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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:07,670
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,770 --> 00:00:11,270
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,270
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:14,410 --> 00:00:18,016
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:21,280
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:22,930 --> 00:00:24,360
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:24,420 --> 00:00:30,050
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Peter, I just hit a pothole
in the road and got a flat.
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00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:41,639
The man who helped us
gave her his card.
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00:00:41,789 --> 00:00:42,899
I'd keep an eye on that.
13
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This town is falling apart.
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00:00:44,829 --> 00:00:47,829
Last week the bridge over
the collapsed bridge collapsed.
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00:00:48,029 --> 00:00:49,645
Well, you're a middle-aged woman
with no job.
16
00:00:49,669 --> 00:00:51,739
Maybe you should get
really worked up about it.
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00:00:51,839 --> 00:00:53,989
You know what? I think I will.
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00:00:54,089 --> 00:00:56,009
I'm going down
to city hall to complain.
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00:00:56,199 --> 00:00:58,179
This town needs a mayor.
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Y-You forgot your baby. Miss?
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Thank you all for coming over
to help us find
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00:01:10,929 --> 00:01:12,689
the best candidate for mayor.
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00:01:12,879 --> 00:01:15,165
This room is so diverse,
so I'm assuming
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00:01:15,189 --> 00:01:17,509
many of you have agendas.
25
00:01:17,569 --> 00:01:21,089
But let's keep in mind we need
a mayor who will represent
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00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:23,869
all of Quahog
and not just satisfy
27
00:01:24,059 --> 00:01:25,869
your weird little fringe issues,
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00:01:26,059 --> 00:01:28,369
which are important,
but not very important.
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00:01:28,539 --> 00:01:30,539
As a descendent
of Quahog's Puritan forefathers,
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00:01:30,709 --> 00:01:32,925
I think we should be able
to throw a woman into a pond
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to see if she's a witch.
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That seems a bit extreme,
don't you think?
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That's exactly
what a witch would say.
34
00:01:40,549 --> 00:01:42,315
Lois, you're making this harder
than it needs to be.
35
00:01:42,339 --> 00:01:44,389
Just get a former Batman
and move on.
36
00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:46,369
I'm sure Val Kilmer
could use the insurance.
37
00:01:46,429 --> 00:01:48,799
Peter, we're not going
to get a former Batman.
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00:01:48,949 --> 00:01:51,229
That has been pitched
every day since Adam West died
39
00:01:51,399 --> 00:01:53,639
and the response
has been tepid at best.
40
00:01:53,729 --> 00:01:55,875
We need someone
with fresh ideas.
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00:01:55,899 --> 00:01:57,399
Someone who knows the issues.
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00:01:57,589 --> 00:02:00,909
Well, if you're looking
for someone with issues,
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00:02:01,099 --> 00:02:03,319
I think you've found
your candidate.
44
00:02:07,409 --> 00:02:09,579
I had to go to bed early
because it's a grown-up party,
45
00:02:09,769 --> 00:02:11,139
but Mom said if I was quiet,
46
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,329
I could listen
from the top of the stairs.
47
00:02:13,479 --> 00:02:15,989
You know, I think you might be
a really good candidate.
48
00:02:16,089 --> 00:02:18,069
You know the town, you're smart
49
00:02:18,129 --> 00:02:20,405
and you clearly have
nothing better to do.
50
00:02:20,429 --> 00:02:23,589
So all in favor of the librarian
running for mayor say aye.
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00:02:23,789 --> 00:02:25,669
- Aye.
- What about ALF?
52
00:02:25,769 --> 00:02:27,839
Let's toast our new mayor...
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00:02:27,979 --> 00:02:30,429
um, I'm sorry,
I don't even know your name.
54
00:02:30,629 --> 00:02:32,599
Elle. Elle Hitler.
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00:02:32,749 --> 00:02:34,439
No relation.
56
00:02:34,629 --> 00:02:36,469
Elle Hitler? Eh.
57
00:02:36,609 --> 00:02:38,609
Let's all say hi to Elle Hitler.
