All language subtitles for Frasier S10E23 Analyzed Kiss

Well, I think we've got time for one last caller.

Roz, who've we got?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

(pencil clatters )

Well, I suppose I'll be fielding this last one myself.

Let's try line two.

Go ahead, caller, your name
and your problem, please.

Yes, sir. My name's Ernie.

And I'm real angry
at my dog.

Okay, Ernie.
Uh, very often when, uh,

people have
feelings towards their pets,

it often reflects feelings
they have about themselves

and their place in society.

So, tell me, why are you
angry at your dog?

Well, he keeps telling me
to take off my foil helmet.

You hold on, Ernie. Um...

Someone will come on the line
with the number of an expert

in this sort of situation.

Let's try, uh, line four
.

ROZ: Oh, yes, of cours
e I'm interested.

I'll fax my resume right over.

Well, the news is up next,

followed
by the market update

with Julia Wilcox.

That's it for me today.

This is Dr. Frasier Crane saying
good day and good mental health.

Another great show, Doc.

Did you even listen?

You don't have to eat
every Big Mac to know

it's a delicious
hamburger sandwich.

Roz, what's going on?

I'm sorry, but they want
to interview me

for the program director job
at KPXY.

Well, that's great, but I didn't even know you were looking.

I wasn't. They just
called me out of the blue.

I'm actually shocked

because I have very limited
experience in management, but...

Well, Kenny's in management; how hard can it be?

Hey, it's not that easy.

I know it looks like a monkey
can do my job, but it can't.

True story.

Well, gosh, Roz, I...

I must say, I've got sort
of mixed feelings about this.

I couldn't be happier
that you're finally getting

the recognition you deserve, but..

but I'm
going to miss you.

Well, let's wait till
there's a real offer

before we break out
the Kleenex and champagne.

Okay.

Well, Roz, Kenny told me
about your job interview.

Good luck.

Oh, I get it.

It'll be good luck

because if I get the
job, I'll be gone.

No, it sounds like
a good position for you.

Right, 'cause I get into a lot of

sexual positions
with a lot of guys

I'm saying congratulations

Oh. Thank you.

What's her problem?

Oh, I...

Well, you're being

uncharacteristically
decent today.

You all right?

I'm fine.

All right, I might as well
tell you before he does.

Avery and I broke up.

Oh. Gosh, uh, what happened?

I got tired of listening to him
promise he'd leave his wife.

Well, I'm sorry.

I realize you must
be going through..

Oh, I don't need
your sympathy, okay?

I'm not one of your pathetic code three whackadoos.

I was just
trying to help

No need to insult
my callers.

Foil Helmet Guy says

his dog needs
to speak to you.

Oh. Excuse me, uh...
Hi, Daph.

Hello.
Gosh, I've never
seen this place so crowded.

What's the occasion?

It's Mum's day off.

Apparently,
there was a mass e-mail.

So, is Niles going to be joining us?

No. He's taking your father
to the shooting range.

Oh, yes, yes, of course.
I had forgotten.

He'd asked me to take him,

but then I suggested
that when it comes to guns,

perhaps he would prefer
someone of Niles's caliber

(chuckling)

I'm in rare form today.

You should see this place

when they know
you're not coming.

JULIA:
No, Avery, it's...

two-thirds of the work
on that program is mine.

Well, I don't have
to prove it; it's a fact!

Oh. Oh, yeah?

Well, I should
have expected as
much from a man

who wears leopard
print bikini briefs.

Avery McManus wears shiny acetate man panties!

Excuse me.

Is everything okay?

No. Now that I've dump
ed your bastard accountant,

he's trying to cut me out of our software program.

Software program?

We-- mostly me-- developed
a proprietary method

for analyzing
price/volume momentum--

I call it
vector scaling--

that can quantify the likelihood
of longer term trends.

Do you realize what that means?

It's good?

That program is my baby.

I have been working on it for months.

I think your
bastard accountant

has been using me all along

Thanks for
setting us up.

I did no such thing.

You know what I ought to do?

I ought to go down to
his office, demand my files,

and then trash
the place.

Ju-Just a second.
Just a second.

Just sit down.
Sit down, please.

Take a moment
to calm down

before you make
any rash decisions.

