All language subtitles for Home Improvement - 318 - Eve of Construction

Now clean the drain plug
out before put it in...

and don't over-tighten it.

Change oil every 3,000 miles,

your engine will last
practically forever.

All right, Al,
let's get cleaned up.

Now, when we're cleaning up,

you wanna treat your tools
like a member of your family.

That's right. Al even invites his
tools over for Thanksgiving.

Even his hammer-in-law.

My point is,
when you have a greasy tool,

it's best to clean it up
with Binford's Super Solvent.

I might also add
that this same solvent

can clean engine parts
when soaked overnight.

Overnight?

What happens if you have
that 2am hankering

to rebuild your motor?

Then you would wanna call
1-800-CUCKOO.

Al has that number
on his speed dialer.

The point I'm trying to make is,

to get the real gunk
off engine parts,

I've come up
with a new concoction.

You dip it in this stuff, boy...

Whew. Stand back.

Whew! Boy.

Dip those engine parts in there,

they'll be so clean
you can see yourself in 'em.

In Al's case, that's not
a real good idea, though.

Dirty piston?

A thing of the past in Tim
Taylor's super-duper solvent.

It's high-energy.

AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday

That's 1-800-C-U-C-K-O-O.

Before we sign off,

I'd like to tell you
a little bit

about some upcoming shows.

Former president Jimmy Carter's
favorite organization,

Habitat for Humanity,
will be here in Detroit,

and Al and I
will be helping 'em build.

Habitat works with needy
families and volunteers

who get together
and build affordable homes.

- They offer a hand up, not a handout.
- Very well said, Al.

For this special Habitat project,
in association with the NFL,

we'll be providing
some celebrity volunteers -

some of the Detroit Lions,

from the Denver Broncos,
John Elway,

and the heavyweight champion of
the world, Evander Holyfield -

working with me,

and alongside us will be common
folk like Al and his friends.

Tim and I will both be in
charge of building a house,

and we're going to do this
in only three days.

Three days.

I'll build my house in one day.

That's including lunch, a nap
and two hours in a Porta-potty.

- It's not a competition, Tim.
- Really?

I bet you can't even
get near a Porta-potty

after I've been in there
two hours.

Hey, Randy...

check this out.

Looks like real gold.

Yeah. I found it in the alley.

Ashley's birthday's on Friday.

I was gonna get her
a new bike reflector,

but I think this is even better.

You think?

Oh, here comes Mom.

Don't tell her about the locket.

- Hi, Brad.
- Oh. Hi, Mom.

Bye, Mom.

- Hey, Randy.
- Hey, Dad.

Hi, honey.

Well, got dinner.
Barbecue from Bits-o-Pig.

Great, great.

Hey, uh, Marie and I
watched your show today.

Why?

There was nothing else good on.

You didn't tell me
that you were involved

in building those houses
for Habitat.

Didn't I mention it?

No, you didn't.
I'd really like to help.

That's why I didn't mention it.

It'd be fun. The two of us could
work together on the same team.

- I don't really think that's a good idea.
- Why not?

Well, I read somewhere that husbands
and wives shouldn't work together.

Where did you read that?

Husbands and Wives Shouldn't
Work Together Illustrated.

We get it down at work.

Hmm... I wonder
what they'd say about that

in that magazine that I get -

Married To An Idiot Monthly.

Jill, under normal circumstances
I'd love to have you with me,

but this is construction.

You just don't want a woman
on your team, is that it?

No. This is lifting,
loading, shoveling...

For that, you need
testosterone-pumping

muscle-churning,
bone-crushing male power.

Arr-arr-arr-arr-arr.

Ow.

Hi. Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor
here.

You all know my assistant
Al Borland.

We're here on location at a
Habitat for Humanity job site.

Al's team and my team
will be building a house

similar to this one
that's already been started.

That's right, Tim, although one
of us has stacked the deck.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Let's go down to the vacant lot
and meet the teams,

starting with
the winning one - mine.

All right, let's meet
Team Taylor, shall we?

