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1
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,200
BRAKES SQUEAL SOFTLY
2
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,600
Where's the weed shed?
3
00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:16,000
Underground.
4
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:19,080
Show me.
5
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,160
HE SNIFFS
6
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,080
And you've been living down here,
have you, since you died?
7
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,880
Mr McCann...
Ssh‐ssh.
8
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,080
Have a seat.
9
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:50,240
You're wondering what I'm gonna do
to you, right? Yeah.
10
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,600
That thought
had flipped through me mind.
11
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,440
I see you in me, Vinnie.
12
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,840
In what way?
No, Christ! Not that way, no.
13
00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,480
What I mean is...
14
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:12,120
..I see some of you inside me.
15
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:13,160
Mm...
16
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:14,440
Fucking hell.
17
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,600
I started out with nothing.
18
00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,120
Scrapped my way up through guile,
cunning.
19
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,960
And I respect people
who do the same.
20
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,000
So if you can do all this...
21
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,480
..and fake your own funeral...
22
00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,200
..you're a man I can use.
23
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,360
So, this is my proposition.
24
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:38,120
I'll pay the cash on all this.
Doubles, trebles, quadruples.
25
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,080
You'll need more space.
You run it, but I own it.
26
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,120
Our weed empire.
27
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:47,040
And if I should ever need a thief
28
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:50,760
or something that requires
your unique skills...
29
00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:54,120
..I will call and you will assist.
30
00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:57,440
Do we have ourselves a deal?
31
00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,880
C...can I stop worrying
you're going to cut my dick off?
32
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:03,960
Consider it safe in my hands.
33
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,160
HE CHUCKLES SOFTLY
34
00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:13,360
But nobody fucks with me twice,
Vinnie.
35
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:16,640
Deal?
Yeah, a deal.
36
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:22,120
Get yourself cleaned up. You can't
work for me looking like shit.
37
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,040
I think this calls for a drink.
38
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,160
Oh, er, no, that's er...
39
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,800
It's piss.
40
00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,080
Mm.
Where are you shitting?
41
00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:39,440
The best things in life are free
42
00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,480
But you can give them
To the birds and bees
43
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,320
HORN TOOTS
I need money
44
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,680
That's what I want
45
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:50,040
That's what I want
That's what I want
46
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:53,680
That's what I wa‐a‐ant
That's what I want
47
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,360
BUTTON CLICKS
48
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,400
OVERLAPPING RADIO STATIONS
49
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,320
Hey‐hey!
50
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,360
Hey, Vin, are you all right?
Hey!
51
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,640
Hey, Vinnie!
Are you all right?
52
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,520
I'm alive!
53
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,240
And I'm seeing things
Mighty clear today
54
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,280
I'm alive
55
00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,920
I'm alive
56
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,400
And I'm sitting here yelling
And doing my thing
57
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,440
I'm alive
58
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,320
And I'm real
59
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,880
I can breathe and touch
And see and feel
60
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,640
I'm alive
61
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:41,960
Yeah, hear me, all
62
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:44,720
I'm a man
63
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,200
Who don't care
If my hair's a bit long
64
00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:51,480
I'm a man
WHOOPING
65
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,000
Na na
Na na
66
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,320
Na na
Na na
67
00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,520
Na na
Na Na
68
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,560
Na na
Na na
69
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,240
Baby, baby
70
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,520
Baby, baby
71
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,320
Yeah, yeah
72
00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:17,360
I'm a man
73
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,720
And I'm red and I'm yellow
I'm black and I'm tan
74
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,480
I'm a man
75
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,960
I'm alive
76
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,680
Sitting here yelling
And doing my thing
77
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,120
I'm alive...
CHUCKLING
78
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,760
Voila.
Voila?
79
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,280
It's a closed metal shutter.
Yeah, fuck me.
80
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,720
It is now, but not when it's full
with an exotic plantation, Dyldo.
81
00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:45,400
Unit 51. That's where the Americans
keep their extraterrestrial aliens.
82
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,520
That's Area 51.
It's highly classified. Oh.
83
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:51,240
They reverse engineer crashed alien
spaceships, study the occupants
84
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:54,240
and then they make their own
aircrafts based on the technology.
85
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:55,680
Right.
86
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,600
Well, in here we're gonna be growing
weed. Industrial scale.
87
00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:01,360
Where did you get it?
Chinese Dan.
88
00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:04,720
That slippery fuck?
I know he's a slippery fuck,
89
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:08,160
but he's a slippery fuck offering us
a deal on a unit, no questions asked.
90
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,200
The best part is next door's a
storage place for curry flavourings,
91
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,400
bloody herbs and powders
and shit like that.
92
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,360
So, with a bit of clever drilling,
ventilation,
93
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,040
it's gonna mask the smell
of the ganja, that is.
94
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,360
There's only one problem.
95
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,200
LOCK CLICKS
96
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,760
SHUTTERS RATTLE AND THUD
97
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,880
He's made you look quite silly
there. Mm‐hm.
98
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,360
Carrot Top Dolls.
99
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,840
Weren't they popular 30 years ago?
The originals were.
100
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,320
No. They've had a resurgence,
actually...
101
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:45,720
Press that.
102
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,400
DOLL CHATTERS IN CHINESE
103
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:49,800
..in China.
104
00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:52,960
Right. And Chinese Dan,
being so fucking Chinese,
105
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,280
he seized upon this. What are we
supposed to do with them?
106
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,600
I bought them as part of the deal
on the unit.
107
00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,080
Fuck's sake!
Fucking hell.
108
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,320
Dolls are dolls.
Kids loved them in the '80s.
109
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:02,960
They couldn't make them fast enough.
110
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,360
We should buy a thousand fucking
VHS machines while we're at it.
111
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,320
Yeah, and some Tamagotchis,
basically.
112
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,000
Ha, ha, ha!
113
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,080
Shut up!
114
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,680
We're gonna need grow lights,
irrigation and extractor fans.
115
00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:16,280
We can nick all that shit.
116
00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,840
But can we make it work
for an industrial grow, Dyl?
117
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,400
Right...
118
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,760
It's gonna need a false ceiling
erecting.
119
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,400
It's gonna need marking out
into grow lanes.
120
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:27,240
Properly measured, no winging it.
121
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,080
We need to seal that entrance,
use the side door.
122
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,680
We can't expose the plants
every time we come and go, but...
123
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,600
..otherwise, it could work.
124
00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,320
Yeah.
PHONE RINGS
125
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,480
Oh, shit, it's McCann.
Here you are.
126
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,800
Mr McCann.
Hello, Vin, where are you?
127
00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:44,080
You won't believe it,
but I'm standing inside
128
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,400
what is soon to become
our industrial grow here.
