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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,522 --> 00:00:03,052 Olive: I dropped out of med school two years ago, 2 00:00:03,046 --> 00:00:04,736 and I haven't told my parents yet. 3 00:00:04,743 --> 00:00:05,743 That's not so bad. 4 00:00:05,744 --> 00:00:06,794 They've been sending me 5 00:00:06,789 --> 00:00:08,309 tuition checks the whole time. 6 00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:09,492 Okay. That's bad. Yeah. 7 00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:11,967 Complete and utter horse shoot! 8 00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:13,398 Hey, why do you keep saying "horse shoot"? 9 00:00:13,404 --> 00:00:17,104 Because I'm setting a good example for my grandson! 10 00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,504 Ma'am, do you mind?! 11 00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:19,886 Sorry. 12 00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:22,539 -When will you be here? -In about 30. 13 00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:24,074 [ Sniffs ] 14 00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:25,717 Tony: Get it, get it, get it! 15 00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:27,981 [ Sobbing ] My rib! 16 00:00:27,984 --> 00:00:30,424 My dad-o has a new girlfriend-o. 17 00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:31,641 Oh. 18 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,210 This drive is your last chance 19 00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:36,427 to make me proud. 20 00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:37,987 I did it. 21 00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:39,914 [ Chanting "Morgans!" ] 22 00:00:39,909 --> 00:00:42,349 Happy Thanksgiving! 23 00:00:42,346 --> 00:00:45,126 [ Laughing ] 24 00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:47,572 Okay, well, I think it's official. 25 00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:49,309 I'm MVP. 26 00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:51,440 Dad, you spent more time yelling than playing. 27 00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:53,662 You definitely couldn't have won without me, so... 28 00:00:53,662 --> 00:00:55,452 Yeah, okay. Fine. 29 00:00:55,446 --> 00:00:57,186 Whatever helps you sleep at night, Jude. 30 00:00:57,187 --> 00:00:59,097 It does. I scored the winning touchdown. 31 00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:00,362 I should be MVP. 32 00:01:00,364 --> 00:01:02,934 Corey, please. You just walked into the end zone. 33 00:01:02,932 --> 00:01:04,542 The Tuniclifs were just too stupid to realize 34 00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:05,722 you were holding the ball. 35 00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:07,017 Yeah, this is Corey running. 36 00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:10,163 [ Groaning in slow motion] 37 00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:12,937 [ Laughter ] 38 00:01:12,942 --> 00:01:14,942 [ Groaning ] Oh, look a burger! 39 00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:17,294 [ Laughter ]That's funny 'cause it's true. 40 00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:18,904 That is pretty good. 41 00:01:18,904 --> 00:01:20,474 Well, it was my plan, 42 00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:22,781 so I actually think that I am the MVP. 43 00:01:22,778 --> 00:01:24,168 I sabotaged their team from the inside. 44 00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,911 Yeah, okay. You know, all of us played 45 00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,391 an important part in the victory, 46 00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:29,921 including myself, so I'm gonna take a shower. 47 00:01:29,915 --> 00:01:31,995 My asthma's killing me. 48 00:01:32,004 --> 00:01:33,404 Oh, geez, Corey, toughen up, would you? 49 00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:34,827 Just take a couple of laps around the block 50 00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:36,443 and work it out. 51 00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:37,974 -[ Exhales deeply ] -Can I tell you something? 52 00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:39,927 Asthma is up here, okay? 53 00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,705 It's not in the lungs, okay? 54 00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:42,710 It's in your brain. 55 00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:44,411 Oh, baby. 56 00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:46,718 You're where you belong. 57 00:01:46,715 --> 00:01:48,795 You look so good there. 58 00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:50,114 I love you. 59 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,760 [ Ding ] 60 00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:57,415 ♪ Giving thanks because it's Thanksgiving ♪ 61 00:01:57,421 --> 00:02:01,081 ♪ Wearing Spanx because it's Thanksgiving ♪ 62 00:02:01,077 --> 00:02:04,987 ♪ Drinking wine, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm, mm ♪ 63 00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:07,914 ♪ Feeling fine because it's Thanksgiving ♪ 64 00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:10,430 Ooh! [ Groans ] 65 00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:14,054 ♪ My pants are tight on Thanksgiving ♪ 66 00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:16,746 Whoo! [ Laughing ] Ooh, that's better! 67 00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:21,575 ♪ The family is home, so there's no need to roam ♪ 68 00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:26,406 ♪ I like my cappuccino with a little foam ♪ 69 00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:27,577 Mmm! 70 00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:29,452 Mm! Mm-mmm! 71 00:02:29,453 --> 00:02:30,673 ♪ Mm-mm-mm 72 00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:32,112 [ Groans ] 73 00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:34,238 ♪ Mm-mm-mm, mm, mm-mm! 74 00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:36,851 Foam. Oh, Lord. I got myself in a hole with this one. 75 00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:40,072 Rome, k-nome -- Jerome! 