All language subtitles for Suburban Gothic (2014) [1080p] Bluray [filmxy.vip]

Can I call you Ticona? Is it all right
if I call you by your first name?

- No.
- Okay.

I came here because I need a job.

So if you could just type my info into your
computer, help a brother out, find me a job.

Something in upper management
would be great. I'll take anything.

I am literally on the verge of having
to move back in with my parents,

- and I don't want to do that.
- Raymond, I got nothing for you.

Moving back in with your parents right now
doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

It does. It really does sound
like a bad idea to me.

I don't know how to say this
without sounding terrible,

but you're the worst guidance
counselor ever.

I got to go. I got to go.
Thank you for everything.

Lose the scarf.

Freak.

I made you a little something
to keep your strength up, Hector.

- My goodness.
- Alberto? Cookies?

- Are those gluten-free?
- No.

All right, now here's the rule.
I just reseeded the lawn.

- Hi.
- I planted some new flowers.

You stay away, you understand?

I won't even look at them, Dad.
How does that sound?

- All right.
- Does that work?

Look, and I'm sorry for being so hard
on you on the phone the other day.

- Hey, you have a thing for black women...
- She was Latino.

You have a thing for Latina black women,

- I'm okay with that.
- Great.

- Your mother and I are very open-minded.
- I've noticed.

- Good?
- Evey, Raymond's home!

I think he's here! He's here!
Oh, he's here!

- Thanks for taking care of my boy.
- I don't know him.

- He's here!
- Mom!

- My beautiful son.
- My beautiful mom.

Oh, honey.

Turn around, let me look at you.

- Oh, wait.
- Mom, are you serious?

- Stop.
- All right.

- So handsome.
- So beautiful.

There is a way you can help your mother
and me while you're here.

- How?
- All those years of education I paid for,

did you ever learn
how to speak any Mexican?

You know, sadly, Dad, I don't know
how to speak Mexican,

because nobody in the world speaks Mexican.
Mexican people speak Spanish.

Mexicans speak Mexican.
People from Spain speak Spanish.

- Come on in, Raymond.
- What are you doing with that flag

- around your neck?
- Celebrating my freedom.

- Good to see you.
- Oh, you too. I'm so happy.

Well, you don't wear the American flag
on your neck. Okay?

Holy shit!

- You scared the fucking shit out of me.
- You scared the fucking shit out of me.

- What are you doing in my bathroom, man?
- Sorry. I just... noth... I just...

I was just checking out
your picture, man.

- Yeah.
- It's a little chubby guy. Remember him?

Yeah, he developed an eating disorder.

- Thanks for bringing it up.
- Well, you look good.

- Thank you.
- I wanted to use the porta-potty outside...

but your father keeps forgetting
the seat covers, you know?

He's an asshole.

- You said it. I didn't. Yeah? Okay?
- I know. All right. Have a good one.

All right. You too.

So, Raymond, I'm going
into town tomorrow.

Would you like to join me?

I'm good.

Oh, honey, of course you're good.
You're my little angel.

But... your father and I
were wondering if...

we could buy you a couple
new outfits for your stay.

Something just
a little less alternative.

Yes. We really care
about you, son, and...

we recognize your more European
approach to fashion...

but we just don't think it's appropriate
here in America. In the U.S. of A.

Well, Dad, I appreciate your concern,

and your criticism of everything
I've ever done in my life,

but I'm gonna have to politely
disagree with you,

based mainly on the fact
that you dress like a drug dealer.

You hear how he talks to me?

That's pretty funny coming from a guy
who graduated business school

six months ago and can't find
a goddamn job.

I'm holding out for a position
in upper management.

Bullshit.

I think we're all just a little tired.
It's been a very big day.

You guys take care of the dishes. I've got
the game's gonna start here in a minute.

And Raymond...

take a shower, okay? You smell
bad enough to gag a maggot.

- How do you gag a maggot?
- I don't know.

You're looking a little thin,
though, Raymond. There.

Hector. Ponte a hacer algo.

Ven, Alberto, apúrate. Ven a ayudarnos.

Hello?

Cousin Freddy!
Hey, what are you doing here?

Raymond, thank God.
I thought you were your dad.

Since I came out of the closet,
he's forbidden me to enter the property.

Congratulations. Maybe you never
have to see him ever again.

Well, he's an aries, so...

they're all fucking assholes.

- I didn't know that.
- All of them.

I believe it. I just didn't know it.

So, do you and Mom get to see
much of each other anymore?

Occasionally. You know, whenever
she's in the mood to sneak out

for a night of musical theater,
she calls me.

Sounds nice.

I fucking hate musical theater.

Sorry if I frightened you. I just...
I had to pick up some belongings.

Your mom let me... store my car here

while I'm going through
a transformational period.

Hey, would it be cool
if I borrowed your car?

I was actually just about to go
to a bar and get super drunk.

- Yeah, be my guest.
- Do you want to come with me?

No.

My peace corps application just came
through. I don't want to jeopardize it.

Drinking makes me...

makes me do things...

that I don't remember.

Okay.

Cool.

Are you okay? 'Cause you seem flustered.

Not so good. But... it's nothing
15 or 20 drinks won't fix, you know?

You can't drink that much. You'd die.

Hey. Hey.

- This ain't no public restroom.
- Duly noted.

You are not from around here, are you?

Born and raised, my brother,
but I have since relocated.

What brings you to this shit hole?

Well, the lovely clientele, primarily.

And I also read somewhere that they
serve a scrumptious Cosmopolitan.

- And I myself...
- Holy shit!

I fucking know you.

I used to take the bus to school with
this kid. He used to be fatter than shit.

You used to be fatter than shit.
What happened?

Well, as you put it,
I was fat as shit...

Fatter than shit. Fatter than shit.

