Original subtitles

[bell rings]

? When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning ?

? I don't think I'll ever make it on time ?

? By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look ?

? I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ?

? If the teacher pops a test I know I'm in a mess ?

? And my dog ate all my homework last night ?

? Ridin' low on my chair, she won't know that I'm there ?

? If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be all right ?

? It's all right ?

? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ?

? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the bell ?

Hi there. We've never met. I'm Zack.

I'm Robin. I just moved here from Beverly Hills.

Oh, really? Well my lucky number is 90210.

Tres clever.

Why don't I give you a tour of the neighborhood after school?

And what kind of car do you plan on towing me around in?

It's a '66 mustang convertible.

It's a real classic.

"Classic," another word for old.

Trade up, then call me. Ciao.

[bell rings]

Hello, class.

- Hi. - Hey.

You might wonder why I'm teaching communications this term.

Slater, go ahead, tell everyone.

I have no idea, sir.

I'm teaching communications

because being a school principal is about communication.

Oh, I thought it was about sleeping in your office all day.

Very funny.

Now, for this year's class project,

we'll be creating a show for cable access television.

We should do a show kids can relate to.

Like "Gilligan's Island: The Next Generation."

Ooh! Can I play the professor?

Or the today show for teenagers.

Sir, sir, I happen to have a great idea.

OK, we're on the air in one minute.

Robin, can I take you out to dinner after the show?

Where do you plan on taking me, handsome?

How about the Max for a couple of burgers, beautiful?

Burgers? I don't think so.

Try me when you have a craving for something expensive.

Hey, they got cheeseburgers, too!

[theme music plays]

Oh, guys! Get ready.

We're on in 5... 4... 3... 2...

Good morning, Palisades, Malibu, and Santa Monica.

I'm Zack Morris.

And I'm Lisa Turtle.

We've got an exciting show today.

First, Jessie Spano, our roving reporter,

meets Bayside's principal, Mr. Belding, in a relaxed interview.

I guess now's our chance to find out what makes him so boring.

Let's go live to Jessie Spano. Jessie?

Good morning. I'm here with Principal Richard Belding.

Who is this warm, kind man?

What are his thoughts, fears, hobbies, favorite songs?

Mr. Belding, tell our students, parents, and neighbors...

What happened to that $500 petty cash discrepancy

discovered by the school board?

What?

Don't play dumb with me. Where's the cash?

I'm sure there's an explanation.

It was just a petty cash error.

That's not a petty BMW you're driving these days.

Huh? Huh?

I thought we were going to talk about Pokey, my pet Turtle.

There you have it, America.

Judge for yourself.

Back to you, Zack and Lisa.

Thanks, Jessie, for your report on crooks in high places.

Now for our local weather forecast with Kelly Kapowski.

Thank you.

Leave your miniskirts at home, girls,

because winter winds are here.

Cut it.

Cut it!

But tomorrow you can slip back in your bikinis

because we'll have sunshine at all local beaches.

But don't stay at the beach too long,

because there's a 50% chance of rain tomorrow.

Mmm. Something smells awfully good, Lisa.

Thank you. It's my new perfume from France, Eiffel Power.

No, I'm talking about something from Chef Screech's kitchen.

Thank you, anchorpersons.

[crying]

And now, my assistant will add the onions.

Add the onions.

I'll be happy to.

Stir briskly. Those muscles should be good for something.

Stirring, Screech-a-Mia.

We are ready for the secret ingredients.

Ah. Ba-da-bing ba-da-boom.

And there we have Chef Screech's super spaghetti sauce.

Wow! That's Italian. Mmm. This is good.

Hey, guys. Try some.

You go first.

If it doesn't kill you, then I'll try it.

Boy, that's incredible.

I've never tasted anything so good. Really.

I don't believe it! This is wonderful!

And low in fat and cholesterol.

You guys, come here.

So, Preppie, how many chicks have asked for your autograph?

Oh, man, so many I lost count.

Heh. No one's asked you either, huh?

Mm. Only my mother.

Hi. I'm Veronica.

I saw your show last week.

Oh, it was nothing.

But we're glad to sign autographs or give out numbers.

Sure.

Would you introduce me to Screech?

What?

Sorry, girls. See you later.

I must have signed a hundred autographs. How about you?

- Tons and tons. - Oh, lots.

More fan mail, Chef Screech.

Take it fast. It's heavy.

Can you believe this fuss over my grandmother's sauce?

They all want to buy it.

That's crazy.

Crazy, but it gives me an idea.

I'm with you, Preppie.

If we can't be famous, we can be rich!

Slater, we're going into the spaghetti sauce business.

Screech, we're going to be millionaires, man.

Chloe, I just found a nerd with great E.P. --

earning power.

Hi, Screech.

Uh, hi, Robin.

I'll get to the point, cutie.

