All language subtitles for Home Improvement -Season 7- E13

OK. A buck says Brad goes to the party.

All righty.

Another dollar says Brad's been feeling
like a loser since Angela dumped him.

And there's no way
he's going to that party.

Well, we all know Brad's a loser.

But I still say
he's going to the party.

You're betting on Brad's social life?

Actually, I'm betting against it.

Gambling on your brother's broken heart.
That's really nice, guys.

Still time to get into the Brad party
pool? I got a buck says he's not going.

You can't bet against your own son.

Why? How are you betting?

I would've gotten in the action earlier,
but I pulled my back out.

- How'd you do that?
- Don't ask.

I decided I'm not going to the party.

Yes!

All right, thank you very much.

Your lack of self-esteem
has made me a very rich man.

- Brad, you have to go to this party.
- You think so?

You can't stay locked
in your room forever

just cause you got dumped
by dingbat, motormouth Angela,

who, by the way, I really liked
in case you get back together.

- I'll go for a little while.
- All right.

- All right.
- All right. I'll be back by 11:00.

- You don't have to come back early.
- How about 11:30?

You're staying out till past midnight,
no more arguments!

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- What's that smell?
- I don't smell anything.

Oh, man! You still haven't
learned how to load a dishwasher.

It's a subjective thing, honey.

Look, the Salvador Dali Collection.

- Did I miss breakfast?
- And lunch.

- When did you get in? About 12:30?
- Yes, I did.

Did you meet somebody?

Yes, I did.

He met somebody.
Isn't that adorable?

- What's her name?
- Samantha.

Samantha.

Adorable. What is she like?

Well, she's really cute, she loves
sports, and she drives a '68 Camaro.

Camaro? Adorable.

So, when are you gonna see her again?

Soon as I open the door. She's
taking me to the Red Wings game.

Red Wings? Adorable!

- How you doing?
- Hi.

Meet my mom and dad.
This is Samantha Hayes.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- I'm Jill.
- Hi, Samantha. Tim Taylor.

- It's nice to meet you.
- Brad was telling us about you.

- Well, good things, I hope.
- Yeah.

Before we let you out,
there's a few things we need to know.

- Uh, Dad...?
- I'm doing this for your own good.

Samantha, that Camaro...
is it a big block?

You'll have to excuse my husband.

He gets very concerned about his son
getting mixed up with the wrong... car.

- You guys go to the same school?
- No. Samantha goes to Wayne State.

- College?
- Yeah. I'm majoring in communications.

- I want to be a sportscaster.
- She knows everything about soccer.

Great. So you're one of those kids that
shot through high school to college?

No. I started when I was 18.
I'm a junior now.

Yeah, we're both juniors.

Except you're in high school.

Oh, it's hard to believe.

Brad is more responsible and polite than
the college guys I've gone out with.

- You raised a real gentleman.
- I didn't know we were finished.

- Well, we should be going.
- Bye.

- OK. Bye, guys. Have a good time.
- Nice to meet you. Have fun.

All right.

Well, I really wasrt ready for that.

Wait, wait. Hold it. If she went to
college when she was 18, she's a junior,

that would make her... well, older.

She's at least 20.

- Who's 20?
- This girl Brad's going out with.

What would a 20-year-old woman
want with Brad?

Maybe where she lives
she's not allowed to have a dog.

Are you OK with this?

Yeah. She seems like she's very nice.

- Brad's just a boy.
- Oh, come on, Mom!

Younger girls date older guys all
the time. No one says anything about it.

- You have a double standard.
- He's right.

I love you.
But sometimes you can be a bit sexist.

Well, it's our two-week anniversary. We
should go somewhere special for dinner.

Yeah. How about...

Chinese!

- I know this great place.
- Hong Fat's?

- You know Hong Fat?
- I knew him when he was Hong Thin.

I knew you were gonna say that.

- You did?
- Yeah.

I just can't believe
I only met you two weeks ago.

