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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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00:00:05,563 --> 00:00:06,898
Ten dollars!
3
00:00:06,899 --> 00:00:09,166
Do I hear ten dollars for Phil?
4
00:00:10,935 --> 00:00:13,403
Come on, people,
it's a bachelor auction.
5
00:00:13,405 --> 00:00:16,573
Let's go!
A ten-spot for Phil.
6
00:00:16,575 --> 00:00:19,276
Phil your boots
with Phil the Thrill.
7
00:00:19,278 --> 00:00:21,278
Look at him
Phil those pants!
8
00:00:22,914 --> 00:00:24,982
Come on, I'm running out
of Phil puns.
9
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:26,818
Fine.
Ten dollars.
10
00:00:26,819 --> 00:00:30,554
Finally! Sold to Karen
Pelly for ten bucks.
11
00:00:30,556 --> 00:00:34,158
- You sweet on Phil, Karen?
- No. This was the fastest way
12
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,995
to get him back behind
the bar to Phil my glass.
13
00:00:36,996 --> 00:00:39,097
Hey!
I thought of another Phil pun!
14
00:00:39,098 --> 00:00:42,293
Moving on.
Are you ready for your next
15
00:00:42,294 --> 00:00:43,800
hunk of man meat, ladies?
16
00:00:45,738 --> 00:00:48,139
You're up, Brent.
Look sharp.
17
00:00:48,140 --> 00:00:50,374
I feel like
I'm wearing neck Spanx.
18
00:00:50,376 --> 00:00:53,443
Come on... I need this
fundraiser to raise some funds,
19
00:00:53,445 --> 00:00:55,512
so get out there
and shake your money-maker.
20
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,181
I'm not sure my maker
was made to make money,
21
00:00:58,183 --> 00:00:59,651
but I'll give it a twirl.
22
00:00:59,652 --> 00:01:01,953
I'd prefer a shake,
or a twerk.
23
00:01:01,954 --> 00:01:04,955
Good luck, but so far I've
brought in the most money.
24
00:01:04,957 --> 00:01:07,658
Women love a man in uniform.
25
00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:09,326
It's because
the shirt and pants match.
26
00:01:09,328 --> 00:01:12,029
The next bachelor
in our auction
27
00:01:12,031 --> 00:01:14,331
to raise money
for Ike's burned-down barn
28
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:16,867
is a real barn-burner himself,
29
00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:19,970
though not actually responsible
for Ike's recent tragedy.
30
00:01:19,972 --> 00:01:22,064
Brent Leroy!
31
00:01:25,677 --> 00:01:29,846
- Do something sexy!
- I thought I was.
32
00:01:29,848 --> 00:01:31,481
But... okay.
33
00:01:34,853 --> 00:01:37,454
Let's start the bidding at $20.
34
00:01:37,456 --> 00:01:38,589
Do I hear 20?
35
00:01:40,759 --> 00:01:42,359
$500!
36
00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:45,228
- Phone bid.
- Sold!
37
00:01:45,229 --> 00:01:48,066
No takebacks, final sale,
to the mystery phone woman!
38
00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:49,933
We assume it's a woman.
39
00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:52,470
- Probably a blind one.
- Huh.
40
00:01:52,471 --> 00:01:54,414
All this time,
I've been sitting on
41
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,305
an actual money maker.
42
00:01:55,307 --> 00:01:58,976
♪ You think there's
not a lot goin' on ♪
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00:01:58,978 --> 00:02:01,912
♪ Look closer, baby
you're so wrong ♪
44
00:02:02,342 --> 00:02:05,295
2x06 - Oedipus Hex
45
00:02:07,685 --> 00:02:09,553
Oh. Is that the money
from the auction?
46
00:02:09,555 --> 00:02:12,622
Good, because I need to pay
for the lumber for Ike's barn.
47
00:02:12,623 --> 00:02:14,058
I thought you put it
on your credit card.
48
00:02:14,059 --> 00:02:16,094
I did.
I only put it on the card
49
00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:18,663
to get the travel points. But
I need to pay it off right away.
50
00:02:18,664 --> 00:02:21,665
I can't be paying interest
on a $5,000 balance.
51
00:02:21,667 --> 00:02:24,935
Oh... So the fact that
we only raised $2,000
52
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:28,906
- is not good news?
- What? How did we raise less than half?
53
00:02:28,907 --> 00:02:31,375
You said a bachelor auction
would bring in a fortune.
54
00:02:31,377 --> 00:02:34,211
And you said you could get
Chris Hemsworth as a bachelor.
55
00:02:34,213 --> 00:02:37,248
I said I could get Chris Hadfield.
And I did.
56
00:02:39,385 --> 00:02:40,617
What?
57
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:44,187
I said, my good looks
are out of this world.
58
00:02:44,189 --> 00:02:46,675
At any rate,
I seem to have left my wallet
59
00:02:46,676 --> 00:02:48,163
out in my spaceship.
60
00:02:51,196 --> 00:02:54,065
Aw, thanks a lot, Emma.
