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1
00:00:01,352 --> 00:00:03,420
??
2
00:00:20,777 --> 00:00:23,813
Do they really expect us to take
an anthropology class at 8 AM?
3
00:00:23,991 --> 00:00:26,326
Huh, tell me about it, man. I
don't even wake up before noon.
4
00:00:26,434 --> 00:00:27,536
Pfft!
5
00:00:27,807 --> 00:00:30,109
Tell you, the only reason I'm
here is because of her.
6
00:00:30,218 --> 00:00:31,703
But, her, too.
7
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,000
Yo!
8
00:00:33,666 --> 00:00:35,434
You missed the redhead over
in the third row.
9
00:00:35,506 --> 00:00:37,341
Ahhhh.
10
00:00:38,151 --> 00:00:40,787
Uh, bet you this professor
guy is a real loser.
11
00:00:40,896 --> 00:00:42,064
Oh, yeah.
12
00:00:42,169 --> 00:00:44,071
He's probably spent half
his life chasing pygmies
13
00:00:44,176 --> 00:00:46,645
and those women who wear
hula hoops through their noses.
14
00:00:47,257 --> 00:00:49,158
You can do that in L.A.
15
00:00:51,642 --> 00:00:55,012
Hey listen, I got a copy
of his midterm.
16
00:00:55,224 --> 00:00:56,892
- You want it?
- Are you kidding?
17
00:00:56,997 --> 00:00:58,832
Nah, I normally charge like,
$50 for that sort of thing,
18
00:00:58,906 --> 00:01:01,542
but for you, uh, how about $20?
19
00:01:01,651 --> 00:01:02,986
Sure!
20
00:01:06,539 --> 00:01:08,207
- Thanks.
- Hey.
21
00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:14,463
Hello, and welcome to Cultural
Anthropology.
22
00:01:16,648 --> 00:01:19,184
I'm your host, Professor
Jeremiah Lasky.
23
00:01:22,472 --> 00:01:25,275
Now before we begin,
a word of caution.
24
00:01:25,888 --> 00:01:27,923
There may be some
unscrupulous people around here
25
00:01:28,030 --> 00:01:30,800
that are actually trying
to sell my midterm.
26
00:01:31,110 --> 00:01:33,145
Don't bother.
Its bogus.
27
00:01:33,387 --> 00:01:36,623
But of course, you're all too
smart for that, aren't you?
28
00:01:39,479 --> 00:01:41,514
Does anyone want to
buy a midterm?
29
00:01:44,367 --> 00:01:47,270
? I'm standing
at the edge of tomorrow, ?
30
00:01:47,379 --> 00:01:50,582
? and it's all up to
me how far I go ?
31
00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:53,696
? I'm standing at the
edge of tomorrow ?
32
00:01:54,141 --> 00:01:57,178
? I've never seen
such a view before, ?
33
00:01:57,289 --> 00:02:00,192
? a new world before my eyes ?
34
00:02:00,335 --> 00:02:03,438
? So much for me to explore ?
35
00:02:03,548 --> 00:02:06,017
? It's where my future lies ?
36
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:09,230
? Today, I'm standing at
the edge of tomorrow ?
37
00:02:09,674 --> 00:02:12,210
? From here, the future
looks bright for me ?
38
00:02:12,318 --> 00:02:15,521
? And it's all up to
me how far I go ?
39
00:02:15,633 --> 00:02:18,736
? It's my time to break away ?
40
00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:23,251
? I'm standing at the edge
of tomorrow today ?
41
00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:29,082
Fasten your seat belts, because
we are going on an adventure.
42
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,625
I'm going to take
you to New Guinea
43
00:02:30,731 --> 00:02:33,300
where we'll study the marriage
rituals of the Tehanbuli tribe,
44
00:02:33,409 --> 00:02:36,312
who often take up to
as many as 16 wives.
45
00:02:36,555 --> 00:02:38,423
Will you, you, and you marry me?
46
00:02:38,530 --> 00:02:40,199
- Yes.
- Yes.
47
00:02:40,271 --> 00:02:41,740
Oh, yeah.
48
00:02:43,357 --> 00:02:44,550
Don't let it go to your head.
49
00:02:44,656 --> 00:02:46,458
Some people will do
anything for a grade.
50
00:02:46,564 --> 00:02:47,832
Shh!
51
00:02:48,439 --> 00:02:49,840
Excuse me?
52
00:02:50,180 --> 00:02:52,616
How do you spell Tehanbuli?
53
00:02:52,725 --> 00:02:55,161
- It's not important.
- Well, will it be on the final?
54
00:02:55,269 --> 00:02:56,203
No.
55
00:02:56,307 --> 00:02:58,142
Will there be a pop quiz on it?
56
00:02:59,185 --> 00:03:02,888
T-E-H-A-N-B-U-L-I.
57
00:03:03,203 --> 00:03:04,604
Thank you!
58
00:03:05,580 --> 00:03:06,747
He's so cute!
