All language subtitles for The Magicians S01E10

Previously on "The Magicians"...

Hey, would you break up
with me if I told you

that I have never been happier
in my entire life?

You wished my boyfriend away.

Boyfriend?

Other people aren't supposed
to get between us.

This is the most pathetic
loser dream ever.

This is all in your head.
I'm in your head.

Marina didn't betray my mom;
she cleaned up her mess.

Wait, you know
who has a ton of new stuff?

Marina.

Run.

Help!
Help!

There are good people
out there, Julia,

people trying to learn
about the world

and make it a better place.

I need a key to unlock
the door to Fillory.

Let's see this button.

The hell am I?

Hi.

I come in peace.

Do you talk?

Haven't seen you
around here before.

First-timer.

From?

Not here.

You?

Eh, nice try, psychic.

Gonna need to get to know
a girl a little better

before she lets you go
running around up there.

- Yeah, I wasn't.
- You were, but it's okay.

Maybe we got off
on the wrong foot.

- I'm Eve.
- Penny.

- Do you live here?
- Mm-hmm.

Born and raised.

I'm actually kind of
the welcome committee.

I keep track of the fountains.
I felt you come through.

Please tell me that I can help
you get where you need to go.

Okay, where are we exactly?

- The Neitherlands.
- And that is...

The Neitherlands
are sort of the place

between all other places.

It's how you get from A to B.

Which fountain
did you come out of?

- Over there. Earth.
- Ooh.

You know, we don't get
too many of you guys,

but when you come, you always
have the most interesting magic.

So?

Tell me, what brought you here?

Hmm?

I've pretty much
seen it all--

enchanted capes, rings.

This one guy, he rode a sled
pulled by flying--

what do you call them?

Not zebra.

Reindeer.

- Santa Claus?
- Yeah.

You know him?
He's a really nice guy, right?

Yeah.
No.

What? I--

No, I didn't have
anything like that.

Just a button.

That's new.

Can I see it?

God damn it.

Oh, my God.

What?

I need your help
to fix the hyperdrive

and get a message to my friends.

I can help you
if you help me find my dragons.

Let's do it.

Let's find your dragons,

and I--oh, hey, look.

I respect the shit
out of you both,

and you are leaders,

and you're people,
and I'm a feminist--

If you would just
shut up for two seconds,

this sex dream would pass
the Bechdel test, Quentin.

God.

Nice dream, loser.

Why do you ruin everything
in my life?

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

- Alice.
- Huh?

- I just talked to Penny.
- Wait, what?

Where is he?
What happened?

It's not what it looks like.

I mean, it looks like
a Grade A nerd-boy wet dream,

and I want--God, I want
to make fun of you,

but the more I consider it,

you might be
some kind of savant.

Look.
Where have you been?

So wait.
I was making out with who?

Uh, nobody.

You said I was there
making out with someone.

No. Yes.

Not--I mean, not
that it's important.

It was sort of Julia.

Julia.

Your lifelong crush.

Dreams are weird.
People are...

naked, and animals
are smoking cigarettes.

I--look.
Here's what's important.

You've been gone for six weeks.

No, I've been gone six hours.

Shit.

- Where are you, anyway?
- The Neitherlands.

I thought it might be
some Fillory shit.

Uh, I mean,
it sounds familiar, but--

It's, like, fountains
and plazas up the ass,

and then the fountains,
they all go to different worlds.

I'll check the books
when I wake up.

Man, the one time I need you
to know this Comic-Con shit.

Why don't you just jump back
into the Earth fountain?

'Cause I'm lost.

There's three moons here,
Quentin.

My internal compass is
having a grand mal seizure.

Okay, so why don't you
just travel back here?

If you can "Inception" me
from there--

I can't aim.

If I try to travel back,
I could end up dead.

Look.
I need your help.

What do we know
about these Neitherlands?

I don't remember them
from the "Fillory" books.

There's not much.

In "The Wandering Dune,"
Jane and Rupert

meet this talking dromedary
named Cameltoes.

No. Seriously?

- Amazing.
- It was 1943.

