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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:02,812 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 2 00:00:03,789 --> 00:00:06,136 I'm looking for Wanda Dollard. 3 00:00:06,137 --> 00:00:08,484 Now you're looking at one of the Dollard. 4 00:00:07,519 --> 00:00:09,994 I'm from East Montgomery University. 5 00:00:10,029 --> 00:00:12,256 Hey! I took online courses there. 6 00:00:12,291 --> 00:00:14,689 Listen, if this is about the tuition, 7 00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:17,509 I did not know my credit card was maxed out, 8 00:00:17,511 --> 00:00:19,876 or expired... or not mine. 9 00:00:19,878 --> 00:00:21,909 I'm here to deliver your doctorate degree 10 00:00:21,911 --> 00:00:25,065 in Philosophy. Congratulations! 11 00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:28,452 You're now an alumnus of the Fighting Ostriches. 12 00:00:29,943 --> 00:00:34,234 The school is E.M.U. but the mascot is an ostrich? 13 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:35,849 Well, damn. 14 00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,975 I'll have to bring that up at the next meeting. 15 00:00:38,117 --> 00:00:40,446 Question. Why are you hand-delivering 16 00:00:40,481 --> 00:00:42,629 my diploma for an online degree? 17 00:00:42,669 --> 00:00:45,029 You didn't untick the option for hand delivery. 18 00:00:45,147 --> 00:00:47,467 That probably shouldn't be our default. 19 00:00:47,499 --> 00:00:49,928 I'll bring that up at the next meeting too. 20 00:00:50,019 --> 00:00:53,784 Anyway, now you can say goodbye to this dead-end job 21 00:00:53,797 --> 00:00:56,108 and embark on a career in Philosophy. 22 00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:58,053 'Cause that's where the real money is. 23 00:00:58,245 --> 00:01:00,706 I only took the courses to up my small-talk game. 24 00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:02,944 Now instead of talking weather with the farmers, 25 00:01:03,008 --> 00:01:06,149 I can mix it up with a little "Do we have free will?" 26 00:01:06,245 --> 00:01:08,121 Or "How about that Nietzsche? Huh? 27 00:01:08,203 --> 00:01:09,876 He could really ruin a church picnic, 28 00:01:09,878 --> 00:01:12,297 - am I right?" - I don't teach Philosophy. 29 00:01:12,332 --> 00:01:14,218 I teach Mathematical Probability. 30 00:01:14,318 --> 00:01:18,821 - So why did they send you? - I drew the short straw. 31 00:01:20,125 --> 00:01:23,342 I've been waiting 20 years to make that joke! 32 00:01:24,623 --> 00:01:28,258 We're done here. I've got a 32-hour trip ahead of me. 33 00:01:29,086 --> 00:01:32,786 ♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪ 34 00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:36,052 ♪ Look closer, baby you're so wrong ♪ 35 00:01:36,154 --> 00:01:39,219 2x11 - Doctors Without Borders 36 00:01:42,521 --> 00:01:45,553 Hey, Brent. You seem chipper today. 37 00:01:45,555 --> 00:01:47,686 I should be chipper. It's my day off. 38 00:01:47,688 --> 00:01:49,619 Plus, I just had some chips. 39 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,319 - Oh, yass! - Nice! 40 00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:53,586 Hey, watch it! 41 00:01:53,588 --> 00:01:56,553 What's yer prob? We're grinding a rail. 42 00:01:56,555 --> 00:01:58,352 It's government property, ya punks. 43 00:01:58,354 --> 00:02:00,852 - Go grind something else. - Ew. 44 00:02:02,819 --> 00:02:04,719 Wow. You went from chipper to curmudgeon 45 00:02:04,721 --> 00:02:06,553 pretty quick there, old timer. 46 00:02:06,555 --> 00:02:09,098 - You're Oscar 2.0. - No, I'm not. 47 00:02:09,135 --> 00:02:12,919 Now, scram, or I'll call the feds! Okay, that was reminiscent. 48 00:02:12,921 --> 00:02:14,919 Well, I think it's great that they're skateboarding. 49 00:02:14,921 --> 00:02:17,186 Better than being on their phones all day. 50 00:02:17,188 --> 00:02:19,286 Listen to The Lace. She's so cool. 51 00:02:19,288 --> 00:02:21,785 Oh, geez. Well, I'm not that cool. 52 00:02:21,787 --> 00:02:24,219 Just compared to this dinosaur. 53 00:02:24,221 --> 00:02:27,653 - "Scram! I'm a hundred!" - Ooh, sick burn! 54 00:02:27,655 --> 00:02:29,252 You're the GOAT, Lace. 55 00:02:29,254 --> 00:02:31,386 Oh, hear that? I'm a goat. 56 00:02:31,388 --> 00:02:33,019 Why am I a goat? 57 00:02:33,021 --> 00:02:36,119 Probably has something to do with chin whiskers. 