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1
00:02:13,694 --> 00:02:16,135
Fuck Wolverine.
2
00:02:17,041 --> 00:02:19,879
First, he rides my coattails
with the R rating.
3
00:02:19,956 --> 00:02:24,144
Then the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.
4
00:02:24,493 --> 00:02:26,269
What a dick.
5
00:02:26,441 --> 00:02:28,445
Well, guess what, Wolvie?
6
00:02:28,693 --> 00:02:30,822
I'm dying in this one, too.
7
00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:36,703
To understand
why I took a cat-nap
8
00:02:36,780 --> 00:02:38,804
on 1,200 gallons
of high-test fuel...
9
00:02:38,881 --> 00:02:40,325
I need to take you back
10
00:02:40,402 --> 00:02:42,587
to the dewy slopes
of six weeks ago.
11
00:02:42,664 --> 00:02:43,978
I'd gone international,
12
00:02:44,055 --> 00:02:45,969
taking out mass murderers,
gangsters,
13
00:02:46,046 --> 00:02:47,765
unspeakable monsters.
14
00:02:47,842 --> 00:02:50,806
People nobody would touch.
Except me.
15
00:02:50,883 --> 00:02:53,160
I'm gonna touch them all over.
16
00:02:56,315 --> 00:02:58,199
Hey, it's Gail calling.
17
00:02:58,276 --> 00:02:59,385
Love the shiny suit.
18
00:02:59,462 --> 00:03:00,451
Really brings out
19
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,152
the sex trafficker in your eyes.
20
00:03:02,229 --> 00:03:04,327
Whatever they're paying,
I'll double it.
21
00:03:04,404 --> 00:03:07,607
I don't
speak Cantonese, Mister...
22
00:03:08,571 --> 00:03:10,668
Well, I'm not even gonna
attempt that.
23
00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:13,394
But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so...
24
00:03:13,471 --> 00:03:15,462
Where is the library?
25
00:03:15,539 --> 00:03:17,734
Which literally
translates to...
26
00:03:18,579 --> 00:03:21,217
I don't bargain,
pumpkin fucker.
27
00:03:31,335 --> 00:03:33,938
Oh. Oh, this isn't Gilbert's.
28
00:03:34,015 --> 00:03:35,439
I am so sorry.
29
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:37,332
I thought this was
an anal-bleaching party.
30
00:03:59,453 --> 00:04:01,507
Don't worry.
You're not going to die.
31
00:04:01,584 --> 00:04:03,824
Although these will kill you.
32
00:04:03,901 --> 00:04:05,371
Hit it, Dolly.
33
00:04:25,029 --> 00:04:27,383
I'm merely
a vessel for the Lord.
34
00:04:37,838 --> 00:04:41,084
Taking the hands out
of the guns of the criminals!
35
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,514
Whoo! Do not go in there!
36
00:04:57,033 --> 00:04:59,490
Let's see
Captain America do that.
37
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,792
Too exotic?
38
00:05:31,741 --> 00:05:33,958
I don't bargain.
39
00:06:31,622 --> 00:06:34,859
Oh, God! Oh, God,
time out! Time out!
40
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:38,326
Cut. I've got bad guy blood,
right in my open eye.
41
00:06:38,403 --> 00:06:40,773
Oh, that's so gross.
42
00:06:41,698 --> 00:06:42,949
Fuck.
43
00:06:43,793 --> 00:06:45,887
Looks like you left
a little landing strip there.
44
00:06:45,964 --> 00:06:47,176
I like it.
45
00:06:52,113 --> 00:06:54,124
Ohhhh, man!
46
00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,917
My world tour
brought me home
47
00:06:59,994 --> 00:07:02,151
to this guy,
Sergei Valishnikov.
48
00:07:02,228 --> 00:07:03,694
But we'll get to him
in a moment.
49
00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:05,254
'Cause I know
what you're thinking.
50
00:07:05,363 --> 00:07:08,153
"I'm so glad
I left the kiddos at home."
51
00:07:08,230 --> 00:07:09,788
But that's where
you'd be wrong.
52
00:07:09,865 --> 00:07:12,893
That babysitter of yours
is high as fuck right now...
53
00:07:12,970 --> 00:07:17,182
and, believe it or not,
Deadpom 2 is a family film.
54
00:07:17,259 --> 00:07:18,251
True story.
55
00:07:18,328 --> 00:07:22,062
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.
56
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:25,227
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
57
00:07:25,304 --> 00:07:28,548
Holy shit pickles!
That guy's on fire.
58
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:31,510
That's not CGI, folks.
He's actually on fire.
59
00:07:31,587 --> 00:07:35,004
Yeah. You know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?
60
00:07:35,081 --> 00:07:36,097
But this guy?
61
00:07:36,174 --> 00:07:38,470
He was
one of the worst of 'em.
62
00:07:40,766 --> 00:07:42,679
Hurry up and open
this fucking door,
63
00:07:42,756 --> 00:07:44,464
and let's kill
this motherfucker!
64
00:07:50,844 --> 00:07:52,821
Ugh. So gross.
65
00:07:52,898 --> 00:07:55,620
A panic room? Really?
66
00:07:55,812 --> 00:07:57,811
Can you come out?
67
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:01,612
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.
68
00:08:06,792 --> 00:08:08,092
Over and
over, I hear people say,
69
00:08:08,169 --> 00:08:09,709
"I just don't have
enough confidence."
70
00:08:09,786 --> 00:08:11,961
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.
71
00:08:12,038 --> 00:08:13,296
It's something you create.
72
00:08:13,373 --> 00:08:15,423
And you can create it
at any moment in time.
73
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:17,101
A sense of confidence
is nothing
74
00:08:17,178 --> 00:08:18,944
but a sense of power
within yourself...
75
00:08:19,021 --> 00:08:21,381
a sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.
76
00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:22,638
Start the fucking car!
77
00:08:22,715 --> 00:08:23,726
Dopinder!
78
00:08:23,809 --> 00:08:25,933
Start the fucking car!
79
00:08:30,024 --> 00:08:32,491
Shoot that motherfucker!
Shoot him!
80
00:08:32,568 --> 00:08:34,243
Whoo!
Oh, I shit my pants.
81
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,693
Actually, that may
have been me.
82
00:08:36,781 --> 00:08:38,030
Oh, mission accomplished?
83
00:08:38,107 --> 00:08:40,141
Oh, in a George W.
Sort of way.
84
00:08:40,218 --> 00:08:42,131
Fucker can't stay
in a panic room forever.
85
00:08:42,208 --> 00:08:43,678
Oh, you're living
the dreams, DP.
86
00:08:43,755 --> 00:08:45,593
It has been
quite the run, Dopinder,
87
00:08:45,670 --> 00:08:46,849
and who' da thought'?
88
00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:49,393
Now I'm talked about
in the same sentence as Jesus.
89
00:08:49,470 --> 00:08:51,311
Passion of the Christ,
then me.
90
00:08:51,388 --> 00:08:52,604
At least domestically.
91
00:08:52,681 --> 00:08:53,856
We beat them overseas,
92
00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,973
where there's no such thing
as religion.
93
00:08:56,050 --> 00:08:58,225
I do want to live
the dreams, Pool Boy.
94
00:08:58,302 --> 00:09:00,571
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.
95
00:09:00,648 --> 00:09:02,480
I want to fill my...
Pockets?
96
00:09:02,557 --> 00:09:05,659
What's your poison?
A little, uh, cokey cokey?
97
00:09:05,736 --> 00:09:07,109
Can't maintain an erection
98
00:09:07,186 --> 00:09:08,672
without buying shoes online?
99
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,696
I've never experienced
that last one.
100
00:09:10,773 --> 00:09:11,915
Talk to me, Goose.
101
00:09:11,992 --> 00:09:14,867
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.
102
00:09:14,944 --> 00:09:17,973
I want to belong to something,
like you, Pool, sir.
103
00:09:18,050 --> 00:09:19,710
Dopmdenn
Hmm?
104
00:09:19,944 --> 00:09:21,989
You never cease
to surprise me.
105
00:09:23,170 --> 00:09:25,971
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.
106
00:09:26,048 --> 00:09:27,681
We all need
a sense of belonging.
107
00:09:27,758 --> 00:09:29,516
We all need
a genuine sense of home.
108
00:09:29,593 --> 00:09:30,684
A place in this world.
109
00:09:30,761 --> 00:09:32,384
I want to become
a contract killer.
110
00:09:32,461 --> 00:09:33,849
I'm sorry. What did you say?
111
00:09:34,014 --> 00:09:35,939
Remember when
I kidnapped Bandhu
112
00:09:36,016 --> 00:09:37,553
and threatened him
with great violence?
113
00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:38,734
You kind of killed him.
114
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:40,643
And then remember the movie
Interview with the Vampire?
115
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:41,778
Don't want to.
116
00:09:41,855 --> 00:09:42,979
When Tom Cruise fed
117
00:09:43,056 --> 00:09:44,818
10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood
118
00:09:44,895 --> 00:09:46,107
for the first time...
119
00:09:46,184 --> 00:09:48,567
and she looked up
at his smooth,
120
00:09:48,644 --> 00:09:50,991
handsome face and said...
121
00:09:51,573 --> 00:09:53,332
"I want some more."
122
00:09:53,409 --> 00:09:57,247
Oh, Pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
123
00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,292
I'll never not picture that.
124
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,665
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,
125
00:10:02,742 --> 00:10:04,254
as soon as possible.
126
00:10:04,753 --> 00:10:07,466
We're here.
127
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:15,979
Dopinder, it's me again.
128
00:10:16,056 --> 00:10:17,805
Look, a saner man
might discourage you
129
00:10:17,882 --> 00:10:19,724
from joining
the deadly merc business...
130
00:10:19,801 --> 00:10:21,225
what, with your concave chest
131
00:10:21,302 --> 00:10:22,935
and your
paper towel tube arms.
132
00:10:23,012 --> 00:10:24,613
But you're an eagle...
133
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:26,657
and goddamn it,
an eagle's gotta soar.
134
00:10:26,734 --> 00:10:28,075
You gotta grab those dreams,
135
00:10:28,152 --> 00:10:29,817
grab those dreams
by the dick tip...
136
00:10:29,894 --> 00:10:31,328
and make it rain!
137
00:10:31,405 --> 00:10:33,362
I don't know what that means.
138
00:10:33,439 --> 00:10:35,535
Me neither.
139
00:10:35,909 --> 00:10:37,579
I'm gonna see you...
140
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,249
at the office.
141
00:10:40,622 --> 00:10:41,713
In the sky.
142
00:10:41,790 --> 00:10:42,913
You're my Tom Cruise!
143
00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:44,623
And you're my Kristen Dunst!
144
00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:46,088
Kristen? Kirsten?
145
00:10:51,133 --> 00:10:52,724
Sorry I'm late.
146
00:10:52,801 --> 00:10:54,351
There was a bunch of
147
00:10:54,428 --> 00:10:56,552
handicapable children
stuck in a tree...
148
00:10:56,629 --> 00:10:58,016
and I had to, uh...
Uh-uh.
149
00:10:58,098 --> 00:11:00,816
You're right.
I was fighting a caped badass.
150
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:03,267
But then we discovered
his mom is named Martha, too.
151
00:11:03,344 --> 00:11:05,440
No.
You got me.
152
00:11:05,543 --> 00:11:07,301
I was rounding up
all the gluten
153
00:11:07,378 --> 00:11:08,869
in the world and
launching it into space...
154
00:11:08,946 --> 00:11:10,878
where it can't not
hurt us ever again.
155
00:11:10,955 --> 00:11:12,071
Try again.
156
00:11:12,654 --> 00:11:14,073
Diarrhea?
157
00:11:14,239 --> 00:11:16,209
We can't be sure
until I get this suit off...
158
00:11:16,950 --> 00:11:19,121
but, uh,
all signs point to yes.
159
00:11:20,829 --> 00:11:21,830
Traffic?
160
00:11:22,456 --> 00:11:23,499
Hmm?
161
00:11:24,708 --> 00:11:26,373
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
162
00:11:26,450 --> 00:11:27,587
Well, come here.
163
00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:41,059
I'm gonna shower
and get out of this suit.
164
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:42,807
Don't you want
your surprise?
165
00:11:42,884 --> 00:11:44,855
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?
166
00:11:45,437 --> 00:11:46,898
I got one for you, too.
167
00:11:47,815 --> 00:11:49,333
Happy anniversary, baby.
168
00:11:49,410 --> 00:11:51,153
Open, open, open.
169
00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:54,489
Skee-Ball token.
170
00:11:54,738 --> 00:11:56,153
Our first date.
171
00:11:56,230 --> 00:11:57,407
Yup.
172
00:11:57,783 --> 00:12:00,662
That's genuine,
high-grade lead.
173
00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:05,459
I'll keep it forever.
174
00:12:05,707 --> 00:12:07,336
Thank you, baby.
175
00:12:08,752 --> 00:12:10,672
Open yours.
All right, all right.
176
00:12:11,338 --> 00:12:12,673
Oh...
177
00:12:14,049 --> 00:12:15,965
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...
178
00:12:16,042 --> 00:12:17,383
I don't know
what this is.
179
00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:18,887
My mo.
180
00:12:19,263 --> 00:12:20,264
A bomb?
181
00:12:20,347 --> 00:12:23,352
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.
182
00:12:23,642 --> 00:12:24,765
What, you mean that your...
183
00:12:24,842 --> 00:12:26,559
Baby factory's open
for business.
184
00:12:26,636 --> 00:12:27,856
Oh, my God!
185
00:12:27,933 --> 00:12:31,114
Oh, my God! I want a boy!
186
00:12:31,191 --> 00:12:34,237
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!
187
00:12:34,319 --> 00:12:37,324
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.
188
00:12:37,698 --> 00:12:40,452
Like Cher or Todd.
189
00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:43,053
You gotta pump a baby
in me first, cowboy.
190
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,730
- Yes, I do.
- Let's watch some porn
191
00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:47,370
- and show that bed who's boss.
- Let's do that.
192
00:12:47,958 --> 00:12:49,628
Papa...
193
00:12:50,025 --> 00:12:52,404
Can you hear me?
194
00:12:53,755 --> 00:12:56,301
Papa, can you see me?
195
00:12:56,425 --> 00:12:58,887
Does this song
sound familiar to you?
196
00:13:00,853 --> 00:13:02,313
May.
197
00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:07,219
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.
198
00:13:09,563 --> 00:13:11,940
So weird.
199
00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:14,653
Family was always
an F-word to me.
200
00:13:15,944 --> 00:13:19,366
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.
201
00:13:20,324 --> 00:13:22,615
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models
202
00:13:22,692 --> 00:13:24,538
to draw off of for Todd.
203
00:13:25,495 --> 00:13:28,547
Hey. Look at me.
204
00:13:29,450 --> 00:13:31,852
You are not your father.
205
00:13:33,170 --> 00:13:34,588
Besides...
206
00:13:34,671 --> 00:13:39,594
l will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
207
00:13:40,385 --> 00:13:41,467
But here's the thing,
208
00:13:41,544 --> 00:13:43,223
isn't that how
it always works?
209
00:13:43,347 --> 00:13:44,855
Like in Star Wars,
210
00:13:44,932 --> 00:13:47,274
men are destined
to become their father...
211
00:13:47,684 --> 00:13:50,602
and then have consensual sex
with their sister?
212
00:13:50,812 --> 00:13:53,743
I think you missed
big, big chunks of that movie.
213
00:13:54,149 --> 00:13:56,399
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.
214
00:13:56,542 --> 00:13:58,342
Baby, that's Empire.
215
00:13:58,632 --> 00:14:01,428
The point is, kids...
216
00:14:02,658 --> 00:14:05,516
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.
217
00:14:06,119 --> 00:14:08,457
Better than we used to be.
218
00:14:08,830 --> 00:14:11,543
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
219
00:14:12,383 --> 00:14:13,969
I'm gonna go make dessert.
220
00:14:14,086 --> 00:14:17,579
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a super baby.
221
00:14:18,675 --> 00:14:21,137
Pretty sure it doesn't work
that way, but we can try.
222
00:14:22,010 --> 00:14:25,672
What about Krystal?
But with a "K"?
223
00:14:25,794 --> 00:14:27,517
It's too stripper-y.
224
00:14:27,594 --> 00:14:29,139
Kevin With a "K"!
225
00:14:29,216 --> 00:14:31,438
No, too stripper-y, too.
226
00:14:31,741 --> 00:14:33,326
Uh, Earl!
227
00:14:33,669 --> 00:14:36,381
He's gonna go straight to jail
228
00:14:36,458 --> 00:14:38,266
if we name him Earl.
229
00:14:38,468 --> 00:14:39,996
What about Bruce?
230
00:14:40,073 --> 00:14:41,296
No.
231
00:14:42,919 --> 00:14:44,051
Get down.
232
00:14:44,129 --> 00:14:45,161
What?
233
00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:16,477
Baby? Baby?
234
00:15:18,975 --> 00:15:20,473
I'm okay.
235
00:15:20,637 --> 00:15:23,992
Ha! Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.
236
00:15:58,496 --> 00:15:59,825
Please.
237
00:16:04,863 --> 00:16:06,924
Please. Please.
238
00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:09,927
Baby, I'm so sorry.
239
00:16:10,004 --> 00:16:13,747
No!
240
00:19:18,265 --> 00:19:21,322
Papa, can you hear me?
241
00:19:21,935 --> 00:19:23,443
Is it just me, or does
242
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,352
Do You Want to Build
a Snowman? from Frozen...
243
00:19:25,429 --> 00:19:26,694
sound suspiciously like
244
00:19:26,771 --> 00:19:28,825
Papa, Can You Hear Me?
From Yentl?
245
00:19:29,908 --> 00:19:32,245
Papa, can you hear me?
246
00:19:33,947 --> 00:19:36,388
And nobody
fucking realizes it.
247
00:19:36,465 --> 00:19:38,119
Wade, you gotta go home.
248
00:19:38,201 --> 00:19:40,956
You've been sitting here
for three days, okay?
249
00:19:41,033 --> 00:19:44,683
You smell like sauerkraut
left in the warm rain.
250
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,117
Like wet garbage
in hot urine.
251
00:19:47,194 --> 00:19:49,219
You smell like
a dog ate kitty litter...
252
00:19:49,296 --> 00:19:51,378
and then farted his way
out of the living room.
253
00:19:51,455 --> 00:19:53,181
I mean, like Rush Limbaugh's
254
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:55,011
couch cushions
after Shark Week.
255
00:19:55,088 --> 00:19:56,643
Hove Frozen.
256
00:19:56,886 --> 00:20:00,308
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.
257
00:20:00,420 --> 00:20:01,680
An ocean is water.
258
00:20:01,757 --> 00:20:06,330
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?
259
00:20:06,694 --> 00:20:08,061
George Michael was right.
260
00:20:08,138 --> 00:20:10,229
I'm never gonna
dance again. Fuck!
261
00:20:10,483 --> 00:20:11,963
He's dead, too.
262
00:20:12,652 --> 00:20:14,030
At least we still have Bowie.
263
00:20:14,107 --> 00:20:15,498
Oh, Mr. Pool.
David Bowie is...
264
00:20:15,575 --> 00:20:16,729
Uh, uh, uh...
265
00:20:17,047 --> 00:20:18,316
still With us.
266
00:20:18,393 --> 00:20:21,143
We do.
We'll always have Bowie.
267
00:20:21,898 --> 00:20:23,022
I'm sorry.
268
00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:24,212
Shot after shot,
269
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,445
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...
270
00:20:26,522 --> 00:20:27,956
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating right now?
271
00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:30,854
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.
272
00:20:30,931 --> 00:20:32,549
- Is he pissing?
- I'm on it!
273
00:20:32,741 --> 00:20:33,972
There you go, Dopinder.
274
00:20:34,049 --> 00:20:36,005
If you want to be
a contract killer...
275
00:20:36,082 --> 00:20:38,518
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.
276
00:20:38,595 --> 00:20:39,922
Although I don't
quite understand
277
00:20:39,999 --> 00:20:41,140
how they are at all similar.
278
00:20:41,217 --> 00:20:43,555
'Cause I could shove either
one up your ass and kill you.
279
00:20:43,632 --> 00:20:44,723
Now, leave me.
280
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:45,897
I get it.
281
00:20:46,073 --> 00:20:47,728
Go home, Wade.
282
00:20:47,896 --> 00:20:50,744
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a...
