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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Are you looking for movies in italian? Find them on filmamo.it ! 2 00:00:33,631 --> 00:00:38,631 Subtitles by explosiveskull Resync by Szvengar 3 00:00:39,518 --> 00:00:41,051 (LIGHTER CLICKS) 4 00:00:47,784 --> 00:00:50,017 (WINDING MUSIC BOX) 5 00:01:03,984 --> 00:01:06,650 (ALL OUT OF LOVE PLAYING) 6 00:01:27,485 --> 00:01:29,052 (SNIFFING) 7 00:01:37,052 --> 00:01:38,817 (BOTTLES CLATTERING) 8 00:02:16,984 --> 00:02:20,349 DEADPOOL: Fuck Wolverine. 9 00:02:20,351 --> 00:02:23,149 First, he rides my coattails with the R rating. 10 00:02:23,151 --> 00:02:27,682 Then the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. 11 00:02:27,684 --> 00:02:29,849 What a dick. 12 00:02:29,851 --> 00:02:32,249 Well, guess what, Wolvie? 13 00:02:32,251 --> 00:02:34,748 I'm dying in this one, too. 14 00:02:34,750 --> 00:02:35,990 (X GOIN' GIVE IT TO YA PLAYING) 15 00:02:37,917 --> 00:02:39,949 DEADPOOL: To understand why I took a cat-nap 16 00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:42,349 on 1,200 gallons of high-test fuel... 17 00:02:42,351 --> 00:02:43,583 I need to take you back 18 00:02:43,585 --> 00:02:46,149 to the dewy slopes of six weeks ago. 19 00:02:46,151 --> 00:02:47,549 I'd gone international, 20 00:02:47,551 --> 00:02:49,449 taking out mass murderers, gangsters, 21 00:02:49,451 --> 00:02:51,050 unspeakable monsters. 22 00:02:51,052 --> 00:02:53,983 People nobody would touch. Except me. 23 00:02:53,985 --> 00:02:56,849 I'm gonna touch them all over. 24 00:02:56,851 --> 00:02:58,784 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 25 00:02:59,717 --> 00:03:01,682 DEADPOOL: Hey, it's Gail calling. 26 00:03:01,684 --> 00:03:03,083 Love the shiny suit. 27 00:03:03,085 --> 00:03:03,950 Really brings out 28 00:03:03,952 --> 00:03:05,615 the sex trafficker in your eyes. 29 00:03:05,617 --> 00:03:07,782 (SPEAKING CANTONESE) 30 00:03:07,784 --> 00:03:11,915 (IN ENGLISH) I don't speak Cantonese, Mister... 31 00:03:11,917 --> 00:03:13,983 Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that. 32 00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,815 But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so... 33 00:03:16,817 --> 00:03:18,882 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 34 00:03:18,884 --> 00:03:21,882 Which literally translates to... 35 00:03:21,884 --> 00:03:25,149 I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker. 36 00:03:25,151 --> 00:03:26,184 (CELL PHONE CLATTERS) 37 00:03:29,351 --> 00:03:30,952 (WOMAN SCREAMING) 38 00:03:32,151 --> 00:03:34,216 (GUNS COCKING) 39 00:03:34,218 --> 00:03:35,449 Uno, dos, tres, cuatro... 40 00:03:35,451 --> 00:03:36,650 (GUNS FIRING) 41 00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,218 (GRUNTING) 42 00:03:43,151 --> 00:03:44,983 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 43 00:03:44,985 --> 00:03:46,282 (GASPS) 44 00:03:46,284 --> 00:03:48,050 (SHUSHING) 45 00:03:48,052 --> 00:03:50,715 (WHISPERS) I'll take a cranberry-grapefruit vodka. 46 00:03:50,717 --> 00:03:52,182 I know it's called a Sea Breeze. 47 00:03:52,184 --> 00:03:53,648 Don't make me say it. 48 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,249 Hit it, Dolly. 49 00:03:55,251 --> 00:03:56,851 (9 TO 5 PLAYING) 50 00:04:00,018 --> 00:04:01,118 (BOTH GRUNTING) 51 00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:04,284 (WOMAN SCREAMS) 52 00:04:09,418 --> 00:04:10,650 (MEN GROANING) 53 00:04:12,184 --> 00:04:15,051 DEADPOOL: Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals! 54 00:04:23,184 --> 00:04:24,384 Whoo! Do not go in there! 55 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,748 Oh, God! Oh, God, time out! Time out! 56 00:04:37,750 --> 00:04:41,449 Cut. Got bad guy blood, right in my open eye. 57 00:04:41,451 --> 00:04:43,382 Oh, that's so gross. 58 00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:44,449 (GROANING) 59 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,017 Fuck. 60 00:04:46,750 --> 00:04:48,852 Scoutmaster Kevin? 61 00:04:52,284 --> 00:04:53,351 (CROWD CHEERING) 62 00:04:55,051 --> 00:04:56,750 Too exotic? 63 00:04:59,118 --> 00:05:00,850 DEADPOOL: My world tour brought me home 64 00:05:00,852 --> 00:05:03,483 to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov. 65 00:05:03,485 --> 00:05:04,916 But we'll get to him in a moment. 66 00:05:04,918 --> 00:05:06,216 'Cause I know what you're thinking. 67 00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:09,449 "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." 68 00:05:09,451 --> 00:05:10,850 But that's where you'd be wrong. 69 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,850 That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now... 70 00:05:13,852 --> 00:05:18,316 and, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. 71 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,583 True story. 72 00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:23,349 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. 73 00:05:23,351 --> 00:05:26,216 Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7. 74 00:05:26,218 --> 00:05:29,682 (CHUCKLING) Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire. 75 00:05:29,684 --> 00:05:32,416 That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire. 76 00:05:32,418 --> 00:05:36,116 Yeah. You know I get paid to take out bad guys, right? 77 00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,116 But this guy? 78 00:05:37,118 --> 00:05:39,684 He was one of the worst of 'em. 79 00:05:41,918 --> 00:05:43,648 Hurry up and open this fucking door, 80 00:05:43,650 --> 00:05:44,783 and let's kill this motherfucker! 81 00:05:44,785 --> 00:05:46,216 - (ALARM RINGING) - (GUNSHOT) 82 00:05:46,218 --> 00:05:47,218 (BODY THUDS) 83 00:05:52,184 --> 00:05:54,249 Ugh. So gross. 84 00:05:54,251 --> 00:05:56,949 A panic room? Really? 85 00:05:56,951 --> 00:05:59,149 - Can you come out? - (WATCH BEEPING) 86 00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:02,617 I really have to go. It's my anniversary. 87 00:06:05,051 --> 00:06:07,982 (GUNS COCKING) 88 00:06:07,984 --> 00:06:09,483 MAN: (ON RADIO) Over and over, I hear people say, 89 00:06:09,485 --> 00:06:10,982 "I just don't have enough confidence." 90 00:06:10,984 --> 00:06:13,116 Listen, confidence is not something you have. 91 00:06:13,118 --> 00:06:14,648 - It's something you create. - (LAUGHS) 92 00:06:14,650 --> 00:06:16,749 And you can create it at any moment in time. 93 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,549 A sense of confidence is nothing 94 00:06:18,551 --> 00:06:19,982 but a sense of power within yourself... 95 00:06:19,984 --> 00:06:21,982 a sense of certainty that you can pull something off. 96 00:06:21,984 --> 00:06:23,915 DEADPOOL: Start the car! Start the fucking car! 97 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:24,783 Dopinder! 98 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,785 Start the fucking car! 99 00:06:27,284 --> 00:06:28,284 (SCREAMS) 100 00:06:33,818 --> 00:06:35,549 - Whoo! - Oh, I shit my pants. 101 00:06:35,551 --> 00:06:37,816 Actually, that may have been me. 102 00:06:37,818 --> 00:06:39,282 Oh, mission accomplished? 103 00:06:39,284 --> 00:06:40,982 Well, in a George W. Sort of way. 104 00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:42,982 Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever. 105 00:06:42,984 --> 00:06:44,615 DOPINDER: Oh, you're living the dreams, DP. 106 00:06:44,617 --> 00:06:46,516 It has been quite the run, Dopinder, 107 00:06:46,518 --> 00:06:47,783 and who'da thought? 108 00:06:47,785 --> 00:06:50,516 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus. 109 00:06:50,518 --> 00:06:52,449 Passion of the Christ, then me. 110 00:06:52,451 --> 00:06:53,682 At least domestically. 111 00:06:53,684 --> 00:06:54,882 We beat them overseas, 112 00:06:54,884 --> 00:06:56,949 where there's no such thing as religion. 113 00:06:56,951 --> 00:06:59,116 I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy. 114 00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:01,615 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks. 115 00:07:01,617 --> 00:07:03,282 - I want to fill my... - Pockets? 116 00:07:03,284 --> 00:07:06,583 What's your poison? A little, uh, cokey cokey? 117 00:07:06,585 --> 00:07:08,015 Can't maintain an erection 118 00:07:08,017 --> 00:07:09,682 - without buying shoes online? - (HORN HONKS) 119 00:07:09,684 --> 00:07:11,682 I've never experienced that last one. 120 00:07:11,684 --> 00:07:12,982 Talk to me, Goose. 121 00:07:12,984 --> 00:07:15,783 I was going to say "soul". I want to fill my soul. 122 00:07:15,785 --> 00:07:19,182 I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir. 123 00:07:19,184 --> 00:07:20,783 - Dopinder... - Hmm? 124 00:07:20,785 --> 00:07:22,851 You never cease to surprise me. 125 00:07:24,051 --> 00:07:26,982 You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. 126 00:07:26,984 --> 00:07:28,749 We all need a sense of belonging. 127 00:07:28,751 --> 00:07:30,615 We all need a genuine sense of home. 128 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:31,683 A place in this world. 129 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,049 I want to become a contract killer. 130 00:07:33,051 --> 00:07:34,749 I'm sorry. What did you say? 131 00:07:34,751 --> 00:07:36,783 Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu 132 00:07:36,785 --> 00:07:38,349 and threatened him with great violence? 133 00:07:38,351 --> 00:07:39,749 You kind of killed him. 134 00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,716 And then remember the movie Interview with the Vampire? 135 00:07:41,718 --> 00:07:42,849 Don't want to. 136 00:07:42,851 --> 00:07:43,915 When Tom Cruise fed 137 00:07:43,917 --> 00:07:45,815 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood 138 00:07:45,817 --> 00:07:47,049 for the first time... 139 00:07:47,051 --> 00:07:49,583 and she looked up at his smooth, 140 00:07:49,585 --> 00:07:52,051 handsome face and said... 141 00:07:52,518 --> 00:07:54,216 "I want some more." 142 00:07:54,218 --> 00:07:58,251 Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst. 143 00:07:59,184 --> 00:08:01,716 I'll never not picture that. 144 00:08:01,718 --> 00:08:03,549 But I can't wait to never speak of this, 145 00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,449 as soon as possible. 146 00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:08,118 - We're here. - (BRAKES SCREECHING) 147 00:08:10,251 --> 00:08:11,149 You're my Tom Cruise! 148 00:08:11,151 --> 00:08:13,116 DEADPOOL: And you're my Kristen Dunst! 149 00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,685 Kristen? Kirsten? 150 00:08:19,551 --> 00:08:21,249 Sorry I'm late. 151 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:22,749 There was a bunch of 152 00:08:22,751 --> 00:08:24,849 handicapable children stuck in a tree... 153 00:08:24,851 --> 00:08:26,316 - and I had to, uh... - Uh-uh. 154 00:08:26,318 --> 00:08:29,149 You're right. I was fighting a caped badass. 155 00:08:29,151 --> 00:08:31,915 But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too. 156 00:08:31,917 --> 00:08:33,216 No. 157 00:08:33,218 --> 00:08:34,218 Traffic? 158 00:08:34,917 --> 00:08:35,951 Hmm? 159 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,416 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 160 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:39,718 Well, come here. 161 00:08:41,585 --> 00:08:43,618 (TAKE ON ME PLAYING) 162 00:08:48,685 --> 00:08:51,182 (VANESSA MOANS) 163 00:08:51,184 --> 00:08:53,782 I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit. 164 00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:54,949 Don't you want your surprise? 165 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,017 Do I look like a patient burn victim? 166 00:08:57,651 --> 00:08:59,051 I got one for you, too. 167 00:09:00,184 --> 00:09:01,616 Happy anniversary, baby. 168 00:09:01,618 --> 00:09:03,284 Open, open, open. 169 00:09:05,284 --> 00:09:07,116 Skee-Ball token. 170 00:09:07,118 --> 00:09:08,449 Our first date. 171 00:09:08,451 --> 00:09:09,782 Yup. 172 00:09:09,784 --> 00:09:12,884 That's genuine, high-grade lead. 173 00:09:15,586 --> 00:09:18,082 - I'll keep it forever. - (CHUCKLES) 174 00:09:18,084 --> 00:09:19,618 Thank you, baby. 175 00:09:20,884 --> 00:09:22,851 - Open yours. - All right, all right. 176 00:09:23,551 --> 00:09:25,017 Oh... 177 00:09:26,118 --> 00:09:28,249 That's just the most beautiful thing that I've... 178 00:09:28,251 --> 00:09:29,649 I don't know what this is. 179 00:09:29,651 --> 00:09:31,483 My IUD. 180 00:09:31,485 --> 00:09:32,683 A bomb? 181 00:09:32,685 --> 00:09:35,782 No, dick for brains. My birth control device. 182 00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:36,849 What, you mean that your... 183 00:09:36,851 --> 00:09:38,715 Baby factory's open for business. 184 00:09:38,717 --> 00:09:39,982 - Oh, my God! - (BOX CLATTERS) 185 00:09:39,984 --> 00:09:43,249 - (VANESSA LAUGHS) - Oh, my God! I want a boy! 186 00:09:43,251 --> 00:09:46,316 Or a little girl! Definitely one or the other! 187 00:09:46,318 --> 00:09:49,384 Oh! And I want our kid to have only one name. 188 00:09:50,051 --> 00:09:53,082 Like Cher or Todd. 189 00:09:53,084 --> 00:09:55,049 You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy. 190 00:09:55,051 --> 00:09:56,116 Yes, I do. 191 00:09:56,118 --> 00:09:58,082 Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss. 192 00:09:58,084 --> 00:09:59,084 Let's do that. 193 00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:02,249 ♪ Papa... ♪ 194 00:10:02,251 --> 00:10:04,351 ♪ Can you hear me? ♪ 195 00:10:05,984 --> 00:10:08,584 ♪ Papa, can you see me? ♪ 196 00:10:08,586 --> 00:10:10,984 Does this song sound familiar to you? 197 00:10:13,218 --> 00:10:15,182 May. 198 00:10:15,184 --> 00:10:19,151 Connor, if it's a boy. May, if it's a girl. 199 00:10:20,418 --> 00:10:21,682 (CHUCKLES) 200 00:10:21,684 --> 00:10:24,049 - So weird. - (LAUGHS) 201 00:10:24,051 --> 00:10:26,784 Family was always an F-word to me. 202 00:10:27,984 --> 00:10:32,382 My pile of shit father took off and bailed. 203 00:10:32,384 --> 00:10:34,782 I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models 204 00:10:34,784 --> 00:10:37,084 to draw off of for Todd. 205 00:10:38,118 --> 00:10:40,817 Hey. Look at me. 206 00:10:41,750 --> 00:10:44,084 You are not your father. 207 00:10:45,618 --> 00:10:46,915 Besides... 208 00:10:46,917 --> 00:10:51,984 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 209 00:10:52,784 --> 00:10:53,849 But here's the thing, 210 00:10:53,851 --> 00:10:55,251 isn't that how it always works? 211 00:10:55,784 --> 00:10:57,216 Like in Star Wars, 212 00:10:57,218 --> 00:11:00,015 men are destined to become their father... 213 00:11:00,017 --> 00:11:03,116 and then have consensual sex with their sister? 214 00:11:03,118 --> 00:11:06,615 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie. 215 00:11:06,617 --> 00:11:08,882 No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her. 216 00:11:08,884 --> 00:11:11,149 Baby, that's Empire. 217 00:11:11,151 --> 00:11:13,817 The point is, kids... 218 00:11:15,017 --> 00:11:17,917 they give us a chance to be better than we are. 219 00:11:18,586 --> 00:11:21,349 Better than we used to be. 220 00:11:21,351 --> 00:11:23,851 You're a lot smarter than I look. 221 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,517 I'm gonna go make dessert. 222 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:30,882 You get the strap-on. Let's make a super baby. 223 00:11:30,884 --> 00:11:33,351 Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, but we can try. 224 00:11:34,585 --> 00:11:38,015 VANESSA: What about Krystal? But with a "K"? 225 00:11:38,017 --> 00:11:40,082 - (TIMER TICKING) - It's too stripper-y. 226 00:11:40,084 --> 00:11:41,517 Kevin with a "K"! 227 00:11:41,519 --> 00:11:43,784 No, too stripper-y, too. 228 00:11:44,251 --> 00:11:46,015 Uh, Earl! 229 00:11:46,017 --> 00:11:48,517 (IN SLOW MOTION) He's gonna go straight to jail 230 00:11:48,519 --> 00:11:50,715 if we name him Earl. 231 00:11:50,717 --> 00:11:52,817 What about Bruce? 232 00:11:53,817 --> 00:11:55,149 No. 233 00:11:55,151 --> 00:11:56,382 Get down. 234 00:11:56,384 --> 00:11:57,784 - What? - (GUN FIRES) 235 00:12:00,318 --> 00:12:02,084 (ALL GRUNTING) 236 00:12:07,218 --> 00:12:09,617 (GUN FIRING) 237 00:12:26,318 --> 00:12:28,417 Baby? Baby? 238 00:12:28,419 --> 00:12:30,617 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 239 00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,182 I'm okay. 240 00:12:33,184 --> 00:12:35,982 Thank God I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader. 241 00:12:35,984 --> 00:12:37,817 - (BOTH PANTING) - (GASPS) 242 00:12:56,551 --> 00:12:58,650 (INAUDIBLE) 243 00:13:10,518 --> 00:13:11,951 (MOUTHING) Please. 244 00:13:17,017 --> 00:13:18,715 Please. Please. 245 00:13:18,717 --> 00:13:22,082 Baby, I'm so sorry. 246 00:13:22,084 --> 00:13:25,951 No! 247 00:13:32,352 --> 00:13:33,385 (DINGS) 248 00:13:45,385 --> 00:13:46,951 (PANTING) 249 00:13:51,485 --> 00:13:54,051 - (HORN BLARING) - (GRUNTS) 250 00:13:57,684 --> 00:13:59,684 (TIRES SCREECHING) 251 00:14:09,385 --> 00:14:10,385 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 252 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:14,615 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 253 00:14:14,617 --> 00:14:15,884 (ENGINE STALLING) 254 00:14:18,585 --> 00:14:20,285 (YELLS) 255 00:14:37,750 --> 00:14:39,817 (MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING) 256 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,617 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 257 00:14:50,385 --> 00:14:52,951 (HORN BLARES) 258 00:14:56,051 --> 00:14:58,084 (WOMAN SINGING) 259 00:16:30,918 --> 00:16:33,851 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 260 00:16:34,985 --> 00:16:36,149 Is it just me, or does 261 00:16:36,151 --> 00:16:38,283 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? from Frozen... 