Original subtitles

(TENSE MUSIC)

...

(MYSTICAL MUSIC)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(GUN THUMPING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(GUNS FIRING)

(GUN BLASTING)

(BLOOD GUSHING)

(MAN SCREAMING)

Hollywood is a cesspool.

God I hate my life.

Everyone sucks, I don't even wanna get up.

(PHONE VIBRATING)

HAMPTON: Hey Breen it's Hampton,

hope you're not still sleeping.

Huckle is as usual, is not responding to me

and we need him to respond.

We have Pish tomorrow, big meeting for "Beast Moon."

(DOG BARKING)

Beez, he's not staring at you, he's staring at everybody.

Come on.

SCRAM: You fucking wanker.

This is how you lost more money on "Gods of Pluto"

than any film in history.

Losing track of your star.

Look, I didn't lose Huckle, Scram.

Then where is he?

How the hell did you convince Ali Goldberg

in to giving you 300 million dollars, Breen, hey?

Because I'm awesome and a god.

Yeah, well I'm your god now motherfucker.

And in case you didn't hear,

being on the bottom rung of the industry ladder,

Goldberg's running the studio now and she fucking hates ya.

So I suggest you get your drug-addled, sex-crazed,

motherfucking client to that meeting tomorrow!

Look, don't worry, we're gonna be there at 9 a.m, okay?

And "Beast Moon" is an awesome project,

that's why you believe in it.

(SCRAM LAUGHING)

I believe in Huckle Saxton you moron.

He's selling like used panties in Hong Kong.

Look, it's not all about the money, right?

(BREEN LAUGHING)

Breen, you're a cocksucker.

Do not let Huckle be late for that meeting with Pish.

We will be there at 9 a.m. sharp.

Yeah and you'd better pray to the gods of Pluto he is.

You do not want to get on my bad side.

I'm not on your bad side?

You fucker.

Executive producers.

(PHONE RINGS)

Huckle's gonna blow this one for you too, isn't he?

Well if you keep thinking negatively.

Look, I need you to go feed Beez for me all right,

I gotta find Huck.

Wait, don't you have a date with Kira?

Yeah, it's our two month anniversary.

Aww.

JADE: Good morning Hollyweird, Jade Blaze here,

welcome to a quick ZMT FLash.

Our current favorite bad boy Huckle Saxton,

always up to no good,

is it seems after punching out

the craft department head on "Beast Moon"

the production has been officially shut down once again

due to Huckle refusing to come out of his trailer

for seven days,

costing the production millions in overhead lost funds,

which makes the reckless studio producer Breen Nash

look like the captain of the Titanic right now.

"Gods of Pluto" being the worst film of all time of course

doesn't make Huckle the most bankable at the moment

but he feels like "Beast Moon"

can get him back to number one on the star-o-meter.

He better have a smash on his hands.

Our beloved boss man, Finnegan Mutto,

saw a test screening of Huckle's newest TV pilot,

"Vampire Knights" and called Huckle's acting,

"The worst performance of anything I have ever seen."

FINNEGAN: More like #hucklesuxton (LAUGHING).

JADE: In a fit of rage, Huckle visited Finnegan

outside the ZMT office and stomped his legs

until his testicles were smashed.

(HUCKLE'S STOMPING)

(FINNEGAN GROANING)

He was in a full testicle cast for months.

We're pulling for your Finny, you'll walk again.

Signing off, this is Jade Blaze with ZMT Flash.

Son of a bitch!

These idiots don't understand what it's like

to lose everything.

I need a vengeful man.

I want Huckle's dick in my hand.

I want his legs broken.

His body burned in public

and I want you and the rest of the idiots I hire

to find him before tonight's show.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Hey, no I'm at the club.

I gotta find Huck, okay, just keep calling.

Oh wait, wait, wait, wait, has Kira called?

I've called her a million times, she's not calling.

Wow.

♪ Fuckin' fuckin' fuckin' party, fuckin' party ♪

Kira!

Fuck me sideways.

What are you doing?

I've called you like a thousand times.

Oh, I lost my phone.

Well what's that right there?

Oh, you found it, thank you.

What the fuck do you want Breen?

Oh, I wanna know

if you're gonna make the meeting tomorrow.

What's the meeting about, your dick?

Gonna be a short one.

(LAUGHING) And he's only got one nut.

He looks like a Ken doll down there.

That is not true, I have two nuts.

Remind you of anything She-ra?

Her name's Kira.

A lot longer.

Okay really?

We're going home aren't we dear?

No we're not.

♪ You say that I'm just two step ♪

♪ I love the way you move that ♪

That's disgusting.

♪ You say that I'm just two step ♪

Just be at that meeting tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 9 a.m, I'll be there.

Can you leave me alone while your girl sucks my finger?

You be home by midnight young lady.

(HUCKLE GROANS)

Bye Breen!

Well, well, well, if it isn't Breen Nash.

Not tonight Finnegan.

Hey, let's ask the Hollywood dinosaur

why homeland security has put him on the top of their list?

Putting bombs in theaters since 1993.

Very funny, thank you.

But I'm sure he's got a client in there?

Who's just waiting for me

to take all types of juicy pics, hey?

Maybe I'll wait 'til he gets too drunk to recognize me.

Maybe I'll sleep with him.