Yeah. It kind of feels like
we've known each other our whole lives.

How was I lucky enough
to meet a guy like you?

Well, I guess we were at
the right place at the right time.

Two strangers reaching for onion dip.

So, when was the exact moment
you knew I really, really liked you?

I guess when you met my parents
and you didn't run away screaming.

OK, Samantha. I got it.

You want to meet Brad for dinner
at Bangles at 9:00.

OK. Bye now.

Dinner at 9:00.

Just a couple of years ago
he was going to bed at 9:00.

A couple years from now
we'll be going to bed at 9:00.

Brad has spent every available moment
with Samantha for the last month.

They're going too fast. I don't like it.

I'm not so sure. His school work
isn't suffering. His job's OK.

He's coming in every night at curfew.
Samantha's a better parent than we are.

- Hey, everybody!
- There's a note for you on the counter.

- Nice jacket.
- Oh, you like it?

- Yeah.
- Samantha helped me pick it out.

She says "dress for who you want to be."

Who do you want to be?

I don't know. I just figure I'll put on
the clothes and see who I turn into.

You've been learning
an awful lot from Samantha?

It's great. You're not gonna believe,
she wants me to take her to Tool Time.

Yeah?

There's something seriously wrong
with this woman.

Funny. I'm starting to like her a lot.

She's thinking about being in TV,

she wants to see what it's like
to tape a live show.

Brad, do you think maybe you're moving
a little fast in this relationship?

We're moving fast
because we really like each other.

Brad, I think the point is
she is three years older than you.

And, um, we're just worried that...

...maybe you're getting in too deep.

You're three years older than Mom.

Look how deep I'm in.

Thank you. Welcome back
to Tool Time's salute...

...to shaving.

It's been grooming week. We've been
cutting, clipping, moussing and foaming.

Now we tackle
the mother of all problems,

removal of unwanted facial hair.

That's right.

Every little boy remembers peering over
the sink watching his father shaving.

In your case it was your mom, wasrt it?

"Al, stop staring at me!
Get me another beer, will ya?!"

Tim?

Shaving equipment has come
a long way over the years.

Right. Today we have
a lot of things to choose from.

Double-edged, swivel head, disposable,
and a wide array of electric shavers.

But for the purist, nothing beats
the cut of a straight edge.

- Right, Al?
- That's right.

Look out! My thumb!
Oh, my God! Just kidding.

Today we're gonna show how close it
shaves by shaving Al's beard. Right, Al?

I don't think so, Tim.

I've grown rather fond of this beard.

You call it a beard.
I call it a runway for Fritos.

In barber college
they practice on a balloon

to get a handle on a straight edge
so they don't nick their customers.

I've got my own version of the balloon.

Why do you put my face on everything
you're about to mangle or destroy?

Because your butt won't fit.

Why don't we take
some audience questions

while Tim lathers up
this ruggedly handsome balloon?

All right, any questions?
Yes, sir?

No matter what kind of razor I use,
I cut myself.

What do you recommend
to stop the bleeding?

Grow a beard.

I recommend a styptic pencil.

Don't use toilet paper.

Otherwise, you have squares over
your face with the red dots in them.

Looks like your face is covered
with little Japanese flags.

Very embarrassing down at the VFW Hall.

All right. Um, well, why don't we...
Heidi, some more questions?

OK. Who else has a question?

Yes, Brad?

Ladies and gentlemen, this handsome
young man is Tim's oldest son, Brad.

Uh, yes. I'm a twice-a-week shaver with
a pretty light beard. What should I use?

A big brown crayon.

Brad, introduce us to your friend there.

Oh, I'd love to.
This is Samantha Hayes.

She's a communications major
at Wayne State

and she plans to be a sportscaster.

Is she your girlfriend, Brad?

Well, actually, as of today,
this is my fianc�e.

Fianc�e?

Well, yes.
We just decided to get married.

Why were you joking
about getting married?

I was trying to do a serious show.

