Original subtitles

Previously on "The Magicians"...

Alice, whose house is this exactly?

- Alice? - Hi, Dad.

- You know how I feel about Mom. - Fine. Stephanie.

Ugh, I just feel like I'm being pulled back

into this version of me when I was, like, 12

and furious and invisible and mute.

You cure your own hands just fine,

but mine, you can't do a fucking thing about, huh?

There are other options.

You can travel to Fillory.

Go there, get this.

I'll do what I can.

You may address me as Reynard the Fox.

Reynard is targeting hedges.

There was a girl. Forty years ago,

she banished Reynard from Earth.

I still don't know what I'm looking for.

Any sort of strange event or aberration.

- [hurls] - [coughs]

- The test was positive. - Fuck!

Yeah, so let's just get

this pesky abortion out of the way.

Kady!

- [groans] - [screams]

I'm Bayler, a proud soldier of Fillorians United.

I'm not a Fu Fighter anymore.

Help us, or I go to your king,

and tell him exactly how well I know his wife.

Then I'll tell him myself.

- [shouts] - What is she doing?

She can't. She'll niffin out.

[screams]

Your turn.

- Quentin says go free. - Alice!

[rasping indistinctly]

- [explosion] - [screams]

[dramatic music]

[mouths words]

Um...

Remind me again what summoning Alice's niffin

has to do with the...

tai chi... I mean, ballet.

- [groans] - Ooh.

God, he should never do that move again.

It's niffin bait. You have to call to them

at their point of their transformation

with something personal.

Oh... It's a sex thing.

No, it's Cirque Du Soleil. You know Cirque Du Soleil?

You and Alice had sex to Cirque Du Soleil?

No, it was something I would do to cheer her up

when she was sad. It made her laugh.

Ugh.

That just made my heart hurt a little.

- Shut up. - I was being sincere.

Does he have the box?

I mean, what if this actually works?

Yes, but be warned, he wants to try to reason with her.

She was working on some sort of reversal spell.

He thinks he can somehow finish it.

He's convinced she wants him to.

Oh, Jesus.

[panting] Okay, I'm starting over.

No, Q, stop.

If Alice was still a niffin... if she was still here...

You've been at this an hour.

You can't summon her, because she's gone.

It's just I saw her... it felt so real.

Why don't we get you back to the castle, huh?

Some rest, some food.

And hey, there's an entire kingdom's-worth

of problems to distract you.

We really are beset, and could use your help.

- I hear you, I'm just... - Good, vamanos.

Her memorial is tomorrow.

I should go and look her parents in the eye...

tell them how she died.

And then...

I'll come back to Fillory,

and I'll be a king. I promise.

Can I trust you with this? No offense, Q,

you're a little crazy right now.

Maybe, but yeah.

[sighs]

[somber music]

♪ ♪

[goat bleats]

Ah, the sacrifice.

Uh, the plinth is in the backyard.

Follow me. Just, uh, watch the rug.

[bleats]

Daniel...

reconfigured the entire house, and still...

everywhere I look, I see something that Alice touched.

My children loved me.

- I was a good mother. - You were, Stephanie, you were.

- So much better than my mother. - Of cour...

What have I done to deserve this?

[whimpering]

Um, hi.

- [sinister percussive music] - Alice?

♪ ♪

Alice...

Are you really there?

[whimpering]

♪ ♪

[whispers] Okay.

♪ ♪

You're kind of freaking me out.

I mean, I love you, but you're very ghost-like right now, so...

[sniffles]

♪ ♪

Okay.

♪ ♪

I can't.

Okay.

Okay, okay...

[sobs]

No.

Eliot and Margo are right. You're...

she's gone, and you're a little crazy.

♪ ♪

[beeping]

[door opens]

Or not.

♪ ♪

[eerie music]

Sync & corrections by honeybunny WEB-DL resync by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com

Alice.

[knocking]

[sinister music]

[knocking]

♪ ♪

Just don't jump out at me, okay?

♪ ♪

Quentin?

Is that you?

Uh, sorry, Mr. Q... or Daniel. Sorry.

Give me a hug.

How on earth did you get into my private study?

Uh...

There's, um, something going on.

Yeah.

Yeah, got it.

Tell them I'm Hannah's daughter,

and this is an emergency.

Can you just tell her to call me, please?

- Hey. - Hey.

Uh, I mixed up your dose. It's on the counter.

[groans] [sighs]

To all the heroine I am not taking.

Cheers.

- Mm. - Did you get the pickles?

Yep.

[clicks tongue]

You found something.

August 19th, 1976, 7:00 a.m.

An unseasonal hailstorm hit the Northeast.

Nothing too crazy, right?

An hour later, a tidal wave slammed into Miami.

Hour after that, hurricanes struck both the coasts

of Peru, Chile.

I mean, something rippled down the entire hemisphere,

and if you follow the chain reaction back to its source...

Hoboken, New Jersey?

Nothing ever starts in Hoboken, New Jersey.

Well, on August 19th, some time before dawn,

this happened.

Industrial park burned to the ground.

No one could explain what caused the fire,

or why it left one single building standing untouched

with a perfect circle of burn around it.

[bird chirping]

[sighs]

Thank you.

Mm. Mm-hmm.

Next.

