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1
00:00:04,036 --> 00:00:06,009
Hi. Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
2
00:00:06,039 --> 00:00:09,407
And you all know my assistant
Al "This Land Is" Borland.
3
00:00:11,210 --> 00:00:12,615
Today we're talking about
4
00:00:12,645 --> 00:00:15,151
Binford's new high-tech security
alarm systems for cars,
5
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:18,682
'cause a secure car...
is a happy car.
6
00:00:20,052 --> 00:00:22,292
While a car that isn't so secure
7
00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:26,229
can cost you thousands of
dollars in therapy fees.
8
00:00:26,259 --> 00:00:29,266
The most inexpensive way
to protect your car
9
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:33,770
is with the Binford 6100
steering-wheel lock.
10
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,805
It's a good lock, but if
you've got a larger car -
11
00:00:35,835 --> 00:00:38,508
a monster truck, front-end
loader or a space shuttle -
12
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,305
you want the Binford 61,000,000.
13
00:00:43,208 --> 00:00:46,044
Now, there's a lock.
Look at the size of that thing.
14
00:00:47,679 --> 00:00:50,753
Well, if you wanna go
the more sophisticated route...
15
00:00:50,783 --> 00:00:54,524
You might wanna watch
Masterpiece Tool Time
16
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:57,388
with your host
Alistair Bo-o-o-orland.
17
00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:04,062
Would that be an English accent?
18
00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:09,105
I was talking
more along the lines
19
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:12,409
of an electric car alarm, the
most basic of which will go off
20
00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:14,444
if your doors or windows
are tampered with.
21
00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:16,079
Right, but you can customize.
22
00:01:16,109 --> 00:01:19,649
You can have automatic door locks,
ignition cutoff, gas cutoff.
23
00:01:19,679 --> 00:01:22,380
And not a moment too soon.
24
00:01:24,149 --> 00:01:26,423
Very funny, Tim.
25
00:01:26,453 --> 00:01:28,791
I'm sure our
nursery-school viewers
26
00:01:28,821 --> 00:01:31,722
are rolling in their sandboxes.
27
00:01:34,327 --> 00:01:36,899
Now, if you wanna go
the whole hog, you...
28
00:01:36,929 --> 00:01:38,835
No.
29
00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:42,038
You probably want
the Binford Thiefbuster 1000.
30
00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:44,040
It has a personalized
voice warning system.
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00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:46,304
I installed it
on this pony myself.
32
00:01:47,406 --> 00:01:50,308
Act like a thief.
33
00:01:54,679 --> 00:01:57,354
Back away, Flannel Man!
Back away, Flannel Man!
34
00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:00,084
Back away, Flannel Man!
Back away, Flannel Man!
35
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:08,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
36
00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:11,722
What do you think? Could we
put the kids in the middle?
37
00:03:14,893 --> 00:03:18,734
I made the car alarm a little less
sensitive. Only big flies set it off.
38
00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:20,736
What's going on?
39
00:03:20,766 --> 00:03:22,705
It's the Cooking With Irma
audience.
40
00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:25,041
They're starting a little early.
You wanna give me a hand?
41
00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:26,709
No one told me about this.
42
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:29,540
They're bringing in
the set, pronto.
43
00:03:35,214 --> 00:03:37,420
- Hey, Irma.
- Oh! Hi, guys!
44
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:39,522
Hi. What's cookin'?
45
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,092
I'm making up a batch
of my ratatouille.
46
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:44,794
- Really?
- Hmm.
47
00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:46,463
How many parts rat,
48
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:48,531
how many parts...
- "tatouille"?
49
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:51,701
Oh, Timothy, I just love
your delightful insouciance.
50
00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:54,999
- Al, would you like a taste?
- I thought you would never ask.
51
00:03:57,902 --> 00:03:59,504
You bake this, Irma?
52
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,945
Ooh, boy!
53
00:04:02,975 --> 00:04:07,083
Do I detect a hint of tarragon
and a soupçon of oregano?
54
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:09,219
Oh, very good, Al.
55
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,222
Well, I use that
in my own ratatouille.
56
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,592
You gals have so much in common.
57
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:18,628
I have just had
some wonderful news.
58
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:20,630
I just found out
that my daughter
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00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:23,799
has had a beautiful baby girl!
60
00:04:23,829 --> 00:04:25,868
- Congratulations, Irma.
- Congratulations.
61
00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:28,004
I can't believe
that my sweet radish
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00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:30,607
has a little cabbage of her own.