283
00:20:51,276 --> 00:20:52,627
Okay, I'm fine.
284
00:20:52,897 --> 00:20:54,039
I'm fine.
285
00:20:54,117 --> 00:20:56,076
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?
286
00:20:56,153 --> 00:20:59,625
Fucked up, insecure,
needy, and emotional.
287
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:01,400
According to the...
288
00:21:02,535 --> 00:21:03,873
Khmer-Ross.
Yeah.
289
00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:05,825
According to
the KUbler-Ross model...
290
00:21:05,902 --> 00:21:08,662
denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.
291
00:21:08,739 --> 00:21:10,835
Jesus Christ, Buck!
292
00:21:11,169 --> 00:21:13,298
No more speaking lines
for you.
293
00:21:21,721 --> 00:21:24,063
Hey, bud. Bud.
294
00:21:24,140 --> 00:21:26,077
- Huh?
- Got a match?
295
00:21:26,154 --> 00:21:27,328
Match?
296
00:21:27,670 --> 00:21:29,152
Yes, I have one right here.
297
00:21:29,229 --> 00:21:30,727
Don't make a move.
This is a stick-up.
298
00:21:30,804 --> 00:21:32,447
- What?
- You heard me.
299
00:21:32,524 --> 00:21:34,606
JACK". Mister, Mister,
put down that gun.
300
00:21:34,683 --> 00:21:37,721
Shut up. Now, come on.
Your money or your life?
301
00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:49,176
Look, bud. I said,
"Your money or your life."
302
00:21:49,253 --> 00:21:50,623
"I'm thinking it over!"
303
00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:52,088
Motherfuck!
304
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:53,247
Fuck!
305
00:21:53,916 --> 00:21:55,209
Hoh!
306
00:21:56,005 --> 00:21:57,542
The hell you doin' here?
307
00:21:57,619 --> 00:21:59,432
Don't you know how to knock?
308
00:21:59,676 --> 00:22:01,510
I thought you saw me...
309
00:22:01,587 --> 00:22:03,007
with your ears.
310
00:22:03,084 --> 00:22:05,380
- You're lucky I didn't shootyouintheu.
- The wall?
311
00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:08,736
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.
312
00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:13,228
I heard the news,
sweetie.
313
00:22:13,305 --> 00:22:15,193
I'm very sorry. lam.
314
00:22:15,358 --> 00:22:17,241
What am I gonna do, Al?
315
00:22:17,318 --> 00:22:19,238
Probably something terrible.
316
00:22:20,196 --> 00:22:21,537
Knowing you.
317
00:22:21,614 --> 00:22:23,368
It was my fault.
318
00:22:24,367 --> 00:22:26,454
I fucking did this.
319
00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:28,994
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her
320
00:22:29,071 --> 00:22:31,209
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.
321
00:22:32,959 --> 00:22:34,592
She's gone.
322
00:22:34,669 --> 00:22:38,299
Sweetheart,
can you speak up?
323
00:22:38,552 --> 00:22:40,008
It's a little hard
to hear you
324
00:22:40,085 --> 00:22:41,548
with that pity dick
in your mouth.
325
00:22:41,625 --> 00:22:44,634
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.
326
00:22:44,711 --> 00:22:45,750
Thank you...
327
00:22:45,827 --> 00:22:49,014
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.
328
00:22:49,091 --> 00:22:51,067
Listen to the pain.
329
00:22:51,144 --> 00:22:53,935
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.
330
00:22:54,012 --> 00:22:57,026
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.
331
00:22:57,609 --> 00:23:01,072
Sometimes, it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.
332
00:23:01,529 --> 00:23:04,611
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?
333
00:23:06,836 --> 00:23:08,045
Wade?
334
00:23:10,413 --> 00:23:12,502
Wade?
I'm right here, Althea.
335
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:15,158
And that is
the most beautiful thing
336
00:23:15,330 --> 00:23:16,877
I've ever heard.
337
00:23:17,354 --> 00:23:19,108
And you're absolutely right.
338
00:23:22,634 --> 00:23:25,221
I'm about to do
something terrible.
339
00:23:30,948 --> 00:23:32,690
Precious, aren't they?
340
00:23:33,037 --> 00:23:34,413
Whoa!
341
00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:36,216
Are you a superhero?
342
00:23:36,293 --> 00:23:37,767
Fucking A, sweetie.
343
00:23:37,844 --> 00:23:39,344
What's your name?
344
00:23:39,421 --> 00:23:41,279
Captain Delicious Pants.
345
00:23:41,356 --> 00:23:43,611
Who's Captain Delicious Pants?
346
00:24:08,897 --> 00:24:10,813
I can't believe
he's still alive.
347
00:24:10,890 --> 00:24:13,603
I can't believe you left
the house in that shirt.
348
00:24:14,853 --> 00:24:16,852
There's gotta be
some way to die.
349
00:24:16,929 --> 00:24:18,937
L just need to die harder.
350
00:24:19,014 --> 00:24:20,156
Trademark Fox.
351
00:24:20,233 --> 00:24:21,444
Y'all caught up now?
352
00:24:34,497 --> 00:24:36,292
Open for business.
353
00:24:40,003 --> 00:24:42,265
Your crazy
matches my crazy.
354
00:24:42,342 --> 00:24:44,425
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
355
00:24:44,502 --> 00:24:45,558
Skee-Ball token.
356
00:24:45,635 --> 00:24:47,533
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
357
00:24:52,418 --> 00:24:53,908
About why
we're so good together.
358
00:24:53,985 --> 00:24:55,424
I love you,
Wade Wilson.
359
00:24:57,979 --> 00:24:59,397
Ness?
360
00:25:00,763 --> 00:25:01,889
Ness?
361
00:25:03,004 --> 00:25:04,092
Ness.
362
00:25:04,389 --> 00:25:07,353
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.
363
00:25:08,823 --> 00:25:11,119
Your heart's not
in the right place.
364
00:25:11,409 --> 00:25:13,454
Wait, hold on. What?
365
00:25:14,078 --> 00:25:16,177
Your heart's not
in the right place.
366
00:25:16,254 --> 00:25:17,319
Wait. What do you mean
367
00:25:17,396 --> 00:25:19,566
my heart's not in the right
place? What does it...
368
00:25:38,688 --> 00:25:41,119
I'm terribly sorry
for your loss, Wade.
369
00:25:41,339 --> 00:25:42,572
You're broken.
370
00:25:42,881 --> 00:25:46,142
Oh, God.
I know that voice.
371
00:26:07,048 --> 00:26:08,472
Well, Russell.
372
00:26:08,549 --> 00:26:11,429
I hear you're handy
at picking locks.
373
00:26:12,501 --> 00:26:14,818
There will be no need
for that here.
374
00:26:14,895 --> 00:26:18,470
There's no locks on our doors,
no bars on our windows.
375
00:26:19,519 --> 00:26:21,423
I know what you're thinking.
376
00:26:21,531 --> 00:26:23,790
Why don't the kids just run?
377
00:26:24,236 --> 00:26:26,990
Who would choose to stay
in such a place?
378
00:26:27,276 --> 00:26:29,530
You stay because...
379
00:26:29,821 --> 00:26:34,744
deep down inside, you know
you're unfit to leave.
380
00:26:38,371 --> 00:26:40,166
Don't worry.
381
00:26:40,974 --> 00:26:42,852
We can fix that.
382
00:26:47,630 --> 00:26:51,594
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand.
383
00:27:13,364 --> 00:27:16,432
"Heart's in the right place."
What does that mean?
384
00:27:16,509 --> 00:27:18,396
Take your mask off, Wade.
385
00:27:18,473 --> 00:27:20,181
I wish you'd said "pants".
386
00:27:20,258 --> 00:27:21,462
Let's play a game.
387
00:27:21,539 --> 00:27:23,842
It's called
"Adrien Brody or Adam Brody?".
388
00:27:23,949 --> 00:27:26,433
Now, close your eyes
and open your mouth.
389
00:27:26,510 --> 00:27:28,483
You don't need
to be funny here.
390
00:27:28,772 --> 00:27:30,063
We must talk.
391
00:27:30,140 --> 00:27:32,646
You need fresh start.
392
00:27:32,723 --> 00:27:34,261
Such a glare.
393
00:27:34,343 --> 00:27:36,624
It's like I'm on stage
at the Gaiety.
394
00:27:36,701 --> 00:27:39,230
With training,
you can be X-Man.
395
00:27:39,307 --> 00:27:41,436
You're wasting your time,
Shiny Jesus.
396
00:27:41,513 --> 00:27:42,807
I'm not X-Man material.
397
00:27:42,884 --> 00:27:44,605
Understatement of the year.
398
00:27:44,930 --> 00:27:46,272
Wade, Yukio.
399
00:27:46,349 --> 00:27:47,692
Yukio, Wade.
400
00:27:48,274 --> 00:27:50,366
What in the fuck knuckles
is this?
401
00:27:50,443 --> 00:27:52,252
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.
402
00:27:52,329 --> 00:27:54,816
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
Fox & Friends.
403
00:27:54,893 --> 00:27:56,818
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.
404
00:27:56,895 --> 00:27:59,325
Especially Pinkie Pie
from My Little Pony.
405
00:27:59,568 --> 00:28:01,113
I like this guy.
406
00:28:01,454 --> 00:28:02,913
Give him a chance.
407
00:28:03,581 --> 00:28:06,616
- It's great seeing you like this.
- Ha, ha, hah.
408
00:28:07,131 --> 00:28:08,131
Bye, Wade!
409
00:28:08,242 --> 00:28:10,810
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.
410
00:28:10,992 --> 00:28:14,045
"Rule number one.
No killing...
411
00:28:14,122 --> 00:28:17,389
"anyone ever,
no matter how bad.
412
00:28:17,466 --> 00:28:20,342
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator."
413
00:28:20,541 --> 00:28:21,690
Wade?
414
00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:23,184
Wade?
415
00:28:23,392 --> 00:28:25,192
Don't try to chase me.
Wade!
416
00:28:25,269 --> 00:28:27,393
I'm not ready
to be touched again.
417
00:28:27,470 --> 00:28:29,613
All these old guys
on the wall.
418
00:28:29,690 --> 00:28:31,986
Who lives here,
Calista Flockhart?
419
00:28:33,844 --> 00:28:36,741
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!
420
00:28:37,031 --> 00:28:38,947
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?
421
00:28:39,024 --> 00:28:41,241
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?
422
00:28:41,318 --> 00:28:44,040
And how would I
do that exactly?
423
00:28:44,163 --> 00:28:46,589
'Cause where the fuck
is everyone?
424
00:28:46,666 --> 00:28:47,795
It's always just you
425
00:28:47,872 --> 00:28:49,080
and Negasonic Teenage
426
00:28:49,157 --> 00:28:50,913
- Longest Name Ever...
- Enough!
427
00:28:51,237 --> 00:28:52,772
I said no touching!
428
00:28:53,944 --> 00:28:56,944
What the... fuck?
429
00:28:57,413 --> 00:28:59,676
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.
430
00:28:59,753 --> 00:29:01,932
One that doesn't end up
in my mouth.
431
00:29:02,394 --> 00:29:03,763
The first movie
made more money
432
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,067
than the guy
who invented pants.
433
00:29:06,144 --> 00:29:08,314
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?
434
00:29:08,391 --> 00:29:10,483
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?
435
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:11,818
What do those do anyway, huh?
436
00:29:11,895 --> 00:29:13,356
Carry him
three feet off the ground
437
00:29:13,433 --> 00:29:15,446
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?
438
00:29:15,523 --> 00:29:17,620
No, no, no!
439
00:29:17,697 --> 00:29:20,446
Lam not X-Man material
at all.
440
00:29:20,523 --> 00:29:23,085
First off...
441
00:29:23,162 --> 00:29:25,741
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more...
442
00:29:27,010 --> 00:29:28,363
I should have left you
443
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:30,393
in the self-pitying mess
I found you in.
444
00:29:30,470 --> 00:29:33,286
But this is what friends do.
They show up!
445
00:29:33,363 --> 00:29:35,319
Not when convenient or easy.
446
00:29:35,396 --> 00:29:39,413
When hard,
and you always make it hard.
447
00:29:39,797 --> 00:29:42,106
You are unwell.
448
00:29:42,183 --> 00:29:44,652
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.
449
00:29:44,729 --> 00:29:46,017
Wait.
One of the assholes
450
00:29:46,094 --> 00:29:48,366
who... killed Vanessa got away.
451
00:29:50,364 --> 00:29:52,490
Oh, Jesus Christ!
452
00:29:52,567 --> 00:29:54,615
I thought you were gonna
kiss me for a second there.
453
00:29:54,692 --> 00:29:56,628
Please know I wouldn't be
able to stop you if you did.
454
00:29:56,705 --> 00:29:58,619
Wade, whoever they are...
455
00:29:58,696 --> 00:30:01,544
we track them down
and bring them to justice.
456
00:30:01,621 --> 00:30:03,002
It was me.
457
00:30:05,870 --> 00:30:07,665
I'm the asshole who got away.
458
00:30:08,581 --> 00:30:11,336
I killed every last one
of them, except me.
459
00:30:11,641 --> 00:30:13,561
Couldn't kill me.
460
00:30:16,486 --> 00:30:18,698
We were gonna start a family.
461
00:30:20,384 --> 00:30:23,203
We were, uh...
462
00:30:23,470 --> 00:30:25,390
We were gonna be a family.
463
00:30:25,887 --> 00:30:27,099
Wade...
464
00:30:27,266 --> 00:30:30,734
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.
465
00:30:31,505 --> 00:30:33,947
This may not be
family you want...
466
00:30:34,024 --> 00:30:36,172
but it's family you need.
467
00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:37,629
You have a good heart.
468
00:30:37,706 --> 00:30:40,023
It belongs here
where it can grow.
469
00:30:41,397 --> 00:30:42,836
What did you say?
470
00:30:44,339 --> 00:30:45,883
About my heart?
471
00:30:51,081 --> 00:30:53,383
I think
I'm in the right place.
472
00:32:00,776 --> 00:32:03,552
I'mma tell you
what the big lie is.
473
00:32:03,649 --> 00:32:05,204
Toilet paper.
474
00:32:05,281 --> 00:32:06,738
What's so bad
about toilet paper?
475
00:32:06,815 --> 00:32:08,212
Gets the job done.
476
00:32:08,289 --> 00:32:11,128
Does it really
get the job done?
477
00:32:11,205 --> 00:32:13,161
All right. Say you wake up
tomorrow morning...
478
00:32:13,238 --> 00:32:17,841
and, hypothetically, find some
fresh shit on your face.
479
00:32:17,918 --> 00:32:19,798
Your cheek, maybe
a little bit in the beard.
480
00:32:19,875 --> 00:32:21,097
What the hell?
I'm about to be
481
00:32:21,174 --> 00:32:22,466
- fucking sick!
- What do you do?
482
00:32:22,543 --> 00:32:23,806
Do you go to a bathroom
483
00:32:23,883 --> 00:32:25,516
and tear off
a piece of dry tissue...
484
00:32:25,593 --> 00:32:27,471
and rub it around
on your beard a little bit
485
00:32:27,548 --> 00:32:29,098
and then go on,
get on with your day?
486
00:32:29,175 --> 00:32:30,803
Go to church,
maybe dinner and a movie,
487
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:31,897
like nothing happened?
488
00:32:31,974 --> 00:32:33,389
Where is this
coming from, man?
489
00:32:33,466 --> 00:32:34,608
But something did happen.
490
00:32:34,685 --> 00:32:36,184
Your face smells like shit.
Right?
491
00:32:36,261 --> 00:32:37,736
So what you would do,
492
00:32:37,813 --> 00:32:40,104
is you would get some soap,
you'd get some hot water...
493
00:32:40,181 --> 00:32:42,408
and you would scrub
the fucking shit
494
00:32:42,485 --> 00:32:44,525
out of your beard
for 10 straight minutes.
495
00:32:44,602 --> 00:32:46,112
You could not
scrub it enough.
496
00:32:46,189 --> 00:32:47,985
Are you trying
to make me feel disgusting?
497
00:32:48,062 --> 00:32:50,048
- I'm starting to feel...
- Toilet paper is
498
00:32:50,125 --> 00:32:51,759
a plenty fine appetizer.
499
00:32:51,929 --> 00:32:54,044
But, then...
500
00:32:54,330 --> 00:32:56,435
Huggies Natural Care
wet wipes.
501
00:32:56,566 --> 00:32:58,049
That's your main course.
502
00:32:58,162 --> 00:33:01,463
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.
503
00:33:01,971 --> 00:33:04,847
Finally, one more pass
with toilet paper,
504
00:33:04,924 --> 00:33:06,807
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.
505
00:33:06,884 --> 00:33:08,512
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,
506
00:33:08,589 --> 00:33:09,926
if you can get you
a hair dryer.
507
00:33:10,003 --> 00:33:12,474
Just about 30 seconds
would do you good.
508
00:33:16,046 --> 00:33:17,283
The fuck?
509
00:33:18,158 --> 00:33:19,322
Year.
510
00:33:20,191 --> 00:33:21,330
What?
511
00:33:22,483 --> 00:33:24,174
What year is it?
512
00:33:24,251 --> 00:33:26,871
What kind of dumbass question
is that to ask?
513
00:33:57,393 --> 00:34:00,152
We have 8 weeks
of boot camp ahead of us, men.
514
00:34:00,229 --> 00:34:01,602
That'll get us
toned and prepared
515
00:34:01,679 --> 00:34:03,400
for all manner of combat.
516
00:34:05,276 --> 00:34:09,453
Not working out at all.
517
00:34:09,530 --> 00:34:11,163
Masking tape.
518
00:34:11,240 --> 00:34:13,786
It is no friend
to chilled aluminum.
519
00:34:14,659 --> 00:34:16,627
Velcro.
Color-coded, efficient,
520
00:34:16,704 --> 00:34:18,208
environmentally friendly.
521
00:34:18,539 --> 00:34:20,018
Who is he talking to?
522
00:34:20,095 --> 00:34:22,008
And why is he dressed like
a registered sex offender?
523
00:34:22,085 --> 00:34:23,842
Can we focus
for a moment, ladies?
524
00:34:23,919 --> 00:34:25,899
Please, we need to talk about
next month's meal plan.
525
00:34:25,976 --> 00:34:28,050
Obviously,
everyone hated the ceviche.
526
00:34:28,127 --> 00:34:29,464
I read the suggestion box.
527
00:34:29,541 --> 00:34:31,132
I'm gonna stop you
right there.
528
00:34:31,209 --> 00:34:33,138
I see through this weak act.
529
00:34:33,215 --> 00:34:37,533
You may have fooled Colossus
with this nice guy shit...
530
00:34:37,610 --> 00:34:38,732
but not me.
531
00:34:38,809 --> 00:34:39,932
Don't be mean.
532
00:34:40,009 --> 00:34:41,309
Back Off, NTW.
533
00:34:41,386 --> 00:34:43,487
No, no, no.Lethergo.
534
00:34:43,564 --> 00:34:44,696
Let her go, it's okay.
535
00:34:44,773 --> 00:34:46,397
She has a right
to be skeptical.
536
00:34:46,474 --> 00:34:49,238
Look at me.
I'm an easy target.
537
00:34:50,196 --> 00:34:51,574
You know, historically,
538
00:34:51,651 --> 00:34:53,497
mischief has been
my mistress...
539
00:34:53,574 --> 00:34:56,453
so I understand, you know.
But I like to think...
540
00:34:57,870 --> 00:35:00,040
that you guys have
really rubbed off on me.
541
00:35:01,207 --> 00:35:03,926
I like to think that I've
rubbed off around you, too.
542
00:35:05,252 --> 00:35:06,525
A lot.
543
00:35:07,254 --> 00:35:09,809
And for the first time
in a long while...
544
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:11,415
I like me.
545
00:35:13,344 --> 00:35:15,853
I accept your apology.
I never apologized.
546
00:35:15,930 --> 00:35:17,512
I was talking to your heart.
547
00:35:17,589 --> 00:35:19,972
See? You're not
lost cause you thought.
548
00:35:20,049 --> 00:35:23,226
I'm proud. You're everything
I knew you can be.
549
00:35:23,303 --> 00:35:24,801
Thank you, Colossus.
550
00:35:25,272 --> 00:35:26,938
Just trying to be
the world's best X-Man.
551
00:35:27,015 --> 00:35:28,887
Sorry, X-Person.