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00:02:38,799 --> 00:02:42,319
-Hi, Elle Hitler.
Yay!
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00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,949
I can't believe Lois wants
the librarian to be mayor.
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00:02:48,149 --> 00:02:49,435
I mean, Mayor West was a legend,
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00:02:49,459 --> 00:02:51,029
and now they're gonna
replace him
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00:02:51,119 --> 00:02:52,935
with some third-tier character
with a joke name?
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00:02:52,959 --> 00:02:55,609
- That's Chinatown, Peter.
- What?
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00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:58,609
I said, "That's Chinatown."
It's from the movie Chinatown.
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00:02:58,669 --> 00:03:02,185
It means, like, "What are you
gonna do? That's Chinatown."
66
00:03:02,209 --> 00:03:03,485
Joe, did you finally
get Netflix?
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00:03:03,509 --> 00:03:05,855
I did.
And I just watched Chinatown.
68
00:03:05,879 --> 00:03:07,449
It's kind of gross.
69
00:03:07,519 --> 00:03:10,285
Quahog deserves a cool mayor,
like Mayor West was.
70
00:03:10,309 --> 00:03:12,049
But there's no one cooler
than Adam West.
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00:03:12,139 --> 00:03:14,649
If only he had had a offspring.
72
00:03:14,799 --> 00:03:18,205
Speaking of offspring,
Faye Dunaway slept with her dad
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00:03:18,229 --> 00:03:21,209
in Chinatown
and then had his baby.
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00:03:21,309 --> 00:03:23,639
Guys, that movie
really messed me up.
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00:03:23,699 --> 00:03:27,049
Wait a second,
Mayor West didn't have any kids,
76
00:03:27,109 --> 00:03:31,219
but he did have a cousin,
Wild West.
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00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:32,899
You guys don't know Wild West?
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00:03:32,999 --> 00:03:34,475
No. And please don't diminish us
79
00:03:34,499 --> 00:03:35,975
for not knowing
the same things you know.
80
00:03:35,999 --> 00:03:37,479
You know
how to land an airplane?
81
00:03:37,549 --> 00:03:38,909
No, you don't. Asswipe.
82
00:03:39,009 --> 00:03:40,645
I'm sorry.
I see you, Quagmire.
83
00:03:40,669 --> 00:03:42,039
- I do.
- Thank you.
84
00:03:42,229 --> 00:03:44,839
Wild West is a legendary cowboy
and a spokesman
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00:03:45,009 --> 00:03:47,179
for everything manly. Look.
86
00:03:49,559 --> 00:03:52,849
You work hard,
and at the end of the day,
87
00:03:53,039 --> 00:03:54,689
you're more than tired.
88
00:03:54,839 --> 00:03:56,689
You're man tired.
89
00:03:56,839 --> 00:04:00,169
And when it's finally time to
kick off your boots and relax,
90
00:04:00,279 --> 00:04:04,089
nothing satisfies more
than Beef Cigarettes.
91
00:04:04,149 --> 00:04:05,859
♪ Give yourself a treat ♪
92
00:04:06,059 --> 00:04:07,869
♪ Nicotine and meat. ♪
93
00:04:08,059 --> 00:04:09,089
Beef Cigarettes,
94
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:11,755
now with less hooves and snouts.
95
00:04:11,779 --> 00:04:13,519
See? He'd be a great mayor.
96
00:04:13,579 --> 00:04:16,359
- Well, what's his stand on abortion?
- What? I don't...
97
00:04:16,419 --> 00:04:18,359
Does he make exceptions
in cases of incest?
98
00:04:18,419 --> 00:04:20,189
Because I've seen
some things recently
99
00:04:20,249 --> 00:04:22,939
that make me think
he probably should.
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00:04:57,769 --> 00:05:00,169
You came at the perfect time.
101
00:05:04,779 --> 00:05:06,819
That was beautiful.
102
00:05:06,879 --> 00:05:08,905
If you think the birth
is beautiful,
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00:05:08,929 --> 00:05:11,179
you should see the conception.
104
00:05:19,889 --> 00:05:21,995
Mmm. Jasmine oolong.
