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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:29,235 --> 00:00:34,240 Subtitles by explosiveskull Resync by GoldenBeard 2 00:00:35,128 --> 00:00:36,662 (LIGHTER CLICKS) 3 00:00:43,402 --> 00:00:45,637 (WINDING MUSIC BOX) 4 00:00:59,618 --> 00:01:02,287 (ALL OUT OF LOVE PLAYING) 5 00:01:23,143 --> 00:01:24,711 (SNIFFING) 6 00:01:32,719 --> 00:01:34,486 (BOTTLES CLATTERING) 7 00:02:12,691 --> 00:02:16,060 DEADPOOL: Fuck Wolverine. 8 00:02:16,062 --> 00:02:18,862 First, he rides my coattails with the R rating. 9 00:02:18,864 --> 00:02:23,400 Then the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. 10 00:02:23,402 --> 00:02:25,569 What a dick. 11 00:02:25,571 --> 00:02:27,972 Well, guess what, Wolvie? 12 00:02:27,974 --> 00:02:30,473 I'm dying in this one, too. 13 00:02:30,475 --> 00:02:31,711 (X GOIN' GIVE IT TO YA PLAYING) 14 00:02:33,645 --> 00:02:35,679 DEADPOOL: To understand why I took a cat-nap 15 00:02:35,681 --> 00:02:38,082 on 1,200 gallons of high-test fuel... 16 00:02:38,084 --> 00:02:39,317 I need to take you back 17 00:02:39,319 --> 00:02:41,885 to the dewy slopes of six weeks ago. 18 00:02:41,887 --> 00:02:43,287 I'd gone international, 19 00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:45,189 taking out mass murderers, gangsters, 20 00:02:45,191 --> 00:02:46,791 unspeakable monsters. 21 00:02:46,793 --> 00:02:49,727 People nobody would touch. Except me. 22 00:02:49,729 --> 00:02:52,596 I'm gonna touch them all over. 23 00:02:52,598 --> 00:02:54,533 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 24 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:57,434 DEADPOOL: Hey, it's Gail calling. 25 00:02:57,436 --> 00:02:58,836 Love the shiny suit. 26 00:02:58,838 --> 00:02:59,704 Really brings out 27 00:02:59,706 --> 00:03:01,371 the sex trafficker in your eyes. 28 00:03:01,373 --> 00:03:03,540 (SPEAKING CANTONESE) 29 00:03:03,542 --> 00:03:07,677 (IN ENGLISH) I don't speak Cantonese, Mister... 30 00:03:07,679 --> 00:03:09,747 Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that. 31 00:03:09,749 --> 00:03:12,582 But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so... 32 00:03:12,584 --> 00:03:14,651 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 33 00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:17,654 Which literally translates to... 34 00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:20,925 I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker. 35 00:03:20,927 --> 00:03:21,961 (CELL PHONE CLATTERS) 36 00:03:25,131 --> 00:03:26,733 (WOMAN SCREAMING) 37 00:03:27,934 --> 00:03:30,001 (GUNS COCKING) 38 00:03:30,003 --> 00:03:31,235 Uno, dos, tres, cuatro... 39 00:03:31,237 --> 00:03:32,437 (GUNS FIRING) 40 00:03:33,806 --> 00:03:35,008 (GRUNTING) 41 00:03:38,945 --> 00:03:40,778 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 42 00:03:40,780 --> 00:03:42,079 (GASPS) 43 00:03:42,081 --> 00:03:43,848 (SHUSHING) 44 00:03:43,850 --> 00:03:46,516 (WHISPERS) I'll take a cranberry-grapefruit vodka. 45 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:47,985 I know it's called a Sea Breeze. 46 00:03:47,987 --> 00:03:49,452 Don't make me say it. 47 00:03:49,454 --> 00:03:51,055 Hit it, Dolly. 48 00:03:51,057 --> 00:03:52,658 (9 TO 5 PLAYING) 49 00:03:55,828 --> 00:03:56,930 (BOTH GRUNTING) 50 00:03:59,098 --> 00:04:00,099 (WOMAN SCREAMS) 51 00:04:05,238 --> 00:04:06,471 (MEN GROANING) 52 00:04:08,007 --> 00:04:10,876 DEADPOOL: Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals! 53 00:04:19,018 --> 00:04:20,219 Whoo! Do not go in there! 54 00:04:30,495 --> 00:04:33,596 Oh, God! Oh, God, time out! Time out! 55 00:04:33,598 --> 00:04:37,301 Cut. Got bad guy blood, right in my open eye. 56 00:04:37,303 --> 00:04:39,236 Oh, that's so gross. 57 00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:40,304 (GROANING) 58 00:04:40,306 --> 00:04:41,873 Fuck. 59 00:04:42,607 --> 00:04:44,711 Scoutmaster Kevin? 60 00:04:48,147 --> 00:04:49,215 (CROWD CHEERING) 61 00:04:50,917 --> 00:04:52,617 Too exotic? 62 00:04:54,988 --> 00:04:56,721 DEADPOOL: My world tour brought me home 63 00:04:56,723 --> 00:04:59,357 to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov. 64 00:04:59,359 --> 00:05:00,791 But we'll get to him in a moment. 65 00:05:00,793 --> 00:05:02,093 'Cause I know what you're thinking. 66 00:05:02,095 --> 00:05:05,329 "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." 67 00:05:05,331 --> 00:05:06,731 But that's where you'd be wrong. 68 00:05:06,733 --> 00:05:09,734 That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now... 69 00:05:09,736 --> 00:05:14,205 and, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. 70 00:05:14,207 --> 00:05:15,473 True story. 71 00:05:15,475 --> 00:05:19,243 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. 72 00:05:19,245 --> 00:05:22,113 Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7. 73 00:05:22,115 --> 00:05:25,582 (CHUCKLING) Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire. 74 00:05:25,584 --> 00:05:28,319 That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire. 75 00:05:28,321 --> 00:05:32,023 Yeah. You know I get paid to take out bad guys, right? 76 00:05:32,025 --> 00:05:33,024 But this guy? 77 00:05:33,026 --> 00:05:35,594 He was one of the worst of 'em. 78 00:05:37,830 --> 00:05:39,562 Hurry up and open this fucking door, 79 00:05:39,564 --> 00:05:40,698 and let's kill this motherfucker! 80 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:42,133 - (ALARM RINGING) - (GUNSHOT) 81 00:05:42,135 --> 00:05:43,136 (BODY THUDS) 82 00:05:48,107 --> 00:05:50,174 Ugh. So gross. 83 00:05:50,176 --> 00:05:52,876 A panic room? Really? 84 00:05:52,878 --> 00:05:55,079 - Can you come out? - (WATCH BEEPING) 85 00:05:55,081 --> 00:05:58,550 I really have to go. It's my anniversary. 86 00:06:00,987 --> 00:06:03,921 (GUNS COCKING) 87 00:06:03,923 --> 00:06:05,423 MAN: (ON RADIO) Over and over, I hear people say, 88 00:06:05,425 --> 00:06:06,924 "I just don't have enough confidence." 89 00:06:06,926 --> 00:06:09,060 Listen, confidence is not something you have. 90 00:06:09,062 --> 00:06:10,593 - It's something you create. - (LAUGHS) 91 00:06:10,595 --> 00:06:12,696 And you can create it at any moment in time. 92 00:06:12,698 --> 00:06:14,498 A sense of confidence is nothing 93 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:15,933 but a sense of power within yourself... 94 00:06:15,935 --> 00:06:17,935 a sense of certainty that you can pull something off. 95 00:06:17,937 --> 00:06:19,869 DEADPOOL: Start the car! Start the fucking car! 96 00:06:19,871 --> 00:06:20,738 Dopinder! 97 00:06:20,740 --> 00:06:22,742 Start the fucking car! 98 00:06:23,242 --> 00:06:24,243 (SCREAMS) 99 00:06:29,782 --> 00:06:31,515 - Whoo! - Oh, I shit my pants. 100 00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:33,784 Actually, that may have been me. 101 00:06:33,786 --> 00:06:35,252 Oh, mission accomplished? 102 00:06:35,254 --> 00:06:36,954 Well, in a George W. sort of way. 103 00:06:36,956 --> 00:06:38,956 Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever. 104 00:06:38,958 --> 00:06:40,590 DOPINDER: Oh, you're living the dreams, DP. 105 00:06:40,592 --> 00:06:42,493 It has been quite the run, Dopinder, 106 00:06:42,495 --> 00:06:43,761 and who'da thought? 107 00:06:43,763 --> 00:06:46,497 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus. 108 00:06:46,499 --> 00:06:48,432 Passion of the Christ, then me. 109 00:06:48,434 --> 00:06:49,666 At least domestically. 110 00:06:49,668 --> 00:06:50,867 We beat them overseas, 111 00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,937 where there's no such thing as religion. 112 00:06:52,939 --> 00:06:55,106 I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy. 113 00:06:55,108 --> 00:06:57,607 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks. 114 00:06:57,609 --> 00:06:59,276 - I want to fill my... - Pockets? 115 00:06:59,278 --> 00:07:02,580 What's your poison? A little, uh, cokey cokey? 116 00:07:02,582 --> 00:07:04,014 Can't maintain an erection 117 00:07:04,016 --> 00:07:05,682 - without buying shoes online? - (HORN HONKS) 118 00:07:05,684 --> 00:07:07,684 I've never experienced that last one. 119 00:07:07,686 --> 00:07:08,986 Talk to me, Goose. 120 00:07:08,988 --> 00:07:11,789 I was going to say "soul". I want to fill my soul. 121 00:07:11,791 --> 00:07:15,192 I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir. 122 00:07:15,194 --> 00:07:16,794 - Dopinder... - Hmm? 123 00:07:16,796 --> 00:07:18,864 You never cease to surprise me. 124 00:07:20,066 --> 00:07:23,000 You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. 125 00:07:23,002 --> 00:07:24,768 We all need a sense of belonging. 126 00:07:24,770 --> 00:07:26,636 We all need a genuine sense of home. 127 00:07:26,638 --> 00:07:27,705 A place in this world. 128 00:07:27,707 --> 00:07:29,073 I want to become a contract killer. 129 00:07:29,075 --> 00:07:30,774 I'm sorry. What did you say? 130 00:07:30,776 --> 00:07:32,810 Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu 131 00:07:32,812 --> 00:07:34,378 and threatened him with great violence? 132 00:07:34,380 --> 00:07:35,779 You kind of killed him. 133 00:07:35,781 --> 00:07:37,748 And then remember the movie Interview with the Vampire? 134 00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:38,882 Don't want to. 135 00:07:38,884 --> 00:07:39,950 When Tom Cruise fed 136 00:07:39,952 --> 00:07:41,851 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood 137 00:07:41,853 --> 00:07:43,087 for the first time... 138 00:07:43,089 --> 00:07:45,623 and she looked up at his smooth, 139 00:07:45,625 --> 00:07:48,094 handsome face and said... 140 00:07:48,561 --> 00:07:50,261 "I want some more." 141 00:07:50,263 --> 00:07:54,300 Oh, Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst. 142 00:07:55,234 --> 00:07:57,768 I'll never not picture that. 143 00:07:57,770 --> 00:07:59,603 But I can't wait to never speak of this, 144 00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:01,505 as soon as possible. 145 00:08:01,507 --> 00:08:04,177 - We're here. - (BRAKES SCREECHING) 146 00:08:06,312 --> 00:08:07,211 You're my Tom Cruise! 147 00:08:07,213 --> 00:08:09,180 DEADPOOL: And you're my Kristen Dunst! 148 00:08:09,182 --> 00:08:10,750 Kristen? Kirsten? 149 00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:17,321 Sorry I'm late. 150 00:08:17,323 --> 00:08:18,822 There was a bunch of 151 00:08:18,824 --> 00:08:20,925 handicapable children stuck in a tree... 152 00:08:20,927 --> 00:08:22,393 - and I had to, uh... - Uh-uh. 153 00:08:22,395 --> 00:08:25,229 You're right. I was fighting a caped badass. 154 00:08:25,231 --> 00:08:27,998 But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too. 155 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,300 No. 156 00:08:29,302 --> 00:08:30,303 Traffic? 157 00:08:31,003 --> 00:08:32,038 Hmm? 158 00:08:32,905 --> 00:08:34,505 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 159 00:08:34,507 --> 00:08:35,808 Well, come here. 160 00:08:37,677 --> 00:08:39,712 (TAKE ON ME PLAYING) 161 00:08:44,784 --> 00:08:47,284 (VANESSA MOANS) 162 00:08:47,286 --> 00:08:49,886 I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit. 163 00:08:49,888 --> 00:08:51,055 Don't you want your surprise? 164 00:08:51,057 --> 00:08:53,125 Do I look like a patient burn victim? 165 00:08:53,759 --> 00:08:55,161 I got one for you, too. 166 00:08:56,295 --> 00:08:57,728 Happy anniversary, baby. 167 00:08:57,730 --> 00:08:59,398 Open, open, open. 168 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,234 Skee-Ball token. 169 00:09:03,236 --> 00:09:04,568 Our first date. 170 00:09:04,570 --> 00:09:05,903 Yup. 171 00:09:05,905 --> 00:09:09,008 That's genuine, high-grade lead. 172 00:09:11,712 --> 00:09:14,211 - I'll keep it forever. - (CHUCKLES) 173 00:09:14,213 --> 00:09:15,748 Thank you, baby. 174 00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:18,985 - Open yours. - All right, all right. 175 00:09:19,685 --> 00:09:21,153 Oh... 176 00:09:22,255 --> 00:09:24,388 That's just the most beautiful thing that I've... 177 00:09:24,390 --> 00:09:25,789 I don't know what this is. 178 00:09:25,791 --> 00:09:27,625 My IUD. 179 00:09:27,627 --> 00:09:28,826 A bomb? 180 00:09:28,828 --> 00:09:31,929 No, dick for brains. My birth control device. 181 00:09:31,931 --> 00:09:32,997 What, you mean that your... 182 00:09:32,999 --> 00:09:34,864 Baby factory's open for business. 183 00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,133 - Oh, my God! - (BOX CLATTERS) 184 00:09:36,135 --> 00:09:39,403 - (VANESSA LAUGHS) - Oh, my God! I want a boy! 185 00:09:39,405 --> 00:09:42,473 Or a little girl! Definitely one or the other! 186 00:09:42,475 --> 00:09:45,544 Oh! And I want our kid to have only one name. 187 00:09:46,212 --> 00:09:49,246 Like Cher or Todd. 188 00:09:49,248 --> 00:09:51,215 You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy. 189 00:09:51,217 --> 00:09:52,283 Yes, I do. 190 00:09:52,285 --> 00:09:54,251 Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss. 191 00:09:54,253 --> 00:09:55,254 Let's do that. 192 00:09:56,355 --> 00:09:58,422 ♪ Papa... ♪ 193 00:09:58,424 --> 00:10:00,526 ♪ Can you hear me? ♪ 194 00:10:02,161 --> 00:10:04,763 ♪ Papa, can you see me? ♪ 195 00:10:04,765 --> 00:10:07,166 Does this song sound familiar to you? 196 00:10:09,402 --> 00:10:11,368 May. 197 00:10:11,370 --> 00:10:15,341 Connor, if it's a boy. May, if it's a girl. 198 00:10:16,609 --> 00:10:17,874 (CHUCKLES) 199 00:10:17,876 --> 00:10:20,244 - So weird. - (LAUGHS) 200 00:10:20,246 --> 00:10:22,982 Family was always an F-word to me. 201 00:10:24,183 --> 00:10:28,585 My pile of shit father took off and bailed. 202 00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:30,988 I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models 203 00:10:30,990 --> 00:10:33,292 to draw off of for Todd. 204 00:10:34,327 --> 00:10:37,029 Hey. Look at me. 205 00:10:37,963 --> 00:10:40,299 You are not your father. 206 00:10:41,834 --> 00:10:43,133 Besides... 207 00:10:43,135 --> 00:10:48,207 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 208 00:10:49,008 --> 00:10:50,074 But here's the thing, 209 00:10:50,076 --> 00:10:51,477 isn't that how it always works? 210 00:10:52,011 --> 00:10:53,444 Like in Star Wars, 211 00:10:53,446 --> 00:10:56,246 men are destined to become their father... 212 00:10:56,248 --> 00:10:59,350 and then have consensual sex with their sister? 213 00:10:59,352 --> 00:11:02,852 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie. 214 00:11:02,854 --> 00:11:05,122 No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her. 215 00:11:05,124 --> 00:11:07,391 Baby, that's Empire. 216 00:11:07,393 --> 00:11:10,062 The point is, kids... 217 00:11:11,263 --> 00:11:14,166 they give us a chance to be better than we are. 218 00:11:14,835 --> 00:11:17,601 Better than we used to be. 219 00:11:17,603 --> 00:11:20,106 You're a lot smarter than I look. 220 00:11:20,940 --> 00:11:22,774 I'm gonna go make dessert. 221 00:11:22,776 --> 00:11:27,144 You get the strap-on. Let's make a super baby. 222 00:11:27,146 --> 00:11:29,615 Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, but we can try. 223 00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:34,284 VANESSA: What about Krystal? But with a "K"? 224 00:11:34,286 --> 00:11:36,353 - (TIMER TICKING) - It's too stripper-y. 225 00:11:36,355 --> 00:11:37,789 Kevin with a "K"! 226 00:11:37,791 --> 00:11:40,059 No, too stripper-y, too. 227 00:11:40,526 --> 00:11:42,292 Uh, Earl! 228 00:11:42,294 --> 00:11:44,796 (IN SLOW MOTION) He's gonna go straight to jail 229 00:11:44,798 --> 00:11:46,997 if we name him Earl. 230 00:11:46,999 --> 00:11:49,101 What about Bruce? 231 00:11:50,102 --> 00:11:51,435 No. 232 00:11:51,437 --> 00:11:52,669 Get down. 233 00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,073 - What? - (GUN FIRES) 234 00:11:56,609 --> 00:11:58,377 (ALL GRUNTING) 235 00:12:03,516 --> 00:12:05,918 (GUN FIRING) 236 00:12:22,635 --> 00:12:24,736 Baby? Baby? 237 00:12:24,738 --> 00:12:26,939 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 238 00:12:27,908 --> 00:12:29,506 I'm okay. 239 00:12:29,508 --> 00:12:32,309 Thank God I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader. 240 00:12:32,311 --> 00:12:34,146 - (BOTH PANTING) - (GASPS) 241 00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:55,000 (INAUDIBLE) 242 00:13:06,879 --> 00:13:08,314 (MOUTHING) Please. 243 00:13:13,385 --> 00:13:15,085 Please. Please. 244 00:13:15,087 --> 00:13:18,455 Baby, I'm so sorry. 245 00:13:18,457 --> 00:13:22,328 No! 246 00:13:28,735 --> 00:13:29,769 (DINGS) 247 00:13:41,781 --> 00:13:43,349 (PANTING) 248 00:13:47,887 --> 00:13:50,456 - (HORN BLARING) - (GRUNTS) 249 00:13:54,093 --> 00:13:56,095 (TIRES SCREECHING) 250 00:14:05,805 --> 00:14:06,806 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 251 00:14:08,942 --> 00:14:11,041 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 252 00:14:11,043 --> 00:14:12,311 (ENGINE STALLING) 253 00:14:15,015 --> 00:14:16,716 (YELLS) 254 00:14:34,199 --> 00:14:36,268 (MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING) 255 00:14:42,008 --> 00:14:44,076 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 256 00:14:46,846 --> 00:14:49,415 (HORN BLARES) 257 00:14:52,518 --> 00:14:54,553 (WOMAN SINGING) 258 00:16:26,679 --> 00:16:29,615 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 259 00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:31,916 Is it just me, or does 260 00:16:31,918 --> 00:16:34,052 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? from Frozen... 