All language subtitles for Love and Sex (2000)[GiddyRip.Xvid]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,628 Falllng ln love ls beautlful 2 00:01:03,206 --> 00:01:08,041 We do it forone reason: nothlng ln the world makes us feel so good 3 00:01:08,311 --> 00:01:10,176 -Don't! -''Don't!'' 4 00:01:10,713 --> 00:01:14,205 -That hurts! -Poor Kate Let me make it better 5 00:01:15,752 --> 00:01:18,311 You're ugly You're ugly! 6 00:01:29,865 --> 00:01:33,322 Flrst love ls the most powerful because no one's been hurt yet 7 00:01:33,534 --> 00:01:36,469 My flrst love was Bobby Norton 8 00:01:36,704 --> 00:01:39,400 Everythlng he dld had a sort of maglc to it 9 00:01:39,607 --> 00:01:41,700 The way he smlled, talked 10 00:01:41,909 --> 00:01:44,900 the way he walked llke my favorite actor,Bllly Jack 11 00:01:45,545 --> 00:01:47,604 Bobby was a movle star 12 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,660 You okay? 13 00:02:03,862 --> 00:02:07,195 Maybe you shouldn't shove so hard the next time 14 00:02:11,737 --> 00:02:14,534 My heart just got bigger 15 00:02:18,876 --> 00:02:22,539 When l do like this it looks like you only have one eye 16 00:02:22,747 --> 00:02:24,738 Thank you 17 00:02:36,927 --> 00:02:40,487 One of the dlfferences between men and women when it comes to love 18 00:02:40,696 --> 00:02:44,188 ls the need to tell the world every little detall 19 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,868 lf you choose to splll your guts to someone 20 00:02:47,069 --> 00:02:49,128 just make sure it lsn't Becky Sussman 21 00:02:58,446 --> 00:03:00,243 Bobby, are you okay? 22 00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:03,440 -How could you do it? -What did l do? 23 00:03:03,652 --> 00:03:06,587 You told everybody How could you do that? 24 00:03:06,788 --> 00:03:09,984 All my friends are making fun of me And now it 's over 25 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,055 lt 's over! 26 00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,460 Bobby! 27 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,624 l'll tell you friends l was lying! 28 00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,694 l'll let you hit me harder! Bobby! 29 00:03:27,106 --> 00:03:30,940 Love ls a mlnefleld We take a step,get blown to pleces 30 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:35,375 put yourself back together agaln and stupldly take anotherstep 31 00:03:35,580 --> 00:03:37,445 l guess that's human nature 32 00:03:37,649 --> 00:03:41,141 It hurts so much to be alone that we'd rather blow up than be slngle 33 00:04:21,857 --> 00:04:23,984 Hey, Frank 34 00:04:26,128 --> 00:04:29,961 That doesn't make the elevator go any faster, Kate 35 00:04:30,231 --> 00:04:33,758 l know, but it makes me feel more involved 36 00:04:34,068 --> 00:04:36,502 -Are you angry? -No Why? 37 00:04:36,704 --> 00:04:39,172 l just heard single women 38 00:04:39,373 --> 00:04:41,967 tend to be 8 times angrier than married women 39 00:04:42,176 --> 00:04:45,872 Maybe you should write an article about it, since you're not married 40 00:04:46,513 --> 00:04:48,674 l would, but 41 00:04:48,882 --> 00:04:54,343 l'm writing about married bald guys who can't get hard without Viagra 42 00:05:25,649 --> 00:05:27,913 -You're late -l know 43 00:05:28,152 --> 00:05:30,848 -Not a good day to be late -Why not? 44 00:05:31,188 --> 00:05:33,281 Because the Anti-Christ is really pissed at you 45 00:05:33,490 --> 00:05:36,186 She wants to see you in her office right now 46 00:05:36,393 --> 00:05:39,884 -God Why? -l'm not supposed to say 47 00:05:44,433 --> 00:05:46,958 -Do you have any stretch marks? -Not yet 48 00:05:47,170 --> 00:05:50,162 Damn! l have a deadline on my Vitamin E piece 49 00:05:50,373 --> 00:05:54,832 That bitch in accounting won't talk Anybody here have stretch marks? 50 00:05:57,646 --> 00:05:59,671 Sit down 51 00:06:03,952 --> 00:06:05,783 God! 52 00:06:06,021 --> 00:06:10,719 Don't get old, Kate Old is ugly, ugly is death 53 00:06:13,961 --> 00:06:15,326 -You're fired -What? 54 00:06:15,529 --> 00:06:20,591 Get me Leo Was this a joke? Were you planning to turn in this thing? 55 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,132 You said l should make the article my own, so l did 56 00:06:24,604 --> 00:06:27,732 Kate, this is a step-by-step description of sucking cock 57 00:06:27,941 --> 00:06:31,104 -Yeah, l called it ''Blow by Blow'' -Very clever 58 00:06:31,377 --> 00:06:35,437 ''When life sucks, so should you Oral sex can cure depression'' 59 00:06:35,647 --> 00:06:37,512 What the fuck were you thinking? 60 00:06:37,716 --> 00:06:41,652 Maybe the title is a little harsh But l found a great hook, no? 61 00:06:42,321 --> 00:06:46,553 l meant you should draw from your own experiences and relationships 62 00:06:46,758 --> 00:06:48,190 That 's what l did 63 00:06:48,392 --> 00:06:52,419 l know ten times more about blow jobs than l do about relationships 64 00:06:52,630 --> 00:06:55,121 l failed at every relationship l've ever been in 65 00:06:55,399 --> 00:06:58,129 l don't know about your personal life, and l don't give a shit 66 00:06:58,336 --> 00:07:00,770 The point is, our readers still have hope 67 00:07:00,972 --> 00:07:03,997 This is called Monique Magazine My name is at stake here 68 00:07:04,207 --> 00:07:06,573 lt is not called ''Tired Old Jaded Dicksucker Review'' 69 00:07:07,043 --> 00:07:10,809 What if Mary writes the piece on perfect relationships 70 00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:14,541 and l do the thing on stretch marks? l know tons of people with them 71 00:07:19,455 --> 00:07:22,390 l'm gonna be completely honest with you 72 00:07:22,591 --> 00:07:25,116 l can't cope with being fired 73 00:07:25,327 --> 00:07:29,024 This is the only thing in my entire life l haven't failed at 74 00:07:29,231 --> 00:07:31,790 l can do the assignment, l know l can 75 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,901 Can you finish 2,5OO happy, perky words by deadline tonight? 76 00:07:35,436 --> 00:07:38,234 -Absolutely -Then you are temporarily unfired 77 00:07:38,439 --> 00:07:39,736 Now get the fuck out of here 78 00:07:46,914 --> 00:07:48,882 Shit! Shit! 79 00:07:49,082 --> 00:07:51,277 So were you fired? 80 00:07:52,052 --> 00:07:54,077 Not yet 81 00:07:54,388 --> 00:07:58,118 Somebody made a copy of your article and circulated it 82 00:07:58,324 --> 00:08:00,155 Pretty good 83 00:08:00,359 --> 00:08:02,850 So you use your hands? 84 00:08:16,808 --> 00:08:21,177 Happy, perky notes 85 00:08:21,813 --> 00:08:25,543 on how to find and keep that perfect man 86 00:08:33,791 --> 00:08:36,089 We allwant to be loved 87 00:08:36,293 --> 00:08:40,422 It doesn't matter by whom,as long as they make us feel less alone 88 00:08:41,864 --> 00:08:44,458 What makes a relatlonshlp last forever? 89 00:08:45,034 --> 00:08:49,164 lf l knew the answer,lwouldn't be llvlng alone with my fourcats 90 00:08:56,311 --> 00:08:59,371 They say you have to klss a lot of frogs to get to the prlnce 91 00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:03,244 Rlchard MlItnerwas the most borlng frog l ever dated 92 00:09:03,452 --> 00:09:05,943 But sometlmes you just have to get out of the house 93 00:09:06,153 --> 00:09:08,951 You know, masculine and feminine 94 00:09:10,324 --> 00:09:12,758 We lucked out pretty good 95 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,758 My mother's corns aren't usually this bad 96 00:09:15,963 --> 00:09:19,524 Lucky for us she wasn't able to walk well enough to come to the show 97 00:09:19,734 --> 00:09:22,600 lt 's haunting, don't you think? 98 00:09:23,036 --> 00:09:25,163 What? 99 00:09:25,372 --> 00:09:27,465 The paintings They're pretty disturbing 100 00:09:30,143 --> 00:09:33,169 -You think? -lf l had a kid 101 00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:35,847 l definitely wouldn't put one of these up his bedroom 102 00:09:37,316 --> 00:09:39,443 Unless l hated him 103 00:09:39,952 --> 00:09:43,444 My father would've hung stuff like that from my ceilings 104 00:09:44,023 --> 00:09:47,549 He hated me My mother hated me too 105 00:09:48,626 --> 00:09:52,790 She used to tell me l was dying of cancer when l was four 106 00:09:54,632 --> 00:09:57,692 lt always sent me in depressions, which is exactly what she wanted 107 00:09:57,902 --> 00:10:00,166 because then l wouldn't ask her to make me lunch 108 00:10:00,671 --> 00:10:03,332 She hated it when l bugged her for food or stuff 109 00:10:07,177 --> 00:10:09,645 -Would you like a champagne? -What? 110 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,105 A champagne, would you like one? 111 00:10:12,315 --> 00:10:14,783 Yeah, absolutely 112 00:10:28,197 --> 00:10:30,528 Are you looking for me? 113 00:10:33,134 --> 00:10:35,967 l wasn't really looking for anyone 114 00:10:36,638 --> 00:10:39,129 Do you mind if l talk to you for a minute? 