129
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,960
Excellent, excellent.
130
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,680
You have twin girls, don't you?
Do they like dolls?
131
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,240
Dolls?
Yeah, I've got a couple going spare.
132
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,960
I'll drop them off for you
next time I see you. Did you want me?
133
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,000
I did, yeah.
My boys are tied up,
134
00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,840
so I need you
to collect something for me.
135
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:03,120
Yeah, yeah, no worries. What is it?
His name's Tony Tillerton.
136
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:06,040
That's... That's a person.
I'm gonna text you two addresses.
137
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,320
One's his,
one's where I want him bringing.
138
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,480
You might wanna take a friend
with you. He's a conniving toerag.
139
00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,520
Yeah, understood, yeah.
And Vin...
140
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:14,560
Yeah?
141
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,080
Get the fucker back safe, yeah?
Listen...
142
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:18,280
Er...
143
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,640
No, he's gone.
144
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,480
Right...
145
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,240
Who fancies a nice day out?
146
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,720
ALL: Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
147
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,120
PHONE RINGS
148
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:33,720
Can you throw them over your
shoulder like a regimental soldier?
149
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:35,240
Do your ears hang low?
Yo.
150
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,960
Now, then, Tommo, where are you?
151
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,760
Halfway down the country
on our way to France, man. France?
152
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,200
France, yes.
Booze cruise for the Rat & Cutter.
153
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,880
Jesus Christ, his memory.
154
00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,800
We told you.
It's the fucking new pills,
155
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,480
I can't remember a sodding thing.
156
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:48,800
Cardi says hello.
157
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,280
Carol's given him
the full Vinnie makeover.
158
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,040
Right. How does he look?
Er... an absolute plum.
159
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,080
The whole family's here.
I've got Carol, Erin, Tyler
160
00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:00,000
and, for maximum effect,
Carol's gran Alma.
161
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,320
Say hello, Alma.
Hello?
162
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,120
Are you all right, Alma, love?
Yes, thanks.
163
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,880
Is that the darkie?
164
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,120
Gran!
165
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,960
Oh, Vinnie. The mental one.
That's the one, Alma.
166
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:14,000
I've gotta go. Bring me back some
cheese, will you? Will do.
167
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:17,760
Cheese, Es, and as much booze as you
can fit in an Skystrider Crusader.
168
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,120
What are Es?
Nothing you need to worry about.
169
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,400
CARDI:
They're sweeties for grown‐ups.
170
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,040
Thanks, Cardi. Helpful!
171
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,360
Au revoir, Vin.
Au revoir, bon voyage.
172
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:27,920
Deja vu!
173
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:29,760
Fucking French stuff.
HE CHUCKLES
174
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,080
Oi!
175
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:32,760
Stop fucking about with them dolls.
176
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,560
He's done something wrong.
177
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,400
You don't send people to collect
people unless they don't wanna come.
178
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,440
Maybe he doesn't drive, Dyl.
Fucking tell him to get the train.
179
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,840
What if there's not a train line
where he bloody lives?
180
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,240
A fucking bus, then!
Look, I don't know!
181
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,200
He's asked us to collect him,
so we have to fucking...
182
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,240
What's going on down there?
183
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,440
I think I've got an infestation.
An infestation?
184
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,840
Who've you been shagging?
I met this fella online.
185
00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,280
Randolf.
186
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,520
He was kind of dirty.
What, dirty? Or, like, dirty dirty?
187
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,520
No, not dirty dirty.
Just, like...actually dirty.
188
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:07,440
Lovely. What website are you using?
Shagaskank.com.
189
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,520
The sex was amazing, destroyed him.
Lovely little arsehole.
190
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:14,240
But ever since I've got fierce itchy
pubes now. Have yous any advice?
191
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,520
I do, actually, yeah. Don't have sex
with dirty men called Randolf.
192
00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:19,920
You'll need to shave.
I'm Googling it, but...
193
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,760
..I'm pretty sure you've got
genital lice.
194
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,600
Fuck. What?
Could be a yeast infection.
195
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,480
Or scabies.
Crabs, even.
196
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,720
Extra‐mammary Paget's disease.
It could be.
197
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:30,440
Cheers, lads. Thanks for making me
feel better! Right, here we are.
198
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,000
Avondale.
That's not a thing, is it?
199
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,240
I spy with my little eye...
No!
200
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:40,120
No more I‐spy.
What can we play?
201
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,720
I've got a game, right?
This is brilliant.
202
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,520
We used to play this at school.
203
00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:47,840
Everyone has to tell a secret.
204
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,800
Yeah!
All right.
205
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,080
All right, I'll go first.
When I'm alone in my house...
206
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,920
There's kids present.
Don't worry, it's clean.
207
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,560
I like to get comfortable,
grab a hairbrush
208
00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,360
and pretend I'm in front of
thousands of adoring fans
209
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,880
belting out power ballads.
210
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,680
I wanna know what love is
211
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,760
Ooh, oh, yeah
212
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,840
And I want you to show me
Oh, yeah...
213
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,320
Why am I not surprised, eh?
214
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,360
Who's next?
I'll go.
215
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,840
Oh, God. I'm genuinely nervous.
216
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:18,720
I once stole
a child's breakfast from a cafe
217
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,880
when he went away to the bathroom.
Gran!
218
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,000
Awful.
Why?
219
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,720
He was a lardy little shit.
220
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,200
All right, your turn.
221
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,080
Who me?
Yeah.
222
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,560
Let me think.
You must have hundreds.
223
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,840
Not really.
Oh, come on, Carol
224
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,160
Shall I go again?
No!
225
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,240
Come on.
226
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:37,640
All right
227
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,480
Well...
228
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,040
But it's not for young ears.
229
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:45,520
A fucking porno, Carol?
230
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,600
I thought this was supposed be
a laugh.
231
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:51,640
What, you're t‐t‐telling me
you had s‐s‐sex
232
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:55,200
in f‐f‐front of a camera and
the whole fucking world's seen it?
233
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,800
It wasn't Pulp Fiction, now,
was it, Cardi? Huh?
234
00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,960
And it was a long time ago. I've got
fucking pictures in my head!
235
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,440
Ah, you're overreacting.
236
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,040
Sure, my gran's not bothered.
Oh, well, she...
237
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,640
Well, I fucking am!
You're a hypocrite, Cardi.
238
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:11,400
You enjoy the porn, but you're not
happy that your girlfriend's in one.
239
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,480
What was it called?
240
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:17,920
Eager Beavers.
241
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:20,440
Volume 22.
242
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,200
Fucking unbelievable!
243
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,880
Fucking start the car!
244
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:27,080
Fucking hell!
245
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,080
Christ.
