Original subtitles

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Carol Anne Keane believes Larry's missing walking stick

was the murder weapon.

She's like a dog with a bone trying to find it.

Ironically, Larry's dog found it, thinking it was a bone.

The murder stick!

We have decided to temporarily withhold that information

from the prosecution.

Who knows? Maybe she'll forget about it.

I would thank Mr. Jeremiah Davis of Davis Tobacco & Candy

for his generous donation to my campaign

for East Peck District Attorney.

Mr. Davis is a pillar of this community,

whose sister, as you all know,

was brutally murdered by town murderer Larry Henderson.

Mr. Davis?

We couldn't be happier with the job Ms. Keane has done.

She has far exceeded my expectations of her gender.

In fact, my wife has never been happier.

Uh, I'd like to reiterate

that I am offering a $50,000 reward

for whomever finds the murder weapon...

Larry Henderson's walking/murdering stick.

Technically, if it's the murder weapon,

we'll have to turn it in to the prosecution.

But the stick is gonna come back clean. Right, Larry?

I told you... the dog must have buried it.

You wouldn't find any signs of Margaret, anyway.

She hated my trekking poles.

She said the very sight of them

made her want to bash her own head in.

Wait.

- You don't think... - No. I do not.

..that she hit herself in the head?

- No, I hear you. - With the trekking pole.

- I know what you're saying. - And that's what killed her.

No, I don't think that's what happened.

Okay, we're broke.

We can't even make rent, and these DNA tests aren't cheap.

Maybe I can ask my best friend for a favor.

Ohh. Well, I'd love to help you out, buddy,

but I'm tapped out myself.

No, I was talking about my friend Mikey Harawitz.

He's kind of my right-hand man back in New York.

Oh, yeah.

I know.

Duh.

I ain't gonna lie... that one stung.

Look, - I'm onto something here,

but I need to use one of the firm's DNA labs.

Dude, that's a tough ask, dude.

Mankiewicz doesn't want to pour any more money into the case.

I know.

You know, screw it. Send the stick over.

Harawitz! You're the best!

Hey, are you in my office?

Yeah. Mankiewicz moved me in here

since I'm taking over all your cases.

Oh.

That's news.

Yeah, I don't know if it's the new office or my bonus,

but ever since you left, this place has become,

like, Pound Town.

- Wow. - What am I talking about?

I'm talking to Josh Segal... the Seegs!

You must be slaughtering it down there.

Yep, it's a slaughterhouse.

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All right. I overnighted the stick to New York.

In the meantime, let's take a look at what we have so far.

Anne, will you bring in the murder board?

Murder board! Murder board!

- Murder board! Murder... - Dwayne!

Can we just, like, make it a little bit more professional?

You know, we don't want you shouting

- "murder board" every... - Murder board!

Murder board! Murder board!

Whoo! It's really filling out!

Oh, yeah! All the evidence literally points to Larry.

Anne, will you put a picture of Rutger up under "Possible Suspects"?

- I got it. - Hey.

Oh, whoa. Murder board's out.

Wait... why am I a suspect?

You're not. Anne can't recognize faces.

You probably shouldn't be in charge of that.

You know what I think?

I think maybe a one-armed man did it.

You're only saying that because you just saw "The Fugitive."

Have you seen it, Josh?

It's this new movie playing downtown.

Movies take a while to get to East Peck.

You'd think that if your wife was sleeping with a cop,

you'd be able to get out of a parking ticket.

Whoa! The murder board is really filling up.

Yeah, I was excited, too, but look out.

Josh is in one of his moods again.

I'm just saying that the evidence

doesn't look great right now.

Oh, I'm not worried.

Once I take the stand, I'll be able to clear my name.

[Bleep] No!

I was thinking about that, and I just thought...

sometimes you have a tendency to say things

that don't sound great out of context.

Are you still upset about that newspaper interview?

I can't help it if my favorite TV show is

"How to Get Away With Murder."

I love that show!

Larry, Carol Anne Keane will be brutal.

Hey, I can help prep him.

No, I minored in theater.

I can even do my Carol Anne Keane impression.

Would that be pleasing to you...

Counselor?

Whoa! What are you doing?