115 00:10:39,607 --> 00:10:41,370 Sure 116 00:10:41,976 --> 00:10:44,034 ln the corner 117 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,712 -ln the corner? -l don't like the middle of rooms 118 00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:50,213 Just come with me to the corner No one's behind you in the corner 119 00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:04,223 -Who's the guy you're with? -What guy? 120 00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:06,921 Richard? He's a stand-up comedian 121 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,499 He seems funny ls he your boyfriend? 122 00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:13,228 Richard? No He's 3O years old and lives with his mother 123 00:11:14,139 --> 00:11:16,073 So what do you think of the paintings? 124 00:11:16,274 --> 00:11:18,606 l love the style, but l think they're a little immature 125 00:11:18,877 --> 00:11:21,710 lmmature? What makes you say that? 126 00:11:21,913 --> 00:11:23,710 Look at that one over there 127 00:11:25,683 --> 00:11:27,446 -What the hell does it mean? -That? 128 00:11:27,651 --> 00:11:31,917 That means there's a woman pulling a severed head out of her ass 129 00:11:32,723 --> 00:11:35,351 What 's the point? What do l learn from it? 130 00:11:35,893 --> 00:11:40,090 Maybe that 's it There's no point You don't have to learn anything 131 00:11:40,864 --> 00:11:42,957 l wonder what the artist looks like 132 00:11:43,166 --> 00:11:45,634 He must be scary to make this shit 133 00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:50,465 Maybe he has a highly developed dark side you don't understand 134 00:11:52,374 --> 00:11:54,934 So how long did it take you to paint that one? 135 00:12:00,949 --> 00:12:04,180 Gosh, there you are l've been looking all over for you 136 00:12:04,453 --> 00:12:07,683 You are a doll Look at this! Thank you 137 00:12:07,889 --> 00:12:10,119 Richard, Adam Levy 138 00:12:12,827 --> 00:12:17,264 -You're the artist -You're the lucky guy 139 00:12:17,598 --> 00:12:21,033 We were just getting around to discussing our future children 140 00:12:21,234 --> 00:12:23,464 Right, but l don't think you're gonna have a future together 141 00:12:24,504 --> 00:12:28,770 -l'm sorry Excuse me? -You'd need to see the person again 142 00:12:28,975 --> 00:12:31,170 You're not gonna be seeing her anymore 'cause she's my girlfriend 143 00:12:31,378 --> 00:12:33,311 -What? -What? 144 00:12:33,512 --> 00:12:35,673 When we laid eyes on each other 145 00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:39,942 we had this spark Right? 146 00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:42,153 -Kate -lsn't that right, Kate? 147 00:12:42,354 --> 00:12:43,753 No, actually 148 00:12:44,557 --> 00:12:46,354 ls this some kind of joke? 149 00:12:46,592 --> 00:12:49,856 No, but this is: two guys walk into a bar 150 00:12:50,195 --> 00:12:54,461 One guy is a 3O-year-old stand-up comedian who lives with his mother 151 00:12:57,068 --> 00:13:00,265 Could we go now, please? 152 00:13:05,542 --> 00:13:09,273 You know, it is women like you who turn men into weirdoes 153 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:13,077 Don't bother Once l've been hurt, there's no turning back 154 00:13:16,719 --> 00:13:19,916 That wasn't cool l made it weird 155 00:13:20,156 --> 00:13:22,681 -You shouldn't have done that -l know 156 00:13:25,328 --> 00:13:26,659 So where should we eat? 157 00:13:41,276 --> 00:13:44,244 You are without a doubt the tallest woman l've ever met in my life 158 00:13:45,779 --> 00:13:47,679 Really? 159 00:13:48,782 --> 00:13:51,717 l've been noticing you have these 160 00:13:51,919 --> 00:13:54,319 long ET fingers 161 00:13:55,522 --> 00:13:57,716 Like a tree frog 162 00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:03,525 My God! How big? 163 00:14:03,997 --> 00:14:05,988 -Size 11 -Size 11? 164 00:14:06,199 --> 00:14:07,723 -Yeah, size 11 -Woman's size 11? 165 00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:10,060 ls this some kind of artist thing? Focusing on people's flaws? 166 00:14:10,769 --> 00:14:13,829 l don't see them as flaws, but as God's artistic choices 167 00:14:14,039 --> 00:14:17,497 l guess God decided to give you this abnormally large head 168 00:14:19,278 --> 00:14:22,873 You know what 's different? You're being shitty and mean 169 00:14:23,081 --> 00:14:26,311 And l was celebrating your body, who you are 170 00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:28,747 -You were celebrating my body? -l was 171 00:14:29,453 --> 00:14:33,412 -l like this part normally -What part is that? 172 00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:36,616 When it 's new, you know You can ask all the fun questions 173 00:14:36,994 --> 00:14:39,257 -Right -Let me first 174 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,861 What 's you relationship like with your dad? 175 00:14:44,267 --> 00:14:45,962 My dad's dead 176 00:14:46,202 --> 00:14:49,194 He was hit by a car in front of me when l was six 177 00:14:49,406 --> 00:14:51,771 God l'm so sorry 178 00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:54,442 Just kidding We get along great 179 00:14:55,544 --> 00:14:57,637 -Any brothers and sisters? -lt 's my turn 180 00:14:57,846 --> 00:15:00,110 l took your turn away Any brothers or sisters? 181 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:03,308 Three older brothers How many women have you slept with? 182 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,914 -Excuse me? -l know you've counted How many? 183 00:15:08,122 --> 00:15:12,183 -How many men have you slept with? -Not that many 13 184 00:15:12,860 --> 00:15:14,589 13? 185 00:15:15,463 --> 00:15:18,398 As like 13 different guys? 186 00:15:18,599 --> 00:15:21,931 Spread out over the years, that 's not so many 187 00:15:22,502 --> 00:15:25,335 Aren't you gonna answer the question? 188 00:15:27,174 --> 00:15:29,768 2 Okay? 189 00:15:31,144 --> 00:15:33,634 -2? That 's it? -That 's it 190 00:15:33,846 --> 00:15:37,247 Some of us actually believe in having full relationships 191 00:15:37,450 --> 00:15:40,681 l believe in relationships Mine just happen to be short ones 192 00:15:42,388 --> 00:15:45,289 l'm sorry you're like a whore 193 00:15:48,026 --> 00:15:50,927 -Excuse me? -13! Jesus Christ! 194 00:15:51,129 --> 00:15:53,029 Give me a break! 195 00:15:54,566 --> 00:15:57,558 -Were you popular in high school? -What do you think? 196 00:15:59,738 --> 00:16:02,331 -l guess that 's a no -l don't need this shit 197 00:16:02,539 --> 00:16:04,769 l was very popular in high school 198 00:16:04,975 --> 00:16:09,139 l was an artist, l used to draw all the pretty girls, made them better 199 00:16:09,346 --> 00:16:11,075 They all loved me 200 00:16:11,281 --> 00:16:14,010 They didn't sleep with me, but they loved me 201 00:16:14,217 --> 00:16:16,651 How about you? 202 00:16:16,853 --> 00:16:19,185 You must 've been real popular with that attitude 203 00:16:20,256 --> 00:16:23,157 No, l had huge buck teeth and bony knees 204 00:16:23,359 --> 00:16:27,227 And l slouched to hide the fact l hadn't grown any boobs yet 205 00:16:27,663 --> 00:16:30,290 And my hair was all stringy and everybody called me Horseface 206 00:16:30,499 --> 00:16:32,660 Horseface? lt suits you 207 00:16:33,068 --> 00:16:34,729 -You think so? -l like it 208 00:16:34,936 --> 00:16:37,427 -You like it? -What was your longest kiss? 209 00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,607 The longest kiss? 210 00:16:41,009 --> 00:16:43,408 Don't, it 'll just make me jealous 211 00:16:43,611 --> 00:16:46,580 Just make sure this one's longer 212 00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:56,017 Adam was unllke any guy I'd ever know 213 00:16:56,556 --> 00:16:58,524 We were lnstant best frlends 214 00:16:58,725 --> 00:17:02,058 Two people who understood each other without havlng to say a word 215 00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:05,626 It wasn't llke that at all ln my flrst relatlonshlp 216 00:17:07,767 --> 00:17:12,726 lwas a bad ldea to glve up my vlrglnity to my French teacher 217 00:17:18,377 --> 00:17:21,744 lf two people want to be a couple of them 218 00:17:21,947 --> 00:17:26,406 it is good when they are making love with each other, they feel nice 219 00:17:26,617 --> 00:17:29,085 -What? -Let 's make love 220 00:17:31,222 --> 00:17:34,714 We will, Mr Bossard l promise 221 00:17:35,526 --> 00:17:39,825 l don't think l can tonight though l'm not really ready yet 222 00:17:40,163 --> 00:17:44,827 Because you feel we don't have the quality of life together 223 00:17:45,035 --> 00:17:48,061 -l am sad for this -What? 224 00:17:48,271 --> 00:17:51,831 Let 's make love, cheri, please l am waiting for so long 225 00:17:52,741 --> 00:17:55,608 -Will it hurt? -Do not be scary 226 00:17:55,811 --> 00:17:59,645 -l am there for you needing me -What? 227 00:18:10,024 --> 00:18:12,219 Mr Bossard 228 00:18:12,427 --> 00:18:15,055 are you doing it? 229 00:18:15,263 --> 00:18:18,993 l can't believe it lt 's supposed to hurt 230 00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,929 Maybe it 's because l've ridden horses all my life 231 00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,763 Are you smaller than most guys? 232 00:18:27,341 --> 00:18:32,175 My older man daddy phase contlnued on rlght lnto college 233 00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:35,370 lwas not a very evolved person by the tlme l ran lnto Erlc 234 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,722 -Are you okay? -Are you blind? Out of your mind? 235 00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:48,916 What is wrong with you? This is a brand new car! 236 00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:51,789 You could've killed me! What are you doing? 