It's a thatched roof.
246
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,160
Hardly screams axe‐wielding maniac,
does it?
247
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,920
DISTANT PEACOCK CALL
Hey, he's got peacocks.
248
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,600
Oh, my God,
psychopaths like animals.
249
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,600
Jeffrey Dahmer had cats.
250
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,120
Yeah, and he also impaled
dogs' heads on sticks.
251
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,160
Let's just keep our wits about us.
252
00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,240
Any aggro, we jump him.
253
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,840
Hello, chaps!
254
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,400
Fresh scones,
straight from the oven.
255
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,440
Go lovely with a cup of tea.
256
00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:06,800
Right, you know the drill.
257
00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,960
We're a big, happy family,
off on our jollies.
258
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:12,120
So, passports out, big smiles...
Passport?
259
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,080
..and let's all pretend...
260
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,120
Yes, Alma.
Yeah, passports.
261
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,440
Obviously. Cos we're going
to a foreign country.
262
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,080
I haven't got a passport.
263
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,080
I haven't been abroad since 19...
264
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,600
You fucking what?
TYRES SCREECH AND HORNS BLARE
265
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,640
Jesus fucking Christ!
266
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:29,520
Gran!
267
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:32,440
What? No‐one said.
Well, we're going to France!
268
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:34,000
Is this a Brexit thing?
269
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:36,360
No, it's a going to another
fucking country thing. Tommo!
270
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,760
I...
I've got my pension book.
271
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,360
Yeah, you show them that,
I'll show them my gym pass,
272
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,720
and he can show them
his Costa fucking coffee card!
273
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,120
She's getting out.
You can't throw her out.
274
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,360
We won't get through, will we,
without her passport?
275
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,360
I'm not turning round, Carol,
cos it's taken fucking hours.
276
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,520
We can't just throw her out
in the middle of nowhere.
277
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:55,200
It's not nowhere.
It's Folkestone.
278
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,440
There's hotels, a harbour, she'll
have a great time.
279
00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,400
And you go with her and make
a p‐p‐porno while you wait. Grow up!
280
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,760
Don't joke, there's a market
for that. Gummy BJs and that.
281
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,200
What's a porno?
It's a grown‐up film.
282
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:06,880
With sex.
Tommo!
283
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,680
What? Was that or was that not
factually accurate? Right...
284
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,440
Let's just think this through.
285
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,160
Why don't we explain what's happened
286
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,240
and see if there's anything
they can do? Like what?
287
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,400
I don't know! I'm thinking of ways
to make it work.
288
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,600
She can hide in the caravan.
No, sweetie, she can't.
289
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,640
Why not?
Yeah, actually. Why not?
290
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:25,920
No!
No, no, Carol, think about it.
291
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,080
The lad's come up with a masterplan.
Hide me?
292
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:29,840
Yes, love, in the bog.
293
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,880
I'm not hiding in the bathroom.
294
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,320
Under the b‐b‐bed, then.
No!
295
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,360
No, Carol. They'll take one look
at us and assume we're two couples.
296
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,120
They won't think to look for someone
else. Then why bring her along?
297
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,160
I'm beginning to wonder that myself.
298
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,440
It's the caravan or nothing.
299
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,320
Put these...
300
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,160
..over here and it turns out
there is absolutely...
301
00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,560
..loads of room.
There you go.
302
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,320
I'll never get in there.
You will, if you pull your knees up.
303
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,400
I'm not happy about this. It's a few
hours and then we're in France.
304
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,800
You know what?
Pretend it's an adventure.
305
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,480
Pretend it's the war
and you're hiding from the Nazis.
306
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,080
But what if they search it?
307
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,280
Haven't they got infrared cameras?
They don't pick up old ladies,
308
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,280
your bones are too hollow.
Come on, love.
309
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:17,080
We'll say you've got dementia and
climbed in when we weren't looking.
310
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,360
Are you OK, Grammy?
311
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,240
Give her a pillow.
Yeah.
312
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,440
Do you want some water, love,
and maybe a snack?
313
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,520
Oh, just put the bloody lid on.
314
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,360
Can I go in the other side?
No, you can't.
315
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:37,960
Grammy?
316
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,560
What grammy?
HE LAUGHS
317
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,160
Cunt.
318
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,000
TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTS
319
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,520
So, it all started
as my cover story,
320
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:53,920
so that I could just get a few hours
here and there away from the wife.
321
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,840
You know, "Just going through
to play with the train set, dear."
322
00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:01,240
And then I would just come in here,
through there,
323
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,600
and, er...
324
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,840
..and do the, er...Terence work.
But...
325
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:09,360
I had to spend a bit of time on
the train set, in case she came in.
326
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:13,160
And, er, so I started ordering
bits and bobs...
327
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,640
Er...don't touch it.
No, you've derailed the diesel.
328
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,960
I'd ordered bits and bobs
on the interweb
329
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,600
and I really got into it.
330
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,560
You see, when you see that train
zooming around the track
331
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,720
it can be quite therapeutic.
332
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:26,960
Excuse me.
333
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,360
Erm, Mr Tillerton.
Mm?
334
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,200
Can I try this out?
335
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,800
I've just always really wanted
to fire one of these.
336
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,320
They're essentially decorative,
old chum.
337
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,240
There's bullets.
338
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:41,480
Well, be my guest. But just make
sure you do it out the back.
339
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,760
You ever make them crash?
I beg your pardon?
340
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:47,120
Do you ever make them...
sort of smash into each other?
341
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,760
Why would I do that?
For fun.
342
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,680
"Oh, no,
they're heading towards each other."
343
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,760
Psshww! Smash.
Casualties. Carnage.
344
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,080
"Oh, no, I've lost a leg!
Oh!"
345
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,520
You know,
"I got separated from the group.
346
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:02,440
"Oh, my children, where have they
gone? Where are my children?"
347
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,120
No.
348
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,760
So your wife has no idea
that you do illegal tech fraud?
349
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:14,440
Oh, absolutely, blissfully unaware.
PEACOCK SCREECHES
350
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:15,960
We have a wonderful retirement.
351
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,240
God knows where she thinks
the money comes from.
352
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,360
GUNSHOT
Shit!
353
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,000
Oh, well, fuck.
354
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,040
DISTANT PEACOCKS SCREECH
355
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,720
It was coming for me.
It's a peacock!
356
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,800
It was coming for me.
Whoa, whoa, put the fucking gun down!
357
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,000
This is Struan.
358
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,040
He's my favourite.
359
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,160
I'm really sorry.
I'm a fish‐lover, actually.
360
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,520
I hate hurting animals.
They'll all tell you.
361
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,680
I've had this bird in my bed.
Oh.
362
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,720
I can't...