Oh, every time you guys are together,

she gets all close and flirty.

That is not what happens.

W-Why? Did you see something?

Josh, what am I gonna do about this parking ticket?

Did you know this was issued the day Margaret died?

Yeah, she had the car that day.

Whoa. Looks like we got a ghost ticket on our hands.

Or she... got it before she died.

You got your theory. I got mine.

The ticket was written at 3:32 P.M.

in front of the City Hall of Records.

What would Margaret be doing there?

Let's put it on the timeline.

Murder board. Murder board.

Are we gonna do that every single time

- we actually have... - Murder board!

Murder board! Murder board!

Everybody... Anne, the timeline is supposed to be

of Margaret's last day, not her entire life.

And I'm not quite sure how that is relevant.

_

I gotta say, I'm disappointed

by this whole Hall of Records thing.

I mean, I was picturing more like a...

a Guinness Book-of type situation.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a little tired.

Did you know that there's an explosion

outside of my apartment every morning at 5:00 A.M.?

Yeah... that's 'cause you live

in the East Peck Historical District.

East Peck has a rich history, being the site

of the Civil War's largest mass surrender.

Right here, the East Peck Militia

accidentally fired a cannonball on their own man,

causing them to immediately lay down their arms.

Now, that act of cowardice saved a lot of lives on both sides.

So to commemorate that momentous occasion,

we fire that very same cannon

at 5:00 P.M. and 5:00 A.M. every day,

since the historians did not specify

whether it was day or night.

Right here, we got

my great-great-great-grandfather uncle,

Lieutenant Colonel Reid Reed,

though, ironically, he... he could not read.

Sorry it took so long to find the file you wanted.

Here's the log of all easements granted from 1975 to 1976.

No, we were looking for

what Margaret Henderson came in for

on March 1st of this year.

I'll be... just a minute.

Oh, [bleep] me.

Okay, let's see how you do on the stand.

- Mr. Henderson, how are you? - Fantastic!

Okay, let's try not to be so excited that you're on trial.

Mr. Henderson, would you describe your wife

as a happy woman?

Objection! Speculation.

Overruled. I want to see where she's going with this.

No, just answer the question. Just be yourself.

- Can I do a voice? - Dad!

Come on, okay? This is serious.

You're right. Sorry.

Oh, my God!

Unh-unh. Still me.

Mr. Henderson, did the cable guy ever show up

on the evening that you murdered your wife?

No, he didn't, and it's been a nightmare

trying to get someone over to the house ever since.

Dad, you just admitted to killing her.

- That's a "gotcha" question! - It...

Oh, you're good.

If you were the prosecutor, I'd definitely get the chair.

Let's do more.

Why was Margaret looking at the records

of Davis Tobacco & Candy?

Larry said when Margaret's dad died,

he left the company to Jeremiah, but according to this,

it was supposed to go to Jeremiah and Margaret.

So Margaret owned half the company?

That's probably what she found out the day she died.

You know what I'm thinking?

Don't say "ghost ticket."

- I wasn't gonna. - Don't say "one-armed man."

Okay, you go.

Under "Suspects"...

put a picture of Jeremiah Jefferson Davis.

Murder board.

Murder board. Murder board.

Murder board! Murder board!

Murder board! Murder board!

- That one's on me. - Murder board! Murder board!

Mr. Davis.

May I have a word?

How in the world did you get past security?

They don't normally allow your kind

into this country club.

What?

I was just at the East Peck Hall of Records.

Did you know when your father died,

he left his company to both you and Margaret?

It was a clerical error... quickly corrected.

So, you don't think it's a little weird

that hours before your sister was murdered,

she was digging around the ownership records of your company?

Son, the Davis Tobacco & Candy Corp.

has been handed down from gentleman to gentleman

for generations.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

you are interrupting a gentlemen's game.

Oh, [bleep]!

Uh, mark that a 3 on this hole.

Just out of curiosity,

where were you the night Margaret was murdered?

After my round was done, I had dinner with my caddy.

So you won't mind if I talk to him.

Son, I would caution you

not to put your Northeastern nose

where it doesn't belong.

And, uh, learn how to behave on a golf course.

