Original subtitles

Edited at https://subtitletools.com

People say Naples should change,

but why don't you also change

Mantua, anign, Ansta ?

Dust those corners, your uncle attracts dust.

Not on purpose !

Sometimes I think he does.

We dust him every day, but there's always this darned layer.

Poor uncle !

AGODFATHER IN THE LIVING ROOM

Wake up !

Wake up, school won't wait !

"If you want to do something special,

now's the time."

If you want something special...

- Now's the time. - I want to sleep.

It's not the time.

Go today and bring home a nice A.

In life we must invest in ourselves.

"I wasn't born for defeat...

Nor does failure run in my veins.

I'm a lion,

[won't listen to those who cry arid feel sorry for themselves

because it's a contagious disease. "

Michele,

that promotion must be ours, we deserve it.

-You know, don't you ? -I know, darling.

Good morning, ma'am, how are you ?

Nostradamus says:

"When our neighbor replies, the world will end."

Fortuna, stick your head out, you're making crumbs.

It's cold, Daddy.

Sweetheart, stick your head out or stop eating.

- Here we are. - Bye, Daddy.

A kiss !

- Vittorio, why are you grumbling ? - Because I hate this school.

Bye.

lwonder: who'll be the new marketing manager ?

The one with your creativity, courage and imagination,

in other words, your balls.

Important news:

as of tomorrow, the cafeteria ham will be exclusively hand-cut.

Too bad you'll miss it!

Remember: we don't sell houses, we sell...

- Chalets. - Cold.

- Villas. - Dreams !

- Get it in your head. - Of course.

Bring it in.

I'd say it's an explosive metaphor.

Thank you.

A nest,

the symbol of safety, of welcoming, of home.

What do you say ?

Interesting...

What if we cut the family ?

To strengthen the nest idea ?

Good, Coso !

| feel creative: why not cut the nest, too

leaving just a blue sky with:

"Edil Manetti, your house, your dreams" ?

Crap ?

No.

- We could cut the sky too. - Let's keep it, I like to be daring.

- That's the limit! - Mom !

"Mom, Mom"...

Maybe not the front row, but I don't see why

you're always last with that fatso in front of you.

- What are you doing ? - You've really disappointed me.

- Self-esteem, my girl ! - Mom, please.

What are you doing ?

My lady's daughter doesn't go last, she goes first.

- What are you, her mother ? - I'm the nanny.

Music !

Now they're all improvising as nannies...

- I've been a nanny for twenty years. - How long ?

Twenty years.

My daughter should be in front!

Ma'am, what are you doing ?

What's your problem ? You're hurting the child.

So?

No news yet, but I see some light,

a nice success for the new ad campaign.

- The one with the nest? - Right.

- Hi, sweetie! - Lice !

Damn, I'll kill them off with Napalm.

We should befriend the Manettis, get into their circle,

breathe their air, drink their water.

- It's for our kids' future. -You know I hate pulling strings.

You're so old-fashioned, it's called PR now.

Cristina, please, trust me.

Daddy, Vittorio got an A in English.

Yes, | forgot.

- My son ? - The one and only.

You're sure ?

That's great !

- Mrs. Manetti ! - With whom am | speaking ?

Cristina D'Avola, pleased to meet you.

-A new sales clerk ? - No, I'm a customer.

It's an honor to shop beside a woman of your stature.

Thank you.

Did you know I live in your house ?

Poor thing, in one of the shacks my husband builds.

Did you know my husband works at Edil Manetti, too,

side by side with yours ?

Incredible ! The whole city works for Carlino's company.

The Intercity train, from Naples Central,

is arriving on track 1.

Why all the mystery, officer ?

Let me guess: I parked up a tree.

It's not a fine ?

How urgent ?

Extremely ?

Now ?

Alright.

Want to bet it's a fine ?

This isn't a fine, Ma'am.

Is this a guessing game ? Please, tell me!

Sign here, meantime, thank you.

I see an irregularity:

here it says Carmela, you can't sign Cristina.

- My name's not Carmela. - Maybe you're not even Neapolitan !

- That's what they all say. - The inspector.

"Carmela D'Avola, born in Mezzotto, province of Naples,"

etc, etc...

Do you confirm ?

Parents' names ?

- Which parents ? - How many do you have ?

Santagata, be more tactful !

- Write "unknown" or "NN". - NN ?

"The undersigned declares she is a gypsy..."

Listen, either you tell me why I'm here or I'm leaving!

Ma'am, calm down !

You have a brother, right? Ciro,

Cimmaruta Ciro.

- Your above-mentioned brother... - ls dead ?

No, but he's in trouble and must be brought to trial.

One more, one less...

My brother is a hoodlum.

This time it's not petty theft, it's quite serious.

- Organized crime. - Camorra, to be exact.

Camorra ?

That's impossible,

my brother is a hoodlum, but he's not in the Camorra.

The court will decide that.

-Anyway, it's no business of mine. - Yes it is.

- No it isn't. -Yes, it is, Ma'am.

The above-mentioned Cimmaruta Ciro

has indicated his sister's home for his house arrest.

My home ?

