All language subtitles for The College Years s01e07 The Poker Game.eng

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OK, Tony, $16.

Whoa, you're light, Zack.

You owe me $20.

Don't feel bad, everybody
loses to Mr. Poker.

Hey!
Would this make us even?

Deal.

Hey!
That's my wiener.

I'm telling you, my
luck's gonna change,

because this Friday night,
we're playing poker in our room.

Just make sure you got
enough eats for me.

Sara Lee doesn't have
enough eats for you.

Hey, Slater.

Poker, Friday night.

Aw.
Man, I can't.

I promised Alex I'd take her
to some French film.

Oh man.
What, are you married now?

Yeah, Slater.

Are you familiar with
the term whipped?

Yes.

Are you familiar with the terms
slapped, punched, kicked?

All too familiar.

You know-- hey, you
guys are right.

- I can go out with Alex any time.
- ZACK (OFFSCREEN): That's right.

I'm playing poker.

ZACK (OFFSCREEN):
All right! That's my man.

Poker game?
In my dorm?

I don't think so.

Aw, come on, Mike.

All the other dorms
get to play poker.

Actually, guys, dorm four has keno,
roulette, and a $4.99 prime rib dinner.

When kids play poker, kids lose.

And then they come crying
to me for money.

Now, do I look like
an ATM machine?

No, sir.

To me, you look more like a
giant Pillsbury doughboy.

Something from the oven.

Hee-hee!

Just remember, no poker.

And clean up this pig sty.

Man.

I don't care what he says.

We're playing poker.

I ain't afraid of that guy.
Heh.

- Zack!
- W-what?

Remember what I said -- no poker.

? I'm standing
at the edge of tomorrow, ?

? and it's all up to
me how far I go ?

? I'm standing at the
edge of tomorrow ?

? I've never seen
such a view before, ?

? a new world before my eyes ?

? So much for me to explore ?

? It's where my future lies ?

? Today, I'm standing at
the edge of tomorrow ?

? From here, the future
looks bright for me ?

? And it's all up to
me how far I go ?

? It's my time to break away ?

? I'm standing at the edge
of tomorrow today ?

So then Rogers
came in and told me

I had too many stuffed
animals on my bed.

He punched my bunny.

Maybe he's having
a midlife crisis.

Maybe he's having
trouble in school.

Maybe he has a thorn in his paw.

Judith!
Hi.

- Hi.
- You look real nice today.

Have you been working out?

I'm not really the athletic
type, Michael.

I prefer long, contemplative
walks in the woods.

I bet you work up a pretty
good sweat doing that.

I suppose I perspire a little.

Well, make sure you
spray something on your feet

so you don't get that
cruddy foot fungus thing.

I thank you.
And my feet thank you.

(SOFTLY) Oh, golly.

Hey guys, Rogers has the hots
for that lady over there.

But he can't bring himself
to ask her out--

which is all pathetic.

That's Judith Trudell,
my literature teacher.

She's hardly Mike's type.

Hey, come on now.
Opposites attract all the time.

You know, if Mike gets a love
life, he'll be off our backs.

- SLATER (OFFSCREEN): Yeah, yeah.
- Well, can you do it quick?

Yesterday, he yelled at me
for meditating too loud.

And I mean, I ask you, does
this bother anybody?

- Om.
- Alex!

Stop it!

You're driving me crazy!

Hey guys, if we can get Rogers a
date for Friday, we can play poker.

Yeah, let's go.

Hi, Mike.

Wasn't that Judith Trudell,
the lit professor?

Yeah, why?

Well, Leslie has her class.

And she overheard that Professor
Trudell thinks that you're cute.

I am?
She did?

I mean, what else she say?

Uh--

Oh, she said that you
were the perfect combination

of brains and brawn.

Uh-huh.

Well, you know, I did have
the fifth highest IQ on the 49ers.

I don't doubt it.

So why don't you ask
her out for Friday?

Good idea.

Friday's fish fry night
down at HoJos.

- Works for me.
- All right.

Yeah!

[knock on door]

Guys, guys--

why are you cleaning on a
beautiful day like this?

The sun is shining.

Fall is in the air.

And I've got a date with
Judith Trudell.

Hey!
Way to go, Mike!