59
00:03:06,852 --> 00:03:08,887
I wonder what his sign is?
60
00:03:08,961 --> 00:03:10,329
Virgo.
61
00:03:13,579 --> 00:03:14,714
But enough about me.
62
00:03:14,852 --> 00:03:16,587
Let's find out what you know.
63
00:03:16,692 --> 00:03:18,995
Ah, you from the
Calvin Klein ads,
64
00:03:19,103 --> 00:03:20,638
what is anthropology?
65
00:03:20,744 --> 00:03:22,045
Well,
66
00:03:24,192 --> 00:03:25,627
anthropology is the--
67
00:03:25,698 --> 00:03:28,067
Screech, Screech, he
was talking to me.
68
00:03:31,389 --> 00:03:34,526
Um, [whispering]
what's anthropology?
69
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:36,908
It's the study of humankind.
70
00:03:36,980 --> 00:03:37,914
Right!
71
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,686
Ah, you, Mr. $20 lighter,
72
00:03:39,758 --> 00:03:42,461
for a chance to win a
copy of the real midterm,
73
00:03:43,173 --> 00:03:44,942
who was Margaret Mead?
74
00:03:45,349 --> 00:03:47,718
Isn't she the cafeteria
lady with the hairnet?
75
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,331
No, sorry, that's Clara Mead.
76
00:03:50,437 --> 00:03:51,705
- Ah.
- Hey!
77
00:03:51,809 --> 00:03:54,045
Ah, let's give somebody else
a chance, shall we?
78
00:03:56,262 --> 00:03:57,430
All right, take it.
79
00:03:57,534 --> 00:03:58,601
Ah!
80
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,741
Margaret Mead was a
pioneer in anthropology
81
00:04:00,848 --> 00:04:02,750
who wrote the
"Coming of Age in Samoa."
82
00:04:02,889 --> 00:04:05,158
Clara Mead discovered
tuna pudding.
83
00:04:05,568 --> 00:04:07,770
- Great, what's your name, kid?
- Samuel Powers.
84
00:04:07,911 --> 00:04:09,346
Oh sure, by the way,
I loved your book,
85
00:04:09,451 --> 00:04:11,086
"I'm OK, You're an Aborigine."
86
00:04:11,191 --> 00:04:12,459
You read my book?
87
00:04:12,565 --> 00:04:14,100
Oh, no, no, don't
get so excited.
88
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,507
He also read, "Garfield Goes
to the White House."
89
00:04:16,648 --> 00:04:18,016
Ha, me, too.
90
00:04:18,121 --> 00:04:21,024
All right, first assignment,
buy my book.
91
00:04:21,168 --> 00:04:22,569
I need the money.
92
00:04:26,859 --> 00:04:29,495
Listen, if I got to buy your book,
can I at least have my $20 back?
93
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,972
Mm, tell you what--
94
00:04:32,952 --> 00:04:34,286
here's five.
95
00:04:34,558 --> 00:04:35,960
Buy it used.
96
00:04:42,459 --> 00:04:43,727
Lasky's incredible.
97
00:04:43,832 --> 00:04:45,967
He's the most dynamic teacher
I have ever seen.
98
00:04:46,074 --> 00:04:48,076
And of course, he's a Virgo.
99
00:04:48,182 --> 00:04:50,518
Uh-huh.
With a wacko rising.
100
00:04:51,464 --> 00:04:54,367
Well, I know about you guys,
but I was totally confused.
101
00:04:54,443 --> 00:04:56,178
Oh, no, no, no, no--
with good reason.
102
00:04:56,284 --> 00:04:59,220
This guy has taken one to many
blow darts to the head.
103
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:01,768
Could someone pass
the rolls, please?
104
00:05:02,009 --> 00:05:03,344
Thank you.
105
00:05:04,185 --> 00:05:06,454
Professor Lasky is amazing.
106
00:05:06,528 --> 00:05:09,732
He's so charismatic and so sexy.
107
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,778
Lasky?
Sexy?
108
00:05:11,884 --> 00:05:13,586
He's a professor.
109
00:05:13,692 --> 00:05:16,328
Exactly!
Brilliance is sexy.
110
00:05:16,436 --> 00:05:19,439
- Aw.
- Funny is sexy.
111
00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:22,855
Confusing is sexy.
112
00:05:23,835 --> 00:05:26,638
Hey! Even I want to
take the guy home!
113
00:05:28,455 --> 00:05:29,622
Oh!
114
00:05:29,894 --> 00:05:31,663
Kelly, were you going to
finish this danish?
115
00:05:31,768 --> 00:05:33,103
Not now!
116
00:05:33,643 --> 00:05:35,045
What's with the pig out?
117
00:05:35,149 --> 00:05:37,718
Well, I've got to gain
six pounds by Friday.
118
00:05:37,862 --> 00:05:39,964
Coach said if I can get myself
into the next weight class,
119
00:05:40,071 --> 00:05:41,772
I can wrestle against USC.
120
00:05:41,879 --> 00:05:43,847
- You get to gain weight?