262 00:16:38,285 --> 00:16:39,682 sound suspiciously like 263 00:16:39,684 --> 00:16:41,882 Papa, Can You Hear Me? From Yentl? 264 00:16:41,884 --> 00:16:42,782 (SNIFFLES) 265 00:16:42,784 --> 00:16:45,450 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 266 00:16:46,784 --> 00:16:49,182 And nobody fucking realizes it. 267 00:16:49,184 --> 00:16:52,415 Go home. You've been here for three days, okay? 268 00:16:52,417 --> 00:16:54,649 You smell like somebody shit in a Civil War wound... 269 00:16:54,651 --> 00:16:56,149 after it had become gangrenous. 270 00:16:56,151 --> 00:16:58,482 They should've just amputated it. Why shit in it? 271 00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:00,116 Doesn't make any sense. 272 00:17:00,118 --> 00:17:01,715 I love Frozen. 273 00:17:01,717 --> 00:17:05,249 I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water. 274 00:17:05,251 --> 00:17:06,649 An ocean is water. 275 00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:11,682 More importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know? 276 00:17:11,684 --> 00:17:12,849 George Michael was right. 277 00:17:12,851 --> 00:17:15,316 I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck! 278 00:17:15,318 --> 00:17:16,517 He's dead, too. 279 00:17:17,617 --> 00:17:19,615 At least we still have Bowie. 280 00:17:19,617 --> 00:17:23,684 Yeah. We still have Bowie. 281 00:17:24,151 --> 00:17:25,415 I'm sorry. 282 00:17:25,417 --> 00:17:26,749 Shot after shot, 283 00:17:26,751 --> 00:17:28,749 it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... 284 00:17:28,751 --> 00:17:30,149 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? 285 00:17:30,151 --> 00:17:33,182 You're making the face that you make when you urinate. 286 00:17:33,184 --> 00:17:35,082 - Is he pissing? - I'm on it! 287 00:17:35,084 --> 00:17:36,415 There you go, Dopinder. 288 00:17:36,417 --> 00:17:38,383 If you want to be a contract killer... 289 00:17:38,385 --> 00:17:40,849 you gotta handle a mop before you handle a gun. 290 00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:42,116 Although I don't quite understand 291 00:17:42,118 --> 00:17:43,415 how they are at all similar. 292 00:17:43,417 --> 00:17:45,851 Well, they both have handles. Now, leave me. 293 00:17:46,885 --> 00:17:48,448 Go home, Wade. 294 00:17:48,450 --> 00:17:51,349 I don't have a home, Weas, you know. I got a... 295 00:17:51,351 --> 00:17:53,850 Fuck! Okay, I'm fine. 296 00:17:53,852 --> 00:17:54,715 I'm fine. 297 00:17:54,717 --> 00:17:56,615 You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? 298 00:17:56,617 --> 00:18:00,415 Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional. 299 00:18:00,417 --> 00:18:01,817 According to the... 300 00:18:03,084 --> 00:18:04,482 - Kubler-Ross. - Yeah. 301 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,448 According to the Kubler-Ross model... 302 00:18:06,450 --> 00:18:09,283 denial is just one of the five stages of grief. 303 00:18:09,285 --> 00:18:11,582 Jesus Christ, Buck! 304 00:18:11,584 --> 00:18:13,717 No more speaking lines for you. 305 00:18:16,184 --> 00:18:18,216 (LAUGHING) 306 00:18:18,218 --> 00:18:22,249 (JACK BENNY SCATTING ON RADIO) 307 00:18:22,251 --> 00:18:24,684 (COMEDY SERIES PLAYING ON RADIO) 308 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,051 - (SNIFFS) - (AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON RADIO) 309 00:18:49,684 --> 00:18:51,182 "I'm thinking it over!" 310 00:18:51,184 --> 00:18:52,649 Motherfuck! 311 00:18:52,651 --> 00:18:53,651 Fuck! 312 00:18:54,584 --> 00:18:56,448 (SIGHS IN RELIEF) 313 00:18:56,450 --> 00:18:58,149 The hell you doin' here? 314 00:18:58,151 --> 00:19:00,016 Don't you know how to knock? 315 00:19:00,018 --> 00:19:02,049 I thought you saw me... 316 00:19:02,051 --> 00:19:03,448 with your ears. 317 00:19:03,450 --> 00:19:04,816 You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the... 318 00:19:04,818 --> 00:19:05,749 The wall? 319 00:19:05,751 --> 00:19:09,450 The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain. 320 00:19:11,852 --> 00:19:13,649 BLIND AL: I heard the news, sweetie. 321 00:19:13,651 --> 00:19:15,949 I'm very sorry. I am. 322 00:19:15,951 --> 00:19:17,749 What am I gonna do, Al? 323 00:19:17,751 --> 00:19:19,684 Probably something terrible. 324 00:19:20,818 --> 00:19:22,149 Knowing you. 325 00:19:22,151 --> 00:19:23,785 It was my fault. 326 00:19:24,951 --> 00:19:27,548 I fucking did this. 327 00:19:27,550 --> 00:19:29,615 And all I wanna do is grab her and see her 328 00:19:29,617 --> 00:19:31,651 and tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't. 329 00:19:33,818 --> 00:19:35,548 She's gone. 330 00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:39,249 BLIND AL: Sweetheart, can you speak up? 331 00:19:39,251 --> 00:19:40,649 It's a little hard to hear you 332 00:19:40,651 --> 00:19:42,116 with that pity dick in your mouth. 333 00:19:42,118 --> 00:19:45,316 Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living. 334 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:46,548 Thank you... 335 00:19:46,550 --> 00:19:49,615 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. 336 00:19:49,617 --> 00:19:51,715 Listen to the pain. 337 00:19:51,717 --> 00:19:54,548 It's both history teacher and fortune teller. 338 00:19:54,550 --> 00:19:58,082 Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. 339 00:19:58,084 --> 00:20:02,016 Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. 340 00:20:02,018 --> 00:20:04,984 But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we? 341 00:20:07,385 --> 00:20:08,752 Wade? 342 00:20:11,118 --> 00:20:13,182 - Wade? - I'm right here, Althea. 343 00:20:13,184 --> 00:20:16,016 And that is the most beautiful thing 344 00:20:16,018 --> 00:20:17,916 I've ever heard. 345 00:20:17,918 --> 00:20:19,550 You're absolutely right. 346 00:20:22,218 --> 00:20:23,283 (COUGHS) 347 00:20:23,285 --> 00:20:25,785 I'm about to do something terrible. 348 00:20:27,651 --> 00:20:29,482 (ALL OUT OF LOVE PLAYING ON MUSIC BOX) 349 00:20:29,484 --> 00:20:31,783 There. All caught up. 350 00:20:31,785 --> 00:20:34,716 You can't really live until you've died a little. 351 00:20:34,718 --> 00:20:36,684 Let's test that theory, shall we? 352 00:20:46,285 --> 00:20:48,949 (OVERLAPPING VOICES) 353 00:20:48,951 --> 00:20:51,515 VANESSA: Baby factory's open for business. 354 00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:53,951 (OVERLAPPING VOICES CONTINUE) 355 00:20:54,951 --> 00:20:57,116 WADE: Your crazy matches my crazy. 356 00:20:57,118 --> 00:20:59,383 VANESSA: I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 357 00:20:59,385 --> 00:21:01,149 WADE: Skee-Ball token. 358 00:21:01,151 --> 00:21:02,750 (VOICES ECHOING) 359 00:21:02,752 --> 00:21:05,882 VANESSA: Happy International Women's Day. 360 00:21:05,884 --> 00:21:07,216 WADE: Listen, I've been thinking a lot. 361 00:21:07,218 --> 00:21:08,383 VANESSA: Really? 362 00:21:08,385 --> 00:21:09,448 WADE: About why we're so good together. 363 00:21:09,450 --> 00:21:10,882 VANESSA: I love you, Wade Wilson. 364 00:21:10,884 --> 00:21:12,450 (GASPS) 365 00:21:13,218 --> 00:21:14,752 WADE: Ness? 366 00:21:16,151 --> 00:21:17,417 Ness? 367 00:21:18,084 --> 00:21:19,650 Ness. 368 00:21:19,652 --> 00:21:22,517 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you. 369 00:21:23,951 --> 00:21:26,615 Your heart's not in the right place. 370 00:21:26,617 --> 00:21:29,349 (STAMMERS) Wait, hold on. What? 371 00:21:29,351 --> 00:21:31,415 Your heart's not in the right place. 372 00:21:31,417 --> 00:21:32,650 Wait. What do you mean 373 00:21:32,652 --> 00:21:34,049 my heart's not in the right place? What does it... 374 00:21:34,051 --> 00:21:35,617 (TIMER TICKING) 375 00:21:37,385 --> 00:21:38,584 (TIMER DINGS) 376 00:21:53,817 --> 00:21:56,515 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade. 377 00:21:56,517 --> 00:21:58,216 You're broken. 378 00:21:58,218 --> 00:22:01,685 DEADPOOL: Oh, God. I know that voice. 379 00:22:05,351 --> 00:22:06,849 DEADPOOL: "Heart's in the right place." 380 00:22:06,851 --> 00:22:08,448 "Heart's in the right..." What does that mean? 381 00:22:08,450 --> 00:22:10,316 You've been sleep for three days. 382 00:22:10,318 --> 00:22:12,182 I took the liberty of dressing you. 383 00:22:12,184 --> 00:22:13,448 DEADPOOL: No shit. 384 00:22:13,450 --> 00:22:15,415 Why can't I fucking die? 385 00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:17,049 COLOSSUS: Take your mask off, Wade. 386 00:22:17,051 --> 00:22:18,616 We must talk. 387 00:22:18,618 --> 00:22:21,149 - You need fresh start. - (GROANS) 388 00:22:21,151 --> 00:22:23,548 With training, you can be X-Man. 389 00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:25,683 You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus. 390 00:22:25,685 --> 00:22:27,149 I'm not X-Man material. 391 00:22:27,151 --> 00:22:28,817 Understatement of the year. 392 00:22:29,184 --> 00:22:30,184 Wade, Yukio. 393 00:22:30,751 --> 00:22:32,515 Yukio, Wade. 394 00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:34,749 What in the fuck knuckles is this? 395 00:22:34,751 --> 00:22:37,383 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant shit. 396 00:22:37,385 --> 00:22:39,349 Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Fox & Friends. 397 00:22:39,351 --> 00:22:41,349 I'm just surprised anyone would date you. 398 00:22:41,351 --> 00:22:44,082 Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. 399 00:22:44,084 --> 00:22:45,982 I like this guy. 400 00:22:45,984 --> 00:22:47,882 Give him a chance. 401 00:22:47,884 --> 00:22:49,182 It's great seeing you like this. 402 00:22:49,184 --> 00:22:51,517 (LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) Yeah. 403 00:22:51,884 --> 00:22:52,982 Bye, Wade! 404 00:22:52,984 --> 00:22:55,583 Now, some ground rules while under our roof. 405 00:22:55,585 --> 00:22:58,448 "Rule number one. No killing... 406 00:22:58,450 --> 00:23:01,815 "anyone ever, no matter how bad. 407 00:23:01,817 --> 00:23:04,749 "Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator." 408 00:23:04,751 --> 00:23:05,751 Wade? 409 00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:07,815 Wade? 410 00:23:07,817 --> 00:23:08,982 Wade! 411 00:23:08,984 --> 00:23:10,616 Don't try to chase me. 412 00:23:10,618 --> 00:23:12,982 (WHISPERS) I'm not ready to be touched again. 413 00:23:12,984 --> 00:23:15,316 All these elderly white men on the walls... 414 00:23:15,318 --> 00:23:17,149 Should have brought my rape whistle. 415 00:23:17,151 --> 00:23:18,415 - Hi. - (OBJECTS SHATTERING) 416 00:23:18,417 --> 00:23:21,082 Those were already damaged after they fell there! 417 00:23:21,084 --> 00:23:23,016 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? 418 00:23:23,018 --> 00:23:25,415 Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? 419 00:23:25,417 --> 00:23:28,216 And how would I do that exactly? 420 00:23:28,218 --> 00:23:30,982 'Cause where the fuck is everyone? 421 00:23:30,984 --> 00:23:31,982 It's always just you 422 00:23:31,984 --> 00:23:33,624 and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever... 423 00:23:34,017 --> 00:23:35,282 Enough! 424 00:23:35,284 --> 00:23:37,317 (GASPS) I said no touching! 425 00:23:38,918 --> 00:23:42,183 What the fuck? 426 00:23:42,185 --> 00:23:44,549 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone. 427 00:23:44,551 --> 00:23:47,048 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? 428 00:23:47,050 --> 00:23:49,183 How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings? 429 00:23:49,185 --> 00:23:50,349 What do those do anyway, huh? 430 00:23:50,351 --> 00:23:51,883 Carry him three feet off the ground 431 00:23:51,885 --> 00:23:53,949 to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? 432 00:23:53,951 --> 00:23:56,116 - (DOORS CLOSE) - No, no, no! 433 00:23:56,118 --> 00:23:59,083 I am not X-Man material at all. 434 00:23:59,085 --> 00:24:01,482 First off... (BREATHES DEEPLY) 435 00:24:01,484 --> 00:24:03,751 I'm not even a virgin. Second and more... (GROANS) 436 00:24:04,551 --> 00:24:05,883 (GRUNTS) 437 00:24:05,885 --> 00:24:06,983 I should have left you 438 00:24:06,985 --> 00:24:08,849 in the self-pitying mess I found you in. 439 00:24:08,851 --> 00:24:11,883 But this is what friends do. They show up! 440 00:24:11,885 --> 00:24:13,916 Not when convenient or easy. 441 00:24:13,918 --> 00:24:18,249 When hard, and you always make it hard. 442 00:24:18,251 --> 00:24:20,682 - (BREATHING HEAVILY) - You are unwell. 443 00:24:20,684 --> 00:24:22,983 I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here. 444 00:24:22,985 --> 00:24:24,849 (STRAINING) Wait. One of the assholes 445 00:24:24,851 --> 00:24:26,451 who killed Vanessa got away. 446 00:24:27,251 --> 00:24:28,317 (GRUNTS) 447 00:24:28,918 --> 00:24:31,282 Oh, Jesus Christ! 448 00:24:31,284 --> 00:24:33,449 Wade, whoever they are... 449 00:24:33,451 --> 00:24:36,484 we track them down and bring them to justice. 450 00:24:36,818 --> 00:24:38,284 It was me. 451 00:24:41,151 --> 00:24:43,716 I'm the asshole who got away. 452 00:24:43,718 --> 00:24:46,916 I killed every last one of them, except me. 453 00:24:46,918 --> 00:24:48,684 Couldn't kill me. 454 00:24:51,918 --> 00:24:54,118 We were gonna start a family. 455 00:24:55,751 --> 00:24:57,749 We were, uh... (SNIFFLES) 456 00:24:57,751 --> 00:24:58,916 (CLEARS THROAT) 457 00:24:58,918 --> 00:25:01,516 We were gonna be a family. 458 00:25:01,518 --> 00:25:02,449 COLOSSUS: Wade... 459 00:25:02,451 --> 00:25:05,451 Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back. 460 00:25:06,918 --> 00:25:09,215 This may not be family you want... 461 00:25:09,217 --> 00:25:11,782 but it's family you need. 462 00:25:11,784 --> 00:25:13,049 You have a good heart. 463 00:25:13,051 --> 00:25:14,684 It belongs here where it can grow. 464 00:25:16,518 --> 00:25:17,551 What did you say? 465 00:25:19,551 --> 00:25:21,018 About my heart? 466 00:25:24,751 --> 00:25:26,215 (EXHALES) 467 00:25:26,217 --> 00:25:28,417 I think I'm in the right place. 468 00:25:38,417 --> 00:25:40,085 (GRUNTS) 469 00:26:27,117 --> 00:26:28,551 (INAUDIBLE) 470 00:26:32,018 --> 00:26:34,117 (SCREAMING) 471 00:26:42,718 --> 00:26:43,718 Wade. 472 00:26:44,317 --> 00:26:45,716 Wade! 473 00:26:45,718 --> 00:26:48,849 Hey, I was just taking Cerebro for a spin here... 474 00:26:48,851 --> 00:26:50,649 looking deep into the future. 475 00:26:50,651 --> 00:26:51,950 Phew. This thing... 476 00:26:51,952 --> 00:26:53,849 - That's not how Cerebro works. - That's not how Cerebro works. 477 00:26:53,851 --> 00:26:55,849 Yes. Yes, it is. 478 00:26:55,851 --> 00:26:57,616 - We have mission. - We have mission. 479 00:26:57,618 --> 00:26:59,582 We do. You do. 480 00:26:59,584 --> 00:27:00,682 You guys be safe out there. 481 00:27:00,684 --> 00:27:03,651 - No, I want you to join. - No, you want me to join. 482 00:27:05,150 --> 00:27:06,582 I'm sorry, what? 483 00:27:06,584 --> 00:27:08,049 You are ready. 484 00:27:08,051 --> 00:27:09,582 That's a terrible idea, and it's gonna end badly. 485 00:27:09,584 --> 00:27:11,849 You wanna know how I know? I'll give you a hint. 486 00:27:11,851 --> 00:27:12,984 (WHISPERS) It's on my head 487 00:27:12,986 --> 00:27:15,082 and smells like Patrick Stewart. 488 00:27:15,084 --> 00:27:16,984 Be at the X-Jet in five. 489 00:27:16,986 --> 00:27:18,584 (CRACKLING) 490 00:27:19,952 --> 00:27:22,482 REPORTER: Irene Merryweather, WHIT News. 491 00:27:22,484 --> 00:27:24,449 Live here at a breaking news situation 492 00:27:24,451 --> 00:27:27,249 at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. 493 00:27:27,251 --> 00:27:29,215 A mutant boy is appearing to have 494 00:27:29,217 --> 00:27:30,582 some sort of an incident... 495 00:27:30,584 --> 00:27:32,349 - with police here behind me. - RUSSELL: Get away from me! 496 00:27:32,351 --> 00:27:34,884 There are two police vehicles that are overturned. 497 00:27:34,886 --> 00:27:36,249 - There are open fires. - Fuck off! Stay back! 498 00:27:36,251 --> 00:27:37,516 REPORTER: A scene of absolute chaos here. 499 00:27:37,518 --> 00:27:38,415 OFFICER: Calm down. 500 00:27:38,417 --> 00:27:41,384 RUSSELL: I'll burn you! You stay back! 501 00:27:41,952 --> 00:27:43,616 Get away from me! 502 00:27:43,618 --> 00:27:46,384 You wanna fucking die? (BREATHING HEAVILY) 503 00:28:01,117 --> 00:28:04,516 And it appears as if the X-Men are arriving... 504 00:28:04,518 --> 00:28:05,984 DEADPOOL: Scatter! 505 00:28:05,986 --> 00:28:07,816 REPORTER: with what appears to be a trainee. 506 00:28:07,818 --> 00:28:11,048 DEADPOOL: Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I... 507 00:28:11,050 --> 00:28:12,315 We're the X-Men! 508 00:28:12,317 --> 00:28:14,884 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s. 509 00:28:14,886 --> 00:28:16,784 So, respect. 510 00:28:17,551 --> 00:28:18,751 At ease, Officer. 511 00:28:20,217 --> 00:28:22,050 What are you doing? 512 00:28:22,417 --> 00:28:23,482 My job! 513 00:28:23,484 --> 00:28:25,048 You're the one who said I was ready, 514 00:28:25,050 --> 00:28:26,482 and I frankly disagreed with you. 515 00:28:26,484 --> 00:28:29,048 But here we are, trying to overcome our differences. 516 00:28:29,050 --> 00:28:31,584 Like Beyonce says, "Please... 517 00:28:32,251 --> 00:28:33,749 "Please, stop cheating on me." 518 00:28:33,751 --> 00:28:34,884 OFFICER: Hey! 519 00:28:34,886 --> 00:28:36,215 This is the fifth incident. 