All language subtitles for reserve kladblad-twaalfnieuw

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

Oof! Why am I doing
all the heavy lifting

while you're on the floor folding
paper like a Japanese princess?

Assembling this display
is no walk in the park...

he said, ignoring his paper cut!

There you go.
Hope I didn't lose a finger.

I hope you did.

Well, I believe we earned
a refreshing beverage.

What's so military about this?

I thought it would be more...

...explode-y.

Hi-yaa!

Oh, sorry. I thought we
were getting Red Dawn-ed.

No, but good to know
you can pop a squat

if World War III breaks out.

It's a promotion for a new soda.

Thought I'd give it a whirl,
since it came with six free cases.

- How does it taste?
- Free.

Pretty unrealistic portrayal
of the male physique,

- wouldn't you say?
- I'm more concerned

with him going into
battle shirtless.

I dunno. Those abs look like
they could stop a bullet.

The real problem
is charging in with no gonch.

No gonch?
How can you tell?

He's a Commander.

Where do you think
"commando" comes from?

Oh... then I guess you
can call me Commander Hank.

And you can call me queasy.

Get your hands
out of your pockets.

? You think
there's not a lot going on ?

? Look closer, baby ?

? You're so wrong ?

1x11 ? Smoke-a-Cola

Buenos d�as, amigas.
C�mo est�s?

Two weeks in Cuba, and
suddenly she's Chita Rivera.

Cuba sounds great.
Better than my vacation.

Oh, you took a trip?

- Where? When?
- Here. Now.

I had three extra
vacation days banked,

and it's a "use 'em or lose 'em"
type of situation.

I guess the upside is I've
been able to binge-watch

this whole season of Battle Brides.

Battle Brides?
That's my favourite show.

I don't like reality shows.
I prefer actual reality.

Like deep conversations on the
white sandy beaches of Varadero,

listening to salsa music
while smoking delicious cigars.

- You like cigars?
- Yes, I love the rich, brown,

musky aroma, full body...

Buenos d�as, beautiful lady.

Pardon the muskiness of my full body.

Would you like to buy a box of...

...of cigars.
I'm talking about the cigars.

- Did you bring any back?
- Oh. Yeah, a couple.

What?
Chicks don't smoke cigars!

- I smoke cigars.
- I said chicks, not my friend's mom.

Now you're about to get smoked.

Okay, crazy idea.

Tomorrow, we get together,
smoke cigars,

and watch the Battle Brides finale.

I'd feel like I was still on vacation.

We get it.
You had an actual vacation.

- Count me in.
- Great! But can we watch something

other than a stupid bride show?

Sorry, Hank.
Cigar-smoking chicks only.

C'mon, I'll... I'll wear gonch!

What is it that bugs me
about that guy?

That you'll never look as good

- as a piece of cardboard?
- That's it.

I don't know. Studies have shown

that you can make a big
difference in your physique

- by doing one simple activity per day.
- Yeah, right.

Oh, look at me.
I'm doing three push-ups in a row.

I'm Dwayne "The Rock" Carrot Top.

Jeez. Maybe you're right.
I do feel different.

- Oh, my face is crying.
- That's sweat.

Ew. But look.
I'm stronger already.

Hm. Maybe there is something
that is working-out thing.

Oops.
Hulk not know own strength.

Oh. Oh...

Those are impressive.
A woman could get lost in there...

All right, back off, jar-head.
I got work to do.

Why aren't ya inside with Karen?

Don't wanna remind her of
work while she's on vaycay.

With her off duty, it's just me
keeping an eye on the mean streets.

Dog River
doesn't have any mean streets.

Hey!
What're you trying to do, kill me?

At worst, we have some
uncaring boulevards.

Hey, Davis!
Do something about

the curbs around here.
They're too damn high!

'Cause that's what cops do.
Shave down curbs.

Hey, Oscar.
If you're going to go to Corner Gas,

grab me a lottery ticket.

Karen usually picks them for
us 'cause I have terrible luck.

I didn't think you could
get any more useless.

Here's your damn scratch and sniff.

I hope you lose,
you lazy, non-curb-shaving,

unlucky ticket picking...

That's some top-notch muttering, Oscar.

Hey! I won two dollars!
All right!

We did it!
I'll take my half in cash.

