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[♪ Big Pig: "I Can't Break Away"]
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Hi. Welcome to the future.
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San Dimas, California, 2688,
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00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:23,183
and I'm telling you,
it's great here.
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00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:25,769
The air is clean.
The water's clean.
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00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,730
Even the dirt is clean.
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00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:30,691
Bowling averages are way up.
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Mini-golf scores are way down.
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And we have more
excellent water slides
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than any other planet
we communicate with.
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I'm telling you this place is great.
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But it almost wasn't.
13
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You see, 700 years ago, the two
great ones ran into a few problems.
14
00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:52,129
So now I have to travel
back in time to help them out.
15
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,716
If I should fail to keep these two
on the correct path,
16
00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:57,968
the basis of our society
will be in danger.
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00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:01,054
Don't worry, it'll all make sense.
I'm a professional.
18
00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:04,933
- [Plays chord]
- I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
19
00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:06,602
And I'm Ted "Theo..."
20
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,772
- Bill, here, you take it.
- OK.
21
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:14,985
[Plays chord]
22
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:18,280
- And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.
- Yeah!
23
00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,118
[Both play chord]
24
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:27,122
[Together] And we're Wyld Stallyns!
25
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:32,628
- [Playing discordant guitar solos]
- [Static, fizzling]
26
00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:38,133
- [Ted] Dude!
- [Coughing]
27
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:39,468
[Bill] Let's bail.
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00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,938
We blew it.
29
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,941
Guess we used too much power.
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00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:56,109
I liked it.
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00:03:57,153 --> 00:04:02,950
Ted, while I agree that in time
our band will be most triumphant,
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00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:06,036
the truth is, Wyld Stallyns
will never be a super band
33
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,247
until we have
Eddie Van Halen on guitar.
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00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:12,668
Yes, Bill, but... I do not believe
we will get Eddie Van Halen
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00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:14,503
until we have a triumphant video.
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00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,339
Ted, it's pointless to have
a triumphant video
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00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:20,175
before we even have
decent instruments.
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00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:23,387
How can we have decent instruments
when we really don't know how to play?
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00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:26,139
That is why we need Eddie Van Halen.
40
00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:29,184
And that is why
we need a triumphant video.
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00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:32,646
- Excellent!
- Excellent!
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[Guitar solo plays]
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[Clock chiming]
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00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:37,359
Uh-oh.
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00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,319
- We're late.
- For what?
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00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:42,239
- For school, dude.
- Oh, yeah.
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00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:53,375
Bill, I'm waiting.
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00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:58,463
- He's dead?
- [Laughter]
49
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:01,049
So Bill, what you're telling me,
essentially,
50
00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:06,221
is that Napoleon was
a short, dead dude.
51
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:09,057
- [Laughter]
- Well, yeah.
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00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,727
[Whispering]
You totally blew it, dude.
53
00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:14,021
- Ted, stand up.
- Stand up?
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00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,647
Yes, son, stand up.
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00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:21,903
Now... who was Joan of Arc?
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00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:26,908
- Noah's wife?
- [Laughter]
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00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:28,660
[School bell rings]
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00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:34,750
Listen guys, don't forget, tomorrow,
final report, 1:30 to 3:30, OK?
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00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:42,174
Hey, guys.
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00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:48,638
Mr. Ryan, before you say anything,
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00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:54,102
my distinguished colleague Ted and I
wish to express to you our thanks
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00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,688
for all the things
we have learned in your class.
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00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:58,940
And what have you learned?
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00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,695
We have, uh...
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00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,782
We've learned that the
world has a great history.
66
00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:10,952
Yes, and that thanks
to great leaders
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00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:14,039
such as... Genghis Khan,
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00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,792
Joan of Arc, and Socratic Method,
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00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:21,046
the world is... full of history.
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00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,967
It seems to me that
the only thing you have learned
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00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:31,848
is that Caesar...
is a salad dressing dude.
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00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:35,477
Bill, Ted, this is really quite simple.
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00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,854
You have flunked
every section of this class.
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00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:43,068
Now unless you get an A-plus
on your final oral report tomorrow...
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00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:47,280
...guys, I have no choice
but to flunk the both of you.
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00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:51,785
Now you know your topics,
so I would suggest that you at least
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00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:56,081
cover those areas
if you want to pass the course.
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00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,042
- Understand?
- [Both] Yes, sir.
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00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:00,877
[Mr. Ryan] OK.
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00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:04,381
Guys.
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00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:09,344
Your report had better be
something very special.
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00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:13,515
Ah, man.
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00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,854
[Ted] Well, what are we
supposed to know for our report?
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00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,147
[Bill] I'm not sure.
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00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:23,567
One thing I know is that
Joan of Arc is not Noah's wife.
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00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:26,570
[Ted] Well then, who is Noah's wife?
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00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:28,321
[Bill] I don't know, Ted.
88
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:31,283
But I do know
we're in serious trouble.
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00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,660
Listen to this: [clears throat]
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00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:36,830
"Express to the class how
an important historical figure
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00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:42,502
from each of your time periods would
view the world of San Dimas, 1988."
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00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:47,591
We're in danger of flunking
most heinously tomorrow, Ted.
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00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:48,717
[Car horn honks]
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00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,594
Hi, Bill.
Want a ride?
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00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:51,761
Sure, Missy.
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00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,181
I mean, Mom.
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00:07:57,226 --> 00:07:59,436
- Your stepmom's cute.
- Shut up, Ted.
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00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,313
Remember when she was
a senior and we were freshmen?
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00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,856
Shut up, Ted!
100
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,776
[Rock music playing on radio]
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00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,157
I'll be right back,
as soon as I get my books.
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00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,920
Ted.
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00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:27,589
What are you doing home, Dad?
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00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,633
- I'm looking for my keys.
- Oh.
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00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,760
You haven't done anything
with them, have you?
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00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:34,429
No, sir.
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00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,765
I spoke to your principal today, Ted.
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00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,725
He said you're failing history.
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00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,727
- Me and Bill...
- He also said
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00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:43,480
that if you fail history,
you flunk out of school.
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00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,442
You know what that would mean,
don't you, Ted?
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00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:51,613
That I would have to go
to Oates Military Academy, sir.
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00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:55,116
Uh-huh.
I spoke to Colonel Oates this morning.
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00:08:57,495 --> 00:09:00,455
He's anxious to meet you, Ted.
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00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,092
[Car starts]
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00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:19,516
Dude, we gotta pass.
Otherwise there's no more band.
117
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:20,850
Why?
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00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:23,895
My dad's sending me to military school.
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00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,647
Where?
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00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,483
Alaska.
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00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,319
Alaska...
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00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:34,990
[♪ Shark Island: "Father Time"]
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00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,327
It is time.
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00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:42,372
Their separation is imminent.
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00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,945
Be excellent to each other.
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00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:17,657
[Together] Party on, dude.
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00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:32,881
[Electrical fizzling]
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00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:48,104
[Bill] OK, Ted.
George Washington.
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00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:50,607
One: The father of our country.
130
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,568
Two: Born on President's Day.
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00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:56,571
Three: The dollar bill guy.
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00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,490
Bill, you ever made a mushroom
out of his head?
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00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,909
Ted... Alaska.
134
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,414
OK. Um...
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00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,959
Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick.
136
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,254
That's Captain Ahab, dude.
137
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:18,760
Oh, wait. Remember Disney World,
the Hall of Presidents?
138
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,762
Yeah, good, what'd he say?
139
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:24,307
"Welcome to the Hall of Presidents."
140
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,517
[Knocking, door opens]
141
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:28,812
Hi, I brought you guys some food.
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00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,731
[♪ Shark Island: "Dangerous"]
143
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:42,450
It's your mom, dude!
144
00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:44,744
How's it going, guys?
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00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,414
Bad!
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00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:51,459
We are destined to flunk most
egregiously tomorrow.
147
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:56,548
And I am destined to end up
at Oates Military Academy.
148
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,134
And then we will never start our band.
149
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:04,431
Good.
150
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,230
- What are you guys studying anyway?
- History.
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00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,315
- Mr. Ryan?
- Uh-huh.
152
00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:16,443
Tell him, "hi."
153
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:19,696
Why don't you guys take a dinner break?
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00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,157
Thanks, Dad.
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00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:39,716
Now your dad's going for it...
in your own room! [chuckles]
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00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,676
Shut up, Ted.
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00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:44,846
- Your stepmom is cute, though.
- Shut up, Ted.
158
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,431
Remember when I asked her
to the prom?
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00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,183
Shut up, Ted!
160
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:54,647
Twelve-seventy-five, 1275, 1275...
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00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:59,235
OK, the lady in that car over there
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00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:03,072
said that Marco Polo
was in the year 1275.
163
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,867
So it's not just a water sport,
I knew it.
164
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:10,538
Excuse me,
when did the Mongols rule China?
165
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:13,416
I don't know.
I just work here.
166
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:20,590
Well, you wanna try the Thrifty Mart?
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00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:21,716
Sure.
168
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:25,553
[Thunder rumbling]
169
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:36,189
[Lightning crackling]
170
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:38,650
Whoa!
171
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,865
[Both] Not bad.
172
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,747
Greetings, my excellent friends.
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00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,543
Do you know when
the Mongols ruled China?
174
00:13:56,710 --> 00:14:00,922
Well... perhaps we could ask them.
175
00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:07,136
Bill S. Preston, Esquire...
176
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,765
...and Ted "Theodore" Logan.
177
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:15,353
Gentlemen, I'm here to help you
with your history report.
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00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:17,438
What?
179
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:18,940
How?
180
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:21,776
[Bill and Ted yelling] Whoa!
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00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,862
- Whoo!
- I hate that part.
182
00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:27,282
- Bill?
- What?
183
00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:31,035
Strange things are afoot
at the Circle K.
184
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:39,460
Dudes, you guys
are gonna go back in time.
185
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:40,587
Yeah!
186
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:44,883
You are going to have a most excellent
adventure through history.
187
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:48,553
- Who are you guys?
- We're you, dude!
188
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:52,432
No way. No way!
189
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,810
- Yes way, Ted!
- Look, we know how you feel.
190
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,187
We didn't believe it either
when we were you
191
00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:01,107
and we-us said what we-us
are saying right now.
192
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:05,987
OK wait, if you guys are really us...
193
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:09,324
...what number are we thinking of?
194
00:15:10,492 --> 00:15:12,535
[Both] Sixty-nine, dudes!
195
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:15,622
[Both] Whoa!
196
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:19,334
[All imitating guitar solos]
197
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:21,127
Look, we've gotta go.
198
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:24,005
Yeah, we gotta get back to the report.
199
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:25,840
Rufus!
200
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,719
Listen to this dude, Rufus.
He knows what he's talking about.