Fatter than shit.
Thank you for correcting me.

And then the weirdest thing happened.
It's like, I moved away from this town

and all the people
that live within this town,

and then suddenly I had to stop using eating
as coping mechanism for depression.

So weird. Thinned out. Who knew?

Are you still into that paranormal shit?

Not professionally. But I do still
kind of practice it as a hobby.

I don't believe that modern science has
all the answers. Do you guys? Anyone?

I always figured you just disappeared.
You started a cult or something.

Thanks. Guess I've just never really
seen myself as being that ambitious.

What are you up to? Just drugs?

I used to love kicking the shit
out of this faggot here.

Yeah, that was great. That was really
fun, man. Yeah, that was really cool.

- But then you had me expelled.
- Did I, though? I don't know.

You know what? In fact...

I think this faggot here
deserves an ass kicking.

No, I think you're thinking
of a different faggot.

- Honestly, I think you're thinking of...
- Lay off him, Pope.

If you're gonna bother my customers,
you have to leave.

Well, I was just leaving anyway, Becca.

I'll be seeing you around.

- Parents wonder why I ever left.
- Drink your beer and stop being a bitch.

Okay.

You don't remember me, do you?

No, I don't.

Becca Thompson.
We went to school together.

Guacamole. Becca Thompson.

- You... you...
- Say it.

You lost a lot of weight.
You look really good.

Thanks. Looks like we both
lost a lot of weight.

Raymond.

I'm gonna have to ask you
to stop staring at my tits.

You're the only guy to come
through town in a long time

that I'd consider sleeping with,
and you're ruining it.

I was actually admiring
the tips of your hair,

but I will not do that anymore.

I'll look you right in the eyes.
What are you still doing in town?

Well, most of you assholes left,
and I figured if all of us left,

nothing around here would ever change.

The real question is
what are you doing here?

- Hector, my friend...
- Who's this fucking asshole?

Maybe you should start thinking about...

selling your construction company
and getting back behind a mower.

Yeah, you really missed your calling,
Donald, I got to tell you.

Yeah, no, I'm trying to distance myself
from that stereotype at the moment.

- ¿Cómo se llama? What's your name?
- Mi nombre es...

The other Mexican that's underpaid.
Dude, where's your sense of humor?

Get out of here. I want to talk
to your El bosso here.

- You said you were gonna be finished today.
- I did. But here's...

My wife was counting on that.
She's on my ass in there.

I get it. Here's the thing.

I've never seen, in my 20 years
of doing this, Donald,

so many equipment malfunctions.
I mean, it's really... it's fucking weird.

I got to tell you. The guys think the
property's cursed. I'm dealing with that.

Well, that's pretty goddamn superstitious
for a Mexican who doesn't want to fall

- into a stereotype.
- Yeah. It is, isn't it?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Anyways, look, here's what
I might be able to do.

If you can help me out here,
I might be able to talk them

- into working through the night.
- Yeah?

- If you can sweeten the pot a little bit.
- Oh, Christ.

- How's $2,000 sound?
- $3,000 sounds better.

- $3,000 and...
- It's a deal.

One more thing.

- "Suck my dick."
- Terrible, right?

It's a choice.

These lesbian bikers talked me
into joining their metal band.

"Suck my dick" was our mantra.

Cool mantra. I'd love to catch
a show while I'm in town.

- Are you guys playing any time soon?
- We're on a permanent hiatus.

I think I might have something that'll
make you feel better about your tattoo.

"Trust no one"? I'm probably
not gonna sleep with you anymore.

I understand.

- You just dug yourself a vagina grave.
- I do that a lot.

So, you still believe
in all that paranormal stuff?

Believe in it?
I've experienced it firsthand.

Frank. Frank.

Come on.

Well...

there he is.

Your grandfather.
He was one real son of a bitch.

Right, Daddy?

- No shit?
- It's weird.

I used to see ghosts regularly,
and then just suddenly it stopped.

I feel like, as I've grown older,

I've unfortunately become
less sensitive to the spirit world.

Sounds like you have an amazing gift.

Why don't you pursue a career
in the paranormal?

My dad threatened to disown me
unless I went to business school.

I should actually probably stop. Alcohol
interferes with my blood-pressure medication.

Drink it.

To parents knowing what's best.

All right, we're working
through the night.

What? What do you mean
we're working through the night?

Just keep digging like I said.
I'm trying to avoid a lawsuit, man.

- Just keep digging. Please?
- You got to be fucking kidding me.

- Well, that's hollow.
- Watch out.

Hold up a sec.

What the fuck?

Who?

It's like a girl or something.

- Will you do me a favor? See if it's...
- Hey, man, don't touch it. Don't touch it.

- What are you talking about?
- Hey, man, we got to report this.

No, I'm not reporting shit.
What, five Mexicans and a fucking dead kid?

- What?
- Cover that shit up.

- This is not okay.
- Just cover it up.

- We can't just leave this body here.
- Fucking cover it up.

Cover it up. I know how
that story ends. Fuck that.

You guys suck!

Raymond, I'm gonna give you a ride home.

Give me the keys.

What's that?

Pain-killer.
In case we get into an accident.

Doesn't that strike you
as counterintuitive?

Nope.

Hello?

- Go see who's out there.
- You go see who's out there.

- You're bigger than me.
- Jesus Christ.

Donald, man, I know it's you.

Who's there?

I told you guys, it's...

Holy shit!

Where you going?

Get in the truck!

- Let's go.
- Alberto.

Come on, let's go.

Alberto.

Alberto, man, where are you going?

You shouldn't have opened
that fucking box.

It's fucking Donald playing tricks.
I told you already.

- It's not Donald. It's not Donald.
- But...

Come on, come on. I got a job to finish.
Don't take my guys away.

