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Welcome back to Tool Time.
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Our guest today is the 1 994 lllinois
state champion for husband-calling.
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00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:10,903
For those of you
who don't know what that is,
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00:00:10,977 --> 00:00:15,141
it is a contest to see
who can call their spouse the loudest.
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Ladies and gentlemen, let's give
a big, warm welcome to Deb Selby.
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00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:27,050
- Welcome to the show, Deb.
- Thanks, Tim.
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Can you tell us something
about a husband-calling contest?
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A husband-calling contest
is like a hog-calling contest,
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only in this case
the hog is your husband.
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00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,868
OK, let me try to get this straight.
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Your husband's in the back 40 in the barn,
greasing up a chassis on an old tractor.
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You want his attention,
what do you do?
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l holler at him like this.
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(shouts) Steven!
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Hubba-bubba-bubba-bubba-bubba!
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00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,281
Husband, l love you!
17
00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:59,689
Steven, get in here right now!
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00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:12,228
So how long have you
and (shouts) Steven... been married?
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00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:15,433
1 1 years. That's my husband Steve
sitting up in the audience.
20
00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:17,066
Hey, Steve.
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You're married 1 1 years,
you still can't tune her out?
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00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:22,081
Huh?
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00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:25,951
l can tune out any woman
as long as l'm watching sports.
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00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:29,921
My wife can yell in my ear. l can watch
sports, l can come out with the scores.
25
00:01:29,989 --> 00:01:34,016
Would you like to prove it? Bring out the
sports channel, see if he can tune out Deb.
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- What do you think about that challenge?
- Yeah!
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Heidi, bring out the TV.
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00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:43,792
Here you go, Tim.
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There you go, Tim. PGA golf.
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(TV commentator)
He's two strokes back on the leader
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(shouts) Timmy!
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00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:54,776
Timmy, Timmy,
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy!
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00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,679
Timmy!
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00:01:56,749 --> 00:01:59,513
Here, Timmy, Timmy,
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy!
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00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:01,577
Timmy!
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00:02:01,654 --> 00:02:04,589
Here, Timmy, Timmy,
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy!
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All right, Tim.
Well, what did the announcer say?
38
00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:13,893
What?
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00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:17,099
The announcer - what did he say?
40
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:22,005
This always happens to Steve.
He gets a ringing in his ears.
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You're not singing in my rear.
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Timmy!
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00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,415
Here, Timmy, Timmy,
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy!
44
00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:30,245
Here, Timmy, Timmy,
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy!
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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today
46
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:21,766
94, 95, 1 96 galvanized nails.
47
00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:24,428
Al, who cares
how many nails we got?
48
00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:30,340
To run an efficient business,
you should have an accurate inventory.
49
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,442
When was the last time
you counted everything in this store?
50
00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:43,649
Oh, let's see.
lncluding yesterday, never.
51
00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:48,718
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, ten...
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00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,922
- 1 3, 1 2...
- Don't.
53
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:54,433
...28, 1 05, 40.
54
00:03:55,134 --> 00:03:58,126
- What's up, Harry?
- Hey, guys. How are you doing?
55
00:03:58,204 --> 00:03:59,694
Hey, Mark. Hi.
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00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:01,763
So what can l do for you today, Tim?
57
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:03,672
What?
58
00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:09,145
You still having trouble
with your hearing?
59
00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:11,479
Herring? l hate fish.
60
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:14,076
When did you start selling fish?
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00:04:14,153 --> 00:04:16,644
The doctor said his hearing
will come back any day.
62
00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:18,782
We came here
to get a hacksaw blade.
63
00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:20,519
Oh. Aisle three.
64
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,959
- What?
- Aisle three.
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00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:25,020
So go pee.
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00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:29,826
Are the hacksaw blades
where they usually are?
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00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:31,893
Check out this Swiss army knife.
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00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:36,499
You know what that thing is?
That's a Swiss army knife.
69
00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:41,840
Wow! lt's got a magnifying glass,
corkscrew, can opener...
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00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:43,973
That's right.
Tweezers and a nail file.
