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1
00:01:18,877 --> 00:01:20,242
(BELCHING)
2
00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:35,984
Yes, 10!
3
00:01:36,395 --> 00:01:37,919
Well done, Cubonius.
4
00:01:38,030 --> 00:01:39,793
You decapitated the unicorn.
5
00:01:39,898 --> 00:01:41,229
-Swell.
-All right.
6
00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:44,166
Oh, oh!
We search his tail pouch for treasure.
7
00:01:44,269 --> 00:01:47,500
Deep in the unicorn's rump sack, you find
8
00:01:47,773 --> 00:01:49,240
(ALL GASPlNG)
9
00:01:49,975 --> 00:01:51,442
60 gold pieces
10
00:01:51,543 --> 00:01:56,173
and a mysterious scrap of cloth bearing
the unmistakable stench of dwarf urine.
11
00:01:56,281 --> 00:01:59,216
The same stench
that was on the bed linens at the inn?
12
00:01:59,318 --> 00:02:02,014
-The very same.
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
13
00:02:02,121 --> 00:02:04,885
I cast a spell of detect magic.
14
00:02:06,358 --> 00:02:09,122
What you doing, mini-meatbags?
Underage gambling?
15
00:02:09,228 --> 00:02:10,286
Shame on you.
16
00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:11,522
Count me in.
17
00:02:11,697 --> 00:02:14,495
We're not gambling.
We're playing Dungeons & Dragons.
18
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:18,627
Right now, we're fighting for our lives
in the lair of the dragon queen.
19
00:02:19,171 --> 00:02:22,334
Wrong, right now you're
ass-deep in a folding chair.
20
00:02:22,441 --> 00:02:26,810
Yes, but in my imagination
I'm riding a golden Pegasus.
21
00:02:26,912 --> 00:02:28,174
Giddy up, Sparky!
22
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:31,306
Am I the only one seeing him sitting here
with peanut butter on his face?
23
00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:34,352
Bender, were you built
without an imagination?
24
00:02:34,453 --> 00:02:37,547
What? Don't be stupid, of course not.
25
00:02:38,557 --> 00:02:40,388
It just hasn't descended yet.
26
00:02:45,297 --> 00:02:48,027
Fry, do I have an imagination?
27
00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:50,260
I don't know, Bender. Why do you ask?
28
00:02:50,369 --> 00:02:52,303
Were the other boys making fun of you?
29
00:02:52,471 --> 00:02:55,668
Mmm-hmm.
They said I couldn't imagine things.
30
00:02:55,774 --> 00:02:58,607
Well, you never know unless you try.
31
00:02:58,710 --> 00:03:00,871
Like, I didn't know
if I could swallow a softball,
32
00:03:00,979 --> 00:03:03,641
so I gave it my best shot and voila!
33
00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:05,616
Wait, that's not it.
34
00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:07,277
There she blows.
35
00:03:07,386 --> 00:03:08,614
(ALARM BEEPlNG)
36
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:10,984
COMPUTER:
Warning, out of dark matter fuel.
37
00:03:11,123 --> 00:03:12,385
That's not a warning.
38
00:03:12,491 --> 00:03:15,654
A warning is supposed to come
before something bad happens.
39
00:03:15,761 --> 00:03:19,424
COMPUTER: Warning,
engines will shut down in one second.
40
00:03:19,531 --> 00:03:20,998
That's more like it.
41
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:22,624
(ENGlNES DYlNG)
42
00:03:26,672 --> 00:03:27,661
Uh-oh.
43
00:03:27,773 --> 00:03:30,367
This space neighborhood
looks kind of sketchy.
44
00:03:33,879 --> 00:03:35,073
Rock 'n' roll.
45
00:03:36,582 --> 00:03:38,675
That punk stole our hood ornament.
46
00:03:38,784 --> 00:03:41,548
Now no one will know
we have the LX package.
47
00:03:41,653 --> 00:03:44,121
LEELA:
We need dark matter and we need it fast.
48
00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:47,351
Fry, check Nibbler's litter box.
Maybe he dropped a steamer.
49
00:03:47,459 --> 00:03:48,517
Aye, aye, Captain.
50
00:03:52,364 --> 00:03:55,197
Yes! I've never been so excited
to see poop.
51
00:03:55,534 --> 00:03:56,626
Well, maybe once.
52
00:03:57,002 --> 00:03:58,560
(GRUNTlNG)
53
00:04:02,541 --> 00:04:03,565
(ALL CHEERlNG)
54
00:04:03,675 --> 00:04:05,267
There's gas in our ass.
55
00:04:13,352 --> 00:04:14,717
(HUMMlNG)
56
00:04:18,924 --> 00:04:21,119
Can you believe the price of dark matter?
57
00:04:21,226 --> 00:04:24,923
It'd be cheaper to fill the tank
with Nobel Prize winners' sperm.
58
00:04:25,030 --> 00:04:29,967
COMPUTER:
Total dark matter purchased, $632. 14.
59
00:04:30,068 --> 00:04:32,400
Your Speedpass will now be charged.
60
00:04:32,938 --> 00:04:34,132
(EXCLAlMS)
61
00:04:34,239 --> 00:04:35,570
You lousy...
62
00:04:35,674 --> 00:04:38,074
REDNECK: Hey,
gets a loads of that ugly ship.
63
00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:40,304
What shades of green is that? Puke?
64
00:04:40,412 --> 00:04:41,902
(REDNECKS LAUGHlNG)
65
00:04:42,681 --> 00:04:46,173
For your information
it's called Electric Mucus.
66
00:04:46,285 --> 00:04:47,547
More like puke.
67
00:04:48,053 --> 00:04:49,452
Whoa!
68
00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:53,616
Yeah, why don't you come a little closer
so my boot can hear you?
69
00:04:53,725 --> 00:04:57,126
Calm down, Leela.
You can vent tonight on your blog.
70
00:04:57,229 --> 00:05:00,630
What's the matters,
you couldn't affords the LX package?
71
00:05:00,799 --> 00:05:02,096
Puke-a-doodle-do.
72
00:05:02,434 --> 00:05:04,425
You're making fun of our ship?
73
00:05:04,536 --> 00:05:07,004
Your ship is the most beat-up thing
I've ever seen,
74
00:05:07,105 --> 00:05:09,300
and I've seen Mickey Rourke's head.
75
00:05:09,408 --> 00:05:11,501
Yeah, she's a little worky,
76
00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:15,706
but you got to gets big time ugly to be
five-time winners at a demolition derby.
77
00:05:18,917 --> 00:05:21,943
That's five more times than we've won
or even entered.
78
00:05:22,054 --> 00:05:23,578
We do suck.
79
00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:27,090
Yup, and it's gonna be six winses
after tonights.
80
00:05:27,459 --> 00:05:29,484
We'll sees abouts that.
81
00:05:32,097 --> 00:05:35,533
Dark matter costs have tripled,
so we must reduce expenses.
82
00:05:35,634 --> 00:05:38,865
Therefore, we will no longer provide
complimentary porno magazines
83
00:05:38,971 --> 00:05:39,960
in the lounge.
84
00:05:41,773 --> 00:05:44,640
-Darn it.
-And no more wasting fuel.
85
00:05:44,743 --> 00:05:48,440
From now on I'll be keeping a tight hold
on the keys to the ship,
86
00:05:48,547 --> 00:05:52,779
swallowing them before I go to bed
and recovering them the next morning.
87
00:05:53,118 --> 00:05:54,312
(EXCLAlMS DlSGUSTEDLY)
88
00:05:54,419 --> 00:05:56,148
Professor, it's 4:00.
89
00:05:56,588 --> 00:05:59,386
4:00 in the evening? Then, good night.
90
00:06:03,428 --> 00:06:05,396
I don't care what the Professor says.
91
00:06:05,497 --> 00:06:09,831
We're entering that demolition derby
to prove our ship isn't a piece of junk.
92
00:06:09,935 --> 00:06:12,529
But won't that turn our ship
into a piece of junk?
93
00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:14,572
Shut up, Zoidberg.
94
00:06:14,673 --> 00:06:15,731
He's right, Leela.
95
00:06:15,841 --> 00:06:19,208
But we have no choice.
Rednecks insulted us.
96
00:06:19,311 --> 00:06:22,439
So? Let it go.
Don't let your temper get the better of...
97
00:06:22,547 --> 00:06:24,742
Rednecks!
98
00:06:25,150 --> 00:06:26,412
(SNORlNG)
99
00:06:31,623 --> 00:06:33,215
Using this magneto,
100
00:06:33,325 --> 00:06:37,785
I will now guide the keys up the thorax
and out via the frontal face hole.
101
00:06:38,964 --> 00:06:39,953
(FARNSWORTH COUGHlNG)
102
00:06:40,065 --> 00:06:46,732
That's the storage locker, the bolt,
the other bolt, pay dirt!
103
00:06:48,807 --> 00:06:53,210
WOMAN: (SlNGlNG) Rocket ship
104
00:06:56,715 --> 00:07:01,345
Rocket ship
105
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,455
RlCH: Greetings, sports fans.
106
00:07:10,562 --> 00:07:13,087
Though whether
this outpouring of inbreds
107
00:07:13,198 --> 00:07:15,860
can in fact be classified as a sport
108
00:07:15,967 --> 00:07:20,097
is a subject of no small scholarly debate.
109
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:25,106
Well, wells, well, if it ain'ts
Princess Pukerella
110
00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:27,371
and her pukey puke-mobile.
111
00:07:27,479 --> 00:07:29,970
Oh, yeah? Well... Shut up.
112
00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:31,879
-Good comeback, Leela.
-You shut up, too.
113
00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:33,073
(BENDER SCREAMS)
114
00:07:33,285 --> 00:07:36,254
Rich Little, here, as Howard Cosell.
115
00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:40,951
And now to grace us with its rendition
of the national anthem,
116
00:07:41,059 --> 00:07:44,495
please welcome what is lef
of the Dixie Chicks
117
00:07:44,596 --> 00:07:48,362
afer their tragic
matter transporter accident.
118
00:07:49,167 --> 00:07:51,465
We 're in horrible pain.
119
00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:53,128
(ALL CHEERlNG)
120
00:07:53,238 --> 00:07:55,365
RlCH: And we are underway.
121
00:08:10,021 --> 00:08:11,488
Whoas!
122
00:08:11,656 --> 00:08:13,487
Yes! Now we're inflicting.
123
00:08:13,592 --> 00:08:18,529
RlCH: Outstanding! Tonight we are
witnessing a veritable clinic
124
00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:23,693
and that ludicrous hullabaloo
known as demolition derby.
125
00:08:33,745 --> 00:08:36,043
Way to kill the franchise, Bakula.
126
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:42,382
Ladies and gentlemen,
we are down to our final two ships.
127
00:08:42,487 --> 00:08:48,187
In the storied annals of demolition derby,
today will surely be remembered,
128
00:08:48,293 --> 00:08:51,592
if only as the day
upon which I was absorbed
129
00:08:51,696 --> 00:08:56,463
into that hideous conglomeration
once known as the Dixie Chicks.
130
00:08:57,836 --> 00:08:59,633
Buckle your sphincters.
131
00:08:59,738 --> 00:09:01,433
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
132
00:09:02,841 --> 00:09:05,173
-No! No!
-No!
133
00:09:05,277 --> 00:09:09,111
-That broad's insanes.
-But you're insansier, right?
134
00:09:09,648 --> 00:09:11,479
Nah, I guess nots.
135
00:09:11,583 --> 00:09:14,643
I've decideds to relax
and enjoy life from now ons.
136
00:09:14,753 --> 00:09:15,720
(BOTH SCREAMlNG)
137
00:09:21,927 --> 00:09:23,554
(ALL CHEERlNG)
138
00:09:27,933 --> 00:09:30,128
Yes! We did it!
139
00:09:31,803 --> 00:09:34,795
AndPlanet Express takes the trophy.
140
00:09:39,478 --> 00:09:43,005
WOMAN: (SlNGlNG) Rocket ship
141
00:09:43,114 --> 00:09:44,445
(CRASHlNG)
142
00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:53,253
(SNORlNG)
143
00:09:53,725 --> 00:09:56,523
Now, I'll use the magnet
to get the keys back in there.
144
00:09:56,628 --> 00:09:59,654
What? You mean I cut a big hole
in him for nothing?
145
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:06,368
Don't worry, the Professor
won't even remember
146
00:10:06,471 --> 00:10:07,665
that he has a spaceship.
147
00:10:07,772 --> 00:10:08,796
(LEELA GASPS)
148
00:10:08,907 --> 00:10:10,306
My precious spaceship.
149
00:10:10,408 --> 00:10:14,242
My lone source of joy
in the cold December of my days.
150
00:10:14,346 --> 00:10:18,908
Come, friends. Let's take her for a spin
to the malt shop like old times.
151
00:10:19,017 --> 00:10:22,851
Leela to Zoidberg.
Execute Distraction Protocol Alpha.
152
00:10:22,954 --> 00:10:24,046
ZOlDBERG ON RADlO: Roger that.
153
00:10:24,723 --> 00:10:27,191
Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
154
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:29,858
Don't look at me.
155
00:10:33,498 --> 00:10:34,487
(HERMES GASPlNG)
156
00:10:34,599 --> 00:10:37,363
Yes, she's a wonderful ship, all right.
157
00:10:37,469 --> 00:10:41,599
As beautiful now
as the day I got botched laser eye surgery.
158
00:10:42,173 --> 00:10:43,333
Now, that's odd.
159
00:10:43,441 --> 00:10:45,272
What's the fuel gauge doing on the...
160
00:10:45,377 --> 00:10:46,935
(FARNSWORTH GASPlNG)
161
00:10:47,045 --> 00:10:49,070
Great Godzilla's gonads!
162
00:10:49,180 --> 00:10:52,672
Who wasted precious fuel?
Answer now or be punished.
163
00:10:52,984 --> 00:10:56,977
-(SlGHlNG) All right, fine. I admit it.
-You will be punished.
164
00:10:58,823 --> 00:11:00,347
Oh, my gosh, 20!
165
00:11:00,458 --> 00:11:01,948
Yeah.
166
00:11:02,060 --> 00:11:03,925
Your pole arm does double damage,
167
00:11:04,029 --> 00:11:07,021
and the gelatinous cube dies
in horrible poverty.
168
00:11:07,132 --> 00:11:08,394
(GASPlNG)
169
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,524
-All right.
-Hooray.
170
00:11:10,635 --> 00:11:14,093
I proceed to cast a spell of darkness.
171
00:11:14,773 --> 00:11:16,104
Most ingenious.
172
00:11:18,076 --> 00:11:19,668
-Bender?
-Me?
173
00:11:19,778 --> 00:11:23,373
I cast a spell of darkness.
174
00:11:23,848 --> 00:11:25,076
(EXCLAlMS)
175
00:11:25,183 --> 00:11:26,514
Pretty imaginative, huh?
176
00:11:26,618 --> 00:11:30,816
No, you just did the same thing as me,
but with a dumb noise.
177
00:11:31,022 --> 00:11:31,989
Oh...
178
00:11:32,757 --> 00:11:37,490
You're right. I'm great in every way
except I have no imagination.
179
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:42,158
All I ever wanted is to play
this magical game and I can't.
