All language subtitles for Never Have I Ever S01E03

Oliver! What are you doing?

- Uh... nothin', babe.
- I'm so sorry.

I am so sorry for getting
in the background of your amazing video.

Did I ruin it?

I don't know.

Oliver, do you think her fit,
shapely body ruined the video?

-This feels like a trap.
-It is.

Okay. Now that you guys are all done
with that nonsense,

I think it's time you kids head home.

I need Devi here to weed the garden.

The rotting tomatoes are attracting rats.

But that was Dad's garden.
Why do I have to take care of it now?

Oh, I could do it,

if you don't mind taking over
my dermatology practice.

Then we'd both have an equal job.

Fine, but can I have five minutes
of privacy with my friends please?

Three minutes.

And the boy must leave now.

Uh, c-- can I take the rest of my soda
with me?

Take your Dew and go.

-I'll see you later, mi amor.
-Okay.

- How many likes have we gotten?
- Only two so far.

One from Eleanor's dad and another from...

Eleanor's dad's dental practice.

Makes sense.
He's trying to get on my good side,

so I'll be nicer to my stepmom.

Not gonna happen, Sharon. You're basic.

What about Paxton? He must've liked it.

No, not yet.

The truth is, Paxton and Devi
were kind of nothing at the moment.

If we're cool now,
should we meet up in your garage tomorrow?

Actually, I don't think
that's a good idea anymore.

It just got weird, you know?

That's why she wanted to post
this thirst trap in the first place...

so Paxton would like it,
and maybe like her.

Wait. I don't see you guys talk
that much at school.

Is he just using you as a sexy sidepiece
and ignoring you in public?

That's disgusting.

Right, the sex.

No. Our relationship is rock solid.
Don't sweat it.

Has he introduced you to his friends?

-No, but...
-That tool!

-He's ashamed of you.
-I don't know if you'd call it ashamed.

Oh, believe me. He's ashamed.

That's why I hate all men.

Well, except for your boyfriend,
Alex Gomez.

Yeah, no. Alex Gomez.

I love that little guy.
He's so important to me.

Devi, if Paxton doesn't acknowledge you,
I swear to you, I will wreck him.

I took three semesters in stage combat.

Your three minutes are up!

Bye, guys.

-Devi, do you know what this is?
-A tomato.

Nope. It is the best tomato
in all the world,

because we grew it here.

It is the literal fruit
of our patience and hard work.

Then why do the other ones look so bad?

They have bugs in them.
I need to buy some spray.

Come. Let's go inside
and show this to your mom.

Mom, Mom, guess what we found?

What if Anne Frank had an iPhone?

What if Winston Churchill had Wi-Fi?

This week, we're gonna break up
into groups to pitch app ideas

that could've been used to mitigate
the atrocities of the second World War.

--Just for one day, can we learn

something
that'll be on the future AP tests?

Come on. I worked really hard

to find a lesson that was
outside the box for you guys.

Whatever. Just break up
into groups of three.

You want to be in my group?

Whoa. Had he seen
her sexy dance video and changed his mind?

Uh, yeah, sure. I could make that work.

-Cool. I'll be in your group too.
- Cool.

Okay. Who doesn't have a group yet?

Ben could be in our group.

I prefer to work alone.

I don't want anyone diluting
the quality of my project.

Actually, it looks like
we're gonna have to have one foursome.

So how about both Ben and Eve,
why don't you go join Eleanor and Fabiola?

Presentations are due on Monday.

We could meet at my house.

I got a shitload of Uncrustables
in the freezer.

Nice.

Wait. So who are you?

This is Devi. She's cool.

And she's good at this stuff,
so it's like a guaranteed A.

-That's why I asked her.
- Sweet.

See you guys later.

Steve.

-Hi.
-Hi, Kamala.

You know, I was just
at The Cheesecake Factory for lunch.

Ordered our usual.

Loaded baked potato tots, hold the bacon?

Yeah.

Couldn't finish it though.

I've been such a mess about our breakup.

Well, that, and also,
the portions are insane.

I saw someone eating pasta
out of a bucket.

I know. I think about you, too.

I saw a couple riding a tandem bike.

It made me think of how you don't know
how to ride a bike.

Yeah.

Okay. Goodbye.

Wait, Kamala, this is crazy.

Your parents can't force you
to marry this guy.

They're not forcing me.

I have a choice...

between my family and a life of shame

that will disgrace me
and my descendants for generations.

That's bullshit.

Maybe it is, but I can't betray my family.

