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1
00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:04,666
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi.
2
00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:06,638
Wow! You're home late from work.
3
00:00:06,706 --> 00:00:08,867
I stayed at the mall
and did some shopping.
4
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:11,035
You guys have no idea
how lucky you are.
5
00:00:11,111 --> 00:00:13,443
When I was your age,
the closest thing to a mall
6
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:16,812
was a Walgreers with a FotoMat
in the parking lot.
7
00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:21,217
Man, between that and black-and-white
TV, your life was a living hell!
8
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,990
- So, what's in the bag?
- Oh, that's my old shirt.
9
00:00:25,058 --> 00:00:28,585
Check out the new one I bought.
You've never seen anything like it.
10
00:00:30,563 --> 00:00:32,258
Actually, I think I have.
11
00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:40,566
Oh, man!
12
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:48,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today
13
00:01:28,788 --> 00:01:31,256
- Hi, honey.
- Oh, hi, sweetie.
14
00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:32,985
Evening...
15
00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:36,929
Evening, Humpty, Dumpty.
16
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:41,131
I guess you're wondering
why we're both wearing this.
17
00:01:41,201 --> 00:01:44,967
No. I was wondering why
anyone would wear that shirt.
18
00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:49,604
Do you remember
that investment property?
19
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:52,201
Oh, the house on,
uh, Grant or Shadeland?
20
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:56,510
Shadeland, right. They came down $2,000.
I, um, I think they're ready to sell.
21
00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:59,848
Do you think it's wise to tie up
your money in a rental property?
22
00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:03,013
The price is right. We're gonna
fix it up, rent it out, then...
23
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:06,456
Why are we discussing our
financial choices with you kids?
24
00:02:06,559 --> 00:02:09,892
Two kids dressed like
a pair of lava lamps.
25
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:15,401
- You want to take a look one more time?
- That's a good idea.
26
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:18,130
- Get the dishes, set the table.
- What's for dinner?
27
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:20,866
Whatever Randy decides to make.
28
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:22,840
Hey, think pork.
29
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:36,918
If that's the school uniform,
I am not going to high school.
30
00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:42,584
Welcome back to
Tool Time on location.
31
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:45,222
Thank you, Heidi. For those
of you who just joined us,
32
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:48,357
My wife and I bought this rental
property as an investment.
33
00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:52,165
We're gonna show you some tips and an
economical way to make this a makeover.
34
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:55,765
Nothing brightens a room better
than fresh paint. First thing...
35
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:04,478
We've just taken a tour of the kitchen
where we're gonna have to retile.
36
00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:06,314
A lot of nice stuff in that kitchen.
37
00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:08,946
I can't believe how beautiful
that vintage stove is.
38
00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:12,616
Oh, you're just excited. He found
a 40-year-old French fry in that stove.
39
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:15,657
- Let's inspect the living room.
- Right.
40
00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:18,788
And after that,
Tim is gonna take a look at the den
41
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,231
while I figure out
what to do in the bathroom.
42
00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:24,861
You're just now figuring that out?
43
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:28,101
No. But I figured out why we're doing
this show on renovation.
44
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:31,371
Once again, Tim gets
all his work done for free.
45
00:03:31,844 --> 00:03:35,507
Wow! Mr. Cynical.
I'm just here to do good work, OK?
46
00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,311
Any renter's gonna love these.
47
00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:40,147
A fabulous addition to any home.
Don't you think?
48
00:03:42,188 --> 00:03:46,454
This is a tool show,
not the Please Rent My House channel.
49
00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:49,051
Mr. Snippy today, isn't he?
50
00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:52,427
I think someone didn't get
their hot links this morning.
51
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:56,862
These glass doorknobs are in great
shape. I think they're a little loose.
52
00:03:56,936 --> 00:04:00,064
My wife and I are gonna go in
a different direction.
53
00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:03,506
- Upgrade them with brass fixtures.
- No! You can't get rid of these.
54
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:07,137
This is part of the house's charm.
I love these doorknobs.
55
00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:10,182
Well, don't get too attached to them.
They'll turn on you.
56
00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:16,253
Next to fresh paint, replacing carpet
is the quick way to update your place.