180
00:11:42,267 --> 00:11:45,725
Yes, you can. You just have
to lose yourself in the fantasy.
181
00:11:45,837 --> 00:11:49,000
You have to believe the impossible
is merely preposterous.
182
00:11:49,107 --> 00:11:51,200
Okay. Here goes.
183
00:11:51,776 --> 00:11:52,834
Visor down.
184
00:11:53,545 --> 00:11:55,604
I believe, I believe.
185
00:11:56,982 --> 00:11:58,313
Ooh.
186
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:01,214
I did it! I imagined something.
187
00:12:01,319 --> 00:12:05,722
For 1.3 milliseconds,
I truly believed I was a noble robot
188
00:12:05,824 --> 00:12:07,314
in days of yonder.
189
00:12:07,792 --> 00:12:09,259
Way to go, Bender.
190
00:12:09,361 --> 00:12:11,727
What is thy character's name, good sir?
191
00:12:11,896 --> 00:12:13,363
Uh, um...
192
00:12:13,598 --> 00:12:16,226
I am Titanius lnglesmith,
193
00:12:16,334 --> 00:12:18,234
fancy man of Cornwood.
194
00:12:18,336 --> 00:12:19,496
(BOYS EXCLAlM)
195
00:12:19,604 --> 00:12:20,628
(DOOR OPENS)
196
00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:24,539
Everybody out of the conference room.
I am calling a conference.
197
00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:26,201
Everybody get in here.
198
00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:31,409
You wasted precious fuel just because
you were insulted by some redneck yokel
199
00:12:31,516 --> 00:12:33,074
from beyond the stars?
200
00:12:33,184 --> 00:12:35,914
-lt was only half a ball.
-That's not the point.
201
00:12:36,054 --> 00:12:37,783
Your temper is out of control.
202
00:12:37,889 --> 00:12:39,857
And to think I'd have never even known
203
00:12:39,958 --> 00:12:44,224
if it weren't for the lengthy
and unsolicited tattling of Dr. Zoidberg.
204
00:12:44,596 --> 00:12:47,030
She also took home
two rolls of Scotch tape.
205
00:12:47,132 --> 00:12:49,032
Thank you, Dr. Zoidberg.
206
00:12:49,134 --> 00:12:51,830
Hermes, incentivize that employee.
207
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,942
As for you, Leela, I'm letting you off
with a warning.
208
00:12:59,110 --> 00:13:00,873
Oh, thank you.
209
00:13:00,979 --> 00:13:05,609
A warning that will be administered
by this 50,000-volt shock collar.
210
00:13:06,851 --> 00:13:10,014
Zoidberg, I'm gonna put my boot
so far up your cloaca, you'll be...
211
00:13:10,121 --> 00:13:11,247
Ow!
212
00:13:11,356 --> 00:13:15,622
The collar will be triggered any time
your thoughts turn to violence.
213
00:13:16,294 --> 00:13:17,852
Profanity.
214
00:13:17,962 --> 00:13:19,224
Son of a...
215
00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:21,855
Or perversions of a sexual nature.
216
00:13:22,901 --> 00:13:23,868
Ow!
217
00:13:24,669 --> 00:13:27,832
Sorry, it's the only collar
they had in stock at Office Depot.
218
00:13:27,939 --> 00:13:31,306
I hope you picked up some Scotch tape
while you were there.
219
00:13:33,478 --> 00:13:34,502
BENDER: That's a good one.
220
00:13:36,848 --> 00:13:39,442
(ZOlDBERG EXCLAlMlNG)
221
00:13:41,786 --> 00:13:45,278
NARRA TOR: lmagine, ifyou will,
an announcer you can barely understand.
222
00:13:45,557 --> 00:13:46,546
He refers to a...
223
00:13:46,658 --> 00:13:47,625
(NARRA TOR SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH)
224
00:13:47,726 --> 00:13:49,125
But you're not quite sure what he said.
225
00:13:49,327 --> 00:13:52,854
He seems to be eating something,
or perhaps he's a little drunk.
226
00:13:52,964 --> 00:13:57,333
It's remotely possible that he just said
something about The Scary Door.
227
00:14:12,584 --> 00:14:13,846
SOLDlER: Firing, sir!
228
00:14:14,185 --> 00:14:16,244
It's all over. Our guns and bombs
229
00:14:16,354 --> 00:14:20,347
-are useless against the aliens.
-The saucers! Theys are crashing!
230
00:14:25,363 --> 00:14:28,890
NARRA TOR: In the end, it was not guns
or bombs that defeated the aliens,
231
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:32,731
but that humblest of all God's creatures,
the Tyrannosaurus Rex.
232
00:14:36,241 --> 00:14:37,868
(ALlEN SCREAMlNG)
233
00:14:38,643 --> 00:14:42,010
I can't believe TiVo suggested
that piece of... Ow!
234
00:14:42,380 --> 00:14:43,642
Come on, Hermes.
235
00:14:43,748 --> 00:14:46,842
Surely you have the authority
to remove this damn collar.
236
00:14:47,018 --> 00:14:50,613
Alas, no.
I got the key but not the authority.
237
00:14:50,755 --> 00:14:51,722
Yeow!
238
00:14:52,290 --> 00:14:54,520
Well, who does have the authority?
239
00:14:54,626 --> 00:14:57,288
Only the staff doctor.
You'll have to convince him
240
00:14:57,395 --> 00:14:59,124
that you have resolved your anger issues.
241
00:14:59,230 --> 00:15:03,098
I don't have any god...
mother...anger issues.
242
00:15:04,102 --> 00:15:08,698
As your dwarf-skin canoe rounds a bend
you suddenly see...
243
00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:10,934
A terrifying red dragon.
244
00:15:11,042 --> 00:15:12,168
(SCREAMS)
245
00:15:12,277 --> 00:15:13,972
What do we do? What do we do?
246
00:15:14,078 --> 00:15:15,409
Wait, I know.
247
00:15:15,513 --> 00:15:18,141
I make use of my round of fireballs.
248
00:15:18,516 --> 00:15:20,541
(lMlTATlNG EXPLOSlONS)
249
00:15:21,119 --> 00:15:22,108
(SCOFFS)
250
00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:25,246
Everyone knows red dragons
are immune to fireballs
251
00:15:25,356 --> 00:15:28,052
as well as all other forms
of incendiary attack.
252
00:15:28,159 --> 00:15:32,493
Yes, but I aim not at the dragon
but at the river itself,
253
00:15:32,597 --> 00:15:35,657
to create a shroud of steam
through which we can escape.
254
00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:37,359
ALL: Whoa!
255
00:15:38,970 --> 00:15:41,495
Sweet pony of Sierra Leone, it worked!
256
00:15:42,473 --> 00:15:43,940
-We did it!
-Yeah!
257
00:15:45,076 --> 00:15:46,475
Bender, smell this milk.
258
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:49,809
I go not by the name of Bender,
you fleshy fool,
259
00:15:49,914 --> 00:15:54,442
I am Titanius lnglesmith,
fancy man of Cornwood.
260
00:15:57,722 --> 00:15:59,713
Professor, something's bothering me.
261
00:15:59,824 --> 00:16:03,225
(lN FARNSWORTH'S VOlCE) Well, you can
always talk to me about anything, Fry.
262
00:16:03,328 --> 00:16:04,955
What's on your mind?
263
00:16:05,063 --> 00:16:07,395
Well, it's about my friend Bender.
264
00:16:07,532 --> 00:16:09,363
Mmm. I see.
265
00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:14,070
Show me on this anatomically correct doll
exactly where he touched you.
266
00:16:14,172 --> 00:16:18,609
No, it's nothing like that.
It's just that I am worried about him.
267
00:16:18,743 --> 00:16:21,610
He's being playing an awful lot
of Dungeons & Dragons.
268
00:16:21,713 --> 00:16:25,979
Dungeons &... Good God!
Hasn't he seen the Aferschool Special?
269
00:16:26,718 --> 00:16:28,208
You've got to talk to him, Fry.
270
00:16:28,319 --> 00:16:31,982
Make him quit now,
before he completely loses his mind.
271
00:16:32,357 --> 00:16:34,882
-Okay, I will.
-Good boy.
272
00:16:35,159 --> 00:16:37,753
Just don't let him touch you down there.
273
00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:40,497
(SCREECHlNG)
274
00:16:41,032 --> 00:16:45,435
Well, here's your problem, right here.
You've got a skull embedded in your head.
275
00:16:45,737 --> 00:16:50,037
(SlGHS) You're absolutely right, Doctor.
Can the collar come off now?
276
00:16:50,575 --> 00:16:54,534
Let me just peel your head a little
and see if I can get that skull out.
277
00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:55,874
(LEELA GRUNTlNG)
278
00:16:56,014 --> 00:16:56,981
(LEELA EXCLAlMlNG)
279
00:16:58,249 --> 00:17:02,413
So, you tell me, little miss expert,
why always with the temper?
280
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,351
Calm down for once and think.
281
00:17:04,455 --> 00:17:07,754
Here, enjoy a relaxing spritz
from my empathy bladder.
282
00:17:09,494 --> 00:17:12,520
What is it, already?
What's the cause of your anger?
283
00:17:12,864 --> 00:17:16,027
I guess I would have to say, I hate you.
284
00:17:16,701 --> 00:17:20,899
I'm beginning to understand.
It all goes back to your parents.
285
00:17:21,005 --> 00:17:23,200
-What?
-You have a resentment
286
00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:25,708
because they pushed you
to study medicine,
287
00:17:25,843 --> 00:17:29,472
when all you ever wanted
was to be a song-and-dance man.
288
00:17:29,714 --> 00:17:33,206
(ZOlDBERG HUMMlNG)
289
00:17:34,285 --> 00:17:37,186
(SOBBlNG) Why? Why?
290
00:17:37,355 --> 00:17:39,220
I was raised in an orphanarium.
291
00:17:39,324 --> 00:17:40,621
My parents are sewer mutants
292
00:17:40,725 --> 00:17:43,159
who I never even met
until a few years ago.
293
00:17:43,294 --> 00:17:46,855
Then you've got to go to them
and work this song-and-dance stuff out.
294
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:50,594
Maybe have them cook me nice dinner.
No scallions. I hate them.
295
00:17:51,302 --> 00:17:54,863
-Amy, cancel my appointments.
-Stop calling me.
296
00:18:01,879 --> 00:18:04,109
Bender, please don't get mad,
297
00:18:04,215 --> 00:18:07,673
but I think you might be playing too much
Dungeons & Dragons.
298
00:18:07,819 --> 00:18:09,810
You're absolutely right, Fry.
299
00:18:09,921 --> 00:18:13,413
I almost went insane,
but after this heart-to-heart talk,
300
00:18:13,524 --> 00:18:15,583
-I've decided to quit.
-Really?
301
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,853
Whew! That's a load off my toad.
302
00:18:17,962 --> 00:18:19,725
Now, if you'll excuse me.
303
00:18:19,831 --> 00:18:22,527
I'm off to slay the werewolf
of Goblin Mountain.
304
00:18:22,633 --> 00:18:24,658
(EXCLAlMlNG)
305
00:18:30,808 --> 00:18:32,639
On guard, man-wench!
306
00:18:32,744 --> 00:18:34,712
Prepare to cross blades.
307
00:18:35,046 --> 00:18:36,946
(lN MALE VOlCE)
You couldn't afford it, honey.
308
00:18:37,548 --> 00:18:38,913
(GRUNTlNG)
309
00:18:40,318 --> 00:18:45,312
Foolish leprechaun, I scoop your treasure
in the name of the fancy men.
310
00:18:46,791 --> 00:18:49,919
HERMES: He also left a small pile
of treasure on the living room rug.
311
00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:54,521
Foul dragon, meet thy doom.
312
00:18:56,601 --> 00:18:57,966
(GROANlNG)
313
00:19:14,018 --> 00:19:16,714
-Would you like a napkin, Doctor?
-Thank you.
314
00:19:18,456 --> 00:19:22,392
Satisfied, Zoidberg?
My relationship with my parents is fine.
315
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:26,323
Now, hold on, Leela.
Maybe this torture collar is good for you.
316
00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:27,398
What? Ow!
317
00:19:27,532 --> 00:19:29,022
It'll control your temper.
318
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:32,466
Men like a woman who's not always
slamming their head in the car door.
319
00:19:32,570 --> 00:19:35,038
She's right. That's what first attracted me
to your mother.
320
00:19:37,241 --> 00:19:40,642
So, Leela, I understand your friend here
is a physician,
321
00:19:40,745 --> 00:19:42,975
and I'm not seeing a ring on his claw.
322
00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:45,140
Mom, he's a cockroach from outer space.
323
00:19:45,283 --> 00:19:46,341
(LEELA SCREAMlNG)
324
00:19:46,451 --> 00:19:48,885
Good, Leela, work that anger out.
325
00:19:48,986 --> 00:19:51,716
Excuse me a moment,
I'm swarming with parasites.
326
00:19:53,524 --> 00:19:55,287
(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)
327
00:19:56,027 --> 00:19:58,518
Hey, it's what's-his-name from the surface.
328
00:19:58,663 --> 00:20:00,062
The bi-clops.
329
00:20:00,832 --> 00:20:04,598
Have you seen Bender? He's gone nuts.
Also, smell this milk.
330
00:20:08,072 --> 00:20:10,563
Prepare for a surprise attack.
331
00:20:10,675 --> 00:20:11,699
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
332
00:20:11,809 --> 00:20:13,106
Someone do something.
333
00:20:13,211 --> 00:20:16,647
I would, but... Ow! Take my collar off.
334
00:20:16,747 --> 00:20:18,738
I can't, I'm still eating.
335
00:20:22,253 --> 00:20:23,584
Help me, Leela.
336
00:20:24,522 --> 00:20:26,012
(GASPlNG)
337
00:20:26,557 --> 00:20:29,856
I cast upon thee a spell of fireball!
338
00:20:29,961 --> 00:20:31,121
(BELCHES)
339
00:20:41,672 --> 00:20:42,969
(EXCLAlMS)
340
00:20:43,941 --> 00:20:45,272
No.
341
00:20:45,376 --> 00:20:47,003
Not the spork.
342
00:20:47,345 --> 00:20:51,679
Beholdeth, Titanius,
I cast a freeze ray upon you.
343
00:20:51,782 --> 00:20:55,980
(SCOFFS) That's ridiculous.
There's no such thing as a freeze ray.
344
00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:59,082
-What, you mean a cone of coldness?
-Yeah, that.
345
00:20:59,490 --> 00:21:04,518
No! No! Fancy men are defenseless
against cone of coldness.
346
00:21:04,629 --> 00:21:06,096
(EXCLAlMlNG)
347
00:21:06,197 --> 00:21:07,687
I'm freezing... What?
348
00:21:08,933 --> 00:21:10,696
Bender, no.
349
00:21:11,135 --> 00:21:14,104
When will young people learn that
Dungeons & Dragons
350
00:21:14,205 --> 00:21:15,729
won't make you cool?
351
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,104
Relax, Fry. I'm a doctor.
352
00:21:18,209 --> 00:21:21,303
I'm sure the robot
will be just fine with a little help.
353
00:21:22,213 --> 00:21:24,443
Help, help.
354
00:21:25,249 --> 00:21:27,444
Help!
