Original subtitles

♪ theme song playing ♪

♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪

♪ And we're zany to the max ♪

♪ So just sit back and relax ♪

♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪

� ♪ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪ � ♪ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪

♪ Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot ♪

♪ They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught ♪

♪ But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪

♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪

♪ Our careers have made comebacks ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪

♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe ♪

♪ A brand new cast who tested well in focus group research ♪

♪ Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪

♪ And ethnically diverse ♪

♪ The trolls will say we're so passé but we did meta first ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ You should see our new contracts ♪

♪ We're zany to the max, there's baloney in our slacks ♪

♪ We're animan�ey, totally insane�y ♪

♪ Execs must be crazy! ♪

♪ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪

♪

[train chugging]

[whistling]

♪ upper�class music ♪

� [bump, slurp] WARNERS: Mm?

� [bump, slurp] � [grumble]

[bump, splash]

[slurping]

[chewing]

� Oh, darling!

[spoon clattering] Look there. Is that celebrated detective

Hercule Yakko?

[barking] Oh!

Is Gigi scared of the nice detective?

Oh, sweet Gigi. [barking]

♪

� [screaming] � [plate breaking]

� [barking] � [clattering]

� Oh, Gigi, you scamp. � [people screaming]

[barking, splash]

� Hey, I didn't order the chicken poodle soup!

� [commotion continues] � Control that dog or it's likely to be...

murdered.

WARNERS: Whoa! Huh? [gasp]

[all gasp]

[slurp]

� Oh, sorry! I mean muzzled. I always get my "M" words mangoed.

I mean Mondayed! I mean muddled. Pip pip!

♪

[dog barking]

� That's it. I gotta go see a woman about a dog.

� Aw, can't you just hold it and talk to Gigi's owner first?

� Fine.

� [dog barking] � Excuse me!

[wind blowing]

Hi. � [flapping]

Can you tell your dog to put a sock in it, please?

Some of us are trying to lie quietly in bed,

contemplating the brief nature of our existence.

� Gigi will express herself as she sees fit.

Be gone!

[pop]

[barking continues]

� Ugh. Just start the white noise machine.

[cranking]

[imitates white noise]

[sighs]

[snoring]

[white noise, snoring, barking]

♪

[train chugging, whistling]

[white noise]

[barking]

[snoring]

� [heart pounding] � [kettle whistling]

� [glass breaks] � [screaming]

[scream echoing]

[rumbling]

[screaming]

[whistle distorting]

♪

� Ah. Finally, some peace and quiet.

[chomp, pounding]

� [door creaks] � [gulp]

� You there! Stop that nonsense and get in here!

� What seems to be the problem, conductor?

� There's been a meatball! A manicure! No!

A murder!

� On a kids' show?

� Well, at the very least, a dog napping.

� [wailing]

Oh, Gigi! She's gone! [collar jingling]

� This looks like a case for celebrated detective

Hercule Yakko!

� I feel like we've been here before.

� Yeah, well that's how we make television in 2020.

♪ jazzy music ♪ Reboot!

May I be of assistance, madam?

� Oh yes! Inspector Yakko, your reputation precedes you.

� Ah, so you already know I tend to get ahead of myself.

He did it! No, she did it! See what I mean?

Mm�hmm.

Mm�hmm. Oh!

♪

Ah�ha! I've got it!

This thing makes everything look bigger!

� First, I was subdued with a chloroform�soaked handkerchief.

Then, someone made off with my Gigi!

[wailing] Oh, no!

� Was this the handkerchief?

� Hold on. Let me smell it. � [snort]

Oh...

♪

� Don't look at me! I mean, actually,

I do want everyone to look at me! This is one of my most dramatic poses.

� Did you, Dot Warner, dog�nap Gigi?

� Never! I lost that handkerchief last night doing close magic, remember?

Okay, now watch.

Watch... watch...

watch... watch...

Watch! Watch!

� I'm watching.

It's still there.

� But, where is the handkerchief?!

� Ah! No! Mommy!

No! Ah! No! Moosey mama!

I'm frightened, I'm frightened, I'm frightened!

� If you ask me, Gigi's disappearance was an inside job!

� [gasps] � Yes. It's shocking.

� No! I just saw a sign.

There's a Meat Cute now open at exit 196!

� And what about him? I saw him

sneaking out of our room in the middle of the night!