552
00:35:29,782 --> 00:35:32,652
Hmm. Something wrong
with the soap.
553
00:35:32,729 --> 00:35:34,240
It's fine.
554
00:35:34,323 --> 00:35:36,801
L just filled it. Give it
a few more pumps there.
555
00:35:37,743 --> 00:35:40,036
Now, if you'll excuse me...
556
00:35:40,287 --> 00:35:42,114
it's dust bunny season...
557
00:35:42,191 --> 00:35:43,786
and I'm hunting wabbits.
558
00:35:43,863 --> 00:35:45,095
Bye, Wade!
559
00:35:46,812 --> 00:35:48,856
Fuck.
Fuck you.
560
00:36:01,350 --> 00:36:03,794
No one is born perfect.
561
00:36:04,015 --> 00:36:05,747
But you can be.
562
00:36:06,021 --> 00:36:08,919
I know you're doing
what comes naturally.
563
00:36:12,793 --> 00:36:14,838
You can't help yourself.
564
00:36:18,367 --> 00:36:20,037
But you can.
565
00:36:20,494 --> 00:36:23,373
It takes work, discipline...
566
00:36:23,622 --> 00:36:24,980
and treatment.
567
00:36:25,068 --> 00:36:26,910
Your abilities...
568
00:36:28,544 --> 00:36:30,756
I know how seductive they are.
569
00:36:31,380 --> 00:36:33,759
How powerful
they make you feel.
570
00:36:34,550 --> 00:36:37,106
But you must learn
never to use them...
571
00:36:37,183 --> 00:36:39,932
so they will never use you.
572
00:36:46,017 --> 00:36:47,803
Please don't cry.
573
00:36:48,397 --> 00:36:49,988
I'm going to help.
574
00:36:50,065 --> 00:36:53,111
I'm gonna make you feel
what you should feel.
575
00:36:53,277 --> 00:36:54,905
How you need to feel...
576
00:36:55,821 --> 00:36:58,575
every time you're tempted
to act upon your urges.
577
00:36:59,241 --> 00:37:03,372
Suck my mutant dick,
you four-eyed fuck.
578
00:37:17,439 --> 00:37:18,858
Wade.
579
00:37:19,965 --> 00:37:21,103
Wade!
580
00:37:21,388 --> 00:37:23,438
Come in!
Hey, I was just doing
581
00:37:23,515 --> 00:37:25,269
a little bit
of light reading here...
582
00:37:25,476 --> 00:37:26,858
We have mission.
583
00:37:26,935 --> 00:37:28,517
Well, you guys be
safe out there.
584
00:37:28,594 --> 00:37:29,810
I'll be praying for you.
585
00:37:29,887 --> 00:37:32,442
No, I want you to join.
586
00:37:33,442 --> 00:37:34,649
I'm sorry, what?
587
00:37:34,726 --> 00:37:36,243
You heard me.
588
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,662
Trust me,
that's a terrible idea.
589
00:37:38,739 --> 00:37:39,862
I'm really not ready.
590
00:37:39,939 --> 00:37:41,577
You are ready.
I'm not.
591
00:37:41,654 --> 00:37:43,458
Be at the X-Jet in five.
592
00:37:43,535 --> 00:37:44,742
I can do thirty.
593
00:37:44,819 --> 00:37:46,670
Now.
I can do now.
594
00:37:46,747 --> 00:37:47,963
Final offer.
595
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,549
Irene Merryweather,
WHIT News.
596
00:37:50,626 --> 00:37:52,667
Live here
at a breaking news situation
597
00:37:52,744 --> 00:37:55,378
at the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation.
598
00:37:55,455 --> 00:37:57,306
A mutant boy
is appearing to have
599
00:37:57,383 --> 00:37:58,599
some sort of an incident...
600
00:37:58,676 --> 00:38:00,424
- with police here behind me.
- Get away from me!
601
00:38:00,501 --> 00:38:02,811
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.
602
00:38:02,888 --> 00:38:04,310
- There are open fires.
- Fuck off! Stay back!
603
00:38:04,387 --> 00:38:06,572
- A scene of absolute chaos here.
- Calm down.
604
00:38:06,649 --> 00:38:09,479
I'll burn you!
You stay back!
605
00:38:09,978 --> 00:38:11,774
Get away from me!
606
00:38:11,851 --> 00:38:13,930
You wanna fucking die?
607
00:38:29,331 --> 00:38:32,581
And it appears as if the X-Men
are arriving...
608
00:38:32,658 --> 00:38:33,830
Scatter!
609
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:35,928
With what appears
to be a trainee.
610
00:38:36,005 --> 00:38:39,162
Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...
611
00:38:39,295 --> 00:38:40,349
We're the X-Men!
612
00:38:40,426 --> 00:38:42,846
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.
613
00:38:43,053 --> 00:38:45,432
So, respect.
614
00:38:45,597 --> 00:38:47,245
At ease, Officer.
615
00:38:48,378 --> 00:38:50,131
What are you doing?
616
00:38:50,311 --> 00:38:51,568
My job.
617
00:38:51,770 --> 00:38:53,227
You're the one who said
I was ready,
618
00:38:53,304 --> 00:38:54,733
and I frankly disagreed
with you.
619
00:38:54,810 --> 00:38:57,092
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.
620
00:38:57,169 --> 00:38:59,724
Like Beyoncé says, "Please...
621
00:39:00,487 --> 00:39:01,902
"Please, stop cheating on me."
622
00:39:01,979 --> 00:39:02,990
Hey!
623
00:39:03,073 --> 00:39:04,414
This is the fifth incident.
624
00:39:04,491 --> 00:39:06,741
This kid needs to be
in the Ice Box, not here.
625
00:39:06,818 --> 00:39:08,451
Russell belongs in our care.
626
00:39:08,528 --> 00:39:10,383
Not in prison.
I assure you...
627
00:39:10,460 --> 00:39:11,805
we have everything
under control.
628
00:39:11,882 --> 00:39:13,607
- Stay back! I'll burn you!
- Not getting a real
629
00:39:13,684 --> 00:39:15,921
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.
630
00:39:15,998 --> 00:39:17,969
It is Glen, isn't it?
Daniel.
631
00:39:18,046 --> 00:39:19,336
I'll ask the questions,
Miguel.
632
00:39:19,413 --> 00:39:20,713
Let me talk to the kid.
633
00:39:20,790 --> 00:39:25,495
You stay here with your weird,
secret sex lips.
634
00:39:27,178 --> 00:39:28,968
- You wanna die?
- This kid's adorable.
635
00:39:29,045 --> 00:39:30,521
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.
636
00:39:30,598 --> 00:39:31,849
I'll burn your balls off!
637
00:39:31,926 --> 00:39:34,831
First day.
I'm so nervous!
638
00:39:35,209 --> 00:39:37,125
Did you just say
"hollow points"?
639
00:39:37,202 --> 00:39:38,412
Yeah, probably should've
640
00:39:38,489 --> 00:39:40,529
brought a Super Soaker.
641
00:39:40,861 --> 00:39:42,108
Hi, there!
642
00:39:43,139 --> 00:39:46,338
Stay back
or Justin Bieber dies!
643
00:39:46,616 --> 00:39:49,413
Justin Bieber.
He called you Justin Bieber.
644
00:39:50,484 --> 00:39:52,192
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
645
00:39:52,269 --> 00:39:55,381
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.
646
00:39:55,458 --> 00:39:56,962
Okay? Let's just talk!
647
00:39:57,039 --> 00:39:58,463
It's Russell, right?
648
00:39:58,638 --> 00:40:00,684
Firefist.
Firefist.
649
00:40:00,964 --> 00:40:03,181
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?
650
00:40:03,258 --> 00:40:05,268
Just the fist, or all the way
up to the elbow?
651
00:40:09,514 --> 00:40:11,904
Definitely all
the way up to the elbow.
652
00:40:11,981 --> 00:40:14,784
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.
653
00:40:15,030 --> 00:40:17,514
You stole that from Robocop!
That's from Robocop!
654
00:40:17,591 --> 00:40:19,284
Just stand down!
655
00:40:19,361 --> 00:40:21,931
You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire.
656
00:40:22,008 --> 00:40:23,437
Fire!
657
00:40:23,890 --> 00:40:26,292
Oh, my God! I can't say it!
I'm so sorry!
658
00:40:30,060 --> 00:40:34,141
Oh, shit!
That fucking does it!
659
00:40:34,218 --> 00:40:35,498
Put your hands
behind your knees
660
00:40:35,575 --> 00:40:37,385
and get down
on your head! Now!
661
00:40:37,475 --> 00:40:39,625
Wade!
What was first rule?
662
00:40:39,702 --> 00:40:41,420
Label everything
in the refrigerator!
663
00:40:41,497 --> 00:40:44,222
Do not escalate!
Rules are meant to be broken!
664
00:40:44,299 --> 00:40:45,756
That's the exact opposite
665
00:40:45,833 --> 00:40:47,345
of what they're meant for!
666
00:40:47,995 --> 00:40:49,665
Fuck! Fine!
667
00:40:49,965 --> 00:40:51,526
I'll start from the beginning.
668
00:40:51,658 --> 00:40:54,129
My name is Deadpool,
and I'm an X-Man.
669
00:40:54,206 --> 00:40:56,302
- Trainee!
- Shut it!
670
00:40:56,884 --> 00:40:59,495
Look, I get it.
671
00:41:00,393 --> 00:41:02,229
All right, you're scared.
672
00:41:02,522 --> 00:41:03,565
Alone.
673
00:41:03,861 --> 00:41:04,910
You got no family.
674
00:41:04,987 --> 00:41:06,068
I didn't have
a family, either.
675
00:41:06,145 --> 00:41:07,788
You live in this dump.
Guess what?
676
00:41:07,865 --> 00:41:09,785
I used to live in a shithole
just like it.
677
00:41:10,233 --> 00:41:11,675
But you know something?
678
00:41:11,780 --> 00:41:13,601
A wise woman
once said to me...
679
00:41:13,678 --> 00:41:15,006
"Speak up.
680
00:41:15,122 --> 00:41:17,542
"L can't hear you with that
pity dick in your mouth."
681
00:41:18,094 --> 00:41:20,338
Too much? I went too far.
682
00:41:27,070 --> 00:41:28,720
That was effervescent.
683
00:41:29,060 --> 00:41:31,186
Stay in school, kid.
684
00:41:31,324 --> 00:41:33,300
Or don't. I didn't.
685
00:41:33,390 --> 00:41:34,904
And I'm an X-Man.
686
00:41:34,981 --> 00:41:35,968
Trainee.
687
00:41:36,046 --> 00:41:37,265
Fuck it!
688
00:41:37,343 --> 00:41:39,304
Superhero landing coming up!
689
00:41:42,862 --> 00:41:44,555
Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!
690
00:41:44,632 --> 00:41:47,201
That is so not practical.
691
00:42:07,256 --> 00:42:09,529
I could get used
to this X-Man shit.
692
00:42:09,606 --> 00:42:10,621
Trainee!
693
00:42:10,699 --> 00:42:11,742
Trainee!
694
00:42:11,820 --> 00:42:13,677
Get a power restraint
on him. Now!
695
00:42:13,754 --> 00:42:17,102
Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.
696
00:42:18,769 --> 00:42:20,023
What's that do?
697
00:42:20,100 --> 00:42:21,671
Power-dampening collar.
698
00:42:21,795 --> 00:42:23,169
Shuts down
all mutant abilities.
699
00:42:23,246 --> 00:42:25,930
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.
700
00:42:26,007 --> 00:42:28,938
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.
701
00:42:29,015 --> 00:42:30,439
HEADMASTERI Thank you!
702
00:42:32,064 --> 00:42:34,355
That was absolutely thrilling.
703
00:42:34,432 --> 00:42:36,570
True heroism in action.
704
00:42:36,647 --> 00:42:38,489
We are in your debt.
705
00:42:39,071 --> 00:42:40,779
We can take it from here.
706
00:42:40,856 --> 00:42:42,957
Take me
to the Ice Box, please!
707
00:42:43,034 --> 00:42:44,282
Anywhere's better than here.
708
00:42:44,359 --> 00:42:45,501
Believe me, son,
709
00:42:45,578 --> 00:42:47,368
you do not wanna go
to the Ice Box.
710
00:42:47,445 --> 00:42:49,996
That place makes Hitler's anus
look like Waikiki.
711
00:42:50,073 --> 00:42:51,915
Let's get you inside,
young man.
712
00:42:51,992 --> 00:42:53,884
No, wait, wait. Wait.
713
00:42:53,961 --> 00:42:55,745
You guys stay there.
714
00:43:05,556 --> 00:43:07,393
Those guys hurt you?
715
00:43:08,601 --> 00:43:09,968
Who?
716
00:43:11,968 --> 00:43:14,956
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?
717
00:43:15,858 --> 00:43:17,570
Both of 'em?
718
00:43:21,072 --> 00:43:22,747
Oh, fuck it.
719
00:43:22,824 --> 00:43:24,447
Four or five moments!
720
00:43:24,524 --> 00:43:25,632
I'm sorry?
721
00:43:25,710 --> 00:43:28,914
Four or five moments!
722
00:43:29,956 --> 00:43:33,511
That's all it takes
to be a hero.
723
00:43:33,751 --> 00:43:35,963
People think
you wake up a hero...
724
00:43:36,165 --> 00:43:38,001
brush your teeth a hero...
725
00:43:38,382 --> 00:43:41,095
ejaculate into
a soap dispenser a hero.
726
00:43:42,593 --> 00:43:47,128
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!
727
00:43:47,682 --> 00:43:49,214
A few moments...
728
00:43:49,523 --> 00:43:52,229
doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.
729
00:43:55,565 --> 00:43:56,734
No!
730
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:00,650
Stand down!
Hold your fire!
731
00:44:00,727 --> 00:44:03,027
Wade, what did you do?
Colossus, no!
732
00:44:03,104 --> 00:44:06,432
You were right, Wade.
You are not X-Men material.
733
00:44:06,539 --> 00:44:08,790
No shit, Shiny Gandhi!
734
00:44:08,867 --> 00:44:10,381
What was your first clue?
735
00:44:10,458 --> 00:44:13,339
The hollow point
through that fuckhead's face?
736
00:44:13,416 --> 00:44:14,673
That kid was abused!
737
00:44:14,750 --> 00:44:16,754
- You can always tell!
- We have rules!
738
00:44:16,836 --> 00:44:19,590
You are notjudge,
jury or executioner!
739
00:44:19,667 --> 00:44:22,727
Fuck your rules!
I fight for what's right!
740
00:44:22,804 --> 00:44:24,639
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!
741
00:44:24,716 --> 00:44:27,909
You let me down
for the last time, Wade.
742
00:44:30,682 --> 00:44:33,016
Okay,
get these guys in the pod.
743
00:44:33,093 --> 00:44:35,397
Take them to the Ice Box.
744
00:44:55,902 --> 00:44:57,101
Hey, baby!
745
00:44:57,919 --> 00:45:00,058
I wonder what gang
I'll be in.
746
00:45:00,249 --> 00:45:01,589
Yeah!
747
00:45:01,756 --> 00:45:04,218
- Is there, like, a Sorting Hat?
- Hi.
748
00:45:05,885 --> 00:45:07,268
I've always seen myself as
749
00:45:07,345 --> 00:45:08,931
more of
an East Coast Hufflepuff.
750
00:45:10,222 --> 00:45:13,264
I've made a critical error
on my Airbnb reservation.
751
00:45:13,341 --> 00:45:17,314
This is not what the website
looked like at all.
752
00:45:18,689 --> 00:45:20,406
I love the decor though.
753
00:45:20,483 --> 00:45:22,763
I had no idea
hopeless was a color.
754
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:24,854
Hard left, douchebag.
755
00:45:28,255 --> 00:45:30,019
Please, after you.
756
00:45:31,619 --> 00:45:34,380
Another disgusting minority
off the streets.
757
00:45:34,457 --> 00:45:35,762
We'll sleep well tonight.
758
00:45:35,839 --> 00:45:36,976
Let's get a bagel.
759
00:45:39,654 --> 00:45:42,701
Nighty-night,
W“ anrwving prick!
760
00:46:18,457 --> 00:46:20,713
You're a long way
from your superpowers.
761
00:46:20,790 --> 00:46:22,920
Yeah. Just a touch of cancer.
762
00:46:23,026 --> 00:46:25,299
Not to worry,
we're old friends.
763
00:46:25,376 --> 00:46:26,470
Fuck!
764
00:46:26,632 --> 00:46:28,663
I wanted to be a superhero.
765
00:46:28,843 --> 00:46:30,842
Always wanted
a real super suit.
766
00:46:30,919 --> 00:46:32,394
What happened?
767
00:46:32,471 --> 00:46:35,155
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?
768
00:46:35,481 --> 00:46:36,649
Never.
769
00:46:37,078 --> 00:46:39,082
The industry discriminates.
770
00:46:39,801 --> 00:46:41,554
Fuck superheroes.
771
00:46:41,772 --> 00:46:44,094
The thing that
pisses me off the most...
772
00:46:44,206 --> 00:46:46,251
I never stood up
for myself in there.
773
00:46:47,590 --> 00:46:49,881
My whole life.
774
00:46:50,489 --> 00:46:54,161
I've been waiting for someone
to come and save me.
775
00:46:56,502 --> 00:46:59,673
Nobody's gonna sacrifice
anything for me.
776
00:47:03,733 --> 00:47:06,195
I gotta start taking care
of myself.
777
00:47:07,251 --> 00:47:09,296
I have a mission now.
778
00:47:10,016 --> 00:47:12,618
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...
779
00:47:12,742 --> 00:47:14,958
burn the headmaster alive...
780
00:47:15,156 --> 00:47:17,678
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.
781
00:47:18,691 --> 00:47:22,152
Aw. That's, like,
my favorite part of the Bible.
782
00:47:22,831 --> 00:47:24,960
I don't have
a sock puppet on me...
783
00:47:25,570 --> 00:47:27,240
but what did he do to you?
784
00:47:27,485 --> 00:47:29,143
Did he taste the rainbow?
785
00:47:29,220 --> 00:47:31,855
I'd whisper it,
but Skittles would sue us.
786
00:47:32,462 --> 00:47:34,441
Fucker hates mutants.
787
00:47:34,664 --> 00:47:36,622
He tried to beat
the genes out of us.
788
00:47:36,699 --> 00:47:39,621
Nothing worse than a "pray
the gay away" type guy.
789
00:47:39,705 --> 00:47:41,535
Sick piece of shit.
790
00:47:42,703 --> 00:47:46,269
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...
791
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,379
and we'll make him our bitch!
792
00:47:52,508 --> 00:47:54,059
What was that?
793
00:47:54,136 --> 00:47:56,307
That is the biggest guy
in here.
794
00:47:56,764 --> 00:47:58,814
Fun fact about the Ice Box...
795
00:47:58,891 --> 00:48:00,728
though no one's ever seen it,
796
00:48:00,805 --> 00:48:03,017
they keep a monster
in the basement.
797
00:48:03,094 --> 00:48:04,737
Right next to a huge,
798
00:48:04,814 --> 00:48:06,746
steaming bowl
of foreshadowing.
799
00:48:06,982 --> 00:48:08,289
Look.
800
00:48:08,984 --> 00:48:11,113
I can't protect you.
801
00:48:11,278 --> 00:48:12,485
With this collar on,
802
00:48:12,562 --> 00:48:15,581
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.
803
00:48:15,658 --> 00:48:18,910
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.
804
00:48:19,161 --> 00:48:21,285
Now, if you'll excuse me...
805
00:48:21,362 --> 00:48:24,465
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.
806
00:48:24,542 --> 00:48:26,967
I'll start by making us
a shank.
807
00:48:27,044 --> 00:48:29,001
Good listening.
I stole that guard's pen...
808
00:48:29,078 --> 00:48:31,003
and stashed it
in the old prison wallet,
809
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:32,463
if you know what I'm saying.
810
00:48:32,540 --> 00:48:35,137
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.
811
00:48:37,012 --> 00:48:39,387
I know it's in there,
I just need to get it out.
812
00:48:39,464 --> 00:48:41,482
Oh, Jesus Christ.
813
00:48:41,559 --> 00:48:44,021
I can hear you
rummaging around in there.
814
00:48:44,228 --> 00:48:46,565
Do they make Purell
for your ears?
