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1
00:00:01,034 --> 00:00:02,524
(bell rings)
2
00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:05,698
? When I wake up in the morning
and the alarm gives out a warning ?
3
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:08,572
? I don't think I'll ever
make it on time ?
4
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:11,476
? By the time I grab my books
and I give myself a look ?
5
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,971
? I'm at the corner just in time
to see the bus fly by ?
6
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,006
? It's all right ?
7
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:19,712
? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ?
8
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,850
? If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess ?
9
00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:26,826
? And my dog ate
all my homework last night ?
10
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,693
? Ridin' low in my chair,
she won't know that I'm there ?
11
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:33,189
? If I can hand it in tomorrow
it will be all right ?
12
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:35,224
? It's all right ?
13
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,795
? 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ?
14
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:55,015
? It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the-- ?
15
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,649
? It's all right, 'cause I'm saved
by the-- ?
16
00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:00,490
? It's all right,
'cause I'm saved by the bell ?
17
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,263
It's Saturday morning
and we're in school.
18
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:14,706
Depressing, isn't it?
19
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,039
We're here to take
this test called the SAT.
20
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,739
I'd rather be at the beach
working on my TAN.
21
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,052
You are about to take
22
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,283
the most important
test of your lives.
23
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:32,190
This is the test
that colleges look at
24
00:01:32,225 --> 00:01:34,660
when they decide who to admit.
25
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:37,596
The next three hours
might well determine
26
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,895
your entire future.
27
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,061
But I don't want to put
any pressure on you,
28
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,469
so just relax, have fun,
and do the best you can.
29
00:01:44,504 --> 00:01:47,940
Have fun? All right,
then I'm going to the beach.
30
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:49,909
Wrong.
31
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,347
Remember, everyone,
32
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:57,476
this test will be taken
33
00:01:57,517 --> 00:02:00,680
in absolute silence.
34
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:04,021
- (whirrs)
- All: Shh!
35
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,554
Jessie's voice: I've been waiting
for this test my whole life.
36
00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:11,758
I'm a lean, mean
answering machine!
37
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:16,099
Stansbury University,
here I come!
38
00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:20,096
Kelly's voice: She's on
the third page already?!
39
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,199
I'm still on the third question!
40
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:24,370
I hate her!
41
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:31,250
Lisa's voice:
"And if train A leaves New York at 5:00,
42
00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:34,549
and train B leaves
Los Angeles at 2:00,
43
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:39,355
where will they meet?"
Probably with a big bang in Missouri.
44
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:44,295
Slater's voice:
Concentrate, Slater, concentrate.
45
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:46,299
How can I concentrate?
I'm starving!
46
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:49,860
I only had four Twinkies and
a box of Ding Dongs for breakfast.
47
00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:54,205
Zack's voice:
Mmm, Belding was right.
48
00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:56,573
This test is important
to my future.
49
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:59,204
Who is that great-looking
chick over there?
50
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:04,808
Screech's voice:
Mmmm, pencils, erasers,
51
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,979
vitamins, protein drink.
52
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,114
I got everything I need.
53
00:03:09,156 --> 00:03:13,093
Oh no!
I forgot to kiss my lucky goldfish!
54
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:16,061
Pucker up, baby,
Daddy needs good luck!
55
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,227
I can't wait much longer
to find out my score.
56
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,329
Where is Zack?
He promised he'd meet us here
57
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,466
so we could all open
our envelopes together.
58
00:03:27,507 --> 00:03:30,602
This is so exciting!
It's like the People's Choice Awards!
59
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:34,137
If the people had a choice,
you'd be on another planet.
60
00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:38,341
Hey, everybody, let's get
this little ceremony over with.
61
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,376
There are girls
I still have to meet.
62
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,912
- Good day, everybody!
- All: Hey, James!
63
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,425
- James, you're working here again?
- Yeah.
64
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,553
- I thought you got a part in a play.
- I did.
65
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:49,619
We performed "Cats"
in dog suits,
66
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:52,758
but I quit when they
started throwing bones at us.
67
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:55,928
- So what will it be?
- We're too nervous to eat right now.
68
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,664
Speak for yourselves.
69
00:03:57,704 --> 00:04:00,298
I'll have a burger, fries
and a double chocolate malt.
70
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:01,830
- Got it.
- All right.
