All language subtitles for Home Improvement - 306 - Crazy For You

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,433 --> 00:00:03,434 Guys, here she comes. Get ready. 2 00:00:05,370 --> 00:00:08,306 Mom, my mouth hurts. 3 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:16,074 AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday 4 00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:21,619 You see what happens when you don't floss? 5 00:00:22,755 --> 00:00:27,397 Hey, all right. Blood capsules. Cool. 6 00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:29,432 You know what goes really good with those? 7 00:00:29,462 --> 00:00:30,500 What? 8 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,268 - Hi, baby. - Hi, sweetie. 9 00:00:32,298 --> 00:00:34,905 - Pus pellets. - Ew! 10 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:37,240 I got yellow and green ones, enough for all you guys, 11 00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:39,442 but don't squeeze 'em until Halloween. 12 00:00:39,472 --> 00:00:41,377 All right. 13 00:00:41,407 --> 00:00:45,182 Oh, Dad. Now we have all this Halloween junk. 14 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:49,385 Skeletons, brains and mummy-wrapping tape. 15 00:00:49,415 --> 00:00:51,988 Gotta have wrapping tape. You don't want to see your mummy naked. 16 00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:54,457 Ha-ha-ha-ha. Very funny. 17 00:00:54,487 --> 00:00:57,493 Dad, I don't see any rubber guts. 18 00:00:57,523 --> 00:01:00,463 How can we have a Halloween party without rubber guts? 19 00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:03,466 Let me tell you something, little mister. 20 00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:06,937 When I was your age, we didn't have rubber guts. 21 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:09,672 We had to use real guts. 22 00:01:09,702 --> 00:01:12,743 This is why you're lucky to have two parents. 23 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:15,545 I got these from the rubber-guts catalog. 24 00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,380 All right. 25 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:21,417 Here's your stomach, your large intestine, a spleen, some colon. 26 00:01:21,447 --> 00:01:23,720 - Mom, you are too cool. - Thank you, sweetie. 27 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,789 Oh, good! You got the carrot cake. 28 00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,958 They did a great job. They got those candy corns 29 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:30,227 in the shape of jack-o'-lanterns. Look at this thing. 30 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,522 Aah! 31 00:02:44,296 --> 00:02:46,497 What do you think? Could we put the kids in the middle? 32 00:02:52,204 --> 00:02:56,046 As you can see, with the Binford Light Oak stain, 33 00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:58,581 you get a nice... 34 00:02:58,611 --> 00:02:59,911 honey-colored... 35 00:03:03,815 --> 00:03:05,016 ...finish. 36 00:03:07,419 --> 00:03:08,959 That's right, Al. 37 00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:11,394 When you're all finished with this, 38 00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:13,763 you wanna put a thin coat of Binford polyurethane on there. 39 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:16,666 Now Binford provides this in an economical two-gallon size. 40 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:19,569 - Al, you want to pop the top? - Be glad to, Tim. 41 00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:21,399 Aah! 42 00:03:25,170 --> 00:03:27,777 Al... Al... Al... 43 00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:31,514 Al... Al. 44 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:32,586 I can't believe you fell for 45 00:03:32,617 --> 00:03:35,986 the old "head in the polyurethane" gag. 46 00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:39,455 I guess this must mean Halloween is just around the corner. 47 00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:41,178 Or else you've found a sick new way 48 00:03:41,209 --> 00:03:43,670 to celebrate Columbus Day. 49 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:47,463 Nope, Halloween. 50 00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:49,460 No, no, no, no, no! 51 00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:55,272 I can see by the clock on the wall that we have... 52 00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:56,907 way too many minutes left. 53 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,609 So we can do a quick pose-off, Al and I. 54 00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:02,140 Come on, Maria, show me your biceps. 55 00:04:04,209 --> 00:04:06,049 Or we could get to some viewer mail. 56 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,611 Heidi, the mail, please. 57 00:04:10,082 --> 00:04:12,188 Here you go, Tim. This one came with cookies. 58 00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:15,358 Hey. And a rose! 59 00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:17,827 All right. 60 00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:20,964 "Dear Tim, I'm your biggest fan. 61 00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:25,668 "I watch you every day and dream about you every night. 