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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,843 CHALMERS: Next item on the agenda. 2 00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:11,111 Principal Duggins. 3 00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,780 Well, I see that not one of your students 4 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,717 was able to meet the national fitness standards: 5 00:00:16,783 --> 00:00:18,118 a light jog. 6 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:19,653 - (moans softly) - Come on, Duggins. 7 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,922 You got to be a role model for those lazy kids. 8 00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:25,025 Tell them you put in two hours a day stretching... 9 00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:27,861 your lap band. (laughs) 10 00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:29,263 (munching) 11 00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:30,907 (imitates stomach stretching and popping) 12 00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,900 (all laughing) 13 00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,937 Oh, my goodness. Thank you, Principal Finch. 14 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:40,707 Well, I guess we can cross "hilarious joke" off the agenda. 15 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,776 Oh, I‐I've also got a funny thing. 16 00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:45,879 (chuckles) Duggins' wife was unfaithful. 17 00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,414 (chuckles) 18 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:51,018 Skinner, learn how to read a room. 19 00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:53,053 - Sorry, Duggins. - Screw you. 20 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,723 Indeed. Now, as you all know, this weekend in Cincinnati 21 00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,893 is the national administrator's convention, 22 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,395 or EDU‐CON. 23 00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:04,197 And, uh, well, I have been invited 24 00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:06,099 to give the keynote address. 25 00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:08,835 ‐(excited chatter) ‐Oh, well. 26 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,737 Yes. Uh, Sunday. (chuckles) 27 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,272 Main auditorium. 28 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:16,143 The Proctor & Gamble Room? Crushed it! 29 00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,279 (Skinner inhales, grunts) 30 00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:21,715 Well, that couldn't have gone worse. 31 00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:22,983 I agree. 32 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:24,251 Yes, well, as you all know, 33 00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,853 the budget allows for a plus‐one, 34 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,789 and I was thinking I would bring 35 00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:31,992 the principal with the highest test scores, 36 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,394 - Finch. - Well, that's not fair. 37 00:01:34,461 --> 00:01:36,964 Finch runs the magnet school for gifted test takers. 38 00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:39,766 Uh, sorry, Seymour, but I have made my decision. 39 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,436 If it makes you feel any better, you were never in the running. 40 00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:46,239 Hey, we are gonna light Cincinnati up. 41 00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:48,718 I got a buddy who used to be the long snapper for the Bengals. 42 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,978 He co‐owns this amazing poké place. 43 00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,779 Seaweed, furikake, 44 00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,181 soakin' in ponzu! 45 00:01:54,247 --> 00:01:57,184 My God, you're cool. 46 00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:02,689 Okay, this is for all the marbles. 47 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,591 (grunts) 48 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:08,095 (laughs) No wonder Chalmers is taking Finch to Cincinnati. 49 00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:09,596 How'd you hear about that? 50 00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,398 It's all over the playground. 51 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:12,966 ♪ Chalmers went to Cincy ♪ 52 00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,534 ♪ Didn't take our princy ♪ 53 00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:17,504 ♪ How many tears did Skinner cry? ♪ 54 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,007 ♪ One, two, three, four, five. ♪ 55 00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:21,508 Well, as usual, 56 00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:23,977 the double Dutchers have zeroed in on my pain. 57 00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:25,512 (sighs) 58 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,714 Look, Seymour, are you ready for some tough love? 59 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:28,882 Is there any other kind? 60 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,517 Being around you sucks. 61 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,619 No one's ever gonna invite you to anything. 62 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,421 If there's a party you want to go to, 63 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,722 you got to crash it, 64 00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,457 or you'll spend the rest of your life 65 00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:40,627 sitting around with your hand stuck in a pelvis. 66 00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:44,965 It's too late. The plus‐one has been invoked. 67 00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:47,100 Dude, you're Seymour Skinner. 