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1
00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:39,404
[LIGHTER CLICKS]
2
00:00:46,324 --> 00:00:48,370
[WINDING MUSIC BOX]
3
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,952
[ALL OUT OF LOVEPLAYING]
4
00:01:26,016 --> 00:01:27,496
[SNIFFING]
5
00:01:35,504 --> 00:01:37,201
[BOTTLES CLATTERING]
6
00:02:15,848 --> 00:02:19,243
DEADPOOL: Fuck Wolverine.
7
00:02:19,287 --> 00:02:21,985
First, he rides my coattails
with the R rating.
8
00:02:22,029 --> 00:02:26,424
Then the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.
9
00:02:26,468 --> 00:02:28,644
What a dick.
10
00:02:28,687 --> 00:02:30,907
Well, guess what, Wolvie?
11
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:33,779
I'm dying in this one, too.
12
00:02:33,823 --> 00:02:35,216
[X GOIN' GIVE IT
TO YAPLAYING]
13
00:02:36,521 --> 00:02:38,915
DEADPOOL: To understand
why I took a cat-nap
14
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,048
on 1,200 gallons
of high-test fuel...
15
00:02:41,091 --> 00:02:42,440
I need to take you back
16
00:02:42,484 --> 00:02:44,921
to the dewy slopes
of six weeks ago.
17
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:46,314
I'd gone international,
18
00:02:46,357 --> 00:02:48,272
taking out mass murderers,
gangsters,
19
00:02:48,316 --> 00:02:50,013
unspeakable monsters.
20
00:02:50,057 --> 00:02:53,016
People nobody would touch.
Except me.
21
00:02:53,060 --> 00:02:55,018
I'm gonna touch them all over.
22
00:02:55,062 --> 00:02:56,628
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
23
00:02:58,674 --> 00:03:00,589
DEADPOOL:
Hey, it's Gail calling.
24
00:03:00,632 --> 00:03:01,764
Love the shiny suit.
25
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,548
Really brings out
26
00:03:03,592 --> 00:03:04,245
the sex trafficker
in your eyes.[SPEAKING CANTONESE]
27
00:03:06,725 --> 00:03:10,816
[IN ENGLISH] I don't
speak Cantonese, Mister...
28
00:03:10,860 --> 00:03:12,993
Well, I'm not even gonna
attempt that.
29
00:03:13,036 --> 00:03:15,517
But I did take
8th grade Spanish, so...
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
30
00:03:17,867 --> 00:03:20,696
Which literally
translates to...
31
00:03:20,739 --> 00:03:23,786
I don't bargain,
pumpkin fucker.
32
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:24,874
[CELL PHONE CLATTERS]
33
00:03:28,138 --> 00:03:29,574
[WOMAN SCREAMING]
34
00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:32,142
[GUNS COCKING]
35
00:03:33,535 --> 00:03:36,277
Oh. Oh, this isn't Gilbert's.
36
00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:37,582
I am so sorry.
37
00:03:37,626 --> 00:03:39,236
I thought this was
an anal-bleaching party.
38
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:40,324
[GUNS FIRING]
39
00:03:40,368 --> 00:03:41,412
[GRUNTING]
40
00:03:45,155 --> 00:03:46,983
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
41
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:48,202
[GASPS]
42
00:03:48,245 --> 00:03:49,507
[SHUSHING]
43
00:03:58,734 --> 00:04:00,083
[MEN LAUGHING]
44
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,695
Don't worry.
You're not going to die.
45
00:04:03,739 --> 00:04:05,828
Although these will kill you.
46
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,090
Hit it, Dolly.
47
00:04:07,134 --> 00:04:08,657
[9 TO 5PLAYING]
48
00:04:13,183 --> 00:04:14,358
[BOTH GRUNTING]
49
00:04:16,534 --> 00:04:17,535
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
50
00:04:27,371 --> 00:04:28,764
I'm merely
a vessel for the Lord.
51
00:04:35,249 --> 00:04:36,293
[MEN GROANING]
52
00:04:40,036 --> 00:04:42,604
Taking the hands out
of the guns of the criminals!
53
00:04:50,133 --> 00:04:52,657
Whoo! Do not go in there!
54
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,449
Let's see
Captain America do that.
55
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,104
[MEN CHEERING]
56
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:08,151
[CROWD CHEERING]
57
00:05:10,414 --> 00:05:11,937
Too exotic?
58
00:05:32,871 --> 00:05:33,916
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
59
00:05:37,093 --> 00:05:38,355
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
60
00:05:39,878 --> 00:05:41,228
[ALL GRUNTING]
61
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:00,247
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
62
00:06:34,106 --> 00:06:37,066
Oh, God! Oh, God,
time out! Time out!
63
00:06:37,109 --> 00:06:40,635
Cut. I've got bad guy blood,
right in my open eye.
64
00:06:40,678 --> 00:06:42,680
Oh, that's so gross.
65
00:06:42,724 --> 00:06:43,768
[GROANING]
66
00:06:43,812 --> 00:06:45,988
Fuck.
67
00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,903
Looks like you left
a little landing strip there.
68
00:06:47,946 --> 00:06:48,991
I like it.
69
00:06:54,126 --> 00:06:55,737
Oh, man!
70
00:07:00,089 --> 00:07:02,047
DEADPOOL: My world tour
brought me home
71
00:07:02,091 --> 00:07:04,528
to this guy,
Sergei Valishnikov.
72
00:07:04,572 --> 00:07:06,095
But we'll get to him
in a moment.
73
00:07:06,138 --> 00:07:07,575
'Cause I know
what you're thinking.
74
00:07:07,618 --> 00:07:10,360
"I'm so glad
I left the kiddos at home."
75
00:07:10,404 --> 00:07:12,101
But that's where
you'd be wrong.
76
00:07:12,144 --> 00:07:14,886
That babysitter of yours
is high as fuck right now...
77
00:07:14,930 --> 00:07:19,239
and, believe it or not,
Deadpool 2 is a family film.
78
00:07:19,282 --> 00:07:21,066
True story.
79
00:07:21,110 --> 00:07:24,287
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.
80
00:07:24,331 --> 00:07:27,421
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
81
00:07:27,464 --> 00:07:30,772
[CHUCKLING] Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire.
82
00:07:30,815 --> 00:07:33,731
That's not CGI, folks.
He's actually on fire.
83
00:07:33,775 --> 00:07:37,169
Yeah. You know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?
84
00:07:37,213 --> 00:07:38,432
But this guy?
85
00:07:38,475 --> 00:07:40,434
He was
one of the worst of 'em.
86
00:07:43,132 --> 00:07:44,655
Hurry up and open
this fucking door,
87
00:07:44,699 --> 00:07:45,830
and let's kill
this motherfucker!
88
00:07:45,874 --> 00:07:47,136
[ALARM RINGING][GUNSHOT]
89
00:07:47,179 --> 00:07:48,180
[BODY THUDS]
90
00:07:52,924 --> 00:07:54,970
Ugh. So gross.
91
00:07:55,013 --> 00:07:57,842
A panic room? Really?
92
00:07:57,886 --> 00:08:00,105
Can you come out?[WATCH BEEPING]
93
00:08:00,149 --> 00:08:03,239
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.
94
00:08:05,763 --> 00:08:07,591
[GUNS COCKING]
95
00:08:09,158 --> 00:08:10,551
MAN: [ON RADIO]
Over and over,
I hear people say,
96
00:08:10,594 --> 00:08:12,161
"I just don't have
enough confidence."
97
00:08:12,204 --> 00:08:14,294
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.
98
00:08:14,337 --> 00:08:15,773
It's something you create.[LAUGHS]
99
00:08:15,817 --> 00:08:17,732
And you can create it
at any moment in time.
100
00:08:17,775 --> 00:08:19,473
A sense of confidence
is nothing
101
00:08:19,516 --> 00:08:21,257
but a sense of power
within yourself...
102
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,824
a sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.
103
00:08:22,867 --> 00:08:24,956
DEADPOOL:
Start the fucking car!
104
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,131
Dopinder!
105
00:08:26,175 --> 00:08:27,698
Start the fucking car!
106
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:29,309
[SCREAMS]
107
00:08:32,399 --> 00:08:34,879
MAN: Shoot that motherfucker!
Shoot him!
108
00:08:34,923 --> 00:08:36,446
Whoo!Oh, I shit my pants.
109
00:08:36,490 --> 00:08:38,883
Actually, that may
have been me.
110
00:08:38,927 --> 00:08:40,189
Oh, mission accomplished?
111
00:08:40,232 --> 00:08:42,365
Oh, in a George W.
sort of way.
112
00:08:42,409 --> 00:08:44,106
Fucker can't stay
in a panic room forever.
113
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,586
DOPINDER: Oh, you're living
the dreams, DP.
114
00:08:45,629 --> 00:08:47,805
It has been
quite the run, Dopinder,
115
00:08:47,849 --> 00:08:49,154
and who'da thought?
116
00:08:49,198 --> 00:08:51,635
Now I'm talked about
in the same sentence as Jesus.
117
00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:53,550
Passion of the Christ,then me.
118
00:08:53,594 --> 00:08:54,856
At least domestically.
119
00:08:54,899 --> 00:08:56,118
We beat them overseas,
120
00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:58,163
where there's no such thing
as religion.
121
00:08:58,207 --> 00:09:00,383
I do want to live
the dreams, Pool Boy.
122
00:09:00,427 --> 00:09:02,820
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.
123
00:09:02,864 --> 00:09:04,648
I want to fill my...Pockets?
124
00:09:04,692 --> 00:09:07,912
What's your poison?
A little, uh, cokey cokey?
125
00:09:07,956 --> 00:09:09,305
Can't maintain an erection
126
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:10,872
without buying shoes online?[HORN HONKS]
127
00:09:10,915 --> 00:09:12,874
I've never experienced
that last one.
128
00:09:12,917 --> 00:09:14,310
Talk to me, Goose.
129
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:17,052
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.
130
00:09:17,095 --> 00:09:20,185
I want to belong to something,
like you, Pool, sir.
131
00:09:20,229 --> 00:09:22,187
Dopinder...Hmm?
132
00:09:22,231 --> 00:09:24,059
You never cease
to surprise me.
133
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:28,193
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.
134
00:09:28,237 --> 00:09:29,891
We all need
a sense of belonging.
135
00:09:29,934 --> 00:09:31,719
We all need
a genuine sense of home.
136
00:09:31,762 --> 00:09:32,894
A place in this world.
137
00:09:32,937 --> 00:09:34,286
I want to become
a contract killer.
138
00:09:34,330 --> 00:09:36,158
I'm sorry. What did you say?
139
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,160
Remember when
I kidnapped Bandhu
140
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,509
and threatened him
with great violence?
141
00:09:39,553 --> 00:09:41,163
You kind of killed him.
142
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,773
And then remember the movie
Interview with the Vampire?
143
00:09:42,817 --> 00:09:43,992
Don't want to.
144
00:09:44,035 --> 00:09:45,123
When Tom Cruise fed
145
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:46,995
10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood
146
00:09:47,038 --> 00:09:48,257
for the first time...
147
00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:50,694
and she looked up
at his smooth,
148
00:09:50,738 --> 00:09:52,957
handsome face and said...
149
00:09:53,741 --> 00:09:55,525
"I want some more."
150
00:09:55,569 --> 00:09:59,224
Oh, Pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
151
00:10:00,269 --> 00:10:02,967
I'll never not picture that.
152
00:10:03,011 --> 00:10:04,795
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,
153
00:10:04,839 --> 00:10:06,884
as soon as possible.
154
00:10:06,928 --> 00:10:09,409
We're here.[BRAKES SCREECHING]
155
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:16,154
[GROANS]
156
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:18,200
Dopinder, it's me again.
157
00:10:18,243 --> 00:10:19,941
Look, a saner man
might discourage you
158
00:10:19,984 --> 00:10:21,856
from joining
the deadly merc business...
159
00:10:21,899 --> 00:10:23,379
what, with your concave chest
160
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,076
and your
paper towel tube arms.
161
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:26,817
But you're an eagle...
162
00:10:26,861 --> 00:10:28,863
and goddamn it,
an eagle's gotta soar.
163
00:10:28,906 --> 00:10:30,299
You gotta grab those dreams,
164
00:10:30,342 --> 00:10:31,953
grab those dreams
by the dick tip...
165
00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:33,520
and make it rain!
166
00:10:33,563 --> 00:10:35,478
I don't know what that means.
167
00:10:35,522 --> 00:10:37,480
Me neither.[BOTH LAUGH]
168
00:10:38,089 --> 00:10:39,569
I'm gonna see you...
169
00:10:39,613 --> 00:10:40,831
[EXCLAIMS]
170
00:10:40,875 --> 00:10:42,224
at the office.
171
00:10:42,790 --> 00:10:43,921
In the sky.
172
00:10:43,965 --> 00:10:45,096
You're my Tom Cruise!
173
00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:46,750
DEADPOOL:
And you're my Kristen Dunst!
174
00:10:46,794 --> 00:10:48,273
Kristen? Kirsten?
175
00:10:53,322 --> 00:10:54,932
Sorry I'm late.
176
00:10:54,976 --> 00:10:56,543
There was a bunch of
177
00:10:56,586 --> 00:10:58,675
handicapable children
stuck in a tree...
178
00:10:58,719 --> 00:11:00,242
and I had to, uh...Uh-uh.
179
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:03,027
You're right.
I was fighting a caped badass.
180
00:11:03,071 --> 00:11:05,421
But then we discovered
his mom is named Martha, too.
181
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,771
No.You got me.
182
00:11:07,815 --> 00:11:09,599
I was rounding up
all the gluten in the world
183
00:11:09,643 --> 00:11:10,861
and launching it into space...
184
00:11:10,905 --> 00:11:13,037
where it can't not
hurt us ever again.
185
00:11:13,081 --> 00:11:14,256
Try again.
186
00:11:14,822 --> 00:11:16,388
Diarrhea?
187
00:11:16,432 --> 00:11:18,042
We can't be sure
until I get this suit off...
188
00:11:19,130 --> 00:11:21,089
but, uh,
all signs point to yes.
189
00:11:23,004 --> 00:11:24,005
Traffic?
190
00:11:24,614 --> 00:11:25,659
Hmm?
191
00:11:26,877 --> 00:11:28,531
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
192
00:11:28,575 --> 00:11:29,532
Well, come here.
193
00:11:31,534 --> 00:11:33,318
[TAKE ON MEPLAYING]
194
00:11:38,628 --> 00:11:41,239
[VANESSA MOANS]
195
00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:43,720
I'm gonna shower
and get out of this suit.
196
00:11:43,764 --> 00:11:44,939
Don't you want
your surprise?
197
00:11:44,982 --> 00:11:46,810
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?
198
00:11:47,594 --> 00:11:48,856
I got one for you, too.
199
00:11:49,987 --> 00:11:51,511
Happy anniversary, baby.
200
00:11:51,554 --> 00:11:53,121
Open, open, open.
201
00:11:55,123 --> 00:11:56,864
Skee-Ball token.
202
00:11:56,907 --> 00:11:58,300
Our first date.
203
00:11:58,343 --> 00:11:59,910
Yup.
204
00:11:59,954 --> 00:12:02,609
That's genuine,
high-grade lead.
205
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,831
I'll keep it forever.[CHUCKLES]
206
00:12:07,875 --> 00:12:09,311
Thank you, baby.
207
00:12:10,921 --> 00:12:12,619
Open yours.All right, all right.
208
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:14,838
Oh...
209
00:12:16,231 --> 00:12:18,102
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...
210
00:12:18,146 --> 00:12:19,539
I don't know
what this is.
211
00:12:19,582 --> 00:12:21,410
My IUD.
212
00:12:21,453 --> 00:12:22,629
A bomb?
213
00:12:22,672 --> 00:12:25,762
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.
214
00:12:25,806 --> 00:12:26,894
What, you mean that your...
215
00:12:26,937 --> 00:12:28,678
Baby factory's open
for business.
216
00:12:28,722 --> 00:12:30,027
Oh, my God![BOX CLATTERS]
217
00:12:30,071 --> 00:12:33,335
[VANESSA LAUGHS]Oh, my God! I want a boy!
218
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:36,468
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!
219
00:12:36,512 --> 00:12:39,297
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.
220
00:12:39,863 --> 00:12:43,127
Like Cher or Todd.
221
00:12:43,171 --> 00:12:44,955
You gotta pump a baby
in me first, cowboy.
222
00:12:44,999 --> 00:12:46,348
Yes, I do.
223
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:47,871
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.
224
00:12:47,915 --> 00:12:48,916
Let's do that.
225
00:12:50,134 --> 00:12:52,267
♪ Papa...♪
226
00:12:52,310 --> 00:12:54,486
♪ Can you hear me?♪
227
00:12:55,923 --> 00:12:58,578
♪ Papa, can you see me?♪
228
00:12:58,621 --> 00:13:00,841
Does this song
sound familiar to you?
229
00:13:03,147 --> 00:13:05,323
May.
230
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:09,066
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.
231
00:13:10,285 --> 00:13:11,678
[CHUCKLES]
232
00:13:11,721 --> 00:13:14,158
So weird.[LAUGHS]
233
00:13:14,202 --> 00:13:16,596
Family was always
an F-word to me.
234
00:13:18,119 --> 00:13:22,471
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.
235
00:13:22,514 --> 00:13:24,734
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models
236
00:13:24,778 --> 00:13:26,518
to draw off of for Todd.
237
00:13:27,694 --> 00:13:30,305
Hey. Look at me.
238
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,613
You are not your father.
239
00:13:35,353 --> 00:13:36,790
Besides...
240
00:13:36,833 --> 00:13:41,577
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
241
00:13:42,578 --> 00:13:43,623
But here's the thing,
242
00:13:43,666 --> 00:13:45,494
isn't that how
it always works?
243
00:13:45,537 --> 00:13:47,061
Like in Star Wars,
244
00:13:47,104 --> 00:13:49,803
men are destined
to become their father...
245
00:13:49,846 --> 00:13:52,936
and then have consensual sex
with their sister?
246
00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:56,287
I think you missed
big, big chunks of that movie.
247
00:13:56,331 --> 00:13:58,594
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.
248
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,683
Baby, that's Empire.
249
00:14:00,727 --> 00:14:03,338
The point is, kids...
250
00:14:04,818 --> 00:14:07,472
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.
251
00:14:08,299 --> 00:14:10,954
Better than we used to be.
252
00:14:10,998 --> 00:14:13,522
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
253
00:14:14,566 --> 00:14:16,220
I'm gonna go make dessert.
254
00:14:16,264 --> 00:14:20,703
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a super baby.
255
00:14:20,747 --> 00:14:24,141
Pretty sure it doesn't work
that way, but we can try.
256
00:14:24,185 --> 00:14:27,710
VANESSA: What about Krystal?
But with a "K"?
257
00:14:27,754 --> 00:14:29,712
[TIMER TICKING]It's too stripper-y.
258
00:14:29,756 --> 00:14:31,279
Kevin with a "K"!
259
00:14:31,322 --> 00:14:33,411
No, too stripper-y, too.
260
00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:35,892
Uh, Earl!
261
00:14:35,936 --> 00:14:38,286
[IN SLOW MOTION]
He's gonna go straight to jail
262
00:14:38,329 --> 00:14:40,549
if we name him Earl.
263
00:14:40,592 --> 00:14:42,464
What about Bruce?
264
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:44,901
No.
265
00:14:44,945 --> 00:14:45,989
Get down.
266
00:14:46,033 --> 00:14:47,425
What?[GUN FIRES]
267
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,778
[ALL GRUNTING]
268
00:14:56,957 --> 00:14:59,220
[GUN FIRING]
269
00:15:16,324 --> 00:15:18,413
Baby? Baby?
270
00:15:18,456 --> 00:15:20,458
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
271
00:15:21,677 --> 00:15:23,374
I'm okay.
272
00:15:23,418 --> 00:15:26,073
Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.
273
00:15:26,116 --> 00:15:27,683
[BOTH PANTING][GASPS]
274
00:15:46,702 --> 00:15:48,573
[INAUDIBLE]
275
00:16:00,672 --> 00:16:01,935
[MOUTHING] Please.
276
00:16:07,027 --> 00:16:08,855
Please. Please.
277
00:16:08,898 --> 00:16:12,075
Baby, I'm so sorry.
278
00:16:12,119 --> 00:16:15,905
No!
279
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:23,565
[DINGS]
280
00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:37,013
[PANTING]
281
00:16:41,713 --> 00:16:44,151
[HORN BLARING][GRUNTS]
282
00:16:47,937 --> 00:16:49,721
[TIRES SCREECHING]
283
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:00,602
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
284
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:04,867
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
285
00:17:04,911 --> 00:17:05,999
[ENGINE STALLING]
286
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,220
[YELLS]
287
00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:29,849
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
288
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,508
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
289
00:17:40,468 --> 00:17:41,948
[HORN BLARES]
290
00:17:45,908 --> 00:17:47,910
[WOMAN SINGING]
291
00:19:20,437 --> 00:19:23,136
♪ Papa, can you hear me?♪
292
00:19:24,093 --> 00:19:25,877
Is it just me, or does
293
00:19:25,921 --> 00:19:27,488
Do You Want to Build
a Snowman?from Frozen...
294
00:19:27,531 --> 00:19:28,837
sound suspiciously like
295
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,839
Papa, Can You Hear Me?
from Yentl?
296
00:19:30,882 --> 00:19:32,145
[SNIFFLES]
297
00:19:32,188 --> 00:19:34,321
♪ Papa, can you hear me?♪
298
00:19:36,105 --> 00:19:38,716
And nobody
fucking realizes it.
299
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,327
Wade, you gotta go home.
300
00:19:40,370 --> 00:19:43,112
You've been sitting here
for three days, okay?
301
00:19:43,156 --> 00:19:46,855
You smell like sauerkraut
left in the warm rain.
302
00:19:46,898 --> 00:19:49,205
Like wet garbage
in hot urine.
303
00:19:49,249 --> 00:19:51,425
You smell like
a dog ate kitty litter...
304
00:19:51,468 --> 00:19:53,514
and then farted his way
out of the living room.
305
00:19:53,557 --> 00:19:55,385
I mean, like Rush Limbaugh's
306
00:19:55,429 --> 00:19:57,257
couch cushions
after Shark Week.
307
00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:59,041
I love Frozen.
308
00:19:59,085 --> 00:20:02,653
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.
309
00:20:02,697 --> 00:20:04,220
An ocean is water.
310
00:20:04,264 --> 00:20:09,008
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?
311
00:20:09,051 --> 00:20:10,183
George Michael was right.
312
00:20:10,226 --> 00:20:12,054
I'm never gonna
dance again. Fuck!
313
00:20:12,663 --> 00:20:13,664
He's dead, too.
314
00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:16,189
At least we still have Bowie.
315
00:20:16,232 --> 00:20:17,973
Oh, Mr. Pool.
David Bowie is...
316
00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:19,279
Uh, uh, uh...
317
00:20:19,322 --> 00:20:20,497
still with us.
318
00:20:20,541 --> 00:20:23,413
We do.
We'll always have Bowie.
319
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:25,067
I'm sorry.
320
00:20:25,111 --> 00:20:26,547
Shot after shot,
321
00:20:26,590 --> 00:20:28,418
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...
322
00:20:28,462 --> 00:20:30,072
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating right now?
323
00:20:30,116 --> 00:20:33,032
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.
324
00:20:33,075 --> 00:20:34,642
Is he pissing?I'm on it!
325
00:20:34,685 --> 00:20:36,165
There you go, Dopinder.
326
00:20:36,209 --> 00:20:38,254
If you want to be
a contract killer...
327
00:20:38,298 --> 00:20:40,865
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.
328
00:20:40,909 --> 00:20:41,953
Although I don't
quite understand
329
00:20:41,997 --> 00:20:43,564
how they are at all similar.
330
00:20:43,607 --> 00:20:45,696
'Cause I could shove either
one up your ass and kill you.