57
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:18,449
I don't think so, Heidi.
58
00:04:18,524 --> 00:04:22,551
Why re-carpet when the floors
are a beautiful peg and groove?
59
00:04:22,629 --> 00:04:24,859
- Ooh!
- A big plus for any renter.
60
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,695
You know, Al,
I think you might be right.
61
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:31,201
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Jill.
62
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:34,832
- My business partner, my wife Jill.
- You taping? I don't have makeup on!
63
00:04:34,907 --> 00:04:37,273
Oh, you look fine. You look fine, honey.
64
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:40,312
I'm gonna put the shower curtain
in the bathroom, all right?
65
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:44,111
That's a beautiful pattern for a shower
curtain, a big plus for any bathroom.
66
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:47,152
Once we get this fixed up,
any renter's gonna love this house.
67
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,848
Yes, they will.
In fact, I'll take it.
68
00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:53,255
Thanks, Al. We'll be right back
after these messages from Binford.
69
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:57,656
OK, let's move to the den.
Get that set up.
70
00:04:57,730 --> 00:05:00,494
I'm trying to rent this place.
Don't joke around, OK?
71
00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:03,091
I'm not joking.
I really would like to rent this.
72
00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:04,329
- What?
- Oh, my God.
73
00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:06,302
You'd be the perfect renter.
74
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:09,341
Do you want Al living
right around the corner from us?
75
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:12,039
We can carpool! Hey!
76
00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:14,477
You're not helping your case, Al.
77
00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:18,107
I've been wanting to get out
of that bachelor apartment for years!
78
00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:19,651
I would love living here!
79
00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:22,984
Al is clean. He's quiet.
He'd be the perfect tenant.
80
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:25,354
I was Tenant of the Month
11 times last year.
81
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:28,986
- What do you think?
- Please?
82
00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:32,561
Don't beg, you look like
those circus poodles.
83
00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:38,061
I don't know.
Well, why not?
84
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:41,402
Oh, yes! All right!
Oh, I'm gonna love living here!
85
00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:44,500
Look, I'll even have a coat closet!
86
00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:48,772
Well, congratulations, Al.
87
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:52,682
Oh! And with that big back yard,
I'll finally be able to get a dog.
88
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:54,879
Oh, I'm sorry. No pets.
89
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:58,446
OK. But, boy, this is gonna be
a nice place for mother to visit.
90
00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:01,049
Like I said... no pets.
91
00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:06,392
I'm gonna pick up Samantha.
We're going to the movies.
92
00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:10,527
Hey, um, Randy and Lauren are going
to the movies, too. Can you take them?
93
00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:12,969
Hey, Randy!
94
00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:19,136
What are you doing?
We agreed this was my shirt night.
95
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,874
Before Samantha told me
this was her favorite shirt.
96
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,916
Lauren said this was her favorite shirt.
97
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:27,747
I don't want a girlfriend
if I'm gonna have to wear that shirt.
98
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:30,755
Mark, it's not the clothes that matter.
99
00:06:30,823 --> 00:06:33,451
You'll be rejected based on who you are.
100
00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:36,359
Brad, it's his turn to wear the shirt.
It's only fair.
101
00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:39,364
I've only got a year to wear this shirt
before I grow out of it.
102
00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:41,696
He's got the rest of his life.
103
00:06:44,437 --> 00:06:47,406
Yeah? And you have
the rest of your life to learn math.
104
00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:50,909
Hey, hey, hey!
That is enough, guys!
105
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:54,936
We're just gonna flip a coin. Whoever
loses takes the shirt back to the store.
106
00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:58,450
- Mark, give me a quarter.
- You know, I'm gonna need that back.
107
00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:02,520
All right, Brad.
You're the oldest so you pick.
108
00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,419
- Tails.
- Heads it is. You lose.
109
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:10,360
Hey, and, uh, while you're up there,
you might want to rethink the pants.
110
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:14,058
Oh, finally I can get some work done.
111
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:16,067
Arert you forgetting something?
112
00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:19,334
I love you.
113
00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,599
I know. I know.
114
00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:28,242
There was a long line
at that photocopy place.
115
00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:31,772
- I got the documents for our tenant.
- Wait, this is what you had copied?
