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(dramatic music)

(fire explodes)

(dramatic music)

(text explodes)

(dramatic music)

(ominous music)

(woman moans)

- Poor baby.

Oh, baby.

(woman cries)

(woman screams)

- Anyone for popcorn (laughs)?

(ominous music)

Oh, it's you (laughs).

I dropped my popcorn.

Oh, well, you never know when
a girl has to protect herself.

(laughs)

Well, okay, boys and girls.

It's time.

It's time for some scenes
from some midnight stories

that will leave you on a roller-coaster,

that will leave you scared for life.

90 minutes of terror and fun

with plenty of gore, screams, and hm,

a little nude-y for you boys.

So sit back and enjoy.

Grindhouse double bill.

Two stories.

We have "Manhunt," the story
of a playboy stockbroker

that he's been a naughty boy.

Bam, bam.

And kidnapped and drugged,

being abducted in a
tunnel of man-eating rats

and oh, I hate rats.

So sit back and enjoy the flash

and the blast of a Grindhouse movie story.

(film reel grinds)

(thunder booms)
(ominous music)

(clock ticks)

(man groans)

- What the fuck is happening?

(man groans)

Who the fuck's done this to me?

I'll fucking kill them.

(clock ticks)

What is that noise?

It's driving me mad.

Help me, someone, please, help me.

(phone rings)

Shit, shit, you motherfucker.

(man groans)

Help me, there must be somebody out there.

Can you hear me?

Please help me.

Oh, what was that?

I can't see a thing.

Get away from me.

What is it down here?

What's down here?

Help me, someone, please help me.

Shit, it's rats.

I hate rats, always
have, the little fuckers.

(man groans)

Oh Christ, there could be hundreds of them

with little sharp, pointy
teeth wanting to kill me.

Get away from me, you bastard.

Get away.

I'll kill the fucking lot of you.

Help me, someone, please help me.

(phone rings)
(man groans)

Don't stop, don't stop ringing.

Come on, come on, don't (moans).

Come on (groans).

(pants)

(phone rings)

Hello?

Hello.

- [The Voice] Hello, Sam.

- Who is this?

- [The Voice] You don't remember, Sam.

How disappointing.

- Know you?

How can I be expected to know you?

I don't even know where I am,

but I need help.

There's rats down here.

How many, I don't know.

- [The Voice] Why, dear Sam,
it's probably thousands,

all wanting something to eat,

and once they smell blood,

especially fresh blood,
it'll drive them mad

until they get what they want.

And it sound like you're
on the menu, my boy.

- Who are you?

- [The Voice] Shall we say a friend,

a friend you need at the moment, Sam.

Wouldn't you say that was true?

- What do you want?

- [The Voice] As I said, friendship.

- Don't play games with me.

- [The Voice] Games, Sam?

I'm not playing games.

I'm deadly serious.

In fact, I'm so serious, I'm
willing to bet your life on it.

- Who are you?

- [The Voice] You don't know?

- No, no, I don't know.

- [The Voice] How absence
makes the mind forget, Sam.

So why don't you just call me Mr. Friend?

- Okay, Friend.

So how you going to get me out of this?

- [The Voice] I'm not, you are.

- Don't you play games
with me, you fucker.

Oh, no, no.

Shit.

I'll show the fucker, you fuck with me.

Aw, shit.

Can't see a thing.

(phone rings)

(clock ticks)

- [The Voice] You're going
to listen to me now, Sam,

or tell me the length of your cock

because your time is
ticking away, tick, tock.

- Hey, just get me out of here.

- [The Voice] So you want out of there?

Why, too dark for you?

- There's no light down here,

and I can't see a thing.

And there's hundreds of those

rats could come scurrying back.

Okay, just get me the fuck out of here.

- [The Voice] Now Sam, behave,

or I'll leave you on your own again.

Understand?

(film reel grinds)

- Okay, okay.

Just get me out of here
before the rats come back.

- [The Voice] Oh, they'll come back, Sam.

I promise you, and soon.

- What do you mean?

