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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
2
00:00:03,789 --> 00:00:06,136
I'm looking for Wanda Dollard.
3
00:00:06,137 --> 00:00:08,484
Now you're looking at one
of the Dollard.
4
00:00:07,519 --> 00:00:09,994
I'm from East Montgomery
University.
5
00:00:10,029 --> 00:00:12,256
Hey!
I took online courses there.
6
00:00:12,291 --> 00:00:14,689
Listen, if this is about the tuition,
7
00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:17,509
I did not know my credit
card was maxed out,
8
00:00:17,511 --> 00:00:19,876
or expired...
or not mine.
9
00:00:19,878 --> 00:00:21,909
I'm here to deliver
your doctorate degree
10
00:00:21,911 --> 00:00:25,065
in Philosophy.
Congratulations!
11
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:28,452
You're now an alumnus
of the Fighting Ostriches.
12
00:00:29,943 --> 00:00:34,234
The school is E.M.U.
but the mascot is an ostrich?
13
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:35,849
Well, damn.
14
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,975
I'll have to bring that up
at the next meeting.
15
00:00:38,117 --> 00:00:40,446
Question.
Why are you hand-delivering
16
00:00:40,481 --> 00:00:42,629
my diploma for an online degree?
17
00:00:42,669 --> 00:00:45,029
You didn't untick the option
for hand delivery.
18
00:00:45,147 --> 00:00:47,467
That probably shouldn't
be our default.
19
00:00:47,499 --> 00:00:49,928
I'll bring that up
at the next meeting too.
20
00:00:50,019 --> 00:00:53,784
Anyway, now you can say
goodbye to this dead-end job
21
00:00:53,797 --> 00:00:56,108
and embark on a career
in Philosophy.
22
00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:58,053
'Cause that's
where the real money is.
23
00:00:58,245 --> 00:01:00,706
I only took the courses
to up my small-talk game.
24
00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:02,944
Now instead of talking
weather with the farmers,
25
00:01:03,008 --> 00:01:06,149
I can mix it up with a little
"Do we have free will?"
26
00:01:06,245 --> 00:01:08,121
Or "How about
that Nietzsche? Huh?
27
00:01:08,203 --> 00:01:09,876
He could really ruin
a church picnic,
28
00:01:09,878 --> 00:01:12,297
- am I right?"
- I don't teach Philosophy.
29
00:01:12,332 --> 00:01:14,218
I teach Mathematical Probability.
30
00:01:14,318 --> 00:01:18,821
- So why did they send you?
- I drew the short straw.
31
00:01:20,125 --> 00:01:23,342
I've been waiting 20 years
to make that joke!
32
00:01:24,623 --> 00:01:28,258
We're done here. I've got
a 32-hour trip ahead of me.
33
00:01:29,086 --> 00:01:32,786
♪ You think there's
not a lot goin' on ♪
34
00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:36,052
♪ Look closer, baby
you're so wrong ♪
35
00:01:36,154 --> 00:01:39,219
2x11 - Doctors Without Borders
36
00:01:42,521 --> 00:01:45,553
Hey, Brent.
You seem chipper today.
37
00:01:45,555 --> 00:01:47,686
I should be chipper.
It's my day off.
38
00:01:47,688 --> 00:01:49,619
Plus, I just had some chips.
39
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,319
- Oh, yass!
- Nice!
40
00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:53,586
Hey, watch it!
41
00:01:53,588 --> 00:01:56,553
What's yer prob?
We're grinding a rail.
42
00:01:56,555 --> 00:01:58,352
It's government
property, ya punks.
43
00:01:58,354 --> 00:02:00,852
- Go grind something else.
- Ew.
44
00:02:02,819 --> 00:02:04,719
Wow. You went from
chipper to curmudgeon
45
00:02:04,721 --> 00:02:06,553
pretty quick there, old timer.
46
00:02:06,555 --> 00:02:09,098
- You're Oscar 2.0.
- No, I'm not.
47
00:02:09,135 --> 00:02:12,919
Now, scram, or I'll call the feds!
Okay, that was reminiscent.
48
00:02:12,921 --> 00:02:14,919
Well, I think it's great
that they're skateboarding.
49
00:02:14,921 --> 00:02:17,186
Better than being
on their phones all day.
50
00:02:17,188 --> 00:02:19,286
Listen to The Lace.
She's so cool.
51
00:02:19,288 --> 00:02:21,785
Oh, geez.
Well, I'm not that cool.
52
00:02:21,787 --> 00:02:24,219
Just compared to this dinosaur.
53
00:02:24,221 --> 00:02:27,653
- "Scram! I'm a hundred!"
- Ooh, sick burn!
54
00:02:27,655 --> 00:02:29,252
You're the GOAT, Lace.
55
00:02:29,254 --> 00:02:31,386
Oh, hear that?
I'm a goat.
56
00:02:31,388 --> 00:02:33,019
Why am I a goat?
57
00:02:33,021 --> 00:02:36,119
Probably has something
to do with chin whiskers.