116
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:33,341
Uh-huh.
117
00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:36,547
You're making Al sign, what is this,
an 18-page lease?
118
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:41,153
It's a business venture, honey.
119
00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:43,923
I'm doing this to protect us
and to protect Al.
120
00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:48,763
Oh, I see. You are protecting your
best friend by asking for references?
121
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:53,167
You'll notice I gave him a glowing one.
122
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:57,308
According to this
sworn statement here,
123
00:07:57,376 --> 00:07:59,742
his apartment manager says
124
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:03,304
that he once neglected
to clean out a lint trap.
125
00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:06,485
Yep.
126
00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:09,953
I had to grill that old lady six hours
to get her to rat him out.
127
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:13,923
I can't believe it!
You asked for Al's credit history?
128
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,324
You got it. Look back here.
129
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:19,763
1987, he bounced an $8 check
at Cheese World.
130
00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:23,995
Ah, here it is!
131
00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:27,096
Captain Jerky's Meat-Curing Kit.
132
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,737
Hey, Tim. It's open.
133
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,814
Hey, Al. The place looks great.
134
00:08:35,882 --> 00:08:38,180
I brought over your
signed copy of the lease.
135
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,685
Without a forklift?
136
00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:44,983
I can't believe you had me
sign an 18-page lease.
137
00:08:45,057 --> 00:08:48,220
You know, my last lease was two pages.
Don't you trust me?
138
00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:51,024
Al, of course I trust you.
139
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:54,328
I got one little addendum
I want you to sign, though, right here.
140
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:56,962
There you go.
141
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:03,033
A "no gravy in the bedroom" clause?
142
00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:06,039
As long as I'm here,
anything else you need?
143
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:08,637
As a matter of fact, there is.
You know what?
144
00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:11,080
The, uh, the sink in the kitchen
here is leaking.
145
00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:14,914
And this window up here
seems to be a little bit stuck.
146
00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:18,115
Just get a washer for the faucet
and put some silicone on there.
147
00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:19,919
Here you go.
148
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,760
Well, you see, I'm the tenant.
149
00:09:22,828 --> 00:09:26,730
And repairs would be
the landlord's responsibility.
150
00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:30,326
Come on. Tenant, landlord... let's not
get hung up on the labels, buddy.
151
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,031
Well, you want to go by the book,
I'm going by the book.
152
00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:37,337
And according to section 12,
paragraph seven,
153
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,379
uh, you "are responsible for all repairs
154
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:43,415
or I have someone do it
and take it out of the rent."
155
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:50,453
Buddy, buddy, buddy...
156
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:55,991
Close examination of the spirit of this
lease will inform you that that's...
157
00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:58,189
...a sign for renters
that are not handy.
158
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,824
You are very good with your hands.
159
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:03,767
Speaking of which, here you go.
Right there.
160
00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:08,105
All right. I will sign your addendum.
161
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:10,665
Good. Uh-huh.
162
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:12,608
Date it.
163
00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:16,645
OK.
164
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:19,685
Now you fix my house.
165
00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:21,877
Come on.
166
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:26,049
You wouldn't be ashamed to have
someone else repair stuff you could do?
167
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:28,753
Not in the least.
168
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:33,331
- You really want me fixing this?
- You wouldn't be my first choice.
169
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:34,559
But...
170
00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:40,597
...I'll be right here behind you
watching every move you make, "buddy!"
171
00:10:43,442 --> 00:10:46,275
Tim, you're using the wrong
wrench on that faucet.
172
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:52,315
You ask me to fix your house.
Now you don't trust me to do it right?
173
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:57,113
I didn't trust you before I asked you.
174
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:06,591
Thanks to your credit checks, they don't
trust me at Cheese World anymore.
175
00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:24,349
Al, would you hand me
the WD-40, please?
176
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:27,010
Sorry, landlord. No can do.
177
00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:32,485
According to Public Act
Number 42 of 1917,
178
00:11:32,558 --> 00:11:35,026
that's not the tenant's responsibility.
179
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:38,552
OK, what is
the tenant's responsibility?
180
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:43,500
I believe it's to pay the rent
and not eat gravy in the bedroom.