355
00:21:27,552 --> 00:21:28,644
(ECHOlNG)
356
00:21:39,797 --> 00:21:41,628
Please, send in the patient.
357
00:21:41,799 --> 00:21:42,788
Yes, Doctor.
358
00:21:46,437 --> 00:21:52,706
So, Bender, I understand you're having
trouble separating fantasy from reality.
359
00:21:52,810 --> 00:21:54,903
Says who? Was it the bugbear?
360
00:21:55,012 --> 00:21:57,981
-ls he talking about me again?
-I understand.
361
00:21:58,082 --> 00:21:59,447
Commence therapy.
362
00:22:02,753 --> 00:22:04,778
Tell me about your feelings.
363
00:22:08,025 --> 00:22:09,322
FRY: Poor Bender.
364
00:22:09,427 --> 00:22:11,918
Says here to tell his friends he's at a spa.
365
00:22:12,296 --> 00:22:14,560
-So what happened to Bender?
-He's at a spa.
366
00:22:14,665 --> 00:22:17,133
Wow, there's a spa in the nut house?
367
00:22:17,235 --> 00:22:21,399
Friends, friends, stop everything.
There's food in this shaker.
368
00:22:25,343 --> 00:22:26,332
Ow!
369
00:22:26,444 --> 00:22:29,845
Enough already!
Can you please remove this anger collar?
370
00:22:29,947 --> 00:22:32,643
-Are you still angry?
-No. Ow!
371
00:22:32,783 --> 00:22:34,307
It also shocks you when you lie.
372
00:22:34,418 --> 00:22:36,784
Quiet, everyone. The network news is on.
373
00:22:36,887 --> 00:22:41,586
And if l, a 165-year-old man,
don't watch it, who will?
374
00:22:41,859 --> 00:22:45,226
Thankfully, the amazing talking horse
was rescued
375
00:22:45,329 --> 00:22:47,797
and safely returned
to the meat department.
376
00:22:50,701 --> 00:22:53,261
Turning to the less stupid portion
of our broadcast,
377
00:22:53,371 --> 00:22:58,001
fuel prices hit an all-time high today
due to the ongoing dark matter shortage.
378
00:22:58,109 --> 00:23:01,442
Earlier, our own Morbo
sat down with Mom,
379
00:23:01,545 --> 00:23:05,447
CEO of Mom 's Friendly
Multinational Energy Conglomerate.
380
00:23:15,393 --> 00:23:18,260
Oh! Hello, Morbo the Annihilator, here,
381
00:23:18,429 --> 00:23:22,331
sitting down to a delightful tea
in this fake living room set.
382
00:23:22,733 --> 00:23:24,428
(SHOUTlNG)
Thank you for joining us, Mom.
383
00:23:24,535 --> 00:23:26,662
My pleasure, sugarplum.
384
00:23:26,871 --> 00:23:30,204
Mom, you control the world's
only dark matter mine.
385
00:23:30,641 --> 00:23:33,235
Tell us, why are fuel prices so high?
386
00:23:33,344 --> 00:23:35,209
Oh! It's terrible, isn't it?
387
00:23:35,646 --> 00:23:38,513
Dark matter is just so rare nowadays,
388
00:23:38,616 --> 00:23:42,382
but we'll keep pinching loaf after loaf
from the bowels of the earth,
389
00:23:42,486 --> 00:23:45,148
even if I lose money on every log.
390
00:23:45,323 --> 00:23:50,488
If you are losing money, how did you
post record profits last quarter?
391
00:23:50,761 --> 00:23:51,989
(CLEARlNG THROAT)
392
00:23:52,096 --> 00:23:56,396
You look thin, care for one of my
famous pecan clusters?
393
00:23:58,035 --> 00:24:01,937
Morbo shouldn't. It will go straight
to Morbo's gargantuan forehead.
394
00:24:02,540 --> 00:24:06,237
Oh, what the heck? I guess I could destroy
one or two of them.
395
00:24:08,512 --> 00:24:11,572
Do people care enough to drill
for dark matter
396
00:24:11,682 --> 00:24:14,617
even in an Alaskan wildlife refuge?
397
00:24:15,152 --> 00:24:16,278
People do.
398
00:24:16,387 --> 00:24:20,915
Greedy old hag, taste the wrath
of my fuzzy slipper.
399
00:24:23,361 --> 00:24:27,422
Professor, why are you so hot and dusty
over this dark matter shortage?
400
00:24:27,765 --> 00:24:28,732
(EXCLAlMlNG)
401
00:24:28,866 --> 00:24:34,600
I bet you'd like to know.
I bet you'd like to know, indeed.
402
00:25:04,935 --> 00:25:07,301
Hello, Mother. How did the interview go?
403
00:25:07,405 --> 00:25:10,272
It made me want to puke my face off.
404
00:25:10,474 --> 00:25:12,567
-Where's my Thigh Blaster?
-Right here, Mom.
405
00:25:12,676 --> 00:25:14,644
-Shut up!
-Okay, thank you.
406
00:25:15,646 --> 00:25:17,773
Burn, you damn thighs. Burn!
407
00:25:18,315 --> 00:25:21,773
Mommy, are you upset
'cause of the dark matter shortage?
408
00:25:21,886 --> 00:25:24,548
There is no shortage,
you moronic ass-brain!
409
00:25:24,655 --> 00:25:26,054
There's not? But you said...
410
00:25:26,157 --> 00:25:27,215
(MOM SlGHS)
411
00:25:27,324 --> 00:25:32,591
Allow me to explain. Suppose this hand
represents current reserves of dark matter
412
00:25:32,696 --> 00:25:35,290
and this hand represents
consumer demand.
413
00:25:35,699 --> 00:25:36,996
Uh-huh.
414
00:25:42,706 --> 00:25:45,607
I just bet you'd like to know
why I'm so angry
415
00:25:45,709 --> 00:25:47,574
about this dark matter shortage.
416
00:25:47,678 --> 00:25:50,203
I bet very much you'd like to know.
417
00:25:50,314 --> 00:25:52,407
You're right, Professor.
We would like to know.
418
00:25:52,516 --> 00:25:55,713
Really? I didn't think anyone
was interested.
419
00:25:56,387 --> 00:25:59,879
It all started 30-odd years ago.
420
00:26:00,825 --> 00:26:04,261
I was working in Mom 's laboratories
for the third time
421
00:26:04,361 --> 00:26:07,489
afer twice before realizing
how evil she was
422
00:26:07,665 --> 00:26:10,065
and vowing never to work for her again.
423
00:26:10,167 --> 00:26:11,498
(UNCHAlNED MELOD YPLAYlNG)
424
00:26:11,602 --> 00:26:16,335
But somehow the rich,
wrong stench of her boney charms
425
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,408
kept calling me back.
426
00:26:18,843 --> 00:26:19,901
(ALL EXCLAlM DlSGUSTEDLY)
427
00:26:20,010 --> 00:26:23,036
Don't stop, Professor. I'm getting aroused.
428
00:26:23,147 --> 00:26:27,777
Back in those days, dark matter
was just a worthless inert curiosity,
429
00:26:28,152 --> 00:26:30,882
and I was smashing it
in a particle accelerator,
430
00:26:30,988 --> 00:26:36,085
in an ill-conceived attempt
to create a more durable harpsichord wax.
431
00:26:36,827 --> 00:26:40,729
But, as Deepak Chopra taught us,
quantum physics means
432
00:26:40,831 --> 00:26:44,130
anything can happen at any time
for no reason.
433
00:26:44,268 --> 00:26:46,236
Also, eat plenty of oatmeal,
434
00:26:46,337 --> 00:26:48,498
and animals never had a war.
435
00:26:48,606 --> 00:26:50,437
Who's the real animals?
436
00:26:51,709 --> 00:26:57,341
And thus against all probabilities,
it happened.
437
00:27:06,323 --> 00:27:07,290
Dang!
438
00:27:07,424 --> 00:27:11,554
I'm sure I don 't need to explain
that all dark matter in the universe
439
00:27:11,662 --> 00:27:15,621
is linked in the form
of a single non-local meta-particle.
440
00:27:15,866 --> 00:27:16,833
(EXCLAlMlNG)
441
00:27:16,934 --> 00:27:18,401
Stop patronizing us.
442
00:27:18,502 --> 00:27:23,098
So, in one instant, I had transformed
all dark matter everywhere
443
00:27:23,207 --> 00:27:25,505
into a new crystalline form...
444
00:27:25,843 --> 00:27:29,609
...making it the most potent fuel
since primitive man first ignited
445
00:27:29,713 --> 00:27:32,341
mastodon flatulence to heat his cave.
446
00:27:32,449 --> 00:27:36,351
I'm intrigued, Hubert.
You have my undivided attention.
447
00:27:39,657 --> 00:27:40,817
(MOM EXCLAlMS)
448
00:27:43,494 --> 00:27:44,825
(BABlES CRYlNG)
449
00:27:44,929 --> 00:27:47,693
Shut up, you milk-sucking leeches!
450
00:27:48,732 --> 00:27:50,427
A new super fuel, eh?
451
00:27:50,568 --> 00:27:52,536
-We're rich.
-lndeed, we are.
452
00:27:52,736 --> 00:27:55,136
Not you, we. Us, we.
453
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,674
I'm getting back together
with my ex-husband.
454
00:27:58,776 --> 00:28:00,266
Wernstrom!
455
00:28:03,113 --> 00:28:05,343
You've been played, Farnsworth.
456
00:28:05,449 --> 00:28:07,417
Played like a cheap harpsichord.
457
00:28:07,518 --> 00:28:10,282
Walt, fire that employee
like Mommy taught you.
458
00:28:11,488 --> 00:28:13,012
(WALT GlGGLlNG)
459
00:28:15,759 --> 00:28:17,249
(FARNSWORTH SCREAMS)
460
00:28:18,662 --> 00:28:21,187
Professor, maybe I can help you
get even with Mom.
461
00:28:21,298 --> 00:28:24,961
I spend most of my time thinking about
how to get revenge on a bad boss.
462
00:28:25,069 --> 00:28:26,400
-Me, too.
-Likewise.
463
00:28:26,503 --> 00:28:28,266
I made a blinding powder.
464
00:28:28,372 --> 00:28:30,738
Thanks, but that won't be necessary
465
00:28:30,841 --> 00:28:33,241
because I have the ultimate weapon.
466
00:28:34,278 --> 00:28:38,112
You see, in the instant
the energy crystal was created,
467
00:28:38,215 --> 00:28:40,615
there also came into being
an opposite crystal
468
00:28:40,718 --> 00:28:43,152
made ofpure anti-backwards energy.
469
00:28:44,121 --> 00:28:45,645
-Wow!
-Wow!
470
00:28:45,756 --> 00:28:47,690
-So?
-So, this!
471
00:28:47,791 --> 00:28:49,622
If ever the two crystals should meet,
472
00:28:49,727 --> 00:28:53,458
their wave functions would collapse
like Raymond Burr's trampoline,
473
00:28:53,564 --> 00:28:58,001
once again rendering all dark matter
inert and useless as fuel.
474
00:28:58,102 --> 00:28:59,467
But then we'll have no fuel.
475
00:28:59,570 --> 00:29:03,904
But once we free society
from dependence on Mom's dark matter,
476
00:29:04,008 --> 00:29:08,570
scientists will finally care enough
to develop cleaner, alternative fuels.
477
00:29:08,679 --> 00:29:10,306
Scientists like you?
478
00:29:10,414 --> 00:29:14,783
No, not me.
I'm too busy developing makeup for dogs.
479
00:29:14,885 --> 00:29:16,580
That's where the money is.
480
00:29:17,821 --> 00:29:20,517
This is our chance to teach Mom a lesson.
Come on!
481
00:29:20,624 --> 00:29:23,991
Let's take the anti-crystal
and shove it up Mom's regular crystal.
482
00:29:24,094 --> 00:29:25,686
-Yeah.
-Fight the power!
483
00:29:26,430 --> 00:29:30,127
There's just one, small problem,
and it's a big one.
484
00:29:30,234 --> 00:29:33,032
I hid the crystal
and I can't remember where.
485
00:29:33,170 --> 00:29:36,435
Well, surely it's just a matter of waiting
till you next move your bowels
486
00:29:36,540 --> 00:29:40,203
-and then using a potato masher...
-Don't you think I already tried that?
487
00:29:40,310 --> 00:29:43,973
No. I'm afraid, the crystal is lost forever.
488
00:29:46,350 --> 00:29:48,978
Nine? You did it.
You outwitted the fungus.
489
00:29:49,953 --> 00:29:51,215
Who needs girls?
490
00:29:53,490 --> 00:29:57,790
Since you have all proven resistant
to individualized hammer therapy,
491
00:29:57,961 --> 00:30:00,953
I now prescribe group therapy.
492
00:30:01,298 --> 00:30:03,323
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
493
00:30:07,371 --> 00:30:09,339
Everything must be clean, very clean.
494
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,603
That's why the dog had to die.
He was a dirty dog. Dirty, dirty.
495
00:30:12,710 --> 00:30:15,201
Also, that boy, Elroy. Dirty, dirty.
496
00:30:15,312 --> 00:30:18,213
Who would like to share their feelings?
497
00:30:18,315 --> 00:30:20,783
-I feel unappreciated at work.
-What?
498
00:30:20,884 --> 00:30:23,648
-I can barely understand you.
-I said I feel...
499
00:30:23,754 --> 00:30:25,244
Change places.
500
00:30:27,925 --> 00:30:32,726
Well, well. Looks like old Roberto
is the focus of attention now.
501
00:30:33,330 --> 00:30:34,763
Stop looking at me.
502
00:30:34,865 --> 00:30:36,389
(EXCLAlMlNG)
503
00:30:37,634 --> 00:30:39,329
Calm down, Roberto.
504
00:30:39,436 --> 00:30:41,529
Tell us about your childhood.
505
00:30:41,638 --> 00:30:44,835
I was designed by a team of engineers
attempting to build
506
00:30:44,942 --> 00:30:48,639
an insane robot. But it seems they failed.
507
00:30:49,446 --> 00:30:50,936
VENDlNG MACHlNE ROBOT: Actually...
508
00:30:51,048 --> 00:30:53,380
(COUGHlNG)
509
00:30:53,484 --> 00:30:57,477
Look, we have to accept the fact
that we all have a serious problem.
510
00:30:57,588 --> 00:31:01,024
And if we ever wanna get out of here,
the first step is to admit it.
511
00:31:01,125 --> 00:31:02,183
-Amen.
-Good, Bender.
512
00:31:02,292 --> 00:31:03,281
-That's right.
-Yes.
513
00:31:03,393 --> 00:31:05,725
There's a band of river trolls
living in the moat,
514
00:31:05,829 --> 00:31:08,491
and they may have no intention
of letting us out of this castle,
515
00:31:08,599 --> 00:31:12,365
unless we hand over
the Golden Scepter of Zanthor.
516
00:31:12,469 --> 00:31:14,528
Say what? Dude's crazy.
517
00:31:14,671 --> 00:31:18,266
-Bender, please, try to...
-I know not of this Bender.
518
00:31:18,375 --> 00:31:20,343
I am Titanius lnglesmith,
519
00:31:20,444 --> 00:31:22,036
fancy man of Cornwood.
520
00:31:22,146 --> 00:31:24,808
You are suffering a breakdown. Now stop.