- Hey, finish it yourself.
- I hate you so much.

Fucking asshole.

Hey, Hector?

- What?
- Fuck you! I quit!

Come on. I see you back there.

What are you pulling, man?

That was rough.

I think I'm developing night blindness.

I think it might have been
the pain-killer.

So...

you want to... you want to come in?

I'm on my period.

No, you're not.

You know what? I'm not.

I just really don't want
to have sex right now.

Neither do I.

Bye.

Well, you'd think with all the maid
services these people run,

they'd know how to clean up
after themselves.

- What's going on?
- What's going on?

Hector and his crew ran off in the middle
of the night without finishing the job.

That's what's going on.

I'm just shocked that Hector
would do something like this.

- It's not like him.
- I second that.

It's not like a Mexican
to run off without getting paid.

Hey, were they still here
when you got home?

- Honey? Are you okay?
- He's hung over.

Raymond. Excessively drinking
with your high blood pressure?

Raymond, you're pathetic.

Have I ever told you that?

And bless this food.

- Amen.
- Amen.

Amen. Dad, for someone who doesn't believe
in ghosts, you really do pray a lot.

- Hey, Mom, can you pass the syrup?
- Oh, sure, honey.

Yes, your mother and I
sent you off to the big city,

- and you came back an alcoholic.
- I'm not an alcoholic.

Of course, if I dressed like you,
I might have to have a few drinks

- before I walked out of the house, too.
- Oh, good, so you understand.

You know, if I had the hair like you,
I'd part it on the other side.

Boys, stop it.

So, I was thinking that I may organize
a search party for Hector.

Hector's not missing, Evey.
He's just a lazy Mexican piece of shit.

Hey, Mom, can I get a ride to my car?
I left it at the bar last night.

Honey, you really shouldn't be
driving that car on the road.

The tags expired years ago.

Yeah, not to mention the fact
that that car

belonged to your mother's cousin
Freddy, the faggot.

Don't use that word, Donald.

I also need to refill my prescription.

- I'll let Dr. Carpenter know.
- Thanks.

You're not going anywhere till you
clean up that mess in the backyard.

Are you serious?

- Don't I look serious?
- Yeah.

It would be a nice thing to do, Raymond.
Your father doesn't ask much.

It's so good to have you home, honey.

It's great to be home.

Cool. I'll go clean up
the yard, I guess.

Hey.

- What's up?
- Have you seen Hector?

Yeah. He's inside taking a catnap
and watching cable TV.

No, I haven't seen Hector! He vanished.
That's why I'm out here doing this work.

- Hey, nice ascot.
- Thanks. Fuck!

- Don't fucking talk to me like that.
- Sorry, man. I just...

- I don't work for you. I work for Hector.
- Okay, I understand. I'm sorry.

Good. Look, you need
to get out of this place, man.

- I know, I hate it here.
- No, seriously, all right?

You got to get out of this place.

There's some crazy shit
happening here, all right?

- Like what?
- Like yesterday while we were digging,

we found a creepy wooden box over there.
Hector, he opened it. It wasn't me.

- What was in the box?
- It was, like, a creepy dead girl's,

like, carcass with a nightie.

- Are you fucking kidding me now?
- No! Look...

You found a dead girl buried
in my dad's backyard?

I hate to break it to you, all right?

There is an evil spirit
lurking on your property,

and I don't want to fucking be here
when it shows up, so I'm out, all right?

That makes sense. Honestly, all day
something's been feeling a little bit off.

- I thought I just had a hangover.
- No, dude. Wake the fuck up!

I only came here
to fucking raid your fridge,

get my fanny pack,
and warn you, that's it.

- Thank you, man. I really appreciate it.
- Good luck.

Sit down. Right here.

Now... here we go.

All right. Let's do this thing.

Good.

Since when do you make house calls?

Since they gave me the opportunity
to charge you more money.

Fair enough.

So, is your dad here?

- He actually died today.
- Good news.

- I'm just kidding. He's at work.
- Bad news, 'cause he's a dick.

Your father is a scoundrel.
He is a cheater.

And he owes me a lot of money.

My brother, you are preaching
to the choir on that one.

My thing is, I kind of stay
out of other people's business,

so maybe... if you could just give me
my prescription, we could...

You know what?

You don't need
your prescription anymore.

You're perfectly healthy.
Your condition has corrected itself.

All right, let me... let me just
get this straight for the record.

You're saying that... the blood-pressure
condition I've had for the last 15 years,

and been on medication for,
has just magically corrected itself?

- Basically, yes.
- If you're trying to get back at my dad

by killing me, I don't think it's gonna work.
The guy... the guy really hates me.

Raymond, I have been your physician
since you were born. I circumcised you.

There's no sort of game being played here.
You've simply outgrown your condition.

Simple as that.

Happens all the time.

I got to get the fuck out of this town.

Well, at least aerobics class will help
take my mind off Hector's disappearance.

Come to think of it, honey, your old friend
David's mom will be there tonight.

Mom, what are you talking about?

Once a week, several of us
get together for a group workout.

No, I mean... Dave Richards?
I'm not friends with that guy, Mom.

- He's a total scumbag.
- Oh, honey, shush.

His mother says he's working
for the school district now.

I think teaching
is such a noble profession.

Teaching is a noble profession, Mom.
But did his mom tell you also about how...

and I don't like using this language
in front of you, but he fingered a girl

who was asleep on the back of the bus,
and she didn't even know about it.

Allegedly fingered her.

- What are you doing? Stop! Stop, stop!
- Oh, stop. It's that cute little cowlick.

I know, it's... it took like an hour
to get it like this. Don't touch it.

- What is this?
- We're stopping at the school first.

Can't have your father
starving now, can we?

God forbid.

I don't care what your policy is.
He signed a contract.