76 00:02:40,072 --> 00:02:42,682 ♪ My cousin's name is Jerome 77 00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:46,784 ♪ He's not here 'cause he lives in Dearborn ♪ 78 00:02:46,775 --> 00:02:52,125 ♪ On Thanksgivi-i-i-i-ing 79 00:02:52,128 --> 00:02:56,478 -Hey, coming in! -Oh! Hello, my lovelies. 80 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:57,660 Hey! Ooh! 81 00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:58,695 Hi, Gammy. 82 00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:00,830 Oh! "Gammy" sounds too old! 83 00:03:00,832 --> 00:03:03,572 Let's start a new rule and call me "Party." 84 00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:05,274 -Party! -Yeah! 85 00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:07,012 Did you have a fun date with Aunt Stevie? 86 00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:08,232 -Yeah. -It was weird. 87 00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:10,281 They stabbed us with needles. 88 00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:13,147 Or you can see it as acupuncture actually 89 00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:15,149 helps with, you know, with you life. 90 00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:16,671 It helps you set the goals for the day. 91 00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:18,154 Does Gwen know about this? 92 00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:20,504 Does Gwen know about what? 93 00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:23,074 Gwen, we want to watch TV in the basement. 94 00:03:23,072 --> 00:03:25,072 Okay, but first, let's get you little 95 00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:27,644 germ magnets your special potion. 96 00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:29,172 Oh, my God. 97 00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:33,205 -Whoa. -Now, what do we say? 98 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,483 Ingrates. 99 00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:38,126 Uh, our relationship has come so far. 100 00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:40,870 I just love my husband's ex-wife's kids. [ Chuckles ] 101 00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:44,312 You know, you really shouldn't use that anti-bacterial crap. 102 00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:46,181 You're actually wrecking their immune system. 103 00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:47,712 Mm, no. I keep them on a low dosage 104 00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:49,355 of antibiotics at all times. 105 00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:50,449 Do you put deodorant on them, too? 106 00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:51,407 Absolutely. 107 00:03:51,405 --> 00:03:53,755 Oh. They're kids.[ Chuckles ] 108 00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:55,315 Yeah, so... 109 00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:56,542 Hmm? 110 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,760 You should drag them in mud every now and then, 111 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,890 just to give them a little boost in their immune system. 112 00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:02,292 You're talking crazy. 113 00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:04,325 What's crazy is that Caper can't even 114 00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:06,771 see a peanut without going into shock. 115 00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:08,198 She does have a point their, Gwen. 116 00:04:08,204 --> 00:04:09,644 You know, and don't even get me started 117 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:10,770 with with the vaccines. 118 00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:11,772 And you lost me. 119 00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:14,653 Sorry. 120 00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:16,995 If you're like me, you like to drink a nice, 121 00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:19,215 thick glass of eggnog. 122 00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:23,085 [ Record needle scratches ] Oh, no. 123 00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:24,918 [ Buzzer sounds ] Look what happened. 124 00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:26,916 Man: [ Laughs ] What an idiot. 125 00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:30,438 Introducing the Sharf-nog 3000. 126 00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:33,804 [ Echoing whispers ] Sharf-nog 3000. 127 00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:36,485 ♪♪ 128 00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:39,243 Perfect. My name's Garret Sharfman. 129 00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:41,795 I'm the inventor of the Sharf-nog 3000. 130 00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:44,943 Woman: Order yours today. 131 00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:47,716 Shit, shit, shit! 132 00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:49,512 Oh, shit, shit, shit! 133 00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:52,246 [ Cellphone vibrating ] 134 00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:56,380 Hey, honey. 135 00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:57,733 Hey, where are you? 136 00:04:57,732 --> 00:04:59,692 Bensenville, I think. 137 00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:00,950 I lost my wallet, 138 00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:02,432 and the cab driver kicked me out. 139 00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,352 Babe, I told you, just take an Uber. 140 00:05:04,347 --> 00:05:06,517 I can't take an Uber. My cousin works for Lyft. 141 00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:07,613 It's called loyalty. 142 00:05:07,611 --> 00:05:09,131 Chad: Do it! 143 00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,014 -My asthma! My asthma! -Where are you? 144 00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:12,826 A sports bar or a flash mob? 145 00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:14,364 [ Grunting ] Home. 146 00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:15,837 -Hokey-pokey-pokey! -Get off! 147 00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:17,397 Come on, motherfucker! 