62 00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:28,371 I hope you like these cookies I baked." You bet I will. 63 00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:32,442 "Your admirer, Rose." This is the second letter I've gotten from Rose this week. 64 00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:35,312 Did you hear that, Al? She dreams about me every night. 65 00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:38,042 It sounds like she has a sleeping disorder. 66 00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:50,593 Al, don't be jealous, don't be jealous. 67 00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,957 You'll get some letters one day. Change your name to "Occupant." 68 00:04:57,429 --> 00:04:59,635 That wouldn't be necessary, Tim. 69 00:04:59,665 --> 00:05:01,665 Heidi, my mail, please. 70 00:05:05,170 --> 00:05:06,476 Here you go, Al. 71 00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:09,245 - Thank you, Heidi. - You're welcome. 72 00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:11,814 If Tim's face appears green, don't adjust your TV. 73 00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:14,117 It's just envy. 74 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:17,454 Yeah, but anybody can get letters like that. 75 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,255 I got cookies. 76 00:05:19,285 --> 00:05:21,085 Boys! 77 00:05:29,928 --> 00:05:32,702 I really am grateful to you for helping me with this party. 78 00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:35,605 What else have I got to do? Joe's out of town. 79 00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:38,674 I can think of a few things I'd like to do when Tim's out of town. 80 00:05:38,704 --> 00:05:41,378 Like what? 81 00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:42,840 Change the locks. 82 00:05:44,243 --> 00:05:45,876 Hi, honey. 83 00:05:47,346 --> 00:05:49,113 Whoa! 84 00:05:51,683 --> 00:05:54,885 You should start scrubbing with a stronger soap. 85 00:05:57,722 --> 00:06:00,463 Oh, no. What's gonna pop out of that? 86 00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:02,565 Nothing. That's some cookies a fan made me. 87 00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:05,596 Yeah, right. You have a fan. 88 00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:10,706 Her name is Rose, and she sent me two letters this week. 89 00:06:10,736 --> 00:06:12,742 - Let's see. - No! Don't touch that. 90 00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:16,046 It's probably full of slimy eyeballs or something. 91 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:19,162 - Ooh! Cookies! Give me one. - No. You made fun of me. 92 00:06:19,193 --> 00:06:21,112 - How about me? - No. You're her friend. 93 00:06:22,581 --> 00:06:23,586 Hey, Dad. Hi, Mom. 94 00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:25,855 - Hey, guys. - Hi, sweetie. 95 00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:27,857 Ooh, nice warts. 96 00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:31,794 Yeah? Wait till you see what I got your mom. 97 00:06:31,824 --> 00:06:34,664 I got her the biggest, hairiest mole they make. 98 00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:36,499 Ooh. 99 00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:39,735 This is gonna go well with that armpit hair you gave me last Halloween. 100 00:06:39,765 --> 00:06:41,037 Is that good? 101 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,673 Hey, guys, what are you gonna be for Halloween? 102 00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:45,542 We're gonna be the Three Stooges. 103 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:48,678 Yes! That's great! 104 00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:51,214 I grew up with those guys. I love those guys. The Stooges. 105 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:54,350 Moe for his leadership qualities. 106 00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:56,719 Larry for his quick wit. 107 00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:58,988 Curly for his ability to go, "Whoo-whoo-whoo!" 108 00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:00,390 Whoo-whoo-whoo. 109 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,792 Of all the people in the world, why do you wanna be the Stooges? 110 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,794 They're obnoxious, they're constantly hitting each other... 111 00:07:04,824 --> 00:07:07,530 It just became clear. 112 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,451 What is it with the Stooges anyway? 113 00:07:09,482 --> 00:07:12,768 All men seem to adore them, even the smart ones. 114 00:07:12,798 --> 00:07:14,904 I don't think that Einstein did. 115 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:18,274 Are you kidding? Einstein was a big Stooge fan. 116 00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:20,938 Why do you think he wore his hair like Larry's? 117 00:07:25,677 --> 00:07:28,879 Yeah, that'll work. That'll scare everybody. 118 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,250 Oh. Hang in there. 