58 00:02:38,587 --> 00:02:41,852 - It's unconstitutional! - What, parking tickets? 59 00:02:41,854 --> 00:02:43,352 What's your beef, copper! 60 00:02:43,354 --> 00:02:45,718 You get off on stickin' it to the little guy! 61 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,119 Why are you kicking up a fuss? It's not even our car. 62 00:02:49,121 --> 00:02:52,519 - It's not even a car. - I'm just making a point. 63 00:02:52,521 --> 00:02:55,119 Why do you never support me, woman? 64 00:02:55,121 --> 00:02:58,152 I do support you. There was that time I... 65 00:02:58,154 --> 00:03:02,119 Oh. No. Well, that other time I... 66 00:03:02,121 --> 00:03:05,052 - Huh. I'll be darned. - See? 67 00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:07,419 Fine. Whatever you randomly oppose next, 68 00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,019 I'll support you 100%. 69 00:03:09,886 --> 00:03:14,252 Why are you writing that ticket with your left hand? 70 00:03:14,254 --> 00:03:16,219 'Cause I'm... left-handed? 71 00:03:16,221 --> 00:03:19,286 Left-handed! That's an abomination! 72 00:03:19,288 --> 00:03:21,818 Right, Emma? Right? 73 00:03:22,421 --> 00:03:27,985 I support you 100%, and regret this already. 74 00:03:30,719 --> 00:03:34,386 "Doc-toriss... Phil-o-so... raptor?" 75 00:03:34,388 --> 00:03:36,319 It's my degree, Dorkus idioticus. 76 00:03:36,321 --> 00:03:39,452 - I'm now officially a doctor of... - You're a doctor? 77 00:03:39,454 --> 00:03:42,419 - Uh, can you look at this rash? - Not without vomiting. 78 00:03:42,421 --> 00:03:44,519 So you're not a doctor? 79 00:03:44,521 --> 00:03:47,319 I'm different kind of doctor, a doctor of Philosophy, 80 00:03:47,321 --> 00:03:50,152 but you should definitely put some balm on your butt. 81 00:03:50,154 --> 00:03:52,518 Butt balm, got it. Thanks, Dr. Wanda. 82 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,386 That wasn't a medical diagnosis, just common sense. 83 00:03:55,388 --> 00:03:56,685 But keep up the "Dr. Wanda" stuff. 84 00:03:56,687 --> 00:03:59,019 A doctor could get used to that. 85 00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:02,386 Hey, "The Lace." Am I using that right? 86 00:04:02,388 --> 00:04:04,152 "The Lace." "Lacers." 87 00:04:04,154 --> 00:04:07,352 "The GOAT," apparently. I answer to all of them. 88 00:04:07,354 --> 00:04:09,319 What can I do for you, old timer? 89 00:04:09,321 --> 00:04:11,352 Can I get a table out on the patio? 90 00:04:11,354 --> 00:04:14,152 - Sure. Why? - Oh, you know us old folks. 91 00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:17,618 Need the Vitamin D to ward off osteoporosis. 92 00:04:17,620 --> 00:04:19,952 Plus, looks like a lot going on out there. 93 00:04:19,954 --> 00:04:21,785 There is? 94 00:04:26,020 --> 00:04:26,885 Hey! 95 00:04:27,053 --> 00:04:28,943 - Hey, Lacey! - Lacers! 96 00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:31,386 - Lace-up! - Oh, what's up, guys? 97 00:04:31,388 --> 00:04:35,152 What brings you here to the, uh... goat... pen? 98 00:04:35,154 --> 00:04:36,451 You're the only adult in town 99 00:04:36,453 --> 00:04:38,252 who doesn't rag on us for skateboarding. 100 00:04:38,254 --> 00:04:39,518 So we thought we'd come hang here. 101 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:43,286 - You're cool, right? - Yeah, you're cool, right, Lacers? 102 00:04:43,288 --> 00:04:45,685 Cool, groovy, 23 skidoo? 103 00:04:45,687 --> 00:04:47,518 I can't keep up with you youngsters 104 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,652 and your funky slang and your gender-fluid apps. 105 00:04:50,654 --> 00:04:55,518 Oh, yeah, uh, absolutely. Supes cool. 106 00:04:57,187 --> 00:04:58,767 Hey, knock that off! 107 00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:02,186 - What? - Uh, knock that flower pot off 108 00:05:02,188 --> 00:05:05,385 so there's more room for you to do your grindboarding. 109 00:05:05,387 --> 00:05:07,912 Didn't the military outlaw that? 110 00:05:09,153 --> 00:05:11,370 Whoa, okay, stop it! 111 00:05:12,253 --> 00:05:17,085 And, uh, come inside for some fries on the house! 112 00:05:17,087 --> 00:05:19,052 Whoo-hoo! All right! 113 00:05:19,054 --> 00:05:21,585 - Free fries! Count me in. - Not for you, Pops, 114 00:05:21,587 --> 00:05:23,219 but I'll give you the senior's discount. 