Original subtitles

[bell rings]

? When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning ?

? I don't think I'll ever make it on time ?

? By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look ?

? I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ?

? If the teacher pops a test I know I'm in a mess ?

? And my dog ate all my homework last night ?

? Ridin' low on my chair, she won't know that I'm there ?

? If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be all right ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the bell ?

Every 16-year-old guy dreams about two things.

That's one.

The car I don't have is the other.

But I'm working on it.

Zack, come here. Here's one.

"A 1985 red Ferrari convertible.

Mint condition."

Hey, only $185,000.

I don't have $185,000.

Oh, I know that. You have to talk them down.

How much money have you really got, Preppie?

Well, when I get my $10 allowance on Saturday,

I'll still owe my dad 11.

Ask your dad for a raise.

Or get 20,000 more fathers.

There's this maniac named Jessie right behind me.

Whatever you do, don't mention the yearbook.

Why?

She hasn't come up with a theme yet,

and she's freaking out.

Shh.

Hey, mama, I got your favorite--

French fries with mayonnaise.

I couldn't eat a thing.

I'm totally stressed about the yearbook.

Shh! Don't mention the yearbook!

I'm in charge of the yearbook,

and Belding wants me to make it great.

I thought you weren't hungry.

I'm not.

I'm serious. Last year's was awful.

I bought one when I first got here.

Had to scope out the babe situation.

You are so shallow.

You can't judge a person by a picture of their face.

You're right. I couldn't even see their legs.

This is a real turkey.

Do you have any gravy?

OK, hotshot, you'll have an opportunity to make it better

at today's yearbook meeting.

You're on the yearbook committee?

So where we're headed is--

Sorry I'm late. Just pretend I'm not here.

Zack, if you want credit for this committee,

you are going to have to participate.

Last year there were a few unsold yearbooks.

A few?

Kids transferred so they wouldn't have to buy one.

That's why this yearbook has to be the best ever.

Wouldn't take much.

We need an idea that will make this puppy sell.

Any suggestions?

Let's use holograms.

Everyone's picture will just leap right off the page.

Ollie, isn't that a little expensive?

Moose, how about you?

Uh... I'm fine.

How are you?

No, no. The yearbook.

OK. I'll buy one.

Sandy?

Sandy!

Will you turn that music off?

It's not music. It's a book on tape.

A real classic, dude.

I mean sir dude.

"The Little Engine That Could," part two.

Books on tape.

Doesn't anyone read anymore?

No. I suggest not having a yearbook at all.

Oh, brilliant. I knew I could count on you.

No, really. A video yearbook.

Hey, I love it.

It's so... now.

Like I said, I knew I could count on you.

Hey, no sweat.

I'll inform your teachers you'll be missing some classes.

- Miss classes? - Miss classes?

Miss classes?

Then I withdraw my offer.

I'm here to learn.

Mr. Belding, honored committee members,

I will make the ultimate sacrifice.

I will shoot the video yearbook.

Ready? This is your video profile.

Hey, I was born ready.

Right.

Lights.

Action.

Looks like he was born camera-shy.

Figures.

What's your name?

Uh... my name?

My name is A.C. Slater.

Bet it feels good to be football captain.

Oh. I bet it does.

Is there any message you'd like to leave the graduating class?

Goodbye.

Cut.

I think we got enough.

I was a little nervous. Could you tell?

You nervous? Nah.

Just send in the next victim.

Screech, this is great.

We shoot videos while these suckers go to class.

Hi, Zack. I'm proud of you.

This video yearbook is excellent.

Thanks, Kelly.

Stand by the backdrop, and we'll shoot your profile.

Go for it.

Hi. I'm Kelly Kapowski.

I'm the captain of the girls' volleyball team,

softball team, and swim team.

I'm also head cheerleader.

B-a-y-s-i-d-e!

Go, Bayside! Whoo!

Now, who do you love?

I love you.

Cut. Perfect.

How about a movie Saturday?

Sure. My parents are going out, so yours will have to drive.

You'll have a great time double-dating with your parents.

Me next.

Do this one, Screech.

I got to see about getting a car.

No problem-o.

Lisa, doll-face, go be beautiful by the scenery.

I can't stand there.

That backdrop clashes with my outfit.

Kill the attitude, sweetie.

Hello. My name is Lisa Turtle.

I'm the founder of the fashion team and the shopping squad.

My hobbies include dating, guys, and dating guys.

And cut.

How was I?

Delightfully shallow.

And you're delightfully dorky.