You take advantage of him one more time

and I will smash your legs myself.

I'm gonna destroy him Breen.

And you along with him if you're not careful.

Just leave us alone, okay?

I mean we got a meeting tomorrow,

there's nothing to see here anyway.

Oh yeah, whoa!

You and you.

Yes!

HUCKLE: Oh yeah!

(LAUGHING) Nothing to see, toodles.

I got a story to crack boss.

Go away Finnegan.

(SAD MUSIC)

God I hate my life.

Why can't I make a movie that people like Beez?

I mean is that too much to ask?

(TENSE MUSIC)

(MONSTER ROARS)

(MAN GAGGING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Hey Huck, hi buddy.

I know I've called you a few times,

like seven times now,

but we have 9 o' clock meeting, right, remember?

I hope you're here soon.

(PHONE RINGING)

Right behind you asshole.

He's at the bar, I know he's at the bar right now.

He's at the bar right?

And oh my god, I gotta go get him.

(ENGINE ROARING)

I gotta go get him.

(CAR THUDS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(PHONE RINGING)

Where are you?

Pish is gonna be here any minute.

Listen to me, I need you to go to the kitchen

and grab me three cups of coffee quickly,

meet me out front where my car is, okay?

And I will come...

What are you doing?

Hey, hey!

Oh my God, is he okay?

Why do you ask, I mean,

it's not like I hit him with my car or anything.

I mean it's not like we have an important meeting

or anything right now.

He's drunk!

Yes.

Great, I mean what an asshole.

He knows how important this meeting is right now.

Hello, wake up, come on, wake up.

Breen he's ice cold.

Hence the coffee.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Open up, it's the police!

Pish (LAUGHING).

(PISH LAUGHING)

I got ya!

You did, you got me.

You looked frightened.

So Pish, how's the wife?

She died.

Oh, I'm sorry.

How is your son?

He dead too, same time, double funeral.

What's wrong?

Wrong?

No, not you, him.

Why he smile, when I say son dead?

Look, look, look, look, he's still smiling.

He's happy to be doing "Beast Moon"

which, let's get down to it Pish,

are you ready to cashflow this thing

and get into the Huckle Saxton business?

Why I see blood on shirt?

Did he whammy the lady I saw last time?

(BREEN LAUGHING AWKWARDLY)

"I'm an old lady."

(BOTH LAUGHING)

No, that is actually fake blood,

that we were doing a make up test.

Just part of the process, you know,

prepping for the film.

Ah, I special effects make-up?

- I like that, I like that. - Exactly.

I have to be honest with you Pish,

Huck is...

He partied hard last night.

I mean, he's really happy to be doing this picture

but he's a little out of it at the moment.

He is going to be in picture?

100%.

(FINGERS SNAPPING)

Call the police, I think he murdered the movie star.

I'm sorry, what did you say?

I said my daughter would like an autograph from Huckle.

You got a problem?

No, no, I'm just happy she's alive.

Here's your check.

Next meeting better be different.

You gotta do something, you know,

you can't have a hit picture with him looking like that.

And if it's not a hit, my friend will do something for you.

And for fuck's sake,

make a better picture than "Gods of Pluto,"

that's a bunch of (SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE).

Thank you Pish.

Looks like you nailed it slugger, you got the money!

How are you not excited right now?

Huck's dead.

Sweetie, every career has its peaks and valleys.

No, he's really dead.

I don't know what happened, I just went to pick him up

and I didn't (BURPS), backed up, (BURPS).

Oh my god.

Oh my...

Come on, come on, let's go to the bathroom.

- Go to the bathroom. - I'm gonna be sick.

(PHONE RINGING)

Who the fuck is this?

Fucking hell, fucking asshole, no money too probably.

(SIGHING) Fuck.

(PHONE RINGING)

Yeah.

Yeah, got your page.

Chrome here, speak.

Chrome Mangle from Mangle and Mangle Investigations?

It's just Mangle now, who is this?

It's me mate, Finny.

Finnegan, don't tell me I owe you money too.

No, old friend, I wanna hire you for a skip trace.

I don't do that shit anymore, you know,

since my, since my brother.

What if I was to tell you that I've stumbled across a file

that could lead you to your brother's killer?

Cut it with the sausage Finnegan, I ain't biting.

Come on down to the office, we'll discuss it over a drink,

for old time's sake.

I've had more fun with a couple of doorknobs, goodbye.

So dismount and grease 'em up on my dime.

All right, I'll tell you what,

have a nice fifth waiting for me and my usual 12 pack.

Of course.

CHROME: And a nice box of wine.

Yes.

The clear kind.

White?

Yeah, pinot, that's it, that pinot grego, that's shit.

Oh and Finnegan?

Yes.

I've built up quite a thirst.

(FINNEGAN LAUGHING)

Yes!

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(HAMPTON LAUGHING)

Hey Huckle, what's up brother?

Made the trades again.

Well your ass did.

Jeez man, what did you get into last night?

What are you doing man, what are you tokin'?

Come on, I know you did something man,

were you eatin' or cheatin' man?

Were you poppin', droppin', were you shootin', tootin'?

Smokin, tokin', come on talk to me Huckle.

Hello, what were you gettin' into?

TCB, THC, LSD, PCP, DMT, ecstasy?

The?

Holy shit is he dead?