Now I'm in debt.
61
00:02:54,066 --> 00:02:56,300
- I'll pay for his coffee.
- I mean the lumber.
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00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:57,635
Maybe you should have waited
63
00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:59,636
till we knew what kind of
money we'd raise
64
00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:02,039
before putting it all
on your credit card.
65
00:03:02,041 --> 00:03:05,076
It was double points day!
And I was trying to be nice.
66
00:03:05,077 --> 00:03:06,644
I was trying to be nice too!
67
00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:09,112
Well, aren't we both
just really nice?!
68
00:03:09,114 --> 00:03:11,461
The nicest!
69
00:03:13,551 --> 00:03:16,254
Hey. Watch where you're
pointing that thing.
70
00:03:16,255 --> 00:03:18,355
Based on current
interest in this thing,
71
00:03:18,357 --> 00:03:19,924
you owe me 50 bucks.
72
00:03:19,925 --> 00:03:22,926
Brent's love life is none
of your damn business, Davis!
73
00:03:22,928 --> 00:03:25,128
Come on, tell us who bid on you.
74
00:03:25,130 --> 00:03:27,098
I dunno yet.
I got an invite card,
75
00:03:27,099 --> 00:03:28,266
and I'm meeting my mystery date
76
00:03:28,267 --> 00:03:31,035
- for dinner in the city tonight.
- Mystery date!
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00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:32,669
I wonder who it is...
78
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:35,406
Oh, Brent,
please introduce me,
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00:03:35,407 --> 00:03:39,142
a sexy international
supermodel, to your friend Davis.
80
00:03:39,144 --> 00:03:42,012
I love the way
his shirt and pants match.
81
00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:44,181
Hmm...
82
00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:48,185
Oh, Brent,
Wanda was right, as usual.
83
00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:50,120
She should get a raise.
84
00:03:50,122 --> 00:03:52,397
Hmm.
85
00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:57,527
Oh, Brent, Karen has
such a limited imagination.
86
00:03:58,496 --> 00:04:00,297
Did my own brain just burn me?
87
00:04:00,299 --> 00:04:03,233
This mystery woman
might be dangerous.
88
00:04:03,235 --> 00:04:05,602
- Want a police escort?
- Nice try.
89
00:04:05,603 --> 00:04:07,138
Besides, don't you
have a date tonight?
90
00:04:07,139 --> 00:04:10,407
- Who's a hard 70?
- Yup. Heading to Helen's now.
91
00:04:10,409 --> 00:04:12,809
Need to pick her up
a few things first.
92
00:04:12,811 --> 00:04:15,745
Eggs, milk,
four litres of baby oil...
93
00:04:15,747 --> 00:04:17,581
What the hell kind of
cake is she making?
94
00:04:17,583 --> 00:04:19,983
Did Helen just bid on you
so you would do her shopping?
95
00:04:19,985 --> 00:04:22,361
- No...
- She wants him to make
96
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,955
siren noises when he
puts away the groceries.
97
00:04:26,358 --> 00:04:27,558
What were you thinking, Emma?
98
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:30,827
Women buying men
like they're pieces of meat.
99
00:04:30,829 --> 00:04:33,197
It's sexist!
How's my sandwich coming?
100
00:04:33,198 --> 00:04:36,234
I just wanted to help Ike
get money to rebuild his barn.
101
00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:39,035
I try to do something
nice for someone,
102
00:04:39,037 --> 00:04:42,205
- and I get my head ripped off.
- Nice is for ninnies.
103
00:04:42,207 --> 00:04:43,584
Would it kill you to do
104
00:04:43,585 --> 00:04:46,210
something nice for me
once in a while?
105
00:04:46,211 --> 00:04:48,912
Oh, you'd like it to kill me,
wouldn't ya?
106
00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:50,314
Where you going?
107
00:04:50,315 --> 00:04:54,384
I'm going to have a nice time
somewhere with someone nice.
108
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:57,687
Who's going to cut my sandwich?
109
00:04:58,723 --> 00:05:00,438
Hey, Hank.
how come you weren't
110
00:05:00,439 --> 00:05:01,959
at the bachelor auction
last night?
111
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,094
Yeah, with you in the mix,
112
00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:05,463
we could've raised $2,000
and 40 cents.
113
00:05:05,464 --> 00:05:08,365
Oh, uh, I had my own
fundraiser for Ike.
114
00:05:08,367 --> 00:05:11,269
- A silent auction.
- I never heard about it.
115
00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:13,436
That's why it's called
a silent auction.
116
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:14,872
How much money did you raise?
117
00:05:14,873 --> 00:05:17,208
- 500 bucks.
- Hey, that's great!
118
00:05:17,209 --> 00:05:19,544
Give it to me, and I'll
add it to the lumber debt.
119
00:05:19,545 --> 00:05:21,811
No way. This isn't for
rebuilding Ike's barn.
120
00:05:21,812 --> 00:05:24,314
It's for paying a witch
to lift the curse off him.
