subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Sex.Drive[2008][Unrated.Edition]DvDrip-aXXo [HI]

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic Download

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional) Download

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English Download

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian Download

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean Download

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian Download

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian Download

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal)

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian Download

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish Download

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai Download

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:08,541 Hello, my name is Sean Anders. Screenwriter and director of Sex Drive. 2 00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:13,270 Hi, John. I didn't see you there. 3 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:18,181 - This is John Morris. - Screenwriter and producer of Sex Drive. 4 00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:21,084 - Welcome to the unrated... - Uncircumcised... 5 00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:22,451 ...edition of... 6 00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,422 ...Sex Drive. - Sex Drive. 7 00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:27,007 How many times has this happened to you? 8 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:31,394 You purchase an unrated DVD to view with your friends. Only with your friends... 9 00:00:31,464 --> 00:00:35,594 Only to find that you got the same old movie with a few extra curse words, 10 00:00:35,668 --> 00:00:37,966 and maybe an additional tit or two. 11 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,097 - What a jip. - And how... 12 00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:41,504 Not this time. 13 00:00:41,574 --> 00:00:45,738 That's right, John. On this unrated DVD we promise you, 14 00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:47,143 the viewer, 15 00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:52,173 a genuinely wacky, zany and unrated viewing experience. 16 00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:55,153 - We promise... - Plus, we promise more tits. 17 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:57,485 Bare tits like these. 18 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,056 These tits are good. 19 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,031 Plus, more cock, like this. 20 00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:08,066 That's good cock, John. 21 00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:12,801 That's right, John, and that's not all, we promise lots of additional scenes, 22 00:01:12,872 --> 00:01:17,206 takes and other bullshit that will make the movie way too long. 23 00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:20,041 And this means a lower standard of filmmaking for you, 24 00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:21,102 - the viewer. - The viewer. 25 00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:25,875 So, if you've never seen Sex Drive before, please, for real, 26 00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:28,420 do not watch this version first. 27 00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:32,219 Watch the real theatrical version and then come back and watch this one. 28 00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:33,384 Why? 29 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:38,022 Yes, because this version of the movie is going to suck. 30 00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:49,097 Sorry, but I couldn't help but notice you. I have this exact same tribal tattoo. 31 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:51,143 Mine's one my... It's on my back. 32 00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:55,011 But actually I have a town car outside if you wanna go see... 33 00:01:55,081 --> 00:01:56,673 (ALL LAUGHING) 34 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,317 ANDERS: All right. Why don't you do one more? 35 00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:28,070 IAN: We open up against Michigan in two weeks. 36 00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:31,949 Coach's got me hitting the bench pretty hard. 37 00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:40,251 Shit. How much is a lot? 38 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,088 One... No, two. 39 00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:51,935 I'm putting up three hundy. 40 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,873 Well, let's see, Tasty. 41 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,346 (EXHALES) 42 00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:09,313 Wow! 43 00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:11,812 Um... 44 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:16,762 Wow, you're really pretty. I've never seen... 45 00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,324 No, stop it, stop it. 46 00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:22,164 Don't be so fucking desperate. Come on, be a dick. Be cool. 47 00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,867 MAN IMITATING VAN DAMME: Don't be a pussy. Tell her she's an ugly skank. 48 00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,501 Yeah. 49 00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:32,806 Not bad. 50 00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:35,407 I've seen better. 51 00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,378 Yeah, whatever. 52 00:03:43,489 --> 00:03:48,051 Coach's got us running two-a-days, so I gotta bounce. 53 00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:07,803 (BLANKET RUSTLES) 54 00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:14,980 Miss Tasty? How did you get here? 55 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,178 Shh! 56 00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:20,989 (GASPING) 57 00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:51,480 (GROANING) 58 00:05:18,117 --> 00:05:19,812 (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) 59 00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:21,978 (SNORING) 60 00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:39,370 Ian, wake up, faggot. Judge rolls in 20, 61 00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:41,498 so if you want a ride to work you better get your poop in a group. 62 00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:43,701 - Okay, I'll be right down. - No. Now, Clay Aiken. 63 00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:45,767 - All right. - No, now, homo. 64 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,870 - Just give me a minute. - No, no, no, no. Now, sissy. 65 00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:50,711 - Just... - No, now, chode-stroker. 66 00:05:51,884 --> 00:05:53,374 Now, ball bag. 67 00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:01,287 Hey... 68 00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:03,792 - Ow! Cut it out. - Hurts, doesn't it? 69 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,990 Shut up! I'm trying to sleep. 70 00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:10,233 Hey, Big D, sorry. Go back to sleep. You're golden. 71 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:13,033 - You, get your ass up. - Give me a minute. 72 00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:14,796 What're you doing under there, huh? 73 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,310 What're you doing? You're firing off your skin pistol? 74 00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:20,372 Come on, get up. What are you hiding? 75 00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:22,437 You got a big fattie under there, don't you? 76 00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:26,747 Yeah, you do. You're stroking it, too. What the F? 77 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:31,456 Your little brother's sleeping not ten feet away. Jesus Christ! 78 00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:33,224 Good. My boys are all here. 79 00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:35,260 - Dad, Ian's free... - Can it, Rex. 80 00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:38,764 Your pop's got a bombshell to drop, so ears open. 81 00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:41,800 Last night, your old man popped the question. 82 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:42,925 (LAUGHS) 83 00:06:43,002 --> 00:06:44,663 Show them, Karen. 84 00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:45,999 (EXCLAIMING) 85 00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:49,034 I'm so happy. 86 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,879 Hey, way to go! 87 00:06:53,946 --> 00:06:57,404 Ian, you wanna get off your duff and come over here and give Karen a hug? 88 00:06:57,483 --> 00:06:58,472 Um... 89 00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:03,751 - Yeah, Ian, come on. You're being rude. - Can we do that later? 90 00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:07,281 - Damn it, Ian, get up... - No, no, honey. It's okay. 91 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:12,260 We have to give him time to get used to the idea. 92 00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:15,623 IAN'S DAD: Karen? REX: Are you okay? 93 00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:17,760 IAN'S DAD: Karen? Karen, honey? REX: You okay? 94 00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:18,826 Sweetheart? 95 00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:21,270 What smells like jizz? 96 00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:23,001 (LET'S GET IT UP PLAYING ON CAR RADIO) 97 00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:25,575 (HONKING) 98 00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:29,241 Let's go! Kick it in the ass, dildo! 99 00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:31,611 (ENGINE REVVING) 100 00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:39,181 (LAUGHS) 101 00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:42,557 Come on, get in. Get in! 102 00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:49,190 (GRUNTS) 103 00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:50,257 (REX LAUGHING) 104 00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,167 REX: You suck! 105 00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:57,336 Okay, seriously. Quit being such a fag and get in. 106 00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:04,839 (SINGING) Never go down So let's get it up 107 00:08:04,917 --> 00:08:06,248 (SINGING ALONG) 108 00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:08,108 (COUGHS) 109 00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:12,580 Ian, I'm gonna ask you a question, and I want a straight answer. 110 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,857 - You queer? - What? 111 00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:17,395 - God damn it! I knew it! - I didn't say anything. 112 00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:19,761 Exactly. If someone asks you if you're a pole smoker, 113 00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:23,268 you just deny it, straight off. No pause, no farting around. 114 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,735 Rex, I'm not gay. 115 00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:26,795 - Dad thinks you're gay. - What? 116 00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:30,001 - You're breaking the old man's heart. - No, I'm not. I told him I'm not. 117 00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:33,204 Ian, you're 18, and you've never had a girlfriend. 118 00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:35,975 That's how people wind up getting gay, you know. 119 00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:38,016 I don't think that's really how it happens. 120 00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:40,484 Is that not how it happens? So tell me how it happens, expert. 121 00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:42,987 Fucking cock expert. Cockspert. 122 00:08:43,055 --> 00:08:45,046 Hey, what do you like better, the shaft or the balls? 123 00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:48,217 - That's gross. - You like them both, don't you? 124 00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:52,831 It's like, sometimes like, Tuesdays you want the big, old fucking shiny-ass cock, 125 00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:56,300 and Wednesdays and Thursdays you're on to the balls. 126 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,564 - I don't know why you're talking about it. - You can't choose, can you? 127 00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:01,539 That's a tough one. You love it and you're obsessed with it. 128 00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:04,041 No, you are. You keep talking about it. 129 00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,873 Why're you smiling at me? I'm serious. 130 00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,880 Don't fucking smile at me. You know I'll knock you out of this goddamn earth. 131 00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:10,813 What does it taste like? 132 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,249 Like, right when you take your mouth off and it's like kind of 133 00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:16,550 like you can almost see your reflection in that fucking cock. 134 00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:18,783 Smack you in the face with it a little bit. 135 00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:20,985 - You don't like that? - I don't eat... 136 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:27,966 Just cut. Just like, shiny fucking stiff, hot vascular mushroom head. 137 00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,228 Yeah, yeah. 138 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,566 Look, every guy's got a fantasy about another guy, 139 00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:35,368 but you got to bury that shit way down. This is America, God damn it. 140 00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:39,434 There is... There is a girl that I've been kind of... 141 00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:42,413 All right, I'm listening. Where'd you meet her? 142 00:09:42,481 --> 00:09:44,039 On the... Online. 143 00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:45,680 (TIRES SQUEALING) 144 00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:49,209 What? For fuck's sake, Ian, don't you watch Dateline? 145 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:53,691 She's probably a guy. Some fat old dude who wants to ram you in the tailpipe. 146 00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:57,320 But you'd love that, wouldn't you? 'Cause you're a homo. 147 00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:15,575 Hey, Ian. Try not to come home any gayer than you are now. 148 00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:16,910 (LAUGHING) 149 00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:20,885 Seriously, though. You're a fag. 150 00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:23,979 Hey, don't look at me like that. I'll punch you in the goddamn throat. 151 00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:29,688 (GO T YOU PLAYING) 152 00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:37,128 (SINGING) Hey 153 00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:41,195 What's your favorite song? 154 00:10:41,273 --> 00:10:44,106 Maybe we could hum along 155 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:51,682 Well, I think you're smart, you sweet thing 156 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:57,585 Tell me your name, I'm dying here 157 00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:06,653 Got you where I want you 158 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,323 Yeah 159 00:11:15,307 --> 00:11:16,535 (SIGHS) 160 00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:23,648 - Hey, Becca. How are you? - I'm good. I'm fine. Whatever. 161 00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:27,879 (CHUCKLING) Hey, Becca. Looks like you had a long, nasty night. 162 00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:31,787 - Ron and Ian want the four-one-uno. - Whatever. You guys are gross. 163 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:36,419 - I'm not gross. I didn't say anything. - Okay, who's going on coupon rounds? 164 00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:42,297 - No, Becca, I did it yesterday. - Please, Ian. 165 00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:46,299 I love you so much. 166 00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:52,068 Hello. This is a coupon for six free... No? Okay. Sorry. Donuts? No. 167 00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:54,772 - Six free donuts with the Bandito's Dozen. - Thanks. 168 00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:56,439 You're welcome. Sorry. 169 00:11:57,850 --> 00:12:00,341 Excuse me. Do you know where the Gap is? 170 00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:04,480 - It's just past the movie theater. - Thanks, man. 171 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:06,987 (LAUGHING) 172 00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:10,395 Yeah, real funny. 173 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,325 Free donuts, free coupons. 174 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,901 TIFFANY: Felicia. How's it fitting, hon? 175 00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:34,441 Well, you look nice. 176 00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:37,348 You know, sweetie, there's still time to have your boobs done 177 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,583 before my wedding. 