I'm going to jail.

MUFF: No one is going to jail.

BREEN: What are we gonna do?

Guys, the worst human being in the world is dead

and we have 10 million dollars.

I'm just a filmmaker

but I'm pretty sure without the star we're screwed.

So we use a double.

Yeah, I mean we get a doppelganger.

What?

Hell, Cuba had three Castros.

HAMPTON: Is that true?

Guys, he's married,

I'm pretty sure his wife will figure it out.

Oh god, this is the second worst thing

that's ever happened to me.

Breen, it's okay, we'll think of something.

I think I know somebody that can help us.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Aren't you worried about the ethical lines

we're crossing here?

I'm a producer now Hampton, I worry about everything.

Well I guess we're talking

full producer credit for me too now, right?

Co-pro, come on, I am covering up a murder you know Muff?

Yeah, not very well if you keep mentioning it.

Just shut up and try to act normal.

Okay, just let me do the talking, right?

(CLERK SPITTING)

Stop, stop pushing me.

Hello good sir,

we are here looking for an employee of yours,

dark eyes, dark hair, ponytail?

(CLERK BELCHES)

Gotcha, well he had Lunchables.

If he was here and he did work here,

maybe he's in the back?

(CLERK BELCHES)

Affirmative, let's go look for him, that way please.

Not bad.

Oh hey, (GROANS), he slimed me.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

Wait, can you take off your glasses and that hood thing?

Sure.

(MAGICAL MUSIC)

Holy shit.

What?

How would you like to be a rich

and famous actor for the rest of your life?

What do I have to do?

(BOTH GROAN)

Ready to be a movie star?

Am I gonna be in an actual movie?

Yes but not you, okay, let's get you up, okay.

Okay, okay.

You're going to be playing

the role of the famous Hollywood actor Huckle Saxton.

Huckle Sax, Huckle Saxton?

I love Huckle, I saw "Gods of Pluto"

in the theater eight times.

Oh perfect.

Is Muff here?

No, what's the emergency darling?

That's kinda a long story but I need a little favor.

ZELDA: Of course you do.

BREEN: Hey, thank god.

Hi, I'm...

Huckle Saxton, we know who you are knucklehead.

Mighty Huckle Saxton.

Sugarplum, can I steal you for a sec?

Sure, sure.

Breen Nash, I know two things.

How to get dicks hard and that boy is not Huckle.

What are you up to?

Huckle is in rehab.

Oh bless his heart.

Is he shootin' again?

No, no, but I'm about to lose financing for "Beast Moon"

and if I don't start shooting, like now,

then it's a problem.

I need that guy to look like Huckle for a couple of weeks,

can you do that for me?

You shoulda just told me.

Eyes yes, hair yes, skin yes, scars, no.

There's always surgery.

MICHAEL: I'm not having surgery!

Not you baby, you're perfect.

He's disfigured, I can't possibly cover those scars

for the camera.

Don't you have some kind of a magic make-up to cover it

or know somebody that does?

I may know someone.

I met him through Trammel Steadfast.

Wait a minute, isn't that that psycho make-up artist

that attacked his crew and jumped off a bridge?

If I make this call, there's no turning back.

Make that call.

Baby, listen sweetie.

Remember that friend of yours with that special lotion?

(TENSE MUSIC)

Sorry I'm late.

You were instructed to come alone.

What, I did.

Then who's that?

Beez, I told you to stay down.

Sorry that's Mr. Beez, he's cool.

I mean he's not gonna talk to the cops or anything.

Why I just brought the police into this mess is beyond me

because there's nothing illegal happening here.

I didn't bring any cash, you know,

I didn't know how much it would be

but I do have a company check so...

The price would not be measured by gold but by blood.

(BEEZ BARKING)

Beez, cut it out.

I'm sorry, blood?

If I were to rip your heart out of your chest, right now,

what would I find?

You know, I've never been great with the hypothetical.

Good or evil?

I'm gonna pick good.

I mean I'm kind to animals, right?

And I never litter.

You are what you are and will become what you are,

no matter what you think you are.

I'm sorry, did I miss something here?

What you seek is right there on the ground.

Wow.

The extract can be used at any time

but will not work fully until the witching hour.

(BELLS TOLLING)

And when you say witching hour you mean?

Midnight.

Copy that.

What is inside will be outside,

what is underneath will be revealed.

Now go, you've been warned.

(BEEZ BARKING)

No I'm sorry, I...

Did you see that guy?

I mean the whole ensemble?

The hair, oh, guys like that, they make me feel

like I just need to be more assertive, right?

(BEEZ WHIMPERING)

What, don't laugh.

I'm just saying, we could be in over our heads.

I love you Beez (LAUGHING).

I gave him enough Xanax to knock out the real Huckle.

Is that stuff safe?

Completely safe, hon.

You just sit back and relax, you won't feel a thing.

(EXCITING MUSIC)

EZEQUIEL: What is inside will be outside,

what is underneath will be revealed.

Don't use the cream.

Hey champ, how was the nap?

Wow you really passed out for a bit there.

Now I can call you Huckle (LAUGHING).

Some of my scars are still here.

Don't worry about that, I mean,

it's not even supposed to work until midnight.

I don't know Breen, what if I'm not good at this.

What are you talking about? Nobody is gonna notice.