You have to fucking tip him?

How's the lawn look?

I'm having trouble taking the exam
with all these distractions.

Pumpkin, if you want to start taking
your exams in the quiet room

with all the special-ed students, I'm gonna
need to see a note from your doctor.

Nice pants. My sister has the same ones.

Hello? Yes.

Will you slow down, please?
I can't understand what you're saying.

Well, you tell him to call me
the second he returns, comprende?

Gracias.

What was that about?

Take a knee.

Hector has been missing
since last night.

Dad, I think something weird's going on.
One of his workers came by

- this morning looking for him.
- Yeah?

He said they found some kind of,
like, box buried in the yard.

- Do you know anything about this?
- What?

Those fucking putas.

Did you tell your mother about this?

- No.
- Don't. You know how she gets.

All right, get out of here.

Time's up.

Exams on the desk.

- Start where we left off
- Sure.

- Hey, how late are you working tonight?
- Why?

My mom and her friends are getting together
at the house for a group workout,

and I was thinking maybe
we could hang out.

Sounds terrible.

Us hanging out or my mom
working out with her friends?

Us hanging out.

Yeah. I agree.

Guess what? Dave Richards' mom
is gonna be there tonight.

Didn't he finger some girl on the bus
while she was asleep?

Allegedly.

Yeah. Anyway, I guess he's doing
really good for himself.

So I guess it pays
to finger girls on buses.

Dave Richards used to go
to parties in high school

- with a condom on his dick just in case.
- I bet that was a big hit with the girls.

Only me.

Listen, I've got drum practice tonight,
so... maybe another time.

Cool.

And I give the bitch a skosh of chloroform
and all of the sudden, I'm the bad guy.

What's up, faggot?

Yo. What's up, dudes?

Cool shirts.

Hey, look, I'm really dehydrated right now
and I don't want any trouble.

Seriously? Well, there's three of us
and only one of you,

and we don't give a fuck
what you want, so...

The good news is, I'm gonna be
in town for a while.

So if you want to take the day off
from threatening me, that... Carl!

Let him go. Let him go. Let him go.
Let him go. He's pretty fucked up.

- Raymond, pop the trunk.
- What?

Pop the trunk!

I thought you shipped off
to the peace corps.

I'm shipping out tonight.
I had to get my shit.

I'm glad I'm seeing you 'cause...

Ever since I saw you last time,

I've had this really bad feeling
in the pit of my stomach.

- What do you mean?
- You know, you just...

you seem really distraught and confused.

You know, and I just want you to know...

- I've been there.
- Cool. Thanks. I... Thank you.

You got to take a good, long, honest
look at yourself in the mirror, you know,

and just... and just say to yourself,
"I'm okay with this," you know?

- Say, "I love myself.
- I'm okay like this.

- It's about acceptance.
- Okay.

- Can I ask you a question?
- It gets better.

I really don't know what you're talking
about right now, but I'm agreeing with you

- kind of just to be polite.
- 'Cause... 'cause you're gay.

- N... no, I... No, I'm not. I'm not.
- Really?

- Yeah. Not gay. Straight.
- 'Cause you seem so gay.

- Well, I take it as a compliment.
- What is with you? Why are you so sad?

If I tell you, do you promise
you won't make fun of me?

- I never know.
- You never know.

Ever since I've been back home,
I've been having these flashbacks

to, like, spirits that I used
to see when I was a kid,

coupled with, like, strange,
supernatural sensations.

- Oh, my G...
- You okay?

You okay?

Give me a second. Just...

- I see things, too. Don't tell anybody.
- Are you serious?

I think you're seeing spirits that haven't
crossed over to the other side.

No, but I'm not seeing ghosts.
I'm not seeing anything.

- I'm just have strange...
- That doesn't matter.

From the sound of it,
you're going to see them.

They're reaching out to you,
and when they do,

you're gonna have to figure out
what they want.

This sounds like a major inconvenience.

Oh, you have no idea. You have no idea.

Ghosts only communicate
when they want something.

And they can visit you
in any form they want.

I mean, they can be a man, a woman.
It could be human,

it could be a horrible monster.

Get off the car. Get off the car.
Get in the car. Get in the car.

Okay.

Now, this...

this is an evil-eye pendant.

Okay? It's gotten me out
of a lot of hairy situations.

I want you to use it
to protect yourself.

- Okay.
- Here.

Always use protection.

Okay?

- Yeah.
- Don't just... put it in your pocket.

- Oh, yeah.
- Don't lose it.

And lunge. Lunge. Lunge.

And, yes, yes. Okay.

And up. And up. And bring it down.

And down. And down. And down.

Hey, Dad. You're a total fucking creep.

And that's a fact.

Raymond! Come in. Come here, honey.
Look, it's Mrs. Richards.

Look at you! Oh, my God, all fancy,

coming down from the big city
to grace us with your presence.

Oh, yeah, and your mom tells me
you're looking for work.

Yep. Looking for work. Can't find a job.

- Thanks for bringing that up.
- Honey, it's networking.

You know, I can't put my finger on it,
but just the other day,

someone was telling me that Dave's
doing really good. You must be proud.

I am so proud. Hey, wait. Look at this.

Check this out. Here's my handsome man.

So fucking handsome. And you know what
I've always found most handsome about him?

- His thick fingers.
- Excuse me?

Very thick fingers.
I've always been envious.

- You know, he's a teacher now.
- Oh, really? A teacher?

It has given him such...
direction, focus, purpose.

Direction, focus, and purpose.
What more could you want?

- And..
- Hold on...

Do you hear that? I got to go.

Okay, look. I know...
I know, I have to talk to you.

- There is something wrong with him.
- He's just really sensitive, honey.

- So, break's over, ladies.
- Okay.