- Eliot, I need to talk to you. - Oh, thank you.

It's about that Fu Fighter in the dungeon.

What the actual all-encompassing fuck is this?

Your majesty, you said you wanted

- a unicorn milk latte. - I was joking.

Wait, you milked a unicorn?

So listen, about Bayler...

Holy shit, the walking plot twist returns.

- Hi, I need something. - Shocker.

Hey, Fen, look who it is. Uncy Penny.

That's right, I knocked her up. No big deal.

Uh, congratulations?

Like I needed more people calling me daddy,

but yes, thanks. We're thrilled.

Uh...

Fen, um, could you give us

just like one moment, please?

- Yeah, so I'm here... - I heard...

you heard...

Alice. I know you two were close.

Please shut up.

I am trying to ask if you are okay.

Are you okay?

Okay. I need to know

where your Dicranium Scoparium Majorus grows.

Are you having a seizure?

Moss? Why?

Fix my hands.

You got a royal botanist or something?

Oh, well, um, we did,

but apparently he sort of got eaten on the job.

By what? A... a plant?

[sighs]

I hate this place.

Try the royal map-maker.

- [sighs] - Love ya.

So she's only shown herself to me that I know of.

I don't know. Maybe I'm tuned into

her ghost channel or something, or...

maybe it has something to do with this.

I don't know.

- I believe you. - You do?

I know my daughter. She's trying to protect us.

Seeing her like that would be...

very upsetting for her mother and me,

but she led you to this for a reason.

Uh, Alice called a couple of months ago

about some ghost children trapped in an estate in England.

- The Plover estate. - Yes, yes, that's the one.

I was delighted to help. Got a hold of this,

planned to give it to her when she had the time to visit,

but then...

Well, anyway, you see the ancients had

many ways of dealing with ghosts out of necessity back then.

Alice's Ka, her soul,

is not at rest, but it can be.

Now, one ancient civilization that really mastered

the whole getting-one's- soul-to-rest thing...

The Egyptians.

Wait, are you seeing that Alice wants us to build...

Ecce.

In pyramis.

Oh, my God.

What's going on?

Just another day in the office?

[horns play]

♪ ♪

Your majesties, the much-venerated Emissaries

of our neighbors to the north.

I present Prince Ess of Loria.

I'm sorry...

Princess?

Please, call me Ess.

Prince Ess.

[scoffs] Oh, my God. Fuck your parents, dude.

We got a problem.

You guys have been fucking shit up

- for over half a century. - Okay.

- This is how Lorians talk? - And look...

The Prince speaks fluent Earth.

Rumor has it his mother is from, uh, Cincinn-ah-ti.

Until The Beast drained the Wellspring.

And then... oh, yeah...

you jokers let Ember take a dump...

Get to your point.

Loria depends on the Wellspring's tributaries,

but now their magic's jacked. Not enough.

Crops, rivers, entire species are affected.

- You dicked us over. - No.

We're trying to fix it, so...

Great, then this should be easy.

I'm here to propose a treaty between our two kingdoms.

A 50/50 split of the Wellspring.

And to seal the alliance,

I, Crown Prince of Loria, offer my hand in marriage

to the Virgin Queen Margo.

Um... okay.

- Did he just call me a virgin? - Bambi, please, let me.

[clears throat] Ess, thank you.

We will consider your generous offer.

- No, we will not. - Margo, please.

Listen, Princess, I'm not a sharer,

so why don't you walk yourself and your un-ironic furs

out of my castle?

All right then.

Plan B. Ilario!

- Seriously? A wand? - Guards!

[whooshes]

Listen, I'm friends with the High King, okay?

I'll make it worth your while if you just show me

- where the goddamn moss grows. - I told you,

I'll draw your map for you next Thurs...

[ground rumbles]

[dramatic percussive music]

Shit.

Oh, this is bad.

This is very bad.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Do you understand that castle's full of people?

Do you understand there isn't a single accurate map

of this entire place now?

[blows]

[dynamic percussive music]

- What the... - [sparks ignite]

Shit is radioactive.

Your majesties, welcome to Loria.

[foreboding music]

♪ ♪

You kidnapped our castle?

I'll put it back,

as soon as you come around to my offer.

So many hostages.

I wouldn't try anything if I were you.

Guards? Dungeon.

The rest of you, hang here.

- Shit. - [sighs]

- Shit. - Okay, okay, okay, okay.

I'll jump in the doppel-banger,

- and I'll find someone who can... - What?

- Travel here and help? - Yes.

Q took the button to some godforsaken 'burb.

No, you're not leaving me in a castle

full of barbarian frat bros.

[scoffs] Okay, fine,

but while we're talking about them,

you could've been a little diplomatic.

By agreeing to marry a complete stranger on the spot?

I did it.

- That was different. - [scoffs]

You're right, this would only really be equivalent

if Ess was a girl, and you found pussy, you know,

interesting in a sometimes- you-like-Thai-food kinda way,

and now it's all Thai food forever till you die.

No, he's a man,

who seems arrogant and entitled

and unclear on the concept of consent.

I can't imagine what could possibly go wrong.

Look, I'm not saying do it. It's just...

You're a queen. I'm a king.

We don't necessarily marry for love.

It's part of the job.

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