- [The Voice] They can smell blood,

and in 10 minutes, the
area that you're sitting in

will be full of it, I
can assure you of that.

- What do you mean, 10 minutes?

- [The Voice] Have you
not heard a ticking noise

since you woke up?

- Yes.

- Look above you, Sam,
and see my little surprise

I have for you, simple,
simple, but effective.

- What is it?

- [The Voice] Quiet, Sam.

I'm talking.

As soon as the arms on
the clock reach 11:30,

the alarm will go off,
detonating a small charge

inside the box, which
will smash the container,

causing the contents to pour all over you.

- What contents?

- [The Voice] Time is wasting, Sam.

You only have 10 minutes,

and then the box explodes.

- What's in the box?

Don't tell me it's rats, you fucker.

- [The Voice] Let's just
say a surprise, shall we?

- Bastard.

- [The Voice] How long do you
think you're going to stop

your little furry friends
from eating you, Sam,

with one hand tied to the wall?

(clock ticks)

(film reel grinds)

- Right, let's see, you little fucker.

I'll get help on my own.

Hello, 911?

I need the police.

It's an emergency.

I'm being held captive against my will

by some madman who's trying to kill me.

- [The Voice] Now Sammy,
don't say things like that.

It will hurt my feelings.

- What?

I...

- [The Voice] You thought
you had dialed the police?

No, Sammy.

All your calls go directly
to me, I'm afraid.

Sammy, language like
that will get you killed.

- What do you want from me?

- [The Voice] What do I want?

Well, that's simple, Sammy.

Play the game, just play the game

before the alarm goes off.

- What have I ever done to you?

- [The Voice] Just play the game, Sammy,

before it's too late.

- What do you want me to do?

- [The Voice] Ha-ha, no, Sammy.

What do you want to do?

- I don't understand.

- [The Voice] Well, do
you want to live or die?

- What sort of question is that?

- [The Voice] A reasonable
one, Sammy, a reasonable one.

So which will it be?

- I want to live, of course.

- [The Voice] I thought so.

Well, let's start, shall we?

The first thing, you said you
need to have a little help.

I can't expect you to get out of there

without a little help, can I, Sammy?

- Oh, come on, damn you,
the time is ticking.

- [The Voice] Okay, Sammy, let's begin.

- Good, good.

- [The Voice] Oh, by the way,
how's that pain in your side?

Is it still hurting?

- How do you know about
the pain in my side?

- [The Voice] Pull your shirt up,

and use the light from the phone

to see where the pain is coming from.

What have you done to me?

- [The Voice] Do you see a
black shape against a wall?

- Yes.

- [The Voice] If you
look in your top pocket,

you'll find a razor blade.

Cut the stitches and remove the key

inside your stomach, then unlock the box,

and something inside will
help you get out of here.

- You bastard.

- [The Voice] Now, now, Sam.

I'm only here to help you.

If you speak to me like that again,

I won't assist you anymore.

- Okay.

(groans)

(cries)

- [The Voice] Well done, Sammy.

By the sound you're letting out,

you must have the key.

- Your time will come.

- [The Voice] Of course it will.

Now back to business.

Open the box, and let us continue
this little game of ours.

- What the hell is this?

- [The Voice] You want
out, don't you, Sammy?

Well, you now have the means.

- How the fuck am I gonna get out of here

with this lot?

- Each item will bring you nearer

to freedom, if you decide to use it.

But if you use it wrongly,

then death is your only option.

- This won't fucking cut butter.

- [The Voice] Maybe not, but it will cut

through flesh and bone if you try it.

- Are you fucking mad?

You want me to cut off my hand?

- [The Voice] What choice
do you have, Sammy?

Either you cut your hand off
and stand a chance to live,

or you decide against it,

and the rats will have you for dinner,

especially when the box explodes.

- What's in the box?

- [The Voice] Time is wasting, Sammy.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Have you ever seen a corpse stripped

of its flesh, Sammy,
when it's still alive?

No rat is going to care
if you're dead or not.

In fact, they might
prefer it if were alive.

(man laughs)

- Go fuck yourself, you freak.