105
00:05:22,019 --> 00:05:23,759
What can I do you for, stranger?
106
00:05:23,819 --> 00:05:26,499
My name is Peter Griffin and
I'm from Quahog, Rhode Island,
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00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:29,449
where your cousin Adam West
was our mayor for many years.
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00:05:29,599 --> 00:05:31,159
And since he's gone
to a better place...
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00:05:31,309 --> 00:05:34,449
- Duluth?
- I was thinking heaven, but okay, sure.
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00:05:34,639 --> 00:05:36,119
Beautiful country, Duluth.
111
00:05:36,309 --> 00:05:39,939
The air moves into your nostrils
like a welcome guest.
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00:05:39,999 --> 00:05:41,845
God, that's awesome.
113
00:05:41,869 --> 00:05:43,869
Anyway, I thought you
would be the perfect person
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00:05:43,959 --> 00:05:46,089
to take his place as our mayor.
115
00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:54,619
Peter, have you ever
killed a man?
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00:05:54,679 --> 00:05:57,309
Reddit says I've killed 39,
but that seems low.
117
00:05:57,499 --> 00:06:00,809
- Why do you ask?
- Just making conversation.
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00:06:02,709 --> 00:06:05,209
Look, I know it's a lot
to ask, but Quahog needs you.
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00:06:05,269 --> 00:06:07,209
You're the perfect person
to lead us through
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00:06:07,309 --> 00:06:10,135
the last five years
of the United States' existence.
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00:06:10,159 --> 00:06:12,819
So, what do you say?
Will you be our mayor?
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00:06:16,779 --> 00:06:19,239
Can I tell you a secret, Peter?
123
00:06:19,369 --> 00:06:21,069
I can levitate.
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00:06:21,169 --> 00:06:24,149
- No way. Can you show me?
- No. But it's true.
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00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:25,819
Uh, that seems like
the kind of thing
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00:06:25,909 --> 00:06:27,749
you have to prove
right when you say it.
127
00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:29,409
Well, I suppose you're right.
128
00:06:29,509 --> 00:06:31,919
I appreciate you coming
all this way, Peter,
129
00:06:32,009 --> 00:06:33,489
but I can't be your mayor.
130
00:06:33,549 --> 00:06:36,969
But, Wild West, we need you.
131
00:06:40,019 --> 00:06:42,339
I'm sorry.
132
00:06:42,399 --> 00:06:46,319
You get home safe, now.
Hyah!
133
00:06:57,409 --> 00:07:00,099
Thank you for coming out
to celebrate
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00:07:00,159 --> 00:07:02,189
a new day in Quahog.
135
00:07:02,249 --> 00:07:04,855
I would like to ask all
the women to please put aside
136
00:07:04,879 --> 00:07:06,379
your blinding hatred
of other women
137
00:07:06,549 --> 00:07:10,199
and vote for this incredibly
qualified candidate.
138
00:07:10,259 --> 00:07:12,609
Stranger comin'!
139
00:07:12,669 --> 00:07:15,779
Stranger comin'!
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00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,109
He came.
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00:07:38,439 --> 00:07:40,055
Howdy, Quahog.
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00:07:40,079 --> 00:07:41,969
My name's Wild West,
and I'm here
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00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:45,209
to throw my hat in the ring
to be your next mayor.
144
00:07:50,259 --> 00:07:54,259
And I want to say
one more thing: I can levitate.
145
00:07:54,449 --> 00:07:57,235
But not right now.
146
00:07:57,259 --> 00:07:59,259
That seems like something
he should have to prove
147
00:07:59,409 --> 00:08:00,085
when he says it.
148
00:08:00,109 --> 00:08:02,129
When he says it. That's,
uh, that's what I said.
149
00:08:08,559 --> 00:08:11,109
Peter, what the hell
is wrong with you?
150
00:08:11,299 --> 00:08:13,109
You don't know
anything about politics.
151
00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:14,499
Well, you don't know anything
152
00:08:14,559 --> 00:08:17,109
about landing a airplane,
asswipe.