John Elway
from the Denver Broncos.

Mile High guy, huh?
Good-looking man, too.

Sean Jones from the Houston Oilers.
Ano...

Another Mile High guy.

Looks good in cotton,
doesn't he?

All right.
Bill Pickel from the... Boy.

Little help, Tool Man?

New York Jets. All right. OK.

- And then Ken O'Brien from...
- Whoever will take me, Tim.

Philadelphia Eagles, of course.

Now, we also have
Evander Holyfield

and Kelvin Pritchett
from the Lions due here,

but they're not here yet.

I've been waiting since 7:00 in the rain.
Where are those guys?

Why don't you tell
Holyfield you're unhappy?

Well, maybe I will.

This could be interesting, huh?

You guys ready to get
some serious building done?

Arr-arr-arr-arr-arr.

Let's go take a look
at Al's team, shall we?

Right.

Well, the first member of Team
Al I would like you to meet

is Tim's wife Jill.

Hi. I'm very happy to be out here
working for such a worthy cause.

Next we have...

the reigning Miss America,
Miss Kimberly Aiken.

Hi.

- Welcome aboard.
- Thanks.

Hi, Kimberly.

- Tim Taylor. Good to have you on.
- Hello.

You wearing that crown
under your hat there?

Yeah, and I have my evening
gown on under my overalls.

Really...?

This here is Gwen number one.

She's been working on Habitat
houses for what, ten years?

And this is Gwen number two.
She is a professional plumber.

And Denise here
is a master electrician.

Isn't that just dandy?
This team can build a house.

My team can bench-press a house.

Yeah, it'll make it a lot
easier to dust under it.

Well, you've met the teams.

Now we start building,
so stay tuned.

John, what are you doing?

Having a little breakfast
while we look at the plan.

- Do I know you?
- Eric Hipple.

Eric Hipple.
Quarterback for the Lions.

Yeah. Didn't recognize you.
You're not flat on your back.

All right, guys,
let's get to work.

You're The Tool Man. What
do you want us to do first?

We're gonna build the walls

and then put 'em all up
together, same time.

It says here we should put these
walls up as we build 'em.

Yeah. That way
we know if it fits.

Eric's right, Tim. I think we
should stick to the plans.

John, you're a quarterback. You
don't always stick with the plans.

Yeah, but we're not playing
football, we're building a house.

All right,
I'm gonna say this once.

You guys know how to tackle, I
know how to spackle, all right?

Come on, get to work.

Hey, Holyfield.

Evander, give me the doughnut.

I don't think so, Tim.

Kelvin, where you been?

Tim, you gave me
wrong directions.

You should have checked them
twice. Right, Evander?

Hey, you gave me the wrong directions, too.

Did I?

- Let's do the wall.
- Wait a minute.

Do I jump in the ring
and tell you how to box?

Not like I would.

Why don't we build that house?

Nice-looking shirt.

Hey, Randy, great news.
Ashley loved the locket.

- She's crazy about me.
- All right.

You know, this girl thing
is pretty easy.

Just gotta keep finding jewelry
in the street.

- Hi, guys.
- Hey, boys.

- Hey.
- Hi, Mom.

You were absolutely right.

Couples shouldn't work together.

If I were on your team,
I'd be way behind, too.

We're not way behind.
We're pacing ourselves.

And why do you turn everything
into a competition?

I just can't help it.

I guess it's just
my estrogen-pumping,

bone-crunching feminine side.

Sounds like Mom's
kicking your butt.

Yeah, with Al
and a team of girls.

You're losing to girls?

I wouldn't consider
Miss America a girl.

She's almost professional.

I heard
in her talent competition,

she put up dry wall.

And I'd be doing a lot better

if I wasn't stuck with
a bunch of lightweight wimps!

- Hey, guys, let Marie in.
- OK.

- Hi, Marie.
- Hi, Marie.

Jill, I'm so upset.
I lost my locket.

That gold one that you
were wearing yesterday?