261 00:16:34,054 --> 00:16:35,452 sound suspiciously like 262 00:16:35,454 --> 00:16:37,654 Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl? 263 00:16:37,656 --> 00:16:38,555 (SNIFFLES) 264 00:16:38,557 --> 00:16:41,226 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 265 00:16:42,561 --> 00:16:44,962 And nobody fucking realizes it. 266 00:16:44,964 --> 00:16:48,198 Go home. You've been here for three days, okay? 267 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,434 You smell like somebody shit in a Civil War wound... 268 00:16:50,436 --> 00:16:51,936 after it had become gangrenous. 269 00:16:51,938 --> 00:16:54,271 They should've just amputated it. Why shit in it? 270 00:16:54,273 --> 00:16:55,907 Doesn't make any sense. 271 00:16:55,909 --> 00:16:57,507 I love Frozen. 272 00:16:57,509 --> 00:17:01,045 I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water. 273 00:17:01,047 --> 00:17:02,446 An ocean is water. 274 00:17:02,448 --> 00:17:07,484 More importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know? 275 00:17:07,486 --> 00:17:08,652 George Michael was right. 276 00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:11,122 I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck! 277 00:17:11,124 --> 00:17:12,324 He's dead, too. 278 00:17:13,425 --> 00:17:15,425 At least we still have Bowie. 279 00:17:15,427 --> 00:17:19,498 Yeah. We still have Bowie. 280 00:17:19,966 --> 00:17:21,231 I'm sorry. 281 00:17:21,233 --> 00:17:22,566 Shot after shot, 282 00:17:22,568 --> 00:17:24,568 it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... 283 00:17:24,570 --> 00:17:25,970 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? 284 00:17:25,972 --> 00:17:29,006 You're making the face that you make when you urinate. 285 00:17:29,008 --> 00:17:30,908 - Is he pissing? - I'm on it! 286 00:17:30,910 --> 00:17:32,242 There you go, Dopinder. 287 00:17:32,244 --> 00:17:34,212 If you want to be a contract killer... 288 00:17:34,214 --> 00:17:36,680 you gotta handle a mop before you handle a gun. 289 00:17:36,682 --> 00:17:37,949 Although I don't quite understand 290 00:17:37,951 --> 00:17:39,249 how they are at all similar. 291 00:17:39,251 --> 00:17:41,687 Well, they both have handles. Now, leave me. 292 00:17:42,722 --> 00:17:44,287 Go home, Wade. 293 00:17:44,289 --> 00:17:47,191 I don't have a home, Weas, you know. I got a... 294 00:17:47,193 --> 00:17:49,694 Fuck! Okay, I'm fine. 295 00:17:49,696 --> 00:17:50,560 I'm fine. 296 00:17:50,562 --> 00:17:52,462 You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? 297 00:17:52,464 --> 00:17:56,266 Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional. 298 00:17:56,268 --> 00:17:57,669 According to the... 299 00:17:58,938 --> 00:18:00,337 - Kubler-Ross. - Yeah. 300 00:18:00,339 --> 00:18:02,305 According to the Kubler-Ross model... 301 00:18:02,307 --> 00:18:05,143 denial is just one of the five stages of grief. 302 00:18:05,145 --> 00:18:07,444 Jesus Christ, Buck! 303 00:18:07,446 --> 00:18:09,581 No more speaking lines for you. 304 00:18:12,051 --> 00:18:14,085 (LAUGHING) 305 00:18:14,087 --> 00:18:18,122 (JACK BENNY SCATTING ON RADIO) 306 00:18:18,124 --> 00:18:20,559 (COMEDY SERIES PLAYING ON RADIO) 307 00:18:33,338 --> 00:18:35,942 - (SNIFFS) - (AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON RADIO) 308 00:18:45,584 --> 00:18:47,084 "I'm thinking it over!" 309 00:18:47,086 --> 00:18:48,552 Motherfuck! 310 00:18:48,554 --> 00:18:49,555 Fuck! 311 00:18:50,489 --> 00:18:52,355 (SIGHS IN RELIEF) 312 00:18:52,357 --> 00:18:54,058 The hell you doin' here? 313 00:18:54,060 --> 00:18:55,927 Don't you know how to knock? 314 00:18:55,929 --> 00:18:57,962 I thought you saw me... 315 00:18:57,964 --> 00:18:59,362 with your ears. 316 00:18:59,364 --> 00:19:00,731 You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the... 317 00:19:00,733 --> 00:19:01,665 The wall? 318 00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:05,370 The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain. 319 00:19:07,774 --> 00:19:09,573 BLIND AL: I heard the news, sweetie. 320 00:19:09,575 --> 00:19:11,875 I'm very sorry. I am. 321 00:19:11,877 --> 00:19:13,677 What am I gonna do, Al? 322 00:19:13,679 --> 00:19:15,614 Probably something terrible. 323 00:19:16,749 --> 00:19:18,082 Knowing you. 324 00:19:18,084 --> 00:19:19,719 It was my fault. 325 00:19:20,886 --> 00:19:23,486 I fucking did this. 326 00:19:23,488 --> 00:19:25,555 And all I wanna do is grab her and see her 327 00:19:25,557 --> 00:19:27,593 and tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't. 328 00:19:29,762 --> 00:19:31,494 She's gone. 329 00:19:31,496 --> 00:19:35,199 BLIND AL: Sweetheart, can you speak up? 330 00:19:35,201 --> 00:19:36,600 It's a little hard to hear you 331 00:19:36,602 --> 00:19:38,069 with that pity dick in your mouth. 332 00:19:38,071 --> 00:19:41,272 Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living. 333 00:19:41,274 --> 00:19:42,505 Thank you... 334 00:19:42,507 --> 00:19:45,575 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. 335 00:19:45,577 --> 00:19:47,677 Listen to the pain. 336 00:19:47,679 --> 00:19:50,513 It's both history teacher and fortune teller. 337 00:19:50,515 --> 00:19:54,051 Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. 338 00:19:54,053 --> 00:19:57,989 Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. 339 00:19:57,991 --> 00:20:00,960 But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we? 340 00:20:03,363 --> 00:20:04,731 Wade? 341 00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:09,166 - Wade? - I'm right here, Althea. 342 00:20:09,168 --> 00:20:12,003 And that is the most beautiful thing 343 00:20:12,005 --> 00:20:13,905 I've ever heard. 344 00:20:13,907 --> 00:20:15,540 You're absolutely right. 345 00:20:18,211 --> 00:20:19,277 (COUGHS) 346 00:20:19,279 --> 00:20:21,781 I'm about to do something terrible. 347 00:20:23,649 --> 00:20:25,482 (ALL OUT OF LOVE PLAYING ON MUSIC BOX) 348 00:20:25,484 --> 00:20:27,785 There. All caught up. 349 00:20:27,787 --> 00:20:30,721 You can't really live until you've died a little. 350 00:20:30,723 --> 00:20:32,691 Let's test that theory, shall we? 351 00:20:42,302 --> 00:20:44,969 (OVERLAPPING VOICES) 352 00:20:44,971 --> 00:20:47,537 VANESSA: Baby factory's open for business. 353 00:20:47,539 --> 00:20:49,976 (OVERLAPPING VOICES CONTINUE) 354 00:20:50,977 --> 00:20:53,144 WADE: Your crazy matches my crazy. 355 00:20:53,146 --> 00:20:55,413 VANESSA: I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 356 00:20:55,415 --> 00:20:57,181 WADE: Skee-Ball token. 357 00:20:57,183 --> 00:20:58,783 (VOICES ECHOING) 358 00:20:58,785 --> 00:21:01,919 VANESSA: Happy International Women's Day. 359 00:21:01,921 --> 00:21:03,254 WADE: Listen, I've been thinking a lot. 360 00:21:03,256 --> 00:21:04,422 VANESSA: Really? 361 00:21:04,424 --> 00:21:05,488 WADE: About why we're so good together. 362 00:21:05,490 --> 00:21:06,924 VANESSA: I love you, Wade Wilson. 363 00:21:06,926 --> 00:21:08,493 (GASPS) 364 00:21:09,262 --> 00:21:10,797 WADE: Ness? 365 00:21:12,198 --> 00:21:13,465 Ness? 366 00:21:14,133 --> 00:21:15,700 Ness. 367 00:21:15,702 --> 00:21:18,570 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you. 368 00:21:20,006 --> 00:21:22,672 Your heart's not in the right place. 369 00:21:22,674 --> 00:21:25,409 (STAMMERS) Wait, hold on. What? 370 00:21:25,411 --> 00:21:27,477 Your heart's not in the right place. 371 00:21:27,479 --> 00:21:28,713 Wait. What do you mean 372 00:21:28,715 --> 00:21:30,114 my heart's not in the right place? What does it... 373 00:21:30,116 --> 00:21:31,683 (TIMER TICKING) 374 00:21:33,453 --> 00:21:34,653 (TIMER DINGS) 375 00:21:49,902 --> 00:21:52,602 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade. 376 00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,305 You're broken. 377 00:21:54,307 --> 00:21:57,777 DEADPOOL: Oh, God. I know that voice. 378 00:22:01,447 --> 00:22:02,947 DEADPOOL: "Heart's in the right place." 379 00:22:02,949 --> 00:22:04,547 "Heart's in the right..." What does that mean? 380 00:22:04,549 --> 00:22:06,417 You've been sleep for three days. 381 00:22:06,419 --> 00:22:08,285 I took the liberty of dressing you. 382 00:22:08,287 --> 00:22:09,552 DEADPOOL: No shit. 383 00:22:09,554 --> 00:22:11,521 Why can't I fucking die? 384 00:22:11,523 --> 00:22:13,157 COLOSSUS: Take your mask off, Wade. 385 00:22:13,159 --> 00:22:14,725 We must talk. 386 00:22:14,727 --> 00:22:17,261 - You need fresh start. - (GROANS) 387 00:22:17,263 --> 00:22:19,662 With training, you can be X-Man. 388 00:22:19,664 --> 00:22:21,799 You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus. 389 00:22:21,801 --> 00:22:23,267 I'm not X-Man material. 390 00:22:23,269 --> 00:22:24,937 Understatement of the year. 391 00:22:25,304 --> 00:22:26,305 Wade, Yukio. 392 00:22:26,872 --> 00:22:28,638 Yukio, Wade. 393 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,874 What in the fuck knuckles is this? 394 00:22:30,876 --> 00:22:33,511 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant shit. 395 00:22:33,513 --> 00:22:35,479 Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, Fox & Friends. 396 00:22:35,481 --> 00:22:37,481 I'm just surprised anyone would date you. 397 00:22:37,483 --> 00:22:40,217 Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. 398 00:22:40,219 --> 00:22:42,119 I like this guy. 399 00:22:42,121 --> 00:22:44,021 Give him a chance. 400 00:22:44,023 --> 00:22:45,322 It's great seeing you like this. 401 00:22:45,324 --> 00:22:47,659 (LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) Yeah. 402 00:22:48,027 --> 00:22:49,126 Bye, Wade! 403 00:22:49,128 --> 00:22:51,729 Now, some ground rules while under our roof. 404 00:22:51,731 --> 00:22:54,597 "Rule number one. No killing... 405 00:22:54,599 --> 00:22:57,968 "anyone ever, no matter how bad. 406 00:22:57,970 --> 00:23:00,905 "Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator." 407 00:23:00,907 --> 00:23:01,908 Wade? 408 00:23:02,809 --> 00:23:03,974 Wade? 409 00:23:03,976 --> 00:23:05,142 Wade! 410 00:23:05,144 --> 00:23:06,777 Don't try to chase me. 411 00:23:06,779 --> 00:23:09,146 (WHISPERS) I'm not ready to be touched again. 412 00:23:09,148 --> 00:23:11,482 All these elderly white men on the walls... 413 00:23:11,484 --> 00:23:13,317 Should have brought my rape whistle. 414 00:23:13,319 --> 00:23:14,584 - Hi. - (OBJECTS SHATTERING) 415 00:23:14,586 --> 00:23:17,254 Those were already damaged after they fell there! 416 00:23:17,256 --> 00:23:19,190 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? 417 00:23:19,192 --> 00:23:21,591 Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? 418 00:23:21,593 --> 00:23:24,395 And how would I do that exactly? 419 00:23:24,397 --> 00:23:27,164 'Cause where the fuck is everyone? 420 00:23:27,166 --> 00:23:28,165 It's always just you 421 00:23:28,167 --> 00:23:29,599 and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever... 422 00:23:29,601 --> 00:23:30,867 Enough! 423 00:23:30,869 --> 00:23:32,905 (GASPS) I said no touching! 424 00:23:34,507 --> 00:23:37,775 What the fuck? 425 00:23:37,777 --> 00:23:40,144 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone. 426 00:23:40,146 --> 00:23:42,645 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? 427 00:23:42,647 --> 00:23:44,782 How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings? 428 00:23:44,784 --> 00:23:45,950 What do those do anyway, huh? 429 00:23:45,952 --> 00:23:47,485 Carry him three feet off the ground 430 00:23:47,487 --> 00:23:49,553 to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? 431 00:23:49,555 --> 00:23:51,722 - (DOORS CLOSE) - No, no, no! 432 00:23:51,724 --> 00:23:54,692 I am not X-Man material at all. 433 00:23:54,694 --> 00:23:57,094 First off... (BREATHES DEEPLY) 434 00:23:57,096 --> 00:23:59,365 I'm not even a virgin. Second and more... (GROANS) 435 00:24:00,166 --> 00:24:01,499 (GRUNTS) 436 00:24:01,501 --> 00:24:02,600 I should have left you 437 00:24:02,602 --> 00:24:04,468 in the self-pitying mess I found you in. 438 00:24:04,470 --> 00:24:07,505 But this is what friends do. They show up! 439 00:24:07,507 --> 00:24:09,540 Not when convenient or easy. 440 00:24:09,542 --> 00:24:13,877 When hard, and you always make it hard. 441 00:24:13,879 --> 00:24:16,313 - (BREATHING HEAVILY) - You are unwell. 442 00:24:16,315 --> 00:24:18,616 I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here. 443 00:24:18,618 --> 00:24:20,484 (STRAINING) Wait. One of the assholes 444 00:24:20,486 --> 00:24:22,088 who killed Vanessa got away. 445 00:24:22,888 --> 00:24:23,956 (GRUNTS) 446 00:24:24,557 --> 00:24:26,924 Oh, Jesus Christ! 447 00:24:26,926 --> 00:24:29,093 Wade, whoever they are... 448 00:24:29,095 --> 00:24:32,131 we track them down and bring them to justice. 449 00:24:32,465 --> 00:24:33,933 It was me. 450 00:24:36,802 --> 00:24:39,370 I'm the asshole who got away. 451 00:24:39,372 --> 00:24:42,573 I killed every last one of them, except me. 452 00:24:42,575 --> 00:24:44,343 Couldn't kill me. 453 00:24:47,580 --> 00:24:49,782 We were gonna start a family. 454 00:24:51,417 --> 00:24:53,417 We were, uh... (SNIFFLES) 455 00:24:53,419 --> 00:24:54,585 (CLEARS THROAT) 456 00:24:54,587 --> 00:24:57,188 We were gonna be a family. 457 00:24:57,190 --> 00:24:58,122 COLOSSUS: Wade... 458 00:24:58,124 --> 00:25:01,127 Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back. 459 00:25:02,595 --> 00:25:04,894 This may not be family you want... 460 00:25:04,896 --> 00:25:07,464 but it's family you need. 461 00:25:07,466 --> 00:25:08,732 You have a good heart. 462 00:25:08,734 --> 00:25:10,369 It belongs here where it can grow. 463 00:25:12,205 --> 00:25:13,239 What did you say? 464 00:25:15,241 --> 00:25:16,709 About my heart? 465 00:25:20,446 --> 00:25:21,912 (EXHALES) 466 00:25:21,914 --> 00:25:24,116 I think I'm in the right place. 467 00:25:34,126 --> 00:25:35,795 (GRUNTS) 468 00:26:22,874 --> 00:26:24,310 (INAUDIBLE) 469 00:26:27,780 --> 00:26:29,881 (SCREAMING) 470 00:26:38,491 --> 00:26:39,492 Wade. 471 00:26:40,092 --> 00:26:41,492 Wade! 472 00:26:41,494 --> 00:26:44,628 Hey, I was just taking Cerebro for a spin here... 473 00:26:44,630 --> 00:26:46,430 looking deep into the future. 474 00:26:46,432 --> 00:26:47,732 Phew. This thing... 475 00:26:47,734 --> 00:26:49,633 - That's not how Cerebro works. - That's not how Cerebro works. 476 00:26:49,635 --> 00:26:51,635 Yes. Yes, it is. 477 00:26:51,637 --> 00:26:53,404 - We have mission. - We have mission. 478 00:26:53,406 --> 00:26:55,372 We do. You do. 479 00:26:55,374 --> 00:26:56,473 You guys be safe out there. 480 00:26:56,475 --> 00:26:59,445 - No, I want you to join. - No, you want me to join. 481 00:27:00,946 --> 00:27:02,379 I'm sorry, what? 482 00:27:02,381 --> 00:27:03,847 You are ready. 483 00:27:03,849 --> 00:27:05,382 That's a terrible idea, and it's gonna end badly. 484 00:27:05,384 --> 00:27:07,651 You wanna know how I know? I'll give you a hint. 485 00:27:07,653 --> 00:27:08,787 (WHISPERS) It's on my head 486 00:27:08,789 --> 00:27:10,887 and smells like Patrick Stewart. 487 00:27:10,889 --> 00:27:12,791 Be at the X-Jet in five. 488 00:27:12,793 --> 00:27:14,393 (CRACKLING) 489 00:27:15,762 --> 00:27:18,295 REPORTER: Irene Merryweather, WHIT News. 490 00:27:18,297 --> 00:27:20,264 Live here at a breaking news situation 491 00:27:20,266 --> 00:27:23,067 at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. 492 00:27:23,069 --> 00:27:25,035 A mutant boy is appearing to have 493 00:27:25,037 --> 00:27:26,403 some sort of an incident... 494 00:27:26,405 --> 00:27:28,172 - with police here behind me. - RUSSELL: Get away from me! 495 00:27:28,174 --> 00:27:30,709 There are two police vehicles that are overturned. 496 00:27:30,711 --> 00:27:32,076 - There are open fires. - Fuck off! Stay back! 497 00:27:32,078 --> 00:27:33,344 REPORTER: A scene of absolute chaos here. 498 00:27:33,346 --> 00:27:34,244 OFFICER: Calm down. 499 00:27:34,246 --> 00:27:37,216 RUSSELL: I'll burn you! You stay back! 500 00:27:37,784 --> 00:27:39,450 Get away from me! 501 00:27:39,452 --> 00:27:42,221 You wanna fucking die? (BREATHING HEAVILY) 502 00:27:56,969 --> 00:28:00,371 And it appears as if the X-Men are arriving... 503 00:28:00,373 --> 00:28:01,840 DEADPOOL: Scatter! 504 00:28:01,842 --> 00:28:03,674 REPORTER: ...with what appears to be a trainee. 505 00:28:03,676 --> 00:28:06,910 DEADPOOL: Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I... 506 00:28:06,912 --> 00:28:08,178 We're the X-Men! 507 00:28:08,180 --> 00:28:10,749 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s. 508 00:28:10,751 --> 00:28:12,651 So, respect. 509 00:28:13,419 --> 00:28:14,620 At ease, Officer. 510 00:28:16,088 --> 00:28:17,923 What are you doing? 511 00:28:18,290 --> 00:28:19,356 My job! 512 00:28:19,358 --> 00:28:20,924 You're the one who said I was ready, 513 00:28:20,926 --> 00:28:22,359 and I frankly disagreed with you. 514 00:28:22,361 --> 00:28:24,928 But here we are, trying to overcome our differences. 515 00:28:24,930 --> 00:28:27,466 Like Beyonce says, "Please... 516 00:28:28,134 --> 00:28:29,633 "Please, stop cheating on me." 517 00:28:29,635 --> 00:28:30,769 OFFICER: Hey! 518 00:28:30,771 --> 00:28:32,102 This is the fifth incident. 519 00:28:32,104 --> 00:28:34,505 This kid needs to be in the Ice Box, not here. 520 00:28:34,507 --> 00:28:36,140 Russell belongs in our care. 521 00:28:36,142 --> 00:28:37,941 Not in prison. I assure you... 522 00:28:37,943 --> 00:28:39,076 we have everything under control. 523 00:28:39,078 --> 00:28:40,377 RUSSELL: Stay back! I'll burn you! 524 00:28:40,379 --> 00:28:41,412 Not getting a real 525 00:28:41,414 --> 00:28:43,680 "under control" vibe here, Marty. 526 00:28:43,682 --> 00:28:45,549 - It is Glen, isn't it? - Daniel. 