520 00:28:36,217 --> 00:28:38,616 This kid needs to be in the Ice Box, not here. 521 00:28:38,618 --> 00:28:40,249 Russell belongs in our care. 522 00:28:40,251 --> 00:28:42,048 Not in prison. I assure you... 523 00:28:42,050 --> 00:28:43,182 we have everything under control. 524 00:28:43,184 --> 00:28:44,482 RUSSELL: Stay back! I'll burn you! 525 00:28:44,484 --> 00:28:45,516 Not getting a real 526 00:28:45,518 --> 00:28:47,782 "under control" vibe here, Marty. 527 00:28:47,784 --> 00:28:49,649 - It is Glen, isn't it? - Daniel. 528 00:28:49,651 --> 00:28:52,182 I'll ask the questions. Let me talk to the kid. 529 00:28:52,184 --> 00:28:56,518 You stay here with your weird, secret sex lips. 530 00:28:58,584 --> 00:28:59,716 RUSSELL: You wanna die? 531 00:28:59,718 --> 00:29:00,649 DEADPOOL: This kid's adorable. 532 00:29:00,651 --> 00:29:01,917 I don't know why I packed the hollow points. 533 00:29:01,919 --> 00:29:03,315 I'll burn your balls off! 534 00:29:03,317 --> 00:29:06,817 First day. (CHUCKLING) I'm so nervous! 535 00:29:06,819 --> 00:29:08,616 Did you just say "hollow points"? 536 00:29:08,618 --> 00:29:09,817 Yeah, probably should've 537 00:29:09,819 --> 00:29:12,050 brought a Super Soaker. (LAUGHS) 538 00:29:12,551 --> 00:29:13,551 Hi, there! 539 00:29:14,751 --> 00:29:17,182 Stay back or Justin Bieber dies! 540 00:29:17,184 --> 00:29:20,751 (LAUGHS) Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber. 541 00:29:22,017 --> 00:29:23,850 - (RUSSELL GRUNTS) - Hold on! Wait, wait, wait! 542 00:29:23,852 --> 00:29:26,949 Okay, let's not do whatever that is. 543 00:29:26,951 --> 00:29:28,549 Okay? Let's just talk! 544 00:29:28,551 --> 00:29:30,115 It's Russell, right? 545 00:29:30,117 --> 00:29:32,349 - Firefist. - Firefist. 546 00:29:32,351 --> 00:29:34,582 Ooh, that's a great name. Where does it burn? 547 00:29:34,584 --> 00:29:36,384 Just the fist, or all the way up to the elbow? 548 00:29:37,284 --> 00:29:38,484 (GRUNTS) 549 00:29:40,017 --> 00:29:41,282 (CROWD EXCLAIMS) 550 00:29:41,284 --> 00:29:43,916 (CHUCKLES) Definitely all the way up to the elbow. 551 00:29:43,918 --> 00:29:46,582 Come quietly, or there will be trouble. 552 00:29:46,584 --> 00:29:49,649 - You stole that from Robocop! - That's from Robocop! 553 00:29:49,651 --> 00:29:51,182 Just stand down! 554 00:29:51,184 --> 00:29:53,482 You're embarrassing me. Look, Fire... 555 00:29:53,484 --> 00:29:54,549 (LAUGHS) 556 00:29:54,551 --> 00:29:57,349 Oh, my God! I can't say it! I'm so sorry! 557 00:29:57,351 --> 00:29:58,351 (GRUNTS) 558 00:29:59,117 --> 00:30:01,750 (ALL SCREAMING) 559 00:30:01,752 --> 00:30:05,783 Oh, shit! That fucking does it! 560 00:30:05,785 --> 00:30:07,115 Put your hands behind your knees 561 00:30:07,117 --> 00:30:08,817 and get down on your head! Now! 562 00:30:08,819 --> 00:30:11,015 Wade! What was first rule? 563 00:30:11,017 --> 00:30:12,817 Label everything in the refrigerator! 564 00:30:12,819 --> 00:30:15,582 - Do not escalate! - Rules are meant to be broken! 565 00:30:15,584 --> 00:30:17,148 COLOSSUS: That's the exact opposite 566 00:30:17,150 --> 00:30:18,651 of what they're meant for! 567 00:30:19,584 --> 00:30:21,382 Fuck! Fine! 568 00:30:21,384 --> 00:30:23,115 I'll start from the beginning. 569 00:30:23,117 --> 00:30:25,682 My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man. 570 00:30:25,684 --> 00:30:27,618 - Trainee! - Shut it! 571 00:30:28,551 --> 00:30:30,785 Look, I get it. 572 00:30:31,918 --> 00:30:33,618 All right, you're scared. 573 00:30:34,251 --> 00:30:35,148 Alone. 574 00:30:35,150 --> 00:30:36,249 You got no family. 575 00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:37,315 I didn't have a family, either. 576 00:30:37,317 --> 00:30:39,115 You live in this dump. Guess what? 577 00:30:39,117 --> 00:30:41,616 I used to live in a shithole just like it. 578 00:30:41,618 --> 00:30:44,349 But you know something? To make matters worse... 579 00:30:44,351 --> 00:30:46,215 it's a confusing time in your life right now. 580 00:30:46,217 --> 00:30:49,949 Your body is going through some fiery changes. 581 00:30:49,951 --> 00:30:51,916 Too far? I went too far, didn't I? 582 00:30:51,918 --> 00:30:53,217 - (GRUNTS) - (ALL EXCLAIM) 583 00:30:59,084 --> 00:31:01,115 That was effervescent. 584 00:31:01,117 --> 00:31:03,549 (SIGHS) Stay in school, kid. 585 00:31:03,551 --> 00:31:05,349 Or don't. I didn't. 586 00:31:05,351 --> 00:31:07,249 - And I'm an X-Man. - (THUDS) 587 00:31:07,251 --> 00:31:08,382 Trainee. 588 00:31:08,384 --> 00:31:09,616 Fuck it! 589 00:31:09,618 --> 00:31:11,417 Superhero landing coming up! 590 00:31:13,417 --> 00:31:15,048 (GRUNTS) 591 00:31:15,050 --> 00:31:16,717 Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck! 592 00:31:16,719 --> 00:31:18,750 (GROANS) That is so not practical. 593 00:31:18,752 --> 00:31:20,351 - (GRUNTS) - (GASPS) 594 00:31:21,985 --> 00:31:23,351 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 595 00:31:29,017 --> 00:31:30,384 (GROANS) 596 00:31:34,117 --> 00:31:36,584 (CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING) 597 00:31:39,317 --> 00:31:41,315 I could get used to this X-Man shit. 598 00:31:41,317 --> 00:31:42,616 NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD: Trainee! 599 00:31:42,618 --> 00:31:43,582 DEADPOOL: Trainee! 600 00:31:43,584 --> 00:31:45,516 OFFICER: Get a power restraint on him. Now! 601 00:31:45,518 --> 00:31:48,784 DEADPOOL: Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya. 602 00:31:49,584 --> 00:31:50,717 (DEVICE WHIRRS) 603 00:31:50,719 --> 00:31:52,182 What's that do? 604 00:31:52,184 --> 00:31:53,816 Power-dampening collar. 605 00:31:53,818 --> 00:31:55,115 Shuts down all mutant abilities. 606 00:31:55,117 --> 00:31:57,750 You can't get it off. Unless you've got a grenade. 607 00:31:57,752 --> 00:32:01,048 Huh. Could've used one of those in the first act. 608 00:32:01,050 --> 00:32:02,417 HEADMASTER: Thank you! 609 00:32:04,017 --> 00:32:06,516 That was absolutely thrilling. 610 00:32:06,518 --> 00:32:08,650 True heroism in action. 611 00:32:08,652 --> 00:32:10,384 We are in your debt. 612 00:32:11,017 --> 00:32:12,816 We can take it from here. 613 00:32:12,818 --> 00:32:15,015 Take me to the Ice Box, please! 614 00:32:15,017 --> 00:32:16,282 Anywhere's better than here. 615 00:32:16,284 --> 00:32:17,449 DEADPOOL: Believe me, son, 616 00:32:17,451 --> 00:32:19,115 you do not wanna go to the Ice Box. 617 00:32:19,117 --> 00:32:21,148 Let's get you inside, young man. 618 00:32:21,150 --> 00:32:23,148 No, wait, wait. Wait. 619 00:32:23,150 --> 00:32:24,751 You guys stay there. 620 00:32:34,751 --> 00:32:36,451 Those guys hurt you? 621 00:32:37,784 --> 00:32:39,017 Who? 622 00:32:40,851 --> 00:32:43,585 Baldilocks? Jared Kushner? 623 00:32:44,951 --> 00:32:46,551 Both of 'em? 624 00:32:50,652 --> 00:32:51,916 Oh, fuck it. 625 00:32:51,918 --> 00:32:53,583 Four or five moments! 626 00:32:53,585 --> 00:32:54,650 I'm sorry? 627 00:32:54,652 --> 00:32:58,017 Four or five moments! 628 00:32:59,017 --> 00:33:02,017 That's all it takes to be a hero. 629 00:33:02,851 --> 00:33:05,115 People think you wake up a hero... 630 00:33:05,117 --> 00:33:07,282 brush your teeth a hero... 631 00:33:07,284 --> 00:33:10,449 ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. 632 00:33:10,451 --> 00:33:11,516 (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) 633 00:33:11,518 --> 00:33:15,518 But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments! 634 00:33:16,784 --> 00:33:18,415 A few moments... 635 00:33:18,417 --> 00:33:21,315 doing the ugly stuff no one else will do. 636 00:33:21,317 --> 00:33:22,384 (GROANS) 637 00:33:24,652 --> 00:33:25,751 No! 638 00:33:28,284 --> 00:33:29,782 OFFICER: Stand down! Hold your fire! 639 00:33:29,784 --> 00:33:32,015 - Wade, what did you do? - Colossus, no! 640 00:33:32,017 --> 00:33:33,449 That kid was abused! You can tell. 641 00:33:33,451 --> 00:33:35,148 - You can always tell! - COLOSSUS: We have rules! 642 00:33:35,150 --> 00:33:38,015 You are not judge, jury or executioner! 643 00:33:38,017 --> 00:33:41,015 Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right! 644 00:33:41,017 --> 00:33:42,617 And sometimes you gotta fight dirty! 645 00:33:42,619 --> 00:33:46,150 You let me down for the last time, Wade. 646 00:33:49,050 --> 00:33:51,315 OFFICER: Okay, get these guys in the pod. 647 00:33:51,317 --> 00:33:53,916 - Take them to the Ice Box. - (SIRENS WAILING) 648 00:33:53,918 --> 00:33:55,784 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 649 00:34:06,885 --> 00:34:09,816 - (PRISONERS SHOUTING) - (WHISTLING) 650 00:34:09,818 --> 00:34:11,718 (GATE BUZZING) 651 00:34:13,184 --> 00:34:14,517 - (SHOUTING CONTINUES) - (GRUNTS) 652 00:34:15,119 --> 00:34:16,119 Hey, baby! 653 00:34:16,984 --> 00:34:19,416 I wonder what gang I'll be in. 654 00:34:19,418 --> 00:34:20,815 Yeah! 655 00:34:20,817 --> 00:34:23,218 - Is there, like, a Sorting Hat? - (MOUTHS) Hi. 656 00:34:25,119 --> 00:34:26,119 Go! 657 00:34:29,284 --> 00:34:30,684 GUARD: Hard left, douchebag. 658 00:34:34,817 --> 00:34:37,050 Please, after you. 659 00:34:37,052 --> 00:34:39,449 Another disgusting mutant off the streets. 660 00:34:39,451 --> 00:34:40,583 God bless America. 661 00:34:40,585 --> 00:34:41,849 Let's get a taco. 662 00:34:41,851 --> 00:34:44,384 - (TASER CRACKLING) - (GROANING) 663 00:34:45,451 --> 00:34:48,119 Nighty-night, you annoying prick! 664 00:34:49,351 --> 00:34:51,617 (CONTINUES GROANING) 665 00:35:20,119 --> 00:35:23,382 MAN: I'mma tell you what the big lie is. 666 00:35:23,384 --> 00:35:25,050 - (ESCAPE PLAYING ON RADIO) - Toilet paper. 667 00:35:25,052 --> 00:35:28,449 Toilet paper is a plenty fine appetizer. 668 00:35:28,451 --> 00:35:30,648 But, then... 669 00:35:30,650 --> 00:35:33,216 Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. 670 00:35:33,218 --> 00:35:34,615 That's your main course. 671 00:35:34,617 --> 00:35:38,249 They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies. 672 00:35:38,251 --> 00:35:41,549 Finally, one more pass with the toilet paper, 673 00:35:41,551 --> 00:35:43,149 maybe clear out that excess moisture. 674 00:35:43,151 --> 00:35:44,849 Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, 675 00:35:44,851 --> 00:35:46,117 if you can get you a hair dryer. 676 00:35:46,119 --> 00:35:48,784 Just about 30 seconds will do you good. 677 00:35:52,351 --> 00:35:53,351 The fuck? 678 00:35:54,551 --> 00:35:55,784 Year? 679 00:35:56,585 --> 00:35:57,784 What? 680 00:35:58,717 --> 00:36:00,549 What year is it? 681 00:36:00,551 --> 00:36:02,615 What kind of dumb-ass question is that to ask? 682 00:36:02,617 --> 00:36:04,617 (BOTH GROAN) 683 00:36:16,218 --> 00:36:18,118 (VOMITING) 684 00:36:21,817 --> 00:36:24,316 RUSSELL: You're a long way from your superpowers. 685 00:36:24,318 --> 00:36:25,483 WADE: Yeah. 686 00:36:25,485 --> 00:36:27,318 (GROANING) 687 00:36:29,151 --> 00:36:30,282 Fuck! 688 00:36:30,284 --> 00:36:32,050 I wanted to be a superhero. 689 00:36:32,052 --> 00:36:34,316 Always wanted a real super suit. 690 00:36:34,318 --> 00:36:35,983 (SIGHS) What happened? 691 00:36:35,985 --> 00:36:38,105 When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 692 00:36:38,617 --> 00:36:40,249 Never. 693 00:36:40,251 --> 00:36:42,648 The industry discriminates. 694 00:36:42,650 --> 00:36:44,384 Fuck superheroes. (COUGHS) 695 00:36:45,052 --> 00:36:46,249 Fuck everyone. 696 00:36:46,251 --> 00:36:49,349 The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here... 697 00:36:49,351 --> 00:36:51,416 burn the headmaster alive... 698 00:36:51,418 --> 00:36:54,916 and then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse. 699 00:36:54,918 --> 00:36:57,182 Who says prison isn't reformative? 700 00:36:57,184 --> 00:36:58,985 Fucker hates mutants. 701 00:36:59,784 --> 00:37:01,349 (WHISPERS) Blessed are the wicked 702 00:37:01,351 --> 00:37:03,617 who are healed by my hand. 703 00:37:04,052 --> 00:37:05,284 Your abilities. 704 00:37:06,684 --> 00:37:09,082 I know how seductive they are. 705 00:37:09,084 --> 00:37:11,282 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 706 00:37:11,284 --> 00:37:12,615 Now, please don't cry. 707 00:37:12,617 --> 00:37:14,051 (DEVICE BUZZING) 708 00:37:15,485 --> 00:37:16,851 - (GROANING) - (ZAPPING) 709 00:37:19,318 --> 00:37:23,218 Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy in here... 710 00:37:23,817 --> 00:37:25,149 and we'll make him our... 711 00:37:25,151 --> 00:37:27,051 (RUMBLING) 712 00:37:27,551 --> 00:37:28,916 (WADE COUGHS) 713 00:37:28,918 --> 00:37:30,416 - What was that? - (CLEARS THROAT) 714 00:37:30,418 --> 00:37:32,916 That is the biggest guy in here. 715 00:37:32,918 --> 00:37:35,216 Fun fact about the Ice Box... 716 00:37:35,218 --> 00:37:36,916 though no one's ever seen it, 717 00:37:36,918 --> 00:37:39,316 they keep a monster in the basement. 718 00:37:39,318 --> 00:37:40,950 Right next to a huge, 719 00:37:40,952 --> 00:37:42,784 steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 720 00:37:43,284 --> 00:37:44,284 Look. 721 00:37:45,284 --> 00:37:47,516 I can't protect you. (COUGHS) 722 00:37:47,518 --> 00:37:48,682 With this collar on, 723 00:37:48,684 --> 00:37:51,815 my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 724 00:37:51,817 --> 00:37:55,416 Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye. 725 00:37:55,418 --> 00:37:57,516 Now, if you'll excuse me... (COUGHS) 726 00:37:57,518 --> 00:38:00,782 I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits. 727 00:38:00,784 --> 00:38:03,082 I'll start by making us a shank. 728 00:38:03,084 --> 00:38:05,082 - Good listening. - I stole that guard's pen... 729 00:38:05,084 --> 00:38:07,349 and stashed it in the old prison wallet, 730 00:38:07,351 --> 00:38:09,382 if you know what I'm saying. 731 00:38:09,384 --> 00:38:11,883 Prison wallet? (COUGHS) 732 00:38:11,885 --> 00:38:14,318 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 733 00:38:15,017 --> 00:38:16,549 (RUSSELL EXHALES) 734 00:38:16,551 --> 00:38:19,449 I can hear you rummaging around in there. 735 00:38:19,451 --> 00:38:21,051 (SIREN WAILING) 736 00:38:23,817 --> 00:38:25,349 REPORTER: (ON TV) And to update you 737 00:38:25,351 --> 00:38:26,748 on the story reported earlier, 738 00:38:26,750 --> 00:38:28,182 after a lengthy standoff 739 00:38:28,184 --> 00:38:30,982 outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation... 740 00:38:30,984 --> 00:38:32,483 two mutants were arrested 741 00:38:32,485 --> 00:38:34,116 and transported to the Ice Box... 742 00:38:34,118 --> 00:38:35,818 AUTOMATED VOICE: Entering repair mode. 743 00:38:39,984 --> 00:38:41,316 REPORTER: several police cars were destroyed 744 00:38:41,318 --> 00:38:43,717 and the X-Men were called in to restore order. 745 00:39:03,451 --> 00:39:04,648 (COUGHS) 746 00:39:04,650 --> 00:39:06,682 GUARD: (ON PA) Cells seven and nine 747 00:39:06,684 --> 00:39:10,216 now off-limits for medical personnel. 748 00:39:10,218 --> 00:39:11,648 Cells seven and nine 749 00:39:11,650 --> 00:39:14,284 now off-limits for medical personnel. 750 00:39:16,251 --> 00:39:17,750 Psst! 751 00:39:20,118 --> 00:39:22,082 Don't do that. 752 00:39:22,084 --> 00:39:25,249 What? Why are you winking at me? 753 00:39:25,251 --> 00:39:26,284 (COUGHS) 754 00:39:29,118 --> 00:39:30,416 I got your back. 755 00:39:30,418 --> 00:39:31,615 Oh, my God. 756 00:39:31,617 --> 00:39:33,116 You're sick, I gotta protect you. 757 00:39:33,118 --> 00:39:35,218 - Just leave me alone, kid. - (MAN WHISTLING) 758 00:39:36,218 --> 00:39:37,284 Oh, great. 759 00:39:37,751 --> 00:39:38,949 (WADE COUGHS) 760 00:39:38,951 --> 00:39:41,615 Well, hello there, new fish. 761 00:39:41,617 --> 00:39:44,682 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 762 00:39:44,684 --> 00:39:46,915 (COUGHS) I've done some light catalog work... 763 00:39:46,917 --> 00:39:49,549 but, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting. 764 00:39:49,551 --> 00:39:52,216 - I was talking to him. - Oh. 765 00:39:52,218 --> 00:39:55,749 Have we met? I can't place your mustache. 766 00:39:55,751 --> 00:39:58,316 - Black Tom Cassidy. - White Wade Wilson. 767 00:39:58,318 --> 00:40:01,850 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? 768 00:40:01,852 --> 00:40:04,583 You're supposed to be the toughest cunt in here. 769 00:40:04,585 --> 00:40:06,982 You don't look like much to me. 770 00:40:06,984 --> 00:40:09,682 First rule of the yard, fuckface... 771 00:40:09,684 --> 00:40:11,682 find the biggest guy and make him your... 772 00:40:11,684 --> 00:40:13,984 - (GROANS) - (INMATES EXCLAIM) 773 00:40:15,617 --> 00:40:17,816 Second biggest guy. 774 00:40:17,818 --> 00:40:20,116 The last thing I need is more hepatitis. 775 00:40:20,118 --> 00:40:23,682 Oh, it's slippery, too. This table needs a wipe down! 776 00:40:23,684 --> 00:40:25,682 Can we get a wipe down on the table? 777 00:40:25,684 --> 00:40:26,850 - (GROANS) - (INMATES EXCLAIM) 778 00:40:26,852 --> 00:40:29,049 Kid, I think you picked the wrong side. 779 00:40:29,051 --> 00:40:31,648 No, I didn't! He's my friend! 780 00:40:31,650 --> 00:40:33,951 - Zip it. We're not friends. - (INMATES CHEERING) 781 00:40:35,518 --> 00:40:36,798 You're about to get dick-slapped. 782 00:40:37,718 --> 00:40:40,284 - (INMATES SHOUTING) - (COUGHS) 783 00:40:41,685 --> 00:40:43,351 (SHOUTING CONTINUES) 784 00:40:49,151 --> 00:40:51,049 I had so much fun! You were like... (GRUNTS) 785 00:40:51,051 --> 00:40:53,282 And I was like, "Take a seat, shit dick." 786 00:40:53,284 --> 00:40:54,915 Just let me die in peace. 787 00:40:54,917 --> 00:40:57,149 (GRUNTS) We make a great team! 788 00:40:57,151 --> 00:40:59,783 Oh, God! We're not a team. (COUGHING) 789 00:40:59,785 --> 00:41:03,949 Why'd you say that back there? We're friends, partners. 