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00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:47,451
Yeah, for Al's mid-afternoon pedicure.
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00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:50,519
l'd give anything
to have a knife this cool.
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00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:54,686
Yeah, me too,
but where are we gonna get 95 bucks?
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00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:57,457
- We could sell Mark.
- Hey.
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00:04:57,530 --> 00:05:00,431
Where are we gonna get
the other 90?
76
00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:05,961
Harry, l'll just take this one. Gotta run -
gotta get the boys to soccer practice.
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00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,734
OK, l'll put it on your tab.
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00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:12,005
l don't need a cab.
l got a car right out front.
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00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:14,546
l'm gonna charge you double.
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00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:17,981
You're right.
Al does look like Barney Rubble.
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00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:29,686
- Hi, Tim. Did you get your hearing back?
- What?
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00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:33,095
- Did you get your hearing back?
- l got my hearing back. ls Al here?
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00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,794
l think he's backstage.
Do you need your cutters?
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00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,631
- Both sets, please.
- OK.
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00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,831
(imitates Deb) Albert!
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00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:42,431
Albert, Albert, Albert, Albert!
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00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:46,037
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
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l was just practicing for next year's
sidekick-calling contest.
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00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:54,716
Uh, actually, Tim, there's something
l need to talk to you about.
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00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:56,812
lt's about yesterday.
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00:05:56,889 --> 00:06:01,383
After you left the hardware store,
l noticed a little something was missing.
92
00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:06,023
Thank you, Al. l do kind of light up
a hardware store, don't l?
93
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:10,433
l... Actually, you know that Swiss army
knife your boys were admiring?
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00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:11,868
Yeah.
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00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,929
lt's gone.
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00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:19,538
You're not suggesting
one of my boys stole it, are you?
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No.
98
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:25,544
But knives don't just get up
and walk off on their own.
99
00:06:25,618 --> 00:06:27,882
Well, maybe Harry stole it.
100
00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:33,383
Why would Harry steal a pocketknife
from his own store?
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00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:35,620
To collect the insurance.
102
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:40,594
You know, this was not easy
for me to bring up.
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And l turned that store upside down
looking for that darn thing
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and the fact is it was there when you guys
came in and when you left... it was gone.
105
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l know kids steal things, but my boys
steal from you and Harry? Come on.
106
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:58,608
Things like that happen. Let me tell you
a story about my uncle's grocery store.
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- l was holding my mother's hand...
- This was yesterday?
108
00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:05,984
l was seven years old.
109
00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:11,121
And she went off to look for
the children's appetite suppressant...
110
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,097
And...
111
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:16,431
on the shelf there was a cookie.
112
00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:20,295
And l stole it and l ate it.
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00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:31,707
OK, so you're saying
you think one of my kids ate that knife?
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00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:41,817
- Hi, sweetie. How was your day?
- Where are the boys?
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00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:43,486
Outside.
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00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:47,363
And how was my day? lt was great.
l went to school. lt was real interesting.
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00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:52,427
l came home. l washed the floor.
l did the laundry. l had an affair.
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00:07:53,372 --> 00:07:57,308
- Who are you talking to?
- Evidently myself.
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00:07:57,376 --> 00:08:02,040
Al thinks one of the boys might have
stolen a knife from the hardware store.
120
00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:06,175
- Why would they steal a knife?
- Not a knife. A Swiss army knife.
121
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:11,417
This is the reason the Swiss army
is the force they are today.
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00:08:12,124 --> 00:08:15,059
lt's got a magnifying glass,
a corkscrew, a toothpick.
123
00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:19,860
ln case they get attacked by wine stewards
with spinach in their teeth?
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00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:22,400
- ls this funny to you?
- Yeah.
125
00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:25,835
- Boys, come in here. l wanna talk to you.
- We'll be there in a sec.
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00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:28,100
You think our boys
would steal from Al?
127
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:31,666
No, but Al does and he's not
the type of guy who accuses people.
128
00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:35,976
- Yo, Dad, what's going on?
- Settle up for a minute.
129
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:41,244
Al couldn't find that Swiss army knife.
Any idea who might have taken it?