♪

� [projector clicking] � [gasps]

� That's right! Caught red�handed.

� No, not that.

Gloria Estefan is back ♪ conga music ♪

at Guilty River Casino for one night only!

� Why'd you leave the bunk last night, brother?

� Oh, me? I was taking a bath.

� So, no one saw you.

[chuckles] How convenient.

� No, everyone saw me.

♪ Hot washed buns, hot washed buns ♪

♪ Scrubbidy�dub�dub, scrubbidy�dub�dub ♪

Hot washed buns! � [clears throat]

This punchline is taking far too long.

� [projector clicking] � I'll say.

This episode feels like it's all setup and no payoff.

� Besides, you're the one with dog hair on his jacket.

♪ dramatic sting ♪

[all gasp]

� Looks like I'm my own prime suspect!

I can't believe you were under my nose the whole time!

Under it, behind it, attached to it.

Where were you the night Gigi disappeared?

I was with you!

With me? That's right! With we!

� Are you following this? � Absolutely not.

I'm beside it.

� You're not gonna pin this on me!

Wanna bet? � [table smashes]

[grunting, struggling] Stay down... ♪ luchador music ♪

� Come on now. We can talk this out.

� You always take his side!

Yeah, you're always doing that. � It's the same side!

[grunting, struggling, wheeze]

♪

� Well, if you didn't take Gigi, and you didn't take Gigi...

And I didn't take Gigi!

I know, I know. Then, who did?

� There must be some other evidence in here.

� Let's do some police work! You know,

tear the room apart and put nothing back where we found it.

� Agreed!

[tossing objects]

[metal scraping]

[sparkling, woman screaming]

Finding anything? � Just a lot of red herrings.

� And all I found is this piece of paper

where somebody wrote the alphabet out of order

and added a bunch of spaces.

� It's a letter from Gigi!

"Hey everyone. It's me, Gigi.

"Yes, I can write. What's it to you?

"Please do not bother looking for me,

"I ran away of my own volition.

"At the age of 70 dog years,

I was confronted by own Mortadella."

ALL: Mortadella?!

� I think she means mortality.

Oh, there's more. "P. S.

I definitely haven't been stuffed in the luggage compartment."

[bang]

� [whimpering] � Hm...

Who do we know that messes up their "M" words?

� That's right! It was Margaret!

I mean me! It was me.

[thunder]

[screaming]

� But why'd you do it, Margaret?

� Why? I'll tell you why.

A mop that mummified merrily missed Mississippi on the black mamba!

� What? � Hold on.

I think I know what Margaret's trying to say.

"A mutt that manicured might make millions on the black market."

� Oh! � Oh!

� And now, I'm gonna murder you.

� Oh no! What's he gonna do to us?

� Murder. I got it right that time.

[overlapping congratulations]

� We all chipped in and got you a little something�something.

Go ahead and open it.

� [growling, barking] � [screaming]

[struggling] Somebody get this little monster trucker off me!

� Ooh! I think he meant mo��

� No, no, no. Not in front of the kids.

[hissing, bell ringing]

Well, another case successfully solved by the great...

What's my name in this sketch? The Great Yakkini?

Something like that. Whatever. � Gigi!

♪

[barking]

� [slurping] � [laughing, groaning]

Oh! Did poopy miss her moopy?

Oh, you did, didn't you? Oh, yes.

[crunching]

[regurgitating]

� Yecch. The people you meet on public transportation.

� Yeah, so gross.

Are you gonna finish that?

♪

♪ baroque music ♪

� [ominous bell] � Boy, oh, boy!

I'm 1700s hungry!

I could literally eat a horse right now.

[whinnying]

� Hey! Let's take a raw potato break.

� [straining] � [pop]

� Mine's got all the fixin's!

Dirt, dust, mud, and soil!

[wind blowing]

[squeak]

[slurping]

WAKKO: Joke's on you guys!

I found some mutton!

� [chomp] � [baa]

[kick, bell rings]

[horse neighing]

� Hey, look! It's the royal carriage!

� And that's Marie Antoinette!

♪ regal music ♪

� Woo�hoo!

[French accent]: I'm queen of ze world!

[French accent]: Marie, dear!

Perhaps you should stay seated.

You're going to get yourself decapitated. � Never!