Not like that, no.
363
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,120
Curled up like a dog.
It's still weird.
364
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:50,960
He was coming for me.
365
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,400
Stop saying that!
All right, shall we, er...?
366
00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,480
Oh, Struan...
Shall we get going?
367
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,000
Come on, Tony.
Struan!
368
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,680
I know. Poor Struan.
Come on.
369
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,960
I'll never see his like again.
I know, I know.
370
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,480
Come on.
Oh, Struan...
371
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,680
Come and have a cup of tea.
I know. It's a shame.
372
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,360
Come on, you'll see him again.
373
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,400
Who is that boy that shot him?
What's his name?
374
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,440
JJ. He didn't mean to do it.
JJ.
375
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,520
Bell end.
Oi! Get the fuck up here.
376
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,920
Yes, I'm just leaving a note
for the lady wife about, er, Struan.
377
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,280
Erm...
378
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:27,080
Would you boys mind awfully if
I had a little tinkle before we go,
379
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,680
if it's a long drive?
Yeah, all right. No worries.
380
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:30,960
Thank you.
381
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:33,840
Go with him.
382
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,160
Go with him?
Go with him.
383
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,000
He might be up to summat.
Like what?
384
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,880
Well, I don't know.
But Terence said he were conniving.
385
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,960
Ah, here, he made scones,
he's hardly danger.
386
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,800
What is that there?
The side of your head just there?
387
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:49,960
Go with him.
388
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,280
Sorry there,
I've gotta come in with you.
389
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,800
Come in with me?
Yeah. It's just...
390
00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:57,800
Just in case, like.
391
00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,760
Right.
If it's just a number one,
392
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,080
I'll just stand with my back to you,
so...
393
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,920
OK, right.
Er, I've just got to warn you,
394
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:09,480
I've got shy bladder syndrome, so...
395
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,040
Right, yeah. Yeah, shy bladder.
Uh‐huh.
396
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,560
I'm ever so sorry.
397
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,840
I can feel it in the pipe,
I just can't coax it out.
398
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:26,080
No worries. Is there...?
Is there anything I can do to help?
399
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,000
Like what?
I dunno.
400
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,840
Run some water or whistle
or something.
401
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,480
Well, if you like, yes.
402
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,560
HE WHISTLES
403
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,080
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no!
404
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:37,680
No, that's...
That's not helping.
405
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,720
It's gone right back up
into the bladder.
406
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,040
I'll try the tap, so.
407
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,680
Oh, yeah, I think we're on the w...
We're going...
408
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,480
PHONE RINGS
Oh, no! It's gone back up again.
409
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,000
For Christ's sake. What?
410
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,840
VINNIE: What are you doing?
We're in t'van.
411
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,040
He's got shy bladder syndrome.
Shy bladder syndrome!
412
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,520
That's not a thing.
413
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,240
Tell him we've gotta go.
We've gotta go.
414
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,640
I'm bursting. Why don't I
just leave the man to piss?
415
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,920
I'll stand the other side
of the door. Fine.
416
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,280
I'm just gonna lock the door,
thanks. OK.
417
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,040
LOCK CLICKS
418
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,240
SHIP'S HOOTER BLARES
419
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,720
The way I see it, right,
life's all about perception.
420
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:32,400
Two hours ago, you didn't know your
girlfriend's chuff were out there
421
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,720
for every Tom, Dick and Harry
to wazz over
422
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,840
and you were happy
in your ignorance.
423
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:40,280
Yeah, but now I do.
Right, so pretend you don't.
424
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,440
How?
Tell your brain it never happened.
425
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,480
Tell your brain that...
426
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:50,040
..she didn't nosh a massive‐cocked
guy with the cameras rolling
427
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,120
and there aren't tens of thousands
of people
428
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,440
who've wanked themselves
into oblivion... Tommo!
429
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,200
Y‐Y‐You're not helping.
Fine, torture yourself.
430
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:01,880
But there is nothing you can do
or say that's gonna change things.
431
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:03,720
There is, actually.
What's that?
432
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,280
I wanna see it.
All right.
433
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,320
I wanna see the f‐f‐film.
Yeah?
434
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,360
Think you're up to it, do you?
Yeah.
435
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,480
You can handle what comes out
of that Pandora's box?
436
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:17,920
Whatever comes up.
OK.
437
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,960
Your wish is my command.
438
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,320
Rub that lamp, see what comes out.
439
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,520
Thank you, genie.
440
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,560
I'll make some calls.
441
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,640
SHIP'S HOOTER BLARES
442
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,400
Bonjour.
443
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,760
I'm from Cornwall.
In that case...
444
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,880
WEST COUNTRY ACCENT:
Thas it, my lover, get on my cock!
445
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,200
Passports.
446
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,080
Have a good trip.
Will do.
447
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:58,360
Just, er...wish my dear old gran
could have been here.
448
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,600
HE CHUCKLES
Piece of piss.
449
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,560
Why would you do that?
Why even mention her?
450
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,880
Just having a bit of fun. Relax,
we're through.
451
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:07,640
When can we let Grammy out?
France.
452
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,760
What?!
Carol, there's CCTV everywhere.
453
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,800
We'll get across the sea,
pull her out in Calais.
454
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,840
Hey...beer?
455
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,680
Back of t'fucking net!
456
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:17,960
HE CHUCKLES
457
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,920
What are all these things
doing in here?
458
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,440
We're doll connoisseurs.
459
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,600
My daughter had one of these.
460
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,840
I think she used to call her
Bernadette.
461
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,320
DOLL CHATTERS IN CHINESE
462
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,760
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I bloody hated it.
463
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:39,560
Do you know these things were going
for 500 quid a pop back in the '80s?
464
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,600
See what I mean? Demand.
Yeah, then.
465
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,120
Then!
Demand.
466
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:46,640
Are you all right, sunshine?
I think it's a fungal infection.
467
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,600
You wanna have that checked out.
A friend of mine had that.
468
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,960
Turned out to be extra‐mammary
Paget's disease. See?
469
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,760
What even is that?
470
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,160
Well, it's associated
with an underlying cancer.
471
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,880
Huh?
Have you got any bleeding at all?
472
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,200
Not that I've noticed.
473
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,600
Itchy scrotum?
Or is it just the pubes?
474
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,680
Mainly just the pubes.
And any discharge?
475
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:08,480
Oh, come on.
Are you a doctor?
476
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,960
Oh, no, no,
but you don't get to my age
477
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,320
without having your fair share
of health scares.
478
00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:16,360
The things to avoid are stressful...
HEAVY THUD
479
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:19,760
Fuck!
480
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,720
Out of the van!
Out of the van!
481
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,480
SHOUTING
482
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,560
Give me the keys!