527 00:28:45,551 --> 00:28:48,085 I'll ask the questions. Let me talk to the kid. 528 00:28:48,087 --> 00:28:52,425 You stay here with your weird, secret sex lips. 529 00:28:54,493 --> 00:28:55,626 RUSSELL: You wanna die? 530 00:28:55,628 --> 00:28:56,560 DEADPOOL: This kid's adorable. 531 00:28:56,562 --> 00:28:57,829 I don't know why I packed the hollow points. 532 00:28:57,831 --> 00:28:59,229 I'll burn your balls off! 533 00:28:59,231 --> 00:29:02,734 First day. (CHUCKLING) I'm so nervous! 534 00:29:02,736 --> 00:29:04,535 Did you just say "hollow points"? 535 00:29:04,537 --> 00:29:05,737 Yeah, probably should've 536 00:29:05,739 --> 00:29:07,973 brought a Super Soaker. (LAUGHS) 537 00:29:08,474 --> 00:29:09,475 Hi, there! 538 00:29:10,676 --> 00:29:13,110 Stay back or Justin Bieber dies! 539 00:29:13,112 --> 00:29:16,682 (LAUGHS) Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber. 540 00:29:17,950 --> 00:29:19,784 - (RUSSELL GRUNTS) - Hold on! Wait, wait, wait! 541 00:29:19,786 --> 00:29:22,886 Okay, let's not do whatever that is. 542 00:29:22,888 --> 00:29:24,488 Okay? Let's just talk! 543 00:29:24,490 --> 00:29:26,056 It's Russell, right? 544 00:29:26,058 --> 00:29:28,292 - Firefist. - Firefist. 545 00:29:28,294 --> 00:29:30,527 Ooh, that's a great name. Where does it burn? 546 00:29:30,529 --> 00:29:32,330 Just the fist, or all the way up to the elbow? 547 00:29:33,232 --> 00:29:34,433 (GRUNTS) 548 00:29:35,968 --> 00:29:37,234 (CROWD EXCLAIMS) 549 00:29:37,236 --> 00:29:39,870 (CHUCKLES) Definitely all the way up to the elbow. 550 00:29:39,872 --> 00:29:42,539 Come quietly, or there will be trouble. 551 00:29:42,541 --> 00:29:45,609 - You stole that from Robocop! - That's from Robocop! 552 00:29:45,611 --> 00:29:47,144 Just stand down! 553 00:29:47,146 --> 00:29:49,446 You're embarrassing me. Look, Fire... 554 00:29:49,448 --> 00:29:50,514 (LAUGHS) 555 00:29:50,516 --> 00:29:53,317 Oh, my God! I can't say it! I'm so sorry! 556 00:29:53,319 --> 00:29:54,320 (GRUNTS) 557 00:29:55,087 --> 00:29:57,722 (ALL SCREAMING) 558 00:29:57,724 --> 00:30:01,759 Oh, shit! That fucking does it! 559 00:30:01,761 --> 00:30:03,093 Put your hands behind your knees 560 00:30:03,095 --> 00:30:04,796 and get down on your head! Now! 561 00:30:04,798 --> 00:30:06,997 Wade! What was first rule? 562 00:30:06,999 --> 00:30:08,800 Label everything in the refrigerator! 563 00:30:08,802 --> 00:30:11,568 - Do not escalate! - Rules are meant to be broken! 564 00:30:11,570 --> 00:30:13,136 COLOSSUS: That's the exact opposite 565 00:30:13,138 --> 00:30:14,640 of what they're meant for! 566 00:30:15,574 --> 00:30:17,374 Fuck! Fine! 567 00:30:17,376 --> 00:30:19,109 I'll start from the beginning. 568 00:30:19,111 --> 00:30:21,678 My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man. 569 00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:23,616 - Trainee! - Shut it! 570 00:30:24,550 --> 00:30:26,786 Look, I get it. 571 00:30:27,921 --> 00:30:29,622 All right, you're scared. 572 00:30:30,256 --> 00:30:31,154 Alone. 573 00:30:31,156 --> 00:30:32,256 You got no family. 574 00:30:32,258 --> 00:30:33,323 I didn't have a family, either. 575 00:30:33,325 --> 00:30:35,125 You live in this dump. Guess what? 576 00:30:35,127 --> 00:30:37,628 I used to live in a shithole just like it. 577 00:30:37,630 --> 00:30:40,364 But you know something? To make matters worse... 578 00:30:40,366 --> 00:30:42,232 it's a confusing time in your life right now. 579 00:30:42,234 --> 00:30:45,970 Your body is going through some fiery changes. 580 00:30:45,972 --> 00:30:47,939 Too far? I went too far, didn't I? 581 00:30:47,941 --> 00:30:49,241 - (GRUNTS) - (ALL EXCLAIM) 582 00:30:55,114 --> 00:30:57,147 That was effervescent. 583 00:30:57,149 --> 00:30:59,583 (SIGHS) Stay in school, kid. 584 00:30:59,585 --> 00:31:01,385 Or don't. I didn't. 585 00:31:01,387 --> 00:31:03,287 - And I'm an X-Man. - (THUDS) 586 00:31:03,289 --> 00:31:04,421 Trainee. 587 00:31:04,423 --> 00:31:05,656 Fuck it! 588 00:31:05,658 --> 00:31:07,459 Superhero landing coming up! 589 00:31:09,461 --> 00:31:11,094 (GRUNTS) 590 00:31:11,096 --> 00:31:12,764 Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck! 591 00:31:12,766 --> 00:31:14,799 (GROANS) That is so not practical. 592 00:31:14,801 --> 00:31:16,402 - (GRUNTS) - (GASPS) 593 00:31:18,038 --> 00:31:19,405 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 594 00:31:25,077 --> 00:31:26,445 (GROANS) 595 00:31:30,182 --> 00:31:32,651 (CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING) 596 00:31:35,387 --> 00:31:37,387 I could get used to this X-Man shit. 597 00:31:37,389 --> 00:31:38,689 NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD: Trainee! 598 00:31:38,691 --> 00:31:39,656 DEADPOOL: Trainee! 599 00:31:39,658 --> 00:31:41,592 OFFICER: Get a power restraint on him. Now! 600 00:31:41,594 --> 00:31:44,863 DEADPOOL: Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya. 601 00:31:45,664 --> 00:31:46,798 (DEVICE WHIRRS) 602 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,265 What's that do? 603 00:31:48,267 --> 00:31:49,901 Power-dampening collar. 604 00:31:49,903 --> 00:31:51,201 Shuts down all mutant abilities. 605 00:31:51,203 --> 00:31:53,838 You can't get it off. Unless you've got a grenade. 606 00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:57,140 Huh. Could've used one of those in the first act. 607 00:31:57,142 --> 00:31:58,510 HEADMASTER: Thank you! 608 00:32:00,112 --> 00:32:02,613 That was absolutely thrilling. 609 00:32:02,615 --> 00:32:04,749 True heroism in action. 610 00:32:04,751 --> 00:32:06,485 We are in your debt. 611 00:32:07,119 --> 00:32:08,920 We can take it from here. 612 00:32:08,922 --> 00:32:11,121 Take me to the Ice Box, please! 613 00:32:11,123 --> 00:32:12,389 Anywhere's better than here. 614 00:32:12,391 --> 00:32:13,557 DEADPOOL: Believe me, son, 615 00:32:13,559 --> 00:32:15,225 you do not wanna go to the Ice Box. 616 00:32:15,227 --> 00:32:17,260 Let's get you inside, young man. 617 00:32:17,262 --> 00:32:19,262 No, wait, wait. Wait. 618 00:32:19,264 --> 00:32:20,866 You guys stay there. 619 00:32:30,876 --> 00:32:32,578 Those guys hurt you? 620 00:32:33,913 --> 00:32:35,147 Who? 621 00:32:36,983 --> 00:32:39,719 Baldilocks? Jared Kushner? 622 00:32:41,087 --> 00:32:42,688 Both of 'em? 623 00:32:46,793 --> 00:32:48,059 Oh, fuck it. 624 00:32:48,061 --> 00:32:49,727 Four or five moments! 625 00:32:49,729 --> 00:32:50,795 I'm sorry? 626 00:32:50,797 --> 00:32:54,166 Four or five moments! 627 00:32:55,167 --> 00:32:58,170 That's all it takes to be a hero. 628 00:32:59,005 --> 00:33:01,271 People think you wake up a hero... 629 00:33:01,273 --> 00:33:03,440 brush your teeth a hero... 630 00:33:03,442 --> 00:33:06,610 ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. 631 00:33:06,612 --> 00:33:07,678 (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) 632 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:11,684 But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments! 633 00:33:12,952 --> 00:33:14,584 A few moments... 634 00:33:14,586 --> 00:33:17,487 doing the ugly stuff no one else will do. 635 00:33:17,489 --> 00:33:18,557 (GROANS) 636 00:33:20,827 --> 00:33:21,928 No! 637 00:33:24,463 --> 00:33:25,963 OFFICER: Stand down! Hold your fire! 638 00:33:25,965 --> 00:33:28,198 - Wade, what did you do? - Colossus, no! 639 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:29,633 That kid was abused! You can tell. 640 00:33:29,635 --> 00:33:31,334 - You can always tell! - COLOSSUS: We have rules! 641 00:33:31,336 --> 00:33:34,204 You are not judge, jury or executioner! 642 00:33:34,206 --> 00:33:37,207 Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right! 643 00:33:37,209 --> 00:33:38,810 And sometimes you gotta fight dirty! 644 00:33:38,812 --> 00:33:42,347 You let me down for the last time, Wade. 645 00:33:45,250 --> 00:33:47,517 OFFICER: Okay, get these guys in the pod. 646 00:33:47,519 --> 00:33:50,121 - Take them to the Ice Box. - (SIRENS WAILING) 647 00:33:50,123 --> 00:33:51,991 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 648 00:34:03,103 --> 00:34:06,037 - (PRISONERS SHOUTING) - (WHISTLING) 649 00:34:06,039 --> 00:34:07,941 (GATE BUZZING) 650 00:34:09,408 --> 00:34:10,742 - (SHOUTING CONTINUES) - (GRUNTS) 651 00:34:10,744 --> 00:34:11,745 Hey, baby! 652 00:34:12,611 --> 00:34:15,046 I wonder what gang I'll be in. 653 00:34:15,048 --> 00:34:16,446 Yeah! 654 00:34:16,448 --> 00:34:18,851 - Is there, like, a Sorting Hat? - (MOUTHS) Hi. 655 00:34:20,754 --> 00:34:21,755 Go! 656 00:34:24,924 --> 00:34:26,325 GUARD: Hard left, douchebag. 657 00:34:30,462 --> 00:34:32,697 Please, after you. 658 00:34:32,699 --> 00:34:35,099 Another disgusting mutant off the streets. 659 00:34:35,101 --> 00:34:36,234 God bless America. 660 00:34:36,236 --> 00:34:37,501 Let's get a taco. 661 00:34:37,503 --> 00:34:40,039 - (TASER CRACKLING) - (GROANING) 662 00:34:41,107 --> 00:34:43,777 Nighty-night, you annoying prick! 663 00:34:45,011 --> 00:34:47,279 (CONTINUES GROANING) 664 00:35:15,809 --> 00:35:19,076 MAN: I'mma tell you what the big lie is. 665 00:35:19,078 --> 00:35:20,745 - (ESCAPE PLAYING ON RADIO) - Toilet paper. 666 00:35:20,747 --> 00:35:24,148 Toilet paper is a plenty fine appetizer. 667 00:35:24,150 --> 00:35:26,349 But, then... 668 00:35:26,351 --> 00:35:28,920 Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. 669 00:35:28,922 --> 00:35:30,320 That's your main course. 670 00:35:30,322 --> 00:35:33,958 They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies. 671 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:37,261 Finally, one more pass with the toilet paper, 672 00:35:37,263 --> 00:35:38,862 maybe clear out that excess moisture. 673 00:35:38,864 --> 00:35:40,564 Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, 674 00:35:40,566 --> 00:35:41,833 if you can get you a hair dryer. 675 00:35:41,835 --> 00:35:44,503 Just about 30 seconds will do you good. 676 00:35:48,074 --> 00:35:49,075 The fuck? 677 00:35:50,276 --> 00:35:51,510 Year? 678 00:35:52,312 --> 00:35:53,512 What? 679 00:35:54,446 --> 00:35:56,280 What year is it? 680 00:35:56,282 --> 00:35:58,348 What kind of dumbass question is that to ask? 681 00:35:58,350 --> 00:36:00,352 (BOTH GROAN) 682 00:36:11,965 --> 00:36:13,866 (VOMITING) 683 00:36:17,569 --> 00:36:20,071 RUSSELL: You're a long way from your superpowers. 684 00:36:20,073 --> 00:36:21,239 WADE: Yeah. 685 00:36:21,241 --> 00:36:23,076 (GROANING) 686 00:36:24,911 --> 00:36:26,043 Fuck! 687 00:36:26,045 --> 00:36:27,812 I wanted to be a superhero. 688 00:36:27,814 --> 00:36:30,081 Always wanted a real super suit. 689 00:36:30,083 --> 00:36:31,749 (SIGHS) What happened? 690 00:36:31,751 --> 00:36:33,871 When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 691 00:36:34,386 --> 00:36:36,020 Never. 692 00:36:36,022 --> 00:36:38,421 The industry discriminates. 693 00:36:38,423 --> 00:36:40,159 Fuck superheroes. (COUGHS) 694 00:36:40,827 --> 00:36:42,026 Fuck everyone. 695 00:36:42,028 --> 00:36:45,129 The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here... 696 00:36:45,131 --> 00:36:47,198 burn the headmaster alive... 697 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:50,701 and then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse. 698 00:36:50,703 --> 00:36:52,970 Who says prison isn't reformative? 699 00:36:52,972 --> 00:36:54,774 Fucker hates mutants. 700 00:36:55,574 --> 00:36:57,141 (WHISPERS) Blessed are the wicked 701 00:36:57,143 --> 00:36:59,411 who are healed by my hand. 702 00:36:59,846 --> 00:37:01,080 Your abilities. 703 00:37:02,481 --> 00:37:04,881 I know how seductive they are. 704 00:37:04,883 --> 00:37:07,084 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 705 00:37:07,086 --> 00:37:08,418 Now, please don't cry. 706 00:37:08,420 --> 00:37:09,855 (DEVICE BUZZING) 707 00:37:11,291 --> 00:37:12,658 - (GROANING) - (ZAPPING) 708 00:37:15,128 --> 00:37:19,032 Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy in here... 709 00:37:19,631 --> 00:37:20,965 and we'll make him our... 710 00:37:20,967 --> 00:37:22,868 (RUMBLING) 711 00:37:23,369 --> 00:37:24,735 (WADE COUGHS) 712 00:37:24,737 --> 00:37:26,237 - What was that? - (CLEARS THROAT) 713 00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:28,739 That is the biggest guy in here. 714 00:37:28,741 --> 00:37:31,042 Fun fact about the Ice Box... 715 00:37:31,044 --> 00:37:32,743 though no one's ever seen it, 716 00:37:32,745 --> 00:37:35,146 they keep a monster in the basement. 717 00:37:35,148 --> 00:37:36,781 Right next to a huge, 718 00:37:36,783 --> 00:37:38,617 steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 719 00:37:39,118 --> 00:37:40,119 Look. 720 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:43,354 I can't protect you. (COUGHS) 721 00:37:43,356 --> 00:37:44,521 With this collar on, 722 00:37:44,523 --> 00:37:47,657 my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 723 00:37:47,659 --> 00:37:51,262 Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye. 724 00:37:51,264 --> 00:37:53,364 Now, if you'll excuse me... (COUGHS) 725 00:37:53,366 --> 00:37:56,633 I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits. 726 00:37:56,635 --> 00:37:58,936 I'll start by making us a shank. 727 00:37:58,938 --> 00:38:00,938 - Good listening. - I stole that guard's pen... 728 00:38:00,940 --> 00:38:03,207 and stashed it in the old prison wallet, 729 00:38:03,209 --> 00:38:05,242 if you know what I'm saying. 730 00:38:05,244 --> 00:38:07,745 Prison wallet? (COUGHS) 731 00:38:07,747 --> 00:38:10,183 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 732 00:38:10,882 --> 00:38:12,416 (RUSSELL EXHALES) 733 00:38:12,418 --> 00:38:15,319 I can hear you rummaging around in there. 734 00:38:15,321 --> 00:38:16,923 (SIREN WAILING) 735 00:38:19,691 --> 00:38:21,225 REPORTER: (ON TV) And to update you 736 00:38:21,227 --> 00:38:22,625 on the story reported earlier, 737 00:38:22,627 --> 00:38:24,061 after a lengthy standoff 738 00:38:24,063 --> 00:38:26,863 outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation... 739 00:38:26,865 --> 00:38:28,366 two mutants were arrested 740 00:38:28,368 --> 00:38:30,001 and transported to the Ice Box... 741 00:38:30,003 --> 00:38:31,704 AUTOMATED VOICE: Entering repair mode. 742 00:38:35,874 --> 00:38:37,208 REPORTER: ...several police cars were destroyed 743 00:38:37,210 --> 00:38:39,611 and the X-Men were called in to restore order. 744 00:38:59,365 --> 00:39:00,563 (COUGHS) 745 00:39:00,565 --> 00:39:02,599 GUARD: (ON PA) Cells seven and nine 746 00:39:02,601 --> 00:39:06,137 now off-limits for medical personnel. 747 00:39:06,139 --> 00:39:07,570 Cells seven and nine 748 00:39:07,572 --> 00:39:10,209 now off-limits for medical personnel. 749 00:39:12,178 --> 00:39:13,678 Psst! 750 00:39:16,049 --> 00:39:18,015 Don't do that. 751 00:39:18,017 --> 00:39:21,185 What? Why are you winking at me? 752 00:39:21,187 --> 00:39:22,221 (COUGHS) 753 00:39:25,058 --> 00:39:26,357 I got your back. 754 00:39:26,359 --> 00:39:27,557 Oh, my God. 755 00:39:27,559 --> 00:39:29,060 You're sick, I gotta protect you. 756 00:39:29,062 --> 00:39:31,164 - Just leave me alone, kid. - (MAN WHISTLING) 757 00:39:32,165 --> 00:39:33,232 Oh, great. 758 00:39:33,699 --> 00:39:34,898 (WADE COUGHS) 759 00:39:34,901 --> 00:39:37,567 Well, hello there, new fish. 760 00:39:37,569 --> 00:39:40,637 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 761 00:39:40,639 --> 00:39:42,872 (COUGHS) I've done some light catalog work... 762 00:39:42,874 --> 00:39:45,509 but, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting. 763 00:39:45,511 --> 00:39:48,179 - I was talking to him. - Oh. 764 00:39:48,181 --> 00:39:51,715 Have we met? I can't place your mustache. 765 00:39:51,717 --> 00:39:54,285 - Black Tom Cassidy. - White Wade Wilson. 766 00:39:54,287 --> 00:39:57,822 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? 767 00:39:57,824 --> 00:40:00,558 You're supposed to be the toughest cunt in here. 768 00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:02,960 You don't look like much to me. 769 00:40:02,962 --> 00:40:05,662 First rule of the yard, fuckface... 770 00:40:05,664 --> 00:40:07,664 find the biggest guy and make him your... 771 00:40:07,666 --> 00:40:09,969 - (GROANS) - (INMATES EXCLAIM) 772 00:40:11,603 --> 00:40:13,804 Second biggest guy. 773 00:40:13,806 --> 00:40:16,107 The last thing I need is more hepatitis. 774 00:40:16,109 --> 00:40:19,676 Oh, it's slippery, too. This table needs a wipe down! 775 00:40:19,678 --> 00:40:21,678 Can we get a wipe down on the table? 776 00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:22,847 - (GROANS) - (INMATES EXCLAIM) 777 00:40:22,849 --> 00:40:25,049 Kid, I think you picked the wrong side. 778 00:40:25,051 --> 00:40:27,650 No, I didn't! He's my friend! 779 00:40:27,652 --> 00:40:29,956 - Zip it. We're not friends. - (INMATES CHEERING) 780 00:40:31,524 --> 00:40:32,804 You're about to get dick-slapped. 781 00:40:33,726 --> 00:40:36,295 - (INMATES SHOUTING) - (COUGHS) 782 00:40:37,697 --> 00:40:39,365 (SHOUTING CONTINUES) 783 00:40:45,171 --> 00:40:47,071 I had so much fun! You were like... (GRUNTS) 784 00:40:47,073 --> 00:40:49,306 And I was like, "Take a seat, shit dick." 785 00:40:49,308 --> 00:40:50,941 Just let me die in peace. 786 00:40:50,943 --> 00:40:53,177 (GRUNTS) We make a great team! 787 00:40:53,179 --> 00:40:55,813 Oh, God! We're not a team. (COUGHING) 788 00:40:55,815 --> 00:40:59,984 Why'd you say that back there? We're friends, partners. 789 00:40:59,986 --> 00:41:02,822 We're not partners or friends. 790 00:41:03,956 --> 00:41:06,157 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. 791 00:41:06,159 --> 00:41:08,325 It ends with me dying of cancer... 