No, I haven't seen him in a thousand years

and when I did, it was best I didn't.

- He's still your brother. -You take him in!

No, my mother-in-Iaw lives with me

and it's no picnic, the inspector knows.

Thank you for the splendid Saturday you've given me,

I'll be leaving now.

- Wait ! - I'm going home.

- Wait a minute. - Ms. Carmela, ma'am, stop !

My name's not Carmela!

Calm down, think.

- It's all locked up... - Ma'am !

Keep your brother until the judge comes, then you can refuse.

If you leave now, you're in trouble.

- When's this judge coming ? - Monday.

I have a thought

and it's for Mom.

The sun burns

on my face...

Carmela !

Ma'am !

You're happy I came to visit, right?

You got a family ?

Certainly, mountains really suck.

It's cold in the mountains, the people are cold,

the pizza's cold,

a cold that seeps into your...

Listen to me...

I have a family.

-A husband, two kids. - Good for you !

I love the cold, I cherish dampness.

I can't stand warmth, including people's,

or hands on me, people who gesture.

Recycling gives me joy

and I've never had the least doubt where to dispose of styrofoam.

I don't eat pizza, I love knodel

and, especially, remember my name isn't Carmela.

Carmela,

what the fuck are these kno'dels ?

I'll go, Daddy!

Daddy !

- Here I am. - Don't open !

Hey, it's Uncle Ciro!

I lost the bet, unfortunately it wasn't a fine.

Why the long faces ?

Aren't you happy your uncle feels better ?

He wasn't sick, he was dead, there's a big difference.

Dead ? How dramatic !

Carmela,

is that me ?

Uncle, you died during the Easter procession,

you were playing Jesus, right?

No, or I'd remember.

- Why did you tell us he was dead ? - Stop asking, now he's resurrected !

It takes three days to rise from the dead.

- Did you know that ? - No.

I'm always the last to know things in this house.

But, now we have to look for the positive side.

Yes, your uncle's alive and here with us.

So, welcome your uncle, who'll be leaving on Monday.

- Fortuna. - Vittorio.

- I'll be staying a month at least. - Sure, a year...

Until the trial!

A pleasure. Michele. Trial?

You're in witness protection ?

That's why you didn't say anything, so we wouldn't worry.

An act of courage and a splendid example for my children.

The hell I'm awitness! I'm the one on trial,

they accuse me of being in the Ciciarielli clan in Mezzotto.

- Southern Italy ? - Very Southern.

That's really funny!

You picked a real idiot!

I really am a boss, not ajerk like you.

That's why Mom told us you were dead.

Maradona said it was God who punished the English...

- We forgot to have dinner! - No, we had the crudités.

I thought that was an appetizer, you could have told me!

- You'd have eaten ours, too ? - No, the kids.

Just kidding!

- Get up, I'm making your bed. - It's about Maradona, deep silence !

You can pause it and see it later.

Really ?

I sleep with two pillows.

Nothing better ? This couch reminds me of my fugitive life.

- This isn't a hotel! - Or a restaurant either.

- Do you smoke ? - No, Uncle.

No smoking in the house, we're a "smoking-free family."

Oh, I see... What the fuck's that mean ?

Go outside to smoke.

Are you nuts ?

Don't throw firecrackers in the garden ! Are you crazy ?

I lit a cigarette.

We'll look bad with the neighbors!

Dad ?

To bed, c'mon !

Night!

- Night, Uncle. - Night, Niece.

Michele,

tell me something,

what was your cat's name ?

- We don't have any cats. - You don't ?

Our neighbor does, Caty.

- Are you okay ? - A mobster's cramp.

- Can I go ? - Get some shut-eye, I'll clean up.

Night.

I got a brother-in-Iaw

who's a tad faggot...

Why didn't you ever say you have a brother ?

If your brother was the Rostov Ripper, would you ?

Of course !

Is he dangerous ? We have kids!

Good grief, it was just an example !

What are you scared of? Sleep !

He didn't sing, did he ?

Because when he does ?

It means he's on edge, it's better if he doesn't sing.

Oh shit, he sang in the living room earlier!

We're all going to die, I know it.

What's that noise ?

Nothing, it's the storm.

No, hear him ?

That's him, he's in my bathroom.

- Get him out right now! - Me ?

Me, I'll go.

- Oh no, sorry! - Michele, c'mon in.

- I don't think I should. - No formalities, we're a family.

Let's chat, it's been ages.

- We've never seen each other. - Yeah, right.

You're always cleanin' ? Are you a little pansy ?

No.

- Things okay with Carmela ? - Sure.

- The humpin' ? - Huh ?

Do you hump ?

Yes, yesterday, today, tomorrow...

I mean, it's good.

Come here.

Closer.

Don't you dare talk about my sister like that.

Right, I meant no offense.

Will you scram ? A little privacy!

- My respects. - The door !

Sorry.

CATY, WHERE ARE YOU ? COME HOME! WE CAN WORK IT OUT.

Ladies and gentlemen, wake up!

It's Sunday, but that's no excuse for Ioafing.

Aworld of possibilities is outside, should we miss them ?

Or do you want to become like your uncle ?

What is it, an earthquake ?