119 00:07:36,888 --> 00:07:38,689 Y-ello. Happy Halloween. Boo. 120 00:07:41,426 --> 00:07:43,500 Rose? 121 00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:46,402 Rose - Cookie Rose? Sure, I got the cookies. Thank you very much. 122 00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:47,504 What? 123 00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:50,106 You're in love with me? 124 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,242 You want me? 125 00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:55,645 It's a gag, Jill. It's not that funny. 126 00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:59,749 Of course you're not Jill. Oh, no. How silly of me. No, no. 127 00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:01,917 In that case, I love you, too. 128 00:08:01,947 --> 00:08:05,183 Yes. We should go some... Alone, alone. 129 00:08:06,951 --> 00:08:09,554 Jill won't know. Yeah, my wife, she's real slow. 130 00:08:10,889 --> 00:08:13,296 - Excuse me? - Yeah, Jill, yeah. 131 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,698 Hi, Ji - Jill, you're not on the phone? 132 00:08:15,728 --> 00:08:18,468 And you call me slow? 133 00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:22,838 That means this is Rose, the woman that sent me the cookies. She says she wants me. 134 00:08:22,868 --> 00:08:25,708 Tell her she can have you. 135 00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:28,578 - You tell her. - You can have him. 136 00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:30,280 Hello? Hello? 137 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:33,082 There is no one here, Tim. You are so full of it! 138 00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:35,285 Is a little head gonna pop out of here now? 139 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:38,388 No. She was on the phone. 140 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,523 How could she get our number? It's unlisted. 141 00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:43,092 How the heck do I know? But Rose was on the phone. 142 00:08:43,122 --> 00:08:45,895 Yeah, right. Look, Tim, I know how badly you want a fan. 143 00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:48,759 Just hang in there. One of these days, you'll get one. 144 00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:57,574 Hey, Wilson. 145 00:08:57,604 --> 00:09:00,137 Hi-dee-ho and boo, good neighbor. 146 00:09:01,806 --> 00:09:04,747 Hey, let me ask you a question. 147 00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:07,684 Let's say you wanted my phone number. How would you get it? 148 00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,752 I already have your phone number. 149 00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:11,327 I know. What if you didn't have it? 150 00:09:11,358 --> 00:09:14,324 - I suppose I'd just ask you for it. - What if you didn't know me? 151 00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,487 Then why would I want to call you? 152 00:09:18,457 --> 00:09:21,158 Boy, I wish I was friendly with some of the other neighbors around here. 153 00:09:24,929 --> 00:09:27,303 What is troubling you, my little fence friend? 154 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:29,339 All right. 155 00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:32,709 I got kind of an odd call by this woman who sent me a fan letter at work. 156 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,711 My phone number's unlisted. 157 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,879 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. 158 00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:40,717 That is a concern. I hope you're not dealing with an obsessed fan. 159 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,818 No, no, no, no, Tim. 160 00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:45,988 Sometimes they see somebody on TV, they start idolizing that person. 161 00:09:46,018 --> 00:09:48,519 Sometimes they even send them gifts. 162 00:09:51,456 --> 00:09:53,429 Like chocolate macadamia nut cookies? 163 00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:55,732 That's a good and tasty possibility. 164 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:59,363 Though I'd be very cautious about eating anything that they send. 165 00:10:08,907 --> 00:10:12,382 Oh, Marie, it is going so well. 166 00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:16,319 This is gonna get Tim back for every Halloween prank he ever pulled on me. 167 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,921 The severed thumb in my Jell-O. 168 00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:21,691 Yeah, the tarantula in my underwear drawer. 169 00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,760 Well, Wilson is in on it, too. 170 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,691 Yeah, yeah. He's freaking him out even more. 171 00:10:36,034 --> 00:10:38,207 Tim, I wouldn't worry about it. 172 00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:41,977 If the cookies were poisoned, you'd feel the effects by now. 173 00:10:42,007 --> 00:10:47,417 I don't know. I got this burning-bile feeling in there now. 174 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:49,185 You're gonna be fine. 175 00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:52,322 Listen, I'll talk to you later, Marie. 