- [The Voice] Your time
is running out, Sammy,

but what do I care?

I win this game either way.

- Why me?

Why the fuck did you choose me?

- [The Voice] Oh, I'll
tell you when I'm ready.

I'll tell you when I'm ready to, Sammy.

There's no point, Sammy.

It won't break.

Your only option is to cut your hand off,

then seal the wound
with a portable welder.

- Go fuck yourself.

- [The Voice] It won't hurt, Sammy,

not if you do it right.

- Oh yeah?

Well, you do it then.

(man laughs)

- [The Voice] I'm glad you haven't lost

your sense of humor in
these difficult times.

Why do you think I packed
the syringes for you?

For in each one is a powerful painkiller

that will kill the pain,

but it will take three
minutes to take effect,

and you've only got five minutes left.

So what will it be, Sammy?

Live but without your left hand,

or be eaten alive by your
little furry friends?

- You're sick, you know that?

You're sick, you bastard.

- Tick, tock, Sammy, tick, tock.

Tick, tock, Sammy, tick, tock.

- No, no, I can't.

- [The Voice] You got less
than five minutes, Sammy,

and the painkiller takes
three minutes for it to work.

How long do you think it will
take to saw through your arm?

A minute, maybe two?

How good at carpentry were you at school?

- I won't forget you for this, you fucker.

(groans)

Your time will come.

- [The Voice] Oh, time
comes to all of us, Sammy,

but now you have a problem.

There's three minutes left on the clock,

and you have another two minutes

before the pain relief takes hold.

What are you going to do?

Cut before the alarm goes off?

Are you strong enough to take the pain?

Remember, the longer you leave it,

the less time you have.

Of course, you could wait
till the last minute,

so you only feel part of the pain,

but then if you're not quick enough,

the contents from the
box will still cover you.

(man laughs)

What a fun game this is.

- There's rats in the box.

I know it is, you fucker.

It's rats.

(screams)
(groans)

(alarm rings)

(man laughs)

- [The Voice] So I lied (laughs).

(happy music)

(ominous music)
(clock ticks)

(phone rings)

Good to see you got through the first part

of the game, Sammy.

- Why are you doing this to me?

- [The Voice] Have you not
worked it out yet, Sammy?

- No.

- [The Voice] Oh, you will
in time, which is something

you don't have a lot of
at the moment, Sammy.

- So what next?

- [The Voice] Well, if I'm not mistaken,

you only have a matter of minutes

to get away from there before your

furry little friends pay you a visit,

but don't leave the bag behind.

You never know what you'll need

for the next part of the game (laughs).

(groans)

- Ah, you're seriously
out of luck, you fucker.

There's nothing there.

- [The Voice] That's what you think.

- Oh shit, there's rats,

hundreds of them.

- [The Voice] Time to get
out, I would say, Sammy.

You worked it out yet, Sammy?

Or are you still oblivious to
the reason that you're here?

- I don't understand.

- [The Voice] The
syringe was not only full

of a painkiller, Sammy, but sodium amytal.

So every time the pain
becomes too intense for you,

you're also administering
a truth drug, as well,

with fantasy side effects.

- Why, why are you doing this to me?

You bastard.

- [The Voice] Let's say that within time,

you might understand, but then again,

it might all be too late.

(ominous music)
(clock ticks)

You better get out of there before more

of your furry friends come back.

The place must be smelling
like an abattoir by now.

- That's what I'm doing.

But why?

- [The Voice] Why what, Sammy?

- Why are you doing this to me, why?

- [The Voice] All will be revealed, Sammy.

All will be revealed.

(phone rings)

- [Sammy] What?

- [The Voice] How's the pain, Sammy?

Had to take another syringe yet?

- [Sammy] When are you
going to get me out of here?

- [The Voice] Oh you have a few
tasks to achieve yet, Sammy.

- [Sammy] Don't fuck with me, you cunt.

- [The Voice] What did I tell you?

You speak to me like that again,

and you're on your own, you understand?

Do you understand?

- [Sammy] Yeah, okay.