58
00:02:38,587 --> 00:02:41,852
- It's unconstitutional!
- What, parking tickets?
59
00:02:41,854 --> 00:02:43,352
What's your beef, copper!
60
00:02:43,354 --> 00:02:45,718
You get off on stickin' it
to the little guy!
61
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:49,119
Why are you kicking up a fuss?
It's not even our car.
62
00:02:49,121 --> 00:02:52,519
- It's not even a car.
- I'm just making a point.
63
00:02:52,521 --> 00:02:55,119
Why do you never
support me, woman?
64
00:02:55,121 --> 00:02:58,152
I do support you.
There was that time I...
65
00:02:58,154 --> 00:03:02,119
Oh. No.
Well, that other time I...
66
00:03:02,121 --> 00:03:05,052
- Huh. I'll be darned.
- See?
67
00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:07,419
Fine. Whatever you
randomly oppose next,
68
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,019
I'll support you 100%.
69
00:03:09,886 --> 00:03:14,252
Why are you writing that
ticket with your left hand?
70
00:03:14,254 --> 00:03:16,219
'Cause I'm... left-handed?
71
00:03:16,221 --> 00:03:19,286
Left-handed!
That's an abomination!
72
00:03:19,288 --> 00:03:21,818
Right, Emma?
Right?
73
00:03:22,421 --> 00:03:27,985
I support you 100%,
and regret this already.
74
00:03:30,719 --> 00:03:34,386
"Doc-toriss...
Phil-o-so... raptor?"
75
00:03:34,388 --> 00:03:36,319
It's my degree, Dorkus idioticus.
76
00:03:36,321 --> 00:03:39,452
- I'm now officially a doctor of...
- You're a doctor?
77
00:03:39,454 --> 00:03:42,419
- Uh, can you look at this rash?
- Not without vomiting.
78
00:03:42,421 --> 00:03:44,519
So you're not a doctor?
79
00:03:44,521 --> 00:03:47,319
I'm different kind of doctor,
a doctor of Philosophy,
80
00:03:47,321 --> 00:03:50,152
but you should definitely
put some balm on your butt.
81
00:03:50,154 --> 00:03:52,518
Butt balm, got it.
Thanks, Dr. Wanda.
82
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,386
That wasn't a medical
diagnosis, just common sense.
83
00:03:55,388 --> 00:03:56,685
But keep up
the "Dr. Wanda" stuff.
84
00:03:56,687 --> 00:03:59,019
A doctor could get used to that.
85
00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:02,386
Hey, "The Lace."
Am I using that right?
86
00:04:02,388 --> 00:04:04,152
"The Lace."
"Lacers."
87
00:04:04,154 --> 00:04:07,352
"The GOAT," apparently.
I answer to all of them.
88
00:04:07,354 --> 00:04:09,319
What can I do for you, old timer?
89
00:04:09,321 --> 00:04:11,352
Can I get a table out on the patio?
90
00:04:11,354 --> 00:04:14,152
- Sure. Why?
- Oh, you know us old folks.
91
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:17,618
Need the Vitamin D
to ward off osteoporosis.
92
00:04:17,620 --> 00:04:19,952
Plus, looks like a lot
going on out there.
93
00:04:19,954 --> 00:04:21,785
There is?
94
00:04:26,020 --> 00:04:26,885
Hey!
95
00:04:27,053 --> 00:04:28,943
- Hey, Lacey!
- Lacers!
96
00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:31,386
- Lace-up!
- Oh, what's up, guys?
97
00:04:31,388 --> 00:04:35,152
What brings you here
to the, uh... goat... pen?
98
00:04:35,154 --> 00:04:36,451
You're the only adult in town
99
00:04:36,453 --> 00:04:38,252
who doesn't rag on us
for skateboarding.
100
00:04:38,254 --> 00:04:39,518
So we thought
we'd come hang here.
101
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:43,286
- You're cool, right?
- Yeah, you're cool, right, Lacers?
102
00:04:43,288 --> 00:04:45,685
Cool, groovy, 23 skidoo?
103
00:04:45,687 --> 00:04:47,518
I can't keep up
with you youngsters
104
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,652
and your funky slang
and your gender-fluid apps.
105
00:04:50,654 --> 00:04:55,518
Oh, yeah, uh, absolutely.
Supes cool.
106
00:04:57,187 --> 00:04:58,767
Hey, knock that off!
107
00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:02,186
- What?
- Uh, knock that flower pot off
108
00:05:02,188 --> 00:05:05,385
so there's more room for
you to do your grindboarding.
109
00:05:05,387 --> 00:05:07,912
Didn't the military outlaw that?
110
00:05:09,153 --> 00:05:11,370
Whoa, okay, stop it!
111
00:05:12,253 --> 00:05:17,085
And, uh, come inside for
some fries on the house!
112
00:05:17,087 --> 00:05:19,052
Whoo-hoo!
All right!
113
00:05:19,054 --> 00:05:21,585
- Free fries! Count me in.