331
00:20:45,740 --> 00:20:46,871
Now, leave me.
332
00:20:46,915 --> 00:20:47,916
I get it.
333
00:20:48,438 --> 00:20:50,049
Go home, Wade.
334
00:20:50,092 --> 00:20:52,442
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a...
335
00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:55,271
Okay, I'm fine.
336
00:20:55,315 --> 00:20:56,446
I'm fine.
337
00:20:56,490 --> 00:20:58,318
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?
338
00:20:58,361 --> 00:21:02,104
Fucked up, insecure,
needy, and emotional.
339
00:21:02,148 --> 00:21:03,366
According to the...
340
00:21:04,715 --> 00:21:06,152
Kubler-Ross.Yeah.
341
00:21:06,195 --> 00:21:08,067
According to
the Kubler-Ross model...
342
00:21:08,110 --> 00:21:10,895
denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.
343
00:21:10,939 --> 00:21:13,289
Jesus Christ, Buck!
344
00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:15,248
No more speaking lines
for you.
345
00:21:17,989 --> 00:21:19,861
[LAUGHING]
346
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:22,559
[JACK BENNY SCATTING ON RADIO]
347
00:21:22,603 --> 00:21:23,865
[COMEDY SERIES PLAYING
ON RADIO]
348
00:21:23,908 --> 00:21:26,259
THUG: [ON RADIO]
Hey, bud. Bud.
349
00:21:26,302 --> 00:21:28,391
JACK: Huh?THUG: Got a match?
350
00:21:28,435 --> 00:21:29,958
JACK: Match?
351
00:21:30,001 --> 00:21:31,481
Yes, I have one right here.
352
00:21:31,525 --> 00:21:32,874
THUG: Don't make a move.
This is a stick-up.
353
00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:34,658
JACK: What?THUG: You heard me.
354
00:21:34,702 --> 00:21:36,747
JACK: Mister, Mister,
put down that gun.
355
00:21:36,791 --> 00:21:39,402
THUG: Shut up. Now, come on.
Your money or your life?
356
00:21:39,446 --> 00:21:41,752
[SNIFFS][AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON RADIO]
357
00:21:47,584 --> 00:21:51,327
THUG: Look, bud. I said,
"Your money or your life."
358
00:21:51,371 --> 00:21:52,676
"I'm thinking it over!"
359
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,113
Motherfuck!
360
00:21:54,156 --> 00:21:55,201
Fuck!
361
00:21:56,202 --> 00:21:57,333
[SIGHS IN RELIEF]
362
00:21:58,204 --> 00:21:59,683
The hell you doin' here?
363
00:21:59,727 --> 00:22:01,816
Don't you know how to knock?
364
00:22:01,859 --> 00:22:03,774
I thought you saw me...
365
00:22:03,818 --> 00:22:05,341
with your ears.
366
00:22:05,385 --> 00:22:06,429
You're lucky I didn't
shoot you in the...
367
00:22:06,473 --> 00:22:07,517
The wall?
368
00:22:07,561 --> 00:22:10,955
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.
369
00:22:13,741 --> 00:22:15,351
BLIND AL: I heard the news,
sweetie.
370
00:22:15,395 --> 00:22:17,484
I'm very sorry. I am.
371
00:22:17,527 --> 00:22:19,442
What am I gonna do, Al?
372
00:22:19,486 --> 00:22:21,183
Probably something terrible.
373
00:22:22,358 --> 00:22:23,751
Knowing you.
374
00:22:23,794 --> 00:22:25,318
It was my fault.
375
00:22:26,536 --> 00:22:29,235
I fucking did this.
376
00:22:29,278 --> 00:22:31,150
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her
377
00:22:31,193 --> 00:22:33,152
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.
378
00:22:35,154 --> 00:22:36,807
She's gone.
379
00:22:36,851 --> 00:22:40,637
BLIND AL: Sweetheart,
can you speak up?
380
00:22:40,681 --> 00:22:41,943
It's a little hard
to hear you
381
00:22:41,986 --> 00:22:43,684
with that pity dick
in your mouth.
382
00:22:43,727 --> 00:22:46,774
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.
383
00:22:46,817 --> 00:22:48,123
Thank you...
384
00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:51,170
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.
385
00:22:51,213 --> 00:22:53,259
Listen to the pain.
386
00:22:53,302 --> 00:22:56,087
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.
387
00:22:56,131 --> 00:22:59,743
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.
388
00:22:59,787 --> 00:23:03,660
Sometimes, it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.
389
00:23:03,704 --> 00:23:06,402
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?
390
00:23:08,926 --> 00:23:10,145
Wade?
391
00:23:12,582 --> 00:23:14,758
Wade?I'm right here, Althea.
392
00:23:14,802 --> 00:23:17,413
And that is
the most beautiful thing
393
00:23:17,457 --> 00:23:18,675
I've ever heard.
394
00:23:19,415 --> 00:23:20,982
And you're absolutely right.
395
00:23:23,724 --> 00:23:24,812
[COUGHS]
396
00:23:24,855 --> 00:23:27,206
I'm about to do
something terrible.
397
00:23:28,946 --> 00:23:30,383
[BLUES ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
398
00:23:33,255 --> 00:23:34,517
DEADPOOL:
Precious, aren't they?
399
00:23:35,344 --> 00:23:36,780
Whoa!
400
00:23:36,824 --> 00:23:38,260
Are you a superhero?
401
00:23:38,304 --> 00:23:40,001
Fucking A, sweetie.
402
00:23:40,044 --> 00:23:41,611
What's your name?
403
00:23:41,655 --> 00:23:43,439
Captain Delicious Pants.
404
00:23:43,483 --> 00:23:45,659
Who's Captain Delicious Pants?
405
00:23:47,443 --> 00:23:49,489
[KIDS SCREAMING][ANIMAL GROWLING]
406
00:24:11,032 --> 00:24:13,034
I can't believe
he's still alive.
407
00:24:13,077 --> 00:24:15,558
I can't believe you left
the house in that shirt.
408
00:24:17,038 --> 00:24:18,996
There's gotta be
some way to die.
409
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,085
I just need to die harder.
410
00:24:21,129 --> 00:24:22,348
Trademark Fox.
411
00:24:22,391 --> 00:24:23,392
Y'all caught up now?
412
00:24:32,662 --> 00:24:35,274
[OVERLAPPING VOICES]
413
00:24:36,666 --> 00:24:38,320
VANESSA: Open for business.
414
00:24:38,364 --> 00:24:40,627
[OVERLAPPING VOICES CONTINUE]
415
00:24:42,193 --> 00:24:44,326
WADE: Your crazy
matches my crazy.
416
00:24:44,370 --> 00:24:46,502
VANESSA: I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
417
00:24:46,546 --> 00:24:47,808
WADE: Skee-Ball token.
418
00:24:47,851 --> 00:24:48,809
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
419
00:24:49,375 --> 00:24:51,072
[VOICES ECHOING]
420
00:24:55,032 --> 00:24:56,295
WADE: About why
we're so good together.
421
00:24:56,338 --> 00:24:57,513
VANESSA: I love you,
Wade Wilson.
422
00:24:57,557 --> 00:24:59,036
[GASPS]
423
00:25:00,168 --> 00:25:01,561
WADE: Ness?
424
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,172
Ness?
425
00:25:04,999 --> 00:25:06,566
Ness.
426
00:25:06,609 --> 00:25:09,308
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.
427
00:25:11,005 --> 00:25:13,529
Your heart's not
in the right place.
428
00:25:13,573 --> 00:25:16,227
[STAMMERS]
Wait, hold on. What?
429
00:25:16,271 --> 00:25:18,360
Your heart's not
in the right place.
430
00:25:18,404 --> 00:25:19,796
Wait. What do you mean
431
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:20,884
my heart's not in the right
place? What does it...
432
00:25:20,928 --> 00:25:22,364
[TIMER TICKING]
433
00:25:24,410 --> 00:25:25,367
[TIMER DINGS]
434
00:25:41,035 --> 00:25:43,559
I'm terribly sorry
for your loss, Wade.
435
00:25:44,038 --> 00:25:45,169
You're broken.
436
00:25:45,213 --> 00:25:48,172
DEADPOOL: Oh, God.
I know that voice.
437
00:26:09,237 --> 00:26:10,673
HEADMASTER: Well, Russell.
438
00:26:10,717 --> 00:26:13,372
I hear you're handy
at picking locks.
439
00:26:14,764 --> 00:26:16,984
There will be no need
for that here.
440
00:26:17,027 --> 00:26:20,335
There's no locks on our doors,
no bars on our windows.
441
00:26:21,684 --> 00:26:23,730
I know what you're thinking.
442
00:26:23,773 --> 00:26:26,428
Why don't the kids just run?
443
00:26:26,472 --> 00:26:29,431
Who would choose to stay
in such a place?
444
00:26:29,475 --> 00:26:31,955
You stay because...
445
00:26:31,999 --> 00:26:36,743
deep down inside, you know
you're unfit to leave.
446
00:26:40,529 --> 00:26:42,139
Don't worry.
447
00:26:43,314 --> 00:26:44,968
We can fix that.
448
00:26:49,799 --> 00:26:53,542
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand.
449
00:27:15,521 --> 00:27:17,218
DEADPOOL:
"Heart's in the right place."
450
00:27:17,261 --> 00:27:18,698
"Heart's in the right..."
What does that mean?
451
00:27:18,741 --> 00:27:20,656
COLOSSUS:
Take your mask off, Wade.
452
00:27:20,700 --> 00:27:22,397
I wish you'd said "pants".
453
00:27:22,441 --> 00:27:23,659
Let's play a game.
454
00:27:23,703 --> 00:27:26,227
It's called
"Adrien Brody or Adam Brody?".
455
00:27:26,270 --> 00:27:28,621
Now, close your eyes
and open your mouth.
456
00:27:28,664 --> 00:27:30,492
COLOSSUS: You don't need
to be funny here.
457
00:27:31,101 --> 00:27:32,363
We must talk.
458
00:27:32,407 --> 00:27:34,888
You need fresh start.[GROANS]
459
00:27:34,931 --> 00:27:36,498
Such a glare.
460
00:27:36,542 --> 00:27:38,805
It's like I'm on stage
at the Gaiety.
461
00:27:38,848 --> 00:27:41,460
With training,
you can be X-Man.
462
00:27:41,503 --> 00:27:43,592
You're wasting your time,
Shiny Jesus.
463
00:27:43,636 --> 00:27:44,941
I'm not X-Man material.
464
00:27:44,985 --> 00:27:46,552
Understatement of the year.
465
00:27:47,030 --> 00:27:48,031
Wade, Yukio.
466
00:27:48,510 --> 00:27:50,425
Yukio, Wade.
467
00:27:50,469 --> 00:27:52,558
What in the fuck knuckles
is this?
468
00:27:52,601 --> 00:27:55,256
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.
469
00:27:55,299 --> 00:27:57,127
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
Fox & Friends.
470
00:27:57,171 --> 00:27:59,042
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.
471
00:27:59,086 --> 00:28:01,697
Especially Pinkie Pie
from My Little Pony.
472
00:28:01,741 --> 00:28:03,569
I like this guy.
473
00:28:03,612 --> 00:28:05,701
Give him a chance.
474
00:28:05,745 --> 00:28:06,833
It's great seeing you
like this.
475
00:28:06,876 --> 00:28:09,052
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY] Yeah.
476
00:28:09,531 --> 00:28:10,837
Bye, Wade!
477
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,361
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.
478
00:28:13,404 --> 00:28:16,190
"Rule number one.
No killing...
479
00:28:16,233 --> 00:28:19,672
"anyone ever,
no matter how bad.
480
00:28:19,715 --> 00:28:22,370
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator."
481
00:28:22,413 --> 00:28:23,414
Wade?
482
00:28:24,285 --> 00:28:25,547
Wade?
483
00:28:25,591 --> 00:28:27,418
Don't try to chase me.Wade!
484
00:28:27,462 --> 00:28:29,551
I'm not ready
to be touched again.
485
00:28:29,595 --> 00:28:31,814
All these old guys
on the wall.
486
00:28:31,858 --> 00:28:33,947
Who lives here,
Calista Flockhart?
487
00:28:34,861 --> 00:28:36,210
[OBJECTS SHATTERING]
488
00:28:36,253 --> 00:28:39,169
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!
489
00:28:39,213 --> 00:28:41,084
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?
490
00:28:41,128 --> 00:28:43,391
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?
491
00:28:43,434 --> 00:28:46,307
And how would I
do that exactly?
492
00:28:46,350 --> 00:28:48,788
'Cause where the fuck
is everyone?
493
00:28:48,831 --> 00:28:50,050
It's always just you
494
00:28:50,093 --> 00:28:51,399
and Negasonic Teenage
Longest Name Ever...
495
00:28:51,442 --> 00:28:52,661
Enough!
496
00:28:52,705 --> 00:28:54,533
[GASPS] I said no touching!
497
00:28:56,317 --> 00:28:59,581
What the fuck?
498
00:28:59,625 --> 00:29:01,801
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.
499
00:29:01,844 --> 00:29:04,673
One that doesn't end up
in my mouth.
500
00:29:04,717 --> 00:29:05,892
The first movie
made more money
501
00:29:05,935 --> 00:29:08,285
than the guy
who invented pants.
502
00:29:08,329 --> 00:29:10,505
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?
503
00:29:10,549 --> 00:29:12,638
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?
504
00:29:12,681 --> 00:29:13,987
What do those do anyway, huh?
505
00:29:14,030 --> 00:29:15,510
Carry him
three feet off the ground
506
00:29:15,554 --> 00:29:17,599
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?
507
00:29:17,643 --> 00:29:19,819
[DOORS CLOSE]No, no, no!
508
00:29:19,862 --> 00:29:22,604
I am not X-Man material
at all.
509
00:29:22,648 --> 00:29:25,302
First off...
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
510
00:29:25,346 --> 00:29:27,391
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more... [GROANS]
511
00:29:28,088 --> 00:29:29,568
[GRUNTS]
512
00:29:29,611 --> 00:29:30,656
I should have left you
513
00:29:30,699 --> 00:29:32,440
in the self-pitying mess
I found you in.
514
00:29:32,483 --> 00:29:35,574
But this is what friends do.
They show up!
515
00:29:35,617 --> 00:29:37,619
Not when convenient or easy.
516
00:29:37,663 --> 00:29:41,971
When hard,
and you always make it hard.
517
00:29:42,015 --> 00:29:44,495
[BREATHING HEAVILY]You are unwell.
518
00:29:44,539 --> 00:29:46,628
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.
519
00:29:46,672 --> 00:29:48,587
[STRAINING] Wait.
One of the assholes
520
00:29:48,630 --> 00:29:50,110
who killed Vanessa got away.
521
00:29:50,850 --> 00:29:51,938
[GRUNTS]
522
00:29:52,678 --> 00:29:54,854
Oh, Jesus Christ!
523
00:29:54,897 --> 00:29:56,769
I thought you were gonna
kiss me for a second there.
524
00:29:56,812 --> 00:29:58,727
Please know I wouldn't be
able to stop you if you did.
525
00:29:58,771 --> 00:30:00,816
Wade, whoever they are...
526
00:30:00,860 --> 00:30:03,210
we track them down
and bring them to justice.
527
00:30:03,776 --> 00:30:05,212
It was me.
528
00:30:08,041 --> 00:30:10,696
I'm the asshole who got away.
529
00:30:10,739 --> 00:30:13,873
I killed every last one
of them, except me.
530
00:30:13,916 --> 00:30:15,614
Couldn't kill me.
531
00:30:18,747 --> 00:30:20,749
We were gonna start a family.
532
00:30:22,577 --> 00:30:24,535
We were, uh... [SNIFFLES]
533
00:30:24,579 --> 00:30:25,711
[CLEARS THROAT]
534
00:30:25,754 --> 00:30:27,495
We were gonna be a family.
535
00:30:28,278 --> 00:30:29,410
COLOSSUS: Wade...
536
00:30:29,453 --> 00:30:32,239
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.
537
00:30:33,806 --> 00:30:36,156
This may not be
family you want...
538
00:30:36,199 --> 00:30:38,637
but it's family you need.
539
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:39,942
You have a good heart.
540
00:30:39,986 --> 00:30:41,552
It belongs here
where it can grow.
541
00:30:43,337 --> 00:30:44,338
What did you say?
542
00:30:46,383 --> 00:30:47,689
About my heart?
543
00:30:51,650 --> 00:30:53,086
[EXHALES]
544
00:30:53,129 --> 00:30:55,131
I think
I'm in the right place.
545
00:31:05,141 --> 00:31:06,708
[GRUNTS]
546
00:31:52,536 --> 00:31:53,842
[INAUDIBLE]
547
00:31:58,412 --> 00:31:59,935
[SCREAMING]
548
00:32:02,938 --> 00:32:05,767
MAN: I'mma tell you
what the big lie is.
549
00:32:05,811 --> 00:32:07,421
[ESCAPEPLAYING ON RADIO]Toilet paper.
550
00:32:07,464 --> 00:32:08,857
What's so bad
about toilet paper?
551
00:32:08,901 --> 00:32:10,119
Gets the job done.
552
00:32:10,163 --> 00:32:13,035
Does it really
get the job done?
553
00:32:13,079 --> 00:32:15,298
All right. Say you wake up
tomorrow morning...
554
00:32:15,342 --> 00:32:20,042
and, hypothetically, find some
fresh shit on your face.
555
00:32:20,086 --> 00:32:21,783
Your cheek, maybe
a little bit in the beard.
556
00:32:21,827 --> 00:32:23,524
What the hell?
I'm about to be fucking sick!
557
00:32:23,567 --> 00:32:24,655
What do you do?
558
00:32:24,699 --> 00:32:26,005
Do you go to a bathroom
559
00:32:26,048 --> 00:32:27,746
and tear off
a piece of dry tissue...
560
00:32:27,789 --> 00:32:29,660
and rub it around
on your beard a little bit
561
00:32:29,704 --> 00:32:31,271
and then go on,
get on with your day?
562
00:32:31,314 --> 00:32:32,925
Go to church,
maybe dinner and a movie,
563
00:32:32,968 --> 00:32:34,100
like nothing happened?
564
00:32:34,143 --> 00:32:35,536
Where is this
coming from, man?
565
00:32:35,579 --> 00:32:36,798
But something did happen.
566
00:32:36,842 --> 00:32:38,321
Your face smells like shit.
Right?
567
00:32:38,365 --> 00:32:39,932
So what you would do,
568
00:32:39,975 --> 00:32:42,238
is you would get some soap,
you'd get some hot water...
569
00:32:42,282 --> 00:32:44,632
and you would scrub
the fucking shit
570
00:32:44,675 --> 00:32:46,677
out of your beard
for 10 straight minutes.
571
00:32:46,721 --> 00:32:48,418
You could not
scrub it enough.
572
00:32:48,462 --> 00:32:50,116
Are you trying
to make me feel disgusting?
573
00:32:50,159 --> 00:32:51,378
I'm starting to feel...
574
00:32:51,421 --> 00:32:54,120
Toilet paper is
a pretty fine appetizer.
575
00:32:54,163 --> 00:32:56,470
But, then...
576
00:32:56,513 --> 00:32:58,820
Huggies Natural Care
wet wipes.
577
00:32:58,864 --> 00:33:00,256
That's your main course.
578
00:33:00,300 --> 00:33:04,217
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.
579
00:33:04,260 --> 00:33:07,046
Finally, one more pass
with toilet paper,
580
00:33:07,089 --> 00:33:09,004
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.
581
00:33:09,048 --> 00:33:10,701
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,
582
00:33:10,745 --> 00:33:12,051
if you can get you
a hair dryer.
583
00:33:12,094 --> 00:33:14,444
Just about 30 seconds
would do you good.
584
00:33:18,144 --> 00:33:19,145
The fuck?
585
00:33:20,407 --> 00:33:21,451
Year.
586
00:33:22,452 --> 00:33:23,453
What?
587
00:33:24,672 --> 00:33:26,326
What year is it?
588
00:33:26,369 --> 00:33:28,807
What kind of dumbass question
is that to ask?
589
00:33:35,161 --> 00:33:38,120
[ESCAPECONTINUES
PLAYING ON RADIO]
590
00:33:42,864 --> 00:33:44,518
[ALARM RINGING]
591
00:33:45,911 --> 00:33:48,043
[SIRENS APPROACHING]
592
00:33:59,576 --> 00:34:02,362
INSTRUCTOR: We have 8 weeks of boot camp ahead of us, men.
593
00:34:02,405 --> 00:34:03,754
That'll get us
toned and prepared
594
00:34:03,798 --> 00:34:05,365
for all manner of combat.
595
00:34:07,454 --> 00:34:11,675
Not working out at all.
596
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:13,373
Masking tape.
597
00:34:13,416 --> 00:34:15,766
It is no friend
to chilled aluminum.
598
00:34:16,855 --> 00:34:18,857
Velcro.
Color-coded, efficient,
599
00:34:18,900 --> 00:34:19,945
environmentally friendly.
600
00:34:20,728 --> 00:34:22,295
Who is he talking to?
601
00:34:22,338 --> 00:34:23,992
And why is he dressed like
a registered sex offender?
602
00:34:24,036 --> 00:34:26,038
Can we focus
for a moment, ladies?
603
00:34:26,081 --> 00:34:28,388
Please, we need to talk about
next month's meal plan.
604
00:34:28,431 --> 00:34:30,216
Obviously,
everyone hated the ceviche.
605
00:34:30,259 --> 00:34:31,608
I read the suggestion box.
606
00:34:31,652 --> 00:34:33,262
I'm gonna stop you
right there.
607
00:34:33,306 --> 00:34:35,308
I see through this weak act.
608
00:34:35,351 --> 00:34:39,703
You may have fooled Colossus
with this nice guy shit...
609
00:34:39,747 --> 00:34:40,922
but not me.
610
00:34:40,966 --> 00:34:42,054
Don't be mean.
611
00:34:42,097 --> 00:34:43,446
Back off, NTW.
612
00:34:43,490 --> 00:34:45,709
No, no, no. Let her go.
613
00:34:45,753 --> 00:34:46,928
Let her go, it's okay.
614
00:34:46,972 --> 00:34:48,538
She has a right
to be skeptical.
615
00:34:48,582 --> 00:34:51,193
Look at me.
I'm an easy target.
616
00:34:52,368 --> 00:34:53,761
You know, historically,
617
00:34:53,804 --> 00:34:55,719
mischief has been
my mistress...
618
00:34:55,763 --> 00:34:58,418
so I understand, you know.
But I like to think...
619
00:35:00,028 --> 00:35:03,336
that you guys have
really rubbed off on me.
620
00:35:03,379 --> 00:35:05,381
I like to think that I've
rubbed off around you, too.
621
00:35:07,427 --> 00:35:09,385
A lot.
622
00:35:09,429 --> 00:35:12,084
And for the first time
in a long while...
623
00:35:12,127 --> 00:35:13,302
I like me.
624
00:35:15,522 --> 00:35:18,046
I accept your apology.I never apologized.
625
00:35:18,090 --> 00:35:19,656
I was talking to your heart.
626
00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:22,094
See? You're not
lost cause you thought.
627
00:35:22,137 --> 00:35:25,358
I'm proud. You're everything
I knew you can be.
628
00:35:25,401 --> 00:35:27,403
Thank you, Colossus.
629
00:35:27,447 --> 00:35:29,057
Just trying to be
the world's best X-Man.
630
00:35:29,101 --> 00:35:30,537
Sorry, X-Person.
631
00:35:32,104 --> 00:35:34,802
Hmm. Something wrong
with the soap.
632
00:35:34,845 --> 00:35:36,456
It's fine.
633
00:35:36,499 --> 00:35:38,719
I just filled it. Give it
a few more pumps there.
634
00:35:39,938 --> 00:35:42,418
Now, if you'll excuse me...
635
00:35:42,462 --> 00:35:44,246
it's dust bunny season...