71
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:05,311
Okay, guys, time
to find out our scores.
72
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:10,247
Well, somebody's
got to go first.
73
00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:13,514
Screech, you do it.
74
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:20,023
689 in math.
75
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:22,154
531 in verbal.
76
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:24,527
- A combined score of 1220!
- (all cheer)
77
00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:26,555
1200 is good, Screech.
78
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,695
1600 is the best you can get.
And only geniuses get that.
79
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:31,966
Right.
Hey, open yours up, Mama.
80
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,406
No, you guys go first.
81
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,446
1100. Not bad!
82
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,915
1140! I'm happy!
83
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,543
1050.
84
00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:49,283
- That's a good score, Slater.
- It's way above the national average.
85
00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:52,622
Besides, in every group,
some dummy's got to get the lowest.
86
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,194
Yeah, well, don't be so sure
I'm the lowest.
87
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:58,823
Zack over here hasn't
opened his up yet.
88
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:01,960
Do the honors, Screech.
Make Mr. Musclehead here happy.
89
00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:08,373
750...
90
00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:10,172
Way to go, Preppie!
91
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:12,042
- ...in math!
- What?
92
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:15,013
752 in verbal?
93
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:18,643
- Total score of 1502!
- Huh-uh.
94
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:21,711
Wow, Zack's even smarter
than Dougie Howser!
95
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:27,085
- I am? Check this out. I am!
- I don't believe it.
96
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:30,586
The SAT measures how smart you are,
not how hard you work.
97
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:34,726
Zack may be lazy,
but he's no idiot.
98
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:37,601
Thank you, Screech.
You're a pal.
99
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:41,039
Jessie, if Zack got 1500,
you must have scored off the charts!
100
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:44,669
Yeah, open yours up, Mama,
maybe you aced it -- 1600.
101
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:56,281
1205?!
102
00:05:56,323 --> 00:06:00,123
- 1205?!
- That's a good score, Jessie.
103
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,960
Yeah, it's only 297 points
less than Zack.
104
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:08,126
My life as I know it is over.
105
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,662
Excuse me.
I'm Heather Brooks.
106
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,697
Wow, I overheard your score.
Congratulations.
107
00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:17,438
For once, my score
is going to help me score!
108
00:06:17,477 --> 00:06:19,639
Thank you very much.
I'm Zack Morris,
109
00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:21,511
and I also bowled a 241.
110
00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:24,916
Mr. Belding, over PA:
Attention, all students.
111
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:28,319
College representatives will be
in the gym for the next three days.
112
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:31,086
So stop in and tell them
Mr. Belding sent you.
113
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:34,389
You'll get a free cookie.
(laughs)
114
00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:36,828
I'm planning on going there
after school.
115
00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:39,389
Oh-- yeah, me too.
I guess I'll see you there.
116
00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:41,833
- Can I walk you to your next class?
- Yeah.
117
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,806
- Hi, Jessie.
- Hi, Darlene. How are you doing?
118
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,572
I am fantastic.
119
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:55,741
I bet it's doodily compared to you,
but I just got a 1280 on my SATs!
120
00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:58,615
- What did you get?
- I'd rather not say.
121
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:01,019
I don't want to make
anybody feel bad...
122
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,922
especially stupid me.
123
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,688
Jessie, you're making
too big a deal out of these SATs.
124
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:08,854
Colleges look
at other things too --
125
00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:11,956
- your grades, your activities.
- And no one can touch you there.
126
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:14,262
- Maybe you're right.
- Of course, we're right.
127
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,633
Yeah, why should I worry
about my score?
128
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,502
I did better
than the two of you!
129
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:22,968
Not that much better,
considering you're both cheerleaders.
130
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,106
I mean, cheerleaders are bright.
You have to...
131
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:30,208
- jump and yell at the same time.
- And if you don't get out of here,
132
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,685
I'll jump and yell all over
your neurotic nose!
133
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,251
- Hi.
- Oh, hi, Zack.
134
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,851
- Are you interested in Stansbury?
- Well, I am now.
135
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:43,864
I'm trying to get my grade point up
so they'll consider me.
136
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:46,491
Do you think we could
study together sometime?
137
00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:49,525
I just know I'd learn
so much from you.
138
00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,628
Study dates are
my specialty, Heather.