178 00:12:38,657 --> 00:12:41,125 Darren and I already discussed them, and he said he'd pay for it. 179 00:12:41,193 --> 00:12:44,356 I mean, he's a dentist, so it's totally not a big deal. 180 00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:47,824 Excuse me, do you have a pair of scissors? 181 00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:49,959 Oh! Sure, sweetie. Do you have a stringie? 182 00:12:50,035 --> 00:12:53,527 Oh, no. I was just hoping you could slit my wrists for me quickly. 183 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:56,404 My husband killed himself last Christmas. 184 00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:01,739 I am so sorry. I was just... 185 00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:06,610 Hello. This is a coupon for six free donuts. Donuts? 186 00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:18,262 Oh, my God! You look so hot in that. 187 00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:21,666 Hey, sweetheart, listen. Please don't take this the wrong way, 188 00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,668 but your whole trying too hard thing, 189 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:26,398 it's just coming across as needy, you know? 190 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,804 And I think you're better than that, Kimberly. 191 00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:33,777 - But all I was saying was that... - Shh! Let's see it in a large. Okay? 192 00:13:33,946 --> 00:13:35,937 I mean, Christ, I'm out buying him clothes right now. 193 00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:39,883 He's 18 years old. I don't have to do that shit anymore. 194 00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:44,480 Look, Judy, listen, I'm sorry, I'm losing you. I'm going into a tunnel. 195 00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:49,822 Well, it's official, Lance, your mom's still bat-shit crazy. 196 00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:52,193 What? You're telling me she doesn't shit-talk me? 197 00:13:52,264 --> 00:13:55,165 No, actually, she doesn't. She doesn't, ever. 198 00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:58,067 All right. Let me give you some advice, Lance, all right? 199 00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:01,129 Don't ever get married. Just an endless parade of horseshit. 200 00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:04,904 And whatever you do, man, always wear a rubber. Christ. 201 00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:07,810 Nice. Always classy. 202 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:11,646 Hey, come on, Lance, I didn't mean it like... Come on, dawg. 203 00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:19,189 Hey, sir. I've got something yummy for your little girl. 204 00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:21,683 (SCREAMING) 205 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:25,696 Oh, my God. Excuse me! Sorry! 206 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,096 (WOMAN SCREAMS) 207 00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:35,096 - Ian? Oh, my God, dude, what happened? - IAN: I don't know. 208 00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:37,574 Is there a cock and balls on the front of me again? 209 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:40,134 - Like a little tree trunk. - IAN: Thank you. 210 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,145 Oh, my God. 211 00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:50,077 - Whoa. You look pretty. - God, shut up, Ian! 212 00:14:50,155 --> 00:14:54,057 What? I'm just saying, you usually dress so... You look nice. 213 00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:56,458 Ian, why do you got to work the mouth when you talk to us? 214 00:14:56,528 --> 00:15:00,020 - Yeah, Ian. - Sorry, it's a... It's a habit. 215 00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:03,125 Hey, that girl you work with, Becca, you gonna bring her to my party tonight? 216 00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:07,901 - Yeah, I asked her. She said no. - Good. Dude, she's totally wrong for you. 217 00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:10,441 That's what you say about everyone. 218 00:15:10,509 --> 00:15:12,500 She made you wear the fucking costume again, right? 219 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:15,012 - You know, I don't mind... - Dude, if you told her to fuck off, 220 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,413 she'd be two knuckles deep right now daydreaming about your big black cock. 221 00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:19,678 Ian, do not listen to him. 222 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,448 Okay, girls want a nice guy who's gonna treat them well. 223 00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:24,148 - Really? - Yes. Really. 224 00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:26,453 Look, all I'm saying is everybody wants a challenge. 225 00:15:26,525 --> 00:15:28,925 - Everybody wants... - What they can't get. I know, I got it. 226 00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:32,327 Do you get it? 'Cause I mean, it feels like I'm teaching you to walk sometimes. 227 00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:36,391 - That shit does not work. - It works on you. 228 00:15:36,468 --> 00:15:38,231 No, it doesn't. 229 00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:44,308 Felicia! 230 00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:48,342 Balls! I got to go. Evil cousin's spending the weekend. 231 00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:51,281 - Pretty cousin? - Ian, she's the anti-Christ. 232 00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:54,478 - She's still super hot. - Fuck you, too. See you. 233 00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:56,613 So what happened with Becca? 234 00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,281 You been doing like I told you, being a dick? 235 00:15:58,357 --> 00:16:02,817 Yeah, kind of. Being kind of a dick. I'd say... No, not really. 236 00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:05,730 I mean, you know, I've sort of been practicing 237 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,995 your whole being-a-dick thing with this girl I met online. 238 00:16:09,068 --> 00:16:11,036 - And I get it, but I just... - Thanks. 239 00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,934 I don't think I could do that for real. 240 00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:15,098 Dude, sure you can. I believe in you, you know. 241 00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:18,940 You just got to stop worrying about being the good guy all the time. 242 00:16:19,011 --> 00:16:21,104 I mean, okay, look at Andy and Randy over there. 243 00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:23,045 You think they care what women think about them? 244 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,048 They could give a fuck. 245 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:28,381 - What's up? What's up? - What's up, what's up? 246 00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:31,821 Hi. I'm collecting for the underprivileged children of Ecuador. 247 00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:33,289 - Would you like to help? - Not really. 248 00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,826 - We don't have any money. - No jobs. 249 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,129 You wanna party? 250 00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:40,358 Um... I'm kind of working right now. 251 00:16:40,432 --> 00:16:42,764 - When are you done? - Yeah, what are you doing after? 252 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,393 I have a church thing tonight. 253 00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,404 - Kick ass, we'll come. - Yeah, where is it? 254 00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:48,497 Is there gonna be more hot snatch like you there? 255 00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:51,566 Those guys are total nards. They never get anywhere. 256 00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,577 That's just 'cause they don't know how to close. 257 00:16:53,645 --> 00:16:55,272 But they're ability to open is fucking heroic. 258 00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:58,048 - Do you wear thong underpants? - Do you want us to take our shirts off? 259 00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:00,449 - What color bra are you wearing? - Is your mom hot, too? 260 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,111 Are you into me? 261 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:03,916 - Where do you live? - What color car do you have? 262 00:17:03,989 --> 00:17:05,650 - Where do you live? - What's your address? 263 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:07,419 - Do you want us to come over? - Do you like pizza? 264 00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,393 We've been to a motel. 265 00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:17,133 - Fuck off, donut. - Rex, it's me. 266 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:20,304 What the fuck is this all about? 267 00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:24,274 I broke the key off of our locker. I couldn't get my clothes out. 268 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:28,245 Stow that shit in the trunk. Christ, you look like a Mexican butt-hole. 269 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,750 REX: (LAUGHING) You suck. 270 00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:40,188 Becca? Hey. 271 00:17:40,659 --> 00:17:43,628 Wow, I didn't know that you were coming over. 272 00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:49,661 Cool. I didn't even know that you knew where I lived. I mean... 273 00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,397 - Yeah, I do. - Yeah. 274 00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:55,907 - So... - Oh! It's a funny story. I broke... 275 00:17:55,974 --> 00:17:59,774 I broke my key off and Ron let me borrow the... 276 00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:03,576 Anyway, so this is great. You changed your mind. 277 00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:04,877 Now, the party, it doesn't start 278 00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:08,784 - for a few hours. - Actually, I was wondering if Dylan's here. 279 00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:13,591 - Dylan? - Yeah. Is he here? 280 00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:16,059 - My 14-year-old brother Dylan? - Yeah. 281 00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:21,088 - DYLAN: Nice underpants, Ian. - Snap! Dang, that was funny. 282 00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:23,157 You know he's 14, right? 283 00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:27,596 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 284 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,315 Laura, Cindy, this shit is totally gratuitous. I love it. 285 00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:54,588 (COUGHING) 286 00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:58,463 - Hey, congrats. Good to see you. - Hey. 287 00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,237 Is this the plan? 288 00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:17,951 Ian, dude, there's like 80 wet chicks here. Get off your wallflower ass. 289 00:19:18,023 --> 00:19:20,992 - Are you smoking cigars now? - Yes. 290 00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:24,324 - Hey, Lance. Tight party. - Okay, rude. 291 00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:26,227 You can see I'm having a conversation here. 292 00:19:26,298 --> 00:19:29,233 Now, I'll be with you in a few minutes, okay? 293 00:19:29,301 --> 00:19:30,632 - Thank you. - We're sorry. 294 00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:32,670 - Don't apologize to her. - I'm sorry. 295 00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:34,433 Don't apologize to me. 296 00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:35,495 (SCOFFS) 297 00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:40,768 Hey, I'm gonna go see who Felicia's talking to. 298 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,076 No, dude, forget Felicia, okay? 299 00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,173 I know you guys are BFF and all that shit, 300 00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:47,616 but tonight's about getting that dick a little daylight. 301 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:49,711 Hey, Lindsay, sweetheart, where you going? 302 00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:52,256 Come here, we're not done. Get in here. 303 00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:56,158 - You know my boy Ian? - Yeah. No. I don't know. 304 00:19:56,228 --> 00:20:00,130 - You used to be on my paper route. - Okay, sure. My mom likes you. 305 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:06,627 Fucking A your mom likes Ian. Look at him. He's a big, bright crimson king. Right? 306 00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,900 You know what else? 307 00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,101 Ian is a bust-ass virgin. 308 00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:12,641 (SPLUTTERS) 309 00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:15,110 I'm so sorry. 310 00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:18,411 Don't let that deter you from fucking him. 311 00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:23,810 (GIGGLING) 312 00:20:24,122 --> 00:20:27,353 Yeah. No, I'm pretty stoked. I got into the University of Wisconsin, 313 00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:29,656 and I'm gonna go for veterinary medicine, 'cause that's where... 314 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,162 - Are you gonna go to college? - University of Boulder. 315 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,926 It's a great party school. 316 00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:39,369 You know, I read that they have a really great astronomy program. 317 00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:41,372 I don't know if that's what you're going there for or... 318 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:47,106 Because it's really high elevation, and you can see the stars really well... 319 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,244 Planets. 320 00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:55,342 Wow! A little tip action there. That's really suggestive. 321 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:58,651 I'm not saying that you're gonna do that on my, well... 322 00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:01,988 You can just stick with my finger if you want 'cause this feels great, so... 323 00:21:03,362 --> 00:21:08,425 You're really good at that. That's really wet. Two... 324 00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:09,865 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 325 00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:11,359 (POPPING) 326 00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:13,904 - FELICIA: Ian! Dude! - I'm... Could you excuse me for a second? 327 00:21:13,972 --> 00:21:15,963 Hello. Hello? 328 00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:19,408 - Hey! - Hey! What up? 329 00:21:19,478 --> 00:21:23,244 - What are you doing in there, man? - What're you doing out here, man? 330 00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:26,148 - I asked you first. - Nothing. 331 00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:29,984 No, I just... I spilled beer on my shirt, so then I had to... 332 00:21:30,055 --> 00:21:34,992 - I thought you had, like, a girl in there. - Yeah, right. I wish. 333 00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:38,587 So, okay. So, are your parents, like, still going 334 00:21:38,664 --> 00:21:40,723 to Dylan's motor-cross thing this weekend? 335 00:21:40,832 --> 00:21:42,459 Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all take off in the morning. 336 00:21:42,534 --> 00:21:43,796 Okay. Awesome. 337 00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:48,897 'Cause my evil cousin is driving me nuts, so, I don't know, 338 00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:52,137 you think, like, maybe I could hang at your place this weekend? 339 00:21:52,244 --> 00:21:54,906 Yeah. Yeah, like a sleepover or something. It'll be fun. 340 00:21:54,980 --> 00:22:01,283 Oh, my God! Thank you so much. Hey, I have a secret. 341 00:22:01,586 --> 00:22:02,610 (LAUGHS) 342 00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:05,555 - Okay. - But it's like a girl secret, so... 343 00:22:05,624 --> 00:22:10,357 - Can you handle it? Are you sure? Okay. - Yeah. 344 00:22:10,462 --> 00:22:13,226 Hey, Dibits, fuck off. 345 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:18,901 Okay, so I... Oh my God, this is so lame. 346 00:22:18,970 --> 00:22:23,430 - Look at you acting like such a girl. - I know, I know. Okay, okay. Here it is. 347 00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:29,714 I have a crush on someone, a boy, a guy. 348 00:22:30,315 --> 00:22:32,909 Yeah? Well, who is it? 349 00:22:32,984 --> 00:22:35,782 Come on, you know me better than anyone. I bet you know who it is. 350 00:22:35,854 --> 00:22:37,412 Come on, guess. 351 00:22:39,458 --> 00:22:40,447 Um... 352 00:22:41,259 --> 00:22:42,817 I think I know. 353 00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:51,032 (GASPING) 354 00:22:51,103 --> 00:22:56,905 I'm kidding. Oh, God! I got you. You're so easy. You're so easy! 355 00:23:00,912 --> 00:23:04,006 - You're my best friend. - I know, and you're my best friend. 356 00:23:04,082 --> 00:23:08,041 That's why it's funny that we would kiss, because we wouldn't. 357 00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:14,283 So who is it? Who's the lucky caballero? 358 00:23:14,826 --> 00:23:17,056 Um... Nobody. 359 00:23:17,129 --> 00:23:20,963 - Nobody? - I... I was kidding, too. 360 00:23:21,933 --> 00:23:24,026 - That is funny. - It's hilarious. 361 00:23:24,102 --> 00:23:26,468 - That is so funny. - That is so funny. 