636
00:35:44,290 --> 00:35:45,291
and I'm hunting wabbits.
637
00:35:46,031 --> 00:35:47,119
Bye, Wade!
638
00:35:49,295 --> 00:35:51,862
[MOUTHING] Fuck.[MOUTHING] Fuck you.
639
00:35:57,999 --> 00:35:59,479
[BELL CONTINUES RINGING]
640
00:36:01,481 --> 00:36:03,483
[BELL STOPS RINGING]
641
00:36:03,526 --> 00:36:06,094
HEADMASTER:
No one is born perfect.
642
00:36:06,138 --> 00:36:08,140
But you can be.
643
00:36:08,183 --> 00:36:10,533
I know you're doing
what comes naturally.
644
00:36:14,842 --> 00:36:16,670
You can't help yourself.
645
00:36:20,543 --> 00:36:22,632
But you can.
646
00:36:22,676 --> 00:36:25,766
It takes work, discipline...
647
00:36:25,809 --> 00:36:27,028
and treatment.
648
00:36:27,072 --> 00:36:28,769
Your abilities...
649
00:36:30,727 --> 00:36:33,513
I know how seductive they are.
650
00:36:33,556 --> 00:36:36,690
How powerful
they make you feel.
651
00:36:36,733 --> 00:36:39,258
But you must learn
never to use them...
652
00:36:39,301 --> 00:36:41,912
so they will never use you.
653
00:36:45,525 --> 00:36:46,743
[CRYING]
654
00:36:48,136 --> 00:36:49,746
Please don't cry.
655
00:36:50,573 --> 00:36:52,184
I'm going to help.
656
00:36:52,227 --> 00:36:55,404
I'm gonna make you feel
what you should feel.
657
00:36:55,448 --> 00:36:57,972
How you need to feel...
658
00:36:58,016 --> 00:37:01,367
every time you're tempted
to act upon your urges.
659
00:37:01,410 --> 00:37:05,327
Suck my mutant dick,
you four-eyed fuck.
660
00:37:07,895 --> 00:37:09,853
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING][GRUNTING]
661
00:37:15,294 --> 00:37:16,295
[SCREAMS]
662
00:37:19,733 --> 00:37:20,951
COLOSSUS: Wade.
663
00:37:21,952 --> 00:37:23,519
Wade!
664
00:37:23,563 --> 00:37:25,652
Come in!
Hey, I was just doing
665
00:37:25,695 --> 00:37:27,610
a little bit
of light reading here...
666
00:37:27,654 --> 00:37:29,090
We have mission.
667
00:37:29,134 --> 00:37:30,657
Well, you guys be
safe out there.
668
00:37:30,700 --> 00:37:31,962
I'll be praying for you.
669
00:37:32,006 --> 00:37:34,400
No, I want you to join.
670
00:37:35,618 --> 00:37:36,793
I'm sorry, what?
671
00:37:36,837 --> 00:37:38,447
You heard me.
672
00:37:38,491 --> 00:37:40,884
Trust me,
that's a terrible idea.
673
00:37:40,928 --> 00:37:42,016
I'm really not ready.
674
00:37:42,060 --> 00:37:43,757
You are ready.I'm not.
675
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:45,672
Be at the X-Jet in five.
676
00:37:45,715 --> 00:37:46,890
I can do thirty.
677
00:37:46,934 --> 00:37:48,892
Now.I can do now.
678
00:37:48,936 --> 00:37:50,155
Final offer.
679
00:37:50,198 --> 00:37:52,766
REPORTER: Irene Merryweather, WHIT News.
680
00:37:52,809 --> 00:37:54,811
Live here
at a breaking news situation
681
00:37:54,855 --> 00:37:57,510
at the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation.
682
00:37:57,553 --> 00:37:59,512
A mutant boy
is appearing to have
683
00:37:59,555 --> 00:38:01,035
some sort of an incident...
684
00:38:01,079 --> 00:38:02,558
with police here behind me.RUSSELL: Get away from me!
685
00:38:02,602 --> 00:38:05,039
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.
686
00:38:05,083 --> 00:38:06,519
There are open fires.Fuck off! Stay back!
687
00:38:06,562 --> 00:38:07,607
REPORTER: A scene of
absolute chaos here.
688
00:38:07,650 --> 00:38:08,782
OFFICER: Calm down.
689
00:38:08,825 --> 00:38:11,437
RUSSELL: I'll burn you!
You stay back!
690
00:38:12,177 --> 00:38:13,961
Get away from me!
691
00:38:14,004 --> 00:38:16,485
You wanna fucking die?
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
692
00:38:31,500 --> 00:38:34,721
And it appears as if the X-Men
are arriving...
693
00:38:34,764 --> 00:38:36,288
DEADPOOL: Scatter!
694
00:38:36,331 --> 00:38:38,333
REPORTER: ...with what appears
to be a trainee.
695
00:38:38,377 --> 00:38:41,380
DEADPOOL: Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...
696
00:38:41,423 --> 00:38:42,598
We're the X-Men!
697
00:38:42,642 --> 00:38:45,166
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.
698
00:38:45,210 --> 00:38:47,734
So, respect.
699
00:38:47,777 --> 00:38:49,039
At ease, Officer.
700
00:38:50,606 --> 00:38:52,130
What are you doing?
701
00:38:52,608 --> 00:38:53,914
My job!
702
00:38:53,957 --> 00:38:55,350
You're the one who said
I was ready,
703
00:38:55,394 --> 00:38:56,917
and I frankly disagreed
with you.
704
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,354
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.
705
00:38:59,398 --> 00:39:01,835
Like Beyonce says, "Please...
706
00:39:02,662 --> 00:39:04,054
"Please, stop cheating on me."
707
00:39:04,098 --> 00:39:05,186
OFFICER: Hey!
708
00:39:05,230 --> 00:39:06,622
This is the fifth incident.
709
00:39:06,666 --> 00:39:08,885
This kid needs to be
in the Ice Box, not here.
710
00:39:08,929 --> 00:39:10,583
Russell belongs in our care.
711
00:39:10,626 --> 00:39:12,411
Not in prison.
I assure you...
712
00:39:12,454 --> 00:39:13,586
we have everything
under control.
713
00:39:13,629 --> 00:39:14,717
RUSSELL: Stay back!
I'll burn you!
714
00:39:14,761 --> 00:39:15,979
Not getting a real
715
00:39:16,023 --> 00:39:18,112
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.
716
00:39:18,156 --> 00:39:20,201
It is Glen, isn't it?Daniel.
717
00:39:20,245 --> 00:39:21,463
I'll ask the questions,
Miguel.
718
00:39:21,507 --> 00:39:22,856
Let me talk to the kid.
719
00:39:22,899 --> 00:39:27,730
You stay here with your weird,
secret sex lips.
720
00:39:29,471 --> 00:39:30,516
RUSSELL: You wanna die?
721
00:39:30,559 --> 00:39:31,734
DEADPOOL: This kid's adorable.
722
00:39:31,778 --> 00:39:32,779
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.
723
00:39:32,822 --> 00:39:33,997
I'll burn your balls off!
724
00:39:34,041 --> 00:39:37,392
First day. [CHUCKLING]
I'm so nervous!
725
00:39:37,436 --> 00:39:39,002
Did you just say
"hollow points"?
726
00:39:39,046 --> 00:39:40,395
Yeah, probably should've
727
00:39:40,439 --> 00:39:42,484
brought a Super Soaker.
[LAUGHS]
728
00:39:43,050 --> 00:39:44,051
Hi, there!
729
00:39:45,313 --> 00:39:47,837
Stay back
or Justin Bieber dies!
730
00:39:47,881 --> 00:39:51,363
[LAUGHS] Justin Bieber.
He called you Justin Bieber.
731
00:39:52,755 --> 00:39:54,409
[RUSSELL GRUNTS]Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
732
00:39:54,453 --> 00:39:57,586
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.
733
00:39:57,630 --> 00:39:59,153
Okay? Let's just talk!
734
00:39:59,197 --> 00:40:00,807
It's Russell, right?
735
00:40:00,850 --> 00:40:03,113
Firefist.Firefist.
736
00:40:03,157 --> 00:40:05,377
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?
737
00:40:05,420 --> 00:40:06,856
Just the fist, or all the way
up to the elbow?
738
00:40:07,814 --> 00:40:09,076
[GRUNTS]
739
00:40:10,556 --> 00:40:11,861
[CROWD EXCLAIMS]
740
00:40:11,905 --> 00:40:14,560
[CHUCKLES] Definitely all
the way up to the elbow.
741
00:40:14,603 --> 00:40:17,432
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.
742
00:40:17,476 --> 00:40:20,261
You stole that from Robocop!That's from Robocop!
743
00:40:20,305 --> 00:40:21,958
Just stand down!
744
00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:24,091
You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire...
745
00:40:24,134 --> 00:40:25,397
[LAUGHS]
746
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:27,964
Oh, my God! I can't say it!
I'm so sorry!
747
00:40:28,008 --> 00:40:29,009
[GRUNTS]
748
00:40:29,966 --> 00:40:32,447
[ALL SCREAMING]
749
00:40:32,491 --> 00:40:36,495
Oh, shit!
That fucking does it!
750
00:40:36,538 --> 00:40:37,931
Put your hands
behind your knees
751
00:40:37,974 --> 00:40:39,454
and get down
on your head! Now!
752
00:40:39,498 --> 00:40:41,761
Wade! What was first rule?
753
00:40:41,804 --> 00:40:43,763
Label everything
in the refrigerator!
754
00:40:43,806 --> 00:40:46,418
Do not escalate!Rules are meant to be broken!
755
00:40:46,461 --> 00:40:47,897
COLOSSUS:
That's the exact opposite
756
00:40:47,941 --> 00:40:49,290
of what they're meant for!
757
00:40:50,335 --> 00:40:52,293
Fuck! Fine!
758
00:40:52,337 --> 00:40:53,947
I'll start from the beginning.
759
00:40:53,990 --> 00:40:56,341
My name is Deadpool,
and I'm an X-Man.
760
00:40:56,384 --> 00:40:58,343
Trainee!Shut it!
761
00:40:59,300 --> 00:41:01,563
Look, I get it.
762
00:41:02,738 --> 00:41:04,349
All right, you're scared.
763
00:41:04,914 --> 00:41:06,002
Alone.
764
00:41:06,046 --> 00:41:07,134
You got no family.
765
00:41:07,177 --> 00:41:08,222
I didn't have
a family, either.
766
00:41:08,266 --> 00:41:10,006
You live in this dump.
Guess what?
767
00:41:10,050 --> 00:41:11,747
I used to live in a shithole
just like it.
768
00:41:12,661 --> 00:41:14,010
But you know something?
769
00:41:14,054 --> 00:41:15,795
A wise woman
once said to me...
770
00:41:15,838 --> 00:41:17,318
"Speak up."
771
00:41:17,362 --> 00:41:20,190
"I can't hear you with that
pity dick in your mouth."
772
00:41:20,234 --> 00:41:21,844
Too much? I went too far.
773
00:41:21,888 --> 00:41:23,150
[GRUNTS][ALL EXCLAIM]
774
00:41:29,809 --> 00:41:31,332
That was effervescent.
775
00:41:31,376 --> 00:41:33,639
[SIGHS] Stay in school, kid.
776
00:41:33,682 --> 00:41:35,510
Or don't. I didn't.
777
00:41:35,554 --> 00:41:37,164
And I'm an X-Man.[THUDS]
778
00:41:37,207 --> 00:41:38,339
Trainee.
779
00:41:38,383 --> 00:41:39,732
Fuck it!
780
00:41:39,775 --> 00:41:41,516
Superhero landing coming up!
781
00:41:43,649 --> 00:41:45,085
[GRUNTS]
782
00:41:45,128 --> 00:41:46,782
Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!
783
00:41:46,826 --> 00:41:48,915
[GROANS]
That is so not practical.
784
00:41:48,958 --> 00:41:50,482
[GRUNTS][GASPS]
785
00:41:52,266 --> 00:41:53,441
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
786
00:41:59,012 --> 00:42:00,230
[GROANS]
787
00:42:04,583 --> 00:42:06,933
[CROWD CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
788
00:42:09,414 --> 00:42:11,546
I could get used
to this X-Man shit.
789
00:42:11,590 --> 00:42:12,721
NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD:
Trainee!
790
00:42:12,765 --> 00:42:13,983
DEADPOOL: Trainee!
791
00:42:14,027 --> 00:42:15,811
OFFICER: Get a power restraint
on him. Now!
792
00:42:15,855 --> 00:42:19,075
DEADPOOL: Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.
793
00:42:19,772 --> 00:42:20,903
[DEVICE WHIRRS]
794
00:42:20,947 --> 00:42:22,470
What's that do?
795
00:42:22,514 --> 00:42:24,037
Power-dampening collar.
796
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:25,386
Shuts down
all mutant abilities.
797
00:42:25,430 --> 00:42:28,258
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.
798
00:42:28,302 --> 00:42:31,305
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.
799
00:42:31,349 --> 00:42:32,567
HEADMASTER: Thank you!
800
00:42:34,439 --> 00:42:36,658
That was absolutely thrilling.
801
00:42:36,702 --> 00:42:38,921
True heroism in action.
802
00:42:38,965 --> 00:42:40,619
We are in your debt.
803
00:42:41,446 --> 00:42:43,099
We can take it from here.
804
00:42:43,143 --> 00:42:45,363
Take me
to the Ice Box, please!
805
00:42:45,406 --> 00:42:46,581
Anywhere's better than here.
806
00:42:46,625 --> 00:42:47,887
DEADPOOL: Believe me, son,
807
00:42:47,930 --> 00:42:49,671
you do not wanna go
to the Ice Box.
808
00:42:49,715 --> 00:42:52,326
That place makes Hitler's anus
look like Waikiki.
809
00:42:52,370 --> 00:42:54,241
Let's get you inside,
young man.
810
00:42:54,284 --> 00:42:56,286
No, wait, wait. Wait.
811
00:42:56,330 --> 00:42:57,810
You guys stay there.
812
00:43:07,907 --> 00:43:09,517
Those guys hurt you?
813
00:43:10,953 --> 00:43:11,998
Who?
814
00:43:14,043 --> 00:43:16,742
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?
815
00:43:18,221 --> 00:43:19,701
Both of 'em?
816
00:43:23,444 --> 00:43:25,141
Oh, fuck it.
817
00:43:25,185 --> 00:43:26,752
Four or five moments!
818
00:43:26,795 --> 00:43:27,840
I'm sorry?
819
00:43:27,883 --> 00:43:31,060
Four or five moments!
820
00:43:32,322 --> 00:43:35,064
That's all it takes
to be a hero.
821
00:43:36,109 --> 00:43:38,416
People think
you wake up a hero...
822
00:43:38,459 --> 00:43:40,592
brush your teeth a hero...
823
00:43:40,635 --> 00:43:43,551
ejaculate into
a soap dispenser a hero.
824
00:43:43,595 --> 00:43:44,944
[SPEAKS RUSSIAN]
825
00:43:44,987 --> 00:43:48,687
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!
826
00:43:50,036 --> 00:43:51,690
A few moments...
827
00:43:51,733 --> 00:43:54,432
doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.
828
00:43:54,475 --> 00:43:55,520
[GROANS]
829
00:43:57,913 --> 00:43:59,045
No!
830
00:44:01,700 --> 00:44:02,962
OFFICER: Stand down!
Hold your fire!
831
00:44:03,005 --> 00:44:05,355
Wade, what did you do?Colossus, no!
832
00:44:05,399 --> 00:44:08,663
You were right, Wade.
You are not X-Men material.
833
00:44:08,707 --> 00:44:11,013
No shit, Shiny Gandhi!
834
00:44:11,057 --> 00:44:12,537
What was your first clue?
835
00:44:12,580 --> 00:44:15,714
The hollow point
through that fuckhead's face?
836
00:44:15,757 --> 00:44:17,063
That kid was abused!
837
00:44:17,106 --> 00:44:19,152
You can always tell!COLOSSUS: We have rules!
838
00:44:19,195 --> 00:44:21,937
You are not judge,
jury or executioner!
839
00:44:21,981 --> 00:44:24,940
Fuck your rules!
I fight for what's right!
840
00:44:24,984 --> 00:44:26,812
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!
841
00:44:26,855 --> 00:44:29,902
You let me down
for the last time, Wade.
842
00:44:33,035 --> 00:44:35,342
OFFICER: Okay,
get these guys in the pod.
843
00:44:35,385 --> 00:44:37,562
Take them to the Ice Box.[SIRENS WAILING]
844
00:44:37,605 --> 00:44:39,477
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
845
00:44:50,618 --> 00:44:53,447
[PRISONERS SHOUTING][WHISTLING]
846
00:44:53,491 --> 00:44:55,362
[GATE BUZZING]
847
00:44:57,016 --> 00:44:58,147
[SHOUTING CONTINUES][GRUNTS]
848
00:44:58,191 --> 00:44:59,192
Hey, baby!
849
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:02,543
I wonder what gang
I'll be in.
850
00:45:02,587 --> 00:45:04,066
Yeah!
851
00:45:04,110 --> 00:45:06,373
Is there, like, a Sorting Hat?
[MOUTHS] Hi.
852
00:45:08,244 --> 00:45:09,637
I've always seen myself as
853
00:45:09,681 --> 00:45:11,073
more of
an East Coast Hufflepuff.
854
00:45:12,597 --> 00:45:15,556
I've made a critical error
on my Airbnb reservation.
855
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:19,473
This is not what the website
looked like at all.
856
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:22,781
I love the decor though.
857
00:45:22,824 --> 00:45:24,783
I had no idea
hopeless was a color.
858
00:45:24,826 --> 00:45:26,088
GUARD: Hard left, douchebag.
859
00:45:30,615 --> 00:45:31,833
Please, after you.
860
00:45:33,966 --> 00:45:36,664
Another disgusting minority
off the streets.
861
00:45:36,708 --> 00:45:37,839
We'll sleep well tonight.
862
00:45:37,883 --> 00:45:38,927
Let's get a bagel.
863
00:45:38,971 --> 00:45:42,148
[TASER CRACKLING][GROANING]
864
00:45:42,191 --> 00:45:45,020
Nighty-night,
you annoying prick!
865
00:45:46,108 --> 00:45:48,197
[CONTINUES GROANING]
866
00:46:15,181 --> 00:46:16,704
[VOMITING]
867
00:46:20,795 --> 00:46:22,667
RUSSELL: You're a long way
from your superpowers.
868
00:46:22,710 --> 00:46:25,147
Yeah. Just a touch of cancer.
869
00:46:25,191 --> 00:46:27,672
Not to worry,
we're old friends.
870
00:46:27,715 --> 00:46:28,934
Fuck!
871
00:46:28,977 --> 00:46:31,153
I wanted to be a superhero.
872
00:46:31,197 --> 00:46:33,155
Always wanted
a real super suit.
873
00:46:33,199 --> 00:46:34,766
[SIGHS] What happened?
874
00:46:34,809 --> 00:46:36,855
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?
875
00:46:37,595 --> 00:46:39,074
Never.
876
00:46:39,118 --> 00:46:40,902
The industry discriminates.
877
00:46:41,990 --> 00:46:44,079
Fuck superheroes.
878
00:46:44,123 --> 00:46:46,386
The thing that
pisses me off the most...
879
00:46:46,429 --> 00:46:48,257
I never stood up
for myself in there.
880
00:46:49,868 --> 00:46:52,784
My whole life.
881
00:46:52,827 --> 00:46:56,309
I've been waiting for someone
to come and save me.
882
00:46:58,703 --> 00:47:01,662
Nobody's gonna sacrifice
anything for me.
883
00:47:05,797 --> 00:47:08,060
I gotta start taking care
of myself.
884
00:47:09,409 --> 00:47:12,151
I have a mission now.
885
00:47:12,194 --> 00:47:14,849
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...
886
00:47:14,893 --> 00:47:17,243
burn the headmaster alive...
887
00:47:17,286 --> 00:47:20,986
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.
888
00:47:21,029 --> 00:47:23,466
Aw. That's, like,
my favorite part of the Bible.
889
00:47:25,207 --> 00:47:27,688
I don't have
a sock puppet on me...
890
00:47:27,732 --> 00:47:29,777
but what did he do to you?
891
00:47:29,821 --> 00:47:31,431
Did he taste the rainbow?
892
00:47:31,474 --> 00:47:33,520
I'd whisper it,
but Skittles would sue us.
893
00:47:34,695 --> 00:47:36,697
Fucker hates mutants.
894
00:47:36,741 --> 00:47:38,699
He tried to beat
the genes out of us.
895
00:47:38,743 --> 00:47:41,267
Nothing worse than
a "pray the gay away"
type guy.
896
00:47:42,050 --> 00:47:43,443
Sick piece of shit.
897
00:47:44,836 --> 00:47:48,535
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...
898
00:47:49,492 --> 00:47:51,190
and we'll make him our bitch!
899
00:47:51,233 --> 00:47:52,582
[RUMBLING]
900
00:47:53,845 --> 00:47:55,063
[WADE COUGHS]
901
00:47:55,107 --> 00:47:56,456
What was that?[CLEARS THROAT]
902
00:47:56,499 --> 00:47:59,067
That is the biggest guy
in here.
903
00:47:59,111 --> 00:48:01,200
Fun fact about the Ice Box...
904
00:48:01,243 --> 00:48:03,071
though no one's ever seen it,
905
00:48:03,115 --> 00:48:05,334
they keep a monster
in the basement.
906
00:48:05,378 --> 00:48:07,119
Right next to a huge,
907
00:48:07,162 --> 00:48:08,686
steaming bowl
of foreshadowing.
908
00:48:09,338 --> 00:48:10,339
Look.
909
00:48:11,340 --> 00:48:13,603
I can't protect you. [COUGHS]
910
00:48:13,647 --> 00:48:14,779
With this collar on,
911
00:48:14,822 --> 00:48:17,956
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.
912
00:48:17,999 --> 00:48:21,481
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.
913
00:48:21,524 --> 00:48:23,613
Now, if you'll excuse me...
[COUGHS]
914
00:48:23,657 --> 00:48:26,834
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.
915
00:48:26,878 --> 00:48:29,358
I'll start by making us
a shank.
916
00:48:29,402 --> 00:48:31,317
Good listening.I stole that guard's pen...
917
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:33,319
and stashed it
in the old prison wallet,
918
00:48:33,362 --> 00:48:34,755
if you know what I'm saying.
919
00:48:34,799 --> 00:48:37,279
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.
920
00:48:37,889 --> 00:48:39,325
[RUSSELL EXHALES]
921
00:48:39,368 --> 00:48:41,719
RUSSELL: I know it's in there,
I just need to get it out.
922
00:48:41,762 --> 00:48:43,851
Oh, Jesus Christ.
923
00:48:43,895 --> 00:48:46,549
I can hear you
rummaging around in there.
924
00:48:46,593 --> 00:48:48,987
Do they make Purell
for your ears?
925
00:48:49,030 --> 00:48:50,553
[SIREN WAILING]
926
00:48:53,513 --> 00:48:54,862
REPORTER: [ON TV]
And to update you
927
00:48:54,906 --> 00:48:56,298
on the story reported earlier,
928
00:48:56,342 --> 00:48:58,039
after a lengthy standoff
929
00:48:58,083 --> 00:49:00,694
outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...
930
00:49:00,738 --> 00:49:02,043
two mutants were arrested
931
00:49:02,087 --> 00:49:03,828
and transported
to the Ice Box...
932
00:49:03,871 --> 00:49:05,264
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Entering repair mode.
933
00:49:09,703 --> 00:49:11,270
REPORTER: ...several
police cars were destroyed
934
00:49:11,313 --> 00:49:13,141
and the X-Men were called in
to restore order.
