Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org M_I_SForEver

♪ Cumbered with a load of care?

♪ Precious Savior Still our refuge

♪ Take it to the Lord in prayer

♪ Do thy friends despise

♪ Forsake thee?

♪ Take it to the Lord in prayer

♪ In his arms

♪ He'll take and shield thee

♪ Thou wilt find a solace there ♪

We ask this in Your name. Amen.

Hey.

Hey. What are you doing?

Reading.

How was it?

Good. You should have come.

Yesterday's mass was enough for me. Thank you.

It would be easier to get him to come if you came, too.

He's a teenager, Chris.

Did you enjoy going to church when you were his age?

No. But my mom made me and it worked.

He just... He needs some responsibilities.

That's all I'm saying.

Church is good for him.

I'd like to leave no later than 5:00 tonight.

I don't want to go.

Well, you didn't go this morning. So you'll go tonight.

Why?

Because we go to church in this house, David.

- Fuck that. - Hey! Hey!

- Don't you walk away from me. - Don't touch me.

Hey, this is my house so you'll do what I say.

Get off! Get off me...

Chris!

Don't touch me... Mmm!

Motherfucker! Get off me, you...

Fucker!

I'll see you later.

We've all felt that burden before, haven't we, church? Hmm?

That weight. Not enough money to pay the bills.

What are we going to do?

I really feel like taking a drink.

What am I going to do?

I have lust in my heart, Jesus.

And I want to act on it.

What am I going to?

My child.

My child is doing troubling things. What am I going to do?

David?

Hey.

You left your music on.

David, wake up. Hey?

Hey, David. You fell asleep.

Dave! Dave! David!

David! David!

David! David! David, wake up!

Wake up!

Buddy, come on. Hey, boy. David! David, wake up! Wake up, buddy.

Carol! Carol!

Carol, get down here! Oh, no!

- Boy, what did you do? What did you... - What...

What happened? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What did he do? Is he breathing?

No, No. Call 911. Go!

Come on!

God! Come on. Come on!

My husband, he's doing CPR.

Why did you stop? Keep going.

Keep going.

Chris...

I'm so sorry.

Thanks for coming.

God bless you, Chris.

God bless you.

Carol. Carol, I'm so sorry.

I'd like to pray for you.

Would you like that?

Please.

Dear Heavenly Father,

we come to you this evening with a very heavy hearts, Lord.

We come to you, pleading for your guidance and your strength, Lord God.

Our brother and sister have experienced a great loss.

The greatest loss.

And their hearts ache.

They need your love and your grace.

We ask you to give them the peace they need, dear Jesus.

Give them the strength to face this.

Give them the strength to move forward.

Touch them, dear Jesus.

Give them the peace they need.

Amen.

Don't!

Carol, don't.

I just can't.

Carol, I need you here.

Carol!

How long this time?

I don't know.

I just think it's better if I'm not here for a little bit, okay?

Chris, my boy! How are you?

Chris?

David's gone, Dad.

What do you mean gone?

He killed himself, Dad.

What? Why?

Well, he was sick.

He was?

Yeah, like Carol. You knew that.

I never...

I never thought about that.

How are you holding up?

I don't know.

I'm on my way.

I don't know if I can get away to come get you, Dad.

Don't worry about that. I'll figure out a way down there.

- I'll take a bus if I have to. - No.

I don't want you to do that.

I said, don't worry about it.

Just know that I'm...

I'm on my way.

And I'm praying for you.

I love you, Dad.

I'll be there soon.

- Thank you, Jesus. - Thank you, Jesus.

...safe. And as they become older, they become more and more close to you.

Help him now to discover you.

They need you to keep them safe. Help them make their own decisions

as they go into crossroads.

Because he hardly knows your priest, Carol.

How many times has he been to mass?

Pastor Vann actually sat with him. He prayed with him.

No.

No, of...

Look, someone's here. I gotta go.

No.

Just... I'll call you later.

- Dad! - Hey, boy.

Hey, come on in.