Okay, and just get through that first meeting with Scram

and we can buy a little time

and start working on Flex, your wife.

Wife?

Yeah.

What if she wants me to, you know?

(DOOR BANGING)

DUSTIN: Breen, you fuck, it's D!

Oh, Dustin, god.

He's probably here to beg me for a role on "Beast Moon."

Fuck you, open the fucking door.

Dustin Foxxx the movie star?

"Vampire Knights?"

By Lancelot's light, I thy vampire knight.

What are you doin', don't do that. He hates you.

Why?

Because you slept with his wife twice.

Now sit down and don't say a word, okay?

(DOOR THUMPING)

DUSTIN: Open this fucking door Breen.

Hey buddy.

I want a role in "Beast Moon" Breen.

We can talk about this at the office.

Bullshit, I know you're greenlit.

Yeah, I thought I smelled you Fuckle.

You know what, I want supporting Breen.

And none of that scale shit!

Oh no, you're top of the list buddy, top of the list!

Oh my god, he believed it, I'm him, I'm Huckle.

No you're not and I said shut up, okay,

so that means shut up.

You put me in that fucking movie Breen!

I'm gonna call your agent D.

Oh god I hate his agent.

DUSTIN: Suckle Fagston.

Hey buddy, kinda just have one bathroom.

No, what the fuck is this?

(TENSE MUSIC)

So I need to be wrapping this up.

You thought I was a monster on set

when we shot "Gods of Pluto."

Watch what happens

if you don't get me something good in "Beast Moon."

I don't even care that "Gods of Pluto" sucked so much,

you know why?

'Cause I believe there are different spaces and times

and universes out there,

that are the exact opposite of our own.

So somewhere, somewhere out there,

"Gods of Pluto" is the biggest hit of all time

and I am the biggest star in that world.

You sleep with my wife again, I'll fucking stab you Huckle.

Did he leave?

Thank god, I hate actors.

(TENSE MUSIC)

Goddammit, oh shit.

(DUSTIN GROANING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Man I miss the old days when pot used to be illegal man.

Especially when I needed some weed,

I used to down to the park

and just bust some kids and take their shit.

Hey, I think I heard something.

They always used to complain and shit about it...

Burt, hey Burt!

Burt!

What?

Man come on, I just got demoted,

I ain't trying to do a desk job.

I think I heard a noise.

Well congratulations Reynolds, how 'bout this?

(BURT FARTS)

Oh come on dude, I'm tryna eat here.

Sweetie wait, I didn't know she was gonna be there.

It's a party in the hills, she's at most of them.

Fuck you Doug.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Hey, hey, stop, I swear

I had no idea Jasmin was gonna be here.

You're such a lying piece of shit.

You're a bad lay, you're a bad liar

and I saw you giving her the fuck me eyes.

Stay away from me.

Just be logical.

(MONSTER GROWLING)

What the fuck was that?

I think we should just get back to the house.

Where the fuck is the house?

I don't know.

(LYDIA SCREAMING)

(DOUG SCREAMING)

(LYDIA SCREAMING)

Oh my god!

(FLESH TEARING)

Oh fuck.

I gotta stop doing drugs.

(DUSTIN GASPING) (KNIFE SQUELCHING)

Hey Muff, what's the name of that publicist,

Ronnie, Ronnie, Remy?

Renny, Renny, Renny Black.

Yes, yes, I need that guy's number.

And I also need you and Hampton

to meet me down at Zelda's salon.

So what now?

We're gonna tap into your bad boy.

I thought you said you wanted me to be a good guy?

I'll explain it in the car.

No not you.

Can you just, no I need Zelda.

Yes, okay, let's just start at the salon.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(MICHAEL GASPS)

MUFF: You're going to need to look like him,

talk like him, walk like him

and treat others exactly the way he does.

Okay, okay, you ready?

Yeah.

No, it's a lot of pressure

to be in entirely different person

and a good actor in just four days.

Yeah but a good actor could do both right?

So be a good actor, you got this.

Besides, she's gonna yell and scream at you

and lock herself up in the room anyway so,

play dumb 'til that happens.

Okay.

Okay you got this.

If you need anything, do not call me.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Okay thanks Breen.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

This is my house.

Hello?

Where the fuck have you been Huckle?

With Breen, training for "Beast Moon."

Great, thanks for calling asshole.

How was your night Flex?

I puked up blood while our maid

called me a (SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE).

And I know that means something derogatory so she quit.

Or maybe I fired her.

Haven't showered in a couple days, wanna smell my pits?

No, why would I wanna do that?

You don't want stinky pits, are you sick or something?

No, I just, I just wanna tell you

to get ready for a change.

The new me is gonna be different than the old me.

Holy shit, your eyes are clear,

are you getting fucking sober on me?

You said we were never getting sober unless I got knocked up

and there's no fucking way

I am letting you destroy this body.

Can I have $5,000 for Rodeo Drive today?

I don't have $5,000.

I mean on me.

Fine, keep your precious money.

You'll see what happens

when my moon-tan lotion starts selling.

I hate you again.

I'm sorry, can you forgive me Flex?

What did you say?

I'm sorry?

Say it again.

I'm sorry for being a jerk.

You deserve better.

We are driving up the coast tonight for dins,

then you're going down on me for dessert, front and back.