- Not for you, Pops,
114
00:05:21,587 --> 00:05:23,219
but I'll give you
the senior's discount.
115
00:05:23,221 --> 00:05:25,885
Burn, but sold.
116
00:05:29,452 --> 00:05:32,286
I want you to feel my bump.
117
00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:35,994
Look, uh, I like you,
Mavis, but, uh...
118
00:05:37,053 --> 00:05:38,818
Squishy. Bumpy.
119
00:05:38,820 --> 00:05:41,019
- We all done here?
- "Squishy"?
120
00:05:41,287 --> 00:05:44,852
I came here for some
medical advice from a doctor.
121
00:05:44,854 --> 00:05:47,418
Who said I was a...
122
00:05:48,786 --> 00:05:51,785
Oh, sorry, Mavis.
I'm not that kind of a doctor.
123
00:05:51,787 --> 00:05:53,952
I knew it.
I mean, you're smart,
124
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,818
but you're not doctor smart.
125
00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:59,219
Hey! I am a doctor,
and I know what that is.
126
00:05:59,221 --> 00:06:00,451
It's called a ganglion.
127
00:06:00,453 --> 00:06:02,952
I want you to treat it,
not name it.
128
00:06:02,954 --> 00:06:06,952
It's a benign irritant...
with a cyst on her wrist.
129
00:06:06,954 --> 00:06:08,219
My cousin had one of those.
130
00:06:08,221 --> 00:06:09,985
You just have to hit it
with something hard.
131
00:06:09,987 --> 00:06:11,852
- Hey-o!
- Oh!
132
00:06:11,854 --> 00:06:14,919
Hey, it's gone!
Oh, thank you, Wanda.
133
00:06:14,921 --> 00:06:16,727
Dr. Wanda.
134
00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:22,815
Left-handed police officers.
What's next?
135
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:23,731
Left-handed soccer players?
136
00:06:23,733 --> 00:06:26,566
- Why would that even...
- Good morning.
137
00:06:26,568 --> 00:06:27,798
It most certainly is not!
138
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:31,665
Your partner is from
H-E-double hockey sticks!
139
00:06:31,667 --> 00:06:33,432
I don't really follow sports.
140
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:36,831
- I'm saying Davis can't be trusted.
- You're telling me.
141
00:06:36,999 --> 00:06:40,032
He took all my cheese strings
and didn't replace them,
142
00:06:40,034 --> 00:06:42,898
or eat them. He just made
little cheddar puppets.
143
00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:45,132
I'm sorry to have to
tell you this, Karen.
144
00:06:45,134 --> 00:06:48,065
Brace yourself.
Davis is...
145
00:06:48,067 --> 00:06:48,998
left-handed!
146
00:06:50,233 --> 00:06:52,132
So am I.
147
00:06:52,366 --> 00:06:54,332
You and Davis are both lefties?
148
00:06:54,334 --> 00:06:57,798
- Do you know what that means?
- They excel in the arts?
149
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,551
They need a special can opener?
150
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:02,499
It means that 100% of
the Dog River police force
151
00:07:02,501 --> 00:07:05,098
is left-handed.
Sinister!
152
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:09,165
Sinistra!
That's "left" in Latino.
153
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:13,438
- Is he okay?
- I support him 100%
154
00:07:13,538 --> 00:07:16,198
in his view that lefties are...
What was it again?
155
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,592
- An abomin...
- "An abomination."
156
00:07:19,966 --> 00:07:21,598
So how much for
the cheese strings?
157
00:07:24,892 --> 00:07:27,925
Three more plates of
bottomless free fries.
158
00:07:27,927 --> 00:07:29,891
Can I get some more?
Mine are cold.
159
00:07:29,893 --> 00:07:31,225
Maybe you shouldn't have poured
160
00:07:31,227 --> 00:07:34,754
an entire bottle
of ketchup on them.
161
00:07:36,627 --> 00:07:38,525
My bad!
I meant to hit Zeke.
162
00:07:38,527 --> 00:07:40,758
- Oh!
- My bad.
163
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,225
My old grip's not
what it used to be.
164
00:07:42,227 --> 00:07:44,691
Napkin Fight!
165
00:07:44,693 --> 00:07:46,659
Whoo!
166
00:07:46,661 --> 00:07:47,925
Missed me!
167
00:07:47,927 --> 00:07:50,592
Lookin' a little warm, The Coolest.
168
00:07:50,594 --> 00:07:52,991
I'm just fine, The Oldest.
169
00:07:52,993 --> 00:07:55,724
Can I get a glass of prune
juice while you're in there?
170
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,659
Keeps the train on time.
171
00:07:57,661 --> 00:07:59,325
Ugh! Old people are gross.
172
00:08:01,626 --> 00:08:03,691
This is a left-handed crisis!
173
00:08:03,693 --> 00:08:07,358
First Davis, and now Karen.
It's an epidemic.
174
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,825
Who's next?
We need to rally the righties.
175
00:08:10,827 --> 00:08:12,525
But maybe it's time
to find something new
176
00:08:12,527 --> 00:08:15,625
to be irration...