815
00:48:51,152 --> 00:48:52,493
And to update you
816
00:48:52,570 --> 00:48:53,985
on the story reported earlier,
817
00:48:54,062 --> 00:48:55,537
after a lengthy standoff
818
00:48:55,614 --> 00:48:58,327
outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...
819
00:48:58,404 --> 00:48:59,740
two mutants were arrested
820
00:48:59,817 --> 00:49:01,512
and transported
to the Ice Box...
821
00:49:01,589 --> 00:49:03,488
Entering repair mode.
822
00:49:07,334 --> 00:49:08,791
Several
police cars were destroyed
823
00:49:08,868 --> 00:49:11,433
and the X-Men were called in
to restore order.
824
00:49:32,026 --> 00:49:33,992
Cells seven and nine
825
00:49:34,069 --> 00:49:37,412
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
826
00:49:37,489 --> 00:49:39,030
Cells seven and nine
827
00:49:39,107 --> 00:49:41,995
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
828
00:49:43,537 --> 00:49:44,914
Psst!
829
00:49:47,208 --> 00:49:49,253
Don't do that.
830
00:49:49,627 --> 00:49:52,673
What? Why are you
winking at me?
831
00:49:56,321 --> 00:49:57,779
I got your back.
832
00:49:57,856 --> 00:49:58,957
Oh, my God.
833
00:49:59,034 --> 00:50:00,576
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.
834
00:50:00,653 --> 00:50:02,707
Just leave me alone, kid.
835
00:50:03,678 --> 00:50:04,763
Oh, great.
836
00:50:06,310 --> 00:50:08,924
Well, hello there, new fish.
837
00:50:09,110 --> 00:50:11,942
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.
838
00:50:12,019 --> 00:50:14,199
I've done some
light catalog work...
839
00:50:14,276 --> 00:50:16,817
but, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.
840
00:50:16,894 --> 00:50:19,238
L was talking to him.
Oh.
841
00:50:19,836 --> 00:50:23,000
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.
842
00:50:23,077 --> 00:50:25,798
Black Tom Cassidy.
White Wade Wilson.
843
00:50:25,875 --> 00:50:29,062
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?
844
00:50:29,139 --> 00:50:31,831
You're supposed to be
the toughest cunt in here.
845
00:50:31,908 --> 00:50:34,113
You don't look
like much to me.
846
00:50:34,463 --> 00:50:36,889
First rule of the yard,
fuckface...
847
00:50:36,966 --> 00:50:38,910
find the biggest guy
and make him your...
848
00:50:42,846 --> 00:50:45,022
Second biggest guy.
849
00:50:45,099 --> 00:50:47,561
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.
850
00:50:47,638 --> 00:50:51,111
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!
851
00:50:51,188 --> 00:50:53,097
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?
852
00:50:54,316 --> 00:50:56,570
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.
853
00:50:56,647 --> 00:50:59,384
No, I didn't!
He's my friend!
854
00:50:59,461 --> 00:51:01,816
Zip it. We're not friends.
855
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:04,610
You're about to get
dick-slapped.
856
00:51:05,202 --> 00:51:07,873
(UNMATESSHOUHNG)
857
00:51:16,328 --> 00:51:18,342
I had so much fun!
You were like...
858
00:51:18,419 --> 00:51:20,601
And I was like,
"Take a seat, shit dick."
859
00:51:20,678 --> 00:51:22,261
Just let me die in peace.
860
00:51:22,338 --> 00:51:24,393
We make a great team!
861
00:51:24,470 --> 00:51:26,534
Oh, God! We're not a team.
862
00:51:26,611 --> 00:51:31,642
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.
863
00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:34,168
We're not partners
or friends.
864
00:51:35,555 --> 00:51:37,820
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.
865
00:51:37,897 --> 00:51:39,843
It ends with me
dying of cancer...
866
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:43,558
and you winning the Ice Box
award for softest mouth.
867
00:51:44,992 --> 00:51:46,731
There's only one person
in this world
868
00:51:46,808 --> 00:51:48,738
that I care about,
and she's gone.
869
00:51:50,205 --> 00:51:52,417
You wanna survive?
870
00:51:53,417 --> 00:51:56,707
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...
871
00:51:56,925 --> 00:51:58,975
and make friends with them.
872
00:52:00,182 --> 00:52:01,977
Make friends with someone.
873
00:52:03,026 --> 00:52:04,821
Anyone but me.
874
00:52:05,764 --> 00:52:08,310
Maybe even Black Tim.
875
00:52:08,807 --> 00:52:10,431
Black Evan, I don't know.
876
00:52:10,508 --> 00:52:13,207
All I remember is
he was African-American.
877
00:52:58,594 --> 00:53:00,591
System malfunctioning.
878
00:53:00,668 --> 00:53:03,869
Cells 7,12,14,27.
879
00:53:03,946 --> 00:53:06,237
Back in your cells, you filthy
mutants! Get in there!
880
00:53:06,314 --> 00:53:09,972
Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.
881
00:53:11,305 --> 00:53:12,682
Searching.
882
00:53:13,335 --> 00:53:16,551
Cell 04 located.
883
00:53:17,418 --> 00:53:19,347
Door won't open!
884
00:53:19,586 --> 00:53:21,746
On your fucking knees!
885
00:53:58,331 --> 00:54:00,386
That was our cell.
886
00:54:02,004 --> 00:54:04,640
What did I do to piss off
a grumpy old fucker
887
00:54:04,717 --> 00:54:06,754
with a Winter Soldier arm?
888
00:54:14,766 --> 00:54:17,129
Get away from me, kid!
889
00:54:24,418 --> 00:54:26,112
Listen to me! Go!
890
00:54:31,033 --> 00:54:33,012
Hello, Russell.
891
00:55:55,788 --> 00:55:58,042
I don't bargain.
892
00:56:16,202 --> 00:56:17,752
Who are you?
893
00:56:18,016 --> 00:56:19,697
I'm Batman.
894
00:56:30,664 --> 00:56:31,984
Ooh!
895
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:39,488
Oh. That's got some zip.
896
00:56:47,669 --> 00:56:50,867
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.
897
00:56:51,173 --> 00:56:52,379
Talk!
898
00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:54,544
What kind of
spineless shit stick
899
00:56:54,621 --> 00:56:56,695
tries to kill
a 14-year-old boy?
900
00:56:57,262 --> 00:56:58,730
You might wanna start talking!
901
00:56:58,807 --> 00:57:01,586
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!
902
00:57:02,434 --> 00:57:04,145
The name's Cable.
903
00:57:04,478 --> 00:57:07,659
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.
904
00:57:07,814 --> 00:57:09,107
Oh!
905
00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:10,861
So, you're from the future.
906
00:57:11,193 --> 00:57:13,128
I have
three questions then.
907
00:57:13,210 --> 00:57:16,575
One, is dubstep still a thing?
908
00:57:16,823 --> 00:57:19,391
Two, do people still homebrew?
909
00:57:19,468 --> 00:57:22,448
And three,
does Dopinder ever find love?
910
00:58:06,123 --> 00:58:07,913
Dubstep's for pussies.
911
00:58:07,990 --> 00:58:09,209
You're so dark!
912
00:58:09,286 --> 00:58:11,969
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?
913
00:58:12,129 --> 00:58:13,954
I love dubstep!
914
00:58:39,948 --> 00:58:41,503
Is that a fanny pack?
915
00:58:41,580 --> 00:58:44,591
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.
916
00:58:45,213 --> 00:58:47,161
Something to remember you by.
917
00:58:47,238 --> 00:58:50,882
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.
918
00:58:50,959 --> 00:58:54,154
Like the memory
of your fucking fanny pack!
919
00:59:03,194 --> 00:59:05,740
Why are you protecting
the kid?
920
00:59:06,467 --> 00:59:08,911
I don't give a fuck
about him...
921
00:59:09,236 --> 00:59:12,107
and his Are You My Mother?
Complex!
922
00:59:13,884 --> 00:59:15,732
What's this one do?
923
00:59:29,124 --> 00:59:30,790
In every film,
there's a moment
924
00:59:30,867 --> 00:59:33,068
when the hero
hits rock bottom.
925
00:59:33,212 --> 00:59:35,254
In Cool Runnings,
it was when John Candy's
926
00:59:35,331 --> 00:59:36,760
prized bobsled broke.
927
00:59:36,924 --> 00:59:39,714
In Human Centipede,
it was when those people...
928
00:59:39,791 --> 00:59:41,483
signed on to be in that movie.
929
00:59:41,632 --> 00:59:43,599
But in this film, well...
930
00:59:43,887 --> 00:59:45,363
you're looking at it.
931
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:47,693
On your fucking knees, mutant.
932
00:59:50,272 --> 00:59:51,693
Rock...
933
00:59:54,826 --> 00:59:56,732
meet bottom.
934
01:00:06,827 --> 01:00:08,318
I love you, Wade Wilson.
935
01:00:08,395 --> 01:00:09,531
Ness?
936
01:00:10,379 --> 01:00:11,838
Hey, Ness!
937
01:00:12,744 --> 01:00:14,463
Ness, can you let me in?
938
01:00:14,540 --> 01:00:17,209
Please! Please.
939
01:00:19,071 --> 01:00:20,678
Jesus.
940
01:00:22,758 --> 01:00:24,550
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.
941
01:00:24,627 --> 01:00:26,556
I'm at the end of my rope.
942
01:00:29,123 --> 01:00:31,502
Then I joined the X-Men.
943
01:00:31,943 --> 01:00:33,892
I went to prison. I, uh...
944
01:00:37,392 --> 01:00:39,104
ls it the kid?
945
01:00:40,851 --> 01:00:44,095
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.
946
01:00:45,073 --> 01:00:46,186
The kid!
947
01:00:59,926 --> 01:01:01,921
That's exactly what she meant.
948
01:01:01,998 --> 01:01:03,052
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.
949
01:01:03,129 --> 01:01:04,837
I'm not gonna
abandon this kid.
950
01:01:04,914 --> 01:01:06,814
He's never had anyone, ever.
951
01:01:07,612 --> 01:01:09,053
I need to be selfless.
952
01:01:09,131 --> 01:01:10,892
Yeah, but what does
that mean?
953
01:01:10,969 --> 01:01:14,234
It means
I'm gonna save Russell.
954
01:01:14,311 --> 01:01:15,806
Maybe I couldn't
save Vanessa...
955
01:01:15,889 --> 01:01:18,613
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.
956
01:01:18,690 --> 01:01:20,772
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."
957
01:01:20,849 --> 01:01:22,437
I literally don't know
what that means.
958
01:01:22,514 --> 01:01:23,609
Jesus Christ.
959
01:01:23,686 --> 01:01:26,452
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...
960
01:01:26,529 --> 01:01:28,196
those muties
are being transferred
961
01:01:28,273 --> 01:01:30,280
to a supermax, 80 miles away.
962
01:01:30,357 --> 01:01:32,169
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.
963
01:01:32,246 --> 01:01:34,124
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?
964
01:01:34,201 --> 01:01:36,272
We're talking about
an armored convoy...
965
01:01:36,349 --> 01:01:39,155
and a vicious super soldier
from the future...
966
01:01:39,232 --> 01:01:41,591
that is looking to turn your
skull into a fuckable ashtray.
967
01:01:41,668 --> 01:01:42,974
You know what we need to do?
968
01:01:43,051 --> 01:01:45,017
We need to build
a fucking team.
969
01:01:45,099 --> 01:01:47,046
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...
970
01:01:47,123 --> 01:01:48,263
and young enough
so they can carry
971
01:01:48,340 --> 01:01:49,575
this franchise 10 to 12 years.
972
01:01:49,652 --> 01:01:51,645
A team of
highly-skilled motherfuckers.
973
01:01:51,722 --> 01:01:54,835
I'm talking about some
Ocean's 14 shit. Rogue Two.
974
01:01:54,912 --> 01:01:57,186
John Wick 3, but with
the original director.
975
01:01:57,263 --> 01:01:58,887
My body is an
instrument of death.
976
01:01:58,964 --> 01:02:00,010
Not now, Dopinder.
977
01:02:00,087 --> 01:02:01,767
I could be of great use.
978
01:02:01,996 --> 01:02:03,754
What's your superpower?
979
01:02:05,236 --> 01:02:06,870
Courage.
That's adorable.
980
01:02:06,947 --> 01:02:08,655
Do you have the courage
to check and see...
981
01:02:08,732 --> 01:02:11,345
if there are enough sanitary
napkins in the dispenser?
982
01:02:11,422 --> 01:02:12,349
Yes, sir.
983
01:02:12,427 --> 01:02:13,492
I'm sorry
you had to see that,
984
01:02:13,569 --> 01:02:15,634
although I'm glad
you heard it.
985
01:02:15,872 --> 01:02:17,989
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.
986
01:02:18,066 --> 01:02:20,191
But we're not paying
medical or dental.
987
01:02:20,271 --> 01:02:22,488
It's time to get back
on Linkedln.
988
01:02:59,040 --> 01:03:00,673
Attention, all inmates!
989
01:03:00,750 --> 01:03:03,530
Transport to Cross Force
Maximum Security
990
01:03:03,607 --> 01:03:05,028
Mutant Containment Facility...
991
01:03:05,105 --> 01:03:06,866
will begin at 0800 hours.
992
01:03:06,943 --> 01:03:09,309
Inspection of your cells
and out processing
993
01:03:09,386 --> 01:03:11,188
will begin at 0600.
994
01:03:19,144 --> 01:03:20,145
Oi.
995
01:03:20,263 --> 01:03:21,685
What the fuck
do you want?
996
01:03:21,762 --> 01:03:23,488
That's my fucking pudding.
997
01:03:23,565 --> 01:03:25,407
Fuck your pudding!
You like pudding?
998
01:03:46,852 --> 01:03:48,154
Hello?
999
01:03:50,046 --> 01:03:52,063
I know you're in there.
1000
01:04:08,088 --> 01:04:10,592
Must be hard
being the biggest guy in here.
1001
01:04:11,763 --> 01:04:13,948
Lonely at the top, eh?
1002
01:04:14,025 --> 01:04:16,603
They're moving us tomorrow.
1003
01:04:18,438 --> 01:04:20,442
Maybe I can get you
out of here.
1004
01:04:21,537 --> 01:04:24,954
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.
1005
01:04:26,587 --> 01:04:28,549
We need a secret code.
1006
01:04:30,697 --> 01:04:33,534
No,
that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.
1007
01:04:40,808 --> 01:04:42,546
We're a team.
1008
01:04:42,753 --> 01:04:44,980
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.
1009
01:04:45,057 --> 01:04:47,136
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like Ice Cube.
1010
01:04:48,191 --> 01:04:49,329
Supposedly,
she can rap, too.
1011
01:04:49,406 --> 01:04:50,674
DEADPOOLI Yeah.
1012
01:04:50,751 --> 01:04:51,786
I like that.
1013
01:04:51,863 --> 01:04:53,424
Terrific,
these are all terrific.
1014
01:04:53,501 --> 01:04:54,954
Meet Bedlam.
1015
01:04:55,031 --> 01:04:57,364
Cool name! Superpowers?
1016
01:04:57,441 --> 01:04:59,147
I can distort
electrical fields.
1017
01:05:00,078 --> 01:05:02,327
Including the one
inside your brain...
1018
01:05:02,404 --> 01:05:05,148
causing anxiety, confusion...
1019
01:05:05,298 --> 01:05:06,487
Dam
1020
01:05:07,486 --> 01:05:09,375
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.
1021
01:05:09,452 --> 01:05:10,755
We can use him.
1022
01:05:12,425 --> 01:05:13,806
I'm Zeitgeist.
1023
01:05:13,883 --> 01:05:15,080
Cool. I like it.
1024
01:05:15,157 --> 01:05:16,707
So you have the power
1025
01:05:16,784 --> 01:05:19,803
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?
1026
01:05:19,931 --> 01:05:21,057
No.
1027
01:05:21,141 --> 01:05:22,928
No, I spit acidic vomit.
1028
01:05:23,005 --> 01:05:24,018
Oh.
1029
01:05:24,096 --> 01:05:25,590
- Do you want me to demonstrate?
- No!
1030
01:05:25,667 --> 01:05:26,690
- We'll take your word for it.
- Thank you. Yeah.
1031
01:05:26,767 --> 01:05:29,291
Listen, we've
all eaten at Arby's, okay?
1032
01:05:29,368 --> 01:05:31,903
And this is the Vanisher.
1033
01:05:35,137 --> 01:05:36,308
But...
1034
01:05:37,416 --> 01:05:38,972
Vanisher!
1035
01:05:41,202 --> 01:05:43,460
Nice!
Right?
1036
01:05:44,164 --> 01:05:45,328
He's not here, is he?
1037
01:05:45,405 --> 01:05:47,085
He may be running late.
1038
01:05:48,459 --> 01:05:51,130
My name's Rusty,
but I go by Shatterstar.
1039
01:05:51,337 --> 01:05:52,627
That's good, yeah.
1040
01:05:52,704 --> 01:05:54,722
"Rusty" is terrible.
Toughie.
1041
01:05:54,799 --> 01:05:57,600
So, uh, where are you from?
The planet Mojo World.
1042
01:05:57,677 --> 01:05:59,759
So you're an alien, I guess.
Bad name.
1043
01:05:59,836 --> 01:06:01,469
How does that, uh, help us?
1044
01:06:01,546 --> 01:06:04,357
I'm basically better
than you at everything.
1045
01:06:04,434 --> 01:06:06,410
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people
1046
01:06:06,487 --> 01:06:07,986
that are worse than me
at everything.
1047
01:06:08,063 --> 01:06:09,903
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.
1048
01:06:09,980 --> 01:06:12,322
I'm gonna go there, and I'm
gonna be their Superman.
1049
01:06:12,399 --> 01:06:13,408
Isn't that Canada?
1050
01:06:13,485 --> 01:06:15,866
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!
1051
01:06:16,590 --> 01:06:18,246
Meet...
Domino.
1052
01:06:18,323 --> 01:06:20,444
What's your shtick?
I'm lucky.
1053
01:06:20,684 --> 01:06:21,791
That's not a superpower.
1054
01:06:21,868 --> 01:06:23,142
- Yeah, it is.
- No, it isn't.
1055
01:06:23,219 --> 01:06:24,166
- Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.
1056
01:06:24,243 --> 01:06:25,373
- Yeah, it is.
- No, it isn't.
1057
01:06:25,450 --> 01:06:26,524
- Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.
1058
01:06:26,601 --> 01:06:27,632
- Yeah, it is.
- Really isn't.
1059
01:06:27,709 --> 01:06:28,885
- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.
1060
01:06:28,962 --> 01:06:29,962
Told you.
1061
01:06:30,043 --> 01:06:31,446
Get out of my head!
1062
01:06:31,523 --> 01:06:33,010
I'm not in your head.
1063
01:06:33,087 --> 01:06:34,585
I'm in an
11-year-old's bedroom.
1064
01:06:34,662 --> 01:06:35,978
Well, if you're so lucky,
1065
01:06:36,055 --> 01:06:37,297
then what are you
doing here with us?
1066
01:06:37,374 --> 01:06:39,524
- I don't know yet.
- What's that supposed to mean?
1067
01:06:39,601 --> 01:06:41,617
There's a reason why I'm here,
and I'll know when I know.
1068
01:06:41,694 --> 01:06:43,452
Everything usually
just kind of works out for me.
1069
01:06:43,529 --> 01:06:45,397
Like 2008 Ryan Reynolds.
1070
01:06:46,448 --> 01:06:47,614
I don't know who that is.
1071
01:06:47,691 --> 01:06:48,980
You're hired.
1072
01:06:49,057 --> 01:06:50,111
Lucky me.
1073
01:06:50,189 --> 01:06:51,831
DEADPOOLI I like her!
1074
01:06:52,345 --> 01:06:53,786
And last, but not least...
1075
01:06:53,970 --> 01:06:55,060
Peter.
1076
01:06:56,490 --> 01:06:58,660
Am I getting
catfished here or...?
1077
01:06:58,905 --> 01:07:00,862
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?
1078
01:07:00,939 --> 01:07:02,385
- PETER;
- No.
1079
01:07:02,492 --> 01:07:04,195
I don't have one.
1080
01:07:04,272 --> 01:07:05,617
Um, I just saw the ad.
1081
01:07:05,694 --> 01:07:07,131
No superpowers at all?
1082
01:07:07,208 --> 01:07:11,002
Uh, I have both
Type 1 and 2 Diabetes.
1083
01:07:11,079 --> 01:07:12,108
OW! Oh!
