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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,960
- Does everybody know what time it is?
- Tool Time!
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00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,835
That's right. Binford Tools
is proud to present...
3
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:10,466
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!
4
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:20,214
Thank you. Thank you, everybody.
5
00:00:21,721 --> 00:00:25,213
Welcome to Tool Time.
I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
6
00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:28,749
And you all know my assistant,
Hugh Hefty.
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00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:34,493
All week long we've been showing you
things that make mers lives easier.
8
00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:38,663
Yesterday it was wives with laryngitis.
9
00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:43,642
But today it's our Tool Time salute...
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00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,678
To remote control.
11
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:49,146
The first television remote
was connected to the TV with a wire.
12
00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:51,809
- It was invented in 1950.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
13
00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:56,981
Al, my dad had a wireless remote control
that was voice-activated in 1950.
14
00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:01,790
- Tim, that's impossible.
- No, it's not. It was called Mom.
15
00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:06,659
Ladies, write to Tim Taylor,
care of Tool Time, PO Box 327...
16
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,566
A lot of popular toys these days
are remote control,
17
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:13,595
cars, boats, planes, even submarines,
but here's my favorite one here.
18
00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:16,836
- What would that be?
- The company calls it a flying saucer.
19
00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:19,275
It looks more like a blimp to me.
20
00:01:19,345 --> 00:01:23,213
I can't believe you'd be interested
in this. It's quiet, simple, slow.
21
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:25,410
Just like you, Al.
22
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:30,587
I've installed a little spy camera
on it. Watch this.
23
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:39,823
Hey, what do you think this is,
the teachers' lounge? Put out that butt.
24
00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:46,439
Oh, the humanity!
25
00:01:48,808 --> 00:01:50,537
Can we get back to the show now?
26
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:53,943
We wouldn't want to muddy up
the show with entertainment.
27
00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:56,777
OK, now we get to the ultimate
in remote control.
28
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,683
- What would that be?
- It's called virtual reality.
29
00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:03,119
You become the remote control.
You become part of the action.
30
00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:06,522
- What kind of action?
- You name it. Car racing, football...
31
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:10,757
How about basketball? How would you like
to go one-on-one with Grant Hill?
32
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,889
- That would be great!
- Slip these on.
33
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:16,595
These are virtual-reality
optical sensing devices.
34
00:02:16,669 --> 00:02:21,697
The circuitry must be incredibly small.
They look like regular sunglasses.
35
00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:31,306
Now, slip your hand into this.
This is a tactile sensory device.
36
00:02:31,384 --> 00:02:35,878
Well, this looks just like the work
glove that disappeared out of my locker.
37
00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:43,090
When I turn on the machine, there
might be a bright light, so watch out.
38
00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:49,635
- Now, turn around.
- Oh, my gosh! It's Grant Hill!
39
00:02:51,804 --> 00:02:53,772
Man!
40
00:02:57,076 --> 00:03:00,842
It's like... it's like he's right here.
I can almost touch him.
41
00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:03,575
Come on, Round Man.
Show me what you got.
42
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:09,910
You really have to dribble it. Yeah!
43
00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:14,053
All right. I'll just give him
my patented jump shot.
44
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,219
I guess flannel men can't jump.
45
00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:22,198
Man! Well, I don't have to jump.
I can just blow by you.
46
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:25,726
You're a virtual reality.
47
00:03:25,805 --> 00:03:27,864
I can just blow right by...
48
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:33,401
- Wow, that hurts.
- Well, it didn't really hurt, did it?
49
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:35,447
It was just virtual pain.
50
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:43,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today
51
00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:35,207
Aah!
52
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,703
Did I scare you, Wilson?
53
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:42,441
Well, not you.
It's that flying baked potato.
54
00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:46,076
Well, the manufacturer says
it looks like an alien spaceship.
55
00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:49,121
I think it looks like
a big Jiffy Pop container.
56
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:53,522
I tend to agree. A real spaceship would
have some form of internal propulsion.
57
00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:56,357
- Should look more like a saucer.
- An iridescent glow.
58
00:04:56,429 --> 00:05:00,798
- A low hum.
- 26 diamond-shaped windows in a row.
59
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:03,529
The flying saucer
out of Forbidden Planet
60
00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:05,332
or The Day The Earth Stood Still?.
61
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:09,068
- I wasrt talking about a movie.
- What were you talking about?
62
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:13,511
- Well, nothing. Oh, look at the rain.
- Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
63
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:16,514
Were you talking about a... a real UFO?
64
00:05:16,582 --> 00:05:20,245
- Maybe.
- Have you seen a real UFO?
65
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,153
Maybe.
66
00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:26,487
- Come on. It's just us out here.
- Maybe.
67
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:31,628
You know, Tim,
I've never told anybody this,
68
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:34,166
but one night when I was living
with my parents
69
00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:37,464
outside the Turkish city
of Cappadocia...
70
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:43,006
...I saw an alien craft land.
71
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,942
Did you see little green men
come out of it?
72
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,985
No, no, no, no, no, no.
These men were bluish-gray.
73
00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:59,623
Assuming they were men. I didn't see
any sexually distinguishing features.
74
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,660
Well, you had just met.
75
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:09,766
Oh, I tell you, it was an amazing thing.
I'll never forget it.
76
00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:13,567
Well, how'd the night go?
Some cocktails and a quick probe?
77
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:18,067
Oh, Tim!
I never should've told you about this.
78
00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:22,376
No, no, no, no. I'm sorry, Wilson.
I understand completely what happened.
79
00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:25,178
Have you been inside
shellacking all day?
80
00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:28,152
If you don't get enough ventilation,
it can really...
81
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,156
I do that, I think I'm Aquaman.
82
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,020
What are those?
83
00:06:36,095 --> 00:06:38,825
In case I don't get
that soccer scholarship,
84
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,867
I need to figure out
a great place to go to college.
85
00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:43,902
The University of Hawaii.
86
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:47,306
Canc�n College.
87
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,110
Virgin Islands State?
88
00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:55,571
You going to college or on a cruise?
89
00:06:55,648 --> 00:06:58,583
All these schools
have great academic programs.
90
00:06:58,651 --> 00:07:02,985
Is that why you divided them
into beach schools and ski schools?
91
00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:06,654
- Hi, guys.
- What's up, Mom?
92
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:08,727
Are you looking at school catalogs?
93
00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:12,162
Yeah, I think it's about time
I get serious about college.
94
00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:15,758
It's nice to see you motivated
about continuing your education.
95
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:18,702
Randy, you could use
those same catalogs.
96
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:21,103
Or I could call my travel agent.
97
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,877
Still looking at these weird schools?
98
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:28,914
Why don't you check into
Iwo Jima Community College?
99
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:35,182
- I had a weird discussion with Wilson.
- What's new with him?
100
00:07:35,254 --> 00:07:37,814
He claims he had an encounter
with space aliens.
101
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:39,687
He saw these blue-green creatures
102
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:43,319
when he stayed with his folks
in a Turkish town, Cappuccino.
103
00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:47,958
Were they covered in foam
and sprinkled with cinnamon?
104
00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:51,931
He said he had an encounter
with extraterrestrials.
105
00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:55,872
Or he dipped into the festival wine
a bit early.
106
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:58,433
Well, I wouldn't dismiss him
so quickly, guys.
107
00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:00,877
I mean, there has been
lots of documentation
108
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,346
about peoples' encounters with aliens.
109
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,577
You think there's a real possibility?
110
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,142
There's some
really respected institutions
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00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:11,588
that have entire departments
devoted to paranormal studies.
112
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:15,957
Ooh, yeah.
The department of ooo-eee-ooo.
113
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,298
With all the money
spent on research,
114
00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:21,958
they don't have proof alien life exists.
115
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:23,831
They don't have proof it doesn't.
116
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:27,667
Well, I guess we know who are
the sane members of this family.
117
00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:29,708
Don't lump me in with you.
118
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:35,240
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Timmy.
119
00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:38,477
Harry called me, said my saw blade
was in. Where is Harry?
120
00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:42,112
- He's home with a nasty bug.
- What, a parasite?
121
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,748
Close. Dolores.
122
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,224
He's home with the flu.
A reciprocating saw?
123
00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:50,693
- Yeah, it was.
- I know where he put it.
124
00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:52,764
Hand me a cup, will you?
125
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:57,158
Do you guys
think that alien life exists?
126
00:08:57,236 --> 00:09:01,764
I hope so. That way I'd have a chance
with another species.
127
00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:04,537
Yeah. I can see it now.
128
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:10,173
You're gently holding
her eight-fingered hand.
129
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:14,049
While you stare into that one big eye.
130
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:17,487
And try to figure out
which set of lips to kiss.
131
00:09:18,457 --> 00:09:22,484
I know you're messing with me,
but I'm still getting a little hot.