63
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:32,908
Where was the cabbage delivered,
in salad bar?
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00:04:32,938 --> 00:04:36,312
Oh, Timothy,
you are incorrigible.
65
00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:39,048
Anyway, I'm gonna be gone
until next Sunday,
66
00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:42,051
and I was wondering
if I could impose on you
67
00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:45,054
to... fill in for me.
68
00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:48,118
You know, be Irma for a week.
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00:04:49,488 --> 00:04:52,094
- Irma for a week?!
- I don't know.
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00:04:52,124 --> 00:04:54,397
Come on, Tim.
Irma needs our help.
71
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:56,860
Her radish just had a cabbage.
72
00:04:58,530 --> 00:05:01,204
Well, when you
put it like that, Al...
73
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,072
Hmm... I could host it.
74
00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:05,308
We could have that Spam casserole.
Al could assist me.
75
00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:07,343
Oh, well, as a matter of fact,
76
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:09,646
since Al
is such a wonderful cook,
77
00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:11,648
I was hoping that
he would host it
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00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:15,112
and that you would assist him.
79
00:05:16,481 --> 00:05:18,288
Uh... I don't...
80
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,657
I really don't think Al
would be comfortable with that.
81
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:23,092
I would love the opportunity.
82
00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:25,528
In fact, you might say
I would relish it.
83
00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:28,364
"Relish"? Oh, Al!
84
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:31,534
I just admire
your joie de vivre.
85
00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:34,665
That's French for
"big butt crack," isn't it?
86
00:05:40,605 --> 00:05:42,278
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, Mom.
87
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:44,080
Hi, kids. How was school?
88
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:46,683
Great. We got
our class pictures back.
89
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:49,485
Good. Let me see. Where are you?
90
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,387
Third one from the right.
91
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:54,257
You're a little Asian girl?
92
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,425
I meant the left.
93
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:58,261
Oh, you look so cute!
94
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:02,064
- Thanks, Mommy.
- You look great. Randy, let me see yours.
95
00:06:02,094 --> 00:06:04,066
I look like a total dork.
96
00:06:04,096 --> 00:06:06,267
Yeah, right. Let me see it.
Where are you?
97
00:06:06,401 --> 00:06:07,565
There.
98
00:06:11,035 --> 00:06:13,843
You look very cute, for somebody who's
looking at the girl next to him
99
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:16,274
with his tongue hanging out.
100
00:06:18,243 --> 00:06:20,216
Yep. Her name's Beth.
101
00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:22,719
Jeremy said I should
ask her to go steady.
102
00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:27,890
Really? Does she feel
the same way about you?
103
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,288
I don't know.
I've never talked to her.
104
00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:33,496
Well, then asking her
to go steady
105
00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:35,726
may be a bit of a leap.
106
00:06:37,829 --> 00:06:39,935
What should I say to her?
107
00:06:39,965 --> 00:06:43,973
You could say something
like... "Hello."
108
00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:46,976
Yeah. "Hello."
109
00:06:47,006 --> 00:06:49,379
That's good.
110
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,648
"Hello, Beth." No.
111
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:54,417
Maybe, "Hi, Beth."
112
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:58,688
Or maybe "Hi" and no "Beth."
She knows who she is, right?
113
00:06:58,718 --> 00:07:00,823
- Right?
- Right.
114
00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:03,859
Will you relax. Sit down.
115
00:07:03,889 --> 00:07:05,956
Pretend that I'm Beth.
You know, just talk to me.
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00:07:07,926 --> 00:07:09,899
I don't know what to say.
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00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,334
Tell me I'm pretty.
118
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:13,664
Are you Mom or Beth?
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00:07:19,971 --> 00:07:22,005
Does it matter?
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00:07:25,410 --> 00:07:27,517
You're pretty, Beth.
121
00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:29,547
And Mom.
122
00:07:37,823 --> 00:07:41,297
I'm ready for my cooking debut.
123
00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:44,495
Al, something smells
wonderful back here.
124
00:07:46,231 --> 00:07:48,204
Goodness, it's me!
125
00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:50,139
Tim, the show is about to begin.
126
00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:52,870
- Are you wearing an apron?
- Brought one from home.
127
00:07:56,441 --> 00:07:58,715
Does everybody know
who's in the kitchen?
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00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:00,143
Irma!
129
00:08:00,174 --> 00:08:01,217
That's right, it's
Cooking With Irma...