- How'd you get here? - Bus.

Oh, no. Was it okay?

Well, bus ridin' hadn't changed much in my lifetime.

Wasn't pleasant when I was a kid. Not much different now.

Well, I could've picked you up at the station at least.

- No need for that. - Come on in, here, take a seat.

- Let me hit the bathroom. - Okay.

- You want some coffee? - Oh, yeah. That'd be great.

All right.

Hey, Dad. Got a fresh pot.

Oh, good. That sounds good.

Here you go.

Where's Carol?

Oh, she's at her folks' for a bit.

Oh.

Yeah, it's been hard.

Yeah, well...

You did everything you could.

- I just feel like I failed him, Dad. - Well...

Of course you do. But you're wrong.

This was never in your hands.

- You took him to a doctor, didn't you? - Yeah.

Well, there you go.

And you spent hours praying for him and you had the church pray for him.

You did what you were supposed to do.

Look...

This may be wrong of me to say, but you were fighting an uphill battle.

I mean...

Carol is a good person...

but she has a lot of problems, am I right?

That's all I'm saying.

Key here is for you to hold on to the Lord.

That's what's gonna keep you going.

I'm struggling a bit, Dad.

You're human. God understands that.

But you gotta keep fighting.

We'll get you through this.

I need to get a suit for David.

He's got to look nice. He didn't have anything like that.

You want to help me pick one out?

Yeah, absolutely.

Ah, I wish they wouldn't show that kind of stuff.

Just really filthy.

There we go.

Let's see what the liberals are up to.

Dad...

Do you still miss Mom?

Of course I do.

We should have had a lot more good years together.

- It gets easier, though, right? - Well...

I know I'll see her again in heaven.

That makes it easier.

But it was different.

We knew it was coming.

Do you think David's in hell?

No.

Don't do that to yourself.

Look...

We don't know.

Right then and there in David's last moment,

he could have felt Jesus' touch.

Asked him into his heart,

and felt his forgiveness.

And I'm gonna believe that's what happened.

That boy was raised in the church.

In his heart he knew what was right. He knew he needed to get back to Jesus.

And you know that, right?

- Yeah. - Okay, then.

Hold onto that thought. Don't let your mind go there.

That's just the devil trying to test your faith.

Mmm?

Oh...

Why don't you let me drive?

- No, it's all right. - Come on, let me drive. Seriously.

Thanks.

Looks like a good turnout.

Hey.

I'm so sorry.

Hey.

You did a good job with the suit.

He looks really handsome.

That one's good.

You did a good job.

I know, son. I know.

Hi. Nice to see you.

That was a nice service, it really was.

Clearly, David touched a lot of people's lives.

Take some peace of mind from that.

Oh, man, I'll tell you...

That Carol's father is some piece of work.

Maybe he hasn't heard...

I think I'll head up to bed.

Okay. Need anything?

No, I'm good.

I think I'll head back tomorrow.

- If it's okay with you. - Of course.

I've just got some guy coming to fix the bathroom and...

Dad, it's fine.

- Do you want me to drive you back? - No.

Bus is fine.

I love you.

And I'll be back as soon as you need me.

I know.

Good night.

Good night.

Bye, Dad.

- Hey. - Hey.

Sorry, I woulda called...

Where are your folks?

Mass.

You didn't want to go?

Why aren't you at church?

I didn't feel like it.

You want something to drink?

Yeah, sure.

We have iced tea.

Yeah. That's fine.

Thanks.

Are you okay?

The trees are looking good.

You expecting a big crop?

Oh, they're still pretty young.

You can't expect too much from it.

- Doing pretty well. - Hmm.

Carol working?

No, she's actually staying with her parents for a bit.

I'm sorry I missed church last week.

I was actually with Carol.

Hmm. Good.

Well, I just wanted to make sure you are holding up okay.

- How are your kids doing? - Great.

Marcy's in uh...

Eighth grade.

Lawrence is in 5th.

Yeah.

Scary times.

How do you feel about them?

How do I feel about them?