It wasn't a dirty thing
to say back then.

Anyway, he talks about
a world between worlds,

and then he vanishes,
and that's it.

I might know somebody
who can help us, who's traveled.

Well, you've never
mentioned that before.

Well, we've never been
this desperate before.

Okay, so we're all in agreement.

We should ask the lizard man.

What?

The lizard man over there.

Eliot.
Honey, what are you on?

Some pinks, a green,

and a tab of something called
"chocolate sunshine."

I really like the name.
Do you like the name?

Uh.

Maybe I shouldn't have
had that green.

Maybe you should get
checked out at the infirmary.

That's nonsense.

Me strong like bull.

Let's go on a quest.

You two go talk
to Alice's whatever.

Eliot, honey, maybe you and I
should go upstairs and rest.

Wait, wait, wait.

Are my eyes open
or closed right now?

How about now?

Shit.

Shit.

Uh, coming!

Don't worry.
It's only me.

I was just checking
the Free Trader app

to see if you'd imploded.

I kept that offline.

Uh, so...
what do I call you?

Like, Richard
or Failstaff or--

Richard,
though some of the others

might prefer
their log-in names.

Hey, when was the last time
you unplugged?

- It's been a while.
- Oh.

But, I mean,
when was the last time

I had actual friends to discuss
"Godel, Escher, Bach" with?

But listen. The portals
are gonna take me a couple hours

to calculate if you want to,
you know, straighten up.

Thank God.

Listen, do you mind
if we commandeer the guest room

for the project?

Um, what project?

Aha.

Ah, you and Asmodeus will learn
more once you've leveled up.

The next 12 spells.

No mistakes.

Wow.

"The," um...

"The Spellbinder"?

I mean, it was right there.

Mm.

Yeah, because it's
a binder filled with spells.

Hi.

You must be Vicious Circe.

I'm Silver.

- Hi.
- Bender.

Thanks for having me.

I'm extremely happy finally
to meet you face-to-face.

I've taken the liberty of
writing a cooperative variation

on the spell
I sent you last week.

Menolly.
Finally, in person.

How you feeling?

So good.

I am danked
as shit right now, girl.

The perks of chemo
just keep rolling in.

Hi.

Asmodeus is the last one.

She's actually just
coming from uptown,

but rush hour, you know.

- Hi.
- Asmodeus.

Welcome.

You two know each other.

Obviously I didn't realize
that you two had history,

and I don't want to dismiss it,

but we are running
out of time here,

and we need both of you.

Okay?

Of course.

I've never been
to Chicago before.

This isn't Chicago;
it's the 'burbs.

We should make this fast.

Maybe you can wait outside
while I run in.

Come on, Vix,
when are you gonna tell me

who we're here to see?

What's the big secret?

Just let me do the talking.

Jesus, it's like
the TARDIS in here.

What kind of magic
are these people using?

Thibadeau's Planar Compression.

It's really not a big deal.

Alice, who's house
is this, exactly?

Alice.

Hi, Dad.

Come, come, come, come.

So glad you guys could make it
for the Veneralia,

the Roman festival of Venus.

Did Alice tell you
I study historical magic?

We celebrate all the Roman
holidays around here.

Jesus Christ,
how come you didn't tell me

we were coming
to see your parents?

Because I knew you'd make
a big deal out of it

and act like this.

Well--I--
so they're travelers?

Amongst other things?

No, my mom just
knows a traveler.

Look, it's complicated.
Just--shh.

Let me handle it.

Really hope you can
come back for the Saturnalia.

Much less tame
than this whole thing.

- Right. This is a little tame.
- Hmm.

Dad, I need to talk
to Mom, like, now.

It's important.

Well, after a frolic,

she'll usually head
for the tepidarium.

Can you please
just call it the bath?

Nonsense.
This is my domus.

I shall call it what I please.

Ugh.

Okay, look.

Distract my dad.
I'll be 30 minutes, tops.

Please?

So, dating my daughter, eh?

Let's have a little
fatherly chat.

I can't believe
I gave up tickets

to "Hamilton" for this.