181
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:56,172
Al, are you gonna eat that apple
the entire time I'm fixing the doorknob?
182
00:11:56,248 --> 00:12:00,947
No. At the rate you're going, I'll be
able to fit in two pears and a plum.
183
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:07,291
After you've fixed this door, I want you
to take a look at the, uh, chimney here.
184
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:11,226
Al, I don't have time for this.
A lot of this stuff you could do.
185
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:14,824
You're right. And for $200 an hour,
I would love to.
186
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:17,966
You'd charge me for this?
187
00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:20,972
I'm just exercising
my tenant's rights.
188
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:26,067
This really isn't working out. Maybe you
should find some other place to live.
189
00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:28,146
What? Are you throwing me out?
190
00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:31,149
- No.
- Good. Because you can't evict me.
191
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:33,913
- Oh, yes, I can.
- No, you can't.
192
00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:36,147
- Yes, I can.
- No, you can't. I'll sue you.
193
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:37,780
I have an ironclad lease!
194
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:42,259
That won't hold up in a court of law.
I know. I wrote it.
195
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:52,168
I don't believe this!
You told Al that you want to evict him?
196
00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:55,696
That's right. Because he's
the tenant from hell all of a sudden.
197
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:59,438
He's chasing me around the house
making me do everything by the law.
198
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,446
Well... What about you?
199
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:05,473
I mean, you've done everything to him
short of running fingerprints on him.
200
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,888
No! You did not!
201
00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:13,222
It may have been a computer error,
202
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:16,921
but I think he's wanted in Texas
on mail fraud charges.
203
00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:20,057
Oh, Tim!
204
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:22,965
I mean, it took him
all his courage, you know,
205
00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:24,798
to get out of that cramped apartment.
206
00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:27,930
Then kick him out on the street.
How could you do that to poor Al?
207
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:32,171
Poor Al, my foot.
How about poor me? He wants to sue me.
208
00:13:32,244 --> 00:13:36,180
And that bonehead would probably take
this right to the Supreme Court.
209
00:13:36,248 --> 00:13:39,945
You won't stand a chance.
Sandra Day O'Connor's gonna love Al.
210
00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:43,954
Gidget?
211
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:47,791
Have you thought about
any of the ramifications of this?
212
00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:51,318
I mean, you two work together.
What's gonna happen to your friendship?
213
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:54,560
That will be for
the courts to decide, honey.
214
00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:56,396
You're not going to work this out?
215
00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:59,198
No. Because even if I did,
216
00:13:59,271 --> 00:14:02,968
I run the risk of Al forcing me
to snake out his toilets.
217
00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:05,408
And that's a risk
I'm not willing to take.
218
00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:10,180
If you're not gonna talk to him,
then I'm gonna do it for you.
219
00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:12,217
Oh, good. Good luck.
220
00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:16,618
Go over there and talk, you'll end up
sucking asbestos out of his attic.
221
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:30,896
Wilson, if you need firewood,
I got plenty here.
222
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:32,938
You don't have to chop down your house.
223
00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:36,303
No, no, no, Tim.
I'm just knocking down some icicles.
224
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:39,575
One of my favorite things,
225
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:43,206
right up there with spreading
steer manure on a hot summer day.
226
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:47,410
I'd rather spread steer manure
than be Al's landlord.
227
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:51,513
Really? I would've thought
Al would've been the perfect tenant.
228
00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:55,356
That's why I gave him such
an enthusiastic reference.
229
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:58,123
Maybe I went a little bit overboard.
230
00:14:58,197 --> 00:15:01,963
You're the only one that quoted
Shakespeare on a rental application.
231
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,695
So, you're saying objectively
232
00:15:05,771 --> 00:15:10,333
that the person at fault
is the lessee as opposed to the lessor.
233
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:15,939
More or less.
234
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:17,811
Well, so what happened?
235
00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:20,113
We're just disagreeing over the lease.
236
00:15:20,185 --> 00:15:22,346
So, I'm... I'm gonna have to evict him.
237
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:25,515
Well, Tim, I'm shocked that
you would evict your best friend.
238
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:28,321
I'm more shocked that you would
make him sign a lease.
239
00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:30,157
I'm new at the landlord thing.