139
00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:54,003
We can have one tomorrow night
if you'd like.
140
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,338
I'd love it.
141
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:58,470
There he is.
142
00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:01,310
Mr. SAT!
143
00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:07,251
Congratulations, Zack.
Highest score in the school.
144
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:10,723
I guess all that advice
I've been giving you finally paid off.
145
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:13,249
Yeah, that must be it, sir.
146
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,785
Come on, Zack.
Excuse us.
147
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,661
Excuse me, Mrs. Billingham?
148
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:20,667
I would like to personally
introduce Zack Morris.
149
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:22,634
- Hi.
- (Mrs. Billingham chuckles)
150
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:26,765
Zack just racked up
1500 on his SAT.
151
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:29,070
Sir, please, don't embarrass me.
152
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:31,237
Well, that is quite a score,
young man.
153
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:33,177
You sound like
Stansbury material.
154
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:39,015
And let me also put in a good word
for Jessica Spano here.
155
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:41,282
She's president
of the student council,
156
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,619
a straight-A student --
quite a girl.
157
00:08:43,656 --> 00:08:47,615
- Thank you, Mr. Belding.
- I'll let you get back to business.
158
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:50,891
Well, Jessie, you sound
like Stansbury material as well.
159
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:55,663
- Tell me, what was your SAT score?
- Well, not quite as high as Zack's--
160
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,194
That's all right.
What number exactly?
161
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,639
- 1205.
- Oh.
162
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,607
I see.
163
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:06,636
You know, there are a lot of other schools
that are perfectly adequate.
164
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,046
Why don't you go talk with them?
165
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,073
Now then, Zack, sit down,
166
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:14,052
and let me tell you
about all the advantages
167
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:18,354
that Stansbury has to offer
someone as intelligent as you.
168
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:27,592
I just could not decide which college
I like best yesterday.
169
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:29,966
The Westfield rep was gorgeous,
170
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:33,303
but the guy from UCLA
was more my type.
171
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:35,501
I don't think I'm ready
to pick a college.
172
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:38,409
When I graduate, I'll travel
and get my head straight.
173
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:41,779
There are parts of Disneyland
I've never seen!
174
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:45,410
You guys are obsessing over nothing.
We don't graduate for another year.
175
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:47,682
You're right.
But I still can't believe it.
176
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,984
How could she pass over
a straight-A student
177
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,048
for someone who's never
done homework?
178
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,958
Come on, Jessie,
that's not true.
179
00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:56,189
Matter of fact,
I have a study date tonight.
180
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,993
Study date?
181
00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:01,126
All you're going to learn is
the flavor of Heather's lip gloss.
182
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,760
Yeah.
Isn't it great?
183
00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:05,737
Anyway, Belding wanted to see me
before school started.
184
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:08,298
Probably wants to give me
an award for my SATs.
185
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,332
- Later, everyone.
- All: Bye.
186
00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:14,337
There's the Stansbury rep!
187
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:18,716
I bet she looked over
your records and changed her mind.
188
00:10:18,751 --> 00:10:20,776
There you are.
I've been looking for you!
189
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:23,517
I don't mean to brag,
but I knew you'd change your mind--
190
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,684
- You're AC Slater, aren't you?
- Me?
191
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:28,319
- Him?
- Yeah, I'm AC Slater.
192
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,352
Could we speak in private
for a moment?
193
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:31,989
Sure.
194
00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:35,763
Did I mention I won
the French award the past two years?
195
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,827
What could she want with Slater?
196
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:40,704
- What is happening here?
- I bet I know.
197
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:42,834
I saw on "Days of Our Lives"
198
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,208
that older women
like younger men.
199
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:50,640
Well, what did she want?
200
00:10:50,683 --> 00:10:53,175
- Uh, she wanted to talk to me.
- We know that.
201
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,210
What about? What about?
What about?
202
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:59,089
Well, Stansbury's football team
could use a little help,
203
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:01,389
and she's heard about me.
204
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:04,988
You mean, she wants you
to go to Stansbury?
205
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:07,466
Yeah.
On a football scholarship.
206
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,798
But you had 1050 SATs.
207
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:13,204
I guess if you can throw a football
60 yards, it doesn't matter.
208
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:16,140
Football? Football?!
Is that what this is about?
209
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,668
- Jessie, take it easy.