201
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:33,598
Right. Oh, and Ted,
give my love to the princesses.
202
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,143
- Who?
- You'll see.
203
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,647
Gentleman... is everything all right?
204
00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:43,524
Yeah, except, how come...
[continues indistinctly]
205
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:47,278
Ted, don't forget to wind your watch!
206
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:51,783
[Both] Thanks, Rufus.
207
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:55,370
[Both] Catch ya later, Bill and Ted.
208
00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:09,759
Dude, are you sure
we should be doing this?
209
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:13,888
Ted, you and I have
witnessed many things,
210
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:18,017
but nothing as bodacious
as what just happened.
211
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:20,561
Besides we told ourselves
to listen to this guy.
212
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,564
What if we were lying?
213
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,152
Why would we lie to ourselves?
214
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,743
How are you gonna help us?
215
00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:38,287
Yeah, are you gonna call someone
and get the answers?
216
00:16:38,455 --> 00:16:40,790
Gentlemen, we're gonna do
a lot more than that.
217
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:43,418
[Dialing]
218
00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:46,421
[Both] Whoa. Excellent.
219
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,925
Brace yourselves, amigos.
220
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,264
[Electrical fizzling]
221
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:57,765
[Gulps nervously]
222
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:01,102
Gentlemen...
223
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:04,230
...we're history.
224
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:08,776
[Bill, Ted shouting]
225
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:16,200
Rufus, where are we, dude?
226
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,120
[Rufus] These are the circuits
of history, gentlemen.
227
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,914
They'll take us to
any point in time we wish.
228
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:23,958
How?
229
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,627
Modern technology, William.
230
00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:29,130
[Both] Whoa!
231
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:35,511
[Yelling]
232
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,811
[Sighs]
233
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:48,441
- That was most unprecedented, Rufus.
- Yeah.
234
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:51,944
But where are we, Rufus?
235
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:58,159
Austria, 1805,
the French have just invaded.
236
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:01,120
- [Gunfire, booming]
- [Men speaking French]
237
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:03,581
Bill, check it out!
238
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,834
We're in the middle of a war, dude!
239
00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:10,838
[Explosion]
240
00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:15,676
[Speaking French]
241
00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:22,100
Amigos, time to depart.
242
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,521
[Both] How's it going, dude?
243
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,023
[Speaking French]
244
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:44,205
[Screaming]
245
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:48,334
[Shouting, gasping]
246
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:57,718
- [Cat yowls]
- [Electrical fizzling]
247
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,557
Now where are we, dude?
248
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:05,726
Oh, it's my house.
249
00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:10,398
Rufus, can we go anywhere we want,
at any time?
250
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:13,693
Gentlemen, you can do anything you want,
as long as you remember this:
251
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:17,905
No matter what happens,
you must get to that report. Got it?
252
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:21,617
All right, amigos, that book
will give you the number
253
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:26,247
of any place you want to go.
Now, most important,
254
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:29,000
no matter what you do,
no matter where you go,
255
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:34,797
that clock, the clock in San Dimas,
is always running. Got it?
256
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:38,217
- Yeah.
- All right, time for me to go.
257
00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:39,844
What do you mean, Rufus?
258
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,762
Yeah, aren't you coming with us?
259
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:44,765
Gentlemen, you're on your own.
260
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:50,897
[Electrical fizzling]
261
00:19:58,947 --> 00:20:01,991
- Ted?
- What?
262
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,827
This has been a most unusual day.
263
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:17,548
- [Whispers] Ted, it's Napoleon.
- Who?
264
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,635
The short, dead dude
from our history review.
265
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,096
Ted, I have a most excellent idea.
266
00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:26,557
Grab his legs, we gotta get him inside.
267
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:31,062
I think I've figured out a way
to pass our report.
268
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,313
How?
269
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:34,607
Well, we've got one
historical figure here.
270
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:36,984
Maybe we can go back
and get some more.
271
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:38,361
[Ted] Yeah!
272
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:41,864
[Ted] Deacon,
you have to watch this guy.
273
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:46,535
His name is Napoleon.
He's a very famous French dude.
274
00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:49,372
We have decided to collect other
important figures from history
275
00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:51,290
for an oral report we are doing.
276
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:54,877
While we are gone, you are
not to let him out of your sight.
277
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:56,921
Here is some money.
278
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,006
Take him to the movies or something.
279
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:10,518
Napoleon, I am Bill.
280
00:21:12,145 --> 00:21:15,314
We'll take you back to France after you
tell us what you think of San Dimas.
281
00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:18,943
- This is Ted's little brother, Deacon.
- Hi.
282
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,611
He'll take care of you.
283
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,659
- Ready, Ted?
- Ready, Bill.
284
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:31,080
- Let's go back into history.
- [Guitar solo plays]
285
00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:36,294
This should be most triumphant.
286
00:21:37,587 --> 00:21:39,171
I want to speak with you, son.
287
00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:42,383
Alone please, Bill.
288
00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:46,762
All right, sit down.
289
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:52,101
[Father] What am I gonna do with you?
You can't... [voice fades]
290
00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:53,352
Great.
291
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:56,772
You lose my keys.
You fail history.
292
00:21:56,940 --> 00:21:58,774
You spend all your time
with your loser friend
293
00:21:58,942 --> 00:22:00,860
planning a band that'll never happen.
294
00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:03,362
Now you're not to leave this house again
until tomorrow morning.
295
00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:05,531
[Phone rings]
296
00:22:08,577 --> 00:22:10,369
- Yes?
- [Bill, deep voice] Captain Logan?
297
00:22:10,537 --> 00:22:13,748
This is Deputy Van Halen
down at the station.
298
00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:15,041
Deputy Van Halen?
299
00:22:18,211 --> 00:22:21,881
- [Guitar solo plays]
- I'm new, dude... sir.
300
00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:24,717
Look, we found your keys,
301
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:28,596
and if you want 'em,
you better come and get 'em.
302
00:22:28,764 --> 00:22:30,765
[Dial tone]
303
00:22:31,641 --> 00:22:35,269
When I get back from the station,
I want you packed and ready to go.
304
00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:36,437
Got it?
305
00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:45,571
We are in serious trouble.
306
00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:48,949
My dad already signed me up,
my plane leaves tomorrow night.
307
00:22:49,951 --> 00:22:52,078
Only if we fail, dude.
308
00:22:56,541 --> 00:22:58,125
[Both] No way!
309
00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:03,464
[Ted] OK, we got Sigmund Freud,
Beethoven... Uh...
310
00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:08,010
[Bill] Is there one for Western Movement
in America in the 19th Century?
311
00:23:09,179 --> 00:23:10,304
Yeah.
312
00:23:10,472 --> 00:23:12,014
Well then...
313
00:23:13,809 --> 00:23:15,768
...let's reach out
and touch someone.
314
00:23:17,145 --> 00:23:19,480
[Dialing]
315
00:23:23,151 --> 00:23:27,321
[Electrical fizzling]
316
00:23:38,708 --> 00:23:41,127
[Bill, Ted shouting]
317
00:23:41,294 --> 00:23:44,338
[Man humming]
318
00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:49,760
- [Continues humming]
- [Passes gas]
319
00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:55,099
- [Humming]
- [Passes gas]
320
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:58,185
[Rumbling]
321
00:24:05,193 --> 00:24:07,027
How's it going, Old West Dude?
322
00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:12,199
[Ted] Hey, Bill,
this is just like Frontierland.
323
00:24:12,367 --> 00:24:14,702
[Bill] Yeah,
but you can get shot here, Ted.
324
00:24:14,870 --> 00:24:16,203
[Ted] Oh.
325
00:24:16,371 --> 00:24:19,039
- [Bill] Just try to act natural.
- [Ted] OK.
326
00:24:22,752 --> 00:24:24,295
- [Bill] Howdy, partner.
- [Man] Howdy.
327
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:26,088
[Bill] Watch out
for the horse crap, Ted.
328
00:24:26,256 --> 00:24:28,340
[Ted] Ugh. Thanks, dude.
329
00:24:28,508 --> 00:24:30,759
- Hey, Bill, I'm totally thirsty.
- [Bill] Me too.
330
00:24:42,731 --> 00:24:45,232
[Up-tempo piano plays]
331
00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:47,943
Two beers, please.
332
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,910
Whoa! He didn't even card us, dude!
333
00:24:56,077 --> 00:24:58,746
Yeah, we have to
remember this place.
334
00:25:04,002 --> 00:25:07,254
So, who should we take with us?
335
00:25:08,423 --> 00:25:09,757
[Gunshot]
336
00:25:09,925 --> 00:25:11,800
[Shouting]
337
00:25:18,433 --> 00:25:20,976
- Who's he?
- He's Billy the Kid.
338
00:25:22,479 --> 00:25:25,940
He's famous, dude.
Let's bag him.
339
00:25:29,027 --> 00:25:30,903
I need two men.
340
00:25:32,447 --> 00:25:33,781
Who's with me?
341
00:25:34,658 --> 00:25:36,367
We're with you, Billy the Kid.
342
00:25:45,502 --> 00:25:50,297
Here's the deal.
What I win, I keep.
343
00:25:50,465 --> 00:25:53,551
What you win, I keep.
344
00:25:54,427 --> 00:25:57,137
[Both] Sounds good, Mr. The Kid.
345
00:26:11,486 --> 00:26:15,447
Dude, you gotta have a poker face,
like me.
346
00:26:20,495 --> 00:26:22,454
Whoa! Three aces!
347
00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:26,166
What the hell's going on here, Billy?
348
00:26:27,836 --> 00:26:29,878
Are you cheating us, Kid?
349
00:26:31,798 --> 00:26:32,965
Cheatin'?
350
00:26:33,842 --> 00:26:36,760
Me? [yelling]
351
00:26:48,315 --> 00:26:49,857
Billy!
352
00:26:53,653 --> 00:26:55,029
[Both] Excellent!
353
00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:05,414
Look, we're totally weak.
354
00:27:05,582 --> 00:27:07,708
We can't possibly fight you.
355
00:27:07,876 --> 00:27:11,462
However, how would you gentlemen like...
356
00:27:12,047 --> 00:27:16,592
...free passes to Waterloo.
Home of excellent water slides.
357
00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:19,511
Nice try, dude.
358
00:27:20,597 --> 00:27:26,935
Whoa!
359
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,230
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
360
00:27:30,398 --> 00:27:31,523
What?
361
00:27:33,568 --> 00:27:34,777
Come on.
362
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,907
- Look!
- It's the Goodyear blimp.
363
00:27:40,075 --> 00:27:41,033
Huh?