Just like any other parent.

I love them. I worry about them.

You ever hate them?

No.

Oh, don't get me wrong.

I get frustrated certainly.

I don't hate them.

When we first got pregnant,

everyone told me how easy it is to love your children.

And it's true.

I mean, you care for them more than anything.

You'd do anything for 'em.

But nobody told me how easy it is to hate them.

You didn't hate David.

You might have gotten angry at him,

but you didn't hate him.

There were a lot of times

I knew my life would be easier if he were dead.

Well, that's your guilt talking.

It's getting the best of you and you can't let it.

You've got to offer all this up to God.

I do, it's just not...

it's just not helping.

We all have doubts, Chris.

There's no shame in it.

I actually believe it makes our communion with God stronger.

So just stop looking.

What does that mean?

He's here, Chris.

You know he's here.

But you're looking for him so desperately

you can't even feel it.

It's like it's not even spiritual anymore.

It becomes a game where God has to prove himself to you

like he's some kind of a magician

operating a parlor game.

That's not communion.

That's not your relationship with God.

That's a fool's errand.

So just stop looking.

He's here.

Do whatever it is you're doing.

Help Carol through this.

Work the farm.

Play that violin in church.

Be in the world and stay connected.

It'll come.

I guarantee it. It will come.

She's got a bad back. She cannot work.

She cannot get the disability because it's such a nightmare.

Really?

No, I'm saying she can get it,

but it just takes forever.

Meanwhile, you've got some girl down in Inglewood

who's got four different baby-daddies,

she's driving around in an Escalade

paid for by my tax dollars.

Right. And complaining she needs more money.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

What do we do?

What do you mean?

Should we have another baby?

Is that what you want?

Why do you think he did it?

- I don't... - Don't you...

No, I know. I know.

How can you not think about it?

How he probably thought that everything was so dark

and there was no way it was gonna change?

Is that how you feel?

Sometimes.

You don't?

I'm not bipolar.

Oh, God.

What?

How can you say that?

No, I wasn't saying anything...

I know he was sick because of me.

I know it came from me.

I don't need you to remind me.

I'm not reminding you of anything, Carol.

You don't have any guilt?

Of course I do.

Because the last time I saw you with our son,

you were pinning him up against the wall.

Stop it!

I need help going through David's stuff.

I don't know what to do with it.

When are you coming back?

I don't think I am.

What?

I just can't be there right now.

You just asked me to have another kid.

How was that supposed to work?

I don't know, okay? I don't...

Just... take me back to my parents'.

Fine.

Hey, boy.

Hey, Dad.

I'm not taking you away from anything, am I?

No, no. Not at all.

Uh, so did you get the bathroom fixed?

Uh...

That moron wants to charge an arm and a leg.

I don't think he knows what he's doing, anyway.

Isn't there someone else you can call?

I don't know...

So... how you doin'?

Yeah, well, it never goes away.

Yeah.

Are you praying?

Every day.

Going to church?

Chris?

I missed a few weeks.

Oh, son.

I know.

This is the most important time for you to be there.

I know, Dad.

You need to be around your church family.

You need to feel their love and support.

Yeah. You're...

You're right.

God's everywhere, but...

Church is where we feel Him the strongest.

Do you want me to come down there?

No, Dad. I don't want you to do that.

I'll go this week, I promise. Okay?

Yeah.

All right. Good.

Talk later. Bye.

Bye, Dad.

Hello?

Chris, it's Pastor.

Oh, hi, Pastor.

Missed you at church today.

Yeah, sorry. I had to get the oxen out of the ditch.

Of course. Of course.

Listen, a few of us are grabbing lunch

and I wanted to see if you wanted to join us.

No pressure.

Nothing fancy.

Just fellowship and a few laughs.

Remember what we talked about?

Stay connected.

Be in the world.

...to college, you know, in Santa Barbara, so...

I kind of slowly weaned myself off of that daily routine

and getting up at 4:00 in the morning,

going running and, you know, so...