483
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,320
Don't hit me!
Be cool, man.
484
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:31,480
Will you shut up?!
Fuck!
485
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,480
OK, let's go! Let's go!
486
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,720
Are you all right, Dyldo?
487
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,040
Ooh!
You fuckers!
488
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,440
Fucking keys, dude.
489
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:42,920
Motherfucker!
490
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,920
TYRES SCREECH
491
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,440
Fucker.
Well, this is fucked, this, lads.
492
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,520
Dude, they knew we were coming.
They must have. Of course!
493
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,920
Cos they got fucking tipped off.
This knobhead down here. What?
494
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,800
This is fucking you, this, Ash!
How me?
495
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,160
Fucking shy bladder?
He couldn't piss.
496
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,680
He was fucking buying himself time,
so he could bell up them wankers.
497
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,720
And now we've fucking lost him.
498
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,200
What am I gonna tell McCann?
I've found them!
499
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:16,760
Thank God for that
500
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:20,120
Ah, fuck...
They're in a cowpat.
501
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,800
Fish them out. What if I get
mad cow disease or something?
502
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,120
You fucking shot a peacock, dude.
Fish them out!
503
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,080
Urgh!
Urgh!
504
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,440
Now, then, they not gonna
be expecting us to chase,
505
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,640
so I reckon we should chase them.
They're fucking armed.
506
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,840
Do you wanna be the one
who explains to McCann
507
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,720
that we've lost a pigging pensioner?
508
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,560
No.
Exactly.
509
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:49,880
Oh, bollocks.
510
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,240
Just get in the van.
511
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,280
This is wrecking my trainers, man.
There's no service out here.
512
00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,480
I just put my hand in cow shit,
so shut up.
513
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:09,600
..carry on
Across the silver sea...
514
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,200
TOMMO:
Bonjour et bienvenue en France.
515
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,880
Mission accomplished.
CAROL: Right, get her out of there.
516
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,560
HORN BLARES
517
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,640
Jesus Christ, you're on
the wrong side of the road!
518
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:20,320
You fucking eejit!
519
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:31,040
She can get a plane home, man.
I'm not going through that again.
520
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,360
Hey.
I've texted Fingers McGuinness.
521
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:40,960
He's got a sex shop in Southport. If
anyone can find that movie, he can.
522
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,600
Legend.
523
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,440
Grammy, wakey, wakey,
rise and shine.
524
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,760
Grammy, we're through.
It's all good.
525
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,240
You can get up now,
come back and sit in the car.
526
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,440
Alma, love.
527
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:53,560
Alma...
528
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:54,720
Shit.
529
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,360
Shit what?
Er...
530
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,520
I'm not a doctor, but, er...
531
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,240
..I would say, with quite a degree
of certainly, that, er...
532
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,240
HE SNIFFS
..she's dead.
533
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:04,640
THEY GASP
What?
534
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:05,680
No!
535
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,200
Grammy!
536
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:08,640
Grammy!
537
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,160
Grammy, no‐o‐o‐o‐o‐o!
538
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,480
No‐o‐o‐o‐o‐o!
Let's get you out of here.
539
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,680
Has she died?
Yeah, but she was very old.
540
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,720
CAROL SOBS
Come on.
541
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:20,760
SOBS AND SNIFFLES
542
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,280
Why did you...?
Why did you put her in there?
543
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,720
It weren't my idea.
It were Tyler's.
544
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:30,760
I merely endorsed it.
545
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,040
N‐N‐Nobody's f‐f‐‐fault, Carol.
546
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,040
Correction, it's his fault.
547
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,160
Or yours.
What, m‐m‐mine?
548
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,040
You stuffed her under there!
549
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,840
Her an old woman
and her on the pills.
550
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,160
I mean, what happened to her?
Maybe...
551
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,040
Maybe it were natural causes.
552
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,360
You stuffed her under the bed
of a caravan!
553
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,640
Which, in and of itself,
won't kill you.
554
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,520
What am I going to tell my grandad?
555
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,280
They've been married
for nearly 49 years.
556
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,920
Probably...
cancel the golden anniversary.
557
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,440
That's my fucking grammy
you're talking about!
558
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,120
In fairness,
it wouldn't have happened
559
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,920
if she'd remembered
her fucking passport.
560
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,480
I'm gonna fucking kill you.
Carol, Carol, ssh.
561
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,520
Carol!
And she were a racist.
562
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,560
CAROL SHOUTS ANGRILY
563
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:16,000
Can we go on holiday anyway
with her just dead?
564
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,120
Er...
565
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:19,760
No, no. No, darling.
566
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,520
Where are these fuckers?
They're probably miles away.
567
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:28,280
Yeah, cos they're bloody
professionals. They had masks.
568
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,800
Masks don't make you professional,
JJ. They're 1.49 off eBay.
569
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,760
They went straight ahead and
there's not been any major turnoff,
570
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,680
so we just keep going and hope...
Fuck!
571
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,640
Oh, shit.
TYRES SCREECH
572
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:39,920
That's them.
573
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:41,600
See? Shy bladder.
Let's get them.
574
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,840
Fuck, the motherfuckers
have fucking seen us.
575
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,680
We only want to talk!
576
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:48,960
"We only wanna talk."
577
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,000
What?
It might have bloody worked.
578
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,480
What the fuck are we gonna talk
about, the state of the economy?
579
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,560
For Jesus' sake, you're gonna lose
them, Vin. I'm not gonna lose them.
580
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,040
PHONE RINGS
This piece of shite can't keep up.
581
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:02,920
Not a good time, Cardi.
It's about your gran.
582
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:06,160
Did you not hear me say it's not a
good time? What about her?
583
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,600
S‐S‐She's kind of d‐d‐dead.
584
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,040
What do you mean dead?
Dead, dead.
585
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,200
She's dead.
And talking about stiffs,
586
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,520
did you know your sister's
done a porno? Hold on.
587
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,680
I'll call you back, all right?
588
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,360
Oh, guys, this isn't good.
589
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:24,760
Don't ever mess with my peacocks,
you bunch of schmucks.
590
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,280
He's shooting at us!
He's fucking shooting at us!
591
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,280
Armed and dangerous.
Drop back.
592
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,880
I'm not gonna drop back.
He's gonna kill us!
593
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:35,680
I'm fucking commanding you, stop
chasing them. I'm gonna zigzag.
594
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:38,240
Zigzagging?!
Fucking listen to yourself!
595
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,520
Can't hit a moving target.
Fuck you!
596
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:41,680
Shit!
597
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,120
I'm gonna fucking die collecting
an old man that can't piss.
598
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:45,720
Pipe down, dude, no‐one's dying!