68 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,536 No matter how badly you're treated, 69 00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:50,713 you keep coming back for more. 70 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:53,140 That's your superpower. Use it! 71 00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:55,776 You're right. I will. 72 00:02:57,244 --> 00:03:00,380 Aw, look at you, grazing the thumb. 73 00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:05,185 Come on. Come on, come on, come on. 74 00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:06,687 (phone rings) 75 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,221 Finch, where are you? 76 00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:09,823 We're going to miss our flight. 77 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,291 Can't make it, Gary. 78 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:12,669 I ate some pre‐trip poké last night, 79 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,494 and it's blitzkrieging my intestines. 80 00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:17,097 I'm firing salmon eggs from both ends. 81 00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:18,799 But you're my ride to the airport. 82 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,501 My car's in the shop being winterized. 83 00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:23,837 Sorry, dude. Yeah? Cool. 84 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,505 (groans) 85 00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:28,375 Hop in, sir. We still have time to make our flight. 86 00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:31,378 Skinner? W‐What are you doing here? 87 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,547 Well, I saw on Finch's InstaSnap story 88 00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:35,515 that he's firing salmon eggs from both ends. 89 00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,684 So I rushed over here at once. 90 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,053 You want to come with me to Cincinnat‐‐ No. Thank you. 91 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,789 Very thoughtful, Seymour, but I‐I wouldn't want to... 92 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,925 You wouldn't want the school board to find out 93 00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:47,427 you wasted the transferrable but not refundable 94 00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:50,997 $65 plus‐one registration fee? 95 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,767 (sighs) No, I would not. 96 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,269 Oh, boy. 97 00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,307 (grunting) 98 00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:03,176 Ah, Game Night. (chuckles) 99 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,978 Jason Bateman, your boyish charisma 100 00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,681 was made for the low‐res seatback screen. 101 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:08,815 (whimpers) 102 00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,217 Sir, are you all right? 103 00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:11,585 Uh, if you must know, 104 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,820 flying makes me just a little bit nervous. 105 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,355 Where'd you put my carry‐on? 106 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,624 I'm going to pop an antianxiety pill. 107 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:20,026 Oh, I gate‐checked your bag. It's free, 108 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,496 and you don't have to fight for precious overhead space. 109 00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:24,798 Another classic Skinner travel hack. 110 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:27,234 My pills were in that bag, you idiot! 111 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:30,504 You‐‐ Okay. Okay. (chuckles) I can do this. 112 00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:33,240 (exhales) It's just a short domestic flight. 113 00:04:33,306 --> 00:04:35,408 I'm completely safe, right? 114 00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:37,477 Sure. And if you're stressed, you can take comfort 115 00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:40,213 in the passengers' many emotional support animals. 116 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,716 CHALMERS: Ugh. Aah! 117 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:43,517 ‐(oinks) ‐Pig? 118 00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:45,352 ‐(gobbles) ‐Aah! 119 00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,120 I'm going to die in a flying zoo. 120 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:48,889 (laughs) 121 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,858 (groaning nervously) 122 00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,960 (laughs) 123 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:58,532 Everyone around you is taking their shoes off. 124 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,469 Okay, no one is safe. No one's sa‐‐ 125 00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:04,738 That‐that phone is not in airplane mode. 126 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,474 The pilot dresses like an alcoholic! 127 00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,743 Somebody's yelling! Who is yelling?! 128 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,646 Where in the name of God is the air marshal?! 129 00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:14,714 (muffled shouting) 130 00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:18,885 (grunts) 131 00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:22,923 You're banned from Air Cincinnati forever. 132 00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:26,092 Well, we've got to get another flight. 133 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,794 Uh, we can't, sir. 134 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,864 Uh, Air Cincinnati's the only airline that flies to Cincinnati 135 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,366 since the demise of Cincin‐Air‐Y. 136 00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:34,935 Well, that's just great. That's great! 