130
00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:04,281
with special guest chef
Al Borland!
131
00:08:11,790 --> 00:08:14,196
Thank you, Klaus.
132
00:08:14,226 --> 00:08:16,098
Thank you, Heidi.
133
00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:18,601
That's right,
I'm Al "The Food Man" Borland.
134
00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:23,701
You all know my assistant Tim "Doesn't
Know Gumbo From Dumbo" Taylor.
135
00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:31,146
Not so. Dumbo,
of course, is a pachyderm.
136
00:08:31,176 --> 00:08:34,077
Gumbo is a flexible green guy
that rides Pokey.
137
00:08:40,652 --> 00:08:44,794
OK, well, today,
we are cooking Cajun style,
138
00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:46,863
and that means gumbo.
139
00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:50,199
Now, one of the most important
ingredients in gumbo is...
140
00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:52,402
Gum. Lots of gum.
141
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:54,404
Just take it off
the bottom of tables and...
142
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:57,807
Tim. That would be okra.
143
00:08:57,837 --> 00:09:01,572
Okra! From the great state
of Okra-homa.
144
00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:09,184
That's a joke.
Half state, half vegetable.
145
00:09:09,214 --> 00:09:11,615
Like Arkan-slaw.
146
00:09:14,319 --> 00:09:17,727
There's no sense making jokes
about food, is there?
147
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:19,261
Now... Ha-ha!
148
00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:22,131
The wonderful thing
about gumbo is that,
149
00:09:22,161 --> 00:09:26,903
in addition to your vegetables
and your spices,
150
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:29,900
you can throw just about
anything into the pot.
151
00:09:33,605 --> 00:09:38,342
You know, if we put Al's mom in
the pot, we'd have jumbo gumbo.
152
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:47,323
You'd have to know Al's mom
to get that joke.
153
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:50,860
She's a large, angry woman.
154
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,591
Like so many of you
out there today.
155
00:09:56,895 --> 00:09:59,569
All right, well...
156
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,705
Getting back
to our Cajun cooking,
157
00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:06,470
do you think that they call it Cajun
cooking because you cook it in a cage?
158
00:10:11,242 --> 00:10:13,783
Oh, come on!
159
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,580
You thought that was funny, but
you didn't like "Okra-homa"?
160
00:10:19,317 --> 00:10:23,158
Why don't you be a big help and
take the tops off those peppers?
161
00:10:23,188 --> 00:10:27,329
Now, Cajun cooking is distinguished
by using a lot of very hot peppers,
162
00:10:27,359 --> 00:10:29,560
and, um...
163
00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:33,202
As Tim has just
demonstrated here,
164
00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:35,170
if you happen
to bite into a pepper,
165
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,602
you wanna drink plenty
of milk, never water.
166
00:10:40,305 --> 00:10:42,277
Water will only make it worse.
167
00:10:42,307 --> 00:10:44,341
Or you can bite into
a piece of bread.
168
00:10:47,412 --> 00:10:49,780
But not jalapeño bread.
169
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:59,194
Good night, Mrs. McDowell. Thank
you for coming, Mrs. Yost.
170
00:10:59,224 --> 00:11:01,597
Remember the weather report
from the kitchen -
171
00:11:01,627 --> 00:11:03,661
"Chili today, hot tamale."
172
00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:10,506
Hey!
173
00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:13,042
- They loved me!
- They hated me.
174
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:15,310
Well, you started off
a little rocky,
175
00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:17,312
but once you were in
too much pain to talk,
176
00:11:17,342 --> 00:11:20,550
boy, the show really took off.
177
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:23,118
I'm gonna take off. I don't
wanna do this tomorrow.
178
00:11:23,148 --> 00:11:25,621
- What are you talking about?
- Come on.
179
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:28,858
You don't need me here. You cook well
enough by yourself. I'm just a burden.
180
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:30,760
How many guys does it take
to lift a radish?
181
00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:33,095
Now come on. We promised Irma.
182
00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:37,800
Besides, tomorrow, I'm cooking with
poultry, and I'm gonna need some help.
183
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:41,136
Why don't you get one of your
blue-haired groupies to help you out?
184
00:11:41,166 --> 00:11:44,440
I get it. I see what it is.
185
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:48,210
You're just jealous
because now I'm the star.
186
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,280
The star? You're guest hosting
a cable cooking show.
187
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:53,849
Yeah, well, I know why
you're backing out.