- All right, Mike!
- Yeah! Well, all right.

Hey, I gotta run, though, man.

I've got an appointment to get
a haircut and a facial.

(SINGING) ? Love, soft
as an easy chair ?

? Love, fresh as the morning air. ?

? One love is shared by two. ?

? I have found-- ?

Poker!

Yeah.

Now all we have to do is tell our main
squeezes that we're flying solo tonight.

Flying solo?

Oh, um--

Alex,

I've decided that I'm playing
poker here with the guys tonight.

There, I've said it.

Well, great!
I love poker.

Deal me in.

- Me too.
- Sorry, girls.

It's a men-only game.

Yeah, that's right, girls.

Poker is real men
sitting around,

scratching and burping.

Men only?

This is so sexist.

Come on, Alex.

Let's go do something
only women can do.

Yeah, we'll go give birth.

Well, see you guys later.

I'm off to karate class.

Wah!

Any openings in that
class, Kelly?

Yeah, I suddenly feel like
I want to kick something.

You see?

Now, this is exactly why women
shouldn't play poker.

They're too emotional.

Emotional?
We are not emotional!

Let's face it, men are just
shallow, insensitive,

pig-headed, gorgeous creatures.

Good evening, ladies.

I'm John Hammer.

And welcome to women's karate.

Did you hear how
he said welcome?

He is so sensitive.

I bet he'd let us play poker.

Talk about your seven card stud.

OK, let's get started with
some basic moves.

- I need a volunteer.
- Oh, me!

Me! Me! Me!

Uh, let's start with you.

[Alex cackles triumphantly]

What's your name?

I'm Alex.
I'm a freshman.

I'm single.
And I'm ready to be flipped.

I call, Zack.

Heh, heh, heh, heh.

Three bullets.

Oh, can't beat a straight, Tony!

Got you again!

- Ha, ha, ha!
- Uh, uh, uh.

Not so fast.

It ain't over till the
skinny guy sings.

I got a three, a five,
a seven, a nine,

and a big fat two.

What does that mean?

It means you're an idiot and
you owe us another $7.

I'm telling you, tonight
is my night.

Hose me down, gentlemen,
I am on fire.

And you ain't smiling now,
are you Mr. Poker?

- SLATER (OFFSCREEN): There you go.
- So you won a couple of hands.

Big deal, Zack.
You're gonna choke.

So are you, if you don't start
chewing those Cheetos.

All right, fellas,
and there we go.

OK, let's see what we got here.

I'll play these.

Eh, eh?

I got four kings.

I'm going to make my
tuition tonight.

That's what you think.

- I'm all in.
- Ho, ho, ho.

You're going down!

Going down.

I said no poker.

Oh, wait, Mike, I
got four kings.

You heard the man-- no poker.

SLATER (OFFSCREEN): Yeah.

I can't believe you guys.

I go on a date, I come back,
and you're playing poker.

I can't even turn my back
for 37 minutes.

You raise a good point.

Now if I may ask, what kind
of date lasts 37 minutes?

Hey, you broke my record.

That's not the point.

The point is you broke my rules.

Mike, seriously, is this
about broken rules or about

a broken heart?

It was a disaster!

It's OK.
It's OK, Mike.

It's OK.

Here-- here I am on a date
with a beautiful woman.

And I can't think of anything
to say to her.

So when do you think
it went wrong?

Everything was going to
fine until she opened the door

and
I said, hello, Judith.

Oh, oh.
Wow.

How'd you get her to
open the door?

Why can't I talk to Judith the
way I talk to other women?

Every woman is different.

Take Alex, for example.

Now she needs to be handled
very delicately.

That was great.

Was it good for you?

Fine.

All right, who's next?

- I am!
- Wait a minute!

You got smashed up against
the wall last time.

I haven't even been kicked yet.

All right, Kelly.

Let's go over some of the
basics of self defense.

If I come at you, what
are you gonna do?

Fix my hair and pop
a breath mint.

The key to self-defense is to
neutralize your opponent.

Let me show you.

Put you hand on my shoulder.

Sure.

Look at that.
Could she be any more obvious?

You know, can we do that again?

I'm a really slow learner.

See if you can learn this.

Get to the end of the line.
It's my turn.

- No, it's mine.
- Oh yeah?