137 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,670 In 36 hours, I have to give 138 00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:38,772 the most important speech of my life. 139 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,274 Now, how in the name of Satan's jockstrap 140 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,777 am I supposed to get there? 141 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,380 Please, sir. If you give me one last chance, 142 00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:49,058 I will think of nothing else but getting you 143 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,384 to that keynote speech on time. 144 00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:54,688 Nah, I'll just drive myself. 145 00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:57,424 (screeching) 146 00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:59,860 All right, where is your car? 147 00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,428 It, too, is being winterized. 148 00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:03,430 But I know where to get one. 149 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:06,066 Oh, no. You're not borrowing my Buick. 150 00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,168 I just had it winterized. 151 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,770 But, Mother, this road trip is my last chance 152 00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:13,807 to become friends with the man I admire most in the world. 153 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:14,941 Please. 154 00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:17,844 Well, you did do such a nice job 155 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,880 re‐beading my eyeglass chain. 156 00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:23,583 I guess a boy your age should have friends. 157 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,120 ♪ ♪ 158 00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:32,158 Ah, you, me and the open road, huh? 159 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:37,397 Yeah. Maybe some music will make the time pass more quickly. 160 00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:40,133 ♪ Timothy, Timothy... ♪ 161 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,203 I hope you like this song, 'cause it's stuck in the player, 162 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,871 and there's no volume knob. 163 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:47,974 ♪ Timothy, Timothy ♪ 164 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:52,412 ♪ God, what did we do? ♪ 165 00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:00,921 Oh, did you know that in Cincinnati, they have 166 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:02,923 four different ways of preparing chili? 167 00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:04,457 You don't say, huh? 168 00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:06,192 - Four different ways. - The two‐way, 169 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,403 - chili with spaghetti. - How about that. 170 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,029 - Spaghetti? - The three‐way, 171 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:10,406 - chili with spaghetti and cheese. - Lot of ways. 172 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,798 - Please shut up. - Oh! (chuckles) 173 00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,409 - Oh, he's got more. - And there's two kinds 174 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,877 - of four‐ways. - I just... I‐I want to die. 175 00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:17,537 Hmm? Mm! 176 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,405 (tires screech) 177 00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:20,473 Hitchhikers! Oh, thank the Lord. 178 00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:22,475 Hitchhikers, sir? Is this safe? 179 00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:24,477 They can bury us in a shallow grave 180 00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:26,746 as long as they don't talk about chili. 181 00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:29,983 Thanks for picking us up. We're on our way to a gig. 182 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:32,786 Oh, a‐a gig. Are you, uh, musicians? 183 00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:34,354 Oh, no. We do... 184 00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,222 ALL: Improv Shakespeare! 185 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,058 Improvisers? 186 00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,760 In the style of Shakespeare? That seems impossible. 187 00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:43,229 Methinks this noble lord doth doubt our wit. 188 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,333 We must perform or else be deemed unfit! 189 00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:50,136 A word, a word. My kingdom for a word. 190 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:53,373 - No, no, don't give them a suggestion. - Cupholders. 191 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,508 To grasp a cup would seem a great ordeal. 192 00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:59,045 When one must keep both hands upon the wheel. 193 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:03,016 The pentameter checks out. Your parents must be so proud. 194 00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,351 They're not. 195 00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:05,418 (growls) 196 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:09,222 (Greg vocalizing Mozart's "Greensleeves") 197 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,157 Toupee or not toupee, 198 00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:12,459 that is the question. 199 00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:15,195 You are the only ones having fun! 200 00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:16,429 Just you! 201 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,164 Oh, oh, beware the ides of... 202 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,066 - Truck! - (all screaming) 203 00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,469 (horn blaring) 204 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,241 (grunting) 205 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:33,113 Well, well, well, what have we got here? 206 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,115 (chuckles) Don't worry, Officer. 