I'm sorry.

You'll have to take someone else
to the 21 Pilots concert

at the Honda Center.

Let me just say this.

I can't believe that a woman
who was brave enough

to travel halfway around the world
to pursue her dreams

would allow anyone to dictate
who she can be with.

So, Devi, what a pretty name.

You know, the woman
who threads my eyebrows is Indian.

Do you know her?

I don't know. What's her name?

I'm not sure. I want to say...

Pragupshmala?

Hey. Sorry I'm late.

Paxton!

Oh, my goodness. All of that swimming
has given you some muscles.

If your prom date cancels on you,
you know where to find me.

At the nearest wine bar.

Thanks.
I'm not too worried though.

I've been going to prom
since seventh grade.

Hmm, bet you could
pick me up and throw me.

Mom, get out! We need to do our project.

So... should we start
brainstorming some ideas?

Mm, yeah. I got a really good idea.

What if there's an app
that turns your phone into a gun?

Then you can kill the Nazis with your gun.
Bam. War is over.

So, like, how would your app
turn your phone into a gun?

Same way Transformers work.
You just push a button, and it does it.

-Okay. Good idea, Trent.
-Thank you.

Since we are brainstorming,
I actually have some ideas, too.

Awesome. Let's see what you got, Lil' D.

Holy shit!
Did Paxton H-Y just give her a nickname?

You don't do that

unless you plan on referring
to that person a ton in the future.

Speaking of D's, did you see Zoe's Insta?

She posted a Boomerang
of her doing jumping jacks.

-Shut up.
-Whoa.

Whoa.

Dude, let me see.

Wow.

That bouncing's mad hypnotic, yo.

We're redoing my acrylic gels.

I prefer a round square, and maybe
a tasteful ombre in neutral pinks.

Fab, what would you like?

Um...

Clear nail polish, please.

Oh, come on. Try some fun nail art.

I saw a girl who had ice-cream cones
with sassy faces.

Uh, all right. Can I get little computers?

No. That's ugly.

Try something girly,
like a flower or a cute bird.

What's your favorite bird?

Um...

I guess a chicken?

Okay. So how's that group project coming?

It's fine.

Eleanor and I got stuck
with this annoying kid, Ben,

and this other girl, Eve.

Uh-oh.

Sounds like someone has a crush.

What? No, I don't have a crush.

As a scientist, Fabiola was used
to a clear-cut, data-driven life.

Hello, Fabiola.

And hello to you, Gears Brosnan.

Which is why she was struggling
with these new complicated emotions.

Oh, yeah? I mean,
any time I liked a boy in high school,

I always called him annoying.

Ew.

I don't have a crush on Ben.

He gets out of gym,
because he has a personal trainer.

Okay. Then which of the boys
in your class do you like?

No one.

I guess I technically have a boyfriend
named Alex Gomez.

What? Oh, my God, Fab!

I'm so happy.

I've been dying for you
to have a boyfriend.

Boyfriends are what high school
is all about.

Wait. He is human, right?
He's not a robot?

He's human.

Yes.

What would you like to watch, Devi?

I found a Bollywood movie about a princess
who falls for a lowly street sweeper.

It's only seven hours long.

No, man. We're watching Riverdale.

Buckle up for some steamy teen romance.

These are high schoolers?

And their parents are okay with them
taking showers together in their homes?

Yeah, Kamala.
Welcome to American teen soaps.

The actors are also older than Mom.

Can I ask you a question?

Hmm.

What does it mean if a guy
is suddenly really nice to you?

Like, he chooses you for a group project,
and he gives you a nickname.

Sure the nickname is weirdly masculine,

but does it mean he wants
to be your boyfriend?

Why are you asking me?
I don't know anything about boyfriends.

Did someone say
that I know about boyfriends?

I don't know who else to ask.

Mom married Dad. She never dated anyone.

Nor will I.

My first boyfriend will be my husband,

so I'm the wrong person to ask.

Fine.

Sorry I brought it up.

I'm gonna get a drink.

Wait.
Is this also a murder mystery?

What is this show?

Oh, my God!

Scram! Get out of my dad's garden,
you lousy coyote.

Devi didn't consider herself
a particularly spiritual person,

but she couldn't deny that there was
something spooky going on here.

She felt as if she'd met
this coyote before,

as if they understood each other.

And then suddenly,
she knew exactly who this coyote was.

Dad?

After the supernatural occurrence
in her backyard,

Devi decided to search for answers
on the internet.

Whoa.

It looks so good.