132
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:28,726
I'm talking about extraterrestrials.
133
00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:31,269
Why would a guy need more than two?
134
00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:40,172
Here's your saw. What's so funny?
135
00:09:40,279 --> 00:09:43,146
Wilson claims
he saw an extraterrestrial.
136
00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:45,877
Where? His family reunion?
137
00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:48,648
Extraterrestrial.
Like an alien, spaceships...
138
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:55,689
- Well, hi-ho, fellas.
- Hey.
139
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,592
- Hey, Wilson.
- Not a word.
140
00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:01,690
You know, Al, I need
some one-half-inch carriage bolts.
141
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:04,634
- They're right over here on aisle 21.
- Mm-hm.
142
00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:08,606
Would those carriage bolts be for you
or are you taking 'em to your leader?
143
00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:12,206
- My leader?
- Yeah, you know...
144
00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:20,016
Did you tell them? I thought
this was just between the two of us.
145
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:23,486
It's just between the five of us.
It'll go no further than that.
146
00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:27,821
- Did you tell Jill and the boys?
- All right, the nine of us.
147
00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:32,660
We're sorry, Wilson.
We didn't mean to alienate you.
148
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:34,063
Marty, come on!
149
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:37,261
I didn't come to this hardware store
to be ridiculed.
150
00:10:37,336 --> 00:10:41,432
Try Larry's Hardware.
Today's their "going out of orbit" sale.
151
00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:43,805
- Hey, guys!
- Well, Tim, thanks a lot.
152
00:10:43,876 --> 00:10:46,902
You have made me
the laughingstock of the neighborhood.
153
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:49,311
I only told nine people, Wilson. Honest.
154
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,145
- Here's your mail, Al.
- Thanks.
155
00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:52,717
- Hey, Milton.
- Hey, guys.
156
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:58,280
Oh, Wilson, something for you, too.
A sweepstakes letter from Ed McMartian.
157
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:15,329
Come on out, Wilson, and talk to me.
Come on. I know you're in there.
158
00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:20,273
At least come out and wave
at my little spy cam, Wilson.
159
00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:29,883
You'll enjoy surfing,
kayaking and volleyball
160
00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:32,287
on our beautiful
white sugar sand beaches.
161
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:35,885
Wow, that looks great.
What is this, the Leisure Channel?
162
00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:40,660
No. It's a recruiting video
from the University of Maui.
163
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,997
I don't think you're going to a college
164
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:46,596
that's nicer than where
I spent my honeymoon.
165
00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:48,640
Arert you supposed to be studying?
166
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:50,902
While you're overlooking the Pacific,
167
00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:55,072
you could earn your PhD in marine
biology, art history or psychology.
168
00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:57,115
Hello!
169
00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:06,623
Well, now every time I try to talk
to Wilson, he just shoots me down.
170
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:10,253
Wilsors not talking to you
'cause you really hurt his feelings.
171
00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:14,425
I didn't mean to hurt his feelings.
It's just that alien stuff is so crazy.
172
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:17,264
You see? That's the attitude
that he's reacting to.
173
00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:21,773
Whenever you don't understand
something, you just make fun of it.
174
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:25,208
I do that even when I understand things.
175
00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:27,404
You're gonna have to learn to pull back.
176
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:31,348
When a thought enters your mind, it
doesn't have to shoot out of your mouth.
177
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,476
If I could change things, I would.
178
00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:36,578
Because all I've done now
is alienate the one person
179
00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:39,488
whose opinion really matters to me.
180
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:47,596
- What about me?
- What about you?
181
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:51,625
If you want Wilson to know that you care
about what's important to him,
182
00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:53,705
you're gonna have to make a gesture.
183
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:57,503
How about..."Please!"?
184
00:12:57,576 --> 00:13:01,205
No. It works for me, but...
185
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:05,740
You should do some research on the stuff
that Wilsors been talking about.
186
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:09,481
You'll be well-informed and it'll show
that you take him seriously.
187
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:14,492
I gotta have an intelligent conversation
about stuff that doesn't exist.
188
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,721
- Right.
- Government cover-ups.
189
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:20,129
Secret bases in the desert
that no one knows what goes on there.
190
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:22,963
And big crop circles.
What's that all about?
191
00:13:23,068 --> 00:13:27,437
And big balloon-headed things that
look like they ate too many almonds.
192
00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:29,872
Nighttime abductions, big bright lights,
193
00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:34,242
and ships that scream in
and always get people with no teeth...