148 00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,624 I had lunch with Billy -- -Hey, stop doughbo-- 149 00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,363 [ Screams ] 150 00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:24,504 Stop doughboying your brother and clean this mess up! 151 00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:26,538 Nana and Pop Pop are on their way over, 152 00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:28,763 and you know how Nana feels about clutter! 153 00:05:28,763 --> 00:05:30,293 Come on! 154 00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:32,196 -Mom. -Just a sec, Mom! 155 00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:33,421 All right, just three more minutes, 156 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:34,940 and that's it! [ Chuckles ] 157 00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:36,073 -Thank you so much. -Thanks you! 158 00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:36,864 -No! -You look unbelievable. 159 00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:37,858 We love you! 160 00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:39,159 I'm gonna keep 161 00:05:39,164 --> 00:05:41,344 poking your face! 162 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,601 Oh, man! 163 00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,084 Wait, I can take the bus. 164 00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:46,433 Olive: Clark, that's ridiculous. 165 00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:48,393 Just let me call you a Lyft or something. 166 00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:49,831 Just tell me where you are. 167 00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,957 Not till you do it, bitch! 168 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,440 No! I'll get there myself. 169 00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:56,491 I want to prove to your parents 170 00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:59,006 that I'm capable of taking care of myself and you. 171 00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:00,320 They should know that you're dating 172 00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:02,616 a solid, independent man -- 173 00:06:02,623 --> 00:06:05,453 smart, handsome, independent, a-again, 174 00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:06,982 but also faithful. 175 00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:09,185 [ All screaming ] 176 00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:10,894 I've seen "The Revenant!" 177 00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:12,812 [ Screaming continues ] 178 00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:14,637 Hello? 179 00:06:14,635 --> 00:06:16,285 Sorry, I didn't hear a word of that. 180 00:06:16,288 --> 00:06:18,548 Uh, just get here when you can. 181 00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:20,772 You want to come at me? You want to come at me? 182 00:06:20,771 --> 00:06:23,341 Hey, Harper, why is there a hole in the ceiling? 183 00:06:23,339 --> 00:06:25,039 Harper: Gramps thought that he heard a squirrel, 184 00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:26,816 so he tore it apart. 185 00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:28,431 And was there a squirrel? 186 00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:29,611 No. 187 00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,566 -Say it. Say it! -I'm gonna keep poking you. 188 00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:32,695 I'm gonna keep poking you! -Say it! 189 00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:34,566 I'm gonna keep poking you if you don't say it! 190 00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:35,478 Do you want to get out of here? 191 00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:37,702 This is kind of looking ugly. 192 00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:38,791 Yeah. Okay. 193 00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:40,569 He said do it, Popinfresh. 194 00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:42,624 This would all be over if you just did it, buddy. 195 00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:44,009 I can't breath! 196 00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:46,672 Come on! You got enough breath to say you can't breath! 197 00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,147 [ Panting ] Fine! 198 00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:49,496 -Fine? -Fine! 199 00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:50,926 Oh, oh, okay, okay. 200 00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:53,802 [ Panting ] Nothing says lovin' 201 00:06:53,804 --> 00:06:55,374 like somethin' 202 00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,421 from the oven. 203 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:58,637 Hoo-hoo! 204 00:06:58,635 --> 00:07:00,155 [ Both laughing ] 205 00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:02,378 -Yeah! -Yeah, he did it! 206 00:07:02,378 --> 00:07:04,248 Good job, little brother. -Yeah! 207 00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:05,769 -Love you, buddy. -Ahh, man. 208 00:07:05,773 --> 00:07:07,953 -That was so funny. -Oh, you're good, dude. 209 00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:09,299 That was funny. 210 00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:11,338 Oh, man! -Holy crap! 211 00:07:11,343 --> 00:07:14,043 -You're next, old man! -Aah! 212 00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:22,529 ♪♪ 213 00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:24,879 Michael: Hey, uh, Sue, this is Harper. 214 00:07:24,879 --> 00:07:26,099 Harper, Sue. 215 00:07:26,097 --> 00:07:27,707 You know, Harp, uh... 216 00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:29,748 I know it's a little scary meeting new people, 217 00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:32,413 but, um, the amazing thing about the human heart -- 218 00:07:32,408 --> 00:07:34,188 Hey, it's Kyle. I got to pee. 219 00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:36,242 Oh, hey, bro. 220 00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:37,938 W-What are you up to? 221 00:07:37,935 --> 00:07:38,975 Peeing. 222 00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:41,770 Cool, cool. 223 00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:43,415 [ Thud ] 224 00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:44,729 Ugh, gosh darn it. 225 00:07:44,725 --> 00:07:46,065 Everything okay in there? 