Original subtitles

[bell rings]

? When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning ?

? I don't think I'll ever make it on time ?

? By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look ?

? I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ?

? If the teacher pops a test I know I'm in a mess ?

? And my dog ate all my homework last night ?

? Ridin' low on my chair, she won't know that I'm there ?

? If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be all right ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the bell ?

All right. Let's get this meeting started.

Wait. Someone missing?

Zack and Tori aren't here yet.

Tori? She's never late.

Eh! Not until she started dating Zack.

Sorry we're late. We were, um...

Studying in the-- the, uh, library.

- Yeah. Right. - Yeah. Right.

Say, did that new book on earthworms come in?

Yeah. It's got your face on the cover.

No, it doesn't.

All right. All right.

We are here to discuss your senior class rings.

I've got it.

We could buy a ton of cracker Jacks and hope we get rings.

I'd rather dip you in caramel and stuff you in the box.

Ooh, let's go with the traditional cut --

the Bayside crest on one side

and the class year on the other.

Ox, that actually makes sense.

Did you have brain surgery over the weekend?

I don't think so.

It's all right. It's a very good idea.

Who wants to be in charge,

sort of like the ring leader?

I'll do it. I can get us a great price.

Deal is my middle name.

I'll buy one class ring for now and one for next year.

Prices always go up.

You won't be here next year.

You're a senior, you idiot.

Why do you always treat Screech like dirt?

I don't treat Screech like dirt.

It's more like sludge.

You're mean to him.

If Screech had been bugging you since the first grade,

you'd want to park your bike on his face.

I admit he's a bit odd,

but he's our friend.

It's obvious you've never been to the movie with the boy.

You'd want to kill him before you bought tickets.

I bet I wouldn't.

If I go to movies with Screech and not be mean,

would you be nice to him for the rest of the year?

Sure. When you break out in a rash,

don't blame me.

Fine.

I don't know. Maxwell, of course you want three rings,

one for each ring finger and a spare.

I'm too smart for you, Morris.

I'll only take two.

Excuse me, Zack.

I realize you're busy ripping that dork off,

but I've got to ask you something.

Don't worry. You're my girlfriend, you'll get a great discount.

That's not what I meant.

I'm trying to prove something to Lisa.

Would you have a problem if I went out with Screech?

If you want to hang out with Screech,

that's your problem, not mine.

Thanks.

No problem.

Uh, your victim is getting away.

Ooh! I'll see you later.

Maxwell, hold up.

I haven't talked to you about toe rings.

You go to the beach, don't you?

Yes, and the beach bunnies love me.

Screech, would you like to go to the movies with me tonight?

Great. Wait a minute.

I know I'm irresistible, but Zack is my best friend.

Zack doesn't mind.

Ah, an open relationship.

I can dig it. I'm sophisticated.

When should I have my mom pick you up?

I got some popcorn, licorice,

and Mr. Snooter's Gumballs.

This should last till my first bathroom break.

Or until you get a major zit.

What did you get for me?

You? Nothing. Oh, here. Have some popcorn.

Great. She's going for the popcorn.

I feel like I'm spying on my girl and my best friend.

You are.

My special sauce has quite a kick, huh?

What's in it?

Brazilian horseradish. Have some more.

No, thanks. I'll stick with Mr. Snooter's.

Wow. Way to go, Tori.

It looks like a year of kissing up to Screech, Lisa.

Shut up or I'll rip those lips off.

Ooh, ooh. Watch this guy.

He's the killer.

Screech, don't tell me.

Look, I'm not going to get upset,

but you just told me the end of the movie.

The end's the big surprise where the monster explodes.

I see.

You guys, this doesn't look good.

I can't believe Tori hasn't slapped him silly yet.

[dramatic music swells]

It's O.K., Screech.

They saved Tokyo just like you said.

Why are you crying?

I just hate it when the monster dies.

I loved that guy.

You've seen that movie five times.

You knew he was gonna die.

I know, but I keep hoping they'll change it and let him live.

Let's go.

Wait.

I can't find Arnold!

Arnold! Yes! I still have a chance.

Arnold?

Oh, here he is.

Here's my pet mouse. He loves the movies.

You brought a mouse to the movies?

He is kind of cute.

Life as I know it is over.

Ah, here comes my ring salesman.

You're buying our rings from him?

Hey, trust me, huh?

Hi, I'm Zack Morris. You must be Mr. Diamond?

Absolutely correct!

But my friends call me Gem.

My card.

"Gem Diamond -- jeweler, ringologist,

and G.G.T.K."?

Good guy to know.

So, buddy, you're interested in buying some college rings, huh?

No, no. High school rings.

