All language subtitles for Home Improvement - 308 - Be True To Your Tool

- Good night, Al.
- Good night, Heidi.

- Good show tonight, Al.
- You think so?

You insulted me 17 times.

You're right. Great show!

Tim. Al.

- Hi, Heidi.
- Hi.

Super episode.
Right up there with Vila.

- Thanks, Wes.
- Thank you, President Davidson.

He's president of Binford Tools,
not the United States, Al.

So how are my friends
at Tool Time?

Beats me. I don't think
you have any.

You know, Tim, you're as funny now as
when we first started selling tools.

I remember that.

You know, Wes here was Binford's
best number-two tool salesman.

Boy, I can't remember the guy's name that was
number one. Who was the number-one salesman?

- It was you, Tim.
- Was it me?

But we all know who's
number one now, don't we?

Yes, we do, Mr. President.

Al, I really enjoyed
the "What's New" segment,

and it started my little
gray cells churning.

Seems like it churned the
hair right off your head.

Hey! Hey.

The hair's off-limits, Taylor.

It's off your scalp, too.

Anyway...

we just finished the prototype
for a new reciprocating saw.

- I didn't know we were developing one.
- You didn't know I'd be

your boss one day either.
Gentlemen, the Binford 6100,

with state-of-the-art
electronic feedback control.

- Oh, I love that in a saw!
- Boy.

Look how thin she is.
And she's light.

- And look at this, there's a pistol grip.
- Down, boy!

I thought it would be perfect if you could
give it a sneak preview on Friday's segment.

That's a very good idea.

We can see now why
you're number one.

Thanks, Al.

Well, back to work.

Bye, Al. See you, Timmy.

- So long, Wessy.
- See you, Mr. President.

Why don't you just glue
your lips to his butt?

There's no need to be snitty.

Besides, I think you're overlooking
something very important

that has just happened here.

We got a new tool!

AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday

There's nothing to eat
in this house.

Hey, Randy.
What's in the pantry?

We got some garlic powder,
nutmeg and fennel.

What's fennel?

That's what Al's shirts
are made of.

- Hey, guys, are you here?
- Yeah.

Oh, I'm so sorry I'm late.
What a day!

The computers all went
down at work,

and then I had a library fundraiser
meeting, and I got this headache -

I thought my head
was going to explode.

Mom, we're completely
out of food.

Thank you for caring.

You father and I just went to the grocery
store two days ago. How can there be no food?

There's no food!

Gosh! You guys are just like
piranhas in blue jeans.

OK, I'll order a pizza for tonight.
Tomorrow I'll go to the grocery store.

Can you make sure the food is here
by the time we get home from school?

Why don't I just meet you
at the bus stop?

I can serve you as you get off.

You're always thinking, Mom.

Here's what I'm thinking:

tomorrow I'm gonna give
you boys some money.

- Yeah! Money!
- I'm gonna send you to the grocery store.

You're gonna buy everything I
tell you to - nothing else.

Oh, man!

And when I say potatoes
I don't mean potato chips.

And milk does not mean
Milk Duds, OK?

Can we at least
get something sweet?

You could buy me some flowers -
that'd be sweet.

- Hi, everybody.
- Oh, hi.

How is the best gosh-darn family
in the whole world?

- You got a new tool, didn't you?
- Yeah!

Binford's coming out with
a new saw.

I get to promote it on the show. Tonight
I get to try it out in the garage -

if you'll help move
the hot rod chassis out.

- Is it a power saw?
- You bet.

- I'll get the candles.
= I'll get the Band-Aids.

Honey, are you still here?
It's two in the morning.

Come over here, Jill.
Look at this.

Know what I found out
when I took this apart?

That you couldn't put it
back together?

This is an inferior tool.

I'm embarrassed to have it in the garage
breathing the same air as the rest of my stuff.

Honey, I know they're like little
people to you, but get a grip.

No, no, no.
Look at these washers.

These are plastic washers,
plastic screws.

I knew this'd happen
when Davidson took over.

He doesn't care about quality
the way I do.

No kidding. I saw his wife
at a Christmas party.

Binford would have never
made a tool like this.

The length of the stroke
isn't even half an inch.

Well, that may be obvious
to you and me, but...

Davidson may not know
that this is a bad tool.

How could he not know
this is a bad tool?

He's been sitting behind
a desk for ten years.

You're right. Even when we were
selling tools together -

Get this, he didn't know the difference
between a spline shank and a two-flute.

That was exactly my reaction.

Honey, if you tell him
that this is a bad tool,

he may not want you
to promote it.

- You think so?
- Yeah. You should go talk to him.

- Maybe you're right.
- I'm always right.

-Why is that?
- 'Cause I'm so smart.

If you're so smart,
Mrs. Magna Cum Lately,

why don't you help me
put it back together.

Absolutely not.

See, I'm getting smarter
all the time.

Well, here we are. Have a seat.

Mr. Davidson will be
with you shortly.

Thanks, Laura.

Oh, by the way, Al, all of us
here at Binford love you.

I bet we both have
a lot of fans around here.