Every guy will want to date her when they see this.

Hey, Screech,

that's how we'll get money for a car.

We'll make a video dating tape

and sell it to every lonely guy in town.

Why would we want lonely guys to date us?

No, you simp.

We'll make a dating tape of pretty girls.

Oh. Now, that makes sense.

That's right.

Next.

Like, hi. My name is Liz Bass.

I, like, totally love everything.

What's your idea of a perfect guy?

Oh, my gosh. All right.

I like a guy that's, like, tall, dreamy,

and spends all of his money on me.

Hey, Screech, this is great.

Yo. I'm Spike.

No teams, no clubs, I hate school,

and I want to be a rocker.

??

What's your idea of a dream date?

Jon Bon Jovi setting my hair on fire.

??

Zack, she scares me.

All right. Just use the best-looking girls.

Then add some music

and plaster their phone numbers across the screen.

Got it.

Tomorrow we'll take these tapes to high schools.

Remember, just the prettiest girls.

Hey, I'm no dummy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh, my... wow.

Do you have enough money yet?

No, but I will once we go to...

Woodlands High, Uni High,

hey, Grant High,

and St. Murray's Reform School.

They haven't seen a girl in years.

When the 20th guy called,

I smashed the telephone with my guitar.

Pretty cool feedback, actually.

It's so totally rad.

I must have been asked out by every dude in L.A.

See? The tape really works.

The girls are getting calls.

I don't know. I kind of feel slimebally.

Yeah. Isn't it great?

Maybe I'll test drive a Corvette this afternoon.

What are you looking at?

Your tongue must be the strongest muscle in your body.

Excuse me?

Your phone was busy for over 3 hours last night.

Was it Save The Whales pledge week?

I got a lot of calls from total strangers who want to date me.

Just how many total strangers are we talking about?

I don't know. 15, 20.

You talked to all of them, Miss Love The World?

I can speak to whomever I choose.

Look...

The Max,

where Bayside's elite have good times

and bad burgers.

There's the football team captain

and student body president having a romantic lunch.

Shut up!

Oh, gosh, what a surprise, Screech.

They're fighting as usual.

This jughead thinks he owns me.

No, I don't.

I just don't want you going out with 50 guys.

I am not going out with them.

I don't even know them. They just called.

Yeah, right.

Excuse us.

You put Jessie on the video?

Yeah. She is a girl.

Who else is on it?

So, Friday I have a date with Wayne.

Saturday I'm going out with Garth,

only because he begged.

Sunday I have a day date and a night date

with guys whose schools I've never even heard of.

Tell me you didn't.

I got so many calls, I had to unplug my phone.

You know there's a St. Murray's Reform School?

You're dead.

Zack, how's the yearbook coming along?

Mr. Belding wants to see it.

It's going great. We're almost finished.

We're going to work on it now.

I thought I was dead.

Move it now.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...

Let go! Let go!

You're the dumbest human being on earth.

You hired me. What does that make you?

Just put the tape in.

The dating tape or yearbook tape?

The dating tape.

Hi. I'm Kelly Kapowski. I'm proud...

[Screech] To be your date.

Call her 'cause she's the...

Head cheerleader.

555-4314. Call Kelly.

Kelly wants you to call today because...

I love you.

Pretty good, huh?

We want a sneak preview of the yearbook.

Well, we're still working on it.

Show us what you got.

I can't wait to see what I look like.

Fine. Here.

Here, enjoy. We've got work to do.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...

I thought we were done. What's left to shoot?

You, if we can't stop guys from calling Kelly.

Zack, when can I see that video?

Which video?

The yearbook video, of course.

I thought he meant--

Jessie's watching it in the yearbook room.

- Great. Carry on. - All right.

Come here.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Oh, hi. I'm Jessica Spano.

This video's a first at Bayside,

and, as student body president, I'm excited--

[Screech] About going out with you. Just a phone call away.

They call her legs, and you can, too.

I have seen enough.

I haven't. I want to see mine again.

Lisa, Zack Morris exploited you

and every girl at Bayside.

That's wrong.

But I got a lot of dates.

He probably made a fortune selling these videos.

He's making money off me?

Now, that's wrong.

Let's kill him.

Let's tear him into little pieces.

Then take those little pieces and expel them.

Wait a second.

Aren't you coming?

You should be even madder.

Oh, I'm furious.

But killing Zack isn't the answer.

He'll just do it again.

You have a better idea?

You don't date Zack Morris without learning some tricks.

Let's teach him a lesson he won't forget.