In a few hours, I'm
leaving town for a week.

There's no way I'm leaving your bastard accountant

in control of those files.

All right, well,
if you insist,

then perhaps
I should go with you.

Maybe I can help
facilitate things.

Why? What's in it for you?

Nothing. Surely you can
conceive of the possibility

that someone might want to
just do something nice for you?

You and Avery are in this
together, aren't you?

Of course not. You're not
being rational, you know.

Perhaps Avery is just holding
your program hostage

because he feels hurt.

Perhaps this is

his clumsy way of trying
to initiate a dialogue.

You really do try to see
the best in everyone, don't you?

Yes, I do.

So, what do you see
when you look at me?

Well...

I see a woman
who's been hurt,

not once but many times.

A woman who finds it
so difficult to trust someone

that she won't allow
herself to be vulnerable.

A woman whose eyes
are going to get stuck

if she keeps rolling them
like that!

(loud gunfire)

Ah! Look at that grouping.

Hey, uh, Dad,
you about ready to go?

I guess I've still
got the touch.

Hey, Niles, you ought to give it a try.

Thanks, Dad. You know
how I feel about handguns.

They breed violence.

Oh, come on. This is just simple

target shooting,
that's all.

(laughing)

Yeah.

Here's one dirtbag that isn't going to be selling crack

at any schoolyards anytime soon.

You should listen to the man.

Shooting is a great sport.

Red Brewer.

And these clowns here
are Mitch and Wayne.

Hello.
Wayne.

Mitch.
Hi.

I'm Niles Crane. This
is my father Martin Crane.

Oh. Hi.
How you doing, guys?

Listen, Niles, let me
show you how to do this.

I think you'll enjoy it.

Oh...
It's pretty simple.

You just take a solid stance,

hold the grip firmly,

steady your gun hand
with your other,

fingers to fingers,
thumb to thumb.

Focus on the front sight
and squeeze the trigger.

Okay? You try it.

Oh, you know, no offense,
but I, uh, I just...

I'm not real comfortable
with guns.

You know, Mitch used
to be that way, too.

MITCH:
Yeah.

The only weapon I'd
go near was a bow and arrow.

I, uh, I got an archery
badge at day camp.

This is like archery
but safer.

The weapon's more stable,

and you're
in a controlled environment.

Go on, give
it a try, son.

Well, I... just,
I'll do one little one.

Just remember, stance,
grip, aim, relax, shoot.

Okay.

Stance.

Grip.

Aim.

Relax.

Shoot.

Did I do it?

You not only did it,
you hit the target.

See? Sixth ring out.

Look at the kid, he hit
the target his first time.

Not bad, kid.

Way to go, kid.
That's my kid.

That was, uh, that was
a unique experience.

I'm sure I'll dine out
on that story for months.

Don't quit now,
go again.

But remember, this time,

squeeze the trigger,
don't pull.

Okay.

Squeeze...

(muttering)

(guffaws)

Wow. You're pretty good at this.

The kid's a natural,
am I right?

Can I go again?

Yeah.

What took you so long?

I was looking
for street parking

Do you have any idea how much this garage charges?

Avery's not here.
Oh, great.

It cost me $3.50 to find that out.

No, it's good. It'll
make it easier for me

to get my program back.

What do you mean?

I know his keypad code.

Wh-Wh-What...? That
is breaking and entering.

Oh, if you're so scared,
why don't you just leave?

Well, I'm-I'm not scared. I... I'm...

I'll have you know, I've had

my fair share of escapades.

Back in med school, I once dressed a cadaver..

Oh, here's my program.

Okay, good. Now,
just in case he backed it up,

I'm going to delete everything from his hard drive.

Julia, I-I-I beg
you to rethink this.

I realize you're
angry at Avery...

I'm not feeling anger,

just the peace
that comes with knowing

that Avery will be royally
screwed by me.

There's somebody at the door.

(whispering):
It's the cleaning woman.

I thought so. I've
hidden from her before.

Julia, there's still time to end this.

Shh...!

You know what you're doing is wrong.

You should just get out now before more harm is done.

Will you shut up?!

It's pointless
to hide in the closet

if people outside
can hear you.