237 00:18:52,964 --> 00:18:56,400 -l said l'm sorry, alright? -This is a US$ 5OO shirt! 238 00:18:56,601 --> 00:18:59,035 -l didn't see you -You didn't see me? 239 00:18:59,237 --> 00:19:03,673 -Were you painting you toenails? -Listen, fuckface! l didn't see you! 240 00:19:04,008 --> 00:19:05,600 l didn't wake up this morning and go 241 00:19:05,809 --> 00:19:09,870 ''Today is the day l'm gonna crash into some fucking uptight yuppie!'' 242 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,241 You know what, lady? Fuck you! 243 00:19:12,449 --> 00:19:14,177 Fuck you! 244 00:19:15,451 --> 00:19:17,749 Shit! Fuck! 245 00:19:18,288 --> 00:19:21,416 -There! You see that? -How's that? 246 00:19:22,625 --> 00:19:25,059 -Take that! -Okay, break it up! 247 00:19:25,261 --> 00:19:27,387 -Officer, l -Shut up! Hands behind your back! 248 00:19:27,596 --> 00:19:30,030 -Hit him with your big stick! -You! Get up there! 249 00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:36,533 -We got off on the wrong foot -What? 250 00:19:36,738 --> 00:19:39,104 You just destroyed my car! 251 00:19:39,341 --> 00:19:43,242 l'm sorry about that Maybe we could start over again 252 00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:47,541 You got any plans for dinner tonight after we make bail? 253 00:19:52,386 --> 00:19:55,047 So this is where writers hang out? 254 00:19:57,724 --> 00:19:58,782 What do you write about? 255 00:19:58,992 --> 00:20:01,961 l'm working on a novel between my journalism classes at UCLA 256 00:20:03,296 --> 00:20:05,127 A novel? 257 00:20:05,332 --> 00:20:07,266 -What 's it about? -Death 258 00:20:09,702 --> 00:20:11,863 That sounds interesting 259 00:20:13,305 --> 00:20:15,796 So what do you do? 260 00:20:16,075 --> 00:20:18,908 l work a lot with Big Red-Ass Monkeys 261 00:20:20,212 --> 00:20:23,772 lt 's a band You know, the band? 262 00:20:24,048 --> 00:20:27,381 ''Big Red-Ass Monkeys are here'' l direct music videos 263 00:20:27,585 --> 00:20:30,577 lsn't that the one where the naked girl swims with a chimp? 264 00:20:31,756 --> 00:20:33,417 Ape Great ape 265 00:20:33,625 --> 00:20:37,321 Right l guess chimps don't have those big red asses 266 00:20:38,161 --> 00:20:39,958 l don't know, l never checked 267 00:20:49,506 --> 00:20:52,201 Do you think maybe l could kiss you? 268 00:20:53,576 --> 00:20:56,374 -Maybe later -Maybe later when? 269 00:20:56,579 --> 00:20:59,639 Maybe later like 5 seconds 270 00:20:59,949 --> 00:21:04,146 5, 4, 3, 2 271 00:21:56,468 --> 00:21:59,061 l hate when that happens 272 00:22:00,738 --> 00:22:03,707 A toast to our three-week anniversary 273 00:22:09,313 --> 00:22:12,407 l think this is the longest relationship l've ever been in 274 00:22:12,650 --> 00:22:16,915 Well, not counting Mr Bossard, which lasted one semester 275 00:22:17,420 --> 00:22:20,389 -Did l ever tell you? -Don't mention your French teacher 276 00:22:20,590 --> 00:22:22,888 lt really disturbs me 277 00:22:23,893 --> 00:22:27,760 -Good -And your last relationship? 278 00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:32,127 -God What about it? -How long was it again? 279 00:22:32,634 --> 00:22:35,933 -Five miserable years -What did you have in common? 280 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:39,735 Nothing 281 00:22:39,942 --> 00:22:42,171 What do we have in common? 282 00:22:42,376 --> 00:22:44,970 -We have a lot in common -Like what? 283 00:22:48,616 --> 00:22:51,847 Like, how many people do you know 284 00:22:52,053 --> 00:22:54,953 who have sex in public places? 285 00:22:55,722 --> 00:22:58,657 Every guy l've ever met 286 00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:03,225 Good morning You know what day today is, don't you? 287 00:23:03,430 --> 00:23:06,957 Sunday morning My turn 288 00:23:08,001 --> 00:23:12,630 -l thought it was my turn -Nope lt 's my turn 289 00:23:16,342 --> 00:23:19,539 You know what? This game is idiotic 290 00:23:19,745 --> 00:23:22,713 -lt 's not spontaneous -That 's not true 291 00:23:22,914 --> 00:23:26,247 Scheduled spontaneity is the key to long-term love 292 00:23:30,288 --> 00:23:32,381 Don't look so happy 293 00:23:33,224 --> 00:23:35,657 l like Sundays 294 00:23:38,462 --> 00:23:40,487 Careful, careful 295 00:23:46,603 --> 00:23:48,400 l'm not getting that 296 00:23:48,605 --> 00:23:51,368 They can wait Come on 297 00:23:52,375 --> 00:23:56,311 -Get it or you're not getting it -l can't get it 298 00:23:58,714 --> 00:24:00,204 Alright 299 00:24:01,851 --> 00:24:03,841 l'll be back 300 00:24:08,089 --> 00:24:10,683 Don't lose your concentration, okay? 301 00:24:11,827 --> 00:24:13,988 Where you going? 302 00:24:14,196 --> 00:24:17,653 Now you want some, don't you? Hold that thought, okay? 303 00:24:18,265 --> 00:24:20,392 Daddy! 304 00:24:22,069 --> 00:24:25,766 -Guess what l did at Kiddieland? -We're gonna go Come with Mommy 305 00:24:25,973 --> 00:24:30,069 lt 's not what it looks like, l'll explain Nell, wait! Nell! 306 00:24:31,678 --> 00:24:34,647 Kate, l can explain! 307 00:24:34,881 --> 00:24:36,746 Will you come back? 308 00:24:37,584 --> 00:24:39,051 Will you stop? Stop! 309 00:24:39,252 --> 00:24:42,949 -What are you? -l understand how you feel 310 00:24:43,156 --> 00:24:46,386 You have no idea how anyone feels You're a social climber! 311 00:24:46,592 --> 00:24:50,255 -l'm planning on getting a divorce -Don't ever touch me again! 312 00:24:51,363 --> 00:24:53,331 -Kate! -Daddy! 313 00:24:55,834 --> 00:24:57,768 Even when bad relatlonshlps end 314 00:24:57,970 --> 00:25:01,166 the paln can be severe enough to screw you up foryears 315 00:25:01,372 --> 00:25:04,068 We all plck up a little baggage afterevery breakup 316 00:25:04,275 --> 00:25:06,869 The hope ls that when the bags start to accumulate 317 00:25:07,078 --> 00:25:09,945 we're stlll able to drag them lnto the next relatlonshlp 318 00:25:10,214 --> 00:25:12,704 Fortunately when Adam and l moved ln together 319 00:25:12,916 --> 00:25:14,941 my carry-on baggage was falrly llght 320 00:25:18,054 --> 00:25:21,854 -Let 's put that one in the bedroom -l was gonna put ''Paul's Entrails'' 321 00:25:22,058 --> 00:25:24,049 lt 's better for the bathroom 322 00:25:24,261 --> 00:25:26,558 lf you want to be obvious 323 00:25:26,762 --> 00:25:28,957 Okay, whatever you want 324 00:25:32,935 --> 00:25:35,768 -l love you, Horseface -l love you too 325 00:25:35,971 --> 00:25:39,600 l mean l love you more than l've ever loved anybody ever 326 00:25:40,675 --> 00:25:42,802 in my life 327 00:25:44,579 --> 00:25:46,444 Where are you going? 328 00:25:51,185 --> 00:25:52,584 God 329 00:25:52,787 --> 00:25:55,516 -Say it -Why do you want me to say it again? 330 00:25:55,722 --> 00:25:58,088 Because it was cute And l want that cute moment saved forever 331 00:25:58,425 --> 00:26:02,691 lt 's gonna sound forced And l'm irritated Could we just? 332 00:26:02,896 --> 00:26:05,456 -Just say it -l love you 333 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,734 -Horseface! -l love you, Horseface 334 00:26:09,936 --> 00:26:11,767 l love you too Now strip 335 00:26:11,971 --> 00:26:14,030 -Strip? -Strip 336 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,232 -Put the toy away and we'll -Come on 337 00:26:17,710 --> 00:26:19,837 -Don't poke the bear in the zoo -Come on 338 00:26:20,046 --> 00:26:22,206 -Don't poke the bear in the zoo -Take it off Come on 339 00:26:22,414 --> 00:26:24,245 -Don't poke the bear in the zoo -Whip it out 340 00:27:16,064 --> 00:27:19,658 When you flnally share your lonely bed with the one you love 341 00:27:19,867 --> 00:27:22,597 llfe just doesn't get any better 342 00:27:25,673 --> 00:27:29,837 -That was not me -Stop Stop it 343 00:27:31,411 --> 00:27:34,847 That was the first time you That was your first fart 344 00:27:35,048 --> 00:27:38,040 That was your first fart You do love me 345 00:27:38,251 --> 00:27:39,946 Don't blame it on me 346 00:27:40,153 --> 00:27:42,951 That was so cute You're embarrassed 347 00:27:43,156 --> 00:27:45,646 Come here No woman has ever farted in front of me before 348 00:28:37,973 --> 00:28:40,202 Hi 349 00:28:46,448 --> 00:28:48,746 -Hi -What? 350 00:28:49,284 --> 00:28:51,684 -What? -Why are you smiling like that? 351 00:28:52,053 --> 00:28:54,680 lt 's our one-year anniversary You should be smiling too 352 00:28:57,157 --> 00:28:58,920 l guess so 353 00:28:59,426 --> 00:29:02,862 Come here Come on 354 00:29:03,063 --> 00:29:06,555 No, come here Are you a grouchy little bunny? 