121
00:05:24,316 --> 00:05:26,674
Hmm, and here I thought
there was nothing
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00:05:26,675 --> 00:05:28,920
left in this town
that could surprise me.
123
00:05:28,921 --> 00:05:30,288
I have a couple questions,
124
00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:33,056
number one, what the hell
are you talking about?
125
00:05:33,058 --> 00:05:36,293
Ike's had a run of bad luck
that just can't be explained.
126
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,728
He was walking and texting,
127
00:05:37,729 --> 00:05:40,130
and unexplainably
tripped on a stump.
128
00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:42,699
He also dropped the can
of gasoline he was carrying
129
00:05:42,701 --> 00:05:45,302
into a pile of burning leaves
beside the barn.
130
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:49,506
Shortly after that, the barn
mysteriously burned down.
131
00:05:49,508 --> 00:05:51,341
Okay, question number two,
132
00:05:51,343 --> 00:05:53,243
what the hell are you
talking about?
133
00:05:53,245 --> 00:05:54,578
He's obviously cursed,
134
00:05:54,579 --> 00:05:58,348
so I need a quality witch
to get rid of Ike's juju.
135
00:05:58,350 --> 00:06:00,885
- There are no witches in Dog River.
- How do you know?
136
00:06:00,886 --> 00:06:03,351
Because I am one, and no one
else comes to the meetings.
137
00:06:03,386 --> 00:06:06,323
Hmm...
I mean, you do have stringy hair,
138
00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:07,625
and you are kind of pale.
139
00:06:07,626 --> 00:06:09,460
- What?
- It's true, Hank.
140
00:06:09,461 --> 00:06:11,861
Lacey comes from
a long line of witches.
141
00:06:11,863 --> 00:06:14,864
You see,
dissolve to...
142
00:06:14,866 --> 00:06:17,267
Lacey is a descendant
from the Puritan minister
143
00:06:17,269 --> 00:06:18,935
George Burroughs.
144
00:06:18,937 --> 00:06:22,772
He was made famous
during the Salem witch trials.
145
00:06:22,774 --> 00:06:25,609
He borrowed some money
and never paid it back,
146
00:06:25,611 --> 00:06:27,978
which made the villagers angry.
147
00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:31,348
They accused George of being
a priest of the devil,
148
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:37,120
and he was executed
on August 19, 1692.
149
00:06:38,590 --> 00:06:42,092
His family changed the spelling
of their last name to...
150
00:06:42,094 --> 00:06:46,263
...Burrows with a "W".
As in Lacey Burrows.
151
00:06:46,265 --> 00:06:48,332
Whoa.
Is that true?
152
00:06:48,333 --> 00:06:49,700
She's a sorceress!
153
00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:52,976
How else does she always
have ripe avocados?
154
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:56,039
Is 500 bucks enough
to lift the curse?
155
00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:58,508
- Um...
- You gotta do this.
156
00:06:58,509 --> 00:07:01,811
It's a better cause
than the magical guacamole.
157
00:07:01,813 --> 00:07:03,547
Okay, fine.
I'll lift the hex.
158
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:06,816
- But keep it on the DL.
- Great! Meet me at Ike's farm.
159
00:07:06,818 --> 00:07:11,698
I don't need to tell you when.
Your witchy ways will know.
160
00:07:12,423 --> 00:07:14,557
This'll help put a dent
in the debt.
161
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,326
Thanks for making up
that story, Wanda.
162
00:07:16,328 --> 00:07:17,428
It's totally true.
163
00:07:17,429 --> 00:07:21,431
George Burroughs was a
real person. Google it.
164
00:07:21,433 --> 00:07:23,500
And you could be
a direct descendant.
165
00:07:23,502 --> 00:07:26,637
- Wait, you believe in witches?
- Nope. I just like to argue
166
00:07:26,638 --> 00:07:28,505
the impossible side
of an issue sometimes.
167
00:07:28,507 --> 00:07:30,841
Like when I told you
that travel points credit card
168
00:07:30,842 --> 00:07:33,311
- was a good idea.
- Exactly.
169
00:07:33,312 --> 00:07:35,613
Wait, you what?
Oh, dammit!
170
00:07:35,614 --> 00:07:37,247
It's going to pay off!
171
00:07:43,688 --> 00:07:46,723
I'll assume she's gluten intolerant.
172
00:07:46,725 --> 00:07:50,360
Mom? What have I told you
about coming on my dates?
173
00:07:50,362 --> 00:07:52,730
- It always makes it clunky.
- Extra clunky this time.
174
00:07:52,731 --> 00:07:56,133
- I am your mystery date.
- What?
175
00:07:56,134 --> 00:07:59,502
So you phoned yourself
and bid on your own son?
176
00:07:59,504 --> 00:08:01,038
Are we on Dateline?
177
00:08:01,039 --> 00:08:02,473
I was worried
no one would bid on you.
178
00:08:02,474 --> 00:08:04,708
I didn't want your
feelings to get hurt,
179
00:08:04,710 --> 00:08:07,378
- so I started the bidding.