176 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,556 I mean, I should say... 177 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,586 Rose. 178 00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:00,023 Yeah. Bye. 179 00:11:30,321 --> 00:11:31,994 Is that you, Rose? 180 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:35,231 Hello. Nice to see you, too. 181 00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:37,367 Sorry. I thought you were some crazed wacko. 182 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,002 Oh, I'm just your run-of-the-mill wacko. 183 00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:43,339 Tim, put the bat down. I'm so sorry, Marie. 184 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,608 Remember that woman that sent him the cookies? 185 00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:48,411 He's convinced that she's obsessed with him. 186 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:51,714 - You want some coffee? - Yeah, I'd love some. 187 00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:55,918 Wilson said sometimes obsessed fans will send you poisoned food. 188 00:11:55,948 --> 00:11:57,920 Ooh! That's true. 189 00:11:57,950 --> 00:12:00,055 Those cookies had a lot of butter in them. 190 00:12:00,085 --> 00:12:02,091 Butter's very high in cholesterol. 191 00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:05,027 She could be trying to kill you slowly. 192 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:08,631 Tim, I got some jack-o'-lanterns in the car. Will you get 'em for me? 193 00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,132 You bet. Sure. 194 00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:14,064 Unless you are afraid that Rose is hiding in the backseat. 195 00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:19,575 - You want some cream or sugar? - No, thanks. 196 00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:21,844 He really looks nervous. 197 00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:24,447 Yeah, he's a total wreck. Isn't it great? 198 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,682 It's the very best prank I've seen 199 00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:29,379 since we superglued Grandma to the toilet seat. 200 00:12:31,316 --> 00:12:32,354 You what? 201 00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:34,552 Hey, she wasn't my grandma. 202 00:12:35,822 --> 00:12:38,461 Here he comes. 203 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:41,163 Jill, I think you should take this Rose thing seriously. 204 00:12:41,193 --> 00:12:43,198 I'm in therapy, so I know for a fact 205 00:12:43,228 --> 00:12:45,234 there are a lot of nuts out there. 206 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:48,838 But why would anyone be obsessed with Tim? 207 00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:51,574 Because I'm very obsessable. 208 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:55,840 Oh, Tim. I'm married to you, and I barely think about you. 209 00:12:57,275 --> 00:12:59,682 You think this is real funny, don't you? 210 00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:02,418 There could be a woman out there fantasizing about me right now. 211 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:05,988 What is she fantasizing, that you come over to her house late at night, 212 00:13:06,018 --> 00:13:08,919 bring some wine and blow up her garbage disposal? 213 00:13:12,190 --> 00:13:14,163 Jill, I don't think you should joke about this. 214 00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:16,198 These people can be dangerous. 215 00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:18,200 Do you really think so? 216 00:13:18,230 --> 00:13:20,336 I think Tim should watch his step. 217 00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:23,372 - Yeah. Thanks. - You're welcome. 218 00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:27,376 Well, maybe you're right. Tim, I think you should phone in sick today. 219 00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:32,214 No way. I will not live my life in fear. 220 00:13:32,244 --> 00:13:33,978 D-oh! 221 00:13:38,483 --> 00:13:40,456 That unkinked my colon. 222 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,119 Get out of the way! 223 00:13:47,058 --> 00:13:48,965 - Hey, Al. - Tim? 224 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,901 Did you notice whether there were any women in the audience today? 225 00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:54,670 I didn't notice, but there's always a few. Why? 226 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:57,540 No reason. Hey, do me a favor. 227 00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:00,604 Would you go out there and see if any of them look... obsessed? 228 00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:04,013 Obsessed? 229 00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:09,218 Yeah. The same look you get when you're sitting in front of a plate of pancakes. 230 00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:12,522 And here they are, those two guys who are no fools when it comes to tools - 231 00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,690 Tim Taylor and Al Borland! 232 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,587 Whoo! 233 00:14:20,592 --> 00:14:24,494 Thank you. Welcome to Tool Time. 234 00:14:33,204 --> 00:14:35,444 Golly, there's a lot of women in the audience today, Heidi. 235 00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:38,280 That's right, Tim. This afternoon, we're honored to have with us 236 00:14:38,310 --> 00:14:40,844 the Women's Sharpshooters Club of Detroit! 