521
00:31:24,915 --> 00:31:26,007
Hammer time.
522
00:31:29,219 --> 00:31:33,747
I'm in your seat.
I forgot we had changed places.
523
00:31:33,857 --> 00:31:35,347
Change places.
524
00:31:39,296 --> 00:31:41,025
FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone!
525
00:31:41,131 --> 00:31:43,998
-You perfected dog mascara?
-Far from it.
526
00:31:44,101 --> 00:31:46,433
If you ask me, they look like
a bunch of hookers.
527
00:31:46,537 --> 00:31:50,667
But what I have invented is a means
of locating the missing crystal.
528
00:31:50,774 --> 00:31:51,934
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
529
00:31:52,042 --> 00:31:56,342
When I push this button, the crystal
will emit a high-frequency stink.
530
00:31:56,446 --> 00:31:57,572
Hurray!
531
00:31:58,515 --> 00:32:02,076
There. Now, with any luck
I'll detect it with my smelling aid.
532
00:32:02,486 --> 00:32:03,748
(TRACKER BEEPlNG)
533
00:32:03,854 --> 00:32:09,656
I just pray to all powerful Atheismo
that we find it before Mom does.
534
00:32:10,093 --> 00:32:12,891
-Do you smell the crystal, Professor?
-No, damn it!
535
00:32:12,996 --> 00:32:16,363
Just the alluring scent of Obsession
for spaniels.
536
00:32:23,106 --> 00:32:27,202
-Dude. Who whipped an egger?
-He who smelled it, dealt it.
537
00:32:27,311 --> 00:32:29,973
Yeah? Well, he who denied it, supplied it.
538
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:33,345
Well, he who articulated it, particulated it.
539
00:32:33,450 --> 00:32:35,850
Well, he who refuted it, tooted it.
540
00:32:37,487 --> 00:32:38,784
Stalemate.
541
00:32:39,089 --> 00:32:40,750
(COMPUTER BEEPlNG)
542
00:32:41,625 --> 00:32:44,719
Jesus craps. The anti-backwards crystal.
543
00:32:44,828 --> 00:32:45,795
Ow!
544
00:32:46,496 --> 00:32:49,431
-Sorry?
-Relax, it's not your fault.
545
00:32:49,533 --> 00:32:51,501
MOM: I can't believe it still exists.
546
00:32:51,602 --> 00:32:53,729
Google the hell out of that skanker.
547
00:32:58,141 --> 00:33:00,200
Planet-sucking-Express?
548
00:33:00,310 --> 00:33:03,108
Of course.
How could I have been so dumb?
549
00:33:04,281 --> 00:33:05,475
With that crystal,
550
00:33:05,582 --> 00:33:09,074
Farnsworth could completely destroy
my dark matter empire.
551
00:33:09,186 --> 00:33:13,555
I underestimated that sagging
old bag of bones and gonads.
552
00:33:13,657 --> 00:33:16,217
-ls that man bad?
-Very bad, lgner.
553
00:33:16,460 --> 00:33:19,827
And that's why I need you three to go
steal the anti-crystal away from him.
554
00:33:19,930 --> 00:33:23,627
But be careful.
You'll need all your stoogely cunning.
555
00:33:27,671 --> 00:33:29,332
(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)
556
00:33:30,908 --> 00:33:33,103
-Exterminators.
-Oh, great.
557
00:33:33,210 --> 00:33:35,906
What do we got?
Wall gophers? Toilet snails?
558
00:33:36,013 --> 00:33:38,948
No, I'm afraid you've got owls.
Over there, see?
559
00:33:40,717 --> 00:33:41,706
Ow!
560
00:33:41,818 --> 00:33:43,513
Dump the bag, you nitwit.
561
00:33:44,354 --> 00:33:46,322
-Hey, watch it.
-Quiet, you.
562
00:33:46,423 --> 00:33:47,390
Ow!
563
00:33:48,258 --> 00:33:50,726
I was looking over there for a long time
but I didn't see any...
564
00:33:50,827 --> 00:33:54,024
Oh, there they are. Gross.
565
00:33:54,131 --> 00:33:57,294
We've got to act fast.
Larry, get out the geigersniffer.
566
00:33:57,401 --> 00:34:00,234
I don't know, Walt.
You're just gonna hit me with it.
567
00:34:00,337 --> 00:34:02,464
No. I'm going to hit you with this.
568
00:34:02,572 --> 00:34:04,164
(LARRY AND WALT EXCLAlMlNG)
569
00:34:06,376 --> 00:34:07,365
(FRY LAUGHlNG)
570
00:34:07,477 --> 00:34:11,004
-Those three exterminators are hilarious.
-Really?
571
00:34:11,114 --> 00:34:13,105
-I don't think so.
-Me, neither.
572
00:34:13,216 --> 00:34:15,480
Now, Sex and the City, that's funny.
573
00:34:16,453 --> 00:34:20,719
DWlGHT: After wandering aimlessly
in the swamp, you suddenly...
574
00:34:20,824 --> 00:34:23,019
Wander aimlessly in the swamp.
575
00:34:23,126 --> 00:34:24,491
(DOOR OPENS)
576
00:34:25,495 --> 00:34:27,588
(TRACKER BEEPlNG RAPlDLY)
577
00:34:28,031 --> 00:34:29,760
There it is.
578
00:34:30,934 --> 00:34:34,426
Excuse you.
As you apparently didn't notice,
579
00:34:34,538 --> 00:34:37,598
we're trying to traverse
the Quagmire of Slogdonia.
580
00:34:37,708 --> 00:34:41,007
I'm sorry, little boy.
You see, we're owl exterminators.
581
00:34:41,111 --> 00:34:42,476
We are owl...
582
00:34:42,579 --> 00:34:43,978
Ow!
583
00:34:44,247 --> 00:34:47,478
And what we have here is an owl egg
584
00:34:47,584 --> 00:34:50,678
that's about to hatch into an owl larva.
585
00:34:50,787 --> 00:34:52,846
So, if you don't mind,
we'll just take this and...
586
00:34:52,956 --> 00:34:55,151
(SCOFFS) What are you, stupid?
587
00:34:55,258 --> 00:34:59,524
That's a dodecahedral crystal I found
hidden in the downstairs walrus tank.
588
00:34:59,629 --> 00:35:02,359
And I wrote numbers on it
so we could use it as a D12.
589
00:35:02,466 --> 00:35:04,093
'Cause I have the best handwriting.
590
00:35:04,201 --> 00:35:05,566
-Do not.
-Do too.
591
00:35:05,669 --> 00:35:07,034
-Do not.
-Do too.
592
00:35:08,238 --> 00:35:10,069
You win this round.
593
00:35:10,173 --> 00:35:11,697
What's going on here?
594
00:35:11,808 --> 00:35:14,106
We're owl exterminators.
595
00:35:15,145 --> 00:35:18,672
Then you won't have any problem
exterminating this owl.
596
00:35:18,782 --> 00:35:20,147
(HOOTlNG)
597
00:35:27,024 --> 00:35:28,616
(OWL SCREECHlNG)
598
00:35:29,326 --> 00:35:30,452
ALL: Please!
599
00:35:33,196 --> 00:35:34,458
(SNlFFlNG)
600
00:35:34,564 --> 00:35:36,031
(GRUNTlNG)
601
00:35:36,133 --> 00:35:38,124
My anti-backwards crystal.
602
00:35:39,703 --> 00:35:41,193
So it's you three.
603
00:35:41,304 --> 00:35:45,434
I should have known Mom would send
her brainless brood to do her dirty work.
604
00:35:46,276 --> 00:35:49,074
-Walt, the leader among imbeciles.
-Hey!
605
00:35:49,179 --> 00:35:50,976
They resent that.
606
00:35:51,081 --> 00:35:53,914
Larry, the sniveling middle child.
607
00:35:54,017 --> 00:35:55,416
Sorry. Thank you.
608
00:35:56,553 --> 00:36:01,149
And you, lgner. The evil I could tolerate,
but the stupidity...
609
00:36:01,525 --> 00:36:02,856
(FARNSWORTH SHUDDERlNG)
610
00:36:02,959 --> 00:36:06,451
-We're owl exterminators.
-Good God.
611
00:36:06,563 --> 00:36:09,532
Just knowing we're in the same genus
makes me embarrassed
612
00:36:09,633 --> 00:36:11,464
to call myself homo.
613
00:36:11,568 --> 00:36:12,865
(BOYS LAUGHlNG)
614
00:36:12,969 --> 00:36:16,803
Now, get out and tell Mom
thanks for the crystal.
615
00:36:24,815 --> 00:36:26,407
Thanks for the crystal.
616
00:36:34,491 --> 00:36:35,924
FRY: There. The repairs are complete.
617
00:36:36,026 --> 00:36:36,993
(SHlP HORN HONKlNG)
618
00:36:37,094 --> 00:36:38,152
Let's go, already.
619
00:36:38,328 --> 00:36:41,991
We've got to infiltrate
Mom's dark matter mine, now.
620
00:36:42,099 --> 00:36:43,896
How do you start this thing?
621
00:36:44,601 --> 00:36:45,590
(SHlP HORN HONKlNG)
622
00:36:45,702 --> 00:36:48,671
Good lord, woman.
Can you move any slower?
623
00:36:49,306 --> 00:36:52,002
Rake up some dark matter
and top off the tank.
624
00:36:52,109 --> 00:36:55,306
Well, there isn't any dark matter.
Nibbler hasn't pooped at all.
625
00:36:55,412 --> 00:36:58,176
And he ate a whole family
of koalas last night.
626
00:36:58,281 --> 00:37:01,375
Nibbler! Nibbler!
627
00:37:01,485 --> 00:37:05,683
I'm not interested in the whereabouts
of your cutesy-fruitsy space rat.
628
00:37:05,789 --> 00:37:08,257
The only thing that matters right now
is this crystal.
629
00:37:08,358 --> 00:37:09,325
Ow!
630
00:37:09,459 --> 00:37:11,586
And be careful with that crystal.
631
00:37:15,565 --> 00:37:17,192
(ALARM BLARlNG)
632
00:37:18,401 --> 00:37:20,164
(MUFFLED CHATTERlNG)
633
00:37:23,607 --> 00:37:25,040
Death to ogres!
634
00:37:26,309 --> 00:37:29,335
Even relaxation therapy has failed.
635
00:37:31,715 --> 00:37:33,774
Diagnosis, insanity.
636
00:37:33,884 --> 00:37:36,717
Nurse, schedule a robotomy for Bender.
637
00:37:36,820 --> 00:37:39,380
Yes, Doctor.
I'll get the tools from the shed.
638
00:37:39,489 --> 00:37:43,789
It's a very painful procedure.
So until then, just try to relax.
639
00:37:45,896 --> 00:37:47,420
(ALARM BLARlNG)
640
00:38:08,218 --> 00:38:11,449
-What are you laughing at?
-Your laugh.
641
00:38:11,555 --> 00:38:14,888
-It's just so infectious.
-So's herpes. Now, shut up!
642
00:38:14,991 --> 00:38:17,323
You and Walt,
lead the killbots to the surface
643
00:38:17,427 --> 00:38:19,725
and blow Farnsworth out of the sky.
644
00:38:19,829 --> 00:38:20,887
What about lgner?
645
00:38:20,997 --> 00:38:22,157
That hairless ape?
646
00:38:22,265 --> 00:38:27,134
I swear. When he came out, I flipped a coin
whether to keep him or the after-birth.
647
00:38:27,237 --> 00:38:30,297
Yes, Mother.
You told that story at his graduation.
648
00:38:30,407 --> 00:38:32,932
I'm afraid he can't be trusted
on this mission.
649
00:38:33,043 --> 00:38:37,446
You see, there is a terrible secret
about lgner I've never told anyone.
650
00:38:37,547 --> 00:38:38,946
And here it is.
651
00:38:39,382 --> 00:38:42,317
(lNAUDlBLE CHATTERlNG)
652
00:39:00,704 --> 00:39:03,537
-Continue returning fire.
-What?
653
00:39:05,141 --> 00:39:08,372
-What did they say?
-I don't know. I can't hear a thing.
654
00:39:08,478 --> 00:39:10,571
Hey, what's everybody talking about?
655
00:39:23,660 --> 00:39:25,355
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
656
00:39:26,830 --> 00:39:28,627
FARNSWORTH: Mayday! Mayday!
657
00:39:29,199 --> 00:39:32,566
Oh, God. I cannot believe
this is the best plan I could come up with.
658
00:39:43,546 --> 00:39:45,537
We weren't actually in the ship.
659
00:39:49,686 --> 00:39:52,814
Okay, team, these red-hot,
razor-sharp fans
660
00:39:52,922 --> 00:39:55,083
are the only safe way into the mine.
661
00:39:55,792 --> 00:39:56,884
Ladies first.
662
00:40:03,266 --> 00:40:06,326
Whew! That blade missed me
by the skin of my pants.
663
00:40:16,379 --> 00:40:18,813
-Maintenance shaft 7 serving...
-Shut your mouth.
664
00:40:18,915 --> 00:40:20,974
I'm just talking about the shaft.
665
00:40:21,084 --> 00:40:22,745
(EXCLAlMS)
666
00:40:24,487 --> 00:40:28,355
-Jeez. Doesn't that shock collar hurt?
-Actually, feels kind of good.
667
00:40:28,458 --> 00:40:32,360
I guess I'm starting to associate it
with the pleasure of beating people up.
668
00:40:45,942 --> 00:40:46,909
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
669
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:52,279
We shot them down, Mother.
670
00:40:52,382 --> 00:40:54,976
The intruders never even got to Sector 1.
671
00:40:55,085 --> 00:40:58,486
COMPUTER: lntruders in Sector 15.
Intruders in Sector 15.
672
00:40:58,588 --> 00:40:59,577
Ugh...
673
00:40:59,689 --> 00:41:03,056
Sometimes I don't know why
I even bother to slap you.
674
00:41:04,594 --> 00:41:05,618
(ALARM BLARlNG)
675
00:41:05,729 --> 00:41:09,165
-MOM ON PA: All killbots to Sector 15.
-What did she say?
676
00:41:09,265 --> 00:41:10,664
What did you say?
677
00:41:20,810 --> 00:41:23,574
There are so many killbots behind us,
I can't count them all.
678
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:25,375
Three, I think.
679
00:41:28,752 --> 00:41:29,980
We're trapped.
680
00:41:30,553 --> 00:41:32,578
The main pit must be in here.
681
00:41:32,689 --> 00:41:35,658
I'm detecting vast quantities
of dark matter.
682
00:41:35,759 --> 00:41:38,319
Step aside turkey-neck.
I think I know the code.
683
00:41:43,032 --> 00:41:45,592
We're in. We're in the heart of the mine.
684
00:41:45,702 --> 00:41:48,296
The very source of all Mom's wealth and...
685
00:41:48,905 --> 00:41:51,499
(SCREAMlNG)
686
00:42:04,421 --> 00:42:07,049
LEELA: My God! This isn't a crap mine.
687
00:42:07,157 --> 00:42:08,488
It's a crap farm.
688
00:42:11,261 --> 00:42:13,058
Is there really so much of a distinction?
689
00:42:13,163 --> 00:42:15,222
-I mean...
-Leela, it's me, Nibbler.