Do you ever get to a stage

where you feel like, okay, I'm here for the long haul?

Like, I'm not going anywhere?

Absolutely. I think if you have, um...

If you had the proper motivation with it,

or if you had, um...

your platoon was, uh,

a good team, network,

and you knew that you're gonna be able to have that support,

yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you knew,

you know, no matter what they threw at you,

you're gonna be able to make it, so...

What are you doing here?

I tried calling.

I felt bad about the other night.

It's all right.

I know. I still felt bad.

You didn't have to come here to say that, you know.

Are you drinking?

Beer?

Since when do you drink beer?

I've drank beer before.

When?

Before we were married.

What?

Just always been so judgmental of anyone who drank.

My mom would have a glass of wine with dinner,

you'd be sending her to hell.

It passes the time.

And it feels good.

I still don't know what to do with David's stuff.

He's got all these notebooks...

You wanna come inside?

Yeah.

Everyone says the same thing...

"You have to keep going.

"Keep living."

I keep thinking, "Why?"

It's okay.

Come on.

Morning.

What?

I thought we had a good night last night.

This is just how it is, Chris.

How are you still surprised by it?

I don't know.

Why do you still have that up in here?

- What? - The cross.

Should I take it down?

It's the only Catholic thing we have in this house.

I like it.

You want some coffee?

I should probably just go home.

I'm gonna head out.

Don't act like you know what it's like.

'Cause you don't.

And it ain't gonna change.

Tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and feel like this,

just like Mom.

Just like mom.

And it ain't gonna fucking change.

Why?

Can you hear me?

Why?

Please, somebody answer me!

Please!

We're really doing a lot of wonderful things

in the women's ministry,

with lots more exciting things to come.

We are currently looking for locations for our annual retreat.

So if anybody has any ideas.

Who is it?

Hi, Chris.

We're sorry to do this to you, but we felt that it was that important.

They called and told me what was going on.

Why didn't you tell me?

Your dad's a good man.

Tell us how you're feeling.

I feel the same.

Can you be more specific?

I don't know.

It's like I'm powerless.

You mean, why is God doing this to you?

Yes.

Well, Chris, it may not seem like it

but God isn't doing anything to you.

God doesn't make things happen to us.

Think about it.

People out there are getting cancer,

people lose their jobs,

people struggle with drugs, alcohol,

I see it every day.

Well, none of that happened to me.

My son killed himself because he has a disease in his brain.

I needed God then and I need him now.

- Where is he? - So what are you doing?

Let me ask you this, Chris.

When you think back through your good decisions,

all the good things that you've done in your life,

how many of them came at a time

when you felt connected to God?

Most of them.

And the bad decisions?

I don't know,

maybe marrying Carol and having David was a bad decision.

Ugh.

No, it was not.

Marriage is good.

Family is good.

You didn't know what was gonna happen.

Maybe, I don't know.

You think God brought us all here today, Chris?

I don't think it matters.

But, son, you have been in church your whole life.

You've had a close relationship with Jesus since you were a boy.

- I know. - As did me, as did your mom.

This is who you are, it's who we are.

If we don't have this, what have we got?

Where do we go?

Where do we go?

It's just not important.

Not important?

Wow, Chris, I gotta tell you,

I've been sitting here and you don't sound like

somebody looking for something.

You sound like somebody trying to keep everything out.

That's right.

Because David...

David will still be gone tomorrow,

and next week and next month

and next year.

Where is your ability to deal with that going to come from?

Amen.

God can't change what happened.

And I wish he could.

But He will make your life so much better each day

that you'd choose to connect with Him.

You believe your mother's in heaven, right?

Yeah, of course.

Well, I believe, we all believe...

David's there, too.

And we'll get to see him again

if we put our trust and our faith in God.

I'm sorry.

You don't need to be sorry.

That's why God brought us here.

Amen.

Take care.

Don't forget that violin on Sunday.

I won't.

You promise? We miss you up there.

Yeah, I promise.

Great. That's just great.

Bye.