Oh, my God !

Don't let him scare you, he's a bit faggot.

Who is it my pleasure to meet?

- What's your name ? - Janine.

- Is she your girlfriend ? - Sure.

Can you lend me some money for Janine ?

Excuse me, please.

Go Janine, I'll send a bank transfer.

The sheet !

Lord,

let this be just a bad dream.

Please, give me a sign.

The beer's warm.

You're so lucky!

There they are!

Go!

- Where's his wife ? - I don't know.

- Say hello. - Not here, we're in church.

Darling, say hello!

- Make the lettering bigger. - Bigger ?

Sit up straight.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, Amen.

Maria, please, don't let my genius husband

ruin my father's company.

Please, stop him.

Adisability... semi-permanent,

permanent Iumbago, kidney stones, prostatitis.. your choice,

just stop him.

From woman to woman, you can understand me.

I'm in need, let me hear your voice.

Mrs. Manetti.

Call me Doriana.

Thank you, Doriana.

The other day, there was no time to invite you to supper.

What supper ?

The Last Supper ?

No, the first.

Do you like knodel ?

Please, it would be an honor to have you for supper.

I can't smoke,

gotta lift the toilet seat to pee and they're always shouting,

even the kids are weird... Counselor, jail's better!

What ? Jail's a pain ! At least they're your family.

Who are they anyway ?

The cuckold's in the nest,

unknowingly...

Cute bunny.

I'm starving !

-There's more crudités in the fridge. -Don't worry, I'll catch up tonight.

- What are you doing ? - Studying.

- She studies all the time. - Studying what ?

An essay on my family.

I'll give you a hand!

- I dictate and you write. - Okay.

My family:

it's...

none of your fucking business.

Too short ?

- You have to sign my report card. - Sure, gladly.

Let's see...

No, wait a minute.

This isn't an A it's an F.

It's not that he lied,

but that he got an F and F's have no place here!

- What's more! - That jerk has it in for me!

Is it normal to write Shakespeare is a soccer player ?

Fortuna !

William Shakespeare, born in Stratford-upon-Avon in 1564,

is renown as the greatest English poet of all times.

Thank you.

- You're a whiz! - Vittorio !

Falsifying a report card means not only betraying our trust,

it's a crime !

- Like asking for protection money. - Loser.

Vittorio, don't call your father a loser!

Think it, but don't say it.

The kid's mortified, that's enough, let's eat.

No, I'll decide that.

Naturally, you'll decide that, but let's eat.

- Fortuna ! - William Shakespeare, born...

- Good night. - Good night, Uncle.

Good night.

Huh ? Good night?

Even the crudités are finished.

Good thing tomorrow's Monday.

If you'd rather not take your brother into your home

as he awaits a preliminary hearing, that's your right.

Actually, our house is small...

And my husband is almost a marketing manager...

We're a decent family, we shouldn't...

There's no need forjustification.

I've known lots of people who've abandoned their brothers !

Sign here and you'll be refusing him.

I hadn't seen him for 15 years,

besides, doesn't he have a house ?

But you've been good, you've built something in these years.

You came North, had two children, a nice family.

No one has ever given me anything.

Of course, Mrs. D'Avola.

Sign here, and Ciro will wait for his hearing in jail.

Never pack it down, it's criminal !

When you prepare the coffee pot,

the coffee should make a hill.

Even if it spills all around, it's okay,

the more you spill, the better.

I taught her how to prepare the coffee pot.

How are you raising her ? She didn't know about the hill.

Now I see why they take guns and wipe out their families.

The stuff in the fridge is our property. If you want to eat, shop.

The third rack is yours,

stay away from the first and second, those are ours,

mine and my family's.

We make our coffee with this.

The 'hill' in this house

is absolutely forbidden.

I get it, you're a "hill-free family."

Here are two of Michele's suits, two shirts,

two pairs of shoes.

Throw everything out and wear these.

No gold chains, no Rolex,

no shinyjackets, and above all, no pointed boots.

Those are my best clothes !

Here's your toothbrush, use it.

-And don't mix it with ours! - If I do ?

Jail!

Get rid of the Neapolitan dialect and that toothpick too.

Never say who you are or where you come from,

if they ask you, say you're our butler.

You'll sleep in Michele's train room.

- No, not the train room ! - Yes, the train room.

We'll talk about it later.

- It's Daddy's train ! - on, God !

Michele, you scare me!

Good morning.

I've worked here since 1996, I bought a company house

and you say if I don't pay the mortgage on time, you'll foreclose ?

I heard that right ?

You haven't paid for three months, want to end up in the dungeon ?

"Friendship" means nothing to you ?

No.

Each day that I wait is a finger less for you, clear ?

Very clear.

Thank you, Mr. Peter.

Oh, God, a corpse in the kitchen !

Look, follow the footprints, go see.

- Me ? - Michele !

Call the police!

Darling, call the police!

-Are you're boiling our neighbor ? - What neighbor, what blood ?

I'm canning tomatoes!

- Take the bottles in the kitchen. - Michele, don't!

Drop those bottles.

Michele, take them.

Michele, drop them.

- Take them. - Drop them.