- Uh-huh.
121
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,989
Life is so unfair.
122
00:05:46,666 --> 00:05:48,868
I have to lose two pounds
immediately.
123
00:05:48,975 --> 00:05:52,078
You see, for an actress, it's that
Tori Spelling look that's in right now.
124
00:05:52,190 --> 00:05:53,391
None of that...
125
00:05:57,612 --> 00:06:00,181
Come on, two pounds is hardly
going to hurt you.
126
00:06:00,290 --> 00:06:03,827
Yeah, that's what Delta Burke said
before she inhaler first cheesecake!
127
00:06:08,492 --> 00:06:09,526
Hey, Screech.
128
00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:12,266
Mike Rogers is looking for you,
and he is really ticked.
129
00:06:12,376 --> 00:06:14,678
Oh, no.
Slater, I'm a dead man!
130
00:06:14,785 --> 00:06:17,588
He must have found out I shrunk
his best silk shirt in the dryer!
131
00:06:17,865 --> 00:06:19,767
- [knocking]
- Screech! You in there?
132
00:06:19,874 --> 00:06:21,208
Ooh!
133
00:06:25,062 --> 00:06:26,630
I haven't seen him anywhere.
134
00:06:30,887 --> 00:06:32,356
Is he gone?
135
00:06:32,561 --> 00:06:33,428
Yeah.
136
00:06:33,532 --> 00:06:35,568
Aw, thanks, Slater.
Ahh!
137
00:06:38,285 --> 00:06:39,320
Powers!
138
00:06:39,424 --> 00:06:41,159
I've got a computer problem.
139
00:06:41,264 --> 00:06:42,699
A computer problem?
140
00:06:42,805 --> 00:06:44,507
Oh, that's great.
141
00:06:45,449 --> 00:06:47,518
Hey, I've got a shirt
just like this.
142
00:06:50,571 --> 00:06:53,007
Anyway, I finally break
down and buy a computer,
143
00:06:53,116 --> 00:06:54,951
then I
realize it's not compatible.
144
00:06:55,056 --> 00:06:56,257
With what?
145
00:06:56,329 --> 00:06:58,765
With me.
Look at these hands.
146
00:06:59,107 --> 00:07:01,009
What do they suggest to you?
147
00:07:01,283 --> 00:07:03,385
Death by strangulation?
148
00:07:04,363 --> 00:07:06,732
Sure, they were great
for crushing Joe Montana,
149
00:07:06,940 --> 00:07:09,309
but just try typing
with these fingers.
150
00:07:09,552 --> 00:07:11,087
Let me see your hands.
151
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,902
Oh, beautiful.
152
00:07:15,109 --> 00:07:18,045
Now those are the fingers
of a sickly young girl.
153
00:07:19,193 --> 00:07:20,528
Thanks!
154
00:07:21,302 --> 00:07:22,169
Hey!
155
00:07:22,272 --> 00:07:24,474
They're perfect for typing
my new book.
156
00:07:24,650 --> 00:07:25,785
You're writing a book, sir?
157
00:07:25,888 --> 00:07:28,290
Well, I've got a publisher
who's interested.
158
00:07:28,398 --> 00:07:30,834
It's about my life in the NFL.
159
00:07:30,943 --> 00:07:34,647
I'm calling it, "The Other
Side of the Jock."
160
00:07:36,199 --> 00:07:37,300
Provocative!
161
00:07:37,404 --> 00:07:39,906
I'd be happy to put it on my
computer for you, sir.
162
00:07:40,116 --> 00:07:42,551
And perhaps you could
help me in return.
163
00:07:42,694 --> 00:07:45,897
You know, I've never been fully
satisfied with my physique.
164
00:07:46,142 --> 00:07:47,476
No kidding?
165
00:07:49,355 --> 00:07:50,389
Tell you what --
166
00:07:50,492 --> 00:07:53,295
you help me with me book,
I'll help you bulk up.
167
00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:56,775
So you want to be like,
huge or super huge?
168
00:07:57,021 --> 00:07:59,256
Actually, sir, I'd just like to
be able to lift the toilet seat
169
00:07:59,364 --> 00:08:00,866
without getting a hernia.
170
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:07,687
Now remember, every culture
has some form of courting ritual.
171
00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:10,569
The challenge of this demonstration
is to get Leslie, the female,
172
00:08:10,679 --> 00:08:13,048
to go off with Zack,
the smart mouth.
173
00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,895
But, like primitive man, you
cannot use language.
174
00:08:16,002 --> 00:08:17,069
No words.
175
00:08:17,174 --> 00:08:18,508
No problem.
176
00:08:21,593 --> 00:08:25,063
Hmm, as, we see the male is
letting the female know of his interest.
177
00:08:25,174 --> 00:08:27,877
He is saying, my cave or yours?
178
00:08:28,287 --> 00:08:29,989
Any darn place works for me.
179
00:08:30,095 --> 00:08:31,129
Ha-ha.