362 00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:29,002 Oh! I... 363 00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:30,063 - You got... - Yeah. 364 00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:32,667 - All right. So... - Hey! 365 00:23:32,744 --> 00:23:34,109 Okay. 366 00:23:40,018 --> 00:23:41,178 Harsh. 367 00:23:48,994 --> 00:23:50,086 (BUZZING) 368 00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:51,561 (LINDSAY MOANING) 369 00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:54,357 LINDSAY: Well, come on, Ian. 370 00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:55,491 (STUTTERING) 371 00:23:55,567 --> 00:23:57,762 You know what? I'm good. I'm just gonna... 372 00:23:57,836 --> 00:24:00,669 Ian, come on, baby. Don't be shy. 373 00:24:00,739 --> 00:24:04,766 No, thanks. It looks like you got your hands full there, so... 374 00:24:04,843 --> 00:24:07,038 MAN: Sure you don't want to get in on this, bro? 375 00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:09,171 No, thanks, man. 376 00:24:09,247 --> 00:24:12,648 It looks like you fellows got it all under control. 377 00:24:12,717 --> 00:24:16,710 So I'm just gonna skedaddle. You all take care now. 378 00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,346 Lindsay, say hi to your mom. 379 00:24:18,423 --> 00:24:19,447 (LINDSAY GASPING) 380 00:24:19,524 --> 00:24:21,014 MAN: All right. See you later, buddy. 381 00:24:28,834 --> 00:24:30,961 Ian. Dude, where you going? 382 00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:34,297 Shit. 383 00:24:39,911 --> 00:24:41,538 (LINDSAY GASPING) 384 00:24:42,714 --> 00:24:44,705 (CHUCKLES) Hey, Goldie, scoot over. 385 00:24:51,456 --> 00:24:54,653 - Hey, babe, you wanna party? - I'm at a party. 386 00:24:54,726 --> 00:24:56,853 RANDY: You should pee on us. 387 00:24:56,928 --> 00:24:57,986 ANDY: Why don't you take a picture, Ian? 388 00:24:58,063 --> 00:25:00,793 Yeah, and post it on Totalfuckingawesomeness. com. 389 00:25:00,866 --> 00:25:02,891 Backslash-we-rule! 390 00:25:02,968 --> 00:25:04,128 RANDY: Where'd you come up with that? 391 00:25:04,202 --> 00:25:09,299 - Hey, can I ask you guys a question? - You just did. 392 00:25:10,141 --> 00:25:12,166 - Can I ask you another question? - You just did again. 393 00:25:12,244 --> 00:25:14,439 - What's up? What's up? - What's up, what's up? 394 00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,778 Nice hair. It'll look even better in my crotch. 395 00:25:20,919 --> 00:25:23,752 - Dude, where you going? - Come on. 396 00:25:23,855 --> 00:25:26,824 What's going on? Something troubling you? Be a buddy. 397 00:25:26,892 --> 00:25:31,989 - I'm... All right, all right. - You got to get over the monkey. 398 00:25:32,063 --> 00:25:36,227 Where do you guys get the confidence to, like, hit on every girl you see? 399 00:25:36,301 --> 00:25:40,135 - 'Cause we're the shit. - Yeah, you oughts to know that, bitch. 400 00:25:40,238 --> 00:25:41,637 (SPITTING) 401 00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:46,609 - So where's Felicia? - Fel-ate-cha. Yeah. 402 00:25:47,579 --> 00:25:50,946 - She's in... - Fe-lay-cha! You banging her? 403 00:25:51,783 --> 00:25:53,375 We're just friends. 404 00:25:53,451 --> 00:25:55,214 - I'm uncircumcised. - Yeah. 405 00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:57,582 - I'm into you and I'm hard. - Yeah. 406 00:25:57,656 --> 00:26:00,056 - Hey, I was born to fertilize. - Yeah. 407 00:26:00,125 --> 00:26:02,286 - I'm a firefighter. - GIRL: Fuck off! 408 00:26:02,460 --> 00:26:03,654 (SIGHS) 409 00:26:03,728 --> 00:26:05,525 Wait, I thought you took her to prom. 410 00:26:05,597 --> 00:26:08,566 Yeah, but it was a just-friends kind of thing. 411 00:26:12,904 --> 00:26:15,065 You should bang her. We would. 412 00:26:15,206 --> 00:26:16,798 ANDY: Dude, we would bang her so hard. 413 00:26:16,975 --> 00:26:19,341 We would take that ass and just... 414 00:26:22,213 --> 00:26:24,374 Yeah, tell her we'll bang her for you if you're not into it. 415 00:26:24,449 --> 00:26:25,814 Yeah. Hard. 416 00:26:25,884 --> 00:26:28,114 - With our dicks! - Yeah, our dicks are huge. 417 00:26:28,186 --> 00:26:31,314 You could see them from space! What's up? 418 00:26:31,389 --> 00:26:34,358 - What's up? - Hey, do you have a phone number? 419 00:26:35,460 --> 00:26:37,052 You don't. Okay. 420 00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:45,065 I'll call you from nationals. 421 00:26:48,406 --> 00:26:50,931 - BECCA: Say it. - You're my little donut girl. 422 00:26:55,113 --> 00:26:58,776 - Bye, sexy. - Yo, Ian. 423 00:26:59,918 --> 00:27:03,752 - You want to smell my finger? - Yeah, okay. 424 00:27:06,591 --> 00:27:07,580 (SNIFFS) 425 00:27:08,259 --> 00:27:10,750 Are you sure you got the right hole? 426 00:27:10,829 --> 00:27:11,818 (SNIFFS) 427 00:27:18,670 --> 00:27:19,796 Kids. 428 00:27:20,338 --> 00:27:21,930 (PEOPLE LAUGHING) 429 00:27:26,845 --> 00:27:28,107 Awesome. 430 00:27:33,852 --> 00:27:36,150 Hmm... '69. 431 00:27:42,193 --> 00:27:43,182 (LAUGHS) 432 00:27:43,628 --> 00:27:44,720 Whoa. 433 00:27:53,505 --> 00:27:55,473 Don't puss out. Be cool. 434 00:27:58,243 --> 00:28:00,677 I don't know. 435 00:28:01,012 --> 00:28:06,917 That is a long drive, my sugar biscuit! 436 00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:12,089 Sugar biscuit? God, I suck at this. 437 00:28:17,429 --> 00:28:18,418 (SLURPING) 438 00:28:23,034 --> 00:28:24,058 (CLANGING) 439 00:28:24,135 --> 00:28:25,602 Holy buckets. 440 00:28:27,806 --> 00:28:30,104 She wants me to give her the D. 441 00:28:30,175 --> 00:28:31,164 (NASTY GIRL PLAYING ON HEADPHONES) 442 00:28:31,242 --> 00:28:32,266 (SINGING) Well, honey 443 00:28:32,343 --> 00:28:33,332 What ya got, Mr. Mans? 444 00:28:33,411 --> 00:28:34,844 I got a lot of money 445 00:28:34,913 --> 00:28:36,847 I don't see no keys in my hands 446 00:28:36,915 --> 00:28:39,782 I just wanna nasty girl 447 00:28:39,851 --> 00:28:41,113 (GRUNTS) 448 00:28:41,186 --> 00:28:43,552 Now tell me, is that nasty girl you? 449 00:28:43,621 --> 00:28:44,815 Do you like what you see? 450 00:28:44,889 --> 00:28:51,453 Could you be my nasty girl and let me do that dirty dance with you? 451 00:28:51,529 --> 00:28:53,622 I can love you long time 452 00:29:00,739 --> 00:29:03,003 (ALL SHAPES AND SIZES PLAYING) 453 00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:10,711 (SINGING) I like 'em all in shapes and sizes 454 00:29:11,349 --> 00:29:13,977 And it don't make no difference to me 455 00:29:14,886 --> 00:29:19,346 If you're short, tall, big or small Long if there ain't no big surprises 456 00:29:19,424 --> 00:29:21,654 Chances are you'll suit me to a T 457 00:29:30,401 --> 00:29:31,732 Love beef. 458 00:29:35,573 --> 00:29:37,234 Terry, phone call. 459 00:29:41,246 --> 00:29:44,545 Dude, weren't you in my gym class? What is it? Egan? 460 00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:46,607 Yeah, yeah. Hey, Jordan. 461 00:29:49,921 --> 00:29:51,320 (SCOFFING) 462 00:29:51,656 --> 00:29:55,752 Right. Whatever, scrotch. You can't get your fist pregnant. 463 00:29:55,827 --> 00:29:59,490 Russ, man, check it out. Yo, look who's buying jimmys. 464 00:30:00,431 --> 00:30:02,922 You want these gift-wrapped, Egan? 465 00:30:07,572 --> 00:30:09,164 Just ring it up, man. 466 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,606 Karen, let me have that for you. 467 00:30:12,410 --> 00:30:14,970 Dad, what did you do with my helmet? 468 00:30:34,332 --> 00:30:41,261 Ian, honey, I made you some tollhouse cookies. 469 00:30:42,140 --> 00:30:44,574 I'll just leave these here for you. 470 00:30:45,810 --> 00:30:47,175 I'll get them later. 471 00:30:47,846 --> 00:30:50,815 There's $40 in the cow for fun money, 472 00:30:51,482 --> 00:30:54,883 so be safe and sorry I didn't knock. 473 00:30:56,354 --> 00:31:00,154 Anytime. It's your home now. 474 00:31:00,225 --> 00:31:01,249 (THUDS) 475 00:31:01,326 --> 00:31:02,850 KAREN: Oh, dear. 476 00:31:06,631 --> 00:31:08,258 - Dude. - Hey. 477 00:31:08,333 --> 00:31:11,359 What is going on with you? You bought rubbers? 478 00:31:12,103 --> 00:31:14,571 - How did you know that? - It's on Russ Miller's blog. 479 00:31:18,676 --> 00:31:20,803 Jesus! That was, like, 11 minutes ago. 480 00:31:20,879 --> 00:31:22,312 What's the deal? Dude. 481 00:31:23,815 --> 00:31:26,784 IAN: She wants me to meet her tonight at the Big Boy in Knoxville. 482 00:31:26,918 --> 00:31:30,820 This is a fucking written invitation to your dick from the Internet. 483 00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:32,151 Oh, Jesus. 484 00:31:32,223 --> 00:31:34,521 Seriously, dude, pack your shit. We're going to Knoxville. 485 00:31:34,592 --> 00:31:36,651 No. Stop it. Put these back. 486 00:31:36,761 --> 00:31:38,524 This is the type of girl who has... 487 00:31:38,596 --> 00:31:41,224 She has it shaved into a landing strip. 488 00:31:41,633 --> 00:31:43,032 I can't deal with a landing strip. 489 00:31:43,101 --> 00:31:45,763 Okay, dude, you don't know that. I mean, she could have anything under there. 490 00:31:45,837 --> 00:31:50,399 There could be a little Hitler or just a full, nasty Chewbacca. 491 00:31:50,842 --> 00:31:51,866 (LAUGHS) 492 00:31:51,943 --> 00:31:55,106 But I'm guessing this chick is baby fresh. 493 00:31:55,179 --> 00:31:59,047 You know, she doesn't even want me. She wants him. 494 00:31:59,117 --> 00:32:00,141 (LANCE LAUGHING) 495 00:32:00,218 --> 00:32:03,984 I'm sorry. This is good. This is fine. 496 00:32:04,055 --> 00:32:06,148 I mean, that looks like you. Like the eyes. 497 00:32:06,424 --> 00:32:08,949 Tasty's probably a guy, anyway. 498 00:32:09,027 --> 00:32:11,723 Maybe. But what if she's not? 499 00:32:12,196 --> 00:32:15,688 You know, I mean, look, you've already opened, and I could help you close. 500 00:32:16,234 --> 00:32:17,633 We just need one thing. 501 00:32:17,702 --> 00:32:18,760 (ENGINE REVVING) 502 00:32:23,141 --> 00:32:27,771 Ian, just look at this. I mean, you roll up in a '69 GTO, 503 00:32:27,845 --> 00:32:30,473 she's gonna drop an egg right there in the Big Boy parking lot. 504 00:32:30,548 --> 00:32:32,516 Hey, Ian, come give me a hand with this. 505 00:32:33,584 --> 00:32:36,678 Here. Strap that end down. Tight. 506 00:32:37,288 --> 00:32:40,485 - The cord's too short. - Put a little sack into it, powder puff. 507 00:32:44,395 --> 00:32:46,795 - All right. Thanks, little brother. - Yeah. 508 00:32:47,198 --> 00:32:48,859 - Hey, Ian. - Yeah. 509 00:32:49,300 --> 00:32:51,427 Did I hear something about you wanting to borrow my car? 510 00:32:51,502 --> 00:32:54,164 No, no, it's fine. Thanks. Thank you. 511 00:32:55,206 --> 00:32:56,468 You sure? 512 00:32:57,842 --> 00:33:01,300 You're my little brother, Ian. All you gotta do is ask. 513 00:33:03,348 --> 00:33:04,440 Okay. 514 00:33:05,583 --> 00:33:08,074 Could I use The Judge this weekend? 515 00:33:09,454 --> 00:33:10,443 (LAUGHING) 516 00:33:13,024 --> 00:33:17,688 Fuck-stick, I wouldn't let you drive The Judge if it was parked on my shnuts. 517 00:33:21,299 --> 00:33:23,529 - REX: Let's go, Dad. - What a dick. 518 00:33:23,601 --> 00:33:25,432 You should take his car just on principle. 519 00:33:25,837 --> 00:33:27,771 What do you want me to do, you know? 520 00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:30,399 I mean, I doubt I can hot-wire it, since I don't even know what that means. 521 00:33:30,475 --> 00:33:31,942 What are you doing? 522 00:33:33,411 --> 00:33:34,400 (LAUGHS) 523 00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:38,873 No. Lance, no! Put it back. Did you just hear him? Please. 524 00:33:38,950 --> 00:33:41,111 Come here, we're gonna have a talk. 525 00:33:41,452 --> 00:33:43,647 She's only nine short hours away, okay? 526 00:33:43,721 --> 00:33:46,588 We're gonna head down there tonight and you're gonna put a dent in that shit. 527 00:33:46,657 --> 00:33:49,626 Ian's gonna treat it like it's meat that needs tenderizing. 528 00:33:49,694 --> 00:33:51,389 With his dick instead of a hammer. 529 00:33:51,462 --> 00:33:53,589 You can pound it till it bleeds. 530 00:33:53,664 --> 00:33:57,293 Yeah, it's just a fucking girl's mess, and then we're gonna be... 531 00:33:57,368 --> 00:33:58,392 (LAUGHING) 532 00:33:58,469 --> 00:34:01,131 - What're you doing? - MAN: Still rolling. 533 00:34:01,205 --> 00:34:03,969 Who's gonna pound on it? Say it. Ian's gonna pound on it. 534 00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:06,738 We're back tomorrow before Rex even knows the car is gone. 535 00:34:06,811 --> 00:34:08,870 Now, listen, these girls at Madison are gonna be fucking at a college level. 536 00:34:08,946 --> 00:34:09,970 (GARAGE DOOR OPENING) 537 00:34:10,048 --> 00:34:12,073 I need you ready for that. 538 00:34:12,417 --> 00:34:14,408 Wait! Put it... Put it back. 539 00:34:15,186 --> 00:34:16,278 Back here. 540 00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:36,431 For God's sake. You two rump rangers couldn't wait five minutes? 541 00:34:42,647 --> 00:34:43,636 (GRUNTS) 542 00:34:47,452 --> 00:34:48,612 (HONKING) 543 00:34:52,190 --> 00:34:53,316 Shit. 544 00:35:09,874 --> 00:35:11,432 - Shit! - Fuck! 545 00:35:11,509 --> 00:35:14,034 I told her she could stay here this weekend. 546 00:35:14,545 --> 00:35:18,072 Dude, what the hell? Why are you driving Rex's car? 547 00:35:18,149 --> 00:35:19,946 I thought me and... 548 00:35:21,686 --> 00:35:24,348 - Are you bitching out on me? - No. 549 00:35:24,422 --> 00:35:25,616 - No. - No. 550 00:35:25,690 --> 00:35:28,420 Good. Well, then where are we going? 551 00:35:29,427 --> 00:35:31,987 Um... Knoxville, Tennessee. 552 00:35:33,131 --> 00:35:34,564 Okay. I'm gonna go tell my mom. 553 00:35:34,632 --> 00:35:38,466 Okay. Are you gonna... Awesome. 554 00:35:38,669 --> 00:35:40,159 Dude, what the fuck? 555 00:35:40,238 --> 00:35:42,069 - I don't want her along. - Really? 556 00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:44,301 You don't want to bring Yoko on your sex trip? 557 00:35:44,375 --> 00:35:46,707 Yeah, no shit. She's always cock-blocking you. 558 00:35:46,777 --> 00:35:49,337 No, she isn't. She doesn't even have a... 559 00:35:49,413 --> 00:35:51,608 Okay, twat blocking. 560 00:35:51,682 --> 00:35:52,774 Professor. 561 00:35:52,850 --> 00:35:53,874 FELICIA'S MOM: When will you be coming back? 562 00:35:53,951 --> 00:35:55,282 No, tomorrow. 563 00:35:55,353 --> 00:35:58,413 - FELICIA'S MOM: When? - No. Bye! God. 564 00:35:58,489 --> 00:36:00,821 FELICIA'S MOM: You guys drive safe now. Bye! 565 00:36:01,392 --> 00:36:03,087 So, what's in Tennessee? 566 00:36:03,761 --> 00:36:06,525 My grandma has got some cancer. 567 00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:09,162 - Grammy K? - IAN: She's fine. 568 00:36:09,467 --> 00:36:12,527 She's gonna live forever. Well, a long time. 569 00:36:13,804 --> 00:36:15,635 It's, you know... I mean, what is it called? 570 00:36:15,706 --> 00:36:17,765 - It's foot cancer. - She's got a little foot cancer. 571 00:36:17,842 --> 00:36:20,037 She'll be hopping around in no time. 572 00:36:20,878 --> 00:36:23,278 So what's she doing in Tennessee? 573 00:36:23,548 --> 00:36:27,644 Oh! Um... Well, there's this kick-ass cancer center there. 574 00:36:27,718 --> 00:36:31,518 - Yeah. - Yeah, it's like... It's famous. 575 00:36:31,756 --> 00:36:34,384 - Yeah. - So if you ever get any cancer, 576 00:36:34,458 --> 00:36:38,690 you should totally check it out. 577 00:36:38,996 --> 00:36:40,020 (TIME TO PRETEND PLAYING) 578 00:36:40,097 --> 00:36:41,223 I would. 579 00:36:44,235 --> 00:36:48,535 LANCE: So you want I-80 East and then 65 goes all the way through Indiana. 580 00:36:49,607 --> 00:36:51,507 - So how's it feel? - IAN: What? 581 00:36:52,076 --> 00:36:55,978 I don't know, breaking the rules, talking some shit, driving The Judge? 582 00:36:57,215 --> 00:36:58,739 It feels pretty good. 583 00:36:58,816 --> 00:37:01,114 (SINGING) I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw 584 00:37:01,185 --> 00:37:03,278 I'm in the prime of my life 585 00:37:07,625 --> 00:37:13,257 Let's make some music, make some money Find some models for wives 586 00:37:17,101 --> 00:37:21,401 This is our decision To live fast and die young 587 00:37:21,939 --> 00:37:27,070 We've got the vision Now let's have some fun 588 00:37:29,380 --> 00:37:32,008 I said, yeah, yeah, yeah 589 00:37:32,450 --> 00:37:34,042 (ENGINE REVVING) 590 00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,581 This dude wants to race. 591 00:37:39,290 --> 00:37:40,621 Let's go, ladies. 592 00:37:40,691 --> 00:37:43,387 Lance! Cut it out! Come on, you don't know who's in there. 593 00:37:43,461 --> 00:37:47,591 Dude, I don't care if fucking Steve McQueen's zombie corpse is in that car. 594 00:37:47,665 --> 00:37:50,657 I refuse to be embarrassed by a car that looks like a Trapper Keeper. 595 00:37:50,735 --> 00:37:52,862 I am not racing in my brother's car. 596 00:37:53,871 --> 00:37:55,930 IAN: Holy shit. 597 00:37:56,974 --> 00:37:58,635 What the hell is that? 598 00:38:00,878 --> 00:38:02,937 Looks like a Nachos BellGrande. 599 00:38:03,014 --> 00:38:04,481 And a chalupa! 600 00:38:04,782 --> 00:38:06,147 Medium Coke! 601 00:38:06,217 --> 00:38:07,445 (SCREAMING) 602 00:38:07,518 --> 00:38:08,542 Go right! 603 00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:10,812 FELICIA: Turn the wipers on! IAN: They are on. 604 00:38:11,022 --> 00:38:12,512 FELICIA: They're not working! 605 00:38:12,723 --> 00:38:15,556 IAN: Please, don't yell at me. I'm doing the best I can. 606 00:38:16,527 --> 00:38:17,960 - Winnebago! - IAN: Where? 607 00:38:18,029 --> 00:38:19,860 Winnebago! Winnebago! 608 00:38:19,930 --> 00:38:20,919 (SCREECHING) 609 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:24,661 (GASPING) 610 00:38:27,405 --> 00:38:29,498 Oh, my God, are you all right? 611 00:38:29,573 --> 00:38:30,904 (LAUGHING) 612 00:38:34,445 --> 00:38:37,846 Yeah, nobody offer to help. I got this under control. 613 00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:40,078 (SNIFFLES) 614 00:38:45,222 --> 00:38:49,386 - Are you all right? - Do I look like I'm all right? Fuck! 615 00:38:51,696 --> 00:38:56,565 You know what might make you feel better? Putting 40 on pump two. 616 00:39:11,782 --> 00:39:15,616 Hey. You okay in there? 617 00:39:16,721 --> 00:39:17,745 (MAN WHOOPING) 618 00:39:17,822 --> 00:39:21,781 God damn! My back teeth are snorkeling. 619 00:39:27,598 --> 00:39:29,088 Sweet relief. 620 00:39:29,333 --> 00:39:30,322 (SNIFFLES) 621 00:39:32,069 --> 00:39:34,128 You got the shy bladder? 622 00:39:35,106 --> 00:39:36,437 - Yeah. - Damn. 623 00:39:38,909 --> 00:39:42,140 Paruresis. That's what they call it. 624 00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:45,011 Let me tell you something. I didn't catch your name. 625 00:39:45,082 --> 00:39:46,344 It's Ian. 626 00:39:46,417 --> 00:39:50,911 Let me tell you something, Ian. I had it something fierce. 