- [The Voice] Well, let's have no more

of these disagreements, Sammy.

There's a game to play.

Anyway, I'm your friend, remember,

and friends don't argue, do they?

- [Sammy] Okay, friend, what
do you want me to do next?

- [The Voice] Now that's
better, nice and respectful.

Real good, in fact.

So what about another game?

- Oh, if we must.

What do you want me to do?

- [The Voice] If you make
a bomb, it should fear

the rats for at least a few minutes.

- I don't know how to make a bomb.

- [The Voice] It's easy, Sammy.

All you got to do is attach
the sharp-edged stone

to the canister and throw it.

When it lands, the stone
will detonate the gas

inside the can as it pierces the tin,

then bang, you can watch

the little bastards go up in flames.

(Sammy yells)

(fire explodes)

(ominous music)

- [Sammy] Okay, I'm coming
up an iron staircase.

- [The Voice] Well done, Sammy.

You're getting to the
surface, freedom at last.

- [Sammy] Yeah, and no thanks to you.

- [The Voice] Now Sammy,
don't be like that.

You'll be a better man
when this is finished.

- [Sammy] What, with no hand?

- [The Voice] Everybody
has got to sacrifice

something for enlightenment,

even God gave his only son, Sammy,

to save the people of this world.

So a hand is nothing, is it?

- [Sammy] We'll see.

We'll see what you got
to say when we meet.

(man laughs)

- [The Voice] You're always you, Sammy.

What makes you think you're
ever going to meet me?

- [Sammy] Because the
world isn't big enough.

(man laughs)

- [The Voice] Oh, Sammy, you're funny.

(man laughs)

(Sammy groans)

- [The Voice] What's wrong?

- [Sammy] Just the pain.

- [The Voice] Getting bad, Sammy?

- [Sammy] Oh, I can cope.

- [The Voice] Of course, you can.

- [Sammy] Oh what's that,
feeling pity for me?

- [The Voice] Me, Sammy?

No, but I don't want
you dead, well, not yet.

- Well, that ain't gonna happen.

So why?

So why me?

- [The Voice] Why?

- Yes, why me?

Why you doing this to me?

Did I fuck your wife,

because you couldn't give her something

that she wanted like a big,
fat juicy cock (laughs).

Yes, so that's it.

I fucked your wife with my big, fat cock.

Right into her pink flamingo,

and she squawked like a bird in paradise.

(Sammy laughs)

You pathetic bastard.

- [The Voice] I'm glad to
see that you can still find

the funny side to life, Sammy.

- I don't have much option, do I?

- [The Voice] Okay, Sammy.

In front of you, you'll see a door.

- Freedom.

- [The Voice] Not so quick, Sammy.

The game ain't over yet.

- Oh, you fucker.

(pants)

Oh shit, it's rats, I hate rats.

Oh fuck, a rat.

Jesus, I hate rats.

What's going on?

Tons more of them.

Shit, what is happening now?

- Help me.
- Mary?

- Somebody help me.

(gun fires)

(Sammy screams)
(gun fires)

(Sammy sobs)

(phone rings)

- [The Voice] Game over, Sammy.

- Why, why are you doing this to me?

- [The Voice] Why, you have
the audacity to ask me why?

You remember my son that you killed

like a thief in the night,

and you thought nobody knew.

Well, his wife knew, remember her?

You should, you fucked her enough

before you killed my son.

Now your life is as dead as his.

- No (cries), no.

(ominous music)
(clock ticks)

(gun clicks)

(Sammy groans)

No, no (cries).

(Sammy yells)

(ominous music)

(man yells)

- Oh, it's you again.

What did you think of "Manhunt?"

That's gruesome, isn't it (laughs)?

Well, that was a warning
for all of you money men.

The green stuffing isn't just everything.

Sometimes we need a little red.

It helps.

(film reel grinds)

- Hello, all my furry friends.

My name is Cyril from
Cyril's Cut and Blow Dye,

your friendly hairstylist just 112 feet

from this cinema.

And I would like to make
you the offer of the month,

directly from Cyril, that's me.