Thank you.

Feel better?

Yeah.

I wish you would have called me when that whole drinking thing started.

I've been down that path before.

Straightened right out.

I was just embarrassed.

Sorry to ambush you like that.

- It had to be done. - I know.

I... gotta hit the bathroom again.

Did you ever go see a doctor?

- Good morning. - Good morning.

There's a cup there for you.

Thank you.

Mm.

I'll be out in the truck, Chris.

Okay, Dad, I'll be down in a minute.

- Ready? - Oh, yeah.

You've really done well, with this farm, Chris,

it's really something.

Thanks, Dad.

All right, let's go.

Always good to go to church.

Especially since I don't get to go much anymore.

They got a new pastor.

I don't think much of him.

But you, that's good.

♪ When pangs of death seized on my soul

♪ Unto the Lord I cried

♪ Till Jesus came and made me whole

♪ I would not be denied

♪ I would not be denied

♪ I would not be denied

♪ Till Jesus came and made me whole

♪ I would not be denied

♪ As Jacob in the days of old

♪ I wrestled with the Lord

♪ And instant with a courage bold

♪ I stood upon His word ♪

On that note, I would like to ask the deacons

to come down to the front, please.

Thank you.

I would also like to invite anyone,

anyone, you could be a member of this church,

or this could be your first time here with us today,

to come down, get anointed with oil.

Whatever it is you're dealing with right now,

whether it's problems at work or in your marriage

or if it's health problems,

we want you to come down and feel the touch of God,

the healing of the Holy Spirit.

You let the Spirit flow through you,

open yourself up to it.

Thank you, Jesus.

Holy Spirit,

you know, Christopher's burden here today

and we ask you to fill his body

with Your Grace.

We ask you to touch his body and his mind.

Let him feel your presence

and your power.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Jesus.

- Thank you, Jesus. - Thank you.

- Thank you. Jesus. - Thank you, Jesus.

Did you feel that?

- Hallelujah. - Hallelujah.

- Can you feel that? - Thank you, Jesus.

Spirit, Spirit has moved you!

- Thank you, Jesus. - The Spirit is moving through here today.

Can you feel it? Can you feel it?

Yes. I can feel the Spirit's moving here today,

when the Spirit, when the Spirit is moving like this,

I know that God is talking to us

and I know that there is a message for us.

Amen.

Jesus.

Jesus.

Can everyone feel that?

Can everyone feel that?

I have to use the bathroom.

That's Jesus.

He... is with us

everywhere we go.

Every day.

He is here with us,

when we're making our breakfast,

we are home running a bath,

when we're arguing with our loved ones,

he's there. He is there, always.

Always.

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Jesus.

How are you feeling?

I'm good.

How are you?

About the same.

- My dad's here again. - Oh, yeah? Why?

I haven't been going to church.

Protestants?

Yeah, It's like I'm 19 again.

Mm. Not quite.

- Have you been going to mass? - Yeah, I went today.

Does it help?

Yeah, I guess.

How?

Oh, I feel pretty

shitty and empty most of the time.

It's nice to feel something else for 45 minutes.

It would feel weird not to go,

gone my whole life.

Is that why you came?

Ask me about church?

I really want you to come back home.

- I'm serious. - I know.

Well?

I don't think you really want me around.

- Yes, I do. - Yeah, why?

Who else understands what I'm going through?

Who else understands what you're going through?

We're just gonna be alone in this?

This is it. We've got this, us.

Does it really make you feel better having me around?

Yeah.

Because it makes you feel less guilty

or because you love me?

Chris?

Both.

I had to use the bathroom one more time.

I ain't using no bus toilet.

- Travel light? - You never forget your military training,

let me tell you that.

Still afraid of KP duty.

Yeah.

You felt the Spirit move, didn't you?

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

Good.

I saw a place not far from my parents.

Rather pitch a tent under that tree than do that.

Oh, come on.

No weekend cookouts with my dad?

Oh, my God.

Here, just put it next to the...

I'll get the rest.

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org