792 00:41:08,327 --> 00:41:12,363 and you winning the Ice Box award for softest mouth. 793 00:41:12,365 --> 00:41:13,697 (WADE COUGHS) 794 00:41:13,699 --> 00:41:15,466 There's only one person in this world 795 00:41:15,468 --> 00:41:17,236 that I care about, and she's gone. 796 00:41:18,870 --> 00:41:22,039 You wanna survive? 797 00:41:22,041 --> 00:41:25,409 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here... 798 00:41:25,411 --> 00:41:27,413 and make friends with them. 799 00:41:28,648 --> 00:41:30,316 Make friends with someone. 800 00:41:31,284 --> 00:41:33,452 Anyone but me. 801 00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:36,789 Maybe even Black Tim. 802 00:41:37,523 --> 00:41:39,023 Black Evan, I don't know. 803 00:41:39,025 --> 00:41:41,827 All I remember is he was African-American. 804 00:41:52,572 --> 00:41:54,307 (GUARDS GROANING) 805 00:42:00,813 --> 00:42:02,334 - (BREATHING HEAVILY) - (ALARM BLARING) 806 00:42:09,322 --> 00:42:11,190 (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) 807 00:42:16,529 --> 00:42:18,297 (BEEPING RAPIDLY) 808 00:42:19,565 --> 00:42:21,334 (GUARDS GROANING) 809 00:42:26,973 --> 00:42:29,273 AUTOMATED VOICE: (ON PA) System malfunctioning. 810 00:42:29,275 --> 00:42:32,309 Cells 7, 12, 14, 27. 811 00:42:32,311 --> 00:42:34,912 Back in your cells, you filthy mutants! Get in there! 812 00:42:34,914 --> 00:42:38,284 AUTOMATED VOICE: Cells 1, 3, 7, 8. 813 00:42:39,252 --> 00:42:40,953 - (BEEPING) - AUTOMATED VOICE: Searching. 814 00:42:42,321 --> 00:42:44,924 Cell 04 located. 815 00:42:46,192 --> 00:42:48,125 Door won't open! 816 00:42:48,127 --> 00:42:50,029 GUARD: On your fucking knees! 817 00:42:52,431 --> 00:42:54,066 (ALL GRUNTING) 818 00:43:26,767 --> 00:43:28,534 That was our cell. 819 00:43:30,436 --> 00:43:32,869 What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker 820 00:43:32,871 --> 00:43:34,206 with a Winter Soldier arm? 821 00:43:43,784 --> 00:43:45,384 Get away from me, kid! 822 00:43:47,253 --> 00:43:48,421 (PRISONER GROANS) 823 00:43:48,921 --> 00:43:50,189 (ALL GRUNTING) 824 00:43:52,759 --> 00:43:54,226 Listen to me! Go! 825 00:43:59,465 --> 00:44:01,067 Hello, Russell. 826 00:44:04,637 --> 00:44:05,905 (COCKS GUN) 827 00:44:09,776 --> 00:44:11,975 (GROANS) 828 00:44:11,977 --> 00:44:13,979 - (WADE GRUNTS) - (GROANS) 829 00:44:15,381 --> 00:44:17,216 (GROANING) 830 00:44:30,162 --> 00:44:31,430 (GRUNTS) 831 00:44:41,607 --> 00:44:44,110 (GUARDS GROANING) 832 00:45:02,928 --> 00:45:05,897 (GROANING) 833 00:45:09,736 --> 00:45:11,237 (ALL GRUNTING) 834 00:45:19,846 --> 00:45:21,311 (GROANS) 835 00:45:21,313 --> 00:45:22,515 (GASPS) 836 00:45:24,583 --> 00:45:26,051 Hello, superpowers. 837 00:45:30,757 --> 00:45:32,291 - (GRUNTS) - (GROANS) 838 00:45:35,027 --> 00:45:36,662 (BOTH GRUNTING) 839 00:45:43,969 --> 00:45:45,171 Who are you? 840 00:45:45,906 --> 00:45:47,273 I'm Batman. 841 00:45:56,382 --> 00:45:57,416 (GASPS) 842 00:45:58,551 --> 00:45:59,552 Ooh! 843 00:46:00,386 --> 00:46:01,620 (GRUNTS) 844 00:46:04,190 --> 00:46:07,293 Oh. That's got some zip. 845 00:46:15,234 --> 00:46:18,803 Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me. 846 00:46:18,805 --> 00:46:20,270 Talk! 847 00:46:20,272 --> 00:46:22,139 What kind of spineless shit stick 848 00:46:22,141 --> 00:46:23,976 tries to kill a 14-year-old boy? 849 00:46:24,877 --> 00:46:26,210 You might wanna start talking! 850 00:46:26,212 --> 00:46:29,081 'Cause I got a long history of firing at times like this! 851 00:46:30,149 --> 00:46:32,149 The name's Cable. 852 00:46:32,151 --> 00:46:35,619 I'm from the future. Just walk away. 853 00:46:35,621 --> 00:46:36,921 Oh! 854 00:46:36,923 --> 00:46:38,923 So, you're from the future. 855 00:46:38,925 --> 00:46:40,925 I have three questions then. 856 00:46:40,927 --> 00:46:44,428 One, is dubstep still a thing? 857 00:46:44,430 --> 00:46:47,464 Two, which Sharknado are we on? 858 00:46:47,466 --> 00:46:50,434 And three, at what point do audiences say... 859 00:46:50,436 --> 00:46:51,771 "Enough with the robotic arms"? 860 00:46:58,778 --> 00:47:00,246 (BOTH GRUNTING) 861 00:47:13,192 --> 00:47:15,261 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 862 00:47:18,965 --> 00:47:20,700 - (SHOUTING) - (CHOKING) 863 00:47:25,371 --> 00:47:27,206 (SCREAMING) 864 00:47:29,743 --> 00:47:31,510 (GROANING) 865 00:47:35,114 --> 00:47:37,180 Dubstep's for pussies. 866 00:47:37,182 --> 00:47:38,448 You're so dark! 867 00:47:38,450 --> 00:47:40,619 Are you sure you're not from the DC universe? 868 00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:43,021 I love dubstep! 869 00:47:43,023 --> 00:47:45,157 (DUBSTEP MUSIC PLAYING) 870 00:47:53,165 --> 00:47:55,234 - (GRUNTS) - (GROANS) 871 00:48:07,781 --> 00:48:09,047 (GROANS) 872 00:48:09,049 --> 00:48:10,480 WADE: Is that a fanny pack? 873 00:48:10,482 --> 00:48:14,151 I used to have one of those in 1990-never. 874 00:48:14,153 --> 00:48:16,286 Something to remember you by. 875 00:48:16,288 --> 00:48:20,123 Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere. 876 00:48:20,125 --> 00:48:22,628 Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack! 877 00:48:27,968 --> 00:48:29,435 (GROANING) 878 00:48:32,171 --> 00:48:34,504 Why are you protecting the kid? 879 00:48:34,506 --> 00:48:35,505 (LAUGHS) 880 00:48:35,507 --> 00:48:37,976 I don't give a fuck about him... 881 00:48:37,978 --> 00:48:40,512 and his Are You My Mother? complex! 882 00:48:42,983 --> 00:48:44,383 What's this one do? 883 00:48:45,284 --> 00:48:47,453 (BEEPING RAPIDLY) 884 00:48:56,328 --> 00:48:58,128 (INDISTINCT SHOUTING) 885 00:48:58,130 --> 00:48:59,663 WADE: In every film, there's a moment 886 00:48:59,665 --> 00:49:02,199 when the hero hits rock bottom. 887 00:49:02,201 --> 00:49:04,201 In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy's 888 00:49:04,203 --> 00:49:05,903 prized bobsled broke. 889 00:49:05,905 --> 00:49:09,172 In Human Centipede, it was when those people... 890 00:49:09,174 --> 00:49:10,975 signed on to be in that movie. 891 00:49:10,977 --> 00:49:13,011 But in this film, well... 892 00:49:13,013 --> 00:49:14,344 you're looking at it. 893 00:49:14,346 --> 00:49:16,348 GUARD: On your fucking knees, mutant. 894 00:49:16,950 --> 00:49:18,417 (GROANING) 895 00:49:19,019 --> 00:49:20,219 WADE: Rock... 896 00:49:24,057 --> 00:49:25,658 meet bottom. 897 00:49:30,529 --> 00:49:32,531 (INDISTINCT VOICES ECHOING) 898 00:49:36,136 --> 00:49:37,534 VANESSA: I love you, Wade Wilson. 899 00:49:37,536 --> 00:49:38,738 Ness? 900 00:49:39,739 --> 00:49:41,306 Hey, Ness! 901 00:49:42,008 --> 00:49:43,841 Ness, can you let me in? 902 00:49:43,843 --> 00:49:46,178 Please! Please. 903 00:49:48,014 --> 00:49:49,147 Jesus. 904 00:49:49,149 --> 00:49:50,349 (SIGHS) 905 00:49:52,052 --> 00:49:53,884 You're not giving me a lot of direction here. 906 00:49:53,886 --> 00:49:55,787 I'm at the end of my rope. 907 00:49:55,789 --> 00:49:57,322 (TIMER TICKING) 908 00:49:58,124 --> 00:50:00,457 Then I joined the X-Men. 909 00:50:00,459 --> 00:50:02,528 I went to prison. I, uh... 910 00:50:06,598 --> 00:50:08,200 Is it the kid? 911 00:50:09,836 --> 00:50:12,972 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be. 912 00:50:14,306 --> 00:50:15,507 - The kid! - (TIMER DINGS) 913 00:50:18,912 --> 00:50:20,512 (GASPING) 914 00:50:23,016 --> 00:50:24,683 (WHEEZING) 915 00:50:29,022 --> 00:50:30,587 That's exactly what she meant. 916 00:50:30,589 --> 00:50:32,123 Your heart needs to be in the right place. 917 00:50:32,125 --> 00:50:33,925 I'm not gonna abandon this kid. 918 00:50:33,927 --> 00:50:36,728 He's never had anyone, ever. 919 00:50:36,730 --> 00:50:38,029 I need to be selfless. 920 00:50:38,031 --> 00:50:40,031 Yeah, but what does that mean? 921 00:50:40,033 --> 00:50:43,333 It means I'm gonna save Russell. 922 00:50:43,335 --> 00:50:44,802 Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa... 923 00:50:44,804 --> 00:50:47,905 but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. 924 00:50:47,907 --> 00:50:50,108 Yeah, but what I mean is, like, the world "selfless." 925 00:50:50,110 --> 00:50:51,776 I literally don't know what that means. 926 00:50:51,778 --> 00:50:52,744 Jesus Christ. 927 00:50:52,746 --> 00:50:55,579 Okay, look. According to my guy, okay... 928 00:50:55,581 --> 00:50:57,681 those muties are being transferred 929 00:50:57,683 --> 00:50:59,349 to a supermax, 80 miles away. 930 00:50:59,351 --> 00:51:01,251 Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way. 931 00:51:01,253 --> 00:51:03,420 Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay? 932 00:51:03,422 --> 00:51:05,455 We're talking about an armored convoy... 933 00:51:05,457 --> 00:51:07,657 and a vicious super soldier from the future... 934 00:51:07,659 --> 00:51:10,527 that is looking to turn your skull into a fuckable ashtray. 935 00:51:10,529 --> 00:51:12,096 You know what we need to do? 936 00:51:12,098 --> 00:51:14,031 We need to build a fucking team. 937 00:51:14,033 --> 00:51:16,200 We need 'em tough, morally flexible... 938 00:51:16,202 --> 00:51:17,501 and young enough so they can carry 939 00:51:17,503 --> 00:51:18,970 this franchise 10 to 12 years. 940 00:51:18,972 --> 00:51:20,707 My body is an instrument of death. 941 00:51:21,874 --> 00:51:23,373 Not now, Dopinder. 942 00:51:23,375 --> 00:51:25,442 I could be of great use. 943 00:51:25,444 --> 00:51:27,312 What's your superpower? 944 00:51:28,580 --> 00:51:30,380 - Courage. - That's adorable. 945 00:51:30,382 --> 00:51:31,983 Do you have the courage to check and see... 946 00:51:31,985 --> 00:51:34,719 if there are enough sanitary napkins in the dispenser? 947 00:51:34,721 --> 00:51:35,585 Yes, sir. 948 00:51:35,587 --> 00:51:37,054 I'm sorry you had to see that, 949 00:51:37,056 --> 00:51:39,356 although I'm glad you heard it. 950 00:51:39,358 --> 00:51:41,324 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes. 951 00:51:41,326 --> 00:51:43,560 But we're not paying medical or dental. 952 00:51:43,562 --> 00:51:45,799 It's time to get back on LinkedIn. 953 00:51:55,641 --> 00:51:57,010 (EXHALES) 954 00:52:06,852 --> 00:52:08,854 (CHILD SINGING) 955 00:52:23,635 --> 00:52:27,171 GUARD: (ON PA) Transport will begin at 0800 hours... 956 00:52:27,173 --> 00:52:28,272 BLACK TOM: Oi. 957 00:52:28,274 --> 00:52:29,673 MUTANT: What the fuck do you want? 958 00:52:29,675 --> 00:52:31,641 That's my fucking pudding. 959 00:52:31,643 --> 00:52:33,543 - Fuck your pudding! - You like pudding? 960 00:52:33,545 --> 00:52:35,514 - (GRUNTS) - (PRISONERS CLAMORING) 961 00:52:36,149 --> 00:52:37,917 (ALARM BLARING) 962 00:52:54,934 --> 00:52:55,935 Hello? 963 00:52:58,171 --> 00:53:00,639 I know you're in there. 964 00:53:16,122 --> 00:53:18,725 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. 965 00:53:19,625 --> 00:53:22,093 Lonely at the top, eh? 966 00:53:22,095 --> 00:53:24,063 They're moving us tomorrow. 967 00:53:26,431 --> 00:53:29,432 Maybe I can get you out of here. 968 00:53:29,434 --> 00:53:32,772 And we can make the whole world our bitch. 969 00:53:34,439 --> 00:53:36,441 We need a secret code. 970 00:53:38,111 --> 00:53:39,310 (IMITATES BIRD CALL) 971 00:53:39,312 --> 00:53:42,115 (SOFTLY) No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot. 972 00:53:44,117 --> 00:53:46,117 (RHYTHMIC BANGING) 973 00:53:46,119 --> 00:53:48,154 (RHYTHMIC BANGING IN RESPONSE) 974 00:53:49,188 --> 00:53:50,654 We're a team. 975 00:53:50,656 --> 00:53:52,656 We're like thugs, we're like gangsters. 976 00:53:52,658 --> 00:53:56,626 I'm like Tupac, and you're like Ice Cube. 977 00:53:56,628 --> 00:53:59,063 WEASEL: Supposedly, she can rap, too. 978 00:53:59,065 --> 00:53:59,931 DEADPOOL: I like that. 979 00:53:59,933 --> 00:54:01,799 Terrific, these are all terrific. 980 00:54:01,801 --> 00:54:03,433 Meet Bedlam. 981 00:54:03,435 --> 00:54:05,903 Cool name! Superpowers? 982 00:54:05,905 --> 00:54:06,938 I can distort 983 00:54:06,940 --> 00:54:08,471 - electrical fields. - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) 984 00:54:08,473 --> 00:54:10,674 Including the one inside your brain... 985 00:54:10,676 --> 00:54:13,377 causing anxiety, confusion... 986 00:54:13,379 --> 00:54:14,680 pain. 987 00:54:15,514 --> 00:54:17,647 So, basically, you're Dave Matthews. 988 00:54:17,649 --> 00:54:18,952 We can use him. 989 00:54:20,552 --> 00:54:22,320 I'm Zeitgeist. 990 00:54:22,322 --> 00:54:23,586 Cool. I like it. 991 00:54:23,588 --> 00:54:24,854 So you have the power 992 00:54:24,856 --> 00:54:27,492 to put your finger on the pulse of society? 993 00:54:28,328 --> 00:54:29,492 (STAMMERS) No. 994 00:54:29,494 --> 00:54:31,195 No, I spit acidic vomit. (SNIFFS) 995 00:54:31,197 --> 00:54:32,330 - Oh. - Do you want me 996 00:54:32,332 --> 00:54:33,663 - to demonstrate? - DEADPOOL: No! 997 00:54:33,665 --> 00:54:35,032 WEASEL: We'll take your word for it. 998 00:54:35,034 --> 00:54:37,274 Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's, okay? 999 00:54:37,437 --> 00:54:40,139 And this is the Vanisher. 1000 00:54:43,409 --> 00:54:44,609 But... 1001 00:54:45,544 --> 00:54:47,178 Vanisher! 1002 00:54:47,180 --> 00:54:48,815 (LAUGHS) 1003 00:54:49,548 --> 00:54:51,483 Nice! Right? 1004 00:54:52,517 --> 00:54:53,650 He's not here, is he? 1005 00:54:53,652 --> 00:54:55,487 He may be running late. 1006 00:54:56,655 --> 00:54:59,556 My name's Rusty, but I go by Shatterstar. 1007 00:54:59,558 --> 00:55:00,857 BOTH: That's good, yeah. 1008 00:55:00,859 --> 00:55:02,927 - "Rusty" is terrible. - Toughie. 1009 00:55:02,929 --> 00:55:05,830 - So, uh, where are you from? - The planet Mojo World. 1010 00:55:05,832 --> 00:55:08,065 - So you're an alien, I guess. - Bad name. 1011 00:55:08,067 --> 00:55:09,632 How does that, uh, help us? 1012 00:55:09,634 --> 00:55:12,602 I'm basically better than you at everything. 1013 00:55:12,604 --> 00:55:14,405 Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people 1014 00:55:14,407 --> 00:55:15,906 that are worse than me at everything. 1015 00:55:15,908 --> 00:55:18,109 A whole bunch of functional idiots. 1016 00:55:18,111 --> 00:55:20,344 I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman. 1017 00:55:20,346 --> 00:55:21,412 Isn't that Canada? 1018 00:55:21,414 --> 00:55:23,950 You shut your goddamn trash mouth! 1019 00:55:25,284 --> 00:55:26,717 - WEASEL: Meet... - Domino. 1020 00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:28,953 - DEADPOOL: What's your shtick? - I'm lucky. 1021 00:55:28,955 --> 00:55:31,088 If you're so lucky, then what are you doing here with us? 1022 00:55:31,090 --> 00:55:32,289 DOMINO: I don't know yet. 1023 00:55:32,291 --> 00:55:33,424 What's that supposed to mean? 1024 00:55:33,426 --> 00:55:34,891 It means that I don't know yet. 1025 00:55:34,893 --> 00:55:36,494 But there's a reason why I'm here, 1026 00:55:36,496 --> 00:55:37,627 and I'll know when I know. 1027 00:55:37,629 --> 00:55:39,263 Everything usually works out for me. 1028 00:55:39,265 --> 00:55:40,965 Luck isn't a superpower. 1029 00:55:40,967 --> 00:55:42,500 - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. 1030 00:55:42,502 --> 00:55:43,768 - Yes, it is. - No, ma'am. 1031 00:55:43,770 --> 00:55:45,202 - DOMINO: Mmm-hmm. - Mario No-pez. 1032 00:55:45,204 --> 00:55:46,337 - Yeah. - Nacho cheese. 1033 00:55:46,339 --> 00:55:47,438 No, it definitely is. I really... 1034 00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:48,506 There's no way that it... 1035 00:55:48,508 --> 00:55:50,041 Sorry, I was interrupting you. 1036 00:55:50,043 --> 00:55:51,574 - Sorry. No, I interrupted you. - No, no, no. You can go first. 1037 00:55:51,576 --> 00:55:53,044 Oh, I was just gonna say, "No, it isn't." 1038 00:55:53,046 --> 00:55:55,813 I was gonna just bring it back to that yes, it is. 1039 00:55:55,815 --> 00:55:57,580 Let's meet in the middle and say, "No, it isn't." 1040 00:55:57,582 --> 00:56:00,718 - (CHUCKLES) But it is. - Okay. 1041 00:56:00,720 --> 00:56:02,453 - You're hired! - You're hired. 1042 00:56:02,455 --> 00:56:03,788 Oh, lucky me. 1043 00:56:03,790 --> 00:56:04,991 DEADPOOL: She's great. 1044 00:56:06,259 --> 00:56:07,825 And last, but not least... 1045 00:56:07,827 --> 00:56:08,928 Peter. 1046 00:56:09,962 --> 00:56:12,629 Am I getting catfished here or...? 1047 00:56:12,631 --> 00:56:14,465 Any powers you wanna tell us about? 1048 00:56:14,467 --> 00:56:16,300 PETER: No. 1049 00:56:16,302 --> 00:56:17,902 I don't have one. 1050 00:56:17,904 --> 00:56:21,174 Um, I just saw the ad and thought it looked fun. 1051 00:56:22,108 --> 00:56:23,274 You're in. 1052 00:56:23,276 --> 00:56:24,944 - Yeah. - Fuck! 1053 00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:29,215 It's fulfilling work. 1054 00:56:33,553 --> 00:56:34,987 GUARD: Let's go! 1055 00:56:48,201 --> 00:56:51,302 GUARD: This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box. 1056 00:56:51,304 --> 00:56:52,805 We are en route. 1057 00:57:00,079 --> 00:57:02,782 CABLE: Peacetime makes people soft. 1058 00:57:04,250 --> 00:57:06,085 I was born into war. 1059 00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:08,854 Bred into it. 1060 00:57:09,589 --> 00:57:10,687 Okay. 1061 00:57:10,689 --> 00:57:12,391 CABLE: People think they understand pain. 1062 00:57:13,593 --> 00:57:15,962 What's the most pain you've ever felt? 1063 00:57:17,930 --> 00:57:19,196 These restraints are pretty... 1064 00:57:19,198 --> 00:57:20,199 CABLE: I've got a list. 1065 00:57:21,534 --> 00:57:23,703 We're gonna work down it. 1066 00:57:24,270 --> 00:57:25,271 Together. 1067 00:57:26,405 --> 00:57:29,473 Number one, I'm gonna bend something. 