355 00:29:09,702 --> 00:29:12,637 l'm taking you to some place very special today 356 00:29:12,839 --> 00:29:15,273 -Where? -lt 's a surprise 357 00:29:15,641 --> 00:29:17,973 Go fill me the tub and l'll take you 358 00:29:18,177 --> 00:29:22,442 -Now, in the middle of the day? -l feel very dirty l need a tub 359 00:29:22,714 --> 00:29:24,238 Forget it 360 00:29:24,449 --> 00:29:28,943 Can you just fill me a tub? Come on, you big grouch, just go 361 00:29:29,588 --> 00:29:33,456 My God, it 's like pulling teeth with you to get anything 362 00:29:36,694 --> 00:29:38,321 My God! 363 00:29:41,632 --> 00:29:44,499 Are you insane? What are we gonna do with all these kittens? 364 00:29:44,702 --> 00:29:46,932 l don't know Make stew, l figured 365 00:29:47,738 --> 00:29:51,605 What are they doing in there? They like you, obviously 366 00:29:51,808 --> 00:29:53,537 This one's Louie, this one's Murray 367 00:29:53,810 --> 00:29:56,938 This is Steve and this is Mordecai 368 00:29:58,348 --> 00:30:00,816 l got them from the Chinese restaurant 369 00:30:01,718 --> 00:30:03,378 Hi, Mommy 370 00:30:03,585 --> 00:30:06,110 Hello Aren't l cute? 371 00:30:06,321 --> 00:30:09,051 Hi You are my new mommy now 372 00:30:11,193 --> 00:30:15,129 Bet the other 13 guys you slept with didn't get you a litter of kitties 373 00:30:15,597 --> 00:30:18,326 l'm pregnant 374 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:24,297 -You're really? -l took a test and it turned pink 375 00:30:25,339 --> 00:30:28,069 Pink? lsn't it supposed to be like a plus sign? 376 00:30:28,976 --> 00:30:32,672 Believe me, l know how to pee on a stick and read directions 377 00:30:36,082 --> 00:30:40,041 -l thought we were being safe -Yeah, not safe enough 378 00:30:42,088 --> 00:30:46,217 -God, we hardly know each other -We know each other 379 00:30:46,425 --> 00:30:48,586 l just don't know if l'm ready to be a mother, Adam 380 00:30:48,794 --> 00:30:53,094 l'm too confused, too immature, too messy 381 00:30:53,599 --> 00:30:57,932 What about abortion? Did you ever think about that 382 00:30:58,136 --> 00:30:59,535 possibility? 383 00:31:04,075 --> 00:31:07,044 l just never thought this would happen to me 384 00:31:07,278 --> 00:31:10,406 -l don't know what to do -Here, come here 385 00:31:11,181 --> 00:31:16,118 Don't worry A lot of people think it 's the world's greatest present 386 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:20,447 -What do you think? -l'll tell you what l think: 387 00:31:20,657 --> 00:31:25,457 that our baby would be the cutest thing walking in poo-poo pants 388 00:31:27,330 --> 00:31:29,025 Are you scared? 389 00:31:29,232 --> 00:31:33,066 Of what? Of doing the most natural thing in the world? 390 00:31:33,603 --> 00:31:38,063 Of bringing a gorgeous little brilliant genius into the world? 391 00:31:38,274 --> 00:31:40,138 No l wouldn't be scared 392 00:31:40,342 --> 00:31:43,709 What if it wasn't a gorgeous genius? What if it was an ugly little troll? 393 00:31:44,412 --> 00:31:46,710 l guess we just have to pray to God 394 00:31:46,915 --> 00:31:50,442 that the baby takes after me 395 00:31:51,953 --> 00:31:54,944 We could name it Ned, after my grandfather 396 00:31:55,155 --> 00:31:58,181 -What if it 's a little girl? -Nedina, we'll call it 397 00:31:58,525 --> 00:32:02,859 This one needs to be changed l want you to practice to be a good mommy 398 00:32:04,064 --> 00:32:07,260 God, my stomach is huge! 399 00:32:08,201 --> 00:32:10,226 l look like Buddha 400 00:32:10,436 --> 00:32:13,166 You're the same as always 401 00:32:13,406 --> 00:32:15,806 So l've always had a Buddha gut? 402 00:32:16,009 --> 00:32:19,945 Calm down You've been pregnant a month The baby's too small 403 00:32:20,146 --> 00:32:24,309 -Soon you'll look like a Volkswagen -You have an abnormally large head 404 00:32:25,284 --> 00:32:27,184 Come on, Horseface, get over here 405 00:32:27,653 --> 00:32:29,177 Come on 406 00:32:31,990 --> 00:32:34,253 Let 's see what we got here 407 00:32:37,361 --> 00:32:39,829 Ned wants a womb with a view 408 00:32:40,031 --> 00:32:41,328 Ned's not very funny 409 00:32:41,532 --> 00:32:45,434 Well, Ned's just a fetus We should cut Ned a little slack 410 00:32:47,772 --> 00:32:50,968 And l think you're more beautiful than ever 411 00:33:29,910 --> 00:33:32,572 Are you okay, baby? 412 00:33:35,615 --> 00:33:40,484 Are you okay? What 's wrong? 413 00:33:43,856 --> 00:33:46,552 l'm bleeding 414 00:33:46,826 --> 00:33:49,488 Something's wrong 415 00:33:50,229 --> 00:33:52,493 Something is going wrong 416 00:33:52,698 --> 00:33:54,666 Get up Get up 417 00:33:55,301 --> 00:33:57,291 Where's your robe, baby? 418 00:33:57,502 --> 00:33:59,527 -Where's your robe? -l don't know 419 00:34:34,170 --> 00:34:36,934 Do you think it 's possible to love the same person forever? 420 00:34:37,140 --> 00:34:40,108 -Sure Don't you? -l don't know 421 00:34:40,308 --> 00:34:43,505 l haven't seen a relationship that didn't end one way or another 422 00:34:43,712 --> 00:34:46,442 What about your parents? They've been together for 35 years 423 00:34:46,648 --> 00:34:51,483 They live together, but they haven't said ''l love you'' for 2O years 424 00:34:51,686 --> 00:34:55,280 Maybe that 's human nature You spend that much time around a person 425 00:34:55,489 --> 00:35:00,017 saying ''l love you'' is probably like saying ''cheese sandwich'' 426 00:35:00,428 --> 00:35:02,919 God, l hope not 427 00:35:04,231 --> 00:35:06,391 Katie 428 00:35:07,233 --> 00:35:13,331 -l cheese sandwich you -l cheese sandwich you too 429 00:35:25,918 --> 00:35:29,285 The longeryou're with someone, the more annoylng they'll become 430 00:35:29,488 --> 00:35:33,753 You'll become annoylng too So lf you want perfectlon all the tlme 431 00:35:33,958 --> 00:35:36,324 don't bother havlng a relatlonshlp 432 00:35:36,527 --> 00:35:38,392 Did you see that little old lady? 433 00:35:39,697 --> 00:35:44,862 -Didn't she look sad and lonely? -l didn't look l need some shoes 434 00:35:45,102 --> 00:35:47,262 Her eyes were so hollow 435 00:35:47,471 --> 00:35:50,338 Old people have hollow eyes Especially old women 436 00:35:50,540 --> 00:35:52,303 -What? -Can we go in here? 437 00:35:52,509 --> 00:35:55,069 What do you mean, especially old women? 438 00:35:56,046 --> 00:35:59,345 -Women don't age as well as men -How could you say that? 439 00:35:59,583 --> 00:36:01,948 How many 5O-year-old women do you see with 2O-year-old guys? 440 00:36:02,184 --> 00:36:05,347 That 's a societal double standard lt 's got nothing to do with facts 441 00:36:06,055 --> 00:36:08,819 Who looks better, Sean Connery or Shelley Winters? 442 00:36:10,459 --> 00:36:13,292 lt 's nature Men have thicker skin That 's why women wrinkle more 443 00:36:13,496 --> 00:36:17,158 -Shut up -You're afraid to become obsolete 444 00:36:17,365 --> 00:36:20,857 At a certain age men start to notice younger girls lt freaks you out 445 00:36:22,170 --> 00:36:24,968 Well, you're going bald! 446 00:36:26,741 --> 00:36:30,471 l have the keys! Where are you going? 447 00:36:40,387 --> 00:36:42,650 l've got one What do you have? 448 00:36:42,855 --> 00:36:45,619 This with topless female ninjas 449 00:36:46,659 --> 00:36:49,025 Let 's just get one 'Cause we'll forget to return them 450 00:36:49,228 --> 00:36:51,822 and it will be 8OO dollars for two movies 451 00:36:52,031 --> 00:36:54,727 -And which one do you want? -''Nosferatu'' 452 00:36:55,034 --> 00:36:57,729 You've seen it 5O times, and every time you get depressed 453 00:36:57,969 --> 00:37:01,200 l like being depressed lt makes me feel deep and introspective 454 00:37:01,406 --> 00:37:04,603 Wanna see what this is about? Maybe you might like it 455 00:37:04,876 --> 00:37:08,004 ''Nasty naked ninjettes infiltrates the mob and take over little ltaly 456 00:37:08,213 --> 00:37:11,443 nunchacking their way to Mafia Don Guido Mantucci'' 457 00:37:11,882 --> 00:37:14,180 That sounds incredible 458 00:37:14,385 --> 00:37:16,182 Why do you have to do it? 459 00:37:16,387 --> 00:37:18,981 You think l wanna go home and snuggle 460 00:37:19,189 --> 00:37:21,714 and read subtitles and watch in black and white? 461 00:37:21,926 --> 00:37:25,292 Can't we ever go to a goddamn video store and not argue? 462 00:37:25,495 --> 00:37:27,360 Not as long as you have such shitty taste in movies 463 00:37:27,564 --> 00:37:31,056 lt 's not true! How can you not appreciate German Expressionism? 464 00:37:31,267 --> 00:37:32,757 -l love German Expressionism -Right 465 00:37:32,969 --> 00:37:35,665 What l don't like is what you turn into when you watch that movie 466 00:37:35,872 --> 00:37:39,363 You get all fixated on death ''l'm gonna die, you're gonna die'' 467 00:37:39,575 --> 00:37:42,874 Fine You watch your stupid titty movie, l'll watch my death movie 468 00:37:43,078 --> 00:37:45,638 -You return yours, l'll return mine -Fine 469 00:37:49,284 --> 00:37:52,810 lt 's her birthday One of these should be free 470 00:37:54,655 --> 00:37:55,986 Romance 471 00:37:56,190 --> 00:37:59,353 The most lmportant part of keeplng a good relatlonshlp golng 472 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:03,929 Be sure to treasure each one of those moments together ln bed 473 00:38:04,265 --> 00:38:06,892 We haven't had sex in a while 474 00:38:07,734 --> 00:38:10,259 We haven't had sex in like three weeks 475 00:38:11,471 --> 00:38:13,701 You're not even listening to me 476 00:38:13,907 --> 00:38:15,465 No, l wasn't 477 00:38:15,675 --> 00:38:18,439 l said we haven't had sex in like three weeks 478 00:38:18,845 --> 00:38:22,211 Maybe it 's because you clip your toenails in our bed 479 00:38:23,983 --> 00:38:26,679 What 's the real reason? 