180
00:08:32,003 --> 00:08:33,371
No words.
181
00:08:33,945 --> 00:08:35,480
Ah, look at the female.
182
00:08:35,853 --> 00:08:37,855
Mm, alas, she is not responding.
183
00:08:37,962 --> 00:08:39,931
She is saying, hey
who needs him?
184
00:08:40,038 --> 00:08:42,741
I date a guy in my tribe who's
got his own wheel.
185
00:08:43,586 --> 00:08:45,755
This is stupid, all right?
It's a waste of time.
186
00:08:45,862 --> 00:08:47,430
This whole class is
a waste of time.
187
00:08:47,516 --> 00:08:48,903
Mr. Morris,
188
00:08:49,846 --> 00:08:52,049
I'd like to see you in my
office today at 5 o'clock.
189
00:09:14,016 --> 00:09:15,017
[knocking]
190
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,722
PROFESSOR LASKY (OFFSCREEN):
Uh-huh, come in.
191
00:09:21,782 --> 00:09:23,751
So, do you live in your office?
192
00:09:24,159 --> 00:09:25,227
Only during the week.
193
00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:26,698
On the weekends I live in
my van at the beach.
194
00:09:26,803 --> 00:09:28,004
Ha ha ha.
195
00:09:28,343 --> 00:09:30,579
I like you, Zack.
You're pretty sharp.
196
00:09:30,888 --> 00:09:34,191
But I get a sense that you
have no interest in anthropology.
197
00:09:34,402 --> 00:09:36,505
Actually, sir, I have nothing
against anthropology,
198
00:09:36,612 --> 00:09:38,347
it's just, I don't see what
it has to do with my life.
199
00:09:38,454 --> 00:09:40,523
Ah, ah, but you
will, my lad. You will.
200
00:09:40,629 --> 00:09:44,065
For instance, had you paid attention
to my lecture on courting rituals,
201
00:09:44,211 --> 00:09:45,712
you'd learn a lot
more about women.
202
00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:47,687
It seems to me you're
a little, uh,
203
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,428
clunky in that area.
204
00:09:49,567 --> 00:09:50,868
Ha ha ha!
205
00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:53,309
Me, clunky with women?
Oh, no, no, no.
206
00:09:53,417 --> 00:09:56,820
You see Professor Lasky, if there's
anything I do know, it is women.
207
00:09:56,931 --> 00:09:59,400
I've been scoping chicks since
I was in the third grade.
208
00:10:01,719 --> 00:10:03,587
Scoping chicks?
209
00:10:03,693 --> 00:10:05,895
I'm sure they'd be
delighted to hear that.
210
00:10:06,833 --> 00:10:09,110
If I can make a
scientific observation,
211
00:10:09,218 --> 00:10:10,586
when it comes to women,
212
00:10:10,691 --> 00:10:12,359
you don't know Jack, Zack.
213
00:10:15,243 --> 00:10:18,179
- You want to bet?
- Ah, you read my mind!
214
00:10:18,423 --> 00:10:20,525
Now, I know you hate
getting up early for my class,
215
00:10:20,633 --> 00:10:23,836
so how would you like to be
excused for the rest of the semester?
216
00:10:23,947 --> 00:10:25,515
Huh!
Yeah, right.
217
00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:26,655
What's the catch?
218
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:29,395
I want you to do a field
study on women.
219
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,306
And you can do it right
here at CalU.
220
00:10:31,412 --> 00:10:33,447
I want you to answer
one question --
221
00:10:34,124 --> 00:10:35,759
what do women want?
222
00:10:35,830 --> 00:10:39,067
Ha ha ha.
What do women want?
223
00:10:39,179 --> 00:10:40,714
- That's it?
- That's it, man.
224
00:10:40,819 --> 00:10:42,220
You come up with a
scientific conclusion,
225
00:10:42,324 --> 00:10:44,493
I'll give you a B and you can
sleep late the rest of the semester.
226
00:10:44,601 --> 00:10:46,136
- Are you serious?
- Uh-huh.
227
00:10:46,241 --> 00:10:48,410
All right.
You're on.
228
00:10:49,254 --> 00:10:50,789
I want it by Friday.
229
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,949
What do women want?
230
00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:59,458
Who does this clown think
he's dealing with?
231
00:11:01,976 --> 00:11:04,712
All right, give me two
cheeseburgers, two fries,
232
00:11:04,821 --> 00:11:07,390
two chocolate shakes
and two cherry pies.
233
00:11:08,403 --> 00:11:10,071
Oh, do you want something?
234
00:11:11,048 --> 00:11:12,716
Coke. Diet.
235
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,323
Small.
236
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:18,369
You know, I can't believe how
hard it is to gain weight, Alex.
237
00:11:18,479 --> 00:11:21,049
I've been eating everything in
sight and I've only put on a pound.
238
00:11:21,157 --> 00:11:22,658
I hate you!
239
00:11:26,446 --> 00:11:27,814
Ooh, ooh!
Hi there!