130
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:47,054
You know, maybe Harry took it.
To collect the insurance money.
131
00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:49,720
Where do you
come up with these ideas?
132
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:55,766
Nobody's accusing anybody
of anything, but...
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if you know anything about this,
this is a good time to tell us what you know.
134
00:09:00,506 --> 00:09:02,804
- l know l didn't take it.
- Me either.
135
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:06,811
- Wasn't me.
- Brad, you've always wanted one of these.
136
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:10,610
Yeah. So has Randy.
lf somebody took it, it was probably him.
137
00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:16,747
You're the thief. You took Dad's hot rod
magazine with the babes on the cover.
138
00:09:16,822 --> 00:09:21,156
What? The Bevy Of Beauties
From Chevy? You got that issue?
139
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:27,092
Well, Randy took Mom's
Victoria's Secret catalog.
140
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,568
That's mine too.
141
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,567
Can we get back to the knife?
142
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:39,168
- Look, we didn't take it.
- How many times do we have to tell you?
143
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:42,612
Fine. OK, fine.
Just go back outside. lt's all right.
144
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,644
Do we believe 'em?
145
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:50,280
l hope they didn't take it. They said
they didn't. l gotta take this upstairs.
146
00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:54,656
Yeah, but do we trust the kids that would
take their dad's Victoria's Secret catalog?
147
00:09:54,727 --> 00:10:00,597
l'm more worried that their dad is the one
getting the Victoria's Secret catalog.
148
00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:03,260
What are you wearing under there?
149
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:06,533
A beautiful camisole
and a silk thong.
150
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:16,479
The only reason l buy those magazines
is to read the articles.
151
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:19,450
You know, if anybody stole that,
it was probably Brad.
152
00:10:19,518 --> 00:10:22,146
Except Randy couldn't even
look me right in the eye.
153
00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:25,554
That's 'cause you
got some schmutz on your nose.
154
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,093
- Schmutz?
- Yeah. Schmutz.
155
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,861
- What are you doing?
- Dusting.
156
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:38,631
- ln a drawer?
- Very dusty in here. Look at this.
157
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:43,000
You are searching their rooms.
l'm not gonna stand by and let you do that.
158
00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:46,841
That is an invasion of the boys' privacy.
My mother used to do that to me.
159
00:10:46,912 --> 00:10:50,439
l really, really, really hated it.
The way she did it was so sneaky too.
160
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:53,974
What did she do? Maybe there's
something she did we could use.
161
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:57,614
No. lt was really stupid.
l'd catch her looking in my desk drawer
162
00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:00,591
and she'd pretend
that she was putting my underwear away.
163
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:06,656
No. lf l start searching their rooms,
l might as well turn right into my mother.
164
00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:11,401
Don't even joke about that.
165
00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:17,932
l am not gonna become a snoopy parent
who doesn't trust their kids. Tim!
166
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:21,810
Oh, man. l keep telling Mark not to
put his dirty laundry back into his drawer.
167
00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:24,372
A lot of guys do that.
168
00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:31,449
Especially guys
who just stole a pocket knife.
169
00:11:36,562 --> 00:11:39,190
No, no, no, no, no.
l'll handle this.
170
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:42,166
- Hi, Mark. Having an apple?
- Yeah.
171
00:11:42,234 --> 00:11:45,169
l like apples peeled, but to peel one,
what would you need?
172
00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:47,467
You'd need a knife, wouldn't you?
173
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:52,910
Boy. Oh, wait a minute, l got one. l'll just
peel that for you. Use this knife here.
174
00:11:52,978 --> 00:11:55,208
Oh, maybe l'll have a banana.
175
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:58,045
Maybe you'll sit down.
176
00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:00,745
Mark, we found the knife
in your pants pocket.
177
00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:04,688
Why did you do this?
What do you have to say?
178
00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:08,215
Who cares what he has to say?
He stole something then he lied about it.
179
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:10,854
You let me yell at your brothers
and take the rap.
180
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:14,058
- You're grounded indefinitely now.
- Tim, wait.