For only $28.48, I can
give you the back clackin'

sack treatment that everyone
has been talking about.

Why give the lover of your choice

a mouthful of straw or a
hair between their teeth

when you can come to Cyril
and have it all shaved off

for as little $28.48.

So have that pinball look that
everybody's talking about.

So making it easier to slip in and out

of all those tight little
situations (laughs).

You know, it's easier at
Cyril's Cut and Blow Dye,

your friendly hair salon.

- Hello, my name's Sharon from Cyril's.

And for all you girls out there

with an overgrown bush that needs pruning,

for only $16.84, I can offer
you the Brazilian look.

So if you want your bush
in the shape of a heart,

a dart, or even a startin' pistol,

Sharon is the girl to do it.

At Cyril's, we're here to please,

and at $16.84, give the
partner of your choice

the look he desires.

- [Both] Some come to Cyril's and get all

your hair styled at
Cyril's Cut and Blow Dye,

your friendly hairstylist,
just 112 feet from this cinema.

Hair removal is also our
specialty at Cyril's.

(film reel grinds)

(bird warbles)

(car engine whirs)

(ominous music)

(thunder cracks)

(dog barks)
(man screams)

(woman screams)

(gun fires)

(gun explodes)

- [Narrator] Buy Scream magazine,

Blood, guts, gore, and a lot more.

♪ Jesus ♪

- Hello, it's me, Jesus,

from Gates of Heaven Pizzeria,

and I want to make you an awesome offer.

Yes, for only $11.98, you can receive

our double top whopper plus extras.

That's double toppings and red wine,

blessed by the man himself,

together with a free Coke or shake,

depending on your taste.

So forget about the other
choices on the High Street,

and go for the one true pizza,

and choose Gates of Heaven Pizzeria

to make all your dreams come true.

Now you know what it's like to be blessed.

(heavenly music)

♪ Jesus ♪

(upbeat music)

(funky music)

(guns firing)

- [Narrator] First there
was "Reservoir Puppies,"

then came "Cracky Brown,"

followed by "Inglorious Bar Stewards,"

"Kill Phil" and "Django,
Where's my Toilet Chain,"

then "The Dreadful 18" popped up.

Now Quintin Tarroteno
bring you Michael Madsen

in his first musical.

♪ Got my feet off your floor ♪

♪ They tell me people many ♪

♪ I don't want to go home ♪

"Pulp Faction," together
with an all-star cast.

They are the roughest, smoothest,

soft-shoe shuffle gangsters
you will ever see.

Not only can they take
a bullet to the hip,

they can salsa like a hot tub of Tabasco.

Watch all your favorite gangsters dance

the night away as the story unfolds.

How a young boy from the wrong side

of the stream wants to be a ballet dancer,

but his father won't let him.

Born into a Mafia crime family,

the boy must learn to kill like his father

instead of doing the lambada,

the sprinkle urn, the
microwave, and the windmill.

With these moves, it's on to Broadway,

but he's pulled back out again

and dragged headfirst into
the sinister world of crime.

Only one man can help him,

Mafia assassin, Pork Pie Henderson,

played by Michael Madsen.

- Consider it done.

- [Narrator] As the head of
Murder Not Incorporated As Yet,

can he really help the boy?

Will his secret be unmasked?

Will the underworld find out

that Pork Pie is really
a dance-loving vegetarian

who was once one of the
Dream Boy Strippers?

With a rosy tattoo branded on his butt,

find out this and more

when you watch Quintin
Tarroteno's "Pulp Faction,"

coming soon to a cinema
near you, hopefully.