599
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:48,640
ALL SCREAM
600
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,760
TYRES SCREECH
601
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:52,560
Just calm the...
Oi, oi, boys!
602
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,600
Calm the fuck down.
Get out of the fucking van.
603
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,440
Argh!
604
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,720
Oh, Jesus, his fucking head's
come off. Brilliant!
605
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,680
Yeah, that's not good.
Not good?
606
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,280
Didn't you see the fucking sign?
Misestimated.
607
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,440
Yeah, you fucking misestimated.
608
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,520
Now we've got a head rolling about
on the floor.
609
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:12,960
Oh, man, his eyes are still open.
He's fucking looking at me.
610
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,920
Stop him looking at me!
What we gonna do?
611
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,320
What the fuck do you mean?
612
00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:19,200
He's no good to us now.
No, well, funnily enough,
613
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,840
he's not much fucking use to us,
either, you lemon.
614
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:23,760
PHONE RINGS
Oi.
615
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,480
Get the fucker.
616
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,120
Fuck, it's McCann.
617
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,720
What do I do?
Don't answer it.
618
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:32,080
Don't answer it!
Fucking genius, Dyldo.
619
00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:34,520
What if he knows?
How can he fucking know?
620
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,200
Will you fucking calm down, Dylan?
Calm the fuck on down.
621
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,600
You fucking calm down an' all.
Shit!
622
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,120
All right.
RINGING CONTINUES
623
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:47,960
Hello.
Hello, Vin, how's it going?
624
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:51,400
Yeah, yeah. Good thanks, yeah.
Never been be better, actually.
625
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,800
You've got Tillerton?
Oh, yeah.
626
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:57,120
Looking at his... Looking at his face
right now, actually.
627
00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,560
Are you on your way back?
Doesn't sound like you're driving.
628
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:00,920
No, we, er...
629
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,680
We pulled over.
He needed a... He needed a piss.
630
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,640
Oh, yeah, he's got that
shy bladder thing, hasn't he?
631
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,800
No, he's not got that any more.
We've cured it, actually.
632
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,840
He's like a fucking racehorse.
Tony, come on, lad, will you?
633
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:16,240
Shall we see you later on?
Yeah, the address I sent. 5pm.
634
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,040
Right. I'll be there with bells on.
Oh, he's fucking gone.
635
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,760
Why did you let them get away?
Fucking gone.
636
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,080
Took his body. What are we gonna do?
He's still looking at me, you know.
637
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,800
JJ, if you carry on,
I'm gonna fucking brain you, dude.
638
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,400
We have to move this head
before someone comes. No!
639
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,200
HE EXHALES HEAVILY
JJ?
640
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,280
No fucking way am I touching that.
641
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:35,480
Fuck.
642
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,680
How are we gonna move a human head?
643
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:39,640
Those Carrot Top dolls.
644
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:41,880
Go on, Dyl, bro,
throw us one of them boxes.
645
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,440
I've gotta be honest, man,
I'm not sure I can do this.
646
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,880
You and me, grab an ear each,
it'll be grand.
647
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,880
He looks a bit surprised.
Of course he looks fucking surprised.
648
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,880
So would you if you had your head
ripped off your shoulders.
649
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,040
Ooh, fuck me.
Smells of mackerel, doesn't it?
650
00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,560
Yeah, that's the blood.
651
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,040
Or there's every chance
he had mackerel for his tea.
652
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:04,880
Oh, dude.
653
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:05,920
Urgh!
654
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:07,080
Whoa.
655
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:09,320
Have you got him?
Have you got him?
656
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:10,920
No...!
Fucking hell!
657
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,440
That was you, that!
658
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:14,760
You didn't stop it rolling.
Brilliant, dickhead.
659
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:16,880
It's not my fault.
You could have broken his nose.
660
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:19,160
How the fuck are you two doing?
Having a nice afternoon?
661
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:21,240
Why are you taking it?
What are you gonna do with it?
662
00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:23,560
What the fuck do you suggest I do?
Leave it here?
663
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:27,280
I think a severed head might raise
a few questions, don't you, Dyldo?
664
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,840
You grab that way.
I'll grab this way.
665
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:31,080
Right.
666
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:32,480
BOTH GRUNT WITH EFFORT
667
00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:37,640
Shit. Cyclist!
Where?
668
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,560
Cyclist, coming fast.
669
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:44,480
Shut the door.
Afternoon.
670
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:45,560
Are you all right, mate?
671
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:49,520
Fuck me.
672
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:56,400
THUNDER RUMBLES
673
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,520
We brought a woman into the country
illegally and now she's dead.
674
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:03,160
If we go to the police they'll ask
some seriously awkward questions.
675
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:06,000
Can't we just bury her at sea?
Shut up. Poor Grammy.
676
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,600
How I see it, right,
we've got two options.
677
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:10,160
No, three.
678
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:11,720
No...four.
679
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,760
Oh, for God's sake, Tommo!
All right.
680
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:16,160
Option A, we go to the fuzz, tell
them exactly what happened
681
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:18,120
and let the chips fall
where they may.
682
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:19,520
Do you speak the French?
Oui.
683
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:22,240
Any more than oui?
Es‐tu trempe.
684
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:25,280
What's that? It roughly translates
to, "Are you moist?"
685
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:27,000
Well, that's gonna come in handy,
innit?
686
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:28,840
Right, B.
Option B.
687
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:31,680
We arrange for a speedy funeral.
Dignified service,
688
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:34,600
bang her in the oven, on we go
like nothing ever happened.
689
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:36,640
Oven?
Oven or grave.
690
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,800
But oven's more environmentally
friendly.
691
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,040
So you can organise a swift funeral
in a foreign country
692
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,520
that we can afford?
I can speak to Gary at Abracadaver,
693
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:45,440
see if he's got
any French connections.
694
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:48,400
Gay undertaker, there must be
a website or WhatsApp group.
695
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:49,640
C.
696
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,920
Option C would be my favoured
option. Being?
697
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:57,000
We get the booze, we get the gear,
mission accomplished. And then...
698
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:00,240
..we hide your granny
somewhere discreet.
699
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,880
Fucking hide her?
Look, just think about it.
700
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,400
We go back, we get her passport,
we come back here.
701
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,280
Then we reveal she's dead.
702
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,160
Voila!
No‐one goes to prison.
703
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,440
Where are you gonna hide her, Tommo?
In a field? In a telephone box?
704
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:15,040
In a fucking roll of carpet?
705
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,400
Obviously not,
cos they're terrible options.
706
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,600
Well, the carpet might work,
I suppose.
707
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:22,480
You killed her, you prick! And now
you want to stuff her in some field
708
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:26,360
and fill the caravan full of drink!