240
00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:30,522
I'm doing an anthropology
field study on what women want.
241
00:11:30,631 --> 00:11:32,466
What women want, take 27.
242
00:11:32,573 --> 00:11:34,308
Quiet, everybody!
243
00:11:35,819 --> 00:11:37,721
I don't know quite what to say.
244
00:11:37,828 --> 00:11:40,698
Oh, well for instance, uh, would
you want to go out with me?
245
00:11:40,941 --> 00:11:42,243
Maybe.
246
00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:44,549
Excellent.
Now, just for the record,
247
00:11:44,657 --> 00:11:46,426
would you please state
your name and number?
248
00:11:46,532 --> 00:11:50,602
I'm Tina.
My phone number is 555-2083.
249
00:11:50,717 --> 00:11:53,152
Wow, this zoom's really
amazing, Zack.
250
00:11:53,227 --> 00:11:55,529
She should really trim
her nose hairs.
251
00:11:57,913 --> 00:11:59,248
Screech, please.
252
00:11:59,354 --> 00:12:00,889
Just can it with the commentary.
253
00:12:00,994 --> 00:12:03,096
You are unbelievable,
you know that?
254
00:12:03,203 --> 00:12:05,806
Professor Lasky gives
you a great opportunity
255
00:12:05,915 --> 00:12:07,717
and you use it to hit on women.
256
00:12:07,823 --> 00:12:10,325
Excuse me, I'm doing
serious research here.
257
00:12:10,501 --> 00:12:12,770
Zack, driving down
Sorority Row yelling,
258
00:12:12,877 --> 00:12:16,214
"Send out your women!"
is not serious research.
259
00:12:16,326 --> 00:12:18,361
Oh, yeah? Wait 'til you
see the Kappa Zeta footage.
260
00:12:18,434 --> 00:12:20,837
They have very
interesting bathing rituals.
261
00:12:20,945 --> 00:12:22,446
Ugh! Forget it, Zack.
262
00:12:22,552 --> 00:12:26,256
Hey, come on, this is going to
be a groundbreaking study.
263
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,072
How many phone
numbers do we have?
264
00:12:28,176 --> 00:12:29,244
Eighteen.
265
00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:30,983
I love this project.
266
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,128
Sophomore year,
I had a cracked rib,
267
00:12:34,235 --> 00:12:36,537
a separated shoulder,
and a ruptured spleen,
268
00:12:36,646 --> 00:12:38,314
but I never missed a game.
269
00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:39,655
Ow!
270
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:40,994
What's wrong?
271
00:12:41,131 --> 00:12:42,532
Paper cut.
272
00:12:43,776 --> 00:12:45,144
We got to stop for today.
273
00:12:45,249 --> 00:12:47,017
Just tough it out, sir.
274
00:12:47,258 --> 00:12:49,627
In publishing, you have
to learn to play hurt.
275
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,338
Right.
276
00:12:51,844 --> 00:12:55,181
OK, on the field, I was a hero.
277
00:12:55,459 --> 00:12:56,793
But off the field,
278
00:12:57,033 --> 00:13:00,370
I still couldn't get up the
nerve to ask out Jenny Stillwell.
279
00:13:00,581 --> 00:13:02,249
Ooh, really?
280
00:13:02,422 --> 00:13:03,690
That's good stuff.
281
00:13:03,795 --> 00:13:04,996
Go on.
282
00:13:05,402 --> 00:13:08,104
I-- I can't.
It's just too personal.
283
00:13:08,381 --> 00:13:10,083
Personal is what sells books.
284
00:13:10,188 --> 00:13:12,323
Come on, Mike.
You can tell me anything.
285
00:13:12,866 --> 00:13:14,234
All right.
286
00:13:15,109 --> 00:13:19,547
There I was, 20 years old and
I still hadn't had my first date.
287
00:13:19,628 --> 00:13:22,331
Ah ha ha!
And I thought I was a geek!
288
00:13:24,884 --> 00:13:26,419
And I am!
289
00:13:27,830 --> 00:13:29,532
Strike that part from the book,
290
00:13:29,638 --> 00:13:31,406
and make sure it never
leaves this room.
291
00:13:31,479 --> 00:13:33,615
Your secret is safe
with me, sir.
292
00:13:34,459 --> 00:13:35,894
You know else is a babe?
293
00:13:35,999 --> 00:13:37,734
That guy Kevin in History class.
294
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,075
Oh, he is cute, and
oh, what a body.
295
00:13:40,135 --> 00:13:41,216
KELLY KAPOWSKI (OFFSCREEN):
Uh-huh.
296
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:44,758
Yeah, speaking of bodies,
what about Slater's?
297
00:13:46,844 --> 00:13:48,079
Ha ha!
298
00:13:48,184 --> 00:13:51,788
He is the best thing that ever
happened to a pair of jeans!
299
00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,434
LESLIE BURKE (OFFSCREEN):
Mm, mm, mm!
300
00:13:54,712 --> 00:13:56,380
So cute!
301
00:13:58,762 --> 00:14:00,030
What?