- Hop to it!
- Let's go. And, go!

And up. And do it.

Mom!

- Raymond!
- What?

- What are you screaming about?
- There's something in the drain!

What?

- Hey, did you eat my ice-cream cake?
- Donald.

Raymond?

- Did you?
- Yeah, I did.

He did. He ate it.

- Yeah. Sorry.
- Yeah, he did. I knew it. I knew it.

- God damn it.
- Donald...

Raymond, you know how much
I love that ice-cream cake.

Donald. Honey, you're not even...

What are you screaming all over
the goddamn place for all the time?

- Did you find anything?
- Did I not warn you...

not to get your mother worked up?

Dad, there was somebody or something
in my room. You have to believe me.

Something? Somebody?

No, there's nothing!

- There's nothing in this room!
- Dad, I saw it with my own eyes.

- Nothing! There never was.
- There was.

Your mother and I are starting
to worry about you, son.

There's a history
of schizophrenia in our family.

- Who has schizophrenia?
- Well, you caught me in a lie there.

- No, there's no schizophrenia in our family.
- Why would you make that up?

I'm just trying to make a point.
You're acting like a paranoid schizophrenic.

And I want it to stop!

You get your shit together.

Hey.

What's wrong with the bed in your room?

I was kind of uncomfortable up there,
so I thought I'd sleep down here

where it's comfortable.

I think I'm just...

I'm just stressing myself out
with this job search, you know?

Well, you have to learn
how to handle that.

Stress management is a very important
component in success in business.

- It really is.
- Yeah.

What the hell?

- What happened to your arm?
- I don't know.

Your mother must have
scratched me in her sleep.

I think I got one on my scrotum, too.
She wasn't anywhere near it.

I don't know who or what you are,

but I'm really, really sorry
that you were disturbed.

So what I'm gonna do is
I'm gonna give you a proper burial.

And in return,

I would really appreciate it if you would
just cross over to the other side

and leave me and my family alone.

This is a really bad time
for a haunting.

Longstreet Ranch...

1860.

Well, I tried.

What the... fuck?

Thanks for coming.

Oh, man.

Fuck!

Mom, Dad, I was...

masturbating.

Be careful, darling.

Hello?

You know...

When your mother worries about you,
I never hear the end of it.

- She was in such a good mood all morning.
- Why is she in such a good mood?

- They found Hector today.
- Really? Is he okay? What happened to him?

Nobody knows. He's delirious.

If you ask me, the guy's on meth.

- What do you know about meth, Dad?
- Everything.

Really? Everything?
You know everything about meth?

I saw a documentary
narrated by Dwart Farquhar.

- Who the shit is Dwart Farquhar?
- Farquhar. Very underrated actor.

All right. I'll look into his work.
What's your favorite movie of his?

- "Running out of bullets."
- I'll watch that one first.

Here, I found this.

That's not mine.
But I'll hold onto it for you.

All right. And I know meth.

How'd you get in here?

- You really believe me?
- Why are you so surprised?

It's the first ghost I've seen in a while.
I'm just not used to being taken seriously.

Damn, it's closed. Oh, well.
Come back tomorrow?

Cover me.

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Those are really nice windows.
Don't break those.

What does that even mean?

What now?

Ladies first.

All right. Longstreet...
Okay. Okay, there it is. Longstreet.

"Elizabeth Longstreet,
died January 27, 1855.

Survived by her husband, Ambrose
Longstreet, and daughter, Hannah."

Look at this... Ambrose Longstreet
and his daughter, Hannah,

- died on the same day, July 18, 1860."
- What do you think happened?

"Last night, Longstreet Ranch,
the site of a terrible slaughter

carried out by the Bogden brothers."

Are you crying?

I'm extra sensitive.

Oh, I better not be pregnant again.

Okay.

Ambrose's body was found
strewn across an unmarked grave.

- That's so tragic.
- No, that's it. That's it.

She's the one haunting me.
The little girl, Hannah.

She wants to be returned to where
her father buried her, probably.

- Fuckin' "A."
- So, all we got to do is find her body,

put it back in the ground. She'll be at rest,
and then we can be done with all this.

- Did you say "we"?
- Shit, yeah, I said "we."

You got a banana in your ear or something?
We. You and me. What, are you scared?

You scared? You look a little scared,
I'm gonna be honest.

Aren't you supposed to communicate
with the dead?

Just ask the ghost where her body went.
I don't have all day.

You raise an interesting point.

- Really have to wear this?
- Keep your voice down.

You're gonna wake up my dad.
And yes, we do have to wear this.

If you want to make contact with the spirit
world, you have to follow specific rules,

and everyone knows
they find white soothing.

- I look like a klan member.
- You kind of do.

Also, they're drawn to candlelight.

- Can you please show a little respect?
- What?

When we ask her where her spirit is,
she shouldn't feel threatened.

She has to feel encouraged.
We have to encourage her.

And what if she does feel threatened?

How fast can you run?

All right. You ready? Give me your hand.

Hannah Longstreet, hi.

My name is Raymond,
and this is my associate, Becca.

We are inhabitants of the living world,

so please tell us where your body is.

That worked great.

Oh, you know what?

We need something that belonged to her.
The box she was buried in. I'll go get it.

I'll get it. You can wait
in the creepy room alone.

You fucking kidding me?

Holy shit. Becca, you're not
gonna believe what I just saw.

What?

Dad!

- Who are you?
- Dad!

- Hey! Yo...
- Dad, I can explain.

We thought there was
a burglar down here.

Hey, you bring a girl home,
you take her up to your room.

Next time you interrupt
your mother sucking my dick,

- there's gonna be hell to pay.
- Did you really just say that?

If I had it to do over, I wouldn't have
revealed that last piece of information.

Where'd you get this?
Did you dig this up out of the yard?