226 00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:48,164 Not really, no. 227 00:07:48,163 --> 00:07:50,913 I-I'm sort of freaking out about a million things right now. 228 00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:51,905 Such as? 229 00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:53,116 Such as, um... 230 00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:55,004 Harper not liking Sue. 231 00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:57,996 Such as Sue realizing she's too good for me, 232 00:07:57,999 --> 00:07:59,389 like they always do. 233 00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:00,871 Such as I'm pretty sure I cracked my rib. 234 00:08:00,871 --> 00:08:02,871 Okay, what's the story on this girl, anyway. 235 00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:05,183 Oh, man. You know, we've only been on a couple of dates, 236 00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:07,100 but she's pretty much perfect. 237 00:08:07,095 --> 00:08:10,095 I mean, she's knew to town, so she doesn't really know anyone. 238 00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:11,228 Sounds like your type. 239 00:08:11,229 --> 00:08:12,929 Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. 240 00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:13,927 Hey, Kyle. 241 00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:16,018 Yeah? 242 00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:17,367 Uh... 243 00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:19,456 I'm having some difficulty 244 00:08:19,455 --> 00:08:22,015 washing the left side of my body right now. 245 00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:24,243 And so you want me to? 246 00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:25,332 Yes, that's what I'm -- Yeah. 247 00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:27,250 All right. Okay. 248 00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:29,595 We are Rod and Ladi Noodler, and we are selling today, 249 00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,246 this pink Himalayan sea salt lamp 250 00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:35,039 that is perfect for licking with your tongue. 251 00:08:35,036 --> 00:08:37,036 Give it a lick. 252 00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:38,908 This is a magic lamp. I know what you're thinking. 253 00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:40,649 "Magic lamp? I rub this thing three times, 254 00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:43,170 a genie comes out, give me three wishes." 255 00:08:43,174 --> 00:08:45,134 That's not the kind of magic lamp we're talking about. 256 00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:46,403 Not yet, anyway. That's fools magic. 257 00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:47,785 [ Both chuckle ] 258 00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,178 That'd be really great if it were. 259 00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:50,490 That'd be really great. 260 00:08:50,486 --> 00:08:52,046 I know what I'd wish for. Me too. 261 00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:53,883 [ Click ] At this point, they have an option 262 00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:56,361 of kicking for 1 -- an extra point -- 263 00:08:56,361 --> 00:08:57,931 or going for 2 points. 264 00:08:57,928 --> 00:09:01,408 So, they'll go from 6 to 8, as opposed to 6 to 7. 265 00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:02,720 Exactly. Yes. 266 00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,276 That's how math works. Mm-hmm. 267 00:09:04,282 --> 00:09:06,592 Now, I get many letters every week saying, 268 00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,589 "Montel, when does the game end?" 269 00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:11,031 Great question. There's a clock. 270 00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:14,028 The seconds are accurate in terms of real-life seconds. 271 00:09:14,031 --> 00:09:17,171 So one second on the field is the same as you or I 272 00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:20,165 would experience a second in this current reality. 273 00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:22,518 [ Click ] Come on down to Bananaman's Fruit Booth. 274 00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:23,648 We got apples grown by me. 275 00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,520 We got mini pumpkins. 276 00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:27,871 Not to mention, pineapples, pomegranates, and lemons, 277 00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:29,091 Oh, my! 278 00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,700 We're going loco for local. Mmm! 279 00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,831 [ Click ] Folks, I had lupus or I thought I had lupus 280 00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:35,884 for seven years, and turns out, 281 00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:37,659 all I needed was this lamp, and I'm telling you, 282 00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,104 that's a lot of unnecessary chemo. 283 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,450 [ Click ] 284 00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:43,229 [ Groaning ] 285 00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:45,064 [ Both chuckle ] 286 00:09:45,062 --> 00:09:46,852 ♪♪ 287 00:09:46,847 --> 00:09:48,457 Okay, me lady. 288 00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:50,627 You shall be safe here. 289 00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:52,333 You shall never have to see 290 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,330 those horrible people ever again. 291 00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:56,332 Hi, Mr. Morgan. 292 00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:57,774 Go away, I'm not interested. 293 00:09:57,771 --> 00:09:59,251 Oh, no. I'm not selling anything. 294 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:01,470 Um...hi, I'm Sue. 295 00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:03,340 I'm Michael's...friend. 296 00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,341 Oh. I'm sorry. 