Oh, oh, oh, my mistake.

You've got that mature college look.

Well, I will be in college next year.

Ah, there you go.

Let's cut to the chase.

You look like a man of fine taste.

Let me show you my line.

Bada bing! Bada boom!

What we have here is a fine sampling

of ladies' rings, men's rings,

and oh, oh! You don't want this one.

If I've told her once, I've told her a hundred times,

"Ma, don't put the Greco Roman 3000 in the showcase."

It looks like a really good ring.

It's the best!

But every time I sell this ring, I lose money.

There's a misprint in the price guide.

That's the one I want.

I'm sorry, but I made a vow to my dead dad

that I would never sell this ring again.

I'll have to buy 300 rings somewhere else.

You don't have to twist my arm.

Oh, you beat me. You win.

We still haven't talked price.

Well, how does this grab you?

$99 a ring?

No. That's too much.

I can get them cheaper.

Tell you what I'm going to do, but only because I like you.

That is much better.

There's one more thing.

I want my ring for free.

Gem Diamond doesn't give anything away for free.

I could convince my principal to buy some rings from you next year.

Ah, ah, ah! You got me again.

O.K. Look, all you have to do is sign right here

and call me when you get all the ring sizes.

Yeah, that's, uh, fine.

Well, I did it.

You're looking at a master negotiator.

Got us the best prices ever.

- All right, good going. - Yeah.

Here he comes, Lisa.

Make nice.

Hey, Screech.

Hey, buddy.

Why, hello, there, Screech.

How are you today?

I'm terrific.

Tori and I are in love.

Hi, guys.

[all] Hi.

We just saw Screech, and he told us the good news.

Yeah, he told us all about you two being in love.

What? I'm not in love with Screech.

You mean, it's all in his head?

Gosh, that's so unlike Screech.

You're in it up to your eyeballs.

We just went to the movies. It's no big deal.

Hello, my love.

These are for you.

I can't take--

Tush! Don't say a word.

I can see the flames of passion in your eyes.

Screech, we need to talk.

We have so much to learn about one another.

I don't know what kind of deodorant you use --

spray or roll-on.

[bell rings]

Ta-ta, my lovely.

Screech, you're a nice guy, and I like you, but--

Oh, I get it. You're worried about Zack.

You don't get it.

This won't work.

I like bikes. You like bugs.

I see. My bugs bug you.

I'll get a can of Raid and take care of them,

even my flea circus.

Uh, Screech, wait.

All right, seniors. Your class rings are here.

Come and get them.

All right.

Ox.

Maxwell.

Wait. This guy made 300 rings overnight?

Yeah. Told you he was the best.

Lisa, Lisa.

- Here you go. - Thanks.

Tori, here you go.

Ohh! You're alone? Where's your boyfriend?

Slaughtering thousands of innocent insects in the name of love.

You mean the honesty approach didn't work?

Quel suprise!

Zack...

Sweetheart...

Honey...

I need help.

Please.

It's almost a shame to break those two kids up.

Screech is starting to bother Tori.

I'd like my girlfriend back.

He's coming. Go hide.

Go.

Uhh!

[humming]

Oh, hey, Screech.

Have you seen Zack?

Man, he's really been bummed since he lost Tori.

Ah, a broken heart.

I've been there many times.

There he is.

Screech, listen, you're his best pal.

Why don't you try to cheer him up?

? Oh, Zack ?

Boogie, boogie, boogie.

What are you doing?

Trying to cheer him up.

Try something else.

Hey, buddy. Want to talk about it?

Well, it's just that I miss Tori so much.

She's a great girl.

Ahh, I can understand.

Is there anything I can do to help?

Well, there is one thing.

Nah, forget it.

I can't ask him to do that.

Of course you can.

I'd do anything for you. Just name it.

O.K. Would you stop going out with Tori?

What are you, nuts?

Find a hobby.

Guess who, my leather angel?

Oh, gee. Could it be... Screech?

Darn! I'm going to have to start washing my hands after biology.

Tori, what say we cement our love,

and you wear my ring?

Oh, Screech, that's sweet,

but I've already got mine. Sorry.

You're supposed to wear your boyfriend's ring around your neck.

Screech, you're not my--

Tut tut tut. Shh!

We'll discuss while we dine.

I hope you like brussels sprouts.

Oh, Tori, there you are.

Um, about the plan, didn't work.

Yeah. So watch out for Screech.

Too late. We're engaged.

Well, if it isn't Zack deal-is-my-middle-name Morris.

What's the matter?

This is.

Your gold ring left a green stain on my finger.

I don't understand. Why would it do that?

Because it's not gold.

Duh.

You got ripped off.