115 00:05:23,221 --> 00:05:25,885 Burn, but sold. 116 00:05:29,452 --> 00:05:32,286 I want you to feel my bump. 117 00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:35,994 Look, uh, I like you, Mavis, but, uh... 118 00:05:37,053 --> 00:05:38,818 Squishy. Bumpy. 119 00:05:38,820 --> 00:05:41,019 - We all done here? - "Squishy"? 120 00:05:41,287 --> 00:05:44,852 I came here for some medical advice from a doctor. 121 00:05:44,854 --> 00:05:47,418 Who said I was a... 122 00:05:48,786 --> 00:05:51,785 Oh, sorry, Mavis. I'm not that kind of a doctor. 123 00:05:51,787 --> 00:05:53,952 I knew it. I mean, you're smart, 124 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,818 but you're not doctor smart. 125 00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:59,219 Hey! I am a doctor, and I know what that is. 126 00:05:59,221 --> 00:06:00,451 It's called a ganglion. 127 00:06:00,453 --> 00:06:02,952 I want you to treat it, not name it. 128 00:06:02,954 --> 00:06:06,952 It's a benign irritant... with a cyst on her wrist. 129 00:06:06,954 --> 00:06:08,219 My cousin had one of those. 130 00:06:08,221 --> 00:06:09,985 You just have to hit it with something hard. 131 00:06:09,987 --> 00:06:11,852 - Hey-o! - Oh! 132 00:06:11,854 --> 00:06:14,919 Hey, it's gone! Oh, thank you, Wanda. 133 00:06:14,921 --> 00:06:16,727 Dr. Wanda. 134 00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:22,815 Left-handed police officers. What's next? 135 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:23,731 Left-handed soccer players? 136 00:06:23,733 --> 00:06:26,566 - Why would that even... - Good morning. 137 00:06:26,568 --> 00:06:27,798 It most certainly is not! 138 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:31,665 Your partner is from H-E-double hockey sticks! 139 00:06:31,667 --> 00:06:33,432 I don't really follow sports. 140 00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:36,831 - I'm saying Davis can't be trusted. - You're telling me. 141 00:06:36,999 --> 00:06:40,032 He took all my cheese strings and didn't replace them, 142 00:06:40,034 --> 00:06:42,898 or eat them. He just made little cheddar puppets. 143 00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:45,132 I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Karen. 144 00:06:45,134 --> 00:06:48,065 Brace yourself. Davis is... 145 00:06:48,067 --> 00:06:48,998 left-handed! 146 00:06:50,233 --> 00:06:52,132 So am I. 147 00:06:52,366 --> 00:06:54,332 You and Davis are both lefties? 148 00:06:54,334 --> 00:06:57,798 - Do you know what that means? - They excel in the arts? 149 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,551 They need a special can opener? 150 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:02,499 It means that 100% of the Dog River police force 151 00:07:02,501 --> 00:07:05,098 is left-handed. Sinister! 152 00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:09,165 Sinistra! That's "left" in Latino. 153 00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:13,438 - Is he okay? - I support him 100% 154 00:07:13,538 --> 00:07:16,198 in his view that lefties are... What was it again? 155 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,592 - An abomin... - "An abomination." 156 00:07:19,966 --> 00:07:21,598 So how much for the cheese strings? 157 00:07:24,892 --> 00:07:27,925 Three more plates of bottomless free fries. 158 00:07:27,927 --> 00:07:29,891 Can I get some more? Mine are cold. 159 00:07:29,893 --> 00:07:31,225 Maybe you shouldn't have poured 160 00:07:31,227 --> 00:07:34,754 an entire bottle of ketchup on them. 161 00:07:36,627 --> 00:07:38,525 My bad! I meant to hit Zeke. 162 00:07:38,527 --> 00:07:40,758 - Oh! - My bad. 163 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,225 My old grip's not what it used to be. 164 00:07:42,227 --> 00:07:44,691 Napkin Fight! 165 00:07:44,693 --> 00:07:46,659 Whoo! 166 00:07:46,661 --> 00:07:47,925 Missed me! 167 00:07:47,927 --> 00:07:50,592 Lookin' a little warm, The Coolest. 168 00:07:50,594 --> 00:07:52,991 I'm just fine, The Oldest. 169 00:07:52,993 --> 00:07:55,724 Can I get a glass of prune juice while you're in there? 170 00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,659 Keeps the train on time. 171 00:07:57,661 --> 00:07:59,325 Ugh! Old people are gross. 172 00:08:01,626 --> 00:08:03,691 This is a left-handed crisis! 173 00:08:03,693 --> 00:08:07,358 First Davis, and now Karen. It's an epidemic. 174 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,825 Who's next? We need to rally the righties. 