You're going to get caught.

Because you won't shut up.

It's never too late to do the right thing.

No matter how low
someone else sinks

joining them there does not make things better

(door shuts)

What was that?

What?

You kissed me.

I was trying to shut you up.

Oh, no. I've been kissed
to shut me up before.

This was not that.

(taps key)

Got it. All files deleted.

You know, that didn't make me feel as good as I thought.

That's because you know
you did the wrong thing.

Ah, that's better.

Well, it doesn't look like

I'll be leaving KACL
anytime soon.

Coffee to go, please.

Well...
what-what happened, Roz?

Turns out the person

who's interviewing me
is a guy I've slept with

What are the odds?

It was ten years ago at a convention in Cancun

We were all hammered.

Oh, well,

I'm surprised
you even remember him.

Well, it's hard to forget

when you wake up with
a name tag on your pillow

that says, "Hola, my
name is Woody Wiswell".

So what's the problem?

There's just something weird about it.

I don't know, maybe I'm just freaking myself out

because I'm not sure if
I'm ready for this job yet.

Well, of course
you are, Roz.

I mean, come on,
don't doubt yourself.

They're the ones
that called you, right?

Yeah.
You go down there,

you get that job.

You're going to make
a great program director.

You really think I will?

Of course I do.

Even though... I wish you
could stay with me forever.

I'm going to miss you
so much, Roz.

Oh, stop it.

I don't even
have the job yet.

You're going to jinx it.

Thank you.

Listen, I better go

and get my
presentation together

so I can impress
Woody Wiswell.

Seems to me

you've impressed him already

Hello.
Julia!

Can I have
a latte to go, please?

Listen, Julia, Julia..

I've been dying to talk to you all week about what happened

at Avery's office.

Obviously something is going on,

and I have
several hypotheses

It could be
displaced passion,

frustration from
a failed relationship,

or an adrenaline- induced action

as a result of the stress we
were both suffering from...

Oh, Frasier,
for once in your life,

would you
please shut up?

Oh, hi.
Hello.

Hi, guys.
Hey, Frasier.

Hey, Fras, you look a little down.

Everything okay?

Uh, two coffees, please?

Dad, if you had
any perspicacity whatsoever,

you would know
that this expression

is merely ruminative perplexity.

My bad.

It's nothing serious.

I'll work it out.

You know where I like
to work things out?

The shooting range.

Good Lord, Niles,
are you still going down there?

I thought you hated guns.

Oh, believe me, I never expected
I'’d like it as much as I do,

but when you're in that booth

focused on precision
and accuracy,

it's not dissimilar to a kind of meditation

Wouldn't you agree, Dad?

I just like to shoot stuff, son.

Fair enough.

You should join us.

There's a great bunch of guys I shoot with.

I think you'd like them.

Well, I'm not sure I'd fit in

with a bunch of trigger-happy
gun nuts.

Now don't stereotype them.

These are decent family men
who enjoy marksmanship.

It's a good
group we've got.

Dad and I are going down
this afternoon.

I don't think I'm going to come
today, Niles.

Well... it's Mitch's birthday.

I usually go shooting
twice a year or so,

and after this week,
I've had my fill.

Well...
Thank you.

I'm still going.

My shooting's getting better and better.

Plus, the gun show's in town

and the guys
are bringing me passes.

Mm!

A gun show?

What's next? Square dancing?

Maybe.

This country was built
by gun-toting square dancers.

So, I really appreciate

you bringing me in
for this interview.

I've been listening
to your station for a while

and I prepared
a little presentation

Oh, that's not necessary

I mean, this is
just a formality.

Trust me,
I know what you can do.

Really?

Yeah, I, uh...

I already told the guys
about you.

What exactly
did you tell them?

Well, you know,
how incredible you are.

Okay, look,
I think there's something

that needs to be said here.

Why don't we just
get it all out in open?

Yes, we slept together
in Cancun,

but I don't want that
to affect the job.

I mean, it was ten years ago.

What are you talking about?

Look, I think you have me
mistaken for someone else.

And I think I would remember
a name like Woody Wiswell.

I mean, seriously,
whose named Woody Wiswell?

Yeah, well

just me and my dad.