181
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:18,092
Before you start doling out the punishment,
l think we should discuss this.
182
00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:20,297
l'm with Mom.
183
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:23,136
You stole from my best friends.
They're like family.
184
00:12:23,209 --> 00:12:25,803
- ls this how you treat these guys?
- Dad, l'm sorry.
185
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:28,608
- Forget about sorry! lt doesn't work.
- Stop yelling.
186
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:32,742
l've a right to yell. My kid's a rotten
little thief. That's what you've turned into.
187
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:35,480
Wait a second. Where are you going?
l'm not finished.
188
00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:38,785
How could you do that?
You called your son a rotten little thief.
189
00:12:38,858 --> 00:12:40,849
- That's what he is.
- He is not rotten.
190
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:44,589
He's never done anything like this.
You didn't have to scream, you scared him.
191
00:12:44,663 --> 00:12:49,566
Maybe that's good. Next time he thinks
about stealing, he'll think twice about it.
192
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:53,162
l hate when you do this.
The kids do something, you overreact...
193
00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:56,936
- No, you underreact.
- l do not underreact. You go overboard.
194
00:12:57,009 --> 00:13:00,911
- You go underboard.
- There's no such word as underboard.
195
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:06,942
Since when are you the only one
that makes decisions here?
196
00:13:07,019 --> 00:13:09,249
l thought we did
this parenting thing together.
197
00:13:09,321 --> 00:13:12,256
Somebody had to deal out punishment
and it wasn't gonna be you.
198
00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:17,023
l see. So you deal out the punishment and
l'm the one who has to stay and enforce it?
199
00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:21,260
You wanna work together?
That's your part.
200
00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:28,270
- That's the stupidest thing you've said.
- So what do l do? Quit work, stay home?
201
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:30,865
Just think about what you say
before you say it.
202
00:13:30,943 --> 00:13:36,074
And if it's not the right thing to say,
then don't say it at all.
203
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:40,508
Could you say that again?
204
00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:43,344
(knock at door)
205
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:51,419
- Can l come in?
- No.
206
00:13:52,631 --> 00:13:55,122
Honey, l want to talk to you.
207
00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:58,730
Look...
208
00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:02,002
What you did was wrong.
209
00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:05,737
But your father came down on you hard
and l thought you might be upset.
210
00:14:05,811 --> 00:14:07,802
l'm not upset.
211
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:12,579
Well, l'd be upset
if somebody yelled at me like that.
212
00:14:12,651 --> 00:14:15,848
My dad used to yell at me like that.
He was an army colonel.
213
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:20,119
He was trained to yell so you could hear
him from one end of the base to the other.
214
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:23,593
Randy, can you leave us alone
for a few minutes?
215
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,622
But it's my room.
216
00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:30,227
l'm trying to tell Mark a story
from when l was a little girl.
217
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:32,964
l'm outta here.
218
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:37,366
Hey, hey. Not so fast.
Come on, talk to me.
219
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:40,776
- l don't want to talk.
- Well, OK.
220
00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:43,838
OK, then l'll just sit here with you.
221
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:50,084
l could tell you about the time
that my father yelled at me
222
00:14:50,155 --> 00:14:54,387
'cause l was trying to sneak out of the
house in a skirt he thought was too short.
223
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:57,793
lt was way longer than any of the skirts
my friends were wearing,
224
00:14:57,863 --> 00:15:03,460
except of course, for Darlene Mayberry,
but she had really chubby knees.
225
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:07,762
(chanting in Japanese)
226
00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:12,940
- Wilson.
- (continues chanting)
227
00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:19,351
Wilson, could you stop singing
and talk to me for a second?
228
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:23,616
Well, hi-ho, neighbor.
Happy Tako Age.
229
00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:27,216
Happy Yokohama to you.
What's with the kite?
230
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:31,753
Today is the Japanese festival of Tako
Age, which means ''big kite-flying day.''
231
00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:37,200
According to legend, a master of
a 1 6th century Japanese castle flew a kite
232
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:40,067
in order to celebrate
the birth of his son.
233
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:44,872
Yeah? What did he do
when his son committed his first crime?