Hurry inside, come see what's there.

What else is there ?

Michele, the bottles.

No crudités today, I cooked something.

Sorry for the mess, but it was worth it.

Here you are !

In order of appearance: "homemade bread",

macaroni omelet, sausage and broccoli rabe,

mozzarella from Battipaglia and eggplant parmesan.

And then, dulcis in fundum...

the queen of desserts, a pastiera!

I'm sorry, but this stuff will never enter my home.

- We're an honest family! - What are you doing ?

I'm throwing it all out!

No, not the pastiera!

- The pastiera goes ! - The pastiera stays.

The pastiera goes !

We're a pastiera-free family.

I feel sick.

Be strong !

She's like that when she cares for someone.

Jesus Arrested

With this the last trace is gone.

You're still pissed off with me for that thing.

No, why should I be ?

They only arrested you in front of the whole town,

you became a criminal, going in and out of prison,

why should I have it in for you ?

- I've changed. - You've changed ?

Sure, you made a career advance,

you're in the Camorra!

Congratulations.

How shameful !

When you left it wasn't easy for me either.

Think it was easy for me ?

But I have to thank you,

you made me so ashamed

that I found the strength to leave that place.

When you were a little girl, I was your hero.

Right. When I was a little girl.

The Perfect Camorra Man

Some people work tomorrow!

You animal !

Vittorio !

How do you get revenge on someone ?

What's there to get revenge for! Go to bed !

I was terrible in school, too.

If you're terrible in school, you'll do fine in life.

It's not like that anymore.

Vittorio !

Come here, sit down.

If you really want revenge,

make him shit his pants,

the ideal is the severed head of a horse.

Problem: you have to find a horse, cut off its head

and I assure you, it's not easy.

The horse goes wild... Go run after the horse!

To be practical, the best thing is a dead cat.

Find a cat, you cream him,

wrap him and take him to the location of the offense.

Get it ?

Sure, you don't want to help me.

Hold this.

Hold this.

What's a dead cat doing in the freezer ?

How do you usually preserve one ?

How do you usually preserve one ?

Can I help you ?

I need some information.

Which car is the English teacher's ?

I can't say, for his privacy.

Privacy !

Look in here, so you'll see who you're dealing with.

Scared, huh ?

What is it ?

I took the wrong animal, shit!

I'm incorruptible!

Where's the car ?

- What are you doing ? -I made a mess, run!

What the hell...

You should have said it's not your English teacher, but Alberico.

- What a pain though! - The best defense is an attack.

React, or instead of slashing your bike tires,

next time he'll dissolve your sister in acid.

-Want me to shoot him ? - No!

Thanks for the offer, but I'll work it out myself.

Yeah, right !

Did you tell your mother ?

Your father ?

Okay, you told me.

- What's so funny ? - I'm thinking about Dad's face!

It's nothing funny.

Vittorio, if I were God... this would all be the sea.

You've even started smoking ?

Let me be, I've got loads of worries.

What's the matter ? Your train broke ?

- They slashed my tires. - I didn't do it!

The loan sharks did !

Why did you go to loan sharks ?

Because your sister spends a fortune.

- She does it for the family. - I know.

Know what this house costs and how much I earn ?

- 1,500 euro. - That's not bad.

1,500, three times one is 3, three times 5 is 15...

That's over 45 thousand euro a month,that's good !

You can't make that with protection money.

1,500 euro a month!

Holy Jesus !

If I don't pay the mortgage, they'll take the house.

I'm afraid, what can I do ?

Talk to your wife, tell her the truth

and spend less.

When you love someone, it's not easy to be truthful.

Listen to Ciro,

eye on the loan sharks, those guys...

Thanks, talking to you really helped me !

I'll have a drop of grappa and try to sleep.

- Thanks. -Anytime.

The cat !

They know where I live!

They found me!

- Bye. - Bye, Vittorio !

Are you wearing make-up ?

What did he do ?

He beat up Alberico Manetti.

I hope there's no problem at work.

Alberico Manetti ?

Oh, my God !

Are you crazy ?

I told him too, that's no way to...

It's useless to invest in your kids!

Alberico Manetti, I can't believe it !

My son's an idiot.

He beat up his future.

- Does it hurt ? - Mom, will I get suspended ?

For your own safety, I hope not.

My son's an idiot!

Mommy, telephone.

Shove the offer-of-the-year up your ass !

It was Mrs. Manetti.

Oh, Lord !

Hello, my dear!

Stay focused, it's the chance of a lifetime.

Great happenings!

- Where are you going like that ? - Nowhere.

I want to be elegant when I spit in their faces.

You won't spit in anyone's face,

a little birdie tells me you won't be at dinner.

-No? -No.

Uncle !

Mom, he died again.

No, Ijust knocked him out with a sleeping pill.

-Are you nuts ? - It's no tragedy.

Get the rug, we'll wrap Ciro in it.

Your uncle's better in there.

Wake up !

Cold cuts and traditional cheeses from Trentino-South Tyrol

and meat puffs Cristina-style, that's me.

- Meat puffs ! - Yippee...

I can't stand criminality, not even in baby form.