188
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:57,987
It's just because you're not
the center of attention.
189
00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:01,952
I just don't like being your dopey
sidekick. You know how demeaning that is?
190
00:12:08,093 --> 00:12:10,332
Don't look at me like that.
This is not like Tool Time.
191
00:12:10,362 --> 00:12:12,367
No, it's not like Tool Time,
192
00:12:12,397 --> 00:12:14,837
because you're the star,
and I'm the dopey sidekick!
193
00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:17,668
I've never used the word
"sidekick."
194
00:12:25,944 --> 00:12:29,018
Hey, Randy,
wait till you hear this.
195
00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:32,822
I talked to Ashley, and Beth
is mildly interested in you.
196
00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:35,725
All right,
she's mildly interested!
197
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,060
They're coming over after school
to hang together.
198
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,896
If she likes you,
she's gonna give Ashley the nod.
199
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,393
- "The nod"?
- You remember the nod.
200
00:12:45,063 --> 00:12:47,698
Oh, right. The nod.
201
00:12:51,569 --> 00:12:53,937
Do you guys know
how stupid you look?
202
00:12:57,942 --> 00:12:59,915
I can't believe
Beth's coming here.
203
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,817
What if I don't have
anything to say to her?
204
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:06,155
Sit there and talk about yourself
the whole time. Women love that.
205
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:09,258
I'm surprised you didn't
tell him to burp for Beth.
206
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:12,289
You gotta save something
for the second date.
207
00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:17,533
- What's cookin'?
- It's gumbo.
208
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:20,036
- Ohh...
- Al's recipe.
209
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:22,237
But, of course, I added
a few things of my own.
210
00:13:22,267 --> 00:13:24,707
I thought Al was really good
on that show today.
211
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:28,010
What did you think of me?
212
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:31,047
Well, for a guy who doesn't
know anything about cooking,
213
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:33,082
I thought you came across
214
00:13:33,112 --> 00:13:35,584
as a guy who doesn't know
anything about cooking.
215
00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:38,154
- That's why I'm not doing it anymore.
- Makes sense.
216
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:41,691
Al thinks it's 'cause I can't stand
not being the center of attention.
217
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:44,326
That makes more sense.
218
00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:47,629
I don't always have to be
the center of attention.
219
00:13:47,659 --> 00:13:50,966
Our wedding -
I let you walk down the aisle by yourself.
220
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:54,397
While you were making shadow
puppets on the pulpit!
221
00:13:55,967 --> 00:13:58,902
Can I have some salt, please?
222
00:14:00,171 --> 00:14:02,144
This is your problem, Tim.
223
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:05,614
You cannot be in front of a group of people
without being the center of attention.
224
00:14:05,644 --> 00:14:08,951
That's what you did on Al's show today.
I need pepper - cayenne.
225
00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:11,420
I just can't help it.
226
00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:14,724
You know how hard it is for me to stand in
front of people and not make 'em laugh?
227
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:18,427
You did a pretty darn
good job of that today.
228
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:20,162
"Okra-homa"?
229
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:22,732
"Arkan-slaw" was funny.
230
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:24,800
Hand me that celery.
231
00:14:24,830 --> 00:14:27,597
I'm just not cut out
to be somebody's assistant.
232
00:14:31,702 --> 00:14:35,677
You have been assisting me this
whole time making the gumbo.
233
00:14:35,707 --> 00:14:37,847
Oh. I could do that.
234
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:41,483
Look, all you gotta do
is do your homework.
235
00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:44,854
Then when you go and help Al
tomorrow, you'll be in better shape.
236
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:48,257
I will sit down, and I will tell you
everything that I know about cooking.
237
00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:49,452
OK.
238
00:14:55,994 --> 00:14:57,995
Maybe I'd better get a cookbook.
239
00:15:15,146 --> 00:15:17,119
This is very good lemonade.
240
00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:20,156
Thanks. My mom made it.
241
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:23,458
You know, Beth, Randy's
a really funny guy.
242
00:15:23,488 --> 00:15:26,328
Really? I like funny people.
243
00:15:26,358 --> 00:15:30,060
Yeah, Randy,
say something funny.
244
00:15:36,701 --> 00:15:37,801
Uh...
245
00:15:38,803 --> 00:15:40,676
OK.
246
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:42,505
I got a joke.
247
00:15:43,942 --> 00:15:47,216
What do you call bad lemonade?
248
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:48,250
What?