627 00:39:54,492 --> 00:39:57,893 You can do it, Ian. You can do it. 628 00:40:04,201 --> 00:40:06,692 Go running down by your sister. 629 00:40:06,771 --> 00:40:09,865 Excuse me, ma'am, that was my pump. 630 00:40:10,274 --> 00:40:13,937 Yeah? You move your meat, you lose your seat. Hmm. 631 00:40:15,279 --> 00:40:18,737 Logan, do not eat that. You will fuck up your appetite! 632 00:40:20,117 --> 00:40:21,209 Damn. 633 00:40:22,319 --> 00:40:24,480 Listen, Reba. 634 00:40:24,555 --> 00:40:29,083 If you value the rest of your teeth, you will shut off that pump. 635 00:40:34,498 --> 00:40:37,899 So I tells my daddy, "You know what? You're not the boss of me. 636 00:40:37,968 --> 00:40:41,563 "Not you, not Angie," that's that girl I was telling you about. 637 00:40:41,639 --> 00:40:43,698 "And sure as hell not this bladder of mine." 638 00:40:43,774 --> 00:40:45,867 Well, he looked at me, and you should have... 639 00:40:45,943 --> 00:40:49,709 Ian. Where you going? Don't give up. 640 00:40:52,616 --> 00:40:55,551 Jesus. I've been pissing for an hour. 641 00:41:00,057 --> 00:41:04,050 - Another one for the collection. - Cool. Thanks. 642 00:41:06,797 --> 00:41:07,889 What? 643 00:41:12,002 --> 00:41:13,333 (SOBBING) 644 00:41:13,404 --> 00:41:16,601 It's okay, Brandy. It's okay, baby, don't cry. 645 00:41:16,674 --> 00:41:18,369 Lance, what are you doing? 646 00:41:18,442 --> 00:41:20,376 Dude, you should be ashamed of yourself, 647 00:41:20,444 --> 00:41:24,380 because I'm just trying to show another human being a little compassion. 648 00:41:24,982 --> 00:41:26,381 And my dick. 649 00:41:27,785 --> 00:41:28,809 (SHUSHING) 650 00:41:28,886 --> 00:41:31,946 It's okay, baby. Just let those tears fall. 651 00:41:32,022 --> 00:41:34,422 You know why? 'Cause our love will dry them up. 652 00:41:34,492 --> 00:41:38,189 Love will keep us alive. Just like that song. You know that song? 653 00:41:38,262 --> 00:41:42,392 That's our song now. That song represents our bond. 654 00:41:44,168 --> 00:41:46,830 Don Henley's words represent our love. 655 00:41:48,806 --> 00:41:50,171 (LANCE LAUGHING) 656 00:41:53,310 --> 00:41:54,834 What have you got? 657 00:41:55,212 --> 00:41:57,646 Hey, kid, where you from? 658 00:41:59,083 --> 00:42:03,850 - I'm from Chicago, I mean, outside Chicago. - Are you two married. No? 659 00:42:05,289 --> 00:42:11,125 - No, we're just friends. We're amigos. - You make a good couple. 660 00:42:11,695 --> 00:42:14,391 She's pretty. Marry that girl. 661 00:42:14,498 --> 00:42:18,059 See my lady and I here, we've been married forever. 662 00:42:18,135 --> 00:42:20,535 And I tell you she was gorgeous. 663 00:42:20,604 --> 00:42:24,040 The first day I saw her, I said, "This is gonna be my wife." 664 00:42:24,108 --> 00:42:26,668 And you know what? It happened. 665 00:42:26,744 --> 00:42:30,407 I tell you, that was a very good year for corn. 666 00:42:30,481 --> 00:42:32,847 Made lots of money. 667 00:42:32,917 --> 00:42:38,685 I fixed my 4X4 and bought my lady a sexy French lingerie. 668 00:42:38,756 --> 00:42:41,884 Boy, those were the best six bucks I ever spent. 669 00:42:44,161 --> 00:42:47,358 You kids want to help yourself to a can of Purple? 670 00:42:47,765 --> 00:42:51,724 - Purple sounds great, Ian. Purple? - Yeah, I can go... 671 00:42:54,371 --> 00:42:56,532 Say, the boys still hanging? 672 00:42:57,508 --> 00:43:01,000 - You ever had a peppermint fatty? - No. Let's have that. 673 00:43:01,145 --> 00:43:03,045 See how that shoe fits. 674 00:43:04,615 --> 00:43:06,048 (MOANS) 675 00:43:06,483 --> 00:43:09,213 Oh my God. Do you have a degree in this? 676 00:43:11,522 --> 00:43:14,787 You know that thing, when runners say they break the wall? 677 00:43:14,858 --> 00:43:17,520 You know, and it's all good after that? 678 00:43:17,962 --> 00:43:19,827 I feel like that when my dick's in your mouth. 679 00:43:20,864 --> 00:43:23,298 It actually says Purple Soda. 680 00:43:23,367 --> 00:43:25,198 (LANCE EXCLAIMING) 681 00:43:28,138 --> 00:43:30,106 BRANDY: Bad boy. 682 00:43:34,845 --> 00:43:36,870 You like him, don't you? 683 00:43:39,950 --> 00:43:44,319 - What? Who? - Lance. I mean, he's the crush, right? 684 00:43:44,455 --> 00:43:49,256 Oh, yeah! I like Lance, 'cause he's so hot. 685 00:43:49,326 --> 00:43:53,194 I wanna have his baby, he's... Whatever. 686 00:43:54,465 --> 00:43:55,955 (TIRES SCREECHING) 687 00:43:56,967 --> 00:44:00,027 RICK: Brandy! FELICIA: Uh-oh! 688 00:44:00,104 --> 00:44:03,130 Brandy! Shit. 689 00:44:06,010 --> 00:44:07,944 - Howdy. - Howdy. 690 00:44:08,012 --> 00:44:12,881 Mr. McBroom. Ma'am. Where the fuck's Brandy at? 691 00:44:13,517 --> 00:44:14,984 (BRANDY GIGGLING) 692 00:44:21,959 --> 00:44:27,556 - You ever hear of a rolling brown-out? - No. Let's try it. 693 00:44:29,199 --> 00:44:30,860 You bleach that. 694 00:44:31,402 --> 00:44:35,600 Wait. No, no, no, no! Nothing brown! Nothing brown! Nothing brown! 695 00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:38,073 What're you gonna do? Hit a girl? 696 00:44:38,342 --> 00:44:42,506 No, but I'm gonna pummel his ass real good. 697 00:44:42,579 --> 00:44:44,945 There you go. There you go. 698 00:44:46,016 --> 00:44:47,005 Hey! 699 00:44:47,151 --> 00:44:48,482 I have to go to church. 700 00:44:49,353 --> 00:44:52,288 Come on, baby! Open the goddamn door! 701 00:44:58,195 --> 00:45:02,256 All right, this is not what it looks like. It was a project for school. 702 00:45:02,332 --> 00:45:03,492 Purple Soda! 703 00:45:03,567 --> 00:45:04,556 (SODA CAN HISSING) 704 00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:11,000 (RICK GRUNTING) 705 00:45:12,710 --> 00:45:13,904 Wiener! 706 00:45:17,848 --> 00:45:18,837 Ow! 707 00:45:41,171 --> 00:45:42,661 There you are. 708 00:45:44,908 --> 00:45:47,843 Come on, come on. I do not want to die naked. 709 00:45:50,814 --> 00:45:52,008 (LAUGHING) 710 00:45:54,218 --> 00:45:58,484 Fuck you! Motherfucking son of a bitch! 711 00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:10,025 Get on your feet, you motherfucking pussy! 712 00:46:10,234 --> 00:46:14,295 I'm gonna ask you this just one time. Did she give you the nugget? 713 00:46:14,705 --> 00:46:16,172 Hey, hold on! 714 00:46:17,841 --> 00:46:19,069 Come on, man, she's not worth it. 715 00:46:19,143 --> 00:46:21,839 She's just gonna shit all over you. Trust me. 716 00:46:22,246 --> 00:46:25,272 - She touch your butthole? - No, no. Jesus, no! 717 00:46:25,349 --> 00:46:27,977 - Let's see! - I thought she was a man. I'm gay. 718 00:46:28,051 --> 00:46:29,643 I'm gay as hell. 719 00:46:30,154 --> 00:46:31,678 (LAUGHING) 720 00:46:32,122 --> 00:46:34,590 Eat bat, dickhead! 721 00:46:36,193 --> 00:46:37,626 Holy shit! 722 00:46:38,228 --> 00:46:39,217 (LAUGHS) 723 00:46:39,730 --> 00:46:40,890 Ian just killed that guy. 724 00:46:40,964 --> 00:46:43,091 Sir? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Are you all right? 725 00:46:43,167 --> 00:46:46,500 Look, I have my insurance card. I'm sorry. We're from out of town. 726 00:46:46,570 --> 00:46:50,062 I couldn't see you through the corn. I'm sorry. 727 00:46:50,174 --> 00:46:51,664 (LANCE LAUGHING) 728 00:46:53,644 --> 00:46:55,874 IAN: Where the hell's the road? FELICIA: It feels like left. 729 00:46:55,946 --> 00:46:57,106 IAN: I told you we didn't have time for this, 730 00:46:57,181 --> 00:46:59,445 - but all you care about is your stupid dick. - Ian. 731 00:46:59,516 --> 00:47:01,177 And you leave us out there with her mom's weird soda. 732 00:47:01,251 --> 00:47:03,651 - Ian. - And her dad's balls in plain view... 733 00:47:03,720 --> 00:47:04,846 Ian, Ian, whip a shitty! 734 00:47:04,922 --> 00:47:06,219 RICK: Motherfucker! 735 00:47:10,460 --> 00:47:12,189 (ALL SCREAMING) 736 00:47:15,933 --> 00:47:16,957 (WHOOPING) 737 00:47:17,034 --> 00:47:20,231 Holy fucking shit! That's how you do that! 738 00:47:20,404 --> 00:47:24,204 Oh, my God, Ian, amazing driving. Lance, you suck! 739 00:47:24,474 --> 00:47:26,772 FELICIA: Where the hell are we? IAN: Where are the Google maps? 740 00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:29,278 - They're in my pants. - Which are? 741 00:47:29,980 --> 00:47:31,777 In the trailer. 742 00:47:33,450 --> 00:47:35,611 Mmm-hmm. Great. 743 00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:40,586 Shit. I got gum in my bush. 744 00:47:44,428 --> 00:47:46,794 Hey, pick this guy up. Maybe he can show us back to the highway. 745 00:47:46,864 --> 00:47:50,425 - Ian, do not pick up a hitchhiker. - Don't worry, I won't. 746 00:47:50,500 --> 00:47:51,933 (ENGINE CHOKING) 747 00:47:52,069 --> 00:47:53,866 No, no, no. 748 00:47:55,138 --> 00:47:57,038 Oh, my God. 749 00:47:59,276 --> 00:48:03,269 Hey! Thanks for the lift, man. I've been out there for hours. 750 00:48:03,714 --> 00:48:05,409 Not one car. Can you believe it? 751 00:48:05,482 --> 00:48:08,110 - Listen, sir, we didn't... - You're good people. 752 00:48:08,185 --> 00:48:11,643 - Guy, you're not wearing any pants. - Yeah, I know. 753 00:48:12,089 --> 00:48:13,113 Right on. 754 00:48:13,190 --> 00:48:15,090 Let's go. We better go. 755 00:48:16,660 --> 00:48:18,525 Hey, you got my stuff. 756 00:48:20,998 --> 00:48:24,900 Hey, real quick, guys, what's the story of the girl? 757 00:48:24,968 --> 00:48:28,961 - I'm 25 years old. - I don't know what he's talking about. 758 00:48:38,615 --> 00:48:43,177 I got nothing. There's no bars. You know, it probably just needs water. 759 00:48:43,487 --> 00:48:45,011 Got any in the trunk? 760 00:48:45,222 --> 00:48:47,816 Hey, sweetheart, men are talking. We got this one. 761 00:48:47,891 --> 00:48:50,860 Yeah, thanks, but this happened to my brother's car once 762 00:48:50,928 --> 00:48:53,726 - and you just piss in the radiator. - Really? 763 00:48:53,964 --> 00:48:55,556 FELICIA: Yeah. 764 00:48:56,700 --> 00:48:58,827 Oh, God! Damn it! 765 00:48:58,902 --> 00:49:00,199 (GROANING) 766 00:49:00,270 --> 00:49:02,238 - Are you okay? - Fuck. Yeah. 767 00:49:02,306 --> 00:49:04,001 LANCE: That's a lesson learned. 768 00:49:06,643 --> 00:49:08,508 You can watch, if you're into that kind of thing. 769 00:49:08,578 --> 00:49:12,014 Wow, thanks, but I think we've all seen your dick enough for one day. 770 00:49:12,082 --> 00:49:16,917 - IAN: Do you hear that? There's a ringing. - Your loss. It's like razor blades. 771 00:49:16,987 --> 00:49:21,788 IAN: What? There's ants down here. FYI. 772 00:49:21,858 --> 00:49:26,625 All right, you're up. Grip it and rip it. 773 00:49:27,364 --> 00:49:30,629 Okay. Go away. 774 00:49:31,034 --> 00:49:35,164 Dude, seriously? Still? I thought you got over this shit. 775 00:49:36,707 --> 00:49:38,174 You're a grown man. 776 00:49:45,549 --> 00:49:49,041 (WHISPERING) Flowing river, gentle stream. Flowing river, gentle stream. 777 00:49:49,119 --> 00:49:53,579 - Yo, stage fright, how're we doing? - Damn it, Lance, just give me a minute. 778 00:49:53,657 --> 00:49:54,919 (LANCE LAUGHING) 779 00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:59,486 Excuse me. We kind of need you to pee in the radiator. 780 00:50:00,030 --> 00:50:03,158 - Why? - We just do. 781 00:50:04,501 --> 00:50:08,028 I'm sorry. I just took a squirt a couple of minutes ago. 782 00:50:09,106 --> 00:50:11,097 You want me to shit in it? 783 00:50:12,209 --> 00:50:14,541 - We'll get back to you on that one. - All right. 784 00:50:16,713 --> 00:50:19,307 - I'm telling you, I could shit right now. - Awesome. 785 00:50:21,251 --> 00:50:24,243 Our new friend's got nothing left in the tank. 786 00:50:28,792 --> 00:50:29,952 What? 787 00:50:33,563 --> 00:50:38,227 No. Guys, come on. I don't have the aim that you do. 788 00:50:38,301 --> 00:50:42,032 Every drop helps so much. 789 00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:47,240 Hey, look what I found in my bag. 790 00:50:47,310 --> 00:50:48,641 Thank God. 791 00:50:49,079 --> 00:50:52,344 - No! - What the fuck are you doing? 792 00:50:56,119 --> 00:51:00,078 You all just wait 20 minutes and I'll top it off for you. 793 00:51:02,726 --> 00:51:04,284 Could be ten. 794 00:51:04,361 --> 00:51:08,127 Fine, fine. Okay. But if any of you pervs peek, 795 00:51:08,198 --> 00:51:11,429 I swear to God it will be your last conscious act. 796 00:51:19,376 --> 00:51:20,502 Shit. 797 00:51:21,044 --> 00:51:22,602 (URINATING) 798 00:51:29,453 --> 00:51:31,819 (CHRISTIAN ROCK PLAYING ON STEREO) 799 00:51:35,158 --> 00:51:37,126 You kids need some help? 800 00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:45,024 Hi. 801 00:51:51,241 --> 00:51:52,435 Are you okay? 802 00:51:52,509 --> 00:51:55,637 Yeah, I'm great. I just beaved a family of four. 803 00:51:55,712 --> 00:51:56,736 (LANCE LAUGHING) 804 00:51:56,813 --> 00:51:58,007 Try it. 805 00:52:00,450 --> 00:52:01,439 (ENGINE STARTING) 806 00:52:03,487 --> 00:52:04,647 All set? 807 00:52:04,721 --> 00:52:07,554 Look, I'm sorry, sir, but we can't give you a ride. 808 00:52:09,659 --> 00:52:11,752 I'm gonna say this once. 809 00:52:11,828 --> 00:52:15,821 You unlock this fucking car, or God is my witness, 810 00:52:16,366 --> 00:52:18,527 I'll stake you all to the ground, 811 00:52:18,602 --> 00:52:21,867 cut you open and let the dogs get at you. 812 00:52:23,373 --> 00:52:24,362 Oh, yeah? 813 00:52:27,177 --> 00:52:29,372 Bye-bye. 814 00:52:31,214 --> 00:52:32,841 (ENGINE SPUTTERING) 815 00:52:34,518 --> 00:52:36,816 Shit, shit, shit, shit. 816 00:52:36,887 --> 00:52:38,718 LANCE: What happened? IAN: It's stuck. 817 00:52:42,459 --> 00:52:43,824 Uh-oh. 818 00:52:43,894 --> 00:52:46,829 That didn't work out like you planned, did it? 819 00:52:46,897 --> 00:52:51,266 You know what? Mostly I'm disappointed. It shows zero character. 820 00:52:51,334 --> 00:52:52,892 I know, I'm sorry. 821 00:52:52,969 --> 00:52:54,630 And you're a dick. 822 00:52:55,205 --> 00:52:59,403 You're a dick. You know what, ma'am? You're a dick, too. 823 00:53:04,147 --> 00:53:06,877 - Here's that pee you ordered. - Roll them up. 824 00:53:08,818 --> 00:53:12,754 - There you go, Tex. - FELICIA: You're soaked with pee. 825 00:53:12,822 --> 00:53:14,380 Quick car wash? 826 00:53:14,457 --> 00:53:16,891 - God! - FELICIA: Gross. 827 00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:20,555 It smells like beef jerky. You know? 828 00:53:21,231 --> 00:53:24,291 It's just got like that sour sweetness. 829 00:53:26,436 --> 00:53:28,996 IAN: How can nobody go down a road for an hour and a half? 830 00:53:29,072 --> 00:53:30,903 Why did they even make this stupid road? 831 00:53:30,974 --> 00:53:33,306 FELICIA: It's so hot out here. 832 00:53:33,376 --> 00:53:34,365 Ow! 833 00:53:36,713 --> 00:53:37,737 (LAUGHING) 834 00:53:37,814 --> 00:53:42,478 Oh, my God, your head. Wait... Does it hurt? Let me see. 835 00:53:42,619 --> 00:53:44,678 Yes. It hurts. 836 00:53:46,957 --> 00:53:50,393 - What is that? - Oh, my God. 837 00:53:53,964 --> 00:53:54,953 IAN: Wow. 838 00:54:07,644 --> 00:54:10,169 That is so beautiful. 839 00:54:19,389 --> 00:54:20,481 Need some help? 840 00:54:20,557 --> 00:54:21,581 (LAUGHS) 841 00:54:21,658 --> 00:54:26,686 - Yeah, but no offense... - Right, 'cause I'm Amish, 842 00:54:26,763 --> 00:54:29,732 so I wouldn't know anything about your '69 GTO Judge. 843 00:54:30,033 --> 00:54:33,799 455 Big Block, Ram Air. 4-11 posi, something like that. 844 00:54:33,870 --> 00:54:36,896 Weird, that thing must have fallen straight from space. 845 00:54:36,973 --> 00:54:39,669 Well, good luck with the future ride, spaceman. 846 00:54:42,379 --> 00:54:44,506 Hey, dude, wait up. Hold on. 847 00:54:44,881 --> 00:54:46,041 IAN: Wow! 848 00:54:46,116 --> 00:54:47,140 FELICIA: Okay. 849 00:54:47,217 --> 00:54:51,517 What are you doing? Whoa, whoa. No, no, no. Leesh, that's a bad idea. 850 00:54:51,688 --> 00:54:52,848 - What? - Come on. 851 00:54:52,922 --> 00:54:55,447 You don't know how far we have to walk. Those are your only pair of shoes. 852 00:54:55,525 --> 00:54:58,790 You know what? You're probably right. God, you're so sensible. 853 00:54:58,962 --> 00:55:01,624 But maybe I should? Or maybe I shouldn't? 854 00:55:01,698 --> 00:55:02,995 I should. 855 00:55:05,502 --> 00:55:07,197 I can't believe you just did that. 856 00:55:07,270 --> 00:55:10,364 So he met this chick on the Internet, which is sketchy. 857 00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:11,930 The Internet? 858 00:55:12,309 --> 00:55:16,871 Yeah, it's like a series of computers that are connected through... 859 00:55:16,946 --> 00:55:18,277 Computers? 860 00:55:19,916 --> 00:55:23,511 A computer is like a big calculator, you know, with the screen. 861 00:55:23,586 --> 00:55:25,918 I'm just busting your balls, man. I know what the Internet is. 862 00:55:26,022 --> 00:55:27,751 (BOTH LAUGHING) 863 00:55:28,758 --> 00:55:30,817 - Okay. - You ever heard of Rumspringa? 864 00:55:30,894 --> 00:55:33,328 Yeah, that ska band from Delaware. 865 00:55:33,396 --> 00:55:37,594 No, it means "run wild." It's an Amish tradition where when we turn 16, 866 00:55:37,667 --> 00:55:40,227 we can go live like you heathens for a while. 867 00:55:40,303 --> 00:55:45,536 You go nuts, party for months or years till your folks start hassling you, 868 00:55:45,608 --> 00:55:47,974 and then it's back to the Stone Age. 869 00:55:48,044 --> 00:55:50,035 But if you're on Rumspringa, what's with the buggy? 870 00:55:50,113 --> 00:55:53,310 Oh, no. I'm not. Not anymore. 871 00:55:53,383 --> 00:55:55,783 I probably shouldn't even be talking to you but... 872 00:55:55,852 --> 00:55:58,685 I'm a little bit of an Amish floutlaw. 873 00:55:58,755 --> 00:56:02,213 - Sometimes I just miss the world. - What do you miss the most? 874 00:56:02,292 --> 00:56:05,489 You know, I miss sarcasm. It's mostly lost on my people. 875 00:56:05,562 --> 00:56:06,586 Oh. 876 00:56:06,663 --> 00:56:12,363 And gambling. Went to Vegas once. And buttfucking. 877 00:56:14,003 --> 00:56:16,198 Have a lot of nice memories there. 878 00:56:16,272 --> 00:56:18,103 - LANCE: I hear that. - Oh, yeah. 879 00:56:18,942 --> 00:56:20,273 Buttfucking. 880 00:56:21,344 --> 00:56:23,812 Wait, are we talking about dudes? 881 00:56:24,547 --> 00:56:26,913 - No. - Okay. Then yeah. 882 00:56:27,951 --> 00:56:31,785 I mean, unless that's what you're into, and then, whatever. 883 00:56:31,855 --> 00:56:33,584 - It's not. - No? 884 00:56:33,656 --> 00:56:34,645 No. 885 00:56:35,191 --> 00:56:37,853 - Not into dudes. - No, no, no, no, no. 886 00:56:38,294 --> 00:56:40,819 - How old are you? - Old enough. 887 00:56:41,297 --> 00:56:42,355 (LAUGHS) 888 00:56:42,432 --> 00:56:44,059 How old are you? 889 00:56:49,806 --> 00:56:51,637 This is gonna happen. 