Let's go, Josie!

Oh, [Bleep] me!

Mr. Henderson, where were you on the night of the murder?

I was rollercising in the yard.

Where were you two nights ago?

Because I went to bed at 11:00 P.M.,

and I didn't hear you come in.

You know what? We're done here. We're not doing this.

I'm going to allow it.

I was on a date.

And this "date," does he have a name?

- Clanton. - I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?

Clanton.

Let the record show

that my daughter is "dating"

a man who drives a riding mower into town.

Okay, I went to go break up with him.

And then he bought me a shaved ice, so I felt bad.

And what happened after he bought you the shaved ice?

Nothing.

I went straight home.

I remind you, Ms. Henderson, you are under oath.

And I will remind you we're supposed to be interrogating my father!

No further questions.

Okay, so, you were with Mr. Davis

the night his sister was murdered.

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Are you eating that?

Story checks out.

What I followed of it.

Used a lot of fancy words I didn't get.

Do you speak Spanish?

No. Why?

Harawitz, give me some news on Larry's walking stick.

The stick's clean, dude.

Just some dog saliva...

no sign of Margaret's DNA.

Ah! So that wasn't the murder weapon!

So what did Larry kill her with, then?

Harawitz, you are a lifesaver.

I just need one more favor, all right?

See what you can dig up on this local guy...

Jeremiah Davis.

Dude, no can do, dude.

I just got made junior partner.

Don't want to risk it.

Oh, you... you got made junior partner?

Yeah. I mean, at first, I said no.

Inside my head. But I had to take it.

If I'm being honest with myself, it's probably

85% of the reason I'm getting laid on your desk.

Anyway, I gotta jam.

- Are we... Are we good? - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

- All right. - S-Sure, dude.

Later, Seegs.

Guy's a dummy.

Seegs! Seegs, Seegs, Seegs, Seegs!

A true right-hand man

never makes love on another man's desk.

Or horse.

Or with another man's woman.

Or horse.

My great-great-great- grandfather uncle Reid Reed

met his untimely end

by violating those last two rules.

Oh, I know Jeremiah had something to do with this.

It's time to take that bastard down.

I don't know, Josh. He kinda runs this town.

I need this, Dwayne.

I gave up all my cases in New York for this,

so I'm not backing down.

I'm going to stick my Northeastern nose

wherever I want.

- Jesus! - Holy [bleep]!

Oh, my...

Get down! Get down!

Dwayne! I think it's over!

We gotta barricade the door!

Cannonball accidents almost never happen in New York.

...Not only is Jeremiah Davis a potential suspect

in the murder of Margaret Henderson,

but he's trying to kill me, too.

Oh, boo-hoo!

Those are some serious allegations, Counselor.

You better have evidence to back them up.

I do, Your Honor. Mr. Davis...

is the chief benefactor

of the East Peck Historical Society,

who fire the commemorative cannonballs.

Shortly after I approached him with incriminating information,

a cannonball flew through my window.

That doesn't just happen.

Actually, it does.

Cannonballs are the third leading cause of death here.

Anything else, Counselor?

Actually, there is.

The defense would like to introduce into evidence...

Larry Henderson's missing walking stick.

- What is this? - As well as

the accompanying DNA report,

which proves it is completely absent

of Margaret Henderson's DNA.

Your Honor, this is an abomination of justice.

We had no knowledge of this discovery,

let alone its testing...

which, apparently, has occurred in New York City.

I mean, come on... do they even have

reputable DNA laboratories up there?

It would appear your case just took a cannonball to the face.

That's how my aunt went.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

How dare you drag an upstanding citizen

like Mr. Davis into your mess of a case.

Don't talk.

When we get to trial, I'm gonna be on you

from start to finish,

riding you... all day, every day.

Am I sexually frustrated?

Absolutely not. I don't need a man.

I had a man. He's not currently in the picture.

Wow. Summer does a really good impression of her.

I am married to my work,

and that is all the sexual satisfaction that I need.

And you know what? I know...

I know you wouldn't be subjecting a man

to this line of interrogation.

I'm sorry. What was the question?

- Well, I was just asking... - Yes.

Yes.