790 00:41:03,951 --> 00:41:06,785 We're not partners or friends. 791 00:41:07,917 --> 00:41:10,116 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. 792 00:41:10,118 --> 00:41:12,282 It ends with me dying of cancer... 793 00:41:12,284 --> 00:41:16,316 and you winning the Ice Box award for softest mouth. 794 00:41:16,318 --> 00:41:17,649 (WADE COUGHS) 795 00:41:17,651 --> 00:41:19,416 There's only one person in this world 796 00:41:19,418 --> 00:41:21,184 that I care about, and she's gone. 797 00:41:22,817 --> 00:41:25,982 You wanna survive? 798 00:41:25,984 --> 00:41:29,349 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here... 799 00:41:29,351 --> 00:41:31,351 and make friends with them. 800 00:41:32,585 --> 00:41:34,251 Make friends with someone. 801 00:41:35,218 --> 00:41:37,384 Anyone but me. 802 00:41:38,251 --> 00:41:40,718 Maybe even Black Tim. 803 00:41:41,451 --> 00:41:42,949 Black Evan, I don't know. 804 00:41:42,951 --> 00:41:45,751 All I remember is he was African-American. 805 00:41:56,485 --> 00:41:58,218 (GUARDS GROANING) 806 00:42:04,718 --> 00:42:06,238 - (BREATHING HEAVILY) - (ALARM BLARING) 807 00:42:13,218 --> 00:42:15,084 (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) 808 00:42:20,418 --> 00:42:22,184 (BEEPING RAPIDLY) 809 00:42:23,451 --> 00:42:25,218 (GUARDS GROANING) 810 00:42:31,651 --> 00:42:33,949 AUTOMATED VOICE: (ON PA) System malfunctioning. 811 00:42:33,951 --> 00:42:36,982 Cells 7, 12, 14, 27. 812 00:42:36,984 --> 00:42:39,582 Back in your cells, you filthy mutants! Get in there! 813 00:42:39,584 --> 00:42:42,951 AUTOMATED VOICE: Cells 1, 3, 7, 8. 814 00:42:43,918 --> 00:42:45,617 - (BEEPING) - AUTOMATED VOICE: Searching. 815 00:42:46,984 --> 00:42:49,584 Cell 04 located. 816 00:42:50,851 --> 00:42:52,782 Door won't open! 817 00:42:52,784 --> 00:42:54,684 GUARD: On your fucking knees! 818 00:42:57,084 --> 00:42:58,717 (ALL GRUNTING) 819 00:43:31,386 --> 00:43:33,151 That was our cell. 820 00:43:35,051 --> 00:43:37,482 What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker 821 00:43:37,484 --> 00:43:38,817 with a Winter Soldier arm? 822 00:43:48,386 --> 00:43:49,984 Get away from me, kid! 823 00:43:51,851 --> 00:43:53,018 (PRISONER GROANS) 824 00:43:53,517 --> 00:43:54,784 (ALL GRUNTING) 825 00:43:57,352 --> 00:43:58,817 Listen to me! Go! 826 00:44:04,051 --> 00:44:05,651 Hello, Russell. 827 00:44:09,218 --> 00:44:10,484 (COCKS GUN) 828 00:44:14,352 --> 00:44:16,548 (GROANS) 829 00:44:16,550 --> 00:44:18,550 - (WADE GRUNTS) - (GROANS) 830 00:44:19,951 --> 00:44:21,784 (GROANING) 831 00:44:34,717 --> 00:44:35,984 (GRUNTS) 832 00:44:46,151 --> 00:44:48,651 (GUARDS GROANING) 833 00:45:07,450 --> 00:45:10,417 (GROANING) 834 00:45:14,252 --> 00:45:15,751 (ALL GRUNTING) 835 00:45:24,352 --> 00:45:25,815 (GROANS) 836 00:45:25,817 --> 00:45:27,018 (GASPS) 837 00:45:29,084 --> 00:45:30,550 Hello, superpowers. 838 00:45:35,252 --> 00:45:36,784 - (GRUNTS) - (GROANS) 839 00:45:39,517 --> 00:45:41,151 (BOTH GRUNTING) 840 00:45:48,450 --> 00:45:49,651 Who are you? 841 00:45:50,385 --> 00:45:51,751 I'm Batman. 842 00:46:00,851 --> 00:46:01,884 (GASPS) 843 00:46:03,018 --> 00:46:04,018 Ooh! 844 00:46:04,851 --> 00:46:06,084 (GRUNTS) 845 00:46:08,651 --> 00:46:11,751 Oh. That's got some zip. 846 00:46:19,684 --> 00:46:23,250 Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me. 847 00:46:23,252 --> 00:46:24,715 Talk! 848 00:46:24,717 --> 00:46:26,582 What kind of spineless shit stick 849 00:46:26,584 --> 00:46:28,417 tries to kill a 14-year-old boy? 850 00:46:29,318 --> 00:46:30,649 You might wanna start talking! 851 00:46:30,651 --> 00:46:33,517 'Cause I got a long history of firing at times like this! 852 00:46:34,584 --> 00:46:36,582 The name's Cable. 853 00:46:36,584 --> 00:46:40,049 I'm from the future. Just walk away. 854 00:46:40,051 --> 00:46:41,349 Oh! 855 00:46:41,351 --> 00:46:43,349 So, you're from the future. 856 00:46:43,351 --> 00:46:45,349 I have three questions then. 857 00:46:45,351 --> 00:46:48,849 One, is dubstep still a thing? 858 00:46:48,851 --> 00:46:51,882 Two, which Sharknado are we on? 859 00:46:51,884 --> 00:46:54,849 And three, at what point do audiences say... 860 00:46:54,851 --> 00:46:56,185 "Enough with the robotic arms"? 861 00:47:03,185 --> 00:47:04,651 (BOTH GRUNTING) 862 00:47:17,584 --> 00:47:19,651 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 863 00:47:23,351 --> 00:47:25,085 - (SHOUTING) - (CHOKING) 864 00:47:29,751 --> 00:47:31,584 (SCREAMING) 865 00:47:34,119 --> 00:47:35,884 (GROANING) 866 00:47:39,484 --> 00:47:41,548 Dubstep's for pussies. 867 00:47:41,550 --> 00:47:42,815 You're so dark! 868 00:47:42,817 --> 00:47:44,984 Are you sure you're not from the DC universe? 869 00:47:45,884 --> 00:47:47,383 I love dubstep! 870 00:47:47,385 --> 00:47:49,517 (DUBSTEP MUSIC PLAYING) 871 00:47:57,517 --> 00:47:59,584 - (GRUNTS) - (GROANS) 872 00:48:12,119 --> 00:48:13,383 (GROANS) 873 00:48:13,385 --> 00:48:14,815 WADE: Is that a fanny pack? 874 00:48:14,817 --> 00:48:18,482 I used to have one of those in 1990-never. 875 00:48:18,484 --> 00:48:20,615 Something to remember you by. 876 00:48:20,617 --> 00:48:24,448 Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere. 877 00:48:24,450 --> 00:48:26,951 Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack! 878 00:48:32,285 --> 00:48:33,751 (GROANING) 879 00:48:36,484 --> 00:48:38,815 Why are you protecting the kid? 880 00:48:38,817 --> 00:48:39,815 (LAUGHS) 881 00:48:39,817 --> 00:48:42,283 I don't give a fuck about him... 882 00:48:42,285 --> 00:48:44,817 and his Are You My Mother? Complex! 883 00:48:47,285 --> 00:48:48,684 What's this one do? 884 00:48:49,584 --> 00:48:51,751 (BEEPING RAPIDLY) 885 00:49:00,617 --> 00:49:02,415 (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) 886 00:49:02,417 --> 00:49:03,949 WADE: In every film, there's a moment 887 00:49:03,951 --> 00:49:06,482 when the hero hits rock bottom. 888 00:49:06,484 --> 00:49:08,482 In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy's 889 00:49:08,484 --> 00:49:10,182 prized bobsled broke. 890 00:49:10,184 --> 00:49:13,448 In Human Centipede, it was when those people... 891 00:49:13,450 --> 00:49:15,249 signed on to be in that movie. 892 00:49:15,251 --> 00:49:17,283 But in this film, well... 893 00:49:17,285 --> 00:49:18,615 you're looking at it. 894 00:49:18,617 --> 00:49:20,617 GUARD: On your fucking knees, mutant. 895 00:49:21,218 --> 00:49:22,684 (GROANING) 896 00:49:23,285 --> 00:49:24,484 WADE: Rock... 897 00:49:28,318 --> 00:49:29,918 meet bottom. 898 00:49:34,784 --> 00:49:36,784 (INDISTINCT VOICES ECHOING) 899 00:49:40,385 --> 00:49:41,782 VANESSA: I love you, Wade Wilson. 900 00:49:41,784 --> 00:49:42,985 Ness? 901 00:49:43,985 --> 00:49:45,550 Hey, Ness! 902 00:49:46,251 --> 00:49:48,083 Ness, can you let me in? 903 00:49:48,085 --> 00:49:50,417 Please! Please. 904 00:49:52,251 --> 00:49:53,383 Jesus. 905 00:49:53,385 --> 00:49:54,584 (SIGHS) 906 00:49:56,285 --> 00:49:58,116 You're not giving me a lot of direction here. 907 00:49:58,118 --> 00:50:00,017 I'm at the end of my rope. 908 00:50:00,019 --> 00:50:01,550 (TIMER TICKING) 909 00:50:02,351 --> 00:50:04,682 Then I joined the X-Men. 910 00:50:04,684 --> 00:50:06,751 I went to prison. I, uh... 911 00:50:10,817 --> 00:50:12,417 Is it the kid? 912 00:50:14,052 --> 00:50:17,184 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be. 913 00:50:18,517 --> 00:50:19,717 - The kid! - (TIMER DINGS) 914 00:50:23,118 --> 00:50:24,717 (GASPING) 915 00:50:27,218 --> 00:50:28,884 (WHEEZING) 916 00:50:33,218 --> 00:50:34,782 That's exactly what she meant. 917 00:50:34,784 --> 00:50:36,316 Your heart needs to be in the right place. 918 00:50:36,318 --> 00:50:38,116 I'm not gonna abandon this kid. 919 00:50:38,118 --> 00:50:40,917 He's never had anyone, ever. 920 00:50:40,919 --> 00:50:42,216 I need to be selfless. 921 00:50:42,218 --> 00:50:44,216 Yeah, but what does that mean? 922 00:50:44,218 --> 00:50:47,515 It means I'm gonna save Russell. 923 00:50:47,517 --> 00:50:48,983 Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa... 924 00:50:48,985 --> 00:50:52,082 but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. 925 00:50:52,084 --> 00:50:54,283 Yeah, but what I mean is, like, the world "selfless." 926 00:50:54,285 --> 00:50:55,950 I literally don't know what that means. 927 00:50:55,952 --> 00:50:56,917 Jesus Christ. 928 00:50:56,919 --> 00:50:59,749 Okay, look. According to my guy, okay... 929 00:50:59,751 --> 00:51:01,849 those muties are being transferred 930 00:51:01,851 --> 00:51:03,515 to a supermax, 80 miles away. 931 00:51:03,517 --> 00:51:05,415 Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way. 932 00:51:05,417 --> 00:51:07,582 Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay? 933 00:51:07,584 --> 00:51:09,615 We're talking about an armored convoy... 934 00:51:09,617 --> 00:51:11,815 and a vicious super soldier from the future... 935 00:51:11,817 --> 00:51:14,682 that is looking to turn your skull into a fuckable ashtray. 936 00:51:14,684 --> 00:51:16,249 You know what we need to do? 937 00:51:16,251 --> 00:51:18,182 We need to build a fucking team. 938 00:51:18,184 --> 00:51:20,349 We need 'em tough, morally flexible... 939 00:51:20,351 --> 00:51:21,649 and young enough so they can carry 940 00:51:21,651 --> 00:51:23,116 this franchise 10 to 12 years. 941 00:51:23,118 --> 00:51:24,852 My body is an instrument of death. 942 00:51:26,018 --> 00:51:27,515 Not now, Dopinder. 943 00:51:27,517 --> 00:51:29,582 I could be of great use. 944 00:51:29,584 --> 00:51:31,450 What's your superpower? 945 00:51:32,717 --> 00:51:34,515 - Courage. - That's adorable. 946 00:51:34,517 --> 00:51:36,116 Do you have the courage to check and see... 947 00:51:36,118 --> 00:51:38,850 if there are enough sanitary napkins in the dispenser? 948 00:51:38,852 --> 00:51:39,715 Yes, sir. 949 00:51:39,717 --> 00:51:41,182 I'm sorry you had to see that, 950 00:51:41,184 --> 00:51:43,482 although I'm glad you heard it. 951 00:51:43,484 --> 00:51:45,448 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes. 952 00:51:45,450 --> 00:51:47,682 But we're not paying medical or dental. 953 00:51:47,684 --> 00:51:49,919 It's time to get back on Linkedln. 954 00:51:59,751 --> 00:52:01,118 (EXHALES) 955 00:52:10,951 --> 00:52:12,951 (CHILD SINGING) 956 00:52:27,717 --> 00:52:31,249 GUARD: (ON PA) Transport will begin at 0800 hours... 957 00:52:31,251 --> 00:52:32,349 BLACK TOM: Oi. 958 00:52:32,351 --> 00:52:33,749 MUTANT: What the fuck do you want? 959 00:52:33,751 --> 00:52:35,715 That's my fucking pudding. 960 00:52:35,717 --> 00:52:37,615 - Fuck your pudding! - You like pudding? 961 00:52:37,617 --> 00:52:39,584 - (GRUNTS) - (PRISONERS CLAMORING) 962 00:52:40,218 --> 00:52:41,984 (ALARM BLARING) 963 00:52:58,984 --> 00:52:59,984 Hello? 964 00:53:02,218 --> 00:53:04,684 I know you're in there. 965 00:53:20,151 --> 00:53:22,752 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. 966 00:53:23,651 --> 00:53:26,116 Lonely at the top, eh? 967 00:53:26,118 --> 00:53:28,084 They're moving us tomorrow. 968 00:53:30,450 --> 00:53:33,448 Maybe I can get you out of here. 969 00:53:33,450 --> 00:53:36,785 And we can make the whole world our bitch. 970 00:53:38,450 --> 00:53:40,450 We need a secret code. 971 00:53:42,118 --> 00:53:43,316 (IMITATES BIRD CALL) 972 00:53:43,318 --> 00:53:46,118 (SOFTLY) No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot. 973 00:53:48,118 --> 00:53:50,116 (RHYTHMIC BANGING) 974 00:53:50,118 --> 00:53:52,151 (RHYTHMIC BANGING IN RESPONSE) 975 00:53:53,184 --> 00:53:54,649 We're a team. 976 00:53:54,651 --> 00:53:56,649 We're like thugs, we're like gangsters. 977 00:53:56,651 --> 00:54:00,615 I'm like Tupac, and you're like Ice Cube. 978 00:54:00,617 --> 00:54:03,049 WEASEL: Supposedly, she can rap, too. 979 00:54:03,051 --> 00:54:03,916 DEADPOOL: I like that. 980 00:54:03,918 --> 00:54:05,783 Terrific, these are all terrific. 981 00:54:05,785 --> 00:54:07,415 Meet Bedlam. 982 00:54:07,417 --> 00:54:09,882 Cool name! Superpowers? 983 00:54:09,884 --> 00:54:10,916 I can distort 984 00:54:10,918 --> 00:54:12,448 - electrical fields. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) 985 00:54:12,450 --> 00:54:14,649 Including the one inside your brain... 986 00:54:14,651 --> 00:54:17,349 causing anxiety, confusion... 987 00:54:17,351 --> 00:54:18,651 pain. 988 00:54:19,484 --> 00:54:21,615 So, basically, you're Dave Matthews. 989 00:54:21,617 --> 00:54:22,918 We can use him. 990 00:54:24,517 --> 00:54:26,283 I'm Zeitgeist. 991 00:54:26,285 --> 00:54:27,548 Cool. I like it. 992 00:54:27,550 --> 00:54:28,815 So you have the power 993 00:54:28,817 --> 00:54:31,450 to put your finger on the pulse of society? 994 00:54:32,285 --> 00:54:33,448 (STAMMERS) No. 995 00:54:33,450 --> 00:54:35,149 No, I spit acidic vomit. (SNIFFS) 996 00:54:35,151 --> 00:54:36,283 - Oh. - Do you want me 997 00:54:36,285 --> 00:54:37,615 - to demonstrate? - DEADPOOL: No! 998 00:54:37,617 --> 00:54:38,982 WEASEL: We'll take your word for it. 999 00:54:38,984 --> 00:54:41,224 Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's, okay? 1000 00:54:41,385 --> 00:54:44,084 And this is the Vanisher. 1001 00:54:47,351 --> 00:54:48,550 But... 1002 00:54:49,484 --> 00:54:51,116 Vanisher! 1003 00:54:51,118 --> 00:54:52,752 (LAUGHS) 1004 00:54:53,484 --> 00:54:55,417 Nice! Right? 1005 00:54:56,450 --> 00:54:57,582 He's not here, is he? 1006 00:54:57,584 --> 00:54:59,417 He may be running late. 1007 00:55:00,584 --> 00:55:03,482 My name's Rusty, but I go by Shatterstar. 1008 00:55:03,484 --> 00:55:04,782 BOTH: That's good, yeah. 1009 00:55:04,784 --> 00:55:06,849 - "Rusty" is terrible. - Toughie. 1010 00:55:06,851 --> 00:55:09,750 - So, uh, where are you from? - The planet Mojo World. 1011 00:55:09,752 --> 00:55:11,982 - So you're an alien, I guess. - Bad name. 1012 00:55:11,984 --> 00:55:13,548 How does that, uh, help us? 1013 00:55:13,550 --> 00:55:16,515 I'm basically better than you at everything. 1014 00:55:16,517 --> 00:55:18,316 Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people 1015 00:55:18,318 --> 00:55:19,815 that are worse than me at everything. 1016 00:55:19,817 --> 00:55:22,016 A whole bunch of functional idiots. 1017 00:55:22,018 --> 00:55:24,249 I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman. 1018 00:55:24,251 --> 00:55:25,316 Isn't that Canada? 1019 00:55:25,318 --> 00:55:27,851 You shut your goddamn trash mouth! 1020 00:55:29,184 --> 00:55:30,616 - WEASEL: Meet... - Domino. 1021 00:55:30,618 --> 00:55:32,849 - DEADPOOL: What's your shtick? - I'm lucky. 1022 00:55:32,851 --> 00:55:34,982 If you're so lucky, then what are you doing here with us? 1023 00:55:34,984 --> 00:55:36,182 DOMINO: I don't know yet. 1024 00:55:36,184 --> 00:55:37,316 What's that supposed to mean? 1025 00:55:37,318 --> 00:55:38,782 It means that I don't know yet. 1026 00:55:38,784 --> 00:55:40,383 But there's a reason why I'm here, 1027 00:55:40,385 --> 00:55:41,515 and I'll know when I know. 1028 00:55:41,517 --> 00:55:43,149 Everything usually works out for me. 1029 00:55:43,151 --> 00:55:44,849 Luck isn't a superpower. 1030 00:55:44,851 --> 00:55:46,383 - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. 1031 00:55:46,385 --> 00:55:47,650 - Yes, it is. - No, ma'am. 1032 00:55:47,652 --> 00:55:49,082 - DOMINO: Mmm-hmm. - Mario No-pez. 1033 00:55:49,084 --> 00:55:50,216 - Yeah. - Nacho cheese. 1034 00:55:50,218 --> 00:55:51,316 No, it definitely is. I really... 1035 00:55:51,318 --> 00:55:52,383 There's no way that it... 1036 00:55:52,385 --> 00:55:53,916 Sorry, I was interrupting you. 1037 00:55:53,918 --> 00:55:55,448 - Sorry. No, I interrupted you. - No, no, no. You can go first. 1038 00:55:55,450 --> 00:55:56,916 Oh, I was just gonna say, "No, it isn't." 1039 00:55:56,918 --> 00:55:59,683 I was gonna just bring it back to that yes, it is. 1040 00:55:59,685 --> 00:56:01,448 Let's meet in the middle and say, "No, it isn't." 1041 00:56:01,450 --> 00:56:04,583 - (CHUCKLES) But it is. - Okay. 1042 00:56:04,585 --> 00:56:06,316 - You're hired! - You're hired. 1043 00:56:06,318 --> 00:56:07,650 Oh, lucky me. 1044 00:56:07,652 --> 00:56:08,851 DEADPOOL: She's great. 1045 00:56:10,118 --> 00:56:11,683 And last, but not least... 1046 00:56:11,685 --> 00:56:12,784 Peter. 1047 00:56:13,817 --> 00:56:16,482 Am I getting catfished here or...? 1048 00:56:16,484 --> 00:56:18,316 Any powers you wanna tell us about? 1049 00:56:18,318 --> 00:56:20,149 PETER: No. 1050 00:56:20,151 --> 00:56:21,749 I don't have one. 1051 00:56:21,751 --> 00:56:25,018 Um, I just saw the ad and thought it looked fun. 1052 00:56:25,951 --> 00:56:27,116 You're in. 1053 00:56:27,118 --> 00:56:28,784 - Yeah. - Fuck! 1054 00:56:31,318 --> 00:56:33,051 It's fulfilling work. 1055 00:56:37,385 --> 00:56:38,817 GUARD: Let's go! 1056 00:56:53,018 --> 00:56:56,116 GUARD: This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box. 1057 00:56:56,118 --> 00:56:57,618 We are en route. 1058 00:57:04,684 --> 00:57:07,385 CABLE: Peacetime makes people soft. 1059 00:57:08,851 --> 00:57:10,684 I was born into war. 1060 00:57:12,118 --> 00:57:13,451 Bred into it. 1061 00:57:14,185 --> 00:57:15,282 Okay. 1062 00:57:15,284 --> 00:57:16,984 CABLE: People think they understand pain. 1063 00:57:18,185 --> 00:57:20,551 What's the most pain you've ever felt? 1064 00:57:22,517 --> 00:57:23,782 These restraints are pretty... 1065 00:57:23,784 --> 00:57:24,784 CABLE: I've got a list. 1066 00:57:26,118 --> 00:57:28,285 We're gonna work down it. 1067 00:57:28,851 --> 00:57:29,851 Together. 1068 00:57:30,984 --> 00:57:34,049 Number one, I'm gonna bend something. 