Well, maybe it's just yours.

Uh-huh.

Well, maybe it's just ours.

There he is.

Maybe it's just everybody's.

[ring]

Gem Diamond ringologist.

Yeah. Hi, Gem? It's Zack Morris.

Oh, um...

Gem's not here right now,

so please leave a message at the beep.

No, gem.

Look, I've got trouble.

Because of your phony rings,

the whole senior class has green fingers.

What's that got to do with me?

You ripped me off. I want my money back.

Sorry. All sales are final.

Have a nice day.

Oh. Slimeball hung up on me.

What am I going to do? I'm dead.

- Yup. - Yup.

Look at the bright side.

At least Screech isn't in love with you.

It's nice to have that boob off my case.

Think positive.

Maybe he'll fall for someone else.

Even I'd go out with him

if it would get me out of this ring jam.

So would every green-fingered girl in the school.

That's it. Tory,

I've got a way to solve both of our problems at the same time.

Before I call gem again,

I need you to get Screech really steamed up.

Then what?

Slater and I will take care of the rest.

Jump, zondo. Jump.

I've got to show you something.

Oh, Tori. It's, um, not what you think.

This isn't my flea circus.

No. It's--

it's...

Oh, you caught me.

I couldn't kill them.

I love the little guys.

It's O.K. I don't care about the fleas.

Really?

Then would you like to see zondo jump through the flaming hoop?

I've got to show you something.

Oh, no.

Did you get a hickey from a Martian?

The guy that sold these rings is a crook.

It's not real gold.

The scoundrel.

It just breaks my heart to see the first true symbol of our love is...

tarnished.

Don't worry, Tori.

I can always buy you another ring.

That's not enough.

Somebody has to teach this guy a lesson.

I think he's at the Max.

You're right. He's made a mockery of our passion.

I'll tear him limb from limb.

Zondo?

Oh.

That does it.

This guy is toast.

Thanks for coming.

Your second phone call intrigued me.

Tell me more about your change of heart.

Step into my office.

This is my associate A.C. Slater.

What's the A.C. stand for?

Abnormally cruel.

Yee-ah!

Gem...

Let's cut to the chase.

I am very impressed by the way you ripped me off.

It's nice to be appreciated.

I thought you and your buddies are upset.

Who cares about them?

I got my ring for free.

Here's the deal -- we should become partners.

What do I need you for? Me and Ma do fine.

'Cause I'm a teenager,

and I can get into any school

and convince kids to buy rings from you.

I like the way you think.

What's the muscle for?

Slater?

You see, he will convince anyone who needs convincing.

Right.

Like this.

So...

what do you say?

What do I say?

Bada bing! Bada boom!

Where is Screech?

If Tori did her job, he'll be here any second.

Whoa-woo!

Hey, you, Mr. Ring guy.

- Uh-oh! - Uh-oh!

I'm here to defend the honor of Tori

and all the green-fingered girls at Bayside.

Tough guy, take care of this punk!

Right.

Ah!

Step aside.

I'll teach this guy a lesson ninja style.

I can't let you do that, Screech.

Ooh.

Ooga!

Booga!

Uh!

Do something... partner.

Screech, heh heh heh.

Buddy, huh, can't we be reasonable here?

Tell that to zondo.

Whoo!

Oh!

Oh.

All right, you scumbucket!

Replace those phony rings with real ones

or else...

Whoo! Ooh!

Aye! Aye! Aye!

You got it!

I'll get you all new rings.

I promise, only don't hurt me!

Please!

Ma, start the car!

Yes! I can't believe that worked.

We'll get our new rings.

And Screech is a hero.

Bada bing!

Bada boom!

Hey, Maxwell,

here are your brand-new rings,

and this time, they're real.

Now that's fine craftsmanship, Morris.

I got two hot babes waiting for these.

Hey, guys. How you doing?

Slater, here's your ring.

Thanks.

Lisa.

Hey.

"24-karat gold."

Works for me.

Listen, guys, I'm sorry I had to rough you up at the Max.

I was in a blind rage.

Hey, no biggie, Screech.

We understand.

Oh, in fact, here's your ring.

Screech, will you take me to the movies tonight?

He promised to take me to the moth museum.

- No. Me. - No. Me.

Excuse me, my lovelies.

Tori, I don't mean to break your heart,

but I think maybe we should call it quits.

O.K., Screech, if--

if-- if you say so.

But before you break down into tears,

let me explain.

There's so little of me and so many of them.

I understand.

You're very wise.

I know.

So, I, uh...

hear you're on the rebound.

Yeah.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over Screech.

Oh, yeah?

Would this help?

Uh, it's a good start.

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