Scrumptious tarts ?

My son was attacked by a wild beast.

"Wild beast" is a bit excessive.

No, it's the right definition. Olive ?

I'd rather not say it was a Mafia execution, but...

Of course !

What else do you call a cowardly attack from behind ?

It's just kids' stuff, let's enjoy the cold cuts.

- We frigging won't! - We fucking won't, I say!

Let's get to the point, our son's a thug.

To our Alberico.

Cheers !

Not bad !

It's our butler, he loves to amaze when he enters.

Come along, let's bring in the knodel.

But why is the butler wrapped in a rug ?

Because he's Persian !

- What's happening ? - They must be beating the rug.

-They do it at your house too, right? -Not with the butler in it.

It depends on the butler.

Listen, if you ruin this evening for me,

I'll send you back to jail.

She said "jail" ?

I could have suffocated.

- I heard "quail". - Quail ? In the knodel ?

So, what's the new marketing director's profile ?

Maybe a Greek profile like my husband's!

- Not to return to the subject... - Please, do.

Little Alberico, was walking defenselessly.

-And from behind... - We've already said that !

Let's say it again !

When from behind came an aggressor, Coso Jr.

An aggressor !

This dipshit's son started it all.

Dipshit father, dipshit son.

- Is he Neapolitan ? - Romanian. He loves to sing.

- Wasn't he Persian ? - Persian in ancient times...

According to present Romanian borders.

It's a famous song in Romania,

like Volare for us.

What a strange language, it sounds like swearing.

It's true... it does.

When actually, it's full of words of love.

And dedicated to you.

Are you gonna tell 'em

or am I, to fuck off.

Are you gonna tell 'em, or am I, to fuck off...

This particular passage means "I love you".

Fuck off!

"Fuck off" to you too, my love.

And your sister!

Polenta !

Do I serve the whore ?

Yes, please serve the whore.

Who ?

In Romanian, polenta: whor-a.

An ancient Persian word.

- Careful ! -Apologize.

I apologize, I clean, old remedy.

- No need. - Saliva and a drop of wine.

- What are you doing ? Please! - More saliva.

- He spit on me. - Really ? I don't think so.

What's he doing ? Is he crazy ?

He's on trial.

Up your asses, you bunch ofjerks!

Wait, Doriana !

No strumpet for me!

You're leaving ?

Too bad, I made strudel, and everyone always like it.

Go crap !

Say goodbye to your uncle, he's leaving tomorrow.

Excellent !

Where are you going ?

To jail.

Please, he's our only uncle.

He should have thought about that.

He ruined my life, now I'll ruin his.

Excellent, they don't know what they missed.

Actually, you ruined mine first.

Me ? Could I decide anything when I was six ?

But you were older, you could decide.

You could have chosen not to be a criminal.

Uncle defended me, you didn't.

Why do you think I didn't ?

For your future and your sister's, to give you what I didn't have.

That's why I didn't defend you.

Say something, Dad !

What can I say ?

Butler...

A mental retard ! How disgusting, he spit on me!

You'll do something to that Coso, won't you ?

I had to throw my clothes out and you know what they cost.

Such ugly people in such a beautiful house, what a shame!

Do you think I smell of tomato sauce ?

You do.

That's disgusting, I disinfected myself !

You smell of tomato sauce.

We open this evening with crime news.

A dangerous Camorra member, Ciro Cimmaruta...

Carletto, the retard !

...from the Ciciarielli clan in Mezzotto, a town in southern Italy,

is a guest in our province.

Don Ciro is under house arrest at the home of his Neapolitan sister

who has lived for years in our lovely town.

The clan heads are on trial in Naples,

among them is the fearful Don Ciro,

slender, average height, cavernous gaze, bug eyes,

his face commands fear and respect.

Follow me.

I knew it !

Mr. Manetti didn't like last night's dinner ?

I'm your new secretary, my name's Florance.

And this is your new office.

Push 9 and I'm at your complete disposal.

Maylgo?

- There are even tangerines ! -Actually, they're oranges.

There must be a mistake, this is someone else's office,

I'm Coso Michele.

No mistake, Mr. Coso. May I go ?

- Ifl push 9... - I'm at your complete disposal.

Florance...

- If I push 9. - At your disposal.

Perfect.

Florance !

The values of fairness and justice,

accusing his own offspring without hesitation,

courage, loyalty...

"Courage and loyalty are the DNA of your principled family".

He really said "principled" ?

Principled !And then...

"It's the DNA a marketing manager of respect must have

and you, Mr. Coso, have it".

You have it !

And then: "Dulcis in fundo, I'd like to emphasize

how Iikeable and lively your brother-in-Iaw was,

in the delightful butler sketch".

Glad he said that!

After all the work we did,

we earned some luck.

It's not luck, it's merit.

Our luck is that Vittorio wasn't suspended from school.

Oh, that's a relief!

Get the champagne glasses.

Do you have a secretary ?

My secretary...

Don't make me jealous!

- Do you have a big chair ? - Very big.

Vittorio, Fortuna, come celebrate with Daddy!

I want the cork.

Come on, let's toast.

Won't you tell Daddy how good he is ?