Maybe I'll order beans.

Huh?

(ZIP GRINDING)

Oh.

I have to speak for this studio here Huck,

we don't need any bad PR.

It was sexy in the beginning,

return of the Hollywood bad boy

but now it's just a distraction.

Yeah, you feel this don't you geezer?

Ma'am, Scram, I'm a totally different person.

If you can bet on me on BM,

we can shoot two and three back to back for half the racks.

We'll fast track "Beast Moon" for a fall release, Scram?

Well we'll have to dump "Dance Blade 4,"

push the "Vampire Knights" revamp

for February, that'll work.

Is that good for you Breen?

Yes, that's great for me.

Huckle we need a moment with Breen.

Oh, thank you ma'am, Scram.

I'll be outside.

I'll be right there.

You see, brand new Huck, right?

Breen, you're a moron.

I am?

You got his head too straight.

I do?

We don't want him thanking us.

Calling me sir?

Jeez, Ali had security standing by

thinkin' he might trash the place.

That's why he's bankable.

We want him on time, sober, clean, focused on the film

but let's keep him interesting and entertaining, you idiot.

I got this.

I realize you're completely incompetent.

But you can handle it, can't you Breen?

Of course I can, I mean it's...

Don't fuck this up Breen.

(ELEVATOR MUSIC)

I just love a good white Wonder Bread sandwich

with some thick white meat completely covered

in some hot sticky white mess.

(BREEN HEAVES)

That sounds delicious.

You a sandwich guy Breen?

I don't think she's talking about lunch.

Ice 'em down Finny.

Ice 'em down.

Will the real fucking Huckle please stand up?

What a jag off.

So he just stood there?

Then he took her to dinner, no drugs, no booze,

lotta beans, he's gonna be shitting for a week.

Good, he knew you were watching.

Nobody ever sees me watchin' ever, you got it?

Oh for god's sake Chrome, I'm on your side, let go.

I want that fuckin' file you fat Ironside fuckin' cripple.

And you will have it.

As soon as you get me proof

that Huckle is doing something illegal.

I need the ability to destroy him

in order to get you your file.

You pass arithmetic?

Take a look, see the ink on his right ass cheek?

That's a bullseye tattoo, right?

All right.

Why is this one clean as a baby's ass?

Where's the fuckin' tattoo?

What are you suggesting?

I'm suggesting that this ass don't belong to Huckle.

Not the real one anyway.

These guys, they're always using doubles

in the movie pictures, right?

Why would he replace himself?

Because the fucking barracudas that run the movie studios,

they create these actors right?

Who better to replace them?

You think Wooly Workingstiff's got any idea what,

like, fucking time of day it is?

You think he's gonna know the difference

between a real actor and a fugazi?

Oh my god, you are right.

Which begs the hundred billion dollar question.

BOTH: Where's the real Huckle Saxton?

(HUCKLE GASPING)

(MYSTICAL MUSIC)

Hello?

Hello?

I gotta stop doing so much blow.

And drink water.

Brown Bomber?

What the fuck?

Help, somebody help me!

Fuck my legs, I can't move.

I'm Huckle fucking Saxton.

Somebody call my manager, fuckers!

You can't keep doing this Huckle.

I can't support charities?

Not dressed respectably.

Give him some space chalk stick.

Out of nowhere, you're so big yet so stealthy.

You heard her, give me some space.

I'm trying to manage you.

I was doing just fine until I met you.

WOMEN: Ooh!

Shut up idiot.

- You see that's better. - All right, you can get out,

get out, get out, shut the door behind you.

Maybe I'll make Nectarine my new manager.

Eat a nectarine, Breen.

(BREEN HEAVES)

I'm so disappointed in you.

I'm off to Crafty.

You need anything puddin' pop?

Okay, so you when I'm back.

(TENSE MUSIC)

What's happening to me?

Invincible.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

You know, all things considered,

things are going pretty well.

Maybe a little too well.

Huckle you've got an interview...

So?

Okay, okay, okay, listen up everybody, all right,

don't forget I've got free drinks on me tonight at The Cove.

How about free drinks on Breen right now?

(EVERYONE LAUGHING)

All right, that's funny,

we've got our yayas out right there,

how 'bout we get back to work?

I'm gonna go change my shirt.

Woo!

(EVERYONE LAUGHING)

Everyone take one, I'll be back.

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

(TENSE MUSIC)

Who's there?

Am I in hell?

Listen geniuses, this is the last time

I'm wearing this thing so, try not to fuck my shit up

when you apply the mask this time?

We're really sorry about the rash,

the application will be just fine.

You think, well then fuck you two.

Y'all seen my phone?

I already checked my...

Wait a minute, that was my first suggestion.

Oh, there it is, got it.

You could learn a lot from that girl.

She's all class.

(DOOR KNOCKING)

BORIS: This occupied.

It's me.

Look, he's not doing drugs but he's doing something.

It is all on that camera.

So after this tell Finnegan, I'm done, I'm out.

Would you like nacho?

(TENSE MUSIC)

How're you feeling Huckle?

You know that masks' great but it's kind of firm on your...

(VOMIT SPLASHING)

(WOMEN SCREAMING)

(TENSE MUSIC)

Get away from me!

I will kill you.

(KARLA SCREAMING)

Huckle, don't kill me, I love you!