How'd you know it was buried
in the yard?

- Dad, where's the body?
- Drop it.

- Dad, tell me where the body is.
- Just drop it, Raymond. I'm warning you.

- Dad, where's the body?
- I'm telling you to drop it.

- Dad, I'm telling you...
- Drop it!

Tell me where the body is
or I'll tell Mom.

Becca, I know where the body is.

I don't want to be part of this
anymore, Raymond.

Becca, you're the first person
who's seen what I've seen.

I've seen enough.

Well, can I at least get
my mom's sheet back?

- You sleep here?
- Yeah.

Not everyone has parents paying
our way through business school.

- Help me bury her.
- No.

We bury her and it's all over.
That's how this works.

Come on. How about we put the spirit
of a murdered little girl to rest?

Now I got you,
you little son of a bitch.

Out of the question.
It's a historical artifact.

True. But it doesn't belong to you.

Your father gave it to me.
That makes it a donation.

And there's nothing I can do
to help persuade you?

- Him. What about him?
- What about me?

Give me a blow job
and you can have the skeleton.

- All right.
- No! Sit.

Well, I believe we're done here, then.

- Were you seriously gonna give him a blow job?
- I was thinking about it.

Virginia...

See these young folks out, please.

I can't believe your dad
gave her body to that asshole.

- Guess we'll have to break in again.
- How are we gonna know where Hannah's body is?

What do you kids want
with the body of a dead girl?

You wouldn't believe us if we told you.

Her spirit has returned
from beyond the grave, hasn't it?

I've been communicating
with the spirit world my entire life.

- People used to think I was crazy.
- Holy shit. I get that a lot myself.

Look, lady, I don't know who you are or
what your story is, but we need your help.

We can't put Hannah's spirit back
to rest if we don't have her body,

- and that dildo licker won't give it to us.
- We have a storage facility downstairs.

I will switch her remains
and meet you out back.

Cornelius is blind as a bat.
He'll never know the difference.

You have such a strong aura.

Do you know, spirits are attracted
to people like you and I.

Fucking weirdos.

Oh, shit!

What the fuck?

You should probably
get that checked out.

Should we say something?

Yeah.

Rest in peace, Hannah.
I'm sorry that you're dead. But...

Hey, at least you're back together
with your family.

Amen.

- Hello.
- Well, I hope you two managed

to relegate your activities
to the bedroom.

Donald, your manners.

Excuse him.

- Raymond, is this your friend?
- I'm Becca.

Hi. Would you like to stay
for dinner, honey?

Some of Donald's players
are coming over.

- Maybe another time.
- Oh, all right.

- Hey, Dad?
- What are you doing here?

Look, I know we don't always
see eye to eye on everything,

but I just want you to know that having
a relationship with you is...

it's really important to me.

Raymond...

you're my son.

That's it?

Would you mind going down to the kitchen
and helping your mom?

Tonight is very important to me.

Fuck my life.

Every year, we have
a little get-together...

for our award winners.

The best of the best.

You're my "A" squad.

And I'm proud of each
and every one of you.

This first award...

goes to our fiercest defender
of the year.

He's a young man I've watched grow

from a boy to a man, and I'd like to think
I taught him everything he knows.

I love him like family.
I couldn't be more proud of him.

Archibald, come up here
and get this. Come on.

Love you, coach.

With a name like Archibald,
you kind of have to get good at sports

- to avoid getting your ass kicked.
- Raymond, please.

Just saying.
It's, like, the worst name ever.

Now, before we get to the second award,
I want to apologize.

My wife forgot the grape pop.

Hey, sorry.

All right. Now...

our second award,
that I think is the most improved...

Jimmy. Come on up here.

Yes. There you go, boy.

Your father's just as proud of you
as he is of his players, Raymond.

Sometimes he just has
a hard time showing it.

Thanks.

All right. Thanks for coming.

All right. Playoffs begin
next week, all right?

Let's be ready.
Sorry about what happened.

- What the hell was that in there?
- Dad, you and Mom need to move into a hotel.

- What are you talking about?
- It sounds crazy, but the house is haunted.

- Are you out of your mind?
- No, I'm not!

I'm sorry I embarrassed you
in front of your boyfriends, but...

You've been an embarrassment to me
since the day you were born.

However, I've managed to lower
my expectations to a degree

that an incident like that in there
leaves me relatively unaffected.

But what does bother me
is the state of your mental health,

because you're acting
like a fucking nut.

Now get it together!

- Why won't she leave you alone?
- I don't know.

Maybe she still has
unfinished business or something.

We buried your body.
What are you so hung up on?

My dad's gonna have me
institutionalized.

Why doesn't she just come right out
and tell us what she wants?

Maybe she's trying to,
and we just don't know how to hear her.

Oh, Christ, Evey. You saw him tonight.

Having him committed
is not the answer, Donald.

- Yeah?
- He's going through a phase.

- It will pass.
- What if it doesn't?

We don't get to pick our children.
All we can do is love them.

We should've adopted.

Not some ethnic kid.
You know what I'm saying.

A white kid.

Donald, your breath is terrible.
Go brush, will you?

- No solicitors.
- Don. Who is it?

- We're here to see your son.
- Raymond?

Well, whatever he's done, I apologize.

- The kid's not right in the head.
- No, let her in.

- Where in the hell are you going?
- He's upstairs.

What's wrong with you? What are you...?

It's just so good to see
Raymond making friends.

Raymond, this is my granddaughter.
Zelda, say hello.

Hi, Zelda. Nice to meet you.

Okay. What's she doing here?

Hannah's spirit has been troubling you,

and speaking with someone
her own age will help relax her.

It's good to see you again.

What's this?
Has anything happened to the body?

I dropped it.

She's been marked. You can't stay here.