- Your half?
- I-I picked the ticket, I should get half,

- you cheap, stingy, ticket-scratching...
- Fine.

Why are you suddenly all Patrick Swayze?

I don't get the reference.
I'm not dancing, molding clay,

cross-dressing, or undercover surfing.

- No sleeves.
- Oh, Roadhousing.

Yeah, I rolled them up as a precaution
before my biceps shred them.

Don't want anyone to lose
an eye due to shirt shards.

Right? Wanda?
Is there something wrong with

the Commander Cola cutout?

- You keep staring at it.
- Huh? No! Who did?

- And why are you wearing lipstick?
- Shut up!

- My lips are chapped.
- Yeah, that makes perfect sense.

Gimme another scratch and win.
I'm on a roll!

Give him two.
I'm riding his roll.

Pick 'em and weep.
I mean, good luck.

Ah well. End of the roll.
Fun's over.

Holy hell, I won a hundred bucks!

? I'm Richy Richard
Richardson the Richest! ?

- I'll take my 50 in cash.
- My fat Aunt Fanny you will.

I gave you half my winnings,
so you give me half yours.

You ungrateful, underhanded,
good for nothing...

Is he muttering more than usual?
Dad, it sounds like

Davis is being completely
reasonable here.

He... he didn't...

Wanda's wearing lipstick!

So we can't have the party at
Karen's because of the smoke,

can't have it at my place
because I don't have cable,

and can't have it at
Emma's, because... Oscar.

- We can have it at my place.
- One, you're not invited.

Two, your place stinks.
Three, you're Hank.

Numbers one and three aside,
my place does smell.

If anything, cigar smoke
would make it better...

and keep the insects away.

Have you ever talked
anyone into anything?

The hotel bar!

Phil just installed a new projector
and screen for movie night.

- C'mon, Oscar! This isn't fair.
- So call a cop.

Don't know... how long...

- arms will hold...
- Take it down a notch.

You guys are overreacting to...

Nooo!

This isn't over, Oscar!

His arm!
His beautiful, bumpy arm!

- It's completely ripped!
- I know how he feels.

Hey, Phil.

Can we have a cigar and Battle
Brides party here tomorrow night?

Sure. So long as "Officer By-law" here

overlooks the no-smoking rules.

- Meh. I'm on vacation.
- Great!

Battle Brides is on at 8:00,
so get that projection screen ready.

- Can't. Hank ruined the screen.
- What? When?

Put 200 bucks on my tab!

Hey, Phil.
Can we have a cigar

and Battle Brides party
here tomorrow night?

- Not long ago.
- Great. Now we have no choice

- but to have the party at Hank's place.
- Well, well, well.

Look who came crawling
back to old Hanky.

I mean, we're going to have so much fun!

Who'd have thought that cigars
could bring the girls together?

It's like I brought my
vacation home with me.

Oh, fine, I'll bite.
Whatcha doing, Brent?

I used to just swivel for fun,

but now I can feel it working
my core. Wanda was right.

Small changes go a long way
to getting fit.

This morning, I did one squat,

and I can already see a difference.

Yeah, I see squat, all right.
But isn't all that cola,

which you didn't purchase
here, by the way, fattening?

Oh, sure, the cola has sugar,

but the sugar gives me the energy
to burn off the sugar.

I'm calorie neutral.
Like Sweden.

Shh.
You're going to be just fine, soldier.

Tell me about the place you grew up.

? Richy Richardson,
the Richest of the Richy Riches ?

Hmm.

Jaywalking is a $50 fine.

Or you could just give me
my half of the lottery winnings.

You're not getting a cent
of my money!

And neither are you!

Well, look who's up already.

You certainly have better colour today.

A-Are you flirting with me, mister?

Ooh, someone's excited.

Hey, Emma!

How many new teeth can I
get for a hundred bucks?

Oh no. If you think you're
trapping me into a second wedding,

you got another thing coming.

Why would I want a second wedding

when I'm not done regretting the first?

This is for the Battle Brides party.

Emma.

I'm here to collect $50,
or Oscar's going to jail.

- Oscar, get your shoes on.
- I'm not giving nothing to that scratch and loser!

Why don't you two idiots spend
the money on more tickets?

Agree to split whatever you
win, and be done with it.

Hmm...

That would make the
jaywalking fine go away.

Okay, but I pick the tickets.

Am I the only one with
any brains around here?