297 00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,823 I didn't mean to be rude. 298 00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:08,873 I'm under strict orders from the old lady 299 00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:10,779 not to buy anything from salespeople. 300 00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:13,004 Apparently, I'm an easy target. 301 00:10:13,003 --> 00:10:14,923 Oh, okay. 302 00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:16,218 I'm Michael's dad. 303 00:10:16,224 --> 00:10:18,014 Hi. [ Laughs ] 304 00:10:18,008 --> 00:10:20,528 So, what do you think? 305 00:10:20,532 --> 00:10:22,582 To the victor goes the spoils. 306 00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:25,708 [ Chuckles ] Yeah, y-your lawn is very beautiful. 307 00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:28,632 Mm, I'm talking about the sign, Sue. 308 00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:33,148 That's impressive. 309 00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:36,814 I assume word of our victory has reached you by now, yes? 310 00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:39,200 N-- Y-- Yes. 311 00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:40,553 Okay. 312 00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:41,952 You want me to say yes. 313 00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:45,815 Ah, so, you're dating Michael, huh? 314 00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:47,079 We're not officially dating yet. 315 00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:50,131 I mean, it's -- it's...uh, just kind of happened, 316 00:10:50,127 --> 00:10:52,087 and I'm here for some reason. [ Chuckles ] 317 00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:53,956 "Live your life, Sue." That's what I say every day. 318 00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:56,957 But, uh, he hasn't even tried to kiss me yet, so... 319 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,310 Ugh, okay, too much information, honey. 320 00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:00,960 I'm sorry. 321 00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:03,274 I tend to talk a lot when I'm nervous. 322 00:11:03,271 --> 00:11:04,751 Uh-huh. 323 00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,401 Well, you sound perfect for Michael. 324 00:11:06,404 --> 00:11:09,154 I-I mean, I think you're gonna be perfect for Michael. 325 00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:12,926 ♪♪ 326 00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:21,680 [ Coughs ] 327 00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:31,426 I brought you some flak seed in case you run out. 328 00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:33,079 Oh, thank goodness. 329 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,963 I almost forgot the traditional Thanksgiving flak seed. 330 00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,736 It's healthy.[ Water runs ] 331 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,790 You know, I'll ge-- Oh, shnuckledoodles. 332 00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:42,006 Kathy. Put me to work. 333 00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:43,875 I'll do anything to avoid Chad's kids. 334 00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:46,097 I even played football for God's sake. 335 00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:48,006 You're the one who married a man with children. 336 00:11:48,011 --> 00:11:50,011 Child with children, actually. 337 00:11:50,013 --> 00:11:52,023 I do love them, but I think we all know 338 00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:54,665 that they are tiny little shitheads. 339 00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:56,590 Last week, Noah performed a song for me, 340 00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:59,235 composed entirely of his own butt farts. 341 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,420 Oh, God. 342 00:12:00,415 --> 00:12:02,065 Oh, come on. They're cute, too. 343 00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:04,159 Harper, do you want to hang out with my step-kids? 344 00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:05,248 No. 345 00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:06,596 See? 346 00:12:06,595 --> 00:12:07,985 He-- You know, don't bother cleaning up. 347 00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:10,818 It's something I truly enjoy doing, and besides, 348 00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,557 you're not even doing it correctly. 349 00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:14,037 That's not clean. 350 00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:15,127 It's clean. 351 00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:17,905 [ Scoffs ][ Shouting in distance ] 352 00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:20,441 Someone needs to tell those boys to calm down. 353 00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:23,045 Why don't you do that? 354 00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:27,656 Corey! Tell your brothers to knock it off! 355 00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:30,879 Corey, stop it right this minute! 356 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,140 -Boy, I'm about to lose my mind! -You want to test me? 357 00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:34,193 For Heaven's sake! 358 00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:35,928 Corey, sto-- 359 00:12:35,929 --> 00:12:38,499 -[ Wheezing ] -Corey! Oh, my God! Corey! 360 00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:40,056 [ Wheezing continues ] 361 00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:41,503 Oh, shit. 362 00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:42,629 Get his inhaler! 363 00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:44,151 Absolutely. Where is that? 364 00:12:44,154 --> 00:12:45,724 How should I know?! I'm not the inhaler fairy! 365 00:12:45,721 --> 00:12:47,641 I'll check his room. 366 00:12:47,636 --> 00:12:49,286 He lives in the basement! 367 00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:52,380 He doesn't need a vial full of that Illuminati poison. 368 00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:54,210 This is 100% mental. 