480 00:38:26,952 --> 00:38:29,318 l don't know 481 00:38:29,855 --> 00:38:32,688 Do you want to have sex right now? 482 00:38:32,891 --> 00:38:35,085 No Do you? 483 00:38:35,293 --> 00:38:37,193 No 484 00:38:38,696 --> 00:38:42,393 -ls there something wrong with us? -l don't know 485 00:38:43,101 --> 00:38:45,331 Maybe we should force ourselves 486 00:38:45,536 --> 00:38:50,029 -What? Like mutual rape? -lt might turn us on 487 00:39:01,884 --> 00:39:04,182 -l'm tired -Me too 488 00:39:11,861 --> 00:39:15,261 -Love you -Love you too 489 00:39:19,334 --> 00:39:22,428 Don't do that You don't know how much that bugs me 490 00:39:27,475 --> 00:39:30,034 l said don't! 491 00:39:35,215 --> 00:39:38,480 lf you do that one more time, l'm gonna scream 492 00:39:50,997 --> 00:39:53,557 l think it 's over 493 00:39:53,766 --> 00:39:55,597 What 's over? 494 00:39:55,801 --> 00:39:58,770 Us l think we're done 495 00:39:58,970 --> 00:40:00,699 What are you saying? 496 00:40:00,906 --> 00:40:03,534 l think l need to break up 497 00:40:06,111 --> 00:40:07,738 What did you just say? 498 00:40:07,946 --> 00:40:09,708 l said l think we should break up 499 00:40:09,914 --> 00:40:13,145 No You said you need to break up 500 00:40:13,350 --> 00:40:15,079 -What 's the difference? -There's a huge difference 501 00:40:15,419 --> 00:40:20,880 Saying ''we'' implies it is mutual Otherwise it means you're ending it 502 00:40:21,092 --> 00:40:26,119 -Are you ending it? -l don't know l guess so 503 00:40:27,230 --> 00:40:29,926 Have you met someone else? 504 00:40:32,102 --> 00:40:35,970 Nothing like that lt 's just we're becoming this old married couple 505 00:40:36,339 --> 00:40:39,671 God lt 's the 13 guys thing, isn't it? 506 00:40:40,242 --> 00:40:42,642 That 's what it is 507 00:40:42,845 --> 00:40:46,246 You've been obsessed with my past, now you want to make it even 508 00:40:46,448 --> 00:40:49,212 Shut up about that lt 's not the 13 guys 509 00:40:49,418 --> 00:40:52,511 l'm over that, l've dealt with that lt 's a non-issue, l promise you 510 00:40:53,788 --> 00:40:55,983 Then why now? 511 00:40:56,190 --> 00:40:59,489 lt 's that l've never been single 512 00:40:59,627 --> 00:41:03,461 l've spent my whole life going from one relationship to another 513 00:41:03,664 --> 00:41:05,426 And l've never been alone 514 00:41:05,632 --> 00:41:09,090 Do you realize what you're saying? Do you realize what this means? 515 00:41:09,302 --> 00:41:11,702 What does this mean? 516 00:41:11,905 --> 00:41:13,998 lt means this is it, the end 517 00:41:14,207 --> 00:41:16,835 And once it 's over, it 's over 518 00:41:17,043 --> 00:41:19,101 Yeah, l guess so 519 00:41:19,311 --> 00:41:22,906 But it 's not like we won't still be friends 520 00:41:23,115 --> 00:41:24,946 Who said anything about being friends? 521 00:41:25,151 --> 00:41:27,619 We love each other l don't wanna lose you from my life 522 00:41:27,820 --> 00:41:31,779 Know that when you get to number 13 l won't be here waiting for you 523 00:41:31,991 --> 00:41:35,482 Give that up, it 's not about that lt isn't working for either of us 524 00:41:35,693 --> 00:41:38,253 -You're not happy, are you? -No, l'm not happy 525 00:41:38,463 --> 00:41:42,627 -So neither of us are happy -You're right l'm miserable 526 00:41:42,834 --> 00:41:45,928 Could you stop? You're packing my laundry now 527 00:41:46,137 --> 00:41:48,661 Breaking up would be the best thing for me! 528 00:41:49,273 --> 00:41:51,741 You know what? 529 00:41:52,643 --> 00:41:56,545 -l feel good No, l feel great -Come back to bed 530 00:41:56,747 --> 00:42:00,113 Already it 's like a weight has been lifted off my head 531 00:42:00,983 --> 00:42:03,975 -Can't this wait? -l can breathe, l can think 532 00:42:04,187 --> 00:42:07,054 All of a sudden life is clear lt 's amazing! 533 00:42:07,256 --> 00:42:08,621 l am so happy! 534 00:42:09,659 --> 00:42:11,786 When l look back at the love l had with Adam 535 00:42:11,994 --> 00:42:15,827 l see a pathetlc potted plant nobody bothered to water 536 00:42:16,331 --> 00:42:21,496 It started out green and lush, then eventually became a drled up stlck 537 00:42:29,577 --> 00:42:32,273 Breaklng up ls llke dylng,slowly 538 00:42:32,479 --> 00:42:34,709 with nobody around 539 00:42:34,915 --> 00:42:37,315 That's why ls so lmportant durlng that dark perlod 540 00:42:37,518 --> 00:42:40,749 to keep yourself busy dolng the thlngs that don't depress you 541 00:43:04,076 --> 00:43:06,636 Fuck me! Jesus! Kate! 542 00:43:06,845 --> 00:43:08,437 l can't believe it 543 00:43:08,647 --> 00:43:11,046 Our relationship hasn't even started decomposing yet 544 00:43:11,249 --> 00:43:14,184 -Who's this? -My friend Kate 545 00:43:14,652 --> 00:43:17,815 Kate, this is my friend Peaches 546 00:43:18,389 --> 00:43:21,483 This must be the friend you just broke up with 547 00:43:21,692 --> 00:43:24,353 And this must be the friend you just started fucking! 548 00:43:34,537 --> 00:43:35,936 Wait, wait 549 00:43:36,139 --> 00:43:38,470 Peaches? My God! 550 00:43:38,674 --> 00:43:41,472 What the fuck is that thing on your face? 551 00:43:41,677 --> 00:43:43,736 -Keep your voice down -What are you doing here? 552 00:43:43,946 --> 00:43:47,848 This is my movie! You came to make out with someone called Peaches? 553 00:43:48,050 --> 00:43:50,574 -How dare you? -l wanna call you Can l call you? 554 00:43:52,620 --> 00:43:55,987 No l'm gonna get over you And when l do, l'll call you 555 00:43:56,190 --> 00:43:57,851 That could take days 556 00:43:58,893 --> 00:44:02,021 Okay, let 's see here 557 00:44:03,197 --> 00:44:05,357 That 's hideous 558 00:44:05,599 --> 00:44:08,534 Here you go Kate, how about this? 559 00:44:08,735 --> 00:44:11,397 No That makes me look like a drug addicted hooker 560 00:44:11,605 --> 00:44:15,097 l wanna look great Like a drug addicted model 561 00:44:15,309 --> 00:44:17,971 l don't see what the big deal is lt 's just a birthday party 562 00:44:18,177 --> 00:44:19,872 Adam's gonna be there 563 00:44:20,079 --> 00:44:22,673 -Aren't you over him yet? -Of course l am 564 00:44:22,882 --> 00:44:26,682 l just want him to feel jealous when he sees me with Jerome Davis 565 00:44:27,620 --> 00:44:29,781 Jerome Davis? Wait a minute 566 00:44:29,989 --> 00:44:33,219 The perverted basketball player who was obsessed with your ass? 567 00:44:34,793 --> 00:44:35,782 He was? 568 00:44:36,027 --> 00:44:39,053 You got a great ass You're a big woman 569 00:44:39,264 --> 00:44:42,563 but your ass is small and compact to fit your size 570 00:44:42,968 --> 00:44:47,404 And yet if you take that ass and put it on your little friend here 571 00:44:47,604 --> 00:44:49,902 it would be fucking huge 572 00:44:50,908 --> 00:44:53,103 That 's it, l'm gone 573 00:44:59,882 --> 00:45:02,112 God! 574 00:46:09,414 --> 00:46:11,109 Thought it was you 575 00:46:14,085 --> 00:46:17,987 l didn't expect to see you here l didn't know Sam invited you 576 00:46:18,623 --> 00:46:22,820 -No Mary invited me -Mary? Of course 577 00:46:23,026 --> 00:46:24,516 That 's great 578 00:46:24,728 --> 00:46:26,787 lt 's nice to see you 579 00:46:28,432 --> 00:46:31,424 l haven't seen you in a while l've missed you 580 00:46:31,635 --> 00:46:34,536 lt 's been a long time 581 00:46:37,206 --> 00:46:41,609 -l'm sorry Hi, l'm Adam -What 's up, Ad? Jerome 582 00:46:41,811 --> 00:46:45,508 lt 's not Ad, it 's Adam What 's up, Jer? 583 00:46:45,948 --> 00:46:49,748 -Why don't l call you tomorrow? -Don't make this a weird thing 584 00:46:50,018 --> 00:46:52,111 -l'll give you a call tomorrow -Give me a call 585 00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:55,778 Give me a call or page me, 'cause my shit 's blowing up now 586 00:46:56,257 --> 00:46:59,192 -Why don't you call me? -l will 587 00:46:59,394 --> 00:47:04,262 l'm running around a lot Star 82 so l now it 's you, l'm screening 588 00:47:18,811 --> 00:47:21,746 -That was really weird last night -l know, that was really weird 589 00:47:24,450 --> 00:47:26,577 -So you're in love? -l should be asking you that 590 00:47:26,786 --> 00:47:30,313 -Why should you ask me that? -You kept kissing that Lolita! 591 00:47:30,523 --> 00:47:34,481 Come on, Michael Jordan was sucking your tonsils out 592 00:47:34,693 --> 00:47:36,593 Where did you find that guy anyway? 593 00:47:36,795 --> 00:47:40,356 -Let 's not get into that -You're bringing it up 594 00:47:40,565 --> 00:47:43,693 -l'm ready to be mature -Me too Absolutely 595 00:47:44,970 --> 00:47:47,836 -How could you go with that freak? -How could you go with that bimbo? 