175 00:08:10,827 --> 00:08:12,525 But maybe it's time to find something new 176 00:08:12,527 --> 00:08:15,625 to be irration... ... passionate about. 177 00:08:15,627 --> 00:08:18,624 The important thing is that you, you voiced your concern, 178 00:08:18,626 --> 00:08:21,225 and I backed you up, and now it's over. 179 00:08:21,227 --> 00:08:23,565 - Right? - Wrong! 180 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:24,791 Left ain't right! 181 00:08:24,793 --> 00:08:26,758 Left ain't right! 182 00:08:31,146 --> 00:08:34,244 Left ain't right! Left ain't right! 183 00:08:34,246 --> 00:08:36,244 You're not all here to protest the fact 184 00:08:36,246 --> 00:08:37,745 that we're lefties, are you? 185 00:08:37,747 --> 00:08:38,678 Yes! 186 00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:39,845 Just like we've always been, 187 00:08:39,847 --> 00:08:41,644 and you've never had a problem with it. 188 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:42,644 Yes! 189 00:08:42,646 --> 00:08:44,511 What do you want us to do, quit? 190 00:08:44,513 --> 00:08:46,395 You lefties are so dramatic. 191 00:08:46,396 --> 00:08:48,277 We don't want you to quit. 192 00:08:48,279 --> 00:08:51,611 We simply want you to become right-handed! 193 00:08:53,613 --> 00:08:54,678 Sounds reasonable. 194 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:56,611 - Does it? - I don't know. 195 00:08:56,613 --> 00:08:58,845 I just see a bunch of tax-paying voters 196 00:08:58,847 --> 00:09:00,644 who are upset about something, 197 00:09:00,646 --> 00:09:01,678 so do what they want. 198 00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,911 - But that's mob rule. - Yeah! Mobs rule! 199 00:09:04,913 --> 00:09:06,745 Mobs! Mobs! Mobs! 200 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:09,544 I guess we're right-handed now. 201 00:09:11,378 --> 00:09:14,244 What's with the cake? I can't cure diabetes. 202 00:09:15,479 --> 00:09:17,644 I am aware there is no cure for diabetes. 203 00:09:17,646 --> 00:09:18,778 I brought you this cake 204 00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:21,411 as "thank you" for banging my ganglion. 205 00:09:21,413 --> 00:09:22,778 Whoa, when did that happen? 206 00:09:22,780 --> 00:09:25,744 Aw, Mavis. I can't accept payment for that. 207 00:09:27,412 --> 00:09:28,211 Ow! 208 00:09:28,378 --> 00:09:29,678 You a doctor? This is doctor cake. 209 00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,244 I helped! I'm kinda your nurse. 210 00:09:32,246 --> 00:09:35,511 Uh, Doctor Wanda, can you listen to my heart? 211 00:09:35,513 --> 00:09:37,111 I've brought a flan. 212 00:09:37,113 --> 00:09:39,611 Listen, Helen, I'm not a medical... 213 00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:42,778 Is that caramel? Sure, I'll take a look at your tart. 214 00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:44,695 Uh... heart. 215 00:09:48,847 --> 00:09:51,444 You pea'd your pants! 216 00:09:51,446 --> 00:09:53,845 "Pea" with an "A"! Good one! 217 00:09:53,847 --> 00:09:56,745 Oh, no, it's Officer Right Hand 218 00:09:56,747 --> 00:09:58,678 coming in for a drink of coffee. 219 00:09:59,613 --> 00:10:00,977 Ow! 220 00:10:00,979 --> 00:10:04,277 Now it looks like you peed your pants, with an "E." 221 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:05,845 Knock off the giggling, you ninnies! 222 00:10:05,847 --> 00:10:08,478 This right-handed stuff is serious business. 223 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,511 - Hey, we're trying. - Not hard enough. 224 00:10:10,513 --> 00:10:12,644 From now on, I'm following you two around 225 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,511 to make sure you stay on the path. 226 00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:15,745 The right path. 227 00:10:17,146 --> 00:10:19,244 Hey, Emma, I was wondering 228 00:10:19,245 --> 00:10:21,578 if I could get your help with something. 229 00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:24,745 - A lot of the local teens are... - Teens are what? 230 00:10:24,747 --> 00:10:26,344 Is there problem, Goat-chella? 231 00:10:26,346 --> 00:10:27,877 And tell me in words I can understand. 