Well, like I said, Mr. Davidson
will be with you shortly.

Why did we have to come here?

You know I'm not good at
confronting superiors.

Al, you got to speak up.

If a kiss-up like you has a
complaint, he'll take it seriously.

- Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late.
- Hello, Mr. President.

- Comfortable, Tim?
- How can I not be? It's so homey in here.

How are you guys?
You want anything?

We want you to scrap
production on the 6100.

I was thinking more along
the lines of coffee or tea.

It's an inferior tool.
Both Al and I agree.

Is this true, Al?

I would like some tea.

The point is I took it
home last night

and fiddled around with it.
Al tried it this morning.

The motor's really
too small, Wes.

There's all those
plastic parts in it.

Do you have chamomile?

The whole thing is cheesy
and lightweight.

We feel that the lighter weight
parts make it easier to use.

- Particularly for the ladies.
- The ladies?

My wife was just remarking
the other night,

"When are they gonna make
a reciprocating saw for me?

"Something small you can put in a cocktail
purse. Or maybe hang it like a pendant.

Maybe some drop earrings
out of it."

With all due respect, Mr. President, I...
I did try it.

And I felt that it wasn't up to
Binford's usually high standards.

Al, it's a perfectly fine tool.
We just found some new,

innovative
manufacturing techniques.

Don't you mean you found
a cheaper way to make it, Wes?

All right, forget
all this stuff, OK?

The basic design is there. With
modifications, we got a great tool.

All you need is
a heavier casing,

go from plastic to
metal washers...

Guys! I'm happy with
the saw as is.

Fine. Let's just see how happy you are
when we will not promote it on Tool Time.

Tim, it's very simple.

Binford makes tools.
Binford makes Tool Time.

- Your point?
- If the show won't promote our products,

we have no reason continue it.
At least, not with you.

Don't threaten me, Wes.

Al?

You can cancel my tea... sir.

- Mom, we're back!
- We got everything on the list.

Everything?

Everything except
the garlic gloves.

Garlic gloves?

That's garlic cloves, honey.

Oh. Then we had Mark smelling
gloves for nothing.

Uh-oh! What is all this stuff?

There's licorice here, potato
chips, chocolate-covered peanuts.

These things were not
on the list.

We bought it with the money
we had left over.

You shouldn't have had
any money left over.

We're smart shoppers. Yeah.

This fruit is bruised.

The crackers are smushed.

What's with this can of
spaghetti sauce?

Mom, it was half the price
'cause it was dented.

Great. We can have
spaghetti al dente.

That's a good idea.

Did you buy anything
that wasn't damaged?

Yeah, the chicken. We couldn't
find any dented ones.

Why didn't you just throw it up against
the wall before you got to the register?

See, Randy?
I told you we should do that.

Well, thanks for trying.

Hi, everybody.

Back from shopping. How'd it go?

There's no labels on these.

What is it? It could be
succotash or dog food.

With the way Mom cooks, I don't
think it makes a difference.

I heard that!

- So how'd it go with Davidson?
- Huh!

You know what they say, honey.
A weasel is a weasel...

is a weasel!

That good, huh?

I guess the bottom line is, I either
promote the tool or he fires me.

What?

I don't think he can hurt
"The Tool Man" Tim Taylor.

He's the president of the company.
He has the power to fire you.

Who's he gonna replace me with?
Borland?

Al's show now? FlannelTime?
Who's gonna watch that?

OK, tell me about this tool.
Does it work?

It works.

Is it unsafe?

No, it's not unsafe,
but this isn't the point.

Is this really about the tool?

Or is it about your
problem with Davidson?

I don't have a problem
with Davidson.

You think he's a weasel.

I don't have a problem
with that.

OK, if it's not about Davidson
and the tool is safe.

Are you really willing
to lose your job over this?

Binford has always stood
for quality tools.

This is a bad reciprocating saw.

What's next? A rubber miter box?
Styrofoam nails?

- Is there no way you can compromise?
- Jill...

a lot of guys watch the show and buy tools
because I recommend them on the show.

It's a responsibility
I don't take lightly.

- All right.
- "All right" what?

All right, I'm behind you -
whatever you decide to do.

Even if I lose my job and I've gotta
go back on selling tools on the road?

I won't see you,
but I'll be behind you.

That's why I love you.

And you don't think I'm crazy?

That's a separate issue.

Hey, Dad, remember the landing gear
you fixed on my plane yesterday?

Did a good job, didn't I?

I guess the glue didn't work.

Oh. I can't figure that out my thumb was
stuck to the work bench for three hours.

Well, I'll fix it again.

You like me being Tim "The Tool
Man" Taylor, don't you?

Yeah!

You know, I also used to be
a tool salesman.

I was the best salesman
Binford ever had.

- I know.
- How do you know?

You told me a million times.

I didn't tell you about being on the
road, though. Staying in hotels -

you get to make a big mess and
someone else cleans up after you.

Doesn't Mom do that?

Yeah, but the chambermaid doesn't
give you those nasty looks.

You get to eat all the food you want -
get bloated and all gassy at night.