364
00:27:42,077 --> 00:27:43,369
[Grunting]
365
00:27:43,536 --> 00:27:44,745
- [Yelps]
- [Gunshot]
366
00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:46,747
[Yelling]
367
00:27:46,915 --> 00:27:49,333
[Bill] I can't believe
they fell for that!
368
00:27:51,252 --> 00:27:52,836
Yeah!
369
00:27:54,214 --> 00:27:55,839
- Let's get 'em!
- Kill 'em!
370
00:27:57,592 --> 00:27:58,425
Come on!
371
00:28:00,428 --> 00:28:03,514
- You guys saved my life.
- Nothing doing, Billy the Kid.
372
00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:06,308
- Where we going?
- The Golden Age of Civilization.
373
00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:08,602
- Where?
- Ancient Greece, dude.
374
00:28:08,770 --> 00:28:11,814
Don't worry, we'll bring you back
as soon as you talk in our report.
375
00:28:11,981 --> 00:28:13,607
- [Yelling]
- [Electrical fizzling]
376
00:28:13,775 --> 00:28:14,608
What?!
377
00:28:20,824 --> 00:28:22,116
What the?
378
00:28:36,172 --> 00:28:40,384
[Speaking foreign language]
379
00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:51,103
Socrates.
380
00:28:51,813 --> 00:28:53,814
- Hey, we know that name.
- Yeah!
381
00:28:53,982 --> 00:28:56,150
Hey, look him up.
382
00:28:56,818 --> 00:29:00,320
- Oh. It's under So-crates.
- Oh, yeah.
383
00:29:04,284 --> 00:29:06,160
"So-crates:
384
00:29:06,327 --> 00:29:11,081
'The only true wisdom consists
in knowing that you know nothing."'
385
00:29:13,501 --> 00:29:16,503
- That's us, dude!
- Oh, yeah!
386
00:29:17,338 --> 00:29:19,089
- Let's bag him.
- Yeah.
387
00:29:19,841 --> 00:29:20,841
[Speaking foreign language]
388
00:29:35,398 --> 00:29:36,857
How's it going?
389
00:29:45,658 --> 00:29:48,619
I'm Bill, this is Ted.
390
00:29:48,787 --> 00:29:50,120
We're from the future.
391
00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:54,875
Socrates. Hm...
392
00:29:55,627 --> 00:29:57,044
Now what?
393
00:29:58,213 --> 00:29:59,630
I don't know.
394
00:30:00,924 --> 00:30:02,841
Philosophize with him.
395
00:30:06,387 --> 00:30:08,222
[Clears throat]
396
00:30:08,389 --> 00:30:13,393
All we are is dust in the wind, dude.
397
00:30:21,486 --> 00:30:22,611
Dust.
398
00:30:24,531 --> 00:30:26,824
- Wind.
- Dude.
399
00:30:28,159 --> 00:30:30,244
[Gasps]
400
00:30:37,252 --> 00:30:38,919
Ha! [laughs]
401
00:30:39,087 --> 00:30:40,712
Let's get out of here, dude.
402
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:43,215
[Laughing]
403
00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:47,886
- [Rumbling]
- [Shouting]
404
00:30:48,054 --> 00:30:50,430
- [Electrical fizzling]
- Whoa!
405
00:30:50,598 --> 00:30:51,974
[Ted] All right!
406
00:30:52,767 --> 00:30:54,935
[Socrates exclaiming]
407
00:30:56,521 --> 00:30:57,938
[Billy the Kid] Yee-ha!
408
00:30:58,106 --> 00:30:59,982
Not bad, eh, So-crates?
409
00:31:01,609 --> 00:31:05,696
- Where are we, dude?
- England, 15th century.
410
00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:08,532
We are in most excellent shape
for our report.
411
00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:11,285
Yeah, all we need
is one more speaker from medieval.
412
00:31:11,452 --> 00:31:12,786
Excellent.
413
00:31:12,954 --> 00:31:16,248
Billy, you are dealing
with the oddity of time travel
414
00:31:16,416 --> 00:31:18,292
with the greatest of ease.
415
00:31:19,878 --> 00:31:21,628
Excuse me.
416
00:31:21,796 --> 00:31:25,007
Do you know where there are any
personages of historical significance
417
00:31:25,174 --> 00:31:26,800
around here?
418
00:31:29,971 --> 00:31:31,597
[All] Whoa!
419
00:31:33,766 --> 00:31:35,309
[Ted] Check it out.
420
00:31:37,186 --> 00:31:39,146
It must be the castle of King Henry.
421
00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:41,648
Let's go, dude!
422
00:31:43,443 --> 00:31:45,485
Billy, guard the booth.
423
00:31:46,154 --> 00:31:47,988
And watch So-crates.
424
00:31:50,825 --> 00:31:52,159
[Billy the Kid] So-crates.
425
00:31:52,327 --> 00:31:55,746
So, who should we get from medieval?
426
00:31:57,999 --> 00:32:00,500
How about that gnarly old goat dude?
427
00:32:02,003 --> 00:32:03,503
Ted?
428
00:32:04,839 --> 00:32:06,089
I'm in love, dude.
429
00:32:10,053 --> 00:32:11,970
Whoa!
430
00:32:12,889 --> 00:32:17,559
Those must be the princesses you
told yourself about at the Circle K.
431
00:32:19,395 --> 00:32:23,148
We gotta go, it's a history report,
not a babe report.
432
00:32:23,942 --> 00:32:25,359
But Bill...
433
00:32:26,194 --> 00:32:29,404
...those are historical babes.
434
00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:34,368
OK, you're the ladies man,
435
00:32:34,535 --> 00:32:36,328
how we gonna meet 'em?
436
00:32:45,797 --> 00:32:47,464
Excellent.
437
00:32:47,632 --> 00:32:49,967
[Both grunt]
438
00:32:55,515 --> 00:32:57,557
- [Ted] Bill?
- [Bill] What?
439
00:32:57,725 --> 00:33:01,395
- [Ted] These are heavy.
- [Bill] Yeah, heavy metal.
440
00:33:01,562 --> 00:33:04,064
- [Laughing]
- [Guitar solo plays]
441
00:33:04,232 --> 00:33:06,483
[Laughing]
442
00:33:07,318 --> 00:33:09,319
[Ted] We gotta go find the princesses.
443
00:33:09,487 --> 00:33:11,405
- [Bill] Yeah.
- [Grunting]
444
00:33:11,572 --> 00:33:12,739
[Bill] Watch it!
445
00:33:13,616 --> 00:33:15,409
[Ted] Who turned out all the lights?
446
00:33:15,576 --> 00:33:17,786
- Hey, Bill?
- [Bill] What?
447
00:33:17,954 --> 00:33:20,247
[Ted, deep voice] I'm Darth Ted.
448
00:33:21,457 --> 00:33:24,751
[Bill] Yeah, well I'm Luke Bill.
And you're not my father.
449
00:33:24,919 --> 00:33:27,629
[Mimicking sound effects]
450
00:33:27,797 --> 00:33:29,006
Come on!
451
00:33:36,764 --> 00:33:38,056
Hey!
452
00:33:38,224 --> 00:33:40,600
I totally conquered you, dude!
453
00:33:40,768 --> 00:33:42,227
No way!
454
00:33:42,395 --> 00:33:44,104
Come on!
455
00:33:45,606 --> 00:33:47,482
I'll never rule the universe with you.
456
00:33:47,650 --> 00:33:49,317
[Laughing]
457
00:33:50,403 --> 00:33:51,445
- [Ted] Hey, Bill.
- [Bill] What?
458
00:33:51,612 --> 00:33:53,113
[Ted] We totally
know how to sword fight.
459
00:33:53,281 --> 00:33:55,699
Yeah!
460
00:33:55,867 --> 00:33:58,618
Ah! Whoa!
461
00:33:58,786 --> 00:33:59,953
[Grunting]
462
00:34:06,919 --> 00:34:19,973
Ted.
463
00:34:22,143 --> 00:34:24,436
[Man] Search the castle,
there might be more of them.
464
00:34:59,514 --> 00:35:02,682
- Get out of here!
- [Whimpering]
465
00:35:06,979 --> 00:35:08,146
Bogus.
466
00:35:10,691 --> 00:35:12,067
Heinous.
467
00:35:15,613 --> 00:35:18,115
Most non-triumphant.
468
00:35:22,203 --> 00:35:27,499
Ah, Ted... don't be dead, dude.
469
00:35:36,926 --> 00:35:40,053
You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!
470
00:35:41,389 --> 00:35:43,682
[Shouting]
471
00:35:51,816 --> 00:35:53,358
[Man laughs]
472
00:36:01,784 --> 00:36:03,493
Whoa!
473
00:36:04,871 --> 00:36:07,581
- Ted, you're alive!
- Yeah!
474
00:36:07,748 --> 00:36:10,000
I fell out of my suit
when I hit the floor.
475
00:36:12,879 --> 00:36:14,087
[Both] Fag.
476
00:36:15,214 --> 00:36:17,257
Dude, you totally
boned that dude in the head.
477
00:36:17,425 --> 00:36:18,592
Yeah!
478
00:36:18,759 --> 00:36:20,427
He's a total bonehead.
479
00:36:20,928 --> 00:36:23,930
...that fat old man. I must find
a way to escape before the night.
480
00:36:24,098 --> 00:36:25,765
But how?
481
00:36:27,268 --> 00:36:29,561
- What's that?
- Whoa...
482
00:36:30,479 --> 00:36:31,771
Boys.
483
00:36:31,939 --> 00:36:34,065
I can't believe they're here.
484
00:36:36,944 --> 00:36:39,446
[Both] How's it going, ladies?
485
00:36:40,740 --> 00:36:42,532
You're the ones we saw
in front of the castle.
486
00:36:45,036 --> 00:36:48,288
I am Ted of San Dimas.
487
00:36:49,165 --> 00:36:53,126
And, uh... I bring to you
a message of love.
488
00:36:53,294 --> 00:36:55,295
[Giggling]
489
00:36:55,463 --> 00:37:00,091
- From who?
- From... from myself.
490
00:37:00,259 --> 00:37:03,053
And what is this message you speak of?
491
00:37:04,263 --> 00:37:06,014
Uh...
492
00:37:06,182 --> 00:37:09,184
[whispers] Lyrics, dude.
Recite 'em some lyrics.
493
00:37:13,481 --> 00:37:17,192
Oh, you beautiful babes from England,
494
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,361
for whom we have traveled through time.
495
00:37:20,947 --> 00:37:23,365
Will you go to the prom
with us in San Dimas?
496
00:37:23,532 --> 00:37:27,285
- We will have a most triumphant time.
- Way to go, dude.
497
00:37:27,453 --> 00:37:31,164
- [Man] Joanna! Elizabeth!
- It's father!
498
00:37:41,092 --> 00:37:43,593
- What does your father want?