- I want some too ! -A drop.

Vittorio, aren't you glad Uncle Ciro stayed ?

All thanks to Michele Coso,

the peacekeeper.

Speech !

Okay, I'll make one.

To the North

which always rewards hard-workers.

To the great North.

That separates grain from chaff,

but especially,

to my family

that's nearly perfect.

A toast !

How do you think they found out he's my brother ?

Who ?

The Manettis.

You said they liked

my brother's butler sketch.

How did they find out Ciro's my brother ?

Why even ask ?

You look so much alike.

- Think so ? -Yes.

You have the same melancholy in your eyes.

Why dwell on this ?

My office shows what the Manettis think of us.

Do you think it's right to promote someone who tried to murder...

not just bruise, but murder your son!

We've talked about this,

Edil Manetti risks bankruptcy.

- Thanks to whom ? - Real estate is in trouble.

We need fresh money to save our asses.

- Know who has it today ? Them ! - Them ?

The Ciciarielli clan has oodles of money,

oceans of money we have to get hold of.

That guy's a Mafia boss!

A mental retard !

Toto Riina didn't seem like a boss,

the members of Pooh seemed like friends.

Appearances can be wrong, you don't seem like an entrepreneur's wife.

Because you're no entrepreneur,

you've had a miracle, you inherited the family business,

my family's.

Details. Do it for your father!

Leave my father out of this !

We have to save our skin, befriend the Cosos,

get into their circle, breathe their air, drink their water.

What counts for them is the family!

You scare me when you sound like a genius.

We have to befriend the whole family.

We all have to do our part, you and Alberico too. Brake !

Next week the grass from Wimbledon will be here.

- Yippee. - Kiss.

Manil, cappuccino and roll, hole 9.

Mr. Coso !

Good morning.

Good morning, Fortuna.

Good morning, Vittorio.

Daddy ?

Today the world ends and I still haven't kissed anyone.

Coso, what do you propose ?

Mr. Peter, I'd like to pay you back,

I'll do it now. Your account number?

No way, you offend me!

Fortuna !

Mr. Ciro ?

Remember, if you cheat I'll poke your eyes out!

Look I'll call Sister Giuseppa!

- Who's that, Mommy ? - Who's that ?

A strange animal with a nun's head

and a body like a rum baba.

I'll make you pay next time.

I saw you Ciro, you did that!

You did that, Ciro.

Come here !

Both of you over here !

C'mon !

Alfa Romeo Giulietta, a 110 horsepower engine,

cruise control, suspension selector,

leather steering wheel with radio controls.

Tell me, if the seats recline

can we inaugurate it?

No, Ciro, please, don't touch it.

Then, there's another small gift for the whole family.

- Opera tickets ? - No, almost.

- Can I open them ? - Mommy will.

How did you pay off the mortgage ?

It's a benefit reserved for managers.

I once had a weird parrot,

he wouldn't repeat and would back-talk.

If I said: "Go fuck off",

he'd answer back: "Same to you".

-Alberico passed me his English test. -You've learned to get respect !

Next time give him a good head butt.

- Sit down ? - No, he invited me out with friends.

- I'm going out, bye. - Have fun.

So, [strangled that parrot...

What a great smell !

Where do you want to sit?

No, I'm going out.

Don't I deserve an evening out with my new Giulietta ?

Ido!

- Have you seen my brush ? - I don't use them.

You don't use soap either.

The one time I cook, you all go out.

You know how many times I cooked and no one ate ?

She calls crudités cooking !

- Fortuna, are you going out too ? - Dunno !

Mommy, am I going out?

- What do we do with Fortuna ? - I don't know, what ?

Can we leave her with Ciro ?

Sure!

If you like, you can stay with your uncle.

Bye.

Ciro,

please...

Don't worry.

Thank you, good night.

- Eat up, Uncle. - It's just the start.

Good evening.

My dear !

- Good evening, Coso. - Good evening.

My compliments, what elegance !

Thank you, Dory.

Dory,

a folksy nickname at last!

I've always loved homespun folks.

- Coso ! - Good evening.

- See the frescoes ? - Yes, they're beautiful.

I'm putting up a false ceiling tomorrow, they distress me.

Sonia, Cristina.

- You're beautiful. - Thank you.

The city councilor's wife.

- Lovely woman. -Awhore.

Hi Marta,

say hello to the children.

They're Iittle monsters, ugly, ugly, ugly.

Hello sweetness !

She may be sweet but she's uglier than sin!

- Do you know her ? - No.

My sister.

- I meant the old woman. - Meaning my mother ?

Excuse me, Debora...

Thank you.

- ls Ciro late ? - He needs permission...

And we won't give it,

so he stays with the children to increase their attachment.

- So, he won't be coming ? - No.

- Not even later ? - No.

Why isn't he coming ?

I'm sorry, I didn't know it was so important for you.

Of course it is!

Hospitality is sacred.

- We're sorry. - He'll come next time.

What a shame, we had a surprise for him.

I mean, for all of you.

- But he's not coming ? - No.

Everyone, a moment of silence,

here's the surprise I promised. Maestro !

Anil.