If you want to get to him, you're
gonna have to come through me.

- Oh yeah?
- Huah!

Six months.

That was my longest
relationship ever.

And five of those months,
she was in Desert Storm.

Hey, come on, Mike. We've all
had our problems with women.

Yeah, we all know the drill.

First, they tell you,
buzz off, creep.

Then they change their
telephone number.

Then they slap you with a
temporary restraining order.

Oh yeah, guys.

Like I'm the only one this
has happened to.

You know, Mike.

Whenever I've been rejected
by a woman--

wait a minute, I've never been
rejected by a woman.

Forget it.

Yeah, it's OK.

I just appreciate you guys
being there for me.

Hey, no problem.

And now that everything's cool,
it's OK if we play poker, right?

Oh, not a chance.

But tomorrow night, how about
a rousing game of Monopoly?

You're on, big guy.

I got dibs on the thimble.

It's been three days
and it feels like Rogers

has become our fourth roommate.

We need to get his mind
off this Judith chick.

Hey, why not fix him
up with Sally?

SLATER (OFFSCREEN): Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good idea.

ZACK (OFFSCREEN): Mm-hmm.

She's a football fan,
she's good with her hands,

and she's always got
change for a dollar.

Hey, my main man.

What do you say we get crazy
tonight and play some Scrabble?

Mike!

Mike, I'd like you meet
Sally Kubiak.

Sally, Mike Rogers of the 49ers.

Hey, I'd know him anywhere.

Mike, show her your
Super Bowl ring.

Oh, I'd love to see your
Super Bowl ring.

It's, uh, in my room.

Oh, I've love to see your room.

I don't think that would
be appropriate.

See, I'm kind of going out
with somebody right now.

Well, if you change your mind,

my number's on the back
of every vending machine.

Call me.

[Zack sputters]

Who are you going out with?

Judith.

Going out?

Mike, going out usually
involves going out.

You spend seven nights
a week in our room.

Not true.

Last Thursday, we all went out
and saw "The Joy Luck Club."

Hey guys, guys, I did it.

I found Rogers a date.

You found Rogers a date?

That's right.

While you guys were
barking up the bimbo tree,

I found a lovely woman
who's crazy about him.

Oh, Clara!

How do I look, boys?

- Uh.
- Uh.

Fine, Clara, just fine.

But could you possibly
lose the hairnet?

I can't.
It's a state law.

Hi, Mike.

Oh.
Hi, Clara.

You know, 2,000 men
come in here every day,

but you're the only one who
can make my knees buckle

and the hair on
my back stand up.

Excuse me?

Oh, don't play coy, Mike.

You think it's a coincidence I've been
giving you extra potatoes all semester?

I've never asked for
those potatoes.

Did you ever date a food
service worker, big guy?

Clara,

I, I think of us as friends

and that's it.

Fine, be that way.

But you can kiss your
potatoes goodbye.

Freeze!

No more matchmaking,
you understand?

I'm a desirable man.

I've got a lot to offer.

My social life is just fine.

See you guys at 7:00
for Pictionary.

OK, here's the deal -- we're
helping you out with Rogers,

you let us play poker
whenever we want.

All right, but you gotta
promise not to act like girls.

Fine.

So when you talk to
Judith, remember,

talk about her interests.

Right.

Remember, she did her thesis
on Emily Dickinson.

I don't know anything about
Emily Dickinson.

Emily Dickinson --
woman, poet, dead.

Go.

I can't go through with--
hello, Judith.

Hi, Mike Rogers.

Yeah, I just heard that
Emily Dickinson died.

Oh, 100 years ago.

No, that's not why I called.

(WHISPERING) Tell her you were
reading Emily Dickinson

and you thought of her.

I, I was reading Emily
Dickinson and I thought of you.

(WHISPERING) Her sense of
nuance is unparalleled.

Uh, you know, Emily's got that
nuanced thing nailed.

She says I'm perceptive.

(WHISPERING) Ask her
out for Friday.

So, Judith, do you think you might
want to go out again on Friday?

You know, talk nuance,
have a couple beers.

(WHISPERING) You'll make dinner.

- You'll make dinner.
- (WHISPERING) No, I'll make--

I'll make dinner.

You will?
Oh, great.