207 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,916 It's, uh, minor damage. 208 00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:38,518 Nothing serious. 209 00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:43,356 Alas, poor Buick. I knew it well. 210 00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,658 Oh! (choking) 211 00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:53,266 Dear Lord. Our car, our wallets, our luggage, 212 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,502 they're all blown to shreds. 213 00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:57,237 But the keynote. Your speech. 214 00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:58,905 It's all on the cards right here. 215 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:02,208 But what good will it be when some backwoods judge 216 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:03,743 throws the book at us, huh? 217 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:08,048 All rise for the Honorable Judge J. T. Winchester. 218 00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:12,218 Who dragged me in here on a Saturday 219 00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,220 in the middle of my Lifetime movies? 220 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,456 I'm missing my Lifetimes! 221 00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:19,926 An old woman who's enraged by my very existence. 222 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:22,762 Don't worry, sir. I got this. 223 00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:24,364 Your Honor, permission to observe 224 00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:27,901 that your poor cuticles are raw and torn. 225 00:09:27,967 --> 00:09:29,335 Thanks to my idiot son. 226 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:32,205 He made my manicure appointment with Tanya P. 227 00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:33,740 instead of Tanya G. 228 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:36,943 Oh, well, that boy's as useless as a shaved frog. 229 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,311 Now, Mother... 230 00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,713 Hush up and empty the spittoons, Fennimore. 231 00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:42,382 (sighs) 232 00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,351 You know, I always travel 233 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,387 with cuticle scissors and jojoba oil. 234 00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:50,390 Let's get these ladies ready for their close‐up. 235 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,095 Now, you have fun at the convention, boys. 236 00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,197 You just bring it back whenever. 237 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:58,565 (tires screech) 238 00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:01,267 Mother, you never let me drive the Cutlass. 239 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:04,537 My car is for good boys! 240 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,806 Hmm. 241 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:14,013 ♪ Timothy, Timothy ♪ 242 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,484 ♪ God, what did we do? ♪ 243 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:21,087 Well, we're only a half hour behind schedule. 244 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,856 Should we, uh, brainstorm on a code 245 00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:24,290 for the hotel room safe? 246 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:27,127 Seymour, you charmed the Depends off that lady. 247 00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:29,429 I believe I owe you a beer. 248 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,865 A biker bar? 249 00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:33,366 Are you sure it's safe? 250 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,768 All right, stop quivering like a quince jelly. 251 00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,670 You're with me. 252 00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:42,308 ♪ ♪ 253 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,886 Sir, this isn't a biker bar. 254 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:54,988 It's a cyclist bar. 255 00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:56,189 Don't be a ninny, Seymour. 256 00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,524 Uh, barkeep! 257 00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,592 A beer for me and my coworker here. 258 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:02,128 We just serve energy gels and oxygen. 259 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,330 You don't like it, get out. 260 00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,966 (inhales deeply) 261 00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,268 (grunts) 262 00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:12,372 You two oil burners might want to skedaddle 263 00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:15,675 before my resting heart rate elevates to 60 bpm. 264 00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:18,211 That's "beats per minute," oil burner! 265 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:20,813 (cackling) 266 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,082 (laughter) 267 00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,786 (slurping) 268 00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,857 Uh, why don't you calm down there, Slim? 269 00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,225 (watch beeping) 270 00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:34,794 What did you call me? 271 00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:38,164 ‐(growling) ‐Uh... 272 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,500 Uh... Oh. 273 00:11:46,105 --> 00:11:47,874 The bike computers! 274 00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,776 All our stats were on there! 275 00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:51,811 They hadn't synced yet! 276 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:55,048 Yeah, but you‐you still got the exercise, right? 