Here's to you, the queen of desserts,

the sfogliatella.

- You dance so well. - I don't understand.

- You dance so well. - If I may say so.

You look like a girl.

Uncle, if they find you guilty, will you go tojail ?

Can I tell you something ?

Shoot.

I hate ballet.

I mean, I don't hate it, I feel silly in atutu.

So, the problem's not ballet, it's the tutu.

- Does Mommy know ? - Are you crazy ?

- She thinks the perfect daughter... - Wears a tutu.

Right.

Afantastic evening.

Vittorio, what's wrong ?

Please, don't die!

- I'm scared, call an ambulance. - Don't worry, it's nothing.

Did they want to make fun of us with that Neapolitan song ?

No, it was a gift, they don't know you're ashamed of your origins.

It looks good on you !

I know that face, what's wrong ?

What's wrong is that Vittorio came back drunk and stoned.

It's that bastard Alberico who's leading him astray.

For one beer too many, how you carry on !

- The Manettis are bastards. - They're a respectable family.

Someone else is the delinquent.

Sorry, I didn't mean it.

Let's not fight.

Vittorio's in his adolescence,

he can finally go out with friends, have fun.

Believe me, it's all okay.

Relax and concentrate, brotherhood unites us.

Today's objective is to fly,

fly together,

fly elsewhere, fly within.

Doriana, thank you for inviting me.

It's nothing, dear.

I needed to relax a little.

So, breathe.

Carlo and I were thinking:

why don't you come to the opening of Tosca with us ?

That's an opera,

the most important high-society event of the season.

Don't say no, you must be our guests.

Thank you, Doriana, I'm honored.

The whole family though, Ciro too.

Ciro too ?

Where are you going ? Not without an appointment.

Miss!

- He wanted to kill my nephew. -Alberico is reckless... An olive ?

With a cocktail of drugs and alcohol.

Right, because Alberico is a thug.

Actually,

he's a coward, an animal, what's more...

he's a son of a bitch !

What an exaggeration ! They're kids.

But it mustn't happen again, or I'll have to...

Wait, Don Ciro...

Forgive me, I'm not sure the word "Don" is right,

I've never met such a powerful man, I don't know the etiquette,

but believe me, Don Ciro,

we're fond of you and your family.

I do a lot for my friends:

I promote them, give them new cars,

but I want

my friends to give me affection,

understanding and love.

My company is a safe refuge for your group's capital,

if not, friends become enemies,

understand ? Crap ?

No.

Michele, I have something to tell you.

Me too. Who starts ?

Manetti gave me the national advertising campaign.

- Good. - I'm so happy.

Hi, darling.

- Come here. - In the middle ?

- I have something important to say. - Me too.

I have something even more important:

the Manettis have invited us to the Opera.

I can't come.

You're wrong, they want you to come, too.

With the Manettis ? Never.

Ciro, it means a lot to me,

I want to see Tosca with my whole family.

Isn't going out for a pizza better ?

They make a great pizza here.

Are you kidding ?

You still think the only good pizza is made in Naples ?

Stop !

It's the season's biggest social event and you talk about pizza ?

Everyone who counts will be there.

Please, it's a dream for me.

It's a dream for all of us.

She hates tutus.

Did she say that ?

She's cute in jeans too.

- Who is it ? - The verdict is imminent.

Counselor !

Pack your bags, if you're acquitted, you return to Naples.

If you're convicted, you go to prison, also in Naples. Happy ?

I can't come, I'm seeing the opening of Tosca, the event of the season.

What ? Are you crazy ?

My sister needs me.

Confirmed, you're crazy !

Mommy says you have to speak Italian and smile,

even if you don't like the Manettis, okay ?

Even if they bug you, okay ?

- I'm ready. - Let's see.

- What if they call you "idiot" ? - I smile.

- "Moron" ? - I smile.

- "Bastard" ? - I smile.

Good !

- Are you ready ? - Almost.

"Redneck?"

Redneck...

How do I look ?

I'm wearing these spikes just for your future.

You're beautiful !

- Who's better, me or Florance ? - Florance.

- Thanks. - You're not coming ?

I'm going out with Alberico, there's a party at a pub.

Come with me !

- Mommy, Uncle Ciro has become good ! - Meaning ?

Let's say Daddy is Manetti and he offends you.

It's not a good idea.

C'mon, offend me.

If you really want...

Swindler !

More !

- Wretch ! - More !

Fairy !

- Fuck, it hurts! - Michele !

-Am I bleeding ? -A little.

What a nice evening!

It was just pretend and I got a head butt.

- That's enough, he apologized. - Think about the real Manetti.

Manetti called me a fairy.

That was me, just pretending.

Promise me you'll behave.

You'll promise, won't you ?

- Have fun. - Remember, no drinking.

- You remember too, Uncle. - Don't come home late.

Flash news:

a turning point in the Ciciarelli clan trial,

where Ciro Cimmaruta is the defendant. Stay tuned.

Mr. Mayor, good evening.

- Four tickets for Coso. - Coso ?

Is that right ?

There are no invitations for Coso.

- There's a mistake, check again. - I say there are none.

Don't force me to call someone, check again.