194
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:39,582
Wow. Look at that girl.
195
00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:42,916
Better hope Mom doesn't catch you
looking at this magazine.
196
00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:47,220
No, this is a college catalog
I got today. It's from Tahiti Tech.
197
00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:52,624
Man, they let a student
walk around campus like that?
198
00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:54,666
She's the dean.
199
00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:58,162
- OK. What do we do?
- We're all booted up.
200
00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:03,004
Access the server, double-click on the
browser icon, and we're surfing the Net.
201
00:14:03,108 --> 00:14:06,407
OK. 20 years ago no one
would've understood that sentence,
202
00:14:06,478 --> 00:14:09,038
and today it's just me.
203
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:14,477
- I start typing in the subject here?
- Yeah. Try UFO.
204
00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:18,319
Good idea.
Probably a few websites, huh?
205
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:26,128
There's 103,000 websites.
206
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:28,758
I guess Wilsors
not the only one seeing things.
207
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:31,530
There's a lot of nut cases out there.
208
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,765
See what they're saying
in the chat room.
209
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,774
A UFO chat room. I bet it's padded.
210
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:46,742
Unbelievable. People all over the world
have documented sightings like Wilsors.
211
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:51,256
Come on, Dad. Don't tell me you're
starting to take this stuff seriously.
212
00:14:52,091 --> 00:14:54,059
It's not easy to ignore, you know?
213
00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:56,127
There's even government documents
214
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:59,129
that show strange phenomena
they just can't refute.
215
00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:01,962
No, Dad. Come on.
Crop circles, Roswell cover-up.
216
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:06,504
And, you know, Elvis is alive
and running a laundromat in Cleveland.
217
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:11,009
Uh-uh. It's a doughnut shop in Dayton.
218
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:17,179
You know, I'm surprised at you.
I mean, how can a sane, rational...
219
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,217
Oh, never mind.
220
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:23,186
I'm telling you, there's strange things
out there we can't explain.
221
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:34,290
- Like what was that?
- It's Mark going to the bathroom.
222
00:15:34,366 --> 00:15:38,325
- He goes the same time every night.
- OK, OK. That explains the noise.
223
00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:42,568
But can you explain why a bladder
that young is on such a rigid schedule?
224
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:05,688
I saw an alien craft...
craft... craft...
225
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:09,256
There's no proof
aliens exist... exist... exist...
226
00:16:09,335 --> 00:16:13,169
Entire departments devoted
to paranormal studies... studies...
227
00:16:13,238 --> 00:16:16,469
The aliens were
bluish-gray... gray... gray...
228
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:19,705
Anyone for cappuccino...
cappuccino... cappuccino...?
229
00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:26,706
- I found the file, Jilly.
- What have you come up with, Taylor?
230
00:16:27,853 --> 00:16:30,583
According to my underground sources,
231
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:34,217
this is the triangulated center
of all alien activity
232
00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:36,261
in the western hemisphere.
233
00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:38,660
Easily explained by swamp gas,
234
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,222
weather balloons,
mass delusional hysteria.
235
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:44,064
Why do you respond
with scientific mumbo-jumbo?
236
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:48,128
Everything you say is pie-in-the-sky,
paranormal saucer-head idiocy.
237
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,936
The truth is out there.
238
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:56,277
No. You're the one that's out there.
239
00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,520
Oh!
240
00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:09,690
Hold up, Jilly. I can't explain it,
241
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:13,027
but I sense the presence of an alien.
242
00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:16,261
Taylor, have you noticed
these aliens seem to eschew
243
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,836
well-lit, ventilated housing?
244
00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:20,872
They what?
245
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,941
Eschew.
246
00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:25,605
Eschew.
247
00:17:25,677 --> 00:17:27,645
Gesundheit.
248
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:37,749
- Right there. Right there. Right there.
- What is it?
249
00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:40,348
The alien we've been looking for
all our lives.
250
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:42,986
How can we be sure it's not human?
251
00:17:43,095 --> 00:17:45,063
It's too small.
252
00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:50,124
Notice... the delicate,
hairless features.
253
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:54,867
Oh, my God!
254
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,048
Put a shirt on!
255
00:18:05,984 --> 00:18:07,952
Hi, and welcome back to Tool Time.
256
00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:12,683
Professional roofer Tony Bruschetta
is talking about harnessing and safety.
257
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,283
Tony's gonna show us
two different systems
258
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:18,329
which allow you to anchor yourself
to the roof.