153
00:08:17,309 --> 00:08:19,595
Besides, Wild West
would make a great mayor.
154
00:08:19,619 --> 00:08:22,509
He's a man...
155
00:08:22,609 --> 00:08:24,959
What does that have
to do with anything?
156
00:08:25,109 --> 00:08:26,609
Because this is America, Lois.
157
00:08:26,669 --> 00:08:28,869
Men have always run things
and there have never been
158
00:08:29,019 --> 00:08:30,609
any problems whatsoever.
159
00:08:30,669 --> 00:08:33,039
And don't say the economy
or Iraq or income inequality
160
00:08:33,169 --> 00:08:35,519
or racism or Brett Kavanaugh
or air pollution or Vietnam
161
00:08:35,629 --> 00:08:37,619
or slavery or Watergate
or capitalism
162
00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:40,139
or #MeToo or homelessness
or police brutality
163
00:08:40,289 --> 00:08:42,529
or homophobia or Monica Lewinsky
or school shootings
164
00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:44,719
or Native American genocide
or Fox News
165
00:08:44,809 --> 00:08:46,625
or Tim Allen or climate change.
166
00:08:46,649 --> 00:08:48,309
You make a good point.
167
00:08:48,459 --> 00:08:51,389
But I still think more women
should be in positions of power,
168
00:08:51,479 --> 00:08:54,889
and I'm gonna work my butt off
to make sure the librarian
169
00:08:54,989 --> 00:08:56,729
becomes our next mayor.
170
00:08:56,879 --> 00:08:59,159
And I'm gonna prove that
Wild West is the better choice.
171
00:08:59,349 --> 00:09:01,639
I've already made
my first campaign poster.
172
00:09:01,699 --> 00:09:04,789
I always start too big.
173
00:09:08,909 --> 00:09:10,329
Afternoon, citizen.
174
00:09:10,489 --> 00:09:13,555
My name's Wild West
and I'm running for mayor.
175
00:09:13,579 --> 00:09:15,839
- What might your name be?
- Bruce.
176
00:09:16,009 --> 00:09:18,509
Pleasure, Bruce.
If'n you don't mind,
177
00:09:18,699 --> 00:09:22,069
I'd like to roll up your garden
hose for you, the right way.
178
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,409
- Oh, okay.
- You see, Bruce,
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00:09:24,509 --> 00:09:26,239
every hose has a memory.
180
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:28,849
And you just got to tap
into that memory.
181
00:09:29,049 --> 00:09:30,349
You see this kink here?
182
00:09:30,549 --> 00:09:34,405
I, uh...
I do see that kink.
183
00:09:34,429 --> 00:09:38,919
Well, a hose is very desirous
of its original shape,
184
00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:40,769
and if you know
how to work those kinks,
185
00:09:40,909 --> 00:09:43,939
it should straighten
itself right out.
186
00:09:44,039 --> 00:09:46,349
Oh, merciful heavens.
187
00:09:48,059 --> 00:09:50,425
If you need some help
on your campaign,
188
00:09:50,449 --> 00:09:54,089
I'm very experienced
at taking polls.
189
00:09:57,169 --> 00:09:59,109
Wild West,
this is my daughter Meg.
190
00:09:59,209 --> 00:10:00,879
She also has a mustache.
191
00:10:01,079 --> 00:10:03,629
I can see that.
Nice to meet you, Meg.
192
00:10:03,719 --> 00:10:05,889
Wow, you've got a great voice.
193
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:08,389
Would you record
my outgoing voice-mail message?
194
00:10:08,539 --> 00:10:10,275
Ah, I'd be happy to.
195
00:10:10,299 --> 00:10:13,299
And could you make it sound like
one of your truck commercials?
196
00:10:13,399 --> 00:10:16,729
If you're looking for something
rugged, something durable,
197
00:10:16,929 --> 00:10:19,569
something with
an endless supply of gas
198
00:10:19,739 --> 00:10:22,235
and a tailgate made for dumping,
199
00:10:22,259 --> 00:10:24,409
then you must be
looking for Meg Griffin.