277 00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:02,722 (tires screech) 278 00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,490 (engine revs) 279 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,793 Whoa. It's as if the rules of the road 280 00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:08,194 don't apply to them. 281 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,930 Are you pedestrians or vehicles?! 282 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,565 Make a choice! 283 00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:13,633 Never! 284 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:17,070 - (tires screeching) - Whoa! Whoa! 285 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:21,107 (grunts) Skinner, what do we do? 286 00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:23,576 Seymour! Well, don't go! 287 00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:25,078 Skinner? 288 00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:28,081 (bicycles clicking) 289 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,484 (cyclists panting) 290 00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:35,655 Step away from my superintendent. 291 00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,390 (chuckles) What's he gonna do? 292 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:38,758 He's just one guy. 293 00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:41,227 (cackling) 294 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,762 You're never alone 295 00:12:42,829 --> 00:12:46,132 when you're a veteran of the U. S. Armed Forces. 296 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:47,934 And I do mean armed. 297 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:52,505 Para‐athletes like us are the natural enemy of cycling clubs. 298 00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:55,108 Their biceps are bigger than my quads! 299 00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,377 To the support van! 300 00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:01,247 (all sucking) 301 00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,850 (tires screeching) 302 00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:05,485 Seymour, how did you... 303 00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:07,620 I keep abreast of local veterans' events. 304 00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:10,256 Luckily, the Wheel Team Six para‐marathoners 305 00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,958 were racing nearby. 306 00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,360 Seymour, you have earned this. 307 00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:17,397 (shudders): Ooh! 308 00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:21,467 You know, there was a time I would have mocked you 309 00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:25,238 for collecting bed‐and‐breakfast travel points with your mother, 310 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,507 but, I'll tell ya, today those points have paid 311 00:13:27,573 --> 00:13:29,809 for this sweet, thick elderberry wine. 312 00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:33,413 Well, nothing is as sweet as your kind words. 313 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:34,881 Aw. 314 00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,416 (sipping) 315 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,402 - (chuckles): Ooh. - Oh, yeah. That's good stuff. 316 00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:42,422 (humming softly) 317 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:46,092 Ernest, I've never felt more independent and strong. 318 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,694 Can I use your phone to call Mother? 319 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,062 There she is. 320 00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:52,398 Just make sure no one's using the upstairs extension. 321 00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,400 You're back in the office already? 322 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:57,937 Principal Finch, your gut biome is a wonder. 323 00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,973 So, how's Sad Sack Seymour and the Cincinnati Snooze Cruise? 324 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,609 (chuckles reluctantly) Yeah, vintage Finch. 325 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,079 But, uh, believe it or not, Skinner has shown, 326 00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:08,081 uh, bursts of utility. 327 00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:09,515 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 328 00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:11,818 You better not be getting cold feet, Gary. 329 00:14:11,884 --> 00:14:12,985 We made an agreement. 330 00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:14,620 Skinner gets canned, 331 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:18,091 and I leave my tiny little magnet school for the big time, 332 00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:20,927 Springfield Elementary. 333 00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:22,095 I'm pumped! 334 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:23,496 Yes, I know, I know. 335 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,998 The plan was to fire Skinner, and, uh... 336 00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:27,367 (sighs heavily) 337 00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:30,002 ...I am a man of my word. 338 00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:31,938 Fire Skinner? 339 00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:33,873 Chalmers! 340 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,141 Oh, dear. 341 00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:43,216 ‐(sighing) ‐(quiet chatter) 342 00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:45,118 ‐(gasping) ‐Fire me?! 343 00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:47,653 You bald‐pated son of a bitch. 344 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,989 Uh, I‐if you two gentlemen could please... 345 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,091 Stay out of this, Trudy! 