1069 00:57:34,051 --> 00:57:36,349 Something that was not meant to bend. 1070 00:57:36,351 --> 00:57:37,449 I'm gonna stop you right there 1071 00:57:37,451 --> 00:57:38,816 because I'm not gonna make it to two. 1072 00:57:38,818 --> 00:57:40,149 I won't even make it to one. 1073 00:57:40,151 --> 00:57:41,582 I don't do well with pain, you know. 1074 00:57:41,584 --> 00:57:44,383 If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day. 1075 00:57:44,385 --> 00:57:46,982 I cried when they canceled Felicity. 1076 00:57:46,984 --> 00:57:48,482 When I get really scared, I get nervous erections. 1077 00:57:48,484 --> 00:57:50,083 I have one right now. 1078 00:57:50,085 --> 00:57:51,882 Don't look. It'll only make it worse. 1079 00:57:51,884 --> 00:57:52,782 I don't want you to hurt me, 1080 00:57:52,784 --> 00:57:55,351 and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. 1081 00:57:56,118 --> 00:57:58,415 Except for where they are. 1082 00:57:58,417 --> 00:57:59,816 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound 1083 00:57:59,818 --> 00:58:00,949 on Gerry Duggan Parkway. 1084 00:58:00,951 --> 00:58:02,682 The monster's with them. I wouldn't fuck with him. 1085 00:58:02,684 --> 00:58:04,049 DEADPOOL: You all know the plan. 1086 00:58:04,051 --> 00:58:05,682 Intercept the convoy, 1087 00:58:05,684 --> 00:58:07,982 grab the boy. But not inappropriately! 1088 00:58:07,984 --> 00:58:09,116 WEASEL: You know what, 1089 00:58:09,118 --> 00:58:10,383 I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either. 1090 00:58:10,385 --> 00:58:12,816 Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable. 1091 00:58:12,818 --> 00:58:15,515 He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it. 1092 00:58:15,517 --> 00:58:18,215 Watch out for this guy, Cable! 1093 00:58:18,217 --> 00:58:21,449 He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics. 1094 00:58:21,451 --> 00:58:24,482 And if we succeed, we all go home early. 1095 00:58:24,484 --> 00:58:26,564 WEASEL: So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you... 1096 00:58:27,384 --> 00:58:29,351 there's a wind advisory in effect. 1097 00:58:33,784 --> 00:58:35,551 (WIND HOWLING) 1098 00:58:40,285 --> 00:58:41,951 PILOT: (ON PA) A little turbulent up here. 1099 00:58:49,318 --> 00:58:51,216 I don't know much about this Cable fella... 1100 00:58:51,218 --> 00:58:52,482 but I guarantee he hasn't killed 1101 00:58:52,484 --> 00:58:54,484 as many people as melanoma has. 1102 00:58:55,784 --> 00:58:57,149 We're getting close! 1103 00:58:57,151 --> 00:58:58,916 As a former X-Man... 1104 00:58:58,918 --> 00:59:00,749 - Trainee. - Thank you, Bedlam. 1105 00:59:00,751 --> 00:59:03,216 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism 1106 00:59:03,218 --> 00:59:04,916 in the group's name. 1107 00:59:04,918 --> 00:59:06,782 X-Men! Men! 1108 00:59:06,784 --> 00:59:10,016 The point is, our group will be forward thinking. 1109 00:59:10,018 --> 00:59:11,382 Gender neutral. 1110 00:59:11,384 --> 00:59:13,718 From now on, we'll be known as... 1111 00:59:15,951 --> 00:59:17,382 X-Force. 1112 00:59:17,384 --> 00:59:19,116 Isn't that a little derivative? 1113 00:59:19,118 --> 00:59:21,651 I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter! 1114 00:59:22,818 --> 00:59:24,384 That wasn't me. 1115 00:59:31,218 --> 00:59:33,582 Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet... 1116 00:59:33,584 --> 00:59:35,415 intercept the convoy, and grab the boy. 1117 00:59:35,417 --> 00:59:36,582 Let's bring on the carnage, baby! 1118 00:59:36,584 --> 00:59:38,582 Get me on the ground, watch me go! 1119 00:59:38,584 --> 00:59:39,649 ALL: Yeah! 1120 00:59:39,651 --> 00:59:41,582 - (ALL WHOOPING) - I can't wait to kill! 1121 00:59:41,584 --> 00:59:44,216 Hey! Hey! Hey! 1122 00:59:44,218 --> 00:59:46,982 I just wanna say how proud I am of this team. 1123 00:59:46,984 --> 00:59:49,716 You know, you guys look amazing! 1124 00:59:49,718 --> 00:59:52,849 Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing too. 1125 00:59:52,851 --> 00:59:53,749 This is the family 1126 00:59:53,751 --> 00:59:55,517 that I've always dreamed of having and I... 1127 00:59:56,551 --> 00:59:57,649 Ah, shit. 1128 00:59:57,651 --> 00:59:59,083 (SNIFFLES) 1129 00:59:59,085 --> 01:00:00,649 I just get a little choked up sometimes. 1130 01:00:00,651 --> 01:00:02,749 I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous 1131 01:00:02,751 --> 01:00:04,083 about the high winds? 1132 01:00:04,085 --> 01:00:05,449 - Gary. - My name's Peter. 1133 01:00:05,451 --> 01:00:07,348 I realize that you're new to this, but relax. 1134 01:00:07,350 --> 01:00:08,916 You've been chosen by a higher power. 1135 01:00:08,918 --> 01:00:11,382 - Did he just call himself God? - I think he did. 1136 01:00:11,384 --> 01:00:13,150 - I'd like to go home. - And I'd like... 1137 01:00:13,152 --> 01:00:15,515 the McRib to be available year round, 1138 01:00:15,517 --> 01:00:17,482 but sometimes dreams don't come true. 1139 01:00:17,484 --> 01:00:19,582 I spent 10 years in Special Forces. 1140 01:00:19,584 --> 01:00:20,916 You think we didn't jump out of the plane 1141 01:00:20,918 --> 01:00:22,348 because of a light breeze? 1142 01:00:22,350 --> 01:00:24,982 You're in this shit now, Mustache! 1143 01:00:24,984 --> 01:00:27,184 (WHISPERS) I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. 1144 01:00:27,186 --> 01:00:29,716 I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. 1145 01:00:29,718 --> 01:00:31,882 Leonard, hit it! 1146 01:00:31,884 --> 01:00:33,784 - (ALARM BLARING) - (THUNDERSTRUCK PLAYING) 1147 01:00:40,584 --> 01:00:42,617 Go! Go! Go! 1148 01:00:45,417 --> 01:00:47,218 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 1149 01:01:18,119 --> 01:01:19,682 Let's get some! 1150 01:01:19,684 --> 01:01:20,849 Whoo! 1151 01:01:20,851 --> 01:01:22,084 Oh, yeah! 1152 01:01:22,086 --> 01:01:24,951 Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command! 1153 01:01:25,918 --> 01:01:27,582 Deploy! Oh, hey now! 1154 01:01:27,584 --> 01:01:28,718 Whoa! 1155 01:01:33,918 --> 01:01:35,851 Little off course here. 1156 01:01:36,918 --> 01:01:38,084 (GROANS) 1157 01:01:38,086 --> 01:01:40,584 Holy mommy fucking shit! 1158 01:01:41,751 --> 01:01:42,882 Ah, there they are. 1159 01:01:42,884 --> 01:01:46,549 Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches. (BLOWS KISS) 1160 01:01:46,551 --> 01:01:48,684 Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam! 1161 01:01:50,185 --> 01:01:51,849 - (BEDLAM GRUNTS) - (ALL GASP) 1162 01:01:51,851 --> 01:01:53,549 (GASPING DRAMATICALLY) 1163 01:01:53,551 --> 01:01:58,017 No! Tripping motherfucking billies! 1164 01:01:58,019 --> 01:02:00,884 Shatterstar. Okay, you got this. 1165 01:02:01,818 --> 01:02:02,916 Left! 1166 01:02:02,918 --> 01:02:04,248 Left! 1167 01:02:04,250 --> 01:02:06,617 No, stage left, you idiot! 1168 01:02:07,152 --> 01:02:08,818 (GASPS) 1169 01:02:10,317 --> 01:02:11,982 Well, I guess we found something 1170 01:02:11,984 --> 01:02:13,250 you're not better at. 1171 01:02:15,086 --> 01:02:16,515 Vanisher. 1172 01:02:16,517 --> 01:02:18,517 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see. 1173 01:02:19,951 --> 01:02:21,615 (GRUNTING) 1174 01:02:21,617 --> 01:02:22,816 Oh! Really? 1175 01:02:22,818 --> 01:02:25,315 All right, we could do this with four. 1176 01:02:25,317 --> 01:02:28,348 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy! 1177 01:02:28,350 --> 01:02:30,651 That's the stuff! That's the X-Force spirit! 1178 01:02:31,617 --> 01:02:33,983 Never underestimate a man with a mustache! 1179 01:02:33,985 --> 01:02:35,716 Just ask anyone in Brooklyn. 1180 01:02:35,718 --> 01:02:36,882 (WHOOPS) We did it! 1181 01:02:36,884 --> 01:02:38,615 You're a goddamn superhero, you! 1182 01:02:38,617 --> 01:02:39,651 X-Force! 1183 01:02:40,119 --> 01:02:41,317 X-Force. 1184 01:02:43,551 --> 01:02:44,415 (SCREAMING) 1185 01:02:44,417 --> 01:02:45,682 (WOOD CHIPPER WHIRRING) 1186 01:02:45,684 --> 01:02:47,584 - (GASPS) - Oh! 1187 01:02:48,584 --> 01:02:49,684 (EXHALES) 1188 01:02:51,118 --> 01:02:52,248 Peter. 1189 01:02:52,250 --> 01:02:53,515 PETER: I got you, buddy! 1190 01:02:53,517 --> 01:02:54,649 - You're gonna be fine! - This is not good, man! 1191 01:02:54,651 --> 01:02:57,116 You got this, big guy! Here we go, Peter! 1192 01:02:57,118 --> 01:02:58,582 Look at me. We're X-Force, right? 1193 01:02:58,584 --> 01:03:00,884 - Yeah, we're X-Force. - We're X-Force. 1194 01:03:04,851 --> 01:03:06,716 Oh, my God! What the fuck? 1195 01:03:06,718 --> 01:03:08,282 - Fucking acidic vomit! - (SCREAMS) 1196 01:03:08,284 --> 01:03:10,415 (WHIRRING) 1197 01:03:10,417 --> 01:03:13,215 Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up in my mask. 1198 01:03:13,217 --> 01:03:14,617 (EXHALES) 1199 01:03:16,284 --> 01:03:18,615 DOMINO: Okay, I'm over the convoy. 1200 01:03:18,617 --> 01:03:20,684 Where did the rest of the team land? 1201 01:03:21,350 --> 01:03:23,116 Good news and bad news. 1202 01:03:23,118 --> 01:03:26,315 Bad news is the whole team is dead. 1203 01:03:26,317 --> 01:03:27,549 The good news is, 1204 01:03:27,551 --> 01:03:29,482 I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. 1205 01:03:29,484 --> 01:03:32,882 He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul! 1206 01:03:32,884 --> 01:03:33,950 DOMINO: Peter! 1207 01:03:33,952 --> 01:03:35,348 Peter, I'm gonna miss him most. 1208 01:03:35,350 --> 01:03:36,482 But there is a slight chance 1209 01:03:36,484 --> 01:03:37,917 Vanisher could make it. 1210 01:03:37,919 --> 01:03:40,749 - (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) -Nope, no chance. He's dead. 1211 01:03:40,751 --> 01:03:41,716 DOMINO: The whole team? 1212 01:03:41,718 --> 01:03:43,950 Only the main ones. We're still good. 1213 01:03:43,952 --> 01:03:45,248 Fuck, you are dumb. 1214 01:03:45,250 --> 01:03:47,649 Even after all this time, I still can't talk about it. 1215 01:03:47,651 --> 01:03:49,782 Who knew these winds would be so strong? 1216 01:03:49,784 --> 01:03:52,482 Everyone! Everyone on the helicopter! 1217 01:03:52,484 --> 01:03:54,284 And everyone not on the helicopter! 1218 01:04:03,350 --> 01:04:05,451 They're headed into the tunnel. 1219 01:04:06,250 --> 01:04:07,649 I'm that kid's only hope, 1220 01:04:07,651 --> 01:04:09,751 so sit tight and wait for my word. 1221 01:04:10,350 --> 01:04:11,449 DOMINO: Whatever. 1222 01:04:11,451 --> 01:04:12,749 We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in. 1223 01:04:12,751 --> 01:04:15,582 DEADPOOL: Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. 1224 01:04:15,584 --> 01:04:18,248 Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked! 1225 01:04:18,250 --> 01:04:21,348 No, we most certainly are not fucked. 1226 01:04:21,350 --> 01:04:23,070 - (CARS HORNS HONKING) - (BRAKES SCREECHING) 1227 01:04:24,384 --> 01:04:26,950 DEADPOOL: Seriously, I don't get it! 1228 01:04:26,952 --> 01:04:29,718 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? 1229 01:04:31,651 --> 01:04:33,549 It's just it's hard to picture. 1230 01:04:33,551 --> 01:04:35,852 And certainly not very cinematic. 1231 01:04:38,384 --> 01:04:40,116 I mean, luck? 1232 01:04:40,118 --> 01:04:42,582 What coked out, glass pipe-sucking 1233 01:04:42,584 --> 01:04:44,116 freakshow comic book artist... 1234 01:04:44,118 --> 01:04:45,716 came up with that little chestnut? 1235 01:04:45,718 --> 01:04:48,284 Probably a guy who can't draw feet! 1236 01:04:58,919 --> 01:05:02,382 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders. 1237 01:05:02,384 --> 01:05:03,582 It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. 1238 01:05:03,584 --> 01:05:04,850 - Wander the Earth... - I'm in. 1239 01:05:04,852 --> 01:05:06,549 I'm sorry, what did you say? 1240 01:05:06,551 --> 01:05:07,415 I'm in. 1241 01:05:07,417 --> 01:05:09,517 How in the fuck are you in already? 1242 01:05:09,885 --> 01:05:11,749 Oh, shit. 1243 01:05:11,751 --> 01:05:12,982 It's Cable. 12 o'clock. 1244 01:05:12,984 --> 01:05:14,083 DEADPOOL: Okay. 1245 01:05:14,085 --> 01:05:16,482 New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers 1246 01:05:16,484 --> 01:05:19,315 to stop Cable from killing that kid. 1247 01:05:19,317 --> 01:05:21,217 I'm coming up on your six. 1248 01:05:29,250 --> 01:05:31,282 That gun is amazing! 1249 01:05:31,284 --> 01:05:33,551 - (GRUNTS) - (TIRES SCREECHING) 1250 01:05:40,317 --> 01:05:42,382 MAN: Hey! Asshole! 1251 01:05:42,384 --> 01:05:44,116 DOMINO: Where is he? I can't see him. 1252 01:05:44,118 --> 01:05:45,718 DEADPOOL: He's on top of you. 1253 01:05:47,684 --> 01:05:49,850 He's going in through the back! 1254 01:05:49,852 --> 01:05:51,049 Oh, God, he's inside! 1255 01:05:51,051 --> 01:05:52,315 You hear yourself, right? 1256 01:05:52,317 --> 01:05:53,949 DEADPOOL: Accidental double entendres! 1257 01:05:53,951 --> 01:05:56,282 Russell! Russell Collins! 1258 01:05:56,284 --> 01:05:58,417 DEADPOOL: Hands off that kid, John Connor! 1259 01:06:03,718 --> 01:06:04,918 No, no, no! 1260 01:06:08,684 --> 01:06:09,785 Shit! 1261 01:06:10,350 --> 01:06:11,551 (PRISONER SCREAMING) 1262 01:06:13,484 --> 01:06:14,484 (GRUNTS) 1263 01:06:22,118 --> 01:06:23,317 (BEEPING RAPIDLY) 1264 01:06:31,484 --> 01:06:33,617 DEADPOOL: Two can play that game! 1265 01:06:35,718 --> 01:06:37,584 Got it! No, I don't. 1266 01:06:38,384 --> 01:06:39,449 Showtime, mama! 1267 01:06:39,451 --> 01:06:41,350 Lady Luck, take the wheel. 1268 01:06:49,584 --> 01:06:50,684 (GUN CLICKS) 1269 01:06:57,151 --> 01:06:58,350 (GROANS) 1270 01:07:14,684 --> 01:07:15,684 (HORNS HONKING) 1271 01:07:16,350 --> 01:07:17,551 (DOMINO GRUNTING) 1272 01:07:18,684 --> 01:07:20,817 I'd ask who you are, but you'll be dead in a second. 1273 01:07:20,819 --> 01:07:22,916 I'm Domino, and doubtful. 1274 01:07:22,918 --> 01:07:24,484 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1275 01:07:39,317 --> 01:07:40,517 Hang in there, Doms! 1276 01:07:41,785 --> 01:07:43,348 Oh, this is really hard. 1277 01:07:43,350 --> 01:07:44,685 (TIRES SCREECHING) 1278 01:07:54,584 --> 01:07:55,584 (GUNSHOT) 1279 01:07:56,051 --> 01:07:57,584 And give me back my Skee-Ball token. 1280 01:08:01,017 --> 01:08:02,850 - You're doing great. - X-Force. 1281 01:08:04,618 --> 01:08:06,683 I guess dubstep never dies. 1282 01:08:06,685 --> 01:08:08,352 (BANGARANG PLAYING) 1283 01:08:11,051 --> 01:08:12,084 Whoo! 1284 01:08:13,252 --> 01:08:14,385 (LAUGHING) 1285 01:08:16,285 --> 01:08:17,716 (BLACK TOM GROANS) 1286 01:08:17,718 --> 01:08:18,982 (DEADPOOL GASPS) 1287 01:08:18,984 --> 01:08:21,817 You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch! 1288 01:08:22,618 --> 01:08:23,850 (GROWLS) 1289 01:08:24,418 --> 01:08:25,518 That's unfortunate. 1290 01:08:28,785 --> 01:08:30,115 We got no brakes! 1291 01:08:30,117 --> 01:08:31,518 (STRAINING) Figure it out! 1292 01:08:32,418 --> 01:08:33,850 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1293 01:08:35,817 --> 01:08:37,451 There's nothing I can't kill. 1294 01:08:39,685 --> 01:08:40,948 Ooh. 1295 01:08:40,950 --> 01:08:44,384 Somebody knows karate. 1296 01:08:46,785 --> 01:08:48,451 Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy. 1297 01:09:00,817 --> 01:09:02,484 (PANTING) 1298 01:09:03,685 --> 01:09:04,884 Ow. 1299 01:09:05,718 --> 01:09:06,917 Here we go. 1300 01:09:07,751 --> 01:09:10,049 Domino, mind slowing us down? 1301 01:09:10,051 --> 01:09:12,349 (SIGHS) Here goes nothing. 1302 01:09:12,351 --> 01:09:13,551 (HORN HONKING) 1303 01:09:15,451 --> 01:09:17,017 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1304 01:09:20,285 --> 01:09:21,884 (HONKING) 1305 01:09:43,017 --> 01:09:45,185 MAN: Knock, knock. 1306 01:09:51,584 --> 01:09:52,683 That's my boy. 1307 01:09:52,685 --> 01:09:54,084 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1308 01:09:59,117 --> 01:10:00,316 Holy... 1309 01:10:00,318 --> 01:10:01,318 (GRUNTS) 1310 01:10:04,984 --> 01:10:06,451 (ONLY TIME PLAYING) 1311 01:10:08,817 --> 01:10:10,382 (YELLING) 1312 01:10:10,384 --> 01:10:12,116 DEADPOOL: I'll be first to admit... 1313 01:10:12,118 --> 01:10:14,518 this did not go according to plan. 1314 01:10:15,884 --> 01:10:17,382 I'll also be the first to admit that 1315 01:10:17,384 --> 01:10:19,316 that plan was written in crayon. 1316 01:10:19,318 --> 01:10:22,449 Looks like Russell found a new friend. Jelly. 1317 01:10:22,451 --> 01:10:24,250 Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass, 1318 01:10:24,252 --> 01:10:27,382 and maybe, possibly mildly lucky. 1319 01:10:27,384 --> 01:10:30,783 But Cable? Ugh. That guy's in a mood. 1320 01:10:30,785 --> 01:10:31,848 (CHUCKLES) A mood that is 1321 01:10:31,850 --> 01:10:33,884 about to get significantly worse. 1322 01:10:35,384 --> 01:10:36,418 (SQUEAKS) 1323 01:10:40,152 --> 01:10:41,251 (SIGHS) 1324 01:10:53,651 --> 01:10:55,418 (GROANS) 1325 01:10:57,284 --> 01:10:59,817 Something is so terribly, terribly wrong. 1326 01:11:02,785 --> 01:11:04,351 - Oh. - (NECK SNAPS) 1327 01:11:04,718 --> 01:11:05,982 (GROANS) 1328 01:11:05,984 --> 01:11:07,584 Oh, God, that hurt. 1329 01:11:09,884 --> 01:11:11,351 (GROANING) 1330 01:11:12,850 --> 01:11:14,118 Russell. 1331 01:11:16,685 --> 01:11:17,950 Russell! 1332 01:11:18,451 --> 01:11:20,518 Russ, where are ya? 1333 01:11:24,017 --> 01:11:26,215 Russell. Russell, you're okay! 1334 01:11:26,217 --> 01:11:29,783 Oh, thank God. Oh, my God! 1335 01:11:29,785 --> 01:11:31,215 Juggernaut! 1336 01:11:31,217 --> 01:11:32,349 (GASPS) 1337 01:11:32,351 --> 01:11:34,215 I thought that was you! 1338 01:11:34,217 --> 01:11:37,116 I should've worn my white pants. 1339 01:11:37,118 --> 01:11:40,982 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan. 1340 01:11:40,984 --> 01:11:44,482 Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411. 1341 01:11:44,484 --> 01:11:45,749 X-Men Unlimited 12. 1342 01:11:45,751 --> 01:11:47,915 You know, it has always been a dream of mine... 1343 01:11:47,917 --> 01:11:49,848 to see my face reflected in your helmet... 