(NECK CRUNCHING)

(MICHEAL GROWLING)

Wow.

(SOMETHING CRUNCHING)

This looks amazing.

I mean, it's a complete waste of materials

but this looks awesome.

MICHAEL: It isn't make-up Breen.

They said it would come off if I yank it from the bottom

but it just pulls my skin.

Scars came back Breen.

So I put on the cream and it struck midnight

and now I can't take it off!

Wait, wait, just calm down, take a breath, all right?

(MICHAEL LAUGHING)

MICHAEL: You think the Hollywood lifestyle's

getting to me?

Think your grooming process maybe went a little too far?

It's just make-up okay, we can get it off,

we'll take it off, just take it easy.

MICHAEL: It isn't just make-up Breen.

Okay.

MICHAEL: I can feel it.

Okay.

MICHAEL: I didn't want to.

I told them to get away but then I had to eat them.

And now I'm going to eat you too Breen.

(BREEN SCREAMING)

(TENSE MUSIC)

Eat me, why would you want to eat me?

I'm just skin and bones!

(MICHAEL ROARS)

(PHONE RINGING)

I told you to stop asking me.

You ask me again, your client's gonna start losing points.

One, two, three.

(SOMETHING GROWLS)

Did you hear me?

And you ever bother me again

after 8 o' clock in the middle of my run,

I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna eat you alive,

then I'm gonna find your client,

I'm gonna eat him alive and then for dessert,

I'm gonna eat your wife.

(JOGGER SCREAMING)

DISPATCHER: We have a 1091

near the Woodrow Wilson Boulevard,

I repeat, a vicious animal attack near your location.

SERGEANT: Sanchez, Reynolds,

you playing with each other's ding-a-lings again?

Sanchez here.

That was a rumor, it was just Greek yogurt Sarge.

SERGEANT: Yeah, the lab said otherwise.

But Sarge...

SERGEANT: Shut the fuck up.

The mayor's mistress called, her dog was attacked

right where you two assholes are parked,

keep your eyes peeled and your hands off your cocks.

Eyes and ears open sir, we will shoot on sight.

Shoot to kill Sarge.

SERGEANT: You fucking idiots.

You keep your sidearms holstered, locate the suspect

and contact Animal Control, understood?

Understood but that was Greek yogurt!

What a fuckin' asshole man,

why don't he call Animal Control,

what the fuck we look like?

We are police officers.

Hey man, do you think we're gonna do,

you know what I'm sayin?

Watch this, watch this.

Hotbox, that's what the fuck I'm gonna do.

Yeah okay you're right.

(SOMETHING GROWLING)

The fuck was that?

(TENSE MUSIC)

Hey, what's the emergency?

Okay, minor wrinkle but Huck has literally turned

into the monster from "Beast Moon."

Wait, he's acting like the monster from the movie?

Not acting, he is the monster from the movie.

He kinda went crazy and killed Keemsee

and Karla a little bit.

Where is he?

I don't know.

Guys, guys, I set his phone for tracking

after the whole Betty White fiasco.

You know, he really should have won that fight.

(PHONE BEEPING)

Whoa, he's already in west LA.

Wait, on foot?

This is all my fault.

Look, do you still have those tranqs

in the back of your car?

Of course.

Okay, you tidy up here and we'll...

Whoa, whoa, tidy up double homicide?

Look do you want that producer credit?

It'll open so many doors.

Then go get some cleaning supplies,

make this place spotless and I will consider it.

What, I said I'd consider it.

(PHONE BEEPING)

Okay he stopped.

Where?

His house.

Okay, in you go, you go.

I've got your back.

Okay.

(DOOR SQUEAKS)

Upstairs.

Okay, go.

Did I turn off the stove?

Have I ever even used the stove?

(FLEX LAUGHING)

(MUFF SCREAMING)

(DIRT WHIZZES)

(FLEX THUMPS)

Oh shit.

It's all good in here.

I can't get this mask off Breen, it's...

Zelda hi, it's Breen.

Is there something you may have forgotten to tell me?

It's pulling my fucking face.

Breen, Breen, I'm telling you

there's something evil about this cream.

Hold on buddy, hold on.

So did you tell me everything?

- Yes about the cream. - Hold still.

I'm sorry, what do you mean about the oopsie?

Uh-huh.

Like they turn into beasts and eat people,

that minor detail?

Yeah, yeah, that's a problem.

I need you to get to Hux now.

Oh, I thought you said he was dead?

Okay then I need to find Trammel.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

What are you doing with the cream?

Did you use it?

Did you touch it?

No, I was just looking at it.

Jesus.

What is this shit Breen?

I have no idea.

Here, I need you to find this guy, Trammel Steadfast.

Yeah from MASQ.Effects.

BREEN: What you know him?

Yeah I mean I PA'd on "Eat Me Alive Five."

He's a genius with masks.

I hope so, he may be our only chance to save Michael.

You mean Huckle?

No, I mean Michael.

You missed a spot.

(MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC)

Oh, oh yeah baby.

Ice 'em down baby, ice 'em down.

(BREEN WHISTLING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Five second rule, five second rule!

I feel fine.

And that never happened.

(LULLABY MUSIC)

(MONSTER GROWLS) (BLOOD SPLASHES)

(BEEZ WHIMPERS)

Sometimes I think you're the only real thing

around here Beez.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Mr. Beez, am I happy to see you.