890 00:56:53,810 --> 00:56:56,142 It's gonna happen whether you fight it or not. 891 00:56:56,212 --> 00:56:58,646 So I kind of want you to fight it. 892 00:57:00,283 --> 00:57:01,307 MAN: Cut. 893 00:57:01,384 --> 00:57:04,444 - All right. Now you. - No way. Forget it. 894 00:57:04,521 --> 00:57:07,046 Dude, you never do anything crazy. Ever. 895 00:57:07,123 --> 00:57:10,251 Hey! I'm driving halfway across the country to go to... 896 00:57:10,326 --> 00:57:13,887 To visit your grandma? Whoa! 897 00:57:14,030 --> 00:57:16,828 So anyway, we're there and she's like... 898 00:57:17,167 --> 00:57:18,498 (IMITATING SOBBING) 899 00:57:18,768 --> 00:57:19,757 Oh, yeah. 900 00:57:20,570 --> 00:57:21,764 Like, she won't stop crying. 901 00:57:21,838 --> 00:57:23,328 - That's the funniest thing, too. - I know. 902 00:57:23,406 --> 00:57:27,240 I know, I was with this stripper in Vegas, and I was like, "you want this?" 903 00:57:27,310 --> 00:57:30,905 So she's like, "Yeah, I want it, I want it." 904 00:57:32,148 --> 00:57:34,480 And I was like, yeah, this gets hotter by the second. 905 00:57:34,551 --> 00:57:38,282 "What're you crying about?" She's like, "...wanted to be a doctor." 906 00:57:38,354 --> 00:57:43,291 And I'm like, "Yeah, you're a fucking Ph.D. of cock." 907 00:57:43,359 --> 00:57:45,259 - Yeah. - Yeah, exactly. 908 00:57:45,328 --> 00:57:49,492 And then coercing my load out on to the crying face. 909 00:57:49,566 --> 00:57:53,366 Vegas in general is just... Good times. 910 00:57:54,504 --> 00:57:56,665 You can get a blowjob for $10. 911 00:57:56,773 --> 00:58:00,971 Or for free if you meet the right girl and tell her "I'm on Rumspringa." 912 00:58:01,044 --> 00:58:03,842 "What is this blowjob that you speak of?" 913 00:58:04,547 --> 00:58:06,913 "Your techno music beguiles me." 914 00:58:08,251 --> 00:58:10,310 Let me put it in your butt. 915 00:58:10,386 --> 00:58:12,081 IAN: You know, when you cut your foot on a piece of glass, 916 00:58:12,155 --> 00:58:14,589 - don't think I'm gonna carry you. - You know what? I will be fine. Okay? 917 00:58:14,657 --> 00:58:19,560 - I was born barefoot. - Hey! Wait! 918 00:58:19,629 --> 00:58:22,689 Hey! Stop! 919 00:58:26,402 --> 00:58:28,393 Have a nice walk, shit-birds. 920 00:58:31,674 --> 00:58:33,005 BOTH: Oh! 921 00:58:36,513 --> 00:58:39,141 Hey, Ian, Felicia, this is my boy, Ezekiel. 922 00:58:39,215 --> 00:58:40,910 What up, English? 923 00:58:49,859 --> 00:58:51,690 There's no service out here. 924 00:58:52,028 --> 00:58:55,054 - I can't even tell her I'll be late. - Good. That's perfect. Keep her waiting. 925 00:58:55,131 --> 00:58:57,292 You don't want to come off as desperate. 926 00:58:57,367 --> 00:59:00,097 I'm driving nine hours. How am I not coming off desperate? 927 00:59:00,169 --> 00:59:04,196 - We had shit to do. - Uh-oh! See that creamy stuff? 928 00:59:05,108 --> 00:59:07,872 You blew your head gasket. That's not good. 929 00:59:07,944 --> 00:59:10,469 - Shit. - Don't cry. We can fix it. 930 00:59:10,547 --> 00:59:12,674 - Really? - Yeah, really. We're good at it. 931 00:59:12,749 --> 00:59:14,273 - Yeah? - Yeah. I didn't mean to undersell it, 932 00:59:14,350 --> 00:59:15,476 but it's an impressive thing. 933 00:59:15,552 --> 00:59:17,383 - Yeah. We'll fix it. - Wow, that'd be cool. 934 00:59:17,453 --> 00:59:21,685 Yeah, would be cool, wouldn't it? I might be the coolest guy you ever met. 935 00:59:21,758 --> 00:59:22,986 - Wow. - Wow. 936 00:59:23,993 --> 00:59:25,585 - Thank you. - Yeah. You're welcome. 937 00:59:25,662 --> 00:59:28,256 That's what you say when people do nice things for you. 938 00:59:28,331 --> 00:59:30,390 You know, there's a pretty big shindig shaping up next door 939 00:59:30,466 --> 00:59:33,492 if you guys want to hang there while we work on it. 940 00:59:33,570 --> 00:59:36,403 Take it easy while we do all this for you. 941 00:59:39,042 --> 00:59:42,534 - Does he have an attitude? - No, he's fucking with you. 942 00:59:43,413 --> 00:59:44,573 Okay. 943 00:59:45,949 --> 00:59:49,783 Just relax, man. I got a good feeling about this, you know. 944 00:59:49,852 --> 00:59:51,285 You're gonna party with the Amish. 945 00:59:51,354 --> 00:59:54,414 Yeah, I'm sure it's gonna be one kick-ass quilting bee. 946 00:59:57,393 --> 00:59:58,883 What's up, man? 947 00:59:58,962 --> 01:00:04,025 - Hey. - No f-ing way! 948 01:00:04,968 --> 01:00:05,332 (FAME < INFAMY PLAYING) 949 01:00:06,102 --> 01:00:11,039 (SINGING) When I'm home alone I just can't stop myself 950 01:00:11,708 --> 01:00:14,302 - This is insane! - I know. 951 01:00:15,244 --> 01:00:16,768 (WHOOPING) 952 01:00:16,846 --> 01:00:23,809 Signing off, " I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen" 953 01:00:23,886 --> 01:00:28,880 I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen 954 01:00:29,425 --> 01:00:34,488 I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen 955 01:00:35,064 --> 01:00:40,559 The kid was all right, but it went to his head 956 01:00:48,277 --> 01:00:53,681 Thank you, guys, very, very, very much. You guys fucking rule, man. 957 01:00:53,950 --> 01:00:56,111 (GRAND THEFT AUTUMN / WHERE IS YOUR BO Y PLAYING) 958 01:01:09,499 --> 01:01:13,230 Dude. Don't even bother. Your game is not gonna work on that girl. 959 01:01:13,536 --> 01:01:17,666 What do you know about girls? I've never even seen you with a girl. 960 01:01:18,408 --> 01:01:20,638 I'm gonna go check on the car. 961 01:01:26,616 --> 01:01:28,550 Yeah, fuck it. Let's dance. 962 01:01:28,985 --> 01:01:33,422 - Bite me. I'm not your consolation prize. - Come on. Don't be hating. 963 01:01:35,625 --> 01:01:36,614 (SCOFFS) 964 01:01:38,094 --> 01:01:39,584 Fine. 965 01:01:51,354 --> 01:01:52,878 EZEKIEL: So at this point, her panties are off, 966 01:01:52,955 --> 01:01:55,219 but I'm still apprehensive about her husband being there, 967 01:01:55,291 --> 01:01:56,849 'cause he is just staring at me. 968 01:01:56,924 --> 01:02:02,624 Whoa! Hey, what is this? Why are the seats out? 969 01:02:02,697 --> 01:02:05,029 Ian, do you know anything about fixing these old Pontiacs? 970 01:02:05,099 --> 01:02:09,195 I don't care, okay? Ezekiel, take all the pieces and just 971 01:02:09,270 --> 01:02:12,330 - put them back in there. I don't want... - Ian, you've gotta calm down. 972 01:02:12,406 --> 01:02:13,737 Do you know any breathing exercises? 973 01:02:13,808 --> 01:02:15,969 Because you are right on the verge of a freak-out. 974 01:02:16,043 --> 01:02:20,844 You don't know my brother, okay? He's gonna fuck my ass with a roll of quarters. 975 01:02:20,915 --> 01:02:24,544 What? He's gonna what? With what? 976 01:02:24,618 --> 01:02:29,385 Oh, yeah! He's gonna go get off work early, and he's gonna walk into the bank, 977 01:02:29,457 --> 01:02:31,550 stand in line, change a 10, 978 01:02:31,692 --> 01:02:35,526 find my ass and just fuck it with a roll of fucking quarters. 979 01:02:37,264 --> 01:02:38,788 (LAUGHING) 980 01:02:47,041 --> 01:02:48,474 (CLANGING) 981 01:02:50,611 --> 01:02:52,408 Yeah, witness sucks! 982 01:02:53,981 --> 01:02:56,643 We've got to get that guy laid tonight. 983 01:02:57,084 --> 01:02:59,211 Is your sister still a slut? 984 01:03:24,478 --> 01:03:28,812 Check it out. It's totally working. 985 01:03:28,883 --> 01:03:31,113 You're the best wing-man ever. 986 01:03:31,185 --> 01:03:33,710 She's in, she's in. Watch this. 987 01:03:43,864 --> 01:03:47,129 GIRL: Rumspringa! Whoo! 988 01:03:49,003 --> 01:03:51,335 - I took a wicked digger. - Yes, you did. 989 01:03:51,405 --> 01:03:53,896 I think you may have had a little too much to drink. Maybe you should... 990 01:03:53,974 --> 01:03:59,173 Maybe you should shut your face hole 'cause I've only had one beer ever. 991 01:04:02,750 --> 01:04:05,583 - First day of Rumspringa? - Rumspringa! 992 01:04:06,153 --> 01:04:07,780 (ALL CHEERING) 993 01:04:08,722 --> 01:04:10,314 - Uh-oh! - Oh! 994 01:04:10,391 --> 01:04:11,380 (RETCHING) 995 01:04:12,893 --> 01:04:13,985 Hey. 996 01:04:16,197 --> 01:04:21,794 - All right. Okay. You good? All right. - Aw! You guys are so nice. 997 01:04:21,869 --> 01:04:23,860 Don't let her step in it. 998 01:04:24,004 --> 01:04:25,403 (LAUGHS) 999 01:04:25,573 --> 01:04:29,304 I love you guys 'cause you're awesome. 1000 01:04:29,376 --> 01:04:31,207 'Cause you're awesome. 1001 01:04:31,946 --> 01:04:34,972 Let's just find a safe place to sleep it off. 1002 01:04:35,950 --> 01:04:39,044 What? What's wrong with you? 1003 01:04:39,286 --> 01:04:43,052 - Yeah, what's your problem, bitch? - Nothing. I'm fine. 1004 01:04:43,190 --> 01:04:46,216 Nothing. She's fine. God, lay off. 1005 01:04:46,527 --> 01:04:47,960 - It's Lance, right? - No. 1006 01:04:48,028 --> 01:04:50,394 I'll bet he's in there with that Amish girl and you're out here. 1007 01:04:50,464 --> 01:04:51,488 Wrong. 1008 01:04:51,565 --> 01:04:54,432 Come on, Leesh, just drop the hard-ass thing for two minutes. 1009 01:04:54,501 --> 01:04:58,130 You know. It's okay. You're into Lance. 1010 01:04:59,540 --> 01:05:00,564 (SCOFFS) 1011 01:05:00,641 --> 01:05:04,008 - God, I'm such an idiot. - Look, there's something about Lance. 1012 01:05:05,145 --> 01:05:09,377 Everybody likes Lance. I like Lance. 1013 01:05:10,885 --> 01:05:13,820 Just promise me you won't ever be like Lance. 1014 01:05:14,021 --> 01:05:15,249 (SCOFFS) 1015 01:05:15,756 --> 01:05:20,557 What is wrong with us? Let's go have some fun. Come on. 1016 01:05:21,095 --> 01:05:23,120 - No. No. - No? 1017 01:05:23,631 --> 01:05:28,568 Come on, we're young, and we're Amish, and it's Rumspringa. 1018 01:05:28,636 --> 01:05:30,126 DRUNK AMISH GIRL: Rumspringa! 1019 01:05:30,204 --> 01:05:32,001 (ALL CHEERING) 1020 01:05:33,574 --> 01:05:34,563 (GASPING) 1021 01:05:57,431 --> 01:06:00,229 Ian, you little cock-sucker! 1022 01:06:01,902 --> 01:06:03,392 (ROOSTER CROWING) 1023 01:06:34,668 --> 01:06:36,226 (GROANING) 1024 01:06:38,172 --> 01:06:39,196 Ah! 1025 01:06:39,273 --> 01:06:41,935 Leesh, you're so stubborn. Look at your feet. 1026 01:06:42,009 --> 01:06:44,307 They are fine. All right? 1027 01:06:45,813 --> 01:06:48,077 Hey. What's the plan? 1028 01:06:49,416 --> 01:06:52,317 I might as well find a phone and call Rex 1029 01:06:53,087 --> 01:06:57,114 - so he can get on with killing me. - What about visiting your grandma? 1030 01:06:57,358 --> 01:07:00,816 Yeah, dude. You been putting off visiting your grandma for too long. 1031 01:07:00,894 --> 01:07:04,159 - It's about time you visited Grandma. - Yeah. 1032 01:07:04,231 --> 01:07:09,464 Lance, you know, I really do want to visit my grandma, but... 1033 01:07:09,536 --> 01:07:14,405 Dude, I really can't stress enough how much you're gonna enjoy visiting Grandma. 1034 01:07:14,775 --> 01:07:18,336 You know, I visit my grandma sometimes two or three times a week, 1035 01:07:18,412 --> 01:07:21,609 and it is always a pleasure. She's just a delight. 1036 01:07:21,749 --> 01:07:22,773 What am I supposed to do? 1037 01:07:22,883 --> 01:07:25,181 Our transportation is all over the floor of that barn. 1038 01:07:25,252 --> 01:07:26,583 Hey, Mary! 1039 01:07:28,956 --> 01:07:29,945 Hi. 1040 01:07:33,727 --> 01:07:37,026 Wow, you look beautiful. 1041 01:07:37,498 --> 01:07:38,726 Oh, please. 1042 01:07:38,799 --> 01:07:44,032 I mean, seriously, you wearing that, churning some butter. Sexy. 1043 01:07:44,104 --> 01:07:46,834 So I had the best time with you last night. 1044 01:07:46,907 --> 01:07:48,340 Yeah, me, too. 1045 01:07:48,409 --> 01:07:51,276 So you got my number. You're gonna call me, right? 1046 01:07:52,446 --> 01:07:53,640 No. 1047 01:07:53,714 --> 01:07:54,738 (LAUGHS) 1048 01:07:54,815 --> 01:07:57,545 "No." You're funny. 1049 01:07:58,285 --> 01:08:03,985 I mean, Lance, I really like you, but Rumspringa's over for me. 1050 01:08:04,825 --> 01:08:06,918 - So... - Rumspringa! 1051 01:08:06,994 --> 01:08:08,018 (WHOOPING) 1052 01:08:10,798 --> 01:08:12,459 (CHICKENS SQUAWKING) 1053 01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:14,565 Sorry. 1054 01:08:28,415 --> 01:08:30,076 (ENGINE STARTING) 1055 01:08:40,494 --> 01:08:41,688 You fixed it? 1056 01:08:41,762 --> 01:08:45,254 Yeah, we hit a few snags, but she's banging like a champ now. 1057 01:08:45,332 --> 01:08:48,199 Man, I don't even... I don't even know what to say here. 1058 01:08:48,268 --> 01:08:50,668 You know, I don't really have much... 1059 01:08:50,737 --> 01:08:52,534 Oh, no, we're good. We're good. 1060 01:08:52,606 --> 01:08:56,303 I mean, the opportunity to help a neighbor, that's a gift. 1061 01:08:56,677 --> 01:08:59,942 Man, you're too... Here, thanks. Thank you so much. 1062 01:09:00,013 --> 01:09:01,674 - You're welcome. - Thank you, it's really cool. 1063 01:09:01,748 --> 01:09:03,716 It is. You know, I mean, 1064 01:09:03,784 --> 01:09:07,117 if you felt the need to reciprocate in some way, 1065 01:09:07,187 --> 01:09:09,587 I mean, there's a lot of chores that need to be done around here. 1066 01:09:09,656 --> 01:09:13,752 Yeah, no, the only thing about that is we're kind of behind schedule right now. 1067 01:09:13,827 --> 01:09:15,852 Yeah, but, I mean, we could totally come back. 1068 01:09:15,929 --> 01:09:18,227 - We could hit you on our way back through. - Okay. 1069 01:09:18,298 --> 01:09:20,926 Yeah, you should. You should really get on the road. 1070 01:09:21,001 --> 01:09:25,836 I mean, you got a smooth-running vehicle now, you know, 'cause we fixed it. 1071 01:09:25,906 --> 01:09:30,741 - Yeah. No, but it's... So we're good? - We're good. Yeah, technically. 1072 01:09:31,011 --> 01:09:33,206 I mean, we fixed your car for free, and you're leaving. 1073 01:09:33,280 --> 01:09:35,908 So I'd say that makes us dead square. 1074 01:09:37,317 --> 01:09:38,648 We'll come back. I promise. 1075 01:09:38,719 --> 01:09:42,018 - I'm looking forward to that. - Hey, no, seriously, we will. 1076 01:09:42,089 --> 01:09:44,523 Okay. We'll all hold our breath till you get back. 1077 01:09:44,591 --> 01:09:47,685 On three, guys. Three, two... 1078 01:09:57,371 --> 01:10:00,898 My stomach's killing me. Tell me if you see a rest stop. 1079 01:10:01,775 --> 01:10:03,208 You know, I really feel sorry for Mary 1080 01:10:03,277 --> 01:10:07,145 because her lifestyle is keeping her from being happy. 1081 01:10:07,214 --> 01:10:09,444 And that's no way to live. 1082 01:10:09,516 --> 01:10:13,316 Lance, don't you know your little theory of "People want what they can't get." 1083 01:10:13,387 --> 01:10:15,821 That's all she is. Ian, gas station. 1084 01:10:15,889 --> 01:10:20,826 No. Felicia, this is different okay, because she changed me. 1085 01:10:20,894 --> 01:10:23,556 You know, I'm a butterfly now because of her. 1086 01:10:23,630 --> 01:10:28,226 Because when I'm with her, I was like a spiritually whole human being. 1087 01:10:28,302 --> 01:10:32,432 And if you don't believe that, you can suck my dick. 1088 01:10:32,940 --> 01:10:35,170 (MESSAGE FROM YUZ PLAYING) 1089 01:10:52,459 --> 01:10:55,451 Fuck. I know you didn't take my car, Ian. 1090 01:10:55,696 --> 01:10:57,493 'Cause you're a big, giant pussy. That's right. 1091 01:10:57,564 --> 01:11:01,295 I'm gonna lift up this door and my big fucking glorious bitchy Judge 1092 01:11:01,368 --> 01:11:04,030 is gonna be sitting right there gleaming at me, 1093 01:11:04,104 --> 01:11:07,164 or I'm gonna have the fucking neighborhood squirrels eat your asshole. 1094 01:11:21,688 --> 01:11:22,950 (MUTTERING) 1095 01:11:24,758 --> 01:11:25,918 Want some of this? 1096 01:11:31,465 --> 01:11:33,160 He took my fucking baby. 1097 01:11:35,168 --> 01:11:36,499 Cocksucker! 1098 01:11:40,674 --> 01:11:41,732 Shit! 1099 01:11:41,808 --> 01:11:45,471 Hey, Knievel, what say you get your bike out of the fricking road? 1100 01:11:45,612 --> 01:11:48,103 (SINGING) Hey! Hey! 1101 01:12:07,334 --> 01:12:09,131 All ocupado, sport? 1102 01:12:14,408 --> 01:12:17,206 Sounds like someone's got one in sideways. 1103 01:12:17,511 --> 01:12:19,103 (CHUCKLING) 1104 01:12:23,083 --> 01:12:24,277 Gents. 1105 01:12:24,885 --> 01:12:29,083 Well, looks like we're up. Go on, get in there. 1106 01:12:34,795 --> 01:12:36,456 (GASPING) 1107 01:12:36,530 --> 01:12:37,554 (CELL PHONE BEEPS) 1108 01:12:37,631 --> 01:12:38,620 Oh! 1109 01:12:39,566 --> 01:12:41,397 Am I getting a signal? 1110 01:12:42,969 --> 01:12:46,200 Tasty, I got sidetracked last night. 1111 01:12:47,274 --> 01:12:50,300 I had to party with some new homies. 1112 01:12:53,046 --> 01:12:57,244 Tonight, 8:00 p.m. at Big Boy. 1113 01:12:58,952 --> 01:13:00,715 I'm worth the wait. 1114 01:13:05,625 --> 01:13:06,614 Yes! 1115 01:13:14,735 --> 01:13:18,762 No! Oh, God! No, thank you! No, thank you! 1116 01:13:21,842 --> 01:13:25,369 Hello? Little buddy? Hello. 1117 01:13:27,180 --> 01:13:29,114 Spooner. Spooner. Spooner. 1118 01:13:31,785 --> 01:13:35,448 - LANCE: Was that you screaming in there? - I don't want to talk about it. Ever. 1119 01:13:35,522 --> 01:13:38,548 - Where's Felicia? - She went to get corn dogs. 1120 01:14:03,750 --> 01:14:06,048 Can you believe the girls around here, man? 1121 01:14:06,119 --> 01:14:10,112 But, man, where am I ever gonna find another girl as cool as Mary? 1122 01:14:13,326 --> 01:14:14,725 You like it? 1123 01:14:19,499 --> 01:14:22,059 - What about Felicia? - What about her? 1124 01:14:25,505 --> 01:14:29,236 - She's into you. - Yeah, no shit. Get in line. 1125 01:14:29,309 --> 01:14:32,039 What is that? She's not good enough for you? 1126 01:14:32,112 --> 01:14:34,046 Felicia's awesome, 1127 01:14:34,114 --> 01:14:37,242 but the obvious statement to make here is that you like her. 1128 01:14:38,084 --> 01:14:42,578 - What? No, I... - You're shocked. You can't believe it. 1129 01:14:42,656 --> 01:14:47,059 - This bombshell. Come on. - You know, she's not into me anyways. 1130 01:14:47,127 --> 01:14:51,188 Yeah, I know. But it doesn't matter. I still... I could never do that to you. 1131 01:14:52,566 --> 01:14:56,400 Okay, but you do know that she's not into you, right? 1132 01:14:56,470 --> 01:15:00,930 - Yeah. Well, maybe you don't know. - No. No, no, I'm gonna stop you. 1133 01:15:01,007 --> 01:15:05,467 There's no maybe. Okay? And I'm saying this as your best friend, 1134 01:15:05,545 --> 01:15:11,142 but never. Never fucking ever. You know? 1135 01:15:11,218 --> 01:15:12,480 Because you guys are friends. 1136 01:15:12,552 --> 01:15:16,283 You know what every girl I've ever banged had in common? 1137 01:15:17,424 --> 01:15:19,654 I wasn't friends with any of them. 1138 01:15:19,726 --> 01:15:23,184 And usually they have awesome tits, but not always. 1139 01:15:24,030 --> 01:15:26,931 Sometimes you get that bronze medal, you know? 1140 01:15:27,000 --> 01:15:30,458 Real simple. Climb the rope, hit the bell, win a prize. 