- Look, Mama,
210
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:22,341
- just 'cause Helen's recruiting me--
- Helen? Helen?!
211
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:25,477
- She asked me to call her Helen.
- That is it, I'm out of here.
212
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,317
Jessie, wait.
It's not my fault.
213
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,949
Boy, it's a good thing I didn't tell her
they offered me a car!
214
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,292
Zack...
215
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,161
because of your outstanding
SAT score,
216
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,189
I have something special
to give you.
217
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,497
Yes, I thought that's why
you wanted to see me.
218
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:46,472
See, I realize now why your grades
have been so pathetic.
219
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:48,634
We haven't challenged you.
220
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:52,168
And that's why I've changed
your schedule, Zack.
221
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:55,170
- "Advanced calculus"?
- Uh-huh.
222
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,377
- "College-level Russian"?
- Oh yeah!
223
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,511
Sir, these are all nerd classes.
224
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:02,078
This means I'll get six hours
of homework a night.
225
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:05,785
Maybe for an ordinary mind,
but not for a genius like you!
226
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,623
There's no need to thank me.
227
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,220
I've told your new teachers
to bear down on you.
228
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:13,460
Let's see what that brain can do
when it's pushed to the limit.
229
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,559
(knock on door)
230
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,310
(coughs)
231
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:30,977
- Hi there. Come on in.
- Thanks.
232
00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:33,008
Why is it so dark in here?
233
00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:35,453
Well, this is the best light
for studying.
234
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,513
- Really? It seems dim to me.
- Well--
235
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:40,117
But you're the one
with the 1500 SATs.
236
00:12:40,159 --> 00:12:41,957
- Yes.
- (knock on door)
237
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:44,794
Who can that be?
Heather, make yourself comfortable.
238
00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:47,232
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
239
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:53,840
- Zack, I have to talk to you.
- Kelly, not now.
240
00:12:53,878 --> 00:12:55,060
I'm worried about Jessie.
241
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,131
- Is she alive?
- Yes.
242
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:57,186
- Is she hurt?
- No.
243
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,078
Then, I'll call you later
See ya.
244
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:02,675
- Who was it?
- A very aggressive girl scout.
245
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:05,514
We'll be getting peanut butter
cookies in about a month.
246
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:08,851
- Now, let's get back to work.
- Maybe we can start with algebra.
247
00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:11,983
No, Heather, Heather.
First things first.
248
00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:15,859
Your body has to be relaxed
so it can fully absorb the information.
249
00:13:15,895 --> 00:13:17,863
- Let me massage your back.
- But--
250
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,229
1500...
251
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:22,325
Okay.
252
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:25,599
- (knock on door)
- Now what?
253
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,163
Excuse me.
254
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:31,407
- Who are you?
- Hi, Heather!
255
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:33,845
- Heather: Bob, come on in.
- Bob?
256
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:37,043
Zack, Bob's my boyfriend.
He could use some study help too.
257
00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:39,882
- I knew you wouldn't mind.
- (fake laughter)
258
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,451
This is a catastrophe.
The SATs are ruining my life.
259
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:48,051
She only wants me for my mind.
260
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,465
Hey, Zack, how did it go
with Heather?
261
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:56,161
Didn't work out.
But Bob thinks I'm brilliant.
262
00:13:56,202 --> 00:13:59,661
Zack, I'm glad you're here.
We have to do something about Jessie.
263
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:03,199
She's flipped out 'cause Stansbury
wants you and Slater, and not her.
264
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:06,542
She got sent to detention
for the first time in her life.
265
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,946
- Yeah?
- She wrote 500 times on the blackboard,
266
00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:12,713
- "Death to the SATs."
- That is flipped out.
267
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:16,313
Stansbury's making a big mistake.
Most school would die to have Jessie.
268
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:19,382
I hope we can find one quick
before she gets expelled.
269
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:24,423
James, why are you
wearing a dress?
270
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:27,923
It's a toga. I just came from
an audition of "Julius Caesar."
271
00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:29,958
- Did you get the part?
- Almost.
272
00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:32,596
It was going well until
Mark Anthony called out,
273
00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:36,836
"Caesar," and I replied,
"With or without anchovies?"
274
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,868
Listen, I'm starting to get an idea.
275
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,778
James, James...
276
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:44,511
you're about to play
your greatest role ever.