200
00:10:24,579 --> 00:10:27,079
Meg might not be much
to look at,
201
00:10:27,229 --> 00:10:28,989
but with two different-shaped
airbags,
202
00:10:29,079 --> 00:10:31,635
Meg is one ride
you won't mind taking out
203
00:10:31,659 --> 00:10:34,895
to the middle of nowhere
and giving it your all.
204
00:10:34,919 --> 00:10:37,499
She's road-ready, and rode hard.
205
00:10:37,589 --> 00:10:39,065
Meg Griffin.
206
00:10:39,089 --> 00:10:42,069
Kindly leave your go-by
and Roman numerics
207
00:10:42,179 --> 00:10:44,239
at the sound of the chow bell.
208
00:10:54,059 --> 00:10:55,849
Peter, I don't even know
why you're bothering
209
00:10:55,939 --> 00:10:57,329
to take me to meet Wild West.
210
00:10:57,389 --> 00:10:59,585
I will never
change my mind about him.
211
00:10:59,609 --> 00:11:01,399
That's all I ask.
212
00:11:07,119 --> 00:11:09,599
Afternoon, Griffins.
Glad you could make it.
213
00:11:09,659 --> 00:11:11,959
Can I-can I go play
with the barn mustaches?
214
00:11:12,109 --> 00:11:14,619
- Please? Please?
- Of course you can.
215
00:11:18,409 --> 00:11:21,969
Peter said something about me
really sticks in your craw.
216
00:11:22,159 --> 00:11:25,119
Let's not make this sexy, okay?
217
00:11:25,179 --> 00:11:27,709
I just don't think it's fair
for you to breeze into town
218
00:11:27,809 --> 00:11:30,809
with your rugged good looks
and voice of the gods
219
00:11:30,979 --> 00:11:32,639
and assume you should be mayor.
220
00:11:32,789 --> 00:11:34,959
Especially when you're
taking an opportunity away
221
00:11:35,019 --> 00:11:36,889
from a very deserving woman.
222
00:11:36,979 --> 00:11:38,649
That's a fair point, Lois.
223
00:11:38,839 --> 00:11:41,969
Do you mind if I make you
a sweater while I respond?
224
00:11:42,029 --> 00:11:44,635
Uh, no.
225
00:11:44,659 --> 00:11:46,375
No, that would be fine.
226
00:11:46,399 --> 00:11:50,219
Lois, I moved my whole family
to Oregon when I was 13,
227
00:11:50,279 --> 00:11:52,899
and it taught me that
a town is like a horse.
228
00:11:53,039 --> 00:11:54,559
You don't choose it.
229
00:11:54,619 --> 00:11:56,069
It chooses you.
230
00:11:56,169 --> 00:11:58,389
And I believe Quahog
has chosen me,
231
00:11:58,449 --> 00:12:00,379
just like it chose
my cousin Adam.
232
00:12:00,509 --> 00:12:04,319
Now, the last thing I want to do
is take something from a woman.
233
00:12:04,379 --> 00:12:07,009
There's nothing
I respect more than women.
234
00:12:07,199 --> 00:12:09,495
Is that so?
235
00:12:09,519 --> 00:12:11,329
Yes'm.
I've raised 16 daughters
236
00:12:11,389 --> 00:12:14,019
into strong, independent women,
237
00:12:14,209 --> 00:12:16,239
I'm a registered doula,
238
00:12:16,299 --> 00:12:19,759
and I always order edamame
for the table.
239
00:12:19,859 --> 00:12:23,179
Oh, my God.
Oh. Huh.
240
00:12:23,279 --> 00:12:25,769
So, y-you're all alone...
up here?
241
00:12:25,859 --> 00:12:27,509
With no one to...
242
00:12:27,569 --> 00:12:30,109
touch your sweaty biceps?
243
00:12:30,239 --> 00:12:31,179
Huh?
244
00:12:31,249 --> 00:12:33,259
A man's never alone, Lois,
245
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:35,709
so long as he has
his principles.