Um, sorry you have
to do your job.

Ugh, story of my life.

Anyway, there's nothing
wrong with him.

Really?
Nothing at all?

Well, he has
a massive drug problem,

but at least
he's medicating, hmm?

Ah.

- Thank you.
- Hmm.

You, on the other hand,

appear to require
medical intervention.

What?

That was me?

Yep.

Something's draining
her chi, her life force--

or someone.

So, okay, I know that
this is embarrassing,

but trust me, dying is worse.

Have you engaged
in any unprotected rituals

of any kind?

Be honest.

God.

That son of a bitch.

They're chanting something.

Uh, look.
We should get started.

We have a lot of spells
to get through.

You know, first,
I just want to be clear.

Richard might be
about forgiveness,

but I'm sure as shit not.

Look, I'm sorry you and your mom

had a shitty relationship,

but not a day goes by
where I don't feel terrible

about what happened to her.

I did not cause her death, okay?

I only wish that
I could've stopped it.

I'm just trying to make up
for my past,

just like you.

Did she suffer?

She said she loved you.

Yeah, I know she did.

So are we gonna do this,
or what?

Whoa.

William.

You're late.

I'm what?
Who are you?

You always ask
the same questions.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

You never do.

I'm a member of The Order,

the keepers of the libraries
of the Neitherlands,

the greatest repository
of knowledge, full stop.

Any idea who the motherfuckers
in the hoods are

that are trying to kill me?

The locals used to work for us
in a custodial function,

but labor relations
have become somewhat...

strained of late.

We had to ban them
from the libraries.

They've been thoroughly cursed,
so they can't use the fountains,

but that hasn't stopped them
from finding other employment,

some with a particularly
nasty entity.

The Beast?

Well, he has many names.

Look, this is all great,

but I'm just trying to get back
to the Earth fountain.

Can you show me where it is?

I suppose
I could order you a map,

but it'd have to come
from another branch.

Great, let's do that.

Interlibrary loans
typically take

two to four weeks to process.

Are you kidding?
That's two years on my world.

Then I'm afraid we are limited

to the resources of this branch.

Follow me.

Alice?

Hi, Mom.

Alice.

Fine.

Stephanie.

You know how
I feel about "Mom."

I just--I have an important
question to ask you.

Sure.

Push past everything
you left on the table

the last time we spoke.

I'm sure you've forgotten
all about it.

Oh, my God.

You're really not gonna
let that go, are you?

Because we haven't
finished discussing it.

It was six months ago.

Look, I just--

Mom--Stephanie,

I don't see the point
in talking about it.

We don't agree on it,
and we're never going to.

Well, because you act like
there's something wrong with me.

No, I just think
it's weird that you--

you're not at all curious
about what happened to Charlie.

It's not gonna bring him back,

so I don't want to know...

Which is a perfectly
reasonable position

in spite of how you judge me.

Fine.
Okay, fine.

Okay, I don't need
that patronizing tone.

Then what do you want from me?

How about...
hmm...

you admit that your mother
is a human being,

because you act
like you're the only one

who has a right to feel.

No, I don't.

I just--

Okay.

I think we're done talking.

This conversation
has worn me out entirely.

Excuse me.

Evert second I spend in
this place, it's just...

I just feel like I'm being
pulled back into this version

of me when I was, like,
12 and furious

and invisible and mute.

Ugh, she just fucking
does that to me.

Well, I'm sure being cooped up
in your old room helps.

It's like going back
in time to 2004.

The "Garden State" soundtrack.

Hey, that was cool
when it came out.

"The Joy of Sex"?

Is that, uh, Stephanie?

My dad.

He meant well.

But my mom made him give me
the version from the '70s

because she thinks
that kids should know

what pubic hair looks like.

Jesus Christ.

I can't imagine what you must
be thinking of me right now.

It's cool.

I'm, like, really
into damaged chicks.

Like Julia?

Alice, I don't know what
you think Julia and I were,

but the truth is
that we weren't anything.

We were two kids
who tested well,

got placed together,
and I got a crush

because that's
how hormones work,

and she didn't,
and I got over it,

and the end.