690
00:42:15,331 --> 00:42:16,355
(LEELA GASPS)
691
00:42:16,466 --> 00:42:20,334
Oh, my God, you look horrible, Nibbler.
I think I'm going to vomit.
692
00:42:20,437 --> 00:42:21,699
Nibbler is over there.
693
00:42:21,805 --> 00:42:24,741
Oh, sorry. Nibbler.
694
00:42:24,741 --> 00:42:25,036
Oh, sorry. Nibbler.
695
00:42:25,141 --> 00:42:27,837
Oh, my poor little snuzzy-wuzzams.
696
00:42:27,944 --> 00:42:29,809
Are they treating you okay?
697
00:42:29,913 --> 00:42:33,405
No, they are force-feeding us
so we poop more dark matter.
698
00:42:33,516 --> 00:42:34,483
It's horrible.
699
00:42:35,185 --> 00:42:36,743
(CLUCKlNG)
700
00:42:40,924 --> 00:42:42,448
(BELCHlNG)
701
00:42:42,559 --> 00:42:43,617
Those are good.
702
00:42:43,726 --> 00:42:44,988
You've got to help us.
703
00:42:45,094 --> 00:42:47,153
-Help us!
-Help us, for God's sakes!
704
00:42:50,366 --> 00:42:51,333
(WHlNlNG)
705
00:42:52,368 --> 00:42:56,771
-Nibbler made a bo-bo.
-Yes, but not on my terms.
706
00:42:56,873 --> 00:43:01,207
I will not be treated like...
Hey, wait, aren't you amazed I can speak?
707
00:43:01,311 --> 00:43:05,111
Well, actually, no. You forgot to blank
our memories after you spoke last time.
708
00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:07,376
You mean you've known I was sentient?
709
00:43:07,484 --> 00:43:11,079
Then why did you let me eat Friskies
and make bo-bo in a litter box?
710
00:43:11,187 --> 00:43:14,156
-Well, you're cuter that way.
-Cute as a baby's buttocks.
711
00:43:14,257 --> 00:43:17,385
So what happened?
How did Mom capture all you Nibblonians?
712
00:43:17,494 --> 00:43:18,620
(SlGHlNG)
713
00:43:18,728 --> 00:43:25,190
It all began 36 years ago... Now!
On the planet Virgon 6...
714
00:43:26,436 --> 00:43:28,131
It was a veritable Eden,
715
00:43:28,238 --> 00:43:31,036
brimming with unique
and irreplaceable species.
716
00:43:32,408 --> 00:43:35,900
Most of which were delicious.
717
00:43:36,012 --> 00:43:39,812
I was supreme fuzzler
of a Nibblonian scientific outpost.
718
00:43:39,916 --> 00:43:43,579
It was paradise, until they came.
719
00:43:50,460 --> 00:43:52,690
One of your duke ships struck dark matter,
720
00:43:52,795 --> 00:43:55,423
Iittle realizing it was not a natural deposit,
721
00:43:55,532 --> 00:43:58,695
but rather centuries
of Nibblonian fecal material.
722
00:43:58,801 --> 00:44:02,760
Wow, the big fecal enchilada.
Anyone else hungry?
723
00:44:06,476 --> 00:44:08,967
The duke contracted
a ruthless businesswoman
724
00:44:09,078 --> 00:44:11,205
to spearhead the mining operation.
725
00:44:11,481 --> 00:44:14,507
-Let me guess. Mom?
-The very same.
726
00:44:14,617 --> 00:44:15,743
Can I also guess Mom?
727
00:44:17,554 --> 00:44:20,648
To reduce cost
she started a new enterprise,
728
00:44:20,757 --> 00:44:22,247
Mom 's Friendly Robots,
729
00:44:22,358 --> 00:44:24,383
to build robot slaves.
730
00:44:24,494 --> 00:44:27,827
Remember this was back in the days
before Robot Lincoln.
731
00:44:27,931 --> 00:44:30,422
-Faster, faster!
-I'm going exactly
732
00:44:30,533 --> 00:44:33,559
-as fast as you built me to go.
-Wise guy, huh?
733
00:44:36,406 --> 00:44:37,373
ROBOT: Ow!
734
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:41,167
NlBBLER: Eventually, the planet was mined
down to a hollow shell
735
00:44:41,277 --> 00:44:43,871
and my people were forced to evacuate.
736
00:44:46,816 --> 00:44:50,718
Alas, I had eaten a day-old
swinosaur for lunch.
737
00:44:50,820 --> 00:44:55,848
And while doing some evacuating
of my own, I was lef behind.
738
00:44:56,025 --> 00:44:57,322
(NlBBLER EXHALES)
739
00:44:57,427 --> 00:44:59,554
MOM: So, that's where it comes from.
740
00:44:59,662 --> 00:45:03,359
We may have a whole new source
of dark matter on our hands.
741
00:45:03,533 --> 00:45:04,932
Ew!
742
00:45:09,138 --> 00:45:11,902
NlBBLER:
As it turned out, I was the lucky one.
743
00:45:12,008 --> 00:45:15,603
Unbeknownst to me, Mom captured
my colleagues and enslaved them here
744
00:45:15,712 --> 00:45:18,237
in this crap farm.
745
00:45:18,881 --> 00:45:20,473
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
746
00:45:21,351 --> 00:45:26,220
There's nothing to do but eat and crap,
eat and crap. It's like visiting my parents.
747
00:45:26,322 --> 00:45:31,225
NlBBLER: As for me, I emerged
from behind the bush ofmany uses
748
00:45:31,327 --> 00:45:35,787
to find I had been lef behind.
I was doomed, doomed.
749
00:45:35,898 --> 00:45:36,990
Hello, there.
750
00:45:37,100 --> 00:45:40,592
Startled, my cuteness reflex kicked in.
751
00:45:44,307 --> 00:45:45,740
I'll call him Nibbler.
752
00:45:45,842 --> 00:45:48,572
NlBBLER: A silly name
for a high-ranking fuzzler.
753
00:45:48,678 --> 00:45:51,875
But, hey, I was glad to be rescued.
754
00:45:56,085 --> 00:45:58,918
But then, how did you end up here
with the others?
755
00:45:59,022 --> 00:46:02,116
I was kidnapped yesterday
by Mom's vile sons,
756
00:46:02,225 --> 00:46:04,489
in their moronic disguises.
757
00:46:04,594 --> 00:46:06,926
I was an owl exterminator.
758
00:46:07,196 --> 00:46:08,686
(ALL GASPlNG)
759
00:46:09,365 --> 00:46:14,098
-Do you have the crysal?
-It's pronounced "crystal," you lump.
760
00:46:14,203 --> 00:46:15,636
(DOOR UNLOCKlNG)
761
00:46:15,738 --> 00:46:17,228
Go, run fast.
762
00:46:20,843 --> 00:46:22,367
(DOOR OPENlNG)
763
00:46:27,216 --> 00:46:28,513
Did you see anyone?
764
00:46:28,618 --> 00:46:31,314
-Me?
-Yes, you. You're the only one here.
765
00:46:31,421 --> 00:46:35,084
If I'm the only one here,
then how could I see anyone?
766
00:46:35,191 --> 00:46:37,159
-He's got a point, Walt.
-So does my knee.
767
00:46:38,428 --> 00:46:39,918
(COUGHlNG)
768
00:46:43,299 --> 00:46:46,097
This wouldn't be so bad
if it weren't for the chickens.
769
00:46:51,708 --> 00:46:54,734
Don't worry, those clamps
are for my own protection.
770
00:46:54,844 --> 00:46:57,074
Do you know where you are, Bender?
771
00:46:57,180 --> 00:47:01,276
Sure do, I'm in the magical land of
Cornwood, frolicking with wenches.
772
00:47:01,384 --> 00:47:04,683
Close, you're in the loony bin
for a robotomy.
773
00:47:04,787 --> 00:47:08,951
I will begin by drilling through the eye
to access the frontal processor.
774
00:47:10,993 --> 00:47:15,396
-Can't you just use the access panel?
-Either way is fine.
775
00:47:15,498 --> 00:47:17,693
(SNlFFlNG) Does anyone else smell
burning dragon beak?
776
00:47:22,004 --> 00:47:23,562
(ALL GASPlNG)
777
00:47:30,113 --> 00:47:34,880
MOM: Wherever you are, Farnsworth,
my boys will find you.
778
00:47:34,984 --> 00:47:36,144
They've eluded us, Mother.
779
00:47:36,252 --> 00:47:38,413
But rest assured,
we've already slapped each other,
780
00:47:38,521 --> 00:47:40,489
so there's no need to...
781
00:47:40,590 --> 00:47:43,821
You'll thank me some day
when you are slapping your own kids.
782
00:47:43,926 --> 00:47:45,917
I know Farnsworth's game.
783
00:47:46,028 --> 00:47:48,963
He is going to try to poke
his clammy old crystal
784
00:47:49,065 --> 00:47:52,432
-at my hot fiery crystal.
-Mom!
785
00:47:52,735 --> 00:47:55,829
If the crystals get within six inches
of each other... Wham!
786
00:47:55,938 --> 00:47:58,498
All my dark matter will be worthless.
787
00:48:06,115 --> 00:48:07,139
(EXCLAlMS)
788
00:48:07,250 --> 00:48:08,410
(EXCLAlMS)
789
00:48:08,518 --> 00:48:09,849
Get them!
790
00:48:13,723 --> 00:48:17,318
Keep going, Professor.
I'll take care of the ditz brothers.
791
00:48:19,762 --> 00:48:21,320
(LEELA EXCLAlMS)
792
00:48:22,698 --> 00:48:23,892
Ooh.
793
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:26,969
-That feels good.
-Oh, for crying out...
794
00:48:28,371 --> 00:48:29,497
(BOTH EXCLAlMlNG)
795
00:48:32,875 --> 00:48:36,208
Oh, the freaking battery's dead.
Walt, where's the charger?
796
00:48:36,312 --> 00:48:38,712
In the hardware drawer, Mother.
797
00:48:41,617 --> 00:48:43,949
Damn tangled mess of wires.
798
00:48:44,053 --> 00:48:47,682
We're almost there.
The crystals are beginning to engorge.
799
00:49:05,875 --> 00:49:09,208
I can't quite reach.
800
00:49:09,846 --> 00:49:13,077
Fry, grab onto my easy-fit waistband.
801
00:49:17,186 --> 00:49:19,086
Just a few more inches.
802
00:49:19,188 --> 00:49:22,316
Come on, really wedgie it on in there.
803
00:49:27,330 --> 00:49:30,094
So, that's why they call me the Catman.
804
00:49:30,933 --> 00:49:32,958
Nobody move. I've found the charger.
805
00:49:33,069 --> 00:49:34,036
(ZAPPER CLlCKlNG)
806
00:49:34,237 --> 00:49:37,104
Hang on. I'm on it. Okay, there!
807
00:49:37,206 --> 00:49:38,833
Save us, Catman.
808
00:49:38,941 --> 00:49:42,035
It's over, Hubert.
Give me the anti-backwards crystal.
809
00:49:42,144 --> 00:49:43,338
Never!
810
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:46,277
(COUGHlNG)
811
00:49:51,554 --> 00:49:52,919
Oh, bravo.
812
00:49:53,022 --> 00:49:55,650
You're in a crap-harvesting factory, genius.
813
00:49:55,758 --> 00:49:57,885
Walt! Larry! Start harvesting.
814
00:49:59,195 --> 00:50:00,662
No!
815
00:50:05,334 --> 00:50:08,826
I will now delicately
jerk out your imagination,
816
00:50:08,938 --> 00:50:11,771
severing fantasy's grip
on your nerd-circuit.
817
00:50:14,977 --> 00:50:18,743
BENDER: Cornwood!
818
00:50:20,950 --> 00:50:24,852
Illogical. Illogical. Computational overload.
819
00:50:24,954 --> 00:50:26,683
But, Doctor, I love you.
820
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:32,491
Oh, what now?
821
00:50:35,398 --> 00:50:37,127
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
822
00:50:48,344 --> 00:50:50,073
This is crazy. Ow!
823
00:50:50,613 --> 00:50:54,413
-What the... You okay, Leela?
-Yeah, I think so.
824
00:50:56,719 --> 00:50:58,949
Wait a second. Is there something
different about your hooves?
825
00:50:59,055 --> 00:51:00,044
(GASPS)
826
00:51:00,156 --> 00:51:02,954
Oh, Lord. I'm half-horse and half-naked.
827
00:51:03,059 --> 00:51:04,788
Where the hell are we, hell?
828
00:51:04,894 --> 00:51:06,521
(HORSE NElGHlNG)
829
00:51:10,866 --> 00:51:13,858
-Bender?
-I know not of this Bender.
830
00:51:13,970 --> 00:51:19,374
I'm Titanius lnglesmith.
Welcome to Cornwood!
831
00:51:20,843 --> 00:51:22,435
(BOTH GASPlNG)
832
00:51:26,749 --> 00:51:28,683
(PEOPLE CHATTERlNG)
833
00:51:30,486 --> 00:51:33,182
Wretched peasants, put aside your cares
834
00:51:33,289 --> 00:51:37,555
and feast on the succulent flesh
of the roast munchkin!
835
00:51:38,561 --> 00:51:40,119
(BOTH EXCLAlM DlSGUSTEDLY)
836
00:51:40,229 --> 00:51:42,561
Care for a slice of scroto?
837
00:51:42,999 --> 00:51:46,093
-That's his name, right?
-'Tis also that, sir.
838
00:51:46,202 --> 00:51:49,763
We're honored this eve
by a visit from my friends of old,
839
00:51:49,872 --> 00:51:51,999
Frydo and Legola.
840
00:51:52,108 --> 00:51:54,906
So let the dwarves do their gay dance
841
00:51:55,011 --> 00:51:58,242
and let the gnomes
play their sissy piccolos.
842
00:52:03,919 --> 00:52:06,046
Dance! Dance, you little freaks.
843
00:52:07,189 --> 00:52:08,383
Faster.
844
00:52:09,458 --> 00:52:10,823
Faster!
845
00:52:13,496 --> 00:52:14,485
(SCREAMlNG)
846
00:52:14,597 --> 00:52:16,963
-My ankle!
-To the kitchen with him!
847
00:52:17,666 --> 00:52:19,634
Wait! Wait! Wait! I do impressions.
848
00:52:19,735 --> 00:52:21,635
Behold! The swamp hag.
849
00:52:21,737 --> 00:52:24,729
Get out of my swamp, you kids!
850
00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:26,432
Don't let him get too crispy.
851
00:52:28,744 --> 00:52:32,111
-Lord lnglesmith.
-You have ridden hard, noble squire.
852
00:52:32,214 --> 00:52:34,876
May I offer you a horn of ale
and a shank of dwarf?
853
00:52:34,984 --> 00:52:37,817
'Tis dire news, sire. Dark riders approach.
854
00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:38,944
(BENDER GASPS)
855
00:52:39,055 --> 00:52:41,319
You shall be handsomely rewarded,
sir knight.
856
00:52:41,424 --> 00:52:43,119
We ride at once!
857
00:52:46,529 --> 00:52:47,894
Oops!
858
00:52:49,698 --> 00:52:52,565
Frydo! Saddle up that trusty steed.
859
00:53:00,843 --> 00:53:03,505
What's happening?
