Original subtitles

[bell rings]

? When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning ?

? I don't think I'll ever make it on time ?

? By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look ?

? I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ?

? If the teacher pops a test I know I'm in a mess ?

? And my dog ate all my homework last night ?

? Ridin' low on my chair, she won't know that I'm there ?

? If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be all right ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the bell ?

What's going on?

Just the weekend update on Zack and Tori,

the hottest couple at Bayside.

Here they are Saturday kissing.

On Sunday...

Still kissing,

and here they are today.

Blinded by love.

Ow. This relationship is starting to hurt,

but it's worth it.

Excuse me. Mind if I play through?

Screech, what are you doing?

Practicing.

The miniature-golf team has a major tournament today.

Uh, is that a hard-boiled egg?

Yeah. Budget cuts are so bad,

we're using these instead of real golf balls.

At least if you don't win, you'll have a great snack for the back nine.

The football team's starting to feel the budget crunch, too.

We're using fat nerds as tackling dummies.

At least you have uniforms.

We have nothing to wear for field hockey.

Really? I'll have to check out your next game.

In your dreams.

Fore!

Oops. I guess those are soft-boiled balls.

Mr. Tewsbury, I'll be transferring in here from Home Economics.

What's going on, Tori? I thought you liked Home Ec.

Wrong. I hated it.

They hated me after I blew up two ovens.

Then you'd better wear one of these.

It's fireproof.

She can't dress in here. She's a girl.

Ox, those coveralls go over your clothes.

I'm still not watching.

I'm a gentleman.

Excuse me, Mr. Tewsbury.

I have an important announcement.

You're retiring early?

Very funny.

Everyone quiet down and drop what you're doing.

I am sorry to say one of Bayside's favorite graduates,

Frederik Field, passed away yesterday.

Hey, did he invent the football field?

No, Ox.

He invented waistbands for underwear.

Oh, gee, what a great man, huh?

Well, anyway,

he left the students $10,000 in his will.

That's my kind of guy.

Let's rent the forum and have a private party with the Laker girls.

Excuse me?

Oh, that was a reflex action.

Bad, bad idea.

The will states the money must go to benefit the school.

Students can vote on suggestions tomorrow.

All right, Screech Powers --

representing the Bayside bug club.

I knew he'd do something on bugs.

As Bayside's bug man,

I suggest we build the nation's first high-school insect museum.

Take a look at our friendly creepy crawlers.

Whoa! Eiee! Aah!

Oops.

The sports program is a big moneymaker for the school.

To keep it that way, we need state-of-the-art equipment

like astroturf on the football field

and a dome over the baseball field.

We drop lots of fly balls in the sun.

Yeah! Yeah! Right on!

Zack, a dome would cost over a million dollars.

Ah.

All right, then...

Ray-bans for the outfielders.

The money should go for sports.

All our teams are in need.

Money for sports.

Money for sports!

Money for sports!

Money for sports!

Girls. Girls.

Thanks for your support,

but we're not talking about the same thing.

Yeah, we're talking about guys' teams.

You know, the real sports of the school.

Wait. Are you saying that girls' sports don't count?

- No, no. - No. No.

Girls' sports count,

just not enough to get money.

Wait. That's not fair.

Boys' sports get everything already.

Tickets from our games bring in the money

that pays for your dumb sports like softball.

We like softball, jocko.

Yeah, where do you get off?

Hey hey hey hey!

All right, everyone,

this seems to be the only way to decide who gets the money--

the battle of the sexes is about to begin.

The team winning two out of three events receives $10,000

which will be awarded at Friday's dance.

Is everyone ready?

[all] Yeah!

The boys' team is ready, sir.

So's the girls' team, sir.

These are clues to your first puzzle pieces.

The team that collects all puzzle pieces,

places them on these boards...

and solves the puzzle correctly, wins.

Captains...

ready your teams.

[tweet]

Go, go.

"To reveal location of your puzzle pieces,

ask someone named Sam for the correct combination."

My uncle's name is Sam. He'll help us.

Screech, your name is Sam.

Oh, my gosh. You're right.

Um... combination.

The puzzle piece must be in his locker.

Come on. Yeah. That's right.

"Here's where you might go first,

if your puzzle had a thirst."

Water fountain.

Come on! We're losing ground!

What is the combination?

It's so hard to think under all this pressure.

Wait a minute! I've got it!

10... 22... 42.