1084
01:07:12,186 --> 01:07:13,551
That's all the diabetes.
1085
01:07:13,628 --> 01:07:15,084
Right?
Yeah, you got 'em all.
1086
01:07:15,161 --> 01:07:17,091
If you find a Type 3,
let us know.
1087
01:07:17,265 --> 01:07:18,383
Yeah.
1088
01:07:18,466 --> 01:07:19,663
You're in.
1089
01:07:19,749 --> 01:07:21,345
Yeah.
Fuck!
1090
01:07:23,660 --> 01:07:25,288
It's fulfilling work.
1091
01:07:30,019 --> 01:07:31,444
Let's go!
1092
01:07:44,951 --> 01:07:48,002
GUARD". This is Convoy 17
departing the Ice Box.
1093
01:07:48,079 --> 01:07:49,592
We are en route.
1094
01:07:56,670 --> 01:07:59,257
Peacetime makes people soft.
1095
01:08:00,397 --> 01:08:02,588
I was born into war.
1096
01:08:03,962 --> 01:08:05,502
Bred into it.
1097
01:08:06,146 --> 01:08:07,279
Okay.
1098
01:08:08,147 --> 01:08:10,728
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?
1099
01:08:12,510 --> 01:08:13,801
These restraints are pretty...
1100
01:08:13,878 --> 01:08:15,661
People think
they understand pain.
1101
01:08:15,738 --> 01:08:17,252
They have no concept of it
1102
01:08:17,329 --> 01:08:19,814
beyond their own
worst experience.
1103
01:08:20,826 --> 01:08:23,720
5 years old. That's what?
1104
01:08:24,069 --> 01:08:25,326
A bee sting.
1105
01:08:25,403 --> 01:08:26,451
Oh, yeah.
1106
01:08:26,534 --> 01:08:29,257
20 years old, shrapnel.
1107
01:08:29,334 --> 01:08:31,838
40 years old, disease.
1108
01:08:32,139 --> 01:08:36,363
Maybe the kind that leaves you
more machine than man.
1109
01:08:36,499 --> 01:08:38,236
Yeah, getting old's
not for sissies.
1110
01:08:38,313 --> 01:08:40,171
That's what my
Grandma Ginny used to...
1111
01:08:40,248 --> 01:08:41,387
I've got a list.
1112
01:08:41,549 --> 01:08:43,719
We're gonna work down it.
1113
01:08:44,397 --> 01:08:45,703
Together.
1114
01:08:46,651 --> 01:08:49,199
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.
1115
01:08:49,774 --> 01:08:52,176
Something that was not
meant to bend.
1116
01:08:52,256 --> 01:08:53,306
I'm gonna
stop you right there
1117
01:08:53,383 --> 01:08:54,531
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.
1118
01:08:54,608 --> 01:08:55,907
I won't even
make it to one.
1119
01:08:55,984 --> 01:08:57,652
I don't do well with pain,
you know.
1120
01:08:57,729 --> 01:09:00,165
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.
1121
01:09:00,242 --> 01:09:02,293
I cried when they
canceled Felicity.
1122
01:09:02,399 --> 01:09:04,749
When I get really scared,
I get nervous erections.
1123
01:09:04,826 --> 01:09:05,853
I have one right now.
1124
01:09:05,930 --> 01:09:07,470
Don't look.
It'll only make it worse.
1125
01:09:07,547 --> 01:09:08,702
I don't want you
to hurt me,
1126
01:09:08,779 --> 01:09:11,199
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.
1127
01:09:11,759 --> 01:09:13,596
Except for where they are.
1128
01:09:13,970 --> 01:09:15,716
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound
1129
01:09:15,793 --> 01:09:17,317
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.
1130
01:09:17,394 --> 01:09:18,916
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't fuck with him.
1131
01:09:18,993 --> 01:09:21,242
You all know the plan.
Intercept the convoy,
1132
01:09:21,319 --> 01:09:23,480
grab the boy.
But not inappropriately!
1133
01:09:23,557 --> 01:09:25,892
You know what, I wouldn't
fuck with Deadpool either.
1134
01:09:25,969 --> 01:09:28,564
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.
1135
01:09:28,641 --> 01:09:31,318
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.
1136
01:09:31,395 --> 01:09:33,934
Watch out for this guy, Cable!
1137
01:09:34,011 --> 01:09:37,152
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.
1138
01:09:37,229 --> 01:09:39,785
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.
1139
01:09:39,862 --> 01:09:42,225
So if you go after
them, Cable, I warn you...
1140
01:09:43,228 --> 01:09:45,287
there's a wind advisory
in effect.
1141
01:09:56,158 --> 01:09:58,279
A little turbulent up here.
1142
01:10:05,167 --> 01:10:06,962
I don't know much
about this Cable fella...
1143
01:10:07,039 --> 01:10:08,345
but I guarantee
he hasn't killed
1144
01:10:08,422 --> 01:10:10,381
as many people
as melanoma has.
1145
01:10:11,548 --> 01:10:13,033
We're getting close!
1146
01:10:13,110 --> 01:10:14,641
As a former X-Man...
1147
01:10:14,718 --> 01:10:16,602
Trainee.
Thank you, Bedlam.
1148
01:10:16,679 --> 01:10:19,720
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism
1149
01:10:19,797 --> 01:10:22,443
in the group's name.
X-Men! Men!
1150
01:10:22,700 --> 01:10:25,608
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.
1151
01:10:25,685 --> 01:10:26,966
Gender neutral.
1152
01:10:27,043 --> 01:10:29,740
From now on,
we'll be known as...
1153
01:10:31,651 --> 01:10:32,986
X-Force.
1154
01:10:33,195 --> 01:10:34,705
Isn't that
a little derivative?
1155
01:10:34,782 --> 01:10:37,654
I don't recall asking
your opinion, Peter!
1156
01:10:38,532 --> 01:10:40,202
That wasn't me.
1157
01:10:46,995 --> 01:10:49,350
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...
1158
01:10:49,427 --> 01:10:51,418
intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.
1159
01:10:51,495 --> 01:10:52,798
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!
1160
01:10:52,875 --> 01:10:54,463
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!
1161
01:10:54,540 --> 01:10:55,540
Yeah!
1162
01:10:55,627 --> 01:10:57,383
I can't wait to kill!
1163
01:10:57,460 --> 01:10:59,959
Hey! Hey! Hey!
I just...
1164
01:11:00,101 --> 01:11:02,592
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.
1165
01:11:02,742 --> 01:11:05,586
You know,
you guys look amazing!
1166
01:11:05,663 --> 01:11:08,507
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.
1167
01:11:08,584 --> 01:11:11,646
This is the family that I've
always dreamed of having and I...
1168
01:11:11,913 --> 01:11:13,580
Ah, Shit.
1169
01:11:14,957 --> 01:11:16,798
I just get a little choked up
sometimes.
1170
01:11:16,875 --> 01:11:18,884
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous
1171
01:11:18,961 --> 01:11:20,035
about the high winds?
1172
01:11:20,112 --> 01:11:21,375
- Gary.
- My name's Peter.
1173
01:11:21,452 --> 01:11:23,372
I realize that you're
new to this, but relax.
1174
01:11:23,449 --> 01:11:25,045
You've been chosen
by a higher power.
1175
01:11:25,122 --> 01:11:27,181
- Did he just call himself God?
- I think he did.
1176
01:11:27,258 --> 01:11:29,021
- I'd like to go home.
- And I'd like...
1177
01:11:29,121 --> 01:11:31,378
the McRib to be available
year round,
1178
01:11:31,455 --> 01:11:33,329
but sometimes dreams
don't come true.
1179
01:11:33,406 --> 01:11:35,467
I spent 10 years
in Special Forces.
1180
01:11:35,544 --> 01:11:36,947
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane
1181
01:11:37,024 --> 01:11:38,666
because of a light breeze?
1182
01:11:38,743 --> 01:11:41,050
You're in this shit now,
Mustache!
1183
01:11:41,127 --> 01:11:43,277
I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.
1184
01:11:43,354 --> 01:11:45,431
I'd never let anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.
1185
01:11:45,508 --> 01:11:47,850
Leonard, hit it!
1186
01:11:56,487 --> 01:11:58,740
Go! Go! Go!
1187
01:12:34,233 --> 01:12:35,689
Let's get some!
1188
01:12:35,766 --> 01:12:36,819
Whoo!
1189
01:12:36,902 --> 01:12:38,028
Oh, yeah!
1190
01:12:38,111 --> 01:12:41,271
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!
1191
01:12:41,849 --> 01:12:43,531
Deploy! Oh, hey now!
1192
01:12:43,608 --> 01:12:44,785
Whoa!
1193
01:12:50,040 --> 01:12:52,350
Little off course here.
1194
01:12:54,127 --> 01:12:57,174
Holy mommy fucking shit!
1195
01:12:57,714 --> 01:12:59,213
Ah, there they are.
1196
01:12:59,290 --> 01:13:02,687
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches.
1197
01:13:02,845 --> 01:13:04,973
Oh, yeah!
That's right, Bedlam!
1198
01:13:09,867 --> 01:13:13,997
No! Tripping
motherfucking billies!
1199
01:13:14,189 --> 01:13:17,530
Shatterstar.
Okay, you got this.
1200
01:13:18,026 --> 01:13:19,027
Left!
1201
01:13:19,111 --> 01:13:20,445
Left!
1202
01:13:20,529 --> 01:13:22,820
You'd have to be insane
to take off in this.
1203
01:13:22,897 --> 01:13:25,264
No, stage left, you idiot!
1204
01:13:28,954 --> 01:13:30,536
Well, I guess
we found something
1205
01:13:30,613 --> 01:13:32,127
you're not better at.
1206
01:13:33,411 --> 01:13:34,704
Vanisher.
1207
01:13:35,076 --> 01:13:37,227
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.
1208
01:13:40,090 --> 01:13:41,515
On! Really?
1209
01:13:41,592 --> 01:13:43,456
All right,
we could do this with four.
1210
01:13:43,533 --> 01:13:46,937
Sugarbear.
You got this, buddy!
1211
01:13:47,014 --> 01:13:49,648
That's the stuff!
That's the X-Force spirit!
1212
01:13:50,051 --> 01:13:52,437
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!
1213
01:13:52,514 --> 01:13:54,128
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.
1214
01:13:54,205 --> 01:13:55,349
Ha, hah!
We did it!
1215
01:13:55,426 --> 01:13:57,083
You're a goddamn
superhero, you!
1216
01:13:57,160 --> 01:13:58,170
X-Force!
1217
01:13:58,413 --> 01:13:59,848
X-Force.
1218
01:14:04,072 --> 01:14:05,949
Oh!
1219
01:14:09,441 --> 01:14:10,442
Peter.
1220
01:14:10,520 --> 01:14:11,753
I got you, buddy!
1221
01:14:11,830 --> 01:14:12,953
You're gonna be fine!
This is not good, man!
1222
01:14:13,030 --> 01:14:15,590
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!
1223
01:14:15,667 --> 01:14:17,660
Look at me.
We're X-Force, right?
1224
01:14:17,737 --> 01:14:20,336
Yeah, we're X-Force.
We're X-Force.
1225
01:14:23,342 --> 01:14:25,195
Oh, my God!
What the fuck?
1226
01:14:25,272 --> 01:14:27,386
Fucking acidic vomit!
1227
01:14:28,972 --> 01:14:31,977
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.
1228
01:14:34,704 --> 01:14:37,150
Okay,
I'm over the convoy.
1229
01:14:37,227 --> 01:14:39,272
Where did the rest
of the team land?
1230
01:14:39,720 --> 01:14:41,331
Good news and bad news.
1231
01:14:41,408 --> 01:14:44,532
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.
1232
01:14:44,655 --> 01:14:45,745
The good news is,
1233
01:14:45,822 --> 01:14:48,050
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.
1234
01:14:48,127 --> 01:14:50,816
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!
1235
01:14:50,893 --> 01:14:51,883
Peter!
1236
01:14:51,960 --> 01:14:53,752
Peter, I'm gonna
miss him most.
1237
01:14:53,829 --> 01:14:54,995
But there is
a slight chance
1238
01:14:55,072 --> 01:14:56,413
Vanisher could make it.
1239
01:14:56,490 --> 01:14:58,863
Nope, no chance. He's dead.
1240
01:14:58,940 --> 01:15:00,231
The whole team?
1241
01:15:00,308 --> 01:15:02,168
Only the main ones.
We're still good.
1242
01:15:02,245 --> 01:15:03,430
Fuck, you are dumb.
1243
01:15:03,507 --> 01:15:05,172
Whoever planned this stunt's
1244
01:15:05,249 --> 01:15:07,350
been smoking
a lotjazz cabbage.
1245
01:15:07,427 --> 01:15:08,480
I'll tell you that much.
1246
01:15:08,557 --> 01:15:10,258
That's pretty obvious!
1247
01:15:10,342 --> 01:15:12,225
Looking good, Vanisher.
1248
01:15:21,693 --> 01:15:23,780
They're headed
into the tunnel.
1249
01:15:24,602 --> 01:15:26,102
I'm that kid's only hope,
1250
01:15:26,179 --> 01:15:28,192
so sit tight
and wait for my word.
1251
01:15:28,543 --> 01:15:29,755
Whatever.
1252
01:15:29,833 --> 01:15:31,394
We're gonna lose 'em.
I'm dropping in.
1253
01:15:31,471 --> 01:15:34,127
Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.
1254
01:15:34,204 --> 01:15:36,787
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so fucked!
1255
01:15:36,864 --> 01:15:40,045
No, we most certainly
are not fucked.
1256
01:15:42,963 --> 01:15:45,597
Seriously,
I don't get it!
1257
01:15:45,674 --> 01:15:48,345
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?
1258
01:15:50,068 --> 01:15:51,943
It's just
it's hard to picture.
1259
01:15:52,020 --> 01:15:54,283
And certainly
not very cinematic.
1260
01:15:56,938 --> 01:15:58,177
I mean, luck?
1261
01:15:58,254 --> 01:16:01,154
What coked out,
glass pipe-sucking
1262
01:16:01,231 --> 01:16:02,542
freakshow comic book artist...
1263
01:16:02,619 --> 01:16:04,128
came up
with that little chestnut?
1264
01:16:04,205 --> 01:16:06,703
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!
1265
01:16:17,520 --> 01:16:20,575
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.
1266
01:16:20,652 --> 01:16:22,450
It's why I'm cursed to be
a solo act.
1267
01:16:22,527 --> 01:16:23,550
- Wander the Earth...
- I'm in.
1268
01:16:23,627 --> 01:16:24,706
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1269
01:16:24,783 --> 01:16:25,857
I'm in.
1270
01:16:25,934 --> 01:16:28,156
How in the fuck
are you in already?
1271
01:16:28,239 --> 01:16:29,613
Oh, shit.
1272
01:16:30,074 --> 01:16:31,364
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.
1273
01:16:31,441 --> 01:16:32,410
Okay.
1274
01:16:32,493 --> 01:16:35,496
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers
1275
01:16:35,573 --> 01:16:37,533
to stop Cable
from killing that kid.
1276
01:16:37,610 --> 01:16:39,405
I'm coming up on your six.
1277
01:16:48,354 --> 01:16:50,819
That gun is amazing!
1278
01:16:58,501 --> 01:17:00,449
Hey!
Asshole!
1279
01:17:00,526 --> 01:17:02,525
Where is he?
I can't see him.
1280
01:17:02,602 --> 01:17:04,239
He's on top of you.
1281
01:17:04,550 --> 01:17:06,003
He's tearing you open!
1282
01:17:06,080 --> 01:17:08,190
He's going in
through the back!
1283
01:17:08,267 --> 01:17:09,809
Oh, God, he's inside!
1284
01:17:09,886 --> 01:17:12,611
- You hear yourself, right?
- Accidental double en ten dres!
1285
01:17:12,688 --> 01:17:14,750
Russell! Russell Collins!
1286
01:17:14,827 --> 01:17:17,217
Hands off that kid,
John Connor!
1287
01:17:21,977 --> 01:17:23,505
No, no, no!
1288
01:17:27,089 --> 01:17:28,215
Shit!
1289
01:17:50,154 --> 01:17:52,283
Two can play that game!
1290
01:17:54,200 --> 01:17:56,318
Got it! No, I don't.
1291
01:17:56,729 --> 01:17:58,043
Showtime, mama!
1292
01:17:58,120 --> 01:17:59,957
Lady Luck, take the wheel.
1293
01:18:37,477 --> 01:18:39,617
I'd ask who you are, but
you'll be dead in a second.
1294
01:18:39,694 --> 01:18:42,207
I'm Domino, and doubtful.
1295
01:18:58,086 --> 01:18:59,933
Hang in there, Doms!
1296
01:19:00,391 --> 01:19:02,660
Oh, this is really hard.
1297
01:19:14,202 --> 01:19:16,363
And give me back
my Skee-Ball token.
1298
01:19:19,235 --> 01:19:21,269
You're doing great.
X-Force.
1299
01:19:22,747 --> 01:19:25,105
I guess dubstep never dies.
1300
01:19:29,271 --> 01:19:30,524
Whoo!
1301
01:19:36,969 --> 01:19:40,613
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a bitch!
1302
01:19:42,558 --> 01:19:44,511
That's unfortunate.
1303
01:19:46,812 --> 01:19:48,206
We got no brakes!
1304
01:19:48,283 --> 01:19:49,925
Figure it out!
1305
01:19:53,861 --> 01:19:55,824
There's nothing I can't kill.
1306
01:19:58,199 --> 01:20:00,745
Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin
used to say...
1307
01:20:00,822 --> 01:20:03,605
"There's a first time
for everything, son."
1308
01:20:04,885 --> 01:20:07,363
Give me your best shot,
One-Eyed Willy.
1309
01:20:21,263 --> 01:20:23,519
Those bullets were, like,
super fast.
1310
01:20:23,766 --> 01:20:25,449
Here we go.
1311
01:20:25,546 --> 01:20:28,191
Domino, mind slowing us down?
1312
01:20:28,344 --> 01:20:30,441
Here goes nothing.
1313
01:21:01,428 --> 01:21:03,390
Knock, knock.
1314
01:21:10,181 --> 01:21:11,708
That's my boy.
1315
01:21:17,153 --> 01:21:18,879
Holy...
1316
01:21:28,833 --> 01:21:30,356
I'll be first to admit...
1317
01:21:30,433 --> 01:21:33,070
this did not go
according to plan.
1318
01:21:34,161 --> 01:21:35,626
I'll also be the first
to admit that
1319
01:21:35,703 --> 01:21:37,613
that plan was
written in crayon.
1320
01:21:37,723 --> 01:21:40,766
Looks like Russell found
a new friend. Jelly.
1321
01:21:40,843 --> 01:21:42,714
Turns out Domino's
a bit of a badass,
1322
01:21:42,791 --> 01:21:45,428
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.
1323
01:21:45,505 --> 01:21:48,690
But Cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.
1324
01:21:48,767 --> 01:21:49,943
A mood that is
1325
01:21:50,020 --> 01:21:52,422
about to get
significantly worse.
1326
01:22:15,703 --> 01:22:18,394
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.
1327
01:22:20,966 --> 01:22:22,388
Oh.
1328
01:22:24,220 --> 01:22:25,958
Oh, God, that hurt.
1329
01:22:26,180 --> 01:22:28,016
Suck it, Mel Gibson.
1330
01:22:35,075 --> 01:22:36,403
Russell!
1331
01:22:36,927 --> 01:22:39,266
Russ, where are ya?
1332
01:22:42,321 --> 01:22:44,751
Russell. Russell, you're okay!
1333
01:22:44,828 --> 01:22:47,995
Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God!
1334
01:22:48,072 --> 01:22:49,594
Juggernaut!
1335
01:22:50,579 --> 01:22:52,540
I thought that was you!
1336
01:22:52,642 --> 01:22:55,368
I should've worn
my white pants.
1337
01:22:55,501 --> 01:22:59,340
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.
1338
01:22:59,417 --> 01:23:02,928
Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 4M.
1339
01:23:03,005 --> 01:23:04,342
X-Men Unlimited 12.
1340
01:23:04,419 --> 01:23:06,647
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...
1341
01:23:06,724 --> 01:23:08,223
to see my face
reflected in your helmet...
1342
01:23:08,300 --> 01:23:10,621
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.
1343
01:23:10,698 --> 01:23:12,238
I don't mean right now.