234
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,434
Pardon?
235
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:48,673
l'm not gonna pardon him.
236
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:51,642
What in the world
are you talking about?
237
00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:56,552
l'll tell you what. Mark got caught stealing
a pocket knife from Harry's hardware store.
238
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,022
l got angry with him.
l really didn't like this.
239
00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:03,687
Jill got mad at me because l yelled at him.
l told him he was grounded for life.
240
00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:05,821
That seems like harsh punishment.
241
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:10,699
l look at it as the stronger the punishment,
the less likely the kid will do it again.
242
00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:15,672
Tim, many people subscribe to that theory,
but l'm reminded of the great Nietzsche.
243
00:16:15,741 --> 00:16:19,837
Wow. What a linebacker.
Green Bay Packers.
244
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:22,142
No. No, no, no, no.
245
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:26,446
Not Ray Nitschke. l'm talking about
Friedrich Nietzsche, the philosopher.
246
00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:29,419
- Sure. Freddy. Yeah.
- Yes.
247
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:33,424
Nietzsche said that punishment often
increases the feelings of estrangement
248
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:37,292
and strengthens
the power of resistance.
249
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:39,763
l think what
influenced me more was Fisk.
250
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:43,063
l didn't know you were a fan of John Fiske,
the English historian.
251
00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:47,731
l'm not. l'm talking about Carlton Fisk,
the White Sox catcher.
252
00:16:47,806 --> 00:16:50,604
He said if you get caught stealing,
throw him out.
253
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,814
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey, guys.
254
00:16:56,882 --> 00:16:58,907
- Where's Mark?
- l don't know.
255
00:16:58,984 --> 00:17:01,248
He was supposed to meet us,
but never showed up.
256
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,550
l told him
to come straight home after school.
257
00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:07,524
Dad, the kid's
a convicted hardware criminal.
258
00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:09,959
- They're unpredictable.
- Come on, guys.
259
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:13,692
Let's make some calls
and find your brother. Come on.
260
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:18,269
Yeah. Pete's Pets?
Hi, this is Tim Taylor.
261
00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:20,703
l was won... Thank you.
262
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:23,367
Hearing's fine now. OK.
263
00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:26,570
Yeah, we all love Al.
That's great.
264
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:30,672
l've got kind of a serious issue here.
l'm looking for my son.
265
00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:33,718
Yeah, we bought a hamster there
a while ago. l'm looking...
266
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:37,347
How big is he? About the size of my hand
with a little tail on there.
267
00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:39,414
Oh, Mark? Yeah.
268
00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:43,819
About 4'1 0'',
shaggy blond hair, no tail.
269
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:49,192
He hasn't been by there at all? OK, but if
he stops by will you have him call me?
270
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:51,793
- Thank you. Goodbye.
- Where's Mark?
271
00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:55,704
He didn't come home from school,
but there's no reason to be concerned.
272
00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:58,572
Oh, my God.
Are you saying he ran away?
273
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:01,078
We don't know.
He's not at school or his friends',
274
00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:03,410
or the police,
the hospital or the pet store.
275
00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:05,950
- Well, then where is he?
- (phone rings)
276
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:07,918
Hello.
277
00:18:07,986 --> 00:18:10,784
Yes. Oh, thank God.
He's OK.
278
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,119
Really?
279
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:16,491
OK. We'll be there
as soon as we can.
280
00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:18,189
- Bye-bye.
- Well?
281
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,697
He went to the hardware store
to apologize.
282
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,030
Well, that's great.
That's my boy there.
283
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,663
Your boy doesn't wanna
leave the hardware store.
284
00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:28,729
All right.
285
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:36,972
He doesn't wanna leave the hardware store
because he's afraid of you.
286
00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:43,248
So even though it was
only one cookie that l stole,
287
00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:49,386
the point is
l, too, succumbed to temptation.
288
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,520
You understand, Mark?
289
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:55,624
l think so,
but what's an appetite suppressant?
290
00:18:56,368 --> 00:19:00,168
Something his mother
obviously never found.
291
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,404
- Hi, honey.