... passionate about.
177
00:08:15,627 --> 00:08:18,624
The important thing is that
you, you voiced your concern,
178
00:08:18,626 --> 00:08:21,225
and I backed you up,
and now it's over.
179
00:08:21,227 --> 00:08:23,565
- Right?
- Wrong!
180
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:24,791
Left ain't right!
181
00:08:24,793 --> 00:08:26,758
Left ain't right!
182
00:08:31,146 --> 00:08:34,244
Left ain't right!
Left ain't right!
183
00:08:34,246 --> 00:08:36,244
You're not all here
to protest the fact
184
00:08:36,246 --> 00:08:37,745
that we're lefties, are you?
185
00:08:37,747 --> 00:08:38,678
Yes!
186
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:39,845
Just like we've always been,
187
00:08:39,847 --> 00:08:41,644
and you've never
had a problem with it.
188
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:42,644
Yes!
189
00:08:42,646 --> 00:08:44,511
What do you want us to do, quit?
190
00:08:44,513 --> 00:08:46,395
You lefties are so dramatic.
191
00:08:46,396 --> 00:08:48,277
We don't want you to quit.
192
00:08:48,279 --> 00:08:51,611
We simply want you
to become right-handed!
193
00:08:53,613 --> 00:08:54,678
Sounds reasonable.
194
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:56,611
- Does it?
- I don't know.
195
00:08:56,613 --> 00:08:58,845
I just see a bunch
of tax-paying voters
196
00:08:58,847 --> 00:09:00,644
who are upset about something,
197
00:09:00,646 --> 00:09:01,678
so do what they want.
198
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,911
- But that's mob rule.
- Yeah! Mobs rule!
199
00:09:04,913 --> 00:09:06,745
Mobs! Mobs! Mobs!
200
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:09,544
I guess we're
right-handed now.
201
00:09:11,378 --> 00:09:14,244
What's with the cake?
I can't cure diabetes.
202
00:09:15,479 --> 00:09:17,644
I am aware there is
no cure for diabetes.
203
00:09:17,646 --> 00:09:18,778
I brought you this cake
204
00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:21,411
as "thank you" for
banging my ganglion.
205
00:09:21,413 --> 00:09:22,778
Whoa, when did that happen?
206
00:09:22,780 --> 00:09:25,744
Aw, Mavis. I can't
accept payment for that.
207
00:09:27,412 --> 00:09:28,211
Ow!
208
00:09:28,378 --> 00:09:29,678
You a doctor?
This is doctor cake.
209
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,244
I helped!
I'm kinda your nurse.
210
00:09:32,246 --> 00:09:35,511
Uh, Doctor Wanda,
can you listen to my heart?
211
00:09:35,513 --> 00:09:37,111
I've brought a flan.
212
00:09:37,113 --> 00:09:39,611
Listen, Helen,
I'm not a medical...
213
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:42,778
Is that caramel? Sure, I'll
take a look at your tart.
214
00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:44,695
Uh... heart.
215
00:09:48,847 --> 00:09:51,444
You pea'd your pants!
216
00:09:51,446 --> 00:09:53,845
"Pea" with an "A"!
Good one!
217
00:09:53,847 --> 00:09:56,745
Oh, no, it's
Officer Right Hand
218
00:09:56,747 --> 00:09:58,678
coming in for a drink of coffee.
219
00:09:59,613 --> 00:10:00,977
Ow!
220
00:10:00,979 --> 00:10:04,277
Now it looks like you peed
your pants, with an "E."
221
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:05,845
Knock off the giggling,
you ninnies!
222
00:10:05,847 --> 00:10:08,478
This right-handed stuff
is serious business.
223
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,511
- Hey, we're trying.
- Not hard enough.
224
00:10:10,513 --> 00:10:12,644
From now on,
I'm following you two around
225
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,511
to make sure you
stay on the path.
226
00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:15,745
The right path.
227
00:10:17,146 --> 00:10:19,244
Hey, Emma,
I was wondering
228
00:10:19,245 --> 00:10:21,578
if I could get your help
with something.
229
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:24,745
- A lot of the local teens are...
- Teens are what?
230
00:10:24,747 --> 00:10:26,344
Is there problem, Goat-chella?
231
00:10:26,346 --> 00:10:27,877
And tell me in words
I can understand.
232
00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:29,678
None of your hip street jive.
233
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:34,341
No problem.
Everything is absolutely lit.
234
00:10:34,812 --> 00:10:36,044
Ow!
235
00:10:36,046 --> 00:10:39,177
That's a right-handed door!
Come on, Emma!
236
00:10:39,345 --> 00:10:42,177
We're following these
degenerates around all day.
237
00:10:42,179 --> 00:10:44,877
How about I
support you remotely,
238
00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:47,511
by keeping an eye out
for other lefties in town?
239
00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:49,977
Good thinking, woman!
240
00:10:49,979 --> 00:10:52,277
Don't ever get married.
241
00:10:56,579 --> 00:10:58,918
Dr. Wanda will see you now.