My grandmother gave that to me
when I was little.

I can't find it anywhere.

Don't worry about it.
We'll help you.

These boys can find anything.

I know Brad can.

Look, Elway, I saw you
goofing around today,

and I'm not gonna
put up with this stuff.

What? Yes, I'd say this
to your face.

I might not be
yelling this loud.

No, you can't be traded
to Al's team.

Tomorrow I expect you
lifting something heavier

than a jelly doughnut.

And why don't you tell that

to your little friend
Holyfield, too?

Actually, I'd prefer
if you'd tell him.

Right, OK. Bye, John.

Oh!

Getting a little panicky, Tim?

I'm not panicking.

The guys just need
a little motivation.

What you guys need
is some women.

They build this house right,

I'll get 'em
all the women they want.

You had your chance
to get me on your team,

and you blew it.

All right, all right.

You wanna be on the team tomorrow,
you can be on the team.

Might as well just bring that
woman that does plumbing

and that other gal that does
the roof with you, too.

So you're ready to admit that when
it comes to building a house,

women are as good as men?

Why do you make everything
into a competition?

You should be more like me.
I think everybody's equal.

Since when?

I've always felt that way.

Men are in every way
as equal to women,

and women are in every way
as to men.

Well, all I gotta say, Tim,

is my team of women is beating
the out of your team of men.

Dad, I need to talk to you.

What about?

OK. All right.

What if you found something
in an alley,

gave it to your girlfriend...

Shh. Your mom doesn't know
about my girlfriend.

- Dad...
- All right. Keep goin'.

And then you found out it belonged to
somebody else, and you had to get it back.

Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.

You found something
in the alley.

You didn't bother
to find out the owner of it,

and you gave it
to your girlfriend?

Yeah?

Been there.

You gotta tell the truth.

- The truth?
- Yeah, tell the truth.

Everything else
is a waste of time.

Women will see
right through you.

They'll make you pay.

How do you know, Dad?

'Cause I've paid.

Oh, God, have I paid.

Hey, Tim, where you been?

We've been working out here
for hours in the rain.

It's intermittent, John.
I was buying an exhaust fan.

We already have an exhaust fan.

Not like this.

This baby will suck the air
out of a blimp.

Is that all you got done
since I've been gone?

Yeah. You got a problem
with that, Tool Man?

That's cotton, isn't it?

It's a cotton/rayon mix
or something. Nice.

We're doing the best we can,

considering our captain
spends all his time shopping.

This is all necessary equipment.
Right, Howard?

No, it isn't, and now
they're way ahead of us.

Oh, no.

Hey, Mr. Macho,
enjoying the rain?

It's intermittent.

And for your information,
we're way ahead over here.

Yeah, right.

By the time
you get your siding up,

we'll be done and the owner
will be getting junk mail.

Well, hi-de-ho,
good Samaritan Tim.

Wilson? What are you doing
over there?

Well, Jill told me about the project
and asked me if I could help.

If you wanted to help,
why didn't you join my team?

Well, Tim, aren't we all
on the same team?

No. And your team
seems to be winning.

Tim, this isn't a question
of winning and losing.

Perhaps you're familiar

with the great German
philosopher Immanuel Kant.

He said, "Idee zu einer allgemeinen
Geschichte in weltburgerlicher Absicht."

Ain't that the truth.

Well, Tim, all he's saying is,

the important part of generosity
is generosity of the spirit.

Oh, yeah. You gotta
have spirit, don't you?

Hey, Wilson,
what are you doing out there?

I was just explaining to your
husband the meaning of benevolence.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put a cork
in it and get back to work.

Why don't you go tell her
what you just told me?

Jill? Idee zu einer...

Um, Ashley... about the locket.

Would it be all right
if I took it back

and got something even nicer?

Like what?

Um, how about
a bicycle reflector?

Hi, Brad. Hi, Ashley.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Taylor.
Look what...

No!

Brad...

What are you doing?

You looked
like you needed a hug.

Oh. That's so sensitive.