(man speaks in foreign language)

(guns firing)

(hard rock music)

(man speaks in foreign language)

(crowds yell)

(man speaks in foreign language)

(guns firing)

(hard rock music)

♪ Put me down on this ♪

♪ Seems hard just to see your rights ♪

(man speaks in foreign language)

♪ You know it's a funny time ♪

♪ Split what's yours and
I'll take what's mine ♪

(crowds yell)
(guns firing)

♪ I was reading that there is no God ♪

♪ I was smoking for the pain, lust, deaf ♪

♪ I hope it keeps you up at night ♪

♪ Crawl ♪

(fire explodes)

(man speaks in foreign language)

(crowds yell)

- [Narrator] Okay, folks, here he is,

acclaimed screen god and hunk,

Robin Askwith, star of "Canterbury Tales,"

"The Flesh and Blood Show,"

(car engines whir)

"Cool It Carol,"

(car engines whir)

"Horror Hospital,"

"Lets Get Laid,"

"Tower of Evil"

and not forgetting the one-time classic

of the silver screen,

"Confessions of a Window Cleaner."

In this tale of mayhem, murder,

and plenty of action, it's smashing,

it's head-turning.

That's right, the King is back,

and baby, he's taking care of business

in "Bulletproof Elvis."

That's right, Robin
Askwith is Elvis Presley,

and he's ready to shoot the bad guys down.

(upbeat music)

(pensive guitar music)

- [The Voice] You killed my
brother, you motherfucker.

(upbeat music)

- You can't hurt me as much as he can.

- You fucking dirt bag.

(guns firing)

- Where is that motherfucker?

Where is he?

(laughing)

I loved that placed. (laughs)

See ya.

- Burn you bastard.

(yelling)

(fire explodes)

"- [Narrator] From out
of the woods they came,"

a family of fun loving cannibals.

They were the Texas chainsaw hillbillies,

a meat-eating clan that
liked to sing and dance.

Watch this family go through a whole town

of good old boys, and
chew on each and every

body part they can get their hands on.

From Chef Mario, the fun
loving opera cannibal,

you also have Bubba Big Tongue,

the roly-poly sheriff
(guns firing)

Who likes to dance with his victims

before he has them for dinner.

Then you've little Joe, who
likes to wear clown masks

while he tortures his victims.

He's a slice and dice man.

Then of course, you have
Albert the Arranger,

he gets all the victims to visit

terror town in Wrinkleville.

He's the brains behind
this horrible conspiracy,

but I am sure you will like him.

If you like the taste of spare ribs

with your movie, this is the film for you.

Yes, it's the "Texas
Chainsaw Hillbillies,"

and it's coming to a cinema near you

for Thanksgiving day.

(film reel grinds)

- Romeo, oh Romeo, where art thou, Romeo?

Oh, there you are again.

Okay, well now we have
a real grindhouse film.

For all you lovers of sisterly pals,

think oh "Thelma and Louise."

This story consists of a stripper,

a nun, a mayor, and a sheriff,

who has something harder
than the star on his chest.

(upbeat music)

(guns firing)

Wow, whoa, doesn't that dancer dance good?

She uses that pole well.

You know, I would too,
if I was a stripper.

I would use that pole real well.

- Right, bitch.

What can you tell me about these killings?

- I was at the chapel
helping the congregation

to take their vows when I got

that telephone call from my sister.

She wanted to leave her husband,

but needed to speak to him first.

(upbeat music)

- Hi Patsy, you have a
call from your sister.

Would you like me to take
over while you answer it?

- Oh yeah, thanks.

- Yo, all these girls
went to the Royal Academy.

The Royal Academy of what (laughs)?

(upbeat music)

- Buy some fucking tissues, will you?

Lola, is that you?

- So what did she have to say?

- That she's going to his place of work,

but he wasn't there.

- Did she speak to anyone?

- Oh yeah, a friend of hers.

- [Man] You got a name?

- No.

- Now here comes a real slapper,

no flapper, flapper.

(upbeat music)

- Hey, gorgeous.
- Hey.

- Hey, stranger.

I thought you were going to be out of town

for a few more days.

- What?

- What woo girl, spending money?

- It happens.

- Well, maybe you should
take me along next time,

and we'll see how bored I can get.

- Maybe I will.

- You got a ciggie on you, baby?

- Yeah, sure.

- Oh, gasping for smoke, thank you.

So listen, tell me all about it.

What did you get?

What did you spend Daddy's money on, baby?

- Nothing.

- Nothing, what do you mean, nothing?