I specifically said no to the field.
709
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,200
Look, in case you've forgotten,
710
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,480
we brought an undocumented woman
into the country, right?
711
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:33,520
All of us.
Joint enterprise.
712
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,760
QED,
we are all in the shit together.
713
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:39,880
You're not fucking hiding her!
Fine, what's your big plan?
714
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,040
Right, brought supplies.
715
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,560
How can you eat at a time like this?!
716
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:46,440
Get off!
Oi, eager beaver.
717
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:52,360
Carol, nothing's gonna bring
your gran back. I'm sorry, OK?
718
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:54,640
But I say we get on with the trip,
we...
719
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,800
..make the most of the...
beautiful weather.
720
00:32:57,840 --> 00:32:59,600
THUNDER RUMBLES
Yeah?
721
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,160
We pick the booze up,
we get...the sweeties.
722
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,160
And then we make a plan
when we're on the road, yeah?
723
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:06,680
Eugh!
724
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:08,160
Quick, quick, quick, quick.
725
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,640
It wasn't S&M.
It was just a bit of light spanking.
726
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,320
What's that, like, strangulation?
No.
727
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:17,160
Face sitting?
No.
728
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,320
Nothing poo‐related?
Oh, no, no, no.
729
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,720
Where's the fucking caravan?
Where is it?
730
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,240
Feck the caravan,
someone's nicked Grammy!
731
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:28,800
Arrrggghhh!
732
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:34,960
His words, his exact words, were,
"Get him back safe."
733
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,400
Not just his head.
Not just his fucking bonce.
734
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,800
He wanted to have a word with him.
"Come for a nice day out," he said.
735
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:42,880
"Smoke a spliff, a few tunes."
736
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,160
And what have I done?
I shot a peacock...
737
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:49,320
..and I'm sat next to a box
with a head in it.
738
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,160
It's like Se7en.
739
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,000
TEARFULLY:
It's my gran, she's just gone.
740
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:00,120
It was probably her heart, you know.
Black old heart on her.
741
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,000
She was always smoking cigarettes.
Fuck! That's what we tell him.
742
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:04,560
That's what we tell Terence.
743
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,840
What, that he got trapped in the
seat of a caravan? No!
744
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,800
Fucking ring Gary at Abracadaver.
745
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:12,520
Tell him we're coming over and it's
urgent. Fucking go on.
746
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:15,280
That's it, like, we have to tell the
police. Yeah...
747
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:17,360
Ah, mm, yes.
HE SNIFFS
748
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,760
I, er... I agree and, er...
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
749
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:21,280
..I understand your logic.
750
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:24,480
But, er, before we go down
that particular...avenue,
751
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,880
there might be a few matters it
would be prudent for you know about.
752
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,240
Like what?
Well...
753
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:33,240
A, that wasn't exactly my caravan.
754
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:36,760
When you say not exactly...?
Well, you know, er, not at all.
755
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,120
It was nicked from outside
a dog kennels in Keighley.
756
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:40,560
B?
B...
757
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,400
I don't actually have
a driver's licence,
758
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:44,320
so we can't say
I was behind the wheel,
759
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:47,520
which is a problem if they check the
security footage in Calais and...
760
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:49,360
C...
There's a C.
761
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:50,600
There's a fucking C.
762
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,720
C, I have a criminal record
in France
763
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:54,480
due to an incident several years ago
764
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,280
involving a couple
of exchange students
765
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:58,240
and a glory hole
in a Paris cinema bathroom.
766
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,600
Jesus Christ, Tommo!
What's a glory hole?
767
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,240
It's a hole you put your...
Cardi!
768
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,200
It's...
It's for sweets.
769
00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:08,280
You all seem to be forgetting
that my grammy...
770
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,960
The racist...
..is dead and AWOL.
771
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:14,400
What if we never see her again?
Hey, hey, hey, look, look.
772
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:17,000
We've saved money on t'funeral.
Right, that's it!
773
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:20,960
Who wants to make a porno?!
774
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:22,880
Anyone?!
775
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:24,800
Anyone want to fuck?!
She's in shock and grief.
776
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:26,840
And soon, Eager Beavers 23.
What?
777
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:30,240
Carol!
778
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,280
Are we on holiday now?
779
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:37,720
What do you want me to do?
780
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,960
Look at it! It's like you've been
using it as a fucking pinata.
781
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:43,840
Superficial, innit, man of your
skills, Gary. And then what?
782
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:45,880
Where's the rest of him?
Well, fucking hell,
783
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,400
that's where the big favour comes in,
cos we've lost him.
784
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:50,560
You've lost him?
Yeah. Well, no, no.
785
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,120
He got stolen, to be fair.
It's a fucking long story.
786
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,360
Look, the good news is
we do have the head.
787
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:58,480
So I say we stitch that head on to
another body. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
788
00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:01,760
Sew that head on to another body?
Yeah.
789
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:04,720
I mean, dude, you must have some
lying around. Er, yeah, I have.
790
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:07,800
But oddly enough, Vin, the bodies
are still attached to the head.
791
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:09,760
They're intact.
All right.
792
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:13,080
So, let's just say,
for argument's sake,
793
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:16,400
one of them heads was to fall off
that body, right?
794
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:20,560
And then we get that head
and stitch it on to that body
795
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,560
and borrow it for, like, two fucking
hours. Is that deeply unethical?
796
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:26,080
Yes.
797
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:29,120
Utterly contemptible,
unthinkable, undignified.
798
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:30,520
300 quid.
Done.
799
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:31,920
Sick.
800
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,440
All right, so...
801
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:35,160
..we've got sort of a fat fella.
802
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:38,680
And, er, like, a thin woman.
803
00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:40,760
And...
804
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:44,400
..a black lad.
805
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:47,560
So there's no perfect match.
806
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:51,320
ELECTRICAL SAW WHIRS AND STOPS
807
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:53,120
All right,
one of yous has to catch it.
808
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,480
Dyl?
No fucking chance.
809
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,760
My gran died earlier today.
810
00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:59,520
Fuck, dude!
811
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,720
I've been fucking lifting his head
all day long.
812
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:04,040
Quickly, now.
This is fucked.
813
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,240
ELECTRICAL SAW WHIRS
Oh, dude! Fuck!
814
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,600
ELECTRICAL SAW STOPS
Fuck, it went in my fucking mouth!
815
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,880
How am I supposed to know where
it's gonna spray? It's not my fault!
816
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:17,240
I'm doing you a favour!
Fucking hell, why's his dick out?
817
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,600
Because he's dead! What do you mean,
"Why is his dick out?"
818
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,160
What do you want? Shorts?
Yeah, some short something.
819
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,840
A bit of dignity for t'poor lad.