- We're to be married
499
00:37:43,761 --> 00:37:47,013
- to horrible old men today.
- No way!
500
00:37:47,181 --> 00:37:49,057
Will you help us escape?
501
00:37:50,351 --> 00:37:52,477
[Both] Of course, babes.
502
00:37:57,191 --> 00:37:59,526
How's it going, royal ugly dudes?
503
00:38:03,197 --> 00:38:05,699
I am the Earl of Preston.
504
00:38:05,866 --> 00:38:09,536
And I am the Duke of Ted.
505
00:38:22,883 --> 00:38:26,219
Put them in the iron maiden.
506
00:38:26,387 --> 00:38:28,096
Iron Maiden?
507
00:38:28,264 --> 00:38:29,681
[Both] Excellent!
508
00:38:29,849 --> 00:38:31,850
- [Guitar solo plays]
- Execute them!
509
00:38:32,727 --> 00:38:34,394
[Both] Bogus.
510
00:38:36,772 --> 00:38:38,148
We'll save you, babes!
511
00:38:41,694 --> 00:38:43,737
[Man] Witches! Heretics!
512
00:38:43,904 --> 00:38:46,948
I saw them!
They fell from the sky!
513
00:38:47,116 --> 00:38:49,451
Heretics!
514
00:38:49,618 --> 00:38:51,453
They fell out of the sky!
515
00:38:52,371 --> 00:38:56,416
They had fire in their eyes,
and they had horns!
516
00:38:56,709 --> 00:38:59,252
[Fanfare plays]
517
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,135
Off with their heads!
518
00:39:07,303 --> 00:39:08,470
Oh, no.
519
00:39:13,267 --> 00:39:15,143
- Bill?
- What?
520
00:39:15,311 --> 00:39:20,190
I believe our adventure through time
has taken a most serious turn.
521
00:39:23,944 --> 00:39:26,529
[Grunting]
522
00:39:27,406 --> 00:39:29,115
- Huh?
- [Murmuring]
523
00:39:31,660 --> 00:39:33,328
- Billy!
- So-crates!
524
00:39:33,496 --> 00:39:34,954
Let's go!
525
00:39:36,832 --> 00:39:38,792
- Guards! After them!
- Ah!
526
00:39:38,959 --> 00:39:41,795
- So-crates!
- Bye, babes!
527
00:39:43,798 --> 00:39:45,799
[Bill] Catch you later, medieval dudes.
528
00:39:46,425 --> 00:39:48,635
Kill them! Guards!
529
00:39:52,932 --> 00:39:54,808
- [Man] Stop them! Stop them!
- [Shouting]
530
00:39:57,103 --> 00:39:58,478
[Ted] Hurry up, Billy!
531
00:39:59,814 --> 00:40:00,772
Get out of the way!
532
00:40:00,940 --> 00:40:03,316
Move out of the way!
Come on, get out of here!
533
00:40:05,486 --> 00:40:07,654
[Laughs]
534
00:40:16,539 --> 00:40:19,499
[All shouting]
535
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,765
[Socrates shouting]
536
00:40:35,933 --> 00:40:38,810
Whoa!
537
00:40:46,861 --> 00:40:48,194
Dial fast, dude!
538
00:40:51,198 --> 00:40:53,867
[Woman] I'm sorry, the number you have
dialed is not in service at this time.
539
00:40:54,034 --> 00:40:55,869
Please check your directory
and dial again.
540
00:40:56,036 --> 00:40:57,996
- Oh, no.
- Party on, dude.
541
00:41:01,709 --> 00:41:04,502
- Bill!
- [Dialing]
542
00:41:04,670 --> 00:41:06,671
OK, I got one, let's go!
543
00:41:09,508 --> 00:41:12,594
[All shouting]
544
00:41:12,761 --> 00:41:15,263
[Electrical fizzling]
545
00:41:16,515 --> 00:41:18,892
[Shouting]
546
00:41:31,071 --> 00:41:34,324
[Slow electric guitar music playing]
547
00:41:40,998 --> 00:41:42,999
You guys stay here.
548
00:41:45,586 --> 00:41:47,587
[Whispers] Where are we, dude?
549
00:41:48,797 --> 00:41:50,215
I don't know.
550
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:54,260
They sure do play excellent music.
551
00:41:54,428 --> 00:41:56,513
Most outstanding.
552
00:42:16,033 --> 00:42:18,743
- It's you.
- Yeah!
553
00:42:18,911 --> 00:42:20,537
It's us!
554
00:42:20,704 --> 00:42:22,330
Who are we?
555
00:42:22,498 --> 00:42:25,500
[♪ Robbie Robb: "In Time"]
556
00:43:12,089 --> 00:43:15,008
Bill, I think they
want us to say something.
557
00:43:16,218 --> 00:43:17,844
What should I say?
558
00:43:19,013 --> 00:43:20,263
Make something up.
559
00:43:28,981 --> 00:43:31,691
Be excellent to each other.
560
00:43:31,859 --> 00:43:36,195
[Gasping, murmuring]
561
00:43:38,324 --> 00:43:39,991
Party on, dudes!
562
00:43:40,784 --> 00:43:43,036
- Good one, dude.
- [Chuckles]
563
00:43:47,916 --> 00:43:51,169
Well, we gotta get back to our report.
564
00:43:51,337 --> 00:43:53,129
Yeah, we'd take you with us,
565
00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:57,175
but it's a history report,
not a future report.
566
00:44:00,679 --> 00:44:02,055
Later.
567
00:44:02,765 --> 00:44:04,140
[All] Later.
568
00:44:07,394 --> 00:44:09,395
Let's get back
and do our report.
569
00:44:09,563 --> 00:44:11,356
Good idea.
570
00:44:17,196 --> 00:44:20,156
[Electrical fizzling]
571
00:44:28,248 --> 00:44:31,084
- Dude, where're we going?
- I don't know.
572
00:44:31,251 --> 00:44:32,627
I think the booth's broke.
573
00:44:32,795 --> 00:44:36,673
We gotta keep going to San Dimas
until we get back and get Napoleon.
574
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:38,966
[Bells ringing,
video game sound effects]
575
00:44:39,134 --> 00:44:40,426
Behold.
576
00:44:40,594 --> 00:44:42,762
Behold, the Ziggy Pig.
577
00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:46,516
The single greatest ice cream spectacle
known to man.
578
00:44:46,684 --> 00:44:48,810
[Chanting] Eat the pig.
Eat the pig.
579
00:44:48,977 --> 00:44:51,312
Ziggy, ziggy, ziggy, zig!
580
00:44:52,314 --> 00:44:54,607
Whoo-hoo!
581
00:44:54,775 --> 00:44:57,026
[Speaking French]
582
00:44:59,279 --> 00:45:02,740
It's ice cream.
You eat it.
583
00:45:04,451 --> 00:45:05,493
It's good.
584
00:45:07,913 --> 00:45:09,080
[Speaking French]
585
00:45:10,165 --> 00:45:11,624
Whatever, just eat it.
586
00:45:15,546 --> 00:45:16,546
[Napoleon] Hm...
587
00:45:25,889 --> 00:45:27,682
[belches]
588
00:45:29,017 --> 00:45:31,936
[Whooping, bells ringing]
589
00:45:32,104 --> 00:45:35,148
All behold, he ate the pig.
590
00:45:35,315 --> 00:45:39,318
Thus proving that he's a Ziggy Piggy,
591
00:45:39,486 --> 00:45:43,156
Ziggy Piggy, Ziggy Piggy.
592
00:45:43,323 --> 00:45:45,700
[Snorting]
593
00:45:58,338 --> 00:45:59,881
What's that?
594
00:46:04,011 --> 00:46:05,344
I don't know.
595
00:46:09,683 --> 00:46:12,018
- Shit!
- Whoa!
596
00:46:12,186 --> 00:46:15,313
[Yelling]
597
00:46:28,327 --> 00:46:31,370
[Rumbling]
598
00:46:31,538 --> 00:46:34,373
[Electrical fizzling]
599
00:46:35,125 --> 00:46:36,626
Where'd we land now?
600
00:46:38,128 --> 00:46:40,254
Dude, it's Sigmund Freud.
601
00:46:40,422 --> 00:46:42,632
How much time have we got left?
602
00:46:43,383 --> 00:46:45,259
Tons! Why?
603
00:46:45,427 --> 00:46:47,637
Extra credit, dude!
604
00:46:51,391 --> 00:46:52,975
How's it going, Freud dude?
605
00:46:55,062 --> 00:46:56,854
[Speaking German]
606
00:47:03,946 --> 00:47:06,072
Let go of me.
What are you doing?
607
00:47:09,076 --> 00:47:11,369
[Classical piano playing]
608
00:47:38,313 --> 00:47:40,022
[Electrical fizzling]
609
00:47:40,190 --> 00:47:42,608
[Crashing]
610
00:47:44,945 --> 00:47:48,906
- [Crowd murmuring]
- [Speaking German]
611
00:47:49,074 --> 00:47:50,449
[Bill] Come on, So-crates.
612
00:47:50,617 --> 00:47:52,076
[Man shouting in German]
613
00:47:52,244 --> 00:47:54,495
[Electrical fizzling]
614
00:48:17,394 --> 00:48:20,146
- [Rumbling]
- [Whispering in French]
615
00:48:20,314 --> 00:48:23,816
- [Electrical fizzling]
- [Crashing]
616
00:48:23,984 --> 00:48:26,152
[♪ Power Tool:
"Two Heads Are Better Than One"]
617
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:28,237
[Gasps]
618
00:48:40,334 --> 00:48:42,418
[Ted] Welcome aboard, Ms. Joan of Arc.
619
00:48:43,170 --> 00:48:45,880
My name's Ted, and this is Bill.
620
00:48:46,048 --> 00:48:47,840
[Rumbling]
621
00:49:00,812 --> 00:49:02,355
[Spits]
622
00:49:06,026 --> 00:49:08,861
- [Rumbling, electrical fizzling]
- Oh!
623
00:49:12,866 --> 00:49:14,533
Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan?
624
00:49:14,701 --> 00:49:16,243
Say "please."
625
00:49:16,411 --> 00:49:19,372
Mm...
626
00:49:19,539 --> 00:49:21,040
Come on, guys! Jump him!
627
00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:22,750
- [Thunder cracking]
- [All gasping]
628
00:49:22,918 --> 00:49:24,251
[Electrical fizzling]
629
00:49:24,419 --> 00:49:26,212
[Knocking]
630
00:49:26,380 --> 00:49:27,380
[Billy the Kid] Candygram.
631
00:49:38,350 --> 00:49:41,686
- Yes, what can I...