You killed it.
Like, it looks professional.

Thanks, Big P.

What?

'Cause earlier you called me Lil' D?

Oh, I did? Weird.

So... I just wrote out
the mission statement and pitch

explaining to shareholders
how Bunkr will link Londoners

with available bomb shelters
during the blitzkrieg.

Trent, did you do the logo?

Yeah.

Whoop-pa!

-The B stands for Bunkr.
-Nice.

Totally.

I'm just concerned it's a little simple.

Maybe we could add a person
hiding inside the B.

Nah. That sounds busy. I like mine.

It was really cool of you to do
so much of the work.

And for what it's worth,
I did come up with a slogan.

That's great.

That's like ten percent of our grade.
What is it?

All right. Check me out.

"Bunkr. Just open up the app
by clicking on the icon.

Put in your address, and you'll find
a bunker in your neighborhood...

if one is available.

Bunkr."

Yo, that slogan sucks.

Slogans are supposed to be short and sexy.

Like, "Live más."

Shut up, dude. It's good.

It's good if you wanna repeat
the class a third time.

Just let Devi write it.
She's the smart one in the group.

No. It was good, Paxton,

but maybe I'll just take a quick pass
over your guys' section.

Make sure
everything flows well together.

Yeah, whatever.
Just as long as we're done.

Yo, you still game
for the kickback this weekend?

Oh, hell yeah. I'm there.

It's gonna be sick.
My parents are out of town.

My cousin will
take me to BevMo to get booze.

You're having a no-parents party?

Uh...

I don't know if I'd call it that,
but yeah, it's gonna be fire.

Basically, everyone I know is invited.

Which reminds me--

To keg, or not to keg?

That is the question.

Devi thought to herself:

if everyone Trent knew was invited,

and Trent, technically, knew her,
then wasn't she invited?

This kickback was the perfect chance
to show Paxton that she could be cool

and get sex back on the agenda.

Jewber's a good idea. You guys are crazy.

A ride-sharing app to help
the Jews escape the Nazis?

It's brilliant.

No, it's not.

It's an app that tells a stranger
the exact location of a Jewish person

and sends a car to round them up.

Whatever. It's a good idea
from the smartest person in the room,

and you're all hating on it
'cause you are anti-Semitic.

I actually am Jewish.

Oh.

You're fine, but you guys suck.

You're totally useless
without your Commander in Dork.

Devi is no dork.
She's a trailblazing Indian diva

that marches to the beat
of her own drummer.

Last Halloween, she did
a couple's costume with a librarian.

That is pretty classic dork behavior.

Oh, yeah? Would a dork be sleeping
with Paxton Hall-Yoshida from school?

Uh-huh. Yeah, right.

It's true.

Devi V and Paxton H-Y are plundering
each other's bods on the reg.

Sure. Whatever.

Look, I'm gonna go do the project
on my own, like I wanted to before.

You guys will just have
to like what I make.

Oliver's here.

We're going to sit in his hot tub
and sing at each other.

Bye, queens.

I should get going, too.

Oh, I like your nails.
Those chickens are cute.

Thanks.

Uh, before you go, I wanted to ask.

A couple of my friends
and I are going to a fundraiser

for a queer youth center this weekend.

It should be cool, if you're interested.

Why would you invite me to that?

Because I thought you might be into it.

Why didn't you invite Eleanor and Ben?

I don't know. They were sort of... a lot.

-And I thought maybe--
-I think you have the wrong idea about me.

So I'm going to my first party.

Well, that should be fun.

Which brings me to my question.

Do you mind going to the store
and buying me a thong?

-What?
-My mom won't buy them for me.

Just like a simple red lace thong

with a rhinestone phrase on the front
that says "do me."

I will not be buying you
a tacky-ass thong.

Fine. I'll just cut the cheeks out
of my normal underwear. Whatever.

What matters is, is that life is good now,

and I can basically forget about
all that bad stuff that happened before.

Well, forgetting is not the goal.

We're trying to process
all that's happened to you,

especially losing your father.

I am processing.

In fact,
I talked to my dad the other night.

Okay. You used the grief journal.

No. He came to me as a coyote.

Excuse me?

Are you gonna be weird about this?

Because if you are,
I'm not gonna talk about it.

You know, this is a safe space. Go ahead.

Okay. Well...

the other night,
there was a coyote in my backyard,

and it was legit my dad.

He was in my dad's garden,

picked up my dad's tennis ball,

plus, his eyes...

It was just him!