- Well, you missed a few steps
180
00:08:07,379 --> 00:08:09,546
between 20 and 500 bucks.
181
00:08:09,548 --> 00:08:13,316
- I got caught up in the frenzy.
- You were the frenzy.
182
00:08:13,318 --> 00:08:15,385
Well, this is disappointing.
183
00:08:15,387 --> 00:08:17,454
Pretend I'm not your mother.
184
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:20,957
We're just two nice people
having a nice dinner
185
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,561
- being nice.
- I don't know.
186
00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:24,929
Seems a little weird.
187
00:08:24,930 --> 00:08:26,964
- I'm buying.
- Garcon?
188
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:33,036
Wow, you really know how
to gather a crowd, Glinda.
189
00:08:33,038 --> 00:08:36,406
Hank!
Why are all these people here?
190
00:08:36,408 --> 00:08:38,808
I told you to keep it on the DL.
191
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,312
You did, but I don't
know what that means.
192
00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:43,546
Well, now I wish
I'd worn a costume.
193
00:08:43,548 --> 00:08:44,782
I have something in the car.
194
00:08:46,852 --> 00:08:49,753
You have a wizard hat in your car?
195
00:08:49,755 --> 00:08:52,422
It's just a traffic cone
with some star stickers on it.
196
00:08:52,424 --> 00:08:55,792
What am I supposed to do now?
I don't know any spells.
197
00:08:55,794 --> 00:08:58,261
Make up gibberish
and dance around.
198
00:08:58,263 --> 00:09:00,631
If they believe the hex is gone,
it will be.
199
00:09:00,632 --> 00:09:03,454
Power of suggestion.
200
00:09:04,201 --> 00:09:05,902
Hey, there, Ike!
201
00:09:05,904 --> 00:09:08,972
To the spirit
that has cursed Ike.
202
00:09:08,974 --> 00:09:10,740
I say to thee...
203
00:09:10,742 --> 00:09:13,710
"Maka-laka-tucka
rucka-nucka-bucka-lucka...
204
00:09:13,712 --> 00:09:17,509
tucka-maka-rucka-lucka
nucka-bucka-rucka."
205
00:09:18,048 --> 00:09:22,285
- Isn't that the Macarena?
- Legally, it's different enough.
206
00:09:22,287 --> 00:09:23,953
Begone!
207
00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:30,794
- Did it work?
- Don't feel any different.
208
00:09:30,796 --> 00:09:32,929
Try to trip on a stump again.
209
00:09:34,064 --> 00:09:36,333
I'm not going to trip over
a stump if I can see it.
210
00:09:36,334 --> 00:09:39,302
It worked!
Lacey is a witch!
211
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:42,505
I knew it!
212
00:09:42,507 --> 00:09:45,944
Well, this could go
one of two ways.
213
00:09:49,984 --> 00:09:52,951
Aw, even with Hank's 500 witch bucks,
214
00:09:52,953 --> 00:09:55,887
I still won't be able to pay
off this credit card right away.
215
00:09:55,888 --> 00:09:58,090
So? Carry a balance
for a couple of months.
216
00:09:58,092 --> 00:10:00,626
It's not like your card has
a 21% interest rate.
217
00:10:00,628 --> 00:10:03,062
- Oh, wait.
- This is your fault!
218
00:10:03,063 --> 00:10:05,097
But I will not let
the system beat me.
219
00:10:05,099 --> 00:10:06,332
How many points
have you earned so far?
220
00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:08,153
I'm a quarter of the way
221
00:10:08,188 --> 00:10:10,036
to a free flight to Branson, Missouri.
222
00:10:10,071 --> 00:10:12,839
Provided I get myself to Detroit,
the City of Departure,
223
00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:14,374
and I don't check a bag.
224
00:10:14,375 --> 00:10:16,676
Yup. You really
got 'em by the nards.
225
00:10:16,677 --> 00:10:19,444
Hey, Lacey.
My cat won't stop meowing.
226
00:10:19,446 --> 00:10:22,715
Oh, how sad.
Is that sad?
227
00:10:22,716 --> 00:10:25,484
Yeah, so could you cast
a spell and make it stop?
228
00:10:25,486 --> 00:10:27,687
Bu...
I don't really think...
229
00:10:27,688 --> 00:10:29,688
That you could
afford her services.
230
00:10:29,690 --> 00:10:32,298
How much does it cost?
231
00:10:33,108 --> 00:10:36,329
Ooh, that's steep, but reasonable.
232
00:10:36,330 --> 00:10:38,530
There's nothing reasonable
about any of this.
233
00:10:39,565 --> 00:10:41,266
I'll get my wizard cone.
234
00:10:43,537 --> 00:10:46,706
- So, you met the mystery woman?
- Yup.
235
00:10:46,707 --> 00:10:48,708
- How was the date?
- Very nice.
236
00:10:48,709 --> 00:10:51,376
So...
do you love her now?
