All language subtitles for Thanksgiving s01e07_English

You shall be safe here.

Where's Corey's room!

[ Insects buzzing ]

Nope.

It's a Bungoes commercial.

It's Chad's
restaurant chain.

Olive: We're getting
our fricking beer.

Sorry.
I don't drink beer.

Games will help you.

I dropped out of med school
two years ago,

and my parents
don't know yet.

Beer is fun!

Give us back the beer,
you son on the beach.

-Oh, my.
-Yeah!

I'm not gonna do it
unless you say it.

Would you
order me an Uber?

Where the fuck
is my ex-husband?!

♪♪

-[ Whimpers ]
-[ Grunts ]

♪♪

You don't know her
like I know her, Jude.

Come on, Chad.
Be a man.

I got him, Mommy.
-That's my baby boy.

Okay, I'm actually good.

Come on, Jude.
Please don't.

You can't run from
your problems, dude.

Yeah,
and I'm a big fucking problem.

Oh, wow.
This is quite interesting.

When do you want to
talk about this?

Because, first of all,
how dare you.

Woman: Hey, wake up, honey.
You're here.

I drove all 50 yards.

Go one more lap around
the block, please.

All right, fine, I'll drive.
That's fine.

That's fine. It's money.
[ Laughs ] I love money.

I mean, I could also, uh,

take you back to my place
if you want to feel safe.

I got shit at my house.

You ever see an old
tube television?

You know, the kind that
you can't get our of your house

without, like,
six big dudes?

Just, uh,
one lap would be fine.

I got the best security system
money can buy.

They just didn't look like they
were quite ready for guests yet.

I mean, it looked like
The Red Wedding.

Boyfriend is coming.

[ Ding! ]

Monica,
so good to see you.

Did you do something different
with your hair?

Hi, Kath. So, hey,
I saw your fun commercial.

Seven airings during an NFC game
on Thanksgiving.

That must've been expensive,
huh?

Yeah, well, we got
a pretty big discount, so.

[ Laughs ] Oh, that's funny,
because, uh, your lawyer said

that Bungoes has been in the red
for five years,

so, uh, what the heck,
Chad?

Maybe we should just leave.
This is awkward.

Okay, Monica, can we talk about
this inside, maybe?

Oh, are you afraid that the news
that you're broke

is somehow gonna hurt your
so-called "political career"?

Okay, well, Tuniclifs,
good to see you guys.

You look...sick.

So, your beer's in our garage.
It's all safe.

[ Indistinct talking ]
-We knew it!

Don't you dare touch me.

Oh, here we go.
Nobody touch Monica.

She hates holidays.
-Not you.

And not you.
And certainly not you.

-Monica, how'd you get here?
-Fuck you.

Did you happen to break
through the ground?

Revenge is sweet,
Morgan.

Yeah, well, you -- you're just
a -- the dumb Dumbiclifs.

[ Sighs ] Why didn't I come up
with something better than that?

Where have you two been?

Harper's
my girlfriend now.

Aw, that's nice.
Say goodbye, though,

because we got to get home
before those croquettes burn.

Until the morrow.

Nice to see you, Joy.

And, don't forget,
I want to borrow

that Japanese
decluttering book.

It'll change your life.

I wish I could
declutter my family.

[ Both laugh ]

Okay, boys, huddle up,
huddle up.

-Huddle up.
-All right, let's go.

Okay, now listen up.

Before we deal with Chad's
little Monica situation --

I'm right here, Don.

Okay, one second, Mo.

Look, I know the Tuniclif babies
just got handed their bottle,

but you men made me so proud out
there with what you just did.

You defended the Morgan honor.

And I will never forget that.

I am so proud of each
and every one of you.

Even Michael.

Why do you have to
qualify it like that?

You said "each and every one"
of us. It was a nice moment.

-Amen.
-Dad, come on, really?

I mean, some of us have done
things that should make you

a lot more proud
than a lawn fight.

-Name one.
-Well, I won a Livingston Award.

-What is that?
-It's like a junior Pulitzer.

-What is that?
-Do you guys know Pulitzer?

Okay, boys -- men --
"champs" on three.