1141 01:15:30,537 --> 01:15:34,064 Hey, there, Bilbo Baggins, there's no height requirement. 1142 01:15:34,174 --> 01:15:37,905 Why don't you step up and win your girlfriend a prize? 1143 01:15:37,978 --> 01:15:40,242 We're not... She's not my girlfriend. 1144 01:15:40,313 --> 01:15:43,407 - What about your other girlfriend there? - Nice. 1145 01:16:01,067 --> 01:16:02,864 All right, come on, Ian. You can do it. 1146 01:16:02,936 --> 01:16:06,099 Come on, you're almost there! You're almost there! Go, go, go! 1147 01:16:06,306 --> 01:16:08,103 AUTOMATED MALE VOICE: Winner! Winner! Winner! 1148 01:16:09,476 --> 01:16:11,876 - That was awesome. - How the hell did you do that? 1149 01:16:11,945 --> 01:16:14,140 We had one of these at Cub Scout camp. I kind of mastered it. 1150 01:16:14,214 --> 01:16:16,239 Yeah, you think you're hot shit? 1151 01:16:18,285 --> 01:16:21,220 - Lolly? - Thank you. 1152 01:16:24,958 --> 01:16:26,687 Hey, hey, hey, ass. 1153 01:16:30,230 --> 01:16:32,221 Hey. What's your secret? 1154 01:16:32,299 --> 01:16:35,132 You just... If you keep your shoulders down... 1155 01:16:35,201 --> 01:16:37,863 - No coaching. - What? 1156 01:16:38,271 --> 01:16:40,637 No coaching there, Lombardi. Read the sign. 1157 01:16:41,908 --> 01:16:43,307 No coaching. 1158 01:16:45,645 --> 01:16:47,272 Cheese and rice! 1159 01:16:47,814 --> 01:16:48,803 Oh! 1160 01:16:50,250 --> 01:16:53,617 - Thanks. I'm Sandy. - I'm Ian. 1161 01:16:54,187 --> 01:16:55,449 - Hi. - Hey. 1162 01:16:59,426 --> 01:17:03,624 - Consolation prize? - Wow! Thank you so much. 1163 01:17:03,697 --> 01:17:06,393 You know, my dance team's performing over at the tent in a couple of minutes. 1164 01:17:06,466 --> 01:17:07,831 You guys should come watch. 1165 01:17:07,901 --> 01:17:10,734 - Actually, we were just about to go. - That sounds super fun. He'll be there. 1166 01:17:10,804 --> 01:17:12,465 Great. See you. 1167 01:17:13,707 --> 01:17:15,937 Dude, that girl reeks of sex. 1168 01:17:16,776 --> 01:17:18,266 - Really? - Yeah. 1169 01:17:18,511 --> 01:17:21,674 Hey, Harry Potter, take you and your girlfriends out of here. 1170 01:17:23,450 --> 01:17:27,181 What are you looking at, Ellen DeGeneres? I will crush you. 1171 01:17:27,787 --> 01:17:30,381 That's right. I'm not afraid to hit a lady. 1172 01:17:30,790 --> 01:17:32,052 (MY PREROGATIVE PLAYING) 1173 01:17:32,258 --> 01:17:35,352 (SINGING) Everybody's talking all this stuff about me 1174 01:17:35,895 --> 01:17:38,921 Why don't they just let me live? 1175 01:17:40,233 --> 01:17:41,666 I don't need permission 1176 01:17:41,735 --> 01:17:43,635 - Do we really have time for... - Hey, hey. 1177 01:17:43,703 --> 01:17:45,364 You have to stop doing that to him. 1178 01:17:45,438 --> 01:17:47,372 - Doing what? - Twat blocking. 1179 01:17:47,440 --> 01:17:50,603 I'm not twat... Doing that. 1180 01:17:59,486 --> 01:18:03,786 Yeah! Let's give it up for the AX Dancers! 1181 01:18:04,891 --> 01:18:08,224 Come on, girls, let's help me get some fellas up in here. 1182 01:18:10,096 --> 01:18:11,358 - Ian. - Oh, no. Please. 1183 01:18:11,431 --> 01:18:13,490 Get up there. Come on. 1184 01:18:13,566 --> 01:18:14,828 SANDY: Come on! 1185 01:18:15,702 --> 01:18:17,431 KAT: In the back! In the back! 1186 01:18:17,737 --> 01:18:19,830 Yeah! 1187 01:18:23,109 --> 01:18:25,100 Come on, two more, two more! 1188 01:18:27,213 --> 01:18:28,202 Yeah! 1189 01:18:30,083 --> 01:18:31,141 (LAUGHING) 1190 01:18:31,217 --> 01:18:32,741 Dude, turn around. 1191 01:18:33,053 --> 01:18:34,418 (KAT WHOOPING) 1192 01:18:38,758 --> 01:18:40,248 (LAUGHING) 1193 01:18:41,094 --> 01:18:46,498 Look at this fine crop of handsome fellas I got here. 1194 01:18:48,201 --> 01:18:50,897 But before we get down to business, 1195 01:18:50,970 --> 01:18:52,494 there's a young woman here 1196 01:18:52,572 --> 01:18:55,564 who would like to share her story with these young men. 1197 01:18:55,642 --> 01:18:59,635 - Kristy, you ready, baby? - Okay. 1198 01:19:02,482 --> 01:19:06,748 So, last year I was at a dance with my boyfriend. 1199 01:19:06,820 --> 01:19:08,913 He wanted to go to his car. 1200 01:19:09,589 --> 01:19:10,851 So I did. 1201 01:19:11,391 --> 01:19:16,886 So we were both naked in the back seat and we started having oral... 1202 01:19:19,199 --> 01:19:21,895 (INAUDIBLE) 1203 01:19:41,221 --> 01:19:42,813 MAN IMITATING SOUL SINGER: Yeah! 1204 01:19:55,902 --> 01:19:57,836 Daddy likes that! 1205 01:20:00,273 --> 01:20:01,365 Excuse me! 1206 01:20:01,775 --> 01:20:07,145 Excuse me! Is this tragic story turning you on? 1207 01:20:08,615 --> 01:20:10,947 (LAUGHING) 1208 01:20:17,090 --> 01:20:22,357 This courageous young lady pours her heart out and this is getting you hot? 1209 01:20:23,029 --> 01:20:25,395 It's time for you to pledge. Right now! 1210 01:20:25,899 --> 01:20:28,766 Boy, you need this more than anybody. 1211 01:20:30,136 --> 01:20:32,297 Hey, keep a wrinkle in it, captain. 1212 01:20:33,773 --> 01:20:38,233 I can't believe you took a fucking abstinence pledge with a hard-on. 1213 01:20:38,411 --> 01:20:39,469 It's classic. 1214 01:20:39,546 --> 01:20:42,743 Look, I didn't even know what she was talking about. That doesn't count! Okay? 1215 01:20:42,816 --> 01:20:44,681 - Ian! Hey! - It gets better. 1216 01:20:44,751 --> 01:20:46,651 I am so proud of you! 1217 01:20:47,153 --> 01:20:48,745 Get away from me. Is that what you do? 1218 01:20:48,822 --> 01:20:52,155 You go out and you lure little dorks like me into your little no-having-sex club? 1219 01:20:52,225 --> 01:20:54,216 Ian, it's not like that at all. 1220 01:20:54,294 --> 01:20:56,956 Just go away. Now. 1221 01:21:00,800 --> 01:21:03,735 - I would've eaten your asshole, you know. - Really? 1222 01:21:03,803 --> 01:21:04,895 - Oh, man. - Wow. 1223 01:21:04,971 --> 01:21:08,031 You can keep your stupid flipping lollipop, anyway! 1224 01:21:10,777 --> 01:21:13,041 - You are dead, psycho-virgin! - No, no! 1225 01:21:13,112 --> 01:21:15,046 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1226 01:21:18,117 --> 01:21:22,554 Hey, are you sure you want to get dental work done in Floater, Kentucky? 1227 01:21:23,656 --> 01:21:26,022 Dr. Teddescoe will be with you present-like. 1228 01:21:26,092 --> 01:21:27,582 - Thank you. - Welcome. 1229 01:21:27,660 --> 01:21:29,719 (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO) 1230 01:21:40,540 --> 01:21:43,839 Fine, okay, you were right. My feet are killing me, 1231 01:21:43,910 --> 01:21:46,538 and I never should've tossed my shoes. 1232 01:21:46,846 --> 01:21:50,748 No, come on. I love that your shoes are in that tree. 1233 01:21:53,453 --> 01:21:56,388 I do. That's premium Felicia. 1234 01:21:57,624 --> 01:21:59,114 DOCTOR: Felicia Alpine. 1235 01:22:00,159 --> 01:22:01,148 Oh. 1236 01:22:01,995 --> 01:22:06,193 - So what'd you do to her? - Hmm? 1237 01:22:06,266 --> 01:22:07,358 Smack her around a little bit? 1238 01:22:07,700 --> 01:22:09,600 She gets out of line, you pop her one? 1239 01:22:09,669 --> 01:22:13,332 - No. No, sir, I... - I got you. I'm just teasing you, man. 1240 01:22:13,406 --> 01:22:14,998 We have fun. 1241 01:22:15,975 --> 01:22:18,034 - He didn't, though, did he? - Hmm? Mmm-mmm. 1242 01:22:18,111 --> 01:22:20,602 Blink twice if you feel you're in danger. 1243 01:22:21,948 --> 01:22:24,041 Be back in a couple minutes. I'm gonna wait for that to numb up. 1244 01:22:24,117 --> 01:22:25,141 Mmm-hmm. 1245 01:22:25,218 --> 01:22:27,243 Hands to yourself, O.J. 1246 01:22:29,255 --> 01:22:33,316 Ian, you know the other night at Lance's party? 1247 01:22:36,029 --> 01:22:39,055 - Was I there? - No, come on. 1248 01:22:40,633 --> 01:22:42,498 Here. 1249 01:22:46,072 --> 01:22:52,033 I mean, you know the only reason is because I don't want to ruin our friendship. 1250 01:22:53,246 --> 01:22:57,478 Totally, I mean friendship is awesome. Good call. 1251 01:22:58,685 --> 01:23:02,781 I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. 1252 01:23:10,363 --> 01:23:14,959 - You won't. - What are you thinking about? 1253 01:23:17,337 --> 01:23:20,397 - What are you thinking about? - I asked you first. 1254 01:23:24,944 --> 01:23:26,138 You got a little loogie. 1255 01:23:26,212 --> 01:23:27,440 (GRUNTING) 1256 01:23:29,215 --> 01:23:31,240 I'm gonna go see if Lance... 1257 01:23:31,317 --> 01:23:32,341 Mmm-hmm. 1258 01:23:32,418 --> 01:23:33,976 Go. Go. 1259 01:23:46,199 --> 01:23:49,726 Um, I'll take these as well. 1260 01:23:53,940 --> 01:23:58,502 They're not for me. They're not. 1261 01:24:07,186 --> 01:24:09,950 - Heads up. - What's with you? 1262 01:24:11,824 --> 01:24:13,883 I'm thinking maybe we head back home. 1263 01:24:13,960 --> 01:24:15,723 What? Why? 1264 01:24:15,962 --> 01:24:19,557 Well, Felicia and I were talking in there, 1265 01:24:19,632 --> 01:24:23,363 - and we kind of had a moment. - Oh! Oh, did you guys have a little moment? 1266 01:24:23,436 --> 01:24:25,028 - Yeah. - You're a moron. 1267 01:24:25,671 --> 01:24:28,196 Fuck you. We've talked about this. 1268 01:24:28,508 --> 01:24:31,671 Look, we're almost there, and I'm not letting her do this. 1269 01:24:31,778 --> 01:24:34,804 We're going to Knoxville, and you're getting your nut. 1270 01:24:35,515 --> 01:24:37,608 No, I'm not. I'm not. 1271 01:24:37,683 --> 01:24:40,481 No, I'm gonna text Tasty, and I'm gonna tell her I'm not coming. 1272 01:24:40,553 --> 01:24:43,818 - Ian, get in this car. - I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. 1273 01:24:44,290 --> 01:24:48,818 Shit, where's my phone? Hey, you got a new smile. 1274 01:24:48,895 --> 01:24:52,194 You have my phone. I didn't know... This is for you. 1275 01:24:53,833 --> 01:24:55,130 Mmm! A message came in. 1276 01:24:55,334 --> 01:24:58,235 Your grandma says she's really excited to see you. 1277 01:24:58,304 --> 01:25:00,636 And something about her hot, shaved pussy. 1278 01:25:00,706 --> 01:25:02,037 Must be the cancer talking. 1279 01:25:02,108 --> 01:25:03,132 (LANCE LAUGHS) 1280 01:25:03,209 --> 01:25:06,178 All right. Good deal. We're going to Knoxville. 1281 01:25:06,245 --> 01:25:07,678 (GIVE UP? PLAYING) 1282 01:25:10,016 --> 01:25:11,005 (SINGING) All I've got is frustration, frustration 1283 01:25:14,353 --> 01:25:17,550 I hate this vacation 1284 01:25:18,191 --> 01:25:20,659 So, give up, give up Give up, give up 1285 01:25:21,861 --> 01:25:25,524 I've got to get away from here It's killing me just thinking 'bout 1286 01:25:25,598 --> 01:25:30,535 Frustration, frustration I hate this vacation... 1287 01:25:30,603 --> 01:25:33,071 Ian, you're going the wrong way. 1288 01:25:33,339 --> 01:25:35,307 - We're going home. - What? 1289 01:25:35,875 --> 01:25:38,867 Please, do not turn around because of me. Okay. 1290 01:25:38,945 --> 01:25:41,277 - Yeah, no shit. - I'm dying to see Ms. Tasty. 1291 01:25:41,347 --> 01:25:42,712 This is going to be hilarious. 1292 01:25:42,782 --> 01:25:45,250 A hundred bucks says she has a wiener. 1293 01:25:45,318 --> 01:25:48,219 Look, I said we're going home. I don't want to talk about it. 1294 01:25:48,287 --> 01:25:49,879 I knew you'd find some way to fuck this up for him. 1295 01:25:49,956 --> 01:25:53,357 (LISPING) Me? You two are fucking scheming behind my back. 1296 01:25:53,426 --> 01:25:55,792 - No, we're not. - Okay. You stole Rex's car. 1297 01:25:55,862 --> 01:25:57,557 You drove halfway across the country. 1298 01:25:57,630 --> 01:26:00,622 This must be what you want to do. So do it, chicken shit! 1299 01:26:00,700 --> 01:26:03,100 - (LISPING) Fucking A, chicken shit. - Fine! You know what? 1300 01:26:03,169 --> 01:26:06,161 I'll turn the car around, I'll flip a bitch, and I'll go pork somebody. Right now. 1301 01:26:06,239 --> 01:26:07,706 I'll be that guy. Is that what you want? 1302 01:26:07,773 --> 01:26:09,570 - Be that guy! That guy rules. - FELICIA: Sounds awesome. 1303 01:26:09,642 --> 01:26:13,237 - That would make me so happy. - All right. All right. Fantastic! I'm doing it. 1304 01:26:13,412 --> 01:26:16,347 LANCE: Watch out, Ian! Fuck! FELICIA: Watch it, Ian! 1305 01:26:18,551 --> 01:26:19,677 Whoo! 1306 01:26:19,752 --> 01:26:20,776 (LAUGHING) 1307 01:26:20,853 --> 01:26:23,378 - IAN: You like that? - Did your fucking balls just drop? 1308 01:26:23,456 --> 01:26:24,946 Holy shit, Ian. 1309 01:26:25,892 --> 01:26:32,593 - Oh, man, it's this douche again. - You want it? You got it. 1310 01:26:33,666 --> 01:26:35,634 - Hold on to your pantyhose. - Okay, we gotta work on your banter, 1311 01:26:35,701 --> 01:26:37,931 but otherwise, this is awesome. 1312 01:26:38,004 --> 01:26:39,665 (DANGER ZONE PLAYING) 1313 01:26:40,873 --> 01:26:43,671 - You're losing him. - No, I got him. I got him. 1314 01:26:46,078 --> 01:26:49,809 - Jesus, Ian! Not so close. - God damn it! 1315 01:26:54,387 --> 01:26:56,355 No way, man! You're dead. 1316 01:26:58,357 --> 01:27:00,257 Sorry. He's all right. 1317 01:27:00,860 --> 01:27:03,454 LANCE: This guy's fucking dangerous! 1318 01:27:09,001 --> 01:27:10,696 Where is he? Talk to me, dudes. 1319 01:27:10,803 --> 01:27:13,397 Right up our ass. He's in our ass. 1320 01:27:18,077 --> 01:27:21,274 - LANCE: He's tagging out. - Ladies! 1321 01:27:21,347 --> 01:27:22,371 Ian, look out! 1322 01:27:22,448 --> 01:27:23,506 (THUDDING) 1323 01:27:28,621 --> 01:27:29,918 Oh! Oh! 1324 01:27:29,989 --> 01:27:31,149 God damn it. 1325 01:27:32,925 --> 01:27:36,656 What were you doing, man? Shit. 1326 01:27:38,197 --> 01:27:40,791 Dude, take it easy. This wasn't your fault. He jumped right in front of you. 1327 01:27:40,866 --> 01:27:43,801 Just shut up, Lance. Of course it's my fault. 1328 01:27:44,136 --> 01:27:45,603 Now, come on, man, this possum's not gonna fuck you. 1329 01:27:45,671 --> 01:27:47,229 We gotta go find Ms. Tasty. 1330 01:27:47,306 --> 01:27:51,675 He's suffering, Lance. I'm not gonna leave him here by himself. Okay? 1331 01:27:52,945 --> 01:27:55,675 Okay. You're right. 1332 01:27:57,617 --> 01:28:00,916 We gotta help him. We gotta call a vet or something. 1333 01:28:01,454 --> 01:28:06,517 Ian, look at him. There's not a lot that we can do. 1334 01:28:08,227 --> 01:28:10,923 You may want to cover your eyes, sweetheart, there could be some splatter. 1335 01:28:10,997 --> 01:28:14,160 - What the fuck are you doing? - I'm gonna take him out of his misery. 1336 01:28:14,233 --> 01:28:17,760 They don't make little wheelchairs for him. He's done, man. 1337 01:28:17,837 --> 01:28:21,603 IAN: Fuck you, Lance. God, you don't even give a shit about him. 1338 01:28:22,875 --> 01:28:24,240 I'll do it. 1339 01:28:33,452 --> 01:28:34,783 I'm sorry. 1340 01:28:35,921 --> 01:28:37,354 (GRUNTS) 1341 01:28:39,025 --> 01:28:40,822 LANCE: All possums go to heaven. 1342 01:28:42,061 --> 01:28:47,863 Uh... Ian. It... I think it's still... 1343 01:28:49,001 --> 01:28:50,400 Shit. 1344 01:28:57,576 --> 01:28:59,510 Oh, no. 1345 01:29:00,246 --> 01:29:03,477 Ian, I'm so sorry, it's... 1346 01:29:03,549 --> 01:29:09,510 Oh, God! Jesus fucking... God damn it! I'm trying to do the right thing here. 1347 01:29:10,189 --> 01:29:14,888 - He's really hanging in there. - God! Fuck! 1348 01:29:15,828 --> 01:29:19,787 You know, Jamie Lynn Spears' baby has got to be about a year old now. 1349 01:29:19,865 --> 01:29:21,423 I can't believe she had a fucking baby. 1350 01:29:21,500 --> 01:29:22,489 (SIREN WAILING) 1351 01:29:26,305 --> 01:29:27,636 (GROANS) 1352 01:29:29,075 --> 01:29:31,100 How was I supposed to know it was an endangered possum? 1353 01:29:31,177 --> 01:29:33,839 You know, the vet said there's actually a good chance he might pull through. 1354 01:29:33,913 --> 01:29:36,404 You better hope so, mister. Get in. 1355 01:29:38,517 --> 01:29:40,007 Lock up cell B. 1356 01:29:45,925 --> 01:29:47,449 We are in jail. 1357 01:29:56,769 --> 01:29:59,704 Okay, listen, you have got to be cool, 'cause if they see you shitting yourself 1358 01:29:59,772 --> 01:30:00,830 they're gonna fuck with us. 1359 01:30:00,906 --> 01:30:02,897 Hey! Hey, ladies. 1360 01:30:03,142 --> 01:30:06,703 Hey, how about you sit the fuck back down before me and you have a problem? 1361 01:30:06,779 --> 01:30:10,510 How about you just chill out, man? Be cool. 1362 01:30:10,583 --> 01:30:13,108 - All right. We good? - Yeah, we're good. 1363 01:30:24,730 --> 01:30:29,599 - Excuse me. - Listen, old man, I'm only gonna tell you... 1364 01:30:31,404 --> 01:30:33,770 You should've seen the look in his eyes. 1365 01:30:34,340 --> 01:30:37,173 His heart was breaking for this poor little thing. 1366 01:30:37,410 --> 01:30:42,109 Shit, that boy Ian don't seem like he got no balls at all. 1367 01:30:42,181 --> 01:30:45,981 Why? 'Cause he got to fussing some over a suffering critter? 1368 01:30:46,452 --> 01:30:48,477 I think that's real sweet. 1369 01:30:48,554 --> 01:30:51,819 Well, I say this Lance, he sounds like a real hunk of man. 1370 01:30:52,324 --> 01:30:55,919 The only way you can keep his kind around is to get his babies up in you pronto. 1371 01:30:55,995 --> 01:30:58,429 But he got no respect for bitches. 1372 01:30:59,265 --> 01:31:03,964 Shathayd's right. No respect for bitches. None whatsoever. 1373 01:31:05,204 --> 01:31:07,638 You love Ian, don't you, baby? 1374 01:31:10,709 --> 01:31:15,271 Well, it's just we've been best friends since we were really little, 1375 01:31:15,748 --> 01:31:19,240 and I don't know, he's the only person I can really talk to, you know? 1376 01:31:19,552 --> 01:31:22,112 You give your heart to that boy, 1377 01:31:22,188 --> 01:31:27,558 and you can toss that "friendship" right out the motherfucking window. 1378 01:31:27,626 --> 01:31:33,223 When I was a girl, my best friend was a fella named Creighton McDaniel. 1379 01:31:34,200 --> 01:31:39,763 We used to stay up all night just talking and laughing and carrying on. 1380 01:31:40,973 --> 01:31:45,672 Then one day I got it into my head that we ought to be more than friends. 1381 01:31:45,744 --> 01:31:48,076 So I tell him I love him. 1382 01:31:48,614 --> 01:31:50,104 What happened? 1383 01:31:53,252 --> 01:31:54,947 We dated for a few weeks. 1384 01:31:55,020 --> 01:31:56,044 (FARTING) 1385 01:31:56,121 --> 01:31:58,521 Then he met a gal over in Wofford. 1386 01:31:59,892 --> 01:32:02,224 We still talk from time to time. 1387 01:32:03,395 --> 01:32:05,920 But it was never the same between us. 1388 01:32:09,768 --> 01:32:11,258 (FARTING) 1389 01:32:13,239 --> 01:32:19,542 Baby. Come here. Come on, now. Come on, now. 1390 01:32:21,480 --> 01:32:24,847 You know you need a hug. Come on, honey. 1391 01:32:25,184 --> 01:32:26,208 (CONTINUES FARTING) 1392 01:32:26,285 --> 01:32:27,809 Cuddle up. 1393 01:32:28,888 --> 01:32:30,116 (URINATING) 1394 01:32:31,891 --> 01:32:32,880 LANCE: Dude. 1395 01:32:34,260 --> 01:32:37,889 - What? - Look, you're pissing in front of everybody. 