1068 00:57:29,475 --> 00:57:31,775 Something that was not meant to bend. 1069 00:57:31,777 --> 00:57:32,876 I'm gonna stop you right there 1070 00:57:32,878 --> 00:57:34,245 because I'm not gonna make it to two. 1071 00:57:34,247 --> 00:57:35,579 I won't even make it to one. 1072 00:57:35,581 --> 00:57:37,014 I don't do well with pain, you know. 1073 00:57:37,016 --> 00:57:39,817 If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day. 1074 00:57:39,819 --> 00:57:42,419 I cried when they canceled Felicity. 1075 00:57:42,421 --> 00:57:43,921 When I get really scared, I get nervous erections. 1076 00:57:43,923 --> 00:57:45,523 I have one right now. 1077 00:57:45,525 --> 00:57:47,324 Don't look. It'll only make it worse. 1078 00:57:47,326 --> 00:57:48,225 I don't want you to hurt me, 1079 00:57:48,227 --> 00:57:50,796 and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. 1080 00:57:51,564 --> 00:57:53,863 Except for where they are. 1081 00:57:53,865 --> 00:57:55,266 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound 1082 00:57:55,268 --> 00:57:56,400 on Gerry Duggan Parkway. 1083 00:57:56,402 --> 00:57:58,135 The monster's with them. I wouldn't fuck with him. 1084 00:57:58,137 --> 00:57:59,503 DEADPOOL: You all know the plan. 1085 00:57:59,505 --> 00:58:01,138 Intercept the convoy, 1086 00:58:01,140 --> 00:58:03,440 grab the boy. But not inappropriately! 1087 00:58:03,442 --> 00:58:04,575 WEASEL: You know what, 1088 00:58:04,577 --> 00:58:05,843 I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either. 1089 00:58:05,845 --> 00:58:08,279 Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable. 1090 00:58:08,281 --> 00:58:10,981 He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it. 1091 00:58:10,983 --> 00:58:13,683 Watch out for this guy, Cable! 1092 00:58:13,685 --> 00:58:16,921 He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics. 1093 00:58:16,923 --> 00:58:19,957 And if we succeed, we all go home early. 1094 00:58:19,959 --> 00:58:22,039 WEASEL: So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you... 1095 00:58:22,861 --> 00:58:24,830 there's a wind advisory in effect. 1096 00:58:29,268 --> 00:58:31,037 (WIND HOWLING) 1097 00:58:35,775 --> 00:58:37,443 PILOT: (ON PA) A little turbulent up here. 1098 00:58:44,817 --> 00:58:46,717 I don't know much about this Cable fella... 1099 00:58:46,719 --> 00:58:47,985 but I guarantee he hasn't killed 1100 00:58:47,987 --> 00:58:49,989 as many people as melanoma has. 1101 00:58:51,290 --> 00:58:52,656 We're getting close! 1102 00:58:52,658 --> 00:58:54,425 As a former X-Man... 1103 00:58:54,427 --> 00:58:56,260 - Trainee. - Thank you, Bedlam. 1104 00:58:56,262 --> 00:58:58,729 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism 1105 00:58:58,731 --> 00:59:00,431 in the group's name. 1106 00:59:00,433 --> 00:59:02,299 X-Men! Men! 1107 00:59:02,301 --> 00:59:05,536 The point is, our group will be forward thinking. 1108 00:59:05,538 --> 00:59:06,904 Gender neutral. 1109 00:59:06,906 --> 00:59:09,242 From now on, we'll be known as... 1110 00:59:11,477 --> 00:59:12,910 X-Force. 1111 00:59:12,912 --> 00:59:14,645 Isn't that a little derivative? 1112 00:59:14,647 --> 00:59:17,183 I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter! 1113 00:59:18,351 --> 00:59:19,919 That wasn't me. 1114 00:59:26,759 --> 00:59:29,126 Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet... 1115 00:59:29,128 --> 00:59:30,961 intercept the convoy, and grab the boy. 1116 00:59:30,963 --> 00:59:32,129 Let's bring on the carnage, baby! 1117 00:59:32,131 --> 00:59:34,131 Get me on the ground, watch me go! 1118 00:59:34,133 --> 00:59:35,199 ALL: Yeah! 1119 00:59:35,201 --> 00:59:37,134 - (ALL WHOOPING) - I can't wait to kill! 1120 00:59:37,136 --> 00:59:39,770 Hey! Hey! Hey! 1121 00:59:39,772 --> 00:59:42,539 I just wanna say how proud I am of this team. 1122 00:59:42,541 --> 00:59:45,276 You know, you guys look amazing! 1123 00:59:45,278 --> 00:59:48,412 Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing too. 1124 00:59:48,414 --> 00:59:49,313 This is the family 1125 00:59:49,315 --> 00:59:51,083 that I've always dreamed of having and I... 1126 00:59:52,118 --> 00:59:53,217 Ah, shit. 1127 00:59:53,219 --> 00:59:54,652 (SNIFFLES) 1128 00:59:54,654 --> 00:59:56,220 I just get a little choked up sometimes. 1129 00:59:56,222 --> 00:59:58,322 I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous 1130 00:59:58,324 --> 00:59:59,657 about the high winds? 1131 00:59:59,659 --> 01:00:01,025 - Gary. - My name's Peter. 1132 01:00:01,027 --> 01:00:02,926 I realize that you're new to this, but relax. 1133 01:00:02,928 --> 01:00:04,495 You've been chosen by a higher power. 1134 01:00:04,497 --> 01:00:06,964 - Did he just call himself God? - I think he did. 1135 01:00:06,966 --> 01:00:08,733 - I'd like to go home. - And I'd like... 1136 01:00:08,735 --> 01:00:11,101 the McRib to be available year round, 1137 01:00:11,103 --> 01:00:13,070 but sometimes dreams don't come true. 1138 01:00:13,072 --> 01:00:15,172 I spent 10 years in Special Forces. 1139 01:00:15,174 --> 01:00:16,507 You think we didn't jump out of the plane 1140 01:00:16,509 --> 01:00:17,941 because of a light breeze? 1141 01:00:17,943 --> 01:00:20,577 You're in this shit now, Mustache! 1142 01:00:20,579 --> 01:00:22,781 (WHISPERS) I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. 1143 01:00:22,783 --> 01:00:25,316 I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. 1144 01:00:25,318 --> 01:00:27,484 Leonard, hit it! 1145 01:00:27,486 --> 01:00:29,388 - (ALARM BLARING) - (THUNDERSTRUCK PLAYING) 1146 01:00:36,195 --> 01:00:38,230 Go! Go! Go! 1147 01:00:41,033 --> 01:00:42,835 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 1148 01:01:13,767 --> 01:01:15,332 Let's get some! 1149 01:01:15,334 --> 01:01:16,500 Whoo! 1150 01:01:16,502 --> 01:01:17,736 Oh, yeah! 1151 01:01:17,738 --> 01:01:20,606 Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command! 1152 01:01:21,574 --> 01:01:23,240 Deploy! Oh, hey now! 1153 01:01:23,242 --> 01:01:24,377 Whoa! 1154 01:01:29,582 --> 01:01:31,517 Little off course here. 1155 01:01:32,585 --> 01:01:33,752 (GROANS) 1156 01:01:33,754 --> 01:01:36,255 Holy mommy fucking shit! 1157 01:01:37,423 --> 01:01:38,555 Ah, there they are. 1158 01:01:38,557 --> 01:01:42,226 Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches. (BLOWS KISS) 1159 01:01:42,228 --> 01:01:44,363 Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam! 1160 01:01:45,865 --> 01:01:47,531 - (BEDLAM GRUNTS) - (ALL GASP) 1161 01:01:47,533 --> 01:01:49,233 (GASPING DRAMATICALLY) 1162 01:01:49,235 --> 01:01:53,705 No! Tripping motherfucking billies! 1163 01:01:53,707 --> 01:01:56,575 Shatterstar. Okay, you got this. 1164 01:01:57,510 --> 01:01:58,609 Left! 1165 01:01:58,611 --> 01:01:59,943 Left! 1166 01:01:59,945 --> 01:02:02,314 No, stage left, you idiot! 1167 01:02:02,849 --> 01:02:04,517 (GASPS) 1168 01:02:06,018 --> 01:02:07,684 Well, I guess we found something 1169 01:02:07,686 --> 01:02:08,954 you're not better at. 1170 01:02:10,791 --> 01:02:12,222 Vanisher. 1171 01:02:12,224 --> 01:02:14,226 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see. 1172 01:02:15,661 --> 01:02:17,327 (GRUNTING) 1173 01:02:17,329 --> 01:02:18,529 Oh! Really? 1174 01:02:18,531 --> 01:02:21,031 All right, we could do this with four. 1175 01:02:21,033 --> 01:02:24,067 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy! 1176 01:02:24,069 --> 01:02:26,372 That's the stuff! That's the X-Force spirit! 1177 01:02:27,339 --> 01:02:29,707 Never underestimate a man with a mustache! 1178 01:02:29,709 --> 01:02:31,442 Just ask anyone in Brooklyn. 1179 01:02:31,444 --> 01:02:32,609 (WHOOPS) We did it! 1180 01:02:32,611 --> 01:02:34,344 You're a goddamn superhero, you! 1181 01:02:34,346 --> 01:02:35,381 X-Force! 1182 01:02:35,849 --> 01:02:37,049 X-Force. 1183 01:02:39,285 --> 01:02:40,150 (SCREAMING) 1184 01:02:40,152 --> 01:02:41,418 (WOOD CHIPPER WHIRRING) 1185 01:02:41,420 --> 01:02:43,322 - (GASPS) - Oh! 1186 01:02:44,323 --> 01:02:45,424 (EXHALES) 1187 01:02:46,859 --> 01:02:47,991 Peter. 1188 01:02:47,993 --> 01:02:49,259 PETER: I got you, buddy! 1189 01:02:49,261 --> 01:02:50,394 - You're gonna be fine! - This is not good, man! 1190 01:02:50,396 --> 01:02:52,863 You got this, big guy! Here we go, Peter! 1191 01:02:52,865 --> 01:02:54,331 Look at me. We're X-Force, right? 1192 01:02:54,333 --> 01:02:56,635 - Yeah, we're X-Force. - We're X-Force. 1193 01:03:00,606 --> 01:03:02,473 Oh, my God! What the fuck? 1194 01:03:02,475 --> 01:03:04,041 - Fucking acidic vomit! - (SCREAMS) 1195 01:03:04,043 --> 01:03:06,176 (WHIRRING) 1196 01:03:06,178 --> 01:03:08,979 Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up in my mask. 1197 01:03:08,981 --> 01:03:10,382 (EXHALES) 1198 01:03:12,051 --> 01:03:14,384 DOMINO: Okay, I'm over the convoy. 1199 01:03:14,386 --> 01:03:16,455 Where did the rest of the team land? 1200 01:03:17,122 --> 01:03:18,889 Good news and bad news. 1201 01:03:18,891 --> 01:03:22,092 Bad news is the whole team is dead. 1202 01:03:22,094 --> 01:03:23,327 The good news is, 1203 01:03:23,329 --> 01:03:25,262 I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. 1204 01:03:25,264 --> 01:03:28,665 He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul! 1205 01:03:28,667 --> 01:03:29,734 DOMINO: Peter! 1206 01:03:29,736 --> 01:03:31,134 Peter, I'm gonna miss him most. 1207 01:03:31,136 --> 01:03:32,269 But there is a slight chance 1208 01:03:32,271 --> 01:03:33,705 Vanisher could make it. 1209 01:03:33,707 --> 01:03:36,540 - (PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) -Nope, no chance. He's dead. 1210 01:03:36,542 --> 01:03:37,508 DOMINO: The whole team? 1211 01:03:37,510 --> 01:03:39,744 Only the main ones. We're still good. 1212 01:03:39,746 --> 01:03:41,044 Fuck, you are dumb. 1213 01:03:41,046 --> 01:03:43,447 Even after all this time, I still can't talk about it. 1214 01:03:43,449 --> 01:03:45,582 Who knew these winds would be so strong? 1215 01:03:45,584 --> 01:03:48,285 Everyone! Everyone on the helicopter! 1216 01:03:48,287 --> 01:03:50,089 And everyone not on the helicopter! 1217 01:03:59,164 --> 01:04:01,267 They're headed into the tunnel. 1218 01:04:02,067 --> 01:04:03,467 I'm that kid's only hope, 1219 01:04:03,469 --> 01:04:05,571 so sit tight and wait for my word. 1220 01:04:06,171 --> 01:04:07,271 DOMINO: Whatever. 1221 01:04:07,273 --> 01:04:08,572 We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in. 1222 01:04:08,574 --> 01:04:11,408 DEADPOOL: Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. 1223 01:04:11,410 --> 01:04:14,077 Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked! 1224 01:04:14,079 --> 01:04:17,180 No, we most certainly are not fucked. 1225 01:04:17,182 --> 01:04:18,902 - (CARS HORNS HONKING) - (BRAKES SCREECHING) 1226 01:04:20,219 --> 01:04:22,787 DEADPOOL: Seriously, I don't get it! 1227 01:04:22,789 --> 01:04:25,558 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? 1228 01:04:27,493 --> 01:04:29,393 It's just it's hard to picture. 1229 01:04:29,395 --> 01:04:31,698 And certainly not very cinematic. 1230 01:04:34,233 --> 01:04:35,967 I mean, luck? 1231 01:04:35,969 --> 01:04:38,435 What coked out, glass pipe-sucking 1232 01:04:38,437 --> 01:04:39,971 freakshow comic book artist... 1233 01:04:39,973 --> 01:04:41,572 came up with that little chestnut? 1234 01:04:41,574 --> 01:04:44,143 Probably a guy who can't draw feet! 1235 01:04:54,788 --> 01:04:58,255 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders. 1236 01:04:58,257 --> 01:04:59,456 It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. 1237 01:04:59,458 --> 01:05:00,725 - Wander the Earth... - I'm in. 1238 01:05:00,727 --> 01:05:02,426 I'm sorry, what did you say? 1239 01:05:02,428 --> 01:05:03,293 I'm in. 1240 01:05:03,295 --> 01:05:05,397 How in the fuck are you in already? 1241 01:05:05,765 --> 01:05:07,631 Oh, shit. 1242 01:05:07,633 --> 01:05:08,865 It's Cable. 12 o'clock. 1243 01:05:08,867 --> 01:05:09,968 DEADPOOL: Okay. 1244 01:05:09,970 --> 01:05:12,369 New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers 1245 01:05:12,371 --> 01:05:15,205 to stop Cable from killing that kid. 1246 01:05:15,207 --> 01:05:17,109 I'm coming up on your six. 1247 01:05:25,150 --> 01:05:27,184 That gun is amazing! 1248 01:05:27,186 --> 01:05:29,455 - (GRUNTS) - (TIRES SCREECHING) 1249 01:05:36,228 --> 01:05:38,295 MAN: Hey! Asshole! 1250 01:05:38,297 --> 01:05:40,031 DOMINO: Where is he? I can't see him. 1251 01:05:40,033 --> 01:05:41,634 DEADPOOL: He's on top of you. 1252 01:05:43,602 --> 01:05:45,770 He's going in through the back! 1253 01:05:45,772 --> 01:05:46,971 Oh, God, he's inside! 1254 01:05:46,973 --> 01:05:48,238 You hear yourself, right? 1255 01:05:48,240 --> 01:05:49,873 DEADPOOL: Accidental double entendres! 1256 01:05:49,875 --> 01:05:52,209 Russell! Russell Collins! 1257 01:05:52,211 --> 01:05:54,346 DEADPOOL: Hands off that kid, John Connor! 1258 01:05:59,652 --> 01:06:00,853 No, no, no! 1259 01:06:04,623 --> 01:06:05,725 Shit! 1260 01:06:06,291 --> 01:06:07,493 (PRISONER SCREAMING) 1261 01:06:09,428 --> 01:06:10,429 (GRUNTS) 1262 01:06:18,071 --> 01:06:19,271 (BEEPING RAPIDLY) 1263 01:06:27,446 --> 01:06:29,581 DEADPOOL: Two can play that game! 1264 01:06:31,684 --> 01:06:33,552 Got it! No, I don't. 1265 01:06:34,353 --> 01:06:35,419 Showtime, mama! 1266 01:06:35,421 --> 01:06:37,322 Lady Luck, take the wheel. 1267 01:06:45,564 --> 01:06:46,665 (GUN CLICKS) 1268 01:06:53,139 --> 01:06:54,339 (GROANS) 1269 01:07:10,689 --> 01:07:11,690 (HORNS HONKING) 1270 01:07:12,357 --> 01:07:13,559 (DOMINO GRUNTING) 1271 01:07:14,693 --> 01:07:16,828 I'd ask who you are, but you'll be dead in a second. 1272 01:07:16,830 --> 01:07:18,930 I'm Domino, and doubtful. 1273 01:07:18,932 --> 01:07:20,499 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1274 01:07:35,347 --> 01:07:36,548 Hang in there, Doms! 1275 01:07:37,817 --> 01:07:39,382 Oh, this is really hard. 1276 01:07:39,384 --> 01:07:40,720 (TIRES SCREECHING) 1277 01:07:50,629 --> 01:07:51,495 (GUNSHOT) 1278 01:07:51,497 --> 01:07:53,032 And give me back my Skee-Ball token. 1279 01:07:56,468 --> 01:07:58,303 - You're doing great. - X-Force. 1280 01:08:00,073 --> 01:08:02,140 I guess dubstep never dies. 1281 01:08:02,142 --> 01:08:03,810 (BANGARANG PLAYING) 1282 01:08:06,512 --> 01:08:07,546 Whoo! 1283 01:08:08,715 --> 01:08:09,849 (LAUGHING) 1284 01:08:11,751 --> 01:08:13,184 (BLACK TOM GROANS) 1285 01:08:13,186 --> 01:08:14,451 (DEADPOOL GASPS) 1286 01:08:14,453 --> 01:08:17,289 You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch! 1287 01:08:18,091 --> 01:08:19,324 (GROWLS) 1288 01:08:19,892 --> 01:08:20,994 That's unfortunate. 1289 01:08:24,264 --> 01:08:25,595 We got no brakes! 1290 01:08:25,597 --> 01:08:27,000 (STRAINING) Figure it out! 1291 01:08:27,901 --> 01:08:29,334 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1292 01:08:31,303 --> 01:08:32,939 There's nothing I can't kill. 1293 01:08:35,175 --> 01:08:36,439 Ooh. 1294 01:08:36,441 --> 01:08:39,878 Somebody knows karate. 1295 01:08:42,282 --> 01:08:43,950 Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy. 1296 01:08:56,328 --> 01:08:57,997 (PANTING) 1297 01:08:59,199 --> 01:09:00,399 Ow. 1298 01:09:01,234 --> 01:09:02,434 Here we go. 1299 01:09:03,269 --> 01:09:05,569 Domino, mind slowing us down? 1300 01:09:05,571 --> 01:09:07,871 (SIGHS) Here goes nothing. 1301 01:09:07,873 --> 01:09:09,075 (HORN HONKING) 1302 01:09:10,977 --> 01:09:12,544 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1303 01:09:15,815 --> 01:09:17,416 (HONKING) 1304 01:09:38,570 --> 01:09:40,740 MAN: Knock, knock. 1305 01:09:47,146 --> 01:09:48,246 That's my boy. 1306 01:09:48,248 --> 01:09:49,648 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1307 01:09:54,686 --> 01:09:55,886 Holy... 1308 01:09:55,888 --> 01:09:56,889 (GRUNTS) 1309 01:10:00,559 --> 01:10:02,028 (ONLY TIME PLAYING) 1310 01:10:04,396 --> 01:10:05,963 (YELLING) 1311 01:10:05,965 --> 01:10:07,698 DEADPOOL: I'll be first to admit... 1312 01:10:07,700 --> 01:10:10,103 this did not go according to plan. 1313 01:10:11,470 --> 01:10:12,970 I'll also be the first to admit that 1314 01:10:12,972 --> 01:10:14,906 that plan was written in crayon. 1315 01:10:14,908 --> 01:10:18,042 Looks like Russell found a new friend. Jelly. 1316 01:10:18,044 --> 01:10:19,844 Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass, 1317 01:10:19,846 --> 01:10:22,980 and maybe, possibly mildly lucky. 1318 01:10:22,982 --> 01:10:26,384 But Cable? Ugh. That guy's in a mood. 1319 01:10:26,386 --> 01:10:27,450 (CHUCKLES) A mood that is 1320 01:10:27,452 --> 01:10:29,488 about to get significantly worse. 1321 01:10:30,990 --> 01:10:32,025 (SQUEAKS) 1322 01:10:35,762 --> 01:10:36,862 (SIGHS) 1323 01:10:49,275 --> 01:10:51,044 (GROANS) 1324 01:10:52,912 --> 01:10:55,447 Something is so terribly, terribly wrong. 1325 01:10:58,418 --> 01:10:59,986 - Oh. - (NECK SNAPS) 1326 01:11:00,353 --> 01:11:01,618 (GROANS) 1327 01:11:01,620 --> 01:11:03,222 Oh, God, that hurt. 1328 01:11:05,524 --> 01:11:06,993 (GROANING) 1329 01:11:08,493 --> 01:11:09,762 Russell. 1330 01:11:12,332 --> 01:11:13,598 Russell! 1331 01:11:14,100 --> 01:11:16,169 Russ, where are ya? 1332 01:11:19,671 --> 01:11:21,871 Russell. Russell, you're okay! 1333 01:11:21,873 --> 01:11:25,443 Oh, thank God. Oh, my God! 1334 01:11:25,445 --> 01:11:26,876 Juggernaut! 1335 01:11:26,878 --> 01:11:28,012 (GASPS) 1336 01:11:28,014 --> 01:11:29,879 I thought that was you! 1337 01:11:29,881 --> 01:11:32,783 I should've worn my white pants. 1338 01:11:32,785 --> 01:11:36,653 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan. 1339 01:11:36,655 --> 01:11:40,157 Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411. 1340 01:11:40,159 --> 01:11:41,425 X-Men Unlimited 12. 1341 01:11:41,427 --> 01:11:43,593 You know, it has always been a dream of mine... 1342 01:11:43,595 --> 01:11:45,528 to see my face reflected in your helmet... 