302
00:14:00,971 --> 00:14:02,406
I know I've been fighting it,
303
00:14:02,545 --> 00:14:05,315
but I am madly
in love with Zack.
304
00:14:05,457 --> 00:14:07,860
KELLY KAPOWSKI (OFFSCREEN):
Mm, I know what you mean.
305
00:14:07,968 --> 00:14:09,736
I want him, too.
306
00:14:10,245 --> 00:14:11,613
Bad.
307
00:14:13,793 --> 00:14:15,995
You will have to fight
me for him!
308
00:14:16,136 --> 00:14:17,805
Get in line!
309
00:14:18,513 --> 00:14:21,416
Of course, his body isn't half
as good as Slater's.
310
00:14:21,526 --> 00:14:23,395
FEMALE SPEAKERS (OFFSCREEN):
No way!
311
00:14:25,577 --> 00:14:27,045
Ahh!
312
00:14:31,099 --> 00:14:32,167
What are you doing?
313
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:33,974
Serves you right for spying!
314
00:14:34,079 --> 00:14:37,082
I am not spying!
I am doing scientific research!
315
00:14:37,193 --> 00:14:38,494
Yeah, sure.
316
00:14:38,598 --> 00:14:42,002
Really, listen, I have to give
Lasky this report by Friday,
317
00:14:42,113 --> 00:14:43,281
and I have nothing.
318
00:14:43,385 --> 00:14:46,154
I don't know what it is, but
women don't take me seriously.
319
00:14:48,172 --> 00:14:49,540
What?
320
00:14:58,215 --> 00:15:02,253
So, in '87, I had 19 sacks,
recovered 10 fumbles,
321
00:15:02,366 --> 00:15:03,767
and I
had three interceptions.
322
00:15:03,873 --> 00:15:05,108
You got that, Screech?
323
00:15:05,212 --> 00:15:06,413
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
324
00:15:06,518 --> 00:15:10,455
MVP, blah, blah, blah, Super
Bowl ring, big yawn.
325
00:15:12,677 --> 00:15:14,045
What?
326
00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:18,289
Well actually sir, I thought the
personal stuff was more interesting.
327
00:15:18,401 --> 00:15:21,571
You know, the part about you not
dating 'til you were 20?
328
00:15:21,850 --> 00:15:23,485
I hate that part.
329
00:15:23,758 --> 00:15:26,761
Well sir, as your editor, I
suggest we put it in the book.
330
00:15:27,172 --> 00:15:28,574
And have people laugh at me?
331
00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:29,813
No way.
332
00:15:29,916 --> 00:15:31,518
They won't laugh at you.
333
00:15:31,725 --> 00:15:33,260
What they'll see is
a real person.
334
00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:35,167
What they'll see is a real wimp.
335
00:15:35,273 --> 00:15:36,775
Oh, they won't see a wimp --
336
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:39,015
they'll see a
guy just like me.
337
00:15:40,194 --> 00:15:42,530
Oh, that makes me
feel much better.
338
00:15:43,039 --> 00:15:44,541
Sir, let me explain.
339
00:15:44,747 --> 00:15:47,817
You see, if a cool guy like
you had a little trouble with girls,
340
00:15:47,893 --> 00:15:50,629
just think how much hope it
could give us regular guys!
341
00:15:51,141 --> 00:15:52,676
You really think so?
342
00:15:53,384 --> 00:15:54,919
All right, maybe I will.
343
00:15:55,125 --> 00:15:56,693
Come on, let's hit the weights.
344
00:15:56,798 --> 00:15:58,066
Oh, OK.
345
00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:00,342
OK, remember what we
learned yesterday?
346
00:16:00,447 --> 00:16:02,048
Arms straight, push from
the shoulders.
347
00:16:02,121 --> 00:16:03,456
Come on, give me five reps.
348
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,028
You got it, sir.
349
00:16:05,469 --> 00:16:07,437
That's it, concentrate.
350
00:16:07,578 --> 00:16:08,746
Come on, breathe.
351
00:16:09,151 --> 00:16:10,653
Breathe, come on, feel the burn!
352
00:16:10,791 --> 00:16:12,092
[knocking]
353
00:16:12,365 --> 00:16:14,067
Phone call for you,
Mr. Rogers.
354
00:16:14,172 --> 00:16:16,308
She said she's Mikey's mommy.
355
00:16:18,021 --> 00:16:19,890
Don't put this part in the book.
356
00:16:22,005 --> 00:16:24,307
I feel the burn!
357
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,552
Oh!
Oh, oh!
358
00:16:34,358 --> 00:16:36,527
- Hey, you!
- Hey, Kel.
359
00:16:37,739 --> 00:16:40,008
Hey, Kelly?
We're close friends, right?
360
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,419
- Sure, Zack. Why?
- It's this Lasky project.
361
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:43,761
I mean, I'm in trouble.
362
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:46,235
I don't know what is, but women
won't open up to me.