232 00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:29,678 None of your hip street jive. 233 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:34,341 No problem. Everything is absolutely lit. 234 00:10:34,812 --> 00:10:36,044 Ow! 235 00:10:36,046 --> 00:10:39,177 That's a right-handed door! Come on, Emma! 236 00:10:39,345 --> 00:10:42,177 We're following these degenerates around all day. 237 00:10:42,179 --> 00:10:44,877 How about I support you remotely, 238 00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:47,511 by keeping an eye out for other lefties in town? 239 00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:49,977 Good thinking, woman! 240 00:10:49,979 --> 00:10:52,277 Don't ever get married. 241 00:10:56,579 --> 00:10:58,918 Dr. Wanda will see you now. 242 00:10:58,978 --> 00:11:01,810 - I need an oil filter. - Do you have an appointment? 243 00:11:01,812 --> 00:11:04,644 Hey, Won, let's get you up on the table. 244 00:11:05,646 --> 00:11:07,777 Hank... 245 00:11:08,812 --> 00:11:11,478 Nurse Hank, can you get the phone? 246 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,611 Nurses do everything. 247 00:11:13,613 --> 00:11:15,511 Corner Gas General, Nurse Hank speaking. 248 00:11:15,513 --> 00:11:17,611 Well, that's nothing to be concerned about. 249 00:11:17,613 --> 00:11:18,910 Can I talk to Wanda for a sec? 250 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,578 The doctor is busy right now. 251 00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:23,311 Are you guys... playing doctor? 252 00:11:23,313 --> 00:11:25,511 Playing? I wish. 253 00:11:25,778 --> 00:11:27,810 No, Wanda's really a doctor, and I'm her nurse. 254 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,877 Please don't bleed on the ham! 255 00:11:29,879 --> 00:11:31,711 Well, I was just calling to check in, 256 00:11:31,713 --> 00:11:34,244 make sure everything was weird and didn't make sense. 257 00:11:34,246 --> 00:11:34,877 Carry on. 258 00:11:37,811 --> 00:11:40,511 I owe you... "bum circle"? 259 00:11:40,513 --> 00:11:46,244 That's not a bum, it's a "3." 3-0. $30. 260 00:11:46,246 --> 00:11:48,377 Ow! Son of a... 261 00:11:55,179 --> 00:11:56,910 I'm drawing a line, Oscar. 262 00:11:56,912 --> 00:11:59,578 Draw it with your right hand! 263 00:12:03,438 --> 00:12:05,837 - Nurse. - Doctor. 264 00:12:05,839 --> 00:12:08,305 Did you have the audacity to take the sliver out 265 00:12:08,306 --> 00:12:10,771 of Michelle's thumb while I was on a lunch break? 266 00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:12,638 Your whole day is a lunch break. 267 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,803 - Excuse me? - Yes, I did, and I nailed it. 268 00:12:15,805 --> 00:12:16,937 I even earned a croissant. 269 00:12:16,939 --> 00:12:21,004 Nurses don't get pastries! Doctors get pastries! 270 00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:22,771 Now, stick to your medical duties, 271 00:12:22,773 --> 00:12:25,304 and stack that wiper fluid. 272 00:12:25,306 --> 00:12:27,204 Uh-uh-uh... 273 00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:30,237 I need you to get those skateboarders 274 00:12:30,239 --> 00:12:31,638 out of The Ruby. 275 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,604 This whole thing has gotten out of hand. 276 00:12:33,606 --> 00:12:35,204 Please don't use the word "hand." 277 00:12:35,206 --> 00:12:37,204 Well, did you ask them to leave? 278 00:12:37,206 --> 00:12:39,837 I can't. I need them to think I'm cool. 279 00:12:39,839 --> 00:12:42,221 Plus, there's this whole back and forth teasing 280 00:12:42,222 --> 00:12:44,604 thing with Brent that I really need to win. 281 00:12:44,606 --> 00:12:46,058 Have you considered 282 00:12:46,093 --> 00:12:48,170 that we might have more important things to do 283 00:12:48,172 --> 00:12:50,770 than deal with your guys's weird flirty stuff? 284 00:12:50,772 --> 00:12:53,937 Flirting? Grow up. This isn't high school. 285 00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:58,337 It's about me looking cool in front of teenagers. 286 00:12:58,489 --> 00:13:00,887 - Here's the thing, Lacey... - I prefer "The Lace." 287 00:13:00,889 --> 00:13:03,387 Here's the thing, Lacey. We can't do anything 288 00:13:03,389 --> 00:13:05,354 unless you make a formal complaint, 289 00:13:05,356 --> 00:13:07,788 and if you do that, the kids will find out. 290 00:13:07,790 --> 00:13:11,087 So we can't lend you a hand to give you the upper hand. 291 00:13:11,089 --> 00:13:13,354 I can't stop saying "hand." 292 00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:17,987 - Ow! - Let it go, Oscar. 