1343 01:11:45,530 --> 01:11:47,630 as you charge at me with murderous intent. 1344 01:11:47,632 --> 01:11:49,499 I don't mean right now. 1345 01:11:49,501 --> 01:11:51,568 I'm gonna rip you in half now. 1346 01:11:51,570 --> 01:11:54,372 (LAUGHS) That is such a Juggernaut thing to say. 1347 01:11:54,374 --> 01:11:56,608 (DEADPOOL SCREAMING) 1348 01:11:57,810 --> 01:12:02,079 Oh, my God! I can't feel my legs. 1349 01:12:02,081 --> 01:12:03,515 I can't feel... 1350 01:12:04,317 --> 01:12:06,384 Oh, no, they're right here. 1351 01:12:06,386 --> 01:12:08,252 Got 'em. God, Russell. 1352 01:12:08,254 --> 01:12:10,123 I have a mission. 1353 01:12:10,723 --> 01:12:12,522 To get my revenge. 1354 01:12:12,524 --> 01:12:14,792 I'm going to burn that headmaster alive. 1355 01:12:14,794 --> 01:12:17,128 You're not the revenge type. 1356 01:12:17,130 --> 01:12:18,661 Take it from a friend. 1357 01:12:18,663 --> 01:12:22,565 Friend? You were sick, and I protected you. 1358 01:12:22,567 --> 01:12:24,735 You said it yourself. 1359 01:12:24,737 --> 01:12:27,537 "I'm not your friend. Find someone stronger." 1360 01:12:27,539 --> 01:12:29,106 So I did. 1361 01:12:29,108 --> 01:12:30,441 (GRUNTS) 1362 01:12:30,443 --> 01:12:32,609 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then. 1363 01:12:32,611 --> 01:12:36,646 But I can now. What do you want me to say, huh? 1364 01:12:36,648 --> 01:12:38,581 "I care about you"? 'Cause goddamn it, 1365 01:12:38,583 --> 01:12:40,951 I care about you, Russell. 1366 01:12:40,953 --> 01:12:43,087 What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? 1367 01:12:43,089 --> 01:12:46,856 Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs! 1368 01:12:46,858 --> 01:12:49,895 - Legs! - Still hurts to hear out loud! 1369 01:12:51,831 --> 01:12:54,832 What is that? That's not a real rope! 1370 01:12:54,834 --> 01:12:57,236 - You get back here, young man! - (SIRENS WAILING) 1371 01:12:58,271 --> 01:12:59,669 Doms! 1372 01:12:59,671 --> 01:13:01,871 Doms, get me out of here, please. 1373 01:13:01,873 --> 01:13:05,011 Use my arms as backpack straps. 1374 01:13:07,180 --> 01:13:08,112 I think we may have found 1375 01:13:08,114 --> 01:13:10,481 your cosmic reason for being here. 1376 01:13:10,483 --> 01:13:12,383 I'm pretty sure this isn't it. 1377 01:13:12,385 --> 01:13:13,786 DEADPOOL: X-Force. 1378 01:13:26,933 --> 01:13:28,799 BLIND AL: No child is hopeless. 1379 01:13:28,801 --> 01:13:30,201 Don't give up on the boy. 1380 01:13:30,203 --> 01:13:32,470 How could he just walk away? 1381 01:13:32,472 --> 01:13:35,272 It was the coldness in his eyes. 1382 01:13:35,274 --> 01:13:36,943 You should've heard it. 1383 01:13:37,577 --> 01:13:38,675 (WADE SIGHS) 1384 01:13:38,677 --> 01:13:41,080 I guess family really is an F-word. 1385 01:13:41,814 --> 01:13:44,014 (GROANS) Rub my legs, Mama. 1386 01:13:44,016 --> 01:13:45,583 Why would I rub your legs? 1387 01:13:45,585 --> 01:13:48,552 Please, they hurt. I have growing pains. 1388 01:13:48,554 --> 01:13:50,022 (BLIND AL SIGHS) 1389 01:13:51,623 --> 01:13:53,390 What in the... 1390 01:13:53,392 --> 01:13:56,193 Why is your hand so tiny again? 1391 01:13:56,195 --> 01:13:57,894 That's not my hand. 1392 01:13:57,896 --> 01:14:00,231 Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph! 1393 01:14:00,233 --> 01:14:02,199 - That was nice for me. - (DOOR OPENS) 1394 01:14:02,201 --> 01:14:05,269 Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy and... 1395 01:14:05,271 --> 01:14:06,305 (GASPS) 1396 01:14:08,007 --> 01:14:09,607 (WEASEL RETCHES) 1397 01:14:09,609 --> 01:14:11,875 Why wouldn't you cover that up? 1398 01:14:11,877 --> 01:14:14,078 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. 1399 01:14:14,080 --> 01:14:16,080 WEASEL: Yeah, but you do. Look at you. 1400 01:14:16,082 --> 01:14:18,349 You're just straight shirt-cocking it, 1401 01:14:18,351 --> 01:14:19,783 toddler-style. 1402 01:14:19,785 --> 01:14:21,719 Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh. 1403 01:14:21,721 --> 01:14:23,754 The hell's happening? Describe it. 1404 01:14:23,756 --> 01:14:25,055 I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you. 1405 01:14:25,057 --> 01:14:26,724 - WEASEL: It's like, um... - Here we go. 1406 01:14:26,726 --> 01:14:27,958 It's like he was giving birth anally, 1407 01:14:27,960 --> 01:14:29,627 but they quit halfway through. 1408 01:14:29,629 --> 01:14:30,761 They got the legs out, and they said, 1409 01:14:30,763 --> 01:14:32,129 "You know what, I'm done." 1410 01:14:32,131 --> 01:14:33,130 Happy? 1411 01:14:33,132 --> 01:14:34,398 It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down. 1412 01:14:34,400 --> 01:14:35,733 But this time, you can see 1413 01:14:35,735 --> 01:14:37,134 - the Muppet's dick. - (DOOR OPENS) 1414 01:14:37,136 --> 01:14:38,536 Grover's got a cock the size of a twig. 1415 01:14:38,538 --> 01:14:39,869 DOPINDER: Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked. 1416 01:14:39,871 --> 01:14:41,807 I've had three tickets already. (SCREAMS) 1417 01:14:43,042 --> 01:14:45,875 No, no, no, DP, not again! 1418 01:14:45,877 --> 01:14:48,412 - This has happened before? - (DOPINDER RETCHING) 1419 01:14:48,414 --> 01:14:50,014 - (DOOR OPENS) -Jesus! Either vomit or don't. 1420 01:14:50,016 --> 01:14:51,515 The indecision is killing me. 1421 01:14:51,517 --> 01:14:53,419 Why couldn't God take my hearing? 1422 01:14:55,087 --> 01:14:57,087 Oh. Wow! 1423 01:14:57,089 --> 01:14:58,855 Cool your pits. They're growing back. 1424 01:14:58,857 --> 01:15:00,857 I'm talking about your face. 1425 01:15:00,859 --> 01:15:02,793 I've never seen you without your mask before. 1426 01:15:02,795 --> 01:15:04,995 - Jesus Christ! - Looks like an avocado. 1427 01:15:04,997 --> 01:15:06,964 DOMINO: Your legs, though, they're cute. 1428 01:15:06,966 --> 01:15:09,001 You wanna borrow a pair of pants? 1429 01:15:10,469 --> 01:15:11,969 I'm glad everybody dropped by. 1430 01:15:11,971 --> 01:15:14,871 You must be wondering why I didn't call you here. 1431 01:15:14,873 --> 01:15:16,607 I'll tell you why I'm here. 1432 01:15:16,609 --> 01:15:18,976 "The Time Traveler's Wife's" husband... 1433 01:15:18,978 --> 01:15:20,311 beat me within an inch of my life. 1434 01:15:20,313 --> 01:15:21,445 He was torturing me! 1435 01:15:21,447 --> 01:15:24,582 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. 1436 01:15:24,584 --> 01:15:27,151 So, I'm here to help us gear up. 1437 01:15:27,153 --> 01:15:28,485 So we can go after him without me. 1438 01:15:28,487 --> 01:15:29,820 WADE: No! 1439 01:15:29,822 --> 01:15:31,422 I'm doing this alone. 1440 01:15:31,424 --> 01:15:32,489 The Juggernaut 1441 01:15:32,491 --> 01:15:33,824 - will kill you all. - Fair enough. 1442 01:15:33,826 --> 01:15:35,793 WADE: I just need a couple of hours to get some legs 1443 01:15:35,795 --> 01:15:36,927 - under me. - What will you do? 1444 01:15:36,929 --> 01:15:38,495 WADE: I don't care what the kid did to me. 1445 01:15:38,497 --> 01:15:39,730 I ain't letting Cable get to him, 1446 01:15:39,732 --> 01:15:41,098 even if I have to teabag him to death. 1447 01:15:41,100 --> 01:15:43,100 It's really just a sip of tea at this point. 1448 01:15:43,102 --> 01:15:44,935 Zip it, black Black Widow! I'm flowing. 1449 01:15:44,937 --> 01:15:46,003 The first order of business is 1450 01:15:46,005 --> 01:15:47,304 to get me in front of Cable... 1451 01:15:47,306 --> 01:15:48,973 so I can pull all the fucking blood out of his body... 1452 01:15:48,975 --> 01:15:51,442 and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry. 1453 01:15:51,444 --> 01:15:53,110 Then, I'm gonna take his skin... 1454 01:15:53,112 --> 01:15:56,382 and stretch it out over a homemade mating drum. 1455 01:15:57,850 --> 01:15:59,518 He's standing right behind you, isn't he? 1456 01:16:02,854 --> 01:16:04,056 (COCKS GUN) 1457 01:16:08,261 --> 01:16:10,094 What in the ass? 1458 01:16:10,096 --> 01:16:13,397 Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr? 1459 01:16:13,399 --> 01:16:15,801 You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy. 1460 01:16:16,669 --> 01:16:19,305 Ugh. Is that really necessary? 1461 01:16:21,507 --> 01:16:24,408 No. It's his "Basic Instinct." 1462 01:16:24,410 --> 01:16:25,976 What can we help you with? 1463 01:16:25,978 --> 01:16:27,879 I'm here to proposition you. 1464 01:16:29,282 --> 01:16:30,214 (LAUGHS) Oh, boy! 1465 01:16:30,216 --> 01:16:31,548 He's really teeing it up, isn't he? 1466 01:16:31,550 --> 01:16:33,450 Who gets to make the first joke? 1467 01:16:33,452 --> 01:16:35,119 I think we should all do it at the same time. 1468 01:16:35,121 --> 01:16:36,020 Good call. 1469 01:16:36,022 --> 01:16:37,488 For $45, you get sucky-suck. 1470 01:16:37,490 --> 01:16:39,089 BOTH: I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. 1471 01:16:39,091 --> 01:16:40,024 Fuck! 1472 01:16:40,026 --> 01:16:41,325 The Proposition has a wonderful 1473 01:16:41,327 --> 01:16:42,359 Guy Pearce performance. 1474 01:16:42,361 --> 01:16:44,261 WADE: Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over. 1475 01:16:44,263 --> 01:16:46,964 - Give us the line again. - I need your help! 1476 01:16:46,966 --> 01:16:49,266 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are... 1477 01:16:49,268 --> 01:16:52,603 but you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt! 1478 01:16:52,605 --> 01:16:54,938 I can't bring him down alone. 1479 01:16:54,940 --> 01:16:56,575 So here we are. 1480 01:16:57,843 --> 01:16:59,711 We're no longer accepting applications 1481 01:16:59,713 --> 01:17:01,278 for X-Force, unfortunately. 1482 01:17:01,280 --> 01:17:02,479 Even if we were... 1483 01:17:02,481 --> 01:17:04,248 there's a wind advisory in effect until at least... 1484 01:17:04,250 --> 01:17:05,449 We don't have a lot of time. 1485 01:17:05,451 --> 01:17:07,418 Your friend's about to make his first kill. 1486 01:17:07,420 --> 01:17:08,986 No offense, but if you know so much... 1487 01:17:08,988 --> 01:17:11,922 why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? 1488 01:17:11,924 --> 01:17:12,990 Or better yet, head back a little further, 1489 01:17:12,992 --> 01:17:14,058 kill baby Hitler. 1490 01:17:14,060 --> 01:17:16,093 I use a device to slide through time. 1491 01:17:16,095 --> 01:17:18,861 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. 1492 01:17:18,863 --> 01:17:21,598 I got two charges: one to get me here, 1493 01:17:21,600 --> 01:17:22,767 one to get me home. 1494 01:17:22,769 --> 01:17:23,934 Well. 1495 01:17:23,936 --> 01:17:25,903 That's just lazy writing. 1496 01:17:25,905 --> 01:17:27,137 Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster 1497 01:17:27,139 --> 01:17:28,839 of the orphanage tonight. 1498 01:17:28,841 --> 01:17:30,974 After that, he gets a real taste for it. 1499 01:17:30,976 --> 01:17:33,812 Like 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker! 1500 01:17:33,814 --> 01:17:35,780 So he keeps killing... 1501 01:17:35,782 --> 01:17:37,214 and killing, and killing, 1502 01:17:37,216 --> 01:17:38,649 - and killing. - (GUNS COCKING) 1503 01:17:38,651 --> 01:17:42,221 Until one day, he kills the wrong fucking people. 1504 01:17:44,690 --> 01:17:46,192 My people. 1505 01:17:50,096 --> 01:17:51,095 Relax. 1506 01:17:51,097 --> 01:17:53,698 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag. 1507 01:17:53,700 --> 01:17:56,200 It's a goddamn fanny pack... 1508 01:17:56,202 --> 01:17:58,902 and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! 1509 01:17:58,904 --> 01:18:00,639 The difference is night and day. 1510 01:18:02,508 --> 01:18:04,743 You remind me of my wife. 1511 01:18:04,745 --> 01:18:06,176 I'm sorry. 1512 01:18:06,178 --> 01:18:07,277 I said, "You remind me of my wife." 1513 01:18:07,279 --> 01:18:08,579 No, I'm sorry that you said that... 1514 01:18:08,581 --> 01:18:11,648 while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm. 1515 01:18:11,650 --> 01:18:12,985 CABLE: She always struggled. 1516 01:18:13,919 --> 01:18:15,352 But she was funny... 1517 01:18:15,354 --> 01:18:18,790 and filtered her pain through the prism of humor. 1518 01:18:18,792 --> 01:18:21,160 Something I could never master. 1519 01:18:21,893 --> 01:18:24,263 It was my fault she died. 1520 01:18:25,766 --> 01:18:29,333 It was my job to stop people like him. 1521 01:18:29,335 --> 01:18:31,470 - I came close a few times. - (TOMORROW PLAYING) 1522 01:18:35,441 --> 01:18:37,376 He wasn't too happy about that. 1523 01:18:38,944 --> 01:18:40,277 He was trying to hurt me... 1524 01:18:40,279 --> 01:18:42,581 and he knew exactly how to do it. 1525 01:18:46,720 --> 01:18:48,519 OLDER RUSSELL: Blessed are the wicked 1526 01:18:48,521 --> 01:18:50,189 who are healed by my hand. 1527 01:18:52,858 --> 01:18:55,259 CABLE: He came into my home... 1528 01:18:55,261 --> 01:18:58,364 and took the only thing that made it a home. 1529 01:19:02,435 --> 01:19:03,936 Sound familiar? 1530 01:19:04,870 --> 01:19:06,603 - I'm sorry. - Uh-huh. 1531 01:19:06,605 --> 01:19:08,340 No, I'm really sorry. 1532 01:19:10,509 --> 01:19:12,476 But that isn't Russell. 1533 01:19:12,478 --> 01:19:14,645 - It doesn't have to be him. - If you knew what I knew... 1534 01:19:14,647 --> 01:19:16,447 Yeah, he's got anger issues... 1535 01:19:16,449 --> 01:19:18,115 maybe a small learning disability... 1536 01:19:18,117 --> 01:19:19,683 splash of diabetes... 1537 01:19:19,685 --> 01:19:20,984 but nothing that can't be fixed. 1538 01:19:20,986 --> 01:19:22,553 If you could go back... 1539 01:19:22,555 --> 01:19:25,622 and stop the people that took your girl, would you? 1540 01:19:25,624 --> 01:19:27,426 Of course I fucking would! 1541 01:19:28,027 --> 01:19:29,893 But I wouldn't kill a kid. 1542 01:19:29,895 --> 01:19:31,428 I'm not asking you to kill a kid! 1543 01:19:31,430 --> 01:19:32,596 I'll kill the kid. 1544 01:19:32,598 --> 01:19:36,233 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. 1545 01:19:36,235 --> 01:19:38,535 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage. 1546 01:19:38,537 --> 01:19:40,604 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend... 1547 01:19:40,606 --> 01:19:44,007 would want you to do the right thing, wouldn't she? 1548 01:19:44,009 --> 01:19:47,211 So, what's it gonna be, handsome? 1549 01:19:47,213 --> 01:19:49,012 Give me a chance to save him. 1550 01:19:49,014 --> 01:19:50,414 - What? - You said... 1551 01:19:50,416 --> 01:19:52,149 once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. 1552 01:19:52,151 --> 01:19:54,685 If we can get to him before that happens... 1553 01:19:54,687 --> 01:19:56,220 promise you'll give me a chance 1554 01:19:56,222 --> 01:19:58,121 to put him on a different path. 1555 01:19:58,123 --> 01:19:59,389 Define "chance." 1556 01:19:59,391 --> 01:20:00,524 I don't know. How long does it take 1557 01:20:00,526 --> 01:20:02,025 to save someone's soul? That's not... 1558 01:20:02,027 --> 01:20:03,360 I'll give you 30 seconds. 1559 01:20:03,362 --> 01:20:05,562 - What? No! - Best I can do. 1560 01:20:05,564 --> 01:20:06,999 Take it or leave it. 1561 01:20:17,176 --> 01:20:18,642 - (CABLE GROANS) - WEASEL: He's doing it! 1562 01:20:18,644 --> 01:20:20,310 Look at the little fella. He's doing it. 1563 01:20:20,312 --> 01:20:22,513 - (RETCHES) - There he goes. 1564 01:20:22,515 --> 01:20:23,982 CABLE: Jesus Christ! 1565 01:20:23,984 --> 01:20:25,549 WEASEL: Just shirt-cocking it. 1566 01:20:25,551 --> 01:20:27,351 Ugh. 1567 01:20:27,353 --> 01:20:28,788 WEASEL: There you go, little fella. 1568 01:20:29,588 --> 01:20:31,188 Go on, you're doing it! 1569 01:20:31,190 --> 01:20:34,260 My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy. 1570 01:20:36,428 --> 01:20:37,594 DOMINO: Christ! 1571 01:20:37,596 --> 01:20:39,363 That's disturbing. 1572 01:20:39,365 --> 01:20:40,633 30 seconds. 1573 01:20:45,939 --> 01:20:47,540 - Deal. - Deal. 1574 01:20:50,010 --> 01:20:52,509 BLIND AL: I have no idea what's happening. 1575 01:20:52,511 --> 01:20:55,780 (SOFTLY) Probably for the best. 1576 01:20:55,782 --> 01:20:59,550 DEADPOOL: And that is why you never eat a raw starfish. 1577 01:20:59,552 --> 01:21:01,786 It's just common sense. 1578 01:21:01,788 --> 01:21:03,186 Where the hell are we going? 1579 01:21:03,188 --> 01:21:04,521 DEADPOOL: You said it yourself. 1580 01:21:04,523 --> 01:21:07,457 Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup. 1581 01:21:07,459 --> 01:21:10,460 I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. 1582 01:21:10,462 --> 01:21:12,766 (BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO) 1583 01:21:14,734 --> 01:21:16,435 Can you turn off the music? 1584 01:21:17,236 --> 01:21:19,336 You'll do no such thing. 1585 01:21:19,338 --> 01:21:21,706 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? 1586 01:21:21,708 --> 01:21:22,673 What the hell are you...? 1587 01:21:22,675 --> 01:21:24,875 Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. 1588 01:21:24,877 --> 01:21:26,476 I am so sorry. It gets better. 1589 01:21:26,478 --> 01:21:28,378 I'm not a fucking racist, moron! 1590 01:21:28,380 --> 01:21:31,415 Tell that to Black Tom. He was like a brother to me. 1591 01:21:31,417 --> 01:21:33,183 I'm with the old white guy on this one. 1592 01:21:33,185 --> 01:21:34,885 And that's a twist. 1593 01:21:34,887 --> 01:21:36,054 DEADPOOL: So what exactly do you 1594 01:21:36,056 --> 01:21:37,120 do in the future, anyway, huh? 1595 01:21:37,122 --> 01:21:38,855 Some kind of soldier? 1596 01:21:38,857 --> 01:21:40,557 Yeah, something like that. 1597 01:21:40,559 --> 01:21:42,994 DEADPOOL: I was a soldier. Special Forces. 1598 01:21:42,996 --> 01:21:45,462 I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. 