242
00:10:58,978 --> 00:11:01,810
- I need an oil filter.
- Do you have an appointment?
243
00:11:01,812 --> 00:11:04,644
Hey, Won, let's get
you up on the table.
244
00:11:05,646 --> 00:11:07,777
Hank...
245
00:11:08,812 --> 00:11:11,478
Nurse Hank, can
you get the phone?
246
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,611
Nurses do everything.
247
00:11:13,613 --> 00:11:15,511
Corner Gas General,
Nurse Hank speaking.
248
00:11:15,513 --> 00:11:17,611
Well, that's nothing
to be concerned about.
249
00:11:17,613 --> 00:11:18,910
Can I talk to Wanda for a sec?
250
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,578
The doctor is busy right now.
251
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:23,311
Are you guys...
playing doctor?
252
00:11:23,313 --> 00:11:25,511
Playing?
I wish.
253
00:11:25,778 --> 00:11:27,810
No, Wanda's really a doctor,
and I'm her nurse.
254
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,877
Please don't bleed on the ham!
255
00:11:29,879 --> 00:11:31,711
Well, I was just
calling to check in,
256
00:11:31,713 --> 00:11:34,244
make sure everything was weird
and didn't make sense.
257
00:11:34,246 --> 00:11:34,877
Carry on.
258
00:11:37,811 --> 00:11:40,511
I owe you...
"bum circle"?
259
00:11:40,513 --> 00:11:46,244
That's not a bum, it's a "3."
3-0. $30.
260
00:11:46,246 --> 00:11:48,377
Ow! Son of a...
261
00:11:55,179 --> 00:11:56,910
I'm drawing a line, Oscar.
262
00:11:56,912 --> 00:11:59,578
Draw it with
your right hand!
263
00:12:03,438 --> 00:12:05,837
- Nurse.
- Doctor.
264
00:12:05,839 --> 00:12:08,305
Did you have the audacity
to take the sliver out
265
00:12:08,306 --> 00:12:10,771
of Michelle's thumb while
I was on a lunch break?
266
00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:12,638
Your whole day is a lunch break.
267
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,803
- Excuse me?
- Yes, I did, and I nailed it.
268
00:12:15,805 --> 00:12:16,937
I even earned a croissant.
269
00:12:16,939 --> 00:12:21,004
Nurses don't get pastries!
Doctors get pastries!
270
00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:22,771
Now, stick to
your medical duties,
271
00:12:22,773 --> 00:12:25,304
and stack that wiper fluid.
272
00:12:25,306 --> 00:12:27,204
Uh-uh-uh...
273
00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:30,237
I need you to
get those skateboarders
274
00:12:30,239 --> 00:12:31,638
out of The Ruby.
275
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,604
This whole thing has
gotten out of hand.
276
00:12:33,606 --> 00:12:35,204
Please don't use
the word "hand."
277
00:12:35,206 --> 00:12:37,204
Well, did you ask them
to leave?
278
00:12:37,206 --> 00:12:39,837
I can't.
I need them to think I'm cool.
279
00:12:39,839 --> 00:12:42,221
Plus, there's this whole
back and forth teasing
280
00:12:42,222 --> 00:12:44,604
thing with Brent that
I really need to win.
281
00:12:44,606 --> 00:12:46,058
Have you considered
282
00:12:46,093 --> 00:12:48,170
that we might have
more important things to do
283
00:12:48,172 --> 00:12:50,770
than deal with your guys's
weird flirty stuff?
284
00:12:50,772 --> 00:12:53,937
Flirting?
Grow up. This isn't high school.
285
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:58,337
It's about me looking cool
in front of teenagers.
286
00:12:58,489 --> 00:13:00,887
- Here's the thing, Lacey...
- I prefer "The Lace."
287
00:13:00,889 --> 00:13:03,387
Here's the thing, Lacey.
We can't do anything
288
00:13:03,389 --> 00:13:05,354
unless you make
a formal complaint,
289
00:13:05,356 --> 00:13:07,788
and if you do that,
the kids will find out.
290
00:13:07,790 --> 00:13:11,087
So we can't lend you a hand
to give you the upper hand.
291
00:13:11,089 --> 00:13:13,354
I can't stop saying "hand."
292
00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:17,987
- Ow!
- Let it go, Oscar.
293
00:13:17,989 --> 00:13:19,953
We've been
right-handed all day.
294
00:13:19,955 --> 00:13:21,521
It's not that easy.
295
00:13:21,523 --> 00:13:25,287
There's a scientific process
to abandoning the dark side.
296
00:13:25,289 --> 00:13:27,920
You've barely
made it through Phase One.
297
00:13:27,922 --> 00:13:30,820
- ... of two?
- Of 12!
298
00:13:30,822 --> 00:13:32,820
I don't feel so good.
299
00:13:32,822 --> 00:13:36,521
- Maybe I should go see Dr. Wanda.
- Wanda's a doctor?
300
00:13:36,523 --> 00:13:39,637
I'm hearing reports
that you're operating
301
00:13:39,638 --> 00:13:41,487
an unlicensed medical clinic?