293 00:13:17,989 --> 00:13:19,953 We've been right-handed all day. 294 00:13:19,955 --> 00:13:21,521 It's not that easy. 295 00:13:21,523 --> 00:13:25,287 There's a scientific process to abandoning the dark side. 296 00:13:25,289 --> 00:13:27,920 You've barely made it through Phase One. 297 00:13:27,922 --> 00:13:30,820 - ... of two? - Of 12! 298 00:13:30,822 --> 00:13:32,820 I don't feel so good. 299 00:13:32,822 --> 00:13:36,521 - Maybe I should go see Dr. Wanda. - Wanda's a doctor? 300 00:13:36,523 --> 00:13:39,637 I'm hearing reports that you're operating 301 00:13:39,638 --> 00:13:41,487 an unlicensed medical clinic? 302 00:13:41,489 --> 00:13:43,587 - Uh... technically. - Great. 303 00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:44,621 I need a doctor's note 304 00:13:44,623 --> 00:13:46,887 that me and Davis are now medically right-handed. 305 00:13:46,889 --> 00:13:48,054 Happy to help. 306 00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:53,920 - Whoo! - Please, no cheering. 307 00:13:53,922 --> 00:13:55,853 Always keen to use my power for good. 308 00:13:55,855 --> 00:13:58,087 No, you're on StarMyDoc.com, 309 00:13:58,089 --> 00:13:59,721 and you've got a really high rating. 310 00:13:59,723 --> 00:14:02,120 Really? Yay me! 311 00:14:02,122 --> 00:14:04,953 I mean, I'm not that kind of doctor, 312 00:14:04,955 --> 00:14:09,059 but they called it "StarMyDoc." Pretty vague. 313 00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:11,176 It's really their fault for not specifying. 314 00:14:11,211 --> 00:14:13,521 So in conclusion, yay me! 315 00:14:19,139 --> 00:14:22,470 Five stars, five stars, five stars. 316 00:14:22,472 --> 00:14:26,004 - These reviews are amazing. - Sure, I'm good. 317 00:14:26,006 --> 00:14:27,304 Talented, even. 318 00:14:27,306 --> 00:14:29,436 Am I popular? Clearly. 319 00:14:29,438 --> 00:14:31,170 But these websites don't actually mean... 320 00:14:31,172 --> 00:14:33,503 One star? Who gave me one star? 321 00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:36,004 "Doctor Wanda would rather take lunch 322 00:14:36,006 --> 00:14:38,070 than treat her patients in need, 323 00:14:38,072 --> 00:14:40,770 but top marks for Nurse Hank!" Aww... 324 00:14:41,038 --> 00:14:42,937 I'm gonna track down this @DogRiverMichelle person, 325 00:14:42,939 --> 00:14:45,037 whoever she is, and give her a piece of my... 326 00:14:45,039 --> 00:14:46,770 Oh! It's probably Michelle. 327 00:14:52,131 --> 00:14:54,063 If you're here to gloat, go away. 328 00:14:54,065 --> 00:14:57,563 No gloat, GOAT. Just soaking up the chaos. 329 00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:00,164 Why don't you just kick them out? 330 00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:03,264 Because... this is the first time in my life 331 00:15:03,266 --> 00:15:05,397 anybody ever thought I was cool. 332 00:15:05,399 --> 00:15:08,330 I'll tell you what's cool. Being a crusty curmudgeon. 333 00:15:08,332 --> 00:15:09,796 Check this out, home slice. 334 00:15:09,798 --> 00:15:10,696 Hey, Snapchats! 335 00:15:10,698 --> 00:15:13,630 Time for you to Scramazon-dot-com. 336 00:15:13,632 --> 00:15:15,297 It's not your diner, prune dude. 337 00:15:15,299 --> 00:15:18,667 We only leave if The Amazing Lace tells us to. 338 00:15:18,702 --> 00:15:21,364 Aww. They called me "Amazing Lace." 339 00:15:21,366 --> 00:15:22,763 I can't kick them out. 340 00:15:22,765 --> 00:15:24,830 Then maybe you should just call the cops. 341 00:15:24,832 --> 00:15:27,581 I already did, and they refused to get me any help. 342 00:15:27,679 --> 00:15:30,730 So... yeah. This is their fault. 343 00:15:30,732 --> 00:15:31,630 Hey, gang! 344 00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:34,496 I love chillin' with you in my eatin' crib, 345 00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:37,063 but there's a way more badass place to hang out 346 00:15:37,065 --> 00:15:40,164 and do rails... the Cop Shop. 347 00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:43,830 - Yeah, edgy. - Ooh, dangerous. 348 00:15:43,832 --> 00:15:45,063 Bangin'! 349 00:15:45,065 --> 00:15:46,463 Sick! 350 00:15:46,465 --> 00:15:49,230 They left, and I'm still cool! 351 00:15:49,232 --> 00:15:53,197 - What does bangin' mean? - Pretty sure it's somethin' filthy. 352 00:15:53,199 --> 00:15:55,119 Filthy teenagers. 353 00:15:55,165 --> 00:15:57,363 "Dr. Wanda and her magic hands 354 00:15:57,365 --> 00:16:00,264 give her patients top-tier service... " 355 00:16:00,266 --> 00:16:02,897 I don't feel good about writing false reviews 356 00:16:02,899 --> 00:16:04,363 to boost your ratings. 