596 00:47:48,038 --> 00:47:50,404 Savannah is not a bimbo She happens to play the harp 597 00:47:50,608 --> 00:47:52,974 Excuse me A bimbo savant 598 00:47:53,177 --> 00:47:56,044 At least l'm not having a fucking hot tub party with Dennis Rodman 599 00:47:56,914 --> 00:48:00,610 -l can't believe you're jealous -l'm not jealous Stop 600 00:48:00,817 --> 00:48:04,583 l don't like her, l don't love her l'll probably never see her again 601 00:48:08,658 --> 00:48:12,821 -l was waiting for you -Noon lt was supposed to be 602 00:48:13,028 --> 00:48:17,021 My harp lesson ended a little early l bought myself some new underwear 603 00:48:18,700 --> 00:48:20,793 -l'm Savannah -Kate 604 00:48:21,003 --> 00:48:24,029 -Adam told me all about you -Really? 605 00:48:24,273 --> 00:48:29,710 Go back to the coffee shop and wait for me l'll be there at noon 606 00:48:29,911 --> 00:48:34,712 -And get me a mochaccino -Okay Nice meeting you, Cynthia 607 00:48:35,516 --> 00:48:37,484 lt 's Kate 608 00:48:37,685 --> 00:48:39,744 l meant Kate 609 00:48:52,032 --> 00:48:54,023 Noon 610 00:48:55,501 --> 00:48:59,232 -That felt really bad -l know, l'm sorry 611 00:48:59,505 --> 00:49:03,566 Don't be, we have to get used to it 612 00:49:03,742 --> 00:49:06,438 l have to go and throw up now 613 00:49:07,112 --> 00:49:09,773 Kate, l miss you so much You're my best friend 614 00:49:10,915 --> 00:49:14,078 -l only feel normal around you -l know 615 00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:18,655 Hopefully over time this is all gonna work out 616 00:49:19,824 --> 00:49:24,658 lt will We just have to let go of those old feelings we had 617 00:49:25,162 --> 00:49:27,062 Fine 618 00:49:33,537 --> 00:49:37,529 So this Jerome guy, was he just like huge? 619 00:49:39,108 --> 00:49:42,635 l just wanna know as a friend ls that bad for a friend? 620 00:49:42,845 --> 00:49:47,782 Was it like, nice surprise big or you better take me home now big? 621 00:49:49,751 --> 00:49:53,152 Was it like l'm in over my head? Was it l'm in over my head big? 622 00:50:03,597 --> 00:50:05,724 As you move on ln your search for love 623 00:50:05,933 --> 00:50:09,027 sex ls the fastest way to erase the past 624 00:50:32,124 --> 00:50:34,786 Promise you'll never leave me 625 00:50:34,993 --> 00:50:37,086 l promise 626 00:50:50,341 --> 00:50:52,639 What are you doing? 627 00:50:53,978 --> 00:50:55,445 What are you doing? 628 00:51:02,385 --> 00:51:03,545 Great 629 00:51:03,753 --> 00:51:06,779 The only sex l've had in months and it 's with you 630 00:51:19,968 --> 00:51:24,064 Belng slngle agaln can be dlfflcuIt, but it can also be empowerlng 631 00:51:24,273 --> 00:51:27,173 After my breakup l got out of the house as often as l could 632 00:51:27,375 --> 00:51:30,708 golng to places that took my mlnd off my lonellness 633 00:51:30,912 --> 00:51:36,748 Excuse me l'm looking for a joke gift for a friend's birthday 634 00:51:36,951 --> 00:51:40,078 -What 's the kinkiest stuff you have? -Depends 635 00:51:40,287 --> 00:51:43,814 Do you mean kinky up the butt or just white bread kinky? 636 00:51:44,024 --> 00:51:46,822 Just white bread kinky, please 637 00:51:47,027 --> 00:51:50,394 -Third aisle -Thank you 638 00:52:06,979 --> 00:52:09,970 lt 's a butt plug 639 00:52:10,315 --> 00:52:13,182 Some guys like to put it up their butts 640 00:52:14,753 --> 00:52:16,380 Great Thanks 641 00:52:23,994 --> 00:52:28,727 So what 's a nice girl like you doing at Earl's Pornorama? 642 00:52:28,966 --> 00:52:31,594 l'm here to buy a joke gift for a friend of mine 643 00:52:31,802 --> 00:52:36,704 -l'm not here to talk to strangers -Why are you so nervous? 644 00:52:37,907 --> 00:52:40,000 Are you attracted to me? 645 00:52:40,209 --> 00:52:42,837 God, that is so arrogant! 646 00:52:43,312 --> 00:52:47,043 l feel uncomfortable picking up plastic dicks 647 00:52:47,250 --> 00:52:49,376 with some guy 648 00:52:51,086 --> 00:52:52,986 Wait a minute 649 00:52:53,188 --> 00:52:55,247 Don't l know you? 650 00:52:55,791 --> 00:52:58,624 -Could be -God 651 00:53:00,429 --> 00:53:04,660 Aren't you that guy in movies with the topless ninja girls? 652 00:53:05,433 --> 00:53:08,834 Yeah l've done a lot since then That was some earlier stuff 653 00:53:09,370 --> 00:53:11,395 l'm 654 00:53:12,907 --> 00:53:15,467 -l'm Joey Santino -l know 655 00:53:15,676 --> 00:53:19,076 My ex-boyfriend forced me to watch all your movies 656 00:53:19,512 --> 00:53:21,503 Forced you to? 657 00:53:21,714 --> 00:53:24,478 Well he loves you 658 00:53:25,418 --> 00:53:28,819 Well, not after we fall in love, he won't 659 00:53:29,155 --> 00:53:30,985 l don't date actors 660 00:54:07,858 --> 00:54:11,419 Joey wasn't very brlght But l loved hls lnnocence 661 00:54:11,727 --> 00:54:13,388 lwas golng through my non-judgmental phase 662 00:54:13,596 --> 00:54:16,997 and dldn't want to push people away just for saylng stupld thlngs 663 00:54:17,199 --> 00:54:19,326 l love you 664 00:54:19,535 --> 00:54:22,504 -You've only known me for 14 hours! -l know 665 00:54:22,705 --> 00:54:26,231 l loved you in the first hour, but l waited 13 more to tell you 666 00:54:26,441 --> 00:54:30,775 You just think you're in love 'cause we've been having sex non-stop 667 00:54:32,780 --> 00:54:35,078 How can you be so cynical? 668 00:54:35,283 --> 00:54:38,047 l've never felt this way in my entire life 669 00:54:38,253 --> 00:54:41,085 You're the most wonderful thing that 's ever happened to me 670 00:54:41,355 --> 00:54:43,823 You see? That 's why l don't date actors 671 00:54:44,024 --> 00:54:46,322 And you don't have to say you love me back Because 672 00:54:46,527 --> 00:54:50,395 l just want you to know how l feel 673 00:54:50,597 --> 00:54:52,996 that 's all 674 00:54:53,733 --> 00:54:57,328 Unless you want to l won't stop you from saying 675 00:54:57,537 --> 00:55:00,870 that you love me, if you want to 676 00:55:14,119 --> 00:55:16,781 l like you a lot though 677 00:55:29,567 --> 00:55:31,330 -Hello -lt 's me 678 00:55:31,535 --> 00:55:33,628 Hey,Adam What's up? 679 00:55:33,837 --> 00:55:37,135 Nothing much l haven't seen you for weeks Wanna grab dinner tomorrow? 680 00:55:37,574 --> 00:55:40,099 That 's so sweet, but l can't l'm going out 681 00:55:40,310 --> 00:55:43,177 What about Frlday? Wanna see a movle on Frlday? 682 00:55:43,379 --> 00:55:45,404 No, l can't l'm going to Malibu for the weekend 683 00:55:45,615 --> 00:55:47,480 Malibu? What 's in Malibu? 684 00:55:47,917 --> 00:55:49,781 A big beach 685 00:55:49,985 --> 00:55:53,477 l saw that ln a Thomas Gulde once Who are you golngwith? 686 00:55:53,755 --> 00:55:57,247 Some guy, you don't know him He's got a house over there 687 00:55:57,459 --> 00:56:01,088 -You like him? -What's with all the questlons? 688 00:56:01,296 --> 00:56:03,627 No reason l just want to know if you like this rich Malibu guy 689 00:56:04,498 --> 00:56:07,194 Yeah, l like him 690 00:56:07,969 --> 00:56:11,530 -Do you like him a lot? -Yeah,he's nlce 691 00:56:14,108 --> 00:56:16,507 -Hello? -Do you love him? 692 00:56:17,544 --> 00:56:19,512 l think so, yeah 693 00:56:19,713 --> 00:56:22,705 We've been togetherevery day forthe last couple of weeks 694 00:56:22,916 --> 00:56:26,352 That 's great for you You know what? l gotta run 695 00:56:26,553 --> 00:56:29,612 'Cause l got a date with an actress You know 696 00:56:30,589 --> 00:56:34,150 -l'll call you when l get back -Sure, great 697 00:56:55,947 --> 00:56:57,607 -l can't take it -What? 698 00:56:57,814 --> 00:56:59,372 l cannot 699 00:56:59,516 --> 00:57:01,848 -l can't take it -Just get in here 700 00:57:02,052 --> 00:57:06,182 l thought l was over you l thought l was done 701 00:57:06,390 --> 00:57:09,689 God, this is horrible! 702 00:57:10,027 --> 00:57:13,792 -Please, don't go to Malibu -Are you crazy? lt 's a joke, right? 703 00:57:14,063 --> 00:57:16,998 This is not a joke This is not 704 00:57:17,199 --> 00:57:20,760 What 's wrong? You've been dating nonstop This is the first guy 705 00:57:20,970 --> 00:57:24,201 l've even gotten close to -l know l was wrong, l was silly 706 00:57:24,407 --> 00:57:28,399 l was stupid l didn't know how l felt about you until right now 707 00:57:28,643 --> 00:57:31,203 -What about the actress? -lt 's cancelled, it 's over 708 00:57:31,413 --> 00:57:34,678 -You shouldn't Joey's on his way -Joey? 709 00:57:34,916 --> 00:57:37,976 His name is Joey? How could you date a guy named Joey? 710 00:57:38,286 --> 00:57:42,585 Let 's get back together again l love you Let 's have babies 711 00:57:42,790 --> 00:57:46,453 Stop acting like an insane person! Go home and relax or something 712 00:57:46,660 --> 00:57:49,959 -l love you -Go on your date, you'll be fine 713 00:57:50,197 --> 00:57:53,063 -Could you just tell me one thing? -What? 714 00:57:53,466 --> 00:57:55,764 What 's his last name? 715 00:57:56,202 --> 00:57:58,432 Just tell me his last name 716 00:57:59,238 --> 00:58:00,500 Santino 717 00:58:00,707 --> 00:58:03,505 Santino That 's perfect Joey 718 00:58:06,311 --> 00:58:09,371 Joey Santino, the actor? 719 00:58:09,581 --> 00:58:13,017 My the titty ninja? You fucking hate him! 720 00:58:13,218 --> 00:58:15,778 Actually he's a very good actor 721 00:58:15,987 --> 00:58:18,182 Clearly you haven't seen any of his later work 722 00:58:18,390 --> 00:58:21,916 What, his later work? Motherfucker! 