All language subtitles for The.Neighborhood.S03E03

Okay, Calvin, I know
you're not a craft beer man,

but I think
you might like this one.

It's locally brewed.

Wow.

Wow, not bad. Who makes it?

Me. Right upstairs in my bathtub.

Okay, all right.
Come on, Tina, let's go.

Dave just made me
drink his bathwater.

Calvin, come on. Stop. No.

I-I haven't finished my wine yet.

Dave didn't make this
in your toilet, did he?

No, this is French.

If anything,
it was made in a bidet.

Well, I like it.

Why don't you bring over
another bottle tomorrow night

and we can hang out?

I'd love to, but Dave and I
have a date night.

Yeah, that's right. Tomorrow,
I'll be drinking your bathwater.

Well, you two seem
extra in love tonight.

Yeah, knock it off.

Yeah, well, we're always
a little extra lovey-dovey

after we see
our couples therapist.

Oh, I didn't know
you two went to therapy.

Y-Yeah, yeah. Sorry to hear that.

If they get a divorce,
you get Dave.

Don't worry, we're totally fine.

We just go every now and
then for a little tune-up.

Dr. Chen is great.

She's really helped us
communicate.

It's breathed new life
into our marriage.

Yeah, uh, speaking
of breathing life,

I could use some
mouth-to-mouth right now.

Okay, all right,
I-I don't know if it's them

or Dave's bath beer,
but I got to throw up.

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
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- Hey, boys.
- Oh, hey.

Hey, how was y'all night
at the Johnsons'?

- Tina, can I tell them?
- No. That's none of y...

Dave and Gemma see a therapist.

Calvin.

I'm sorry, babe,

Dave's funky-ass beer
went straight to my head.

Oh, wait. Dave and Gemma
see a therapist?

I didn't know they was having problems.

Dave and Gemma are fine.

I actually have never
seen them so in love.

It was gross.

Well, I think it's wonderful.
And I'm thinking,

in fact, maybe you and I
should give it a try.

You know? We could always
communicate better.

What? Babe, we communicate just fine.

Dad, seriously?

She just told you not to tell us
about Dave and Gemma,

and you did it anyway.

That's different.
I heard her, I just ignored it.

Well, guess what. We're going.

No, I just said
that I don't want to go.

I heard you, I just ignored it.

Hey, honey,
how's it going up there?

The movie starts
in a half an hour.

- I know. Almost ready.
- Okay, you know

we still have to drop off
Grover at his sleepover, right?

- I know. Almost ready.
- Okay.

And you know I-I hate
to miss the previews.

She knows. She's almost ready.

- Okay, all ready.
- Okay, great. Let's go.

I just need to put on my shoes,
touch up my makeup

and transfer all my stuff
into my tiny purse.

Well, then,
why'd you come downstairs?

To tell you that I'm ready.

I can't believe
I let you drag me in here.

- Come on, Calvin, keep an open mind.
- Nah, Tina.

You know what happens
when you keep an open mind?

New stuff gets in there.

Hi, there.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

- I'm Dr. Chen.
- Hi.

I'm Tina Butler. This
is my husband Calvin.

Hello.

Okay, then. If you're ready,
how about we jump in?

How long have you guys
been married?

31 years.

And after all that time together,

how would you describe
your intimacy?

Oh, it's freaky.

Yeah, at least, you know,
three or four times a week.

Five if it's slow at the shop.

Actually, I was talking about
your emotional intimacy,

not your physical intimacy.

But damn.

Well, uh, what do you mean
by emotional intimacy?

I mean, how often
you guys sit down

and connect with each other?

You know,
talk about your feelings,

share your vulnerabilities.

Isn't the point of getting married

so you don't have to do that?

Well, h-honestly, I don't
remember the last time

we did that sort of thing.

Well, in that case,
it sounds like you're using

physical intimacy as a substitute

for connecting on a deeper level.

I'd like to suggest
an exercise for couples

who need to rekindle things
emotionally.

Okay. W-What is it?

Abstain from sex for a month.

You serious?

Y-Yes.