249
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,247
Lemon lemonade.
250
00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:58,727
I don't get it.
251
00:15:58,757 --> 00:16:02,559
That's the last time
I use one of Dad's joke.
252
00:16:05,330 --> 00:16:08,637
Would anybody like
a homemade sugar cookie?
253
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:10,739
- Yeah.
- I would, please.
254
00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:12,774
Are you enjoying the lemonade?
255
00:16:12,804 --> 00:16:14,844
Yes, it's great, thank you.
256
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:18,347
Beth, I think I met your parents
at Back-to-School night.
257
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:20,415
Your mother is the, um...
258
00:16:20,445 --> 00:16:22,417
Aerobics instructor.
259
00:16:22,447 --> 00:16:26,283
Oh... yeah. I remember her.
260
00:16:28,519 --> 00:16:30,893
These are really great
sugar cookies.
261
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:35,058
My mom doesn't keep sweets in our house.
She says they make you fat.
262
00:16:44,869 --> 00:16:48,610
Well, if you guys need me...
263
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,341
I'll be upstairs
doing stomach crunches.
264
00:16:56,714 --> 00:17:00,389
Beth, another cooker snoogie?
265
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:03,720
I-I mean, a booger cookie?
266
00:17:06,457 --> 00:17:09,126
Is it hot in here?
267
00:17:12,997 --> 00:17:14,664
I'll be right back.
268
00:17:21,472 --> 00:17:26,009
Oh, man. I am such a dork.
269
00:17:29,513 --> 00:17:32,983
Experiencing some adolescent
angst, preteen Taylor?
270
00:17:34,685 --> 00:17:37,426
Oh... Sorry, Wilson.
271
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:38,727
Mm-hmm.
272
00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:42,064
I just made a jerk of myself
in front of a girl.
273
00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:46,468
Well, Randy Taylor,
welcome to the tribe of men.
274
00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:49,071
I mean, I don't get it.
275
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:52,507
I really like Beth,
but ever since she got here,
276
00:17:52,537 --> 00:17:54,876
I've been saying
really dumb things.
277
00:17:54,906 --> 00:17:58,713
Randy, probably that's because
you're sailing in unfamiliar waters.
278
00:17:58,743 --> 00:18:02,684
I'm sure the first time Romeo met a girl,
he probably said some dumb things, too.
279
00:18:02,714 --> 00:18:04,920
Hello?
280
00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:05,988
Right here.
281
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:07,823
Oh.
282
00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:11,821
Did Romeo ask Juliet
if she wanted a "booger cookie"?
283
00:18:13,324 --> 00:18:15,897
Mm... mmm-mmm, mmm-mmm, mmm.
284
00:18:15,927 --> 00:18:19,034
Now, that is a gaffe
and a half. Heh-heh.
285
00:18:19,064 --> 00:18:21,470
Yeah.
286
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:26,475
I mean, maybe I'm not cut out
for this romance stuff.
287
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,877
Well, Randy,
288
00:18:28,907 --> 00:18:31,880
when it comes to winning
the affections of a young lady,
289
00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:35,217
you might heed the advice
of Thomas Herrick.
290
00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:38,387
What'd he say, Wilson?
291
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:41,723
He said, "To get thine ends,
lay bashfulness aside.
292
00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:46,428
He that fears to ask
doth be denied."
293
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:49,865
So what you're saying is,
"No guts, no glory."
294
00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:52,434
Very good, young Taylor.
295
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:55,584
You know, there are those among us who
wouldn't have picked it up that quickly.
296
00:18:58,069 --> 00:19:00,275
So I gotta keep trying, huh?
297
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,378
You may not
have to try too hard.
298
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:04,813
I think the lady's
equally smitten with you.
299
00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:06,948
What makes you say that?
300
00:19:06,978 --> 00:19:09,351
Because ever since
you came out back,
301
00:19:09,381 --> 00:19:12,249
she's been staring at you.
302
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:17,393
Oh. Thanks, Wilson.
303
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:21,963
Hey, what were the first words you
said to a girl you had a crush on?
304
00:19:21,993 --> 00:19:24,994
I believe they were,
"Hidey-ho, good-lookin'."
305
00:19:29,267 --> 00:19:31,340
Thanks, Wilson.
306
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:34,910
As we all know, the French
are the masters of the kitchen.
307
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:38,414
Nothing says "bonjour"
better than duck.
308
00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:43,485
Now, the first thing I'm going to be
needing here is a large roasting pan.