(TENSE MUSIC)

(HUCKLE STRAINING)

(MATERIAL TEARING)

If I end up on the river Styx,

I will spit in Death's eye and take my chances in hell.

(HUCKLE LAUGHING)

HAMPTON: Hey Breen, it's Hampton,

getting pretty close to Trammel's house

so I'll let you know when I'm coming back

and you see me as a producer after this, right?

(TENSE MUSIC)

(WHEELCHAIR BUZZING)

- What do you want fat man? - How'd you like to know

what's really going on with Huckle Saxton?

Why Breen won't allow you near him on set?

Why he's now such a sweet little angel?

Who says I care about that?

Oh don't show your ass to me.

I suppose you like being made a fool of?

Oh maybe you get off

on being the rim of the studio system's asshole?

Huck and Breen are fleecing you.

And it's real Scram, it makes scars disappear,

wrinkles vanish, assholes pucker.

And there's more.

What do you want fat man?

I want the non-redacted file of the hit and run

you studio goons covered up in 2004.

There was no hit and run.

Okay then, maybe I'll just put this little video

up on ZMT tonight.

How much?

Oh Scram old boy, some things are worth more than money.

Hello?

Mr. Ezequiel, Mr. Ezequiel?

Hello, hey, whoa, hey.

How did you do that, I just.

Anyway, I'm not clear on your return policy

but this lovely stuff is just not for me

so if you could be so kind and take it back.

It doesn't work like that.

It doesn't work like that?

Well it's not like you gave me a manual.

The flower doesn't sacrifice its life to heal,

it does so to cleanse.

Wait a second, you already knew

that it turned people into monsters?

They turned into monsters because they are monsters, see.

I see you've been marked.

Oh no no, that's just a little accident, some spillage.

At midnight tonight you will be judged by the flower.

You may still have time.

Stamp out the evil you have unleashed

or become a part of it.

What do you mean become a part of it?

I don't want anything to do with this.

I mean, what if I mess up?

I might already be a bad person,

Hollywood does that to people.

Either you help people in this life or you harm them.

Make your choice Breen.

If we meet again, my blade will be the last thing you see.

Hey hey.

Get a fucking job.

Oh no, you watch movies?

"Gods of Pluto."

You consider that piece of crap a movie, here,

here pal keep it.

"Gods of Pluto."

Ice 'em down baby, ice 'em down.

Huckle, Huckle you low life fucking scumbag.

(TENSE MUSIC)

(CREEPY MUSIC)

Hello?

(GUN COCKS)

Oh my god, don't shoot.

Zelda sent me.

Zelda.

I wouldn't smile if I were you.

You're standing on a landmine.

(HAMPTON GASPS)

Oh my god, Mr. Steadfast,

please I just have a few questions.

It's a matter of life and death.

You see Mr. Steadfast, my boss and I,

the other producers and I...

Wait, you're a producer?

Anyway, we came across this cream,

it's got these amazing healing properties

and it's killing, oh, well thanks,

kinda parched from the drive.

Damn, wow.

(TRAMMEL BURPS)

Where's the cream now?

Well, it's with my boss,

it's already killed several people.

Below the line people but people nonetheless.

Then you're already too late man,

just take what's left, destroy it

and count yourself as lucky.

What's it made of?

What are the properties?

Why does it make people so...

The parasite is native to the flower,

it enters the host through the pores,

it feeds on the basis of human emotions,

anger, rage, jealousy, hatred, anything evil.

Decades ago on a shoot in Costa Rica,

I witnessed a Shaman's healing ceremony.

Well how did you know that was real?

I was the one who was saved.

From the first application, it took over.

I felt great, I looked great, made my actors look great.

So I had it synthesized and I sold it as M-A-S-Q, MASQ.

And then as the checks got bigger and bigger,

the monster got bigger.

And that was the beginning of the end.

Faking my death was my only way out.

Right, you used it, you seem to be fine,

come on, there's gotta be a way to save me friend.

Does your friend still have some good in him?

Do you want that producer credit?

I believe he does.

Then you take this and put it under his tongue.

In his mouth?

No in his ass, yes, in his mouth under his tongue

and if he's good, he won't change into anything evil.

If he's bad, the evil will remain.

Mr. Steadfast, I can't thank you enough.

I gotta go give this to him right away,

can you disarm this thing?

These are just props.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Go, go, go.

Okay, okay.

You just remember kid, celebrity is a mask,

it fattens the ego, eats the soul,

until one day you wake up and you can't take it off.

Flex, you're never gonna believe the shit

I've just been through.

It's like straight outta a fuckin' movie.

That's nice, why aren't you in your tux?

Tux?

Do you have any idea what I've been through

the last two fucking months?

I knew it wouldn't last,

this is why I never go to your wrap parties.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Wrap party, (GROANS) fuck.

I made "Beast Moon?"

Am I dead?

What the fuck is going on?

(FIREWORKS BOOMING)

(CAMERAS CLICKING)

BORIS: The wrap party, it's started.

Oh no, grab the van, we're on our way.

Hey Muff, it's Hampton,

listen I'm on my way to the party now.

I talked to Trammel, he gave me an antidote,

you're gonna think I'm crazy but it's all gonna make sense.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Hi, hi, yes, I have you guys down.