- [grunting]
632
00:49:43,522 --> 00:49:47,441
- [Electrical fizzling]
- [Shouting]
633
00:49:47,609 --> 00:49:51,779
We've got plenty of time,
but we don't have any more room left.
634
00:49:51,947 --> 00:49:54,073
- [Bill] Ted, we're outta control.
- [Ted] What?
635
00:49:54,241 --> 00:49:57,827
The next place we stop we gotta try and
figure out what's wrong with the booth.
636
00:49:57,995 --> 00:50:00,246
[All shouting]
637
00:50:02,416 --> 00:50:04,417
[Fizzling]
638
00:50:06,294 --> 00:50:09,964
Bill, I think I got an idea
what's wrong.
639
00:50:10,132 --> 00:50:11,298
What?
640
00:50:11,466 --> 00:50:14,010
[Ted] The antenna's broken.
641
00:50:16,096 --> 00:50:19,098
[Both screaming]
642
00:50:21,977 --> 00:50:23,769
Yeah! All right.
643
00:50:52,966 --> 00:50:54,884
[Speaking French]
644
00:51:11,651 --> 00:51:14,779
[Yelling in French]
645
00:51:16,907 --> 00:51:17,990
Come on, let's ditch him.
646
00:51:24,331 --> 00:51:34,006
[Speaking French]
647
00:51:34,174 --> 00:51:36,008
Hold on there.
Not so fast, buddy.
648
00:51:36,176 --> 00:51:39,553
- Buddy?
- You ain't paid yet.
649
00:51:39,721 --> 00:51:42,056
- Pay?
- Pay.
650
00:51:46,686 --> 00:51:49,271
I don't want to see you
around here anymore! Beat it!
651
00:51:49,439 --> 00:51:50,898
[Speaking French]
652
00:51:51,066 --> 00:51:52,691
Beat it, buddy!
653
00:51:54,194 --> 00:51:55,486
Idiot!
654
00:52:12,420 --> 00:52:13,420
Deacon!
655
00:52:18,385 --> 00:52:21,011
[Birds calling]
656
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:28,227
Here is a treat
to make a minor prehistoric pit stop
657
00:52:28,395 --> 00:52:30,271
a bit more enjoyable.
658
00:52:32,524 --> 00:52:33,524
Thank you.
659
00:52:42,617 --> 00:52:43,909
Uh-oh.
660
00:53:02,095 --> 00:53:03,554
Thanks, guys.
661
00:53:07,392 --> 00:53:08,934
I sure hope this works.
662
00:53:17,152 --> 00:53:19,945
[Electrical crackling]
663
00:53:23,742 --> 00:53:25,492
I think it's working, dude.
664
00:53:26,244 --> 00:53:28,996
[Grunting]
665
00:53:30,207 --> 00:53:32,875
[Shouting]
666
00:53:38,632 --> 00:53:40,174
Just a little farther...
667
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:41,967
...I hope!
668
00:53:48,934 --> 00:53:51,560
Hey! That's us.
669
00:53:51,728 --> 00:53:53,187
We're back in San Dimas.
670
00:53:53,355 --> 00:53:57,524
[Bill] Yeah, only now it's not now.
It's last night.
671
00:53:57,692 --> 00:53:59,235
- Dude.
- What?
672
00:53:59,402 --> 00:54:01,237
Let's go talk to ourselves.
673
00:54:01,404 --> 00:54:02,863
Excellent.
674
00:54:03,031 --> 00:54:04,323
What do we say anyway, anyways?
675
00:54:04,491 --> 00:54:07,618
I don't know.
Let's go find out.
676
00:54:08,536 --> 00:54:10,537
[Both] Sixty-nine, dudes!
677
00:54:10,705 --> 00:54:13,165
[Both] Whoa!
678
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:15,709
[Ted] Look dudes, we've gotta go.
679
00:54:15,877 --> 00:54:17,670
Rufus!
680
00:54:18,797 --> 00:54:21,757
Listen to this dude Rufus,
he knows what he's talking about.
681
00:54:21,925 --> 00:54:26,262
Right. Oh, and Ted,
give my love to the princesses.
682
00:54:27,180 --> 00:54:29,848
- Who?
- You'll see.
683
00:54:31,184 --> 00:54:33,560
Gentlemen, is everything all right?
684
00:54:33,728 --> 00:54:37,022
Yeah, except how come
the number we dialed for San Dimas
685
00:54:37,190 --> 00:54:39,817
brought us here
instead of to tomorrow, Rufus?
686
00:54:39,985 --> 00:54:42,987
Because in San Dimas
it is tomorrow, William.
687
00:54:43,154 --> 00:54:45,531
You have to dial one number higher.
688
00:54:45,699 --> 00:54:49,201
Oh, yeah. Thanks Rufus.
689
00:54:49,369 --> 00:54:51,870
And you better hurry,
because you don't have much time.
690
00:54:52,038 --> 00:54:54,957
What do you mean, Rufus?
We got ten hours left.
691
00:54:55,875 --> 00:54:58,419
You got two hours.
692
00:54:58,586 --> 00:55:01,213
Ted, you forgot to wind
your watch again.
693
00:55:01,381 --> 00:55:03,549
Even after you reminded yourself not to.
694
00:55:03,717 --> 00:55:05,718
Well, I better remind myself again.
695
00:55:05,885 --> 00:55:09,013
Ted, don't forget to wind your watch!
696
00:55:10,056 --> 00:55:12,016
[Both] Thanks, Rufus.
697
00:55:14,352 --> 00:55:15,894
[Both] Catch ya later, Bill and Ted.
698
00:55:17,856 --> 00:55:20,858
That conversation
made more sense this time.
699
00:55:21,026 --> 00:55:22,943
Ted, you're too tall, man.
700
00:55:23,111 --> 00:55:26,447
- [Grunting]
- [Muttering]
701
00:55:30,243 --> 00:55:32,911
- [Humming]
- [Electrical crackling]
702
00:55:33,079 --> 00:55:35,080
[Shouting]
703
00:55:35,248 --> 00:55:37,583
- [Bill] Great, we made it!
- Huh?
704
00:55:37,751 --> 00:55:38,751
[Billy the Kid] Whoa!
705
00:55:38,918 --> 00:55:43,797
- Who's the señorita? She's cute.
- [Ted] It's his mom, dude.
706
00:55:47,427 --> 00:55:51,013
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Missy. I mean Mom.
707
00:55:51,181 --> 00:55:55,642
Uh, Mrs. Preston, we'd like you
to meet some of our friends.
708
00:55:55,810 --> 00:55:59,271
Yeah, this is, uh, Dave Beethoven.
709
00:55:59,439 --> 00:56:01,231
Ah. [speaking German]
710
00:56:01,399 --> 00:56:05,778
And, uh... Maxine of Arc.
Missy.
711
00:56:06,571 --> 00:56:08,197
Herman the Kid.
712
00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:10,282
Bob Genghis Khan.
713
00:56:11,368 --> 00:56:13,702
- So-crates Johnson.
- Hi.
714
00:56:13,870 --> 00:56:16,997
Dennis Freud and, uh...
715
00:56:19,959 --> 00:56:21,502
...Abraham Lincoln.
716
00:56:22,337 --> 00:56:24,671
Well, it's nice to meet you all.
717
00:56:24,839 --> 00:56:26,382
There are sodas in the fridge.
718
00:56:28,259 --> 00:56:30,052
Mom, can you give us a ride someplace?
719
00:56:30,220 --> 00:56:33,389
Bill, I'm not taking you anywhere
until you do your chores.
720
00:57:09,968 --> 00:57:11,468
[All] Done!
721
00:57:13,304 --> 00:57:15,597
This is the San Dimas mall.
722
00:57:15,765 --> 00:57:18,892
And this is where people
of today's world hang out.
723
00:57:20,103 --> 00:57:22,438
All right, everybody,
watch your step getting off.
724
00:57:22,605 --> 00:57:25,190
Beethoven, make sure you
don't get sucked under.
725
00:57:28,027 --> 00:57:30,696
Everybody get together,
remember who your buddy is.
726
00:57:32,031 --> 00:57:34,366
So-crates, watch out
for your robe, dude.
727
00:57:37,704 --> 00:57:41,081
OK, follow me.
728
00:57:41,374 --> 00:57:44,585
You've got your Broadway down here,
and got your Sears over here.
729
00:57:45,503 --> 00:57:47,504
The stratification of our society
730
00:57:47,672 --> 00:57:49,715
is much like Marie Antoinette's.
731
00:57:49,883 --> 00:57:52,384
The few possess much,
while the masses
732
00:57:52,552 --> 00:57:54,803
possess little
but their television sets.
733
00:57:54,971 --> 00:57:57,264
This dichotomy led to a revolution
734
00:57:57,432 --> 00:58:00,184
in which Antoinette
and her husband were beheaded.
735
00:58:00,351 --> 00:58:03,103
Today, leaders are impeached
rather than beheaded.
736
00:58:04,230 --> 00:58:08,400
Still, while in her day, Marie
Antoinette said "Let them eat cake,"
737
00:58:08,568 --> 00:58:11,361
perhaps today she would say,
"Let them eat fast food."
738
00:58:11,529 --> 00:58:14,198
[Applause]
739
00:58:17,911 --> 00:58:21,288
- Enjoy.
- OK, look around, see what you think.
740
00:58:21,456 --> 00:58:24,208
We'll be back as soon
as we find Napoleon. OK?
741
00:58:24,375 --> 00:58:27,002
Come on, dude, we don't got much time.
742
00:58:27,754 --> 00:58:29,588
Yes, but what do we...
743
00:58:30,089 --> 00:58:31,924
You ditched Napoleon?!
744
00:58:32,091 --> 00:58:35,636
Deacon, do you realize you've stranded
one of Europe's greatest leaders
745
00:58:35,803 --> 00:58:37,930
- in San Dimas?
- He was a dick.
746
00:58:41,142 --> 00:58:43,810
Well... how are we gonna find him?
747
00:58:47,232 --> 00:58:52,319
OK, wait, if we were one of
the greatest generals in history,
748
00:58:52,487 --> 00:58:58,242
and we were stranded in San Dimas
for one day, where would we go?
749
00:59:01,871 --> 00:59:03,622
[Both] Waterloo!
750
00:59:03,790 --> 00:59:05,624
[Rock music plays]
751
00:59:05,792 --> 00:59:07,251
[Children laughing]
752
00:59:16,344 --> 00:59:18,262
Eleven children, please.
753
00:59:18,429 --> 00:59:20,180
Are you OK?
754
00:59:31,651 --> 00:59:33,110
[Speaking French]
755
00:59:33,278 --> 00:59:35,153
[Screaming]
756
00:59:47,458 --> 00:59:49,501
[Child] This is fun!