302
00:13:41,489 --> 00:13:43,587
- Uh... technically.
- Great.
303
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:44,621
I need a doctor's note
304
00:13:44,623 --> 00:13:46,887
that me and Davis are
now medically right-handed.
305
00:13:46,889 --> 00:13:48,054
Happy to help.
306
00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:53,920
- Whoo!
- Please, no cheering.
307
00:13:53,922 --> 00:13:55,853
Always keen to use
my power for good.
308
00:13:55,855 --> 00:13:58,087
No, you're on StarMyDoc.com,
309
00:13:58,089 --> 00:13:59,721
and you've got
a really high rating.
310
00:13:59,723 --> 00:14:02,120
Really?
Yay me!
311
00:14:02,122 --> 00:14:04,953
I mean, I'm not
that kind of doctor,
312
00:14:04,955 --> 00:14:09,059
but they called it "StarMyDoc."
Pretty vague.
313
00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:11,176
It's really their fault
for not specifying.
314
00:14:11,211 --> 00:14:13,521
So in conclusion, yay me!
315
00:14:19,139 --> 00:14:22,470
Five stars, five stars, five stars.
316
00:14:22,472 --> 00:14:26,004
- These reviews are amazing.
- Sure, I'm good.
317
00:14:26,006 --> 00:14:27,304
Talented, even.
318
00:14:27,306 --> 00:14:29,436
Am I popular?
Clearly.
319
00:14:29,438 --> 00:14:31,170
But these websites
don't actually mean...
320
00:14:31,172 --> 00:14:33,503
One star?
Who gave me one star?
321
00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:36,004
"Doctor Wanda
would rather take lunch
322
00:14:36,006 --> 00:14:38,070
than treat
her patients in need,
323
00:14:38,072 --> 00:14:40,770
but top marks for Nurse Hank!"
Aww...
324
00:14:41,038 --> 00:14:42,937
I'm gonna track down this
@DogRiverMichelle person,
325
00:14:42,939 --> 00:14:45,037
whoever she is,
and give her a piece of my...
326
00:14:45,039 --> 00:14:46,770
Oh!
It's probably Michelle.
327
00:14:52,131 --> 00:14:54,063
If you're here to gloat,
go away.
328
00:14:54,065 --> 00:14:57,563
No gloat, GOAT.
Just soaking up the chaos.
329
00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:00,164
Why don't you just
kick them out?
330
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:03,264
Because...
this is the first time in my life
331
00:15:03,266 --> 00:15:05,397
anybody ever thought I was cool.
332
00:15:05,399 --> 00:15:08,330
I'll tell you what's cool.
Being a crusty curmudgeon.
333
00:15:08,332 --> 00:15:09,796
Check this out, home slice.
334
00:15:09,798 --> 00:15:10,696
Hey, Snapchats!
335
00:15:10,698 --> 00:15:13,630
Time for you to
Scramazon-dot-com.
336
00:15:13,632 --> 00:15:15,297
It's not your diner, prune dude.
337
00:15:15,299 --> 00:15:18,667
We only leave if The
Amazing Lace tells us to.
338
00:15:18,702 --> 00:15:21,364
Aww.
They called me "Amazing Lace."
339
00:15:21,366 --> 00:15:22,763
I can't kick them out.
340
00:15:22,765 --> 00:15:24,830
Then maybe you should
just call the cops.
341
00:15:24,832 --> 00:15:27,581
I already did, and they
refused to get me any help.
342
00:15:27,679 --> 00:15:30,730
So... yeah.
This is their fault.
343
00:15:30,732 --> 00:15:31,630
Hey, gang!
344
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:34,496
I love chillin' with you
in my eatin' crib,
345
00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:37,063
but there's a way more
badass place to hang out
346
00:15:37,065 --> 00:15:40,164
and do rails...
the Cop Shop.
347
00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:43,830
- Yeah, edgy.
- Ooh, dangerous.
348
00:15:43,832 --> 00:15:45,063
Bangin'!
349
00:15:45,065 --> 00:15:46,463
Sick!
350
00:15:46,465 --> 00:15:49,230
They left, and I'm still cool!
351
00:15:49,232 --> 00:15:53,197
- What does bangin' mean?
- Pretty sure it's somethin' filthy.
352
00:15:53,199 --> 00:15:55,119
Filthy teenagers.
353
00:15:55,165 --> 00:15:57,363
"Dr. Wanda and her magic hands
354
00:15:57,365 --> 00:16:00,264
give her patients top-tier service... "
355
00:16:00,266 --> 00:16:02,897
I don't feel good about
writing false reviews
356
00:16:02,899 --> 00:16:04,363
to boost your ratings.
357
00:16:04,365 --> 00:16:06,130
Do you feel good about
shutting up and typing?
358
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:09,463
- "I give her six stars."
- It only goes up to five.
359
00:16:10,131 --> 00:16:12,930
A-ha!
Read it and weep.