See, Tina? This is why
I keep my mind closed.

I know it sounds challenging,

but it's helped
a lot of my patients.

You can read
more about it in my book.

You read it.
I'll wait for the movie.

Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me.

Sweetie, slow down. I'm in heels.

Well, just kick them off.
The floor is barely sticky.

See, Dave?
The movie's just started.

We didn't miss anything.

Well, that's not true.
We missed the previews,

and I didn't have time
to go to the bathroom

or get my jumbo pretzel.

Sorry.

Sweetie, it's not a big deal.

If you want a pretzel,
I'll go get it for you.

Give me your wallet.

I couldn't fit mine
in my tiny purse.

Just forget about it.
Let-Let's just sit down.

It's fine. I don't mind missing
a few minutes of the movie.

Well, you say that,
but then when you come back,

you're gonna ask me
what you missed,

and then we'll be talking
during the movie,

and I don't want
to be those people.

- Too late, you already are.
- Sorry.

Look, I'm sorry
we missed the previews,

but we're here now
and the movie's just started.

Can you please
not ruin date night?

Me? I didn't ruin date night.

You're the one who made us late.

Maybe you should give her
the silent treatment.

Well, excuse me for wanting
to look nice on our night out.

Oh, yes, of course.

'Cause what's more
important than looking nice

while you're sitting
in a dark movie theater?

You guys don't
need to see a movie,

you need to see a therapist.

We did.

Can you believe it?

We just paid $30 for a book

that's going
straight in the trash.

Don't throw that out.

Oh, you know what? You're right.

Dave's got a birthday coming up.

Look, Calvin,
I know that you think

going to see Dr. Chen
was a waste of time,

but I think she really might
be on to something

with that abstinence stuff.

Not have sex for a month?

People could die from that.

Seriously, Calvin.

When was the last time
we just held hands

and talked about our feelings?

Okay, you know what?
I can do that.

I feel...

that we should go to the bedroom
and do the wild thing.

Oh, Calvin. No.

See? Dr. Chen was right.

We can't even have
a real conversation

about our emotions without you
going straight to sex.

Now, c-come on.
I was just playing.

I mean, of course, unless you
gonna change your answer to yes.

Calvin, I know
this is gonna be difficult,

but we have to do this
for the good of our marriage.

Okay. All right, we can try.

But I think we both know
you can't go without all this

for a whole month.

No. No.

No!

I gave up Diet Coke cold turkey.

I think I'll be just fine.

This ain't no Diet Coke.

This is real sugar, baby.

All right, Marty,
let's hit the gym.

All right, hold on, let me
just finish this chapter.

Uh, why are you reading
Mom and Dad's therapy book?

Because, Malcolm,
our relationship is broken,

and I, for one, want to fix it.

You wonder why I tell people
at the gym we not related.

Now, see?
That's your problem right there.

According to Dr. Chen, when
it comes to sibling dynamics,

the older one often feels
entitled to humiliate

and ridicule the younger sibling.

Yeah, that's fun stuff, huh?

No, man, it's highly dysfunctional

and detrimental to my self-esteem.

I'm an adult now,

and it's time you started
treating me like one.

Oh, you're an adult?

Tell that
to your Star Wars pajamas.

Dad, hasn't Malcolm

been picking on me my whole life?

Yeah. It's some fun stuff, huh?

Man, let's go.

Fine. But for the record,
it wasn't Star Wars pajamas,

it was loungewear.

Morning.

Hey. Morning, babe.

How'd you sleep? Fine.

Even with you trying
to seduce me all night.

What? Me?

I have no idea
what you talking about.

Oh, please.

Singing Barry White in the shower,

wearing your silk boxers to bed.

You had so much cocoa butter on,

I thought I was sleeping
next to a dolphin.

Well, uh, instead of fighting it,

why don't you let me butter you up

and we get all SeaWorld
up in here?

You know what?
I've got a better idea.

How about we sit down
and have breakfast together,

and enjoy
a meaningful conversation?

Sorry, I-I can't, babe.
I don't have the time.