I'm kind of new
to this whole thing,

if you hadn't guessed.

All my past relationships were,
like, you know, at a party.

"Can we just do this
standing up?" kind of thing.

Well, the fact
that you could want

to have sex with anyone

after living in this house
is pretty impressive.

Thanks.

So what's the deal
with this traveler?

Why can't we just ask?

I mean...

Okay, so...

My mom knows this traveler
from another world, Joe.

- Joe?
- Yeah.

Apparently his actual name
is impossible to pronounce.

Anyway, it's kind of
a touchy subject,

and I think that it's best
that when I talk to my mom,

my dad's not around.

Why?
Is she sleeping with Joe?

And your dad doesn't know?

Alice, they were having
a sex party when we showed up.

Look, I know
it sounds ridiculous,

but my parents
are weird and possessive,

and they just have
to do everything together.

Look, when I was ten,

my dad caught my mom
having an affair,

and he threatened
to commit suicide.

Oh, my God.

He said he had to go extreme
just to get her attention,

which--he was psychotic,

but he wasn't wrong.

I think he would have done it
if she hadn't come around.

Well...

Now I kind of feel like
a dick for making fun

of your "Garden State"
soundtrack.

Total dick.

Now you have to help me.

I think that was
one of your memories.

Yeah.

- Antarctica.
- Jesus.

What brought you there?

Brakebills.

So what happened?

I mean, why'd you leave?

They found out my deal,

and it was either stay
and get brain-wiped

or jet.

I was heading to New York.

I was coming to kill Marina.

Well, then what happened?

I met Richard,

and he convinced me
Marina could wait

and invited me to join
the Free Trader Beowulf,

which sounded--
I don't know--

maybe better than death
or jail, so--

Uh, everything okay in there?

Yeah, great.
All good.

I know a hundred ways
to break in.

We have four spells left.

Let's just finish, okay?

Then they have to let us in
on their project.

Just a little further.

Wait a minute.
I--I know these people.

Well, every book is here--

all the books ever written,
all the books never written,

all the books of all the people
who ever lived.

This is my book.

Yo.

Why are there all these flowers
and shit on the cover?

People who read
their books often discover

they don't like
the main character

and are rarely happy
with how it ends.

Ah.
Here it is.

Wait, Martin?
That's--

That's one of the Fillory kids.

Okay, is there anything
in there about The Beast?

I'm sorry.
I can't lend you this.

Not without a library card.

Course you can't.

You know, shit like this is
why people hate librarians.

What are you doing?

Here's what would happen
if we did what you're thinking:

you'd try to steal
this book by force,

we'd fight, you'd lose,

but you'd rip out several pages

before I banished you
from the library.

This way, no books get hurt.

Ff...

I hate this place.

***

Oh, here.
You have to try this.

Mmm.

- Filleted goat penis.
- Mmm.

Promotes virility.
Hmm?

That's very thoughtful
of you, Dad.

Oh.

So, Daniel, you were saying
that your discipline

is in historical magic.

Indeed.
Ah.

The Romans still fascinate me.

In fact, I'm about
to publish my third volume

on illusion work
of the Collis Aventinus.

Oh, could I see it?

Well, it's still in galleys,

but I suppose
I could show you--

Oh, great.
Uh, that sounds great.

Could we--which--
let's go now.

But you haven't even
touched your penis.

You know what?
I had a ton of it yesterday.

You said that it was this way.

Yeah, yeah.
Uh, well...

Stephanie...

I was wrong, and you were right,

and I promise to be a better
daughter in the future.

Right about what?

I couldn't possibly know
how you feel

other than that you feel deeply,

and you are your own person,

and you're the only one

who knows how to deal
with your stuff,

and it was wrong
of me to presume.

♪

Was that really
so tough, sweetie?

Look, I know this
is a tricky subject,

but my friend's life
is in danger,

and I need to talk
to you about Joe.

Joe.
Oh!

I love Joe!

Would you hand me
that minced parrot, please?

Wait.
I don't understand.

I thought you wouldn't
want Dad to hear.