237
00:10:51,378 --> 00:10:53,913
- I don't not love her.
- So you do love her!
238
00:10:53,914 --> 00:10:55,964
You could say
I have feelings for her.
239
00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:58,550
- Are you gonna see her again?
- Don't know how I can avoid that.
240
00:10:58,552 --> 00:11:00,820
You sound obsessed.
You should call her right now.
241
00:11:00,821 --> 00:11:01,721
Nah, I'm good.
242
00:11:02,756 --> 00:11:06,658
Some woman is finally
interested in the likes of you?
243
00:11:06,660 --> 00:11:09,728
Call her now before
she regains her sanity.
244
00:11:09,730 --> 00:11:11,831
Okay, fine.
I'll call her.
245
00:11:11,832 --> 00:11:14,467
Ah. Calling the day after a date
seems desperate.
246
00:11:14,468 --> 00:11:16,903
Text her.
That says you're interested,
247
00:11:16,904 --> 00:11:18,704
but not enough to hear her voice.
248
00:11:18,706 --> 00:11:21,173
When did you become a dating expert?
249
00:11:21,175 --> 00:11:24,043
Those who can't do,
due to lack of options, teach.
250
00:11:25,746 --> 00:11:27,412
Second date confirmed.
251
00:11:28,415 --> 00:11:29,649
Hello?
252
00:11:29,650 --> 00:11:32,984
Oh, okay.
Emma cancelled movie night.
253
00:11:32,986 --> 00:11:34,686
She's going to Helen's to play cards.
254
00:11:34,688 --> 00:11:37,845
- Emma may be trying to ghost you.
- How did you know
255
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,791
what movie we were going to watch?
256
00:11:41,929 --> 00:11:44,396
I have to find out
who Brent's secret lady is.
257
00:11:44,397 --> 00:11:47,165
Why's this such a craw
stuck in your... jaw,
258
00:11:47,167 --> 00:11:48,467
or whatever that saying is.
259
00:11:48,468 --> 00:11:50,869
I should've been the one
who brought in 500 bucks.
260
00:11:50,871 --> 00:11:52,871
I'm the only rugged, square-jawed,
261
00:11:52,873 --> 00:11:55,908
single man in town.
This is fishy.
262
00:11:55,909 --> 00:11:57,909
There's only one thing for me to do.
263
00:11:57,911 --> 00:12:00,479
Go to Helen's
and put away her groceries?
264
00:12:00,481 --> 00:12:04,317
There's two things for me to do.
Actually, three.
265
00:12:24,405 --> 00:12:25,363
Whoo! Whoo!
266
00:12:32,412 --> 00:12:36,415
Ah! I am only 200 bucks away
from paying off this card.
267
00:12:36,417 --> 00:12:39,785
Who knew everyone in town
would be so into my witchy ways?
268
00:12:39,787 --> 00:12:40,820
They're scared of you.
269
00:12:43,257 --> 00:12:44,624
Hmm...
270
00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:47,959
Remember,
anything less than a 20% tip
271
00:12:47,961 --> 00:12:49,795
angers the spirit world.
272
00:12:49,797 --> 00:12:51,898
- Oh!
- Yeah, of course...
273
00:12:51,899 --> 00:12:53,828
I've got something here...
274
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:56,234
You know, it's really lovely
275
00:12:56,236 --> 00:12:58,870
spending some
one-on-one time with you.
276
00:12:58,872 --> 00:13:01,006
I'm glad Dad pressured me
into asking you out
277
00:13:01,008 --> 00:13:03,643
on a second date,
and I already regret that wording.
278
00:13:03,644 --> 00:13:06,178
Let's keep our little tryst
a secret.
279
00:13:06,179 --> 00:13:08,915
- "Tryst" is even worse wording.
- How about "rendezvous"?
280
00:13:08,916 --> 00:13:10,316
How about we change the subject?
281
00:13:10,317 --> 00:13:12,617
Can we get some tiramisu?
282
00:13:14,654 --> 00:13:15,955
Where's Emma?
283
00:13:15,956 --> 00:13:18,690
I'm making coffee and can't
find the chocolate pudding.
284
00:13:18,692 --> 00:13:21,861
No idea.
She's not here.
285
00:13:21,862 --> 00:13:23,329
She said you'd be playing cards.
286
00:13:23,330 --> 00:13:25,330
Wee-oo! Wee-oo!
287
00:13:25,332 --> 00:13:29,000
- Who you got in there?
- Go home, Oscar!
288
00:13:29,002 --> 00:13:31,703
But I need pudding for my coffee!
289
00:13:32,606 --> 00:13:37,676
- Wee-oo! Wee-oo!
- Sure looks like thirsty work, Davis.
290
00:13:37,678 --> 00:13:39,045
How about
you take off your shirt
291
00:13:39,046 --> 00:13:42,248
- and have some lemonade?
- No time.
292
00:13:42,249 --> 00:13:44,616
Gotta find a mystery woman.
293
00:13:45,919 --> 00:13:48,520
I'm right here.