- Nothing to tell.

- Aw.

Thanks, oh.

However, you gotta take out
whatever offer there is.

You're not getting any younger.

Winter's coming, so you better grab up

all of those diamonds and furs, baby.

- Well, maybe I'll take
you along next time.

- Fucking right you should, baby.

Tell Aunt Louise you want money,

what do you say?

- Yay.

(cheering)

- Here we come (laughs).

I could just see it.

- Have you seen Snake Hips?

- Isn't he out there somewhere?

- I haven't seen him.

- Baby doll, I don't know.

I mean, what do I know.

- I've got to go.

I really need to speak to him.

Well, you take care now.

- You take care, but
just remember one thing.

You've had your sugar
daddy for two years now.

I need my sugar daddy now

before it's too late.

I want to have a lot of money

before my pussy runs dry
and I get old and haggard.

And you know what?

I still do a pretty good rough and tough,

backward flip, don't I, honey?

- She sure does.

I can vouch for that.
- You see?

- You can have Roy if you like.

Oh, sorry, I forgot.

You already have.

- Darling, your husband
has been with everybody

from time to time.

You're just the last one
to cube, let's face it.

- So he says.

- Baby, he doesn't fuck around anymore.

His cock is all for you, baby.

- I wouldn't bet on it, Engine.

- Listen, it's respect.

It's called respect, it is,

and don't you ever forget it, baby.

- So.

What happened next?

(car engine revs)

- Wow, there's a guy with a 10-gallon hat,

with a two-pint head.

Let's go and get them, Lola.

- Mighty fine horses and cars
you got here, little lady.

- Well, thank you.

- What can I do you for?

- I thought I'd drop by and check out some

of this famous Western hospitality
I've been hearing about.

- You came to the right place, ma'am.

The right place.

- Actually, I need my car fixed.

- What's up with it?
- Busted fan belt.

- But it's still running, how come?

- Well, lucky for me,
I carry a repair kit.

- Lemus is your man.

He can fix anything with a motor.

- So where do I find him?

- Just got himself shot,

but luckily it was with blanks

and not real bullets.

Otherwise, you'd be a
resident instead of a visitor.

- A shame, never did have any luck.

- You park up around the corner.

I'll get Lemus come see you

as soon he's finished
shooting up the town.

- So cowboy, is there
any where for me to stay?

- Hotel down the end of the street,

got a coach load of
tourists for the festival,

but there's always room for one more.

- It's been an experience.

- Happy one, I hope.

- One I'll be talking about
for a long, long time.

- Nice to hear, ma'am.

(gunshot fires)

- So why did she kill the cowboy?

- She wanted to kill him
before he killed her first.

- Then what happened?

- Everything went dark,

and when she woke up,

she found herself in jail.

(upbeat music)

- Deputy.

Hey, Deputy.

- What do you want?

- I want to get out of here.

- I bet you do.

- I can be very grateful.

- Now here comes it.

Sheriff, there really
wants to be a pirate.

Remind you of anyone?

- How grateful?

- Open the cell and I'll show you.

- Oh, no, what do you take me for?

Some kind of idiot?

No way, sister.

- How about something else?

- What?

- Look here.

Well, how about it, big boy?

- You can do that from in there?

- [Woman] Put your cock
through the bars, big boy,

and I'll suck you dry.

- Oh yeah, baby, give it to me.

(groans)

- Go, girl.

You really pulled that one.

- So she has very sharp nails,

and the will to live, and
the odds are against her.

But what I need to know is

where was she hiding, Sister?

- The only thing I know is
that she went after him.

That was last word she said to me, where.

I wish I knew.

- Now back to Las Vegas.

(upbeat music)

(high-pitched speaking)

(upbeat music)

That girl might not have any brains,

but she sure has a nice car.

- But didn't you go after her?

- What could I do, Inspector?

A defenseless woman of God.

(car dings)

(car engine revs)

(upbeat music)

- Here comes that ass-kicking sequence.

- Hey, here.

Keep your eyes peeled, boys.

The bitch is supposed to be on her way.