369 00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:55,688 Corey, Corey, look at me. 370 00:12:55,687 --> 00:12:58,557 Okay, now we're gonna visualize. 371 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,870 You are a boat in the ocean. 372 00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:03,477 Uh-oh! What is that noise? 373 00:13:03,478 --> 00:13:05,518 Oh, it's a seagull. 374 00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:07,923 And that seagull's name is you. 375 00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:09,437 I'm sorry. I thought that, uh, Corey was a boat. 376 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:10,620 Hey, babe. Can we -- 377 00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:11,785 He's the seagull. 378 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,491 Breathe, mighty seagull, breathe. 379 00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:15,749 Oh, come on, Moondance! 380 00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:17,541 Breathing's the one thing he can't do! 381 00:13:17,535 --> 00:13:19,485 Corey, listen to me. You're a boat. 382 00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:21,414 [ Groaning ] 383 00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:24,979 Where's Corey's room?! Where's Corey's room?! 384 00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:28,848 [ Flies buzzing ] 385 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,901 Nope. 386 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:31,897 Oh, geez. 387 00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,768 What the hell is going on here? 388 00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:35,209 Hey, Dad. Corey's dead. 389 00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:38,075 Oh, Christ. Not that asthma shit again. 390 00:13:38,078 --> 00:13:39,468 I thought I told you to toughen up, pal. 391 00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:40,990 [ Wheezing ] 392 00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:42,344 Maybe I should come back later. 393 00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:43,473 No, no. It's okay. 394 00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:45,004 Um...[ Clears throat ] 395 00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:46,258 Dr. Olive. 396 00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:47,520 Huh? 397 00:13:47,522 --> 00:13:48,652 Go fix your brother. 398 00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:50,923 Oh. [ Chuckles ] 399 00:13:52,614 --> 00:13:55,104 Hey, Corey. How are you? 400 00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:58,794 ♪♪ 401 00:13:58,794 --> 00:14:00,454 Gentle, gentle, gentle, please.Sorry. 402 00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:01,448 That's the sore side. Sorry. 403 00:14:01,449 --> 00:14:03,359 Okay. 404 00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:04,894 Thanks again for doing this. 405 00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:06,577 You know, I can't really move this arm right now. 406 00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:07,854 Right.And I want to make sure 407 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,107 I smell good for Sue. 408 00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:10,889 You know? She always smells so good. 409 00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,243 She's has a coconut hair spray. 410 00:14:12,242 --> 00:14:13,902 It's fine. It's fine, it's fine. 411 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,506 Just -- can you lean to the right? 412 00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:17,376 It's hard. Okay. 413 00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:19,378 Okay, okay. Is that good? Is that good? 414 00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:20,690 Yeah. 415 00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:21,945 Can I ask you something? 416 00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:24,118 Sure. 417 00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:26,264 How do I make her love me? 418 00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:27,816 Have you considered negging? 419 00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:29,483 No, what's negging? 420 00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:31,387 It's like a compliment that's also a put-down. 421 00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:33,132 Like, um... 422 00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:35,053 Tell her her shoes look comfortable. 423 00:14:35,048 --> 00:14:36,608 Okay.Or, uh, something like, um, 424 00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:38,404 you know, "You seem really special, but I have 425 00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:41,269 famously bad taste in men" -- or women in your case. 426 00:14:41,271 --> 00:14:44,271 Um, that seems really mean. 427 00:14:44,274 --> 00:14:46,494 Oh, God, yes. I mean, very mean. 428 00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:48,984 Men are pigs, but it works like magic. 429 00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,795 Oh. 430 00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:54,242 Well, maybe that's a, you know, back-up plan. 431 00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:57,241 Try to lead with being, like, a nice, clean boy, and then -- 432 00:14:57,244 --> 00:15:00,294 And on the off chance that this doesn't work for some reason. 433 00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,600 Right, that's -- I think hygiene's plan "A," 434 00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,287 and that's the wildcard.Yeah. 435 00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:05,824 You know? Yeah. 436 00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,777 Okay, back off, everyone. Give Olive some space. 437 00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:09,126 Come on, let's make a hole. 438 00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:10,735 That's right, everybody. 439 00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:13,165 Let's let the medical doctor practice her craft. 440 00:15:13,173 --> 00:15:14,523 [ Laughter ] Yeah! 441 00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:15,522 Yeah, here she goes. 442 00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:16,923 Chad texted 911. 