Don't insist, they're not here.

Ma'am, move aside.

No,

because I'm sure there's been a mistake.

- It's a matter of minutes. - No, it's a matter of respect !

It's our right to enter,

if you don't know who we are, that's your problem not ours.

Maybe, but you're not going in.

- Let's go have knodel. - Knodel ?

- Spaetzle, something with speck. - Go have a pizza!

I said knodel, you can't make a decent pizza.

- The redneck has spoken... - Calm down !

- What did he say ? - He's a hick !

- He said redneck, I heard right? -I heard him too.

You can call your sister 'redneck' !

That's enough, darling ! But you too...

May lightnin' roast you, you idiot!

She said lightning should burn you up,

without leaving the least part of your shit figure intact.

What do you think happened ?

Nothing,

it was a misunderstanding,

I hope they weren't offended.

- Call them again. - No, I've called a thousand times.

I'll see him in the office tomorrow.

Please, call them again !

It's still off.

Vittorio ?

He's already here ?

- Is everything okay ? - Sure, why ?

You're back much earlier than we thought.

- Did anything happen ? - No, a fantastic time, and you ?

Us... a great evening!

Night.

My father died in the Camorra,

my brother died in the Camorra,

and I, one day, "died" in the Camorra.

Carmela, ma'am, yesterday's was the last hearing

and all the informers exonerated him.

- I don't know this guy Ciro. - I think he's got no balls!

Who the fuck is he ?

-Aren't you pleased ? - Very much.

Acquitted, not even a trial.

He must be a petty crook,

like we say, a small fish.

Honestly, your brother bragged about this thing. Mafia boss...

- Like me saying I'm an inspector. - Don't you dare!

I don't know him!

I've never seen him.

- Say hello to Don Ciro. - Thanks for the coffee, good bye.

When you prepare coffee, do you make a little pile ?

The hill? Yes.

That's why it's no good.

When you make coffee, you have to press it or it's no good.

- Indeed ! - We'll go to the cafe, goodbye.

Coso, come with me.

- My love, tell me! - My brother's been acquitted.

- Acquitted, really ? - Yes.

Great news, we'll toast tonight.

-Did they say what happened ? - The dungeon ?

Can you hear me ?

It's all cleared up with Manetti, I'll explain tonight,

I have to go.

Where are you taking me ? Do you know who I am ?

Does Marketing Director, Mr. Coso Michele ring a bell?

I'm Titina, the secretary on floor -3.

This is your new office.

Whatever you need, don't call me.

Give me the car keys.

It's punishment for the bad advertising campaign ?

I don't know !

Thank you.

That asshole of a school principal

Tell me why you boasted about being in the Camorra ?

I knew you couldn't be an animal like them.

What gave you the idea ? Why ?

Because I wanted to belong to something.

You belong to my family.

Ciro, Carmela,

get up, you'll get all dirty!

You bastard !

Listen, Mr. Principal, you're not kicking us out,

we're leaving. There's a big difference.

I've calmed down, but he's punishing you for a month-old fight.

Let's tell Alberico to speak to the principal, he'll back you up.

He didn't let me into the party.

What ?

- The tickets for Tosca ? - They weren't there.

They've demoted me, moved me to the dungeon, taken the car...

How could I have put people in pea pods ?

-I like it. -What ?

Your ad ! It's cool,

it gives the idea of warmth, home, protection.

Thank you.

You won.

I'll ring and say it all, I'll say...

"Darling..." Better "honey"!

"Honey, the time's come to tell you

that I've been fired, nearly fired.

But it's right because I'm a piece of shit

who does shit ads, so be disgusted with me, walk all over me..."

Don't overdo it !

- Less ? - Yeah.

Come here.

Courage !

Darling !

Darling !

Manetti sends his love, another pay raise

and many compliments for the advertising campaign.

- The one with the peas ? - A toast ?

To my family,

including Uncle Ciro, who's been acquitted.

What's wrong, you're not toasting ?

To me, who's been fired... or nearly !

A matter of hours.

To me who's been suspended !

Good thing nothing's happened to me.

Coming!

- What's going on ? - Uncle's been acquitted.

What? What's your uncle got to do with Dad's job ?

What's the connection ?

Can you tell me ? What have you got to do with us ?

Why don't you say anything ?

You knew it all the time and didn't say a word ?

You were right, it's hard to be truthful with those you love.

As a child, you know...

something's hurting you and you grit your teeth so you don't suffer,

because the moment you give in...

you're scared you can't bear it.

Then you grow up...

and try not to feel the pain you felt as a child.

The moment comes when...

you don't feel anything anymore

and you get messed up, all messed up...

You want the family you never had.

Yes, the perfect family.

What an idiot!

Poor kids, ruined by a half-crazy mother.

And their father ?

Ambitious, a dreamer... A loser!

But it was nice thinking we deserved it.

An idiot and a loser, what parents !

But we're perfect just like this.

- I made it myself. - It's compact, just howl like it.

Thanks for everything, Cristina!

My name's Carmela!

Vittorio, if I were God...

forget it !

Time to eat !

He was a rat, we shut him up!

A bear who blabs is a dead bear.