240
00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:32,356
I'm trying to do
everything businesslike.
241
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:36,800
Tim, let me ask, if I was renting from
you, would you make me sign a lease?
242
00:15:36,902 --> 00:15:39,632
Well... yeah.
243
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:43,641
Probably let you skip the... the
fingerprinting and the blood samples.
244
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:49,609
Tim, a landlord doesn't have to do that.
245
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:52,377
They don't have to do that.
When I do something new,
246
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,009
I like to go at it full strength!
247
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:56,452
Like the time you brought home
the riding mower.
248
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:59,013
I didn't have to put 120 horsepower
in that thing.
249
00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:01,616
I did 'cause there's nothing
better than adding...
250
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:04,060
More power.
251
00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:07,492
There's a difference between
powering up a lawnmower
252
00:16:07,566 --> 00:16:10,194
and lording it over your best friend.
253
00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:12,635
You know, Henry Adams
the historian said,
254
00:16:12,738 --> 00:16:16,003
"A friend in power is a friend lost."
255
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:19,571
I might've got a bit crazy on that.
256
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:22,808
Twenty-one clauses and
that thorough investigation.
257
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,478
Well, what did you gain from that?
258
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:29,646
Well, I lost my first tenant,
my best friend.
259
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,383
I've got a huge photocopy bill.
260
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:37,258
But they carved a head of me up there
at Cheese World. They set it out.
261
00:16:46,138 --> 00:16:48,834
- Hi, Al.
- Hi, Jill.
262
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:52,501
Can I come in?
263
00:16:53,445 --> 00:16:56,346
It's your house.
You can do whatever you want to.
264
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,375
I brought you a housewarming gift.
265
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:04,481
Why would you do that?
Your husband is trying to evict me.
266
00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:07,258
Well, I think he's totally out of line.
267
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,987
You really think that?
Oh, I'm so glad you think that!
268
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:11,552
Thank you! Oh!
269
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:14,758
And that is why I'm going
to fight him to the death on this.
270
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:18,462
You know, he may have his money
and his... his big-city lawyers,
271
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:21,904
but I have the sword of justice
on my side.
272
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:24,470
Jerky?
273
00:17:24,743 --> 00:17:29,407
No. No, thank you. Al, this doesn't
have to end up in the courts.
274
00:17:29,481 --> 00:17:32,609
I mean, you and Tim
just have to come to your senses.
275
00:17:32,684 --> 00:17:34,413
Tim?
276
00:17:34,486 --> 00:17:38,445
The man who has federal marshals
hounding me about some mail fraud rap?
277
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:44,361
Well, we all know that Tim
has a tendency to go overboard.
278
00:17:44,463 --> 00:17:46,988
Yeah. Well, when he goes
overboard with me...
279
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:51,628
...he turns the whole ship upside-down.
And I'm left holding onto my dinghy.
280
00:17:58,277 --> 00:18:01,906
Well, it's just... you know,
he... he takes advantage of me.
281
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:03,811
- I know.
- It makes me so mad!
282
00:18:03,882 --> 00:18:07,648
- I just... I sink to his level!
- OK. What do you mean by that?
283
00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:09,584
Well, I...
284
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:12,522
First, Tim makes me sign
this ridiculous lease.
285
00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:15,560
And then when I ask him
to abide by the lease
286
00:18:15,627 --> 00:18:18,289
and fix some things
around the house, he resists.
287
00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:22,265
And that... you know, I retaliate by...
by finding more things for him to fix.
288
00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:25,303
- Well, that's understandable.
- It gets worse than that.
289
00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:30,137
Because once he fixed everything, I... I
started breaking new things on purpose.
290
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:34,076
- You broke things?
- Yeah.
291
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:36,545
That's sick.
292
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:39,074
It's also really, really funny.
293
00:18:40,919 --> 00:18:44,184
You know, I've done similar things
to him for different reasons.
294
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:45,723
- You have?
- This one time,
295
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,487
I was really overwhelmed
with schoolwork.
296
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,791
He kept pestering me about
remodeling a bathroom or something.
297
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:54,731
So, I snuck out to the garage and...
298
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:59,169
...I... I squirted some motor oil
under the engine of his Mustang.