277
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:54,090
Jessie, what are
all these letters of resignation?
278
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:56,653
"Honor Society,"
"Student Council,"
279
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,892
the yearbook,
the radio station--
280
00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:01,696
you even turned in
your hall pass. Why?
281
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:05,364
- Because it's all worthless.
- How can you say that?
282
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,898
It's easy. I open my mouth, move
my lips, and the words just come out.
283
00:15:08,941 --> 00:15:12,275
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm late for another pointless class.
284
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,513
- Jessie, look, I want to--
- Look, I don't want to talk.
285
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:21,510
Why don't you leave for Stansbury and get
an early start on your scholarship?
286
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,786
Okay, Jessie's outside with Slater.
She didn't see us.
287
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:27,554
- All set, James?
- Fully prepared.
288
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:30,221
My performance will go down
in Bayview history.
289
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,857
- That's Bayside.
- There too.
290
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:44,972
Harvard?
I didn't know you were here.
291
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:46,672
We weren't, until now.
292
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:50,205
I'm Helen Billingham,
from Stansbury University.
293
00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:51,808
Ah, Stansbury.
(snorts)
294
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:55,481
Agricultural school, correct?
Hog breeding, that sort of thing?
295
00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:57,148
Oh no, no. Not at all.
296
00:15:57,190 --> 00:16:01,149
As a matter of fact, we think of ourselves
as the Harvard of the West.
297
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:04,528
Madam, North, South,
East or West, there's only one...
298
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:08,194
- Harvard!
- Of course.
299
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:11,602
Hi, I'm interested in some
information about Harvard.
300
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:15,870
Oh yes, of course.
Are you by any chance Jessica Spano?
301
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:18,741
- No--
- Then be gone! Shoo!
302
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,247
Did you say Jessica Spano?
303
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,477
Yes, I did, but not to you,
Mrs. Porkbellyham.
304
00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:28,743
Zack, how nice to see you again.
305
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:32,247
Actually, I wanted to talk with
the representative from Harvard.
306
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:35,750
No use wasting your time, young man.
We're only here to see one person.
307
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,854
But sir, I had over 1500
on my SATs.
308
00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:40,059
(laughs)
A single test,
309
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:42,124
one lucky morning.
310
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:45,798
Do you think Harvard is impressed
with that slice of academic baloney?
311
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,239
No! We're looking
for a straight-A student,
312
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:51,005
the student council president,
the yearbook editor,
313
00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:53,569
and here at
Baydock-- view-- side!--
314
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:56,241
you have that student
all rolled into one:
315
00:16:56,282 --> 00:17:00,219
Jessica Spano,
the find of the century.
316
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:06,325
...Furthermore, only a corrupt system
would allow a meathead like you
317
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:09,385
go to Stansbury while a true intellect like
me gets turned away.
318
00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:12,398
Jessie, you know what?
You are right. This system stinks!
319
00:17:12,431 --> 00:17:15,366
This meathead is going
to go into that gym, and tell Helen
320
00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:19,338
that if Stansbury won't take you, she can
take my scholarship and stuff it!
321
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:22,740
Slater, wait, it won't help anything
if you ruin your future too!
322
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:27,235
Young man, you're not fit to shine Jessica
Spano's shoes!
323
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:31,012
Why don't you go over to
Mrs. Billygoatcheese Hamsandwich's
324
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,848
excuse for a university?
325
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:36,321
We don't want you at Harvard!
326
00:17:36,355 --> 00:17:38,585
You're very--
As a matter of fact, we--
327
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:40,956
- Can I go,
- Yes!
328
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:45,157
Your presence is
an insult at Harvard!
329
00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:47,791
- I-- I--
- Would you hurry up?
330
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:51,667
- We don't want Jessie to see you!
- Don't do anything you'll regret!
331
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:56,404
- So sorry.
- Excuse me.
332
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:59,036
- James, is that you?
- No, Jessie, it's not--
333
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,479
- Excuse me.
- Hi, Jessie.
334
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,505
- Bye, Jessie.
- What is this all about?
335
00:18:03,549 --> 00:18:05,779
Come on, Mama, watch me
tell her off over here.
336
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:08,048
Excuse me, Helen.
Hi. Listen up, Helen.
337
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:11,057
- If you don't take Jessie--
- Not take Jessie?