259
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,701
There's actually a third system
which allows Al's mom
260
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,738
to anchor herself
to a frost-free Frigidaire.
261
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:32,475
Tony's family's been
in the business for 65 years.
262
00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:35,035
You must've logged
a lot of hours on the roof.
263
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:38,743
Does it ever get lonely at the top?
264
00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:42,150
Well, you know, I can't complain.
I've got a roof over my head.
265
00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:45,657
- Uh-huh.
- No, wait, it's under my feet!
266
00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:50,784
It's a 30-minute show, fellas.
267
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,558
I'll do the jokes.
268
00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:56,362
Actually, you ever noticed anything
odd in the sky? Unusual sights?
269
00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:58,403
Tim, not with the aliens again.
270
00:18:58,504 --> 00:19:00,836
UFOs, spaceships, that kind of stuff.
271
00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:05,002
The audience wants to talk about roofs,
not about people from outer space.
272
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,136
You're awfully defensive about this.
273
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:09,976
- There are no aliens.
- How do you know?
274
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:12,414
Hey, maybe he's hiding something.
275
00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:15,009
Maybe he's hiding the fact
that he's an alien.
276
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:18,750
I am not now nor have I ever been
an alien!
277
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:23,921
Oh, yeah? What do the first two letters
of "alien" spell, Al?
278
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,964
Ooh...
279
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:32,201
And your mother's quite large.
Perhaps she's the mothership.
280
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,073
What you got, Wilson?
Some rare Amazonian plant
281
00:19:38,143 --> 00:19:41,169
you crossbred
with, like, a North African variety?
282
00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:44,113
They're petunias. Good day, Tim.
283
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,346
I was wondering if maybe
that spaceship you saw
284
00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:50,980
is the same kind
that the army found in Roswell.
285
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:53,319
What do you know of Roswell?
286
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:57,158
I know that a lot of people think
a flying saucer crash-landed there.
287
00:19:57,229 --> 00:19:59,595
I also know about Sheffield, England.
288
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:02,326
In 1962 there was
a spectacular sighting there.
289
00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:04,961
- And in Mexico City, 198...
- '83.
290
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,595
Yeah.
291
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:09,139
With the difficult time you gave me,
292
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:13,144
I'm surprised you're taking such
an interest in unexplained phenomena.
293
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:17,376
I figured if a real intelligent guy
like you was interested in the stuff,
294
00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:20,816
maybe I should learn more about it,
so I went on the Internet
295
00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:24,685
and I found out a lot of people
have had experiences just like yours,
296
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:28,351
and not just people
with a shellac dependency.
297
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,889
Well, that's true.
298
00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:33,796
I shouldn't have made fun
of your beliefs.
299
00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:35,526
I appreciate you saying that.
300
00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:38,729
Maybe you could relay that
to the guys at the hardware store.
301
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:41,671
Oh, I'll do that.
I'll tell all the guys down there
302
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:44,573
and the mailman
and the guy at the gas company.
303
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:51,078
So, with all your newfound knowledge,
are you a believer?
304
00:20:51,149 --> 00:20:55,108
I wouldn't say that.
I'm just open to more possibilities now.
305
00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:57,655
And I'm having
some really strange dreams.
306
00:20:57,723 --> 00:21:01,454
About government conspiracies,
FBI agents in trench coats,
307
00:21:01,526 --> 00:21:04,461
that you are out there?
308
00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:07,089
You know about my dream?
309
00:21:07,165 --> 00:21:11,465
Are we having some sort of
mind-melding kumbayatic experience?
310
00:21:11,536 --> 00:21:14,505
No. Jill told me.
311
00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:18,068
I didn't tell her.
312
00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:30,750
You said you think Jordars an alien?
313
00:21:30,822 --> 00:21:33,985
How else could he jump that high?
314
00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:36,823
- Shaquille?
- You call that an earth name?
315
00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:41,622
All right. Dennis Rodman?
316
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:44,828
I'll give you that one.
317
00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:47,929
Look, Tim, these guys
don't know I'm onto them,
318
00:21:48,006 --> 00:21:51,066
so I'd appreciate it
if you don't say anything.
319
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:55,512
All right. All right. All right.
How do I know you're not an alien?
320
00:21:57,249 --> 00:21:59,581
I never said I wasrt.
321
00:22:01,253 --> 00:22:04,017
But you're working,
so you must have a green card.
322
00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:07,449
More bluish-gray.
323
00:22:08,305 --> 00:22:14,516
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