723 00:58:22,126 --> 00:58:25,459 My God! You're kidding me! How could you? 724 00:58:26,697 --> 00:58:28,688 Adam, you have to go 725 00:58:28,899 --> 00:58:31,732 -You shouldn't fall in love -Quit being such a hypocrite 726 00:58:32,369 --> 00:58:36,498 l'm a guy! l fuck! l don't fall in love! 727 00:58:36,706 --> 00:58:41,109 -Maybe you don't -You think Mr ltalian fucking 728 00:58:41,311 --> 00:58:44,041 he's fucking you, he loves you? l don't think so! 729 00:58:44,414 --> 00:58:47,542 -Whatever -l'm fucking out of here, alright? 730 00:58:47,983 --> 00:58:49,917 This is fucking horseshit! 731 00:58:50,119 --> 00:58:52,917 Don't fucking call! 732 00:59:28,855 --> 00:59:31,379 -Are you Miss Kate Wells? -Yeah 733 00:59:31,590 --> 00:59:33,888 l have a message for you from Adam Levy 734 00:59:35,561 --> 00:59:39,327 Even though we're only pals Only pals,only pals 735 00:59:39,532 --> 00:59:44,195 l don't llke the other gals You're my baby 736 00:59:44,969 --> 00:59:49,065 Don't go out with that dumb guy That dumb guy, that dumb guy 737 00:59:49,274 --> 00:59:51,572 lf you do I'll start to cry 738 00:59:51,776 --> 00:59:55,803 You're my baby 739 00:59:59,550 --> 01:00:01,916 Mr Levy would like you to have 740 01:00:02,119 --> 01:00:05,611 an autographed picture of himself 741 01:00:05,823 --> 01:00:09,259 and this Hold on, it gets better 742 01:00:09,459 --> 01:00:13,622 -Cheese sandwich -Thank you 743 01:00:29,244 --> 01:00:31,542 -Hello -Dld the little guy slng? 744 01:00:32,380 --> 01:00:34,348 What do you think? 745 01:00:34,549 --> 01:00:36,517 -You got my picture up? -Adam? 746 01:00:36,718 --> 01:00:38,685 Next to the boys? 747 01:00:38,886 --> 01:00:41,446 Yes, l got the sandwich and l got your picture 748 01:00:41,655 --> 01:00:43,748 -Could you stop torturlng me? -Come over 749 01:00:44,692 --> 01:00:48,150 Get rid of him We'll sport, we'll spoon, we'll do it all 750 01:00:48,529 --> 01:00:51,020 -We'll lay around all day -Adam 751 01:00:51,232 --> 01:00:53,290 What are you wearing? 752 01:01:00,773 --> 01:01:02,934 God, it 's beautiful here 753 01:01:10,883 --> 01:01:13,909 Are you talking to me? 754 01:01:15,888 --> 01:01:18,482 Are you talking to me? 755 01:01:19,157 --> 01:01:21,021 There's nobody else here 756 01:01:23,694 --> 01:01:26,959 Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? 757 01:01:28,199 --> 01:01:30,190 -De Niro! -Right 758 01:01:30,401 --> 01:01:33,131 De Niro is the best l swear, l love him He's 759 01:01:33,336 --> 01:01:35,429 De Niro 760 01:01:35,639 --> 01:01:37,971 Yeah He's a good actor 761 01:01:40,510 --> 01:01:42,341 Good? 762 01:01:43,880 --> 01:01:46,713 Good? l mean, we're talking about Robert De Niro here 763 01:01:48,050 --> 01:01:51,884 Good? Come on He's a 764 01:01:52,087 --> 01:01:55,284 Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are good Asparagus is good 765 01:01:55,491 --> 01:01:57,789 De Niro, he's not 766 01:01:58,460 --> 01:02:01,826 l mean, like ''Cape Fear'' 767 01:02:04,098 --> 01:02:06,123 Counselor 768 01:02:06,334 --> 01:02:09,497 Come out, come out wherever you are 769 01:02:09,837 --> 01:02:14,274 l know you, you piece of shit! l'm better than you all! 770 01:02:14,475 --> 01:02:17,739 l can outlearn you, l can outread you 771 01:02:17,945 --> 01:02:19,640 l can outthink you 772 01:02:19,846 --> 01:02:23,111 and l can outphilosophize you 773 01:02:23,317 --> 01:02:26,343 And l'm gonna outlast you! 774 01:02:27,754 --> 01:02:31,712 That 's good, right? And ''Raging Bull'', which is 775 01:02:31,924 --> 01:02:34,620 the greatest performance of all time 776 01:02:35,361 --> 01:02:37,921 You're gonna get me down, Ray You're gonna get me down 777 01:02:40,166 --> 01:02:43,931 Are you alright? l know the Heimlich 778 01:02:45,303 --> 01:02:49,000 -You wanna ruin my relationship? -Your nose is so cute 779 01:02:49,207 --> 01:02:51,732 You never tried to get me back before What ego trip are you on? 780 01:02:51,943 --> 01:02:53,205 -Can l kiss it? -What? 781 01:02:53,411 --> 01:02:55,902 -Your nose -Stop screwing up my life 782 01:02:56,113 --> 01:02:58,343 l'm involved with somebody else 783 01:02:58,549 --> 01:03:00,574 Marry me? Please 784 01:03:00,784 --> 01:03:03,412 -Are you listening to me? -l get it, don't worry 785 01:03:03,620 --> 01:03:06,054 l broke up with you 'cause l was inexperienced 786 01:03:06,256 --> 01:03:10,157 You were my third girlfriend How was l supposed to know better? 787 01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:14,353 You had it so easy compared to me l was your 14th You were my 3rd 788 01:03:14,564 --> 01:03:16,088 -Look, you can't -Just marry me 789 01:03:16,299 --> 01:03:19,791 l'm sorry, l screwed up l can't live with this kind of mistake 790 01:03:20,003 --> 01:03:22,028 Don't you see? This is really bad timing 791 01:03:22,238 --> 01:03:24,671 You can't just wait until l'm involved with somebody else 792 01:03:24,873 --> 01:03:27,808 then suddenly propose marriage or profess you love for me 793 01:03:28,010 --> 01:03:30,638 l'll change How does that sound? We're gonna make up a contract 794 01:03:30,846 --> 01:03:33,371 everything you don't like about me l'm gonna change 795 01:03:33,582 --> 01:03:35,982 Death penalty You're against it, l'm for it l'm against it now 796 01:03:36,184 --> 01:03:38,811 We're gonna go do candlelight vigils at the prison 797 01:03:39,020 --> 01:03:41,955 -l don't want you to change -You know what? l won't change 798 01:03:42,156 --> 01:03:45,990 l'm enough l learned that from you We're gonna fly, take trips 799 01:03:46,193 --> 01:03:49,993 l'll go to therapy, l'll get over my fear of planes and we'll travel 800 01:03:50,197 --> 01:03:53,597 Adam, stop it Stop it right now 801 01:03:55,735 --> 01:04:00,798 Alright Let me just ask you then Straight out, all kidding aside 802 01:04:01,274 --> 01:04:05,074 Katie will you marry me? 803 01:04:08,414 --> 01:04:10,678 No 804 01:04:14,153 --> 01:04:16,781 l won't torture anymore then 805 01:04:17,589 --> 01:04:19,818 lf you're happy, l'm happy you're happy 806 01:04:20,324 --> 01:04:22,315 l made you miserable and l'm sorry 807 01:04:24,529 --> 01:04:27,794 -l just want you to know something -What? 808 01:04:28,800 --> 01:04:33,429 l can't be friends l'm just too weak 809 01:04:33,637 --> 01:04:36,834 -Adam -l can't even be around you 810 01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:40,908 You're here like this incredibly juicy ham sandwich 811 01:04:41,111 --> 01:04:45,207 that l wanna eat, and l can't because my lips are sewn shut 812 01:04:45,582 --> 01:04:48,914 -That 's a pretty analogy -You know what l mean 813 01:04:59,462 --> 01:05:01,088 Have a nice life 814 01:05:01,296 --> 01:05:05,130 Don't say that You know we'll see each other again 815 01:05:05,366 --> 01:05:06,924 Yeah, right 816 01:05:20,447 --> 01:05:24,577 ls lnfatuatlon love? No But it feels llke it ls 817 01:05:24,785 --> 01:05:28,720 All those chemlcals ln your braln turn every word he says lnto poetry 818 01:05:28,921 --> 01:05:32,118 Did l ever tell you what l used to do with my little brother? 819 01:05:32,625 --> 01:05:37,028 Whenever he did something wrong, l'd put dog shit under his pillow 820 01:05:37,230 --> 01:05:41,791 l'd say ''Jimmy, go put you head under the pillow and count to 2O'' 821 01:05:42,634 --> 01:05:45,694 Half the time he'd get to 1O before he realized what happened 822 01:05:45,904 --> 01:05:48,930 That was pretty stupid 823 01:05:49,207 --> 01:05:50,868 Jimmy? No 824 01:05:51,076 --> 01:05:54,568 He's a lawyer now He's the smartest of all of us 825 01:06:02,253 --> 01:06:04,778 Now you remember me? 826 01:06:06,223 --> 01:06:10,625 Relatlons based entlrely on sex end the mlnute the sex gets borlng 827 01:06:10,827 --> 01:06:13,193 So lf you want it to last beyond borlng sex 828 01:06:13,396 --> 01:06:15,956 You'd bettertry to connect on a deeper level 829 01:06:16,166 --> 01:06:18,726 l brought us some cheese sandwich 830 01:06:18,935 --> 01:06:20,835 Thanks 831 01:06:24,406 --> 01:06:27,671 Do you think people can stay passionate about each other forever? 832 01:06:29,278 --> 01:06:32,645 Yeah As long as they work on the relationship 833 01:06:32,848 --> 01:06:34,975 and don't get fat 834 01:06:35,184 --> 01:06:36,946 l wonder 835 01:06:37,151 --> 01:06:39,745 l'm not sure it 's natural l'd like to think it 's possible though 836 01:06:40,621 --> 01:06:45,217 l think that, over time, we'll come to take each other for granted 837 01:06:45,426 --> 01:06:47,189 And after the years of staying together saying 838 01:06:47,395 --> 01:06:49,920 ''l love you'' is like saying ''cheese sandwich'', you know? 839 01:06:50,631 --> 01:06:54,191 Do you know that Robert De Niro is lactose intolerant? 