1396 01:32:40,666 --> 01:32:42,258 Yeah, I am. 1397 01:32:42,334 --> 01:32:45,633 - And that guy's looking right at your dick. - Atta-boy. 1398 01:32:46,772 --> 01:32:47,830 (FLUSHING) 1399 01:32:47,907 --> 01:32:51,468 - Look at you. You're a new man. - No, I'm not. 1400 01:32:51,677 --> 01:32:56,341 Dude. You stole a car, ran over a hillbilly, 1401 01:32:56,415 --> 01:32:59,441 you got arrested, you got in a prison fight. 1402 01:33:00,219 --> 01:33:02,119 See Duane, he was there. 1403 01:33:02,187 --> 01:33:04,815 And I mean, you really beat an endangered species to death today. 1404 01:33:04,890 --> 01:33:06,551 That's got to count for something. 1405 01:33:06,625 --> 01:33:10,857 And now you're in here in jail pissing like a big dog in front of all the perverts. 1406 01:33:10,930 --> 01:33:12,557 I mean, there's only one thing left. 1407 01:33:12,631 --> 01:33:15,896 Yeah, well, that's out. I was supposed to meet her two hours ago. 1408 01:33:17,136 --> 01:33:19,001 Dude, when we get out of here, just tell her you got pinched. 1409 01:33:19,071 --> 01:33:22,370 She'll think that's bad-ass, because it totally is. 1410 01:33:23,375 --> 01:33:26,401 Lafferty, Nesbitt, your bail has been posted. 1411 01:33:26,612 --> 01:33:27,636 Really? 1412 01:33:27,813 --> 01:33:31,840 - Time to go. - Shit! 1413 01:33:31,917 --> 01:33:34,351 - What? - Rex. 1414 01:33:34,653 --> 01:33:35,642 Oh. 1415 01:33:37,790 --> 01:33:39,917 All right, this is it for us, Duane, 1416 01:33:39,992 --> 01:33:41,823 but, you know, back to what we were talking about earlier, 1417 01:33:41,894 --> 01:33:43,987 I don't give a shit what Denise says, 1418 01:33:44,063 --> 01:33:46,657 I think there's still room for somebody to write the great American novel. 1419 01:33:46,732 --> 01:33:49,758 So take that for whatever it's worth, buddy. 1420 01:33:58,110 --> 01:33:59,202 Hey. 1421 01:34:00,980 --> 01:34:02,470 Mary! 1422 01:34:02,815 --> 01:34:04,214 (PEOPLE LAUGHING) 1423 01:34:07,319 --> 01:34:09,253 Wait. Wait. How did you find me? 1424 01:34:09,321 --> 01:34:12,347 Well, I called your cell phone, and then someone answered here. 1425 01:34:12,424 --> 01:34:17,794 - That's awesome. Okay. - Are you okay? Why are you in jail? 1426 01:34:20,165 --> 01:34:21,154 I mean, there's a number of charges, 1427 01:34:21,233 --> 01:34:23,428 but the most prominent ones were animal cruelty 1428 01:34:23,502 --> 01:34:25,561 and the assaulting the officer. 1429 01:34:25,638 --> 01:34:28,198 But it's not nearly as bad as it sounds on paper, okay? I promise. 1430 01:34:28,273 --> 01:34:31,333 - Okay. - Okay. Wait right here. Okay. 1431 01:34:33,178 --> 01:34:34,668 - Teddy. - Lance, my man. 1432 01:34:34,747 --> 01:34:37,011 - You guys got my stuff? - It's gonna be a few minutes. 1433 01:34:37,082 --> 01:34:38,140 All right. 1434 01:34:38,217 --> 01:34:40,014 - Your daughter still selling those cookies? - Yes. 1435 01:34:40,085 --> 01:34:42,713 You find me that wallet, I'll buy one. 1436 01:34:42,788 --> 01:34:44,813 - That'd be nice of you. - How is she now? 1437 01:34:44,890 --> 01:34:48,917 I'm just fucking with you. I don't need one more charge brought. 1438 01:35:03,809 --> 01:35:05,777 (FLYING HIGH PLAYING) 1439 01:35:15,621 --> 01:35:18,886 (SINGING) You can't know, oh, no You can't know 1440 01:35:18,957 --> 01:35:24,589 How much I think about you, no 1441 01:35:25,698 --> 01:35:28,758 It's making my head spin 1442 01:35:31,937 --> 01:35:35,395 Looking at you And you are looking at me 1443 01:35:35,474 --> 01:35:39,035 And we both know what we want 1444 01:35:42,047 --> 01:35:44,015 So close to giving in 1445 01:35:45,818 --> 01:35:52,724 Ian, don't do this. No, don't turn into Lance. You're a good guy. 1446 01:35:53,392 --> 01:35:55,656 Yeah, well, that's why I'm still a virgin. 1447 01:35:55,728 --> 01:36:00,529 So what if you're a virgin? God, Ian, it's just sex. It's not... 1448 01:36:00,599 --> 01:36:05,764 No, Felicia, it's not about the sex. It's not. I'm weird. 1449 01:36:05,838 --> 01:36:09,535 I'm the only virgin I know. I need to get this done 1450 01:36:10,242 --> 01:36:13,143 so everyone can just stop freaking out about it. 1451 01:36:13,545 --> 01:36:16,412 Look, I know you don't approve, but I'm sorry, I just... 1452 01:36:16,482 --> 01:36:18,074 I'm not going home a virgin. 1453 01:36:18,150 --> 01:36:20,015 Then, sport, fuck me. 1454 01:36:22,421 --> 01:36:23,581 What? 1455 01:36:25,424 --> 01:36:28,086 Sport, fuck me and not some stranger. 1456 01:36:29,261 --> 01:36:32,719 We're friends so you know you're not gonna get some, like, 1457 01:36:32,798 --> 01:36:37,064 crabs or genital warts or some pussing thing that's coming... 1458 01:36:37,136 --> 01:36:39,661 Wow, Leesh. That's hot! 1459 01:36:42,040 --> 01:36:43,598 You know what? 1460 01:36:44,610 --> 01:36:48,706 I think I'd rather stay a virgin forever than lose it on pity-sex. 1461 01:36:49,348 --> 01:36:52,283 - I'm not talking about pity-sex. - Then what are you talking about? 1462 01:36:52,351 --> 01:36:55,479 I don't know. Sex. 1463 01:36:56,188 --> 01:37:02,184 It doesn't have to mean anything. It doesn't have to jeopardize our friendship. 1464 01:37:02,594 --> 01:37:03,618 Ah! 1465 01:37:03,695 --> 01:37:06,425 Leesh, you know what? Fuck the friendship! 1466 01:37:07,266 --> 01:37:09,029 I'm sorry, I just can't do it. 1467 01:37:09,101 --> 01:37:13,231 I can't be the guy that you're gonna talk to about your boyfriends anymore. I can't... 1468 01:37:13,605 --> 01:37:16,005 I can't be the guy who's gonna pick you up in the middle of the night, 1469 01:37:16,074 --> 01:37:20,443 and you're gonna cry to because Derrick Dicottes found some other girl. 1470 01:37:21,647 --> 01:37:25,674 And maybe I'm just being selfish here, but it is not enough. 1471 01:37:25,751 --> 01:37:29,152 Okay, so I'm gonna go out that door, and I'm gonna go have meaningless sex 1472 01:37:29,221 --> 01:37:34,318 with some random, hopefully hot, hopefully female person that I met on the Internet. 1473 01:37:36,395 --> 01:37:39,125 Unless you've got something better to say to me. 1474 01:37:53,145 --> 01:37:54,373 (DOOR SLAMS SHUT) 1475 01:37:56,448 --> 01:37:58,313 That's what I thought. 1476 01:38:27,412 --> 01:38:28,902 Cyclops. 1477 01:38:32,317 --> 01:38:36,151 - How'd you find me? - You ever heard of LoJack, cheese-dick? 1478 01:38:37,823 --> 01:38:39,120 (SIREN WAILING) 1479 01:38:39,825 --> 01:38:41,486 (DISCO INFERNO PLAYING) 1480 01:38:41,560 --> 01:38:42,652 Come here. 1481 01:38:42,761 --> 01:38:45,594 (SINGING) Burn that mother down, y'all 1482 01:38:45,831 --> 01:38:47,230 Burn, baby, burn 1483 01:38:47,466 --> 01:38:49,297 Disco inferno 1484 01:38:49,401 --> 01:38:50,891 Burn, baby, burn 1485 01:38:50,969 --> 01:38:51,993 Burn that mother down 1486 01:38:52,070 --> 01:38:54,903 Come on, Rex, wait. The girl... The one I told you about from the Internet. 1487 01:38:54,973 --> 01:38:58,374 She's right across the street, Rex. She wants to do it with me and everything. 1488 01:38:58,443 --> 01:39:00,172 Like I give a shit! 1489 01:39:06,919 --> 01:39:08,284 (SCREAMING) 1490 01:39:13,025 --> 01:39:14,925 Get your shit, queer-bait! We're going home. 1491 01:39:14,993 --> 01:39:16,654 Okay. Okay, fine. 1492 01:39:16,929 --> 01:39:18,920 Now! 1493 01:39:18,997 --> 01:39:20,897 It probably wouldn't have changed 1494 01:39:20,966 --> 01:39:24,424 all these feelings that I've been having lately anyway. 1495 01:39:26,038 --> 01:39:28,529 What are you talking about? 1496 01:39:28,607 --> 01:39:32,475 I don't know, Rex. You know, just feelings, 1497 01:39:34,079 --> 01:39:39,073 curiosity about men. 1498 01:39:41,586 --> 01:39:43,213 Oh, shit, Ian! 1499 01:39:44,589 --> 01:39:49,617 I think you might be right. I think I might be getting gay. 1500 01:39:49,828 --> 01:39:54,322 God damn it. Fuck! 1501 01:39:55,634 --> 01:39:58,933 But I just haven't had any luck with girls, Rex. 1502 01:39:59,004 --> 01:40:02,963 No way! No way my little brother's taking it in the chili ring. 1503 01:40:09,681 --> 01:40:12,878 All right, you take the car, 1504 01:40:13,785 --> 01:40:16,583 and you go bang the female woman like the good Lord intended. 1505 01:40:16,655 --> 01:40:18,145 You've got one hour! 1506 01:40:19,057 --> 01:40:20,957 - Ian. - Yeah? 1507 01:40:23,295 --> 01:40:25,160 Fill up the tank, would you, buddy? 1508 01:40:25,230 --> 01:40:27,790 - Tank is at a little low. Yeah, thanks. - Right. 1509 01:40:49,855 --> 01:40:54,121 Hey, man. You looking for somebody? 1510 01:40:58,063 --> 01:40:59,325 Ms. Tasty. 1511 01:41:00,632 --> 01:41:01,826 MS. TASTY: Ian? 1512 01:41:08,206 --> 01:41:11,437 Oh, my gosh! Hey. 1513 01:41:11,510 --> 01:41:13,842 I was sure you were standing me up. 1514 01:41:15,280 --> 01:41:19,876 - But here you are. Look at you. - See you. 1515 01:41:19,951 --> 01:41:22,977 You look a little different than your picture. 1516 01:41:23,055 --> 01:41:26,650 Yeah, I know. I lost a lot of weight 'cause I had the runs... The flu. 1517 01:41:28,293 --> 01:41:32,821 Well, you're mighty cute, and your car is really pretty. 1518 01:41:33,698 --> 01:41:35,563 Why don't you take me for a ride? 1519 01:41:41,339 --> 01:41:45,105 So, Ms. Tasty, what's your real name? 1520 01:41:46,511 --> 01:41:52,643 - How about I tell you after? - Yeah, sure. 1521 01:41:54,653 --> 01:41:56,280 Works for me. 1522 01:42:02,394 --> 01:42:03,452 (ATLANTIS PLAYING) 1523 01:42:03,528 --> 01:42:10,331 (SINGING)... below the ocean Where I wanna be 1524 01:42:11,002 --> 01:42:13,027 She may be 1525 01:42:13,105 --> 01:42:16,472 Way down below the ocean... 1526 01:42:16,541 --> 01:42:19,704 - No, Mary, wait. - What? 1527 01:42:19,778 --> 01:42:23,179 - What's wrong? - Nothing. I mean... 1528 01:42:23,748 --> 01:42:27,878 Nothing, I just... I really like you, 1529 01:42:30,589 --> 01:42:34,992 and I don't want to ruin this. You know? 1530 01:42:35,861 --> 01:42:40,855 But, hey, maybe you could come to Chicago and we could hang out 1531 01:42:40,932 --> 01:42:42,763 - and take it a little... - No. 1532 01:42:42,868 --> 01:42:46,702 Lance, it doesn't work like that. 1533 01:42:50,142 --> 01:42:53,578 And, I mean, if I don't go back, I'm gonna be shunned. 1534 01:42:55,046 --> 01:42:57,344 I could never see my family again. 1535 01:42:58,917 --> 01:43:03,320 - This Amish thing is a real motherfucker. - Yeah, tell me about it. 1536 01:43:12,397 --> 01:43:14,126 - Ian. - Yeah. 1537 01:43:14,199 --> 01:43:16,429 I think we should take our clothes off. 1538 01:43:18,303 --> 01:43:20,100 Wow. Really? Right here? 1539 01:43:20,172 --> 01:43:21,161 Mmm-hmm. 1540 01:43:21,606 --> 01:43:24,769 No one's around for miles. Come on. 1541 01:43:25,677 --> 01:43:26,803 Okay. 1542 01:43:35,220 --> 01:43:38,656 - What do you think? - Thank you. 1543 01:43:40,358 --> 01:43:45,819 That is one of the better sets that I've seen today. 1544 01:43:46,264 --> 01:43:48,459 I appreciate your honesty. 1545 01:43:49,467 --> 01:43:50,695 They're nice. 1546 01:43:51,436 --> 01:43:53,063 Really? 1547 01:43:53,138 --> 01:43:55,732 You're fit. 1548 01:43:55,807 --> 01:43:59,766 - You're so sweet. - Yeah. 1549 01:44:01,613 --> 01:44:05,105 I think we should take your clothes off now. 1550 01:44:05,183 --> 01:44:08,414 Yeah, maybe we should. 1551 01:44:08,486 --> 01:44:13,549 - I don't play football! - Okay. 1552 01:44:13,625 --> 01:44:15,889 I... I really don't. I mean, I don't really even watch football. 1553 01:44:15,961 --> 01:44:18,088 I mean, I got all that stuff from Friday Night Lights, 1554 01:44:18,163 --> 01:44:21,132 which is a show. It's also a movie starring Billy Bob Thornton. 1555 01:44:21,199 --> 01:44:23,190 - I don't know if you saw it, but... - Ian. 1556 01:44:23,268 --> 01:44:29,332 What? You think everything in my profile's the God's honest truth? No. 1557 01:44:29,407 --> 01:44:32,308 Now, come on, take your clothes off. 1558 01:44:34,713 --> 01:44:39,343 Look, there's this girl... 1559 01:44:40,418 --> 01:44:44,650 Ian, this can be our little secret. No one has to know. 1560 01:44:46,191 --> 01:44:47,681 Now come here. 1561 01:45:01,139 --> 01:45:06,167 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't do this with you. 1562 01:45:06,244 --> 01:45:10,943 I'm kissing you, and I'm thinking about somebody else. 1563 01:45:11,850 --> 01:45:15,752 No, and I know that's a stupid thing to say. I mean, she's not even... 1564 01:45:16,488 --> 01:45:17,512 (SNIFFLING) 1565 01:45:17,589 --> 01:45:21,650 Oh, no, no, no. Ms. Tasty, please don't cry. 1566 01:45:21,726 --> 01:45:25,492 It's not a reflection of... You're so pretty, like... 1567 01:45:26,197 --> 01:45:27,892 You're laughing. 1568 01:45:27,966 --> 01:45:30,935 Just take your fucking clothes off, asshole! 1569 01:45:32,037 --> 01:45:35,438 Look, I'm sorry, okay. I don't mean to lead you on here, 1570 01:45:35,507 --> 01:45:39,967 and I'll give you a ride home, but I don't think that... What the fuck? 1571 01:45:40,045 --> 01:45:42,479 What's up with the bandana, dude? Huh? 1572 01:45:42,847 --> 01:45:44,246 What're you, a Gap model? 1573 01:45:46,885 --> 01:45:49,979 - Do you have any jacks? - Yup. 1574 01:45:51,389 --> 01:45:54,916 - I win. - Again. 1575 01:45:54,993 --> 01:45:56,221 Yup. 1576 01:46:00,598 --> 01:46:03,123 - All right, just take your shirt off. - Okay, good. 1577 01:46:06,204 --> 01:46:10,470 You were right, Ian. '69 Judge. You were worth the wait. 1578 01:46:13,378 --> 01:46:18,441 - Please, no! Come on, it's not even my car! - And good luck with the lady friend. 1579 01:46:21,086 --> 01:46:22,383 Fuckface! 1580 01:46:23,488 --> 01:46:25,183 (MS. TASTY WHOOPING) 1581 01:46:25,724 --> 01:46:29,160 Felicia. Oh, shit! Oh, shit. 1582 01:46:29,260 --> 01:46:32,855 Oh, Bobby, you were so awesome back there. 1583 01:46:32,931 --> 01:46:34,694 - Love you so much. - Cool. 1584 01:46:35,967 --> 01:46:40,427 Hey, you know, I was thinking, do you always have to flash them the twins? 1585 01:46:40,505 --> 01:46:42,666 You know, I mean, I do got a gun. 1586 01:46:42,741 --> 01:46:47,701 - Oh, baby, you know they're only for you. - Okay, cool. 1587 01:46:47,779 --> 01:46:50,805 Now, listen. I got another car coming any minute now, okay? 1588 01:46:50,882 --> 01:46:52,577 - Got it. - So take me back to the Big Boy 1589 01:46:52,650 --> 01:46:55,050 - and get this goat over to Luis. - Right. 1590 01:46:56,421 --> 01:47:02,621 And where is Luis? 5th and Crescent! 1591 01:47:03,194 --> 01:47:05,424 - I fucking told you. - I know where it is. 1592 01:47:05,497 --> 01:47:06,486 (CLANKING) 1593 01:47:10,068 --> 01:47:15,301 And if you do good, momma's gonna take real good care of you. 1594 01:47:15,673 --> 01:47:16,901 Really? 1595 01:47:19,310 --> 01:47:21,972 You mean the thing I like well? 1596 01:47:25,183 --> 01:47:26,810 (CHUCKLING DEVIOUSLY) 1597 01:47:27,185 --> 01:47:31,053 Yeah, just want to make sure we're talking about the same thing here. 1598 01:47:31,122 --> 01:47:33,090 The pepper grinder. 1599 01:47:37,128 --> 01:47:39,221 Pepper grinder! 1600 01:47:40,231 --> 01:47:43,029 Pepper grinder! Yeah. 1601 01:47:51,309 --> 01:47:52,367 Hi. 1602 01:47:58,349 --> 01:48:01,910 - Hey, boys. You finally made it. - What's up, Ms. Tasty? 1603 01:48:01,986 --> 01:48:04,511 What's up? What's up? 1604 01:48:04,589 --> 01:48:07,217 - Damn, you're hot as fuck. - Yeah. 1605 01:48:07,292 --> 01:48:10,591 - We brought beers and rubbers. - And some lotion for your tits. 1606 01:48:11,863 --> 01:48:13,524 - It's not a marathon. - It's a sprint. 1607 01:48:13,598 --> 01:48:16,032 - Bang. Yeah. - In chicks. 1608 01:48:30,081 --> 01:48:31,639 You Felicia? 1609 01:48:34,419 --> 01:48:35,818 I'm Bobby Jo. 1610 01:48:37,322 --> 01:48:38,346 Hi. 1611 01:48:38,590 --> 01:48:39,989 (PHONE RINGING) 1612 01:48:40,058 --> 01:48:45,291 (LANCE AND MARY MOANING) 1613 01:48:48,533 --> 01:48:53,163 I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick. I mean, seriously, what are the odds? 1614 01:48:54,272 --> 01:48:56,536 Oh, yeah! More of that. 1615 01:48:58,576 --> 01:49:03,673 So, wait, you do want to party? 1616 01:49:04,382 --> 01:49:05,508 With us? 1617 01:49:05,583 --> 01:49:08,814 Yeah. I want us all to get naked and party. 1618 01:49:21,299 --> 01:49:24,291 Fuck! I can't fucking believe this. 1619 01:49:28,740 --> 01:49:31,573 Get your ass out of the car, motherfucker! 1620 01:49:33,411 --> 01:49:38,075 - Who the fuck are you? - Holy fucking fuck-balls! 1621 01:49:38,316 --> 01:49:42,480 Okay, my bad. 1622 01:49:42,554 --> 01:49:44,249 Now, I thought you were someone else, all right? 1623 01:49:44,322 --> 01:49:49,692 You done fouled up my ride, so I'm gonna have to take yours. 1624 01:49:50,562 --> 01:49:51,551 Fuck that shit. 1625 01:49:51,629 --> 01:49:52,653 (GUN COCKING) 1626 01:49:52,730 --> 01:49:54,823 Here you go. Pulls to the left. 1627 01:49:56,601 --> 01:49:58,592 What the fuck, dumb-ass? 1628 01:50:02,540 --> 01:50:04,974 Oh, shit! 1629 01:50:05,743 --> 01:50:12,012 Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit! 1630 01:50:12,083 --> 01:50:13,778 Hey, highlights, back it up. 1631 01:50:15,219 --> 01:50:17,084 Bite my dick, asshole! 1632 01:50:21,960 --> 01:50:24,793 Ow! What the fuck you do that for? 1633 01:50:25,930 --> 01:50:30,128 - Lance? What the fuck is going on? - That's the son of a bitch I was looking for! 1634 01:50:30,201 --> 01:50:33,261 Hey, guy. How'd you... 1635 01:50:33,338 --> 01:50:36,739 - Found your computer maps, douche-bag! - Okay. 1636 01:50:36,808 --> 01:50:37,968 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 1637 01:50:38,042 --> 01:50:40,909 Boat show, you and your boyfriend bring it in here. 1638 01:50:40,979 --> 01:50:42,241 I don't need no trouble right now. 1639 01:50:42,313 --> 01:50:44,178 Let's go. Bring it in. 1640 01:50:45,617 --> 01:50:49,314 - Bobby Jo, who the fuck is that? - BOBBY JO: Who? 1641 01:50:49,387 --> 01:50:52,652 - That! - That's Felicia. 1642 01:50:52,724 --> 01:50:54,954 She was hiding in the back seat, no biggie. 1643 01:50:55,026 --> 01:50:57,517 Fuck! She heard everything then. 1644 01:50:57,595 --> 01:51:00,223 - Hello! - Damn, you're right. 1645 01:51:01,432 --> 01:51:02,626 (GROANING) 1646 01:51:02,700 --> 01:51:04,224 Come on, darling. 1647 01:51:04,302 --> 01:51:06,600 - Shut up! - Now, take it easy on the hair. 1648 01:51:06,671 --> 01:51:09,401 - Get down! - Hey, hey, come on. 1649 01:51:09,474 --> 01:51:12,341 - All right, all right. - IAN: Take your hands off her! 1650 01:51:17,248 --> 01:51:19,079 (IAN EXCLAIMING) 1651 01:51:20,084 --> 01:51:21,984 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 1652 01:51:24,055 --> 01:51:27,047 ANDY: Stop shooting our car. RANDY: Inconsiderate. 