All:
One, two three -- champs!

[ Sleepily ] Champs.

Nice yard fight,
guys.

You're all so manly
I can hardly contain myself.

At least I didn't have to
be a Tuniclif this time.

[ Laughs ]

What?

Hi, Gwen.

Monica.
What a lovely surprise.

Are you here to get
your awful kids?

I'm sure they're still around
here somewhere.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
I came for my money.

Your husband has been
holding out on me.

I knew it. I knew
this one was a gold digger.

Gold digger?

I opened Bungoes.

[ Scoffs ] No.

Bungoes is my baby.
I think opened it alone.

Give me a break. I sold
my controlling interest to Chad

for a stake of the profits,

which, clearly, he has
been holding out on.

-Monica...
-No.

You didn't invent Bungoes.
That's my big bro's company.

Yeah. You're an idiot.
Everyone knows that's his idea.

He told us that.

-Oh, is that right, Chad?
-Right, Chad?

Gwen?

This actually makes
a tremendous amount of sense.

-Can I talk to you upstairs?
-Don't fucking touch me.

-Absolutely.
-No.

If anybody touches Monica,
I will kill them.

No, not my Bungoes.

-Breathe, Corey. Breathe, Corey.
-Not my Bungoes!

-Come on. Come on. Suck it up.
-Why would he...

Dude, I'm five hours
over my shift, all right.

My pot pie's not gonna
microwave itself.

I'm really sorry.

Just one more lap
around the block, I'm gone.

Promise.
-Ugh, I don't mind.

I mean, the surge prices will
pay for my corn surgery.

[ Cellphone rings ]
-Oh, sorry about that.

I'll be one second.

Hi, it's Alexa.

What naughty animal
is this?

Huh?

On a scale of zero to
me shitting in your mouth,

how nasty do you
want this to get?

Don't say anything.
I already know.

Sorry,
is this not Uber?

This is the number
the app connected me to.

Oh, apologies.

Uh, this -- nope,
you have the right number,

but I fucked up.

I thought it was
my other work phone.

You want to talk
to the guy who is

dumping in his drawers
in my back seat.

I will
pass the phone to him,

but know that, whatever I said
to you, you owe me $20.

It's for you.

[ Sighs ]
This is why I don't Uber.

Well, who cares.
Where are you?

[ Slurred ]
This music is the best music.

There's no music.
You're high.

I'm not sure.
Traffic has been terrible.

On Thanksgiving?

Hey, Gravy Tits,
don't you worry.

He's coming home soon.

How did your dad take
the med-school news?

Honey, are you hearing
this Chad shit in there?

-I know, I can't.
-Oh, honey, our son lied.

Surprisingly well,
actually.

What's going on?

Nothing.
Just get here soon, okay?

Okay, one more lap
around the block.

This time 'cause
I just want to know

what the hell's going on
with your other job.

♪♪

We're really gonna hash out
our financial differences

in your childhood bedroom?

This is
Chad's safe space, so.

Oh, sweetie, I know.
I used to be you.

[ Chuckles ] That's so special
that you think that.

Okay, I think I've had
just about enough,

so, um, this is
an emergency injunction

demanding a full audit of
Bungoes' finances.

Awesome.

-Yeah.
-Awesome.

Oh, shit.
You just got served.

Okay, Gwen, please.

No, literally,
you got served.

Ohh, okay, very --
Gwen, you know what --

can we actually talk in there
for a second,

just a little sidebar?

-Sidebar.
-Sidebar.

-Seriously?
-So. Yes.

Monica, good to see you.

You, too.
No, I'll just wait here.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I hate it
when Monica is right.

I mean, I hate it when she's
in our house and she's right.

That literally
makes me sick.

I feel like
I want to faint.

Don, can this wait?

I got 15 minutes to
get dinner on the table.

And stop eating
the marshmallows.

Hey, guys, can I talk to you
for a second?

[ Mumbling ]
Sure, princess. What's up?

There's something I need to
get off my chest.

I made a decision
that you're --

[ Gasps ]
Penny for your thoughts?

Olive, I think
you're my best friend.

I know
all of your secrets.

Like how you're not...