935
00:49:33,031 --> 00:49:34,336
[COUGHS]
936
00:49:34,380 --> 00:49:36,382
GUARD: [ON PA]
Cells seven and nine
937
00:49:36,425 --> 00:49:39,820
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
938
00:49:39,864 --> 00:49:41,343
Cells seven and nine
939
00:49:41,387 --> 00:49:44,129
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
940
00:49:45,870 --> 00:49:47,262
Psst!
941
00:49:49,569 --> 00:49:51,919
Don't do that.
942
00:49:51,963 --> 00:49:54,835
What? Why are you
winking at me?
943
00:49:54,879 --> 00:49:55,967
[COUGHS]
944
00:49:58,447 --> 00:49:59,840
I got your back.
945
00:49:59,884 --> 00:50:01,102
Oh, my God.
946
00:50:01,146 --> 00:50:02,669
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.
947
00:50:02,712 --> 00:50:04,627
Just leave me alone, kid.[MAN WHISTLING]
948
00:50:05,759 --> 00:50:06,804
Oh, great.
949
00:50:07,413 --> 00:50:08,631
[WADE COUGHS]
950
00:50:08,675 --> 00:50:11,199
Well, hello there, new fish.
951
00:50:11,243 --> 00:50:14,289
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.
952
00:50:14,333 --> 00:50:16,596
[COUGHS] I've done some
light catalog work...
953
00:50:16,639 --> 00:50:19,120
but, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.
954
00:50:19,164 --> 00:50:21,949
I was talking to him.Oh.
955
00:50:21,993 --> 00:50:25,387
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.
956
00:50:25,431 --> 00:50:28,086
Black Tom Cassidy.White Wade Wilson.
957
00:50:28,129 --> 00:50:31,567
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?
958
00:50:31,611 --> 00:50:34,179
You're supposed to be
the toughest cunt in here.
959
00:50:34,222 --> 00:50:36,790
You don't look
like much to me.
960
00:50:36,834 --> 00:50:39,271
First rule of the yard,
fuckface...
961
00:50:39,314 --> 00:50:41,360
find the biggest guy
and make him your...
962
00:50:41,403 --> 00:50:43,362
[GROANS][INMATES EXCLAIM]
963
00:50:45,190 --> 00:50:47,409
Second biggest guy.
964
00:50:47,453 --> 00:50:49,890
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.
965
00:50:49,934 --> 00:50:53,502
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!
966
00:50:53,546 --> 00:50:55,374
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?
967
00:50:55,417 --> 00:50:56,636
[GROANS][INMATES EXCLAIM]
968
00:50:56,679 --> 00:50:58,899
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.
969
00:50:58,943 --> 00:51:01,293
No, I didn't!
He's my friend!
970
00:51:01,336 --> 00:51:03,599
Zip it. We're not friends.[INMATES CHEERING]
971
00:51:05,297 --> 00:51:06,385
You're about to get
dick-slapped.
972
00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:09,997
[INMATES SHOUTING][COUGHS]
973
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,087
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
974
00:51:18,963 --> 00:51:20,703
I had so much fun!
You were like... [GRUNTS]
975
00:51:20,747 --> 00:51:22,836
And I was like,
"Take a seat, shit dick."
976
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:24,620
Just let me die in peace.
977
00:51:24,664 --> 00:51:26,796
[GRUNTS]
We make a great team!
978
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:29,408
Oh, God! We're not a team.
[COUGHING]
979
00:51:29,451 --> 00:51:33,803
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.
980
00:51:33,847 --> 00:51:36,241
We're not partners
or friends.
981
00:51:37,677 --> 00:51:39,766
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.
982
00:51:39,809 --> 00:51:41,986
It ends with me
dying of cancer...
983
00:51:42,029 --> 00:51:45,903
and you winning the Ice Box
award for softest mouth.
984
00:51:45,946 --> 00:51:47,295
[WADE COUGHS]
985
00:51:47,339 --> 00:51:48,949
There's only one person
in this world
986
00:51:48,993 --> 00:51:50,777
that I care about,
and she's gone.
987
00:51:52,561 --> 00:51:55,738
You wanna survive?
988
00:51:55,782 --> 00:51:59,090
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...
989
00:51:59,133 --> 00:52:01,005
and make friends with them.
990
00:52:02,310 --> 00:52:03,921
Make friends with someone.
991
00:52:05,139 --> 00:52:06,749
Anyone but me.
992
00:52:07,925 --> 00:52:10,231
Maybe even Black Tim.
993
00:52:11,145 --> 00:52:12,755
Black Evan, I don't know.
994
00:52:12,799 --> 00:52:15,280
All I remember is
he was African-American.
995
00:52:26,117 --> 00:52:27,814
[GUARDS GROANING]
996
00:52:34,516 --> 00:52:35,865
[BREATHING HEAVILY][ALARM BLARING]
997
00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:44,787
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
998
00:52:50,184 --> 00:52:51,925
[BEEPING RAPIDLY]
999
00:52:53,274 --> 00:52:54,972
[GUARDS GROANING]
1000
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:02,849
AUTOMATED VOICE: [ON PA]
System malfunctioning.
1001
00:53:02,892 --> 00:53:06,244
Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.
1002
00:53:06,287 --> 00:53:08,550
Back in your cells, you filthy
mutants! Get in there!
1003
00:53:08,594 --> 00:53:11,901
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.
1004
00:53:13,077 --> 00:53:14,469
[BEEPING]AUTOMATED VOICE: Searching.
1005
00:53:16,036 --> 00:53:18,386
Cell 04 located.
1006
00:53:19,779 --> 00:53:21,911
Door won't open!
1007
00:53:21,955 --> 00:53:23,565
GUARD: On your fucking knees!
1008
00:53:26,090 --> 00:53:27,656
[ALL GRUNTING]
1009
00:54:00,515 --> 00:54:02,213
That was our cell.
1010
00:54:04,345 --> 00:54:06,652
What did I do to piss off
a grumpy old fucker
1011
00:54:06,695 --> 00:54:07,870
with a Winter Soldier arm?
1012
00:54:17,141 --> 00:54:19,056
Get away from me, kid!
1013
00:54:20,927 --> 00:54:22,102
[PRISONER GROANS]
1014
00:54:22,755 --> 00:54:23,843
[ALL GRUNTING]
1015
00:54:26,672 --> 00:54:27,890
Listen to me! Go!
1016
00:54:33,374 --> 00:54:34,680
Hello, Russell.
1017
00:54:38,423 --> 00:54:39,511
[COCKS GUN]
1018
00:54:43,602 --> 00:54:44,951
[GROANS]
1019
00:54:46,083 --> 00:54:47,823
[WADE GRUNTS][GROANS]
1020
00:54:49,347 --> 00:54:51,000
[GROANING]
1021
00:55:04,101 --> 00:55:05,406
[GRUNTS]
1022
00:55:15,373 --> 00:55:17,766
[GUARDS GROANING]
1023
00:55:37,090 --> 00:55:39,788
[GROANING]
1024
00:55:43,531 --> 00:55:45,011
[ALL GRUNTING]
1025
00:55:53,672 --> 00:55:54,847
[GROANS]
1026
00:55:54,890 --> 00:55:56,675
[GASPS]
1027
00:55:56,718 --> 00:55:57,893
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
1028
00:56:04,857 --> 00:56:06,250
[GRUNTS][GROANS]
1029
00:56:09,209 --> 00:56:10,732
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1030
00:56:18,262 --> 00:56:19,263
Who are you?
1031
00:56:20,177 --> 00:56:21,395
I'm Batman.
1032
00:56:30,752 --> 00:56:31,840
[GASPS]
1033
00:56:32,841 --> 00:56:33,886
Ooh!
1034
00:56:34,843 --> 00:56:35,931
[GRUNTS]
1035
00:56:38,630 --> 00:56:41,502
Oh. That's got some zip.
1036
00:56:50,032 --> 00:56:52,818
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.
1037
00:56:53,514 --> 00:56:55,081
Talk!
1038
00:56:55,124 --> 00:56:56,909
What kind of
spineless shit stick
1039
00:56:56,952 --> 00:56:58,302
tries to kill
a 14-year-old boy?
1040
00:56:59,607 --> 00:57:01,130
You might wanna start talking!
1041
00:57:01,174 --> 00:57:03,263
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!
1042
00:57:04,786 --> 00:57:06,788
The name's Cable.
1043
00:57:06,832 --> 00:57:09,487
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.
1044
00:57:10,183 --> 00:57:11,489
Oh!
1045
00:57:11,532 --> 00:57:13,491
So, you're from the future.
1046
00:57:13,534 --> 00:57:15,493
I have
three questions then.
1047
00:57:15,536 --> 00:57:19,148
One, is dubstep still a thing?
1048
00:57:19,192 --> 00:57:21,673
Two, do people still homebrew?
1049
00:57:21,716 --> 00:57:24,284
And three,
does Dopinder ever find love?
1050
00:57:33,380 --> 00:57:34,903
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1051
00:57:47,916 --> 00:57:49,744
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
1052
00:57:52,094 --> 00:57:55,446
[SHOUTING][CHOKING]
1053
00:57:58,362 --> 00:57:59,711
[SCREAMING]
1054
00:58:04,368 --> 00:58:06,065
[GROANING]
1055
00:58:08,459 --> 00:58:10,243
Dubstep's for pussies.
1056
00:58:10,287 --> 00:58:11,592
You're so dark!
1057
00:58:11,636 --> 00:58:13,725
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?
1058
00:58:14,465 --> 00:58:16,031
I love dubstep!
1059
00:58:16,075 --> 00:58:18,251
[DUBSTEP MUSIC PLAYING]
1060
00:58:26,564 --> 00:58:28,305
[GRUNTS][GROANS]
1061
00:58:40,795 --> 00:58:42,275
[GROANS]
1062
00:58:42,319 --> 00:58:43,755
WADE: Is that a fanny pack?
1063
00:58:43,798 --> 00:58:46,366
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.
1064
00:58:47,367 --> 00:58:49,456
Something to remember you by.
1065
00:58:49,500 --> 00:58:53,286
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.
1066
00:58:53,330 --> 00:58:55,680
Like the memory
of your fucking fanny pack!
1067
00:59:01,163 --> 00:59:02,208
[GROANING]
1068
00:59:05,429 --> 00:59:07,518
Why are you protecting
the kid?
1069
00:59:07,561 --> 00:59:08,780
[LAUGHS]
1070
00:59:08,823 --> 00:59:11,130
I don't give a fuck
about him...
1071
00:59:11,173 --> 00:59:13,567
and his Are You My Mother?
complex!
1072
00:59:15,917 --> 00:59:17,179
What's this one do?
1073
00:59:18,529 --> 00:59:20,487
[BEEPING RAPIDLY]
1074
00:59:29,583 --> 00:59:31,324
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
1075
00:59:31,368 --> 00:59:32,978
WADE: In every film,
there's a moment
1076
00:59:33,021 --> 00:59:35,415
when the hero
hits rock bottom.
1077
00:59:35,459 --> 00:59:37,417
InCool Runnings,
it was when John Candy's
1078
00:59:37,461 --> 00:59:39,419
prized bobsled broke.
1079
00:59:39,463 --> 00:59:42,204
InHuman Centipede,
it was when those people...
1080
00:59:42,248 --> 00:59:43,815
signed on to be in that movie.
1081
00:59:43,858 --> 00:59:45,991
But in this film, well...
1082
00:59:46,034 --> 00:59:47,253
you're looking at it.
1083
00:59:47,296 --> 00:59:49,037
GUARD:
On your fucking knees, mutant.
1084
00:59:49,864 --> 00:59:51,300
[GROANING]
1085
00:59:51,953 --> 00:59:52,954
WADE: Rock...
1086
00:59:57,002 --> 00:59:58,482
meet bottom.
1087
01:00:03,574 --> 01:00:05,402
[INDISTINCT VOICES ECHOING]
1088
01:00:09,188 --> 01:00:10,319
VANESSA:
I love you, Wade Wilson.
1089
01:00:10,363 --> 01:00:11,538
Ness?
1090
01:00:12,583 --> 01:00:14,062
Hey, Ness!
1091
01:00:14,933 --> 01:00:16,761
Ness, can you let me in?
1092
01:00:16,804 --> 01:00:18,893
Please! Please.
1093
01:00:21,069 --> 01:00:22,201
Jesus.
1094
01:00:22,244 --> 01:00:23,245
[SIGHS]
1095
01:00:25,117 --> 01:00:26,858
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.
1096
01:00:26,901 --> 01:00:28,729
I'm at the end of my rope.
1097
01:00:28,773 --> 01:00:30,209
[TIMER TICKING]
1098
01:00:31,210 --> 01:00:33,560
Then I joined the X-Men.
1099
01:00:33,604 --> 01:00:35,432
I went to prison. I, uh...
1100
01:00:39,523 --> 01:00:41,046
Is it the kid?
1101
01:00:43,091 --> 01:00:46,007
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.
1102
01:00:47,444 --> 01:00:48,445
The kid![TIMER DINGS]
1103
01:00:51,926 --> 01:00:53,450
[GASPING]
1104
01:00:56,061 --> 01:00:57,628
[WHEEZING]
1105
01:01:02,067 --> 01:01:03,677
That's exactly what she meant.
1106
01:01:03,721 --> 01:01:05,113
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.
1107
01:01:05,157 --> 01:01:07,028
I'm not gonna
abandon this kid.
1108
01:01:07,072 --> 01:01:09,683
He's never had anyone, ever.
1109
01:01:09,727 --> 01:01:11,076
I need to be selfless.
1110
01:01:11,119 --> 01:01:13,078
Yeah, but what does
that mean?
1111
01:01:13,121 --> 01:01:16,385
It means
I'm gonna save Russell.
1112
01:01:16,429 --> 01:01:17,952
Maybe I couldn't
save Vanessa...
1113
01:01:17,996 --> 01:01:20,999
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.
1114
01:01:21,042 --> 01:01:23,088
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."
1115
01:01:23,131 --> 01:01:24,655
I literally don't know
what that means.
1116
01:01:24,698 --> 01:01:25,873
Jesus Christ.
1117
01:01:25,917 --> 01:01:28,659
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...
1118
01:01:28,702 --> 01:01:30,530
those muties
are being transferred
1119
01:01:30,574 --> 01:01:32,401
to a supermax, 80 miles away.
1120
01:01:32,445 --> 01:01:34,273
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.
1121
01:01:34,316 --> 01:01:36,493
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?
1122
01:01:36,536 --> 01:01:38,538
We're talking about
an armored convoy...
1123
01:01:38,582 --> 01:01:41,193
and a vicious super soldier
from the future...
1124
01:01:41,236 --> 01:01:43,587
that is looking to turn your
skull into a fuckable ashtray.
1125
01:01:43,630 --> 01:01:45,110
You know what we need to do?
1126
01:01:45,153 --> 01:01:47,025
We need to build
a fucking team.
1127
01:01:47,068 --> 01:01:49,157
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...
1128
01:01:49,201 --> 01:01:50,594
and young enough
so they can carry
1129
01:01:50,637 --> 01:01:51,812
this franchise 10 to 12 years.
1130
01:01:51,856 --> 01:01:53,727
A team of
highly-skilled motherfuckers.
1131
01:01:53,771 --> 01:01:56,817
I'm talking about some
Ocean's 14shit. Rogue Two.
1132
01:01:56,861 --> 01:01:59,298
John Wick 3,but with
the original director.
1133
01:01:59,341 --> 01:02:01,256
DOPINDER: My body is an
instrument of death.
1134
01:02:01,300 --> 01:02:02,649
Not now, Dopinder.
1135
01:02:02,693 --> 01:02:04,172
I could be of great use.
1136
01:02:04,216 --> 01:02:05,783
What's your superpower?
1137
01:02:07,611 --> 01:02:09,264
Courage.That's adorable.
1138
01:02:09,308 --> 01:02:10,962
Do you have the courage
to check and see...
1139
01:02:11,005 --> 01:02:13,399
if there are enough sanitary
napkins in the dispenser?
1140
01:02:13,442 --> 01:02:14,487
Yes, sir.
1141
01:02:14,531 --> 01:02:15,793
I'm sorry
you had to see that,
1142
01:02:15,836 --> 01:02:18,186
although I'm glad
you heard it.
1143
01:02:18,230 --> 01:02:20,145
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.
1144
01:02:20,188 --> 01:02:22,451
But we're not paying
medical or dental.
1145
01:02:22,495 --> 01:02:24,541
It's time to get back
on LinkedIn.
1146
01:02:34,376 --> 01:02:35,813
[EXHALES]
1147
01:02:45,649 --> 01:02:47,607
[CHILD SINGING]
1148
01:03:01,403 --> 01:03:03,057
GUARD: [ON PA]
Attention, all inmates!
1149
01:03:03,101 --> 01:03:05,538
Transport to Cross Force
Maximum Security
1150
01:03:05,582 --> 01:03:07,061
Mutant Containment Facility...
1151
01:03:07,105 --> 01:03:09,063
will begin at 0800 hours.
1152
01:03:09,107 --> 01:03:11,109
Inspection of your cells
and out processing
1153
01:03:11,152 --> 01:03:13,198
will begin at 0600.
1154
01:03:21,510 --> 01:03:22,599
BLACK TOM: Oi.
1155
01:03:22,642 --> 01:03:23,991
MUTANT: What the fuck
do you want?
1156
01:03:24,035 --> 01:03:25,863
That's my fucking pudding.
1157
01:03:25,906 --> 01:03:27,908
Fuck your pudding!You like pudding?
1158
01:03:27,952 --> 01:03:29,693
[GRUNTS][PRISONERS CLAMORING]
1159
01:03:30,519 --> 01:03:32,217
[ALARM BLARING]
1160
01:03:48,929 --> 01:03:49,930
Hello?
1161
01:03:52,237 --> 01:03:54,587
I know you're in there.
1162
01:04:10,255 --> 01:04:12,561
Must be hard
being the biggest guy in here.
1163
01:04:13,824 --> 01:04:16,130
Lonely at the top, eh?
1164
01:04:16,174 --> 01:04:18,132
They're moving us tomorrow.
1165
01:04:20,613 --> 01:04:22,397
Maybe I can get you
out of here.
1166
01:04:23,616 --> 01:04:26,750
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.
1167
01:04:28,621 --> 01:04:30,362
We need a secret code.
1168
01:04:32,320 --> 01:04:33,539
[IMITATES BIRD CALL]
1169
01:04:33,582 --> 01:04:36,020
[SOFTLY] No,
that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.
1170
01:04:38,196 --> 01:04:40,154
[RHYTHMIC BANGING]
1171
01:04:40,198 --> 01:04:42,069
[RHYTHMIC BANGING IN RESPONSE]
1172
01:04:43,288 --> 01:04:44,811
We're a team.
1173
01:04:44,855 --> 01:04:46,813
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.
1174
01:04:46,857 --> 01:04:50,512
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like Ice Cube.
1175
01:04:50,556 --> 01:04:51,644
WEASEL: Supposedly,
she can rap, too.
1176
01:04:51,688 --> 01:04:52,776
DEADPOOL: Yeah.
1177
01:04:52,819 --> 01:04:53,864
I like that.
1178
01:04:53,907 --> 01:04:55,561
Terrific,
these are all terrific.
1179
01:04:55,604 --> 01:04:57,345
Meet Bedlam.
1180
01:04:57,389 --> 01:04:59,652
Cool name! Superpowers?
1181
01:04:59,696 --> 01:05:01,219
I can distort
electrical fields.
1182
01:05:01,262 --> 01:05:02,394
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
1183
01:05:02,437 --> 01:05:04,657
Including the one
inside your brain...
1184
01:05:04,701 --> 01:05:07,399
causing anxiety, confusion...
1185
01:05:07,442 --> 01:05:09,444
pain.
1186
01:05:09,488 --> 01:05:11,577
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.
1187
01:05:11,620 --> 01:05:12,752
We can use him.
1188
01:05:14,536 --> 01:05:16,190
I'm Zeitgeist.
1189
01:05:16,234 --> 01:05:17,539
Cool. I like it.
1190
01:05:17,583 --> 01:05:18,845
So you have the power
1191
01:05:18,889 --> 01:05:21,239
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?
1192
01:05:22,283 --> 01:05:23,458
[STAMMERS] No.
1193
01:05:23,502 --> 01:05:25,069
No, I spit acidic vomit.
[SNIFFS]
1194
01:05:25,112 --> 01:05:26,244
Oh.Do you want me
1195
01:05:26,287 --> 01:05:27,680
to demonstrate?DEADPOOL: No!
1196
01:05:27,724 --> 01:05:29,203
WEASEL: We'll take
your word for it.
1197
01:05:29,247 --> 01:05:30,596
Thank you. Yeah. Listen,
we've all eaten
at Arby's, okay?
1198
01:05:31,423 --> 01:05:34,034
And this is the Vanisher.
1199
01:05:37,385 --> 01:05:38,386
But...
1200
01:05:39,561 --> 01:05:41,041
Vanisher!
1201
01:05:41,085 --> 01:05:42,651
[LAUGHS]
1202
01:05:43,565 --> 01:05:45,219
Nice!Right?
1203
01:05:46,525 --> 01:05:47,656
He's not here, is he?
1204
01:05:47,700 --> 01:05:49,223
He may be running late.
1205
01:05:50,834 --> 01:05:53,662
My name's Rusty,
but I go by Shatterstar.
1206
01:05:53,706 --> 01:05:54,925
BOTH: That's good, yeah.
1207
01:05:54,968 --> 01:05:57,101
"Rusty" is terrible.Toughie.
1208
01:05:57,144 --> 01:05:59,973
So, uh, where are you from?The planet Mojo World.
1209
01:06:00,017 --> 01:06:02,062
So you're an alien, I guess.Bad name.
1210
01:06:02,106 --> 01:06:03,803
How does that, uh, help us?
1211
01:06:03,847 --> 01:06:06,763
I'm basically better
than you at everything.
1212
01:06:06,806 --> 01:06:08,503
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people
1213
01:06:08,547 --> 01:06:10,114
that are worse than me
at everything.
1214
01:06:10,157 --> 01:06:12,377
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.
1215
01:06:12,420 --> 01:06:14,335
I'm gonna go there, and I'm
gonna be their Superman.
1216
01:06:14,379 --> 01:06:15,510
Isn't that Canada?
1217
01:06:15,554 --> 01:06:17,948
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!
1218
01:06:19,123 --> 01:06:20,646
WEASEL: Meet...Domino.
1219
01:06:20,689 --> 01:06:22,735
DEADPOOL: What's your shtick?I'm lucky.
1220
01:06:22,779 --> 01:06:24,171
That's not a superpower.
1221
01:06:24,215 --> 01:06:25,346
Yeah, it is.No, it isn't.
1222
01:06:25,390 --> 01:06:26,652
Yes, it is.No, it isn't.
1223
01:06:26,695 --> 01:06:27,740
Yeah, it is.No, it isn't.
1224
01:06:27,784 --> 01:06:28,828
Yes, it is.No, it isn't.
1225
01:06:28,872 --> 01:06:29,873
Yeah, it is.Really isn't.
1226
01:06:29,916 --> 01:06:31,135
No, it isn't.Yes, it is.
1227
01:06:31,178 --> 01:06:32,353
Told you.
1228
01:06:32,397 --> 01:06:33,746
Get out of my head!
1229
01:06:33,790 --> 01:06:35,400
I'm not in your head.
1230
01:06:35,443 --> 01:06:36,793
I'm in an
11-year-old's bedroom.
1231
01:06:36,836 --> 01:06:37,968
Well, if you're so lucky,
1232
01:06:38,011 --> 01:06:39,621
then what are you
doing here with us?
1233
01:06:39,665 --> 01:06:40,797
I don't know yet.
1234
01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:42,363
What's that supposed to mean?
1235
01:06:42,407 --> 01:06:43,669
There's a reason why I'm here,
and I'll know when I know.
1236
01:06:43,712 --> 01:06:45,497
Everything usually
just kind of works out for me.
1237
01:06:45,540 --> 01:06:47,368
Like 2008 Ryan Reynolds.