840 01:07:01,074 --> 01:07:04,532 Afterthe lnfatuatlon chemlcals ln my braln stopped muItlplylng 841 01:07:04,743 --> 01:07:07,473 l began to get over my non-judgmental phase 842 01:07:09,949 --> 01:07:14,511 Joey and lwere gonna have a real conversatlon soon 843 01:07:15,955 --> 01:07:18,048 l'm gonna die 844 01:07:19,457 --> 01:07:22,790 -Are you listening to me? -What? 845 01:07:22,994 --> 01:07:25,053 l'm gonna die 846 01:07:25,263 --> 01:07:27,094 When? 847 01:07:27,298 --> 01:07:29,425 Someday 848 01:07:29,634 --> 01:07:33,228 We're all gonna die Watch the movie 849 01:07:34,438 --> 01:07:36,804 Doesn't that bother you? 850 01:07:37,007 --> 01:07:40,238 -l don't think about these things -Why not? 851 01:07:40,444 --> 01:07:43,242 Look, we're in the middle of a movie 852 01:07:43,447 --> 01:07:45,438 That 's when l think about death the most 853 01:07:45,649 --> 01:07:49,106 All these people staring into the darkness freaks me out 854 01:07:49,719 --> 01:07:52,244 -Don't you get that? -No Okay? l don't get that 855 01:07:52,455 --> 01:07:55,481 Why should l get that? l don't wanna get that 856 01:07:55,825 --> 01:07:59,885 That 's the problem We are supposed to get each other 857 01:08:00,095 --> 01:08:02,393 You don't get me, l don't get you 858 01:08:02,597 --> 01:08:05,794 What? What the fuck are you talking about? 859 01:08:06,001 --> 01:08:09,562 You know what my problem is? l'm a floater 860 01:08:09,771 --> 01:08:12,569 l float through life like a corpse on a river 861 01:08:12,774 --> 01:08:15,537 bumping into rocks and logs l don't choose my path 862 01:08:15,743 --> 01:08:18,143 -Shut up! -l just bump into stuff, like you 863 01:08:18,345 --> 01:08:20,779 l bump into you in a porno shop, Boom! l have sex with you 864 01:08:20,981 --> 01:08:24,144 Boom! l'm in a relationship with you l don't think, l just boom! 865 01:08:24,351 --> 01:08:26,945 -Shut the fuck up! -So that 's what l am to you? 866 01:08:27,154 --> 01:08:29,917 l'm just some goddamn log you bumped into in a porno store? 867 01:08:30,490 --> 01:08:32,685 You're wearing sunglasses in a movie theater 868 01:08:32,892 --> 01:08:36,692 -They're subscription -That 's prescription, you idiot! 869 01:08:36,896 --> 01:08:42,891 Okay, Mrs Thesaurus l'm an idiot You know, that 's it 870 01:08:43,502 --> 01:08:48,337 Hasta la vista, baby Here is a man who will no take it anymore 871 01:08:49,141 --> 01:08:51,473 You're all gonna die Think about it 872 01:08:51,677 --> 01:08:54,646 You're all gonna die And nobody will remember you 873 01:08:54,846 --> 01:08:57,973 because they'll all be dead too! Excuse me 874 01:09:03,387 --> 01:09:07,084 Hl, thls ls Adam I'm not home,so leave your message afterthe beep 875 01:09:08,025 --> 01:09:10,288 Hl,Adam It's me 876 01:09:10,994 --> 01:09:13,292 Adam,are you there? 877 01:09:17,600 --> 01:09:22,401 l dldn't wanna call anybody else 878 01:09:22,604 --> 01:09:24,469 Are you okay? 879 01:09:25,441 --> 01:09:28,774 -What 's wrong, baby? -We broke up 880 01:09:28,977 --> 01:09:31,104 -God -l broke upwith Joey 881 01:09:31,313 --> 01:09:33,873 That 's horrible 882 01:09:35,417 --> 01:09:37,077 -l'm such a failure -You're not a failure 883 01:09:37,285 --> 01:09:40,152 l am l am a relationship leper 884 01:09:41,255 --> 01:09:44,691 Not true You have more relationship potential than anybody l know 885 01:09:44,892 --> 01:09:46,951 Fuck potential Anyone can have potential 886 01:09:47,161 --> 01:09:50,891 Are you kidding? Your only problem is bad timing 887 01:09:51,098 --> 01:09:54,932 Two people could be perfect, and if the timing's wrong, it won't work 888 01:09:55,869 --> 01:09:59,168 Bad timing is the reason that most normal people end up single 889 01:09:59,373 --> 01:10:01,307 Normal people? 890 01:10:01,508 --> 01:10:03,772 Weirdoes are single because they're weird 891 01:10:03,977 --> 01:10:05,603 but people like us 892 01:10:05,811 --> 01:10:09,008 we're single because we're victims of bad timing 893 01:10:09,315 --> 01:10:11,783 Since when did you have things so figured out? 894 01:10:11,984 --> 01:10:16,011 Since you fell in love and l've lain in bed awake every night and wonder 895 01:10:16,222 --> 01:10:19,247 if l'd ever find anybody who l feel as normal with 896 01:10:28,032 --> 01:10:30,865 No Bad timing, Adam 897 01:10:37,775 --> 01:10:41,370 lf the timing's ever right, you just let me know, okay? 898 01:10:44,648 --> 01:10:46,478 How about now? You think? 899 01:10:46,682 --> 01:10:50,118 Okay, that 's cool Take as much time as you want 900 01:11:00,896 --> 01:11:03,421 Love ls ecstasy and agony 901 01:11:03,799 --> 01:11:06,734 freedom and lmprlsonment 902 01:11:07,135 --> 01:11:09,899 longlng and lonellness 903 01:11:10,405 --> 01:11:14,340 lt 's what keeps us together when life tears us apart 904 01:11:16,444 --> 01:11:22,610 So, when you find that perfect man, hold on tight 905 01:11:22,817 --> 01:11:26,843 And then call me so l can see what he looks like and laugh 906 01:11:27,053 --> 01:11:29,749 because he doesn't exist, you sad, perky 907 01:11:29,956 --> 01:11:32,925 little optimistic suckers 908 01:11:36,596 --> 01:11:39,030 l quit l couldn't do the assignment 909 01:11:39,332 --> 01:11:43,267 l've always felt like a fraud here Everything l wrote was crap 910 01:11:43,569 --> 01:11:46,333 And l'm a total sellout, l can't do it anymore 911 01:11:46,538 --> 01:11:50,406 And honestly l'm sorry if l've caused you any problems 912 01:11:50,742 --> 01:11:54,371 Wait a minute She's way too fat 913 01:11:54,579 --> 01:11:57,605 Everything you've written here has been bullshit? 914 01:11:58,082 --> 01:12:02,143 -Nothing has had a grain of truth? -Nothing 915 01:12:02,353 --> 01:12:06,221 So your research on blow job being able to cure depression 916 01:12:06,424 --> 01:12:08,391 is completely made up 917 01:12:08,592 --> 01:12:10,924 No, actually, that one was true 918 01:12:11,127 --> 01:12:13,220 But it only works for the suckee 919 01:12:13,430 --> 01:12:15,898 The sucker always stays depressed 920 01:12:17,667 --> 01:12:19,601 l told you that 921 01:12:40,388 --> 01:12:41,980 l'm here 922 01:12:42,190 --> 01:12:45,159 Actually, could l ask you a few questions if it 's okay? 923 01:12:46,160 --> 01:12:48,788 Sure Go ahead 924 01:12:49,430 --> 01:12:52,091 -Are you married? -No 925 01:12:52,299 --> 01:12:55,393 -Do you have any children around? -No 926 01:12:55,702 --> 01:12:58,899 Do you feel the need to have sex with a lot of different women? 927 01:13:00,007 --> 01:13:01,474 -No -Are you a liar? 928 01:13:01,675 --> 01:13:02,937 Yes 929 01:13:03,143 --> 01:13:04,700 Just kidding 930 01:13:05,978 --> 01:13:08,003 Good You've got a sense of humor 931 01:13:08,214 --> 01:13:10,842 That was my next question Can you listen? 932 01:13:11,651 --> 01:13:14,051 l'm sorry, what? 933 01:13:14,253 --> 01:13:18,689 -You see how l? -l get it Just one more, l promise 934 01:13:20,025 --> 01:13:23,517 Do you have a problem with complicated women? 935 01:13:23,728 --> 01:13:26,162 Great Let 's go 936 01:13:26,431 --> 01:13:29,127 May l ask you one question? 937 01:13:29,334 --> 01:13:31,927 Of course l'm sorry, ask anything you want 938 01:13:32,803 --> 01:13:35,465 Have you allowed Jesus Christ into your heart? 939 01:13:36,073 --> 01:13:39,440 -God! -lf l could have one moment 940 01:13:39,643 --> 01:13:42,203 -No Get out! -May l? 941 01:13:43,480 --> 01:13:47,074 -lf the next knock is the devil -Go! 942 01:13:47,283 --> 01:13:51,151 -Listen, have you allowed -Go! Now! 943 01:13:52,055 --> 01:13:53,818 Thank you 944 01:13:54,023 --> 01:13:56,423 Hi, are you Kate Wells? 945 01:13:56,626 --> 01:14:00,755 -Yeah And you're Rob, right? -That 's right 946 01:14:34,427 --> 01:14:38,591 Thank you 947 01:14:40,532 --> 01:14:42,966 -Thanks for coming -Nice to meet you 948 01:14:50,976 --> 01:14:54,001 -You're good -Thank you 949 01:14:54,746 --> 01:14:57,112 And nasty 950 01:14:58,282 --> 01:15:01,308 l like my men good and nasty 951 01:15:02,053 --> 01:15:04,146 Thank you 952 01:15:05,223 --> 01:15:08,885 -You got a girlfriend? -Yeah, l do 953 01:15:09,626 --> 01:15:13,084 She's on a date now however 954 01:15:42,657 --> 01:15:44,284 So where's your blind date? 955 01:15:44,492 --> 01:15:47,950 -l told him l was sick -Yeah, you're sick alright 956 01:15:48,163 --> 01:15:50,858 Yeah, from wanting you back 957 01:16:19,691 --> 01:16:21,556 That was incredible 958 01:16:21,760 --> 01:16:25,025 l'm very proud of myself 959 01:16:25,797 --> 01:16:28,960 -l did good, right? -Yeah, you did alright 960 01:16:29,534 --> 01:16:33,162 -lt was different -l surprised you, l know it 961 01:16:33,437 --> 01:16:37,305 -You seemed scared -l wonder where you learned that 962 01:16:37,908 --> 01:16:40,809 We should break up more often 963 01:16:41,278 --> 01:16:43,075 We should 964 01:16:43,280 --> 01:16:46,009 -l love you -Me too 965 01:16:47,183 --> 01:16:49,617 Get out 966 01:16:52,422 --> 01:16:55,585 -So with Joey, was is it now? 16? -Shut up 967 01:16:55,792 --> 01:16:57,692 No, seriously 968 01:16:57,927 --> 01:17:00,224 15 l was 14 969 01:17:00,429 --> 01:17:02,556 What about Peaches? Tell me about Peaches 970 01:17:02,765 --> 01:17:04,790 -l don't wanna know about her -No, you do 971 01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:06,865 Where do you think l learned that thing l did? 76774

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