[ Whispering ]
You're not pregnant.

Well,
thank goodness.

[ Muffled ] Uh,
were we worried about that?

Sue, that's lovely,

but maybe you need to
sit down for a minute.

Sue: Okay.

[ Silverware crashing ]
-My good silver!

Where the hell is Michael?

Jude: It's actually
pretty entertaining

watching Monica
chew out Chad.

We thought Olive was the one
who was gonna get

a new butthole torn today.
-Oh, there's time yet.

It's a shame there's no
real doctor here, though,

to fix the damage.

[ Cackles ]
-At least not a real one.

[ Laughter ]
-That's a good joke.

That's a good joke.
-Yeah, I feel bad, but..

What are those?

Oh, I've taken up tarot.

Wow, that is
completely predictable.

It's actually pretty cool.
She -- She tells my future.

-Yeah?
-What is it?

I can't remember.

I don't know.

Nothing? Okay.

-Can you do me?
-Can I?

Olive:
Okay. [ Chuckles ]

That's funny.
-Oh, hey.

Michael, don't you want to spend
some time with your girlfriend?

-Girlfriend!
-Fuck.

Why don't you have
a drink in your hand?

-Oh, ow, ow.
-Hi, Sue.

-Hi.
-Not much of a drinker, are we?

I -- I am now.

Gwen, what in the flying cannoli
are you doing out there?

You're supposed to
have my back.

I do have your back.

[ Whispering ] Are you my wife?
Are you my wife?

Of course
I'm your freaking wife.

You're supposed to
have my back.

You're being utterly
glib in there.

-Glib?
-Yes.

I have been bankrolling
your dreams since we met.

News flash, Gwen --
my dreams are all I have.

You have two completely average
children and an amazing wife!

I know.

I know.
I'm so sorry.

I'm such a loser.
[ Crying ]

Oh, man.

It's okay.

No, it's not okay, Gwen.
It's not okay.

Okay, I'm just --

You don't understand.

I'm gonna
lose this election.

My family thinks
I'm a frickin' joke.

My acid reflux is
off the Goddamn meat wagon.

You have to take the medication
every day, Chad.

-I lost my ring, Gwen.
-When did you lose your --

[ Muffled ] I lost
the symbol of our love!

[ Muffled ]
We'll get you a new one!

We'll get you a new one!

You're not gonna
get a new one!

We'll go tomorrow!

I'm so sorry.

Don't cry.

I know everything's
gonna be all right.

Name one friend I have.

Name one friend I have.

Me.

I'm your best --
I'm your best friend.

Hey.
I'm your best friend.

Thank you so much.

I love you so much.

I love you so much.

Me and you.

Me and you.

Okay, all right,
let's clean it up.

Let's go.
-Okay. Let's clean up.

Let's get in there
and kick Monica's ass.

Whoo!

Corey:
What does that mean?

This means that in...
four moons, you will...

complete the existence
amalgamations of...inhales.

Yeah.
-What?

Just remember
you were loved.

Am I -- Am I gonna die?

She's just fucking with you,
dude.

She's not actually saying
you're gonna die.

Yeah, I'm not saying it.
The cards are.

I can't die.
I'm just a little boy.

I haven't done anything
with my life. I cannot die.

I c-- I can't even beat
this stupid game.

This is a kid's game,
and I --

I can't die.
I can't die.

Let's pump the brakes here.
This is all bullshit.

Flip another -- flip another
card for Corey.

Yeah, let's see it.

Let's get one more card
for Corey.

-[ Inhales sharply ]
-Revenge.

[ Sighs ]
It's okay.

They'll still love you.

You're not screwed.

[ Breathes deeply ]

Oh, God, I'm so screwed.

You're just gonna sit there
and not help?

Honey, you're doing
such a good job,

I'd just screw it up
if I tried to help out.

Hi, sweetie.

Hey, what was it that you were
trying to tell us before?

Mom, Dad, I --

[ Doorbell rings ]
-Fuck!

There are kids
in the house!

I think.
-Sorry. It probably is Clark.

Uh, hold on a second there,
young lady.

I will get this.

If this man is dating
my daughter,

he's got to meet me first.

Yeah?