That is a beautiful thing.

Hmm?

And going forward,

you might see your dad as a butterfly,

or a bird, or a gentle breeze, or--

No. Dr. Ryan,

I didn't see him metaphorically
with my heart or some shit.

My eyes saw my father's soul
in the body of a coyote.

Okay.

Well, if you see that coyote again,

I want you to talk to him.

Tell him what you're feeling, hmm?

-I will.
-Good girl.

So... if you're not gonna buy me a thong,

do you have any alcohol in here
that I could take to the party?

Out.

Hey, Mom. Sorry to interrupt,

but I actually have a chore of my own
that I have to do.

We didn't finish our project,

so now I have to go back to Trent's house.

I'm super bummed.

This project is not yet done?

Have you partnered with stupid people?

Mom, I told you.

The guidance counselor says
that parents aren't allowed

to use the S-word anymore.

This is why
the American school system is failing,

because everybody is treated
like they're special

when most of them should just drop out
and learn a trade.

Maybe if America had
more air traffic controllers,

we wouldn't be in debt to China.

Is your rant over, or can I go to Trent's?

Yeah, it's fine.
Take him a box of See's Candies.

Not the clusters.

Those are for my work associates.

No one in America does that, Mom.

Again, that is why China is beating us.

No child of mine shall go
to someone's house in the evening

without taking a delicious box
of confections for the parents.

Wait. Are you watching Riverdale?

Yes. I had to start from the beginning
to understand their journeys.

What's so interesting about this show
is everyone has different backgrounds,

-but they're all hot.
-Cool.

Well, I'm gonna go study
at a friend's house.

That's why I borrowed
your thigh-high boots.

I don't understand the correlation.

Why would you--

...I am glad that you're safe,

and as much as I like Jughead,

I am so glad that you are done
with that family.

Done? I love Jughead.

He's as much as my family as you are.

More so right now.

You are not going anywhere, young lady.

I'm going to look for Jughead.

Do not push me tonight, Mom,

because I will push back.

Oh, Betty.

How brave you are
to stand up to your parents.

Oh, hey. What are you doing here?

Did you forget your calculator
or something?

Whoa! Devi, you came.

And you brought California Brittle.

This slaps. Come in.

-Do you want a drink?
-Oh, yeah.

Beer me. Love that bread soda.

Do people call it that?

Yeah, I think they do.

Are you not having one?

No. I don't drink during swim season.
You gotta keep the body right, you know?

Yeah, totally.

If I had your body,
I'd treat it right too.

I'm so sorry.
That was such a weird thing to say.

It's all right. You're a weird girl.

Hey, I don't know
what any of this means.

That was like an insult,
but ended with some flirty touching?

In my day, if you liked someone,
you pointed to them in the stands,

and they threw their bra at you.

This? I don't know what this is.

Yo, yo, yo.

Phil took some shrooms.
He's having a bad trip.

You wanna go mess with him?

Hell yeah.
Does your mom have any old dolls?

-He'll shit himself.
-Oh, yeah.

Phil!

Hey. I think we go to the same eye doctor.

Next to Chipotle?

'Sup, people? Who wants some 'za?

I wish he brought tacos.

Can I get you a Gatorade?

-'Cause you seem real thirsty.
-What are you doing here?

Shouldn't you be counting your friends
on two fingers?

You're one to talk.

How are you even here?
These people don't like you.

Yeah, they do. Hey, what's up, Trent?

Whatever.

Shira plays field hockey with Zoe,
so she invited us.

-And there it is.
-Yeah. Who are you here with?

I've basically been talking
to Paxton all night.

So I guess I'd say him.

Oh, yeah? That Paxton?

Oh, my God, Paxton, stop it.

You're gonna, like, make me spill
my vodka cran.

Wow, Paxton and Zoe.
It's a pretty hot couple, huh?

She's only hot
from the boobs down...

and the chin up.

But her neck is kinda busted.

What made Devi most sad

wasn't seeing Paxton
all over the hottest girl in her grade.

It was that she let herself believe
she actually had a shot with him.

Whoa, maybe you should slow down.

Maybe you should shut up.

Well...

Drunk and rude,

Devi was indulging in what I would call
self-destructive behavior.

Holy shit! There's a coyote on the lawn.

Whoa. What are you doing?

Don't worry. He won't hurt me.

Devi, be careful.

Dad?

I knew it was you.

I miss you so much.

You're here to cheer me up, right?

Ah! No!

Yo, a coyote just ate one of the UN!