294
00:13:54,862 --> 00:13:57,128
Hello, wife of mine.
295
00:13:57,130 --> 00:14:00,899
Why are you sitting in the dark?
Is the clapper broken?
296
00:14:00,901 --> 00:14:02,701
No, it's called drama.
Ever heard of it?
297
00:14:02,703 --> 00:14:05,705
I want to know where you've been
and what you've been doing.
298
00:14:05,706 --> 00:14:08,040
- I was out with Brent.
- Hogwater!
299
00:14:08,041 --> 00:14:10,910
I happen to know Brent was on
a date with his mystery woman.
300
00:14:10,911 --> 00:14:13,211
I can believe you're this stupid,
301
00:14:13,213 --> 00:14:15,680
but I can't believe
you'd call me a liar.
302
00:14:15,682 --> 00:14:18,717
I'm sorry.
I, uh, I trust you completely.
303
00:14:18,719 --> 00:14:20,452
Emma's having an affair!
304
00:14:20,454 --> 00:14:22,587
Follow her and find out who it's with.
305
00:14:22,588 --> 00:14:25,090
Seriously, this is not
what the police are for.
306
00:14:25,092 --> 00:14:26,892
Mind you, what else
am I doing these days?
307
00:14:26,894 --> 00:14:28,227
Any idea who it is?
308
00:14:28,228 --> 00:14:30,930
That's your job, jackass!
But I'll tell you what.
309
00:14:30,931 --> 00:14:32,931
He may look like Brad Clooney
310
00:14:32,933 --> 00:14:35,166
and smell like
Ricardo Mintybalm,
311
00:14:35,168 --> 00:14:39,543
but he doesn't have the one
thing Emma married me for!
312
00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:44,743
My personality!
Now, get sleuthing, Nancy Drew!
313
00:14:49,081 --> 00:14:50,916
Back from a delightful
second free meal
314
00:14:50,918 --> 00:14:52,351
with my mystery woman.
315
00:14:52,352 --> 00:14:53,653
Hey, how come
you're the only one
316
00:14:53,654 --> 00:14:56,222
not chomping at the bit to
know who my mystery woman is?
317
00:14:56,223 --> 00:14:59,090
You want me to imagine you
in an amorous liaison?
318
00:14:59,092 --> 00:15:02,662
Okay, gross, I just did,
and it's "champing at the bit,"
319
00:15:02,663 --> 00:15:04,419
not "chomping at the bit... "
Oh great,
320
00:15:04,454 --> 00:15:05,931
just imagined you
with a bit in your mouth.
321
00:15:05,933 --> 00:15:08,968
Hey, why are you going around
telling people Lacey's a witch?
322
00:15:08,969 --> 00:15:10,469
You don't believe
in that hocus-pocus.
323
00:15:10,470 --> 00:15:13,189
I was just proving argue
on the other side of an issue.
324
00:15:13,224 --> 00:15:16,274
Lacey's not lifting curses.
She's using the power of suggestion.
325
00:15:16,276 --> 00:15:18,977
She waves her hands,
chants some mumbo-jumbo...
326
00:15:18,979 --> 00:15:21,222
- I thought it was "Hocus pocus."
- ... and those suckers
327
00:15:21,223 --> 00:15:25,193
believe it's witchcraft
and fork over the cash.
328
00:15:25,685 --> 00:15:27,352
Oh, uh...
329
00:15:27,354 --> 00:15:31,556
you did not hear
what I just said...
330
00:15:31,558 --> 00:15:33,960
Uh, yeah. I did.
331
00:15:33,961 --> 00:15:35,794
She's not a witch!
332
00:15:35,796 --> 00:15:38,797
She's not a witch!
She's not a witch!
333
00:15:38,799 --> 00:15:41,601
Yes, I am!
I am totally a witch!
334
00:15:41,602 --> 00:15:45,978
Yup, this was definitely one
of two ways I saw this going.
335
00:15:48,727 --> 00:15:51,829
She's not a witch!
She's not a witch!
336
00:15:51,831 --> 00:15:53,064
If I'm not a witch,
337
00:15:53,065 --> 00:15:56,001
how do you explain my
black hair and this broom?
338
00:15:56,002 --> 00:15:58,603
Genetics, and Home Depot!
339
00:16:00,339 --> 00:16:03,440
All right, make way for the
town's most expensive tush.
340
00:16:03,442 --> 00:16:05,142
Look, why don't you
drop the charade
341
00:16:05,144 --> 00:16:07,278
- and come clean?
- Can't.
342
00:16:07,279 --> 00:16:08,879
I'm still carrying a balance
on my credit card.
343
00:16:08,881 --> 00:16:11,348
I just need to pull
a couple more tricks.
344
00:16:11,350 --> 00:16:13,250
You should probably
call them "spells."
345
00:16:13,252 --> 00:16:15,120
Back me up again, Wanda.
They'll believe you.
346
00:16:15,121 --> 00:16:17,917
Too late. I already argued
the other side of the issue,
347
00:16:17,918 --> 00:16:20,337
and based on the level
of anger in this mob.