[ In distance ] No!

-Dad?
-No! [ Sobbing ]

Oh, shit.

-Just let me know.
-Dad!

[ Crying] No!

[ Speaks gibberish ]

No! God, no!

Family, come quick.

Look.

[ Speaking gibberish ]

Dad, relax.
You're speaking in tongues.

"All Morgans are
poopchutes bitch." What!

There should be a comma
after "poopchutes."

Shut up, Michael.

Well, it just sounds like
that's one run-on...

I see that the Tuniclifs
got their revenge.

-Revenge?
-Revenge.

I'm gonna die.

[ Strained, breaking voice ]
Look what they did to my sign.

It's okay. With a little tape
and paint we can --

Oh!
-Ohh.

Oh, God.

[ Screams ]

I'm sorry.

[ Crying ] The Tuniclifs
get three straight years

of bragging rights and
I didn't even get three hours.

I think we should
take her upstairs.

Yeah, I think
it's bedtime for Sue.

Stevie: I don't know, I kind of
like that version of her.

-How about no, Stevie.
-It's like, "Girl, ya drinking."

[ Crying ]

We're gonna clean this up, okay,
Daddy?

I'm covered. I'm covered.

If this is the last time
we talk,

I need you to know
that I love you.

[ Crying ] Okay, yeah.

♪♪

I'm bored.
There's nothing to do down here.

Let's look over here.

I just want to say
that, um,

I don't think there's
any need for an audit

because, um, the numbers that
you have are indeed accurate.

Well, then where the hell

did you get the money
for those ads, Chad?

I paid for them.

You paid for them?

Well, let's call it
an investment.

My very sweet, if needy,
husband's business

needed a boost,
so I helped him out.

[ Laughs ]
Wow.

I am surprised,
but not that surprised,

because I know Chad has
a tendency to marry up.

Monica, that's...really sweet.
Thank you.

Yeah, so sweet, Monica.
You're such a sweet woman.

Monica, can I talk to you
for a minute, just, sidebar?

Oh, a sidebar?
Yeah, no problem.

Sure, a sidebar.

So, question for you.

-Hit me.
-When you and Chad were...

-Married?
-Yes.

Did he...
talk in his sleep?

Oh, my God. All the time,
and he would say

the weirdest things.
-The weirdest things.

Mostly direct quotes
from that book

"How To Make Friends
and Influence People".

Yes. "A person's name
is the sweetest and most...

BOTH: ...important sound in
any language."

Shut up!

-Oh, it drives me insane.
-Or how about this?

How about when he used to call
his Jaguar his "Jag."

Oh, now it's his "Bimmer."

Oh, yeah, And I'm sure you
bought that, too, his "Bimmer."

[ Monica and Gwen laughing
in background ]

Oh, I definitely
bought that.

-I love your necklace.
-Oh, thank you.

-It's a great statement piece.
-Oh, I like yours.

Thank you.
Where'd you get it, Bababar?

Oh,
I don't do my own shopping.

Oh.
No I usually don't, either.

Oh, it's concierge.

Are you French?

I speak a number of
romance languages.

Oh, okay.
Yeah, I speak Latin.

Chad lost his ring.
Lost his ring today --

Thanksgiving,
not wearing his wedding ring.

I can't tell you how many times
he lost his ring.

He's a dodo brain.

"He's a dodo brain."

[ Monica and Gwen laughing
in the background ]

Michael:
Okay, here we go.

Thank you.

Sleep tight.

I'm sorry that my sister
forced you to drink beer

and do all these
drinking games,

even though you made it very
clear that you don't drink beer,

so your tolerance
would be low.

I gave you a great story
for your grandchildren,

by the way, so.

[ Whispers ]
I love you.

It's all right.
You don't have to say anything.

It's fine.
It's not a big deal.

And, you're...not awake,
so I get that.

We'll talk more in the morning,
okay?

[ Gwen and Monica
speaking indistinctly ]

Then he tried to
actually write off

his Invisalign
as a campaign expense.

-No. Classic Chad.
-Oh, yes.

Monica: Oh, how about this
one -- once, for my birthday,

for my surprise, he took me
to a Karl Rove lecture,

which he bought
with my debit card.