1653 01:51:32,563 --> 01:51:34,554 IAN: Please! No! 1654 01:51:40,371 --> 01:51:43,431 - All right. Get back, man. - Ian? 1655 01:51:43,508 --> 01:51:46,204 Everybody just be cool. 1656 01:51:46,277 --> 01:51:48,837 - Felicia, you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine. 1657 01:51:48,913 --> 01:51:51,973 Ian, give me the goddamn gun before you shoot your dick off. 1658 01:51:52,050 --> 01:51:53,244 - Rex, I got this. - Ian! 1659 01:51:53,317 --> 01:51:57,048 God damn it, Rex, I got this! Do not fuck with me! Not now! 1660 01:51:57,955 --> 01:52:01,083 Ease it back, man. That donut ain't fucking around. 1661 01:52:02,827 --> 01:52:04,556 Hands where I can see them. 1662 01:52:05,897 --> 01:52:10,027 - Ian, dude, you're working the mouth. - I don't give a shit! 1663 01:52:10,101 --> 01:52:14,231 Okay. All right, sorry. You're doing so good. Proud of you. 1664 01:52:14,305 --> 01:52:15,897 I mean that. I don't say it enough. 1665 01:52:15,973 --> 01:52:19,067 - Tasty and you... - Bobby Jo. 1666 01:52:20,244 --> 01:52:23,907 Ian... Over there. Slowly. 1667 01:52:24,649 --> 01:52:28,847 All right, you, corn-fed, you can punch my friend Lance, but just once. 1668 01:52:28,953 --> 01:52:32,150 - Dude! What the fuck? - You nailed his girlfriend. 1669 01:52:32,223 --> 01:52:35,351 - Not exactly. I mean, it was... - And he came all this way. 1670 01:52:35,426 --> 01:52:38,953 All right. All right, fair enough. Just not in the nuts. 1671 01:52:41,265 --> 01:52:42,493 (LANCE GRUNTS) 1672 01:52:42,567 --> 01:52:47,800 - Oh, shit! - Okay. Okay, all right. 1673 01:52:49,474 --> 01:52:54,275 What a punch. I think my kids are gonna be retarded. 1674 01:52:54,345 --> 01:52:56,313 You got a fucking cannon for an arm, dude. 1675 01:52:56,380 --> 01:53:01,750 - Yeah, you got a little... - Thanks. My ears are ringing. 1676 01:53:02,353 --> 01:53:04,218 IAN: Stop it! I'm warning you! 1677 01:53:04,288 --> 01:53:06,882 Come on, bro. You ain't gonna kill no one. 1678 01:53:07,825 --> 01:53:09,190 (MS. TASTY EXCLAIMS) 1679 01:53:09,460 --> 01:53:10,552 BOBBY JO: Whoa! 1680 01:53:12,497 --> 01:53:15,625 - Anybody can shoot a gun in the air, dude. - I'll shoot you in the leg. 1681 01:53:15,700 --> 01:53:17,292 Suck his cock, Ian. 1682 01:53:17,368 --> 01:53:20,166 - You serious? - Do I look serious? 1683 01:53:22,206 --> 01:53:24,174 I don't think you got the plums, boy. 1684 01:53:24,308 --> 01:53:26,003 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 1685 01:53:27,745 --> 01:53:29,474 God! 1686 01:53:31,582 --> 01:53:32,571 (GROANING) 1687 01:53:34,018 --> 01:53:35,178 Oh, fuck. 1688 01:53:36,020 --> 01:53:38,488 Okay. Okay. 1689 01:53:40,224 --> 01:53:43,091 Anybody can shoot someone in the leg, dude. 1690 01:53:44,295 --> 01:53:47,594 - Give me the gun! - Jesus, man, what do I got to do? 1691 01:53:50,701 --> 01:53:53,602 Don't move, asshole, or you're a fucking stain. 1692 01:53:53,671 --> 01:53:54,797 Okay. 1693 01:53:56,073 --> 01:53:58,064 Holy shit, Ian. Right on! 1694 01:53:59,510 --> 01:54:01,774 Where do you think you're going, cunt? 1695 01:54:01,846 --> 01:54:03,245 Cat fight! 1696 01:54:03,314 --> 01:54:04,508 (BOTH SQUEALING) 1697 01:54:04,582 --> 01:54:05,879 (CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING PLAYING) 1698 01:54:05,950 --> 01:54:09,215 (SINGING) 'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore 1699 01:54:09,287 --> 01:54:10,845 FELICIA: Damn you, whore! 1700 01:54:10,922 --> 01:54:12,651 I've forgotten what I started fighting for 1701 01:54:12,723 --> 01:54:14,350 Fuck you! 1702 01:54:16,527 --> 01:54:20,588 And if I have to crawl upon the floor 1703 01:54:20,965 --> 01:54:24,457 Come crashing through your door 1704 01:54:25,369 --> 01:54:30,170 Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore 1705 01:54:31,242 --> 01:54:33,335 Drop the weapon, donut man! 1706 01:54:34,779 --> 01:54:37,111 Okay, put your hands on your head! 1707 01:54:37,181 --> 01:54:40,742 - Both hands, asshole! - IAN: I can't move the other arm. 1708 01:54:40,818 --> 01:54:44,515 - Who said that? Who said that? - I can't move the other arm. 1709 01:54:45,823 --> 01:54:46,847 (TASER ZAPPING) 1710 01:54:46,924 --> 01:54:50,917 Sir, I'm not resisting. It's foam, sir. 1711 01:54:50,995 --> 01:54:51,984 (SCREAMING) 1712 01:54:54,265 --> 01:54:58,065 The big Mexican won't go down! Take the shot! 1713 01:54:58,836 --> 01:55:00,497 - Holy shit. - Jesus! 1714 01:55:00,571 --> 01:55:03,404 Hold your fire! Hold your fire, okay? 1715 01:55:03,507 --> 01:55:07,603 He is not the bad guy! She is the car thief. 1716 01:55:08,346 --> 01:55:11,907 Right there. The blond, in a belt for a skirt. 1717 01:55:19,991 --> 01:55:21,481 FEMALE OFFICER: Anything else? 1718 01:55:23,427 --> 01:55:26,362 FELICIA: Oh, yeah, apparently there's a guy named Luis, 1719 01:55:26,430 --> 01:55:30,196 and he has a chop shop at 5th and Crescent! 1720 01:55:30,268 --> 01:55:32,759 - Thanks. - We were just banging that chick in our car. 1721 01:55:32,837 --> 01:55:35,965 - Yeah, you mentioned that. - Yeah, super hard. 1722 01:55:36,040 --> 01:55:42,070 The boy did have some plums. He had some plums. 1723 01:55:42,146 --> 01:55:45,309 Hey, this is Rick. He's played arena football. 1724 01:55:45,383 --> 01:55:47,715 - Hi. I'm Mary. - Hi. Nice to meet you. 1725 01:55:47,785 --> 01:55:49,446 That's a weird little dude you got there. 1726 01:55:49,520 --> 01:55:52,421 LANCE: Are you guys hungry? Is this place open 24 hours? 1727 01:55:55,159 --> 01:55:57,719 Thank you for coming for me. 1728 01:55:58,829 --> 01:56:01,821 What were you doing in the back seat? 1729 01:56:01,899 --> 01:56:05,096 Nothing. I was... 1730 01:56:05,169 --> 01:56:09,128 - You were stalking me. - No, I wasn't. I... 1731 01:56:10,975 --> 01:56:14,411 Okay. Yeah, I was stalking you just a little. 1732 01:56:15,913 --> 01:56:19,440 I just... I knew you were gonna do something you were gonna regret, and I... 1733 01:56:19,517 --> 01:56:23,681 Felicia. Why can't you just say it? 1734 01:56:28,726 --> 01:56:32,822 - Why can't you? - Well, I asked you first. 1735 01:56:40,638 --> 01:56:42,333 Fine. I'll say it. 1736 01:56:48,980 --> 01:56:52,609 - You love me. - Fine. 1737 01:56:54,752 --> 01:56:56,617 You love me, too, then. 1738 01:56:57,488 --> 01:57:00,889 (LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL PLAYING) 1739 01:57:01,892 --> 01:57:07,228 (SINGING) Life is beautiful 1740 01:57:10,267 --> 01:57:13,964 But it's complicated 1741 01:57:14,038 --> 01:57:15,403 Thank God. 1742 01:57:16,140 --> 01:57:19,075 We barely make it 1743 01:57:27,752 --> 01:57:28,741 (MOOING) 1744 01:57:32,590 --> 01:57:34,649 You fucking heifer. 1745 01:57:35,159 --> 01:57:36,922 (ENGINE REVVING) 1746 01:57:48,305 --> 01:57:49,863 - You fixed it! - Yeah. 1747 01:57:49,940 --> 01:57:51,567 Don't lean on it. 1748 01:57:54,011 --> 01:57:56,309 I guess you get to live. 1749 01:57:56,380 --> 01:57:59,406 - IAN: You guys are amazing. - Thanks. 1750 01:57:59,483 --> 01:58:01,007 Let's talk seriously for a second. 1751 01:58:01,085 --> 01:58:06,785 I figure with the parts and labor, you know, out the door... 4,200. 1752 01:58:08,793 --> 01:58:09,817 Oh. Um... 1753 01:58:09,894 --> 01:58:13,557 - It's just a round number. - Yeah. No, I didn't really... 1754 01:58:17,768 --> 01:58:19,065 I don't know what to... 1755 01:58:19,136 --> 01:58:22,162 (LAUGHING) I'm fucking with you, Ian. We're good, man. 1756 01:58:22,239 --> 01:58:26,369 - Wait, I mean, you're serious? - Yeah. I'm serious. We're good. No worries. 1757 01:58:26,444 --> 01:58:27,775 - You sure? - Yeah, of course. 1758 01:58:27,845 --> 01:58:28,834 - Thank you, man. - It's what I live for, 1759 01:58:28,913 --> 01:58:30,813 fixing other people's shit for free. 1760 01:58:34,518 --> 01:58:35,610 Yeah. 1761 01:58:41,292 --> 01:58:43,624 - Hey. - REX: Straight home, pussy! 1762 01:58:43,694 --> 01:58:47,960 - Dude, we got to go. - REX: Fucking piece of shit! 1763 01:58:48,065 --> 01:58:51,728 You go on ahead. I think I'm gonna stay here, kick it Amish. 1764 01:58:51,802 --> 01:58:53,667 Dude, what are you talking about? 1765 01:58:53,771 --> 01:58:57,298 I don't know, a little hard work, fresh air, missionary position. 1766 01:58:58,142 --> 01:58:59,871 It's a man's life. 1767 01:58:59,944 --> 01:59:01,639 - Sounds pretty good, you know. - Yeah, it sounds... 1768 01:59:01,712 --> 01:59:04,340 Come on, Lance. Get serious. 1769 01:59:08,786 --> 01:59:10,185 Come here. 1770 01:59:11,155 --> 01:59:14,022 I gotta tell you, I'm impressed. I'm proud of you, you know. 1771 01:59:14,091 --> 01:59:17,185 You held out for a good one, the one you wanted. 1772 01:59:18,028 --> 01:59:20,553 And you fucking made it happen. 1773 01:59:21,665 --> 01:59:26,466 But, please, I'm begging you, go take that girl to visit Grandma. 1774 01:59:26,537 --> 01:59:28,801 - All right. - And when you do, don't... 1775 01:59:28,873 --> 01:59:32,070 - Lance, I got it. - Yeah? 1776 01:59:33,611 --> 01:59:34,703 Yeah. 1777 01:59:36,714 --> 01:59:39,274 Okay. I think you might. 1778 01:59:39,350 --> 01:59:41,113 - See you. - Bye. 1779 01:59:42,887 --> 01:59:45,082 (PORCUPINE JACKET PLAYING) 1780 01:59:47,491 --> 01:59:51,018 (SINGING) Well, no, no, me, I never worry 1781 01:59:51,729 --> 01:59:54,596 Because, me, I never try 1782 01:59:54,865 --> 02:00:01,464 And I never care to hold onto what I just couldn't kiss goodbye 1783 02:00:19,924 --> 02:00:23,792 - Are you sure you're ready? - Yeah. 1784 02:00:25,930 --> 02:00:28,660 All right, well, come on, take them off. 1785 02:00:41,045 --> 02:00:42,444 Let's do it. 1786 02:00:48,686 --> 02:00:50,278 Yeah! 1787 02:00:50,354 --> 02:00:51,946 Oh, shit! 1788 02:00:52,990 --> 02:00:54,855 What the fuck! 1789 02:00:54,925 --> 02:00:57,189 Give me that fucking shoe... 1790 02:00:57,261 --> 02:01:00,389 You know what? Fuck you! I want a divorce. 1791 02:01:00,464 --> 02:01:03,490 IAN: A few weeks later, I was Felicia's date to Tiffany's wedding. 1792 02:01:03,601 --> 02:01:07,037 But this time, it wasn't a just-friends kind of thing. 1793 02:01:09,306 --> 02:01:12,173 And Rex did make my life hell for a while. 1794 02:01:12,943 --> 02:01:14,604 But that Thanksgiving, 1795 02:01:14,678 --> 02:01:18,045 we finally found out what's been up his ass all these years. 1796 02:01:18,115 --> 02:01:22,142 I'm gay! And, so, that's it. 1797 02:01:24,388 --> 02:01:26,982 IAN: By Christmas, my dad got used to the idea. 1798 02:01:27,057 --> 02:01:30,026 And Rex is actually a pretty great guy these days. 1799 02:01:30,094 --> 02:01:32,858 Yeah, now he only uses the word faggot during rough sex. 1800 02:01:32,930 --> 02:01:35,490 Karen and I want you to have this, for Christmas. 1801 02:01:35,566 --> 02:01:37,557 - Merry Christmas. - Thanks. 1802 02:01:40,004 --> 02:01:41,301 A juicer. 1803 02:01:41,372 --> 02:01:46,776 Oh, my gosh! That's so awesome. Wow, I gotta get some fruit. 1804 02:01:47,278 --> 02:01:48,336 Wow! 1805 02:01:52,383 --> 02:01:53,850 Thank you, thank you. 1806 02:01:54,485 --> 02:01:57,579 IAN: Dylan knocked up Becca and had to take my old job. 1807 02:01:59,256 --> 02:02:01,247 Let's see, what else? 1808 02:02:01,892 --> 02:02:04,417 Oh, Andy and Randy finally got a girlfriend. 1809 02:02:07,331 --> 02:02:10,732 And on New Year's Eve, Felicia and I finally visited Grandma. 1810 02:02:10,801 --> 02:02:11,859 Again? 1811 02:02:13,137 --> 02:02:14,570 Damn, yes. 1812 02:02:17,241 --> 02:02:19,266 - Felicia, you want to do this? - Yes. 1813 02:02:25,849 --> 02:02:27,248 (LAUGHING) 1814 02:02:28,152 --> 02:02:29,915 Oh, that was awesome! 1815 02:03:10,160 --> 02:03:14,096 - Hey, boys. You get some rest? - Thanks, man. Thanks for fixing the bus. 1816 02:03:14,164 --> 02:03:15,927 - A pleasure. - Yeah, thanks for fixing our bus. 1817 02:03:15,999 --> 02:03:18,399 - Appreciate it. - Thanks for playing that show for us, too. 1818 02:03:18,469 --> 02:03:21,802 - Yeah, no worries. - It was a nice five-song set. 1819 02:03:21,872 --> 02:03:24,272 Yeah, what do you guys typically... 1820 02:03:24,341 --> 02:03:26,775 I assume you get compensated very well for that. 1821 02:03:26,844 --> 02:03:29,745 - Must be a good living. - Yeah, we do. I mean... 1822 02:03:29,813 --> 02:03:32,714 Yeah, you know, I... Gosh, if I was really to calculate 1823 02:03:32,783 --> 02:03:35,911 what you'd lose if this bus couldn't have gotten back on the road, 1824 02:03:35,986 --> 02:03:37,180 if you couldn't have gotten to your shows, 1825 02:03:37,254 --> 02:03:42,123 I imagine all those weeping teenage girls outside, "I need to dance." 1826 02:03:42,192 --> 02:03:45,161 Could we send you some pictures? We don't really have cash or anything. 1827 02:03:45,229 --> 02:03:48,198 - Some autographed photos? - Or we could give you CDs. 1828 02:03:48,265 --> 02:03:50,495 Yeah, we've got a lot of use for that around here. 1829 02:03:50,567 --> 02:03:52,660 There is a lot of work that needs to be done around here. 1830 02:03:52,736 --> 02:03:57,002 - You guys are some strapping young lads. - I don't know if we're really built for that. 1831 02:03:58,442 --> 02:04:00,967 - Yeah. - I can hear you. 1832 02:04:01,044 --> 02:04:03,444 I'm just saying, you guys put in a 20-minute show, 1833 02:04:03,514 --> 02:04:05,141 - we spent all night on the bus... - Yeah. 1834 02:04:05,215 --> 02:04:06,409 I mean, that was a lot of work. 1835 02:04:06,483 --> 02:04:08,678 We could maybe try to write a check later on, 1836 02:04:08,752 --> 02:04:11,220 or like I said, we could send you guys some CDs. 1837 02:04:11,288 --> 02:04:13,518 City folk are always trying to solve things with money. 1838 02:04:13,590 --> 02:04:15,615 It's the spirit of the community around here. 1839 02:04:15,692 --> 02:04:18,217 Lord, please bless this Fall Out Boy. 1840 02:04:18,295 --> 02:04:21,059 Keep him safe on the road. 1841 02:04:21,131 --> 02:04:24,225 Help him to aspire to the heights of Jon Bon Jovi. 1842 02:04:24,301 --> 02:04:25,529 - Help him to... - Thanks. 1843 02:04:25,602 --> 02:04:27,502 - Okay, thanks, man. - Thanks, man. We gotta roll. 1844 02:04:27,571 --> 02:04:29,505 - Amen. - We gotta roll, man. Thank you very much. 1845 02:04:29,573 --> 02:04:31,131 All right, boys. It was a pleasure meeting you. 1846 02:04:31,208 --> 02:04:34,177 I loved your penis on the Internet, by the way. 1847 02:04:34,244 --> 02:04:36,303 - Fucking asshole! - You're a dick! 1848 02:04:37,047 --> 02:04:38,947 (I DON'T CARE PLAYING) 1849 02:04:52,729 --> 02:04:56,665 Say my name and his in the same breath 1850 02:04:56,733 --> 02:05:00,191 I dare you to say they taste the same 1851 02:05:00,270 --> 02:05:03,797 Let the leaves fall off in the summer 1852 02:05:03,874 --> 02:05:06,934 And let December glow feel flames 1853 02:05:07,511 --> 02:05:10,605 Brace myself and let go 1854 02:05:10,681 --> 02:05:14,242 Start it over again in Mexico 1855 02:05:14,318 --> 02:05:18,118 These friends, they don't love you 1856 02:05:18,188 --> 02:05:21,851 They just love the hotel suites, now 1857 02:05:21,925 --> 02:05:24,985 I don't care what you think 1858 02:05:25,062 --> 02:05:28,725 As long as it's about me 1859 02:05:28,866 --> 02:05:32,029 The best of us can find happiness 1860 02:05:32,135 --> 02:05:35,298 In misery 1861 02:05:35,672 --> 02:05:39,267 Said, I don't care what you think 1862 02:05:39,343 --> 02:05:43,143 As long as it's about me 1863 02:05:43,213 --> 02:05:46,478 The best of us can find happiness 1864 02:05:46,550 --> 02:05:48,347 In misery 1865 02:05:54,324 --> 02:05:57,919 Oh, take a chance, let your body get a tolerance 1866 02:05:57,995 --> 02:06:00,896 I'm not a chance, but a heat wave in your pants 1867 02:06:00,964 --> 02:06:03,524 Pull a breath like another cigarette 1868 02:06:03,600 --> 02:06:06,091 Palms up, I'm trading 'em 1869 02:06:06,904 --> 02:06:08,735 Trading 'em 1870 02:06:08,805 --> 02:06:11,933 I'm the oracle in my chest 1871 02:06:12,309 --> 02:06:15,210 Let the guitar scream like a fascist 1872 02:06:15,279 --> 02:06:16,974 Sweat it out, shut your mouth 1873 02:06:17,047 --> 02:06:18,844 Free love on the streets 1874 02:06:18,916 --> 02:06:22,943 But in the alley and I ain't that cheap, now 1875 02:06:23,020 --> 02:06:26,012 I don't care what you think 1876 02:06:26,089 --> 02:06:29,991 As long as it's about me 1877 02:06:30,060 --> 02:06:33,120 The best of us can find happiness 1878 02:06:33,196 --> 02:06:36,461 In misery 1879 02:06:36,733 --> 02:06:40,396 Said, I don't care what you think 1880 02:06:40,470 --> 02:06:44,236 As long as it's about me 1881 02:06:44,341 --> 02:06:47,435 The best of us can find happiness 1882 02:06:47,511 --> 02:06:49,274 In misery 1883 02:07:01,858 --> 02:07:05,419 Said I don't care just what you think 1884 02:07:05,662 --> 02:07:08,961 As long as it's about me 1885 02:07:09,032 --> 02:07:12,433 Said I don't care just what you think 1886 02:07:12,502 --> 02:07:16,131 As long as it's about me 1887 02:07:16,206 --> 02:07:19,733 Said I don't care, I don't care 1888 02:07:19,843 --> 02:07:23,370 Said I don't care, I don't care 1889 02:07:23,447 --> 02:07:29,579 Said I don't care, I don't care 1890 02:07:30,087 --> 02:07:31,076 No, I don't 1891 02:07:31,154 --> 02:07:34,521 I don't care, I don't care 1892 02:07:34,591 --> 02:07:38,391 I don't care 1893 02:07:38,462 --> 02:07:41,363 I don't care what you think 1894 02:07:41,431 --> 02:07:44,958 As long as it's about me 1895 02:07:45,335 --> 02:07:48,463 The best of us can find happiness 1896 02:07:48,538 --> 02:07:51,939 In misery 1897 02:07:52,009 --> 02:07:55,501 Said I don't care what you think 1898 02:07:55,579 --> 02:07:59,379 As long as it's about me 1899 02:07:59,449 --> 02:08:02,976 The best of us can find happiness 1900 02:08:03,053 --> 02:08:09,151 In misery 1901 02:09:01,645 --> 02:09:05,172 Hi. I'm Amanda Crew, professional actor. 1902 02:09:05,248 --> 02:09:07,580 You know in all the teen unrated DVDs, 1903 02:09:07,651 --> 02:09:11,212 you never really get to see the star's naughty parts. 1904 02:09:11,688 --> 02:09:15,124 Well, that is gonna change today. 1905 02:09:15,192 --> 02:09:17,092 That's right. Take a seat, 1906 02:09:17,160 --> 02:09:19,993 maybe close the door so mom doesn't come in. 1907 02:09:20,063 --> 02:09:22,964 Get all ready. Looks good. 1908 02:09:24,367 --> 02:09:25,698 Here we go. 1909 02:09:29,439 --> 02:09:30,929 Suckers! 1910 02:09:32,576 --> 02:09:33,873 This is serious matter. 1911 02:09:34,978 --> 02:09:36,138 Run for your life. 1912 02:09:36,213 --> 02:09:38,807 MAN 1: Oh, shit! You know what? We see the fake balls on the table there. 1913 02:09:38,882 --> 02:09:39,906 (ALL LAUGHING) 1914 02:09:39,983 --> 02:09:42,713 MAN 2: All right. We'll shoot another. Cut. MAN 3: Cut. 1915 02:09:47,714 --> 02:09:48,714 Subtitles by LeapinLar 150769