443 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,566 [ Sighing ] Oh! Great. 444 00:15:18,569 --> 00:15:19,879 We have a medical doctor in the family. 445 00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:21,395 Yeah, I do a lot of stuff, too, actually. 446 00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:23,048 What do you do? 447 00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:24,792 You think we should give him some of my "medication"? 448 00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:26,193 What? You know, from the football game? 449 00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:28,276 Yeah, I know. No, I don't think so, Wall Street. 450 00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:29,665 You know what I'm talking about, though, right? 451 00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:31,097 Yes, I do. My nose candy. 452 00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:32,154 Yeah. Don't give it to him? 453 00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:33,578 No. Okay. 454 00:15:33,584 --> 00:15:34,984 I couldn't find it. 455 00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:36,237 He doesn't look so good. 456 00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:37,759 Olive, do something!I am doing something! 457 00:15:37,762 --> 00:15:39,422 Honey, honey, back off, would you, okay? 458 00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:41,106 She's allergic to pressure.God! 459 00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:42,164 [ Ding ] 460 00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:43,678 What's crazy is that Caper 461 00:15:43,681 --> 00:15:46,601 can't even see a peanut without going into shock. 462 00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:48,687 Oh, Chad, do you have Caper's epi shot? 463 00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:50,426 Absolutely not. What is that? 464 00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:53,647 It's for her allergies, you idiot! 465 00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:57,648 Oh, I'm an idiot. Yeah. Well, got two shoes on. 466 00:15:57,652 --> 00:16:02,402 Got my pants on. So, I'm actually doing okay. 467 00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:04,346 [ Wheezing ] 468 00:16:04,354 --> 00:16:06,494 [ Coughing ] 469 00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:15,063 [ Coughing continues ] 470 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:18,410 [ Water running ] 471 00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:19,802 -Repeat after me. -Okay. 472 00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:21,074 You have beautiful eyes. 473 00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,417 You have beautiful eyes. 474 00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:23,806 The crooked one gives them character. 475 00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:25,248 The crooked one gives -- 476 00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:26,635 I -- I don't think this is for me, Kyle. 477 00:16:26,637 --> 00:16:29,027 Sure, just be yourself. 478 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:31,081 You know, I'm sure this one will stick around. 479 00:16:31,077 --> 00:16:33,817 Yeah. Well, lets hope so. 480 00:16:33,818 --> 00:16:35,298 Chad: Try not to get it in the neck or the forehead. 481 00:16:35,298 --> 00:16:36,518 Jam it right into his fucking heart! 482 00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:37,517 No, no, no! Put it in his leg. 483 00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:38,908 Sorry, Harper! 484 00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:40,040 No, no, no, we need to put it in his leg. 485 00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,442 In his leg? In his leg. 486 00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:43,255 You want me to take his pants down? 487 00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:45,093 -I need you to take his -- -Nah, I'm not going to do that. 488 00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,091 Yes, yes, yes. Take his pants. 489 00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:47,882 Take his pants off! 490 00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:49,436 We're taking your pants down. 491 00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:52,623 Harper, why don't you come into the kitchen? 492 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,880 Yeah, I wouldn't want to watch this horror show. 493 00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:56,283 I'll join you. 494 00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:57,836 Try to keep his willy in there. 495 00:16:57,842 --> 00:16:59,932 -Okay! -Oh, God! Dude! 496 00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:01,631 -Whoa. -Dude, what are these? 497 00:17:01,629 --> 00:17:03,109 I got those for him. 498 00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:04,849 They're bright fucking green. 499 00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:06,629 You bought me a few pairs of those, too. 500 00:17:06,634 --> 00:17:08,204 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. 501 00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:09,851 Before you do anything, let me get some photos. 502 00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:11,254 Oh, that's a good idea. Mom. 503 00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:12,417 Honey, get in. 504 00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:14,382 This is a Hollywood moment. 505 00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:15,471 Mom, come on. You're on camera, all right? 506 00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:16,729 Act like you're on camera or something. 507 00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:17,861 -Shocker. Shocker. -You never know 508 00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:19,342 where this will go. 509 00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:20,692 -Wonderful. -Give me some different looks. 510 00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:22,301 -Just a quick picture. -I'm trying! 511 00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:23,872 I'm giving you -- Oh, come on! 512 00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,438 [ Indistinct shouting ] 513 00:17:25,435 --> 00:17:27,045 Count of three?Count of three. 