1344 01:11:49,850 --> 01:11:51,948 as you charge at me with murderous intent. 1345 01:11:51,950 --> 01:11:53,815 I don't mean right now. 1346 01:11:53,817 --> 01:11:55,882 I'm gonna rip you in half now. 1347 01:11:55,884 --> 01:11:58,683 (LAUGHS) That is such a Juggernaut thing to say. 1348 01:11:58,685 --> 01:12:00,917 (DEADPOOL SCREAMING) 1349 01:12:02,118 --> 01:12:06,382 Oh, my God! I can't feel my legs. 1350 01:12:06,384 --> 01:12:07,817 I can't feel... 1351 01:12:08,618 --> 01:12:10,683 Oh, no, they're right here. 1352 01:12:10,685 --> 01:12:12,549 Got 'em. God, Russell. 1353 01:12:12,551 --> 01:12:14,418 I have a mission. 1354 01:12:15,018 --> 01:12:16,815 To get my revenge. 1355 01:12:16,817 --> 01:12:19,083 I'm going to burn that headmaster alive. 1356 01:12:19,085 --> 01:12:21,416 You're not the revenge type. 1357 01:12:21,418 --> 01:12:22,948 Take it from a friend. 1358 01:12:22,950 --> 01:12:26,848 Friend? You were sick, and I protected you. 1359 01:12:26,850 --> 01:12:29,016 You said it yourself. 1360 01:12:29,018 --> 01:12:31,815 "I'm not your friend. Find someone stronger." 1361 01:12:31,817 --> 01:12:33,382 So I did. 1362 01:12:33,384 --> 01:12:34,716 (GRUNTS) 1363 01:12:34,718 --> 01:12:36,882 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then. 1364 01:12:36,884 --> 01:12:40,915 But I can now. What do you want me to say, huh? 1365 01:12:40,917 --> 01:12:42,848 "I care about you"? 'Cause goddamn it, 1366 01:12:42,850 --> 01:12:45,215 I care about you, Russell. 1367 01:12:45,217 --> 01:12:47,349 What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? 1368 01:12:47,351 --> 01:12:51,115 Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs! 1369 01:12:51,117 --> 01:12:54,151 - Legs! - Still hurts to hear out loud! 1370 01:12:56,085 --> 01:12:59,083 What is that? That's not a real rope! 1371 01:12:59,085 --> 01:13:01,484 - You get back here, young man! - (SIRENS WAILING) 1372 01:13:02,518 --> 01:13:03,915 Doms! 1373 01:13:03,917 --> 01:13:06,115 Doms, get me out of here, please. 1374 01:13:06,117 --> 01:13:09,251 Use my arms as backpack straps. 1375 01:13:11,418 --> 01:13:12,349 I think we may have found 1376 01:13:12,351 --> 01:13:14,716 your cosmic reason for being here. 1377 01:13:14,718 --> 01:13:16,616 I'm pretty sure this isn't it. 1378 01:13:16,618 --> 01:13:18,018 DEADPOOL: X-Force. 1379 01:13:31,151 --> 01:13:33,016 BLIND AL: No child is hopeless. 1380 01:13:33,018 --> 01:13:34,416 Don't give up on the boy. 1381 01:13:34,418 --> 01:13:36,683 How could he just walk away? 1382 01:13:36,685 --> 01:13:39,482 It was the coldness in his eyes. 1383 01:13:39,484 --> 01:13:41,151 You should've heard it. 1384 01:13:41,785 --> 01:13:42,882 (WADE SIGHS) 1385 01:13:42,884 --> 01:13:45,284 I guess family really is an F-word. 1386 01:13:46,018 --> 01:13:48,215 (GROANS) Rub my legs, Mama. 1387 01:13:48,217 --> 01:13:49,783 Why would I rub your legs? 1388 01:13:49,785 --> 01:13:52,749 Please, they hurt. I have growing pains. 1389 01:13:52,751 --> 01:13:54,217 (BLIND AL SIGHS) 1390 01:13:55,817 --> 01:13:57,582 What in the... 1391 01:13:57,584 --> 01:14:00,382 Why is your hand so tiny again? 1392 01:14:00,384 --> 01:14:02,082 That's not my hand. 1393 01:14:02,084 --> 01:14:04,416 Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph! 1394 01:14:04,418 --> 01:14:06,382 - That was nice for me. - (DOOR OPENS) 1395 01:14:06,384 --> 01:14:09,449 Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy and... 1396 01:14:09,451 --> 01:14:10,484 (GASPS) 1397 01:14:12,184 --> 01:14:13,783 (WEASEL RETCHES) 1398 01:14:13,785 --> 01:14:16,049 Why wouldn't you cover that up? 1399 01:14:16,051 --> 01:14:18,249 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. 1400 01:14:18,251 --> 01:14:20,249 WEASEL: Yeah, but you do. Look at you. 1401 01:14:20,251 --> 01:14:22,516 You're just straight shirt-cocking it, 1402 01:14:22,518 --> 01:14:23,949 toddler-style. 1403 01:14:23,951 --> 01:14:25,883 Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh. 1404 01:14:25,885 --> 01:14:27,916 The hell's happening? Describe it. 1405 01:14:27,918 --> 01:14:29,215 I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you. 1406 01:14:29,217 --> 01:14:30,883 - WEASEL: It's like, um... - Here we go. 1407 01:14:30,885 --> 01:14:32,115 It's like he was giving birth anally, 1408 01:14:32,117 --> 01:14:33,783 but they quit halfway through. 1409 01:14:33,785 --> 01:14:34,916 They got the legs out, and they said, 1410 01:14:34,918 --> 01:14:36,282 "You know what, I'm done." 1411 01:14:36,284 --> 01:14:37,282 Happy? 1412 01:14:37,284 --> 01:14:38,549 It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down. 1413 01:14:38,551 --> 01:14:39,883 But this time, you can see 1414 01:14:39,885 --> 01:14:41,282 - the Muppet's dick. - (DOOR OPENS) 1415 01:14:41,284 --> 01:14:42,683 Grover's got a cock the size of a twig. 1416 01:14:42,685 --> 01:14:44,015 DOPINDER: Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked. 1417 01:14:44,017 --> 01:14:45,951 I've had three tickets already. (SCREAMS) 1418 01:14:47,184 --> 01:14:50,015 No, no, no, DP, not again! 1419 01:14:50,017 --> 01:14:52,549 - This has happened before? - (DOPINDER RETCHING) 1420 01:14:52,551 --> 01:14:54,149 - (DOOR OPENS) -Jesus! Either vomit or don't. 1421 01:14:54,151 --> 01:14:55,649 The indecision is killing me. 1422 01:14:55,651 --> 01:14:57,551 Why couldn't God take my hearing? 1423 01:14:59,217 --> 01:15:01,215 Oh. Wow! 1424 01:15:01,217 --> 01:15:02,982 Cool your pits. They're growing back. 1425 01:15:02,984 --> 01:15:04,982 I'm talking about your face. 1426 01:15:04,984 --> 01:15:06,916 I've never seen you without your mask before. 1427 01:15:06,918 --> 01:15:09,115 - Jesus Christ! - Looks like an avocado. 1428 01:15:09,117 --> 01:15:11,082 DOMINO: Your legs, though, they're cute. 1429 01:15:11,084 --> 01:15:13,117 You wanna borrow a pair of pants? 1430 01:15:14,584 --> 01:15:16,082 I'm glad everybody dropped by. 1431 01:15:16,084 --> 01:15:18,982 You must be wondering why I didn't call you here. 1432 01:15:18,984 --> 01:15:20,716 I'll tell you why I'm here. 1433 01:15:20,718 --> 01:15:23,082 "The Time Traveler's Wife's" husband... 1434 01:15:23,084 --> 01:15:24,416 beat me within an inch of my life. 1435 01:15:24,418 --> 01:15:25,549 He was torturing me! 1436 01:15:25,551 --> 01:15:28,683 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. 1437 01:15:28,685 --> 01:15:31,249 So, I'm here to help us gear up. 1438 01:15:31,251 --> 01:15:32,582 So we can go after him without me. 1439 01:15:32,584 --> 01:15:33,916 WADE: No! 1440 01:15:33,918 --> 01:15:35,516 I'm doing this alone. 1441 01:15:35,518 --> 01:15:36,582 The Juggernaut 1442 01:15:36,584 --> 01:15:37,916 - will kill you all. - Fair enough. 1443 01:15:37,918 --> 01:15:39,883 WADE: I just need a couple of hours to get some legs 1444 01:15:39,885 --> 01:15:41,015 - under me. - What will you do? 1445 01:15:41,017 --> 01:15:42,582 WADE: I don't care what the kid did to me. 1446 01:15:42,584 --> 01:15:43,816 I ain't letting Cable get to him, 1447 01:15:43,818 --> 01:15:45,182 even if I have to teabag him to death. 1448 01:15:45,184 --> 01:15:47,182 It's really just a sip of tea at this point. 1449 01:15:47,184 --> 01:15:49,015 Zip it, black Black Widow! I'm flowing. 1450 01:15:49,017 --> 01:15:50,082 The first order of business is 1451 01:15:50,084 --> 01:15:51,382 to get me in front of Cable... 1452 01:15:51,384 --> 01:15:53,049 so I can pull all the fucking blood out of his body... 1453 01:15:53,051 --> 01:15:55,516 and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry. 1454 01:15:55,518 --> 01:15:57,182 Then, I'm gonna take his skin... 1455 01:15:57,184 --> 01:16:00,451 and stretch it out over a homemade mating drum. 1456 01:16:01,918 --> 01:16:03,584 He's standing right behind you, isn't he? 1457 01:16:06,917 --> 01:16:08,117 (COCKS GUN) 1458 01:16:12,318 --> 01:16:14,149 What in the ass? 1459 01:16:14,151 --> 01:16:17,449 Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr? 1460 01:16:17,451 --> 01:16:19,851 You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy. 1461 01:16:20,718 --> 01:16:23,351 Ugh. Is that really necessary? 1462 01:16:25,551 --> 01:16:28,449 No. It's his "Basic Instinct." 1463 01:16:28,451 --> 01:16:30,015 What can we help you with? 1464 01:16:30,017 --> 01:16:31,917 I'm here to proposition you. 1465 01:16:33,318 --> 01:16:34,249 (LAUGHS) Oh, boy! 1466 01:16:34,251 --> 01:16:35,582 He's really teeing it up, isn't he? 1467 01:16:35,584 --> 01:16:37,482 Who gets to make the first joke? 1468 01:16:37,484 --> 01:16:39,149 I think we should all do it at the same time. 1469 01:16:39,151 --> 01:16:40,049 Good call. 1470 01:16:40,051 --> 01:16:41,516 For $45, you get sucky-suck. 1471 01:16:41,518 --> 01:16:43,115 BOTH: I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. 1472 01:16:43,117 --> 01:16:44,049 Fuck! 1473 01:16:44,051 --> 01:16:45,349 The Proposition has a wonderful 1474 01:16:45,351 --> 01:16:46,382 Guy Pearce performance. 1475 01:16:46,384 --> 01:16:48,282 WADE: Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over. 1476 01:16:48,284 --> 01:16:50,982 - Give us the line again. - I need your help! 1477 01:16:50,984 --> 01:16:53,282 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are... 1478 01:16:53,284 --> 01:16:56,616 but you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt! 1479 01:16:56,618 --> 01:16:58,948 I can't bring him down alone. 1480 01:16:58,950 --> 01:17:00,584 So here we are. 1481 01:17:01,851 --> 01:17:03,717 We're no longer accepting applications 1482 01:17:03,719 --> 01:17:05,282 for X-Force, unfortunately. 1483 01:17:05,284 --> 01:17:06,482 Even if we were... 1484 01:17:06,484 --> 01:17:08,249 there's a wind advisory in effect until at least... 1485 01:17:08,251 --> 01:17:09,449 We don't have a lot of time. 1486 01:17:09,451 --> 01:17:11,416 Your friend's about to make his first kill. 1487 01:17:11,418 --> 01:17:12,982 No offense, but if you know so much... 1488 01:17:12,984 --> 01:17:15,915 why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? 1489 01:17:15,917 --> 01:17:16,982 Or better yet, head back a little further, 1490 01:17:16,984 --> 01:17:18,049 kill baby Hitler. 1491 01:17:18,051 --> 01:17:20,082 I use a device to slide through time. 1492 01:17:20,084 --> 01:17:22,848 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. 1493 01:17:22,850 --> 01:17:25,582 I got two charges: one to get me here, 1494 01:17:25,584 --> 01:17:26,750 one to get me home. 1495 01:17:26,752 --> 01:17:27,915 Well. 1496 01:17:27,917 --> 01:17:29,882 That's just lazy writing. 1497 01:17:29,884 --> 01:17:31,115 Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster 1498 01:17:31,117 --> 01:17:32,816 of the orphanage tonight. 1499 01:17:32,818 --> 01:17:34,948 After that, he gets a real taste for it. 1500 01:17:34,950 --> 01:17:37,784 Like 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker! 1501 01:17:37,786 --> 01:17:39,750 So he keeps killing... 1502 01:17:39,752 --> 01:17:41,182 and killing, and killing, 1503 01:17:41,184 --> 01:17:42,616 - and killing. - (GUNS COCKING) 1504 01:17:42,618 --> 01:17:46,184 Until one day, he kills the wrong fucking people. 1505 01:17:48,651 --> 01:17:50,151 My people. 1506 01:17:54,051 --> 01:17:55,049 Relax. 1507 01:17:55,051 --> 01:17:57,650 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag. 1508 01:17:57,652 --> 01:18:00,149 It's a goddamn fanny pack... 1509 01:18:00,151 --> 01:18:02,848 and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! 1510 01:18:02,850 --> 01:18:04,584 The difference is night and day. 1511 01:18:06,451 --> 01:18:08,684 You remind me of my wife. 1512 01:18:08,686 --> 01:18:10,115 I'm sorry. 1513 01:18:10,117 --> 01:18:11,215 I said, "You remind me of my wife." 1514 01:18:11,217 --> 01:18:12,516 No, I'm sorry that you said that... 1515 01:18:12,518 --> 01:18:15,582 while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm. 1516 01:18:15,584 --> 01:18:16,917 CABLE: She always struggled. 1517 01:18:17,850 --> 01:18:19,282 But she was funny... 1518 01:18:19,284 --> 01:18:22,717 and filtered her pain through the prism of humor. 1519 01:18:22,719 --> 01:18:25,084 Something I could never master. 1520 01:18:25,817 --> 01:18:28,184 It was my fault she died. 1521 01:18:29,686 --> 01:18:33,249 It was my job to stop people like him. 1522 01:18:33,251 --> 01:18:35,384 - I came close a few times. - (TOMORROW PLAYING) 1523 01:18:39,351 --> 01:18:41,284 He wasn't too happy about that. 1524 01:18:42,850 --> 01:18:44,182 He was trying to hurt me... 1525 01:18:44,184 --> 01:18:46,484 and he knew exactly how to do it. 1526 01:18:50,619 --> 01:18:52,416 OLDER RUSSELL: Blessed are the wicked 1527 01:18:52,418 --> 01:18:54,084 who are healed by my hand. 1528 01:18:56,751 --> 01:18:59,149 CABLE: He came into my home... 1529 01:18:59,151 --> 01:19:02,251 and took the only thing that made it a home. 1530 01:19:06,318 --> 01:19:07,817 Sound familiar? 1531 01:19:08,751 --> 01:19:10,482 - I'm sorry. - Uh-huh. 1532 01:19:10,484 --> 01:19:12,217 No, I'm really sorry. 1533 01:19:14,384 --> 01:19:16,349 But that isn't Russell. 1534 01:19:16,351 --> 01:19:18,516 - It doesn't have to be him. - If you knew what I knew... 1535 01:19:18,518 --> 01:19:20,316 Yeah, he's got anger issues... 1536 01:19:20,318 --> 01:19:21,982 maybe a small learning disability... 1537 01:19:21,984 --> 01:19:23,549 splash of diabetes... 1538 01:19:23,551 --> 01:19:24,848 but nothing that can't be fixed. 1539 01:19:24,850 --> 01:19:26,416 If you could go back... 1540 01:19:26,418 --> 01:19:29,482 and stop the people that took your girl, would you? 1541 01:19:29,484 --> 01:19:31,284 Of course I fucking would! 1542 01:19:31,884 --> 01:19:33,749 But I wouldn't kill a kid. 1543 01:19:33,751 --> 01:19:35,282 I'm not asking you to kill a kid! 1544 01:19:35,284 --> 01:19:36,449 I'll kill the kid. 1545 01:19:36,451 --> 01:19:40,082 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. 1546 01:19:40,084 --> 01:19:42,382 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage. 1547 01:19:42,384 --> 01:19:44,449 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend... 1548 01:19:44,451 --> 01:19:47,848 would want you to do the right thing, wouldn't she? 1549 01:19:47,850 --> 01:19:51,049 So, what's it gonna be, handsome? 1550 01:19:51,051 --> 01:19:52,848 Give me a chance to save him. 1551 01:19:52,850 --> 01:19:54,249 - What? - You said... 1552 01:19:54,251 --> 01:19:55,982 once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. 1553 01:19:55,984 --> 01:19:58,516 If we can get to him before that happens... 1554 01:19:58,518 --> 01:20:00,049 promise you'll give me a chance 1555 01:20:00,051 --> 01:20:01,948 to put him on a different path. 1556 01:20:01,950 --> 01:20:03,215 Define "chance." 1557 01:20:03,217 --> 01:20:04,349 I don't know. How long does it take 1558 01:20:04,351 --> 01:20:05,848 to save someone's soul? That's not... 1559 01:20:05,850 --> 01:20:07,182 I'll give you 30 seconds. 1560 01:20:07,184 --> 01:20:09,382 - What? No! - Best I can do. 1561 01:20:09,384 --> 01:20:10,817 Take it or leave it. 1562 01:20:20,984 --> 01:20:22,449 - (CABLE GROANS) - WEASEL: He's doing it! 1563 01:20:22,451 --> 01:20:24,115 Look at the little fella. He's doing it. 1564 01:20:24,117 --> 01:20:26,316 - (RETCHES) - There he goes. 1565 01:20:26,318 --> 01:20:27,783 CABLE: Jesus Christ! 1566 01:20:27,785 --> 01:20:29,349 WEASEL: Just shirt-cocking it. 1567 01:20:29,351 --> 01:20:31,149 Ugh. 1568 01:20:31,151 --> 01:20:32,585 WEASEL: There you go, little fella. 1569 01:20:33,384 --> 01:20:34,982 Go on, you're doing it! 1570 01:20:34,984 --> 01:20:38,051 My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy. 1571 01:20:40,217 --> 01:20:41,382 DOMINO: Christ! 1572 01:20:41,384 --> 01:20:43,149 That's disturbing. 1573 01:20:43,151 --> 01:20:44,418 30 seconds. 1574 01:20:49,718 --> 01:20:51,318 - Deal. - Deal. 1575 01:20:54,585 --> 01:20:57,082 BLIND AL: I have no idea what's happening. 1576 01:20:57,084 --> 01:21:00,350 (SOFTLY) Probably for the best. 1577 01:21:00,352 --> 01:21:04,116 DEADPOOL: And that is why you never eat a raw starfish. 1578 01:21:04,118 --> 01:21:06,350 It's just common sense. 1579 01:21:06,352 --> 01:21:07,748 Where the hell are we going? 1580 01:21:07,750 --> 01:21:09,082 DEADPOOL: You said it yourself. 1581 01:21:09,084 --> 01:21:12,015 Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup. 1582 01:21:12,017 --> 01:21:15,015 I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. 1583 01:21:15,017 --> 01:21:17,319 (BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO) 1584 01:21:19,285 --> 01:21:20,984 Can you turn off the music? 1585 01:21:21,784 --> 01:21:23,882 You'll do no such thing. 1586 01:21:23,884 --> 01:21:26,250 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? 1587 01:21:26,252 --> 01:21:27,216 What the hell are you...? 1588 01:21:27,218 --> 01:21:29,416 Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. 1589 01:21:29,418 --> 01:21:31,015 I am so sorry. It gets better. 1590 01:21:31,017 --> 01:21:32,915 I'm not a fucking racist, moron! 1591 01:21:32,917 --> 01:21:35,949 Tell that to Black Tom. He was like a brother to me. 1592 01:21:35,951 --> 01:21:37,715 I'm with the old white guy on this one. 1593 01:21:37,717 --> 01:21:39,416 And that's a twist. 1594 01:21:39,418 --> 01:21:40,583 DEADPOOL: So what exactly do you 1595 01:21:40,585 --> 01:21:41,648 do in the future, anyway, huh? 1596 01:21:41,650 --> 01:21:43,382 Some kind of soldier? 1597 01:21:43,384 --> 01:21:45,082 Yeah, something like that. 1598 01:21:45,084 --> 01:21:47,516 DEADPOOL: I was a soldier. Special Forces. 1599 01:21:47,518 --> 01:21:49,982 I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. 