Just hold his head!
820
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:25,920
Jesus Christ, dude.
821
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:29,520
It's fucking... It's like
he's staring at me dude, all limp.
822
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,680
Why does it smell of burnt dog meat?
It's fucking horrible.
823
00:37:32,720 --> 00:37:35,200
Why's it smell like that?
You get used to it, OK?
824
00:37:35,240 --> 00:37:37,320
And, to be honest,
I find it quite relaxing.
825
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:38,760
Hold his head!
Urgh!
826
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,200
WHIRRING
Eugh!
827
00:37:41,240 --> 00:37:42,720
Right, here we go!
828
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:44,880
Oh, fucking...
Jesus!
829
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:46,320
Eugh! Whoa!
830
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:48,000
Here we go!
831
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,040
Urgh!
Pull it! Pull it!
832
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:54,800
SPLASHING
Eugh! Eugh!
833
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:56,320
Eugh!
HEAVY THUD
834
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:57,800
Eugh!
835
00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,080
Fuck!
Just get me the other one!
836
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,120
Fuck.
Urgh! Urgh!
837
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:03,280
Oh...
838
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:05,880
I don't know if we're gonna have
enough neck here to stitch it on.
839
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:07,360
Urgh! Urgh!
840
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,480
We're gonna have to put a scarf
on him.
841
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:14,320
Here we go.
There we are, two o'clock.
842
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,320
T‐T‐Two o'clock?
843
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:20,080
Ahead and right a bit.
844
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,120
What are you saying two o'clock for?
Like on a clock.
845
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:25,920
Fucking hell.
Him, there, dickhead.
846
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,640
With the beard
and the bloody terrible sandals.
847
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,600
Keys straight in his jacket pocket.
848
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:32,320
Go on, off you pop.
849
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:34,520
Go on.
850
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,040
Oh! Sorry, sorry.
Pardon, pardon.
851
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,400
Er, yeah.
No, I'm fine, I'm grand.
852
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:47,040
S‐S‐Sorry. Sorry.
853
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,320
Ah, success.
854
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,320
Right, where is it?
855
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,400
Where have you parked,
856
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:59,320
you sandal‐wearing prick?
857
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:02,960
CAR LOCK CHIRRUPS
858
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:14,480
CAR LOCK CHIRRUPS
You have got to be shitting me.
859
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:17,880
How are we all gonna fit in that?
We've got no choice. Get in.
860
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:19,920
PHONE RINGS
861
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:25,240
Fingers?
862
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:26,840
You've got it?
863
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:30,320
You, sir,
are the Inspector Morse of minge.
864
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:32,800
I spoke to Fingers.
865
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:35,920
Am I or am I not a genius?
866
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:46,680
Whoa, baby
867
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,200
Whoa, babe, I got you
868
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:54,760
Whoa, baby
869
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,120
Whoa, babe, I got you...
870
00:40:00,720 --> 00:40:01,840
Shit.
871
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:03,080
That's him.
872
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:05,400
Right, just let me do all t'talking,
yeah?
873
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:08,200
Mr McCann!
874
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,520
Where is he?
He's in the back of the van.
875
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:13,560
I wanna see him.
Yeah, he's, er...
876
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:15,920
He just started panicking
on the way here.
877
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,040
Like, fucking hyperventilating
and that.
878
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:20,360
I think he's had a heart attack,
you know.
879
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:23,360
Open up, then.
880
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:26,000
Go on.
881
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,960
He said he'd put on some weight.
It's probably stress.
882
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:35,720
It was very quick.
883
00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:43,400
You bastard.
884
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:48,000
You cheated my fucking wrath
with death, you cunt!
885
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:50,640
HEAVY THUMP
886
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,080
Is this your fucking way out,
is it, eh?
887
00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,120
Is this your fucking escape route?
888
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,280
HEAVY THUMPING
889
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,960
See that face?
The face of a traitor.
890
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:07,480
The face of a man who tried to
fucking cheat his fucking paymaster.
891
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:13,800
SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC
892
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:25,400
Are these the dolls?
893
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:27,040
DOLL CHATTERS IN CHINESE
894
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:28,400
Ha!
895
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:30,440
The girls are gonna love these.
896
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,000
Get rid of him.
897
00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:36,240
I've weed myself a little bit.
898
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,480
PHONE PINGS
Oh.
899
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:51,600
Hey up...
900
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:53,400
HE SNIFFS
901
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:56,200
Er, I need a pee.
902
00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:58,640
Yep. I'll, er...
903
00:41:58,680 --> 00:41:59,960
..just pull over.
904
00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:12,120
Right, dead quick.
Come on.
905
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:15,120
Carol, smell that smell there?
906
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:19,160
CAROL MOANS ON VIDEO
Oh...
907
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:21,760
Is that a dog lead?
Oi! Eyes off, you.
908
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:25,440
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
909
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:27,480
CAROL GROANS ON VIDEO
Oh, Christ.
910
00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:29,520
CAROL MOANS AND YELLS
That...
911
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:31,280
MOANING CONTINUES
That's...
912
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:33,280
That is worse than spanking!
Carol!
913
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,600
Carol!
MOANING CONTINUES ON VIDEO
914
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:36,960
Oh, shit!
915
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:38,000
Dude, t‐t‐the car.
916
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,920
The car's...
I spy with my little eye,
917
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,680
something beginning with F.
PHONE RINGS
918
00:42:45,720 --> 00:42:47,200
Oh, shit.
919
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:53,480
All right, Vin, how's it going?
Yeah, good, thanks, yeah.
920
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:55,040
How's the trip?
921
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,880
Great, thanks.
Just having a nice day out.
922
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:01,600
Yeah, the same.
923
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,000
Lovely day out.
Hm!
924
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:10,600
Grammy!
925
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:15,680
Fuck...
926
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:32,920
HE GRUNTS
927
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:37,320
Ready?
Ready, yeah.
928
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:38,520
Whoa!
929
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,560
Wow, that's a gasper, isn't it?
930
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:42,320
CHUCKLES
931
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:44,640
That is a bad boy.
Hell's teeth!
932
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:46,320
Right.
HE CHUCKLES
933
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:47,840
I'll be back in a sec.
934
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:50,600
What a phallus.
935
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,600
Huh!
936
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:54,080
Oh, God!
937
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,320
What about the itching, though?
938
00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:59,400
Crabs?
Crabs, yeah.
939
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,360
I got so much trouble in my mind
940
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,480
I got so much trouble in my mind
941
00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:10,640
I got so much trouble in my mind
942
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:14,840
I got so much trouble in my mind
943
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:19,080
Give me the strength to carry on
944
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:23,160
Give me the strength
To carry on...
945
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,480
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