That was like a straight-up
Red Riding Hood, man.

Are you dead?

Come on. Just hold on to me. I got you.

Oh, my God, you guys. I should have
never gone to the kickback without you.

I legit got mauled.

Who cares? You're with Paxton, right?

You're gonna have hospital sex
like on Grey's Anatomy.

Oh! Try to do it upright
in the supply closet.

I don't think I have access
to the supply closet.

Fine. Then just do it in the morgue.

I'm not gonna do it in the morgue.

Do what in the morgue?

Uh... steal bones.

Yeah, good call.
You could, like, go to jail for that.

Thanks.

-Hey, you're all over Instagram right now.
-What do you mean?

Yeah, everyone thinks you died.

Let's take a pic.
Let them know you're good.

Wait. You're posting that to your grid?

Not just a temporary story?

Yeah. Tag yourself in it.

Can I ask you?

What were you thinking
getting so close to that coyote?

This is gonna sound insane,
but I thought it was my dead dad.

Obviously it wasn't,
because, you know, it bit me.

I feel you.

Wait. So you don't think I'm crazy?

No, I think you're crazy,

but in a good way.

Wait. Was this it?

Was this the moment
Devi had been waiting for?

That's why it's cool we're friends.

Friends?

Ouch! I bet that hurts worse
than that coyote bite.

Goddamn it, Devi!

Who are you? What are you doing?

Hi, Dr. Vishwakumar.

Devi got bit by a coyote,
but she's in stable condition now.

Oh, is she? Is she in stable condition?

How are her vitals?

Tell me more, Dr. Walking HPV Infection.

-Get the hell out of here.
-Mom!

Get out.

Oh, my God, kanna.
Do you know how worried I was

when I got a call you'd been eaten
by a wild animal?

Then I got here and the nurse told me
all this happened

because you were drunk!

Ow, my shoulder!

What on Earth possessed you
to misbehave this way, huh?

I know. I know I messed up.

I was just trying to be a normal teenager.

Normal teenagers end up in prison.

Or worse, working in Jersey Mike's.

I hope you had fun,

because you are grounded
until the day you graduate.

No, no. I'm sorry.
Until the day your kids graduate.

I'll go find your doctor now.

Kamala? What are you doing here?

I thought you might like some
loaded baked potato tots, hold the bacon.

Look, this is really nice, but...

I think it's too hard for us
to be just friends.

I'm not here to be friends.
I want to be with you...

even if you were
from the wrong side of town,

or your dad was in jail
for embezzling money.

I was with you up until that last part.

I'm sorry.

I just watched 16 hours of Riverdale.

Plus, some fan fiction
where Jughead kisses Harry Potter.

So, wait.

You wanna be with me?

Yes.

But what about your family?

I don't care what they think.

But also, I'm not going to tell them
about this,

and we'll still just pretend
I'm getting an arranged marriage.

Is that okay?

I stopped listening after you said
you wanted to be with me.

Our app will help keep you safe
from catastrophic bomb attacks.

Imagine you're waking up
to a normal day in Hiroshima,

and you're wondering
if it's safe to go outside.

Looks like Monday and Tuesday,
clear skies.

Why don't you head to the park?

But what's that coming up on Wednesday?

Uh-oh, it's an atomic bomb...

so get out of town,

but don't go to Nagasaki.

Very inventive. Very inventive.

All right, next group.

Paxton, Trent, and Devi.

So our group made an app called Bunkr.

Imagine being in France
in the middle of the blitzkeg.

Blitzkrieg.

How do you find a safe place to hide
so that you don't get exploded?

With Bunkr, you can locate safe spots
to hide within your neighborhood,

whether from a German bomber or--

Or a coyote, whoo!

Coyote girl! Yeah!

Coyote girl Whoo!

Coyote girl! Whoo!

Coyote girl!

-Coyote girl!
-Whoo!

The coyote
may not have been her dad

trying to communicate with her
from the other side,

but ultimately, he was a friend.

What do you think will happen
to you on a full moon though?

- That's a werewolf, dude.
- Oh, yeah.

Hey, Eve. I--

Hey, Fab, you want
to go to Yogurtland after school?

If we get enough samples,
we can squeeze them into a big cup.

Alex, as appealing as that date sounds,

I think you need to find another woman
to get yogurt with.

Hey, Tiffany, you wanna go
to Yogurtland after school?

If we get enough samples,
we can squeeze them into a big cup.

Mm-hmm.

Sick.

Hello. How are you?

I am a robot.

I'm gay.