Dad, I'm not joking.

Samantha and I
put a lot of thought into this.

You can't. You've only been
seeing each other for a month.

Mr. Taylor, I know it seems fast, but...

...Brad and I clicked
from the beginning.

Put your clickers away.
This is ridiculous, guys.

I knew you were gonna react like this.
You should be congratulating us.

Waiter, get me some champagne. And
two juice boxes for the bride and groom!

It doesn't matter what you say. We're
getting married. Let's get out of here.

Brad... Hey! Hey!

You can't get married!
You got homework!

Mark, have you seen the salad spinner?
I can't find it anywhere.

Yeah. I put it in
the dishwasher last night.

Oh, no.

It's genetic.

Hi.

Hi. One of our sons
is now melting plasticware.

Well, another one of our sons
might be registering for it.

What does that mean?

Brad and Samantha want to get married.

Married? That's insane!

It's sad, really. Can I have his room?

Would you excuse us
for a minute, please?

Listen to this. They announced
their engagement on Tool Time.

I tried to talk to him about it.
He just ran out on me.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
What if she's pregnant?

What if they're getting married
because they want to get pregnant?

She probably just wants
to get a hold of the Taylor fortune.

- There is no Taylor fortune.
- Not in cash. But we are tool rich.

- We've got to stop this.
- We gotta stop it.

- We can't panic.
- Can't panic.

We've gotta be diplomatic
so we don't alienate Brad.

We don't want Brad as an alien.

- Oh, uh, hi, Brad. Hi.
- Hi, Brad.

- I'll be up in my room studying.
- Fair enough.

That was good.
That was calm. That was good.

Are you insane? What is the matter with
you? You're acting like a crazy person!

How could you even think
about getting married at your age?

Mom, Samantha and I love each other
and we want to build a life together.

Better build a small one. Not much room
up in that bedroom of yours, is there?

Ever since I told you about this,
all you've been doing is joking around.

When exactly do you plan
to have this wedding?

We might not have the wedding.
We might elope.

Just tell me, is Samantha pregnant?

No, Mom. She's not pregnant.

Are you getting married
just so you can have sex?

What is with you, Mom?
All you think about is sex!

What are you doing?

Oh, I was just staring at the stars,

trying to figure out
what it's all about.

- Yeah? What did you find out?
- Teenagers are nuts.

And Oriors belt
actually has some tools in it.

- Hi-ho, good neighbors.
- Hi, Wilson.

Pondering a distant galaxy?

Actually, we're wishing
that we were up there.

- Having a little problem with Brad.
- He's not eating his veggies.

No... gettir married.

Married? At Brad's age?

He'll have to sit at the childrers
table at his own wedding.

We know he's obviously too young for
this, but we can't get through to him.

And the more we argue with him,
the farther away it drives him.

Maybe you shouldn't argue so much.

Great, just let him ruin his life?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

The 19th century English novelist
Elizabeth Gaskell said,

"The wise parent nurtures
the desire for independence

in order to become a friend and advisor
when his absolute power ceases."

If an English novelist said that,
how come it's not in English?

He means if we expect Brad to listen
to us we've got to be on his side.

- But we're not on his side, honey.
- It's reverse psychology.

We have to pretend we are.

Well, that isn't the most honest
interpretation of Miss Gaskell's words.

She won't complain.
She's been dead 100 years.

Show a little respect.
That's Eddie Haskell's mom, right?

- Here comes the groom.
- Shut up.

Hey, Brad, we were thinking about
places to have your bachelor party.

How do you feel about Chuck E. Cheese?

Yeah. The groom gets free tokens.

I get enough crap from Mom and Dad.
I'm not taking it from you guys.

Oh, good, Brad, you're here.
We want to talk to you.

Oh, I am so glad I'm not you right now.

- There's nothing to talk about.
- Now, wait, wait.

Look, we overreacted about this Samantha
thing. We want to make it up to you.

We've been thinking,
we'd like to have her over for dinner.