1238
01:06:48,674 --> 01:06:49,806
I don't know who that is.
1239
01:06:49,849 --> 01:06:51,329
DEADPOOL: You're hired.
1240
01:06:51,372 --> 01:06:52,417
Lucky me.
1241
01:06:52,460 --> 01:06:53,679
DEADPOOL: I like her!
1242
01:06:54,811 --> 01:06:56,116
And last, but not least...
1243
01:06:56,160 --> 01:06:57,291
Peter.
1244
01:06:58,684 --> 01:07:01,208
Am I getting
catfished here or...?
1245
01:07:01,252 --> 01:07:03,167
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?
1246
01:07:03,210 --> 01:07:04,821
PETER: No.
1247
01:07:04,864 --> 01:07:06,561
I don't have one.
1248
01:07:06,605 --> 01:07:07,911
Um, I just saw the ad.
1249
01:07:07,954 --> 01:07:09,738
No superpowers at all?
1250
01:07:09,782 --> 01:07:12,872
Uh, I have both
Type 1 and 2 Diabetes.
1251
01:07:13,394 --> 01:07:14,743
Ow! Oh!
1252
01:07:14,787 --> 01:07:15,919
That's all the diabetes.
1253
01:07:15,962 --> 01:07:17,268
Right?
Yeah, you got 'em all.
1254
01:07:17,311 --> 01:07:19,226
If you find a Type 3,
let us know.
1255
01:07:19,748 --> 01:07:20,793
Yeah.
1256
01:07:20,837 --> 01:07:21,925
You're in.
1257
01:07:21,968 --> 01:07:23,491
Yeah.Fuck!
1258
01:07:25,885 --> 01:07:27,278
It's fulfilling work.
1259
01:07:32,370 --> 01:07:33,675
GUARD: Let's go!
1260
01:07:47,298 --> 01:07:49,909
GUARD: This is Convoy 17
departing the Ice Box.
1261
01:07:49,953 --> 01:07:51,302
We are en route.
1262
01:07:58,918 --> 01:08:01,268
CABLE:
Peacetime makes people soft.
1263
01:08:02,879 --> 01:08:04,663
I was born into war.
1264
01:08:06,186 --> 01:08:07,361
Bred into it.
1265
01:08:08,493 --> 01:08:10,277
Okay.
1266
01:08:10,321 --> 01:08:12,671
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?
1267
01:08:14,629 --> 01:08:15,892
These restraints are pretty...
1268
01:08:15,935 --> 01:08:17,806
People think
they understand pain.
1269
01:08:17,850 --> 01:08:19,286
They have no concept of it
1270
01:08:19,330 --> 01:08:21,288
beyond their own
worst experience.
1271
01:08:22,899 --> 01:08:26,076
5 years old. That's what?
1272
01:08:26,119 --> 01:08:27,686
A bee sting.
1273
01:08:27,729 --> 01:08:28,861
Oh, yeah.
1274
01:08:28,905 --> 01:08:31,429
20 years old, shrapnel.
1275
01:08:31,472 --> 01:08:34,171
40 years old, disease.
1276
01:08:34,214 --> 01:08:38,784
Maybe the kind that leaves you
more machine than man.
1277
01:08:38,827 --> 01:08:40,220
Yeah, getting old's
not for sissies.
1278
01:08:40,264 --> 01:08:41,918
That's what my
Grandma Ginny used to...
1279
01:08:41,961 --> 01:08:43,136
I've got a list.
1280
01:08:43,920 --> 01:08:45,878
We're gonna work down it.
1281
01:08:46,574 --> 01:08:47,575
Together.
1282
01:08:48,750 --> 01:08:51,797
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.
1283
01:08:51,840 --> 01:08:54,147
Something that was not
meant to bend.
1284
01:08:54,191 --> 01:08:55,322
I'm gonna
stop you right there
1285
01:08:55,366 --> 01:08:56,671
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.
1286
01:08:56,715 --> 01:08:58,021
I won't even
make it to one.
1287
01:08:58,064 --> 01:08:59,805
I don't do well with pain,
you know.
1288
01:08:59,848 --> 01:09:02,199
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.
1289
01:09:02,242 --> 01:09:04,636
I cried when they
canceled Felicity.
1290
01:09:04,679 --> 01:09:06,507
When I get really scared,
I get nervous erections.
1291
01:09:06,551 --> 01:09:07,944
I have one right now.
1292
01:09:07,987 --> 01:09:09,554
Don't look.
It'll only make it worse.
1293
01:09:09,597 --> 01:09:10,729
I don't want you
to hurt me,
1294
01:09:10,772 --> 01:09:12,949
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.
1295
01:09:13,950 --> 01:09:16,082
Except for where they are.
1296
01:09:16,126 --> 01:09:17,388
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound
1297
01:09:17,431 --> 01:09:18,824
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.
1298
01:09:18,867 --> 01:09:20,173
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't fuck with him.
1299
01:09:20,217 --> 01:09:21,696
DEADPOOL:
You all know the plan.
1300
01:09:21,740 --> 01:09:23,481
Intercept the convoy,
1301
01:09:23,524 --> 01:09:25,526
grab the boy.
But not inappropriately!
1302
01:09:25,570 --> 01:09:26,919
WEASEL: You know what,
1303
01:09:26,963 --> 01:09:28,486
I wouldn't fuck with
Deadpool either.
1304
01:09:28,529 --> 01:09:30,662
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.
1305
01:09:30,705 --> 01:09:33,404
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.
1306
01:09:33,447 --> 01:09:36,059
Watch out for this guy, Cable!
1307
01:09:36,102 --> 01:09:39,366
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.
1308
01:09:39,410 --> 01:09:42,500
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.
1309
01:09:42,543 --> 01:09:44,328
WEASEL: So if you go after
them, Cable, I warn you...
1310
01:09:45,416 --> 01:09:47,113
there's a wind advisory
in effect.
1311
01:09:51,596 --> 01:09:53,293
[WIND HOWLING]
1312
01:09:58,255 --> 01:09:59,865
PILOT: [ON PA]
A little turbulent up here.
1313
01:10:07,264 --> 01:10:09,048
I don't know much
about this Cable fella...
1314
01:10:09,092 --> 01:10:10,484
but I guarantee
he hasn't killed
1315
01:10:10,528 --> 01:10:12,269
as many people
as melanoma has.
1316
01:10:13,661 --> 01:10:15,054
We're getting close!
1317
01:10:15,098 --> 01:10:16,795
As a former X-Man...
1318
01:10:16,838 --> 01:10:18,753
Trainee.Thank you, Bedlam.
1319
01:10:18,797 --> 01:10:21,147
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism
1320
01:10:21,191 --> 01:10:22,801
in the group's name.
1321
01:10:22,844 --> 01:10:24,890
X-Men! Men!
1322
01:10:24,933 --> 01:10:27,936
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.
1323
01:10:27,980 --> 01:10:29,286
Gender neutral.
1324
01:10:29,329 --> 01:10:31,636
From now on,
we'll be known as...
1325
01:10:33,899 --> 01:10:35,248
X-Force.
1326
01:10:35,292 --> 01:10:37,076
Isn't that
a little derivative?
1327
01:10:37,120 --> 01:10:39,513
I don't recall asking
your opinion, Peter!
1328
01:10:40,775 --> 01:10:42,212
That wasn't me.
1329
01:10:49,262 --> 01:10:51,612
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...
1330
01:10:51,656 --> 01:10:53,484
intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.
1331
01:10:53,527 --> 01:10:54,615
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!
1332
01:10:54,659 --> 01:10:56,530
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!
1333
01:10:56,574 --> 01:10:57,705
ALL: Yeah!
1334
01:10:57,749 --> 01:10:59,446
[ALL WHOOPING]I can't wait to kill!
1335
01:10:59,490 --> 01:11:02,232
Hey! Hey! Hey!
1336
01:11:02,275 --> 01:11:04,973
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.
1337
01:11:05,017 --> 01:11:07,889
You know,
you guys look amazing!
1338
01:11:07,933 --> 01:11:10,805
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.
1339
01:11:10,849 --> 01:11:11,980
This is the family
1340
01:11:12,024 --> 01:11:13,417
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...
1341
01:11:14,461 --> 01:11:15,549
Ah, shit.
1342
01:11:15,593 --> 01:11:17,116
[SNIFFLES]
1343
01:11:17,160 --> 01:11:18,857
I just get a little choked up
sometimes.
1344
01:11:18,900 --> 01:11:20,728
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous
1345
01:11:20,772 --> 01:11:22,121
about the high winds?
1346
01:11:22,165 --> 01:11:23,514
Gary.My name's Peter.
1347
01:11:23,557 --> 01:11:25,472
I realize that you're
new to this, but relax.
1348
01:11:25,516 --> 01:11:27,170
You've been chosen
by a higher power.
1349
01:11:27,213 --> 01:11:29,520
Did he just call himself God?I think he did.
1350
01:11:29,563 --> 01:11:31,130
I'd like to go home.And I'd like...
1351
01:11:31,174 --> 01:11:33,698
the McRib to be available
year round,
1352
01:11:33,741 --> 01:11:35,569
but sometimes dreams
don't come true.
1353
01:11:35,613 --> 01:11:37,789
I spent 10 years
in Special Forces.
1354
01:11:37,832 --> 01:11:38,964
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane
1355
01:11:39,007 --> 01:11:40,966
because of a light breeze?
1356
01:11:41,009 --> 01:11:43,273
You're in this shit now,
Mustache!
1357
01:11:43,316 --> 01:11:45,275
[WHISPERS] I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.
1358
01:11:45,318 --> 01:11:47,625
I'd never let anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.
1359
01:11:47,668 --> 01:11:49,888
Leonard, hit it!
1360
01:11:49,931 --> 01:11:51,759
[ALARM BLARING] [THUNDERSTRUCKPLAYING]
1361
01:11:58,592 --> 01:12:00,638
Go! Go! Go!
1362
01:12:03,684 --> 01:12:05,164
[MAN SINGING]
1363
01:12:36,326 --> 01:12:37,762
Let's get some!
1364
01:12:37,805 --> 01:12:38,980
Whoo!
1365
01:12:39,024 --> 01:12:40,199
Oh, yeah!
1366
01:12:40,243 --> 01:12:43,071
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!
1367
01:12:44,116 --> 01:12:45,596
Deploy! Oh, hey now!
1368
01:12:45,639 --> 01:12:46,901
Whoa!
1369
01:12:52,168 --> 01:12:54,082
Little off course here.
1370
01:12:55,171 --> 01:12:56,215
[GROANS]
1371
01:12:56,259 --> 01:12:59,087
Holy mommy fucking shit!
1372
01:12:59,827 --> 01:13:01,264
Ah, there they are.
1373
01:13:01,307 --> 01:13:04,919
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches. [BLOWS KISS]
1374
01:13:04,963 --> 01:13:06,878
Oh, yeah!
That's right, Bedlam!
1375
01:13:08,488 --> 01:13:10,055
[BEDLAM GRUNTS][ALL GASP]
1376
01:13:10,098 --> 01:13:11,926
[GASPING DRAMATICALLY]
1377
01:13:11,970 --> 01:13:16,235
No! Tripping
motherfucking billies!
1378
01:13:16,279 --> 01:13:19,369
Shatterstar.
Okay, you got this.
1379
01:13:20,152 --> 01:13:21,197
Left!
1380
01:13:21,240 --> 01:13:22,589
Left!
1381
01:13:22,633 --> 01:13:24,896
You'd have to be insane
to take off in this.
1382
01:13:24,939 --> 01:13:27,159
No, stage left, you idiot!
1383
01:13:27,899 --> 01:13:29,422
[GASPS]
1384
01:13:31,076 --> 01:13:32,599
Well, I guess
we found something
1385
01:13:32,643 --> 01:13:33,731
you're not better at.
1386
01:13:35,950 --> 01:13:37,256
Vanisher.
1387
01:13:37,300 --> 01:13:39,084
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.
1388
01:13:40,607 --> 01:13:42,174
[GRUNTING]
1389
01:13:42,218 --> 01:13:43,654
Oh! Really?
1390
01:13:43,697 --> 01:13:46,047
All right,
we could do this with four.
1391
01:13:46,091 --> 01:13:49,094
Sugarbear.
You got this, buddy!
1392
01:13:49,137 --> 01:13:51,227
That's the stuff!
That's the X-Force spirit!
1393
01:13:52,445 --> 01:13:54,534
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!
1394
01:13:54,578 --> 01:13:56,144
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.
1395
01:13:56,188 --> 01:13:57,363
[WHOOPS] We did it!
1396
01:13:57,407 --> 01:13:58,973
You're a goddamn
superhero, you!
1397
01:13:59,017 --> 01:14:00,105
X-Force!
1398
01:14:00,714 --> 01:14:01,802
X-Force.
1399
01:14:04,022 --> 01:14:05,066
[SCREAMING]
1400
01:14:05,110 --> 01:14:06,154
[WOOD CHIPPER WHIRRING]
1401
01:14:06,198 --> 01:14:08,069
[GASPS]Oh!
1402
01:14:09,070 --> 01:14:10,202
[EXHALES]
1403
01:14:11,769 --> 01:14:12,813
Peter.
1404
01:14:12,857 --> 01:14:14,162
PETER: I got you, buddy!
1405
01:14:14,206 --> 01:14:15,381
You're gonna be fine!This is not good, man!
1406
01:14:15,425 --> 01:14:17,731
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!
1407
01:14:17,775 --> 01:14:19,255
Look at me.
We're X-Force, right?
1408
01:14:19,298 --> 01:14:21,387
Yeah, we're X-Force.We're X-Force.
1409
01:14:25,435 --> 01:14:27,480
Oh, my God!
What the fuck?
1410
01:14:27,524 --> 01:14:29,526
Fucking acidic vomit![SCREAMS]
1411
01:14:29,569 --> 01:14:31,049
[WHIRRING]
1412
01:14:31,092 --> 01:14:33,878
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.
1413
01:14:33,921 --> 01:14:35,183
[EXHALES]
1414
01:14:36,968 --> 01:14:39,362
DOMINO: Okay,
I'm over the convoy.
1415
01:14:39,405 --> 01:14:41,842
Where did the rest
of the team land?
1416
01:14:41,886 --> 01:14:43,540
Good news and bad news.
1417
01:14:43,583 --> 01:14:46,717
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.
1418
01:14:46,760 --> 01:14:48,066
The good news is,
1419
01:14:48,109 --> 01:14:49,937
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.
1420
01:14:49,981 --> 01:14:53,332
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!
1421
01:14:53,376 --> 01:14:54,377
DOMINO: Peter!
1422
01:14:54,420 --> 01:14:55,900
Peter, I'm gonna
miss him most.
1423
01:14:55,943 --> 01:14:57,075
But there is
a slight chance
1424
01:14:57,118 --> 01:14:58,468
Vanisher could make it.
1425
01:14:58,511 --> 01:15:01,122
[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]Nope, no chance. He's dead.
1426
01:15:01,166 --> 01:15:02,341
DOMINO:
The whole team?
1427
01:15:02,385 --> 01:15:04,256
Only the main ones.
We're still good.
1428
01:15:04,300 --> 01:15:05,562
Fuck, you are dumb.
1429
01:15:05,605 --> 01:15:07,259
Whoever planned this stunt's
1430
01:15:07,303 --> 01:15:09,479
been smoking
a lot jazz cabbage.
1431
01:15:09,522 --> 01:15:10,654
I'll tell you that much.
1432
01:15:10,697 --> 01:15:12,351
That's pretty obvious!
1433
01:15:12,395 --> 01:15:14,135
Looking good, Vanisher.
1434
01:15:23,971 --> 01:15:25,843
They're headed
into the tunnel.
1435
01:15:26,844 --> 01:15:28,324
I'm that kid's only hope,
1436
01:15:28,367 --> 01:15:30,238
so sit tight
and wait for my word.
1437
01:15:30,978 --> 01:15:32,284
DOMINO: Whatever.
1438
01:15:32,328 --> 01:15:33,851
We're gonna lose 'em.
I'm dropping in.
1439
01:15:33,894 --> 01:15:36,288
DEADPOOL: Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.
1440
01:15:36,332 --> 01:15:38,856
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so fucked!
1441
01:15:38,899 --> 01:15:41,989
No, we most certainly
are not fucked.
1442
01:15:42,033 --> 01:15:43,382
[CARS HORNS HONKING][BRAKES SCREECHING]
1443
01:15:45,079 --> 01:15:47,734
DEADPOOL: Seriously,
I don't get it!
1444
01:15:47,778 --> 01:15:50,258
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?
1445
01:15:52,435 --> 01:15:54,262
It's just
it's hard to picture.
1446
01:15:54,306 --> 01:15:56,395
And certainly
not very cinematic.
1447
01:15:59,093 --> 01:16:00,704
I mean, luck?
1448
01:16:00,747 --> 01:16:03,315
What coked out,
glass pipe-sucking
1449
01:16:03,359 --> 01:16:04,708
freakshow comic book artist...
1450
01:16:04,751 --> 01:16:06,405
came up
with that little chestnut?
1451
01:16:06,449 --> 01:16:08,712
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!
1452
01:16:19,810 --> 01:16:23,117
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.
1453
01:16:23,161 --> 01:16:24,380
It's why I'm cursed to be
a solo act.
1454
01:16:24,423 --> 01:16:25,424
Wander the Earth...I'm in.
1455
01:16:25,468 --> 01:16:26,991
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1456
01:16:27,034 --> 01:16:28,166
I'm in.
1457
01:16:28,209 --> 01:16:30,081
How in the fuck
are you in already?
1458
01:16:30,516 --> 01:16:32,344
Oh, shit.
1459
01:16:32,388 --> 01:16:33,606
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.
1460
01:16:33,650 --> 01:16:34,781
DEADPOOL: Okay.
1461
01:16:34,825 --> 01:16:37,262
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers
1462
01:16:37,305 --> 01:16:40,047
to stop Cable
from killing that kid.
1463
01:16:40,091 --> 01:16:41,701
I'm coming up on your six.
1464
01:16:49,970 --> 01:16:52,016
That gun is amazing!
1465
01:16:52,059 --> 01:16:54,148
[GRUNTS][TIRES SCREECHING]
1466
01:17:01,155 --> 01:17:03,201
MAN: Hey!
Asshole!
1467
01:17:03,244 --> 01:17:04,855
DOMINO: Where is he?
I can't see him.
1468
01:17:04,898 --> 01:17:06,639
DEADPOOL: He's on top of you.
1469
01:17:06,683 --> 01:17:08,554
He's tearing you open!
1470
01:17:08,598 --> 01:17:10,513
He's going in
through the back!
1471
01:17:10,556 --> 01:17:11,688
Oh, God, he's inside!
1472
01:17:11,731 --> 01:17:13,037
You hear yourself, right?
1473
01:17:13,080 --> 01:17:14,517
DEADPOOL:
Accidental double entendres!
1474
01:17:14,560 --> 01:17:17,084
Russell! Russell Collins!
1475
01:17:17,128 --> 01:17:19,043
DEADPOOL: Hands off that kid,
John Connor!
1476
01:17:24,048 --> 01:17:25,049
No, no, no!
1477
01:17:29,401 --> 01:17:30,489
Shit!
1478
01:17:31,229 --> 01:17:32,230
[PRISONER SCREAMING]
1479
01:17:34,145 --> 01:17:35,146
[GRUNTS]
1480
01:17:42,980 --> 01:17:43,981
[BEEPING RAPIDLY]
1481
01:17:52,468 --> 01:17:54,382
DEADPOOL:
Two can play that game!
1482
01:17:56,515 --> 01:17:58,343
Got it! No, I don't.
1483
01:17:59,344 --> 01:18:00,388
Showtime, mama!
1484
01:18:00,432 --> 01:18:02,042
Lady Luck, take the wheel.
1485
01:18:10,355 --> 01:18:11,487
[GUN CLICKS]
1486
01:18:18,058 --> 01:18:19,059
[GROANS]
1487
01:18:35,554 --> 01:18:36,512
[HORNS HONKING]
1488
01:18:37,382 --> 01:18:38,383
[DOMINO GRUNTING]
1489
01:18:39,863 --> 01:18:41,647
I'd ask who you are, but
you'll be dead in a second.
1490
01:18:41,691 --> 01:18:43,780
I'm Domino, and doubtful.
1491
01:18:43,823 --> 01:18:45,303
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1492
01:19:00,361 --> 01:19:01,362
Hang in there, Doms!
1493
01:19:02,668 --> 01:19:04,365
Oh, this is really hard.
1494
01:19:04,409 --> 01:19:05,584
[TIRES SCREECHING]
1495
01:19:15,507 --> 01:19:16,595
[GUNSHOT]
1496
01:19:16,639 --> 01:19:17,988
And give me back
my Skee-Ball token.
1497
01:19:21,557 --> 01:19:23,080
You're doing great.X-Force.
1498
01:19:25,038 --> 01:19:27,084
I guess dubstep never dies.
1499
01:19:27,127 --> 01:19:28,694
[BANGARANGPLAYING]
1500
01:19:31,349 --> 01:19:32,393
Whoo!
1501
01:19:33,612 --> 01:19:34,744
[LAUGHING]
1502
01:19:36,659 --> 01:19:37,964
[BLACK TOM GROANS]
1503
01:19:38,008 --> 01:19:39,357
[DEADPOOL GASPS]
1504
01:19:39,400 --> 01:19:42,055
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a bitch!
1505
01:19:43,056 --> 01:19:44,101
[GROWLS]
1506
01:19:44,841 --> 01:19:45,972
That's unfortunate.
1507
01:19:49,106 --> 01:19:50,498
We got no brakes!
1508
01:19:50,542 --> 01:19:51,761
[STRAINING]
Figure it out!
1509
01:19:52,675 --> 01:19:53,937
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1510
01:19:56,156 --> 01:19:57,680
There's nothing I can't kill.
1511
01:20:00,508 --> 01:20:03,033
Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin
used to say...
1512
01:20:03,076 --> 01:20:05,426
"There's a first time
for everything, son."
1513
01:20:07,124 --> 01:20:08,691
Give me your best shot,
One-Eyed Willy.
1514
01:20:21,181 --> 01:20:23,531
[PANTING]
1515
01:20:23,575 --> 01:20:25,490
Those bullets were, like,
super fast.
1516
01:20:26,056 --> 01:20:27,057
Here we go.
1517
01:20:28,145 --> 01:20:30,408
Domino, mind slowing us down?
1518
01:20:30,451 --> 01:20:32,584
[SIGHS] Here goes nothing.
1519
01:20:32,628 --> 01:20:33,890
[HORN HONKING]
1520
01:20:35,761 --> 01:20:37,241
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1521
01:20:40,592 --> 01:20:42,072
[HONKING]
1522
01:21:03,746 --> 01:21:05,486
MAN: Knock, knock.
1523
01:21:12,015 --> 01:21:13,059
That's my boy.
1524
01:21:13,103 --> 01:21:14,408
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1525
01:21:19,457 --> 01:21:20,676
Holy...
1526
01:21:20,719 --> 01:21:21,720
[GRUNTS]
1527
01:21:25,550 --> 01:21:26,943
[ONLY TIMEPLAYING]
1528
01:21:29,336 --> 01:21:30,860
[YELLING]
1529
01:21:30,903 --> 01:21:32,557
DEADPOOL:
I'll be first to admit...
1530
01:21:32,600 --> 01:21:34,951
this did not go
according to plan.
1531
01:21:36,300 --> 01:21:37,867
I'll also be the first
to admit that
1532
01:21:37,910 --> 01:21:39,782
that plan was
written in crayon.
1533
01:21:39,825 --> 01:21:43,089
Looks like Russell found
a new friend. Jelly.
1534
01:21:43,133 --> 01:21:44,743
Turns out Domino's
a bit of a badass,
1535
01:21:44,787 --> 01:21:47,703
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.
1536
01:21:47,746 --> 01:21:51,010
But Cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.