Hey, that's Gilligan's birthday.

"Now that you've found puzzle piece number one,

you'll find the next piece in the room with flowers and fake sun."

Fake sun? Oh, I know.

It's the tanning booth, right?

Ginger, this is school.

We don't have a tanning booth.

It's the school's greenhouse.

1... 14... 92,

Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

Stand back, Screech.

I've got the master combination.

It works every time.

"Beware, sons of Bayside,

"keep this quiet from the daughters,

'cause clue number two could find you in deep waters."

Deep waters?

It's got to be the pool.

This is a light switch.

The light switch is on.

No, it's off--on!

On--on oar...

Honor.

Honor.

OK, let me see.

Honor... Honor the chicken?

Honor chicken's leg.

Wait. Honor thigh...

Honor thy.

Honor thy neighbor's bucket of chicken.

Stop that.

Uh, bug, buzz, uh, bee?

Bee! Bee "t..."

Owl? What is that ugly bird trying to say?

Who! Owls say who!

OK, bee "t" who.

Be true! Be true to--

Oh, I know it!

Be true to your little house on the prairie.

I love that show.

Ginger, no.

We need to get this.

Honor thy prince...

Pail. Pail.

Mr. Belding, does this say honor thy principal?

Correct.

On oar thigh prince "a" pail.

Honor thy principal.

The boys win event number one.

? We bad ?

? We bad ?

? We, we, we bad ?

Excuse us, ladies, the victory train is pulling in.

One more win, and this ride is over.

Choo-choo!

Oh, yeah? Well, your train's about to jump its tracks

right, girls?

All right, all right, settle, people.

Under each sheet is a disassembled car part.

Eh eh eh eh.

The first team to assemble theirs

in working order wins.

Teams, man the tables.

OK, your name is all over this, buddy.

Those girls couldn't even pump their own gas.

Tori, you can do it.

You've got to do it 'cause I'm not touching whatever's under that sheet.

It's ok. I've worked on my motorcycle plenty of times.

Here. You don't want to break a nail.

[tweet]

Ooh. Gross. It's all greasy.

Aw, shucks.

A disassembled carburetor.

Whatever will I do?

[snap]

You can do it.

A couple more bolts,

and this competition is over, boys.

Ratchet, please.

Done.

Done?

Done?

Done?

Perfect reassembly.

The girls win.

The competition is tied at one win apiece.

? We bad ?

? We bad ?

? We, we, we bad ?

Choo-choo!

Do you realize what this means?

You'll be the laughingstock of the school for years to come.

No, you dork, we could lose the money.

Relax, Slater.

My sources inform me the next event is a bake-off.

A bake-off? We're dead.

Not yet. I've got an idea.

Everything you'll need to make a pineapple upside-down cake

is on your tables,

so pick your chef and let's see what's cooking.

[laughing]

Lisa, I thought you said you couldn't cook.

I never said I couldn't.

I just said I wouldn't.

[tweet]

OK, Ox, one more.

[overlapping conversations]

[ding]

Hey, Zack, what's going on, man?

The girls are going to win.

Don't worry.

Screech and I replaced their oven knob with a phony.

They're about to get burned.

Ha ha ha!

[coughing]

See?

[timer dings]

Ta-da!

Ohh.

- Ahh. - Hey.

Good? Huh? Huh?

Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

Well, ahem, judging by moistness and... and color,

I would have to say that the boys' team wins.

They get the $10,000.

Whoa! Yeah! Yeah!

? We bad ?

? We know it ?

? We bad ?

? We show it ?

I still don't know what went wrong?

Oh, you burned it.

I don't mean that, Ginger.

I mean, I followed that recipe to a "T."

Sorry, guys.

Hey, it's OK, Lisa.

Just let it go.

Yeah, and take that with you.

[whistling]

So how are the baking babes doing?

Let me at him!

Screech, is this an oven knob?

Not just any oven knob.

Your oven knob.

Why do you have it?

Because if I left it on the oven,

everything cooked on it would burn...

Like that cake.

Oops.

Got to jet. Bye.

Get burned?

Screech!

Lisa.

So that's what happened.

They switched the knobs.

Those cheaters.

Let's tell Mr. Belding.

Uh-uh. Revenge is sweeter.

Listen up, girls.

How did the meeting with Belding go?

Great. We devised a budget

so every guys' sport gets some of the $10,000.

How much for miniature golf?