Why?

Well, if you're this serious about her,
we should get to know her better.

- So, you guys mean it?
- Yeah, absolutely.

I want to make it really special.

- What's her favorite dish?
- Anything.

Chicken Cordon Bleu
with endive watercress salad.

We'll go with your favorite dish.

Sloppy Joes and Tater Tots?

Mrs. Taylor, you cooked
a delicious dinner.

If you're gonna be
part of the family, you gotta be honest.

OK. The brown stuff is a little salty.

Roll it around in the green stuff.
It'll slide right down.

I'm glad you guys
are positive about our engagement.

- It's important to us.
- They had a little trouble at first.

But then they realized how committed
we are and they came around.

- It's good for us, too.
- Oh, what do you mean?

We've been real worried about
putting three boys through college.

And now we just have to worry
about Mark and Randy.

Why, I still want to go to college.

Oh, sure, honey. But, you know,
you're gonna be married and on your own.

So, you have to pay for it yourself.

All right, that's fine. I mean,
I'll probably get a scholarship anyway.

If you don't, I'll get a job
when I graduate next year.

- I'll pay your tuition.
- No, you shouldn't do that.

If that happens,
I just won't go to college.

Brad, I don't want our children to have
a father who never went to college.

Children?

Oh, yeah. Children. Mmm.

Have you decided how many
you want to have?

I am very excited
about the idea of grandchildren.

- Oh, I'd like one of each.
- How about you, Brad?

Children?

Sure. You're gonna love them,

coming home to their chubby little faces
after a long night of delivering pizzas.

So, what makes you think
I'll be delivering pizzas?

I'll still work
at the sporting goods store.

Oh. Well, yeah. But, you're gonna
need a second job to support the kids.

OK. I see what you're doing here.
You're trying to scare us.

- It's not going to work.
- If your parents are having a problem,

- we should talk this out.
- No, I'm through talking.

I talked to them. They said they
were supportive. It was just an act.

Let's get out of here.

Well, thanks for dinner.

It was... OK.

Well, that went well.

Did you see Brad's face
when he heard the word "children"?

- I think we had a real effect on them.
- Maybe.

Or they could be headed
across the state line to get married.

Congratulations, Granny.

I'm sorry you had
to go through that.

It's OK.

My parents are gonna go ballistic
when I tell them we're getting married.

You haven't told them yet?

No. I wanted to wait
until they made my next car payment.

Yeah. Well, at least we know
we're doing the right thing, right?

- That's right.
- Marriage is gonna be great.

Yeah, great.

How soon were you planning
on having children?

Well, not right away.

I was thinking of waiting a few years.

Five... ten.

- Is that too long for you?
- No, no. I was thinking like 15, 20.

Brad, do you really think
you're ready to get married?

Well, I don't know.

I mean, how do you feel?

I think we should slow down a little.

Man,
I'm glad to hear you say that.

And as much as I like you,

I mean, it would be kind of weird
taking my report card home to my wife.

I need more plasticware
for these leftovers.

Oh, man!

- Brad?
- Listen, before you guys say anything,

- there's something I want to tell you.
- You want to register at Toys 'R' Us?

No. Samantha and I decided not to follow
through on this whole marriage thing.

Really? How come?

Lots of reasons. But none of this had
anything to do with what you guys said.

- No. Of course not.
- You're old enough to make decisions.

That's right.

- Goodnight.
- 'Night.

Goodnight, honey.

Yes!

No wedding.
This calls for a celebration.

This proves that we can deal
with any crisis that comes our way.

Here's to two parents
that can handle anything.

I'm going out.
I'll be back about 9:00.

Was his hair pink?

Fuchsia.

What we're gonna do is, I'm gonna use
this practice balloon sent over by

the Straub Barber College.

Hey!

I don't go
for that sort of thing!

I don't go for that sort of thing.

You scared the out of me.

- I don't like to be scared.
- I don't like to be scared.

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