757
00:59:49,669 --> 00:59:51,962
[Speaking French]
758
00:59:52,714 --> 00:59:54,464
Buddy, you're holding up the line!
759
00:59:58,803 --> 01:00:00,053
[Speaking French]
760
01:00:00,221 --> 01:00:01,388
Come on, buddy.
761
01:00:01,556 --> 01:00:03,515
[Screaming]
762
01:00:03,683 --> 01:00:06,101
[♪ Vital Signs:
"The Boys And Girls Are Doing lt"]
763
01:00:20,450 --> 01:00:21,992
[Giggling shout]
764
01:00:26,247 --> 01:00:28,707
[Laughing]
765
01:00:34,005 --> 01:00:37,132
[Shouting in French]
766
01:01:12,085 --> 01:01:13,585
[Inaudible dialogue]
767
01:01:24,138 --> 01:01:25,722
[Speaking French]
768
01:01:25,890 --> 01:01:28,934
Come on, Napoleon.
Everybody's waiting for us.
769
01:01:29,102 --> 01:01:31,853
- No, no, no!
- Yes, yes, yes!
770
01:01:35,358 --> 01:01:39,611
[Woman] Why be soft and flabby
when you can be firm and trim?
771
01:01:39,779 --> 01:01:43,240
When you can have a body that cries out,
"Look at me, admire me."
772
01:01:43,408 --> 01:01:46,326
With our specialized weight training
and aerobics program,
773
01:01:46,494 --> 01:01:50,205
we can help you attain the kind of body
you've only dreamed of having.
774
01:01:50,373 --> 01:01:53,500
- All right, let's go ladies!
- [Up-tempo music plays]
775
01:01:53,668 --> 01:01:56,294
You guys are looking great!
776
01:01:56,462 --> 01:02:00,424
OK, jumping jacks. Jump! Jump!
777
01:02:05,471 --> 01:02:07,180
You a musician?
778
01:02:09,851 --> 01:02:12,018
Well here, try this.
779
01:02:12,186 --> 01:02:14,229
[Electronic tune plays]
780
01:02:26,325 --> 01:02:28,910
[Laughing]
781
01:02:30,955 --> 01:02:32,664
[Playing random notes]
782
01:02:35,626 --> 01:02:37,502
[Woman] What is?
783
01:02:38,838 --> 01:02:41,173
- What are they doing?
- [Inaudible dialogue]
784
01:02:41,799 --> 01:02:43,633
Look at his sandals. Ooh!
785
01:02:45,136 --> 01:02:47,387
- [Woman 1] I don't know.
- [Woman 2] He's creepy.
786
01:02:47,555 --> 01:02:50,098
- Weird, huh?
- Oh, they're coming over.
787
01:02:53,352 --> 01:02:58,398
Hi. I'm Billy, this here is So-crates.
788
01:02:58,566 --> 01:03:00,776
- Socrates.
- We're from history.
789
01:03:00,943 --> 01:03:01,902
[Girls laughing]
790
01:03:02,069 --> 01:03:03,904
[Chuckles nervously]
791
01:03:04,071 --> 01:03:08,241
Hello, I'm Dr. Freud.
But you may call me Siggy.
792
01:03:08,409 --> 01:03:10,535
- Oh, my God!
- [Laughing]
793
01:03:11,579 --> 01:03:15,916
You both seem to be suffering
from a mild form of hysteria.
794
01:03:16,834 --> 01:03:19,085
You are such a geek.
795
01:03:22,507 --> 01:03:24,424
Way to go, egghead.
796
01:03:26,260 --> 01:03:29,805
- Geek! [laughs]
- What is a "geek"?
797
01:03:32,558 --> 01:03:33,725
Huh...
798
01:03:34,894 --> 01:03:36,394
Oh...
799
01:03:39,357 --> 01:03:40,774
Oh.
800
01:03:48,449 --> 01:03:50,367
[Grunting]
801
01:03:53,204 --> 01:03:54,579
[Shouting]
802
01:03:55,164 --> 01:03:58,583
- [Buzzer sounds]
- [Grunting]
803
01:03:58,751 --> 01:04:00,418
[Shouting]
804
01:04:02,380 --> 01:04:04,256
I need some help.
I've got a live one here.
805
01:04:08,511 --> 01:04:09,636
- OK...
- Thank you.
806
01:04:09,804 --> 01:04:11,638
...I need the Lincoln hat
and the stupid beard back.
807
01:04:11,806 --> 01:04:15,642
You don't understand,
I'm Abraham Lincoln.
808
01:04:15,810 --> 01:04:17,394
Yeah, right. Ha, ha, ha.
809
01:04:17,562 --> 01:04:18,645
Now, come on, mister...
810
01:04:18,813 --> 01:04:21,481
This is my hat and my beard.
I am!
811
01:04:21,649 --> 01:04:23,525
[Up-tempo classical music plays]
812
01:04:25,611 --> 01:04:28,113
[Classical and rock styles combined]
813
01:04:29,907 --> 01:04:32,117
Keep it up!
You're looking great!
814
01:04:47,300 --> 01:04:49,801
Yah!
815
01:04:51,178 --> 01:04:52,679
[Man] Hey! That crazy there!
816
01:04:52,847 --> 01:04:54,764
- Son, hold it right there.
- Get that guy off there.
817
01:04:54,932 --> 01:04:55,932
Oh!
818
01:04:59,145 --> 01:05:00,812
[Man] Stop him!
819
01:05:01,647 --> 01:05:03,148
[Shouting]
820
01:05:05,234 --> 01:05:07,319
- Yee-haw!
- [Gunshot]
821
01:05:07,486 --> 01:05:09,446
- Ya-ha!
- [Gun clicking]
822
01:05:09,614 --> 01:05:12,198
[Rock mix continues]
823
01:05:13,659 --> 01:05:15,785
- No, Sig, over here.
- Sorry, miss.
824
01:05:15,953 --> 01:05:16,912
Excuse me, miss.
825
01:05:17,079 --> 01:05:19,623
- Move, move.
- Pardon me.
826
01:05:20,708 --> 01:05:22,125
[Freud] Oh, no.
827
01:05:22,293 --> 01:05:24,002
I demand a lawyer.
828
01:05:24,170 --> 01:05:26,004
Don't get smart with me, buddy.
Let's go.
829
01:05:31,010 --> 01:05:33,178
[Indistinct chatter]
830
01:05:38,476 --> 01:05:40,101
[Indistinct protests]
831
01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:44,022
Hey, there they are!
832
01:05:45,650 --> 01:05:48,944
[All shouting]
833
01:05:50,529 --> 01:05:52,697
Ah!
834
01:05:52,865 --> 01:05:54,908
[Man] All right, come on, Grandpa.
835
01:05:55,201 --> 01:05:57,160
[Grunting]
836
01:05:59,413 --> 01:06:00,747
[Both] Bogus!
837
01:06:00,915 --> 01:06:03,500
[All shouting]
838
01:06:03,668 --> 01:06:05,126
That's enough.
839
01:06:13,761 --> 01:06:16,054
Mom, can't you go any faster?
840
01:06:16,222 --> 01:06:19,057
[Tires screeching]
841
01:06:21,519 --> 01:06:23,770
[Phone ringing]
842
01:06:27,358 --> 01:06:29,859
[Speaking foreign language]
843
01:06:31,737 --> 01:06:35,448
I want to know why
you claim to be Sigmund Freud.
844
01:06:35,616 --> 01:06:38,201
Why do you claim
I'm not Sigmund Freud?
845
01:06:38,369 --> 01:06:41,121
Why do you keep asking me
these questions?
846
01:06:42,123 --> 01:06:43,748
Tell me about your mother.
847
01:06:44,458 --> 01:06:47,335
- Oh, God.
- Would you like a couch to lie on?
848
01:06:47,503 --> 01:06:49,546
No, I don't want a couch to lie on.
849
01:06:49,714 --> 01:06:52,382
[Shouting in German]
850
01:06:56,929 --> 01:06:58,555
All right, what's your name?
851
01:06:58,723 --> 01:07:00,098
Abraham Lincoln.
852
01:07:00,266 --> 01:07:03,768
That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N.
853
01:07:03,936 --> 01:07:06,187
I know how to spell Lincoln.
854
01:07:08,941 --> 01:07:10,900
What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln?
855
01:07:11,068 --> 01:07:14,988
February 12th, 1809.
856
01:07:18,242 --> 01:07:21,119
[Boy] Everything is different,
but the same.
857
01:07:21,287 --> 01:07:25,248
Things are more moderner than before,
858
01:07:25,416 --> 01:07:29,669
bigger, and yet smaller.
859
01:07:29,837 --> 01:07:31,463
[Laughter]
860
01:07:33,799 --> 01:07:35,216
It's computers.
861
01:07:38,846 --> 01:07:41,639
- [Indistinct shouts]
- [Boy] Take your time!
862
01:07:42,683 --> 01:07:44,976
San Dimas High School football rules!
863
01:07:45,144 --> 01:07:47,312
[Cheering]
864
01:07:59,325 --> 01:08:01,993
[Ted] I can't believe
my dad arrested them all.
865
01:08:03,662 --> 01:08:05,038
What are we gonna do?
866
01:08:05,206 --> 01:08:08,333
OK, Ted, you go in and talk to your dad.
I'm gonna scope the place out.
867
01:08:08,501 --> 01:08:12,128
Missy, I mean Mom,
please keep an eye on Napoleon.
868
01:08:14,632 --> 01:08:15,632
Stay!
869
01:08:20,513 --> 01:08:22,555
All right, lock him up
with the rest of those wackos.
870
01:08:22,723 --> 01:08:24,557
- I am a lawyer, you know...
- Dad!
871
01:08:24,725 --> 01:08:27,393
- You pack your bags, Ted.
- What?
872
01:08:27,561 --> 01:08:28,686
You're going to military school.
873
01:08:28,854 --> 01:08:30,522
- But, Dad...
- No, I don't want to hear it, Ted.
874
01:08:30,689 --> 01:08:32,357
- But...
- Ted, you go home
875
01:08:32,525 --> 01:08:34,442
and you pack your bags, now!
876
01:08:42,076 --> 01:08:43,701
- How'd it go?
- Bad.
877
01:08:43,869 --> 01:08:47,539
Our historical figures are all locked up
and my dad won't let them out.
878
01:08:48,624 --> 01:08:50,041
Can we get your dad's keys?
879
01:08:50,209 --> 01:08:53,086
I could steal them,
but he lost them two days ago.
880
01:08:53,254 --> 01:08:57,215
If only we could go back in time to
when he had them and steal them then.
881
01:08:58,134 --> 01:09:00,552
Well, why can't we?
882
01:09:00,719 --> 01:09:02,053
'Cause we don't got time.
883
01:09:02,221 --> 01:09:04,222
We could do it after the report.
