
162
00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:56,085
It's about reaching out to others.
163
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:58,460
It's about being there for other people.
164
00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:00,796
Gotta go.
165
00:10:04,236 --> 00:10:08,002
These are the transformers
and all the breakers.
166
00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:11,405
I love spending time down here.
167
00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:13,104
Who wouldn't?
168
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:15,079
The place is so homey.
169
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:19,216
If you like this,
wait till you see our control room.
170
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:22,152
That's where we operate
all of the Silverdome's lights
171
00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:24,086
and our 2,000 toilets.
172
00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:26,624
Wait a minute.
Two thousand toilets?
173
00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:31,329
Is there a button you can press
to flush them all at once?
174
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:34,298
No, but I'll bring it up
at the next board meeting.
175
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:37,393
You're a thinker.
I like that.
176
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:41,236
So, finally, I tell the network,
"You've got a great idea.
177
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:42,705
But the show needs a twist.
178
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:45,505
You want funny?
Make the nun fly."
179
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:51,480
If your father doesn't get back soon
I'm gonna have to kill him.
180
00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:53,245
Dad or Schmayman?
181
00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:55,619
Whoever's closest.
182
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:05,695
I've been so blessed. I have this
superhuman feel for what's funny.
183
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:09,064
Pants are funny.
Pork is funny.
184
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,500
Fish are funny.
185
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,230
I think I might vomit.
186
00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:13,828
Vomit, big funny.
187
00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:18,410
Ted, I can't thank you enough.
188
00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:23,237
If I can put a smile on "The Tool Mars"
face, my dream has come true.
189
00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:26,580
- You really mean that?
- No, I'm just being a good host.
190
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:31,285
Before you go back to your family,
I have one more surprise for you.
191
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,621
I don't think my heart can take it.
Let me guess.
192
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,923
An autographed copy
of the building permit.
193
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:38,555
Hey, I'm a liaison.
I'm not God.
194
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:44,264
Smile, "Tool Man".
You're on Jumbo Vision.
195
00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:46,099
- No, no. The big screen?
- Yeah.
196
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:48,265
This is cool.
197
00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:55,338
That is one beautiful turkey.
198
00:11:58,350 --> 00:12:02,309
I pitched a series to CBS
about a talking turkey.
199
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,822
They told me to stuff it.
200
00:12:07,359 --> 00:12:09,657
Hello! Is this thing on?
201
00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:14,529
This is a nightmare.
202
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:18,434
Hey, look.
Dad's on Jumbo Vision.
203
00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:23,271
On Jumbo Vision,
our special guest, Tim "The Tool Man"...
204
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:24,933
Look at that.
205
00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:28,070
The contrast on these monitors is bad.
Let me work on this.
206
00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:29,808
No, Tim.
Don't touch anything!
207
00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:33,147
I'm in the business, Ted.
I know how to work these things.
208
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:38,122
This is specially made
for the Silverdome...
209
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:40,283
Oh, my God.
210
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:53,196
Dad just ruined Thanksgiving
for 80,000 people.
211
00:12:54,573 --> 00:12:58,134
- I'm gonna grab a yam.
- That's not a yam, Irv.
212
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:08,045
Ladies and gentlemen,
please remain seated.
213
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:12,386
The lights should be back on as soon
as someone figures out how to fix them.
214
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,958
How long do you think it'll take
to fix this?
215
00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:21,330
You better hope it's fast, because every
person in this stadium saw what you did.
216
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,130
Some of them were probably
in the bathroom.
217
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:27,561
Yeah. Those guys will be real happy.
218
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:34,436
Let "The Tool Man" in there.
I work great under pressure.
219
00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:37,482
Oh, no, you don't.
Sit down and don't touch anything.
220
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:42,578
The more I think about it,
your toilet flushing button idea stunk.
221
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:48,358
I think I understand why your brothers
shoved candy corn up your nose.
222
00:13:52,631 --> 00:13:54,895
Boy, this takes me back.
223
00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:59,836
January, 1994, the earthquake hit
and wiped out the power
224
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:02,465
while Tina Turner was staying
in my guest house.
225
00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:04,475
So, let me guess.
226
00:14:04,543 --> 00:14:07,876
You went next door and borrowed
a flashlight from David Bowie.
227
00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:12,111
You know, Jillsie, we Schmaymans
are pretty perceptive people.
228
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:16,518
and I am picking up a hint of sarcasm
on my "Schmaydar."
229
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:23,886
Hey, Schmayman.
230
00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:26,759
Hey.
231
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:28,891
What can I tell you, huh?