And why am I enjoying it so much?
860
00:53:05,948 --> 00:53:07,347
Foul beast-bags!
861
00:53:07,450 --> 00:53:09,179
Meet thy doom!
862
00:53:09,285 --> 00:53:10,479
(BENDER SCREAMlNG)
863
00:53:14,590 --> 00:53:15,818
Follow me.
864
00:53:17,893 --> 00:53:18,860
(FRY GROANlNG)
865
00:53:19,895 --> 00:53:20,862
(EXCLAlMlNG)
866
00:53:21,564 --> 00:53:25,261
-Damn thee, lgnus.
-Well, you said to follow you.
867
00:53:25,367 --> 00:53:27,232
Well, now I say follow this!
868
00:53:27,336 --> 00:53:28,530
(BOTH GROANlNG)
869
00:53:29,038 --> 00:53:30,005
(GROANlNG)
870
00:53:31,273 --> 00:53:34,640
-The die of power! He's rolling it.
-Oh, no!
871
00:53:36,779 --> 00:53:38,474
(GASPlNG) I'm back...
872
00:53:40,015 --> 00:53:41,414
DlSEMBODlED VOlCE: Seven.
873
00:53:44,887 --> 00:53:46,855
BENDER: "Banish foes"? Cool.
874
00:53:46,956 --> 00:53:48,821
No! No!
875
00:53:54,463 --> 00:53:57,523
I got to say, I had no idea
the die of power was so powerful.
876
00:53:57,633 --> 00:53:59,567
Did you have any idea of...
877
00:53:59,869 --> 00:54:03,134
Get out of my swamp, you kids!
878
00:54:06,609 --> 00:54:09,703
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but that was really exciting.
879
00:54:09,812 --> 00:54:11,473
I've never felt so alive.
880
00:54:12,648 --> 00:54:13,637
(COUGHlNG)
881
00:54:13,749 --> 00:54:16,616
What else can we slay?
Is that a hobbit over there?
882
00:54:16,719 --> 00:54:18,914
No, that's a hobo and a rabbit.
883
00:54:19,021 --> 00:54:20,818
But they're making a hobbit.
884
00:54:22,424 --> 00:54:26,224
Thank God, an outhouse.
I can't hold it in much longer.
885
00:54:26,328 --> 00:54:28,421
And by it, I mean my entrails.
886
00:54:28,531 --> 00:54:30,499
Hush! This be no outhouse,
887
00:54:30,599 --> 00:54:33,500
but the lair of the great wizard Grayfarn.
888
00:54:35,604 --> 00:54:38,402
-Who is it?
-'Tis l, Titanius.
889
00:54:38,507 --> 00:54:39,735
Just a moment.
890
00:54:40,643 --> 00:54:41,632
(EXCLAlMS DlSGUSTEDLY)
891
00:54:41,744 --> 00:54:45,441
Methinks the wizard be casting
a powerful spell, indeed.
892
00:54:45,548 --> 00:54:47,038
(PANTS ZlPPlNG)
893
00:54:48,117 --> 00:54:49,812
Come in! Come in!
894
00:54:51,387 --> 00:54:52,513
Yes.
895
00:54:52,621 --> 00:54:55,784
'Tis a powerful object in both our worlds.
896
00:54:55,891 --> 00:54:58,291
If you failed to destroy it in yours,
897
00:54:58,394 --> 00:55:01,852
perhaps you were brought here
that you might have a second chance.
898
00:55:01,964 --> 00:55:05,422
-So, this land is real?
-Oh, dreadfully real.
899
00:55:05,534 --> 00:55:07,832
If you die here, you'll really be dead.
900
00:55:07,937 --> 00:55:11,532
But instead of science,
we believe in crazy hocus-pocus.
901
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:14,234
-It's like Kansas.
-God help us.
902
00:55:15,711 --> 00:55:21,013
Cornwood's troubles began
hundreds or perhaps millions of years ago.
903
00:55:21,417 --> 00:55:24,716
Deep in the Geysers of Gygax,
Momon herself
904
00:55:24,820 --> 00:55:29,280
injection-molded the dice ofpower
from the living plastic.
905
00:55:33,562 --> 00:55:34,995
Damn, these are hot.
906
00:55:36,899 --> 00:55:38,867
LEELA: In our universe she's called Mom.
907
00:55:38,968 --> 00:55:41,960
In your universe,
are you taught not to interrupt?
908
00:55:42,071 --> 00:55:43,163
Evidently not.
909
00:55:43,272 --> 00:55:46,139
Anyway, Momon spawned
three rotten sons,
910
00:55:46,242 --> 00:55:48,836
whom you've already had
the displeasure of meeting.
911
00:55:49,178 --> 00:55:54,206
Waltazar, Larius, and the dumbest of all,
the halfwit lgnus,
912
00:55:54,516 --> 00:55:58,145
bastard son of Momon
and the brainless He-demon.
913
00:55:58,821 --> 00:56:01,654
Curse you, Momon, queen of all that is evil
914
00:56:01,757 --> 00:56:03,691
and not very good in bed.
915
00:56:03,792 --> 00:56:06,488
And I'm not just saying that
because she dumped me.
916
00:56:08,931 --> 00:56:12,162
Yes, I was once her consort.
917
00:56:12,268 --> 00:56:17,171
I was blinded by love,
and later, scorpion venom.
918
00:56:17,273 --> 00:56:18,240
I'm blind!
919
00:56:18,607 --> 00:56:21,132
But Momon has one weakness.
920
00:56:21,243 --> 00:56:23,803
She put too much of her power into this.
921
00:56:23,912 --> 00:56:26,608
The generalissimo of dice.
922
00:56:26,715 --> 00:56:29,650
Yeah? Well, bite my shiny metal face.
923
00:56:33,489 --> 00:56:35,457
Don't be foolish, Titanius.
924
00:56:35,557 --> 00:56:38,185
If you had paid attention
in freshman alchemy,
925
00:56:38,294 --> 00:56:40,455
instead of frequenting the bawdyhouse,
926
00:56:40,562 --> 00:56:43,258
you'd know
there's only one way to destroy it.
927
00:56:43,499 --> 00:56:46,798
In the boiling plastic
from which it was molded.
928
00:56:46,902 --> 00:56:49,632
Like that machine
that makes wax lions at the zoo.
929
00:56:49,738 --> 00:56:50,705
Quiet, you.
930
00:56:50,806 --> 00:56:54,298
We must infiltrate the Geysers of Gygax,
931
00:56:54,410 --> 00:56:57,311
the impenetrable stronghold of Momon.
932
00:56:59,548 --> 00:57:02,278
Impossible. Impossible, I say.
933
00:57:02,384 --> 00:57:06,184
No, Titanius.
For we maintain one advantage,
934
00:57:06,288 --> 00:57:09,018
the element of surprise.
935
00:57:13,862 --> 00:57:15,386
(LAUGHlNG)
936
00:57:21,236 --> 00:57:22,760
(SNAKES LAUGHlNG)
937
00:57:31,380 --> 00:57:33,905
Verily, our quest has begun.
938
00:57:34,016 --> 00:57:35,074
Stop right there.
939
00:57:35,183 --> 00:57:36,343
(ALL GASPlNG)
940
00:57:36,451 --> 00:57:37,577
Hermes?
941
00:57:38,987 --> 00:57:42,946
-He's a centaur like me.
-You wish.
942
00:57:43,058 --> 00:57:47,188
I am Hermaphrodite,
most beautiful of centaurs.
943
00:57:47,295 --> 00:57:50,264
Gaze upon me and weep at my loveliness.
944
00:57:50,932 --> 00:57:52,763
Very well.
945
00:57:52,868 --> 00:57:54,529
Loveliest of centaurs,
946
00:57:54,636 --> 00:57:57,366
we seek to end Momon's reign of evil.
947
00:57:57,472 --> 00:57:59,940
Have you stout fighters at your command?
948
00:58:00,042 --> 00:58:02,510
One thousand archers of truest aim.
949
00:58:03,578 --> 00:58:04,545
Fire.
950
00:58:06,548 --> 00:58:08,812
Hey guys, I forgot I had this pumpkin.
951
00:58:11,787 --> 00:58:14,255
I knew it. My people are mighty warriors.
952
00:58:14,356 --> 00:58:18,622
Our enemies will be like Swiss cheese
with blood coming out of the holes.
953
00:58:18,727 --> 00:58:20,251
(ALL BLEATlNG)
954
00:58:20,362 --> 00:58:23,854
-We centaurs are creatures of peace.
-Oh, Lord.
955
00:58:23,965 --> 00:58:27,628
Violence is never justified.
We shall not join your quest.
956
00:58:27,736 --> 00:58:30,500
And furthermore,
if mayhem be your intent,
957
00:58:30,605 --> 00:58:32,539
you may not cross our lands.
958
00:58:32,641 --> 00:58:34,165
-Or what?
-Or...
959
00:58:34,810 --> 00:58:37,574
Uh... Mmm?
960
00:58:40,549 --> 00:58:42,016
You may pass.
961
00:58:52,894 --> 00:58:54,156
We're not there, we're here.
962
00:58:54,262 --> 00:58:55,524
-No, this way.
-I mean, here.
963
00:59:11,580 --> 00:59:14,014
Thank you, kindly, Treedledum.
964
00:59:14,116 --> 00:59:18,314
Okey-doke. Anything else I can do?
965
00:59:22,624 --> 00:59:25,457
You know who I'm gonna miss?
That tree guy.
966
00:59:32,033 --> 00:59:36,732
Bad news, fancy men.
Momon's guards stand watch at the pass.
967
00:59:36,838 --> 00:59:39,966
'Tis as if she somehow anticipated us.
968
00:59:40,075 --> 00:59:42,703
And so our quest comes to an end.
969
00:59:42,811 --> 00:59:45,279
I only regret not giving up sooner.
970
00:59:46,314 --> 00:59:50,114
Fret not, Titanius.
For we still have one hope,
971
00:59:50,218 --> 00:59:52,083
the Cave of Hopelessness.
972
00:59:53,955 --> 00:59:55,582
Let me know how that turns out.
973
01:00:00,095 --> 01:00:03,792
Halt. Are you on the list?
I'm not seeing you on the list.
974
01:00:03,899 --> 01:00:07,062
-I'll split this doofus in half.
-Wait. I got it.
975
01:00:07,435 --> 01:00:11,166
Yeah. My cousin's in the band.
The band of merry men.
976
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:16,539
Please, we were already in there.
I just need to go back for my coat.
977
01:00:22,083 --> 01:00:23,448
(GASPS)
978
01:00:25,320 --> 01:00:29,984
I am Gynecaladriel,
queen of the water nymphos.
979
01:00:30,091 --> 01:00:32,559
All right. I'll split this doofus in half.
980
01:00:32,661 --> 01:00:37,030
Stand aside, and I will use my powers
to overwhelm the guard.
981
01:00:38,066 --> 01:00:39,658
(BENDER HUMMlNG)
982
01:00:41,937 --> 01:00:43,734
(OGRE SNORlNG)
983
01:00:43,838 --> 01:00:46,966
-Behold, the deed is done.
-Ho!
984
01:00:53,248 --> 01:00:57,412
Mr. Wizard, why is this place
called the Cave of Hopelessness?
985
01:00:57,519 --> 01:00:58,952
Oh, fear not, lad.
986
01:00:59,054 --> 01:01:03,150
'Tis named for its discoverer,
Reginald Hopelessness...
987
01:01:03,291 --> 01:01:04,258
Whew!
988
01:01:04,359 --> 01:01:08,159
...the first man to be eaten alive
by the Tunneling Horror.
989
01:01:11,333 --> 01:01:13,358
What's that? The Tunneling Horror?
990
01:01:13,468 --> 01:01:15,595
No, it's morks.
991
01:01:15,704 --> 01:01:17,695
-Mork. Hey, listen.
-Nanu, nanu. Shazbot.
992
01:01:17,806 --> 01:01:21,674
-Oh, God, no. They're so aggravating.
-Oh, fantastic.
993
01:01:22,344 --> 01:01:23,311
Nanu, nanu.
994
01:01:23,645 --> 01:01:25,272
Reality, what a concept.
995
01:01:26,248 --> 01:01:27,977
(MORK EXCLAlMlNG)
996
01:01:29,517 --> 01:01:30,779
MORK: Fantastic.
997
01:01:30,885 --> 01:01:32,512
(MORKS CHATTERlNG)
998
01:01:35,690 --> 01:01:36,679
Mindy, Mindy, Mindy.
999
01:01:36,791 --> 01:01:38,759
-Shut up! Shut up!
-Oh, fantastic.
1000
01:01:38,893 --> 01:01:40,155
Oh, fantastic. Oh, wonderful.
1001
01:01:40,262 --> 01:01:42,958
Maybe it'll go away
if we just don't laugh at it.
1002
01:01:43,064 --> 01:01:44,759
It doesn't.
1003
01:01:45,533 --> 01:01:46,500
MORK: Nanu, nanu.
1004
01:01:49,704 --> 01:01:50,671
Shazbot.
1005
01:01:52,474 --> 01:01:56,433
Well, at least we didn't have to face
the tunneling whatchimacallit.
1006
01:01:56,544 --> 01:01:57,511
FRY: Uh-oh.
1007
01:01:59,314 --> 01:02:02,374
Enough already with the banging
and the swashbuckling.
1008
01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:07,317
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
1009
01:02:08,056 --> 01:02:10,957
Oh, I'm gonna enjoy killing you.
1010
01:02:12,093 --> 01:02:14,789
Watch where you're shooting that thing.
1011
01:02:15,497 --> 01:02:18,557
Again?
What, am I talking to myself over here?
1012
01:02:18,667 --> 01:02:20,464
Mutilate!
1013
01:02:22,037 --> 01:02:25,438
Okay. Now, I'm getting a little mad even.
1014
01:02:34,182 --> 01:02:36,980
I'll kill you and eat your heart,
you abomination.
1015
01:02:43,425 --> 01:02:44,892
Don't make me laugh.
1016
01:02:44,993 --> 01:02:48,224
The very idea that removing only
one of my two hearts could...
1017
01:02:48,330 --> 01:02:50,457
Hey, what are you doing down there?
1018
01:02:51,833 --> 01:02:53,323
Now, I'm dead.
1019
01:02:55,670 --> 01:02:58,036
Leela, it's over. You killed him enough.
1020
01:02:58,139 --> 01:03:01,074
I'm not taking any chances
with the Tunneling Horror.
1021
01:03:01,676 --> 01:03:06,079
What? I'm not the Tunneling Horror.
I hate that guy.
1022
01:03:06,181 --> 01:03:09,412
Always with the tunneling.
Anyway, I'm dead.
1023
01:03:10,051 --> 01:03:12,576
So, you're just an innocent monster.
1024
01:03:12,687 --> 01:03:14,780
Oh, God. What have I done?
1025
01:03:15,123 --> 01:03:16,522
(RUMBLlNG)
1026
01:03:16,825 --> 01:03:18,793
Oh! There he goes again.
1027
01:03:21,496 --> 01:03:23,191
(MONSTER GROWLlNG)
1028
01:03:23,865 --> 01:03:25,628
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
1029
01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:27,290
The Tunneling Horror!