246
00:12:36,729 --> 00:12:39,599
H-H-Holy thundering Lord.
247
00:12:40,889 --> 00:12:43,999
Lois, can we keep it?
I'll take care of it, I promise.
248
00:12:44,099 --> 00:12:45,499
Aah!
249
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:46,925
Ow! He bit me!
250
00:12:46,949 --> 00:12:48,509
I don't like it now.
251
00:12:53,789 --> 00:12:57,619
Peter, do you wanna maybe
do some role-playing?
252
00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,015
Okay.
I'll be Quentin Tarantino,
253
00:13:00,039 --> 00:13:01,959
and you be the foot
I make a mess on.
254
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:03,935
No, actually, I-I was thinking
255
00:13:03,959 --> 00:13:06,709
that maybe you could pretend
to be a cowboy.
256
00:13:06,839 --> 00:13:08,449
Okay.
257
00:13:08,509 --> 00:13:09,949
Oh, Lois...
258
00:13:10,009 --> 00:13:11,549
Uh, make your voice deeper.
259
00:13:11,639 --> 00:13:13,469
- Oh, Lois...
- Deeper!
260
00:13:13,639 --> 00:13:15,639
Oh, Lois.
261
00:13:15,789 --> 00:13:16,955
Good.
262
00:13:16,979 --> 00:13:20,535
Now say, "Beef:
it's what's for dinner."
263
00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:22,299
- I-I don't...
- Say it!
264
00:13:22,359 --> 00:13:23,865
- Beef...
- Oh, yes.
265
00:13:23,889 --> 00:13:25,969
- It's what's for dinner.
- Oh, yes!
266
00:13:26,069 --> 00:13:28,295
Oh, Wild West, Wild West.
267
00:13:28,319 --> 00:13:29,489
What?!
268
00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:31,399
Peter, what the hell
are you wearing?
269
00:13:31,489 --> 00:13:34,069
I went a different direction,
cowboy-wise,
270
00:13:34,199 --> 00:13:35,989
but don't change the subject!
271
00:13:43,699 --> 00:13:46,485
- Peter, what are you doing?
- I've decided that Wild West
272
00:13:46,509 --> 00:13:48,569
is the worst possible person
to be mayor,
273
00:13:48,629 --> 00:13:50,985
and I'm gonna do
whatever I can to stop him.
274
00:13:51,009 --> 00:13:53,735
O-Okay, is this because I called
out his name twice during sex
275
00:13:53,759 --> 00:13:55,829
and once
while I was peeing after?
276
00:13:55,889 --> 00:13:59,409
- That's part of it, yes.
- I'm sorry, Peter, it just slipped out.
277
00:13:59,469 --> 00:14:02,169
Well, I'm sorry I'm the length
of a Mike and Ike!
278
00:14:02,229 --> 00:14:04,309
In your dreams.
279
00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:08,599
That one stung, Lois.
280
00:14:09,889 --> 00:14:12,199
Ooh, that one stung.
281
00:14:15,059 --> 00:14:16,345
All right, I'm on your side now.
282
00:14:16,369 --> 00:14:18,039
And if you're gonna
beat Wild West,
283
00:14:18,229 --> 00:14:20,345
you have to recognize that
one of his greatest strengths
284
00:14:20,369 --> 00:14:23,769
is his voice, which makes him
sound sexy and smart
285
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:25,439
and sexy and sexy.
286
00:14:25,499 --> 00:14:27,769
Where your voice sounds
like your dad's second wife
287
00:14:27,829 --> 00:14:30,789
trying to describe
something she saw on Facebook.
288
00:14:30,939 --> 00:14:31,939
Oh, speaking of,
289
00:14:31,969 --> 00:14:35,129
do you know what a meme is?
290
00:14:35,219 --> 00:14:36,869
What...
Course I do.
291
00:14:36,929 --> 00:14:38,299
And it's pronounced "me-me."
292
00:14:38,449 --> 00:14:41,129
Well, the other day, I saw one
293
00:14:41,229 --> 00:14:43,115
with the most adorable kitten
294
00:14:43,139 --> 00:14:45,139
tangled in a ball of yarn.