- Hey, Mark.
292
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,240
Hi, Mom.
293
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:08,802
Listen...
294
00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:12,749
We'll just be in the back.
lf a customer comes in, give us a call.
295
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,752
Thanks, guys.
296
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,050
Hey, Mark, let me
talk to you for a minute.
297
00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:20,614
l'm not gonna yell at you.
l'm really sorry l went nuts today.
298
00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:24,890
- But what you did really upset me.
- So you must really hate me.
299
00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:27,830
Come on, Mark.
No, l really, really love you, all right?
300
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,595
lt's just...
301
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,432
lt's just certain things
really, really set me off.
302
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:36,873
- Excuse me, do you have any mops?
- Can't you see l'm talking to my kid here?
303
00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:40,173
Could you give us a few minutes?
Go get some coffee or something?
304
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,236
ls there a coffee place in the area?
305
00:19:42,314 --> 00:19:46,080
What - do l look like Juan Valdez here?
ls she Colombian? Do you see beans?
306
00:19:46,151 --> 00:19:49,484
Here. Just take this.
307
00:19:52,591 --> 00:19:55,617
When you or your brothers
lie or cheat or steal like this,
308
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:58,254
it makes your mom and l feel
we're not doing our jobs.
309
00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:02,323
Part of our job is to make you see
the difference between right and wrong.
310
00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:04,392
l know it's wrong to steal.
311
00:20:04,469 --> 00:20:06,994
Then why did you take the knife?
312
00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:09,336
l don't know.
313
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,069
l thought...
314
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:15,341
lf l had the knife,
Brad and Randy would think l'm cool.
315
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:17,314
l'm really sorry l did it.
316
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:21,512
We know you're sorry. Coming here
showed that. lt took a lot of guts.
317
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:26,524
Which is why l spoke to the governor and
we commuted your sentence to two weeks.
318
00:20:26,592 --> 00:20:27,581
Thanks.
319
00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:32,358
Unfortunately, we found you haven't paid
your state income tax for the last 1 1 years.
320
00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:37,368
- Dad, l'm only ten.
- Hey, that's the government for you.
321
00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:39,734
- Bye, guys.
- Bye, guys. Thanks.
322
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:42,865
- Oh, well, OK.
- (Jill) You want to get some ice cream?
323
00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:44,932
(Mark) Yes.
324
00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:51,446
- What's the matter, Al?
- Someone stole a mop.
325
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:03,584
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
326
00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:06,563
- You were searching their room.
- No, l wasn't.
327
00:21:06,632 --> 00:21:10,033
l was looking for my issues
of my hot rod magazine.
328
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:13,037
Busty Babes and Buicks?
329
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:17,201
Another fine volume
from your reference library.
330
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:20,143
Something of yours in here too.
331
00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:23,773
That's my recipe
for tuna and lima bean casserole.
332
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:27,011
Why would they hide that?
333
00:21:27,986 --> 00:21:30,477
lf it were me,
l would have burned it.
334
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,957
What else of mine
have they got in here?
335
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,291
Mom.
336
00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:47,064
What are you doing?
337
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,531
Putting your underwear away.
338
00:21:53,845 --> 00:21:56,336
ln the desk drawer?
339
00:21:56,415 --> 00:21:58,508
Yes.
340
00:21:58,583 --> 00:22:01,552
lt's something my mother taught me.
341
00:22:02,554 --> 00:22:07,150
This way, if you're doing your homework
and you realize that...
342
00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:10,456
you're not wearing any underwear,
343
00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:14,862
then you don't have to walk
all the way to the dresser drawer.
344
00:22:17,102 --> 00:22:23,337
Come on. l can't believe you... What?
A little blithering thief... What?
345
00:22:35,487 --> 00:22:39,116
l'm sorry. l really couldn't keep up
the ''little blithering thie' thing.
346
00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:42,592
- l... l didn't think that...
- (Tim) What was wrong with it?
347
00:22:42,661 --> 00:22:48,258
- Blithering thief. l just can't...
- OK, let's get right back into it.
348
00:22:49,305 --> 00:22:55,309
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