1030
01:03:27,402 --> 01:03:29,097
(RETCHlNG)
1031
01:03:29,938 --> 01:03:31,633
Grayfarn, what do we do?
1032
01:03:33,441 --> 01:03:34,703
Do about what?
1033
01:03:39,748 --> 01:03:42,615
Why aren't you killing it, Leela?
You love killing.
1034
01:03:42,717 --> 01:03:45,015
No, no more killing.
1035
01:03:45,120 --> 01:03:49,352
Oh! So, suddenly, Miss Goody Four-shoes
over here doesn't kill anymore.
1036
01:03:49,457 --> 01:03:51,254
She killed me not five minutes ago.
1037
01:03:51,359 --> 01:03:53,486
-What am l? Chopped liver?
-Shut up.
1038
01:03:54,329 --> 01:03:57,355
-Stop chopping my liver.
-You're on your own.
1039
01:03:57,465 --> 01:04:00,263
(SOBBlNG)
I refuse to hurt another living thing.
1040
01:04:00,568 --> 01:04:01,535
(EXCLAlMS)
1041
01:04:02,270 --> 01:04:03,931
(LEELA CRYlNG)
1042
01:04:04,806 --> 01:04:06,467
(BENDER SHOUTlNG)
1043
01:04:06,574 --> 01:04:10,066
All right.
I may be weak and I may be small,
1044
01:04:10,178 --> 01:04:13,375
but I don't see
how I can possibly destroy that monster.
1045
01:04:13,481 --> 01:04:15,642
Guess I'll just
huck whatever's in my pockets at him.
1046
01:04:15,750 --> 01:04:17,149
At least I can say I tried.
1047
01:04:17,252 --> 01:04:18,685
BENDER: Any time now.
1048
01:04:23,792 --> 01:04:26,693
The die of power.
I forgot to remember to roll it.
1049
01:04:26,795 --> 01:04:28,626
(ALL GASPlNG)
1050
01:04:32,700 --> 01:04:34,258
DlSEMBODlED VOlCE: Three.
1051
01:04:36,738 --> 01:04:40,299
"Grow"? I don't see anything growing.
Everything is getting smaller.
1052
01:04:43,812 --> 01:04:44,870
Ow.
1053
01:04:44,979 --> 01:04:46,810
Wait a second. I'm big!
1054
01:04:46,915 --> 01:04:50,248
In your face, everyone from middle school.
Especially, Jeremy.
1055
01:04:57,058 --> 01:04:58,582
(SCREECHlNG)
1056
01:05:03,698 --> 01:05:05,029
Wow, that was intense.
1057
01:05:05,133 --> 01:05:08,125
-You guys got to try the die of power.
-I'll take a hit.
1058
01:05:08,236 --> 01:05:10,466
Hands off the dodecalicious.
1059
01:05:10,572 --> 01:05:11,698
(SNARLlNG)
1060
01:05:11,806 --> 01:05:15,537
Beware, Frydo. Don't be seduced.
Hang on a second.
1061
01:05:17,912 --> 01:05:19,846
Resist the allure of the die.
1062
01:05:19,948 --> 01:05:23,440
For to defeat Momon,
we must melt it in the super bombastic,
1063
01:05:23,551 --> 01:05:26,145
bubbling plastic from whence it came.
1064
01:05:29,958 --> 01:05:33,485
For to defeat Momon,
we must melt it in the super bombastic,
1065
01:05:33,595 --> 01:05:36,189
bubbling plastic from whence it came.
1066
01:05:36,531 --> 01:05:39,432
I send you to kill them
and they're not even maimed?
1067
01:05:40,535 --> 01:05:44,335
That's what I get
for sending boys to do a mom's job.
1068
01:05:44,439 --> 01:05:47,101
-Sorry, Mom.
-Sorry doesn't put heads on my table.
1069
01:05:47,208 --> 01:05:49,301
Peaches.
1070
01:05:49,410 --> 01:05:50,468
You're up.
1071
01:05:55,950 --> 01:05:58,475
I like this part but I don't like...
1072
01:06:01,422 --> 01:06:03,151
(BOTH SNORTlNG)
1073
01:06:05,293 --> 01:06:07,727
You are an able opponent, Hermaphrodite.
1074
01:06:07,829 --> 01:06:09,854
But hear me well
when I posit that we must
1075
01:06:09,964 --> 01:06:12,455
abhor violence in all its forms.
1076
01:06:12,567 --> 01:06:14,592
(ALL CHEERlNG)
1077
01:06:14,702 --> 01:06:16,932
I offer a dissenting opinion.
1078
01:06:17,038 --> 01:06:18,027
ALL: Huh?
1079
01:06:18,139 --> 01:06:21,404
For abhorring violence
is itself an act of violence
1080
01:06:21,509 --> 01:06:23,977
and, therefore, to be abhorred.
1081
01:06:24,078 --> 01:06:25,739
(ALL CHEERlNG)
1082
01:06:29,017 --> 01:06:32,475
All bow before mighty Hermaphrodite.
1083
01:06:33,187 --> 01:06:35,485
-Don't hurt me.
-I'm not here to hurt you.
1084
01:06:35,590 --> 01:06:37,649
Or anything ever again.
1085
01:06:37,759 --> 01:06:40,887
Please, teach me
the centaurs' ways of wimpiness.
1086
01:06:40,995 --> 01:06:42,860
What do you offer in return?
1087
01:06:42,964 --> 01:06:44,795
(CHEWY CHEWYPLAYlNG)
1088
01:06:46,734 --> 01:06:49,897
MAN: (SlNGlNG) Chewy, Chewy, Chewy,
Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, Chewy
1089
01:06:50,004 --> 01:06:53,940
Baby, always got a mouthful
of such sweet things to say
1090
01:07:02,417 --> 01:07:03,782
Oh-ie little Chewy
1091
01:07:03,885 --> 01:07:05,819
Don 't know what you 're doing to me
1092
01:07:05,920 --> 01:07:08,946
But you 're doing to me what I want you to
1093
01:07:14,729 --> 01:07:18,859
Y es! We made it out
of that godforsaken cave.
1094
01:07:18,967 --> 01:07:22,164
Now, what's the fastest way home?
Back through the cave?
1095
01:07:22,270 --> 01:07:24,204
Ow! Ow!
1096
01:07:30,244 --> 01:07:32,178
FARNSWORTH:
We're close now, my friends.
1097
01:07:32,280 --> 01:07:37,149
So close, I can practically feel
the heat of the fiery molten plastic.
1098
01:07:37,251 --> 01:07:40,186
-You're standing in the fire.
-Oh, my.
1099
01:07:40,288 --> 01:07:41,585
(FARNSWORTH EXCLAlMS)
1100
01:07:41,689 --> 01:07:45,853
Alas, our path is blocked
by Momon's army of evil.
1101
01:07:45,960 --> 01:07:48,451
As well as her navy of moral dubiousness.
1102
01:07:48,563 --> 01:07:49,689
Wait a second.
1103
01:07:49,797 --> 01:07:52,357
Mayhaps we might
raise an army of our own.
1104
01:07:52,467 --> 01:07:54,901
We're but
an hour's ride from Wipe Castle.
1105
01:07:55,003 --> 01:07:57,028
Of course. Wipe Castle.
1106
01:07:57,138 --> 01:08:01,336
And while we're there, we can get
some of those greasy little dwarf burgers.
1107
01:08:01,509 --> 01:08:03,534
Ooh! I love those.
1108
01:08:03,645 --> 01:08:06,079
You can eat like eight of them
without gaining any weight,
1109
01:08:06,180 --> 01:08:07,670
because of all the diarrhea.
1110
01:08:07,782 --> 01:08:10,114
Sleep deep, fair snoozles.
1111
01:08:10,218 --> 01:08:13,312
At dawn, we ride for Wipe Castle.
1112
01:08:14,856 --> 01:08:16,756
(HOWLlNG)
1113
01:08:16,858 --> 01:08:18,325
Quiet, Frydo.
1114
01:08:18,593 --> 01:08:20,151
(SOFT HOWLlNG)
1115
01:08:25,500 --> 01:08:27,468
We've got them now.
1116
01:08:27,568 --> 01:08:31,504
-Send all our forces against Wipe Castle.
-Right away, Mother.
1117
01:08:31,606 --> 01:08:33,631
I'll just leave a small contingent behind
in case...
1118
01:08:33,741 --> 01:08:37,802
-I said, everything. Peaches!
-I'm in the tub.
1119
01:08:37,912 --> 01:08:40,938
Waltazar,
you and Larius shall lead the assault.
1120
01:08:41,049 --> 01:08:42,175
What about lgnus?
1121
01:08:42,283 --> 01:08:44,808
I'm afraid
he can't be trusted on this mission.
1122
01:08:44,919 --> 01:08:47,717
You see, there is a terrible secret
about lgnus
1123
01:08:47,822 --> 01:08:49,790
I've never told anyone.
1124
01:08:49,891 --> 01:08:51,415
And here it is.
1125
01:08:55,830 --> 01:08:57,889
(lNAUDlBLE CHATTERlNG)
1126
01:08:58,700 --> 01:08:59,928
(GASPlNG)
1127
01:09:00,334 --> 01:09:03,030
It's a good day to be evil.
1128
01:09:11,746 --> 01:09:14,237
Oh, put a towel on, for crap's sake.
1129
01:09:22,390 --> 01:09:26,383
They all wants it.
They wants the dodecalicious.
1130
01:09:26,494 --> 01:09:30,123
Tell you what,
you want to defend a magic artifact,
1131
01:09:30,231 --> 01:09:32,256
and I mean, defend it good,
1132
01:09:32,366 --> 01:09:35,164
then what you need is a top-quality knife.
1133
01:09:35,269 --> 01:09:36,759
Me is listening.
1134
01:09:36,904 --> 01:09:41,807
The Eviscerator is one of the finest,
if not the finest,
1135
01:09:41,909 --> 01:09:44,343
tactical folder on the market today.
1136
01:09:44,445 --> 01:09:49,906
We're talking 440 stainless,
quick release and... I don't believe this.
1137
01:09:50,017 --> 01:09:52,884
Is this a stag horn handle at this price?
1138
01:09:52,987 --> 01:09:55,956
-lt is, yeah. It's a stag horn.
-At this price?
1139
01:09:56,057 --> 01:09:58,287
You have got to be kidding me.
1140
01:09:58,392 --> 01:10:01,088
That's got to be some kind of mistake,
right there.
1141
01:10:01,195 --> 01:10:03,390
Now, you folks at home,
I know what you're thinking.
1142
01:10:03,498 --> 01:10:05,989
You're thinking, that can't be stag horn.
1143
01:10:06,100 --> 01:10:08,466
It's got to be the cheaper manticore horn.
1144
01:10:08,569 --> 01:10:10,935
But, I've got the specs right here
and I'll tell you what,
1145
01:10:11,038 --> 01:10:14,940
-this is the real deal.
-Unbelievable.
1146
01:10:15,042 --> 01:10:17,169
It is unbelievable. That's exactly what it is.
1147
01:10:17,278 --> 01:10:19,803
I mean, this is...
I have no words to describe this deal.
1148
01:10:19,914 --> 01:10:22,508
Honestly, have you ever seen
stag horn at this price?
1149
01:10:22,617 --> 01:10:25,381
No, no, I don't believe I ever have.
1150
01:10:25,486 --> 01:10:29,855
1 101-1816 is the item number on this one.
1151
01:10:29,957 --> 01:10:32,221
You know what, we're gonna have to
put a clock on this deal, folks.
1152
01:10:32,326 --> 01:10:34,760
Two minutes. Can I get a clock
at two minutes up there?
1153
01:10:34,862 --> 01:10:35,829
Two minutes at most.
1154
01:10:35,963 --> 01:10:37,726
Honestly,
I'd be surprised if they last that long.
1155
01:10:37,832 --> 01:10:40,630
Oh, I'd be very surprised, shocked really.
1156
01:10:40,735 --> 01:10:42,862
Now, I know the lines are busy, people,
1157
01:10:42,970 --> 01:10:47,168
but keep dialing in if you want
a truly exceptional knife
1158
01:10:47,275 --> 01:10:49,869
to slice up your friends in their sleep.
1159
01:11:05,793 --> 01:11:06,953
(BOTH GASPlNG)
1160
01:11:07,061 --> 01:11:09,393
He tried to murder me. He tried...
1161
01:11:09,497 --> 01:11:11,465
Oh, cool. Is that the stag horn?
1162
01:11:11,566 --> 01:11:12,533
(HlSSlNG)
1163
01:11:22,143 --> 01:11:26,773
Alas, Frydo's weakness
was no match for the die's strength.
1164
01:11:26,881 --> 01:11:30,282
We can only hope he forges on
alone to the Geysers.
1165
01:11:30,384 --> 01:11:32,352
I can hope my ass is made of ice-cream
1166
01:11:32,453 --> 01:11:34,717
but that don't make me
a hot fudge sundae.
1167
01:11:34,822 --> 01:11:37,985
As for us,
we must press on to Wipe Castle,
1168
01:11:38,092 --> 01:11:41,823
though the journey be long
and I fear I may not live to see it.
1169
01:11:41,929 --> 01:11:42,918
There it is!
1170
01:11:55,276 --> 01:11:56,265
(TWlG SNAPS)
1171
01:11:56,377 --> 01:11:58,038
They's following us's.
1172
01:11:58,145 --> 01:12:02,445
You know, you talk like that, it's gonna
cost you points at a job interview.
1173
01:12:02,550 --> 01:12:03,778
What does it wants?
1174
01:12:03,885 --> 01:12:06,683
First of all, I resent being called "it."
1175
01:12:06,787 --> 01:12:08,812
I prefer jerkhole or simply...
1176
01:12:08,923 --> 01:12:09,890
(EXCLAlMS DlSGUSTEDLY)
1177
01:12:09,991 --> 01:12:12,858
Second, I thought I could help you
destroy the die, maybe.
1178
01:12:13,060 --> 01:12:16,621
Yes, yes, please help me.
The die is tearing me apart.
1179
01:12:16,731 --> 01:12:18,358
No, it's not. We're having a nice time.
1180
01:12:18,466 --> 01:12:19,797
Shut up. You shut up.
1181
01:12:19,901 --> 01:12:21,630
S'all right? S'all right.
1182
01:12:21,736 --> 01:12:22,964
Help me!
1183
01:12:23,804 --> 01:12:26,932
Get out of my swamp, you kids!
1184
01:12:30,645 --> 01:12:32,738
(FANFARE PLAYlNG)
1185
01:12:33,948 --> 01:12:36,473
(PLAYlNG JAZZ MUSlC)
1186
01:12:39,520 --> 01:12:41,818
Now, before your audience with the king,
1187
01:12:41,923 --> 01:12:44,448
there's a shocking fact
you best know about him.
1188
01:12:44,558 --> 01:12:47,026
Enough blabbety-blab! Open the doors.
1189
01:12:48,562 --> 01:12:50,052
What, ho?
1190
01:12:50,164 --> 01:12:53,395
We bring ill tidings, o fanciest of men.
1191
01:12:53,501 --> 01:12:55,833
Momon's reach nears the die of power.
1192
01:12:55,937 --> 01:12:59,600
And should she obtain it,
she will then have the entire basic set.
1193
01:12:59,707 --> 01:13:03,268
Rivers will run red with blood
and yellow with urine.