299
00:18:59,271 --> 00:19:01,432
It kept him out of my hair for days.
300
00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:04,068
That's brilliant!
301
00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:08,010
This other time,
I painted chicken pox on Mark's face
302
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,708
so I wouldn't have to go
to a tractor pull.
303
00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:14,677
This is a side of you
I never knew existed!
304
00:19:14,786 --> 00:19:17,812
- Yeah. I'm devious.
- Yeah, you are. You're very devious.
305
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,757
- What's so funny?
- Nothing.
306
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,628
You guys are laughing over this lease?
307
00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:31,191
I've been giving a lot of thought
about this landlordltenant thing.
308
00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:33,602
And we gotta work this out.
309
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:36,334
- You think so?
- Yeah. I don't want you out...
310
00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:38,968
Well, you guys obviously have to talk.
311
00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:41,238
- No, we don't. I was done. I'm done.
- Bye!
312
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,576
- That was it. I don't have to talk.
- Oh, no, no.
313
00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:46,584
She's right. We have
some issues we have to discuss.
314
00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:50,580
I say we just let bygones be bygones
and start over.
315
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:51,884
- How about that?
- Oh, no.
316
00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:54,585
It goes much deeper
than that, you know?
317
00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:57,288
This affects the very fabric
of our relationship.
318
00:19:57,362 --> 00:20:00,525
This is like talking to Jill
with a beard.
319
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:05,693
Now, Tim, I... You know,
I have some things to admit.
320
00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:09,935
I have been childish and petty and
unreasonable throughout all of this.
321
00:20:10,008 --> 00:20:11,635
- I have a confession.
- Good.
322
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:13,200
You're absolutely right.
323
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:18,107
Well, obviously, you're not ready
to talk about these things.
324
00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:21,812
Well, what the hey, you know?
You made the gesture and came over here.
325
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,515
And I admitted
I was petty and childish.
326
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:27,957
And you made the gesture
and came over here. And...
327
00:20:28,026 --> 00:20:31,189
- And see you, Al.
- Apology accepted.
328
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:34,694
Uh, the truth is, Al, you know me.
329
00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:37,462
When I start something new,
I tend to go a little crazy.
330
00:20:37,536 --> 00:20:39,970
It always affects the people
closest to me first.
331
00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:42,370
And the truth is
you're a responsible guy.
332
00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:48,004
And you can... you can live here
without the lease.
333
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,310
- Uh...
- Al, don't say another word.
334
00:20:50,382 --> 00:20:54,284
Without the lease. Forget about it. The
lease is gone. Bye-bye. See you later.
335
00:20:54,353 --> 00:20:56,583
Well, thank you, Tim.
336
00:20:57,489 --> 00:21:00,356
That was actually
my life insurance policy.
337
00:21:06,698 --> 00:21:09,929
Well, here it is. The new shirt.
338
00:21:14,906 --> 00:21:19,434
Congratulations, Brad. I... I know
I have never seen anything like that.
339
00:21:20,812 --> 00:21:23,303
Now, you're not gonna go out
and buy one of these.
340
00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:26,442
Oh, you actually paid money for that?
341
00:21:27,219 --> 00:21:30,120
Looks like you peeled it off
a dead clown.
342
00:21:32,557 --> 00:21:35,253
Look who I brought home
for dinner, everybody.
343
00:21:35,327 --> 00:21:37,158
- Ah!
- Hi, Jill. Hey, Mark.
344
00:21:37,229 --> 00:21:39,959
- Hey, Al.
- Ooh, nice shirt.
345
00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:45,132
- You like it? I just got it.
- Yeah. Well, me too!
346
00:21:48,340 --> 00:21:50,308
All right!
347
00:21:52,511 --> 00:21:54,809
Forget about it.
You don't need this lease.
348
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:58,008
No, no, no, no, no...
349
00:22:00,719 --> 00:22:02,880
There we go. OK.
350
00:22:08,694 --> 00:22:11,458
He may have his money
and his big-city lawyers,
351
00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:14,590
but I have the sword
of justice in my side.
352
00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:17,226
- Is it in your side?
- It's right here.
353
00:22:18,305 --> 00:22:24,552
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