346 00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,994 For years, this man belittled me. 347 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,397 Humiliated me. 348 00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:59,966 And in exchange for my unwavering loyalty, 349 00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:01,501 what was my reward? 350 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,937 Whoa, to be pushed out by some scheming magnet school... 351 00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:07,073 keister kisser! 352 00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,307 (grunts) 353 00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:10,610 The brochures nobody takes! 354 00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:13,613 I'm the one who deserved this trip to Cincinnati, not Finch. 355 00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:16,849 That's why I put black mold in his poké. 356 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:17,950 (grunts, shakes) 357 00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:20,219 You did what? 358 00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:22,789 Ooh. The Rocking Chair Museum. 359 00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:23,956 I've heard good things. 360 00:15:24,023 --> 00:15:26,859 Skinner...! 361 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,895 You know why I was gonna fire you, Seymour? 362 00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:31,864 Because your neediness, it sucks the life out of me! 363 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:35,802 After all these years of trying to spare your feelings, 364 00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,270 I'm just gonna say it now: 365 00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:39,906 I... don't... like you! 366 00:15:39,972 --> 00:15:42,408 ♪ And the man in the back said, "Everyone attack" ♪ 367 00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,444 ♪ And it turned into a ballroom blitz ♪ 368 00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,789 ♪ And the girl in the corner said, "Boy, I wanna warn you ♪ 369 00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,548 ♪ It'll turn into a ballroom blitz" ♪ 370 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,750 - (groans) - ♪ Ballroom blitz ♪ 371 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,386 ‐(grunts) 372 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,988 - ♪ Ballroom blitz ♪ - (grunting) 373 00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:57,089 ♪ Ballroom blitz. ♪ 374 00:15:57,156 --> 00:15:59,125 Ooh, Terry Bradshaw stayed here. 375 00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,893 Not the one you're thinking of. 376 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,462 ("Ballroom Blitz" continues) 377 00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:04,630 ‐(straining) ‐(gagging) 378 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,066 (panting) 379 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,701 (coughs) 380 00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,979 You know, I'm not gonna give you the pleasure of firing me, 381 00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,638 because I quit! 382 00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,209 Good riddance! 383 00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:17,777 (tires screeching) 384 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,316 (brakes hiss) 385 00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,620 ♪ ♪ 386 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,866 (siren wailing) 387 00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,234 (siren stops) 388 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,269 Well, well, well. 389 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,638 If it isn't the Cuticle Kid. 390 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:48,107 You racing to give a mani‐pedi? 391 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,676 (sighs) Just give me the ticket, Fennimore. 392 00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:54,113 License and my mother's registration. 393 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,681 (gasps) 394 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,519 Superintendent, you're on in five. 395 00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:02,321 Great, great. I'll just ensure my notecards 396 00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:03,823 are in the correct order. 397 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,358 Uh, uh... 398 00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:08,194 "Road trip conversation starters"? 399 00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:11,397 (groaning) 400 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,632 (shouts) 401 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,902 We switched jackets. 402 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,570 Seymour has my speech! 403 00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:19,338 It's often been said that one speech 404 00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:21,707 can make or break a man's career. 405 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:24,977 Together, we now face such a moment. 406 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,579 Our keynote speaker, 407 00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:30,683 Superintendent Garibaldi Chalmers. 408 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,218 (grumbles nervously) 409 00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:34,220 (man coughs) 410 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,622 Um... (clears throat) 411 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,457 Well, it's an honor, uh, to be here 412 00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:39,859 in, uh, uh, Cleveland. 413 00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,460 MAN: It's Cincinnati! 414 00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:43,496 MAN 2: Look at the skyline! 415 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,332 You just‐‐ You won't believe what's happened. 416 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,334 I'm... (stammers) Well, maybe you will! 417 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,469 You've all got that one principal, 418 00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:54,273 that one that gets you into such ridiculous situations, 419 00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:57,243 uh, uh, maybe even on the way here. 420 00:17:57,310 --> 00:18:01,013 SUPERINTENDENTS: Mm. Yes. Quite. 