295
00:14:47,759 --> 00:14:49,629
And underneath...
296
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:52,719
underneath, it said:
"the police."
297
00:14:54,429 --> 00:14:56,469
Okay, that was unexpected,
so I'm gonna ignore it
298
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,469
and bring in Morgan Freeman,
who I've hired
299
00:14:58,529 --> 00:15:00,139
to narrate your commercials.
300
00:15:00,239 --> 00:15:02,469
We're gonna fight voice
with voice.
301
00:15:02,529 --> 00:15:05,229
Wild West claims to know
what's best for Quahog,
302
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:07,139
but there's a better choice.
303
00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:08,809
And I know about choice.
304
00:15:08,869 --> 00:15:10,909
I chose to be in Ted 2.
305
00:15:11,009 --> 00:15:12,169
Nobody made me.
306
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:14,169
I wasn't forced at gunpoint.
307
00:15:14,259 --> 00:15:17,579
I relied on my advisors,
and they let me down.
308
00:15:17,639 --> 00:15:19,599
"They'll fix the script,"
they said.
309
00:15:19,749 --> 00:15:21,169
Well, they were wrong.
310
00:15:21,329 --> 00:15:23,339
I thought I'd get to act
with a talking teddy bear,
311
00:15:23,439 --> 00:15:24,769
but when I got there,
312
00:15:24,959 --> 00:15:28,155
it was just two ping-pong balls
on a stick.
313
00:15:28,179 --> 00:15:30,669
Or maybe that was
Amanda Seyfried.
314
00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:32,349
I don't know.
315
00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:35,339
Okay, thank-thank you.
Thank you, Morgan. Thank you.
316
00:15:35,439 --> 00:15:37,619
Peter, just let me speak
to the voters
317
00:15:37,809 --> 00:15:40,449
about the issues
they're concerned about.
318
00:15:40,599 --> 00:15:42,439
Or, instead of doing
that stupid thing,
319
00:15:42,499 --> 00:15:44,939
we could sabotage
Wild West's campaign.
320
00:15:44,999 --> 00:15:46,669
Come on, you can drive.
321
00:15:51,669 --> 00:15:53,665
Big Garfield fan, huh?
322
00:15:53,689 --> 00:15:54,969
Me, too.
323
00:15:55,159 --> 00:15:56,775
- Not this big.
- You know, a lot of people
324
00:15:56,799 --> 00:16:00,789
think I'm obsessed,
but I think I'm pretty nermal.
325
00:16:02,479 --> 00:16:05,139
Okay, you reeled me back in.
326
00:16:20,869 --> 00:16:25,119
Let's see how popular you are
when I cut off your mustache.
327
00:16:45,909 --> 00:16:48,579
How is this so strong?
328
00:16:48,639 --> 00:16:53,009
My hair follicles run deeper
than the roots of a sequoia.
329
00:16:53,069 --> 00:16:54,919
Git him, fella.
330
00:16:54,979 --> 00:16:56,529
Oh! Aah!
331
00:16:59,409 --> 00:17:00,919
Aah!
332
00:17:00,979 --> 00:17:02,199
Nice work.
333
00:17:02,349 --> 00:17:04,539
Thanks, boss.
334
00:17:23,969 --> 00:17:24,869
Uh-oh.
335
00:17:24,979 --> 00:17:26,279
Hello?
336
00:17:26,339 --> 00:17:28,229
Could somebody help me?
337
00:17:28,419 --> 00:17:31,149
Don't panic, The Librarian.
338
00:17:38,409 --> 00:17:40,569
Hang on, little lady.
339
00:17:40,739 --> 00:17:42,319
I'm a-comin'.
340
00:18:09,959 --> 00:18:13,109
- I told you I could levitate.
- You did.
341
00:18:13,299 --> 00:18:15,999
Do the thing with the hose!
342
00:18:20,169 --> 00:18:21,289
Good evening.
I'm Tom Tucker.