It's not safe for you to be in here.
You must go. You must wait outside.

Good. I will wait outside.

Hi.

It's a phonautograph. It's the earliest
known device for recording sound.

I have a tape recorder
in my backpack, if that's easier.

Hannah was born in the 1800s.

Our chances of communicating with her

are far greater using a device
from the same period.

Zelda, I'm gonna count
from three down to one.

I want you to drift off
into the spirit world,

but I want your mind to remain here.

Three, two, one.

- Can you hear me, Zelda?
- Yes, grandma.

- How'd she do that?
- She's crossed over.

Hannah, are you there? Hannah,
speak to us. Tell us what you want.

It's angry.

- Zelda, ask Hannah why she's angry.
- It says it's not Hannah.

Zelda, did you see the spirit?
Can you describe it?

Oh, my God, it's Ambrose Longstreet.

- Who?
- Hannah's father.

- Ambrose, what do you want?
- He won't let me go.

Ambrose, let her go
and tell us what you want.

- I want it back.
- What do you want back?

- The necklace.
- What necklace? Who... who has it?

- The man.
- He stole it.

- The man.
- He stole it.

- The man.
- He stole it.

- The man.
- What man? Who has it?

- Where is the necklace, Ambrose?
- He did it.

- How do you feel?
- Not so good.

- Virginia, I can't do this without you.
- Raymond, you must.

- If not, Becca's in great danger.
- What do you mean?

If a spirit interacts with someone
who's psychically unaware, it turns vengeful.

You, her and your parents
will all be in great danger.

It's only gonna get worse.
Where's the necklace?

- I don't know what necklace he's talking about.
- Raymond, you've got to find it!

Raymond.

All right, that's it. That's it.
You can't stay here anymore.

- Listen, Dad, you and Mom are in trouble!
- No, you listen!

I've canceled your credit cards.
I've stopped payment on your apartment.

- You are cut off, mister.
- Dad, this is serious.

You take one step back into that house,
I'll have you committed.

You understand? Committed!

You look like shit.

Thanks. I had a nightmare.

I don't think I'll ever get over the fact
that you slept with Dave Richards.

Allegedly.

Your neck hurt?
I've got a pill for that.

I have to find that necklace before
something bad happens to my parents.

Sweetheart, something to drink, please.

Make it a double.

So, Raymond,

the doctor called and said your father
can come home this afternoon.

Donald's depressed, though.

It seems Archibald invited him
to the country club tonight.

Country club. That figures.

You know, you don't run across
a lot of poor people named Archibald.

You don't, do you?

Excuse me.

This is fun.

I like her.

Mom, please listen to me.
The house is not safe.

Promise me you won't go back there,
not until I can take care of things.

Raymond, for heaven's sake,
what is going on with you?

I'm worried about you, honey.

Just promise me you'll spend the rest
of the day at the hospital with Dad.

But that's ridiculous.

It will really make you feel better?

- Okay, I will.
- Thank you.

Mom, why do you think
Dad hates me so much?

Your father doesn't hate you, Raymond.

He just...

He just doesn't understand some things.

I'm sorry.

What I want you to know is that we both
love you very, very much, honey.

And we're proud of you.
And I want you to always remember that.

Thanks, Mom.

I just thought of something. A way that you
can get back into your dad's good graces.

And come home.

- Thank you.
- Keys.

- Give me your keys.
- Thanks.

I think... I think you
might want to stay seated

- for the next...
- Oh, my goodness.

...few hours. Do you have
any water or coffee? Anything?

- You all right?
- I think I'm having a hot flash.

Hi.

Excuse me.

Why, hello, Don.

Got your calls. I was wondering
how long it was gonna take you

before you realized Raymond
was off his antipsychotics.

Listen, give me my money,

and I will prescribe
his "blood pressure" medication again.

Okay? That's the deal. Okeydoke.

Fucking cocksucker!

Where's Mr. Wadsworth?

Mr. Wadsworth....

is in the hospital with a broken boner.

I've been approved to temporarily
fill in as substitute teacher

since they couldn't find
anybody else on such short notice.

Bullshit.

- Let's start with attendance, shall we?
- You're gay, right?

Never met a gay person before.

Being a football coach and all,

your father must be so disappointed.

Do you know me? Do you know me?

I'm asking you a question.
Do you know me?

I'll tell you who I am.

I'm a fucking wizard...

sent from the future
in a motherfucking time machine

to tell you that you are an asshole.

You're the type of person
that makes fun of fat, short little kids

and makes them feel bad about themselves
for the rest of their lives

because you think you're so special.
Well, you know what?

You're not special. You're not different.
You're not even particularly interesting.

You're the same bigoted, homophobic,
redneck, football-scoring,

Martin Luther King-assassinating,
asshole-faced son-of-a-bitch redneck

that you have spent
your entire life rebelling against.

And I know...

that that kills you inside.

Sorry about that.

- Want to get out of here?
- Yeah.

Yeah, let's get the fuck out of here.
Hey, fuck you, guys.

All right, Becca, wait here.
Better yet, go back to the bar.

- It's safer.
- Please. I can take care of myself.

You've been marked.
I'm not letting you go any further.

You've been marked.

You saw what happened to Virginia.
You're not going in there alone.

That felt good.

Ambrose.

Ambrose? Ambrose. Ambrose?

- Ambrose.
- Check this out.

You okay?

Ambrose, don't kill her! I...

I can fix this! Just tell me
where the necklace is.

I'm not riding in this thing again
until you get new tags.

Do you have any idea how many drugs
I have on me right now?

Just keep watch while I sneak inside.

Well, my night just got
a whole lot more interesting.

Dad? Are you all right?

Did you say something?

Eve sent you a gorgeous bouquet.

I'm gonna get you some water.

Where's the necklace?