1537
01:21:51,054 --> 01:21:52,272
[CHUCKLES] A mood that is
1538
01:21:52,316 --> 01:21:54,100
about to get
significantly worse.
1539
01:21:55,754 --> 01:21:56,755
[SQUEAKS]
1540
01:22:00,454 --> 01:22:01,586
[SIGHS]
1541
01:22:14,077 --> 01:22:15,905
[GROANS]
1542
01:22:17,863 --> 01:22:20,300
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.
1543
01:22:23,260 --> 01:22:24,740
Oh.[NECK SNAPS]
1544
01:22:25,175 --> 01:22:26,480
[GROANS]
1545
01:22:26,524 --> 01:22:28,178
Oh, God, that hurt.
1546
01:22:28,221 --> 01:22:29,832
Suck it, Mel Gibson.
1547
01:22:30,397 --> 01:22:31,747
[GROANING]
1548
01:22:33,400 --> 01:22:34,488
Russell.
1549
01:22:37,187 --> 01:22:38,275
Russell!
1550
01:22:38,884 --> 01:22:40,973
Russ, where are ya?
1551
01:22:44,629 --> 01:22:46,805
Russell. Russell, you're okay!
1552
01:22:46,849 --> 01:22:50,287
Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God!
1553
01:22:50,330 --> 01:22:51,679
Juggernaut!
1554
01:22:51,723 --> 01:22:52,811
[GASPS]
1555
01:22:52,855 --> 01:22:54,900
I thought that was you!
1556
01:22:54,944 --> 01:22:57,773
I should've worn
my white pants.
1557
01:22:57,816 --> 01:23:01,646
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.
1558
01:23:01,689 --> 01:23:04,997
Uncanny X-Men183. Thor411.
1559
01:23:05,041 --> 01:23:06,390
X-Men Unlimited12.
1560
01:23:06,433 --> 01:23:08,566
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...
1561
01:23:08,609 --> 01:23:10,394
to see my face
reflected in your helmet...
1562
01:23:10,437 --> 01:23:12,657
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.
1563
01:23:12,700 --> 01:23:14,485
I don't mean right now.
1564
01:23:14,528 --> 01:23:16,443
I'm gonna rip you
in half now.
1565
01:23:16,487 --> 01:23:18,837
[LAUGHS] That is such
a Juggernaut thing to say.
1566
01:23:18,881 --> 01:23:20,230
[DEADPOOL SCREAMING]
1567
01:23:22,885 --> 01:23:26,932
Oh, my God!
I can't feel my legs.
1568
01:23:26,976 --> 01:23:28,064
I can't feel...
1569
01:23:29,021 --> 01:23:30,544
Oh, no, they're right here.
1570
01:23:31,371 --> 01:23:33,156
Got 'em.
God, Russell.
1571
01:23:33,199 --> 01:23:35,549
I have a mission.
1572
01:23:35,593 --> 01:23:37,160
To get my revenge.
1573
01:23:37,203 --> 01:23:39,510
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.
1574
01:23:39,553 --> 01:23:41,773
You're not the revenge type.
1575
01:23:41,817 --> 01:23:43,340
Take it from a friend.
1576
01:23:43,383 --> 01:23:47,213
Friend? You were sick,
and I protected you.
1577
01:23:47,257 --> 01:23:49,433
You said it yourself.
1578
01:23:49,476 --> 01:23:52,175
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."
1579
01:23:52,218 --> 01:23:53,654
So I did.
1580
01:23:53,698 --> 01:23:55,134
[GRUNTS]
1581
01:23:55,178 --> 01:23:57,354
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.
1582
01:23:57,397 --> 01:24:01,401
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?
1583
01:24:01,445 --> 01:24:03,316
"I care about you"?
'Cause goddamn it,
1584
01:24:03,360 --> 01:24:05,797
I care about you, Russell.
1585
01:24:05,841 --> 01:24:07,930
What's Juggernaut got
that I don't have?
1586
01:24:07,973 --> 01:24:11,672
Don't you say legs!
I know you're gonna say legs!
1587
01:24:11,716 --> 01:24:14,501
Legs!Still hurts to hear out loud!
1588
01:24:16,677 --> 01:24:19,637
What is that?
That's not a real rope!
1589
01:24:19,680 --> 01:24:21,987
You get back here, young man![SIRENS WAILING]
1590
01:24:22,945 --> 01:24:24,424
Doms!
1591
01:24:24,468 --> 01:24:26,687
Doms, get me
out of here, please.
1592
01:24:26,731 --> 01:24:29,125
Use my arms
as backpack straps.
1593
01:24:31,867 --> 01:24:32,955
I think we may have found
1594
01:24:32,998 --> 01:24:35,174
your cosmic reason
for being here.
1595
01:24:35,218 --> 01:24:37,002
I'm pretty sure
this isn't it.
1596
01:24:37,046 --> 01:24:38,308
DEADPOOL: X-Force.
1597
01:24:51,843 --> 01:24:53,671
BLIND AL:
No child is hopeless.
1598
01:24:53,714 --> 01:24:57,196
Don't give up on the boy.How could he just walk away?
1599
01:24:57,240 --> 01:24:59,938
It was the coldness
in his eyes.
1600
01:24:59,982 --> 01:25:01,548
You should've heard it.
1601
01:25:02,332 --> 01:25:03,420
[WADE SIGHS]
1602
01:25:03,463 --> 01:25:05,770
I guess family
really is an F-word.
1603
01:25:06,684 --> 01:25:08,904
[GROANS] Rub my legs, Mama.
1604
01:25:08,947 --> 01:25:10,340
Why would I
rub your legs?
1605
01:25:10,383 --> 01:25:13,299
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.
1606
01:25:13,343 --> 01:25:14,692
[BLIND AL SIGHS]
1607
01:25:16,433 --> 01:25:18,087
What in the...
1608
01:25:18,130 --> 01:25:20,872
Why is your hand
so tiny again?
1609
01:25:20,916 --> 01:25:22,743
That's not my hand.
1610
01:25:22,787 --> 01:25:25,137
Oh! Mary,
mother of Joseph!
1611
01:25:25,181 --> 01:25:27,096
That was nice for me.[DOOR OPENS]
1612
01:25:27,139 --> 01:25:29,968
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...
1613
01:25:30,012 --> 01:25:31,013
[GASPS]
1614
01:25:32,666 --> 01:25:34,364
[WEASEL RETCHES]
1615
01:25:34,407 --> 01:25:36,714
Why wouldn't you
cover that up?
1616
01:25:36,757 --> 01:25:38,977
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.
1617
01:25:39,021 --> 01:25:40,979
WEASEL: Yeah, but you do.
Look at you.
1618
01:25:41,023 --> 01:25:43,025
You're just
straight shirt-cocking it,
1619
01:25:43,068 --> 01:25:44,548
toddler-style.
1620
01:25:44,591 --> 01:25:46,550
Oh, yeah.
Full Winnie the Pooh.
1621
01:25:46,593 --> 01:25:48,595
The hell's happening?
Describe it.
1622
01:25:48,639 --> 01:25:49,901
I wouldn't ask him to do that,
if I were you.
1623
01:25:49,945 --> 01:25:51,555
WEASEL: It's like, um...Here we go.
1624
01:25:51,598 --> 01:25:52,860
It's like he was
giving birth anally,
1625
01:25:52,904 --> 01:25:54,427
but they quit halfway through.
1626
01:25:54,471 --> 01:25:55,602
They got the legs out,
and they said,
1627
01:25:55,646 --> 01:25:56,995
"You know what, I'm done."
1628
01:25:57,039 --> 01:25:58,301
Happy?
1629
01:25:58,344 --> 01:25:59,432
It's like he's a Muppet
from the waist down.
1630
01:25:59,476 --> 01:26:00,651
But this time, you can see
1631
01:26:00,694 --> 01:26:02,131
the Muppet's dick.[DOOR OPENS]
1632
01:26:02,174 --> 01:26:03,697
Grover's got a cock
the size of a twig.
1633
01:26:03,741 --> 01:26:04,916
DOPINDER: Mr. Weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.
1634
01:26:04,960 --> 01:26:06,439
I've had three tickets
already. [SCREAMS]
1635
01:26:08,050 --> 01:26:10,835
No, no, no, DP,
not again!
1636
01:26:10,878 --> 01:26:13,490
This has happened before?[DOPINDER RETCHING]
1637
01:26:13,533 --> 01:26:15,013
[DOOR OPENS]Jesus! Either vomit or don't.
1638
01:26:15,057 --> 01:26:16,362
The indecision is killing me.
1639
01:26:16,406 --> 01:26:18,277
Why couldn't God
take my hearing?
1640
01:26:19,887 --> 01:26:22,064
Oh. Wow!
1641
01:26:22,107 --> 01:26:23,804
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.
1642
01:26:23,848 --> 01:26:25,806
I'm talking about your face.
1643
01:26:25,850 --> 01:26:27,765
I've never seen you
without your mask before.
1644
01:26:27,808 --> 01:26:30,028
Jesus Christ!Looks like an avocado.
1645
01:26:30,072 --> 01:26:31,987
DOMINO: Your legs, though,
they're cute.
1646
01:26:32,030 --> 01:26:33,814
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?
1647
01:26:35,381 --> 01:26:36,992
I'm glad everybody dropped by.
1648
01:26:37,035 --> 01:26:39,733
You must be wondering
why I didn't call you here.
1649
01:26:39,777 --> 01:26:41,387
I'll tell you why I'm here.
1650
01:26:41,431 --> 01:26:43,781
"The Time Traveler's Wife's"
husband...
1651
01:26:43,824 --> 01:26:45,043
beat me within
an inch of my life.
1652
01:26:45,087 --> 01:26:46,436
He was torturing me!
1653
01:26:46,479 --> 01:26:49,352
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.
1654
01:26:49,395 --> 01:26:52,050
So, I'm here
to help us gear up.
1655
01:26:52,094 --> 01:26:53,225
So we can go after him
without me.
1656
01:26:53,269 --> 01:26:54,661
WADE: No!
1657
01:26:54,705 --> 01:26:56,054
I'm doing this alone.
1658
01:26:56,098 --> 01:26:57,229
The Juggernaut
1659
01:26:57,273 --> 01:26:58,709
will kill you all.Fair enough.
1660
01:26:58,752 --> 01:27:00,624
WADE: I just need a couple of
hours to get some legs
1661
01:27:00,667 --> 01:27:01,799
under me.What will you do?
1662
01:27:01,842 --> 01:27:03,148
WADE: I don't care
what the kid did to me.
1663
01:27:03,192 --> 01:27:04,541
I ain't letting Cable
get to him,
1664
01:27:04,584 --> 01:27:05,933
even if I have to
teabag him to death.
1665
01:27:05,977 --> 01:27:08,023
It's really just a sip of tea
at this point.
1666
01:27:08,066 --> 01:27:09,850
Zip it, black Black Widow!
I'm flowing.
1667
01:27:09,894 --> 01:27:10,938
The first order
of business is
1668
01:27:10,982 --> 01:27:12,375
to get me in front of Cable...
1669
01:27:12,418 --> 01:27:13,811
so I can pull all the fucking
blood out of his body...
1670
01:27:13,854 --> 01:27:16,205
and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.
1671
01:27:16,248 --> 01:27:18,076
Then,
I'm gonna take his skin...
1672
01:27:18,120 --> 01:27:21,166
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.
1673
01:27:22,776 --> 01:27:24,343
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?
1674
01:27:27,781 --> 01:27:28,782
[COCKS GUN]
1675
01:27:33,048 --> 01:27:35,050
What in the ass?
1676
01:27:35,093 --> 01:27:38,401
Is this apartment listed
on Tinder? Grindr?
1677
01:27:38,444 --> 01:27:41,491
You picked the wrong shithole
to fuck, future boy.
1678
01:27:41,534 --> 01:27:44,059
Ugh. Is that really necessary?
1679
01:27:46,322 --> 01:27:49,107
No. It's his
"Basic Instinct."
1680
01:27:49,151 --> 01:27:50,891
What can we help you with?
1681
01:27:50,935 --> 01:27:52,589
I'm here to proposition you.
1682
01:27:54,112 --> 01:27:55,200
[LAUGHS] Oh, boy!
1683
01:27:55,244 --> 01:27:56,288
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?
1684
01:27:56,332 --> 01:27:58,464
Who gets to make
the first joke?
1685
01:27:58,508 --> 01:27:59,857
I think we should all do it
at the same time.
1686
01:27:59,900 --> 01:28:00,945
Good call.
1687
01:28:00,988 --> 01:28:02,555
For $45, you get sucky-suck.
1688
01:28:02,599 --> 01:28:03,817
BOTH: I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.
1689
01:28:03,861 --> 01:28:04,992
Fuck!
1690
01:28:05,036 --> 01:28:06,124
The Proposition
has a wonderful
1691
01:28:06,168 --> 01:28:07,473
Guy Pearce performance.
1692
01:28:07,517 --> 01:28:09,258
WADE: Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.
1693
01:28:09,301 --> 01:28:11,912
Give us the line again.I need your help!
1694
01:28:11,956 --> 01:28:14,263
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...
1695
01:28:14,306 --> 01:28:17,440
but you unleashed
the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!
1696
01:28:17,483 --> 01:28:19,877
I can't bring him down alone.
1697
01:28:19,920 --> 01:28:21,444
So here we are.
1698
01:28:22,793 --> 01:28:24,577
We're no longer
accepting applications
1699
01:28:24,621 --> 01:28:26,057
for X-Force, unfortunately.
1700
01:28:26,101 --> 01:28:27,537
Even if we were...
1701
01:28:27,580 --> 01:28:29,234
there's a wind advisory
in effect until at least...
1702
01:28:29,278 --> 01:28:30,540
We don't have a lot of time.
1703
01:28:30,583 --> 01:28:32,324
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.
1704
01:28:32,368 --> 01:28:33,891
No offense,
but if you know so much...
1705
01:28:33,934 --> 01:28:36,807
why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?
1706
01:28:36,850 --> 01:28:37,895
Or better yet, head back
a little further,
1707
01:28:37,938 --> 01:28:39,026
kill baby Hitler.
1708
01:28:39,070 --> 01:28:41,028
I use a device
to slide through time.
1709
01:28:41,072 --> 01:28:43,727
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.
1710
01:28:43,770 --> 01:28:46,382
I got two charges:
one to get me here,
1711
01:28:46,425 --> 01:28:47,600
one to get me home.
1712
01:28:47,644 --> 01:28:48,819
Well.
1713
01:28:48,862 --> 01:28:50,777
That's just lazy writing.
1714
01:28:50,821 --> 01:28:52,083
Your boy's
gonna kill the headmaster
1715
01:28:52,127 --> 01:28:53,693
of the orphanage tonight.
1716
01:28:53,737 --> 01:28:55,869
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.
1717
01:28:55,913 --> 01:28:58,655
Like 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!
1718
01:28:58,698 --> 01:29:00,700
So he keeps killing...
1719
01:29:00,744 --> 01:29:02,224
and killing, and killing,
1720
01:29:02,267 --> 01:29:03,790
and killing.[GUNS COCKING]
1721
01:29:03,834 --> 01:29:07,054
Until one day, he kills
the wrong fucking people.
1722
01:29:09,622 --> 01:29:11,015
My people.
1723
01:29:14,932 --> 01:29:16,194
Relax.
1724
01:29:16,238 --> 01:29:18,631
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.
1725
01:29:18,675 --> 01:29:21,243
It's a goddamn fanny pack...
1726
01:29:21,286 --> 01:29:23,897
and you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!
1727
01:29:23,941 --> 01:29:25,595
The difference
is night and day.
1728
01:29:27,423 --> 01:29:29,686
You remind me of my wife.
1729
01:29:29,729 --> 01:29:31,209
I'm sorry.
1730
01:29:31,253 --> 01:29:32,341
I said, "You remind me
of my wife."
1731
01:29:32,384 --> 01:29:33,733
No, I'm sorry
that you said that...
1732
01:29:33,777 --> 01:29:36,562
while making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.
1733
01:29:36,606 --> 01:29:37,781
CABLE: She always struggled.
1734
01:29:38,912 --> 01:29:40,349
But she was funny...
1735
01:29:40,392 --> 01:29:43,743
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.
1736
01:29:43,787 --> 01:29:46,006
Something I could
never master.
1737
01:29:46,920 --> 01:29:49,140
It was my fault she died.
1738
01:29:50,750 --> 01:29:54,406
It was my job
to stop people like him.
1739
01:29:54,450 --> 01:29:56,408
I came close a few times. [TOMORROWPLAYING]
1740
01:30:00,630 --> 01:30:02,284
He wasn't too happy
about that.
1741
01:30:04,024 --> 01:30:05,200
He was trying to hurt me...
1742
01:30:05,243 --> 01:30:07,202
and he knew exactly
how to do it.
1743
01:30:11,249 --> 01:30:12,946
OLDER RUSSELL:
Blessed are the wicked
1744
01:30:12,990 --> 01:30:14,557
who are healed by my hand.
1745
01:30:17,690 --> 01:30:20,040
CABLE: He came into my home...
1746
01:30:20,084 --> 01:30:22,956
and took the only thing
that made it a home.
1747
01:30:27,178 --> 01:30:28,527
Sound familiar?
1748
01:30:29,572 --> 01:30:31,226
I'm sorry.Uh-huh.
1749
01:30:31,269 --> 01:30:32,923
No, I'm really sorry.
1750
01:30:35,142 --> 01:30:37,275
But that isn't Russell.
1751
01:30:37,319 --> 01:30:39,234
It doesn't have to be him.If you knew what I knew...
1752
01:30:39,277 --> 01:30:41,279
Yeah, he's got anger issues...
1753
01:30:41,323 --> 01:30:42,889
maybe a small
learning disability...
1754
01:30:42,933 --> 01:30:44,326
splash of diabetes...
1755
01:30:44,369 --> 01:30:45,718
but nothing
that can't be fixed.
1756
01:30:45,762 --> 01:30:47,416
If you could go back...
1757
01:30:47,459 --> 01:30:50,157
and stop the people that took
your girl, would you?
1758
01:30:50,419 --> 01:30:51,681
No.
1759
01:30:51,724 --> 01:30:53,465
I'd buy them all
a bouquet of hand jobs.
1760
01:30:53,509 --> 01:30:55,250
Of course I fucking would!
1761
01:30:56,033 --> 01:30:57,164
But I wouldn't kill a kid.
1762
01:30:57,208 --> 01:30:59,254
I'm not asking you
to kill a kid!
1763
01:30:59,297 --> 01:31:00,864
I'll kill the kid.
1764
01:31:00,907 --> 01:31:04,389
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.
1765
01:31:04,433 --> 01:31:06,783
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.
1766
01:31:06,826 --> 01:31:08,872
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...
1767
01:31:08,915 --> 01:31:11,178
would want you to do
the right thing, wouldn't she?
1768
01:31:12,179 --> 01:31:15,357
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?
1769
01:31:15,400 --> 01:31:17,141
Give me a chance to save him.
1770
01:31:17,184 --> 01:31:18,621
What?You said...
1771
01:31:18,664 --> 01:31:20,318
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.
1772
01:31:20,362 --> 01:31:22,712
If we can get to him
before that happens...
1773
01:31:22,755 --> 01:31:24,409
promise you'll give me
a chance
1774
01:31:24,453 --> 01:31:26,324
to put him
on a different path.
1775
01:31:26,368 --> 01:31:27,543
Define "chance."
1776
01:31:27,586 --> 01:31:28,805
I don't know.
How long does it take
1777
01:31:28,848 --> 01:31:30,197
to save someone's soul?
That's not...
1778
01:31:30,241 --> 01:31:31,503
I'll give you 30 seconds.
1779
01:31:31,547 --> 01:31:33,592
What? No!Best I can do.
1780
01:31:33,636 --> 01:31:34,941
Take it or leave it.
1781
01:31:45,387 --> 01:31:46,866
[CABLE GROANS]WEASEL: He's doing it!
1782
01:31:46,910 --> 01:31:48,520
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.
1783
01:31:48,564 --> 01:31:50,522
[RETCHES]There he goes.
1784
01:31:50,566 --> 01:31:52,045
CABLE: Jesus Christ!
1785
01:31:52,089 --> 01:31:53,569
WEASEL: Just shirt-cocking it.
1786
01:31:53,612 --> 01:31:55,527
Ugh.
1787
01:31:55,571 --> 01:31:56,920
WEASEL:
There you go, little fella.
1788
01:31:57,660 --> 01:31:59,357
Go on, you're doing it!
1789
01:31:59,401 --> 01:32:02,273
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.
1790
01:32:04,449 --> 01:32:05,581
DOMINO: Christ!
1791
01:32:05,624 --> 01:32:07,322
That's disturbing.
1792
01:32:07,365 --> 01:32:08,758
30 seconds.
1793
01:32:14,154 --> 01:32:15,634
Deal.Deal.
1794
01:32:18,637 --> 01:32:20,422
[FARTING ]
1795
01:32:22,075 --> 01:32:25,165
Man, that sucks they didn't
have anything in your size.
1796
01:32:25,209 --> 01:32:27,211
I really wanted to match,
you know?
1797
01:32:27,254 --> 01:32:29,300
Being a menacing team.[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
1798
01:32:29,344 --> 01:32:30,519
Oh, man, it sucks.
1799
01:32:30,562 --> 01:32:32,434
That was some
cold-ass shit, kid.
1800
01:32:33,826 --> 01:32:36,394
DEADPOOL: And that is just
the first five steps
1801
01:32:36,438 --> 01:32:38,135
to a prostate-assisted orgasm.
1802
01:32:39,049 --> 01:32:40,485
Where the hell
are we going?
1803
01:32:40,529 --> 01:32:41,878
DEADPOOL:
You said it yourself.
1804
01:32:41,921 --> 01:32:44,837
Nothing can stop the
Juggernaut. We need backup.
1805
01:32:44,881 --> 01:32:47,840
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.
1806
01:32:47,884 --> 01:32:50,016
[BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO]
1807
01:32:51,975 --> 01:32:53,585
Can you turn off the music?
1808
01:32:54,586 --> 01:32:56,719
You'll do no such thing.
1809
01:32:56,762 --> 01:32:58,634
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?
1810
01:32:58,677 --> 01:33:00,418
I'm sorry?Apology accepted.
1811
01:33:00,462 --> 01:33:02,551
This is a side of you
I do not like.
1812
01:33:02,594 --> 01:33:03,943
Let me guess,
1813
01:33:03,987 --> 01:33:05,467
some of your best friends
in the future are Indian.
1814
01:33:05,510 --> 01:33:06,772
What the hell are you...?
1815
01:33:06,816 --> 01:33:08,687
Once again, intolerance rears
its ugly head.
1816
01:33:08,731 --> 01:33:10,036
I am so sorry.
It gets better.
1817
01:33:10,080 --> 01:33:11,647
I'm not a fucking racist,
moron!
1818
01:33:11,690 --> 01:33:13,736
That's precisely
what a racist would say.
1819
01:33:13,779 --> 01:33:15,433
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.
1820
01:33:15,477 --> 01:33:16,739
And that's a twist.
1821
01:33:16,782 --> 01:33:18,305
When this is over...
1822
01:33:18,349 --> 01:33:20,220
I'm going to fuck you to death
with your own broken feet.
1823
01:33:20,264 --> 01:33:22,440
And a sexual predator, too.
That's rich.
1824
01:33:22,484 --> 01:33:23,876
I should have
finished college.
1825
01:33:23,920 --> 01:33:25,051
DEADPOOL:
So what exactly do you
1826
01:33:25,095 --> 01:33:26,139
do in the future, anyway, huh?
1827
01:33:26,183 --> 01:33:27,445
Some kind of soldier?
1828
01:33:27,489 --> 01:33:29,316
Yeah, something like that.
1829
01:33:29,360 --> 01:33:31,536
DEADPOOL: I was a soldier.
Special Forces.
1830
01:33:31,580 --> 01:33:34,278
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.