I was born and raised right here in East Peck.

Mr. Henderson, what was the last meal you ate

before you killed your wife?

I had a mango salad with chutney

on the night Margaret was murdered

by someone who was not me.

That's great, Dad.

Great? I'm impenetrable!

Hell, I may represent myself.

- Well, I... Yeah? - Summer?

Do you mind if I have a go at it?

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Sure.

Give me your best shot.

Mr. Henderson, this is an e-mail

that you sent your trainer/lover, Alfonso.

Would you mind reading it, please?

"Dear Alfonso, I cannot wait to see you tonight.

I'm picking up... a bottle of Pinot."

What a hilarious joke.

Alfonso only likes jammy Cabs and Syrahs.

Cute.

So, on that night...

did you [bleep] him in the [bleep]?

I beg your pardon?

Did you [bleep] him in the mother[bleep] [bleep]?

In the [bleep], mother-[bleep]?

- I... I... - "I, I"?!

What are you, a sailor?

Answer my question!

Why won't you answer my mother-[bleep] question?!

So...

I've decided not to take the stand.

Let's put down what we know.

Margaret called Jeremiah four times

between 3:52 and 4:19.

So, what if, at 5:00 P.M.,

Jeremiah drives over to Larry and Margaret's

and she confronts him about cutting her out of the family fortune?

He flies into a rage, kills her.

At 6:36 P.M.,

Larry finds her body and calls 911.

Does that make sense?

Perfectly.

But we still don't have a murder weapon.

Well...

we know she was hit with something long and blunt, right?

Yeah...?

We know he was coming from golf.

Go on.

Which means...

he probably had his golf clubs with him.

I'm interested.

He used one of them...

to kill her.

Keep goin'.

Jeremiah!

Oh, for [bleep] sake!

That's a gimme.

What the hell do you want?

You know, it's weird... You hit a bad shot,

but you didn't throw that club away.

Why should I throw away a perfectly good golf club?

You did yesterday.

Although, I don't think that was a golf club.

I think it was a murder weapon.

I think it was both.

Are you suggesting I killed my sister?

- I am. - We are.

And I think once I retrieve that golf club,

I'm gonna be able to link you to her murder.

Then go ahead and get it.

Be expensive draining that lake.

'Course, you're always free

to go in and find the club yourself.

Though I wouldn't recommend it.

I'm not afraid of you.

We'll find a way to get it.

It might not be today...

- I'm on it! - Or it might be.

Aaaaaah!

Running into a lake full of alligators...

that is something that Harawitz would... never do.

Dwayne, I think that thing is coming after you!

- Get out of there! - Hold on!

I think I got it!

- Aaaaah! - Aaaaah!

Oh! [Bleep]!

Holy cow.

There is a one-armed man.

After finding the arm,

the county was forced to drain the lake

and discovered over 32 golf clubs

and seven cannonballs.

The defense has also officially labeled Jeremiah Davis

a person of interest.

Murder board. Murder board.

Murder board! Murder board!

Murder board. Murder board!

Murder board! Murder board!

Murder board! Murder board!

Murder board!

Murder board! Murder board!

Murder board!

Murder board! Murder board!

Murder board! Murder board!

Today was a big day.

We have a new suspect, a new possible murder weapon,

and, most importantly...

I found my new right-hand man.

This is the best day of my life.

Hey, [bleep].

What are you doing here?

I hope you're happy.

Now that Mr. Davis has been named a person of interest,

he can't fund my campaign for D.A.

I actually am happy.

You know what? You think you're one step ahead of me.

But I can assure you, you are not.

Contrary to local opinion, I am not sexually frustrated.

Who says you're sexually...

Oh!

I can't believe Jeremiah might be involved in this.

I guess not all tobacco barons are good guys.

Hey, Larry. Let's go.

This goat's not gonna stuff itself.

All righty.

Time to pay the rent.

What are you doin'? Anne said we paid it.

Be cool, Dwayne.

We paid the rent? How?

Someone came by last night with an envelope full of cash.

- Do you know who? - Mm-hmm.

Her.

That's a picture of you, Anne.

Ooh! I am cute.

Who would have given us money?

My husband is a bad man.

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