514 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,476 One... 515 00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:33,102 [ Heart beating ] 516 00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:35,915 Two... 517 00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:38,144 [ Exhales deeply ] 518 00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:42,321 Three! 519 00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:43,502 -[ Screams ] -Oh! 520 00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:46,407 [ Moaning ] 521 00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:54,895 It takes a while for the stuff to go into his bloodstream. 522 00:17:54,899 --> 00:17:56,679 [ Sniffs ] 523 00:17:56,684 --> 00:17:58,864 It's how medicine works. 524 00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:02,170 Right on. 525 00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:03,518 Uh... 526 00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:04,607 [ Smacks lips ] 527 00:18:06,955 --> 00:18:08,775 -[ Inhales deeply ] -[ Gasps ] 528 00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:11,483 -Hey, look at that! -Oh, my baby Jesus burrito. 529 00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:13,051 Oh, my baby. 530 00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:14,828 Okay, I'm sorry. Is that it? 531 00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:16,402 -Oh, yes. -That's so anti-climactic. 532 00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:18,139 Yeah, I though that was gonna be a lot more eventful. 533 00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:19,620 Yes! 534 00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:22,360 That's the way it's done!I did it. I did it. 535 00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,362 [ Cheering ] 536 00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:24,493 Baby! 537 00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:26,194 You've done it!I did it! 538 00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:27,982 I did it.[ Laughs ] 539 00:18:27,976 --> 00:18:32,286 [ Laughs ] Hey, paging Doctor Olive Morgan! 540 00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,365 911 dispatch said there was a severe asthma attack?! 541 00:18:34,374 --> 00:18:36,724 Um, guys, we're not gonna need you, 542 00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:40,604 because we actually have a real doctor in our midst. 543 00:18:40,597 --> 00:18:42,597 -Stop, dad. -Oh. 544 00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:44,729 We're -- We're so sorry we rushed to your house 545 00:18:44,732 --> 00:18:46,082 in response to an emergency.Yeah. 546 00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:47,391 Oh, that's okay. 547 00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:48,947 Sorry for inconveniencing everyone 548 00:18:48,953 --> 00:18:50,913 with our selfless devotion to humanity. 549 00:18:50,912 --> 00:18:52,392 Yeah, it's all right. 550 00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:53,392 Happy Thanksgiving. 551 00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:54,743 Happy Thanksgiving! 552 00:18:54,742 --> 00:18:56,612 -Don't choke on anything. -Thank you. 553 00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:58,053 -Or you got it, though. -Good to see you. 554 00:18:58,049 --> 00:18:59,879 -Bye. -Good to see you guys. 555 00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:02,007 Looks like everything's okay. 556 00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:04,880 Yeah, well, Olive saved his life with Caper's nerd wand. 557 00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:06,322 Oh, I missed it. 558 00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:07,409 It sucked. 559 00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:08,627 You're here. I didn't know 560 00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:09,625 you got here already.Oh, hey. 561 00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:10,666 I'm so sorry. Oh. 562 00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:12,111 No one told me. Okay. 563 00:19:12,107 --> 00:19:13,977 What's going on? Your glasses are great. 564 00:19:13,978 --> 00:19:15,808 Make you less dumb. 565 00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:17,496 What? Did you meet -- 566 00:19:17,504 --> 00:19:20,074 Did you meet everybody? Did everyone, uh, what's -- 567 00:19:20,071 --> 00:19:22,641 So what, are we gonna get this party started? 568 00:19:22,639 --> 00:19:24,689 Break out the Jenga. Topple the tower. 569 00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:28,555 What...what... what's, uh... 570 00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:37,701 [ Rap song plays ] 571 00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:09,383 ♪ The government is stealing our thoughts ♪ 572 00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:13,782 ♪ The government's inside our brains ♪ 573 00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:16,869 Don: Did you take the remote? 574 00:20:16,867 --> 00:20:18,297 The Vikings game's already started. 575 00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:19,314 Uh, no. 576 00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:20,645 Did you? 577 00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:21,794 I thought you were all Bears fans. 578 00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:22,825 Yeah, we aren't. 579 00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:23,830 He has money on it. 580 00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:25,751 I have money on it! 581 00:20:27,051 --> 00:20:29,271 Where's that remote? 582 00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:30,711 It's in my vagina. 583 00:20:30,707 --> 00:20:32,927 So, what wife is he on now? 584 00:20:32,927 --> 00:20:34,147 Number three. 585 00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:36,705 Gosh, I can barely see that tracheotomy scar. 586 00:20:36,713 --> 00:20:37,713 You're not eating? 587 00:20:37,714 --> 00:20:39,244 We're not, you know... 588 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,238 Homeless? 589 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,369 We are officially on strike! 590 00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:44,371 Guess that means we're gonna have to hoof it. 40743

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