I, uh, I got so much stuff
to fix around the house.

You know.

Which must be hard on you,

because, uh, I know
how you love a man

that can swing his hammer.

You're ridiculous.

Am I?

Come on, Tina. I know you want...

Tina? Oh! Whoa.

I'm gonna have to ease up
on the cocoa butter.

Morning. What are you doing here?

I thought you were picking up
Grover from his sleepover.

What are you talking about?
Pickup's not for another hour.

Yeah, but I want you
to have enough time.

I know if you're even a minute
late, your whole day is ruined.

Well, that's very
thoughtful of you.

I can use that extra time

to try on five different outfits

and transfer my stuff
into my tiny wallet.

Why are you being
such a jerk about this?

It was one movie.

No, no, it's not just one movie.

Okay? It's every time we have
a dinner reservation,

or go see a concert,
or have to be at the airport.

Dave, we have never once
missed a flight because of me.

Yes, that is because I have
never once given you

the correct departure time.

Look, Gemma, the point is,

is that Dr. Chen said that we
need to take each other's needs

into consideration, and I don't
always feel like you do that.

Oh, like you're any better?

I'm the most considerate
person I know.

I say "bless you"
to people who sneeze,

cough, even yawn.

Okay, then why do I always
have to ask you

to put the toilet seat down?

Or stop drinking juice
from the carton?

Or the thing I hate the most:

you never squeeze out
the kitchen sponge.

I always squeeze out the sponge.

Oh, really?

Okay, I forgot one time.

Not that time
means anything to you.

Well, then I guess neither of us
is as considerate

as we think we are. Which is
why I don't feel bad doing this.

Sponges live in the ocean, Gemma!

They're supposed to be wet!

Oh, hey, Calvin.

Don't "hey, Calvin" me.

Because of you,
Tina doesn't want to have sex.

What? Even with that tool belt?

Your stupid therapist

says that we're having
intimacy problems

and now she's
cutting me off for a month.

I remember when Dr. Chen
made us do that, too.

It really put the "no"
in November.

Wait a minute.

So you knew about this

and you recommended her anyway?

Well, I had to.

Gemma was sitting right there,

and she loves
going to see Dr. Chen.

Oh, and you don't?

Are you kidding?
No sex for a month?

That could kill a guy.

I know. I'm already going crazy.

I saw two melons on the counter

and I almost had to
take a cold shower.

Yeah, the worst part is,
is Gemma and I got into a fight

and now she wants us
to go back today.

Well, if you don't want to go,
then don't.

You don't have to do something
just because she wants you to.

You know what? You're right.

And just like you
shouldn't let Tina bully you

into talking about your feelings
if you don't want to.

You're right. Nobody forces me
to be a good husband.

Yeah.

Exactly. You know, what our...

what our wives
need to understand is,

is that our needs are just
as important as theirs.

Damn straight.

Yeah. And until they do,

no matter how mad they get,

or how cold and lonely
the nights may be,

you and I will always be there
to keep each other warm.

I was wrong. You just forced me.

Hi, Dr. Chen.

Hey, guys. Come on in.

Sorry we're late.

For some reason, I can't
seem to be on time

for anything these days.

That's okay. It's no big deal.

Are you sure? Because I'd
hate for those 32 seconds

to ruin your whole day.

Okay. This is the kind of stuff
that bought me my boat.

Why don't you guys go ahead
and tell me what's going on.

Gemma doesn't take my
feelings into consideration.

Oh, please. He's the one who
doesn't consider my feelings.

Seriously? Just because I
forgot to squeeze out a sponge

one time?

One time, huh?

So when you cleaned up
after lunch today,

you squeezed it out?

Every last drop.

Okay, then, uh, what's this?

Great, now you bring
your big purse?

Okay, obviously you two are having

some communication issues.

Gemma, you're unhappy about
that... disgusting sponge.

Dave, what's something
you're unhappy about?

Okay, I'll tell you something.

I hate that you make me
come to therapy.

What do you mean,
you hate coming to therapy?

That's right. I've hated it
since the beginning.