343
00:18:21,319 --> 00:18:22,859
Our top story tonight:
344
00:18:22,949 --> 00:18:25,769
Quahog's new mayor is Wild West.
345
00:18:28,269 --> 00:18:30,359
With a final vote of 43 to 19,
346
00:18:30,459 --> 00:18:32,699
it's clear that
no one really cared.
347
00:18:32,839 --> 00:18:34,369
Nice job, guys.
348
00:18:34,459 --> 00:18:36,459
Peter, can I talk to you?
349
00:18:36,609 --> 00:18:39,629
- What?
- Look, I know we've had our differences,
350
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:43,035
but I'm hoping that someday
we can bury the hatchet,
351
00:18:43,059 --> 00:18:44,615
maybe even be friends.
352
00:18:44,639 --> 00:18:48,879
Until then, I want you
to take care of this for me.
353
00:18:50,759 --> 00:18:52,955
For me?
354
00:18:52,979 --> 00:18:54,699
Thank you, Wild West.
355
00:18:54,809 --> 00:18:58,129
And... I'm sorry I tried
to destroy your reputation
356
00:18:58,239 --> 00:19:00,209
by burning down a library.
357
00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:03,729
I can see now that...
I'm better than that.
358
00:19:06,609 --> 00:19:09,239
Wild West, I just want to say
congratulations,
359
00:19:09,389 --> 00:19:11,739
and I know you'll do a great job
for our town.
360
00:19:11,869 --> 00:19:14,499
I appreciate that, Lois,
and you can rest easy
361
00:19:14,689 --> 00:19:17,409
knowing that you
and the good people of Quahog
362
00:19:17,559 --> 00:19:20,339
are safe under my watchful eye.
363
00:19:20,529 --> 00:19:23,679
- You ever kill a man?
- What?! Why?
364
00:19:23,869 --> 00:19:26,469
Just making conversation.
365
00:19:32,499 --> 00:19:35,169
Wild West,
why don't you play us a song?
366
00:19:35,269 --> 00:19:38,729
Aw, shucks,
I don't know if I could do that.
367
00:19:47,739 --> 00:19:51,329
♪ Arizona moon keep shining ♪
368
00:19:52,749 --> 00:19:57,169
♪ From the desert sky above ♪
369
00:19:58,999 --> 00:20:00,599
♪ You know pretty soon ♪
370
00:20:00,659 --> 00:20:03,219
♪ That big yellow moon ♪
371
00:20:03,409 --> 00:20:05,865
♪ Will light the way back ♪
372
00:20:05,889 --> 00:20:09,699
♪ To the one you love ♪
373
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:12,059
♪ Blue ♪
374
00:20:12,249 --> 00:20:13,969
♪ Shadows ♪
375
00:20:14,059 --> 00:20:18,559
♪ On the trail ♪
376
00:20:22,239 --> 00:20:24,459
♪ Little cowboy ♪
377
00:20:24,519 --> 00:20:27,389
♪ Close your eyes ♪
378
00:20:27,449 --> 00:20:30,199
♪ And dream ♪
379
00:20:31,449 --> 00:20:33,079
♪ All of the doggies ♪
380
00:20:33,269 --> 00:20:36,469
♪ Are in the corral ♪
381
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,669
♪ All of your work is done ♪
382
00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:44,149
♪ Just close your eyes ♪
383
00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:46,929
♪ And dream, little pal ♪
384
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:49,239
♪ Dream of ♪
385
00:20:49,299 --> 00:20:51,669
♪ Someone ♪
386
00:20:52,959 --> 00:20:55,655
♪ Bom, bom-bom-bom, bom,
bom-bom-bom ♪
387
00:20:55,679 --> 00:20:57,919
♪ Bom, bom-bom-bom,
bom-bom, bom-bom ♪
388
00:20:57,979 --> 00:21:00,609
♪ Bom, bom-bom-bom, bom,
bom-bom-bom ♪
389
00:21:00,769 --> 00:21:04,529
♪ Bom, bom-bom-bom,
bom-bom, bom-bom, bom. ♪
390
00:21:34,349 --> 00:21:36,519
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
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