237 00:14:44,182 --> 00:14:47,284 Well, welcome, sharpshooters. 238 00:14:49,187 --> 00:14:51,160 I am Tim Taylor. This is Tool Time. 239 00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:54,024 You all know my assistant - Al "Bull's-Eye" Borland. 240 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,100 You know, a lot of people don't know 241 00:14:58,130 --> 00:15:01,364 that Tool Time isn't just about home improvement. 242 00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,936 It's also about frisking people. 243 00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:10,145 Would you take the honors today, Al? 244 00:15:10,175 --> 00:15:12,982 I don't think so, Tim. 245 00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:16,652 Today, we're going to be talking about insulating windows. 246 00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:18,248 Yes, we are. 247 00:15:21,519 --> 00:15:23,893 Caulking, window insulation... 248 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,730 And that's all the time we have. Have a safe drive home. 249 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,700 Tim. Tim! Tim! 250 00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:32,635 Come in to the crowd. Get the crowd. 251 00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:36,105 I wanna see the whole audience. Focus. I gotta see the girls out here. 252 00:15:36,135 --> 00:15:40,676 Tim! We're not gonna talk about windows, are we? 253 00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:43,178 Why do we have projects? Why do we even have a show? 254 00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:45,180 I'm having a little difficulty... 255 00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:47,717 Tim, I found this. It was addressed to you. 256 00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:50,219 It's a rose. Get this outta here. 257 00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:52,989 Men and women sure react differently to getting flowers. 258 00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:56,258 - You should at least read it. - I don't wanna read it. 259 00:15:56,288 --> 00:16:00,462 "My dearest Tim, I'm in the front row today. 260 00:16:00,492 --> 00:16:04,734 Tonight, I'll be even closer when I'm at your Halloween party." 261 00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:05,967 Great. 262 00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:10,134 "Don't reject my affections, or you'll be sorry. Rose." 263 00:16:16,541 --> 00:16:21,984 Al, don't you think it's mean, what were doing to Tim? 264 00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:23,714 Yes, I do. 265 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,201 Hi, Shirl. 266 00:16:39,231 --> 00:16:41,370 It's me - Al. 267 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,133 Oh. 268 00:16:46,270 --> 00:16:47,504 Aah! 269 00:17:17,368 --> 00:17:18,836 Excuse me. 270 00:17:23,174 --> 00:17:26,849 - Hey, good to see you. - Who is that? 271 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,584 - Nice party, Tim. - Heidi. 272 00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:32,755 - Spooky. - Nice hair. Spooky. Uhh. 273 00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:35,991 Honey, what were you thinking about when you picked out these costumes? 274 00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:37,659 A widow and a corpse? 275 00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:39,862 By the time I got there, there wasn't much left. 276 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,525 It was either a corpse or Bob Vila. 277 00:17:45,529 --> 00:17:48,170 What's the difference? 278 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,907 Is it my imagination, or are we surrounded by death tonight? 279 00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:54,110 Death was a very hot costume this year. 280 00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:57,312 Black is very slimming. 281 00:17:57,342 --> 00:18:00,482 Why don't these people just get dressed up as licorice? 282 00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:02,151 Honey, will you relax? 283 00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:04,319 Nobody's gonna get by Al unless they're on the guest list. 284 00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:06,421 Oh, yeah, our crack security ape. 285 00:18:06,451 --> 00:18:09,153 Al? Al. 286 00:18:14,525 --> 00:18:17,099 Hey! Hey! Banana breath! 287 00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:20,002 You let another fiend slip by. 288 00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:23,005 Oh, no, that's OK. That's just Reverend McDonald. 289 00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:24,201 Hi, Reverend. 290 00:18:25,703 --> 00:18:26,804 Boy, It's... 291 00:18:27,839 --> 00:18:29,812 ...it's hot in there. 292 00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:33,715 Put your mask back on. You're scaring all the kids. 293 00:18:33,745 --> 00:18:36,919 - Just watch the door. Please? - All right, I will. 294 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:40,990 I'm gonna change that music. It's too spooky for Halloween. 295 00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:42,152 Aah! 296 00:18:43,754 --> 00:18:45,861 Hello. Hello. 