348
00:16:20,372 --> 00:16:23,828
I did a damn fine job.
Up top!
349
00:16:23,829 --> 00:16:25,397
We want our money back!
350
00:16:25,398 --> 00:16:28,265
Mon-ey back!
Mon-ey back!
351
00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:30,802
Oh, fine!
Take it!
352
00:16:30,803 --> 00:16:34,038
This is all your fault.
Curse you, Wanda!
353
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,441
- Curse you!
- Nope, not a witch.
354
00:16:36,442 --> 00:16:39,076
- Power of suggestion.
- I'm confused.
355
00:16:39,077 --> 00:16:40,811
Do you believe in
this hinkus-dinkus or not?
356
00:16:40,813 --> 00:16:44,915
Yes, 12 long-stem roses
to Corner Gas,
357
00:16:44,917 --> 00:16:48,953
and sign the card,
"Love, your Mystery Woman."
358
00:16:48,955 --> 00:16:51,089
- Who are you whispering to?
- No one.
359
00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:52,958
Just Mable.
I mean Mavis.
360
00:16:52,959 --> 00:16:54,726
Avis!
I was renting a car.
361
00:16:54,727 --> 00:16:58,062
- Gotta go.
- What's your rush, my sweet?
362
00:16:58,064 --> 00:17:02,587
- I made you a cup of coffee.
- That's very nice of you.
363
00:17:03,168 --> 00:17:04,703
Is there pudding in this?
364
00:17:04,704 --> 00:17:07,405
There's also a hot bubble
bath waiting for you.
365
00:17:07,406 --> 00:17:10,641
Oh, Oscar.
That sounds perfect.
366
00:17:13,612 --> 00:17:15,046
Dog River Flower Shop.
367
00:17:15,047 --> 00:17:17,481
Where can we deliver
your love and-or condolences?
368
00:17:17,483 --> 00:17:19,550
Straight to hell, jackass!
369
00:17:19,552 --> 00:17:23,153
Emma sent flowers
to some juiced-up Valentino.
370
00:17:23,155 --> 00:17:24,755
Can't you arrest her or something?
371
00:17:24,757 --> 00:17:29,260
Are you serious?
Dog River has a flower shop?
372
00:17:29,262 --> 00:17:32,363
Sorry, I can't tell you
where your wife sent those flowers.
373
00:17:32,365 --> 00:17:34,565
Can we at least
look at the order form?
374
00:17:34,567 --> 00:17:36,433
Is this something
you should really be spending
375
00:17:36,435 --> 00:17:38,837
- your police hours on?
- Not at all.
376
00:17:38,838 --> 00:17:40,438
Hand over the form.
377
00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:44,642
"Tryst or rendezvous,
I'll always have you.
378
00:17:44,644 --> 00:17:46,644
Love, your mystery woman."
379
00:17:46,646 --> 00:17:48,746
Is that some kind of
French limerick?
380
00:17:48,748 --> 00:17:51,148
Karen!
What are you doing here?
381
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:52,850
Oscar thinks Emma's
having an affair.
382
00:17:52,852 --> 00:17:55,152
Wants to know who
she sent flowers to.
383
00:17:55,154 --> 00:17:58,289
Someone just sent Brent flowers,
and I need to find out who.
384
00:17:58,291 --> 00:18:01,292
Everybody's getting flowers.
This dump must make a killing.
385
00:18:01,294 --> 00:18:02,460
Let me get this straight.
386
00:18:02,461 --> 00:18:05,029
You want to know
who Emma sent flowers to,
387
00:18:05,031 --> 00:18:08,098
and you want to know
who Brent got flowers from?
388
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:11,535
Enough with your riddles.
Just give us the information,
389
00:18:11,537 --> 00:18:14,872
and how did I not know
Dog River had a flower shop,
390
00:18:14,874 --> 00:18:17,975
because these snapdragons
look hella fresh.
391
00:18:20,413 --> 00:18:21,713
We're having a sale on pitchforks
392
00:18:21,714 --> 00:18:24,748
- if you want to join the angry mob.
- Nah, I'm good.
393
00:18:24,749 --> 00:18:26,318
I'm here to see how it's going
now that you're cursed.
394
00:18:26,319 --> 00:18:29,920
Come on...
Lacey has no powers.
395
00:18:29,922 --> 00:18:31,423
Ow! My soda!
396
00:18:31,424 --> 00:18:34,992
Ah! My crossword!
Oh! My pencil!
397
00:18:34,994 --> 00:18:36,494
Ah! My head!
398
00:18:36,495 --> 00:18:40,252
Yeah, you're not cursed at all.
399
00:18:41,099 --> 00:18:44,368
Easy now, Davis.
Keep your distance.
400
00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:45,904
Don't let him see you.
401
00:18:50,508 --> 00:18:51,509
What are you doing here?
402
00:18:51,510 --> 00:18:54,412
- I was following Brent.
- I was following Emma.