1600 01:21:49,984 --> 01:21:52,082 50 years from now, you're very dead. 1601 01:21:52,084 --> 01:21:54,882 Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma. 1602 01:21:54,884 --> 01:21:56,350 Boom! (IMITATES EXPLOSION) 1603 01:21:56,352 --> 01:21:57,615 Spoiler alert. 1604 01:21:57,617 --> 01:21:59,116 (SNICKERS) 1605 01:21:59,118 --> 01:22:00,250 (SIGHS) Planets. 1606 01:22:00,252 --> 01:22:01,682 Next time, Uber. 1607 01:22:01,684 --> 01:22:03,184 Here's a spoiler alert. 1608 01:22:04,319 --> 01:22:06,217 You're not a fucking hero. 1609 01:22:06,219 --> 01:22:10,349 You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy. 1610 01:22:10,351 --> 01:22:11,549 DEADPOOL: Well, I got news for you. 1611 01:22:11,551 --> 01:22:12,849 My heart is in the right place. 1612 01:22:12,851 --> 01:22:14,317 Russell's not gonna kill anyone. 1613 01:22:14,319 --> 01:22:16,815 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. 1614 01:22:16,817 --> 01:22:18,250 Because of you, I'll always know 1615 01:22:18,252 --> 01:22:20,583 what a grown man with baby balls looks like. 1616 01:22:20,585 --> 01:22:23,015 I'm a grower, not a shower. 1617 01:22:23,017 --> 01:22:24,483 I should've finished college. 1618 01:22:24,485 --> 01:22:25,715 DEADPOOL: Right here! 1619 01:22:25,717 --> 01:22:27,151 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 1620 01:22:28,219 --> 01:22:30,252 (IN YOUR EYES PLAYING ON BOOM BOX) 1621 01:22:41,518 --> 01:22:42,917 (GROANS) 1622 01:22:43,750 --> 01:22:45,782 DEADPOOL: I made mistakes! 1623 01:22:45,784 --> 01:22:47,682 I wanna take them back! 1624 01:22:47,684 --> 01:22:50,682 You trusted me. I took that trust... 1625 01:22:50,684 --> 01:22:52,217 and turned it into a glory hole 1626 01:22:52,219 --> 01:22:53,615 in an airport bathroom. 1627 01:22:53,617 --> 01:22:56,384 The one in Minneapolis. You know the one. 1628 01:22:57,351 --> 01:22:58,682 Colossus! 1629 01:22:58,684 --> 01:23:00,782 I wouldn't ask for your help unless it was life or death! 1630 01:23:00,784 --> 01:23:02,849 That kid needs our help! 1631 01:23:02,851 --> 01:23:05,015 I know you're listening! 1632 01:23:05,017 --> 01:23:06,416 He's teamed up with the Juggernaut! 1633 01:23:06,418 --> 01:23:07,715 The Juggernaut! 1634 01:23:07,717 --> 01:23:09,183 That's like my favorite Marvel character ever, 1635 01:23:09,185 --> 01:23:10,849 but you should never meet your heroes... 1636 01:23:10,851 --> 01:23:13,815 because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! 1637 01:23:13,817 --> 01:23:16,449 And like a lot of dicks, he's as hard as a rock... 1638 01:23:16,451 --> 01:23:18,250 and causes nothing but problems! 1639 01:23:18,252 --> 01:23:19,982 - Hi, Wade! - Hi, Yukio! 1640 01:23:19,984 --> 01:23:20,849 Please don't. 1641 01:23:20,851 --> 01:23:22,217 You guys make a super cute couple. 1642 01:23:22,219 --> 01:23:24,116 Yeah. Where was I? Oh, yeah! 1643 01:23:24,118 --> 01:23:26,282 Colossus! Look, I don't deserve 1644 01:23:26,284 --> 01:23:28,416 your friendship or your help. 1645 01:23:28,418 --> 01:23:30,117 But this kid does. 1646 01:23:30,119 --> 01:23:33,084 And I'm not gonna bail on him like everyone else. 1647 01:23:34,684 --> 01:23:36,851 Oh, come on! 1648 01:23:39,051 --> 01:23:40,815 (GROANS) 1649 01:23:40,817 --> 01:23:43,915 Any chance Pigeon Wings is available? 1650 01:23:43,917 --> 01:23:46,483 That's just fine! That's fine! 1651 01:23:46,485 --> 01:23:47,949 No! You know what? 1652 01:23:47,951 --> 01:23:50,849 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy... 1653 01:23:50,851 --> 01:23:54,117 and fucked up, and not particularly convenient! 1654 01:23:54,119 --> 01:23:57,583 So stay here in Chateau de Virgin... 1655 01:23:57,585 --> 01:23:59,884 while we go get our fuck on! 1656 01:24:02,684 --> 01:24:04,185 DOMINO: You're doing great. 1657 01:24:06,684 --> 01:24:08,185 - (CAR DOOR CLOSES) - (ENGINE STARTS) 1658 01:24:09,650 --> 01:24:11,083 RUSSELL: So you wear that helmet because 1659 01:24:11,085 --> 01:24:12,915 your brother tries to read your mind? 1660 01:24:12,917 --> 01:24:16,150 JUGGERNAUT: Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even-steven. 1661 01:24:16,152 --> 01:24:18,748 MAN: Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir. 1662 01:24:18,750 --> 01:24:20,748 He's not alone. 1663 01:24:20,750 --> 01:24:22,717 HEADMASTER: Secure the children. 1664 01:24:26,951 --> 01:24:29,815 What do you say we go fuck some shit up? 1665 01:24:29,817 --> 01:24:33,884 "Let's fuck some shit up" is my legal middle name. 1666 01:24:36,951 --> 01:24:39,682 Watch my back. I've got the old man. 1667 01:24:39,684 --> 01:24:42,119 Amen, brother. 1668 01:24:42,784 --> 01:24:44,218 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 1669 01:24:47,750 --> 01:24:49,483 Time to make the chimichangas. 1670 01:24:49,485 --> 01:24:51,648 30 seconds. 1671 01:24:51,650 --> 01:24:54,282 I finally know why I'm here. 1672 01:24:54,284 --> 01:24:56,083 I was raised in this place. 1673 01:24:56,085 --> 01:24:58,516 Well, not raised. I was tortured. 1674 01:24:58,518 --> 01:25:01,449 Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here. 1675 01:25:01,451 --> 01:25:02,748 - Shall we? - This is gonna be fun. 1676 01:25:02,750 --> 01:25:03,915 DEADPOOL: Yeah! 1677 01:25:03,917 --> 01:25:05,549 Hey! Been meaning to ask you... 1678 01:25:05,551 --> 01:25:09,117 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1679 01:25:09,119 --> 01:25:12,784 It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter. 1680 01:25:14,851 --> 01:25:16,782 I have a gluten sensitivity. 1681 01:25:16,784 --> 01:25:18,449 So one glass of wine, I just... 1682 01:25:18,451 --> 01:25:19,882 (IMITATES EXPLOSION) 1683 01:25:19,884 --> 01:25:20,884 Yeah. 1684 01:25:22,518 --> 01:25:24,416 (DEADPOOL SIGHS) 1685 01:25:24,418 --> 01:25:25,583 Wish we could head back in time, 1686 01:25:25,585 --> 01:25:27,416 and I could take all that back. 1687 01:25:27,418 --> 01:25:29,316 We should just cue the music. 1688 01:25:29,318 --> 01:25:31,784 (RAP MUSIC PLAYING) 1689 01:25:53,784 --> 01:25:56,750 Welcome home, Russell. We missed you. 1690 01:25:57,917 --> 01:25:58,849 Russell! 1691 01:25:58,851 --> 01:26:01,318 You don't need to do this! Let's talk! 1692 01:26:02,151 --> 01:26:03,915 Why are you dressed like the Unabomber? 1693 01:26:03,917 --> 01:26:05,351 (YELLING) 1694 01:26:08,184 --> 01:26:09,182 That's why! 1695 01:26:09,184 --> 01:26:10,682 Told you this little fucker's too far gone. 1696 01:26:10,684 --> 01:26:12,516 Zip it, Thanos! We have a deal and you fuck... 1697 01:26:12,518 --> 01:26:14,882 - (GROANS) - JUGGERNAUT: Hey! 1698 01:26:14,884 --> 01:26:18,184 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass. 1699 01:26:19,284 --> 01:26:21,549 My body and my hands are so soft. 1700 01:26:21,551 --> 01:26:22,682 You should probably head back to the car. 1701 01:26:22,684 --> 01:26:24,650 I think I'll head back to the car. 1702 01:26:25,585 --> 01:26:28,318 It works best when you pull the trigger. 1703 01:26:30,085 --> 01:26:31,249 (GROANS) 1704 01:26:31,251 --> 01:26:32,684 That gun is amazing! 1705 01:26:33,750 --> 01:26:35,118 RUSSELL: Say it! 1706 01:26:37,251 --> 01:26:40,316 You are an abomination! 1707 01:26:40,318 --> 01:26:41,650 (GRUNTS) 1708 01:26:47,318 --> 01:26:50,782 Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. 1709 01:26:50,784 --> 01:26:53,318 I believe him! Every man for themselves! 1710 01:26:57,650 --> 01:26:59,483 Gotcha! 1711 01:26:59,485 --> 01:27:00,817 JUGGERNAUT: Beat it, midget! 1712 01:27:03,617 --> 01:27:06,715 Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low! 1713 01:27:06,717 --> 01:27:07,985 Oh, shit fuck! 1714 01:27:08,451 --> 01:27:09,918 (SCREAMING) 1715 01:27:20,351 --> 01:27:21,682 (JUGGERNAUT LAUGHS) 1716 01:27:21,684 --> 01:27:23,351 Come here, beautiful. 1717 01:27:25,451 --> 01:27:26,717 RUSSELL: Say it! 1718 01:27:40,918 --> 01:27:43,017 (IN YOUR EYES PLAYING) 1719 01:28:20,684 --> 01:28:22,017 (DEADPOOL GROANS) 1720 01:28:24,384 --> 01:28:26,015 (MUMBLES) 1721 01:28:26,017 --> 01:28:27,282 You came for me. 1722 01:28:27,284 --> 01:28:28,682 I'm not giving up on you, 1723 01:28:28,684 --> 01:28:30,883 and you are not giving up on that boy. 1724 01:28:30,885 --> 01:28:32,883 Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken? 1725 01:28:32,885 --> 01:28:35,416 It's time to fight dirty. 1726 01:28:35,418 --> 01:28:36,816 Time to sweep the leg, Johnny. 1727 01:28:36,818 --> 01:28:39,615 Hey! Pick on someone your own size! 1728 01:28:39,617 --> 01:28:41,715 That's such a you thing to say! 1729 01:28:41,717 --> 01:28:43,715 Go get him, tiger! 1730 01:28:43,717 --> 01:28:45,617 Big CGI fight coming up! 1731 01:28:46,617 --> 01:28:48,184 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1732 01:28:48,617 --> 01:28:50,118 (MUSIC PLAYING) 1733 01:28:54,551 --> 01:28:56,748 (GRUNTS) 1734 01:28:56,750 --> 01:28:58,682 - (BOTH GRUNTING) - (BONE CRACKS) 1735 01:28:58,684 --> 01:28:59,984 (SCREAMS) 1736 01:29:08,617 --> 01:29:10,149 He's doing great. 1737 01:29:10,151 --> 01:29:11,318 RUSSELL: Say it! 1738 01:29:15,451 --> 01:29:16,984 - Russell. - DEADPOOL: Bingo! 1739 01:29:19,218 --> 01:29:20,617 (GROANING) 1740 01:29:24,318 --> 01:29:25,384 (JUGGERNAUT LAUGHS) 1741 01:29:26,118 --> 01:29:27,382 (METAL CLANGS) 1742 01:29:27,384 --> 01:29:28,783 (GROANS) 1743 01:29:28,785 --> 01:29:30,951 That's right! I'm fighting dirty! 1744 01:29:31,684 --> 01:29:32,748 Oh, great! 1745 01:29:32,750 --> 01:29:34,049 ORDERLY: There they are! Those freaks! 1746 01:29:34,051 --> 01:29:36,449 DEADPOOL: A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. 1747 01:29:36,451 --> 01:29:38,549 Can I have one of those guns? 1748 01:29:38,551 --> 01:29:40,416 - No. - That's fine. 1749 01:29:40,418 --> 01:29:42,349 Get off this property, mutant scum! 1750 01:29:42,351 --> 01:29:43,551 I'm just gonna use this brick. 1751 01:29:44,184 --> 01:29:45,282 Maximum effort. 1752 01:29:45,284 --> 01:29:46,818 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1753 01:29:51,084 --> 01:29:53,084 Who says you can't go home again? 1754 01:29:55,084 --> 01:29:56,351 (ALL GRUNTING) 1755 01:30:01,717 --> 01:30:03,251 - (SCREAMS) - CHILDREN: Oh! 1756 01:30:10,184 --> 01:30:11,184 CHILDREN: Yeah! 1757 01:30:13,351 --> 01:30:14,915 Say it. 1758 01:30:14,917 --> 01:30:18,151 Say what you said every time you tortured me! 1759 01:30:18,585 --> 01:30:19,850 Say it! 1760 01:30:19,852 --> 01:30:22,852 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand! 1761 01:30:23,818 --> 01:30:26,116 Blessed are the wicked... 1762 01:30:26,118 --> 01:30:27,284 who are healed... 1763 01:30:27,684 --> 01:30:29,284 by my hand. 1764 01:30:30,218 --> 01:30:31,684 (YELLS) 1765 01:30:41,485 --> 01:30:42,984 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1766 01:30:47,318 --> 01:30:49,718 You commie motherfucker! 1767 01:30:53,251 --> 01:30:54,384 (CHILDREN CHEERING) 1768 01:30:55,551 --> 01:30:56,648 (SPITS) 1769 01:30:56,650 --> 01:30:58,284 (YELLS) 1770 01:31:03,485 --> 01:31:04,851 (GROANS) 1771 01:31:15,884 --> 01:31:18,549 DEADPOOL: Oh, my God. Did you feel that, too? 1772 01:31:18,551 --> 01:31:20,917 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together. 1773 01:31:23,751 --> 01:31:26,382 You got 30 seconds, you jabbering butt plug! 1774 01:31:26,384 --> 01:31:27,751 Now we're getting it. 1775 01:31:30,284 --> 01:31:32,116 (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) 1776 01:31:32,118 --> 01:31:34,516 I need a bus to get you all out of here. 1777 01:31:34,518 --> 01:31:35,718 (GASPS) 1778 01:31:36,384 --> 01:31:38,051 (CAR ALARM WAILING) 1779 01:31:39,917 --> 01:31:40,951 Orphans. 1780 01:31:42,084 --> 01:31:43,251 Oh, geez. 1781 01:31:44,585 --> 01:31:47,182 It's time to burn for what you've done! 1782 01:31:47,184 --> 01:31:49,984 A child should not be burdened with such power! 1783 01:31:57,351 --> 01:31:58,549 (RUSSELL GRUNTS) 1784 01:31:58,551 --> 01:31:59,817 Russell! Wait! 1785 01:32:05,685 --> 01:32:07,017 DEADPOOL: Oh! 1786 01:32:14,084 --> 01:32:16,182 Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet! 1787 01:32:16,184 --> 01:32:18,416 - What more do you need to see? - Don't you fucking dare! 1788 01:32:18,418 --> 01:32:19,616 He's just a kid! 1789 01:32:19,618 --> 01:32:21,718 Tick, tock. Meter's running! 1790 01:32:30,618 --> 01:32:32,051 (COLOSSUS GROANS) 1791 01:32:34,051 --> 01:32:37,284 I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring. 1792 01:32:42,618 --> 01:32:43,951 (GRUNTS) 1793 01:32:45,084 --> 01:32:46,351 (GROWLS) 1794 01:32:49,218 --> 01:32:50,516 (GRUNTS) 1795 01:32:50,518 --> 01:32:52,851 - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (GROANING) 1796 01:32:57,552 --> 01:33:00,316 - I told you! Leave me alone! - Come on! 1797 01:33:00,318 --> 01:33:01,618 Listen to me! 1798 01:33:05,251 --> 01:33:06,618 (RUSSELL SCREAMING) 1799 01:33:07,151 --> 01:33:09,651 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1800 01:33:11,984 --> 01:33:13,151 (GRUNTS) 1801 01:33:24,750 --> 01:33:26,715 COLOSSUS: (SCOFFS) That's how we do it 1802 01:33:26,717 --> 01:33:28,284 in Mother Russia. 1803 01:33:29,118 --> 01:33:30,116 (GROANS) 1804 01:33:30,118 --> 01:33:32,951 They say millennials are the hardest to reach. 1805 01:33:34,184 --> 01:33:37,616 CABLE: Oh, no. You're doing amazing. 1806 01:33:37,618 --> 01:33:38,782 (GROWLS) 1807 01:33:38,784 --> 01:33:41,715 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta! 1808 01:33:41,717 --> 01:33:43,616 Go home, Wade! 1809 01:33:43,618 --> 01:33:45,684 You're ruining everything! 1810 01:33:50,750 --> 01:33:52,249 I'm getting good at this shit. 1811 01:33:52,251 --> 01:33:53,284 DEADPOOL: Go, go, go! 1812 01:33:53,552 --> 01:33:54,884 (GRUNTS) 1813 01:33:56,717 --> 01:33:58,715 He dies tonight, Wade. 1814 01:33:58,717 --> 01:34:01,082 You can't stop me! 1815 01:34:01,084 --> 01:34:03,015 CABLE: He even runs like a fucking pervert. 1816 01:34:03,017 --> 01:34:06,017 Like an online predator who lost his laptop. 1817 01:34:07,151 --> 01:34:08,782 There's one bullet left in that gun. 1818 01:34:08,784 --> 01:34:11,015 Wait, wait, wait! Please, just give me a second! 1819 01:34:11,017 --> 01:34:12,416 I got this. 1820 01:34:12,418 --> 01:34:14,648 - Russell! - Stay back! Go home, Wade! 1821 01:34:14,650 --> 01:34:17,416 Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way! 1822 01:34:17,418 --> 01:34:18,982 That piece of shit... 1823 01:34:18,984 --> 01:34:20,782 he deserves to die for what he did to you. 1824 01:34:20,784 --> 01:34:24,284 He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others. 1825 01:34:24,984 --> 01:34:26,849 But if you kill him, he wins. 1826 01:34:26,851 --> 01:34:30,782 You become everything he says you are, but worse. 1827 01:34:30,784 --> 01:34:32,815 You're just a kid. 1828 01:34:32,817 --> 01:34:34,648 You don't wanna hurt anyone. 1829 01:34:34,650 --> 01:34:35,882 How do you know what I want? 1830 01:34:35,884 --> 01:34:37,784 Because I've been inside you. 1831 01:34:38,318 --> 01:34:40,249 That came out wrong. 1832 01:34:40,251 --> 01:34:41,849 I've been inside your shoes. 1833 01:34:41,851 --> 01:34:43,782 Which is also off-putting. 1834 01:34:43,784 --> 01:34:45,382 It's not a great analogy. 1835 01:34:45,384 --> 01:34:47,282 The point is... 1836 01:34:47,284 --> 01:34:48,882 there are people... 1837 01:34:48,884 --> 01:34:51,949 There are people in this fucking world... 1838 01:34:51,951 --> 01:34:54,748 besides him, who will treat you right. 1839 01:34:54,750 --> 01:34:57,650 It isn't too late. Don't do it. 1840 01:35:02,851 --> 01:35:05,351 I never should've left you there. 1841 01:35:06,951 --> 01:35:09,051 I never should've left you in that prison. 1842 01:35:16,118 --> 01:35:17,351 I can't trust you. 1843 01:35:19,118 --> 01:35:21,617 I can't trust anybody! 1844 01:35:22,452 --> 01:35:24,017 (GROANING) 1845 01:35:30,585 --> 01:35:31,882 Wonderful kid. 1846 01:35:31,884 --> 01:35:33,682 RUSSELL: You can't stop me, Wade! 1847 01:35:33,684 --> 01:35:35,051 (DEADPOOL GROANS) 1848 01:35:35,817 --> 01:35:38,049 I got one more idea. 1849 01:35:38,051 --> 01:35:41,216 It's just a really bad one, even for me. 1850 01:35:41,218 --> 01:35:42,216 Wade, what are you doing? 1851 01:35:42,218 --> 01:35:44,715 All right. This is for all the marbles, kid! 1852 01:35:44,717 --> 01:35:46,815 You're gonna kill someone today... 1853 01:35:46,817 --> 01:35:48,383 Blessed are the wicked... 1854 01:35:48,385 --> 01:35:50,318 then it's gotta be me. 1855 01:35:51,385 --> 01:35:53,318 Who are healed by my hand! 1856 01:35:56,419 --> 01:35:58,951 (MOUTHS) Fuck this! 1857 01:36:00,318 --> 01:36:02,982 (TOMORROW PLAYING) 1858 01:36:02,984 --> 01:36:06,648 GIRL: ♪ The sun will come out tomorrow ♪ 1859 01:36:06,650 --> 01:36:11,249 ♪ Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow ♪ 1860 01:36:11,251 --> 01:36:14,249 ♪ There'll be sun ♪ 1861 01:36:14,251 --> 01:36:21,082 ♪ When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely ♪ 1862 01:36:21,084 --> 01:36:28,118 ♪ I just stick out my chin and grin and say ♪ 1863 01:36:33,851 --> 01:36:37,249 ♪ The sun will come out tomorrow ♪ 1864 01:36:37,251 --> 01:36:42,216 ♪ So you gotta hang on till tomorrow ♪ 1865 01:36:42,218 --> 01:36:45,615 ♪ Come what may ♪ 1866 01:36:45,617 --> 01:36:50,915 ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya, tomorrow ♪ 1867 01:36:50,917 --> 01:36:55,750 ♪ You're always a day away ♪ 1868 01:36:58,051 --> 01:37:00,250 (GROANS) 1869 01:37:00,252 --> 01:37:03,417 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1870 01:37:05,119 --> 01:37:06,717 (DEADPOOL COUGHING) 1871 01:37:08,385 --> 01:37:09,784 Oh, that's not good. 1872 01:37:11,251 --> 01:37:12,984 No, sir. 1873 01:37:20,285 --> 01:37:23,417 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1874 01:37:23,751 --> 01:37:24,715 Yeah. 1875 01:37:24,717 --> 01:37:27,217 And it was the best thing I ever did. 1876 01:37:27,219 --> 01:37:28,849 (COUGHING) 1877 01:37:28,851 --> 01:37:31,183 I told you I care about you. 1878 01:37:31,185 --> 01:37:32,984 You're a good kid, Russell. 