I'm going to let you buy me lunch.

Gee, thanks.

Hurry up, before Belding sees us.

Check out the three little pigs.

Guys, you're eating our profits.

[all] Sorry!

Why would anyone buy sauce in these?

Anyone can put sauce in jars.

Using flasks makes a statement.

We're saying our sauce is special, unique.

Besides, we got them free from the chemistry lab.

Lisa, got the labels?

Right here. Ran off a thousand of them.

Flasks, printing, tomatoes--

aren't we going to get in trouble?

Kelly, all these things are for student use, right?

Well, we're students, so we're using them.

You really believe that, don't you, Zack?

Sorry I'm late, guys.

My lunch date went longer than expected.

Ooh. Who's the lucky girl?

A babe from our TV class.

Does the name Robin ring a bell?

Isn't that the same girl that turned you two down?

Face it. I have something you don't have --

lover's lips.

OK.

Come on, it's sauce time.

Everybody knows what to do, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- OK. - Got it?

Got it. Screech, hit the switch.

Here we go.

Pouring the sauce.

Funneling the sauce.

Wiping the sauce.

Corking the sauce.

Labeling the sauce.

Packing the...

Hey, you know...

I really look like Doogie Howser.

Screech, pay attention!

Slater, I need a rag to clean up.

Lisa!

Make that two rags.

Screech, get back there!

Screech, just clean it later.

We're backing up here. Hurry up.

This is dumb. I'll just turn it off.

Screech's spaghetti sauce commercial, take one.

In 5... 4... 3... 2...

? O sole mio ?

? O sole-- ?

Buona sera, mama.

What's-a for supper?

What's-a matter for you?

I clean-a your house,

I raise your kids, and all you can say is, "what's for supper?"

I'm sorry, mi amore.

I miss you so much today.

So, what's-a for supper?

Chop-a suey, what do you think?

Spaghetti. Shut up-a your face and call your kids.

Bambini, papa's home.

Hello, papa.

Welcome home-a, papa.

So, where's your lazy brother Mario, huh?

- Eh. - Eh.

Yo, papa. Yo, mama. What's-a for supper, eh?

What's-a matter for you, you got no manners?

Show your mama some respect.

Sit down so we can eat.

Mangia, mangia!

Mama, spaghetti sauce?

I just remembered, I'm on a diet.

Me, too.

I'm sorry, mama.

No disrespect, but your spaghetti sauce...

Well, it stinks, capisce?

Hey!

Hey!

[doorbell rings]

Hey, we're saved by the bell.

My boys, you have-a your supper yet?

Would you happen to have some of your world-famous spaghetti sauce?

I'm-a never leave home without it.

Dinner, she's-a saved.

You know, Uncle Screech,

you really have to teach your sister...

Oh, my lovely wife,

to make this spectacular sauce.

I'm-a sorry, but no.

The sauce you can have,

but the secret, she's-a mine.

Screech's Secret Sauce is available at the Max or by calling...

Get your secret sauce here.

Your pasta's naked without it.

Come and get it.

And now, the macaroni mamas.

Hit it, girls!

If you're eating tortellini, ravioli, or linguini,

make sure that it tastes real boss,

pick up Screech's secret sauce!

All right. Get it while it lasts, only 3 bucks a bottle.

Mama Mia, papa pia,

buy two, and the third is free-a!

Look! It's Screech!

Will you autograph my bottle of sauce?

Sure, I--

come on, Screechie-poo.

Baby's hungry.

- Screechie-poo? - Screechie-poo?

May I get you a menu?

No. I'll have the lobster thermidor.

We have a great tuna melt.

They have what I want next door.

Give her the money, Screechie-kins.

Here's 40 bucks.

I'll have the lobster thermometer, too.

Darling, I have a present for you.

It's the watch you wanted.

Oh, you shouldn't have.

That's not what you said yesterday.

- You said "Screech, buy me--" - What else did you get me?

Well, nothing.

But, pookie, I can't wear this without the matching necklace.

I'm really worried about Screech.

Robin's only interested in him for his money.

He's got her a watch.

A watch? Was it a nice watch?

Zack, you have to tell Screech that Robin's using him.

I'll have a talk with him.

Well, see you guys later.

I have to get Screechie-poo's lobster.

Screech, we got to talk about Robin.

She's the best thing that's happened to me.

Printing, produce, chemistry supplies.

This stuff wasn't in my budget.

Hi, guys.

I've heard good things about that spaghetti sauce.

I'll buy some.

We couldn't charge you for all you've done for us.

Here you go.

Well, hey.

That's really nice of you.

Mrs. B will be thrilled. She loves your commercial.

"The sauce you can have,

but the secret, she's-a mine."

Screech, we still need to talk about Robin.

Excuse me, but aren't you Samuel Powers?

Another adoring fan.

I represent the Betsy Crocker company.