360
00:16:13,162 --> 00:16:17,060
What?
Since when is Wanda a doctor?
361
00:16:17,062 --> 00:16:19,626
Since never, that's when.
Ha!
362
00:16:19,628 --> 00:16:22,494
- Do you think he bought it?
- I don't.
363
00:16:22,496 --> 00:16:25,127
This is beyond
the medical realm anyway.
364
00:16:25,129 --> 00:16:26,726
We're on to Phase Two.
365
00:16:26,728 --> 00:16:30,993
- Positive reinforcement with treats?
- No. Public shaming.
366
00:16:30,995 --> 00:16:32,160
With treats?
367
00:16:32,162 --> 00:16:33,626
You're going to
publicly denounce
368
00:16:33,628 --> 00:16:36,260
your left-handedness
as shameful,
369
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:39,693
evil, and a transgression
against humanity.
370
00:16:39,695 --> 00:16:42,360
Ladies and gentlemen,
Karen and Davis!
371
00:16:45,495 --> 00:16:47,360
You can't boot me off the site.
372
00:16:47,362 --> 00:16:51,160
I'm technically a doctor,
and didn't you see my reviews?
373
00:16:51,162 --> 00:16:55,760
I did not write those. I dictated
them while my nurse typed.
374
00:16:55,762 --> 00:16:57,626
And he's not
even technically a nurse,
375
00:16:57,628 --> 00:16:58,760
so he's the one
you should be...
376
00:16:58,932 --> 00:17:01,497
Aw, we got cut off.
377
00:17:01,499 --> 00:17:02,996
Those elitists booted me
off StarMyDoc
378
00:17:02,998 --> 00:17:05,163
just because
I'm not a physician.
379
00:17:05,165 --> 00:17:07,663
- Tell that to my patients.
- Well, there goes my dream
380
00:17:07,764 --> 00:17:09,729
of being the world's first
male nurse.
381
00:17:09,731 --> 00:17:11,263
There's been male nurses
in this country
382
00:17:11,265 --> 00:17:14,430
- since the 1950s.
- Huh, then no big deal.
383
00:17:14,432 --> 00:17:16,297
Let's get this place back to normal
384
00:17:16,299 --> 00:17:18,163
before you lose your actual job.
385
00:17:18,165 --> 00:17:20,564
- Sound good, Wanda?
- Dr. Wanda.
386
00:17:20,566 --> 00:17:22,196
I'm still a doctor of Philosophy.
387
00:17:22,198 --> 00:17:25,663
And to quote Kierkegaard,
"Suck on that, haters."
388
00:17:25,665 --> 00:17:28,297
Come on,
start shaming yourselves.
389
00:17:28,299 --> 00:17:30,570
You're losing the crowd.
390
00:17:31,664 --> 00:17:34,430
Oscar, there's no way
we're doing that.
391
00:17:34,432 --> 00:17:36,629
Yeah, we need
some time to prepare.
392
00:17:36,631 --> 00:17:38,696
Write a speech, workshop it.
393
00:17:41,665 --> 00:17:42,930
Hey, what's going on?
394
00:17:42,932 --> 00:17:45,729
Just a good old-fashioned
left-handed shaming.
395
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,330
What's wrong with
being left-handed?
396
00:17:48,332 --> 00:17:50,896
Yeah, we should celebrate
our differences.
397
00:17:50,898 --> 00:17:53,397
I have a nose ring.
Zeke has red hair.
398
00:17:53,399 --> 00:17:56,563
Yeah, Tina has webbed feet.
You should see her swim.
399
00:17:56,565 --> 00:17:59,030
Being different is what
makes us all great.
400
00:17:59,032 --> 00:18:01,963
You should never be ashamed
of what makes you unique.
401
00:18:04,432 --> 00:18:08,430
- Oscar, are you okay?
- I have something to say,
402
00:18:08,432 --> 00:18:10,463
and this may shock
some of you...
403
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,496
perhaps most of all, my wife.
404
00:18:12,498 --> 00:18:14,563
Is this about you
being born left-handed
405
00:18:14,565 --> 00:18:16,896
and being forced
to change as a child?
406
00:18:16,898 --> 00:18:18,063
Yeah, that.
407
00:18:18,065 --> 00:18:21,130
So when I was a young...
Wait a minute,
408
00:18:21,231 --> 00:18:23,796
how the hell did you know
I was born left-handed?
409
00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:27,163
We've been married for 40 years.
There's been a few clues.
410
00:18:29,497 --> 00:18:32,696
Did I ever tell you
I was born left-handed?
411
00:18:32,698 --> 00:18:35,529
Ugh, not this sob story again.
412
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:36,930
Well, if you knew,
413
00:18:36,932 --> 00:18:40,629
why did you back me up
on this crazy witch-hunt?
414
00:18:40,631 --> 00:18:42,763
Jeez, you're mad when
I don't support you,
415
00:18:42,765 --> 00:18:44,429
you're mad when
I do support you.
416
00:18:44,431 --> 00:18:47,196
- You can't have it both ways.