Oh, my God.
He is the worst.

Monica, Monica, hey.
Good to see you.

But maybe you and I could have
a sidebar real quick.

Have a sidebar. Sidebar.
-No, absolutely no sidebar.

No.
That's not happening, Chad.

No, we're not gonna do that,
yeah.

Monica, I just want to say,
maybe,

you and I could acknowledge
that, um,

I'm not ripping you off.

I guess. I mean,
generally, I wouldn't

take my ex-husband's
new wife's word for it,

but, um, it's pretty clear who
wears the pants in this family.

-God, you are just such a love.
-You're adorable.

-No, stop it, you are.
-You got to call me.

All right, just show me
where the kids are

so I can say hi,
and I will head out.

You do know where the kids are,
don't you?

Okay, here goes nothing.

[ Doorbell ringing ]

Announcer: Fakes a left.
Hands off right. Running back.

Blocked left and tries to
cut through the middle.

Someone should
probably get that.

[ Footsteps ]

-When am I gonna die?
-Shhh.

♪♪

Dee, dee-de-de-dee.

Doo-doo-doo.

Oh, look, a movie.

Movie.

Aw, two bouquets
of torn flowers.

I must really be
a special lady, huh?

One's for your mom.

Oh, okay.

Do I smell vomit?

Yeah, you do.

All right.

Let's go
meet my family, huh?

Don: Okay, we can do this.
We can get it back.

"Touch" -- T-O...

There we go.

C-H.

To-- Where's the "U"?

"Toch." Toch football.

Christ.
This isn't even a real anagram.

They had to add letters and take
letters away, those bastards.

There.

"Touch pootball chms."

Hey, guys.
Look what I found.

-All: Hi.
-It's my boyfriend.

That's Jude, Stevie,
Corey, Kyle,

Nana Vera --
she's asleep, so.

Hi, everyone.

Don't get up, I guess.

What's the story
with this family?

It's getting more colorful
every minute.

-You must be Walter.
-Yeah.

Monica: I guess you felt
it was more important

to fight the neighbors on the
lawn then look after our kids.

Monica, I told you, I was
defending the family honor.

So, that's Chad and his wife
and his ex-wife.

-Take it easy.
-There they are.

They're just shoved in
the basement and ignored.

They're not shoved.
They love it down here.

They're thriving, they're --
geez, Louise.

Chad!

Okay, team, let's head to
the dining room for dinner.

Oh, wow.
I got here just in time.

Mom, this is Clark.

Clark,
it's such a pleasure.

Now, has Walter said anything
offensive to you yet?

Yep.

Monica:
You are utterly useless, Chad.

You'll be hearing from
my lawyers.

Monica, there were barely
any fluids.

Are you still gonna call me
about the bar class?

Okay, well, let's eat.

Olive: Yeah.

♪♪

[ Tapping glass ]
-Morgans.

Morgans,
please, quiet down.

Well, it's been a rather
eventful day, hasn't it?

We all tasted victory
on the battlefield twice.

And, twice,
it was tarnished

by a cruel
and vengeful enemy,

an enemy that doesn't
understand defeat.

Defeat means you go down.

He's talking about
the "champions" sign.

Yes, and our neighbors,
our enemies, butchered it.

It shall never
be the same.

Dad, you mean
the one that's like

a sloppy old
piece of cardboard?

-You take that back, Kyle.
-Okay. Just checking.

He's just being melodramatic.
He knows it's just a sign.

[ Both laugh ]
-I was gonna say,

if he's this mad
about a yard sign,

I'm amazed he was so cool about
the whole med-school thing.

Kathy: What?

What did you just say?

I was saying,
I think it's really cool

that you didn't flip your lid
when Olive told you

two years ago she dropped out
of med school.

Oliiiiiiiiiii-

♪♪

[ Crying ]

-Why is Don being so loud?
-Olive's a liar.

You knew about this
and you didn't tell me?

No. Well, yeah.

-I knew as well, Dad.
-We all knew, Dad.

Oh, dearest God above,
looking down on us,

please blow
my fucking head off.

-Oh, Don.
-I'm --