232
00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:35,765
- Hey, Rodney.
- I had a hard time finding you.
233
00:14:35,841 --> 00:14:39,072
After they saw my face
they turned off all the lights.
234
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:42,572
Rodney starred in my Christmas special.
235
00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,479
I Don't Get No Respect: On Ice.
236
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,609
Oh, and I'll tell you, it was cold.
237
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:50,644
It was so cold, it was colder than
my wife's handshake on our honeymoon.
238
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:53,215
- Hello.
- How do you do, baby.
239
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:56,488
I'm Jill Taylor.
I can't believe it's Rodney Dangerfield.
240
00:14:56,595 --> 00:15:00,087
- What are you doing in Detroit?
- Looking for plugs and points.
241
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:05,470
I was the Grand Marshal
at the Great American Parade.
242
00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:10,474
And if they made me the Grand Marshal,
how great can America be, you know?
243
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:14,402
Mom? Who's Rodney Dangerfield?
244
00:15:15,714 --> 00:15:18,478
Honey, he's a famous comic.
He's hilarious.
245
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:23,078
What's with the black outfit?
Devil worshipers are in box 666.
246
00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:27,592
- You are good.
- Thanks, shorty.
247
00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:34,028
When I was a kid, I was short myself.
248
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:37,227
I was so short I had to blow my nose
through my fly.
249
00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:49,514
Are you this funny at home?
250
00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:51,879
Not since my wife's mother moved in.
251
00:15:52,651 --> 00:15:54,516
What a barracuda.
252
00:15:55,354 --> 00:15:57,481
My husband will be sorry he missed you.
253
00:15:57,556 --> 00:16:01,219
Would you consider staying
and having Thanksgiving dinner with us?
254
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,193
That's very kind of you.
I'd love to.
255
00:16:03,262 --> 00:16:06,288
When I was a kid I had it rough.
We were poor.
256
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,299
How poor were you?
257
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:13,260
How poor? On Thanksgiving my old man
showed us a picture of a turkey.
258
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:18,238
I sat there all day
trying to lick the gravy.
259
00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:25,083
Bad news. If we don't
get the lights fixed in 15 minutes,
260
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,811
the game is cancelled.
261
00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:28,978
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
262
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:33,081
I believe one time I saved some time
by wiring around the circuit breaker.
263
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:36,059
Couldrt that cause the transformer
to blow up?
264
00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:37,686
If memory serves, yes.
265
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,592
Why don't you go to your family?
266
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,827
I'm not gonna
walk across the Silverdome.
267
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:45,495
There might be people out there
that want my blood.
268
00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:46,764
I'm aware of that.
269
00:16:54,046 --> 00:16:57,607
Wow. Look at all these people. This is
turning into one heck of a party.
270
00:16:57,716 --> 00:17:00,276
What can I say?
In the face of tragedy, I host.
271
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,284
Mr. Dangerfield,
I hope I'm not speaking out of turn,
272
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:07,359
but you seem to have
some self-esteem issues.
273
00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:08,984
Oh, you can say that again.
274
00:17:09,094 --> 00:17:11,460
When I was born
the doctor smacked my mother.
275
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,960
Rodney, remember our special?
You were doing your act,
276
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,869
and Aretha Franklin skated out
onto the ice.
277
00:17:19,938 --> 00:17:22,304
And she sang that song to me
all about respect.
278
00:17:22,408 --> 00:17:24,968
Oh, yeah, I taught that song
to you guys.
279
00:17:25,077 --> 00:17:28,740
* R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
280
00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:31,647
* Sock it to me, sock it to me
Sock it to me, sock it to me
281
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:34,242
That's enough "sock it to me", OK?
282
00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:37,777
Reminds me of my neighborhood.
My neighborhood is tough.
283
00:17:37,856 --> 00:17:41,019
They said to a kid in school,
"What comes after a sentence?"
284
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:42,720
He said, "You make an appeal."
285
00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:52,393
I just wanted to have a nice
Thanksgiving dinner with my family.
286
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:54,371
Look what happened!
287
00:17:58,143 --> 00:17:59,610
Sorry!
288
00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:02,003
Wait. Do that again.
289
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,446
Sorry!
290
00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:07,282
No, no, hit the console.
291
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,118
What were you worried about?
292
00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:22,361
So long, Charo.
Coochie-coochie.
293
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,701
Hey, the lights are back on!
294
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:28,433
Yeah, the players
are headed back onto the field.
295
00:18:28,507 --> 00:18:31,442
Hey, listen, I got a massage at my hotel
in ten minutes.