That doesn't sound so good.

Oh, but rental cars. You can do
whatever you want to 'em.

Commuter flights.

"Is that wing supposed
to be doing that?"

Oh, boy. Staying up late.
Talking to your kids by phone.

Never being home for holidays.
I hated doing that.

Dad, if you were a tool salesman,
you'd never be home with us.

I wanna be home with you guys.
I wanna do Tool Time.

That's really the life I like.

Here you go.

It stinks, Wilson.

Well, Tim, you can't expect a compost
heap to smell like fine perfume.

No, I'm referring to the situation
with that weasel Davidson.

It's a lose-lose situation.

I either promote a tool that I don't
believe in, or I risk losing my job?!

Mm-hm-hm-hm-hm!
That is quite a pickle.

You're right, Wilson.
It's a real predicament.

No, I was referring to the big dill between
the coffee grounds and the eggshells.

Wilson, could we?

Oh, I'm sorry, Tim.

You know, it was Robert Ingersoll,
a 19th-century lawyer, who said:

"It is a blessed thing
that in every age

somebody has had the courage
to stand by their convictions."

A lawyer said that?!

On the other hand, I'm reminded
of a general named Pyrrhus.

That's right.

It was a Greek general
who fought the Romans.

His army won the war,
but he lost so many men,

it might just as well
have been a defeat.

Today we call that
a Pyrrhic victory.

What are you saying? That this
might not be worth the fight?

It wasn't for Pyrrhus.
It may be for you.

You see, Tim, when it's a question of
integrity, there are no easy answers.

I could come back.

You're right, Wilson.
This is really a pickle.

And I don't mean that dill.

So? What are you gonna do
about the reciprocating saw?

I'm gonna do my job, Al.

You're not gonna promote it
on the show, are you?

What about your principles?

I don't wanna end up in
a Pyrex victory, all right?

What?

- Does everybody know what time it is?
- Tool Time!

That's right. Binford Tools is proud
to present Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!

Thank you.

Thank you, everybody,
and welcome to Tool Time.

I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, and
you all know my assistant Al Borland.

Today we finish up "What's New"
this week on Tool Time.

Got a little surprise. How would
you guys all like to see

a top-secret prototype of
a new tool from Binford?

Yeah!

Well, prepare your eyes, cover 'em if
you're a child, 'cause here we go.

Whoa!

"Whoa" is right. Look at this.

The new Binford 6100
reciprocating saw.

Phew!

Huh? Every tool Binford makes goes through
a rigorous quality-control system

to make sure it's
top of the line.

And the Binford 6100...

bombed out big-time.

Al, if you wanna walk away,
I'll understand.

I never walk away
from a tool in need.

That's right.

The Binford 6100 bombed out of
every single test we threw at her.

And... and I bet you're wondering who's
responsible for making a tool like this.

It's the new president of Binford Tools,
Wes Davidson. He's right over there.

A man who doesn't mind
a bad tool.

As long as it's made
by somebody else.

'Cause if it says Binford on it,
it's gotta be the best.

I think Wes Davidson deserves
a big round of applause. Wes.

Come on over here, Wes.

Come on!

It's because of this man

you'll only see quality products
in your hardware store.

Wes, tell us a little bit about the
problem you had developing the 6100.

Please, tell us.

I'd be glad to, guys.

We found that the motor
was a little underpowered.

And the casing?

And the casing would have been a
little stronger had we used metal.

Hm. What are you
gonna do with it?

Well, in the interests of the consumer,
I've decided to hold off production.

Isn't this the kind of guy
you want selling you tools?

Yeah!

Uh, I got an idea. Heidi, would you
bring out the Binford Big Boy ZX?

Sure, Tim.

Here on ToolTime, when we
have a tool or product

that doesn't measure up
to our standards,

we give it an... Ooh!
interesting farewell.

Heidi?

The Binford tool masher.

Al, you wanna take
the honors here?

I don't think so, Tim.

But perhaps Wes would like to.

How about it, Mr. President?

All right!
Just shove it right in there.

Watch your hands!

And what we end up with...

is the new Binford 6100...

paperweight.

Honey, I'm so proud of you.

It took a lot of integrity to
stand up to Davidson like that.

Well, I'd like to say
it was no big deal.

No, it was a big deal.

However, if you had lost
your job,

it wouldn't have been
the worst thing.

What do you mean? I'd have to
go back to selling tools

and be on the road for 30 weeks.

And the downside would be?

You'd miss me.

Until Jake the pool boy
dropped by.

- We don't have a pool.
- We'd get one.

- Maybe I'll just stay home.
- That'd be OK, too.

Since I'd be the major breadwinner,
you'd have to stay home

and do the laundry
and the cooking

and the shopping, cleaning...

30 weeks isn't that long.

I'd have two
very interesting options.

On the one hand, you would
stay home and do the laundry.

And on the other hand,
I would get the pool guy.

Oh, honey!

I'd never trade you for anybody.

Unless I could get a pool boy
who did the laundry.

four, three, two...

Did it scare you?

Loud theme song! So loud!

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