Brad's always been the
sensitive one in the family.

Try not to be so sensitive, OK?

Oh, gosh.

I am so sore.

But not as sore as your father.

Um, come on, Ashley.
I'll walk you home,

and, um, we can talk
about what else I can get you,

you know, some other time.

Hi, Brad.

Brad, get the door!

- OK! I'll meet you in the backyard.
- OK.

Nice greeting.

- Hi, Marie.
- Hi, Jill. Do you guys have a staple gun?

I wanna put up fliers
about the locket I lost.

Why is Ashley in the backyard?

Uh, she doesn't have one,
so I said she could use ours.

- Brad, what is going on here?
- Nothing.

Um... I think I saw the
staple gun in the garage.

- Right. I'll go get it.
- Yeah.

Hey, butthead.

- Hi, Marie.
- Hi, Tim.

Brad. Well, how'd it go
with your girlfriend?

I think I'm almost
out of the woods.

Oh, how many times
I've said those words.

Brad, look what happened.
The chain on my locket broke.

Let me take a look at it,
Ashley.

It's nothing. I can fix it with my
needle-nose pliers in the garage.

- No, Dad, don't go in the garage.
- Why not?

Tim! Oh, you found my locket.

No, this is Ashley's.
I'm just fixing the thing.

Yeah, that's my locket.
Brad gave it to me.

No, no. Honey, my grandmother
gave me this locket.

Oh... Oh. Looks like somebody
here didn't tell the truth!

Brad?

Brad?

Tim?

Don't look at me.

I told him to tell the truth.

Well, I guess I'm gonna
have to pay, huh, Dad?

Oh, God, are you gonna pay.

Well, the tension is mounting
at this Habitat site.

We're waiting
for the final inspection.

There's the inspector now.
He just looked at Al's house.

Judging by the look on his face,
he's not too happy.

Larry, go in and see if you
can see what they're saying.

Al, Jill... you did
an exceptional job.

In fact, I think you
built the perfect house.

- Thank you, Inspector.
- Thank you!

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

Well, the inspectors
are overly polite sometimes.

They appreciate hard work.

And after we come back,
we're gonna see

the Tim Taylor...
"more perfect" house.

Oh, Tim, looks like our house

is gonna be pretty hard to beat.

- Jill, this isn't a competition.
- I know it's not.

You're darn right it's not. Elway, come on.
Let's go bask in our glory.

OK, guys, stand by.

And 5, 4, 3, 2...

Welcome back. Now the moment
we've all been waiting for.

A little gander at my house.
Come on in.

Inspector, I think you're
gonna be remarkably impressed

with the quality of workmanship.

Let's go in.

Doorknobs were
Elway's department.

- This is very nice.
- Thank you.

I like the archway.

Well, we, um... we didn't go
by just the plans.

We actually made
some improvements in the house

on our own.

Wait till you see the kitchen.
Come on in.

Those upper cabinets
are equipped

with fully concealed
adjustable hinges,

and we installed a reverse
osmosis water filtration system.

Should have never put Holyfield
in charge of plumbing.

Look at the rest of the house. The kitchen
needs a little work, but come on this way.

Look at this bathroom here, huh?

Yeah, that's nice. That's great.

You gotta try
our new exhaust fan, though.

At least try that. First switch here.
Custom.

The living room. It's our pride and joy.
Try that.

I'll try to find that hat.

Jill, guess what I got.

A video from President Carter.

Good guess.

His office called
to see if we got it.

Well, we did. This is great.

It's his thank-you or something.

Let's watch.

Hi, Tim, Al and Jill.

I'd like to thank you
for your participation

in our Habitat for Humanity
housing blitz.

You're welcome.

Al and Jill, the house you built

is a perfect example
of what can happen

when caring people band
together for a common goal.

And Tim... what can I say?

Crews are working
round the clock

to repair the house you built.

Oh, yeah. Rosalynn would like
a picture of Al.

Let's tape over this.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Try our special exhaust fan.

It's right here.

Wait...

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