5 big ones.

$5,000?

No. 5 big ones.

5 bucks.

Excuse me, boys.

My date for tonight just walked in.

Ahem.

Kelsey, what do you say

we catch a move at the cineplex tonight?

I say no way.

Huh.

So, hot date tonight, Slater?

No. She turned me down.

That's weird.

Kelsey never turns me down.

Hey, Pete, Ox,

about our double date this weekend...

We don't have one.

Sss. Sss.

Something strange is going on here.

Yeah. I've been slapped in the face three times today.

That's way below my average.

No. Three?

What's this mean, Zack?

It means you guys have had some bad luck with the ladies,

and you're overreacting.

Ah.

Watch.

I'll show you guys it's all in your heads.

Tori, about the dance --

what time should I pick you up?

A quarter to never.

I don't go out with cheaters.

What do you mean?

You guys cheated to win the cooking competition.

We saw Screech's fake oven knob.

Don't worry, Zack. They can't prove a thing.

I've eaten the evidence.

[belch]

There must be a little misunderstanding.

This alleged knob...

Don't give me that "alleged" talk.

You're only way out is by telling Belding the truth.

And lose the money? No way.

Fine, but until you confess,

no girl in this school will date any guy.

That should make for some interesting matches at the dance.

Big deal.

Who needs them?

Did you see what Kelsey is wearing?

Oh, she looks good.

They're not fighting fair.

My body is rebelling.

All right, hang on, guys.

This is a test of wills.

Those girls want to be with us

just as much as we want to be with them.

No, Zack.

I think I want to be with them more.

OK, guys here, girls there...

What's going on?

The girls won't talk to us because we chea--

Because we're cheap.

Cheap?

We're cheap. Very stingy.

You have to learn, boys,

nobody likes a tightwad.

That's right.

Guys, guys, guys, guys.

Just a few more minutes.

I'm telling you,

these girls are about to topple.

We want to be there to soften their fall.

- Hmm! - Hmm!

Bye.

Ooh, excuse me.

Hold on a minute.

I'll go over there,

try opening the lines of communication first.

Lisa, Tori, we've got to talk.

Can't you and Slater figure out

who's supposed to lead during the slow dances?

You're very funny.

Look, you two are wrecking one of the last dances.

You know,

we'll never have these high-school carefree days again.

Hey, don't blame us.

You guys started it.

Tell Belding the truth, and this whole thing is over.

No, no. Then guys' sports won't get a dime,

and a lot of large, scary athletes will be looking for me.

That's too bad.

I was so hoping for a good time at this dance.

Ta-ta for now.

OK.

Guys, plan "A" did not do so well.

It's on to plan "B."

What's plan "B"?

Unconditional surrender.

At this time,

I'd like to ask Zack Morris to come up here

for the inheritance-check presentation.

Go ahead, do it.

Uh, Mr. Belding, before you present the check,

there's something I'd like to say.

The microphone is yours.

I really didn't want to have a microphone.

Since when have you been shy?

The whole school's listening.

Yeah, Zack. We're listening.

Uh, fellow students...

Mr. Belding,

as representative of the boys' team,

I regretfully state we cannot accept the inheritance check.

Why not?

Well, you see,

we rigged Lisa's oven before the cooking event.

The boys' team cheated.

That's right. He did.

Sir, we're really sorry.

The girls deserve the money.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I guess there's only one thing to do.

Tori, would you come up here

for the inheritance-check presentation?

We can't accept that check.

We don't know who would've won.

The girls want one more event --

winner takes all.

It's sure been one crazy week.

Tori, since you're captain of the girls' team,

you pick the event.

OK...

We limbo!

[jamaican steel drums play]

Come on, Slater, here we go.

Here we go.

? Zack, be nimble ?

? Lisa, be quick ?

? Just get under that limbo stick ?

? Don't hit your head ?

? Don't hit your buns ?

? Just get down and have some fun ?

? Bend those knees now ?

? Arch that back ?

? Last one standing has the knack ?

Come on, Tori!

The girls win,

and here's your check for $10,000, Tori.

[all] Yay!

1..2..3!

? We bad ?

? We knew it ?

? You cheated, you blew it ?

Have you thought about how you're going to spend it?

Even though we won,

we'll share this with the guys.

Oh, really?

The miniature-golf team gets $50.

Great.

Um, Tori, can you raise it to $57?

We need to fix the windmill.

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