297 00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:46,929 Hello. 298 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,159 Hello! 299 00:18:51,662 --> 00:18:54,436 Wait a minute. Why did your father dress you all alike? 300 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,433 We all wanted to be Moe. 301 00:18:58,036 --> 00:19:00,003 Spread out, knuckleheads. 302 00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:03,179 Ow! 303 00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:06,816 Oh. Wise guys, eh? 304 00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,217 Ohh! Ohh! 305 00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:10,385 Ow! Ow! 306 00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:12,654 Ow! Ow! 307 00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:13,856 Ow! 308 00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:16,353 Ow! 309 00:19:21,993 --> 00:19:24,766 - Hey! - Don't do that, Wilson. 310 00:19:24,796 --> 00:19:25,881 I'm sorry, Tim. 311 00:19:25,912 --> 00:19:29,432 I didn't mean to frighten you, but a lady asked me to give this to you. 312 00:19:32,203 --> 00:19:33,442 It's a rose. 313 00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:35,906 That was my first reaction. 314 00:19:39,277 --> 00:19:40,316 Where is she? 315 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,684 She seems to have disappeared. 316 00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:46,588 A lady dressed all in red. Had an air of menace about her. 317 00:19:46,618 --> 00:19:47,851 Did she? 318 00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:07,104 Uhh. 319 00:20:14,312 --> 00:20:15,351 Oh, boy. 320 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:19,482 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 321 00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:24,260 Excuse us for a minute. 322 00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:25,660 Rose is here. 323 00:20:25,690 --> 00:20:27,363 Rose, the obsessed fan? 324 00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,126 No, Rose Kennedy. 325 00:20:30,694 --> 00:20:32,768 Yes, Rose, the obsessed fan! Where is she? 326 00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:33,897 Right over there. 327 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:39,641 This is so creepy. 328 00:20:39,671 --> 00:20:42,477 - Maybe you should call the police. - Maybe you're right. 329 00:20:42,507 --> 00:20:44,479 Wait, no! Don't do it down here. 330 00:20:44,509 --> 00:20:46,548 You'll scare the guests. Go upstairs. 331 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:50,280 Promise me one thing. If anything happens to me, shoot the ape. 332 00:20:53,184 --> 00:20:54,284 Oww! 333 00:21:06,564 --> 00:21:10,272 Operator? What's the number for 911? 334 00:21:10,302 --> 00:21:11,340 Slow down. 335 00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:13,442 Jill? 336 00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:16,173 Guess again. It's Rose. 337 00:21:17,641 --> 00:21:20,049 I'll... be right there. 338 00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:22,684 I'm just going to fix my face. 339 00:21:22,714 --> 00:21:23,947 Eww. 340 00:21:29,753 --> 00:21:31,754 Come on in. Come on. 341 00:21:35,593 --> 00:21:37,494 Aah! Trick or treat! 342 00:21:44,068 --> 00:21:46,141 You look beautiful! 343 00:21:46,171 --> 00:21:48,877 That was a great trick! 344 00:21:48,907 --> 00:21:53,743 The king of Halloween is dead. Long live the queen. 345 00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:08,930 What's all this stuff? 346 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,661 I thought I'd put a little romance back in Halloween. 347 00:22:13,531 --> 00:22:18,007 I've always been attracted to dead, pasty-faced guys. 348 00:22:18,037 --> 00:22:20,109 Heh-heh-heh-heh. 349 00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:22,472 You better kiss me before rigor mortis sets in. 350 00:22:27,745 --> 00:22:30,119 Care to dance, my widow woman? 351 00:22:30,149 --> 00:22:33,050 I'd love to, Dead Astaire. 352 00:22:40,958 --> 00:22:42,697 Ah. 353 00:22:42,727 --> 00:22:44,966 Nice party. 354 00:22:44,996 --> 00:22:47,202 Spin me, Mr. Taylor. Spin me. 355 00:22:47,232 --> 00:22:48,904 You got it. 356 00:22:48,934 --> 00:22:51,240 Aah! 357 00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:53,708 The king is back! 358 00:22:53,738 --> 00:22:56,178 He's got one arm, but the king is back. 359 00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:57,240 Thank you. 360 00:23:01,912 --> 00:23:05,421 As you can see, with the Binford Light Oak stain, 361 00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:07,322 you will get a nice... 362 00:23:07,352 --> 00:23:09,358 honey-colored... 363 00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:10,420 finish. 364 00:23:14,460 --> 00:23:16,298 With the Binford Light Oak stain, 365 00:23:16,328 --> 00:23:19,701 you'll get a nice honey-colored finish. 366 00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:22,504 That's right. When you're through with that, 367 00:23:22,534 --> 00:23:24,906 you'll want to put a light, little on top. 368 00:23:24,936 --> 00:23:26,575 Oh... 369 00:23:26,605 --> 00:23:27,670 Oh, what? 369 00:23:28,305 --> 00:23:34,400 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/5uqy2 Help other users to choose the best subtitles 27650

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.