296
00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:34,070
Taylor family, can I be frank?
297
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:38,310
This has been the most moving,
enjoyable holiday I have ever had.
298
00:18:38,383 --> 00:18:41,147
And that includes Passover
with the Tony Curtises.
299
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:43,688
Thank you.
300
00:18:43,755 --> 00:18:46,986
- Thank you. Good-bye.
- God bless you. I mean it. Stay well.
301
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:49,425
OK. Thanks.
302
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:52,658
Oh. Can you believe
that this actually happened?
303
00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:54,698
Oh, yes, that was unbelievable.
304
00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:57,496
You know, Jenny told me to call her
when I'm 21.
305
00:18:59,404 --> 00:19:02,430
Yeah, and Irv wants first look
at my next screenplay.
306
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:05,966
I'm reconsidering my distaste
for conspicuous consumption.
307
00:19:07,179 --> 00:19:08,874
Ooh. Dibs on the last truffle.
308
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:14,783
Hey, I'm sorry I wrecked
your Thanksgiving, OK.
309
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,582
No! You kidding?
It was great.
310
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,680
It was the best Thanksgiving ever.
311
00:19:18,757 --> 00:19:21,726
We got to hang out
with Rodney Dangerfield.
312
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:25,695
It was wild.
It was like my neighborhood.
313
00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:27,925
You know, my neighborhood was so wild,
314
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,935
when the kids played hopscotch
they used real scotch.
315
00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:36,401
Trying to cheer me up
is getting pathetic here, OK?
316
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:39,671
Hey, Jill, I forgot to give you
my phone number in L.A.
317
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:43,112
If you get to L.A., bring the family.
We'll have a barbeque, OK?
318
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,310
And you'll meet my doctor,
Dr. Vinnie Boombach.
319
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,918
I saw him last week and asked him
if my heart was strong enough for sex.
320
00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:53,890
He told me not if I join in.
321
00:19:56,895 --> 00:20:00,058
Rodney Dangerfield, I'm Tim Taylor.
I'm her husband.
322
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:03,568
Oh, yeah. You're the knucklehead
who screwed up the lights, huh?
323
00:20:04,603 --> 00:20:06,935
If you get to L.A.
just bring the kids, OK?
324
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,774
You take it easy.
I hope I run into you.
325
00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:12,400
When I'm driving!
326
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:21,879
And welcome back to Tool Time.
327
00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:24,855
Today we're going to restore
antique picture frames.
328
00:20:24,923 --> 00:20:28,791
Because under an ugly exterior
sometimes you can find a true beauty.
329
00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:31,624
That's not the case...
Oh, never mind.
330
00:20:31,697 --> 00:20:35,531
OK, uh... To help us out today
we have a very special guest.
331
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:39,567
The Grand Marshal of the
Great American Parade doesn't like me,
332
00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:41,367
but evidently, he likes Tool Time.
333
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:45,274
That's why he's here. Let's give
a warm welcome to Rodney Dangerfield.
334
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:55,813
Here, honey.
Buy the rest of that dress, will ya?
335
00:20:58,056 --> 00:21:01,355
- Over here, Rodney.
- Ooh, could she break up a happy home.
336
00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:04,887
- Great to have you on the show.
- A pleasure.
337
00:21:04,963 --> 00:21:06,726
What are we working on today, boys?
338
00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:10,063
We're gonna refinish this frame
for a husky picture Al's got.
339
00:21:10,135 --> 00:21:14,003
Speaking of husky, I understand you
were a husky kid. How husky were you?
340
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:17,235
I'm not here to do jokes.
I'm here to help Al with a project.
341
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:24,481
I hear that you were poor and lived
in the projects. How poor were you?
342
00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:27,451
None of your business.
343
00:21:28,387 --> 00:21:30,947
What kind of wood are we using
in this frame?
344
00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:33,548
- Distressed maple.
- Speaking of distressed,
345
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:36,753
I understand your wife is annoying.
How annoying is she?
346
00:21:36,828 --> 00:21:38,796
Not as annoying as you.
347
00:21:40,399 --> 00:21:42,128
How do you work with this guy, huh?
348
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,964
It's tough. I gotta tell ya,
I don't get any respect.
349
00:21:46,338 --> 00:21:48,169
You're talking to the original.
350
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,208
'Cause I don't get no respect at all.
351
00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:53,403
I got no sex life.
My wife cut me down to once a month.
352
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:56,447
I'm lucky.
Two guys I know she cut out completely.
353
00:21:57,305 --> 00:22:03,360
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