Woo�hoo!

[clatter, ding]

ALL: Ooh!

Mm!

� Is this what non�dirt�based food tastes like?

It's fantastic!

[chomp] � Don't eat it all at once, Wakko!

[teeth shattering] We might never have something

so scrumptious again!

[slurp, pop]

[gasp, chomp] � Maybe not, but I think

I know how we can get more.

♪

[splat]

Need a hand, Your Majesty?

� Merci.

[squishing]

[zooming]

ALL: Wow...

[sparkling]

� Look at this spread!

� Ladyfingers, finger sandwiches,

and foods without any fingers at all!

[slurp, splat]

♪ heavenly music ♪

[creaking]

MARIE: Oh, zere you are! WARNERS: Huh?

� Lazy servants.

Quelle horreur! It is 'ot today.

Can zomebody turn on ze fan?

[slurp, oinking]

� But of course, Your Majesty!

� It iz so 'ard to be queen zese days!

I'm expected to be a mo�zer... [baby babbling ]

a fashion model,

and a busy�ness woman. [typing, smash]

[slap]

But nobody bought my celebrity cookbook!

My publisher said it's because people don't have gold,

but I zink it's because everyone wants to see me fail!

� You deserve to be pampered today.

How about a mani�pedi?

� [gasps] A splendid idea!

My cuticles, zey must stay cute!

� [woman screaming] � [squishing]

♪

� Oh, you are so refined.

Not like the other aristocrats.

Why, Madame du Barry was in here just the other day,

and only tipped 5%, and I was like, oh, honey.

Take the girl out of the Moulin Rouge,

but you can't take the Moulin Rouge out of the girl." [laughs]

� [slow motion groan] � [splat]

[rumbling, beeping]

[hissing]

[popping]

[groaning]

� Peasants!

In my 'ouse?!

Eating my food?!

� We're sorry, Your Majesty.

We were so hungry! MARIE: Oh!

Zis is ze problem with being rich.

� Your only other nickname is Dick?

� No. Everybody is always wanting what I earn through my hard work!

It is not easy being born a princess.

Otherwise, everybody would do it!

But I refuse to give anymore!

I will now, pardon my French,

make an exit, dramatique!

♪ woman singing opera aria ♪

♪

Ahem. Merci.

[slamming]

� Uh...

[bell ringing]

♪

[crowd chattering]

� [blade slices] � [screaming]

[slicing]

[party horn]

[slurp]

� I regret nothing!

Those croque monsieurs were delicious!

[cheering]

� Croque monsieur! Croque monsieur!

Croques of all kinds!

CROWD: Huh?

� Whoa, that bechamel sauce was to die for!

[confused grumbling]

� Ooh, and remember those sea salt caramels?

[salivating]

� The queen has so much delicious food.

[slurping, groaning]

Why, I wish there was a way for all of you to try it.

♪

[loud chomping]

[splatting]

� [knocking at door]

[knocking]

[unlatching]

� [slam] � [yelling]

[chomping, squishing]

[crowd yelling]

[creaking]

♪

� Oh! Put me down! Put me down!

[splat]

I just wanted ze people to love me.

[crying]

� Well, Majesty, the peasants are so poor,

they can't even afford bread. � Then let them eat cake.

[audience cheering, bells ringing] WAKKO: And there it is, folks!

♪ game show music ♪ She finally said her catchphrase!

� Yakko, tell her what she's won!

� Marie Antoinette, you get an all�expenses�paid trip

to the Tuileries Palace in Paris! � [audience oohing]

Where you'll remain under house arrest until the monarchy

is abolished. � What?

� Well, that's all the time we have today, folks.

Thanks to our celebrity guest, Marie!

And good luck at that revolutionary tribunal, huh?

[laughs] I hear they can be a real... pain in the neck! Ha ha ha!

Goodbye, everybody!

♪

♪

♪

� [sparks zapping] YAKKO: Hm.

Somehow, this doesn't look quite right.

� Maybe we should've read the instructions for the...

[Swedish accent]: "Swingy Thingy."

� I think I see where this is going.

� [creak] � [screaming]

[smash]

♪ hip�hop music ♪

What's this crowd here for?

[gasp] Is it a surprise party? Is it my surprise party?

Should I go out and go back in again? Oh! Don't they know I'm here?