- Yes, I can.
417
00:18:47,198 --> 00:18:50,297
- You know, I'm bi.
- Ambi, Oscar.
418
00:18:50,299 --> 00:18:52,852
You're ambidextrous.
419
00:18:57,535 --> 00:19:01,233
Thanks for backing us, kids.
We really appreciate it.
420
00:19:01,235 --> 00:19:04,266
No problem, 5-0.
Now it's grind time.
421
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:07,133
- Whoo!
- Yeah! Check it out!
422
00:19:07,135 --> 00:19:10,300
- Whoa...
- No, it's confiscatin' time.
423
00:19:10,302 --> 00:19:13,166
You can't skate here.
It's official police property.
424
00:19:13,168 --> 00:19:15,733
Yeah, and Lacey doesn't
want you skateboarding
425
00:19:15,735 --> 00:19:17,200
at her place either.
426
00:19:17,202 --> 00:19:19,666
What?
No! Lacey said what?
427
00:19:19,668 --> 00:19:22,333
Did she want us
to keep that quiet?
428
00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:25,200
- Not cool, Lacey.
- Amazing Lacey?
429
00:19:25,202 --> 00:19:28,133
- Narc!
- Hey, Lacey's not a dork.
430
00:19:28,135 --> 00:19:30,433
- They said "narc."
- Well, whatever the hip lingo is.
431
00:19:30,435 --> 00:19:33,532
She put up with your
claptrappin' shenanigans...
432
00:19:33,534 --> 00:19:35,233
Jeez, how old am I?
433
00:19:35,235 --> 00:19:38,532
Anyway, my point is,
Lacey's the coolest person I know.
434
00:19:38,534 --> 00:19:40,733
Aw, thanks, Brent.
435
00:19:40,735 --> 00:19:43,733
Old Man Leroy Junior
thinks Lacey's cool.
436
00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:46,006
That makes her
an even bigger dork.
437
00:19:46,008 --> 00:19:47,739
Okay, I'm sure they
said "dork" that time.
438
00:19:47,741 --> 00:19:48,973
I don't care anymore.
439
00:19:48,975 --> 00:19:51,240
I want all of you kids out of here.
440
00:19:51,242 --> 00:19:54,672
You've been rude,
disrespectful, disruptive...
441
00:19:54,674 --> 00:19:55,939
They're already gone.
442
00:19:55,941 --> 00:19:57,473
I know, I just need
to get this off my chest.
443
00:19:57,475 --> 00:19:58,606
And furthermore,
444
00:19:58,608 --> 00:20:02,406
your pants are too baggy,
and get off my lawn!
445
00:20:02,408 --> 00:20:04,739
Whew...
Oh, that felt good.
446
00:20:10,590 --> 00:20:12,955
You're back.
What are the odds?
447
00:20:12,957 --> 00:20:15,055
Get it?
Probability?
448
00:20:15,057 --> 00:20:18,489
- Can I see that for a quick sec?
- Okay, but be careful.
449
00:20:18,491 --> 00:20:20,889
I need that to get
discounts from drug reps.
450
00:20:21,825 --> 00:20:25,623
Hey! That was like the
opposite of careful!
451
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,489
E.M.U. has been notified
452
00:20:27,491 --> 00:20:29,789
that you impersonated
a medical doctor,
453
00:20:29,791 --> 00:20:31,489
started an illegal practice,
454
00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:34,922
and accepted
carbohydrates as payment.
455
00:20:34,924 --> 00:20:36,222
There was also ham.
456
00:20:36,757 --> 00:20:40,756
You, Wanda Dollard,
are no longer a Fighting Emu.
457
00:20:40,758 --> 00:20:43,955
Fighting Emu?
H-Hey, you changed the name!
458
00:20:43,957 --> 00:20:45,955
We did.
That was a great catch.
459
00:20:45,957 --> 00:20:48,189
Anyway, sorry
to revoke your degree,
460
00:20:48,191 --> 00:20:50,922
but it's your own fault
for developing a God complex.
461
00:20:50,924 --> 00:20:54,389
- Does a God complex really exist?
- There you go!
462
00:20:54,391 --> 00:20:58,256
Stick to Philosophy,
and no one gets hurt.
463
00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:02,192
No one gets baked goods, either!
464
00:21:08,530 --> 00:21:09,996
♪ I don't know ♪
465
00:21:09,998 --> 00:21:12,929
♪ The same things you don't know ♪
466
00:21:16,364 --> 00:21:18,363
♪ I don't know ♪
467
00:21:18,365 --> 00:21:21,363
♪ I just... don't know ♪
468
00:21:23,430 --> 00:21:27,363
- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ It's a great big place ♪
469
00:21:27,365 --> 00:21:30,795
- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ Full of nothin' but space ♪
470
00:21:30,797 --> 00:21:34,729
- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ And it's my happy place ♪
471
00:21:34,731 --> 00:21:37,263
♪ I don't know ♪
472
00:21:38,276 --> 00:21:41,316
sync & correction by f1nc0
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35780
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