Have a good time, thank you, don't say a word,

where's Michael, stop talking.

He's in there.

You're still talking.

But I need to talk to you!

Breen, I love you dude.

If this tape makes it out, don't let anybody know

that we used Michael and traded him for Huckle.

Breen, oi, oi.

Oh Scram.

I've been looking for you sunshine.

Seems like you've been dodging me Breen.

Look what are you talking about?

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

We could have done a lot of business together

if you'd just been honest with me.

We weren't supposed to go to the police

and Breen told me not to say anything

and I'm living with the guilt

and then I read "Crime and Punishment" by Dostoyevsky

and it made me feel worse.

Look, I really don't know

what you're talking about right now

but I'm looking for somebody.

You are going to regret this.

Scram, be nice, go and get a drink, calm down.

Here you are.

Oh Mrs. Goldberg.

Why so formal, call me Ali.

Ali, I'm so sorry, I'm a little preoccupied right now.

Rushes they were so fantastic.

Why don't we just go back to our old arrangement?

You know.

Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, I can't do that.

I'm not that way anymore, I've changed.

Oh shit, it's gonna be tight, Breen hold on.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Oh shit, I'm sorry!

I got you, you're good, go on in.

Oh shit.

Hi.

Fuck you, you fucking bitch.

You think I don't remember what happened?

Where the fuck is Breen?

I'm gonna fuckin' kill him!

Oh, no, no, no, no, I don't think.

Oh my god.

(HAMPTON BREATHING HEAVILY)

You rolling?

Ready boss, roll.

Now I reveal to the world on camera,

that Huckle Saxton is an imposter and a liar

and watch him run for the hills.

Hey asshole.

What the fuck is going on?

(GUN BLASTING)

Ain't nobody going nowhere.

FINNEGAN: Stop it you fool, you'll ruin everything.

How about I ruin you, you fat fuck?

(GUN BLASTING)

Who the fuck is who?

Which one of you two lowlife cocksuckers killed me brother?

He's Huckle, I'm just some homeless guy.

I'm the imposter, they turned me into Huckle.

Drop your drawers, let's see who's got the fuckin' tattoo.

(TENSE MUSIC)

Ah fuck it, I'll kill all of ya's, just in case.

(GUN BLASTING)

That is the best promotional stunt I have ever seen.

What the fuck is going on?

Who the fuck are you man?

I'm so sorry Flex, this is what I was tryna tell you.

You lied to me.

Shut the fuck up bitch, men are talking.

(FIST THUMPS)

Don't you ever talk to her like that, I would die for her.

You would die for me?

I don't care about any of this, the fame, the money,

the bathing, you're all I care about.

You're the best thing that ever happened to me

and I'm so sorry Flex.

What a minute, what time is it?

(CLOCK CHIMING)

I didn't change, I'm not a monster, I'm Michael.

(MONSTER GROWLING)

(HEAD TEARING)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Fuck this!

(BLOOD GURGLING)

(BREEN GROWLING)

Why don't you pick on somebody your own size Scram?

You better not say shit.

No sir.

SERGEANT: Listen dipshits.

(REYNOLDS SPLUTTERING)

Sarge it was Burt, he farted Sarge.

SERGEANT: Monsters are ripping people apart,

get your asses there now.

We're on the dog.

Breen baby, hold that dick, I'm coming!

I should have saved this one for the sequel Breen.

(BREEN GRUNTING)

Your bark is worse than your bite Scram.

(PUNCHES THUDDING)

(METAL THUDDING)

(METAL CLATTERS)

(BREEN GRUNTING)

(BLOOD GURGLING)

You'll never work in this town again.

(BREEN GROWLS)

This one ends with a twist.

(ELBOW CRUNCHING)

That's the thing about Hollywood, everyone has a big mouth.

(SCRAM GROANING)

(BREEN GROWLING)

We're here, shit, Breen!

(BREEN GASPING)

Breen, you have to eat this.

I need my producer credit, come on.

You all right?

Breen?

(SIRENS BLARING)

It's gonna be all right.

BOTH: Monster!

No, he's gonna be okay.

(GUNS BLASTING)

(REYNOLDS SCREAMING)

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪

♪ That screwy valley hooey Hollywood ♪

♪ Where any office boy or young mechanic can be a panic ♪

Guilty motherfucker.

♪ With just a good looking pan ♪

♪ And any barmaid can be a star maid ♪

♪ If she dances with or without a fan ♪

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪

♪ Where you're terrific if you're even good ♪

♪ Where anyone at all from TV's Lassie to Monroe's chassis ♪

Hollywood, where dreams are made and hearts are broken.

Ain't that the truth.

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪

♪ That phony super-Coney Hollywood ♪

♪ They come from Chillicothes and Paducas ♪

♪ With their bazookas ♪

♪ To get their names up in lights ♪

♪ All armed with photos from local rotos ♪

♪ With their hair in ribbon and legs in tights ♪

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪

♪ You may be homely in your neighborhood ♪

♪ But if you think that you can be an actor, see Mr. Factor ♪

♪ He'd make a monkey look good ♪

♪ Within a half an hour you'll look like Tyrone Power ♪

♪ Hooray for Hollywood ♪

(CREEPY MUSIC)

...