Aah!

You going to arm-wrestle
that thing all day,

- or pump some gas?
- My eyes are up here, ladies.

- How long is this going to take?
- As long as you like.

The gas fumes have
finally gotten to Brent.

Just like his old man.

Rrr!

- Oh, my.
- Who is this? Commander Cola.

Well, he can shimmy
into my foxhole any day.

If I knew the military looked like this,

I wouldn't have dodged the draft.

You didn't have to dodge the draft.
You're a woman.

That's right.
A woman.

Hey! You two floozies
going to buy something,

or you're just going to hang around,

drooling like a couple
of high school hussies?

Just 'cause there's snow
on the roof doesn't mean...

Take your snowy roofs and powder.

And don't stand there grinning
like you had nothing to do with it.

And put on a damn shirt!

Welcome to Casa Del
House of Hank's House.

Everything is ready for
the big party... inside.

- What exactly did you do to get ready?
- I'm wearing pants, ain't I?

Whatever, let's get this show
on the road to holy matrimony!

Why don't we leave the TV
off for now and enjoy a cigar

in the company of good friends?

Hey, I didn't know I had a cat.

Huh. Probably why I haven't
seen as many rats around lately.

No.
I'm not jealous.

I was just worried
you might catch a cold

by that drafty door.

I'm not trying to change you.

Well, if you don't want
to wear it, take it off.

Oh, the silent treatment?
Hmph.

Well, two can play that game, hot stuff.

- Hello?
- Do you mind?

Trying to win a war here.

Fine. I'll get my own
scratch and win tickets.

- Ow!
- Pick 'em and get out.

I'm in the middle of a domestic.

Ooh, get the Leprechaun.
Scratchie O'Shamrock.

- Luck of the Irish.
- That's racist. I got a system.

Yeah, stick to your system, Oscar.
Loyalty is important.

- At least it is to some people!
- Quit yammering.

You're jinxing my mojo.
Where's Brent?

All I'm saying is,
a few small changes yield big results.

I can train you if you're interested.

And if we're not interested,
will you leave?

Nope.
It's called commitment.

Carbs equal energy.

Aw, don't move those comics!

They're scattered in alphabetical order!

Don't touch the remotes!
I have a system!

- Aah! What are you doing?
- Your milk is expired.

I was making cheese!

Aw, it was going to pair perfectly
with those crackers I found.

Quit messing with my stuff!

I'll start with the Western theme,
then move on to the fruit motif.

Ha!
Wagon wheel! Wagon wheel!

- Spaceship?
- That's a cow patty.

Well, it's still not a match.

Ooh, look!
I won a bag of chips!

Half a bag of chips.

Well, I'm closing up now.

But, look, I think we
both got carried away.

Things were said.
Feelings were hurt.

But I'm going to be mature,
take the high road,

and offer you a chance to apologize.

Ugh!
You military types are all the same.

You need the drama,
don't you, Hurt Locker?

Well, I can't live like this!

That's exactly where you belong!

Oh, God, what have I done?
This isn't right.

There.
And you can keep the t-shirt.

It'll only remind me of you.

Now, power-walking like Wanda there

is a good way to raise the heart rate,

but that much rage can
also make it explode.

Bit of a tightrope.
Okay, ready?

- And we're done. Shake it out.
- That's it?

That was Brent's
Butt-Blaster Challenge?

I said they were small changes.

Nice power-walking, ladies.
But dial back that rage.

You'll feel it in the morning.

This is the life.
Good friends, quality cigars,

and whatever this
liquid is Hank gave us.

Cheers!

Sorry I, uh, lost my head, ladies.

Allow me to present you with my
specially prepared h'ordurvays.

Aw!
Oh.

It looks like chopped-up
wieners in popcorn.

Yeah, my own invention, popdogs!

I was going to call it "corndogs,"
but that was a legal can of worms.

Ooh!
The brides are arriving in the limos.

- Volume.
- Okay, the entertainment

system is a tad complicated.
Try to keep up.

If you want volume, use this one,
and press "source."

- Then push "input 1" on this...
- No need.

I programmed all of them
into your universal remote.

You can't use the universal remote!

I haven't bought a Universal yet!

And who fixed my lucky broken lamp?

I'm starting to regret letting you guys
let me into this hen party.

It's time to leave.