We've sampled your sauce.

Excuse me, excuse me.

I'm Zack Morris, Mr. Powers' business manager.

See, I know why you're here.

If you want Screech's recipe in your cookbook,

it's going to cost you.

No. It's going to cost you.

We've had that recipe in our cookbook for over 20 years.

Stop selling our sauce,

or we'll sue you.

It's been a pleasure.

Uh...

Screech,

did your grandmother get her recipe from the Betsy Crocker cookbook?

Of course. That's why it's so good.

Grandma was a lousy cook.

I can't believe it's from a cookbook.

Well, it is Screech. We're the idiots for not asking.

We were doing so well.

I'm going to kill him.

People like him don't die.

They live forever and bug you.

Hey, guys!

I guess they're not happy with me, huh?

I guess not, Screech.

At least I've got Robin.

Oh, oh, Screech, about Robin...

There's no easy way to say this, but...

Robin only likes you for your money.

I can't believe it.

My best friend is jealous 'cause I got the girl who turned him down.

Oh, no, that's not it.

You just can't handle the fact that I'm a stud and you're a dud.

Hi, Screech.

Wait up, love kitten.

? Guess what I've got ?

My necklace.

Oh, silver.

I was sort of hoping for the gold one.

I'll exchange it right away.

Oh, no! I still want this one.

I just want the other one, too.

I'm worth it, aren't I?

Well, of course you are Robin, but...

Are you saying if I don't buy this necklace for you,

you won't go out with me?

Yes.

But only because I want to look beautiful for you.

You deserve the best money can buy.

Well, that works for me.

Look what I got Todd to buy me.

That's nothing. I got a watch and a necklace,

and he's buying me more.

Wow! I've so much to learn from you.

Darn. I forgot my Uncle Fester wallet.

That dork Screech actually thinks I like him.

I wonder what I'll make him buy me next.

We're not selling any more sauce.

Try the Betsy Crocker cookbook.

I hear they have a great recipe.

That's the 50th call today.

I wish we could sell what we have left.

Face it. It's over.

That's not the only thing that's over.

Zack, you were right about Robin.

She was just using me.

I'm sorry, Screech.

You ok, buddy?

I'm just glad I found out before I tattooed her name on my forehead.

It's not a total loss.

We didn't get sued, and we made a little money.

Morris!

You must think I'm pretty dumb.

We're not the only ones.

Uh, what do you mean, sir?

I'm talking about $1,500 in school supplies

you used to run your business.

Now I want the money by the end of tomorrow,

or you're all suspended.

So we didn't make any money.

We'll have to pay it out of the profits.

How much money do we have, Screech?

Oh, um, Zack...

I kind of spent some of the profits on Robin.

Wait. How much is "some of the profits"?

Oh, just, you know...

All of it.

All of it?

We still have our health, right?

We do.

Don't be too sure about yours.

I'm sorry, guys.

I wish I never met Robin.

I wish I never bought her any of that stuff.

Well, I just thought of a way to get Belding's money

and get even with Robin at the same time.

Thanks for inviting me for lunch.

By the way, did you get me that necklace?

No, I'm sorry.

This business is sucking the life out of me.

I haven't had time to change my underwear.

Really.

I'm making more money than I know what to do with.

Oh, you poor, poor baby.

I'm pretty good with money.

I could help you figure out what to do with it.

Robin, you're the best.

That's why I want to spend all my time with you.

And that's why I've decided to sell the business.

Are you crazy?

It's too much for me.

In fact, I'm meeting someone who's interested in buying my recipe.

Here he is now.

Herr Screech, I'm Wolfgang Von Schmidt.

As I said on the phone,

I'm prepared to offer you $500.

Screech, we need more sauce.

We just got 100 more orders.

Sorry. I'm selling the business to Herr Schmidt.

You can't. It's a gold mine!

You'll never worry about money again.

My mind's made up.

As long as I have Robin, I don't need money.

Don't be so sure.

Then we want to buy it.

You're going to have to beat $500.

All right. 600.

- 700. - 800.

- 900! - 950.

$1,000.

Oh. What should I do?

Don't sell it to that foreign creep. I'll buy it.

You're too pure and innocent.

I couldn't put you through it.

Put me through it!

I'll give you $1,200.

- 1,300. - 1,400.

Uh, 2,000.

- Sold - Sold!

I'll have to ask for the money now.

No problema.

Oh. I only have 1,800 in my checking account.

I'll give you 1,850.

Wait a second!

Take back your watch and necklace.

That should make up the difference.

Sold.

Screech's Secret Sauce is yours.

Here's the recipe.

Where are you going, my pet?

I'm not your pet, you geek.

I'm going to be rich and famous!

Later, losers.

All right!

Let's go cash the check!

I want to get my share right now.

I have a date.

With who?

With Robin's friend Chloe.

What?

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