1879 01:37:34,751 --> 01:37:35,817 Hey. 1880 01:37:37,051 --> 01:37:38,349 The bear. 1881 01:37:38,351 --> 01:37:39,784 It worked. 1882 01:37:46,351 --> 01:37:48,283 Because of you. 1883 01:37:48,285 --> 01:37:50,684 No, Wade, because of you. 1884 01:37:51,385 --> 01:37:53,682 Stop, stop, stop! 1885 01:37:53,684 --> 01:37:54,817 Stop! 1886 01:37:55,751 --> 01:37:58,749 Just let it happen, okay? 1887 01:37:58,751 --> 01:38:02,548 I guess my heart was finally in the right place. 1888 01:38:02,550 --> 01:38:05,085 (GROANS) That riddle is so fucked up. 1889 01:38:07,385 --> 01:38:09,982 (GROANS, COUGHS) 1890 01:38:09,984 --> 01:38:12,515 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1891 01:38:12,517 --> 01:38:13,715 Don't be. Don't be. 1892 01:38:13,717 --> 01:38:16,216 I've been trying to make this happen for a while. 1893 01:38:16,218 --> 01:38:17,782 Please, just don't leave me. 1894 01:38:17,784 --> 01:38:19,515 I don't wanna die without an audience. 1895 01:38:19,517 --> 01:38:21,083 We are not going anywhere. 1896 01:38:21,085 --> 01:38:23,448 WADE: Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching. 1897 01:38:23,450 --> 01:38:24,684 Just rest, okay? 1898 01:38:26,351 --> 01:38:27,617 Papa. 1899 01:38:29,584 --> 01:38:31,717 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 1900 01:38:33,717 --> 01:38:39,918 ♪ Papa, can you find me in the night? ♪ 1901 01:39:01,119 --> 01:39:02,749 Before I go... (COUGHS) 1902 01:39:02,751 --> 01:39:04,717 Sorry, I got a bit more in me. 1903 01:39:05,184 --> 01:39:06,415 Domino. 1904 01:39:06,417 --> 01:39:11,283 I want you to have my Adventure Time watch. 1905 01:39:11,285 --> 01:39:13,448 (WADE COUGHING) 1906 01:39:13,450 --> 01:39:16,550 Turns out that I'm the lucky one. 1907 01:39:17,151 --> 01:39:18,450 Thank you. 1908 01:39:19,517 --> 01:39:23,149 Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. 1909 01:39:23,151 --> 01:39:25,417 It has been a pleasure. 1910 01:39:26,751 --> 01:39:29,882 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade! 1911 01:39:29,884 --> 01:39:31,415 (CHUCKLES) 1912 01:39:31,417 --> 01:39:32,784 And you... 1913 01:39:33,218 --> 01:39:35,050 Chrome Bone. 1914 01:39:35,052 --> 01:39:38,216 I haven't always been the best friend to you. 1915 01:39:38,218 --> 01:39:40,548 But you've always been that to me. 1916 01:39:40,550 --> 01:39:41,985 So thank you. 1917 01:39:44,118 --> 01:39:45,784 Say "fuck" for me. 1918 01:39:46,450 --> 01:39:47,715 Just once. Come on, 1919 01:39:47,717 --> 01:39:49,448 we'll do it together. It's no big deal. 1920 01:39:49,450 --> 01:39:52,715 Here we go. One, two, three. F... F... F... 1921 01:39:52,717 --> 01:39:53,649 Fuck. 1922 01:39:53,651 --> 01:39:57,084 Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth. (CHUCKLES) 1923 01:39:58,351 --> 01:40:01,448 And you, Cable. (COUGHS) 1924 01:40:01,450 --> 01:40:05,882 You get back to your family. You tell 'em Wade says hi. 1925 01:40:05,884 --> 01:40:09,615 And promise me. Promise me one thing. 1926 01:40:09,617 --> 01:40:11,182 That you'll start judging people... 1927 01:40:11,184 --> 01:40:12,515 not by the color of their skin, 1928 01:40:12,517 --> 01:40:14,617 but by the content of their character. 1929 01:40:15,218 --> 01:40:16,884 - Jesus. - WADE: R-Dog? 1930 01:40:18,052 --> 01:40:20,448 There you are. Hey! 1931 01:40:20,450 --> 01:40:22,450 You're a superhero now, bubba. 1932 01:40:23,851 --> 01:40:25,149 Look. 1933 01:40:25,151 --> 01:40:27,851 Family is not an F-word. 1934 01:40:28,450 --> 01:40:29,749 All right? 1935 01:40:29,751 --> 01:40:32,316 There's one out there for you. (COUGHS) 1936 01:40:32,318 --> 01:40:34,084 Just keep looking, okay? 1937 01:40:37,450 --> 01:40:40,450 Guys, for a second there... 1938 01:40:41,118 --> 01:40:43,851 we made a pretty good team. 1939 01:40:49,118 --> 01:40:50,784 (SIGHS) 1940 01:40:58,251 --> 01:41:00,450 Oh, it's so hard to go. 1941 01:41:00,784 --> 01:41:01,682 (WHINES) 1942 01:41:01,684 --> 01:41:04,151 I just love being around you guys so much. 1943 01:41:05,218 --> 01:41:06,617 So, so much. 1944 01:41:07,184 --> 01:41:08,515 Mmm. 1945 01:41:08,517 --> 01:41:11,415 No, I can feel it now. Here it comes, yeah. 1946 01:41:11,417 --> 01:41:15,349 I feel the soul exiting the husk. 1947 01:41:15,351 --> 01:41:16,550 Yeah. 1948 01:41:18,151 --> 01:41:20,582 Can you see it? 1949 01:41:20,584 --> 01:41:22,919 Do you see that beautiful bright light? 1950 01:41:24,285 --> 01:41:25,617 There it is. 1951 01:41:31,617 --> 01:41:32,850 Oh, that's the sun. 1952 01:41:32,852 --> 01:41:35,116 Don't stare directly into that. 1953 01:41:35,118 --> 01:41:36,448 I just have a few final words. 1954 01:41:36,450 --> 01:41:37,684 (EXHALES) 1955 01:41:38,784 --> 01:41:40,084 Woodpecker. 1956 01:41:40,919 --> 01:41:42,184 Gingivitis. 1957 01:41:44,218 --> 01:41:45,717 Codswallop. 1958 01:41:49,784 --> 01:41:51,952 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? 1959 01:42:19,450 --> 01:42:21,818 (TAKE ON ME PLAYING) 1960 01:42:30,617 --> 01:42:33,417 ♪ We're talking away ♪ 1961 01:42:34,852 --> 01:42:37,783 ♪ I don't know what I'm to say ♪ 1962 01:42:37,785 --> 01:42:40,417 ♪ I'll say it anyway ♪ 1963 01:42:41,517 --> 01:42:46,182 ♪ Today's another day to find you ♪ 1964 01:42:46,184 --> 01:42:48,018 ♪ Shying away ♪ 1965 01:42:49,151 --> 01:42:52,118 ♪ I'll be coming for your love, okay? ♪ 1966 01:42:52,984 --> 01:42:57,617 ♪ Take on me ♪ 1967 01:43:00,351 --> 01:43:05,550 ♪ Take me on ♪ 1968 01:43:06,818 --> 01:43:08,149 Sorry I'm late. 1969 01:43:08,151 --> 01:43:09,615 There was a bunch 1970 01:43:09,617 --> 01:43:11,116 of handicapable children who were stuck in a tree. 1971 01:43:11,118 --> 01:43:12,484 - No. - No. 1972 01:43:13,351 --> 01:43:16,448 - But I did have to help a kid. - Yeah. 1973 01:43:16,450 --> 01:43:18,415 - He's got a terrible name. - It's just awful. 1974 01:43:18,417 --> 01:43:19,617 - Ugh. - I tried to tell him. 1975 01:43:21,884 --> 01:43:23,184 Is this heaven? 1976 01:43:24,084 --> 01:43:25,450 It is now. 1977 01:43:28,818 --> 01:43:30,718 I am so sorry. 1978 01:43:31,385 --> 01:43:33,615 VANESSA: It's okay. 1979 01:43:33,617 --> 01:43:36,884 ♪ Slowly learning that life is okay ♪ 1980 01:43:37,550 --> 01:43:39,852 ♪ Say after me ♪ 1981 01:43:40,984 --> 01:43:44,617 ♪ It's no better to be safe than sorry ♪ 1982 01:43:45,251 --> 01:43:49,651 ♪ Take on me ♪ 1983 01:43:52,517 --> 01:43:54,617 I missed you so much. 1984 01:44:00,084 --> 01:44:01,818 What is it? What's wrong? 1985 01:44:03,550 --> 01:44:05,615 It's not time. 1986 01:44:05,617 --> 01:44:07,649 What do you mean it's not time? 1987 01:44:07,651 --> 01:44:09,383 I'm here, I made it. 1988 01:44:09,385 --> 01:44:10,982 - You can't stay. - No, no, no. 1989 01:44:10,984 --> 01:44:13,949 I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere without you. 1990 01:44:13,951 --> 01:44:15,349 It's okay. 1991 01:44:15,351 --> 01:44:18,417 There's a time for us. It's just not now. 1992 01:44:19,218 --> 01:44:21,785 - They need you. - Who? 1993 01:44:23,617 --> 01:44:25,051 VANESSA: Your F-word. 1994 01:44:26,251 --> 01:44:27,582 WADE: Why? 1995 01:44:27,584 --> 01:44:29,584 VANESSA: You'll find out. 1996 01:44:30,351 --> 01:44:32,484 It's all right. I'll be here. 1997 01:44:33,517 --> 01:44:34,918 I love you. 1998 01:44:37,318 --> 01:44:39,851 I know. I love you, too. 1999 01:44:40,450 --> 01:44:41,652 Now, go. 2000 01:44:42,685 --> 01:44:44,884 Go on. Go, get out of here. 2001 01:44:45,918 --> 01:44:46,918 Go. 2002 01:44:49,984 --> 01:44:50,984 Hey! 2003 01:44:53,785 --> 01:44:56,118 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 2004 01:44:56,817 --> 01:44:57,918 Well, come here. 2005 01:45:00,184 --> 01:45:05,517 ♪ Take me on ♪ 2006 01:45:07,484 --> 01:45:12,550 ♪ I'll be gone ♪ 2007 01:45:13,618 --> 01:45:16,718 ♪ In a day or two ♪ 2008 01:45:17,218 --> 01:45:18,616 Don't fuck Elvis. 2009 01:45:18,618 --> 01:45:20,784 - Don't fuck Colossus. - What? 2010 01:45:25,285 --> 01:45:26,884 (SCREAMING) 2011 01:45:30,484 --> 01:45:31,916 Time to make the chimichangas. 2012 01:45:31,918 --> 01:45:32,849 30 seconds. 2013 01:45:32,851 --> 01:45:34,283 Hey. Been meaning to ask you... 2014 01:45:34,285 --> 01:45:36,716 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 2015 01:45:36,718 --> 01:45:38,582 It's my daughter's teddy bear. 2016 01:45:38,584 --> 01:45:40,016 Her name's Hope. 2017 01:45:40,018 --> 01:45:41,118 DEADPOOL: Well... 2018 01:45:42,285 --> 01:45:44,216 What are you doing? 2019 01:45:44,218 --> 01:45:46,082 Somebody swiped right. 2020 01:45:46,084 --> 01:45:47,884 (FAST-FORWARDING) 2021 01:45:56,685 --> 01:45:58,383 (GROANS) 2022 01:45:58,385 --> 01:46:01,182 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 2023 01:46:01,184 --> 01:46:02,851 (DEADPOOL GROANS) 2024 01:46:03,918 --> 01:46:06,049 RUSSELL: You sacrificed yourself for me. 2025 01:46:06,051 --> 01:46:07,652 DEADPOOL: It would seem I... 2026 01:46:09,685 --> 01:46:10,918 Huh? 2027 01:46:12,018 --> 01:46:14,484 Genuine, high-grade lead. 2028 01:46:16,218 --> 01:46:19,283 You time-sliding son of a bitch! 2029 01:46:19,285 --> 01:46:20,951 You did this for me? 2030 01:46:22,652 --> 01:46:25,749 Wait. You can't go back. 2031 01:46:25,751 --> 01:46:27,216 You used the last of your fuel. 2032 01:46:27,218 --> 01:46:28,849 What about your girl, your wife? 2033 01:46:28,851 --> 01:46:32,450 Now, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. 2034 01:46:33,618 --> 01:46:36,216 No, I'm gonna stick around for a while... 2035 01:46:36,218 --> 01:46:37,448 and make sure the world 2036 01:46:37,450 --> 01:46:39,417 doesn't shit itself into oblivion. 2037 01:46:39,984 --> 01:46:42,884 No. You did it for me. 2038 01:46:43,484 --> 01:46:45,082 No, I didn't. 2039 01:46:45,084 --> 01:46:46,448 - You did. - I really didn't. 2040 01:46:46,450 --> 01:46:48,349 - Pretty sure you did. - No, I'm positive I didn't. 2041 01:46:48,351 --> 01:46:50,016 Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay? 2042 01:46:50,018 --> 01:46:52,782 Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. 2043 01:46:52,784 --> 01:46:55,551 I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me. 2044 01:46:55,951 --> 01:46:56,815 Say it again. 2045 01:46:56,817 --> 01:46:58,583 - He did it for me. - CABLE: Jesus. 2046 01:46:58,585 --> 01:47:00,549 - We must get the collar off. - Forget it. It's no use. 2047 01:47:00,551 --> 01:47:02,616 These collars don't just come off. 2048 01:47:02,618 --> 01:47:03,618 Wade. 2049 01:47:04,051 --> 01:47:05,815 I have an idea. 2050 01:47:05,817 --> 01:47:07,949 No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please! 2051 01:47:07,951 --> 01:47:10,516 I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just... 2052 01:47:10,518 --> 01:47:13,782 Oh, God! They do say the pen is grosser than the sword. 2053 01:47:13,784 --> 01:47:16,149 - (COLLAR BUZZING) - RUSSELL: We need the code. 2054 01:47:16,151 --> 01:47:17,916 Try, uh, seven? 2055 01:47:17,918 --> 01:47:19,616 DEADPOOL: Settle down, Captain Lucky. 2056 01:47:19,618 --> 01:47:21,216 It's not gonna be one number. 2057 01:47:21,218 --> 01:47:22,484 Oh, God, that's lazy writing. 2058 01:47:23,285 --> 01:47:24,751 I still got it. 2059 01:47:25,951 --> 01:47:27,583 (DEADPOOL GROANS) 2060 01:47:27,585 --> 01:47:29,751 Put that back in your prison wallet. 2061 01:47:31,318 --> 01:47:33,249 I don't know how to thank you. 2062 01:47:33,251 --> 01:47:35,216 But I do know how to hug you. 2063 01:47:35,218 --> 01:47:36,483 - No. - Yes. 2064 01:47:36,485 --> 01:47:38,116 Here we go. Bring it in. 2065 01:47:38,118 --> 01:47:39,216 Come on. 2066 01:47:39,218 --> 01:47:40,583 Pelvis to pelvis. 2067 01:47:40,585 --> 01:47:41,916 Let's go tip to tip. 2068 01:47:41,918 --> 01:47:44,849 There we go. The kids call this docking. 2069 01:47:44,851 --> 01:47:46,316 (KNIFE UNSHEATHES) 2070 01:47:46,318 --> 01:47:47,849 Is there a knife in my dick? 2071 01:47:47,851 --> 01:47:49,749 - There's a knife in your dick. - I'm just gonna back up now. 2072 01:47:49,751 --> 01:47:51,615 - Yeah, yeah. - No need to go full Yentl. 2073 01:47:51,617 --> 01:47:54,483 Gonna pretend like that never happened. 2074 01:47:54,485 --> 01:47:56,617 Let's go home, Russell. 2075 01:48:00,151 --> 01:48:02,383 All you dirty mutants 2076 01:48:02,385 --> 01:48:04,483 are gonna rot in hell with the boy! 2077 01:48:04,485 --> 01:48:07,583 Your souls are beyond redemption! 2078 01:48:07,585 --> 01:48:08,849 Let's see your soul, perv! 2079 01:48:08,851 --> 01:48:11,949 No, no! No! No more! We're better than that! 2080 01:48:11,951 --> 01:48:12,982 We're better than him! 2081 01:48:12,984 --> 01:48:15,715 No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed! 2082 01:48:15,717 --> 01:48:17,415 We'll let karma take care of him. 2083 01:48:17,417 --> 01:48:20,617 The day of reckoning is here! 2084 01:48:21,385 --> 01:48:22,882 (TIRES SCREECHING) 2085 01:48:22,884 --> 01:48:24,018 (CRASHING) 2086 01:48:29,684 --> 01:48:31,982 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great. 2087 01:48:31,984 --> 01:48:33,182 Whoo! 2088 01:48:33,184 --> 01:48:34,916 Courage, motherfuckers! 2089 01:48:34,918 --> 01:48:36,082 And karma, motherfucker. 2090 01:48:36,084 --> 01:48:37,749 DEADPOOL: I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds. 2091 01:48:37,751 --> 01:48:39,982 I could barely keep a straight face. (LAUGHS) 2092 01:48:39,984 --> 01:48:41,682 I want some more. 2093 01:48:41,684 --> 01:48:43,483 I bet you do, Brown Panther. 2094 01:48:43,485 --> 01:48:46,949 We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up. 2095 01:48:46,951 --> 01:48:49,383 Good call. You guys coming with us? 2096 01:48:49,385 --> 01:48:51,383 No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion. 2097 01:48:51,385 --> 01:48:53,049 Besides, we're X-Men. 2098 01:48:53,051 --> 01:48:55,615 No, you're X-People. 2099 01:48:55,617 --> 01:48:56,882 You're exhausting. 2100 01:48:56,884 --> 01:48:59,483 I see what you did there. Puns. 2101 01:48:59,485 --> 01:49:01,982 - Bye, Wade! - Bye, Yukio! 2102 01:49:01,984 --> 01:49:03,617 (WE BELONG PLAYING) 2103 01:49:04,285 --> 01:49:05,384 DEADPOOL: What do you get 2104 01:49:05,386 --> 01:49:06,516 when you take eight feet of chrome... 2105 01:49:06,518 --> 01:49:07,682 one pinch of courage... 2106 01:49:07,684 --> 01:49:09,116 a cup of good luck... 2107 01:49:09,118 --> 01:49:10,582 a dab of racism... 2108 01:49:10,584 --> 01:49:11,849 a splash of diabetes... 2109 01:49:11,851 --> 01:49:14,582 and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer? 2110 01:49:14,584 --> 01:49:17,182 Answer: a family. 2111 01:49:17,184 --> 01:49:20,516 See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was. 2112 01:49:20,518 --> 01:49:21,916 If there's anything you take away today... 2113 01:49:21,918 --> 01:49:24,982 other than the need to Google, "What the fuck is dubstep?"... 2114 01:49:24,984 --> 01:49:28,018 it's that we all need to belong to someone. 2115 01:49:30,708 --> 01:49:35,708 Subtitles by explosiveskull Resync by Szvengar 2116 01:51:25,451 --> 01:51:27,315 How something so small generates 2117 01:51:27,317 --> 01:51:29,315 enough energy to reverse time is... 2118 01:51:29,317 --> 01:51:31,348 Oh, just fix it, Eleven, 2119 01:51:31,350 --> 01:51:33,515 or I'll take it to the Genius Bar. 2120 01:51:33,517 --> 01:51:34,916 Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out. 2121 01:51:34,918 --> 01:51:35,982 Never heard of him. 2122 01:51:35,984 --> 01:51:37,551 Why do you think I'm helping him? 2123 01:51:38,584 --> 01:51:41,016 The Lord works in mysterious ways, 2124 01:51:41,018 --> 01:51:43,217 don't I? A good day. 2125 01:51:43,984 --> 01:51:44,984 Bye, Wade! 2126 01:51:45,584 --> 01:51:46,584 Bye, Yukio! 2127 01:51:47,851 --> 01:51:50,282 That was probably a bad idea. 2128 01:51:50,284 --> 01:51:52,215 What have we done? 2129 01:51:52,217 --> 01:51:54,417 (IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME PLAYING) 2130 01:52:10,217 --> 01:52:12,183 I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader. 2131 01:52:12,185 --> 01:52:13,651 - (BOTH PANTING) - (GASPS) 2132 01:52:22,317 --> 01:52:23,884 I'll be right back! 2133 01:52:25,651 --> 01:52:28,484 We're definitely naming our kid Cher! 2134 01:52:28,784 --> 01:52:29,784 Whoo! 2135 01:52:31,651 --> 01:52:32,983 DEADPOOL: Peter! 2136 01:52:32,985 --> 01:52:34,415 Whoo! X-Force! 2137 01:52:34,417 --> 01:52:36,784 Walk away! Just walk away! 2138 01:52:37,684 --> 01:52:38,782 But we're X-Force! 2139 01:52:38,784 --> 01:52:40,482 Nope! We're not, there's no X-Force! 2140 01:52:40,484 --> 01:52:43,983 All right, well, this has been pretty scary! 2141 01:52:43,985 --> 01:52:46,649 Go home, Sugarbear. Go home. 2142 01:52:46,651 --> 01:52:49,551 Okay. Will you give Domino my email? 2143 01:52:58,751 --> 01:53:00,584 Wade, is that you? 2144 01:53:02,851 --> 01:53:04,183 I guess Stryker finally 2145 01:53:04,185 --> 01:53:05,617 figured out how to shut you up. 2146 01:53:08,551 --> 01:53:09,851 (GUNSHOT) 2147 01:53:12,151 --> 01:53:15,282 Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! 2148 01:53:15,284 --> 01:53:17,716 Just cleaning up the timelines! 2149 01:53:17,718 --> 01:53:18,985 (GUNSHOTS) 2150 01:53:22,250 --> 01:53:23,651 (WHISPERS) Love you! 2151 01:53:26,019 --> 01:53:27,451 Welcome to the big leagues, kid. 2152 01:53:29,118 --> 01:53:30,317 (GUNSHOT) 2153 01:53:34,851 --> 01:53:36,718 You're welcome, Canada. 2154 01:54:57,250 --> 01:54:59,417 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 2155 01:58:43,018 --> 01:58:44,217 (CHOIR SINGING) 2155 01:58:45,305 --> 01:58:51,158 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/6h9p6 Help other users to choose the best subtitles150624