1344
01:23:12,315 --> 01:23:14,371
I'm gonna rip you
in half now.
1345
01:23:14,448 --> 01:23:17,227
That is such
a Juggernaut thing to say.
1346
01:23:20,609 --> 01:23:24,971
Oh, my God!
I can't feel my legs.
1347
01:23:25,048 --> 01:23:26,602
I can't feel...
1348
01:23:26,943 --> 01:23:28,829
Oh, no, they're right here.
1349
01:23:29,076 --> 01:23:30,908
Got 'em.
God, Russell.
1350
01:23:30,985 --> 01:23:32,501
I have a mission.
1351
01:23:33,289 --> 01:23:34,838
To get my revenge.
1352
01:23:34,915 --> 01:23:37,488
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.
1353
01:23:37,565 --> 01:23:39,376
You're not the revenge type.
1354
01:23:39,644 --> 01:23:41,022
Take it from a friend.
1355
01:23:41,302 --> 01:23:44,891
Friend? You were sick,
and I protected you.
1356
01:23:45,153 --> 01:23:47,205
You said it yourself.
1357
01:23:47,450 --> 01:23:50,294
"L'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."
1358
01:23:50,371 --> 01:23:51,507
So I did.
1359
01:23:52,891 --> 01:23:55,183
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.
1360
01:23:55,266 --> 01:23:58,774
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?
1361
01:23:59,148 --> 01:24:01,063
"L care about you"?
'Cause goddamn it,
1362
01:24:01,140 --> 01:24:03,111
I care about you, Russell.
1363
01:24:03,527 --> 01:24:05,693
What's Juggernaut got
that I don't have?
1364
01:24:05,770 --> 01:24:09,368
Don't you say legs!
I know you're gonna say legs!
1365
01:24:09,445 --> 01:24:12,722
Legs!
Still hurts to hear out loud!
1366
01:24:14,371 --> 01:24:17,439
What is that?
That's not a real rope!
1367
01:24:17,524 --> 01:24:19,920
You get back here, young man!
1368
01:24:20,669 --> 01:24:21,969
Doms!
1369
01:24:22,171 --> 01:24:24,418
Doms, get me
out of here, please.
1370
01:24:24,495 --> 01:24:27,052
Use my arms
as backpack straps.
1371
01:24:29,553 --> 01:24:30,718
I think we may have found
1372
01:24:30,795 --> 01:24:32,724
your cosmic reason
for being here.
1373
01:24:32,931 --> 01:24:34,764
I'm pretty sure
this isn't it.
1374
01:24:34,841 --> 01:24:36,250
X-Force.
1375
01:24:49,530 --> 01:24:51,391
No child is hopeless.
1376
01:24:51,468 --> 01:24:54,413
Don't give up on the boy.
How could he just walk away?
1377
01:24:54,953 --> 01:24:57,416
It was the coldness
in his eyes.
1378
01:24:57,664 --> 01:24:59,459
You should've heard it.
1379
01:25:01,246 --> 01:25:03,750
I guess family
really is an F-word.
1380
01:25:04,380 --> 01:25:06,555
Rub my legs, Mama.
1381
01:25:06,632 --> 01:25:08,089
Why would I
rub your legs?
1382
01:25:08,166 --> 01:25:11,050
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.
1383
01:25:14,264 --> 01:25:15,684
What in the...
1384
01:25:15,849 --> 01:25:18,503
Why is your hand
so tiny again?
1385
01:25:18,602 --> 01:25:20,121
That's not my hand.
1386
01:25:20,198 --> 01:25:22,821
Oh! Mary,
mother of Joseph!
1387
01:25:22,898 --> 01:25:24,859
That was nice for me.
1388
01:25:24,936 --> 01:25:28,589
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...
1389
01:25:32,303 --> 01:25:34,348
Why wouldn't you
cover that up?
1390
01:25:34,451 --> 01:25:36,663
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.
1391
01:25:36,740 --> 01:25:38,358
Yeah, but you do.
Look at you.
1392
01:25:38,435 --> 01:25:40,788
You're just
straight shirt-cocking it,
1393
01:25:40,865 --> 01:25:42,305
toddler-style.
1394
01:25:42,382 --> 01:25:44,254
Oh, yeah.
Full Winnie the Pooh.
1395
01:25:44,331 --> 01:25:46,448
The hell's happening?
Describe it.
1396
01:25:46,525 --> 01:25:47,985
I wouldn't ask him to do that,
if I were you.
1397
01:25:48,062 --> 01:25:49,441
It's like, um...
Here we go.
1398
01:25:49,518 --> 01:25:50,970
It's like he was
giving birth anally,
1399
01:25:51,047 --> 01:25:52,292
but they quit halfway through.
1400
01:25:52,369 --> 01:25:54,798
They got the legs out, and they said,
"You know what, I'm done."
1401
01:25:54,875 --> 01:25:56,001
- Happy?
- It's like he's a
1402
01:25:56,078 --> 01:25:58,107
Muppet from the waist down.
But this time,
1403
01:25:58,221 --> 01:25:59,995
you can see
the Muppet's dick.
1404
01:26:00,072 --> 01:26:01,323
Grover's got a cock
the size of a twig.
1405
01:26:01,400 --> 01:26:02,618
Mr. Weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.
1406
01:26:02,695 --> 01:26:04,544
I've had three tickets
already.
1407
01:26:05,838 --> 01:26:08,445
No, no, no, DP,
not again!
1408
01:26:08,569 --> 01:26:10,615
This has happened before?
1409
01:26:11,230 --> 01:26:12,662
Jesus! Either vomit or don't.
1410
01:26:12,739 --> 01:26:13,987
The indecision is killing me.
1411
01:26:14,064 --> 01:26:16,218
Why couldn't God
take my hearing?
1412
01:26:17,738 --> 01:26:19,644
Oh. WOW!
1413
01:26:19,829 --> 01:26:21,537
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.
1414
01:26:21,614 --> 01:26:23,465
I'm talking about your face.
1415
01:26:23,542 --> 01:26:25,499
I've never seen you
without your mask before.
1416
01:26:25,576 --> 01:26:27,714
Jesus Christ!
Looks like an avocado.
1417
01:26:27,791 --> 01:26:29,664
Your legs, though,
they're cute.
1418
01:26:29,741 --> 01:26:31,718
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?
1419
01:26:33,093 --> 01:26:34,643
I'm glad everybody dropped by.
1420
01:26:34,720 --> 01:26:37,224
You must be wondering
why I didn't call you here.
1421
01:26:37,340 --> 01:26:39,036
I'll tell you why I'm here.
1422
01:26:39,141 --> 01:26:41,575
"The Time Traveler's Wife's"
husband“.
1423
01:26:41,652 --> 01:26:42,956
Beat me within
an inch of my life.
1424
01:26:43,033 --> 01:26:44,183
He was torturing me!
1425
01:26:44,260 --> 01:26:47,167
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.
1426
01:26:47,244 --> 01:26:49,656
So, I'm here
to help us gear up.
1427
01:26:50,034 --> 01:26:51,448
So we can go after him
without me.
1428
01:26:51,525 --> 01:26:52,510
WADE; No!
1429
01:26:52,598 --> 01:26:53,819
I'm doing this alone.
1430
01:26:53,896 --> 01:26:54,913
The Juggernaut
1431
01:26:54,990 --> 01:26:56,388
will kill you all.
Fair enough.
1432
01:26:56,465 --> 01:26:58,143
I just need a couple of
hours to get some legs
1433
01:26:58,220 --> 01:26:59,459
- under me.
- What will you do?
1434
01:26:59,536 --> 01:27:00,910
I don't care
what the kid did to me.
1435
01:27:00,987 --> 01:27:02,212
I ain't letting Cable
get to him,
1436
01:27:02,289 --> 01:27:03,662
even if I have to
teabag him to death.
1437
01:27:03,739 --> 01:27:05,712
It's reallyjust a sip of tea
at this point.
1438
01:27:05,789 --> 01:27:07,716
Zip it, black Black Widow!
I'm flowing.
1439
01:27:07,793 --> 01:27:09,839
The first order of business is
to get me in front of Cable...
1440
01:27:09,916 --> 01:27:11,737
so I can pull all the fucking
blood out of his body...
1441
01:27:11,814 --> 01:27:14,138
and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.
1442
01:27:14,215 --> 01:27:15,839
Then,
I'm gonna take his skin...
1443
01:27:15,916 --> 01:27:19,099
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.
1444
01:27:20,326 --> 01:27:22,281
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?
1445
01:27:30,734 --> 01:27:32,696
What in the ass?
1446
01:27:32,793 --> 01:27:35,859
Is this apartment listed
on Tinder? Grindr?
1447
01:27:36,000 --> 01:27:38,945
You picked the wrong shithole
to fuck, future boy.
1448
01:27:39,243 --> 01:27:41,997
Ugh. ls that really necessary?
1449
01:27:44,039 --> 01:27:46,833
No. It's his
"Basic: Instinct."
1450
01:27:46,910 --> 01:27:48,484
What can we help you with?
1451
01:27:48,728 --> 01:27:50,606
I'm here to proposition you.
1452
01:27:51,117 --> 01:27:52,897
Oh, oh, oh, oh, boy!
1453
01:27:53,035 --> 01:27:54,519
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?
1454
01:27:54,596 --> 01:27:56,247
Who gets to make
the first joke?
1455
01:27:56,324 --> 01:27:57,409
I think we should all do it
1456
01:27:57,486 --> 01:27:58,800
- at the same time.
- Good call.
1457
01:27:58,877 --> 01:28:00,265
For $45, you get sucky-suck.
1458
01:28:00,342 --> 01:28:02,231
I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.
1459
01:28:02,308 --> 01:28:03,934
- Fuck!
- The Proposition has a wonderful
1460
01:28:04,011 --> 01:28:05,744
- Guy Pearce performance.
- Wait, wait, wait!
1461
01:28:05,821 --> 01:28:06,943
I wanna do mine over.
1462
01:28:07,020 --> 01:28:09,316
- Give us the line again.
- I need your help!
1463
01:28:09,648 --> 01:28:12,220
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...
1464
01:28:12,297 --> 01:28:14,952
but you unleashed
the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!
1465
01:28:15,195 --> 01:28:17,327
I can't bring him down alone.
1466
01:28:17,503 --> 01:28:19,241
So here we are.
1467
01:28:20,492 --> 01:28:22,434
We're no longer
accepting applications
1468
01:28:22,511 --> 01:28:23,913
for X-Force, unfortunately.
1469
01:28:23,995 --> 01:28:25,340
Even if we were...
1470
01:28:25,417 --> 01:28:27,307
there's a wind advisory
in effect until at least...
1471
01:28:27,384 --> 01:28:28,629
We don't have a lot of time.
1472
01:28:28,706 --> 01:28:30,174
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.
1473
01:28:30,251 --> 01:28:31,830
No offense,
but if you know so much...
1474
01:28:31,907 --> 01:28:34,426
why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?
1475
01:28:34,503 --> 01:28:35,916
Or better yet, head back
a little further,
1476
01:28:35,993 --> 01:28:36,928
kill baby Hitler.
1477
01:28:37,005 --> 01:28:38,949
I use a device
to slide through time.
1478
01:28:39,026 --> 01:28:41,536
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.
1479
01:28:41,620 --> 01:28:44,064
I got two charges:
one to get me here,
1480
01:28:44,141 --> 01:28:45,347
one to get me home.
1481
01:28:45,424 --> 01:28:46,476
Well.
1482
01:28:46,560 --> 01:28:48,443
That's just lazy writing.
1483
01:28:48,520 --> 01:28:50,026
Your boy's
gonna kill the headmaster
1484
01:28:50,103 --> 01:28:51,621
of the orphanage tonight.
1485
01:28:51,698 --> 01:28:53,705
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.
1486
01:28:53,782 --> 01:28:56,533
Like 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!
1487
01:28:56,610 --> 01:28:58,370
So he keeps killing...
1488
01:28:58,447 --> 01:29:00,283
and killing, and killing,
1489
01:29:00,360 --> 01:29:01,660
and killing.
1490
01:29:01,737 --> 01:29:05,389
Until one day, he kills
the wrong fucking people.
1491
01:29:07,331 --> 01:29:08,707
My People.
1492
01:29:12,527 --> 01:29:13,653
Relax.
1493
01:29:13,767 --> 01:29:16,561
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.
1494
01:29:16,698 --> 01:29:18,932
It's a goddamn fanny pack...
1495
01:29:19,009 --> 01:29:21,338
and you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!
1496
01:29:21,415 --> 01:29:23,366
The difference
is night and day.
1497
01:29:25,140 --> 01:29:27,477
You remind me of my wife.
1498
01:29:27,631 --> 01:29:28,765
I'm sorry.
1499
01:29:28,843 --> 01:29:31,674
- I said, "You remind me of my wife."
- No, I'm sorry that you said that...
1500
01:29:31,751 --> 01:29:34,359
while making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.
1501
01:29:34,436 --> 01:29:35,897
She always struggled.
1502
01:29:36,610 --> 01:29:38,197
But she was funny...
1503
01:29:38,274 --> 01:29:41,095
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.
1504
01:29:41,490 --> 01:29:43,910
Something I could
never master.
1505
01:29:44,618 --> 01:29:47,038
It was my fault she died.
1506
01:29:48,455 --> 01:29:51,334
It was my job
to stop people like him.
1507
01:29:52,167 --> 01:29:55,056
I came close a few times.
1508
01:29:58,340 --> 01:30:00,470
He wasn't too happy
about that.
1509
01:30:01,718 --> 01:30:03,247
He was trying to hurt me...
1510
01:30:03,324 --> 01:30:05,751
and he knew exactly
how to do it.
1511
01:30:08,809 --> 01:30:10,882
Blessed are the wicked
1512
01:30:10,959 --> 01:30:13,181
who are healed by my hand.
1513
01:30:15,578 --> 01:30:17,415
He came into my home...
1514
01:30:17,904 --> 01:30:21,048
and took the only thing
that made it a home.
1515
01:30:24,749 --> 01:30:26,790
Sound familiar?
1516
01:30:27,285 --> 01:30:29,290
- I'm sorry.
- Uh-huh.
1517
01:30:29,578 --> 01:30:31,456
No, I'm really sorry.
1518
01:30:32,833 --> 01:30:34,900
But that isn't Russell.
1519
01:30:35,043 --> 01:30:37,153
- It doesn't have to be him.
- If you knew what I knew...
1520
01:30:37,230 --> 01:30:38,970
Yeah, he's got anger issues...
1521
01:30:39,047 --> 01:30:40,629
maybe a small
learning disability...
1522
01:30:40,706 --> 01:30:42,015
splash of diabetes...
1523
01:30:42,092 --> 01:30:43,358
but nothing
that can't be fixed.
1524
01:30:43,435 --> 01:30:45,138
- Nothing that...
- If you could go back...
1525
01:30:45,215 --> 01:30:48,058
and stop the people that took
your girl, would you?
1526
01:30:48,140 --> 01:30:49,349
No.
1527
01:30:49,498 --> 01:30:51,394
I'd buy them all
a bouquet of hand jobs.
1528
01:30:51,471 --> 01:30:53,359
Of course I fucking would!
1529
01:30:53,729 --> 01:30:56,979
- But I wouldn't kill a kid.
- I'm not asking you to kill a kid!
1530
01:30:57,056 --> 01:30:58,636
I'll kill the kid.
1531
01:30:58,724 --> 01:31:02,077
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.
1532
01:31:02,154 --> 01:31:04,522
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.
1533
01:31:04,599 --> 01:31:06,765
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...
1534
01:31:06,842 --> 01:31:09,431
would want you to do
the right thing, wouldn't she?
1535
01:31:09,870 --> 01:31:12,783
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?
1536
01:31:13,123 --> 01:31:14,829
Give me a chance to save him.
1537
01:31:14,912 --> 01:31:16,300
What?
You said...
1538
01:31:16,377 --> 01:31:18,380
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.
1539
01:31:18,457 --> 01:31:20,492
If we can get to him
before that happens...
1540
01:31:20,662 --> 01:31:22,343
promise you'll give me
a chance
1541
01:31:22,420 --> 01:31:24,047
to put him
on a different path.
1542
01:31:24,124 --> 01:31:25,405
Define "chance."
1543
01:31:25,482 --> 01:31:26,989
I don't know.
How long does it take
1544
01:31:27,066 --> 01:31:28,101
to save someone's soul?
1545
01:31:28,178 --> 01:31:29,261
- That's not...
- I'll give you 30 seconds.
1546
01:31:29,338 --> 01:31:31,309
- That, what? No!
- Best I can do.
1547
01:31:31,386 --> 01:31:32,852
Take it or leave it.
1548
01:31:42,827 --> 01:31:44,929
WEASELI
He's doing it!
1549
01:31:45,006 --> 01:31:46,833
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.
1550
01:31:46,910 --> 01:31:48,243
There he goes.
1551
01:31:48,320 --> 01:31:49,708
Jesus Christ!
1552
01:31:49,785 --> 01:31:51,325
Just shirt-cocking it.
1553
01:31:51,402 --> 01:31:52,654
Ugh.
1554
01:31:53,288 --> 01:31:54,845
There you go, little fella.
1555
01:31:55,373 --> 01:31:57,173
Go on, you're doing it!
1556
01:31:57,325 --> 01:32:00,290
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.
1557
01:32:02,172 --> 01:32:03,593
DOMINOI Christ!
1558
01:32:03,670 --> 01:32:05,047
That's disturbing.
1559
01:32:05,124 --> 01:32:06,678
30 seconds.
1560
01:32:11,848 --> 01:32:13,560
- Deal.
- Deal.
1561
01:32:19,773 --> 01:32:22,731
Man, that sucks they didn't
have anything in your size.
1562
01:32:22,808 --> 01:32:24,776
I really wanted to match,
you know?
1563
01:32:24,853 --> 01:32:26,812
Being a menacing team.
1564
01:32:26,889 --> 01:32:28,421
Oh, man, it sucks.
1565
01:32:28,498 --> 01:32:30,619
That was some
cold-ass shit, kid.
1566
01:32:31,826 --> 01:32:34,163
And that is just
the first five steps
1567
01:32:34,240 --> 01:32:36,161
to a prostate-assisted orgasm.
1568
01:32:36,748 --> 01:32:38,247
Where the hell
are we going?
1569
01:32:38,324 --> 01:32:39,581
You said it yourself.
1570
01:32:39,658 --> 01:32:42,584
Nothing can stop the
Juggernaut. We need backup.
1571
01:32:42,661 --> 01:32:45,550
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.
1572
01:32:49,678 --> 01:32:51,514
Can you turn off the music?
1573
01:32:52,443 --> 01:32:54,452
You'll do no such thing.
1574
01:32:54,529 --> 01:32:56,390
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?
1575
01:32:56,467 --> 01:32:58,109
I'm sorry?
Ap0l0gy accepted.
1576
01:32:58,186 --> 01:33:00,020
This is a side of you
I do not like.
1577
01:33:00,097 --> 01:33:01,061
Let me guess,
1578
01:33:01,138 --> 01:33:03,451
some of your best friends
in the future are Indian.
1579
01:33:03,528 --> 01:33:04,770
- What the hell are you...?
- Once again,
1580
01:33:04,847 --> 01:33:06,367
intolerance rears
its ugly head.
1581
01:33:06,444 --> 01:33:07,776
I am so sorry.
It gets better.
1582
01:33:07,853 --> 01:33:09,647
I'm not a fucking racist,
moron!
1583
01:33:09,724 --> 01:33:11,645
That's precisely
what a racist would say.
1584
01:33:11,722 --> 01:33:13,527
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.
1585
01:33:13,604 --> 01:33:14,631
And that's a twist.
1586
01:33:14,708 --> 01:33:16,535
When this is over...
I'm going to fuck you to death
1587
01:33:16,612 --> 01:33:17,988
with your own broken feet.
1588
01:33:18,065 --> 01:33:20,248
And a sexual predator, too.
That's rich.
1589
01:33:20,325 --> 01:33:21,639
I should have
finished college.
1590
01:33:21,716 --> 01:33:23,973
So what exactly do you
do in the future, anyway, huh?
1591
01:33:24,050 --> 01:33:25,262
Some kind of soldier?
1592
01:33:25,339 --> 01:33:27,045
Yeah, something like that.
1593
01:33:27,122 --> 01:33:29,224
I was a soldier.
Special Forces.
1594
01:33:29,301 --> 01:33:32,118
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.