- OK. - Yeah.

We need to stop those guys from calling Kelly.

Why don't we take all her phones?

Why don't you go make a hungry shark happy?

I sense anger in you.

There you are, Zack.

We've got to talk.

Yikes!

Talk? Uh, about what?

I'm so ticked off!

Somebody gave out Jessie's phone number

and told everybody she's available.

Oh. Who would do something that stupid?

I don't know, but when I find this guy,

I'm just going to slam him against the wall.

And I'm going to slap him silly!

Then you know what I'm going to do?

Take some pliers

and pluck out all his little nose hairs.

Ow!

What's wrong with you, Screech?

Wrong? With me? Oh, nothing.

Ne-never been better.

Slater, aren't you overreacting?

Zack, this guy's giving out Kelly's number, too.

How come you're not mad?

Oh, he was. I mean he is.

I mean he will be.

I just don't think violence is the answer.

This whole thing could be a misunderstanding.

Yeah, well, he won't misunderstand this.

Do you think he's bluffing?

I wonder how much Zack's making.

You can bet it's enough to buy a car.

He'll be driving me to school for the rest of his life.

Shh! Here he comes.

Hi, girls. How you doing?

Don't ask.

Terrible.

Why? What's wrong?

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

I'll tell you what's wrong.

Whoever gave out our phone numbers

is completely messing up our lives.

I thought you were happy because you got dates.

I got so many calls, my father took my phones.

I'm sorry. Jessie, you still getting calls, too?

No, they've stopped.

Is everything ok with Slater?

No. He dumped me. He's gone berserk.

He's beating up every guy he thinks likes me.

Hey! What happened to you guys?

Slater thought we were hitting on Jessie,

so he starts hitting on us.

I have incredible pain, too.

[bell rings]

Screech! Did Slater do that to you?

No. These are fakes.

That way, Slater will think he got me.

Put one on. You'll be safer.

Attention, Zack Morris,

this is your principal Mr. Belding.

Please report to my office immediately.

At least Slater won't find me in there.

[knock on door]

Come in.

You wanted to see me?

The board wants to see the yearbook tonight,

so I'll need a finished copy by 3:00.

3:00? But, sir--

Sir! What happened to your eye?

I had an unfortunate incident with Slater this morning.

The boy's out of control.

[intercom buzzes]

Yes?

Mr. Belding, Kelly Kapowski and Vince Montana are here.

Vince Montana?

Send them in. Just take a second, Zack.

What do you want?

Kelly, what are you doing?

The same thing she was doing in class.

They've been caught making out all over school,

and he doesn't go here.

Kelly, you're my girlfriend.

I meant to talk to you about that.

Vince called me. You've been replaced.

Who's the dweeb?

Just some old mistake.

I don't believe it.

Get your hands off her!

There you are, Zack.

I've been looking all over for you.

Time out!

Man, this is horrible.

I just meant to get a car.

If I don't get out of this,

my life at Bayside is over.

Time in.

Ooh! Oh! Mr. Belding, I'm sorry.

Hey, guys. What's up?

Zack invited us all to be here at 3:00.

He's not here, and there's no hors d'oeuvres.

What kind of party is this?

The way he disappeared from your office, Mr. B,

I'll be surprised if he shows his face again.

Screech, where's Zack?

I think I'm supposed to play this for everybody.

What makes you think that?

It says, "play it for everybody."

Hi. I'm Zack Morris,

sole member of the slimeball team.

I guess you know about the video dating tape.

I'm sorry.

I never meant to hurt anybody.

Kelly, you were right to dump me.

I don't deserve to have you as my girlfriend,

but then, neither does Vince.

Screech.

The friendship ring I gave him.

Give her a tissue.

OK, Zack.

Ahem.

Jessie, Mr. Belding,

you trusted me to produce Bayside's video yearbook.

What were we thinking?

What were you thinking?

I'm sorry I betrayed your trust,

but I finished the yearbook.

As far as sales are concerned,

I used the money from the dating tapes

to buy video yearbooks for the whole school.

Don't worry, Screech.

They'll be delivered Monday morning.

I thought I lost them.

I'm sorry for messing up your lives,

but you'll never see me again

'cause I'm going to a military school.

Goodbye forever.

I can't believe it! He's finally gone!

It's like a dream come true.

Free at last.

Yeah! All right! Whoo!

I can't believe you guys!

It's not like it's the worst thing I've ever done.

I said I'm sorry. Even got you yearbooks.

What do you want?

[all] Gotcha!

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