[screaming]

[crane whirring]

� Looks like they're shooting a music video.

� But for who? � [stomping]

♪

[auto�tuned]: Yeah!

[sparkling]

Ohh...

Uh!

♪ I drop more plastic than a broken mannequin ♪

♪ I got more force than a boy named Anakin ♪

♪ More heart than Tony Stark, more cash than a vault in the Vatican ♪

Probably shouldn't mention the Vatican...

♪ Gonna cut those lines for the studio version ♪

♪ Girlfriend trying to lock me down, I ran like a Persian ♪

♪ Touched for the very first rhyme ♪

♪ And my flow's so sublime ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm so limber ♪

♪ I'm like Billy Joel meets Simba ♪

♪ I've been king for the longest time ♪

♪ I've been king for the longest time ♪

� [crowd cheering] � [music stops]

Any questions?

� I got one!

Yeah, hi, Yakko Warner. First�time listener, short�time hater.

My question is, who are you?

[gasping]

� That's Jay�Pac Le East The Rapper!

� Only the greatest wordsmith ever!

� Other than Shakespeare, possibly!

� You're right! Jay�Pac is objectively better than Shakespeare!

[crowd cheering]

� Is this true, good sir?

Do you think yourself better than Shakespeare?

� Shakespeare?

Man, he was a sucker MC.

� Hey! Nobody disses Big Willy Shakes on my watch!

� [gasps] � It's a challenge!

� Alright, little dog monkey man. Let's see what you got.

[whirring]

♪

[playing light tune]

[continues playing]

� ♪ Alas, poor Jay�Pac ♪

♪ I don't know who you're supposed to be ♪

♪ All the world's a stage, but player ♪

♪ Leave the stage to me ♪

♪ To rap or not to rap ♪

♪ That is the question ♪

♪ It doesn't have to be like this ♪

♪ All arrogance and aggression ♪

♪ My boy Bill told us pride cometh before the fall ♪

♪ Well, you're about to take a humble tumble ♪

♪ Else Yakk a liar call ♪

[clapping]

� Hm...

[screaming]

♪

♪ hip�hop music ♪

Yo.

♪ If Dot was my sister, I'd fire her ♪

♪ And Wakko's even less likable than Elmyra ♪

♪ Spielberg oughta stick to filming sharks ♪

♪ Not rebooting this reboot of Groucho Marx ♪

♪ Hulu wrote a check and the money beckoned ♪

♪ But the Warners are like a bad joke told twice ♪

♪ If you weren't funny the first round, why would you be the second? ♪

♪ Wanna compare my 30 Grammys to your eight Emmys ♪

♪ And a Peabody? You've been put to sleep, kid ♪

♪ It's time to say goodnight, everybody ♪

[drops mic, feedback]

� Ow! � [crowd cheering]

[ding]

� Well, that was just plain mean.

♪

[screaming, splat]

� Ow!

♪ hip�hop music ♪

� [clears throat] Nice try, pal.

♪ But Wakko's wish is I deliver ♪

♪ A killer verse, I've been blessed or cursed ♪

♪ With a bottomless lyrical purse that'll make crowds disperse or worse! ♪

♪ Require medical attention, better get the nurse! ♪

♪ Say goodbye to an easy battle and... hello, hearse! ♪

[slam]

� Woo! � [cheering]

♪ Yeah, I'm zanier than Billy, to the max! ♪

♪ Leader of the animated maniacs ♪

♪ You, you're the cure for insomniacs ♪

♪ Less fresh than the 20�year�old baloney in my slacks ♪

♪ We can't be axed, like Lazarus, we just keep coming back ♪

♪ We don't need to boast or roast or talk smack ♪

♪ Or rap about women, bling, and record contracts ♪

♪ Be honest, be cool, and people will respect you ♪

♪ Those are the facts, dude ♪

♪

[slow thud]

[whistling, crash]

[groaning, straining] Yah!

[hissing]

[crowd cheering]

[cheering]

♪

� [crowd gasps] � [stomping]

� Respect.

� [cheering] � [pop, hiss]

� Oh, it's too bad we used that DeadMau5 joke in the last episode.

This would've been perfect.

� Keep working your controls, or you're going to be in danger, mouse!

� Danger Mouse? That works, too! Oh!

We've both got jokes. Narf!

♪