Why on earth not?

Because it could
destroy your marriage.

What?
Your father loves Joe.

I don't understand.

I thought you were
hiding him from him.

Nope.

Alice, you make me
sound so melodramatic.

Fine, yes, sure.

At first, yeah,

your father
was a touch sensitive,

but then he figured out

that Joe could work
for both of us,

so now he's our third,

you know, in a sort of
polyamorous-triad sense.

- So you and Joe and--
- Yeah.

Joe's anatomy is adaptable.

He's like a Swiss Army knife.

He's good for every occasion.

So whatever do you
want with Joe?

- I need his help.
- Oh, sweetie.

I'm sure Quentin
will understand.

You see two of you too, right?

Okay, good.

This stuff is finally
starting to wear off.

Margo.

Uh, I can explain.

Explain this, you dick!

Hi.

I'm Eliot.

So what's up?
How can I help?

Please know I'm
a certified therapist at home

as well as here.

You can trust me completely.

No, no, no.

Like I said, our friend
is trapped in the Neitherlands.

- Uh, acquaintance.
- That place is the worst.

So confusing.

Not to mention those fountains.
Completely unpredictable.

Wait, so you know your way
around the Neitherlands?

Could you, like, draw us a map?

Yeah, I guess.

It's not gonna do
your friend any good

if he's very far
from the Earth fountain,

although I might have something
that could help with that.

Great.
What?

It's a beacon.

You cast it here,
and the fountain

for this world lights up there.

Okay, so how do we cast it?

Well, there are some
specific requirements...

sexually speaking.

Wait.
It's sex magic?

All magic where I'm from
is sex magic.

Thought you knew that.

I could perform it with you
if you'd prefer.

I'm a heck of a pinch hitter.

Think we've got this.

All right.
Suit yourself.

I sense a nice connection
between your genitals.

You should be fine.

You just need some blood,

a globe,

a few candles bound with twine.

Oh, and you both have
to climax at the same time.

That gonna be a problem?

- No.
- Well...

What?

I'm sorry.

We need the spell to work,
right?

I can't believe
I'm letting your boyfriend

talk to my boyfriend
about how to--

ugh.

I've never been prouder,

although I must say

this one seems like
an awful lot of work.

Who? Quentin?

You're complicated.

You need somebody
who gets that about you.

Maybe several people.

Don't take this
the wrong way, Mom,

but shut the fuck up, okay?

We'll talk
when you're less cranky.

Cheers.

Darling.

Are you okay?

No.

I'm not okay, you dick.

- You stole my life force.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Uh, there was a tiny hole
in the casting.

I've corrected it.
Won't happen again.

Shouldn't have happened at all.

I begged you to stay.

Margo, I--I needed you.

You broke my heart.

The only way I could repair it

was to create my golem of you.

A golem of Margo.

A Margolem.

You selfish prick.

You put my life at risk

so you could have
a realistic-looking sex doll?

No, no, no.
I--

I wanted a relationship.

Margo...

I love you.

And sometimes the only thing
that we do is spoon and--

You're gross.

I'm taking the Margolem,
and I'm going to destroy it,

and I hope no one ever
spoons you again.

What?

What are you doing?

Nothing.

I brought you to support me
while I fight with my ex,

not do lines with the golem.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought this is how
we support each other.

Is there something
you want to say to me, Eliot?

No.

What is there to say?

I like your golem.

Life is a unicorn
shitting rainbows of candy.

I'll, um...

I'll deal with
the Margolem myself.

Just go home, Eliot.

You have the most
beautiful hair.

And your eyes are, like,

the perfect shade of blue.

And you're also smart.

Okay, okay.

It kind of feels like you're
trying to do a thing here.

I...

I was told that women like it
when you compliment them.

Yeah, but it has
to feel real, you know?

Since when is that an issue?

What is that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

Apparently you can't,
you know, with me.

Not that you'd ever
said that to my face.

Yeah, well, maybe you
should pay better attention

when we're having sex.

I thought I was.
I don't...

think that I've ever paid
that much attention

to anything in my life,

and little did I know that you
were so incredibly convincing.