Eh...
No, I was thinking you guys leave.

Guess I should've been more specific.

Hey!
Who fixed the door lock?

Come on!

Welcome to Battle Brides!

We've watched it all season,
and it's come down to this.

Two brides enter.

One dream dies.

This is Battle Brides?
It looks awful!

This is Battle Brides?
It looks awesome!

Here we go, Sondra.
Get in there

and tell her that
bouquet is so last season!

Yeah!
Ask her why her dad isn't there

- to walk her down the aisle!
- Harsh.

Whew!
Commercial break.

How about we calm down
with some Cuban music

I brought back from my vacation?

Oh, isn't this better?
Maybe we can chat?

With each other?
Hey, Emma,

what was the best part
of your wedding night?

Oscar fell asleep early.
That was nice.

I've always imagined my wedding
to be on a beach somewhere,

- with a warm breeze, and...
- A punch to the head!

- No...
- It's back on.

Sondra punched the priest.

Gaah?
Commander Cola?

Wha...
How did you... ?

And the prize for our lucky winners!

Gimme.
It may be the only thing we won,

but we're splitting it fair and square!

Oh, excuse me...
Oh, hello.

Sergeant... Soda, wasn't it?

Anyway, nice to see you again.

- Looks like your arm has healed nicely.
- Can I help you, Wanda?

I think you've done enough.

It didn't take you long to move on...

- Pig.
- Quite the display, huh?

Did you get one of
these at Corner Gas too?

- Oh, so this is...
- Kind of creepy, eh?

- I feel like he's always watching me.
- Don't flatter yourself.

I mean, yeah,
super creepy and not sexy.

- I'll get him out of here for you.
- Weirdo.

This is some amazing smack-talk!

How long does the smack-talk last?

Till someone stops talking
and starts smacking!

Ah! This is more like it.

- Hey, wanna play something?
- Maybe. Any requests?

Hmm. ..
Know any Pablo Milan�s?

No. I don't play guitar.

I was gonna use this for kindling.

Hey.
This one has three cherries.

- Doesn't that mean...
- It's a winner!

- Two hundred bucks!
- I'm rich!

You mean I'm rich.
You two thought it was garbage.

I picked the ticket!
It's my money!

We agreed to split
everything, remember?

How about we split it three ways?

That's about 66 and change apiece.

- Nice.
- All right!

- There you go, boys.
- Uh, okay...

There's the change.
You forgot the "66" part.

Taking into account
your outstanding tabs,

- I'm being generous.
- Gimme a bag of chips.

And this time, I'm not sharing.

Welcome home, soldier.
I'm off for the night,

but here's a little
something for you to read

if you get bored.

Two hours of juicy
jabs and sleazy slams,

- and now the main event!
- Here we go!

That's it?

That was a lot of hype and
build-up for zero payoff.

- That's marriage, all right.
- Now what do we do?

See, isn't this the best
kind of entertainment?

Yup.
Best mandatory vacation ever.

Can I take my pants off now?

Whatever.
I've got my own entertainment.

Stupid universe.

Karen!
How do you work this thing?

- You ever going to open those?
- Eat my winnings? No way.

These chips are worth 66 bucks!

Hey, is that Zeke?

What the hell is he doing with a boat?

Hey, Zeke!
Where'd you get that boat?

I won it!
Bought the last leprechaun ticket!

Thank you, Scratchie O'Shamrock!

- Stupid Irish!
- Now, that's racist.

Morning, Wanda.
Off to prom?

None of your business.

A gal doesn't need any special
reason to look her best. Aah!

Oh yeah, that's the new display
for Screamin' Demon Diapers.

It's a weird name, until you
learn they're hellishly absorbent.

- Where's Commander Cola?
- He shipped out.

- To war?
- No. Back to the distributor.

Turns out that soda
hadn't been approved

by the foodie druggie... approvers?

Anyway, it had unhealthy
levels of "tyrosine."

Side effects include heightened
feelings of passion and delusion.

In hindsight, that does
explain some odd behaviour.

And emotions.
By certain people.

- I'm going to go wash my face.
- Don't be sad.

I heard Cap'n Crunch say
he thinks you're cute!

I drank a lot of that soda too.

Wonder why I didn't become delusional.

How you doin'?

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

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? I don't know ?

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? Ooh ?

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? Ooh ?

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? I don't know ?

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