I want her dead, her legs spread,

and her pussy burnt.

Do it.

(cheering)

(upbeat music)

- I arrived on the evening
before the big boy's race.

Shame I was about to crash
and burn all their dreams.

(car engine revs)

Okay, boys, let's bitch
with a happy, happy vibe.

(upbeat music)
(car engines rev)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(punches thud)

(man yells)

(punches thud)

(man yells)

(upbeat music)

Okay, so I was captured.

Doesn't mean I was dead.

That bastard had me tied up
like a chicken ready to hatch,

but that's cops for you.

Big ideas, and small dicks.

- Yeah, it's time for Daddy to exercise

his rubber trunk on your pink flamingo.

- I wonder if that mayor is coming

back for election.

What do you think?

- I see your seduction moves
still haven't changed, Roy.

- Ah, scared my cock might be too big

for you, little girl.

Don't worry, I'll get a
towel to wipe on the flaps.

- (laughs) Lola told me she
needed a pair of tweezers

just to give you the hand job, Roy.

- I gave her what she needed.

- Oh yeah, just cause you have a big

wallet doesn't mean you have a big pecker.

Face it, your cock isn't big enough

for us McClarens, baby.

- I gave her what she needed, I told you.

- Oh yeah, money?

(upbeat music)

- Well, your sister doesn't have to worry

about my cock anymore.

In fact, she doesn't have to
worry about anything anymore.

- That's it, boss.
- Here.

Now it is.

And I've seen to the alimony, as well.

(growls)

And now it's time to taste
the bird of paradise,

and you're gonna like it.

- I don't think I'll even notice it.

(film reel grinds)

- Now back to the scrapyard.

- You sure about that, Boss?

That girl's a nun.

- I am an atheist.

- So you killed all of Roy's men.

You got some good moves.

That's not expected from a nun, Sister.

- We're pretty tight, Lauder.

- So are you a real nun?

- Why don't you come over here, Cowboy,

and let me give you a blessing.

- [Cowboy] I bet you will.

- What do you want, a
taste, like your boss?

Come over here and taste some honey

from a pink flamingo?

Are you scared you'll
get stung by a queen bee?

- Nah, I don't think so.

- Why, you have nothing
in between your pants,

just like that wrinkled up old faux shark.

- No, it's all here.

- It is?

- All 12 inches.

- You sure you're not talking centimeters

after Lola got hold of you?

(upbeat music)

(cowboy groans)

- Looks like the sheriff
has more to hide than he.

(hand thuds)
(yelling)

(upbeat music)

- So what you're telling me is

you discovered the whereabouts
of your sister's husband,

hid, and waited for the police to arrive.

- That's about it, Inspector.

- [Man] Well, what are
you going to do with her?

- [Man] Dig another hole so
she can be by her sister.

- [Man] Good, bitch deserves it.

- What do you want?

- I've come to help you.

It was nothing to do with me.

I liked your sister.

She was a good girl.

- But you didn't stop him killing her.

- I couldn't.

- Where's Roy?

- Down in the car.

- And the deputy?

- Out getting the car
ready for the race tonight.

(static buzzes)

- Now it's time for revenge.

- No.

(gun fires)

(car engine revs)

- Go, baby, go.

What a car chase!

(upbeat music)

(tires squeal)

(gun fires)

(upbeat music)
(tires squeal)

(guns firing)

She can not only shoot,
but she can drive as well.

(car engines rev)
(tires squeal)

(upbeat music)
(tires squeal)

(car engine revs)

(cars thud)

(upbeat music)

(car engine revs)

That's it.

She got him.

(upbeat music)

(gun fires)

- If you weren't a nun, I
don't think I'd believe you.

- Well, maybe you shouldn't.

- What are you doing?

- You think I didn't know that
you and Roy work as a team?

(ominous music)

- The detective was on
the mayor's payroll.

I bet you didn't see that coming.

- No.

(gun fires)

- Now, that is what I call grindhouse.

(hard rock music)

(upbeat music)

(playful music)

- [Man] That's all, folks.