363
00:16:46,343 --> 00:16:49,245
Zack, no girl in her right
mind is going to open up
364
00:16:49,356 --> 00:16:51,024
to a guy who's
been hitting on her.
365
00:16:51,130 --> 00:16:52,531
And that's all you've
been doing.
366
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,939
Yeah, I guess you're right.
367
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,385
It's just that, hitting on girls
is like breathing to me.
368
00:16:58,528 --> 00:17:00,030
By the way, nice shorts!
369
00:17:00,704 --> 00:17:01,738
You see?
370
00:17:01,842 --> 00:17:04,779
If you were really interested in
listening to what we have to say,
371
00:17:04,922 --> 00:17:06,991
you'd get some real responses.
372
00:17:07,801 --> 00:17:09,602
Well, I'm really
interested in you.
373
00:17:09,911 --> 00:17:12,880
For starters, what do you want
to do with your life?
374
00:17:13,559 --> 00:17:16,128
Oh, well, I'm not sure.
375
00:17:16,472 --> 00:17:19,041
I want to make a difference
in people's lives somehow.
376
00:17:19,443 --> 00:17:21,211
Maybe a teacher or work
in health care.
377
00:17:21,285 --> 00:17:22,353
Health care really?
378
00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:23,620
I didn't know you were
interested in that.
379
00:17:23,691 --> 00:17:25,193
Yeah.
I am.
380
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:28,680
But, I also want to have fun
and meet some new friends.
381
00:17:29,259 --> 00:17:31,361
And I wouldn't mind having
Leslie's wardrobe.
382
00:17:32,238 --> 00:17:33,573
Is that so?
383
00:17:33,744 --> 00:17:34,745
Yeah.
384
00:17:34,850 --> 00:17:37,085
But, you know, it's really
hard coming to college
385
00:17:37,194 --> 00:17:39,496
and competing with so
many girls that have money.
386
00:17:39,704 --> 00:17:41,439
I mean, I have to work at
the Student Health Center
387
00:17:41,544 --> 00:17:43,079
and really watch my pennies.
388
00:17:43,486 --> 00:17:46,389
And sometimes I feel like I
just don't belong here.
389
00:17:46,801 --> 00:17:48,102
Really?
390
00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:51,446
What about you, Alex?
What do you want to do?
391
00:17:52,023 --> 00:17:53,524
Does the camera bother you?
392
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,366
No,
393
00:17:56,107 --> 00:17:58,175
the camera loves me,
394
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,923
particularly
from my left side.
395
00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:03,968
With me, it's no big secret.
396
00:18:04,174 --> 00:18:05,609
I want to be Meryl Streep.
397
00:18:05,715 --> 00:18:08,785
I want an Oscar, an Emmy, a
Tony, and a Luke Perry.
398
00:18:10,769 --> 00:18:14,840
Well, that's great, but uh,
what if you don't make it?
399
00:18:15,322 --> 00:18:16,690
Don't make it?
400
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:18,832
Well, I never thought
about that.
401
00:18:19,038 --> 00:18:20,239
Well shut the camera off!
402
00:18:20,343 --> 00:18:21,444
No more pictures!
403
00:18:21,548 --> 00:18:22,716
You!
Call my agent!
404
00:18:22,820 --> 00:18:24,489
Wait a minute, I don't
have an agent.
405
00:18:26,536 --> 00:18:29,773
What about you, Leslie?
What are your ambitions?
406
00:18:30,420 --> 00:18:32,789
Well, in the Burke family,
you're born with ambition.
407
00:18:32,897 --> 00:18:35,299
It's issued right along
with the trust fund.
408
00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:39,044
My gosh, there's a library named
after my family on this campus.
409
00:18:39,256 --> 00:18:41,125
My parents put so
much pressure on me,
410
00:18:41,233 --> 00:18:42,935
I don't know
what I want.
411
00:18:43,609 --> 00:18:45,644
They're never going to see
this tape, are they?
412
00:18:45,751 --> 00:18:47,887
No.
You have my word.
413
00:18:48,563 --> 00:18:50,165
Now, what is it you
guys want from us?
414
00:18:50,270 --> 00:18:52,072
I mean, what do
women want from men?
415
00:18:52,154 --> 00:18:53,167
Ha ha!
416
00:18:53,284 --> 00:18:54,819
Where do we start?
417
00:18:55,828 --> 00:18:58,464
Well, you guys always seem
to have a hidden agenda.
418
00:18:58,773 --> 00:19:00,842
And men are always
sizing you up.
419
00:19:00,950 --> 00:19:03,486
Yeah, it's like you're the
object of some kind of hunt.
420
00:19:03,762 --> 00:19:07,165
I'd like to have a friendship with
a guy not based on the physical.
421
00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:09,478
I'd like a man who's
really romantic.
422
00:19:09,586 --> 00:19:11,888
Just once, I'd like to see
a guy cry at something
423
00:19:11,997 --> 00:19:13,732
other than a football game.