1831
01:33:34,321 --> 01:33:36,323
50 years from now,
you're very dead.
1832
01:33:36,367 --> 01:33:38,761
Your entire generation fucked
this planet into a coma.
1833
01:33:38,804 --> 01:33:40,415
Boom! [IMITATES EXPLOSION]
1834
01:33:40,458 --> 01:33:41,720
Spoiler alert.
1835
01:33:41,764 --> 01:33:42,895
[SNICKERS]
1836
01:33:42,939 --> 01:33:44,288
[SIGHS] Planets.
1837
01:33:44,331 --> 01:33:45,898
Next time, Uber.
1838
01:33:45,942 --> 01:33:47,247
Here's a spoiler alert.
1839
01:33:48,423 --> 01:33:50,381
You're not a fucking hero.
1840
01:33:50,425 --> 01:33:54,472
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.
1841
01:33:54,516 --> 01:33:55,691
DEADPOOL:
Well, I got news for you.
1842
01:33:55,734 --> 01:33:57,083
My heart
is in the right place.
1843
01:33:57,127 --> 01:33:58,650
Russell's not
gonna kill anyone.
1844
01:33:58,694 --> 01:34:00,652
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.
1845
01:34:00,696 --> 01:34:01,784
We're all going to die.
1846
01:34:01,827 --> 01:34:03,089
Because of you,
I'll always know
1847
01:34:03,133 --> 01:34:05,091
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.
1848
01:34:05,135 --> 01:34:07,529
I'm a grower, not a shower.
1849
01:34:07,572 --> 01:34:08,747
God, I wish this were a bus
1850
01:34:08,791 --> 01:34:09,966
where I could pull
the string and get out.
1851
01:34:10,009 --> 01:34:11,663
It's a good thing
Cable's not driving,
1852
01:34:11,707 --> 01:34:12,925
or you'd be in the back.
1853
01:34:12,969 --> 01:34:15,319
I am in the back.DEADPOOL: Right here!
1854
01:34:15,362 --> 01:34:16,625
[BRAKES SCREECHING]
1855
01:34:17,974 --> 01:34:19,758
[IN YOUR EYESPLAYING
ON BOOM BOX]
1856
01:34:31,117 --> 01:34:32,379
[GROANS]
1857
01:34:33,468 --> 01:34:35,513
DEADPOOL: I made mistakes!
1858
01:34:35,557 --> 01:34:37,254
I wanna take them back!
1859
01:34:37,297 --> 01:34:40,257
You trusted me.
I took that trust...
1860
01:34:40,300 --> 01:34:41,737
and turned it
into a glory hole
1861
01:34:41,780 --> 01:34:43,347
in an airport bathroom.
1862
01:34:43,390 --> 01:34:46,655
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.
1863
01:34:46,698 --> 01:34:49,309
But even you know I'm not
a complete piece of shit.
1864
01:34:49,353 --> 01:34:50,876
I was once an X-Man.
1865
01:34:50,920 --> 01:34:51,964
Trainee!
1866
01:34:53,052 --> 01:34:54,227
[MUSIC STOPS]
1867
01:34:56,621 --> 01:34:59,189
You're still using
my Velcro labels. Aw.
1868
01:34:59,232 --> 01:35:00,843
They do stick better
than tape.
1869
01:35:00,886 --> 01:35:01,931
Hi, Wade!
1870
01:35:01,974 --> 01:35:03,410
Please don't.
1871
01:35:03,454 --> 01:35:05,848
Say whatever it is you're here
to say. Make it quick.
1872
01:35:05,891 --> 01:35:07,153
Right. Quick.
1873
01:35:07,197 --> 01:35:08,894
It's the kid.
Just like you, I let him down.
1874
01:35:08,938 --> 01:35:10,374
And just like me,
1875
01:35:10,417 --> 01:35:11,549
he's never had anyone
sacrifice anything for him...
1876
01:35:11,593 --> 01:35:12,594
because the whole world
wrote him off
1877
01:35:12,637 --> 01:35:14,073
as a piece of shit
a long time ago.
1878
01:35:14,117 --> 01:35:15,814
Look, he's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!
1879
01:35:15,858 --> 01:35:17,381
[GASPS] The Juggernaut!
1880
01:35:17,424 --> 01:35:19,165
Who's, like, my favorite
Marvel character ever...
1881
01:35:19,209 --> 01:35:21,428
And hi, Yukio! That was really
nice of you to say hi...
1882
01:35:21,472 --> 01:35:22,821
so I'm saying hi back.
1883
01:35:22,865 --> 01:35:24,257
You guys make
a super cute couple.
1884
01:35:24,301 --> 01:35:25,998
Yeah. Where was I?
1885
01:35:26,042 --> 01:35:27,913
Oh, yeah. You should never
meet your heroes...
1886
01:35:27,957 --> 01:35:29,654
because, honestly,
he's a bit of a dick!
1887
01:35:29,698 --> 01:35:31,526
And like a lot of dicks,
he's hard as a rock...
1888
01:35:31,569 --> 01:35:32,962
and causes nothing
but problems!
1889
01:35:33,005 --> 01:35:35,878
Look, you can stop the
Juggernaut. I know you can.
1890
01:35:35,921 --> 01:35:39,142
Do you know what would happen
to me if I helped you?
1891
01:35:39,185 --> 01:35:41,274
I would be disgraced.
1892
01:35:41,318 --> 01:35:43,363
You are a criminal,
a fugitive.
1893
01:35:43,407 --> 01:35:44,930
But worst of all...
1894
01:35:44,974 --> 01:35:46,715
you broke my heart, Wade.
1895
01:35:48,412 --> 01:35:49,631
Then you know what?
1896
01:35:49,674 --> 01:35:51,023
Your heart's in
the wrong place, big guy.
1897
01:35:52,329 --> 01:35:55,027
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...
1898
01:35:55,071 --> 01:35:58,465
and fucked up, and not
particularly convenient!
1899
01:35:58,509 --> 01:36:01,599
So stay here
in Chateau de Virgin...
1900
01:36:01,643 --> 01:36:03,775
while we go get our fuck on!
1901
01:36:06,952 --> 01:36:08,345
DOMINO: You're doing great.
1902
01:36:11,000 --> 01:36:12,392
[CAR DOOR CLOSES][ENGINE STARTS]
1903
01:36:14,003 --> 01:36:15,526
RUSSELL: So you wear
that helmet because
1904
01:36:15,570 --> 01:36:17,310
your brother
tries to read your mind?
1905
01:36:17,354 --> 01:36:20,618
JUGGERNAUT: Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-steven.
1906
01:36:20,662 --> 01:36:23,142
MAN: Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.
1907
01:36:23,186 --> 01:36:25,144
And he's not alone.
1908
01:36:25,188 --> 01:36:26,842
HEADMASTER:
Secure the children.
1909
01:36:29,279 --> 01:36:32,021
They will not replace us.
1910
01:36:32,064 --> 01:36:34,850
What do you say
we go fuck some shit up?
1911
01:36:34,893 --> 01:36:38,723
"Let's fuck some shit up"
is my legal middle name.
1912
01:36:42,074 --> 01:36:44,686
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.
1913
01:36:44,729 --> 01:36:46,296
Amen, brother.
1914
01:36:47,863 --> 01:36:49,168
[BRAKES SCREECHING]
1915
01:36:52,824 --> 01:36:54,478
Time to make the chimichangas.
1916
01:36:54,521 --> 01:36:56,698
30 seconds.
1917
01:36:56,741 --> 01:36:59,265
I finally know why I'm here.
1918
01:36:59,309 --> 01:37:01,267
I was raised in this place.
1919
01:37:01,311 --> 01:37:03,574
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.
1920
01:37:03,618 --> 01:37:06,490
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.
1921
01:37:06,533 --> 01:37:07,839
Shall we?This is gonna be fun.
1922
01:37:07,883 --> 01:37:08,971
DEADPOOL: Yeah!
1923
01:37:09,014 --> 01:37:10,407
Hey! Been meaning
to ask you...
1924
01:37:10,450 --> 01:37:13,715
what's with the dirty,
disgusting hobo bear?
1925
01:37:13,758 --> 01:37:16,935
It's not dirt. It's the blood
of my dead daughter.
1926
01:37:16,979 --> 01:37:19,677
Are You Bear, God?
It's Me, Margaret.
1927
01:37:19,721 --> 01:37:21,157
Give me some.
1928
01:37:21,200 --> 01:37:22,767
They say
laughter heals anything...
1929
01:37:22,811 --> 01:37:23,942
except, of course, that.
1930
01:37:23,986 --> 01:37:25,204
We should just cue the music.
1931
01:37:26,336 --> 01:37:28,207
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
1932
01:37:50,360 --> 01:37:53,058
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.
1933
01:37:54,277 --> 01:37:55,321
Russell!
1934
01:37:55,365 --> 01:37:58,760
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!
1935
01:37:58,803 --> 01:38:00,109
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?
1936
01:38:00,152 --> 01:38:01,806
[YELLING]
1937
01:38:04,461 --> 01:38:05,723
That's why!
1938
01:38:05,767 --> 01:38:07,072
Told you this little fucker's
too far gone.
1939
01:38:07,116 --> 01:38:08,813
Zip it, Thanos!
We have a deal and you fuck...
1940
01:38:08,857 --> 01:38:11,337
[GROANS]JUGGERNAUT: Hey!
1941
01:38:11,381 --> 01:38:14,514
I'm gonna shove that
cab driver right up your ass.
1942
01:38:15,646 --> 01:38:17,822
My body and my hands
are so soft.
1943
01:38:17,866 --> 01:38:19,084
You should probably
head back to the car.
1944
01:38:19,128 --> 01:38:20,825
I think I'll head
back to the car.
1945
01:38:22,000 --> 01:38:24,699
It works best
when you pull the trigger.
1946
01:38:26,396 --> 01:38:27,571
[GROANS]
1947
01:38:27,614 --> 01:38:28,877
That gun is amazing!
1948
01:38:30,226 --> 01:38:31,444
RUSSELL: Say it!
1949
01:38:33,620 --> 01:38:36,667
You are an abomination!
1950
01:38:36,711 --> 01:38:37,842
[GRUNTS]
1951
01:38:43,935 --> 01:38:47,243
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.
1952
01:38:47,286 --> 01:38:49,724
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!
1953
01:38:54,076 --> 01:38:55,164
Gotcha!
1954
01:38:55,947 --> 01:38:57,122
JUGGERNAUT: Beat it, midget!
1955
01:39:00,125 --> 01:39:03,215
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!
1956
01:39:03,259 --> 01:39:04,347
Oh, shit fuck!
1957
01:39:04,913 --> 01:39:06,262
[SCREAMING]
1958
01:39:16,838 --> 01:39:18,187
[JUGGERNAUT LAUGHS]
1959
01:39:18,230 --> 01:39:19,797
Come here, beautiful.
1960
01:39:27,587 --> 01:39:28,719
Whoo!
1961
01:39:37,902 --> 01:39:38,990
RUSSELL: Say it!
1962
01:39:54,092 --> 01:39:55,964
[IN YOUR EYESPLAYING]
1963
01:40:57,112 --> 01:40:58,243
[DEADPOOL GROANS]
1964
01:41:01,072 --> 01:41:02,421
[MUMBLES]
1965
01:41:02,465 --> 01:41:03,596
You came for me.
1966
01:41:03,640 --> 01:41:05,076
I'm not giving up on you,
1967
01:41:05,120 --> 01:41:07,252
and you are not
giving up on that boy.
1968
01:41:07,296 --> 01:41:09,341
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?
1969
01:41:09,385 --> 01:41:11,778
It's time to fight dirty.
1970
01:41:11,822 --> 01:41:13,171
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
1971
01:41:13,215 --> 01:41:16,000
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!
1972
01:41:16,044 --> 01:41:18,133
That's such
a you thing to say!
1973
01:41:18,176 --> 01:41:20,135
Go get him, tiger!
1974
01:41:20,178 --> 01:41:22,050
Big CGI fight coming up!
1975
01:41:23,051 --> 01:41:24,530
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1976
01:41:25,053 --> 01:41:26,445
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1977
01:41:30,972 --> 01:41:33,191
[GRUNTS]
1978
01:41:33,235 --> 01:41:35,106
[BOTH GRUNTING][BONE CRACKS]
1979
01:41:35,150 --> 01:41:36,281
[SCREAMS]
1980
01:41:45,116 --> 01:41:46,509
He's doing great.
1981
01:41:46,552 --> 01:41:47,771
RUSSELL: Say it!
1982
01:41:51,949 --> 01:41:53,342
Russell.DEADPOOL: Bingo!
1983
01:41:56,606 --> 01:41:57,868
[GROANING]
1984
01:41:58,738 --> 01:42:00,740
JUGGERNAUT: You see that bus?
1985
01:42:00,784 --> 01:42:01,872
I'm gonna
shove it up your ass.
1986
01:42:02,525 --> 01:42:03,830
[METAL CLANGS]
1987
01:42:03,874 --> 01:42:05,310
[GROANS]
1988
01:42:05,354 --> 01:42:07,312
That's right!
I'm fighting dirty!
1989
01:42:08,226 --> 01:42:09,271
Oh, great!
1990
01:42:09,314 --> 01:42:10,707
ORDERLY: There they are!
Those freaks!
1991
01:42:10,750 --> 01:42:12,839
DEADPOOL: A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.
1992
01:42:12,883 --> 01:42:15,016
Can I have
one of those guns?
1993
01:42:15,059 --> 01:42:16,887
No.That's fine.
1994
01:42:16,931 --> 01:42:18,889
Get off this property,
mutant scum!
1995
01:42:18,933 --> 01:42:19,934
I'm just gonna
use this brick.
1996
01:42:20,673 --> 01:42:21,761
Maximum effort.
1997
01:42:21,805 --> 01:42:23,198
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1998
01:42:27,811 --> 01:42:29,552
Who says you
can't go home again?
1999
01:42:31,554 --> 01:42:32,903
[ALL GRUNTING]
2000
01:42:38,648 --> 01:42:40,041
[SCREAMS]CHILDREN: Oh!
2001
01:42:46,699 --> 01:42:47,700
CHILDREN: Yeah!
2002
01:42:49,920 --> 01:42:51,574
Say it.
2003
01:42:51,617 --> 01:42:54,664
Say what you said
every time you tortured me!
2004
01:42:55,186 --> 01:42:56,535
Say it!
2005
01:42:56,579 --> 01:42:59,277
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!
2006
01:43:00,496 --> 01:43:02,628
Blessed are the wicked...
2007
01:43:02,672 --> 01:43:03,890
who are healed...
2008
01:43:04,369 --> 01:43:05,892
by my hand.
2009
01:43:06,806 --> 01:43:08,112
[YELLS]
2010
01:43:18,079 --> 01:43:19,515
[BOTH GRUNTING]
2011
01:43:23,954 --> 01:43:25,651
You commie motherfucker!
2012
01:43:29,873 --> 01:43:31,005
[CHILDREN CHEERING]
2013
01:43:32,223 --> 01:43:33,311
[SPITS]
2014
01:43:33,355 --> 01:43:34,921
[YELLS]
2015
01:43:40,144 --> 01:43:41,363
[GROANS]
2016
01:43:52,722 --> 01:43:55,246
DEADPOOL: Oh, my God.
Did you feel that, too?
2017
01:43:55,290 --> 01:43:57,509
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.
2018
01:44:00,382 --> 01:44:02,732
You got 30 seconds,
you jabbering butt plug!
2019
01:44:02,775 --> 01:44:03,994
Now we're getting it.
2020
01:44:06,649 --> 01:44:08,651
[SPEAKS RUSSIAN]
2021
01:44:08,694 --> 01:44:10,957
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.
2022
01:44:11,001 --> 01:44:12,002
[GASPS]
2023
01:44:12,829 --> 01:44:14,396
[CAR ALARM WAILING]
2024
01:44:16,224 --> 01:44:17,268
Orphans.
2025
01:44:18,443 --> 01:44:19,662
Oh, geez.
2026
01:44:21,098 --> 01:44:23,796
It's time to burn
for what you've done!
2027
01:44:23,840 --> 01:44:26,321
A child should not be burdened
with such power!
2028
01:44:33,893 --> 01:44:35,112
[RUSSELL GRUNTS]
2029
01:44:35,156 --> 01:44:36,200
Russell! Wait!
2030
01:44:42,206 --> 01:44:43,512
DEADPOOL: Oh!
2031
01:44:50,736 --> 01:44:52,869
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!
2032
01:44:52,912 --> 01:44:54,914
What more do you need to see?Don't you fucking dare!
2033
01:44:54,958 --> 01:44:56,133
He's just a kid!
2034
01:44:56,177 --> 01:44:58,092
Tick, tock. Meter's running!
2035
01:45:07,188 --> 01:45:08,493
[COLOSSUS GROANS]
2036
01:45:10,800 --> 01:45:13,846
I'm gonna melt you down
and make a cock ring.
2037
01:45:19,243 --> 01:45:20,418
[GRUNTS]
2038
01:45:21,593 --> 01:45:22,942
[GROWLS]
2039
01:45:25,771 --> 01:45:27,121
[GRUNTS]
2040
01:45:27,164 --> 01:45:29,297
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING][GROANING]
2041
01:45:34,215 --> 01:45:36,869
I told you! Leave me alone!Come on!
2042
01:45:37,392 --> 01:45:38,523
Listen to me!
2043
01:45:41,700 --> 01:45:43,224
[RUSSELL SCREAMING]
2044
01:45:43,267 --> 01:45:45,487
[BOTH GRUNTING]
2045
01:45:48,533 --> 01:45:49,752
[GRUNTS]
2046
01:46:01,764 --> 01:46:03,418
COLOSSUS: [SCOFFS]
That's how we do it
2047
01:46:03,461 --> 01:46:04,941
in Mother Russia.
2048
01:46:05,898 --> 01:46:07,117
[GROANS]
2049
01:46:07,161 --> 01:46:09,685
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.
2050
01:46:11,077 --> 01:46:14,298
CABLE: Oh, no.
You're doing amazing.
2051
01:46:14,342 --> 01:46:15,560
[GROWLS]
2052
01:46:15,604 --> 01:46:18,476
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!
2053
01:46:18,520 --> 01:46:20,348
Go home, Wade!
2054
01:46:20,391 --> 01:46:22,219
You're ruining everything!
2055
01:46:27,572 --> 01:46:28,921
I'm getting good at this shit.
2056
01:46:28,965 --> 01:46:30,271
DEADPOOL: Go, go, go!
2057
01:46:30,314 --> 01:46:31,489
[GRUNTS]
2058
01:46:33,491 --> 01:46:35,450
He dies tonight, Wade.
2059
01:46:35,493 --> 01:46:37,974
You can't stop me!
2060
01:46:38,017 --> 01:46:39,889
CABLE: He even runs
like a fucking pervert.
2061
01:46:39,932 --> 01:46:42,674
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.
2062
01:46:44,110 --> 01:46:45,590
There's one bullet left
in that gun.
2063
01:46:45,634 --> 01:46:47,636
Wait, wait, wait!
Please, just give me a second!
2064
01:46:47,679 --> 01:46:49,159
I got this.
2065
01:46:49,203 --> 01:46:51,422
Russell!Stay back! Go home, Wade!
2066
01:46:51,466 --> 01:46:54,164
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!
2067
01:46:54,208 --> 01:46:55,861
That piece of shit...
2068
01:46:55,905 --> 01:46:57,646
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.
2069
01:46:57,689 --> 01:47:01,084
He hurt you badly.
Makes you wanna hurt others.
2070
01:47:01,954 --> 01:47:03,739
But if you kill him, he wins.
2071
01:47:03,782 --> 01:47:07,656
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.
2072
01:47:07,699 --> 01:47:09,701
You're just a kid.
2073
01:47:09,745 --> 01:47:11,486
You don't wanna hurt anyone.
2074
01:47:11,529 --> 01:47:12,791
How do you know what I want?
2075
01:47:12,835 --> 01:47:14,445
Because I've been inside you.
2076
01:47:15,141 --> 01:47:17,013
That came out wrong.
2077
01:47:17,056 --> 01:47:18,754
I've been inside your shoes.
2078
01:47:18,797 --> 01:47:20,669
Which is also off-putting.
2079
01:47:20,712 --> 01:47:22,192
It's not a great analogy.
2080
01:47:22,236 --> 01:47:24,063
The point is...
2081
01:47:24,107 --> 01:47:25,804
there are people...
2082
01:47:25,848 --> 01:47:28,894
There are people
in this fucking world...
2083
01:47:28,938 --> 01:47:31,636
besides him,
who will treat you right.
2084
01:47:31,680 --> 01:47:34,291
It isn't too late.
Don't do it.
2085
01:47:39,862 --> 01:47:42,256
I never should've left
you there.
2086
01:47:43,996 --> 01:47:45,868
I never should've left you
in that prison.
2087
01:47:52,962 --> 01:47:54,268
I can't trust you.
2088
01:47:55,965 --> 01:47:58,315
I can't trust anybody!
2089
01:47:59,360 --> 01:48:00,839
[GROANING]
2090
01:48:07,542 --> 01:48:08,804
Wonderful kid.
2091
01:48:08,847 --> 01:48:10,632
RUSSELL:
You can't stop me, Wade!
2092
01:48:10,675 --> 01:48:11,894
[DEADPOOL GROANS]
2093
01:48:12,851 --> 01:48:15,114
I got one more idea.
2094
01:48:15,158 --> 01:48:18,074
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.
2095
01:48:18,117 --> 01:48:19,380
Wade, what are you doing?
2096
01:48:19,423 --> 01:48:21,730
All right. This is for
all the marbles, kid!
2097
01:48:21,773 --> 01:48:23,862
You're gonna kill
someone today...
2098
01:48:23,906 --> 01:48:25,342
Blessed are the wicked...
2099
01:48:25,386 --> 01:48:27,301
...then it's gotta be me.
2100
01:48:28,389 --> 01:48:30,304
...who are healed by my hand!
2101
01:48:33,394 --> 01:48:35,831
[MOUTHS] Fuck this!
2102
01:48:37,311 --> 01:48:38,964
[TOMORROWPLAYING]
2103
01:48:40,139 --> 01:48:42,272
[GIRL SINGING]
2104
01:49:34,150 --> 01:49:35,369
[GROANS]
2105
01:49:36,544 --> 01:49:39,503
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
2106
01:49:41,418 --> 01:49:42,898
[DEADPOOL COUGHING]
2107
01:49:44,508 --> 01:49:46,031
Oh, that's not good.
2108
01:49:47,598 --> 01:49:49,034
No, sir.
2109
01:49:56,651 --> 01:49:59,567
You sacrificed yourself
for me.
2110
01:50:00,002 --> 01:50:01,177
Yeah.
2111
01:50:01,220 --> 01:50:03,440
And it was the best thing
I ever did.
2112
01:50:03,484 --> 01:50:05,355
[COUGHING]
2113
01:50:05,399 --> 01:50:07,488
I told you
I care about you.
2114
01:50:07,531 --> 01:50:09,315
You're a good kid, Russell.
2115
01:50:11,013 --> 01:50:12,101
Hey.
2116
01:50:13,407 --> 01:50:14,625
The bear.
2117
01:50:14,669 --> 01:50:16,061
It worked.
2118
01:50:23,025 --> 01:50:24,635
Because of you.
2119
01:50:24,679 --> 01:50:26,985
No, Wade, because of you.
2120
01:50:27,856 --> 01:50:29,945
Stop, stop, stop!
2121
01:50:29,988 --> 01:50:31,163
Stop!
2122
01:50:32,338 --> 01:50:35,298
Just let it happen, okay?
2123
01:50:35,341 --> 01:50:39,041
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.
2124
01:50:39,084 --> 01:50:41,478
[GROANS] That riddle
is so fucked up.
2125
01:50:43,872 --> 01:50:46,265
[GROANS, COUGHS]
2126
01:50:46,309 --> 01:50:48,703
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
2127
01:50:48,746 --> 01:50:50,095
Don't be. Don't be.