309
00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:45,787
- It's over here.
- Where did I...?
310
00:19:45,817 --> 00:19:49,525
Thank you. I didn't think you were
joining me in the kitchen today.
311
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:53,328
I'm your assistant.
Where else would I be?
312
00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:55,730
Well, great. Thank you.
313
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,600
OK, well. Shall we begin
by explaining
314
00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:00,735
how we're going
to dress our duck?
315
00:20:00,765 --> 00:20:02,737
How do you dress a duck?
316
00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:04,867
If it's formal, coat and tie.
317
00:20:07,004 --> 00:20:09,711
Now, once I get finished
stuffing the duck,
318
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:11,913
I will be closing it up.
319
00:20:11,943 --> 00:20:15,451
And for that, I think you'll
be using a poultry lacer.
320
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:18,515
Actually, Tim, I was thinking
of using some "duck" tape.
321
00:20:25,055 --> 00:20:27,056
I don't think so, Al.
322
00:20:33,164 --> 00:20:39,308
Tim, you wanna double check to see if
I've preheated our oven to 350 degrees?
323
00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:42,877
OK. I also read that you shouldn't overstuff
your duck 'cause it gets in there...
324
00:20:42,907 --> 00:20:45,547
Tim, I think I know
what I'm doing.
325
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:48,211
- I'm just saying...
- That's fine.
326
00:20:49,614 --> 00:20:51,987
350 on the dot.
327
00:20:52,017 --> 00:20:56,425
We've also moved our rack to the top level
so that bird will come out nice and crispy.
328
00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:59,794
Voilà. OK, we're all ready
for the duck.
329
00:20:59,824 --> 00:21:02,564
OK.
330
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:06,268
Get it before the heat goes out.
331
00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:08,604
Yeah. I just... Just making sure
that that is stuffed in there.
332
00:21:08,634 --> 00:21:10,606
You want me to give you a hand?
333
00:21:10,636 --> 00:21:12,636
I think I know
what I'm doing, Tim.
334
00:21:30,188 --> 00:21:33,262
What Al's done here is
actually develop a new recipe.
335
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:37,366
You've heard of
pheasant under glass.
336
00:21:37,396 --> 00:21:39,929
This would be
quacker through the glass.
337
00:21:43,701 --> 00:21:46,603
Join us tomorrow
for our salute...
338
00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:49,573
to beef.
339
00:21:55,581 --> 00:21:58,453
Well, Tim, I'm very impressed.
340
00:21:58,483 --> 00:22:00,622
See what a great
second banana you were?
341
00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:03,753
It would have been a tragedy
had that second banana split.
342
00:22:06,290 --> 00:22:08,564
It's 5:30. I wonder
where Randy is.
343
00:22:08,594 --> 00:22:11,794
He's probably with Beth,
getting more nods.
344
00:22:13,097 --> 00:22:15,637
Like father, like son, you know.
345
00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:17,706
What do you mean by that?
346
00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:20,041
If you recall, on our first
date, you gave me the nod.
347
00:22:20,071 --> 00:22:23,044
Yeah, that was all you got.
348
00:22:23,074 --> 00:22:25,180
I'm home!
349
00:22:25,210 --> 00:22:27,277
- Hey, killer.
- Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
350
00:22:28,546 --> 00:22:31,152
How'd it go?
351
00:22:31,182 --> 00:22:34,789
Well... we're past
the nod stage.
352
00:22:34,819 --> 00:22:37,454
- What?
- She gave me a kiss.
353
00:22:38,989 --> 00:22:41,663
- What?!
- Mom.
354
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:44,899
What would you have done if I'd
kissed you on the first date?
355
00:22:44,929 --> 00:22:46,696
Would've woken up.
356
00:22:53,304 --> 00:22:55,344
Hi! Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
357
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:58,541
You all know my assistant
Al... Oh.
358
00:23:01,345 --> 00:23:03,652
We got that out of the way.
359
00:23:03,682 --> 00:23:06,221
Cut. Pick it up.
360
00:23:06,251 --> 00:23:08,223
I see what it is.
361
00:23:08,253 --> 00:23:11,926
You're just jealous
because now I'm the star.
362
00:23:11,956 --> 00:23:14,229
Oh, back the bread basket up,
buddy.
363
00:23:14,259 --> 00:23:17,627
You're just substitute host
for a cable cooking show.
363
00:23:18,305 --> 00:23:24,755
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