424
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:17,247
I know it sounds simple,
425
00:19:17,353 --> 00:19:19,488
but I want to be a
mother and raise a family.
426
00:19:19,596 --> 00:19:20,864
What do I want?
427
00:19:21,169 --> 00:19:22,671
Anything chocolate.
428
00:19:23,144 --> 00:19:24,646
My perfect guy?
429
00:19:25,153 --> 00:19:27,222
Uh, I guess it
really doesn't matter,
430
00:19:27,362 --> 00:19:29,331
just as long as he
hasn't done time.
431
00:19:30,743 --> 00:19:31,978
Intelligence.
432
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:33,551
Sincerity.
433
00:19:33,689 --> 00:19:34,890
Kindness.
434
00:19:35,028 --> 00:19:37,164
Men?
Men are pigs.
435
00:19:37,271 --> 00:19:38,772
Who needs them?
436
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,614
Did I say Luke Perry?
437
00:19:40,685 --> 00:19:42,754
I meant River Phoenix.
438
00:19:46,611 --> 00:19:48,913
Very interesting, Zack.
439
00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:52,359
Not bad, my boy, for your
first field study.
440
00:19:53,205 --> 00:19:54,540
Conclusions?
441
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:56,815
Uh, well, to tell
you the truth sir,
442
00:19:56,955 --> 00:19:58,423
I'm more
confused than ever.
443
00:19:58,562 --> 00:20:01,365
I mean, I couldn't find the one
thing that all women want.
444
00:20:02,211 --> 00:20:05,080
Guess they're just like guys.
They want a lot of different things.
445
00:20:05,223 --> 00:20:06,457
Bingo.
446
00:20:06,863 --> 00:20:08,665
Took me 32 years,
three dozen countries,
447
00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:10,774
and an ex-wife to
learn that.
448
00:20:12,287 --> 00:20:13,422
Good work.
449
00:20:13,626 --> 00:20:14,727
Thanks.
450
00:20:15,031 --> 00:20:16,900
Well, I'm a man of my word.
451
00:20:18,044 --> 00:20:19,446
- You got your B.
- Ah.
452
00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:20,920
You can sleep in the
rest of the semester.
453
00:20:21,024 --> 00:20:22,158
All right, thank you, sir.
454
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:23,864
I'll never forget you for this.
455
00:20:24,841 --> 00:20:27,844
Oh. by the way, if I give you
the girls' swim team footage,
456
00:20:27,954 --> 00:20:29,422
can you make it an A?
457
00:20:30,095 --> 00:20:31,630
Don't push your luck.
458
00:20:44,156 --> 00:20:45,491
What are you doing?
459
00:20:45,571 --> 00:20:48,566
Coach called me last night and said
our best guy came down with the flu.
460
00:20:48,676 --> 00:20:51,879
I can wrestle in his place if I get
back down to my original weight class.
461
00:20:51,990 --> 00:20:54,593
So now I have to lose three
pounds by 4:00.
462
00:20:54,701 --> 00:20:56,002
And I am starving.
463
00:20:56,107 --> 00:20:59,377
Ha! Now you know
what it's to be a woman.
464
00:21:07,556 --> 00:21:11,660
I guess everybody's here
who's going to be here.
465
00:21:12,879 --> 00:21:14,614
All right, let's get started.
466
00:21:15,122 --> 00:21:17,357
One of the most fascinating
stories in anthropology
467
00:21:17,431 --> 00:21:20,400
is Jane Goodall's 30-year study
of the chimpanzees of Gombe.
468
00:21:20,477 --> 00:21:23,080
Now, the intelligence of these
guys is mind boggling.
469
00:21:23,189 --> 00:21:24,991
Their reasoning and language
skills are incredible.
470
00:21:25,098 --> 00:21:26,232
- They--
- Oh, yeah?
471
00:21:26,303 --> 00:21:28,872
If they're so smart, how come
they don't have cable TV?
472
00:21:29,510 --> 00:21:32,046
Well, well, Mr. Morris.
473
00:21:32,195 --> 00:21:34,397
To what do we owe
this pleasure?
474
00:21:35,173 --> 00:21:36,575
You already got your B.
475
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,149
I don't want a B.
I want an A.
476
00:21:42,338 --> 00:21:43,939
Well, in that case,
son, sit down.
477
00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:45,145
You're late.
478
00:21:45,383 --> 00:21:48,417
Well, the only reason I was late, sir,
is because I stopped to buy your book.
479
00:21:48,464 --> 00:21:49,498
Ah, very good.
480
00:21:49,568 --> 00:21:50,902
You are going to find
it very useful.
481
00:21:51,007 --> 00:21:53,276
Oh, ho, ho, I already have.
482
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:02,246
Stick around. It's going
to be an interesting year.
483
00:22:08,482 --> 00:22:10,584
I feel the burn!
484
00:22:11,059 --> 00:22:12,728
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh!
485
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:14,102
Oh!
486
00:22:29,472 --> 00:22:31,607
[inaudible]
487
00:22:31,657 --> 00:22:36,207
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