403
00:18:54,413 --> 00:18:55,547
Looks like they're both
heading to the city
404
00:18:55,548 --> 00:18:59,983
- for their dates.
- I get it. Carpooling.
405
00:18:59,985 --> 00:19:03,020
Good for the environment.
Guess I'll see you there.
406
00:19:03,022 --> 00:19:05,523
- Or... we could carpool too.
- Sheesh...
407
00:19:05,524 --> 00:19:07,858
Monkey see, monkey do.
408
00:19:09,361 --> 00:19:11,395
I will not let the system beat me.
409
00:19:11,397 --> 00:19:13,530
If I make minimum payments
every month,
410
00:19:13,532 --> 00:19:16,722
the balance will be paid off in...
411
00:19:16,968 --> 00:19:19,136
Well, I'm sure apes will be
ruling the world by then,
412
00:19:19,138 --> 00:19:20,372
and none of this will matter.
413
00:19:20,373 --> 00:19:23,340
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
It stings! It stings!
414
00:19:24,377 --> 00:19:26,711
- What happened to you?
- Suffice to say,
415
00:19:26,712 --> 00:19:28,679
I've had a wee string
of unfortunate events
416
00:19:28,681 --> 00:19:31,982
in a short span of time
that are merely a coincidence.
417
00:19:31,984 --> 00:19:34,752
But, um...
since you asked,
418
00:19:34,754 --> 00:19:36,087
how's about you lift that hex?
419
00:19:36,088 --> 00:19:38,756
Hmm, thought you didn't
believe in curses.
420
00:19:38,758 --> 00:19:41,392
I don't. I believe in
the power of suggestion,
421
00:19:41,394 --> 00:19:43,727
and I suggest you remove
this suggestion.
422
00:19:43,729 --> 00:19:47,131
Oh, sure, I can do that...
423
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,403
- For a fee.
- Oof! Mama...
424
00:19:51,404 --> 00:19:53,404
Do you take monthly installments?
425
00:19:53,406 --> 00:19:56,241
This is the last one of these
whachamacallits we can do.
426
00:19:56,242 --> 00:19:58,743
Agreed.
"Whachamacallits"?
427
00:19:58,744 --> 00:20:00,110
That's what you want to call this?
428
00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:02,546
It's the only word that
doesn't make me dry heave.
429
00:20:02,548 --> 00:20:03,481
No offense.
430
00:20:03,482 --> 00:20:04,849
I don't get it.
431
00:20:04,850 --> 00:20:08,185
Why are Brent and Emma
in this restaurant together?
432
00:20:08,187 --> 00:20:10,421
I see what's going on here.
433
00:20:10,423 --> 00:20:14,391
Brent's going to introduce his
mother to his mystery woman.
434
00:20:14,393 --> 00:20:16,093
Must be getting serious.
435
00:20:16,095 --> 00:20:18,195
And somehow you are
the one with seniority.
436
00:20:18,197 --> 00:20:20,598
Get in the car.
I'll explain it on the way home.
437
00:20:20,599 --> 00:20:23,134
Okay, then drop me at Helen's.
438
00:20:25,879 --> 00:20:28,781
We had the entire force
on this non-case,
439
00:20:28,783 --> 00:20:30,649
and the results are in,
440
00:20:30,651 --> 00:20:35,254
and it is now clear that Emma is...
441
00:20:35,256 --> 00:20:38,291
- not having an affair!
- Hot damn!
442
00:20:38,292 --> 00:20:40,159
My wife's not cheating!
443
00:20:40,161 --> 00:20:42,728
Now I can stop pretending
to be nice to her.
444
00:20:42,730 --> 00:20:44,597
Don't you want to know
what she was doing?
445
00:20:44,599 --> 00:20:46,432
Because I totally get
what happened now.
446
00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:48,100
Karen showed me using dolls.
447
00:20:48,102 --> 00:20:51,938
No, if she's not having an affair,
I don't care what she does.
448
00:20:52,906 --> 00:20:55,442
Hey, uh, what happened
with your mystery woman?
449
00:20:55,443 --> 00:20:57,043
It turns out she was married.
450
00:20:58,712 --> 00:21:01,515
- To a real nutjob, too.
- Hmm.
451
00:21:07,287 --> 00:21:08,722
♪ I don't know ♪
452
00:21:08,723 --> 00:21:11,657
♪ The same things
you don't know ♪
453
00:21:15,028 --> 00:21:16,996
♪ I don't know ♪
454
00:21:16,998 --> 00:21:20,199
♪ I just... don't know ♪
455
00:21:22,041 --> 00:21:25,944
- ♪ Ooh
- It's a great big place ♪
456
00:21:25,945 --> 00:21:29,481
- ♪ Ooh
- Full of nothin' but space ♪
457
00:21:29,482 --> 00:21:33,551
- ♪ Ooh
- And it's my happy place ♪
458
00:21:33,553 --> 00:21:36,154
♪ I don't know ♪
459
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,806
sync & correction by f1nc0
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