2128
01:50:50,139 --> 01:50:52,358
I've been trying to make
this happen for a while.
2129
01:50:52,402 --> 01:50:54,056
Please, just don't leave me.
2130
01:50:54,099 --> 01:50:55,710
I don't wanna die
without an audience.
2131
01:50:55,753 --> 01:50:57,407
We are not going anywhere.
2132
01:50:57,451 --> 01:50:59,540
WADE: Oh, God, I hope
the Academy is watching.
2133
01:50:59,583 --> 01:51:00,715
Just rest, okay?
2134
01:51:02,543 --> 01:51:03,631
Papa.
2135
01:51:05,850 --> 01:51:07,809
♪ Papa, can you hear me?♪
2136
01:51:10,072 --> 01:51:16,078
♪ Papa, can you find me
in the night?♪
2137
01:51:37,360 --> 01:51:39,101
Before I go... [COUGHS]
2138
01:51:39,144 --> 01:51:40,842
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
2139
01:51:41,451 --> 01:51:42,800
Domino.
2140
01:51:42,844 --> 01:51:47,283
I want you to have
my Adventure Timewatch.
2141
01:51:47,326 --> 01:51:49,764
[WADE COUGHING]
2142
01:51:49,807 --> 01:51:52,680
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.
2143
01:51:53,463 --> 01:51:54,551
Thank you.
2144
01:51:55,900 --> 01:51:59,164
Hey, Sabrina,
the Teenage Witch.
2145
01:51:59,208 --> 01:52:01,515
I liked you better
with your hair short.
2146
01:52:01,558 --> 01:52:02,690
Think everyone did.
2147
01:52:03,517 --> 01:52:06,258
Hi, Yukio.Hi, Wade!
2148
01:52:06,302 --> 01:52:08,217
[CHUCKLES]
2149
01:52:08,260 --> 01:52:09,348
And you...
2150
01:52:09,871 --> 01:52:11,873
Chrome Bone.
2151
01:52:11,916 --> 01:52:14,832
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.
2152
01:52:14,876 --> 01:52:17,182
But you've always been
that to me.
2153
01:52:17,226 --> 01:52:18,575
So thank you.
2154
01:52:20,751 --> 01:52:22,361
Say "fuck" for me.
2155
01:52:23,188 --> 01:52:24,494
Just once. Come on,
2156
01:52:24,538 --> 01:52:26,148
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.
2157
01:52:26,191 --> 01:52:29,238
Here we go. One, two, three.
F... F... F...
2158
01:52:29,281 --> 01:52:30,456
Fuck.
2159
01:52:30,500 --> 01:52:33,764
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.
[CHUCKLES]
2160
01:52:35,113 --> 01:52:38,203
And you, Cable. [COUGHS]
2161
01:52:38,247 --> 01:52:42,730
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.
2162
01:52:42,773 --> 01:52:46,429
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.
2163
01:52:46,472 --> 01:52:47,865
That you'll start
judging people...
2164
01:52:47,909 --> 01:52:49,301
not by the color
of their skin,
2165
01:52:49,345 --> 01:52:51,216
but by the content
of their character.
2166
01:52:51,956 --> 01:52:53,567
Jesus.WADE: R-Dog?
2167
01:52:54,742 --> 01:52:57,222
There you are. Hey!
2168
01:52:57,266 --> 01:52:59,485
You're a superhero now, bubba.
2169
01:52:59,529 --> 01:53:02,532
That's why it's high time
that you had a super suit.
2170
01:53:02,576 --> 01:53:03,968
This one is yours.
2171
01:53:04,012 --> 01:53:05,753
You might wanna
get it steam cleaned.
2172
01:53:05,796 --> 01:53:07,232
Especially around the pants.
2173
01:53:07,276 --> 01:53:08,973
And let it out
a little in the waist.
2174
01:53:09,931 --> 01:53:10,932
But, hey.
2175
01:53:11,976 --> 01:53:13,325
Look.
2176
01:53:13,369 --> 01:53:15,980
Family is not an F-word.
2177
01:53:16,720 --> 01:53:18,069
All right?
2178
01:53:18,113 --> 01:53:20,550
There's one out there
for you. [COUGHS]
2179
01:53:20,594 --> 01:53:22,291
Just keep looking, okay?
2180
01:53:25,773 --> 01:53:28,558
Guys, for a second there...
2181
01:53:29,385 --> 01:53:31,517
we made a pretty good team.
2182
01:53:37,654 --> 01:53:39,221
[SIGHS]
2183
01:53:46,576 --> 01:53:48,578
Oh, it's so hard to go.
2184
01:53:48,970 --> 01:53:50,101
[WHINES]
2185
01:53:50,145 --> 01:53:52,451
I just love being around
you guys so much.
2186
01:53:53,539 --> 01:53:54,758
So, so much.
2187
01:53:55,498 --> 01:53:56,847
Mmm.
2188
01:53:56,891 --> 01:53:59,720
No, I can feel it now.
Here it comes, yeah.
2189
01:53:59,763 --> 01:54:03,593
I feel the soul
exiting the husk.
2190
01:54:03,637 --> 01:54:04,638
Yeah.
2191
01:54:06,509 --> 01:54:08,990
Can you see it?
2192
01:54:09,033 --> 01:54:11,209
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?
2193
01:54:12,689 --> 01:54:13,821
There it is.
2194
01:54:20,088 --> 01:54:21,350
Oh, that's the sun.
2195
01:54:21,393 --> 01:54:23,265
Don't stare
directly into that.
2196
01:54:23,308 --> 01:54:24,745
I just have a few final words.
2197
01:54:24,788 --> 01:54:25,833
[EXHALES]
2198
01:54:26,964 --> 01:54:28,357
Woodpecker.
2199
01:54:29,140 --> 01:54:30,489
Gingivitis.
2200
01:54:32,535 --> 01:54:33,884
Codswallop.
2201
01:54:38,236 --> 01:54:40,195
Do You Want to
Build a Snowman?
2202
01:55:07,526 --> 01:55:09,703
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
2203
01:55:55,183 --> 01:55:56,401
Sorry I'm late.
2204
01:55:56,445 --> 01:55:58,142
There was a bunch
2205
01:55:58,186 --> 01:55:59,535
of handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.
2206
01:55:59,578 --> 01:56:01,798
No.No.
2207
01:56:01,842 --> 01:56:04,932
But I did have to help a kid.Yeah.
2208
01:56:04,975 --> 01:56:06,890
He's got a terrible name.It's just awful.
2209
01:56:06,934 --> 01:56:07,935
Ugh.I tried to tell him.
2210
01:56:10,285 --> 01:56:11,721
Is this heaven?
2211
01:56:12,591 --> 01:56:13,767
It is now.
2212
01:56:17,248 --> 01:56:19,120
I am so sorry.
2213
01:56:19,947 --> 01:56:21,296
VANESSA: It's okay.
2214
01:56:41,142 --> 01:56:43,013
I missed you so much.
2215
01:56:48,627 --> 01:56:50,281
What is it? What's wrong?
2216
01:56:52,196 --> 01:56:54,285
It's not time.
2217
01:56:54,329 --> 01:56:56,331
What do you mean
it's not time?
2218
01:56:56,374 --> 01:56:57,985
I'm here, I made it.
2219
01:56:58,028 --> 01:56:59,769
You can't stay.No, no, no.
2220
01:56:59,813 --> 01:57:02,467
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.
2221
01:57:02,511 --> 01:57:03,947
It's okay.
2222
01:57:03,991 --> 01:57:06,820
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.
2223
01:57:07,864 --> 01:57:10,301
They need you.Who?
2224
01:57:12,347 --> 01:57:13,652
VANESSA: Your F-word.
2225
01:57:14,915 --> 01:57:15,916
WADE: Why?
2226
01:57:15,959 --> 01:57:16,960
VANESSA: You'll find out.
2227
01:57:18,222 --> 01:57:19,789
It's all right. I'll be here.
2228
01:57:21,138 --> 01:57:23,924
It's pretty fucking
awesome over here.
2229
01:57:23,967 --> 01:57:25,882
I can have anything I want.
2230
01:57:25,926 --> 01:57:28,058
Can every day be
International Women's Day?
2231
01:57:28,102 --> 01:57:29,668
It is heaven.
2232
01:57:29,712 --> 01:57:30,931
I love you.
2233
01:57:33,455 --> 01:57:36,197
I know. I love you, too.
2234
01:57:36,806 --> 01:57:38,199
Now, go.
2235
01:57:39,069 --> 01:57:41,071
Go on. Go, get out of here.
2236
01:57:42,116 --> 01:57:43,117
Go.
2237
01:57:45,946 --> 01:57:46,903
Hey!
2238
01:57:49,950 --> 01:57:52,082
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
2239
01:57:52,735 --> 01:57:53,867
Well, come here.
2240
01:58:13,190 --> 01:58:14,931
Don't fuck Elvis.
2241
01:58:14,975 --> 01:58:16,715
Ooh, too late.I'm sorry?
2242
01:58:21,677 --> 01:58:23,157
[SCREAMING]
2243
01:58:26,203 --> 01:58:27,465
Time to make the chimichangas.
2244
01:58:27,509 --> 01:58:28,640
30 seconds.
2245
01:58:28,684 --> 01:58:29,946
Hey. Been meaning
to ask you...
2246
01:58:29,990 --> 01:58:32,470
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
2247
01:58:32,514 --> 01:58:34,690
It's my daughter's teddy bear.
2248
01:58:34,733 --> 01:58:36,257
Her name's Hope.
2249
01:58:36,300 --> 01:58:37,432
DEADPOOL: Well...
2250
01:58:38,259 --> 01:58:40,174
What are you doing?
2251
01:58:40,217 --> 01:58:41,871
Somebody swiped right.
2252
01:58:41,915 --> 01:58:43,742
[FAST-FORWARDING]
2253
01:58:52,708 --> 01:58:54,579
[GROANS]
2254
01:58:54,623 --> 01:58:57,408
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
2255
01:58:57,452 --> 01:58:59,106
[DEADPOOL GROANS]
2256
01:59:00,324 --> 01:59:02,109
RUSSELL: You sacrificed
yourself for me.
2257
01:59:02,152 --> 01:59:03,675
DEADPOOL: It would seem I...
2258
01:59:05,851 --> 01:59:07,114
Huh?
2259
01:59:08,245 --> 01:59:10,595
Genuine, high-grade lead.
2260
01:59:12,510 --> 01:59:15,557
You time-sliding
son of a bitch!
2261
01:59:15,600 --> 01:59:17,167
You did this for me?
2262
01:59:19,039 --> 01:59:22,129
Wait. You can't go back.
2263
01:59:22,172 --> 01:59:23,478
You used
the last of your fuel.
2264
01:59:23,521 --> 01:59:25,262
What about your girl,
your wife?
2265
01:59:25,306 --> 01:59:28,570
Now, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.
2266
01:59:30,050 --> 01:59:32,487
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...
2267
01:59:32,530 --> 01:59:33,792
and make sure the world
2268
01:59:33,836 --> 01:59:35,533
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.
2269
01:59:36,230 --> 01:59:39,102
No. You did it for me.
2270
01:59:39,885 --> 01:59:41,322
No, I didn't.
2271
01:59:41,365 --> 01:59:42,801
You did.I really didn't.
2272
01:59:42,845 --> 01:59:44,673
Pretty sure you did.No, I'm positive I didn't.
2273
01:59:44,716 --> 01:59:46,501
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?
2274
01:59:46,544 --> 01:59:49,286
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.
2275
01:59:49,330 --> 01:59:52,115
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.
2276
01:59:52,159 --> 01:59:53,290
Say it again.
2277
01:59:53,334 --> 01:59:54,944
He did it for me.CABLE: Jesus.
2278
01:59:54,988 --> 01:59:56,772
We must get the collar off.Forget it. It's no use.
2279
01:59:56,815 --> 01:59:58,730
These collars
don't just come off.
2280
01:59:58,774 --> 02:00:00,254
Wade.
2281
02:00:00,297 --> 02:00:02,212
I have an idea.
2282
02:00:02,256 --> 02:00:04,388
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!
2283
02:00:04,432 --> 02:00:06,869
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...
2284
02:00:06,912 --> 02:00:10,046
Oh, God! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.
2285
02:00:10,090 --> 02:00:12,396
[COLLAR BUZZING]RUSSELL: We need the code.
2286
02:00:12,440 --> 02:00:14,355
Try, uh, seven?
2287
02:00:14,398 --> 02:00:16,009
DEADPOOL: Settle down,
Captain Lucky.
2288
02:00:16,052 --> 02:00:17,488
It's not gonna be one number.
2289
02:00:17,532 --> 02:00:18,620
Oh, God, that's lazy writing.
2290
02:00:19,621 --> 02:00:20,970
I still got it.
2291
02:00:22,189 --> 02:00:23,973
[DEADPOOL GROANS]
2292
02:00:24,017 --> 02:00:25,975
Put that back
in your prison wallet.
2293
02:00:27,672 --> 02:00:29,587
I don't know how to thank you.
2294
02:00:29,631 --> 02:00:31,546
But I do know how to hug you.
2295
02:00:31,589 --> 02:00:32,895
No.Yes.
2296
02:00:32,938 --> 02:00:34,418
Here we go. Bring it in.
2297
02:00:34,462 --> 02:00:35,550
Come on.
2298
02:00:35,593 --> 02:00:37,030
Pelvis to pelvis.
2299
02:00:37,073 --> 02:00:38,422
Let's go tip to tip.
2300
02:00:38,466 --> 02:00:41,034
There we go.
The kids call this docking.
2301
02:00:41,077 --> 02:00:42,687
[KNIFE UNSHEATHES]
2302
02:00:42,731 --> 02:00:44,298
Is there a knife in my dick?
2303
02:00:44,341 --> 02:00:46,126
There's a knife in your dick.I'm just gonna back up now.
2304
02:00:46,169 --> 02:00:48,084
Yeah, yeah.No need to go full Yentl.
2305
02:00:48,128 --> 02:00:50,913
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.
2306
02:00:50,956 --> 02:00:52,871
Let's go home, Russell.
2307
02:00:56,527 --> 02:00:58,312
All you dirty mutants
2308
02:00:58,355 --> 02:01:00,923
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!
2309
02:01:00,966 --> 02:01:04,057
Your souls
are beyond redemption!
2310
02:01:04,100 --> 02:01:05,362
Let's see your soul, perv!
2311
02:01:05,406 --> 02:01:08,235
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!
2312
02:01:08,278 --> 02:01:09,584
We're better than him!
2313
02:01:09,627 --> 02:01:12,239
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!
2314
02:01:12,282 --> 02:01:13,892
We'll let karma
take care of him.
2315
02:01:13,936 --> 02:01:16,939
The day of reckoning is here!
2316
02:01:17,896 --> 02:01:19,202
[TIRES SCREECHING]
2317
02:01:19,246 --> 02:01:20,421
[CRASHING]
2318
02:01:26,253 --> 02:01:28,342
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.
2319
02:01:28,385 --> 02:01:29,604
Whoo!
2320
02:01:29,647 --> 02:01:31,258
Courage, motherfuckers!
2321
02:01:31,301 --> 02:01:32,781
And karma, motherfucker.
2322
02:01:32,824 --> 02:01:34,217
DEADPOOL: I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.
2323
02:01:34,261 --> 02:01:36,263
I could barely keep
a straight face. [LAUGHS]
2324
02:01:36,306 --> 02:01:38,221
I want some more.
2325
02:01:38,265 --> 02:01:40,005
I bet you do, Brown Panther.
2326
02:01:40,049 --> 02:01:43,574
We should leave
before Fuckernaut wakes up.
2327
02:01:43,618 --> 02:01:45,881
Good call.
You guys coming with us?
2328
02:01:45,924 --> 02:01:47,883
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.
2329
02:01:47,926 --> 02:01:49,450
Besides, we're X-Men.
2330
02:01:49,493 --> 02:01:52,148
No, you're X-People.
2331
02:01:52,192 --> 02:01:53,541
You're exhausting.
2332
02:01:53,584 --> 02:01:55,369
I see what you did there.
Puns.
2333
02:01:55,412 --> 02:01:56,848
Our door's always open.
2334
02:01:56,892 --> 02:01:58,676
That's kind, but
I'm not ready to date again.
2335
02:01:58,720 --> 02:01:59,721
Let alone two women.
2336
02:02:00,852 --> 02:02:02,550
God, you're a douche.
2337
02:02:02,593 --> 02:02:04,726
Bye, Wade!Bye, Yukio!
2338
02:02:04,769 --> 02:02:06,510
[WE BELONGPLAYING]
2339
02:02:07,424 --> 02:02:08,730
DEADPOOL: What do you get
2340
02:02:08,773 --> 02:02:09,687
when you take
eight feet of chrome...
2341
02:02:09,731 --> 02:02:10,906
one pinch of courage...
2342
02:02:10,949 --> 02:02:12,168
a cup of good luck...
2343
02:02:12,212 --> 02:02:13,778
a dab of racism...
2344
02:02:13,822 --> 02:02:15,345
a splash of diabetes...
2345
02:02:15,389 --> 02:02:17,782
and a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?
2346
02:02:17,826 --> 02:02:20,524
Answer: a family.
2347
02:02:20,568 --> 02:02:23,701
See? I didn't lie
what kind of film this was.
2348
02:02:23,745 --> 02:02:25,268
If there's anything
you take away today...
2349
02:02:25,312 --> 02:02:28,271
other than the need to Google, "What the fuck is dubstep?"...
2350
02:02:28,315 --> 02:02:31,144
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.
2351
02:04:28,217 --> 02:04:29,958
How something
so small generates
2352
02:04:30,001 --> 02:04:31,568
enough energy
to reverse time is...
2353
02:04:31,612 --> 02:04:34,005
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,
2354
02:04:34,049 --> 02:04:36,312
or I'll take it
to the Genius Bar.
2355
02:04:36,356 --> 02:04:37,574
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.
2356
02:04:37,618 --> 02:04:38,662
Never heard of him.
2357
02:04:38,706 --> 02:04:40,185
Why do you think
I'm helping him?
2358
02:04:41,448 --> 02:04:43,711
The Lord works
in mysterious ways,
2359
02:04:43,754 --> 02:04:46,017
don't I? A good day.
2360
02:04:46,757 --> 02:04:47,758
Bye, Wade!
2361
02:04:48,281 --> 02:04:49,282
Bye, Yukio!
2362
02:04:50,587 --> 02:04:53,111
That was probably a bad idea.
2363
02:04:53,155 --> 02:04:54,156
What have we done?
2364
02:04:55,375 --> 02:04:57,072
[IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME
PLAYING]
2365
02:05:12,696 --> 02:05:14,742
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.
2366
02:05:14,785 --> 02:05:16,134
[BOTH PANTING][GASPS]
2367
02:05:24,882 --> 02:05:26,319
I'll be right back!
2368
02:05:28,321 --> 02:05:30,845
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!
2369
02:05:31,236 --> 02:05:32,237
Whoo!
2370
02:05:34,065 --> 02:05:35,371
DEADPOOL: Peter!
2371
02:05:35,415 --> 02:05:36,981
Whoo! X-Force!
2372
02:05:37,025 --> 02:05:40,071
Walk away! Just walk away!
2373
02:05:40,115 --> 02:05:42,117
But we're X-Force!Nope! We're not.
2374
02:05:42,160 --> 02:05:43,510
X-Force is just
a marketing tool
2375
02:05:43,553 --> 02:05:44,859
designed by Fox executives...
2376
02:05:44,902 --> 02:05:46,600
to keep Josh Brolin employed.
2377
02:05:46,643 --> 02:05:48,166
It doesn't exist.
2378
02:05:48,210 --> 02:05:51,518
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!
2379
02:05:51,561 --> 02:05:53,258
And I need to feed my cat!
2380
02:05:53,302 --> 02:05:55,783
Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.
2381
02:05:55,826 --> 02:05:59,090
Okay. Will you give
Domino my email?
2382
02:06:08,273 --> 02:06:10,145
Wade, is that you?
2383
02:06:12,408 --> 02:06:13,757
I guess Stryker finally
2384
02:06:13,801 --> 02:06:15,193
figured out
how to shut you up.
2385
02:06:18,066 --> 02:06:19,415
[GUNSHOT]
2386
02:06:21,765 --> 02:06:25,160
Hey! It's me!
Don't scratch!
2387
02:06:25,203 --> 02:06:27,249
Just cleaning up
the timelines!
2388
02:06:27,292 --> 02:06:31,122
Look, eventually you're
going to hang up the claws...
2389
02:06:31,166 --> 02:06:33,386
and it's gonna make
a lot of people very sad.
2390
02:06:33,777 --> 02:06:35,170
Huh?
2391
02:06:35,213 --> 02:06:36,519
But one day, your old pal
Wade's gonna ask you...
2392
02:06:36,563 --> 02:06:38,521
to get back
in the saddle again.
2393
02:06:39,435 --> 02:06:41,959
And when he does,
say yes.
2394
02:06:43,221 --> 02:06:45,180
Oh, right.[GUNSHOTS]
2395
02:06:46,094 --> 02:06:47,400
[WHISPERS] Love you!
2396
02:06:49,750 --> 02:06:51,404
Goddamn, that's beautiful.
2397
02:06:52,970 --> 02:06:53,971
[GUNSHOT]
2398
02:06:58,759 --> 02:07:00,587
You're welcome, Canada.
2399
02:07:13,121 --> 02:07:14,296
Boy howdy.
2400
02:07:16,167 --> 02:07:19,083
Hi. This is a toughie.[BABY CRYING]
2401
02:07:19,127 --> 02:07:20,563
Yeesh.
2402
02:07:20,607 --> 02:07:24,001
Oh, yes. You're already
practicing your salute, huh?
2403
02:07:24,045 --> 02:07:26,874
Yes, you are. Well, we'll
take care of that, won't we?
2404
02:07:26,917 --> 02:07:29,703
Jesus Christ! This is
so much harder than I thought.
2405
02:07:30,530 --> 02:07:32,183
Oh, I'm going to hell.
2406
02:07:32,227 --> 02:07:33,924
That makes two of us.
2407
02:07:33,968 --> 02:07:35,578
You can do this.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
2408
02:07:35,622 --> 02:07:38,276
This is crazy. This is crazy.
This is crazy. This is crazy.
2409
02:07:38,320 --> 02:07:39,452
All right.
2410
02:07:40,540 --> 02:07:41,628
[SIGHS]
2411
02:07:46,807 --> 02:07:49,200
Maximum effort.
2412
02:07:49,244 --> 02:07:52,203
[IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME
CONTINUES PLAYING]
2413
02:09:10,455 --> 02:09:12,457
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
2414
02:12:56,638 --> 02:12:58,379
[CHOIR SINGING]
2415
02:13:26,886 --> 02:13:29,192
That's okay.
Let me see here.
2416
02:13:29,236 --> 02:13:30,759
Oh, God.
2417
02:13:30,803 --> 02:13:32,761
That's why you're
such a little bastard.
2418
02:13:32,805 --> 02:13:35,155
No one's ever changed you.
2419
02:13:35,198 --> 02:13:37,940
Yeah, you got a big, old
stinky in there, don't you?
2420
02:13:37,984 --> 02:13:40,813
God, it smells like
Hitler's anus...
2421
02:13:40,856 --> 02:13:43,424
which would makes sense,
wouldn't it? Yeah.
2422
02:13:43,467 --> 02:13:44,642
I think we both know
2423
02:13:44,686 --> 02:13:46,079
I don't have
what it takes to do this...
2424
02:13:46,122 --> 02:13:48,298
so I'm just gonna change
your diaper real quick...
2425
02:13:48,342 --> 02:13:50,257
and then I'm gonna come back
with my friend, Cable.
2426
02:13:50,300 --> 02:13:51,693
He loves killing kids.
2427
02:13:51,736 --> 02:13:53,738
Captioned by Deluxe
167510
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