1194
01:13:03,377 --> 01:13:06,574
And a dog will be seen eating cat food
in the land.
1195
01:13:06,681 --> 01:13:10,777
Oh, great king,
your army is the last hope of Cornwood.
1196
01:13:10,885 --> 01:13:16,221
Let us join forces before the light of good
is extinguished forever.
1197
01:13:17,458 --> 01:13:18,891
You calling me crazy?
1198
01:13:18,993 --> 01:13:21,791
Just 'cause I've got a hotel in my foot
don't make me a...
1199
01:13:21,896 --> 01:13:22,863
(SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH)
1200
01:13:23,264 --> 01:13:25,926
-Pardon?
-Stop laughing at me, fried avocado.
1201
01:13:26,033 --> 01:13:27,728
(KlNG EXCLAlMlNG)
1202
01:13:32,740 --> 01:13:36,699
Moving along then,
as the only nobleman present who's not...
1203
01:13:37,912 --> 01:13:41,814
I hereby place myself
in command of the royal army.
1204
01:13:41,916 --> 01:13:44,885
-What royal army would that be?
-What?
1205
01:13:44,986 --> 01:13:47,420
King went insane
and declared war on the scallops.
1206
01:13:47,521 --> 01:13:50,149
Tied his army to a boulder
and pushed them into the sea.
1207
01:13:50,257 --> 01:13:51,690
They never returned.
1208
01:13:51,792 --> 01:13:53,555
Scallops must've got them.
1209
01:13:53,661 --> 01:13:56,755
Oh, well. There'll be no epic battle today.
1210
01:13:56,864 --> 01:13:58,263
(HORN BLOWlNG)
1211
01:13:58,366 --> 01:13:59,833
(ALL GASPlNG)
1212
01:14:00,735 --> 01:14:02,703
Methinks we be boned.
1213
01:14:02,837 --> 01:14:04,668
(OGRES SHOUTlNG)
1214
01:14:08,676 --> 01:14:09,700
Where's their army?
1215
01:14:09,810 --> 01:14:12,506
Maybe they didn't hear the horn.
Blow it again.
1216
01:14:17,118 --> 01:14:19,552
Man, I'll show that cat how to blow.
1217
01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:38,404
All right. On three. One, two, three.
1218
01:14:40,441 --> 01:14:42,739
Oil in the murder hole.
1219
01:14:45,179 --> 01:14:48,239
What are they pouring
through the murder hole? Hot oil?
1220
01:14:48,349 --> 01:14:50,442
Yeah, I think it might be hot oil.
1221
01:14:52,420 --> 01:14:55,617
I knew it. I was right, Walt. It's hot oil.
1222
01:15:00,995 --> 01:15:02,519
(BABBLlNG)
1223
01:15:05,699 --> 01:15:07,428
(OGRE SCREAMlNG)
1224
01:15:13,140 --> 01:15:14,334
Ow!
1225
01:15:16,777 --> 01:15:19,678
What the... You're not made of Tuesday.
1226
01:15:20,181 --> 01:15:22,081
My sanity. It's back.
1227
01:15:22,183 --> 01:15:24,913
At last, I can live the life I always...
1228
01:15:25,586 --> 01:15:26,553
(SPEAKlNG GlBBERlSH)
1229
01:15:51,278 --> 01:15:52,836
(BANGlNG)
1230
01:16:06,827 --> 01:16:07,987
MAN: Ahhh!
1231
01:16:08,195 --> 01:16:10,129
(FOLK MUSlC PLAYlNG)
1232
01:16:13,200 --> 01:16:16,192
You're going onto sainthood.
Just call the chef.
1233
01:16:18,672 --> 01:16:19,696
(ALL GASPlNG)
1234
01:16:26,614 --> 01:16:29,139
-What does it mean?
-lt is as we feared.
1235
01:16:29,250 --> 01:16:33,311
-Evil will soon triumph over good.
-Your friends face certain death.
1236
01:16:33,420 --> 01:16:35,581
Followed by a disrespectful
marionette show
1237
01:16:35,689 --> 01:16:37,020
performed with their corpses.
1238
01:16:37,124 --> 01:16:41,458
-No! We've got to do something.
-Believe me, we will.
1239
01:16:41,562 --> 01:16:46,192
We've taken out a sternly worded ad
in tomorrow's Cornwood Times.
1240
01:16:46,367 --> 01:16:47,425
(EXCLAlMS)
1241
01:16:47,535 --> 01:16:48,524
(ALL GASPlNG)
1242
01:16:48,636 --> 01:16:50,467
What a load of man-horse manure.
1243
01:16:50,571 --> 01:16:55,770
Well, Legola, if you have a better idea,
perhaps you'd like to challenge me to
1244
01:16:55,876 --> 01:16:57,104
debate.
1245
01:17:05,786 --> 01:17:07,276
(BOTH GRUNTlNG)
1246
01:17:13,360 --> 01:17:15,624
I'm too exhausted. I can't go on.
1247
01:17:15,729 --> 01:17:18,493
I'm here for you, my friend.
I'll drag you onward.
1248
01:17:18,599 --> 01:17:22,091
Even to my last ounce of strength.
Grab onto my testicles.
1249
01:17:23,237 --> 01:17:26,502
You know,
I think maybe I can walk after all.
1250
01:17:30,611 --> 01:17:32,340
MOM: That's not Wipe Castle.
1251
01:17:32,446 --> 01:17:35,279
(GASPlNG) The dodeca-call is coming
from inside the house.
1252
01:17:36,717 --> 01:17:38,275
(GRUNTlNG)
1253
01:17:40,187 --> 01:17:44,089
What are you waiting for, Frydo?
Throw it already in the boiling plastic.
1254
01:17:44,191 --> 01:17:47,183
-I would. But...
-Me's enjoys owning it.
1255
01:17:47,294 --> 01:17:49,819
Stop talking like that. It gives me anxiety.
1256
01:17:51,131 --> 01:17:52,393
Ow!
1257
01:17:52,499 --> 01:17:53,466
(GASPlNG)
1258
01:17:54,201 --> 01:17:56,260
No!
1259
01:18:02,409 --> 01:18:03,501
DlSEMBODlED VOlCE: Twelve.
1260
01:18:12,686 --> 01:18:17,248
So, it's all come down to this.
A dungeon and dragons.
1261
01:18:17,358 --> 01:18:18,916
I didn't see it coming.
1262
01:18:20,294 --> 01:18:21,386
Wait.
1263
01:18:30,638 --> 01:18:32,765
OGRES: (SlNGlNG) Eat the wizard,
eat the slut
1264
01:18:32,873 --> 01:18:35,068
Eat the robot's shiny butt
1265
01:18:35,709 --> 01:18:38,803
Well, at least
we'll be remembered in song.
1266
01:18:38,912 --> 01:18:41,642
Wait a second. I have an idea.
1267
01:18:41,749 --> 01:18:44,240
I surrender. Here, eat my friends.
1268
01:18:44,351 --> 01:18:47,548
Just give me one more second
of sweet, sweet life.
1269
01:18:53,360 --> 01:18:56,454
(CLEARS THROAT) Well, that worked out
pretty good, eh, fellows?
1270
01:18:59,667 --> 01:19:02,431
Prepare to fire again, brave cowards.
1271
01:19:03,804 --> 01:19:05,704
I still say, I won the debate.
1272
01:19:06,507 --> 01:19:07,667
Fire.
1273
01:19:11,378 --> 01:19:12,345
Uh-oh.
1274
01:19:16,450 --> 01:19:17,542
Whew!
1275
01:19:18,752 --> 01:19:21,220
Legola, you saved us.
1276
01:19:21,822 --> 01:19:23,847
How can I ever repay you?
1277
01:19:26,393 --> 01:19:27,519
(BENDER GROWLlNG)
1278
01:19:27,628 --> 01:19:28,720
(EXPLOSlON)
1279
01:19:28,829 --> 01:19:30,296
(BOTH GASPlNG)
1280
01:19:31,398 --> 01:19:35,562
Frydo is fighting for his life.
The fate of Cornwood is in our hands.
1281
01:19:35,669 --> 01:19:37,637
Quickly, to the Geysers.
1282
01:19:38,505 --> 01:19:42,339
-Can it wait a couple of minutes?
-Yes. Yes, it can.
1283
01:19:57,825 --> 01:20:00,419
You are no match for my dragon style.
1284
01:20:03,731 --> 01:20:06,063
I guess you are
a match for my dragon style.
1285
01:20:06,166 --> 01:20:07,155
Tell me, Frydo,
1286
01:20:07,267 --> 01:20:11,465
are you aware that a dragon's
one weakness is its soft underbelly?
1287
01:20:11,572 --> 01:20:13,039
No. Why do you...
1288
01:20:13,140 --> 01:20:14,630
(SCREAMlNG)
1289
01:20:15,642 --> 01:20:17,974
LEELA: Get my friend out of your mouth.
1290
01:20:19,046 --> 01:20:20,843
It is all over, Momon.
1291
01:20:20,948 --> 01:20:22,939
We'll soon be down there defeating you.
1292
01:20:23,050 --> 01:20:27,146
And it's all thanks to
the existence of this fragile staircase.
1293
01:20:29,857 --> 01:20:30,824
Whoa!
1294
01:20:37,297 --> 01:20:39,424
Quick. Get on the magic bug.
1295
01:20:39,533 --> 01:20:43,401
It's not a magic bug, you dope.
It's a magic arachnid.
1296
01:20:43,504 --> 01:20:45,768
Can't you count the legs?
1297
01:20:45,873 --> 01:20:50,139
-No.
-Six, seven, eight. Not six, eight.
1298
01:20:50,244 --> 01:20:52,144
I'll kill you, you imbecile.
1299
01:21:04,591 --> 01:21:07,321
My underbelly. My one weakness.
1300
01:21:09,096 --> 01:21:10,620
(BOTH GROANlNG)
1301
01:21:15,602 --> 01:21:20,369
I got it. Now I can throw it in
the hot thing over there and be the hero.
1302
01:21:20,474 --> 01:21:24,376
On the other hand,
infinite power might be nice.
1303
01:21:27,181 --> 01:21:29,649
Please, I'm trying to help you.
1304
01:21:29,750 --> 01:21:31,911
Then why are you hitting me with a stick?
1305
01:21:32,019 --> 01:21:34,613
How stupid are you
that you think that's helping?
1306
01:21:34,721 --> 01:21:37,622
Mommy never told you about my father.
1307
01:21:37,724 --> 01:21:41,751
-She said he was a foul He-demon.
-Exactly.
1308
01:21:41,862 --> 01:21:44,524
You are my father.
1309
01:21:46,033 --> 01:21:49,230
No. No, that's impossible.
1310
01:21:49,336 --> 01:21:52,305
Search your feelings.
You know it to be true.
1311
01:21:52,406 --> 01:21:55,136
No, no!
1312
01:21:55,242 --> 01:21:57,802
Yeah. I heard Mommy say so.
1313
01:22:00,781 --> 01:22:02,408
(ALL GASPlNG)
1314
01:22:03,116 --> 01:22:07,348
I have all the dice.
I am the dungeon master.
1315
01:22:07,454 --> 01:22:09,388
I know all and see...
1316
01:22:13,126 --> 01:22:14,718
Game over.
1317
01:22:25,806 --> 01:22:27,330
(COUGHlNG)
1318
01:22:28,842 --> 01:22:30,810
(MOM CONTlNUES LAUGHlNG)
1319
01:22:33,714 --> 01:22:34,942
No! No!
1320
01:22:35,048 --> 01:22:36,675
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
1321
01:22:48,228 --> 01:22:49,456
What happened?
1322
01:22:49,563 --> 01:22:51,224
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
1323
01:22:52,132 --> 01:22:54,532
My God,
we're out of that weird, crazy world
1324
01:22:54,635 --> 01:22:56,796
and back in our regular crazy world.
1325
01:22:57,437 --> 01:22:59,803
Did we all just
have some kind of freaky dream
1326
01:22:59,907 --> 01:23:01,033
or was it ghosts?
1327
01:23:01,141 --> 01:23:03,769
Neither, Fry. It was science.
1328
01:23:03,877 --> 01:23:08,473
Bender's mighty imagination
amplified by a dark matter resonance
1329
01:23:08,582 --> 01:23:12,780
created an alternate reality
that very nearly blew our minds.
1330
01:23:12,886 --> 01:23:15,252
Exactly.
You can't make that kind of stuff up.
1331
01:23:15,355 --> 01:23:17,255
Quit trying to explain everything.
1332
01:23:17,357 --> 01:23:20,986
I defeated you in that world
and I'll defeat you in this one.
1333
01:23:21,094 --> 01:23:24,393
Boys, the crystal's still in his stomach.
1334
01:23:24,498 --> 01:23:26,022
Commencing intestinal flash flood.
1335
01:23:27,034 --> 01:23:31,528
Wait! Before my moment of shame, can l...
1336
01:23:31,638 --> 01:23:32,627
(FARNSWORTH SOBBlNG)
1337
01:23:32,739 --> 01:23:34,229
Yes, speak up.
1338
01:23:38,645 --> 01:23:41,341
Can I give my boy a hug?
1339
01:23:41,882 --> 01:23:46,080
All right. Fine. I've never done it.
I guess somebody should.
1340
01:23:47,054 --> 01:23:48,214
Daddy.
1341
01:23:49,823 --> 01:23:53,020
Like father, like son, eh, boy?
1342
01:23:54,928 --> 01:23:56,759
IGNER: We both eated the crysals.
1343
01:23:59,166 --> 01:24:01,031
No. No!
1344
01:24:04,571 --> 01:24:06,163
(BOTH BELCHlNG)
1345
01:24:08,675 --> 01:24:11,473
My dark matter. It's worthless.
1346
01:24:11,578 --> 01:24:15,139
That's right, Mom. But fear not, fancy folk.
1347
01:24:15,248 --> 01:24:18,547
For I've just thunk up
an alternative energy source.
1348
01:24:18,652 --> 01:24:22,088
-Nibbler-power.
-Hurray. Wait. What?
1349
01:24:23,056 --> 01:24:24,489
(HEN CLUCKlNG)
1350
01:24:27,628 --> 01:24:29,596
FARNSWORTH: Mush! Mush!
1351
01:24:29,696 --> 01:24:31,630
Whip harder, Professor.
1352
01:24:31,732 --> 01:24:33,359
(ALL CHEERlNG)
1353
01:24:35,202 --> 01:24:39,366
FARNSWORTH: Faster, faster. Slower.
1354
01:24:44,478 --> 01:24:46,673
(FUTURAMA THEMEPLAYlNG)
1355
01:24:46,780 --> 01:24:48,577
One, two
One, two, three
1356
01:25:12,372 --> 01:25:13,896
All rise
Attention
1357
01:25:45,105 --> 01:25:46,868
All rise
Attention
1358
01:25:53,280 --> 01:25:54,713
All rise
Attention
1359
01:26:02,723 --> 01:26:04,281
Twenty-four
I'm gonna get twenty four
1360
01:26:04,391 --> 01:26:06,382
I'm gonna get 24th century
on his ass
1361
01:26:45,465 --> 01:26:46,432
Anyone wanna play
1362
01:26:46,533 --> 01:26:48,967
Dungeons & Dragons
for the next quadrillion years?103378
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