1595
01:33:32,208 --> 01:33:34,115
50 years from now,
you're very dead.
1596
01:33:34,192 --> 01:33:36,942
Your entire generation fucked
this planet into a coma.
1597
01:33:37,019 --> 01:33:38,185
Boom!
1598
01:33:38,314 --> 01:33:39,775
Spoiler alert.
1599
01:33:40,957 --> 01:33:42,167
Planets.
1600
01:33:42,255 --> 01:33:43,805
Next time, Uber.
1601
01:33:43,882 --> 01:33:45,385
Here's a spoiler alert.
1602
01:33:46,200 --> 01:33:48,071
You're not a fucking hero.
1603
01:33:48,148 --> 01:33:52,033
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.
1604
01:33:52,198 --> 01:33:53,410
Well, I got news for you.
1605
01:33:53,487 --> 01:33:54,957
My heart
is in the right place.
1606
01:33:55,034 --> 01:33:56,498
Russell's not
gonna kill anyone.
1607
01:33:56,575 --> 01:33:58,842
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.
1608
01:33:58,919 --> 01:34:00,746
- We're all going to die.
- Because of you, I'll always know
1609
01:34:00,823 --> 01:34:02,996
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.
1610
01:34:03,073 --> 01:34:05,218
I'm a grower, not a shower.
1611
01:34:05,295 --> 01:34:06,427
God, I wish this were a bus
1612
01:34:06,504 --> 01:34:07,800
where I could pull
the string and get out.
1613
01:34:07,877 --> 01:34:09,480
It's a good thing
Cable's not driving,
1614
01:34:09,557 --> 01:34:10,761
or you'd be in the back.
1615
01:34:10,838 --> 01:34:12,672
- Lam in the back.
- Right here!
1616
01:34:31,154 --> 01:34:33,032
I made mistakes!
1617
01:34:33,281 --> 01:34:34,966
I wanna take them back!
1618
01:34:35,043 --> 01:34:37,917
You trusted me.
I took that trust...
1619
01:34:37,994 --> 01:34:39,493
and turned it
into a glory hole
1620
01:34:39,570 --> 01:34:41,066
in an airport bathroom.
1621
01:34:41,143 --> 01:34:44,207
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.
1622
01:34:44,417 --> 01:34:47,042
But even you know I'm not
a complete piece of shit.
1623
01:34:47,119 --> 01:34:48,627
I was once an X-Man.
1624
01:34:48,704 --> 01:34:49,836
Trainee!
1625
01:34:54,485 --> 01:34:57,158
You're still using
my Velcro labels. Aw.
1626
01:34:57,235 --> 01:34:58,671
They do stick better
thantape.
1627
01:34:58,748 --> 01:35:00,478
- Hi, Wade!
- Please don't.
1628
01:35:00,555 --> 01:35:03,514
Say whatever it is you're here
to say. Make it quick.
1629
01:35:03,591 --> 01:35:04,611
Right. Quick.
1630
01:35:04,688 --> 01:35:06,806
It's the kid.
Just like you, I let him down.
1631
01:35:06,883 --> 01:35:08,439
And just like me,
he's never had anyone
1632
01:35:08,516 --> 01:35:10,546
sacrifice anything for him... because
the whole world wrote him off
1633
01:35:10,623 --> 01:35:11,817
as a piece of shit
a long time ago.
1634
01:35:11,894 --> 01:35:13,941
Look, he's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!
1635
01:35:14,078 --> 01:35:15,408
The Juggernaut!
1636
01:35:15,485 --> 01:35:17,273
Who's, like, my favorite
Marvel character ever...
1637
01:35:17,350 --> 01:35:19,531
And hi, Yukio! That was really
nice of you to say hi...
1638
01:35:19,608 --> 01:35:20,666
so I'm saying hi back.
1639
01:35:20,743 --> 01:35:22,140
You guys make
a super cute couple.
1640
01:35:22,217 --> 01:35:23,743
Yeah. Where was I?
1641
01:35:23,820 --> 01:35:25,664
Oh, yeah. You should never
meet your heroes...
1642
01:35:25,741 --> 01:35:27,314
because, honestly,
he's a bit of a dick!
1643
01:35:27,391 --> 01:35:29,155
And like a lot of dicks,
he's hard as a rock...
1644
01:35:29,232 --> 01:35:30,624
and causes nothing
but problems!
1645
01:35:30,701 --> 01:35:33,798
Look, you can stop the
Juggernaut. I know you can.
1646
01:35:33,875 --> 01:35:36,777
Do you know what would happen
to me if I helped you?
1647
01:35:36,923 --> 01:35:39,001
I would be disgraced.
1648
01:35:39,078 --> 01:35:41,132
You are a criminal,
a fugitive.
1649
01:35:41,209 --> 01:35:42,712
But worst of all...
1650
01:35:42,789 --> 01:35:44,761
you broke my heart, Wade.
1651
01:35:46,161 --> 01:35:49,056
Then you know what? Your heart's
in the wrong place, big guy.
1652
01:35:50,025 --> 01:35:52,774
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...
1653
01:35:52,851 --> 01:35:56,332
and fucked up, and not
particularly convenient!
1654
01:35:56,409 --> 01:35:59,429
So stay here
in Chéteau de Virgin...
1655
01:35:59,506 --> 01:36:02,004
while we go get our fuck on!
1656
01:36:04,664 --> 01:36:06,410
You're doing great.
1657
01:36:11,713 --> 01:36:13,345
So you wear
that helmet because
1658
01:36:13,422 --> 01:36:15,047
your brother
tries to read your mind?
1659
01:36:15,124 --> 01:36:18,384
Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-steven.
1660
01:36:18,461 --> 01:36:20,886
- Someone's coming.
- It's Russell, sir.
1661
01:36:20,963 --> 01:36:22,660
And he's not alone.
1662
01:36:23,351 --> 01:36:25,229
Secure the children.
1663
01:36:26,978 --> 01:36:29,565
They will not replace us.
1664
01:36:29,773 --> 01:36:32,277
What do you say
we go fuck some shit up?
1665
01:36:32,609 --> 01:36:36,656
"Let's fuck some shit up"
is my legal middle name.
1666
01:36:39,783 --> 01:36:42,412
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.
1667
01:36:42,489 --> 01:36:44,496
Amen, brother.
1668
01:36:50,543 --> 01:36:52,187
Time to make the chimichangas.
1669
01:36:52,264 --> 01:36:54,048
30 seconds.
1670
01:36:54,464 --> 01:36:56,801
I finally know why I'm here.
1671
01:36:57,008 --> 01:36:58,769
I was raised in this place.
1672
01:36:59,010 --> 01:37:01,227
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.
1673
01:37:01,304 --> 01:37:04,147
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.
1674
01:37:04,224 --> 01:37:05,855
- Shall we?
- This is gonna be fun.
1675
01:37:05,932 --> 01:37:06,907
DEADPOOLI Yeah!
1676
01:37:06,984 --> 01:37:08,311
Hey! Been meaning
to ask you...
1677
01:37:08,388 --> 01:37:11,508
what's with the dirty,
disgusting hobo bear?
1678
01:37:11,585 --> 01:37:14,360
It's not dirt. It's the blood
of my dead daughter.
1679
01:37:14,692 --> 01:37:17,280
Are You Bear, God?
It's Me, Margaret.
1680
01:37:17,445 --> 01:37:18,828
Give me some.
1681
01:37:18,905 --> 01:37:20,529
They say
laughter heals anything...
1682
01:37:20,606 --> 01:37:21,769
except, of course, that.
1683
01:37:21,846 --> 01:37:23,440
We should just cue the music.
1684
01:37:48,129 --> 01:37:51,167
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.
1685
01:37:51,980 --> 01:37:53,210
Russell!
1686
01:37:53,359 --> 01:37:55,979
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!
1687
01:37:56,479 --> 01:37:59,010
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?
1688
01:38:01,670 --> 01:38:02,726
That's why!
1689
01:38:02,803 --> 01:38:04,435
Told you this little fucker's
too far gone.
1690
01:38:04,512 --> 01:38:07,385
Zip it, Thanos!
We have a deal and you fuck...
1691
01:38:07,462 --> 01:38:08,653
Hey!
1692
01:38:08,841 --> 01:38:13,181
I'm gonna shove that
cab driver right up your ass.
1693
01:38:13,334 --> 01:38:15,604
My body and my hands
are so soft.
1694
01:38:15,681 --> 01:38:16,654
- You should probably
- I think I'll
1695
01:38:16,731 --> 01:38:18,599
- head back to the car.
- Headback to the car.
1696
01:38:19,832 --> 01:38:22,885
It works best
when you pull the trigger.
1697
01:38:25,305 --> 01:38:26,931
That gun is amazing!
1698
01:38:27,776 --> 01:38:29,209
Say it!
1699
01:38:31,311 --> 01:38:35,244
You... are an abomination!
1700
01:38:41,654 --> 01:38:45,098
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.
1701
01:38:45,175 --> 01:38:48,079
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!
1702
01:38:52,000 --> 01:38:53,326
Gotcha!
1703
01:38:53,720 --> 01:38:55,696
Beat it, midget!
1704
01:38:58,021 --> 01:39:00,870
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!
1705
01:39:00,947 --> 01:39:02,774
Oh, shit fuck!
1706
01:39:16,119 --> 01:39:17,913
Come here, beautiful.
1707
01:39:25,281 --> 01:39:26,570
Whoo!
1708
01:39:35,625 --> 01:39:36,961
Say it!
1709
01:41:00,168 --> 01:41:01,310
You came for me.
1710
01:41:01,387 --> 01:41:02,797
I'm not giving up on you,
1711
01:41:02,874 --> 01:41:04,929
and you are not
giving up on that boy.
1712
01:41:05,006 --> 01:41:07,088
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?
1713
01:41:07,165 --> 01:41:09,433
It's time to fight dirty.
1714
01:41:09,510 --> 01:41:10,925
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
1715
01:41:11,002 --> 01:41:13,688
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!
1716
01:41:13,765 --> 01:41:15,889
That's such
a you thing to say!
1717
01:41:15,966 --> 01:41:17,687
Go get him, tiger!
1718
01:41:17,894 --> 01:41:20,515
Big CGI fight coming up!
1719
01:41:42,835 --> 01:41:43,940
He's doing great.
1720
01:41:44,017 --> 01:41:45,258
Say it!
1721
01:41:49,501 --> 01:41:51,348
- Russell.
- Bingo!
1722
01:41:56,432 --> 01:41:58,138
You see that bus?
1723
01:41:58,233 --> 01:42:00,170
I'm gonna
shove it up your ass.
1724
01:42:02,986 --> 01:42:05,755
That's right!
I'm fighting dirty!
1725
01:42:06,064 --> 01:42:07,086
Oh, great!
1726
01:42:07,164 --> 01:42:08,219
There they are!
Those freaks!
1727
01:42:08,296 --> 01:42:10,434
A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.
1728
01:42:10,571 --> 01:42:12,450
Can I have
one of those guns?
1729
01:42:12,782 --> 01:42:14,612
No.
That's fine.
1730
01:42:14,689 --> 01:42:16,579
Get off this property,
mutant scum!
1731
01:42:16,656 --> 01:42:18,297
I'm just gonna
use this brick.
1732
01:42:18,374 --> 01:42:19,981
Maximum effort.
1733
01:42:25,503 --> 01:42:27,989
Who says you
can't go home again?
1734
01:42:36,746 --> 01:42:38,164
On!
1735
01:42:45,037 --> 01:42:46,367
Yeah!
1736
01:42:47,608 --> 01:42:48,943
Say it.
1737
01:42:49,318 --> 01:42:52,573
Say what you said
every time you tortured me!
1738
01:42:52,788 --> 01:42:53,912
Say it!
1739
01:42:53,990 --> 01:42:57,827
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!
1740
01:42:58,265 --> 01:43:00,102
Blessed are the wicked...
1741
01:43:00,550 --> 01:43:01,970
who are healed...
1742
01:43:02,159 --> 01:43:03,871
b'! my hand.
1743
01:43:21,580 --> 01:43:24,772
You commie motherfucker!
1744
01:43:50,178 --> 01:43:52,698
Oh, my God.
Did you feel that, too?
1745
01:43:53,007 --> 01:43:55,752
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.
1746
01:43:58,095 --> 01:44:00,628
You got 30 seconds,
you jabbering butt plug!
1747
01:44:00,705 --> 01:44:02,659
Now we're getting it.
1748
01:44:06,395 --> 01:44:08,816
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.
1749
01:44:14,046 --> 01:44:15,217
Orphans.
1750
01:44:16,155 --> 01:44:17,694
Oh, geez.
1751
01:44:18,744 --> 01:44:20,296
It's time
1752
01:44:20,538 --> 01:44:22,794
- to burn for what you've done!
- A child should not be
1753
01:44:22,871 --> 01:44:25,002
burdened with such power!
1754
01:44:32,838 --> 01:44:34,638
Russell! Wait!
1755
01:44:39,929 --> 01:44:41,690
DEADPOOLI Oh!
1756
01:44:48,437 --> 01:44:50,530
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!
1757
01:44:50,607 --> 01:44:52,889
What more do you need to see?
Don't you fucking dare!
1758
01:44:52,966 --> 01:44:54,025
He's just a kid!
1759
01:44:54,102 --> 01:44:56,440
Tick, took. Meter's running!
1760
01:45:08,499 --> 01:45:12,003
I'm gonna melt you down
and make a cock ring.
1761
01:45:31,744 --> 01:45:34,886
I told you! Leave me alone!
Come on!
1762
01:45:35,109 --> 01:45:36,823
Listen to me!
1763
01:45:59,906 --> 01:46:01,174
That's how we do it
1764
01:46:01,251 --> 01:46:02,847
in Mother Russia.
1765
01:46:04,690 --> 01:46:07,507
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.
1766
01:46:08,495 --> 01:46:12,506
Oh, no.
You're doing amazing.
1767
01:46:13,314 --> 01:46:16,026
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!
1768
01:46:16,144 --> 01:46:18,160
Go home, Wade!
1769
01:46:18,237 --> 01:46:20,155
You're ruining everything!
1770
01:46:25,284 --> 01:46:26,900
I'm getting good at this shit.
1771
01:46:26,977 --> 01:46:28,366
Go, go, go!
1772
01:46:31,207 --> 01:46:33,198
He dies tonight, Wade.
1773
01:46:33,275 --> 01:46:35,296
You can't stop me!
1774
01:46:35,711 --> 01:46:37,788
He even runs
like a fucking pervert.
1775
01:46:37,865 --> 01:46:40,687
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.
1776
01:46:41,801 --> 01:46:43,411
There's one bullet left
in that gun.
1777
01:46:43,488 --> 01:46:45,366
Wait, wait, wait!
Please, just give me a second!
1778
01:46:45,443 --> 01:46:46,536
I got this.
1779
01:46:46,613 --> 01:46:49,331
- Oh, ho, hoh! Russell!
- Stay back! Go home, Wade!
1780
01:46:49,408 --> 01:46:51,804
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!
1781
01:46:51,894 --> 01:46:53,499
That piece of shit...
1782
01:46:53,604 --> 01:46:55,542
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.
1783
01:46:55,619 --> 01:46:59,179
He hurt you badly.
Makes you wanna hurt others.
1784
01:46:59,652 --> 01:47:01,462
But if you kill him, he wins.
1785
01:47:01,539 --> 01:47:04,781
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.
1786
01:47:05,408 --> 01:47:07,077
You're just a kid.
1787
01:47:07,451 --> 01:47:09,077
You don't wanna hurt anyone.
1788
01:47:09,245 --> 01:47:10,823
How do you know what I want?
1789
01:47:10,900 --> 01:47:12,609
Because I've been inside you.
1790
01:47:12,832 --> 01:47:14,335
That came out wrong.
1791
01:47:14,750 --> 01:47:16,477
I've been inside your shoes.
1792
01:47:16,554 --> 01:47:18,344
Which is also off-putting.
1793
01:47:18,421 --> 01:47:19,919
It's not a great analogy.
1794
01:47:19,996 --> 01:47:21,550
The point is...
1795
01:47:21,799 --> 01:47:23,382
there are people...
1796
01:47:23,551 --> 01:47:26,560
there are people
in this fucking world...
1797
01:47:26,637 --> 01:47:29,393
besides him,
who will treat you right.
1798
01:47:29,470 --> 01:47:32,227
It isn't too late.
Don't do it.
1799
01:47:37,565 --> 01:47:39,771
I never should've left
you there.
1800
01:47:41,506 --> 01:47:43,787
I never should've left you
in that prison.
1801
01:47:50,661 --> 01:47:52,529
I can't trust you.
1802
01:47:53,515 --> 01:47:56,102
I can't trust anybody!
1803
01:48:05,050 --> 01:48:06,470
Wonderful kid.
1804
01:48:06,667 --> 01:48:08,647
You can't stop me, Wade!
1805
01:48:10,556 --> 01:48:12,459
I got one more idea.
1806
01:48:12,979 --> 01:48:15,675
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.
1807
01:48:15,752 --> 01:48:16,822
Wade, what are you doing?
1808
01:48:16,899 --> 01:48:19,139
All right. This is for
all the marbles, kid!
1809
01:48:19,482 --> 01:48:21,402
You're gonna kill
someone today...
1810
01:48:21,760 --> 01:48:23,213
Blessed are the wicked...
1811
01:48:23,290 --> 01:48:25,197
then it's gotta be me.
1812
01:48:26,148 --> 01:48:28,772
Who are healed by my hand!
1813
01:48:31,118 --> 01:48:32,909
Fuck this!
1814
01:49:34,414 --> 01:49:37,585
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1815
01:49:40,765 --> 01:49:43,942
Oh, that's not good.
1816
01:49:45,403 --> 01:49:47,335
No, sir.
1817
01:49:54,368 --> 01:49:57,498
You sacrificed yourself
for me.
1818
01:49:57,705 --> 01:49:58,831
Yeah.
1819
01:49:58,921 --> 01:50:01,335
And it was the best thing
I ever did.
1820
01:50:03,328 --> 01:50:05,274
I told you
I care about you.
1821
01:50:05,351 --> 01:50:07,216
You're a good kid, Russell.
1822
01:50:08,716 --> 01:50:10,148
Hey.
1823
01:50:10,976 --> 01:50:12,154
The bear.
1824
01:50:12,232 --> 01:50:13,726
It worked.
1825
01:50:20,728 --> 01:50:22,356
Because of you.
1826
01:50:22,433 --> 01:50:25,128
No, Wade, because of you.
1827
01:50:25,566 --> 01:50:27,690
Stop, stop, stop!
1828
01:50:27,767 --> 01:50:28,953
Stop!
1829
01:50:30,029 --> 01:50:32,783
Just let it happen, okay?
1830
01:50:33,032 --> 01:50:36,161
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.
1831
01:50:36,925 --> 01:50:39,206
That riddle
is so fucked up.
1832
01:50:44,001 --> 01:50:46,251
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1833
01:50:46,328 --> 01:50:47,899
Don't be. Don't be.
1834
01:50:47,976 --> 01:50:49,847
I've been trying to make
this happen for a while.
1835
01:50:49,924 --> 01:50:51,923
Please, just don't leave me.
1836
01:50:52,000 --> 01:50:53,311
I don't wanna die
without an audience.
1837
01:50:53,388 --> 01:50:54,965
We are not going anywhere.
1838
01:50:55,042 --> 01:50:57,553
Oh, God, I hope
the Academy is watching.
1839
01:50:57,630 --> 01:50:58,892
Just rest, okay?
1840
01:51:00,267 --> 01:51:01,601
Papa.
1841
01:51:03,562 --> 01:51:05,917
Papa, can you hear me?
1842
01:51:07,914 --> 01:51:14,574
Papa, can you find me
in the... night?
1843
01:51:35,052 --> 01:51:36,296
Before I go...
1844
01:51:36,373 --> 01:51:39,099
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
1845
01:51:39,176 --> 01:51:40,265
Domino.
1846
01:51:40,432 --> 01:51:45,027
I want you to... have
my Adventure Time watch.
1847
01:51:47,258 --> 01:51:50,535
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.
1848
01:51:51,151 --> 01:51:52,532
Thank you.
1849
01:51:53,665 --> 01:51:56,742
Hey, SabHna,
the Teenage Witch.
1850
01:51:56,907 --> 01:51:59,286
I liked you better
with your hair short.