884
01:09:05,182 --> 01:09:06,975
Ted, good thinking, dude!
885
01:09:07,143 --> 01:09:09,811
After the report, we'll time travel
back to two days ago,
886
01:09:09,979 --> 01:09:12,397
steal your dad's keys,
and leave them here.
887
01:09:12,565 --> 01:09:14,232
- Where?
- I don't know.
888
01:09:14,400 --> 01:09:16,568
How about behind that sign?
889
01:09:16,735 --> 01:09:19,988
That way, when we get here now,
they'll be waiting for us.
890
01:09:22,241 --> 01:09:24,576
- See?
- Whoa! Yeah!
891
01:09:24,743 --> 01:09:28,872
So, after the report we can't forget
to do this, otherwise it won't happen.
892
01:09:29,039 --> 01:09:32,917
But it did happen!
Hey, it was me who stole my dad's keys!
893
01:09:33,085 --> 01:09:35,086
Exactly, Ted.
Come on.
894
01:09:35,254 --> 01:09:38,673
[Horn honking]
895
01:09:38,841 --> 01:09:40,049
- Mom?
- Yes?
896
01:09:40,217 --> 01:09:42,177
Can you please
bring the car around back?
897
01:09:42,344 --> 01:09:43,178
Sure.
898
01:09:44,805 --> 01:09:48,933
Come on, Ted. We've got
some historical figures to rescue.
899
01:09:49,101 --> 01:09:50,518
Over and out.
900
01:10:06,702 --> 01:10:08,786
How are we gonna get past my dad?
901
01:10:10,247 --> 01:10:12,207
You got a tape recorder at home?
902
01:10:12,374 --> 01:10:14,751
- Yeah.
- OK.
903
01:10:15,586 --> 01:10:17,629
- Remember to get the tape recorder.
- Yeah.
904
01:10:17,796 --> 01:10:22,300
Set a timer on it for, uh... 2:13.
905
01:10:22,468 --> 01:10:24,344
- Got it?
- Got it!
906
01:10:27,014 --> 01:10:28,806
What am I gonna say on it?
907
01:10:28,974 --> 01:10:31,935
[Ted on tape recorder] Dad! Hey, Dad!
908
01:10:32,102 --> 01:10:34,187
It's you, dude.
909
01:10:38,692 --> 01:10:39,734
Ted?
910
01:10:39,902 --> 01:10:41,152
[Ted] I'm over here.
911
01:10:43,447 --> 01:10:45,865
Yeah, this way.
912
01:10:46,033 --> 01:10:48,993
[Guitar solo plays]
913
01:11:07,554 --> 01:11:09,472
Whoa. Check it out.
914
01:11:11,558 --> 01:11:14,686
"Dear Bill and Ted,
good luck on the report.
915
01:11:14,853 --> 01:11:19,399
Sincerely, Bill S. Preston, Esquire
and Ted "Theodore" Logan."
916
01:11:19,566 --> 01:11:20,984
That was nice of us.
917
01:11:21,151 --> 01:11:24,362
"P.S. Duck!"
918
01:11:30,035 --> 01:11:31,828
- Excellent work, dude.
- Way to go!
919
01:11:31,996 --> 01:11:33,162
Come on.
920
01:11:41,213 --> 01:11:45,008
- [Speaking foreign language]
- Shh!
921
01:11:45,175 --> 01:11:49,554
- [Speaking French]
- Time is of the essence.
922
01:11:49,722 --> 01:11:52,765
May I ask that you all work together
so that we can get down to the car.
923
01:11:52,933 --> 01:11:54,892
Very quiet now. Quiet.
924
01:11:56,812 --> 01:11:59,564
Against the wall.
Single file.
925
01:12:00,399 --> 01:12:02,567
- Hurry up, Billy.
- How do we get out of here?
926
01:12:03,610 --> 01:12:05,611
[Ted] Over here, Dad.
927
01:12:05,779 --> 01:12:06,904
Down here!
928
01:12:07,072 --> 01:12:09,157
[Bill] Way to go, dude.
We stalled him.
929
01:12:09,325 --> 01:12:11,075
[Ted] What else do I say?
930
01:12:11,243 --> 01:12:14,078
And now, opening for Iron Maiden...
931
01:12:14,246 --> 01:12:16,748
[Bill and Ted]... Wyld Stallyns!
932
01:12:19,793 --> 01:12:22,628
- Come on, Bill, put your back into it.
- Ted?
933
01:12:22,796 --> 01:12:24,964
What in the hell
do you think you're doing?
934
01:12:25,132 --> 01:12:28,426
Trash can.
Remember a trash can!
935
01:12:28,594 --> 01:12:30,261
Trash can?
What are you talking about?
936
01:12:30,429 --> 01:12:33,556
- Get this thing off me, Ted!
- Sorry, Dad,
937
01:12:33,724 --> 01:12:36,100
but we've got to go pass
our history report.
938
01:12:36,268 --> 01:12:39,604
- Oh, by the way, I found your keys.
- Ted!
939
01:12:39,772 --> 01:12:42,815
Ted, where are you?
Get this off me! Ted!
940
01:12:49,281 --> 01:12:52,283
In conclusion,
I think Abraham Lincoln
941
01:12:52,451 --> 01:12:55,620
would be most impressed
with the world of San Dimas.
942
01:12:55,788 --> 01:12:59,791
- I know I am.
- [Laughter, applause]
943
01:13:07,591 --> 01:13:11,469
- Down the hall, to the left.
- Quiet.
944
01:13:12,805 --> 01:13:17,225
And I'm sure I speak for Mr. Ward
and Mrs. Rowe when I say
945
01:13:17,393 --> 01:13:19,811
that your reports were very entertaining
946
01:13:19,978 --> 01:13:22,105
and very informative for all of us.
947
01:13:22,940 --> 01:13:27,443
So, it seems we may be one report short
today, so we'll leave just a bit early.
948
01:13:27,611 --> 01:13:29,987
[Cheering]
949
01:13:30,155 --> 01:13:33,324
But once again, I want to thank you
all for your very hard work...
950
01:13:33,492 --> 01:13:37,036
- [all gasping]
- Hey, who turned out the lights?
951
01:13:37,204 --> 01:13:38,913
[Overlapping chatter]
952
01:13:40,165 --> 01:13:42,375
[Bill] Hello, San Dimas.
953
01:13:42,543 --> 01:13:47,046
Please welcome,
for the final report of the afternoon,
954
01:13:47,214 --> 01:13:48,923
from all throughout history,
955
01:13:49,091 --> 01:13:52,218
some of the greatest people
who have ever lived,
956
01:13:52,386 --> 01:13:56,973
in their 1988 World Tour!
957
01:13:57,141 --> 01:14:00,101
[Up-tempo guitar music plays]
958
01:14:04,857 --> 01:14:08,151
How's it going?
I'm Billy the Kid.
959
01:14:08,318 --> 01:14:10,403
[Overlapping chatter]
960
01:14:16,493 --> 01:14:18,369
[Indistinct shouts]
961
01:14:21,623 --> 01:14:24,417
I'd like you all
to put your hands together.
962
01:14:31,133 --> 01:14:34,260
And now, my good friends,
963
01:14:34,428 --> 01:14:38,139
Bill S. Preston, Esquire,
964
01:14:38,307 --> 01:14:42,226
and Ted "Theodore" Logan! Whoo!
965
01:14:42,394 --> 01:14:44,562
- Thank you! Thank you!
- [Applause]
966
01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:48,065
[Both] Hello, San Dimas High!
967
01:14:48,233 --> 01:14:54,113
Mr. Ryan, fellow distinguished
classmates, teachers, babes.
968
01:14:54,823 --> 01:14:56,699
Our first speaker was born
969
01:14:56,867 --> 01:15:00,286
- in the year 470 B.C.
- Hi, long time no see.
970
01:15:00,454 --> 01:15:02,580
A time when much of the world
971
01:15:02,748 --> 01:15:06,083
looked like the cover of the
Led Zeppelin album Houses ofthe Holy.
972
01:15:06,251 --> 01:15:07,793
We were there.
973
01:15:07,961 --> 01:15:11,797
There were many steps and columns,
it was most tranquil.
974
01:15:11,965 --> 01:15:15,718
He is sometimes known
as the father of modern thought.
975
01:15:15,886 --> 01:15:19,764
He was the teacher of Plato, who was in
turn the teacher of Aristotle.
976
01:15:19,932 --> 01:15:25,436
And like Ozzy Osbourne, was repeatedly
accused of corruption of the young.
977
01:15:25,604 --> 01:15:28,606
And since he doesn't speak English,
my friend Ted here,
978
01:15:28,774 --> 01:15:30,608
is going to interpret for him.
979
01:15:30,776 --> 01:15:33,569
So please welcome,
to tell us what he thinks of San Dimas,
980
01:15:33,737 --> 01:15:37,406
the most bodacious philosophizer
in Ancient Greece...
981
01:15:37,950 --> 01:15:39,617
[both]... Socrates!
982
01:15:39,785 --> 01:15:42,119
[Applause]
983
01:15:42,287 --> 01:15:45,540
...is totally out of control. I got
a good idea where he gets it from.
984
01:15:45,707 --> 01:15:48,668
I mean if you and that wife of yours
would show a little discipline
985
01:15:48,835 --> 01:15:50,753
maybe your son wouldn't be
such a bad influence.
986
01:15:50,921 --> 01:15:52,713
Is discipline your key
to the success with Ted?
987
01:15:52,881 --> 01:15:55,633
Yes, it is! He's going to an
Alaskan military school.
988
01:15:55,801 --> 01:15:59,136
[Ted] He loves you best...
989
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:03,307
...in all the world.
990
01:16:04,268 --> 01:16:05,685
What are they doing up there?
991
01:16:07,229 --> 01:16:08,312
He also loves...
992
01:16:09,773 --> 01:16:11,107
...baseball!
993
01:16:12,150 --> 01:16:15,820
[Freud] Therefore, Ted's father's
own fear of failure
994
01:16:15,988 --> 01:16:18,114
has caused him to make his son
995
01:16:18,282 --> 01:16:20,658
the embodiment of all of his own
996
01:16:20,826 --> 01:16:25,162
deepest anxieties about himself.
997
01:16:25,330 --> 01:16:30,167
And, hence, his aggression
transference onto Ted.
998
01:16:32,546 --> 01:16:35,590
- Whoa!
- OK, Ted?
999
01:16:37,843 --> 01:16:40,928
Yes, thank you very much,
Sigmund Freud.
1000
01:16:42,347 --> 01:16:43,681
Hm?
1001
01:16:44,725 --> 01:16:47,560
Nah, just got a minor Oedipal complex.