338
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:14,287
Don't be silly!
She's our number-one choice.
339
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:16,921
- I am?
- Please excuse the way
340
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:20,092
I treated you earlier.
I hope you'll come to Stansbury.
341
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:23,329
And you just tell Harvard
they've come a long way for nothing!
342
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:26,703
- Harvard? They aren't even here.
- Oh yes, they are. And they want you.
343
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:29,800
But why travel 3,000 miles
when you can get a better education--
344
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:33,710
Excuse me. Did Harvard
have a mustache and a pipe?
345
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,339
Why, yes.
346
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:40,278
(all whistle)
347
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:44,581
Mrs. Billingham, is the only reason
you want me now
348
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:49,494
- because Harvard wants me too?
- They are the Stansbury of the East.
349
00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:51,895
(Sighs)
You know what?
350
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:53,626
Thanks, but no thanks.
351
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,760
If Stansbury is
that hypocritical,
352
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,532
they'll have to do
without Jessica Spano.
353
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:02,064
And without AC Slater.
354
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:04,941
And it's Stansbury's loss.
355
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,469
Do you have any brochures
I could look at?
356
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,579
"Chairman of the SAT board"?
357
00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:16,714
Yes, Stanley Alan Taylor, SAT.
358
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:21,257
I've come here to talk to you
about Zachary Morris.
359
00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:24,092
We at the testing board
are worried sick about him.
360
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:25,791
Worried? Why?
361
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,198
You don't know,
you poor fool, do you?
362
00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:31,602
We at the testing board
have discovered that those students
363
00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:34,766
who score over 1501 on our test
364
00:19:34,807 --> 00:19:38,038
are performing
terribly in college.
365
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:39,567
- They are?
- Yes.
366
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:42,604
Because unenlightened
potty-headed principals
367
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:45,982
are burning out these bright minds
with extra work.
368
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:49,716
Hopefully,
that's not happening here, is it?
369
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:53,749
See, I thought that you had
to challenge a mind like Zack's.
370
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:56,023
Precisely wrong!
371
00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:58,394
Only a misguided twit...
372
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:01,366
would burden a brain like his
with extra studies.
373
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:06,566
- What should I do?
- Give him no homework.
374
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:11,335
Allow his mind to think...
375
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,243
freely.
376
00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:16,806
That is, of course, if you care.
377
00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:19,318
(sobbing)
I care.
378
00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:21,183
I care!
379
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:24,520
Zack Morris, report
to the principal's office--
380
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,527
Sir, I just happened to be walking
by your office. What's up?
381
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,222
Zack, this is Mr. Taylor,
382
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:33,197
from the SAT board.
383
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,634
We have decided to put you back
in your old classes.
384
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:40,628
But, sir, I was enjoying
all the extra hours of homework
385
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,664
and bonding with nerds.
386
00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:45,040
You see?!
We must move quickly.
387
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,671
I suggest giving him
a day or two off,
388
00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:50,512
to clear his cluttered mind.
It's essential!
389
00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:53,314
- He's got it!
- No, sir.
390
00:20:55,321 --> 00:20:57,585
No, sir.
I love school.
391
00:20:57,623 --> 00:21:00,456
No, you need time off, Zack.
392
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:02,985
- Only if you insist.
- I insist!
393
00:21:03,028 --> 00:21:05,895
- Someday you'll thank me, Zack.
- Okay.
394
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,956
I know you have
my best interest at heart.
395
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:14,929
Thanks for that stunt with James.
396
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,238
We were trying to get you
back into Stansbury.
397
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:19,677
Yeah, I know.
But I don't need Stansbury anymore.
398
00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:21,942
There are hundreds
of other good colleges.
399
00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:25,315
- I'm sure I'll get into one of them.
- I'm sure you will too.
400
00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:27,683
I made too much
out of those SATs.
401
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,950
I got a 1200, you got a 1500.
402
00:21:29,989 --> 00:21:33,118
- It doesn't really matter, does it?
- Not one bit.
403
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,686
- But, Jessie, there's just one thing.
- What's that?
404
00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:38,823
I got a 1502.
405
00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:40,764
Here you go.
406
00:21:45,571 --> 00:21:47,767
(instrumental theme music plays)
407
00:21:47,817 --> 00:21:52,367
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