421 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,350 (chuckles) This guy, Skinner, h‐he screws everything up. 422 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,953 He took my jacket and my speech! 423 00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:10,890 He left me with the useless garbage in his pockets. 424 00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:13,793 A mommy manicure kit. 425 00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:15,661 A‐a VFW event calendar. 426 00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:17,463 A, uh, B&B rewards card. 427 00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,599 (chuckles) Calico Level. 428 00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:23,169 (mutters) And conversation starters like... 429 00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:26,472 (sighs) "How can I make your job easier?" 430 00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:29,075 MAN: He sounds like a good guy, you jackass! 431 00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:30,810 Well, I... 432 00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:32,244 I suppose he is. 433 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:35,081 He's loyal and resourceful and... 434 00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:36,816 Oh, God, help me. 435 00:18:36,882 --> 00:18:38,618 I respect Seymour Skinner. 436 00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,686 (chuckles): In fact, I like him. 437 00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,221 ♪ ♪ 438 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,357 (sniffles) Ditto, Gary. 439 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,763 Aw, Skinner. 440 00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:56,636 I've got something that belongs to you. 441 00:18:56,702 --> 00:19:00,806 Now go give the greatest keynote speech of your life. 442 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:03,042 Well, maybe I already have, huh? 443 00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:05,778 But if I must. (clears throat) 444 00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:07,947 Educational Infrastructure: 445 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:10,583 Ability Grouping versus Blended Learning. 446 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,686 Now, a survey of public administrators 447 00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:17,323 over a 15‐trimester period showed clearly, 448 00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:20,026 within the standard deviation, of course... 449 00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,428 Well, you did it, dude. 450 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,463 How does it feel to get what you've always wanted? 451 00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:26,465 ♪ Chalmers loves Skinner ♪ 452 00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:28,300 ♪ Bought him chili dinner ♪ 453 00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:31,337 ♪ How many ways did Skinner try? ♪ 454 00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:34,073 ♪ One, two, three, four, five. ♪ 455 00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:36,742 It feels just like this. 456 00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:40,680 ("WKRP in Cincinnati Main Theme" playing) 457 00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:42,782 ♪ ♪ 458 00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:49,755 ♪ Maybe you and me were never meant to be ♪ 459 00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:52,224 ♪ Just maybe think of me once in a while. ♪ 460 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,804 So, guys, what have you been up to? 461 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,373 Oh, went on a field trip to the fire station, 462 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,542 but nobody told the firemen we were coming. 463 00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:12,244 Practiced my sax, went to school. 464 00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,747 Oh, we learned about Peru. 465 00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:15,848 Oh. 466 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,216 I went to work. 467 00:20:17,283 --> 00:20:19,218 Lenny had a cold, so he wasn't there. 468 00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:20,619 Carl was there though. 469 00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:23,556 Well, have I got a treat for you all. 470 00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:27,426 Tonight, we're going to see Improv Shakespeare! 471 00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:29,995 Washing machine! 472 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,564 Out, damned stain! 473 00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:35,201 For there is a Tide Pod in the affairs of laundry. 474 00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:40,005 (chuckles) Can you imagine Shakespeare using a Tide Pod? 475 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,274 - No. - (Bart groans) - Oy. 476 00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:45,611 ("WKRP in Cincinnati End Credits" playing) 477 00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,280 ♪ ♪ 478 00:20:48,347 --> 00:20:49,582 ♪ Mad tooth bar chin‐up ♪ 479 00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:52,718 ♪ Boxing out of her hair now ♪ 480 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:58,424 ♪ Still do the modern‐day whack‐a‐mole ditto‐o‐o ♪ 481 00:20:59,658 --> 00:21:01,994 ♪ What's that? Good bartender ♪ 482 00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:04,563 ♪ I had better head out ♪ 483 00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:10,102 ♪ I said I wouldn't do it if a poodle had a lid on ♪ 484 00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,475 ♪ Mad tooth bar chin‐up ♪ 485 00:21:16,542 --> 00:21:18,744 ♪ Boxing out of her hair now ♪ 486 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:25,151 ♪ Still do the modern‐day whack‐a‐mole ditto‐o‐o ♪ 487 00:21:26,552 --> 00:21:27,686 ♪ What's that? ♪ 35148

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