1599 01:21:45,464 --> 01:21:47,564 50 years from now, you're very dead. 1600 01:21:47,566 --> 01:21:50,367 Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma. 1601 01:21:50,369 --> 01:21:51,836 Boom! (IMITATES EXPLOSION) 1602 01:21:51,838 --> 01:21:53,103 Spoiler alert. 1603 01:21:53,105 --> 01:21:54,605 (SNICKERS) 1604 01:21:54,607 --> 01:21:55,740 (SIGHS) Planets. 1605 01:21:55,742 --> 01:21:57,174 Next time, Uber. 1606 01:21:57,176 --> 01:21:58,677 Here's a spoiler alert. 1607 01:21:59,813 --> 01:22:01,713 You're not a fucking hero. 1608 01:22:01,715 --> 01:22:05,849 You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy. 1609 01:22:05,851 --> 01:22:07,051 DEADPOOL: Well, I got news for you. 1610 01:22:07,053 --> 01:22:08,352 My heart is in the right place. 1611 01:22:08,354 --> 01:22:09,821 Russell's not gonna kill anyone. 1612 01:22:09,823 --> 01:22:12,322 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. 1613 01:22:12,324 --> 01:22:13,758 Because of you, I'll always know 1614 01:22:13,760 --> 01:22:16,094 what a grown man with baby balls looks like. 1615 01:22:16,096 --> 01:22:18,528 I'm a grower, not a shower. 1616 01:22:18,530 --> 01:22:19,998 I should've finished college. 1617 01:22:20,000 --> 01:22:21,231 DEADPOOL: Right here! 1618 01:22:21,233 --> 01:22:22,668 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 1619 01:22:23,737 --> 01:22:25,772 (IN YOUR EYES PLAYING ON BOOM BOX) 1620 01:22:37,050 --> 01:22:38,450 (GROANS) 1621 01:22:39,284 --> 01:22:41,318 DEADPOOL: I made mistakes! 1622 01:22:41,320 --> 01:22:43,220 I wanna take them back! 1623 01:22:43,222 --> 01:22:46,223 You trusted me. I took that trust... 1624 01:22:46,225 --> 01:22:47,759 and turned it into a glory hole 1625 01:22:47,761 --> 01:22:49,159 in an airport bathroom. 1626 01:22:49,161 --> 01:22:51,931 The one in Minneapolis. You know the one. 1627 01:22:52,898 --> 01:22:54,231 Colossus! 1628 01:22:54,233 --> 01:22:56,333 I wouldn't ask for your help unless it was life or death! 1629 01:22:56,335 --> 01:22:58,402 That kid needs our help! 1630 01:22:58,404 --> 01:23:00,570 I know you're listening! 1631 01:23:00,572 --> 01:23:01,973 He's teamed up with the Juggernaut! 1632 01:23:01,975 --> 01:23:03,273 The Juggernaut! 1633 01:23:03,275 --> 01:23:04,742 That's like my favorite Marvel character ever, 1634 01:23:04,744 --> 01:23:06,410 but you should never meet your heroes... 1635 01:23:06,412 --> 01:23:09,379 because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! 1636 01:23:09,381 --> 01:23:12,016 And like a lot of dicks, he's as hard as a rock... 1637 01:23:12,018 --> 01:23:13,818 and causes nothing but problems! 1638 01:23:13,820 --> 01:23:15,552 - Hi, Wade! - Hi, Yukio! 1639 01:23:15,554 --> 01:23:16,420 Please don't. 1640 01:23:16,422 --> 01:23:17,789 You guys make a super cute couple. 1641 01:23:17,791 --> 01:23:19,690 Yeah. Where was I? Oh, yeah! 1642 01:23:19,692 --> 01:23:21,858 Colossus! Look, I don't deserve 1643 01:23:21,860 --> 01:23:23,995 your friendship or your help. 1644 01:23:23,997 --> 01:23:25,697 But this kid does. 1645 01:23:25,699 --> 01:23:28,667 And I'm not gonna bail on him like everyone else. 1646 01:23:30,269 --> 01:23:32,438 Oh, come on! 1647 01:23:34,640 --> 01:23:36,406 (GROANS) 1648 01:23:36,408 --> 01:23:39,509 Any chance Pigeon Wings is available? 1649 01:23:39,511 --> 01:23:42,080 That's just fine! That's fine! 1650 01:23:42,082 --> 01:23:43,547 No! You know what? 1651 01:23:43,549 --> 01:23:46,450 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy... 1652 01:23:46,452 --> 01:23:49,721 and fucked up, and not particularly convenient! 1653 01:23:49,723 --> 01:23:53,191 So stay here in Chateau de Virgin... 1654 01:23:53,193 --> 01:23:55,494 while we go get our fuck on! 1655 01:23:58,297 --> 01:23:59,799 DOMINO: You're doing great. 1656 01:24:02,301 --> 01:24:03,803 - (CAR DOOR CLOSES) - (ENGINE STARTS) 1657 01:24:05,270 --> 01:24:06,704 RUSSELL: So you wear that helmet because 1658 01:24:06,706 --> 01:24:08,538 your brother tries to read your mind? 1659 01:24:08,540 --> 01:24:11,776 JUGGERNAUT: Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even-steven. 1660 01:24:11,778 --> 01:24:14,377 MAN: Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir. 1661 01:24:14,379 --> 01:24:16,379 He's not alone. 1662 01:24:16,381 --> 01:24:18,350 HEADMASTER: Secure the children. 1663 01:24:22,588 --> 01:24:25,455 What do you say we go fuck some shit up? 1664 01:24:25,457 --> 01:24:29,528 "Let's fuck some shit up" is my legal middle name. 1665 01:24:32,598 --> 01:24:35,332 Watch my back. I've got the old man. 1666 01:24:35,334 --> 01:24:37,771 Amen, brother. 1667 01:24:38,437 --> 01:24:39,872 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 1668 01:24:43,408 --> 01:24:45,143 Time to make the chimichangas. 1669 01:24:45,145 --> 01:24:47,310 30 seconds. 1670 01:24:47,312 --> 01:24:49,947 I finally know why I'm here. 1671 01:24:49,949 --> 01:24:51,749 I was raised in this place. 1672 01:24:51,751 --> 01:24:54,185 Well, not raised. I was tortured. 1673 01:24:54,187 --> 01:24:57,121 Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here. 1674 01:24:57,123 --> 01:24:58,421 - Shall we? - This is gonna be fun. 1675 01:24:58,423 --> 01:24:59,589 DEADPOOL: Yeah! 1676 01:24:59,591 --> 01:25:01,225 Hey! Been meaning to ask you... 1677 01:25:01,227 --> 01:25:04,796 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1678 01:25:04,798 --> 01:25:08,467 It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter. 1679 01:25:10,536 --> 01:25:12,469 I have a gluten sensitivity. 1680 01:25:12,471 --> 01:25:14,138 So one glass of wine, I just... 1681 01:25:14,140 --> 01:25:15,572 (IMITATES EXPLOSION) 1682 01:25:15,574 --> 01:25:16,575 Yeah. 1683 01:25:18,211 --> 01:25:20,111 (DEADPOOL SIGHS) 1684 01:25:20,113 --> 01:25:21,279 Wish we could head back in time, 1685 01:25:21,281 --> 01:25:23,114 and I could take all that back. 1686 01:25:23,116 --> 01:25:25,016 We should just cue the music. 1687 01:25:25,018 --> 01:25:27,486 (RAP MUSIC PLAYING) 1688 01:25:49,508 --> 01:25:52,477 Welcome home, Russell. We missed you. 1689 01:25:53,645 --> 01:25:54,578 Russell! 1690 01:25:54,580 --> 01:25:57,050 You don't need to do this! Let's talk! 1691 01:25:57,883 --> 01:25:59,649 Why are you dressed like the Unabomber? 1692 01:25:59,651 --> 01:26:01,087 (YELLING) 1693 01:26:03,923 --> 01:26:04,922 That's why! 1694 01:26:04,924 --> 01:26:06,423 Told you this little fucker's too far gone. 1695 01:26:06,425 --> 01:26:08,259 Zip it, Thanos! We have a deal and you fuck... 1696 01:26:08,261 --> 01:26:10,627 - (GROANS) - JUGGERNAUT: Hey! 1697 01:26:10,629 --> 01:26:13,933 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass. 1698 01:26:15,034 --> 01:26:17,301 My body and my hands are so soft. 1699 01:26:17,303 --> 01:26:18,435 You should probably head back to the car. 1700 01:26:18,437 --> 01:26:20,405 I think I'll head back to the car. 1701 01:26:21,341 --> 01:26:24,077 It works best when you pull the trigger. 1702 01:26:25,845 --> 01:26:27,011 (GROANS) 1703 01:26:27,013 --> 01:26:28,447 That gun is amazing! 1704 01:26:29,514 --> 01:26:30,883 RUSSELL: Say it! 1705 01:26:33,019 --> 01:26:36,087 You are an abomination! 1706 01:26:36,089 --> 01:26:37,422 (GRUNTS) 1707 01:26:43,096 --> 01:26:46,563 Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. 1708 01:26:46,565 --> 01:26:49,102 I believe him! Every man for themselves! 1709 01:26:53,438 --> 01:26:55,273 Gotcha! 1710 01:26:55,275 --> 01:26:56,608 JUGGERNAUT: Beat it, midget! 1711 01:26:59,411 --> 01:27:02,512 Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low! 1712 01:27:02,514 --> 01:27:03,783 Oh, shit fuck! 1713 01:27:04,250 --> 01:27:05,718 (SCREAMING) 1714 01:27:16,162 --> 01:27:17,494 (JUGGERNAUT LAUGHS) 1715 01:27:17,496 --> 01:27:19,165 Come here, beautiful. 1716 01:27:21,267 --> 01:27:22,534 RUSSELL: Say it! 1717 01:27:36,749 --> 01:27:38,850 (IN YOUR EYES PLAYING) 1718 01:28:16,555 --> 01:28:17,889 (DEADPOOL GROANS) 1719 01:28:20,259 --> 01:28:21,891 (MUMBLES) 1720 01:28:21,893 --> 01:28:23,160 You came for me. 1721 01:28:23,162 --> 01:28:24,561 I'm not giving up on you, 1722 01:28:24,563 --> 01:28:26,764 and you are not giving up on that boy. 1723 01:28:26,766 --> 01:28:28,766 Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken? 1724 01:28:28,768 --> 01:28:31,302 It's time to fight dirty. 1725 01:28:31,304 --> 01:28:32,703 Time to sweep the leg, Johnny. 1726 01:28:32,705 --> 01:28:35,505 Hey! Pick on someone your own size! 1727 01:28:35,507 --> 01:28:37,607 That's such a you thing to say! 1728 01:28:37,609 --> 01:28:39,609 Go get him, tiger! 1729 01:28:39,611 --> 01:28:41,513 Big CGI fight coming up! 1730 01:28:42,514 --> 01:28:44,083 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1731 01:28:44,516 --> 01:28:46,019 (MUSIC PLAYING) 1732 01:28:50,456 --> 01:28:52,655 (GRUNTS) 1733 01:28:52,657 --> 01:28:54,591 - (BOTH GRUNTING) - (BONE CRACKS) 1734 01:28:54,593 --> 01:28:55,894 (SCREAMS) 1735 01:29:04,536 --> 01:29:06,070 He's doing great. 1736 01:29:06,072 --> 01:29:07,240 RUSSELL: Say it! 1737 01:29:11,377 --> 01:29:12,912 - Russell. - DEADPOOL: Bingo! 1738 01:29:15,148 --> 01:29:16,548 (GROANING) 1739 01:29:20,253 --> 01:29:21,320 (JUGGERNAUT LAUGHS) 1740 01:29:22,055 --> 01:29:23,320 (METAL CLANGS) 1741 01:29:23,322 --> 01:29:24,722 (GROANS) 1742 01:29:24,724 --> 01:29:26,892 That's right! I'm fighting dirty! 1743 01:29:27,626 --> 01:29:28,691 Oh, great! 1744 01:29:28,693 --> 01:29:29,994 ORDERLY: There they are! Those freaks! 1745 01:29:29,996 --> 01:29:32,396 DEADPOOL: A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. 1746 01:29:32,398 --> 01:29:34,498 Can I have one of those guns? 1747 01:29:34,500 --> 01:29:36,367 - No. - That's fine. 1748 01:29:36,369 --> 01:29:38,302 Get off this property, mutant scum! 1749 01:29:38,304 --> 01:29:39,464 I'm just gonna use this brick. 1750 01:29:40,139 --> 01:29:41,238 Maximum effort. 1751 01:29:41,240 --> 01:29:42,775 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1752 01:29:47,046 --> 01:29:49,048 Who says you can't go home again? 1753 01:29:51,050 --> 01:29:52,318 (ALL GRUNTING) 1754 01:29:57,689 --> 01:29:59,225 - (SCREAMS) - CHILDREN: Oh! 1755 01:30:06,165 --> 01:30:07,166 CHILDREN: Yeah! 1756 01:30:09,335 --> 01:30:10,901 Say it. 1757 01:30:10,903 --> 01:30:14,140 Say what you said every time you tortured me! 1758 01:30:14,574 --> 01:30:15,840 Say it! 1759 01:30:15,842 --> 01:30:18,845 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand! 1760 01:30:19,812 --> 01:30:22,113 Blessed are the wicked... 1761 01:30:22,115 --> 01:30:23,282 who are healed... 1762 01:30:23,682 --> 01:30:25,284 by my hand. 1763 01:30:26,219 --> 01:30:27,686 (YELLS) 1764 01:30:37,497 --> 01:30:38,998 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1765 01:30:43,336 --> 01:30:45,738 You commie motherfucker! 1766 01:30:49,275 --> 01:30:50,409 (CHILDREN CHEERING) 1767 01:30:51,577 --> 01:30:52,675 (SPITS) 1768 01:30:52,677 --> 01:30:54,313 (YELLS) 1769 01:30:59,519 --> 01:31:00,886 (GROANS) 1770 01:31:11,931 --> 01:31:14,598 DEADPOOL: Oh, my God. Did you feel that, too? 1771 01:31:14,600 --> 01:31:16,969 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together. 1772 01:31:19,805 --> 01:31:22,439 You got 30 seconds, you jabbering butt plug! 1773 01:31:22,441 --> 01:31:23,809 Now we're getting it. 1774 01:31:26,345 --> 01:31:28,179 (SPEAKS RUSSIAN) 1775 01:31:28,181 --> 01:31:30,581 I need a bus to get you all out of here. 1776 01:31:30,583 --> 01:31:31,784 (GASPS) 1777 01:31:32,451 --> 01:31:34,120 (CAR ALARM WAILING) 1778 01:31:35,988 --> 01:31:37,023 Orphans. 1779 01:31:38,157 --> 01:31:39,325 Oh, geez. 1780 01:31:40,660 --> 01:31:43,260 It's time to burn for what you've done! 1781 01:31:43,262 --> 01:31:46,065 A child should not be burdened with such power! 1782 01:31:53,439 --> 01:31:54,638 (RUSSELL GRUNTS) 1783 01:31:54,640 --> 01:31:55,908 Russell! Wait! 1784 01:32:01,781 --> 01:32:03,115 DEADPOOL: Oh! 1785 01:32:10,189 --> 01:32:12,289 Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet! 1786 01:32:12,291 --> 01:32:14,525 - What more do you need to see? - Don't you fucking dare! 1787 01:32:14,527 --> 01:32:15,726 He's just a kid! 1788 01:32:15,728 --> 01:32:17,830 Tick, tock. Meter's running! 1789 01:32:26,739 --> 01:32:28,174 (COLOSSUS GROANS) 1790 01:32:30,176 --> 01:32:33,412 I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring. 1791 01:32:38,751 --> 01:32:40,086 (GRUNTS) 1792 01:32:41,220 --> 01:32:42,488 (GROWLS) 1793 01:32:45,358 --> 01:32:46,657 (GRUNTS) 1794 01:32:46,659 --> 01:32:48,995 - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (GROANING) 1795 01:32:53,700 --> 01:32:56,467 - I told you! Leave me alone! - Come on! 1796 01:32:56,469 --> 01:32:57,770 Listen to me! 1797 01:33:01,407 --> 01:33:02,775 (RUSSELL SCREAMING) 1798 01:33:03,309 --> 01:33:05,811 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1799 01:33:08,147 --> 01:33:09,315 (GRUNTS) 1800 01:33:20,926 --> 01:33:22,892 COLOSSUS: (SCOFFS) That's how we do it 1801 01:33:22,894 --> 01:33:24,463 in Mother Russia. 1802 01:33:25,298 --> 01:33:26,297 (GROANS) 1803 01:33:26,299 --> 01:33:29,135 They say millennials are the hardest to reach. 1804 01:33:30,369 --> 01:33:33,804 CABLE: Oh, no. You're doing amazing. 1805 01:33:33,806 --> 01:33:34,972 (GROWLS) 1806 01:33:34,974 --> 01:33:37,908 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta! 1807 01:33:37,910 --> 01:33:39,810 Go home, Wade! 1808 01:33:39,812 --> 01:33:41,880 You're ruining everything! 1809 01:33:46,952 --> 01:33:48,452 I'm getting good at this shit. 1810 01:33:48,454 --> 01:33:49,488 DEADPOOL: Go, go, go! 1811 01:33:49,756 --> 01:33:51,090 (GRUNTS) 1812 01:33:52,925 --> 01:33:54,925 He dies tonight, Wade. 1813 01:33:54,927 --> 01:33:57,294 You can't stop me! 1814 01:33:57,296 --> 01:33:59,229 CABLE: He even runs like a fucking pervert. 1815 01:33:59,231 --> 01:34:02,234 Like an online predator who lost his laptop. 1816 01:34:03,369 --> 01:34:05,002 There's one bullet left in that gun. 1817 01:34:05,004 --> 01:34:07,237 Wait, wait, wait! Please, just give me a second! 1818 01:34:07,239 --> 01:34:08,639 I got this. 1819 01:34:08,641 --> 01:34:10,873 - Russell! - Stay back! Go home, Wade! 1820 01:34:10,875 --> 01:34:13,644 Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way! 1821 01:34:13,646 --> 01:34:15,212 That piece of shit... 1822 01:34:15,214 --> 01:34:17,014 he deserves to die for what he did to you. 1823 01:34:17,016 --> 01:34:20,519 He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others. 1824 01:34:21,220 --> 01:34:23,087 But if you kill him, he wins. 1825 01:34:23,089 --> 01:34:27,024 You become everything he says you are, but worse. 1826 01:34:27,026 --> 01:34:29,059 You're just a kid. 1827 01:34:29,061 --> 01:34:30,893 You don't wanna hurt anyone. 1828 01:34:30,895 --> 01:34:32,129 How do you know what I want? 1829 01:34:32,131 --> 01:34:34,033 Because I've been inside you. 1830 01:34:34,567 --> 01:34:36,500 That came out wrong. 1831 01:34:36,502 --> 01:34:38,102 I've been inside your shoes. 1832 01:34:38,104 --> 01:34:40,037 Which is also off-putting. 1833 01:34:40,039 --> 01:34:41,638 It's not a great analogy. 1834 01:34:41,640 --> 01:34:43,540 The point is... 1835 01:34:43,542 --> 01:34:45,142 there are people... 1836 01:34:45,144 --> 01:34:48,212 There are people in this fucking world... 1837 01:34:48,214 --> 01:34:51,014 besides him, who will treat you right. 1838 01:34:51,016 --> 01:34:53,919 It isn't too late. Don't do it. 1839 01:34:59,125 --> 01:35:01,627 I never should've left you there. 1840 01:35:03,229 --> 01:35:05,331 I never should've left you in that prison. 1841 01:35:12,405 --> 01:35:13,639 I can't trust you. 1842 01:35:15,408 --> 01:35:17,910 I can't trust anybody! 1843 01:35:18,745 --> 01:35:20,312 (GROANING) 1844 01:35:26,886 --> 01:35:28,185 Wonderful kid. 1845 01:35:28,187 --> 01:35:29,987 RUSSELL: You can't stop me, Wade! 1846 01:35:29,989 --> 01:35:31,357 (DEADPOOL GROANS) 1847 01:35:32,124 --> 01:35:34,358 I got one more idea. 1848 01:35:34,360 --> 01:35:37,528 It's just a really bad one, even for me. 1849 01:35:37,530 --> 01:35:38,529 Wade, what are you doing? 1850 01:35:38,531 --> 01:35:41,031 All right. This is for all the marbles, kid! 1851 01:35:41,033 --> 01:35:43,133 You're gonna kill someone today... 1852 01:35:43,135 --> 01:35:44,702 Blessed are the wicked... 1853 01:35:44,704 --> 01:35:46,639 ...then it's gotta be me. 1854 01:35:47,707 --> 01:35:49,642 ...who are healed by my hand! 1855 01:35:52,746 --> 01:35:55,281 (MOUTHS) Fuck this! 1856 01:35:56,649 --> 01:35:59,316 (TOMORROW PLAYING) 1857 01:35:59,318 --> 01:36:02,986 GIRL: ♪ The sun will come out tomorrow ♪ 1858 01:36:02,988 --> 01:36:07,591 ♪ Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow ♪ 1859 01:36:07,593 --> 01:36:10,594 ♪ There'll be sun ♪ 1860 01:36:10,596 --> 01:36:17,434 ♪ When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely ♪ 1861 01:36:17,436 --> 01:36:24,477 ♪ I just stick out my chin and grin and say ♪ 1862 01:36:30,216 --> 01:36:33,617 ♪ The sun will come out tomorrow ♪ 1863 01:36:33,619 --> 01:36:38,589 ♪ So you gotta hang on till tomorrow ♪ 1864 01:36:38,591 --> 01:36:41,992 ♪ Come what may ♪ 1865 01:36:41,994 --> 01:36:47,297 ♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow I love ya, tomorrow ♪ 1866 01:36:47,299 --> 01:36:52,137 ♪ You're always a day away ♪ 1867 01:36:53,639 --> 01:36:55,840 (GROANS) 1868 01:36:55,842 --> 01:36:59,011 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1869 01:37:00,714 --> 01:37:02,314 (DEADPOOL COUGHING) 1870 01:37:03,984 --> 01:37:05,384 Oh, that's not good. 1871 01:37:06,852 --> 01:37:08,587 No, sir. 1872 01:37:15,895 --> 01:37:19,031 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1873 01:37:19,365 --> 01:37:20,330 Yeah. 1874 01:37:20,332 --> 01:37:22,834 And it was the best thing I ever did. 1875 01:37:22,836 --> 01:37:24,468 (COUGHING) 1876 01:37:24,470 --> 01:37:26,804 I told you I care about you. 1877 01:37:26,806 --> 01:37:28,607 You're a good kid, Russell. 