1851
01:51:59,437 --> 01:52:01,012
Think everyone did.
1852
01:52:01,203 --> 01:52:03,684
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade!
1853
01:52:06,060 --> 01:52:07,344
And you...
1854
01:52:07,584 --> 01:52:09,035
Chrome Bone.
1855
01:52:09,628 --> 01:52:12,216
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.
1856
01:52:12,589 --> 01:52:14,990
But you've always been
that to me.
1857
01:52:15,141 --> 01:52:16,690
So thank you.
1858
01:52:18,470 --> 01:52:20,265
Say "fuck" for me.
1859
01:52:21,016 --> 01:52:22,147
Just once. Come on,
1860
01:52:22,224 --> 01:52:24,004
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.
1861
01:52:24,081 --> 01:52:27,192
Here we go. One, two, three.
F... F... F...
1862
01:52:27,269 --> 01:52:28,196
Fuck.
1863
01:52:28,274 --> 01:52:32,027
Wow! Enjoy hell,
swamp mouth.
1864
01:52:32,942 --> 01:52:35,404
And you, Cable.
1865
01:52:36,165 --> 01:52:40,045
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.
1866
01:52:40,492 --> 01:52:43,605
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.
1867
01:52:44,163 --> 01:52:45,908
That you'll start
judging people...
1868
01:52:45,985 --> 01:52:47,234
not by the color
of their skin,
1869
01:52:47,311 --> 01:52:49,293
but by the content
of their character.
1870
01:52:49,668 --> 01:52:51,855
- Jesus.
- R-Dog?
1871
01:52:52,463 --> 01:52:54,591
There you are. Hey!
1872
01:52:55,235 --> 01:52:57,131
You're a superhero now, bubba.
1873
01:52:57,208 --> 01:53:00,259
That's why it's high time
that you had a super suit.
1874
01:53:00,336 --> 01:53:01,645
This one is yours.
1875
01:53:01,722 --> 01:53:03,512
You might wanna
get it steam cleaned.
1876
01:53:03,589 --> 01:53:05,040
Especially around the pants.
1877
01:53:05,168 --> 01:53:07,051
And let it out
a little in the waist.
1878
01:53:07,715 --> 01:53:09,000
But, hey.
1879
01:53:09,688 --> 01:53:10,773
Look.
1880
01:53:11,266 --> 01:53:14,176
Family is not an F-word.
1881
01:53:14,443 --> 01:53:15,736
All right?
1882
01:53:15,819 --> 01:53:17,941
There's one out there
for you.
1883
01:53:18,280 --> 01:53:20,363
Just keep looking, okay?
1884
01:53:23,494 --> 01:53:26,566
Guys, for a second there...
1885
01:53:27,227 --> 01:53:29,418
we made a pretty good team.
1886
01:53:44,264 --> 01:53:46,476
Oh, it's so hard to go.
1887
01:53:47,994 --> 01:53:50,581
I just love being around
you guys so much.
1888
01:53:51,230 --> 01:53:52,691
So, so much.
1889
01:53:53,190 --> 01:53:54,454
Mmm.
1890
01:53:54,608 --> 01:53:57,051
No, I can feel it now.
Here it comes, yeah.
1891
01:53:57,486 --> 01:54:01,152
I feel the soul
exiting the husk.
1892
01:54:01,360 --> 01:54:02,579
Yeah.
1893
01:54:04,341 --> 01:54:06,386
Can you see it?
1894
01:54:06,745 --> 01:54:09,285
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?
1895
01:54:10,374 --> 01:54:11,934
There it is.
1896
01:54:17,798 --> 01:54:19,014
Oh, that's the sun.
1897
01:54:19,091 --> 01:54:21,037
Don't stare
directly into that.
1898
01:54:21,181 --> 01:54:23,168
I just have a few final words.
1899
01:54:24,680 --> 01:54:26,266
Woodpecker.
1900
01:54:26,849 --> 01:54:28,496
Gingivitis.
1901
01:54:30,227 --> 01:54:31,813
Codswallop.
1902
01:54:36,105 --> 01:54:38,275
Do You Want to
Build a Snowman?
1903
01:55:52,893 --> 01:55:54,141
Sorry I'm late.
1904
01:55:54,218 --> 01:55:55,740
There was a bunch
1905
01:55:55,817 --> 01:55:56,941
of handicapable children
1906
01:55:57,018 --> 01:55:58,111
- who were stuck in a tree.
- No.
1907
01:55:58,188 --> 01:55:59,198
No.
1908
01:55:59,566 --> 01:56:02,498
- But I did have to help a kid.
- Yeah.
1909
01:56:02,694 --> 01:56:04,615
- He's got a terrible name.
- It's just awful.
1910
01:56:04,692 --> 01:56:06,209
- Ugh.
- I tried to tell him.
1911
01:56:07,999 --> 01:56:09,627
Is this heaven?
1912
01:56:10,355 --> 01:56:11,877
It is now.
1913
01:56:14,957 --> 01:56:17,043
I am so sorry.
1914
01:56:17,668 --> 01:56:19,074
It's okay.
1915
01:56:38,855 --> 01:56:40,942
I missed you so much.
1916
01:56:46,454 --> 01:56:48,333
What is it? What's wrong?
1917
01:56:49,908 --> 01:56:51,620
It's not time.
1918
01:56:52,035 --> 01:56:54,054
What do you mean
it's not time?
1919
01:56:54,131 --> 01:56:55,775
I'm here, I made it.
1920
01:56:55,899 --> 01:56:57,459
- You can't stay.
- No, no, no.
1921
01:56:57,536 --> 01:57:00,275
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.
1922
01:57:00,352 --> 01:57:01,493
It's okay.
1923
01:57:01,844 --> 01:57:04,473
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.
1924
01:57:05,549 --> 01:57:08,220
- They need you.
- Who?
1925
01:57:10,053 --> 01:57:11,691
Your F-word.
1926
01:57:12,597 --> 01:57:13,852
Why?
1927
01:57:14,017 --> 01:57:15,418
You'll find out.
1928
01:57:15,793 --> 01:57:17,785
It's all right. I'll be here.
1929
01:57:18,854 --> 01:57:21,191
It's pretty fucking
awesome up here.
1930
01:57:21,690 --> 01:57:23,636
I can have anything I want.
1931
01:57:23,758 --> 01:57:25,842
Can every day be
International Women's Day?
1932
01:57:25,919 --> 01:57:27,364
It is heaven.
1933
01:57:27,441 --> 01:57:28,865
I love you.
1934
01:57:31,158 --> 01:57:34,348
I know.
I love you, too.
1935
01:57:34,596 --> 01:57:36,014
Now, go.
1936
01:57:36,858 --> 01:57:39,070
Go on. Go, get out of here.
1937
01:57:39,833 --> 01:57:41,063
Go.
1938
01:57:44,010 --> 01:57:45,258
Hey!
1939
01:57:47,632 --> 01:57:50,011
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
1940
01:57:50,591 --> 01:57:51,927
Well, come here.
1941
01:58:11,311 --> 01:58:12,836
Don't fuck Elvis.
1942
01:58:12,913 --> 01:58:14,619
- Ooh, too late.
- I'm sorry?
1943
01:58:23,919 --> 01:58:25,630
Time to make the chimichangas.
1944
01:58:25,707 --> 01:58:26,875
- 30 seconds.
- Hey.
1945
01:58:26,952 --> 01:58:28,013
Been meaning
to ask you...
1946
01:58:28,090 --> 01:58:30,578
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
1947
01:58:30,655 --> 01:58:32,178
It's my daughter's teddy bear.
1948
01:58:32,520 --> 01:58:33,966
Her name's Hope.
1949
01:58:34,043 --> 01:58:35,379
DEADPOOLI Well...
1950
01:58:35,972 --> 01:58:37,913
What are you doing?
1951
01:58:37,990 --> 01:58:39,939
Somebody swiped right.
1952
01:58:52,322 --> 01:58:55,427
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1953
01:58:58,036 --> 01:58:59,868
You sacrificed
yourself for me.
1954
01:58:59,945 --> 01:59:01,747
It would seem I...
1955
01:59:03,846 --> 01:59:05,139
Huh?
1956
01:59:05,961 --> 01:59:08,153
Genuine, high-grade lead.
1957
01:59:10,416 --> 01:59:13,300
You time-sliding
son of a bitch!
1958
01:59:13,377 --> 01:59:15,096
You did this for me?
1959
01:59:16,763 --> 01:59:19,476
Wait. You can't go back.
1960
01:59:19,891 --> 01:59:21,253
You used
the last of your fuel.
1961
01:59:21,330 --> 01:59:22,774
What about your girl,
your wife?
1962
01:59:22,851 --> 01:59:26,435
Now, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.
1963
01:59:27,908 --> 01:59:30,005
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...
1964
01:59:30,082 --> 01:59:31,377
and make sure the world
1965
01:59:31,454 --> 01:59:33,622
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.
1966
01:59:34,212 --> 01:59:37,035
No. You did it for me.
1967
01:59:37,490 --> 01:59:38,915
No, I didn't.
1968
01:59:38,992 --> 01:59:40,409
- You did.
- I really didn't.
1969
01:59:40,486 --> 01:59:42,493
- Pretty sure you did.
- No, I'm positive I didn't.
1970
01:59:42,570 --> 01:59:44,516
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?
1971
01:59:44,593 --> 01:59:47,190
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.
1972
01:59:47,267 --> 01:59:49,677
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.
1973
01:59:49,880 --> 01:59:51,081
Say it again.
1974
01:59:51,158 --> 01:59:52,315
- He did it for me.
- Jesus.
1975
01:59:52,392 --> 01:59:54,506
We must get the collar off.
Forget it. It's no use.
1976
01:59:54,583 --> 01:59:56,227
These collars
don't just come off.
1977
01:59:56,304 --> 01:59:57,603
Wade.
1978
01:59:58,013 --> 01:59:59,849
I have an idea.
1979
01:59:59,973 --> 02:00:02,188
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!
1980
02:00:02,265 --> 02:00:04,659
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...
1981
02:00:04,736 --> 02:00:07,811
Oh, God! They do say
the pen is grosser than the sword.
1982
02:00:07,888 --> 02:00:10,178
We need the code.
1983
02:00:10,255 --> 02:00:12,221
Try, uh, seven?
1984
02:00:12,298 --> 02:00:13,917
Settle down,
Captain Lucky.
1985
02:00:13,994 --> 02:00:15,415
It's not gonna be one number.
1986
02:00:15,492 --> 02:00:17,122
Oh, God, that's lazy writing.
1987
02:00:17,720 --> 02:00:19,264
I still got it.
1988
02:00:21,602 --> 02:00:24,263
Put that back
in your prison wallet.
1989
02:00:25,373 --> 02:00:27,257
I don't know how to thank you.
1990
02:00:27,334 --> 02:00:29,146
But I do know how to hug you.
1991
02:00:29,294 --> 02:00:30,545
No.
Yes.
1992
02:00:30,629 --> 02:00:32,169
Here we go. Bring it in.
1993
02:00:32,246 --> 02:00:33,470
Come on.
1994
02:00:33,595 --> 02:00:35,005
Pelvis to pelvis.
1995
02:00:35,141 --> 02:00:36,368
Let's go tip to tip.
1996
02:00:36,445 --> 02:00:38,849
There we go.
The kids call this docking.
1997
02:00:40,430 --> 02:00:41,831
Is there a knife in my dick?
1998
02:00:41,908 --> 02:00:44,399
- There's a knife in your dick.
- I'm just gonna back up now.
1999
02:00:44,476 --> 02:00:46,367
- Yeah, yeah.
- No need to go full Yentl.
2000
02:00:46,444 --> 02:00:48,629
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.
2001
02:00:48,706 --> 02:00:50,782
Let's go home, Russell.
2002
02:00:54,236 --> 02:00:56,307
All you dirty mutants
2003
02:00:56,384 --> 02:00:58,700
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!
2004
02:00:58,777 --> 02:01:01,619
Your souls
are beyond redemption!
2005
02:01:01,696 --> 02:01:03,211
Let's see your soul, perv!
2006
02:01:03,288 --> 02:01:06,088
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!
2007
02:01:06,165 --> 02:01:07,359
We're better than him!
2008
02:01:07,436 --> 02:01:09,924
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!
2009
02:01:10,001 --> 02:01:11,516
We'll let karma
take care of him.
2010
02:01:11,593 --> 02:01:15,067
The day of reckoning
is here!
2011
02:01:23,974 --> 02:01:26,149
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.
2012
02:01:26,226 --> 02:01:27,345
Whoo!
2013
02:01:27,478 --> 02:01:29,002
Courage, motherfuckers!
2014
02:01:29,079 --> 02:01:30,518
And karma, motherfucker.
2015
02:01:30,595 --> 02:01:32,234
I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.
2016
02:01:32,311 --> 02:01:34,250
I could barely keep
a straight face.
2017
02:01:34,327 --> 02:01:35,722
I want some more.
2018
02:01:35,799 --> 02:01:37,815
I bet you do,
Brown Panther.
2019
02:01:37,892 --> 02:01:41,083
We should leave
before Fuckernaut wakes up.
2020
02:01:41,324 --> 02:01:43,260
Good call.
You guys coming with us?
2021
02:01:43,337 --> 02:01:45,404
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.
2022
02:01:45,657 --> 02:01:47,165
Besides, we're X-Men.
2023
02:01:47,242 --> 02:01:49,944
No, you're X-People.
2024
02:01:50,023 --> 02:01:51,253
You're exhausting.
2025
02:01:51,330 --> 02:01:53,400
I see what you did there.
Puns.
2026
02:01:53,477 --> 02:01:54,744
Our door's always open.
2027
02:01:54,821 --> 02:01:56,662
That's kind, but
I'm not ready to date again.
2028
02:01:56,739 --> 02:01:58,098
Let alone two women.
2029
02:01:58,550 --> 02:02:00,090
God, you're a douche.
2030
02:02:00,253 --> 02:02:02,848
- Bye, Wade!
- Bye, Yukio!
2031
02:02:04,874 --> 02:02:05,924
What do you get
2032
02:02:06,001 --> 02:02:07,641
when you take
eight feet of chrome...
2033
02:02:07,718 --> 02:02:08,883
one pinch of courage...
2034
02:02:08,960 --> 02:02:10,414
a cup of good luck...
2035
02:02:10,491 --> 02:02:11,752
a dab of racism...
2036
02:02:11,829 --> 02:02:13,063
a splash of diabetes...
2037
02:02:13,140 --> 02:02:15,512
and a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?
2038
02:02:15,689 --> 02:02:18,075
Answer: a family.
2039
02:02:18,423 --> 02:02:21,376
See? I didn't lie
what kind of film this was.
2040
02:02:21,453 --> 02:02:23,156
If there's anything
you take away today...
2041
02:02:23,233 --> 02:02:26,077
other than the need to Google,
"What the fuck is dubstep?"...
2042
02:02:26,154 --> 02:02:29,207
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.
2043
02:04:25,905 --> 02:04:27,868
How something
so small generates
2044
02:04:27,945 --> 02:04:29,322
enough energy
to reverse time is...
2045
02:04:29,399 --> 02:04:31,668
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,
2046
02:04:31,745 --> 02:04:33,611
or I'll take it
to the Genius Bar.
2047
02:04:33,688 --> 02:04:35,600
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.
2048
02:04:35,677 --> 02:04:36,678
Never heard of him.
2049
02:04:36,755 --> 02:04:38,441
Why do you think
I'm helping him?
2050
02:04:39,169 --> 02:04:41,347
The Lord works
in mysterious ways,
2051
02:04:41,500 --> 02:04:43,925
don't I?
A good day.
2052
02:04:44,497 --> 02:04:45,773
Bye, Wade!
2053
02:04:45,959 --> 02:04:47,613
Bye, Yukio!
2054
02:04:48,303 --> 02:04:50,723
That was probably a bad idea.
2055
02:04:51,065 --> 02:04:52,659
What have we done?
2056
02:05:10,548 --> 02:05:12,958
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.
2057
02:05:22,719 --> 02:05:24,606
I'll be right back!
2058
02:05:26,007 --> 02:05:28,761
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!
2059
02:05:28,896 --> 02:05:30,579
Whoo!
2060
02:05:31,709 --> 02:05:32,747
Peter!
2061
02:05:32,825 --> 02:05:37,337
- Whoo! X-Force!
- Walk... away! Just walk away!
2062
02:05:37,811 --> 02:05:39,967
- But we're X-Force!
- Nope! We're not.
2063
02:05:40,044 --> 02:05:41,467
X-Force is just
a marketing tool
2064
02:05:41,544 --> 02:05:42,778
designed by Fox executives...
2065
02:05:42,855 --> 02:05:44,457
to keep Josh Brolin employed.
2066
02:05:44,534 --> 02:05:45,825
It doesn't exist.
2067
02:05:45,902 --> 02:05:49,203
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!
2068
02:05:49,280 --> 02:05:50,966
And I need to feed my cat!
2069
02:05:51,043 --> 02:05:53,578
Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.
2070
02:05:53,732 --> 02:05:57,501
Okay. Will you give
Domino my email?
2071
02:06:05,964 --> 02:06:08,051
Wade, is that you?
2072
02:06:10,219 --> 02:06:11,598
I guess Stryker finally
2073
02:06:11,675 --> 02:06:13,469
figured out
how to shut you up.
2074
02:06:19,477 --> 02:06:22,813
Hey! It's me!
Don't scratch!
2075
02:06:23,138 --> 02:06:24,980
Just cleaning up
the timelines!
2076
02:06:25,057 --> 02:06:28,785
Look, eventually you're
going to hang up the claws...
2077
02:06:28,862 --> 02:06:31,449
and it's gonna make
a lot of people very sad.
2078
02:06:31,526 --> 02:06:32,490
Huh?
2079
02:06:32,574 --> 02:06:34,533
But one day, your old pal
Wade's gonna ask you...
2080
02:06:34,610 --> 02:06:36,454
to get back
in the saddle again.
2081
02:06:37,150 --> 02:06:39,874
And when he does,
say yes.
2082
02:06:41,211 --> 02:06:43,285
Oh, right.
2083
02:06:43,793 --> 02:06:45,086
Love you!
2084
02:06:47,432 --> 02:06:49,468
Goddamn, that's beautiful.
2085
02:06:56,472 --> 02:06:58,507
You're welcome, Canada.
2086
02:07:10,906 --> 02:07:12,218
Boy howdy.
2087
02:07:13,865 --> 02:07:16,956
Hi. This is a toughie.
2088
02:07:17,101 --> 02:07:18,202
Yeesh.
2089
02:07:18,312 --> 02:07:21,378
Oh, yes. You're already
practicing your salute, huh?
2090
02:07:21,748 --> 02:07:24,623
Yes, you are. Well, we'll
take care of that, won't we?
2091
02:07:24,700 --> 02:07:27,761
Jesus Christ! This is
so much harder than I thought.
2092
02:07:28,312 --> 02:07:29,920
Oh, I'm going to hell.
2093
02:07:29,997 --> 02:07:31,634
That makes two of us.
2094
02:07:31,711 --> 02:07:32,954
You can do this.
2095
02:07:33,125 --> 02:07:36,009
This is crazy. This is crazy.
This is crazy. This is crazy.
2096
02:07:36,086 --> 02:07:37,304
All right.
2097
02:07:44,520 --> 02:07:46,649
Maximum effort.
2098
02:13:24,610 --> 02:13:26,887
That's okay.
Let me see here.
2099
02:13:26,983 --> 02:13:28,274
Oh, God.
2100
02:13:28,489 --> 02:13:30,718
That's why you're
such a little bastard.
2101
02:13:30,795 --> 02:13:32,691
No one's ever changed you.
2102
02:13:32,910 --> 02:13:35,767
Yeah, you got a big, old
stinky in there, don't you?
2103
02:13:35,844 --> 02:13:37,757
God, it smells like
Hitler's anus...
2104
02:13:37,834 --> 02:13:41,091
which... would makes sense,
wouldn't it? Yeah.
2105
02:13:41,168 --> 02:13:42,228
I think we both know
2106
02:13:42,305 --> 02:13:43,679
I don't have
what it takes to do this...
2107
02:13:43,756 --> 02:13:46,275
so, I'm just gonna change
your diaper real quick...
2108
02:13:46,352 --> 02:13:48,084
and then I'm gonna come back
with my friend, Cable.
2109
02:13:48,161 --> 02:13:49,855
He loves killing kids.
149200
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