Noelle.

- Get on the couch! Who are you?
- Okay, okay. I can explain. I can expl...

- Who are you?
- I'm a friend of your father's, Raymond.

He was working at my parents' house
the night that he disappeared.

Oh, you're... you're Eve's son.

- Raymond.
- Raymond.

Jesus.

Does that necklace belong to you?

No. I... Well, I found it
in my father's jacket.

I'm sorry, it's stolen property,
and I'm gonna have to ask for it back.

Stolen?

Sorry.

Just take it. It's not really my thing,
anyway. It's vintage, so...

So you're Hector's daughter.

It's so weird our families have known
each other for so long, yet we've never met.

I was grounded for most
of my childhood, so there was that.

And then I run an Internet business.
It keeps me busy.

- Busty latina Bootys, right?
- You know my site?

Bootylover44.

- You're a kinky one.
- You're... you're Noelle!

- You're a dirty one.
- I am a dirty one.

- You are a dirty one. It is.
- Small world. Holy shit. Small world.

I can't tell you what a pleasure
it's been masturbating to you.

Thank you. No, it's been
a real pleasure taking your money.

So, you want to watch TV or something?

- No. You should probably...
- I'll leave.

- Where's my car?
- They towed it.

- You didn't stop them?
- Fucking pigs.

Come on, my car's at the bar.

Shouldn't we call a cab?

Well, yeah, dude, because they're
a bunch of liberal cocksuckers.

You listening to a word we're saying?

They'll socialize that jacket
if you let 'em.

- Fuck.
- My keys are in the back.

What you got there, bud? Give it to me!

- Give it back, Pope! Seriously, man!
- What the fuck are you gonna do about it?

You know what?

I'm gonna punch you in the face
and probably get my ass kicked.

Prove it.

Suck on that.

Fellas, make sure to tell
my parole officer this was self-defense.

Lay a hand on him
and there's gonna be trouble.

- Stay back, Becca. Stay back.
- Stay the fuck out of this, Becca.

I've never hit a girl,
and I'm not about to start.

- I'm pretty sure I'll like it.
- I'm not scared of you, Pope.

Fine, girly. Just remember
that you begged for it.

- Fuck!
- Jesus Christ!

Keys!

What the hell are you doing here?

Mom, what happened to your neck?
Are you okay?

The banister broke. Which is odd,
we just had it replaced.

- Mom, get out of the house right now.
- She's not going anywhere, all right?

Did I not warn you about
stepping foot in this house again?

- Don...
- And you stop running after my boy.

- You're trouble.
- Suck my dick.

What are you gonna do
with those shovels?

Wait! Wait! Wait. Wait.

Stop. Stop!
Stop with the goddamn shovels.

Stop tearing up my goddamn yard!

Hey, Dad, thanks for telling me I've been
on antipsychotics for the past 15 years.

- What?
- The blood-pressure medication

I've been on for like half my life,
it's all a freaking lie.

Dad's been getting Dr. Carpenter
to prescribe me antipsychotics.

And for good reason.
Ever since you started taking these,

you stopped seeing those goddamn ghosts.

Remember how he scared you
all the time, acting crazy like this?

Like he is right now? Stop it!

You're in big trouble, Raymond.
Big trouble. Eve, make the call.

No. I won't, Donald.

All right. If you want to do something
right, you do it your goddamn self.

- What's he doing?
- He's having you committed.

Good.

They're coming, Raymond.

The wagon from the nuthouse
is coming to take you away.

Is that a dead body?

Sleep well, Hannah.

It's all right. He's got to go.

- Donald...
- Stop. Stop. Stop it.

What...

Allow me to explain.

We just reunited a family
in the afterlife

and spared you from the wrath
of a vengeful spirit.

So, on behalf of Becca and I,
I would just like to say...

fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,

and especially, fuck you.

- Not you, Mom. I love you.
- I love you, too.

"F" you!

Congratulations on your first day.
Nervous?

Yeah, I'm nervous. I mean,
you gave up bartending to work for me.

- What if this doesn't pan out?
- I believe in you.

Ready to greet your customers?

Yeah.

Well, it's morning.
Most hauntings happen at night.

I don't need you to cheer me up.

Everyone, shut the fuck up!

Please sign in, and we'll get to you
one at a time as fast as we can.

Thanks.

One Saturday I took a walk to Zipperhead

I met a girl there
and she almost knocked me dead

Punk rock girl, please look at me
What do you see?

Let's travel 'round the world
Just you and me, punk rock girl

I tapped her on the shoulder
and said do you have a bell?

She looked at me and smiled
and said she did not know

Punk rock girl, give me a chance
Let's go slamdance

We'll dress like Minnie Pearl
Just you and me, punk rock girl

We went to the Philly Pizza Company
and ordered some hot tea

The waitress said "Well, no,
we only have it iced"

So we jumped up on the table
and shouted "Anarchy"

And someone played a Beach Boys song
on the jukebox

It was "California Dreamin'"
So we started screamin'

"On such a winter's day"

She took me to her parents
for a Sunday meal

Her father took one look at me
and he began to squeal

Punk rock girl, it makes no sense
Your dad is the Vice President

Rich as the Duke of Earl
Yeah, you're for me, punk rock girl

We went to a shopping mall
and laughed at all the shoppers

And security guards trailed us
to a record shop

We asked for Mojo Nixon
They said "He don't work here"

We said "If you don't got Mojo Nixon
Then your store could use some fixin'"

We got into a car,
away we started rollin'

I said "How much you pay for this?"
She said "Nothing man, it's stolen"

Punk rock girl, you look so wild
Let's have a child

We'll name her Minnie Pearl
Just you and me

Eat fudge banana swirl, just you and me

We'll travel 'round the world
Just you and me

Punk rock girl