But isn't that what
you want, Quentin, huh?

To feel like you're perfect
at it every time?

No, not if I'm not.
I want--

How am I supposed to get better

if you won't tell me
if I'm doing it wrong?

So have you, like,

ever come when we're together?

Yes.

Lots of times.

I mean it.

It's just sometimes...

sometimes it's not that easy,

you know,
like when we were foxes.

Well, I'm sorry I'm not a fox.

Well, there goes the mood.

Voilà.

Reverse entropy.

Spell number 12, done and done.

Hard to believe something
so kludgy even works.

Perfect timing.
Pizza.

A large half veggie, half meat.

Thank you.

Kady.

Do you see that?

Okay, what just happened?

Déjà vu.

Uh-huh.

A large half veggie, half meat.

Thank you.

Okay, what the fuck is going on?

Could it be the entropy spell?

No.

No, this is time magic--
much more power involved.

Well, if we didn't
cast it, who did?

Yeah!

Okay.

Sit.
Let's talk.

You've leveled up.

It's time.

No pun intended.

Not to state the obvious,

but we are pushing
the boundaries

of what is magically possible.

We are working our way up
to the energetic glass ceiling

so we can shatter it.

You say that like it's possible.

It is.

Well, not according
to Brakebills.

No, the glass ceiling is

explode and turn into
a niffin or something.

You can't just keep ramping.

Brakebills was right

if you go by
Brakebills' methods.

We have a whole new methodology.

Yeah, but why?

I mean, what are you
trying to do?

And don't just say
"good things."

You're talking about
massive nuclear power.

You're right.
It's personal. Yeah.

We are the best Magicians
we know.

Silver can literally
fly to the moon.

But Menolly is dying,
and we can't cure her.

You know, Bender's trying
to stay off the ledge every day.

His meds have stopped working.

And you?

Eight years ago,
I was a drug addict,

and I left my son

in a hot car.

And he was eight months old.

My life was destroyed.

Jesus.

You're doing time magic

to change what you did.

Yeah, but only a fluke
natural-born time witch

could do something like that.

Now, I have done
all the research there is,

and one day, I realized
I was looking at it wrong.

We don't have the energy,

but it's not that
we need to generate it,

because somebody already has it.

We just need them,
and they can give us

inexhaustible,
unimaginable power.

That's no one.

That's the Source.

That's the place
it all comes from,

how people used to get shit done

when they needed
a fucking miracle.

- The divine.
- You're trying to...

Summon a god.

Your fave.

I'm sorry.

Can we really talk, baby?

I think Professor Lipson
could have been wrong about me.

I think something
might really be broken.

What the fuck?

Oh, Jesus.

There she is.

She has a bad habit
of walking off,

although when she does,

it's nice to be reminded
I have a great ass.

I thought you were
going to destroy her.

Oh, I was, but then I thought

I'd keep her around
a little longer.

She might come in handy.

What were you two talking about?

Nothing.

Got these for you, bitch.

Aww.

Thanks, bitch.

We need a chaser.

What did you do?

Hmm?

So I'm a dick.

I'm insecure, and I suck,

so if we could just
give this another go,

I'll even--I don't know.

I'll be more fox-like
if that's what you want.

I don't want that.

I don't get it, Alice.

I'm not amazing at magic,

and apparently,
I'm pretty patchy at this.

Why are you even with me?

Because I like you.

A lot.

And I don't know why.

I just really, really do

in the weirdest way.

I don't think we're
supposed to like people

for what they're good at.

I think that's something
we make up to torture ourselves.

What about what we're bad at?

You--you're not
bad at sex.

Okay, I'm just bad
at asking for what I want.

It's embarrassing.

- It's me, Vix.
- I know.

I know. I know.

And I love you.

And so as far as I'm concerned,

you know, let's just do this.

Oh.

Okay.
Me too.

You.

Maybe just kiss me?

No.

There.

Bite me.

Oh, Quentin, you girly
fanboy piece of shit.

You did it.

Whoa.

Welcome back.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com