OK, I'll see you at
6:30 at my place.

All right, bye.

Yes!
- Yay!

Yay, Mikey!
You did it.

But 6:30?

Why so early?

Well, if things don't work out,

I'll still have time to come and
play Yahtzee with you guys.

It has to work out.

You know, another interesting
thing about Emily Dickinson

is that her grandfather
founded Amherst College.

Yes, I recall you shouted that to
me while I was in the bathroom.

Did you get a chance to browse
through her biography

when you were in there?

Not all of it.

Boy, do I love Emily.

I've read 32 of her poems.

Really?

What's your favorite?

Number 17.

"A bird came down the walk--

he did not know I saw--"

You know, Michael,
just because I teach poetry

doesn't mean we have
to talk only about that.

- I guess not.
- No.

So do you think the new health care
package can get through Congress?

Darn, current events.

I sure hope so.

I mean, health care is a
very important issue.

Yeah.

In fact, I've had 11 major
operations myself.

Hey, look at this thumb.
There's no joint left at all.

Well, if it isn't the Teenage
Mutant Ninja Tramp.

You couldn't wait for
us, could you?

I just thought I'd come
early and warm up.

Well, you're gonna have a hard
time warming up in that.

What?
It--

it shrunk.

Look, I don't know what
you guys are suggesting,

but I happen to be here
for the pure sport of it.

LESLIE (OFFSCREEN):
(SCORNFULLY) Oh.

Oh no!
Johnny, what happened?

Ah, a little mishap at
the match last night.

But don't worry girls, I have
found you a terrific substitute.

This is Helga, and she's every
bit as good as I am.

Welcome.

I need a volunteer.

Kelly's always willing.

Great sport, huh, Kel?

Now I show you how to snap
an arm like a twig.

[Kelly whimpers]

- Good salad.
- Oh, thanks.

I washed the lettuce
three times.

Oh, and did you know
that Emily Dickinson

had a very nice
vegetable garden?

Would you just drop
Emily Dickinson?

Goodness.
Did I just raise my voice?

I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

- It's all my fault.
- No.

I've got to admit, I-I'm a
little intimidated by you.

Well, don't be.

I can't help it.

You're so unlike all the
other women I've dated.

You don't pop your gum,
you don't teach aerobics,

you haven't had anything
surgically enhanced--

have you?

No.

But since we're being honest,

I have to admit that I'm a
little intimidated by you.

Get out of here.

No, really.

I've lived this cloistered
life in academia

and I'm used
to a certain kind of man.

And frankly, you're
my first hunk.

I am?

Bread?

Thank you.

I want to have three children.

No, no, no.

Two girls and two boys,
that's the ideal family.

[Zack sighs]

Can we play cards?

- Can you believe this, Slater?
- No.

Four kids in this day and age?

Two is plenty.

Then again, there's a lot to
be said for stopping at one.

My parents did.

Excuse me, Tony, do you
have any barrettes?

Barrettes?
That's it, I'm out of here.

I hear there's a Tupperware
party in the next dorm.

Wait, wait, wait.
Tony, come on!

I'm riding the hottest steak of
my life and you're walking?

We'll play in my room next week,

and I promise you no
women will be there.

Or ever have been.

You see that?
You see what you girls did?

Oh, big loss.

If he shoved one more Twinkie
in his mouth, I was gonna barf.

[Kelly moans]

Oh, hi, Kel.

How was class?

Don't mess with me.

Helga taught me to break a
kneecap with one hand, girlie.

You know, on the way up here I was
smelling smoke from Rogers' room.

[beeping]
What's that?

It's the smoke detector.

Nobody panic.

Luckily, I'm the dorm's
fire monitor.

Let's all begin our emergency
escape procedures.

Drop to the ground and
crawl to safety.

- Oh!
- Mike!

Mike, open up!

- Hey, come on, Mike!
- Hey!

- Mike!
- Come on!

What? What?

Your room's on fire.

We just got a little
distracted and I burned dinner.

- Oh.
- So the fire's out?

Not entirely.

I think we've lost our
fourth in Monopoly.

- Woo!
- That's it!

Stay together.

Follow me!

How you doing back
there, Slater?

Keep up! Yell out if
you have any trouble!

Huah!

[theme music]

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