1878 01:37:30,376 --> 01:37:31,443 Hey. 1879 01:37:32,678 --> 01:37:33,978 The bear. 1880 01:37:33,980 --> 01:37:35,414 It worked. 1881 01:37:41,988 --> 01:37:43,922 Because of you. 1882 01:37:43,924 --> 01:37:46,325 No, Wade, because of you. 1883 01:37:47,027 --> 01:37:49,326 Stop, stop, stop! 1884 01:37:49,328 --> 01:37:50,462 Stop! 1885 01:37:51,397 --> 01:37:54,398 Just let it happen, okay? 1886 01:37:54,400 --> 01:37:58,201 I guess my heart was finally in the right place. 1887 01:37:58,203 --> 01:38:00,740 (GROANS) That riddle is so fucked up. 1888 01:38:03,043 --> 01:38:05,642 (GROANS, COUGHS) 1889 01:38:05,644 --> 01:38:08,178 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1890 01:38:08,180 --> 01:38:09,379 Don't be. Don't be. 1891 01:38:09,381 --> 01:38:11,882 I've been trying to make this happen for a while. 1892 01:38:11,884 --> 01:38:13,450 Please, just don't leave me. 1893 01:38:13,452 --> 01:38:15,185 I don't wanna die without an audience. 1894 01:38:15,187 --> 01:38:16,754 We are not going anywhere. 1895 01:38:16,756 --> 01:38:19,122 WADE: Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching. 1896 01:38:19,124 --> 01:38:20,359 Just rest, okay? 1897 01:38:22,028 --> 01:38:23,295 Papa. 1898 01:38:25,264 --> 01:38:27,399 ♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪ 1899 01:38:29,401 --> 01:38:35,608 ♪ Papa, can you find me in the night? ♪ 1900 01:38:56,830 --> 01:38:58,462 Before I go... (COUGHS) 1901 01:38:58,464 --> 01:39:00,432 Sorry, I got a bit more in me. 1902 01:39:00,899 --> 01:39:02,132 Domino. 1903 01:39:02,134 --> 01:39:07,005 I want you to have my Adventure Time watch. 1904 01:39:07,007 --> 01:39:09,172 (WADE COUGHING) 1905 01:39:09,174 --> 01:39:12,277 Turns out that I'm the lucky one. 1906 01:39:12,878 --> 01:39:14,179 Thank you. 1907 01:39:15,247 --> 01:39:18,882 Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. 1908 01:39:18,884 --> 01:39:21,153 It has been a pleasure. 1909 01:39:22,488 --> 01:39:25,622 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade! 1910 01:39:25,624 --> 01:39:27,157 (CHUCKLES) 1911 01:39:27,159 --> 01:39:28,527 And you... 1912 01:39:28,962 --> 01:39:30,795 Chrome Bone. 1913 01:39:30,797 --> 01:39:33,965 I haven't always been the best friend to you. 1914 01:39:33,967 --> 01:39:36,299 But you've always been that to me. 1915 01:39:36,301 --> 01:39:37,737 So thank you. 1916 01:39:39,872 --> 01:39:41,540 Say "fuck" for me. 1917 01:39:42,207 --> 01:39:43,473 Just once. Come on, 1918 01:39:43,475 --> 01:39:45,208 we'll do it together. It's no big deal. 1919 01:39:45,210 --> 01:39:48,478 Here we go. One, two, three. F... F... F... 1920 01:39:48,480 --> 01:39:49,413 Fuck. 1921 01:39:49,415 --> 01:39:52,851 Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth. (CHUCKLES) 1922 01:39:54,120 --> 01:39:57,220 And you, Cable. (COUGHS) 1923 01:39:57,222 --> 01:40:01,658 You get back to your family. You tell 'em Wade says hi. 1924 01:40:01,660 --> 01:40:05,395 And promise me. Promise me one thing. 1925 01:40:05,397 --> 01:40:06,964 That you'll start judging people... 1926 01:40:06,966 --> 01:40:08,298 not by the color of their skin, 1927 01:40:08,300 --> 01:40:10,402 but by the content of their character. 1928 01:40:11,004 --> 01:40:12,671 - Jesus. - WADE: R-Dog? 1929 01:40:13,840 --> 01:40:16,239 There you are. Hey! 1930 01:40:16,241 --> 01:40:18,243 You're a superhero now, bubba. 1931 01:40:19,645 --> 01:40:20,945 Look. 1932 01:40:20,947 --> 01:40:23,649 Family is not an F-word. 1933 01:40:24,249 --> 01:40:25,549 All right? 1934 01:40:25,551 --> 01:40:28,119 There's one out there for you. (COUGHS) 1935 01:40:28,121 --> 01:40:29,888 Just keep looking, okay? 1936 01:40:33,258 --> 01:40:36,261 Guys, for a second there... 1937 01:40:36,930 --> 01:40:39,665 we made a pretty good team. 1938 01:40:44,938 --> 01:40:46,605 (SIGHS) 1939 01:40:54,080 --> 01:40:56,281 Oh, it's so hard to go. 1940 01:40:56,615 --> 01:40:57,514 (WHINES) 1941 01:40:57,516 --> 01:40:59,986 I just love being around you guys so much. 1942 01:41:01,054 --> 01:41:02,454 So, so much. 1943 01:41:03,022 --> 01:41:04,354 Mmm. 1944 01:41:04,356 --> 01:41:07,257 No, I can feel it now. Here it comes, yeah. 1945 01:41:07,259 --> 01:41:11,195 I feel the soul exiting the husk. 1946 01:41:11,197 --> 01:41:12,397 Yeah. 1947 01:41:14,000 --> 01:41:16,433 Can you see it? 1948 01:41:16,435 --> 01:41:18,772 Do you see that beautiful bright light? 1949 01:41:20,140 --> 01:41:21,473 There it is. 1950 01:41:27,479 --> 01:41:28,713 Oh, that's the sun. 1951 01:41:28,715 --> 01:41:30,982 Don't stare directly into that. 1952 01:41:30,984 --> 01:41:32,315 I just have a few final words. 1953 01:41:32,317 --> 01:41:33,552 (EXHALES) 1954 01:41:34,653 --> 01:41:35,955 Woodpecker. 1955 01:41:36,790 --> 01:41:38,057 Gingivitis. 1956 01:41:40,093 --> 01:41:41,593 Codswallop. 1957 01:41:45,664 --> 01:41:47,834 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? 1958 01:42:15,360 --> 01:42:17,730 (TAKE ON ME PLAYING) 1959 01:42:26,538 --> 01:42:29,341 ♪ We're talking away ♪ 1960 01:42:30,777 --> 01:42:33,711 ♪ I don't know what I'm to say ♪ 1961 01:42:33,713 --> 01:42:36,348 ♪ I'll say it anyway ♪ 1962 01:42:37,449 --> 01:42:42,119 ♪ Today's another day to find you ♪ 1963 01:42:42,121 --> 01:42:43,957 ♪ Shying away ♪ 1964 01:42:45,091 --> 01:42:48,061 ♪ I'll be coming for your love, okay? ♪ 1965 01:42:48,928 --> 01:42:53,565 ♪ Take on me ♪ 1966 01:42:56,302 --> 01:43:01,506 ♪ Take me on ♪ 1967 01:43:02,775 --> 01:43:04,108 Sorry I'm late. 1968 01:43:04,110 --> 01:43:05,575 There was a bunch 1969 01:43:05,577 --> 01:43:07,078 of handicapable children who were stuck in a tree. 1970 01:43:07,080 --> 01:43:08,447 - No. - No. 1971 01:43:09,315 --> 01:43:12,415 - But I did have to help a kid. - Yeah. 1972 01:43:12,417 --> 01:43:14,384 - He's got a terrible name. - It's just awful. 1973 01:43:14,386 --> 01:43:15,587 - Ugh. - I tried to tell him. 1974 01:43:17,856 --> 01:43:19,158 Is this heaven? 1975 01:43:20,059 --> 01:43:21,426 It is now. 1976 01:43:24,797 --> 01:43:26,699 I am so sorry. 1977 01:43:27,367 --> 01:43:29,599 VANESSA: It's okay. 1978 01:43:29,601 --> 01:43:32,871 ♪ Slowly learning that life is okay ♪ 1979 01:43:33,538 --> 01:43:35,842 ♪ Say after me ♪ 1980 01:43:36,976 --> 01:43:40,612 ♪ It's no better to be safe than sorry ♪ 1981 01:43:41,247 --> 01:43:45,651 ♪ Take on me ♪ 1982 01:43:48,520 --> 01:43:50,622 I missed you so much. 1983 01:43:56,095 --> 01:43:57,830 What is it? What's wrong? 1984 01:43:59,564 --> 01:44:01,631 It's not time. 1985 01:44:01,633 --> 01:44:03,667 What do you mean it's not time? 1986 01:44:03,669 --> 01:44:05,403 I'm here, I made it. 1987 01:44:05,405 --> 01:44:07,004 - You can't stay. - No, no, no. 1988 01:44:07,006 --> 01:44:09,974 I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere without you. 1989 01:44:09,976 --> 01:44:11,375 It's okay. 1990 01:44:11,377 --> 01:44:14,446 There's a time for us. It's just not now. 1991 01:44:15,248 --> 01:44:17,817 - They need you. - Who? 1992 01:44:19,651 --> 01:44:21,087 VANESSA: Your F-word. 1993 01:44:22,288 --> 01:44:23,620 WADE: Why? 1994 01:44:23,622 --> 01:44:25,624 VANESSA: You'll find out. 1995 01:44:26,392 --> 01:44:28,527 It's all right. I'll be here. 1996 01:44:29,561 --> 01:44:30,964 I love you. 1997 01:44:33,366 --> 01:44:35,902 I know. I love you, too. 1998 01:44:36,501 --> 01:44:37,704 Now, go. 1999 01:44:38,738 --> 01:44:40,940 Go on. Go, get out of here. 2000 01:44:41,975 --> 01:44:42,976 Go. 2001 01:44:46,045 --> 01:44:47,046 Hey! 2002 01:44:49,849 --> 01:44:52,185 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 2003 01:44:52,884 --> 01:44:53,987 Well, come here. 2004 01:44:56,255 --> 01:45:01,593 ♪ Take me on ♪ 2005 01:45:03,562 --> 01:45:08,633 ♪ I'll be gone ♪ 2006 01:45:09,702 --> 01:45:12,805 ♪ In a day or two ♪ 2007 01:45:13,306 --> 01:45:14,705 Don't fuck Elvis. 2008 01:45:14,707 --> 01:45:16,875 - Don't fuck Colossus. - What? 2009 01:45:21,381 --> 01:45:22,982 (SCREAMING) 2010 01:45:26,585 --> 01:45:28,019 Time to make the chimichangas. 2011 01:45:28,021 --> 01:45:28,953 30 seconds. 2012 01:45:28,955 --> 01:45:30,388 Hey. Been meaning to ask you... 2013 01:45:30,390 --> 01:45:32,823 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 2014 01:45:32,825 --> 01:45:34,691 It's my daughter's teddy bear. 2015 01:45:34,693 --> 01:45:36,127 Her name's Hope. 2016 01:45:36,129 --> 01:45:37,230 DEADPOOL: Well... 2017 01:45:38,398 --> 01:45:40,331 What are you doing? 2018 01:45:40,333 --> 01:45:42,199 Somebody swiped right. 2019 01:45:42,201 --> 01:45:44,003 (FAST-FORWARDING) 2020 01:45:52,812 --> 01:45:54,512 (GROANS) 2021 01:45:54,514 --> 01:45:57,314 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 2022 01:45:57,316 --> 01:45:58,985 (DEADPOOL GROANS) 2023 01:46:00,053 --> 01:46:02,186 RUSSELL: You sacrificed yourself for me. 2024 01:46:02,188 --> 01:46:03,790 DEADPOOL: It would seem I... 2025 01:46:05,825 --> 01:46:07,060 Huh? 2026 01:46:08,161 --> 01:46:10,629 Genuine, high-grade lead. 2027 01:46:12,365 --> 01:46:15,433 You time-sliding son of a bitch! 2028 01:46:15,435 --> 01:46:17,103 You did this for me? 2029 01:46:18,805 --> 01:46:21,906 Wait. You can't go back. 2030 01:46:21,908 --> 01:46:23,374 You used the last of your fuel. 2031 01:46:23,376 --> 01:46:25,009 What about your girl, your wife? 2032 01:46:25,011 --> 01:46:28,613 Now, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. 2033 01:46:29,782 --> 01:46:32,383 No, I'm gonna stick around for a while... 2034 01:46:32,385 --> 01:46:33,616 and make sure the world 2035 01:46:33,618 --> 01:46:35,587 doesn't shit itself into oblivion. 2036 01:46:36,155 --> 01:46:39,058 No. You did it for me. 2037 01:46:39,658 --> 01:46:41,258 No, I didn't. 2038 01:46:41,260 --> 01:46:42,625 - You did. - I really didn't. 2039 01:46:42,627 --> 01:46:44,528 - Pretty sure you did. - No, I'm positive I didn't. 2040 01:46:44,530 --> 01:46:46,197 Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay? 2041 01:46:46,199 --> 01:46:48,966 Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. 2042 01:46:48,968 --> 01:46:51,737 I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me. 2043 01:46:52,138 --> 01:46:53,003 Say it again. 2044 01:46:53,005 --> 01:46:54,772 - He did it for me. - CABLE: Jesus. 2045 01:46:54,774 --> 01:46:56,740 - We must get the collar off. - Forget it. It's no use. 2046 01:46:56,742 --> 01:46:58,809 These collars don't just come off. 2047 01:46:58,811 --> 01:46:59,812 Wade. 2048 01:47:00,246 --> 01:47:02,012 I have an idea. 2049 01:47:02,014 --> 01:47:04,148 No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please! 2050 01:47:04,150 --> 01:47:06,717 I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just... 2051 01:47:06,719 --> 01:47:09,987 Oh, God! They do say the pen is grosser than the sword. 2052 01:47:09,989 --> 01:47:12,356 - (COLLAR BUZZING) - RUSSELL: We need the code. 2053 01:47:12,358 --> 01:47:14,125 Try, uh, seven? 2054 01:47:14,127 --> 01:47:15,826 DEADPOOL: Settle down, Captain Lucky. 2055 01:47:15,828 --> 01:47:17,428 It's not gonna be one number. 2056 01:47:17,430 --> 01:47:18,697 Oh, God, that's lazy writing. 2057 01:47:19,499 --> 01:47:20,967 I still got it. 2058 01:47:22,168 --> 01:47:23,801 (DEADPOOL GROANS) 2059 01:47:23,803 --> 01:47:25,972 Put that back in your prison wallet. 2060 01:47:27,540 --> 01:47:29,473 I don't know how to thank you. 2061 01:47:29,475 --> 01:47:31,442 But I do know how to hug you. 2062 01:47:31,444 --> 01:47:32,710 - No. - Yes. 2063 01:47:32,712 --> 01:47:34,345 Here we go. Bring it in. 2064 01:47:34,347 --> 01:47:35,446 Come on. 2065 01:47:35,448 --> 01:47:36,814 Pelvis to pelvis. 2066 01:47:36,816 --> 01:47:38,149 Let's go tip to tip. 2067 01:47:38,151 --> 01:47:41,085 There we go. The kids call this docking. 2068 01:47:41,087 --> 01:47:42,553 (KNIFE UNSHEATHES) 2069 01:47:42,555 --> 01:47:44,088 Is there a knife in my dick? 2070 01:47:44,090 --> 01:47:45,990 - There's a knife in your dick. - I'm just gonna back up now. 2071 01:47:45,992 --> 01:47:47,857 - Yeah, yeah. - No need to go full Yentl. 2072 01:47:47,859 --> 01:47:50,728 Gonna pretend like that never happened. 2073 01:47:50,730 --> 01:47:52,864 Let's go home, Russell. 2074 01:47:56,402 --> 01:47:58,636 All you dirty mutants 2075 01:47:58,638 --> 01:48:00,738 are gonna rot in hell with the boy! 2076 01:48:00,740 --> 01:48:03,841 Your souls are beyond redemption! 2077 01:48:03,843 --> 01:48:05,109 Let's see your soul, perv! 2078 01:48:05,111 --> 01:48:08,212 No, no! No! No more! We're better than that! 2079 01:48:08,214 --> 01:48:09,246 We're better than him! 2080 01:48:09,248 --> 01:48:11,982 No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed! 2081 01:48:11,984 --> 01:48:13,683 We'll let karma take care of him. 2082 01:48:13,685 --> 01:48:16,888 The day of reckoning is here! 2083 01:48:17,657 --> 01:48:19,156 (TIRES SCREECHING) 2084 01:48:19,158 --> 01:48:20,293 (CRASHING) 2085 01:48:25,965 --> 01:48:28,265 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great. 2086 01:48:28,267 --> 01:48:29,466 Whoo! 2087 01:48:29,468 --> 01:48:31,202 Courage, motherfuckers! 2088 01:48:31,204 --> 01:48:32,369 And karma, motherfucker. 2089 01:48:32,371 --> 01:48:34,038 DEADPOOL: I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds. 2090 01:48:34,040 --> 01:48:36,273 I could barely keep a straight face. (LAUGHS) 2091 01:48:36,275 --> 01:48:37,975 I want some more. 2092 01:48:37,977 --> 01:48:39,777 I bet you do, Brown Panther. 2093 01:48:39,779 --> 01:48:43,247 We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up. 2094 01:48:43,249 --> 01:48:45,683 Good call. You guys coming with us? 2095 01:48:45,685 --> 01:48:47,685 No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion. 2096 01:48:47,687 --> 01:48:49,353 Besides, we're X-Men. 2097 01:48:49,355 --> 01:48:51,922 No, you're X-People. 2098 01:48:51,924 --> 01:48:53,190 You're exhausting. 2099 01:48:53,192 --> 01:48:55,793 I see what you did there. Puns. 2100 01:48:55,795 --> 01:48:58,295 - Bye, Wade! - Bye, Yukio! 2101 01:48:58,297 --> 01:48:59,932 (WE BELONG PLAYING) 2102 01:49:00,600 --> 01:49:01,700 DEADPOOL: What do you get 2103 01:49:01,702 --> 01:49:02,833 when you take eight feet of chrome... 2104 01:49:02,835 --> 01:49:04,001 one pinch of courage... 2105 01:49:04,003 --> 01:49:05,436 a cup of good luck... 2106 01:49:05,438 --> 01:49:06,904 a dab of racism... 2107 01:49:06,906 --> 01:49:08,172 a splash of diabetes... 2108 01:49:08,174 --> 01:49:10,908 and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer? 2109 01:49:10,910 --> 01:49:13,510 Answer: a family. 2110 01:49:13,512 --> 01:49:16,847 See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was. 2111 01:49:16,849 --> 01:49:18,249 If there's anything you take away today... 2112 01:49:18,251 --> 01:49:21,318 other than the need to Google, "What the fuck is dubstep?"... 2113 01:49:21,320 --> 01:49:24,357 it's that we all need to belong to someone. 2114 01:49:27,050 --> 01:49:32,055 Subtitles by explosiveskull Resync by GoldenBeard 2115 01:51:21,107 --> 01:51:22,973 How something so small generates 2116 01:51:22,975 --> 01:51:24,975 enough energy to reverse time is... 2117 01:51:24,977 --> 01:51:27,010 Oh, just fix it, Eleven, 2118 01:51:27,012 --> 01:51:29,179 or I'll take it to the Genius Bar. 2119 01:51:29,181 --> 01:51:30,581 Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out. 2120 01:51:30,583 --> 01:51:31,648 Never heard of him. 2121 01:51:31,650 --> 01:51:33,219 Why do you think I'm helping him? 2122 01:51:34,253 --> 01:51:36,687 The Lord works in mysterious ways, 2123 01:51:36,689 --> 01:51:38,890 don't I? A good day. 2124 01:51:39,658 --> 01:51:40,659 Bye, Wade! 2125 01:51:41,260 --> 01:51:42,261 Bye, Yukio! 2126 01:51:43,529 --> 01:51:45,963 That was probably a bad idea. 2127 01:51:45,965 --> 01:51:47,897 What have we done? 2128 01:51:47,899 --> 01:51:50,102 (IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME PLAYING) 2129 01:52:05,918 --> 01:52:07,885 I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader. 2130 01:52:07,887 --> 01:52:09,355 - (BOTH PANTING) - (GASPS) 2131 01:52:18,030 --> 01:52:19,598 I'll be right back! 2132 01:52:21,367 --> 01:52:24,203 We're definitely naming our kid Cher! 2133 01:52:24,503 --> 01:52:25,504 Whoo! 2134 01:52:27,373 --> 01:52:28,706 DEADPOOL: Peter! 2135 01:52:28,708 --> 01:52:30,140 Whoo! X-Force! 2136 01:52:30,142 --> 01:52:32,511 Walk away! Just walk away! 2137 01:52:33,412 --> 01:52:34,511 But we're X-Force! 2138 01:52:34,513 --> 01:52:36,213 Nope! We're not, there's no X-Force! 2139 01:52:36,215 --> 01:52:39,717 All right, well, this has been pretty scary! 2140 01:52:39,719 --> 01:52:42,386 Go home, Sugarbear. Go home. 2141 01:52:42,388 --> 01:52:45,291 Okay. Will you give Domino my email? 2142 01:52:54,500 --> 01:52:56,335 Wade, is that you? 2143 01:52:58,604 --> 01:52:59,938 I guess Stryker finally 2144 01:52:59,940 --> 01:53:01,373 figured out how to shut you up. 2145 01:53:04,310 --> 01:53:05,611 (GUNSHOT) 2146 01:53:07,914 --> 01:53:11,048 Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! 2147 01:53:11,050 --> 01:53:13,484 Just cleaning up the timelines! 2148 01:53:13,486 --> 01:53:14,754 (GUNSHOTS) 2149 01:53:18,023 --> 01:53:19,425 (WHISPERS) Love you! 2150 01:53:21,795 --> 01:53:23,229 Welcome to the big leagues, kid. 2151 01:53:24,897 --> 01:53:26,098 (GUNSHOT) 2152 01:53:30,636 --> 01:53:32,505 You're welcome, Canada. 2153 01:54:53,118 --> 01:54:55,287 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 2154 01:58:39,112 --> 01:58:40,312 (CHOIR SINGING) 150715