357 00:16:04,365 --> 00:16:06,130 Do you feel good about shutting up and typing? 358 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:09,463 - "I give her six stars." - It only goes up to five. 359 00:16:10,131 --> 00:16:12,930 A-ha! Read it and weep. 360 00:16:13,162 --> 00:16:17,060 What? Since when is Wanda a doctor? 361 00:16:17,062 --> 00:16:19,626 Since never, that's when. Ha! 362 00:16:19,628 --> 00:16:22,494 - Do you think he bought it? - I don't. 363 00:16:22,496 --> 00:16:25,127 This is beyond the medical realm anyway. 364 00:16:25,129 --> 00:16:26,726 We're on to Phase Two. 365 00:16:26,728 --> 00:16:30,993 - Positive reinforcement with treats? - No. Public shaming. 366 00:16:30,995 --> 00:16:32,160 With treats? 367 00:16:32,162 --> 00:16:33,626 You're going to publicly denounce 368 00:16:33,628 --> 00:16:36,260 your left-handedness as shameful, 369 00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:39,693 evil, and a transgression against humanity. 370 00:16:39,695 --> 00:16:42,360 Ladies and gentlemen, Karen and Davis! 371 00:16:45,495 --> 00:16:47,360 You can't boot me off the site. 372 00:16:47,362 --> 00:16:51,160 I'm technically a doctor, and didn't you see my reviews? 373 00:16:51,162 --> 00:16:55,760 I did not write those. I dictated them while my nurse typed. 374 00:16:55,762 --> 00:16:57,626 And he's not even technically a nurse, 375 00:16:57,628 --> 00:16:58,760 so he's the one you should be... 376 00:16:58,932 --> 00:17:01,497 Aw, we got cut off. 377 00:17:01,499 --> 00:17:02,996 Those elitists booted me off StarMyDoc 378 00:17:02,998 --> 00:17:05,163 just because I'm not a physician. 379 00:17:05,165 --> 00:17:07,663 - Tell that to my patients. - Well, there goes my dream 380 00:17:07,764 --> 00:17:09,729 of being the world's first male nurse. 381 00:17:09,731 --> 00:17:11,263 There's been male nurses in this country 382 00:17:11,265 --> 00:17:14,430 - since the 1950s. - Huh, then no big deal. 383 00:17:14,432 --> 00:17:16,297 Let's get this place back to normal 384 00:17:16,299 --> 00:17:18,163 before you lose your actual job. 385 00:17:18,165 --> 00:17:20,564 - Sound good, Wanda? - Dr. Wanda. 386 00:17:20,566 --> 00:17:22,196 I'm still a doctor of Philosophy. 387 00:17:22,198 --> 00:17:25,663 And to quote Kierkegaard, "Suck on that, haters." 388 00:17:25,665 --> 00:17:28,297 Come on, start shaming yourselves. 389 00:17:28,299 --> 00:17:30,570 You're losing the crowd. 390 00:17:31,664 --> 00:17:34,430 Oscar, there's no way we're doing that. 391 00:17:34,432 --> 00:17:36,629 Yeah, we need some time to prepare. 392 00:17:36,631 --> 00:17:38,696 Write a speech, workshop it. 393 00:17:41,665 --> 00:17:42,930 Hey, what's going on? 394 00:17:42,932 --> 00:17:45,729 Just a good old-fashioned left-handed shaming. 395 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,330 What's wrong with being left-handed? 396 00:17:48,332 --> 00:17:50,896 Yeah, we should celebrate our differences. 397 00:17:50,898 --> 00:17:53,397 I have a nose ring. Zeke has red hair. 398 00:17:53,399 --> 00:17:56,563 Yeah, Tina has webbed feet. You should see her swim. 399 00:17:56,565 --> 00:17:59,030 Being different is what makes us all great. 400 00:17:59,032 --> 00:18:01,963 You should never be ashamed of what makes you unique. 401 00:18:04,432 --> 00:18:08,430 - Oscar, are you okay? - I have something to say, 402 00:18:08,432 --> 00:18:10,463 and this may shock some of you... 403 00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,496 perhaps most of all, my wife. 404 00:18:12,498 --> 00:18:14,563 Is this about you being born left-handed 405 00:18:14,565 --> 00:18:16,896 and being forced to change as a child? 406 00:18:16,898 --> 00:18:18,063 Yeah, that. 407 00:18:18,065 --> 00:18:21,130 So when I was a young... Wait a minute, 408 00:18:21,231 --> 00:18:23,796 how the hell did you know I was born left-handed? 409 00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:27,163 We've been married for 40 years. There's been a few clues. 410 00:18:29,497 --> 00:18:32,696 Did I ever tell you I was born left-handed? 411 00:18:32,698 --> 00:18:35,529 Ugh, not this sob story again. 