Darling, I just don't think
you need an ankle holster

when you don't even
own a gun.

Well, first of all,
who says it's for me,

Miss
I-Never-Surprise-You-Anymore?

And, second of all

I'm thinking
I might own a gun soon.

No you won't.
No, no, no

don't worry.

I... I would keep the gun in
a locker at the shooting range.

I would never have a gun
in the same house

as your mother

Now they're saying Daisy Duke may not get here.

Hey.
Hey, how's it going, kid?

Hey...

Hey, you guys, how are you?

Listen, I want you to meet
my wife Daphne.

Daphne, this is Red
and Wayne and Mitch.

These are the guys
I was telling you about.

Nice to meet you.
Good to know you.

Listen, kid.
Yeah?

We've been talking it over

and since we get along so well
at the club,

we'd like to invite you do
wn to our compound in Idaho

for a weekend.

A compound?

It's just
like the Kennedys

That sounds smashing.

Hey, that's the spirit.
See, I told you.

Hey, look, you're
good at math, right?

Come help me guess

how many shells are in that jar

so I can win the ATV.

Oh, excuse me.

What kind of TV?

Nice to meet
you, ma'am

Oh, uh, Red, hold on sec.

Uh...

Just what kind of place
do you guys have in Idaho?

Run-of-the-mill compound
in the wilderness.

Free country where we live
by the true Constitution.

They're those militia people.

You fix this, now.

This is fun, huh?

Uh, son...

What your
father means is

you shouldn't be friends
with these people.

Yeah, these are not your kind of guys.

Why not?
Well, let's just go

and we'll talk about it
in the car.

Oh, I can't
believe you two.

You're always telling me
my friends

are too artsy and too snooty.

Now I finally have friends
who are regular guys

and you don't like them either

Well, I'm having a good time.

And I'm enjoying
being a regular guy myself.

Niles, we think they want
to overthrow the government.

That's what you say
about public television.

Now if you'll excuse me.

Hey, guys, whatcha doing?

We're chipping in for
this gas-powered generator.

We're going to need it

when it comes time for the New World Order.

Well, that sounds great.
Excuse me just a second.

Okay, they're militia.

Go, go, go, go

I just don't understand

how this sort of thing can happen

Don't you look at faces?

It was long time ago.

It was dark.

And get off my case

because it
doesn't matter anyway.

I got the job.

Oh, congratulations, Roz.

I'm so proud of you.

Now can I tell you

how much I'm
going to miss you?
Yes.

It is going to be sad
to leave the station.

But it's not like
I'm leaving town, Frasier.

I know, I know

I'll see you.

See you, Roz.
Bye.

Julia! Julia! Julia!

All right.

Now, listen. You can try to avoid me all you like.

We are going to talk
this thing out.

Fine. Fine.

Anything to get you off my back.

I was looking at you
in the closet

and thinking how you always
try to do the right thing,

and I felt a rush of affection
for you.

Call me cynical,
but I've come to accept

that most people live by
the rule of screw or be screwed.

But to see you
and how much you care,

and really mean it, I...

well, it's endearing--
irritating, but endearing.

Well, you know,
I... I am flattered,

but there are a lot of genuine
people out there.

It's just that for whatever reason-- fear, anger, hurt,

they're afraid to show it.

Oh! It's just like
the feeling you get

when you see a cute teddy bear
in the store

and you want to hug it
until its head pops off.

Could I possibly irritate you
over dinner some night?

Well, if anyone could,
it'd be you.

Take your time,
work things out.

I'm not going anywhere.

I realize that you're in
a vulnerable place right now

and that..

Oh, I recognize that one.

That was to shut me up.

Yeah.

Maybe Thursday.

(door closes)

♪♪ Hey, baby,
I hear the blues a-callin'’’
♪♪

♪♪ Tossed salads
and scrambled eggs ♪♪

Quite stylish!

♪♪ And maybe I seem
a bit confused ♪♪

♪♪ Well, maybe,
but I got you pegged! ♪♪

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!

♪♪ But I don'’’t know
what to do ♪♪

♪♪ With those tossed salad
s and scrambled eggs ♪♪

♪♪ They're callin' again ♪
♪

Frasier has left
the building.