1002
01:16:49,688 --> 01:16:52,315
It is indeed a pleasure
to introduce to you
1003
01:16:52,482 --> 01:16:57,737
a gentleman we picked up in
Medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.
1004
01:16:57,904 --> 01:17:01,365
Please welcome
the very excellent barbarian...
1005
01:17:01,533 --> 01:17:04,160
[both]... Mr. Genghis Khan.
1006
01:17:04,328 --> 01:17:06,871
[Cheering]
1007
01:17:07,456 --> 01:17:12,793
[Ted] This is a dude who, 700 years ago,
totally ravaged China.
1008
01:17:12,961 --> 01:17:14,837
And who we are told, two hours ago,
1009
01:17:15,005 --> 01:17:17,632
totally ravaged
Oshman's Sporting Goods.
1010
01:17:20,052 --> 01:17:23,679
A most bodacious soldier,
and general,
1011
01:17:23,847 --> 01:17:27,516
Ms. Of Arc totally rousted
the English from France.
1012
01:17:27,684 --> 01:17:31,187
And then turned this dude,
Dauphin, into a king
1013
01:17:31,355 --> 01:17:34,065
and all this
by the time she was 17.
1014
01:17:35,192 --> 01:17:38,027
[Speaking French]
1015
01:17:44,076 --> 01:17:45,951
...waterslide.
1016
01:17:47,120 --> 01:17:50,247
The music of Ludwig van Beethoven.
1017
01:17:53,752 --> 01:17:56,504
[Bill] As you can see,
Genghis very much enjoys Twinkies
1018
01:17:56,672 --> 01:17:58,756
because of the excellent sugar rush.
1019
01:17:58,924 --> 01:18:01,801
He also loves billiards.
1020
01:18:04,096 --> 01:18:07,390
[Bill] Beethoven's favorite works
include Mozart's "Requiem,"
1021
01:18:07,557 --> 01:18:11,894
Handel's "Messiah,"
and Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet.
1022
01:18:12,062 --> 01:18:14,438
[Ted] To improve on the condition
of her armies,
1023
01:18:14,606 --> 01:18:18,776
Joan of Arc plans on instituting
a full scale aerobics program
1024
01:18:18,944 --> 01:18:20,778
on her return to France.
1025
01:18:20,946 --> 01:18:22,988
I don't think it's gonna work.
1026
01:18:23,615 --> 01:18:24,615
No?
1027
01:18:27,494 --> 01:18:29,120
[Speaking French]
1028
01:18:29,287 --> 01:18:31,956
[Classical and rock]
1029
01:18:35,877 --> 01:18:37,169
He loves...
1030
01:18:38,797 --> 01:18:41,006
He loves San Dimas.
1031
01:18:41,174 --> 01:18:43,467
[Cheering]
1032
01:18:50,434 --> 01:18:53,185
And now, for our last speaker.
1033
01:18:54,479 --> 01:18:59,316
One of the greatest presidents
in American history...
1034
01:19:00,235 --> 01:19:04,196
...Mr. Abraham Lincoln.
1035
01:19:04,364 --> 01:19:06,782
[Cheering]
1036
01:19:24,342 --> 01:19:26,343
Four score and...
1037
01:19:28,513 --> 01:19:30,556
...seven minutes ago,
1038
01:19:30,724 --> 01:19:35,019
we, your forefathers,
1039
01:19:35,187 --> 01:19:40,232
were brought forth
upon a most excellent adventure.
1040
01:19:41,651 --> 01:19:45,488
Conceived by our new friends...
1041
01:19:46,573 --> 01:19:48,073
...Bill...
1042
01:19:49,993 --> 01:19:51,535
...and Ted.
1043
01:19:53,371 --> 01:19:56,916
These two great gentlemen
1044
01:19:57,083 --> 01:20:00,461
are dedicated to a proposition
1045
01:20:00,629 --> 01:20:03,005
which was true in my time,
1046
01:20:03,173 --> 01:20:06,217
just as it's true today.
1047
01:20:09,888 --> 01:20:13,724
Be excellent to each other...
1048
01:20:15,477 --> 01:20:20,397
...and... party on, dudes!
1049
01:20:20,565 --> 01:20:23,567
[Cheering]
1050
01:20:28,740 --> 01:20:30,241
- No...
- Way!
1051
01:20:40,752 --> 01:20:43,879
[Both] Thank you, San Dimas High!
1052
01:20:44,047 --> 01:20:46,340
[Cheering]
1053
01:20:53,640 --> 01:20:55,933
[Electrical fizzling]
1054
01:20:59,521 --> 01:21:02,940
[Gasping, murmuring]
1055
01:21:04,818 --> 01:21:06,485
[Microphone feedback]
1056
01:21:11,449 --> 01:21:15,578
[Chanting] We want more! We want more!
1057
01:21:19,207 --> 01:21:22,418
[Electric guitars playing]
1058
01:21:22,586 --> 01:21:24,128
[Ted] Intro.
1059
01:21:24,296 --> 01:21:27,339
I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
1060
01:21:37,559 --> 01:21:40,060
- Bill?
- What's up, Ted?
1061
01:21:42,063 --> 01:21:46,442
Well... we traveled through time.
1062
01:21:46,610 --> 01:21:49,320
I mean, we met lots of great leaders,
1063
01:21:49,487 --> 01:21:52,323
and we got an A-plus
on our history report...
1064
01:21:53,408 --> 01:21:56,911
...but look at us, nothing's different.
1065
01:21:59,497 --> 01:22:01,206
Maybe it's time we get Eddie Van Halen.
1066
01:22:03,084 --> 01:22:05,377
Maybe we should start
learning how to play.
1067
01:22:06,963 --> 01:22:08,339
Maybe you're right, Ted.
1068
01:22:11,134 --> 01:22:12,843
[Rumbling, electrical crackling]
1069
01:22:13,011 --> 01:22:15,095
- [Electrical fizzling]
- [Crashing]
1070
01:22:23,855 --> 01:22:27,066
Hello, again, my excellent friends.
1071
01:22:27,859 --> 01:22:28,901
Whoa!
1072
01:22:29,069 --> 01:22:32,237
Congratulations on passing
your history report.
1073
01:22:33,198 --> 01:22:34,281
Rufus.
1074
01:22:34,449 --> 01:22:36,033
The babes!
1075
01:22:36,201 --> 01:22:38,369
We looked all over England for you.
1076
01:22:38,536 --> 01:22:41,246
Where'd you get those savory clothes?
1077
01:22:42,248 --> 01:22:45,376
Rufus introduced us
to a place called the mall.
1078
01:22:45,543 --> 01:22:48,253
And something called credit cards.
1079
01:22:49,422 --> 01:22:51,632
I got them out of England
just before they had to marry
1080
01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:53,717
those royal ugly dudes.
1081
01:22:53,885 --> 01:22:55,719
Way to go Rufus.
1082
01:23:05,438 --> 01:23:07,564
How can we ever thank you, Rufus?
1083
01:23:07,732 --> 01:23:11,402
Well, you can start
by signing this for my kids.
1084
01:23:12,320 --> 01:23:13,570
Why?
1085
01:23:13,738 --> 01:23:15,572
They're big fans of yours.
1086
01:23:15,740 --> 01:23:18,075
- What?
- Everyone is.
1087
01:23:18,243 --> 01:23:22,913
Wyld Stallyns' music has become
the foundation of our whole society.
1088
01:23:24,791 --> 01:23:26,291
[Both] No way.
1089
01:23:26,459 --> 01:23:28,293
Yes way.
1090
01:23:28,461 --> 01:23:31,088
In fact, I believe you were there.
1091
01:23:31,256 --> 01:23:33,882
That futuristic place with the domes?
1092
01:23:34,050 --> 01:23:37,553
And the totally excellent music.
1093
01:23:37,721 --> 01:23:39,638
They totally worshipped us there, Rufus.
1094
01:23:39,806 --> 01:23:41,015
I know.
1095
01:23:41,182 --> 01:23:44,810
That's why I was sent to make sure
you passed your history report.
1096
01:23:44,978 --> 01:23:49,314
If you guys were separated it would have
been disastrous for life as we know it.
1097
01:23:49,482 --> 01:23:55,154
You see, eventually your music will help
put an end to war and poverty.
1098
01:23:55,321 --> 01:23:58,949
It will align the planets and
bring them into universal harmony,
1099
01:23:59,117 --> 01:24:02,077
allowing meaningful contact
with all forms of life,
1100
01:24:02,245 --> 01:24:07,207
from extraterrestrial beings
to common household pets.
1101
01:24:07,375 --> 01:24:11,795
And... it's excellent for dancing.
1102
01:24:11,963 --> 01:24:15,174
- [Laughing]
- Whoa.
1103
01:24:15,341 --> 01:24:17,885
Why don't you have the ladies
sign as well, would you please?
1104
01:24:18,053 --> 01:24:20,971
- After all, they are in the band.
- They are?
1105
01:24:21,139 --> 01:24:23,807
- Excellent.
- Excellent.
1106
01:24:23,975 --> 01:24:26,143
Where are you going, Rufus?
1107
01:24:27,228 --> 01:24:29,188
I got a surprise for you.
1108
01:24:38,156 --> 01:24:40,491
- Here.
- [Gasping]
1109
01:24:40,658 --> 01:24:42,826
That's to help you
as you start your new band.
1110
01:24:42,994 --> 01:24:44,661
[Both] Thanks, Rufus.
1111
01:24:44,829 --> 01:24:48,624
Now I just have one further
humble request.
1112
01:24:48,792 --> 01:24:52,336
If I might be so honored
to jam with you?
1113
01:24:53,338 --> 01:24:57,091
- Do you know how to play, Rufus?
- Well, I play a little.
1114
01:24:59,344 --> 01:25:03,430
[Playing heavy metal solo]
1115
01:25:16,861 --> 01:25:19,071
- Whoa!
- [Laughing]
1116
01:25:20,698 --> 01:25:22,991
Most outstanding, Rufus.
1117
01:25:23,159 --> 01:25:24,368
Let's jam.
1118
01:25:32,710 --> 01:25:35,087
- Bill, my friend?
- Yes, Ted, my friend?
1119
01:25:35,255 --> 01:25:37,965
This has been
a most excellent adventure.
1120
01:25:39,259 --> 01:25:40,300
- One...
- Two...
1121
01:25:40,468 --> 01:25:42,052
One, two, three, four!
1122
01:25:42,220 --> 01:25:45,222
[Playing discordant rock music]
1123
01:25:49,394 --> 01:25:50,727
They do get better.
1124
01:25:51,563 --> 01:25:53,939
[♪ Power Tool:
"Two Heads Are Better Than One"]
1125
01:29:42,585 --> 01:29:43,585
English - US - PSDH
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