412 00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:36,930 Well, if you knew, 413 00:18:36,932 --> 00:18:40,629 why did you back me up on this crazy witch-hunt? 414 00:18:40,631 --> 00:18:42,763 Jeez, you're mad when I don't support you, 415 00:18:42,765 --> 00:18:44,429 you're mad when I do support you. 416 00:18:44,431 --> 00:18:47,196 - You can't have it both ways. - Yes, I can. 417 00:18:47,198 --> 00:18:50,297 - You know, I'm bi. - Ambi, Oscar. 418 00:18:50,299 --> 00:18:52,852 You're ambidextrous. 419 00:18:57,535 --> 00:19:01,233 Thanks for backing us, kids. We really appreciate it. 420 00:19:01,235 --> 00:19:04,266 No problem, 5-0. Now it's grind time. 421 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:07,133 - Whoo! - Yeah! Check it out! 422 00:19:07,135 --> 00:19:10,300 - Whoa... - No, it's confiscatin' time. 423 00:19:10,302 --> 00:19:13,166 You can't skate here. It's official police property. 424 00:19:13,168 --> 00:19:15,733 Yeah, and Lacey doesn't want you skateboarding 425 00:19:15,735 --> 00:19:17,200 at her place either. 426 00:19:17,202 --> 00:19:19,666 What? No! Lacey said what? 427 00:19:19,668 --> 00:19:22,333 Did she want us to keep that quiet? 428 00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:25,200 - Not cool, Lacey. - Amazing Lacey? 429 00:19:25,202 --> 00:19:28,133 - Narc! - Hey, Lacey's not a dork. 430 00:19:28,135 --> 00:19:30,433 - They said "narc." - Well, whatever the hip lingo is. 431 00:19:30,435 --> 00:19:33,532 She put up with your claptrappin' shenanigans... 432 00:19:33,534 --> 00:19:35,233 Jeez, how old am I? 433 00:19:35,235 --> 00:19:38,532 Anyway, my point is, Lacey's the coolest person I know. 434 00:19:38,534 --> 00:19:40,733 Aw, thanks, Brent. 435 00:19:40,735 --> 00:19:43,733 Old Man Leroy Junior thinks Lacey's cool. 436 00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:46,006 That makes her an even bigger dork. 437 00:19:46,008 --> 00:19:47,739 Okay, I'm sure they said "dork" that time. 438 00:19:47,741 --> 00:19:48,973 I don't care anymore. 439 00:19:48,975 --> 00:19:51,240 I want all of you kids out of here. 440 00:19:51,242 --> 00:19:54,672 You've been rude, disrespectful, disruptive... 441 00:19:54,674 --> 00:19:55,939 They're already gone. 442 00:19:55,941 --> 00:19:57,473 I know, I just need to get this off my chest. 443 00:19:57,475 --> 00:19:58,606 And furthermore, 444 00:19:58,608 --> 00:20:02,406 your pants are too baggy, and get off my lawn! 445 00:20:02,408 --> 00:20:04,739 Whew... Oh, that felt good. 446 00:20:10,590 --> 00:20:12,955 You're back. What are the odds? 447 00:20:12,957 --> 00:20:15,055 Get it? Probability? 448 00:20:15,057 --> 00:20:18,489 - Can I see that for a quick sec? - Okay, but be careful. 449 00:20:18,491 --> 00:20:20,889 I need that to get discounts from drug reps. 450 00:20:21,825 --> 00:20:25,623 Hey! That was like the opposite of careful! 451 00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,489 E.M.U. has been notified 452 00:20:27,491 --> 00:20:29,789 that you impersonated a medical doctor, 453 00:20:29,791 --> 00:20:31,489 started an illegal practice, 454 00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:34,922 and accepted carbohydrates as payment. 455 00:20:34,924 --> 00:20:36,222 There was also ham. 456 00:20:36,757 --> 00:20:40,756 You, Wanda Dollard, are no longer a Fighting Emu. 457 00:20:40,758 --> 00:20:43,955 Fighting Emu? H-Hey, you changed the name! 458 00:20:43,957 --> 00:20:45,955 We did. That was a great catch. 459 00:20:45,957 --> 00:20:48,189 Anyway, sorry to revoke your degree, 460 00:20:48,191 --> 00:20:50,922 but it's your own fault for developing a God complex. 461 00:20:50,924 --> 00:20:54,389 - Does a God complex really exist? - There you go! 462 00:20:54,391 --> 00:20:58,256 Stick to Philosophy, and no one gets hurt. 463 00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:02,192 No one gets baked goods, either! 464 00:21:08,530 --> 00:21:09,996 ♪ I don't know ♪ 465 00:21:09,998 --> 00:21:12,929 ♪ The same things you don't know ♪ 466 00:21:16,364 --> 00:21:18,363 ♪ I don't know ♪ 467 00:21:18,365 --> 00:21:21,363 ♪ I just... don't know ♪ 468 00:21:23,430 --> 00:21:27,363 - ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ It's a great big place ♪ 469 00:21:27,365 --> 00:21:30,795 - ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪ 470 00:21:30,797 --> 00:21:34,729 - ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ And it's my happy place ♪ 471 00:21:34,731 --> 00:21:37,263 ♪ I don't know ♪ 472 00:21:38,276 --> 00:21:41,316 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 35780

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