The only reason I agree
to come here

is because it's important to you.

Important to me?
The only reason I come here

is because I thought it was
important to you.

Wait. So, you don't
like it either?

Are you kidding?
30 days without sex?

That could kill a girl.

Okay.

Loving the communication,

but let's not lose sight
of the fact

that you were 32 seconds late.

I feel like such a
jerk for freaking out

over those dumb previews.

You feel like a jerk?

I smuggled a dirty sponge
into our therapy session.

I even added extra water to it.

Gem, I'm so sorry.

Me, too, sweetie.

Look at that.

Another happy couple who
can see that coming here

is definitely worth the money.

When can we schedule
your next session?

Actually, I think we're good.

In fact, I think we should go home

and start making up
for that month we missed.

Right behind you.

And you call yourself a doctor?

People could have died.

Hey, babe.

Hey.

Look, uh, I was thinking,

if you really want to
try that intimacy thing,

I'm willing to give it a shot.

Really?

- Aw, thank you, baby.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, babe.

If you don't want to
ride the rocket,

don't light the fuse.

So, I was looking
through Dr. Chen's book

and I think we should start off

with an exercise called
"Soul Gazing."

Okay, what's that?

Well, it's simple. It's where we

look deep into each other's eyes
without talking.

It's supposed to open up

new lines of
nonverbal communication.

All right, okay, let's do it.

All right, let's go. All right.

Here we go.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. That-That's good, baby.

Uh, but a little more loving gaze

and less creepy staring contest.

Okay. You know,
I'm not feeling this one.

Uh, let-let's try a different one.

All right. Well, let's try...

Oh. "Uninterrupted Listening."

It's where we each take turns

talking about our feelings
for five minutes

while the other listens
supportively.

Okay. That sounds easy.

All right. You go first.

Oh. Oh, well, oh, all righty.

Um... well...

I love you.

Okay. And I love

loving you.

And...

I feel...

like that's been about
five minutes.

Really, Calvin?

Seriously?

We've been together all this time

and that's all you got?

Do you know how hurtful that is?

You want to talk about hurtful?

How about finding out
after 31 years

your wife doesn't think
your marriage

is as perfect as you do.

What are you talking about?
I love our marriage.

Then why'd you make us
go to that couples therapy?

I mean, we have the best
marriage of anyone I know,

but after one minute
with that doctor,

she made you believe
that we don't.

I just thought that it might
bring us closer together.

Well, I don't think
we can be any closer.

Okay, I may not be able to
"gaze into your soul,"

but when you walk into a room,
I can't take my eyes off you.

And okay, I-I may not be able
to express my feelings

for five minutes,

but that doesn't mean
I'm not thinking about you

every moment of the day.

Really?

Damn right.

And I don't need some therapist

or a dumb exercise

to tell me how connected
I am to you,

because my heart tells me.

All the time.

See, baby, that's...

that's all I've been looking for.

Well, I meant every word.

Mmm. Mm, mm, mm!

You know, maybe this stuff
isn't so bad.

Now that we know
I'm so amazing at it.

All right.

Now that I had my time,
you want your five minutes?

Okay, okay, I just got one more
exercise I want us to do.

What?

Meet me in the bedroom.

Yeah, bring that cocoa butter.

I want to take a trip to SeaWorld.

Well, you better put on
your poncho,

'cause you about to be
in the splash zone!

Hey. Let's go, Malcolm.

I've been honking for
five minutes and I am not gonna

be late for Muffin Monday.

Look, I don't care about that.

We need to talk about this
damn therapy book.

Wait, you read it?

Yes, the whole thing.

And there is not a single word
in here

about sibling dynamics.

Yeah, that's 'cause I made it up.

You say what now?

Well, I just said that
to see if you'd read it,

and since you did, I know,

no matter how much
you make fun of me,

you care about my feelings.

Wait, so you tricked me
into wasting five hours

reading this boring-ass book

just to make yourself feel good?

Yeah. Fun stuff, huh?

Oh, you know, sometimes
I really hate you.

Yeah, but five hours of reading
says you love me more.

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